A Hole in My Soul - Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier

[Music] I remember as a child seeing a ad for a evaporated milk and on the package was the line our milk is better because it's made from contented cows contented cows and if you think about it a cow is content give a cow a field give the cow opposite gender cow a barn and the cow is happy and the reason why that's significant is because man is never content it's seems to be one of the strangest realities of the human condition that no matter who a person is no matter what stage in life they never just content they're always moving chasing doing Never Satisfied and it starts at a very tender young age if you want to teach your son to where it sit itss what you say to the young child is O do you want to be like musi Mishi wears tiits because the little boy wants to be like the big boy and the big boy wants to be like the bigger boy and throughout a child's growth there's always this getting to the next stage being on the next level and there's always this sort of interesting kind of not just being there not just being okay where I am this need to grow need to get to a new level and often time it doesn't lead to Greater satisfaction I remember remember as a kid my mother sent me to camp and one year I said to my mother I'm not going back next year unless I'm a waiter now the choice then was to be either the oldest camper or to be a waiter now if you know much about Camp being the oldest campers in Camp is about as good as it gets you play all day no responsibility that's about it it's great for a kid to be the oldest group of campers is doesn't get better than that yet I said to my mother I'm not going back unless I'm a waiter what's the job of a waiter the waiter basically you wait 3 hours each meal you got to set up you got to serve you got to clean up twice a day six hours of work a day and I elected I said to my mother I'm not going back unless I'm a waiter because waiters are older and and as strange as it is to me now I just would not have been happy being the oldest camper I wanted more the next level and this is a reality endemic in The Human Condition no matter who you are no matter what stage you are there's never the sense of just I'm okay where I am I always need the next level the next thing I got to be moving I got to be going on and it's a very interesting phenomen that you'll find over and over and over a guy goes into business and he has one goal I'm going to make a million dollars once I have a million dollars in bank I'm set I'll retire I'll chill and he sweats sleeps under the desk at night doesn't do anything but focus on growing and growing and he grows his business and it does well phenomenally well and he hits that1 million in the bank clear free done so what does he do sets a new goal okay now it's $5 million he doesn't take it easy he doesn't just chill now it's 5 million he sleeps under the desk at night then he's driven and he's moving and no matter what he gets to there's going to be another level M ISL a person has 100 needs 200 and it's a fact in The Human Condition the businessman always needs to make more money the author needs to write the next bestseller the executive needs to climb the corporate ladder the politician is no longer satisfied with local politics he's now got to move up to the state level and no matter who you are the human being never seems to be content never seems to be satisfied always needs more and theim explains to us in the 28th peric he explains that this is the of man don't you understand the human being isn't satisfied isn't content why because no matter what you bring to your it always wants more and it's never satisfied but the reason why it's not satisfied is because what you're bringing to it is cheap what you're bringing to it just doesn't fill the needs of n you see as I have a body and that body has needs so too I have a I have a soul and the Soul has needs well the body needs to eat and drink sleep maybe procreate their various needs and if you don't satisfy those needs well guess what it's going to get very rough so too you have AA and that Soul has needs but the needs of the nshama are vastly different than the needs of the Goof of the body the Nisha needs to grow to accomplish but the Nisha has a different currency and has a very very different set of values and no matter what you bring the Nisha from this world it always has a sense of dissatisfaction I need more and when you see the human being driven and driven and driven to a sense that really doesn't make sense to you or I what you're looking at is the soul never being filled and for the fun of it let's sort of see if we could illustrate this point a little bit so as you're probably aware Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos are at war war the war right now is who is the wealthiest man in the universe okay and that is the fight for a long time they were neck and neck at 90 billion very recently Jeff bizel pulled ahead when Amazon stock Rose he's now according to Forbes Magazine wor worth 1 point one sorry $ 105 billion $105 billion now let's understand something a billion dollars is a lot of money a billion dollars is a thousand million now listen let's say I like to live simply right I don't need much maybe a a private island in the Pacific or I don't know an Apache helicopter a Le jet a team of butlers and Maids but I I got it if that's my lifestyle I could probably get by on $10 million a year but I want you to understand what $1 billion is 1,000 million means that let's say you need to maintain your lifestyle $10,000 a day okay most of us can manage to get by on $10,000 a day if you would to spend $10,000 a day during the course of a year you would spend 365 of those 10,000s or $3.63 million you will have only spent three $35 million that means it'll take you 273 years to use up 1 billion at $10,000 a day so you're not going to get there that quickly so let's up the ante let's make it $100,000 a day now you and I can get by on $100,000 a day so if I'm 30 years of age and I'm spending $100,000 a day I'm going to use up $1 billion in about 27 years let's say I plan on Living to 90 so I'm going to use up $2 billion spending $100,000 a day let's make it better I want to spend that money so I'm going to find every sedu organization I've ever heard of and I give each one 10 million $10 million I've now used up maybe another 20 billion but that's only 22 billion altoe okay I spend a little more a little more but at a certain point you realize there is nothing in the world that you're going to do with the more money when you hit a certain point 20 billion 40 billion certainly 50 billion that's it there's nothing that's going to change in your life nothing more that you're going to do so here's the question is Jeff Bezos kind of like chilled now content let me sit back so basically Dave Clark who is the spokesman for Amazon says no our goal is to sell everything to everyone anything you want on Earth you're going to get from us meaning to say we're not yet there and this reality while on one level is very healthy and very much a part of the drive of the human for greatness has to be understood and if you'd like to understand the Mur The Source it's a very simple thing you will never be s satisfied with anything in this world why because half of you will be satisfied but the other half you're in a sh of your soul will be ever hungry because money doesn't fill my soul nor does honor nor do Pleasures nor do anything that you're going to provide and while we all know it on some level we live our lives as if it weren't true and no matter who I am no matter what position I'm in I always say that line well I'm different you don't know how to spend money the right way if you think money doesn't buy happiness trust me I know how to spend it right I'll be happy with it and everybody tries it and they all do it and they're just empty and Sim explains the why the why is because that's not the way your creator built you and there's a full half of you that says and it's empty unfulfilled not satisfied and hungers for more but what it hungers for is much deeper much more meaningful much more significant growth and the Miss Sharm explains don't you understand if hasem created us for this world and this world only imagine again that you and I are like Elsie the cow when the body hits the ground her neish just evaporates then why would Hashem put an AA into us why make man that way man isn't content he's not happy and if Hashem created us for our station in this world just like the last session we explained Hashem went out made pain and illness and diseases and everything else that causes the human to be physically uncomfortable the key point that Hashem wouldn't put into man is this Nama this soul that needs so much more that's never satisfied with anything in this world that no matter what you'll bring it always says and explains don't you understand again that is just one more proof that Hashem didn't create us for our station in this world because if Hashem created us for this world and this world only we wouldn't have that drive we wouldn't have that need that unmet incapable of being saded drive for more growth more accomplishments more greatness but the fact is we weren't made for our station inist world we put into this world for a few short years put here to grow and accomplish and we put for here as the opportunity to become what we're going to be for eternity and that inner drive for more is what drives human being for greater and greater Heights and in life you have a choice either you harness that drive and you set real goals meaningful goals significant goals and you accomplish and you grow or you sublimate it you push it to other things that other things might be money might be honor might be reputation may be things that sound pretty pretty good but anything other than the torah's understanding of real growth will never satisfy your soul why because that's the way Hashem made you Hashem gave you this inner need this very powerful powerful drive to accomplish to do but to do really significant things really meaningful things to change the essence of you and if you use that drive properly it will drive you throughout life to Greater levels greater levels and you'll accomplish and if you sublimate it if you sort of misdirect it push it off to anything else oh it'll drive you it'll drive you to money or reputation or honor or writing plays or whatever it may be but you're never going to be satisfied you're going to be always empty and the gives us one of the most important m one most important Parables that so properly defines us he says imagine you have a princess a soul princess she's brought up in a lap of luxury the apple of a Father's Eyes everything anything she could imagine is given to her and she is leading the most idyllic life at 16 or 17 years of age she's riding her horse and she's riding very very far horse is always reliable always trustworthy and she's riding and riding Way Way Beyond The Palace grounds deep deep into the woods somehow the horse falls trips breaks its leg and she finds herself miles and miles away with the outer way to get it back she begins stumbling around the woods there's nothing to eat she falls asleep a few days she's hungry she's eating berries she's beginning to become emaciated her clothing is starting to get ripped after a month of wandering around the wood she sees a shack a shack she runs in and there's a some bare chairs a table carved of wood but there's a porridge Bowl she eats the porridge she falls asleep a little while later she opens her eyes and is this Gruff man primitive man standing there but he's kind he's nice to her he takes care of her and as the story progresses after a while she falls in love and she marries this primitive back Woodsman explains M Sharm don't you understand nothing that he brings to her will ever bring her satisfaction he prepares his best handcarved wood spoon and knife set she ate her meals with sterling silver he prepares his best bean dish she grew up with seven coarse meals white gloved waiters no matter what he's going to bring to her from his world his beads that he strings to together his trinkets that he gives to her they're going to mean nothing to her because she's from a totally different class from a totally different place and nothing he brings her is going to make her happy explains M Sharm that is US Within Me is a Nish the Nisha was under hashem's Throne of Glory leading the most illustrious the most spiritual almost near perfect life being close to Hashem enjoying Pleasures that are incomparable to anything in our world and that Nish was put into this body if I'm going to provide my Nish with lots of money lots of Honor lots of physical Pleasures my Nish is going to say so what so what and it will remain ever dissatisfied ever hungry ever with a sense of what are you providing for me and not only is this the real Drive of the human for greatness there's another sort of interesting effect that happens that if you don't listen to it I want you to imagine for a minute you have a young boy who's brought up by an overbearing demanding father and anything the boy does doesn't please his father and his father's critical his father's very very very very demanding and the kid gets a message at a young age nothing he does is good enough nothing he does will ever satisfy his father he don't got what it takes beron Russell I guess you call a modern philosopher wrote a book in the 30s in which he laments the fact that most people most people are unhappy and even studies today when they ask that question are you happy they say 15% of Americans are genuinely happy but here's the strange reality we have incredible opportunity wealth opulence in the course of history never has mankind had it this good Freedom opportunity to shape your world opportunity for education for advancement you could lead your life exactly as you want and most people aren't happy and why not why not and if you'd like to fundamentally understand the why not it's because from a young tender age there's a voice inside me that's been saying what are you doing therefore what that's not really significant that's not really impressive I'm not really happy with you and here's the problem the problem is that voice is me and I can run from the voice I can hide from the voice but it's there and it's ever there ever bothering me ever with that sense of what are you doing what are you accomplishing what are you doing and I have two choices I either listen to that voice and set real Torah goals real goals of growth of accomplishment change the essence of me make a tremendous impact or I do what's so much easier to do what do you mean let's go I am doing great things come on I'm making lots of money I'm a famous guy I got lots of friends and you're going to spend spend your life running and hiding running and hiding but guess what it never stops it never stops and there's never a sense of satisfaction and if you'd like to understand why the human being is never satisfied it's because there's a full half of him that can't be satisfied that just can't be happy with what you bring him and if You' like to understand more fundamentally why is human being never happy why can't he just smile and enjoy the situation he's in the answer is you can't be happy if there's a hole in your soul that's a line that they use in AA and the various Alcoholic Anonymous groups any addiction is a hole in your soul that you're trying to fill you see there's an emptiness an emptiness within me so I try to fill it with this and with that with that and with this and it never works it never helps because I wake up with the same emptiness I remember reading a book as a child described 1920s in America black kid grew up in the Deep South and he describes what his life was like and he describes poverty but poverty means real real poverty as in not owning a pair of shoes and as in always going to bed hungry as a matter of fact he describes that he didn't know what it meant not to be hungry he would go to school in the morning he hadn't eaten supper the night before and it was annoying hunger in his stomach and his plagued him all day until one day he found found a solution he was passing a neighbor's yard and there was a garden hose he opened the spet began drinking and he filled his stomach with as much water as it could hold and for a while he was saded until 20 minutes later when the water passed and he was more hungry than he was before if you'd like to understand the human being today when you're hungry and you drink it doesn't fill and it leaves you more empty than you were before Hashem created the human to grow to change the essence of me to change the world I live in to change myself but real accomplishments real growth changing my character traits changing who I am changing and becoming a much greater person and if I I listen to that voice and I set real goals then there's a sense of yeah wow within me look at me this year way way different than I was last year five years ago I wasn't a fraction what I am today but if you set your goals as anything else anything else Under the Sun oh yeah sometimes it's temporarily a sense of fulfillment I just won the gold medal wow and is a sense of satisfaction but it quickly passes because you're hungry for something different you're not hungry for Honor you're not hungry for money you're not hungry for approval you're hungry for real accomplishments real growth spiritual accomplishments for which you were put on the planet and anything other than that just won't fill your soul you'll be empty you'll be without and you'll spend your life this way and I believe one of the interesting Revelations to Modern Man is this concept there's a book that's well worth reading called man in search of meaning written by a originally a vienes psychiatrist Victor Frankl Victor Frankle discovered that he was Jewish when the Nazis put him on a train Bound for aitz and he survived and after landing in the DP camps eventually landing on the upper east side of Manhattan he wrote a book and the book describes his life both in the camps and after and both parts are very very well worth reading but in the part that describes what it was like for him after the Holocaust he describes that he put out a shingle and very quickly his practice was filled you see he had been a world famous psychiatrist in Vienna now he was in the upper east side of Manhattan he opened his practice and very quickly his practice was filled but he describes that people would come in and during the intake interview he would ask the same types of questions that he had asked for decades in Europe but he didn't recognize the answers a man would come in and Dr Frank would say what can I do for you well doc I'm depressed I'm sorry to hear that is it your job no is it your uh family no your wife your kids why you depressed I don't know doc that's why I'm here a woman in her 40s would come in what could I do for you well doc I'm depressed I'm sorry is it your marriage no is it your your children no your job why are you depressed patient after patient will come in without an attributable cause an attributable cause is a reason why we would say it makes sense for this person to be depressed if a woman was married for 35 years and she just lost her husband that's a very real life blow and that takes a while to get over and we'd understand why a woman in that circumstance would need to really adjust and it might just take her a while to regain that sense of Life an attributable cause might be a genetic predisposition a gift from your parents science shares with us an interesting statistic there are tens of millions of reported cases of depression in this country every year of the those tens of millions of cases only 16% have an attributable cause a small fraction of those tens of millions cases have a reason a trauma a predisposition a genetic component but the vast majority of them have no reason but why doc I don't get it I'm making money I'm married I got kids I got a great career I don't get it DOC why am I depressed and that question is its answer you will be depressed you should be depressed because there's a full half of you that you're not meeting you're not satisfying and if you spend your life trying to run from that voice you will run but with a hole in your soul you're going to spend that that way and if you'd like to see the greatest indication of God's plan for creation study this phenomena why is modern man so unhappy what's lacking there's nothing missing from your life everything is there except one thing inner satisfaction happiness a sense of purpose sense of meaning but why can't I just put it away what do I need it for I didn't ask for it I don't want it I just want to be happy but the problem is it's not what your creator made you for and when you use a fine surgical instrument to pry open a window does a lousy job and it dulls a blade the Nisha of man was given to man to drive you for greatness to propel you to change to grow to set real concrete goals in your spiritual Perfection and if you do that there's an inner sense of yeah and in a sense of Harmony of peace and if you don't do that anything else is is going to leave you empty is going to leave you without and it is the only way for a person to be happy but why because that's the way your creator made you you see when you live your life with real purpose when you're really accomplishing and growing when you're following the Torah keeping the mitzah growing level after level you sh says I'm here you see there's nothing in this world that satisfies the Nish nothing in this world world that makes myama happy not Pleasures not Sensations not all of the trinkets of this world and there's a sense within me my that says what am I doing here this thick coarse sluggish world who needs to be here but if you're racking up wealth real wealth spiritual wealth if you're changing you're growing you know shama says yes that's it I am so happy to be here I Am So Satisfied to be here it's remarkable because more than anything y understands why you're here and Y understands the growth and Y understands what you can be I think this single reality that the human being is never content is exactly as M sh says the greatest indication of the nature of man a is content a horse is content Bine they sit there in the field and they're very very good man isn't and man needs more now when you see the human being always aspiring for the next level a little boy needing to be the big boy the big boy being next when you see the politician who's got to go from state level to National level when you see the king who must conquer another Nation what's your problem you're the king you own all the land everyone is your servant now I need another Nation another what is your problem your problem is that you're trying to fill your soul with things that just don't help Jeff Bezos has $105 billion dollar probably enough to live on but it's never enough It's never enough why because there's a need for more but Asim explains us the need for more is because I'm trying to fill my soul with things that are trinkets that are passing and my Nisha knows I'm not taking that money with me and my sh knows that it's empty and foolish and the's mush of The Princess and The Peasant defines us Within Me is This lofty princess born in the heights of greatness brought up in the Palace of the king put into this coarse cold dark existence and anything I bring it won't make it happy until I focus on its needs I focus on what it wants and if I do that as an inner sense of deep satisfaction an inner sense of wow and if I do anything else well guess what doesn't take very long for that water to pass doesn't take long till that new level that I accomplished just isn't enough and have that same knowing emptiness within me and I want to close with one last observation by far the most popular Schmo I ever say is the heroes Schmo you can listen online she number 61 that's one Muhammad Ali one with the elephants and no matter what audience I say that to no matter what environment it's extraordinarily well received and for a long time I used to wonder why why is it so popular why is by far the one Sho that everyone just like yeah you're right and I realized the answer the answer is because everyone you I and every other human being you've ever met has this inner need for greatness and in a need to be way way bigger than I am why because my Nisha isn't limited by this small body that I currently occupy my Nisha comes from much a higher higher levels from a totally different magnitude different totally different order of events from a world of pure spirituality and that voice within me that says I should be doing much much bigger things is my Nish and so we sublimate it I should be an Olympic Athlete I should be the richest man in the world I should write I should do I but all of those things are my Nisha my Nisha saying I could do much more and it is true I wasn't created for this mundane small existence that I currently live I was created to accomplish to do but it's not for headlines of the New York Times not for wealth and fame and honor to accomplish real greatness changing the essence of me spiritual growth as outlined by the Torah and anything you do other than that will never fill your soul leave you ever empty and only when you do that is there an inner sense of joy of happiness and when there's a sense within you shouldn't I be doing way way way more the answer is yes but it's now time to focus on exactly what that more is set my goals in that area be satisfied with those types of accomplishments because that's what hasem created me for that's what ultimately brings true happiness in this world and the world to come [Music]