After Hours with Rabbi Yaron Reuven (6)

any questions yeah yeah I'm still kind of if you can about we're talking about free choice uh how do you see this in the in the views of when Adam was uh was made to like when God said to him from the Tree of good and B right so that I want that that in the context that ra When you mention lab that ran said that there is no really free choice so that no was what about to happen what is the lesson if you can amplify a little bit more sure so again free choice we have but our free choice is limited meaning if the free choice that we have is there's two ways to understand it one way to understand is what we've said till now and another way that we'll say something we mentioned yesterday about free choice so most people think of free choice is you could just do whatever you want and whatever happens happens we live freely like the zebra the zebra doesn't have to pay mortgage doesn't worry about uh having kids if the kids come the kids come they don't come they don't come they don't go to some fertility doctor and start crying to them saying no please give us a discount no problem that's a zebra human beings on the other hand we have different problems we worry about stuff like that so we understand at a very young age there is a consequence for our actions for whatever reason or another we were led to believe that we have consequen for our actions in this world but for whatever reason or another there's no consequences in the other world in the next World this is wrong this is wrong what most people believe here is that you could do what you want and nothing's going to happen which is like saying you go to work you make money if you don't go to work you don't make money this is false belief real belief What God Says what rambam says and what all the sages say is that we have reward and Punishment we can do whatever we want and Hashem already knows what we're going to do but we're going to have to pay the bill if what we're doing is good we'll be paid handsome reward if what we do if the choice we make is bad then we'll get punished so what is it like in the same context it's like saying if you go to work you get paid if you don't get to work the boss sends people to your house and beat you up that's what we actually have so instead of saying we have free choice it's more precise to say we have choice not free choice our choice is not free it's choice right choice or wrong choice that's what we actually have free choice is really more of a misnomer it's not it's not appropriate word for for for it but that's the word they use in English now as far Asar Adar was given technically the ability to be the only human being on Earth Hashem created him originally by himself he didn't create him with and the reason why he he did this is to explain to us that he was worthy enough for the whole world to be created just just for him similar to how it was worth it for hem to create the entire world go through the entire anguish of am and everything that's ever happened for you you each one of you it was worthed for hasem to create the entire world for you to say Amen one time you say Amen one time it's worth it for to create the world someone says Kad people say's name it was worth it for hm to create the world he said it's like saying amen a thousand times so it was worth it for hm to create the world a thousand times just for you saying so was originally given the ability that the whole world was within him was was around him he was the only one Hashem said yeah but sees he's naming all of the animals and he sees all the animals of a mate and he's feeling sorrow for it that he doesn't have one so I gave him one now they had the ability to live amongst themselves freely and Hashem said listen at this point there's really one mitvah that you need to fulfill and that mitzvah is don't eat from the Tree of knowledge don't eat from the Tree of knowledge now if you look at which we talked about in a different time it says when hasem put the trees he gives description of uh how he built ganeden it says that he the tree of life he put in the middle of the garden the middle of the garden it's in chapter 2 verse n it says so andm God caused to sprout from the ground every tree so all the trees were created on this day that was pleasing to the site of good for food because initially you weren't supposed to eat animals didn't eat animals that only start with no cabala says the reason why is because each being has to have a tun and everyone after the generation of Noah everyone all the be beings went down one level so everyone had to fix themselves and one of the ways that an animal fixes themselves is when we eat them and we do a blessing but anyway the uh verse continues and the tree of life is in the midst of the garden and the tree of knowledge of good and bad so here we see that there's a little bit of a twisted of twisting words here where it says that there's a specific place that's called inside which kazal says the middle but to means middle or inside inside the garden there's this tree of life but there's also a tree of knowledge now we know for sure that Adam and Adam and Eve knew where the tree of knowledge was why do we know because they ate from it so the Torah doesn't have to tell us where it was because already ate from it we knew that eventually ate from it but after he ate from it in chapter 3 verse 21 and 22 Hashem says and Hashem God Made For Adam and his wife garments of skin and he clothed them he gave them a gift after they sinned in verse 22 it says and hem God said behold man has become like the unique one Among Us this he's talking to the angels knowing good and bad this is after they ate from the the forbidden fruit from the Tree of knowledge and now lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat and live forever so here we see that Hashem all of a sudden has a new law initially he told them don't eat from the Tree of knowledge he didn't say Don't eat from the Tree of Life he didn't say Don't eat from the Tree of Life he said don't eat from the Tree of Knowledge Tree of Life he never mentioned anything about it other than the fact that he had it inside the garden but now after he ate from the Tree of knowledge he says hey get him out of this Garden get him out of ganeden why so he doesn't eat from the Tree of Life why so kazal explains to us that the only reason why wanted to eat from the Tree of knowledge was not because he wanted to go against God it's because he wanted to fulfill God's Will by himself to the fullest extent forever now he knew that he's bound to time and his time is going to end at some point however long it's going to be but he wanted to honor Hashem and sanctify his name forever because how could I honor hem and sanctify his name forever if I live forever so first I have to live find a way to live forever then I can honor AEM forever with a peace of mind so he chose to eat from the Tree of knowledge why so he could find out the knowledge will give him the exact map of ganeden and the exact directions of where the tree of life is why so you can find the tree of life so you can eat from the Tree of Life and honor hasem Forever This is why hasem said initially he said the tree of life is inside the garden he didn't say where he just said it's inside the garden but he didn't worry about eating from the Tree of Life why you didn't worry about eating from the Tree of Life he doesn't know where it is he doesn't know where the tree of life is it's inside the garden but he doesn't know where it is it may look like every other other tree it's inside the garden but he doesn't know where it is because anyone that's smart what would they have done first go eat from the Tree of Life know that if I eat from the Tree of knowledge has is not going to punish me because goes against the tree of life so I'm going to live forever then I'm going to eat tree of knowledge but what do he do he eat from the Tree of knowledge why because you need to find out where this means where this inside of the garden means why because I want to sanctify H's name forever I want to learn Torah forever so he made a choice hasem says it's the wrong choice you used your logic and as great as ad was was wrong wrong now we can't compare ourselves to even his fingernail of the fingernail that he cut and throws on the ground we're not like that what's the what's the source every Shabbat we do have the at the end of Shabbat and you're told that you're supposed to look at your fingernails with the reflection of the light against your fingernails why the mid explains is this this is to remind us of how shiny the skin of was where it was really like diamonds now we don't have diamonds on Earth the best thing we have is when we have a manicure pedicure and everything else all shiny you put it against the light looks even extra shiny it's the best thing we can get he goes that is not even close to what looked like all 600,000 Souls that were were Mount saai were originally inside but he still used his logic and it was a mistake it's a mistake for why did he do the logic for hasem he said no no I'm gonna honor hem with a I make my own mistake this is why kazal says that when rimai believe he had a dream and Adar came to him he says you know tells Rish you know my real Sin you know what my mistake really was no one really knows what I did that I got the punishment that I did there's like suffs there's doubts there's things like I just said that are possibilities maybe yes he says the real thing of what I did only you know you know you know the real Sin you must promise me that when you get to ganeden don't tell anybody why it's too embarrassing what I got punished for the the the Precision of a the tiny little mistake that I made is too embarrassing for me that I went against hem with something so small why I thought I was honoring Hashem but in reality it was a mistake because hasem sees everywhere he sees your logic he sees your free choice he sees that you think it's a it's the right idea it's a good idea and he lets you do it but he'll punish you for it the benefit the greatest benefit you could possibly get is getting punished here because here it's temporary it's bound to time having some in this world it's bount the time it's supposed to end at some point it ends suffer for a year two years five whatever long time I have an aunt honestly I think she's the job of this generation she's aad most of her life amazing woman but honestly all you hear is suffering after suffering after suffering she's going into one child died another one is in jail and she's sadik lost a husband even lost a son I mean horror after horror after horror but she stays strong and glued to Hashem glued she says if I didn't believe in God I'd kill myself there's no other purpose for me to live when someone believes in God they know they have a purpose they know everything is temporary it's temporary it's bound to time the suffering is bount the time eventually I'm going to see my son in ganed eventually I'm going to see my husband in ganeden eventually we're all going to be in a better place everything that's here is bound to time it's going to end at some point better here than there because if I'm suffering there it's not bound to time so when the sages say a tiny little punishment G is worse than 70 years of the life of job job suffered for one year if you read the book of job by the time you get to the second page of the Book of Job you do chuva by the time you get to the end of The Book of Job you've you've done chuva five times his suffering that he went through they say it's not possible for a human being that's why some people say maybe it's not even a real story it's like a parable that m wrote some people actually have some sages say it's can't be can't be somebody Liv through this all in one day lost 10 Sons lost all the money was a multi-billionaire lost all the work he got so sick the worms were coming outside of his body they were coming out of his body not inside usually you have worms coming inside he has worms coming out he said the life he lived was for one year kazal is telling us suffering like he did 70 years he suffered for one year there's a book in the Tor written about him there's 24 books in the Torah one book is about job he suffered like this for one year there's a book about him there's no book about me there's no book about you him there's a book you suffer like him 70 years he says it's not like one minute in G why it's not bound to time so the best thing we can do is two things one understand that this free choice you have is not so free there's a price for this free choice it's not really so free two give hem a little at the end of it all he's still your father he's not going to give you a test you can't handle he's not just punishing you for the sake of punishing you he's doing you a favor you just don't see why he gave you the flat tire to save your life he gave you less money so you make less sins he changed your marriage status because there's something better coming along all these things that are happening to you that look bad the very same R AKA that gave us this mishna also has another one he says everything he does is for the is for the best meaning that there are infinite amount of ways for hasm to take you from point A to point B Hashem always picks the best choice why he loves you because you're a son you're his daughter he loves you even though that choice may look like it's a rough ride it's shaky the plan's going up and down like when you go to Panama by the way there's I think from what they told me there's like five different ecosystems or something like that or different temperatures when you're about to land every time we landed and or took off in Panama we thought we're going to die cuz the plane M seems like it's like a propell plane even though it's a huge plane it's shaking like we're being shot at in the middle of the Middle East why you're hitting at different air sockets and this sockets I don't understand this stuff all I knew is that it's going up and down up and down up and down up and down and me and my wife were looking at each other and we start say giving on ourselves already we don't know what's happening we went to Panama five times in one year for business we're still in a business world we became religious on the plane scary sometimes the right in life is scary the right in life is scary sometimes this one passes this one's sick this one does no money this one this this one that is telling you I know I did it I pressed the button I pressed go remember last week we said my little daughter ready said go says I was the one that said ready said go I pressed the button I did it I know it's happening my son I know it's happening my daughter I know it feels like pain to you but wait till I show you what happens wait till I show you the end you're going to forget the beginning when you see the reward that hasem has ready for you if you did good you're not going to remember that was ever bad the the memory of anything bad is going to escape you they going to remember it it's going to be not even a distant memory it's just not going to exist it just disappears anyone that experienced real good in their life when they're experiencing good they don't think about bad they don't think about bad there's no bad when you experience pleasure there's no bad if you're still thinking about bad then it's not good enough that's what Hashem wants for you he wants you to not feel bad but you have to get there to get there it's a little painful it's a little shaky it's like the Panama trip no next question so I just want to finish shorter answer yes uh each one of these questions a whole Sho no no but it was great it was great so so that's why we can reaffirm what you said then because we don't know what the right choice is that's that's the the whole meaning of the sure we make mistakes okay make the choice we know what's the right choice the choice is to honor hasem the way he told us to sometimes we want to do it our own way our own way more times than not is the wrong way I'll tell you something last week I told everyone a story that um someone took it upon themselves to rebuke me young guy religious he uh decided that he has nothing better to do in his life and he decided that he has to contact me and tell me that what I'm doing is wrong what I'm doing is wrong I left the business World left money left everything I live off of Miracles the only asset that we had left we sold so we could pay for the organization for what for to do CH you give lectures for free you travel any way that you were welcomed to give people the opportunity to do Chua and find the truth but that is wrong why because it's not the way that he was taught he was taught different way he was taught the way that 99.99999% of the rabbis are doing it that's the way he was taught which means that my 0.1% is wrong and how does he know it's wrong what was his way of showing me that he's wrong what was the way that he was showing me that I am in the wrong direction because he's smarter than me because he is religious his whole life because he had better teachers than me and if I didn't see the first time he said he's smarter than me and he knows more than me and he read more than me I don't know maybe he was in in my house he saw everything I read so he knows he already read more than me he's half my age by the way but he knows more than me and he's smarter than me and if it wasn't enough the first time or the second time that he told me these things that he's smarter than me and he knows more than me and has better rabbis than me and everything is better than me and I'm just this little peon then he reminded me the third time also that he's smarter than me and he's better than me and he's good to me and and if that wasn't enough I stopped responding you know usually in life it's a good idea to run away from pain it's a good idea someone inflicts pain on you it's a good idea to leave only a fool will stay so someone keeps sending me messages that is insulting I stop I don't respond anymore good luck for you you think you're smarter you think you're better you think you're this good luck to you thank you very much maybe you are smarter maybe you are better maybe just do what I'm doing go ready said go so this was last week the intention in his mind was good the intention was good because he was trying to correct me I knew it was not good little bit of experience in life told me it's not good the reason why is because if you really cared about then you wouldn't be focusing on me you'd be focusing on them now I'm the guy that tries to help people do Chua if you're saying your style is better do the same thing show go do it for a year go do it for 5 years go do it for 10 years let's see go but in instead of rebuking them for violating Shabbat instead of rebuking them for going against the Tora instead of rebuking them for not being modest instead of rebuking them for all the other sins that we're doing what are you doing you're rebuking the guy that rebukes them so this obviously showed this is not the right direction but if that wasn't enough that wasn't enough he decided to come to my house unannounced oh no now decide to come to my house unannounced and offer me a peace offering now usually a peace offering requires us saying okay I made a mistake sorry peace something along those lines now if somebody comes to you he says listen here's a cake but everything I say I stand by my words I still know more than you I'm still smarter than you and I still know that what you're doing is wrong does that sound like peace to you or does that sound like Palestine when the Palestinians want peace what are they saying yes yes we want peace just give us all of Israel die and everything's going to be okay die give us all the land everything's going to be okay it's no real this nonsense it's not peace so we have to understand there is truth there's falsehood there is ways that work there's more than one way that works but before we start questioning the Creator before we start questioning the world around us first we have to question the person we see in the mirror where do you stand are you it are you okay you can't tell people to keep Shabbat if you're violating Shabbat you can't tell people to work on themselves if you're still don't know anything and don't want to do anything when Kaz says don't rebuke people because maybe nobody's in a level of rebuke they didn't say no one's allowed to rebuke they just said don't rebuke people about things that you're not good at can't tell people keep Shabbat if you're driving on Shabbat because you're making a mockery of the whole thing so there's a right way there's a wrong way to do things there is simple way there's a hard way hashem's way looks hard in the end it's easy the other way looks easy at the end it's hard no next okay um just I think you're ready that because in the T doesn't say explicitly that that that the girls from M went went to the people right the idea say that because in the Tora doesn't say let's see let's see chapter 25 verse one uh Israel settled in the shim and the people began to commit harlotry with the daughters of moav it says yeah but but but says what I'm saying it was Bam's idea's idea Bam's idea it says here also uh it says it's not a uh like you said it's not explicit but it says that bam and uh right it's a midra where he says he gave the idea to balak they had a meeting and he gave and Bam rose up and went and returned to his place and balak also went to on his way that's in that place that's where the mid says that right before he left he left after giving him the idea so it's not explicit as the verse I just said to you but yes that's the exact point that it is that's verse uh uh 20 uh yeah that's when he gave him the idea there's also another verse that says in the Torah where he gave him the idea I think it's maybe uh 10 verses back uh mentions that he uh I gave him an idea ah yeah this what it is um so during the time that uh in verse uh 15 it says he disclaimed in his Parable and said the words of bam son of be the words of men with the open eye so here this he goes through uh different things that he says are going to happen at the end end of days and mashia and so on right so during this time is actually when uh kazal says during this time he also gave him uh some details of what to do what to do right to put a stop to this mashia thing because he thought that if this succeeds it would destroy the entire nation so the thing would not happen and he knew that was there was when he was there also he looked at Israel from the mountain but he didn't come down uh I mean was was there I don't know if he was there at that very moment there a m of whether stayed with is throughout this or whether he went back to Midian to convert all the people because there's a m of whether he ended up leaving or not some people say he left right away some people left after 12 years or so some people say he never left uh there's a few different opinions of what happened in's life uh but whether he was here at this particular moment or not is I don't know for sure yeah I'm not sure for yes these that died ended up reincarnating as the 24,000 students of oh wow know that one and they also got killed for their own sins and they had to be reincarnated again have to be reincarnated again yeah couple of times couple of times and this is also uh 24,000 after after uh uh after R AKA I escapes me right now if I think of it I I'll tell you but the number 24,000 appears a few times a few times throughout Jewish history but for me personally I have tried and not very successfully sure so I'm not sure how to handle a situation with somebody who's very close okay so here's here's the thing as far as the sages saying that no one knows how to give rebuke they did not mean what people translated to be meaning people today think that since we're not perfect we're not allowed to tell anybody else to change this is absolutely not what to say SES said okay because we were never perfect even at the time of the sages or ever even mosenu was not perfect he still made mistakes he still made a handful of sins or less in his level but yet he was the biggest rebuker in history okay as a matter of fact if you look no further than the prophets where's the uh t t is right next to me you look at the prophets and you see something amazing the book of Jeremiah in uh chapter 4 verse 22 it says for my people are stupid they have not recognized me they're foolish children and they have not and they're not Discerning they're not wise uh they're only wise at doing evil but know not how to do good this is from God himself rebuke he calls us stupid children not really a compliment we go on we go we go back a little bit go back a little bit and you go to Isaiah prophet Isaiah chapter 1 verse 4 until the end of verse 9 W their s sinful Nation this is Isaiah talking to wo there a sinful nation of people weighed down by iniquity evil Offspring destructive children they have forsaken Hashem they've angered the Holy One of Israel and he goes on and on it's gets much worse by the way much much if he was here today they'd throw him out of the synagogue but then later on if you go fast forward to verse 18 He says to them come let us reason together says hem if your sins like Scarlet they'll become white as snow meaning Chua is available Chua is available even after all this rebuke the job of all of the prophets was the same what was this job rebuke the people go to the people and remind them that what they're doing is wrong says when mosenu when Hashem took back his soul Hashem cried he says who's going to rebuke my people like mosenu hasem likes rebuke this is why he instilled it in us and we all must do it if we want to be good parents what's the sign of a bad parent a parent that never rebukes their children a parent that doesn't tell their kids how to behave is growing is is growing in his house little Hitlers that's what he's doing if he doesn't tell them how to behave they're going to grow up to become little big Hitlers or terrorists so the whole thing is is yeah with the terrorist though the mothers helped them become terrorists sometimes it's different type of rebuke a little crazy rebuke but the point is that as far as rebuke you have to do it you know how to do it you know how to do rebuke because you had kids or you had somebody else's kids you had brothers and sisters you had to rebuke somebody in your life but the rebuke came from a good place you not telling your kid hey don't do that because you hate him you're telling him hey don't do it because you love him so it's not a matter of doing rebuke or not doing rebuke it's about you must rebuke your brother but don't come to S do to it meaning you have to just know how to do it doing it we all have to it's a it's one of the 613 Commandments is to rebuke your brother your brother means your sister your brother means your husband your brother means your wife your brother means your son your brother means anyone that's part of the nation so rebuking is a Mitzvah just like keeping Shabbat is a Mitzvah rebuking is a Mitzvah how to do it first rule of thumb make sure it comes from a good place don't tell him to keep Shabbat by making fun of him that he doesn't keep Shabbat and he's a loser and he's an idiot and he's a this and he's a that don't insult him into keeping Shabbat don't tell him oh you're a fool and you're this you're that explain to them the cost of not keeping Shabbat explain to him that he he's missing out on something but he doesn't know what he's missing out on explain to him come from your heart not from your fist there's a way to explain it even if sometimes your heart hurts your heart will cause you to tackle your kid because he's about to put his finger in the uh electric socket your heart hurts at that point but it's necessary so tell them listen is putting his Judaism on suspension it hurts but it's going to get him to pay attention so first is knowing what you're going to say before you say it and knowing that it's coming from a good place that's number one number two also know your own limits you have to know your own limits there are certain people that you should rebuke there are certain people you should not rebuke yourself yourself you should always rebuke but not yourself meaning if it's a friend of yours or a family member or someone you know or you don't know but you think that there's at least a 50% chance of them listening go for it strategize think about it do it especially if you know how to talk if it's someone you know for sure is not going to listen to you don't do it but give him a CD give him someone else it's going to rebuke him indirectly give him a that I Didi did or anyone else that you like that actually rebukes and say Hey listen this is a good CD this is a good shoer what's it about it's good I don't know it's long just watch it what is it about it's I I think you're going to like it I thought about you when I heard it don't give him the details don't give it out get the Curiosity to get him to watch it or hard to watch it it's good you're gonna you're gon to like it that's why they give you previews of movies they don't show you the whole movie don't the the preview is two minutes movies two hours why because two minutes G to get you curious enough to pay 20 bucks to go watch two hours same thing here give him three words it's really good why amazing why make up something it's three words limit it but get somebody else to rebuke him why because you know he's not going to listen to you or she's not going to listen to you because he's your brother or he's your sister if it's your big brother he's never going to look at you as anything why because he's your big brother if it's your parent they're never going to look at you as anything because they're your parents if it's your husband or your wife it depends on what kind of relationship you have some husbands and wife are great at rebuking each other in a good way some it's a terrorist attack so don't do it but know that you still have to do it how bring somebody else into the picture give him a CD give him a lecture give him the answer indirectly by the time he realizes that it's the answer and he starts doing it he's going to forget get it's even your idea but who cares he knows in sham it's your idea you still get the credit but the fact is you win enough just by seeing them do CH is not to deal that situation until they do from the point of now to the point of doing chuva you have to obviously hold your ground or the wife has to hold the ground the husband have to hold their ground uh and keep Shabbat they're not allowed to violate Shabbat themselves because their spous is viting Shabbat and they have to hold their ground and say listen this this means a lot to me this is important to me and I'm going to do it at the very least you could respect me by not getting in my way you don't want to go somewhere else you want to go to the beach while I keep Shabbat do what you got to do but at least don't stop me from doing it that's the very least that someone anyone with decency would do uh people without decency what do they do they try to do daa so I've heard of situations where the wife didn't want to do chuva so and the husband did so he was keeping Shabbat but she was smoking a cigarette inside the house and watching TV why she didn't like it TKA that's not a good situ situation that means there the deeper problem in the marriage more than Shabbat if it's a healthy marriage then it's going to be at the very least some type of decency and respect where at the very least they're going to either leave or they're going to keep it somewhat whenever they violate they violate somewhere else they're not going to use the phone in front of you they'll use it in the room they're not going to watch TV in front of you they're going to watch it in a different room that's a healthy marriage and he's just not ready to do chuba that's fine but little by little they'll want to do it one of the reasons is because you're showing them the truth the other reason is because if it's a healthy marriage he's going to miss you so just be patient have to be patient hasem is patient waited for us so many years for us to come back we have to be patient also again can't be too patient to the sense where we're just yeah even if he does Chine 50 years from now it's okay because we don't know how much time we have but we have to be patient in a sense where we know that there is as long as there's progress patience is Justified as long as he's watching he's learning there's some type of something happening there's some type of sign of Life be patient but if like there's no signs of life where he's not watching anything he's not listening to anything he doesn't want to listen to anything he doesn't want to hear anything and he's getting worse then obviously you have to press the gas padle a little bit more so as long as there's some type of progress go keep going thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] la [Music]