After Hours with Rabbi Yaron Reuven (35)

[Music] and all of you was on the ship any questions preparing ourselves for prayer how can we do that effectively that most of the shes people just like this so it's important to understand that the the the world around you is not going to change it's not going to change right people are always going to you know in synagogues just like there's Kusha there unfortunately it's also yet too and yet causes people to pray too fast or talk in the middle of the prayer and be distracting and be annoying and so on so a person needs to learn how to cause himself to zone out I remember in the uh brokerage business that was one of the most important things to learn is that you have to zone out you have to in essence put yourself in a mental state of mind as if no one is next toal now how can you do it if a typical brokerage firm is like a boiler room it's a boardroom is depending how big the firm it could be thousands of people everyone's on the phone and they're not yeah sure sir do you want to buy yeah really so what are you doing no no one's Whispering everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs and the guy on the other side of the phone can hear the conversations he's like what do you were you in a zoo yes yes the stock market go on TV I mean to this day they make it seem like it's the same thing it's not but you go on if you see the the stock market channels you see people are like buying and selling and everybody's screaming and so on even though 99% of all the trades are are digitally there's still a few people there to make it look good but brokerage firms in general and sales departments and marketing firms and so on everybody's on the phone and you can't tell hey be quiet well be quiet you be quiet I'm trying to make a sale you be quiet I'm trying to make a sale I'm trying to make a deal so in order for you to succeed you in essence have to zone out put yourself in a mental state of mind as if no one is next to you you're not looking right you're not looking left this is why it's important to look into nothing like pick a point on your desk or on the wall or into empty and just look at emptiness look at nothing look at nothing this is a really really important thing to do in life in general because if you don't you're never going to be able to succeed in anything in studying in selling in in nothing if you need your own environment all the time it's going to be very difficult for you to succeed so that's one thing second thing is when you go to synagogue really you should eliminate your own destru ractions usually you're your own biggest enemy so if you have a phone keep it in the car if uh you know whoever whoever is calling you can wait 15 minutes and if they can't wait 15 minutes then you can't help them anyway they need to call 911 not you so leave your phone in the car leave all the distractions in the car don't talk to anybody don't socialize don't become friendly with people especially not before the prayer look into the floor people start talking to you ignore them as if it's not happening or just like don't don't entertain any conversation whatsoever and you could start you know you could try to make people feel uncomfortable a little bit like you know if they if they're uh if they're talking to you and you have a book it's like look at them like there's something God's here God here you don't see Gods here like once you do that once or twice people are going to stop messing with you I that's why I don't have many friends in shws um but you know once once you're known as the guy that doesn't talk then people usually steer away from you um and also they uh start they actually start disliking you to some extent but that's not a problem um but aside from that it also helps it helps you focus focus it helps you focus it helps you uh because the people are not going to be next they're also going to feel uncomfortable talking next to you not just to you but next to you stay with me he's the not talker that's the not talking Department he thinks he's Raba whatever let him say whatever they want to say so you have to point one zone out point two don't ever entertain conversation not even for a second not even for a second um be very strict with it and three you know make sure that uh you you follow through constantly don't like what if you one day you talk and one day you don't then you know then people are just going to hate you and they're going to think that you're just annoying you know but if they see you're serious then they're just going to let you be uh listen it's say this is this is a problem for most people to follow not because it's hard to zone out and not because it's hard not to talk it's because it's hard not to be friendly people think that talking in sh makes you friendly so people like to have friends they like to socialize and bessed is a place you're there two three times a day so it's a place that people a lot of people socialize it's a problem so it's a uh you know a lot of people want their meet their friends in sh so if you want to make friends then uh you're going to the wrong place because that's not a place to make friends next could because there was a certain version of it that was not technically a locust it was a version of it that was kosher was in essence like an animal of some kind it looked the same way again like I told you it's not available for the general public and only a few older yemenites from Yemen actually know which ones they are still um but uh it's not a ailable like and you can't buy it in the store or anything next so if a place I'll give you I'll give you some basic things about B A lot of people ask me questions about Bess I'll just tell you once and for all as far as for people to understand the Torah commands you to learn Torah to implement the Torah to fulfill the Torah to pray to hem just like abah and yob pray to hem we learn the and from andov Torah gives us Ten Commandments tells us to keep Shabbat tells us to sanctify aem's name don't murder don't steal and so on but there is no obligation to go to synagogue there's no obligation to go to synagogue but there is a major Mala there's a major uh significance if you will to go to beet and pray with the minan and the reason why is because if a person prays by himself the Gates of Heaven for that consider people's prayers are only open to prayers with full kavana with full intention and meaning so if a person prays by himself it's hard to have full meaning and Covenant on every one of your prayers why sometimes you have sometimes you your your mind is not there sometimes you're in a hurry sometimes this sometimes that sometimes you're going to have kavana better than ever other times it's honestly I can tell you personally sometimes I think my prayer I'm like I have to do just for the prayer just for the prayer I just did it's such a terrible prayer so thank God hasem has mercy on me but point I'm trying to tell you is that your prayer is not always perfect so when you pray by yourself and you if you have full cavana every time or that one time good your prayer will be accepted immediately on the other hand if it's not it doesn't have full kavana rejected which means that if you're praying for a cure for cancer you're praying for panasa you're praying for Z you're praying for all those things and it's not getting answered it's a it's a problem now when you pray with aan assuming it's a Kos Kosh meaning that there is a 10 Shabbat 10 people that keep Shabbat and that also do not go against the tah intentionally with other aspects of the mitv thenm takes the prayer in a different way how he takes the prayer the best part of everyone's prayer and combines it into a single prayer and he accepts everyone's prayers that's how the sages explain it to us meaning you're going to have let's say for example you're is going to be the best his is going to be the best the other guy's is going to be the best the other ones is going to be the best the other ones is going to be the best so on and so forth Hashem takes all the pieces together he here we go that's the best I'll accept everybody's prayers that's why we pray in a and that's why even in who used to not pray with for many many years he prayed by himself for many years because he didn't want to disturb his learning toah he said it's a waste of time for me to get up stop my learning go to sh walk this pray with them wait for them all the things they come back and it's a waste of time you can learn this way but then he himself learned the significance of going to SCH and praying with a kosher and he started going himself but for many years he didn't play with a minan and many of the actually made minim in their house like the the the k um a lot of the giants made actually people come to their house and pray in their house they turn they didn't go to be to safe time safe time they would have 10 people come to their house and they pray at the house so they don't have to waste time walking back and forth and then because they just want to pray finish go back to studying but that's if you have a kosher then your prayer is going to be have a better chance of succeeding because even if your prayer itself wasn't the best you're getting credit for everybody else's prayer even if only part of your prayer was the best you're getting credit for everybody else's prayer and so on now if theet or the place of prayer is a joke it's a m everybody's joking around everybody's chitchatting non-stop you tell them something the rabbi tells them something if the rabbi tells them something and they don't change if you tell them something and they don't change you shouldn't go there run away from there find a new Pray by yourself why now I know a lot of people are not going to like this part even rabbis are not going to like me saying this why because most places today most places today are a joke so the reality is we have a problem we have a problem as a nation so we could pray for the fact that hopefully at least if you have AET where during and no one talks you have something to rely on you have something to rely on you can go there if you have something to rely on if at least during and during they don't talk you have something to rely on but if they're even talking and chitchatting and socializing during during during you have nothing to do there it's not a it's a place a circus a circus actually may be better because the animals don't talk so that's the thing that people need to understand if the rabbi said something they still don't change if the rabbi is part of the talking which actually happened in several places that I know of um I know for example there's no against but I know for example in Bon Goldberg his and his buddy MTZ those two clowns are the biggest Talkers in the every Shabbat they're the biggest on stage they talk on stage they talk to everybody and what the best part is he writes blogs once in a while yeah we shouldn't talk in sh during kadish during what about the rest of prayer it's a joke it's m a joke there's actually a whole section there's a whole section of the sh where it's like the talking section I'm Ser not go anyone go go see BRS go to BRS go to the you'll see it real and against him there's no the guy anyone that wants to bring a missionary to a Sho or brings uh the the what is that uh Dr Ruth that she is made more Jews sin than anyone else in the world and all the other that he brings all these reformed rabbis and and atheists and zionists and all this garbage that he brings to the Sho to to taint people's minds this is not this is this is not a good person may have a good salary other than that he doesn't have anything else good and this is fortunately what we're dealing with in the world today this is what we're dealing with in the world so with that being said if it's a place like that you have no business being there you have to find a new place if there's no other place move to the desert as I told you guys the other day there's a nice that Sunny gave me the other day the ramban says rambam says that if if a person has neighbors that are wicked or perhaps if he sees that he lives in an area where he cannot advance in his Kus he cannot become a bigger sadik can't work on his midot he can't become better he has to move the ra says now if there's no place to move because every other neighborhood is full of the same and he can't work on himself and he's he can't uh they're not going to allow him to uh to to pray they're not going to allow to study they're not going to allow his wife to wear they're going to torture him all day then the ram says move to the desert where your next door neighbor is the uh scorpion and the snake but the says that there also another neighbor in the desert what's the other neighbor the other neighbor is a demon there's three places in the world you can find demons one of them is a desert that's where the demons are so the rambam is saying it's better to have a demon as a neighbor than a secular rash that talks in in it's better to have him as a you understand such such is the uh Importance of Being next to decent people or staying away from them you have no right living anywhere you want you have to live specific places last but not least you should know this people always tell me listen ever since I started doing Chua have difficulty and one of the difficulties is that their friends they have difficulties with their friends they start seeing that their friends either don't want to listen to them anymore or uh they're going against them and so on and so for friends and family you should know that if you're really doing chuva that's going to happen meaning there's no exceptions to the case that's going to happen if you're doing Chu part of doing Chua is getting rid of your past and part of your past is not just your own sins it's your partners to sins your friends your uh neighbors even if it's family members if you have family members that like to go on a beach on every weekend you can't continue associating with them now I know they're your friends and they could be your parents and they could be your buddies and you love them I understand but I'm telling you you have to limit your contact with them as much as possible and the reason why is because even though you may be sheltered from it and it's not affecting you because you've decided to do chuv you're strong your is strong your is already you beat it up why because you saw the good you saw the bad you decided to do it the good so even if you see your parents your brothers your sisters your neighbors your best friends and so on going to the beach it doesn't bother you fine that doesn't mean that the same applies for your wife or your husband or your kids you it may not bother you but them it bothers why because they don't have the same spiritual immune system like you they don't have the same power as you you may not be affected by the guy flashing money or flashing gambling or all types of things that are are sins but that's because you've got you've developed an immune system against it a spiritual immune system against it but your little kids your little babies when they're seven eight nine years old they're going to go and see your your father or your mom or your brother your sister or your neighbor your best friend or somebody doing something that's against God they don't have the same immune system as you so they say wow I want to go to the beach wow I want to have no clothes on wow I want to be a poker player wow I want to eat pig wow I want to TV in the house wow I want to steal and murder wow I you instead why because it's not that they're they're Wicked has nothing to do with that has to do with the fact that they don't have the immune system to develop with it so you have you have to understand that part of doing Chua is Sheltering yourself not just for yourself but for those around you I'm not saying never see them never talk to them but you have to contain it which means that you probably have to move away you you have to have some safe distance between you you have to even if they're religious still you don't necessarily want to be on top of people and people on top of you in general there should always be some room people don't grow when they're still home so again it's important to know that you have to honor your parents you have to honor your older brother you have to love everybody and so on but that nowhere in the Tor does it say sacrifice your life for it sacrifice the life of your kids for it sacrifice your marriage for it nowhere in doesn't say that yes love them honor them respect them all that good stuff but you can't sacrifice your your for it so part of doing chuva is getting rid of your of some of these people getting rid of some of these people especially the ones that are easy like friends because they really don't exist anyway people love their friends until they realize they're not really friends they're just borrowing from them borrowing time and attention and resources but realistically abai you need to understand is that some of these friends you have right now you can't stay friends with them they're little asav they're little amals you can't stay friends with them if your friend's an atheist you can't be friends with them why because eventually he will influence you all of these people that used to be rabbis or teachers or whatever that somehow went off the D all of them without an exception had friends like that I know one guy that's a nice guy but is turning crazy now I mean he's been going crazy for a while partly it's because of the people he's associating with he's constantly talking to Christians and missionaries and uh and people that are riding motorcycles and he's just dealing with the wrong people and the reality is that it's eventually it's going to affect your it's going to affect your eventually that is going to disappear if you don't mind sitting in front of me they'll be much easier in my life um so the thing is though is that it's it's uncomfortable you're like a you know on my shoulder it's not comfortable um God's here you're here it's not don't work so just everybody here God's here I talk works so the point is is that you have to understand the the some of these friends you have you can't stay friends with them they're dangerous they're dangerous to your so this is an important part of chuva I know it's difficult trust me I've gone through it myself uh but it's necessary it's necessary once you realize how difficult Chua is and how important it is at the same time you realize that it's worth the sacrifices because eventually that's how you get the happiness that's how you get the real success that's how you get the but it's all success requires sacrifice next question then we'll finalize yeah okay goodess Kars eyes Ken it's using aem's name in vain now I mean happens and blessing now is there some kind of what besides that of course is there like another method that you could use something so okay so if you guys remember I uh recommended the book which is a fantastic book that has pictures of of uh all types of food that you would eat most food that you would eat um in order to teach you which blessing to say on which food um also it teaches the blessings for other things like for example if you see a rainbow or if you uh see a uh if you hear a um Thunder if you see lightning if you see a weird person you know if you see certain people that like an albino person there's certain there's certain people that are weird looking and there's blessings for them or if you see a special a sage or even of the there's blessings for everything but predominant there's a blessing for everything the says you're not allowed to enjoy anything in the world without blessing for it there has a there's a blessing for literally everything um and uh but the stuff that applies to us the most is usually food now what if a person is a but wants to eat a food but he doesn't know the blessing what should he do now an ignorant person would tell you he should just bless whatever comes up to his mind like Shak like everything is made from hasem this is the wrong answer to such an extent that if it's let's say for example ad and he said Shak he has a problem he has a sin in his hands he has a sin in his hands that some of the say it's actually such a big sin it's like you violated this the uh thir commandment you used aem's name in vain saying the wrong blessing is is actually using aem's name in vain which is the violation of the third commandment and the Ten Commandments it's a big deal to such an extent that a person like he says like kov K said Shalom wrote he wrote a person if he makes the wrong blessing should cry non-stop because if a person understood the magnitude of what it means to say say the wrong use aem's name in vain he should cry so now what do you do if you don't know the blessing for sure the answer is don't eat I'm serious it's not even an exaggeration do not eat unless you know the blessing do not eat unless you know the blessing again do not eat unless you know the blessing this will force you to learn the blessings or not eat either you're going to be on a diet you're going to lose weight or you're going to start learning the blessings one of the two is going to happen point is you cannot eat without without without a blessing if you if you bless the wrong blessing it's a problem if you don't bless it's a problem um now obviously the I'm sure some hero is going to tell me what if you're in a desert and you don't know the blessing and you have an apple what do you die no you should a person that asked such a question should die because just relieve us from the the de Agony of dealing with him and such level of foolishness but no I'm talking about normal situations talking about normal situations where you're in your house and with your air conditioner and you're about to eat an apple and you don't know the blessing don't eat the apple until you learn the blessing now once you have this book it makes life easy why you have the book you put it on a table it's on the table at all times not in the shelves it's on the table at all times you're about to eat something you open marshmallow oh sh Apple oh B uh you know a um I don't know uh let's say uh the cereal uh the Flintstone cereal who knows you what the Flintstone cereal is Flintstone cereal huh Fruity Pebbles okay what what blessing do a Fruity Pebbles n out of 10 people don't know that no I think it's I thought ja it's not it's me Rice Krispies so that's the thing you have to know these blessings uh so if you know the blessings you're in good shape now once a person understands that there's a price to pay and it's a very small one which is say the blessing she Lear blessings no problem now what if let's say for example you started to say uh and you realize you already said the blessing you said I'm not saying hashem's name obviously um but you actually said the blessing you forgot in the moment of you know lack of clarity you forgot you already said the blessing or you decide you don't want to eat or something happened what do you do you complete it by saying why because that's a verse in that's a verse in so in essence you just repeated the verse in which relieves you from it but that's only if you say if you said more to it then you have to say something else the point is that a person needs to train himself to break every blessing into three every blessing into three whatever the rest of the blessing is why that first and foremost will force him to have more more more meaning when he broke it up into three two he's not going to swallow the words three is less likely to make a mistake first part second part and then the rest of the blessing is depending on what you're doing whether it's bread or it's milk or it's whatever it is so that's what but again not doing a blessing is not allowed obviously that's stealing from hem eating without blessing is stealing from Hashem um but it's worse to not do a Second Blessing remember there's two blessings there's the first blessing and there's the Second Blessing first blessing is before you eat Second Blessing is after you eat it's much worse to miss the Second Blessing than to miss the first blessing because the first blessing is from the rabbis the Second Blessing is from has okay there's three different types of there's itself point is you need that book also tells you which is the second blessing for each one I think that that that book or anything like it I don't really know of anything like it but I'm sure there is that book belongs in every house uh that of anyone that has a little bit of and does not want to even take a chance of making a mistake With the blessings plenty of times I thought I knew what the blessing is and I checked and I was wrong plenty of times andab I try to learn I really do try to learn as much as possible it doesn't mean anything people make mistakes plenty of times my wife would tell me not I don't think it was that are you sure she's she's like I don't know she knows everything I go I check she's right so plenty of times I make mistakes people make mistakes so the the the the smart person makes the mistake once and then he learns he buys the book he stops making mistakes the stupid guy makes the mistake over and over again and then he regrets it and G no yeah I think that was enough uh we'll have another tomorrow tonight's sh went a little further than I thought but I think we got we covered some good ground I think we completed at least to to this extent the whole issue of anger how to deal with it how to fix it the cost of it uh if there's any more questions uh you guys feel free to tell me but like I said in in general you're not allowed to be angry but at the same token you don't necessarily need to be uh someone that people walk over you just need to know how how to express yourself in a Stern way without being angry that's really what it comes down to but that requires a lot of T A lot of T A lot of we'll learn some more tomorrow night [Music] [Applause] [Music] the a [Music]