Are We Raising A Fragile Generation | R' Daniel Kalish With R' Efrem Goldberg & R' Philip Moskowitz

Enjoy Rabbi Kish. Welcome back to behind the beima. We have the great privilege to once again welcome our dear friend, teacher, mentor Rabbi Kish. Thank you for coming back to Bokeh. This is the third visit the year and many many more years of continuing to learn from you. >> Amen. It's an honor really an honor to be here. I thank the Rub for bring me Philip our friendships appreciated and Rub. So thank you for bringing me and it's an honor to be here >> and for already speaking in hefty institutions in town. It's far from a vacation. an escape maybe from the snow, a little better weather, but not uh not sitting by a pool slipping pin colada. So, thank you for bringing that that energy and that love. And that's really my first question is the positivity and the energy and the love. Do you have to consciously think about in order to express and live it? Does it come naturally at this point? Were you born with it or did you have to learn it? I I heard the sh this morning and it was amazing because the the focus and the emphasis on wanting to reinforce even among those who are sitting in stiging and learning the the continued bkush a person could have come at that with a totally negative perspective fire and brimstone muser there's not enough bush don't think just cuz you're learning you're doing yeah but but you framed it with positivity and love and an invitation for more so do you sit down and have to think about that okay I have a thought I have a message I have an idea I want to make sure that I say it in a at this point That's just a prism and filter in which the way you think. It's an interesting question. My father my father genuinely liked people. I've been like studying his soya for the last my whole life but the last year you're more I'm more in touch with it. And he genuinely liked people like real he just enjoyed people were precious to him. I wonder if if that's a taught thing. Can I say I learned that from my father? that I just inherit from my parents. I do like people. I think I think that's something that probably in a way could be taught because it's a truth that people are neat and important. But I hashem I am blessed that I like people and I think there's what to learn from everybody but real things like to learn from everybody and just I it's it's a blessing certainly if anything if any work on this then I'd give that credit to my dad and I asked myself did he work on that liking people I did my grandparents liked people so is that >> is that a gift from him maybe he did work on that I do like people so I'm think >> but it's more than it's more than just liking people because that comes across in the hugs and the love and the time but I mean just you know also as people who give shirum and rushes and speak there there seems to be intention there it's mindfulness and intention that the message is communicated with positivity with aspiration it's not knocking anybody down it's lifting everybody up so at some point in your life did you sit down and say this is who I want to be how I want to be thought of this is this is going to be my brand I don't mean my brand in some financial way but my when People think about me Rabbi Kish my dras my schmusen my yeshiva my being a rebi it's just all positivity so even this morning and thinking about okay I've got this insight in the para mosha I have an insight I want to make sure I communicate it or no it's just >> ask a follow-up could it be taught to someone who doesn't have that natural inclination someone who might be a little bit more of a different lens in the world >> how could they develop that skill set to be able to be a little bit more of that positive and to view the world through that lens. >> Right? So I I I that question we all have different ways for sure of seeing things. I think the truth is very positive. I think that's like the truth. I think the of our whole world is a place of hiddenness. It's called which is a place of hiddenness. But I think there's there's goodness here and and and and I think we could work ourselves to develop that view. It's interesting younger. I I I I went to a big yeshiva after being in my rebi and in a smaller yeshivas. I went to a big yeshiva and I was exposed to a lot and hearing different things and a lot of things that were more negative. Not that there was a lot of positive negative but I felt a lot of things that like put down and were matal did not resonate did not draw my nishama closer. So there's definite intention that if we can access the place the light and access and be moved by that we're drawn to it more. So I think often better than knocking and putting down and that type of ble I think what brings us closer if we can access the that's that like draws draws us closer. So I do think there's intention. I think I think I think presenting to ourself and to others the that is the light and the goodness that's there is is much more of a draw. It's in I'll tell you an interesting thing and something I've grappled with that I always in the yeshiva I've been offered to bring the yeshiva to to concentration camps and and there's there's a way of inspiration by way of patch all the difficulties we've been through and there is a way by seeing the negative out there and in our own story of difficulty saying that's not it. So then we have to find spaces that matter. So there is a way of seeing tragedy and seeing the difficulties we got and somehow there is a way that can move us towards serving Hashem. And I don't say not to bring yeshivas to Poland and the likes. I actually think a lot about it and actually plan one day to go myself. Even though younger I said I wouldn't go. I want to face my family's past. >> People I'm named for were killed in Awitz. So, I want to I want to go there and face it and and and really stand there. So, I do plan on going. I I'm curious if if either of you have gone. Have either of you gone there? >> Yeah. >> So, I want to I actually that's a discussion for itself. I want to go there and bring the yeshiva there at some point. But my first thoughts in are not we've been so punished. Let's be good. My first thoughts are there's a beauty what we have. [snorts] There's a beauty what we're involved in. I want from a space of the light to be drawn by that, not from the dark. >> Now, that's countercultural in many ways because social media, Twitter, and it's all built on this like like holy cynicism, right? Like, let me find the con. Let me find that little funny thing that I'll post on there, and everyone say that's a great Jewish social media, Jewish social med. A lot of sarcasm and a little bit of cynicism thrown in there. And it's very counter to what you're describing right now, which is like a much more healthy, positive approach. Do you talk about that with the boys in the yeshiva about that? Yeah, you could get attention by having that sarcasm, but that's not the approach that we're selling here, >> right? I don't I don't spend so much time saying what we're not doing because that would a little bit fall into that itself. So, I think the f but 100% like I want the yes the yes of the beauty of our people. I think it's true. I think we have good beautiful things. I like tapping into those beautiful spaces in each other in ourselves. I think that's the most motivating. I think I think to really grab on to the that is is very attractive and draw you know you know they trap little they catch little like flying things. They have these lights that zap and and they keep going to the light and I the light must be so attractive. They get zapped these bugs and still go there. Light's very attractive. Now we're not I don't want to zap anybody but the attraction of light is true and I think I think we can give over truth. Raatio Solomon once gathered I was not there but I heard from people who were there that he gathered menalum and mashkim across America and express that we're putting things down too much. Let's let's express what is not to be matal. Give what is bring good truth to what is I look like aim again I don't say but it says shame we're not taught about him like correcting things and the whole mitz went crazy for him the ms and the truth and the draws so can we just be practical about that let's take cell phone use for example internet use for example so there's there's an easy way to say cell phones are dangerous the internet's dangerous and to highlight the danger of it. If you were speaking to people about it, how would you do that in a way to not necessarily knock cell phones, but to show the beauty of a life without that addiction to technology? I just want to use a practical example to team give us a smoo. >> Can I tell you something funny, Rev Phillip? I want to tell you something funny. You see my I just got my first smartphone of my life. I am not promoting smartphones. I hashem till I was 50 had a flip phone. I got the first smartphone of my life. So, I sometimes am embarrassed. I pull out. I have a smartphone. I'm like looking around. It's still like I'm at a stage. It's I'm new to this. It's It happens to help me a lot. I want to tell you something funny. And then address. It looks like, hey, I've stepped down. I had a smartphone. Now, could I be honest? In my flip phone, if I wanted to get a Met score, I was able to press buttons and see the score of the Met game. I did have that. I only figured out at the end, but I was able like I was away somewhere. Did the Mets do well? And I was able Do you know on this phone I can't get a Met score? I have no I can't get one score on this phone. So in the it looks like I've done I've I've done like whoa I have less. >> What I want to express really want to express is this phone has been a lifesaver. I've always been bad at being in touch. I'm getting better. There's movement and I want to be better. I look at somebody like Ray Goldberg and I mean this my father was like that. You're busy. We're the same busy and you're in touch with people and get back fast. My father was created that I'm bad. It's a bad thing. It's not nice and it's that people I've hurt where they couldn't get in touch and it's not right and I just struggled balancing things. I'm I see I see a a way I'm been a little better like significantly and I see a way that I'm going to be much better with this. So all of a sudden the smartphone I I can't believe how much you could do with this and I could be more in touch and I've been better. I see the calls right now that I'm missing and I've been I've been better and been more able to be in touch with guys. So I think there's just a truth as in Hashem made us hash all technology he's he's the creator of the kadash he creates the new things it's not just now are there dangerous for sure are there ways we have to be careful but they're also beautiful usages really special communication is amazing we know all three of us as people who are involved with cl the phones are very hol is a very holy item I use this to dive and from and I'm not getting controversial I use it once I like dabing inside and it does have one of the few things that this phone can get is I have yid kit. >> That's an advertisement. They're good people. And I could get a sed now. It's not lost to me from a sid from my phone. This phone's very holy. I speak to yen from this phone. That's what I use it for. I talk to y and I do. Our phones are very big. I think it's important people should know that our phone's very special. You can call your wife, >> you call your children. There's real in the world now it's anybody could something be used wrong? A thousand%. Has has phones caused and people connected to things they shouldn't connect? A thousand%. And we have to have the awareness and maybe even somebody shouldn't there's not a push to have somebody has a simple phone. Cola cavode respect make sure not to have the met scores there too much into that then you might not have hear such good news. [laughter] But but um but so you know I think the stressing and the pushing what is yes is has to be first and foremost there's a line I think from he says stop speaking so much about the sur let's focus on the good but I >> I'm not pushing back because I'm pushing back you know we did this recently with casting bal it's playing devil's advocate a little bit to to pull out to pull out not because of disagree So she's back again because we want that messaging. First of all on the Poland trip um it's not just about we got patched. It's not just about we got punished. It's not just about the negative. There's a very positive component that could also be relevant to the yeshiva which is about look how far we fell and look how high we've climbed like from the ashes. Look where we've come back. So no matter where you are in life, no matter what happened, how many people who never walked out of this place but also who survived and walked out who thought it was the end like a Israel today. And so there is a big a big big hisus of of like coming from a very low place to be able to climb out. But on this so Raasha famously said that you know the time is over for us to say we have to say it's Gishmack to be a Yid. The pendulum had swung so far in the shadows of the Holocaust survivor second generation about how negative and how miserable and how difficult and how challenging and how many compromised sacrifices. Who would want that? If all you do is here complaining about about preparing for PES and the cost of being a Jew. So the next generation will choose to walk away in 100% for that time. That was critical. It feels like the pendulum may have swung a little far in the other direction, right? There's there's a I don't want to really reference it to get into it, but you know, every generation has their BMT of GRA debate. There was Bashtovra several years ago, Raineberger and Rabbi very publicly we're having. So this week, thanks to AI and videos, you probably don't know because it's not on that phone, but there have been videos that have been produced with like the thank you Hashem movement and then like an anti put out about like basically on the you just have to be learning enough with the singing and music and thank you. So they put out another one back and now with AI and everything on demand and instant you could have like the bashtov war has now come to the world of AI and and videos. But is there has the pendulum swung too far in the gishmak to be a yid where now we're telling young people in particular it's gishmak to be everything's gishmak everything's abr and everything's a tish everything's a kumz everything everything's or everything is light every no sometimes it's sometimes it's it's5° and 18 in of snow and you got to get the shakas and you want to turn over it's nice and cozy under the blanket and that's not kishmach yes it's gishmak and the and the connection the that's not kishmach it's not kishmak in boaron on Sunday it's supposed to be 30° that's not kishmak for us for us we don't have he coats Uggs we're not ready so to get to shul for us it's not kishmak so are we are we mistakenly insulating a generation from when it's not kishmach you know they say sometimes with allergies Israel has the least peanut allergies in the world because there's bomba any everywhere you have to be exposed sometimes so that you can build up immunity and our young people are so fragile because they have no immunity because we're protecting them. We're rescuing them. We're swooping in. We're blocking for them. And we're also telling them everything has to be Gishmak. And if it's not, I'm not forcing and you don't have to and don't do it. If D is not Kishmach, stay in bed. If learning is not Kishmak, do something else. If it's not Kishmak because because it's Kishmak to be and you should want to sing and dance and hop and bop, bounce and clap. And if it's not Kishmak, don't do it. So, do we worry the pendulum is swung? Sometimes the message has to be it's not always Gishmak. Your father didn't finish us every year because it of course learning for him was Gishmak. I imagine there was a day or an hour and he wasn't done with that day's learning that in that moment it wasn't. He was exhausted. He traveled. He took care of a child. It's not always gishmach in marriage and parent changing a diaper waking up in the middle of the night. It's not always gishmach. >> Yeah. I was a long one there. I like No, I like that a lot. I wanna I want to say first like on on the friction on the counters are huge like really big it's good celebrated Ramn liked that he had ad I don't want to say adversaries is probably strong he had people against him the big sadikim who held different than him and he was thankful for it and he said and I see the people against me are sadikim gives me joy it gives me joy he said and you have to analyze what he meant He said that the fact he put based on a can the fact that the people against me are sadikim is aid from hashem. So we have to it's good when I hear big sadikim who say different than the yes is yeshiva then than what what what what I'm just trying to do in my own aid. I've gotten more comfortable. We're all human and that times like ah it can make you uncomfortable but I also have a big space that it's good they're different lights. I want to express when we we could analyze the big picture and we we're what we're observing things. I don't consider myself big enough or try to like analyze do we go to all I could do is like from my space like bring what I what feels right for me to bring if there's somebody else countering with with more harsh in some way I it's not a space I'm like analyzing our people and like getting the right like shine your light if this is that's what you asked you asking originally You were asking about is it natural? Is this worth I do want to say I asked a person a rebby of mine that I trust a lot that has become a rebby of mine recently and I asked certain things that I'm moving towards maybe that's not what to teach maybe teach the guys the way I thought 10 years ago and 20 who's and the person was mazic a person who I believe as das that if this is where he moved you you only moved here four guys for your children you're at a dangerous place when your aid is leading you one place and you're teaching something else many and it's many who who taugh what we call and were rooted at younger ages in the world and I don't they're they're all it's me and it's it's a world of service of Hashem how did they know to teach when he was 50 he was a talmid of of the but when he was younger he was. So the answers you you what you're given is for the people we're around and where we're at. Maybe we only have that madrego or that thought or that knowledge and rness because of the people we're influencing [snorts] and we're involved with. So I think we have to lessen of like we can analyze our d and is is the pendulum moving? I don't know the answer. It's a good question. I can only give over what moves me and what what I >> so for your children your tom sorry to interrupt but but do you worry that we're pampering them we're protecting them we're insulating them and and we're making they don't have immunity they don't have emotional and spiritual immunity that even when it's not kashmak and even when it doesn't feel good and even when it comes nephesh and even but like what will h we're only where we at cuz the people came before us were willing to be moesh do we worry that they won't be mo they'll be like I didn't sign up for that it's supposed to be Gishmak I don't want to be it's I don't want to be Muslim >> it's a fair it's a very fair question in any place where there's positivity and warmth I'm like we're showing that what happens like expose the places I don't want to visit don't we >> I'm not asking about to be clear I'm not even asking about the yeshiva I'm just ask >> can I just share rev was here a number of years ago he spoke about this exact issue and he said we do a I'm just quoting him he said we do a disservice by telling our children that Judaism is He says, "Fun is going to the beach. Fun is going to Disney. Fun is not getting up in 30° weather and going to Minion." He says, "We have to stop talking about it being fun and start talking about it being worth it." And to me, like that was very important. It's not always fun, but it's going to be worth it. And so gishmach can be defined in different ways. Gishmak could be fun or something even when it's hard can be gishmach because I know that it's worth it at the end. And I think that's perhaps like a healthy way of identifying the issue. I I look at our dur if if if we want to like analyze the dur and again I don't feel I'm in that space. I'm just going my own search and trying to bring what what what I can bring what what works for me as best as I can and what works for the people around me. But it looks to me like a very palemistic adore that is not as capable of just doing just do it. I don't get it that wants to relate to this. I want to connect to it and to find that space. This can mean something to you. What you that resonates with you said from Reb left that it can mean something to you. Now will you always be in that space that it means something? I was just in Eric and at about 2:30 in the morning a youngster who's clearly in a lot of pain pulls me aside. I need to speak to you. He said he said I've been watching you for a few years. I need to speak to you. He said you're a fake right? I know you're fake. Mhm. >> That's what he said. So I was very I I I want to say for wa okay that's a very good question and really the generation's grappling. We all want to be authentic and real with that grappling. We're all namas real. We're really your body. We have a body. We're really in a nishama. Real. And then to be in that space and I'm connected to what my nisham is. And that's a sa are you real? I'm trying to be. There are moments I'm real then I want to be tapped into the nishama. There are times I won't feel it and that's good too and do it and coming from a majestic generations of action fiery activists there's a dur that wants to connect and is craving like I I want this to mean something to me and we'll look at it just do it like just do it like so fresh all your >> where the the dirt today is very panimious which and and wants to feel and connect to it and I want to I want to try to find those spaces we can relate and connect. Do I worry under Dores what will happen? The the Yid is fire. The Yid's going to be a Yid. We we've stayed Yidden throughout. I think we're being pushed by a generation to find the space of connection to this thing. And there's an avoid like that of finding that pia connection to things that it means something. So certainly we have to follow the but has to be fire. a little bit devid is it is it that this is a fragile generation the whole world around us due to technology comfort convenience prosperity it's very fragile so now we have to pamper and indulge >> I look at it like well I know it's and and really our great zas also somewhat spoken >> for each generation >> that's that's that's I look at I don't look at we're on the shoulders literally it's not a bone I don't want like a generation we're better people are more sad said that even though you read the sad the la is going to get bigger saddak writes it openly the gets bigger theim described that I'm going to change a la ean to a le bus bus or mashia times we're seeing people feel much more anxiety >> could can I can I be honest one of my children went through something hard and for a week was struggling to function do you know I had a pride and I would say get up just no I had a pride he feels He feels and he's changed my life. He's a rebi of mine. Really feels things. And it's not just easy. Get up. Come on. Come on. Why can't they I had a conversation. >> What if it didn't last a week? What if it were But what if it were 6 months later? He still didn't get up. And now you're saying failure to launch. We can't get going. >> There's a part of me that would I don't wish everybody should be have the There's a part of me that's impressed. I I had a conversation with my sister. We grew up together and best friends. We had a conversation observing our children just now and it's so an incredible conversation. She's and she's like I don't get it. She was like next thing like I don't get it. And and and there's something so beautiful about a generation that feels and there's a presentness and a connection that's like amazing. There's a connection that son we look at each other in the eyes. We're close. We like nod. >> Okay. I have a practical question for you. >> Yeah. >> Practical. Maybe I shouldn't be asking on on to the whole public, but I'm going to ask to the whole public because it's complicated and I want to learn from you of how you navigate this. you know barashm I'm sure because your message so resonates with so many people and there are people who never went to waterberry and have no direct connection to you but they listen they watch due to the gift of technology the braha that like you said that phone is a is a it's a kesh it's a kadesh it couldn't be used for holiness so they connect now they find you that year at 3 in the morning and I who was a who's who's a broken heart who found you they were looking for somebody how do you manage that now going forward cuz that person now had an an hour with you, half an hour, 10 minutes with you, two hours with knowing you, two hours with you. And now they say, "I I found my my medicine. I I found my my therapy. I found my hope. So I'm going to try to speak to Bish once a week because he he can keep me going. He's who I need." And everywhere you go, which was all the yeshivas all over Israel, and here you're in Bokeh and you travel, you'll meet the holy souls and the holy sparks, some of them broken and some of them very whole, who say, "But Rabbi Kish," and and you can't because the primary job is to the yeshiva and to the talidim. And I in a very less way, a very much smaller way, you know, my primary responsibility, my family of course and then the my primary responsibility. You meet people, they listen online, they find, they hear, they text locally, you know, this this area is the capital for recovery in the United States. Bakashan is very holy. I one of the one of the most amazing things. I mean, we talk about it, but last year was it was unbelievable. We went to a a recovery meeting together and uh the who were there were each sharing which is the way they ran it like a classic recovery meeting and then I got to you I'm watching I'm thinking oh boy what happens and then Rabbi Kish introduced himself your first name I'm so and so Kish and you shared and then I got to me so I I have to share it was a you with the most raw real authentic all the masks are off it was unbelievably powerful so we have that in the area and they're people they want to meet Moscow it's me locally the sh they connect but It's hard to manage expectations because if we're there for everyone else, we're not there for ourselves at all or our family or our sh or talid when you first meet you say to somebody it's so wonderful to meet you and I want to spend time with you now. You need to know going forward it's going to be hard to get in touch with me. I'm not going to be able to in ongoing way in special circumstances. Let's check in once a year. In a very practical sense, how do you love Kalisrael? How do you feel like a shepherd of Kalisrael? How do you care about every Yid? Not only those who pay tuition or membership, but those who need you in that moment, but also not spread yourself so thin that you're not helping anyone. >> I first I I first I should ask Ry Masquitz and Ray Goldberg this question and express that I'm I'm I'm amazed. You do a lot and this place is bursting the new construction and yet you're in touch. I've seen it. I've seen with you're much better at getting back to me than I am to you and I want to work. I have a friend Dovy Kilson, right? Killson who does tons and he's in touch with people. So, I want to say that it's a sensitive topic and one I want to get better and and can think of ideas and really could on the mic or off the mic ask both of you and and and work on it and strive. I want to say something from Rabonim. If I could say a mushel, I'm curious if you've heard this a story from Rabunim that I think is is very important to me and helps not certainly what doesn't help for this. So is feeling pressure. No, no, no, no, no. Stay in my lane. Be present. I'm talking out. Let's let's have a good time. Let's let's enjoy each other. I want to share a story from Rabonim that that that's meaningful to me in this and meaningful on the topic of a person's a rebi a parent a mechanic. It's it's a it's an important reabon raim gave a mushel. I'm going to say it the way I hear it because that's how Rabun wanted people to learn. >> So I'm going to say it the way these ears hear the mushel. >> There's a person in prison that's a dark dark prison. He can't see anything. And he's in this pit in the ground, this hole in the ground. And two wise people are thrown in jail. He's there for the long term. This guy's never he's a life sentence. The two wise people, two are there each for a couple of weeks. They did a minor infraction and they're in the jail, the dark jail with the person who's a little less wise than them. And they're sitting in this pit in this hole in the ground. And one they the in the pit in the ground you can't see anything. And they throw Caleb into the pit with food. And the tepish can't see what's a spoon, a fork, a cup, a plate, what's food. He can't tell anything. And he's throwing food. He's using his the food as a plate, the plate as his food. He's eating the plate. He's using the cup as a plate. things are. He just looks like a mess and no food's going in his mouth. One and they always give him different utensils and different food and one showing him food by food how to eat different things, how to peel, he's biting foods whole. one daily is showing him and like a lot of instructions all day how to eat and that's one is doing and the other guy is doing nothing other zero so one the was doing so much one day just had after four days says I work my whole day I'm teaching this guy every day and you're doing nothing what's with you you also know help me teach him do so says back he says says, "Ravid, both of us are getting out of here in 2 weeks. They have enough utensils for 50 years. They're going to show to send him there on different things. When you leave, this guy's in the same trouble as when you came. He's going to starve to death. He's going to You haven't helped him one iota. I shouldn't say one iota for two weeks, but you haven't solved the problem." So, says back, "So, what are you doing? You haven't done anything. So, at least I gave him a good two weeks." He said, "I'll tell you the truth that I'm thinking. I've been analyzing this room and I want to find a way and I'm analyzing how I can make bore a hole here and make some light come in the room because if there's light in the room the rest of the time this guy is here he's going to be able to see and then he'll manage his own things and Rabun said that the the job of a rebi is to make light in the room and I'm very moved by Rabun's expression because then the answers aren't coming from the rebi at all >> he's saying that that person in the prison when there's light can actually see and then find his own ability to use the food to eat the food and Rabonim saw the job of somebody who's a mechanic for the children for his own children for others children he saw make a light in the room and when it's light and people could see they'll find their way >> and I think in many ways if if we're the answer then we're like that who then has those questions you're here for two weeks exactly Rabun was expressing in that mushel exactly this are you really going to be there if we can shine our light in the way that our sh could bring a light then there'll be more somehow somehow and I that we can make a hole and there's a way to see and something to see people can find themselves if I could tell you a another story another story that somebody came to yeshiva byas and said get cynical with Like come on, you've been to four places and now they give the right hug. Gets be cynical. Like come on, you didn't you eat drink the Kool-Aid. Come on. >> And a kid said that if we're taught to trust and believe anybody, we would be like you. But we learn we find ourselves and I can't be cynical about myself. That's what a kid a very intelligent person Mo Mueller a very smart person shared. And I want to express that that the answers aren't in another the answers. So certainly if we we try to give time all of us try to share we like our people but if we can bore a hole >> that's a powerful >> that's a very powerful imagery >> I want you to feel better people may feel that Moscow and I get back to them I don't know if they feel we love them people feel Rabbi Kish only gets back to me one out of 10 times but he loves me he loves me I I'm not endorsing your way or our way it's a challenge we've got to find a way we've got to find a way to both make sure we get back to everybody but also with each person we're with they know we love them. We care about them. I'm not telling you what you have to do, but that's what we have to do. That's what we have to do. But I want you to feel better that that we may get back. The people that you look at and say they get back to everyone. They may get back to everyone, but the people feel they just wanted to get back to me versus anyone who spends time with you knows Rabbi Kish loves me. He loves me in that little time, that hug, that the love that comes across. >> Thank you. That's we all need and I appreciate appreciate we need to work on I shouldn't say I I I'm not talking I'm surrounded by sadikim I need to work on on making sure people know that it's not just I'm busy and got back but but I also love >> I don't want yeah in this area like all it's my own my own things shying away from certain things and and my own battle and work but the being present for others is a real sug I don't want to downplay or make like a sheet of not at all at all at all. It's wrong people you're close to to be in touch and I've seen people like both of you that are busy and that moves me people that are crazy busy have doing a lot and yet they find and they're they're I don't want to say tricks cuz things aren't tricks. They're organization a lot of not being afraid. It's a lot of internal things like >> does a ever have a a bad day? Is there ever a day that that um you're not positive and upbeat and smiley and also I don't want to spend two hours talking to Tom and loving them. I need some alone time. I need me time. I'm in a bad mood, a sad mood. I'm not Mr. Positive, Mr. Gishmak like uh there's something that Yeah. Yeah. I would I want to say that that everybody has that and you know, of course I'm part of that. What what is the younger me would fight that and didn't want that. Now I like that. I like that day. So the younger like my from kite was I'm positive. >> I like I try to be positive but I like the day I'm not feeling positive. >> You mean you lean into it. You lean >> Yeah. Yeah. I get places that day also has something to tell me and teach me. I'll meet a guy that I'm not that doesn't Abra went on a walk with me recently of recent years very recent. And he said, "I came to whatever hoping you'd like me and you don't you don't like me." >> And I thought about it, came back to me and told him he was right. >> And I explained that and what's in me? We all have like our kryptonite. And I explain like what's in me. We're very close today. Very. And I like him. I was able to like find >> How did he know? How did he sense it? >> People know. People know people. Kids are people. >> I'm going to guess also he he believed and knew you love him, but you don't like him. You take a bullet for him and you love him, but he could sense you don't like him. >> I actually love that he told you that also. >> Isn't that neat? >> I I think that so many relationships aren't created because people are afraid to be honest with each other. And the fact that he was honest with you created that breakthrough that now now we could have an honest conversation. Why is it? And >> yeah, >> I think that's amazing. >> Yeah, I like that also. I find this in our people are people are straightforward. They want to express. I what you said also that I'm seeing love and like is is a good soya is a true soya but this this nuda that we're I'm not afraid our inner space is allowed to be complex it's beautiful also and like there's a there's a purpose for the time we don't feel it and it's funny I don't want to like I'm making negative positive look how [laughter] >> are you are you willing to share able to share what was it that you didn't like in him you loved him but what you didn't like in him that was the kryptonite >> and and do you are you very close now because he heard and he changed or now that's sort of just on the table now. So now we could be close because there's no longer that it's funny you say that. I'll tell you a funny story. I'll tell you a funny story that I there's a person that I've met a few times who I found to be very heavy like a certain heaviness and it's like a little overwhelming they're so heavy like chill like don't take yourself so seriously like enjoy >> right >> and I was working on just being calmer and I rem calmer it turns out like Kalbak's right if he looks ugly [laughter] pisuma pis >> and it turned the person was so nice and light. So there I I I don't want to say the thing I don't want to I could say the thing I'm not afraid to say it. I don't want expressing like this. I don't want a bacher to feel that he can't be a certain thing. I don't want to I don't want a person to feel they have to not be somebody that's >> but the second part when when he heard it did he change it or it's that now that it's at the table and now that it's spoken now we're very close. >> It helped. Yeah. Now that it's spoken it helped me. >> It's not like holding it in. It's like we know we're connected on that >> and it when I'm able to face that those spaces that you it's hitting here. It's funny you don't have to almost work on it. If you face the space then you you can come. >> Yeah. You face spaces inside. It's not about changing fixing like we accept. We can like come forward with that. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I know we have to wind down but you you made a comment this morning that caught my attention. I just want to ask you about it. Um you said that you love me because it was the only you learned from start to finish with your father. I'm wondering if you could describe that experience a little bit to us because it made such an impression on me and I found it such a moving image of uh of that experience of why that's so meaningful to you. >> Yeah. Yeah. I could say in the year and a half my father meant a lot to me to me my siblings my children a lot and I miss him a lot in a certain way. I'm the most close in my life to my dad in a certain way. I would give up this way to have him in the to have him here. But in a certain way, I'm the closest to him ever. It's interesting. I I like the world ofos. Whenever I learn something, my father's voice lives me. What's the symbol? What's in the what would my father say? But in many other areas, I'm I'm closer to him than ever. And he's he he's with me a lot. And and as such like the m I was to learn with him has become like I spent time learning it again recently just to try to relearn it and to be present to it. And yeah it's interesting when when people we love are departed in a certain way there's a reality we can connect while when somebody departs we understand that's an ashama that was a soul here. when they were here the the the the nudgy things distract us as the further from their departure just it was a soul that was here you really see it you really understand that it was a soul that was here like a big soul whoa we get so I try to bring that to the living we're three nishamas jelling threeack jelling of course it's it's normal our funny differences and nuances and the frustrating things in distract us from that and that's normal normal that's part of living part of being alive >> but but we as what does happen after and there's a certain rum that leaves that we were just around in a shama that was >> was it was it yeshiva that you learn the dharm with him was it uh what stage of life was it I was in high school and I was together with my friends to learn makad with my father at the time it was nice but now I appreciate that it's just different I learned the maka with my father >> and we and yeah he had a tremendous This the ran in a dar is a special unique treat and the fact that I learned to just means a lot to me that I hashem gave me that it's a funny thing you look back I was in my father's share that year that's like so should you be in your father's share not and all those funny things to me that I learned to maka together my father matters a lot to me the maka takes on extra preciousness all different anything in that mak and it's I just care more and more about but yeah that is something precious to me. I try to quote Nadar much more these days from that maka but this point of the departed me becoming much more important recognizing how much we have is from our parents he started the conversation about appreciating people my father liked people genuine just people meant something he respected it was a mab of people somebody really respected people I think that came from his parents who are respect a real respected people and that's something for sure I have for my father he didn't he didn't demean anybody, didn't speak bad about people. So, >> I think I thank you. We thank you for this opportunity. I feel like we have an ongoing conversation and it just gets interrupted by 11 and 1/2 months. [laughter] You know, we we don't see that frequently, but when we do, it's just continuing the same conversation and the energy and the love and the inspiration. Every time you visit, I know that we and and others are just inspired to smile more and be more positive and love more and see more light and do more. So, thank you. Thank you for being back in Bokeh. I really appreciate being here. Appreciate it. I appreciate all the different lights. Real. My father would say about the yeshiva, I don't understand it. My dad would say it, but I love it. And he came for about a week a year. He would join us in the camp we have. He would say, I don't understand it, but I love it. There was humility. And and if we could tap into the discipline that he had and what he was bringing, we could tap into that. And the way we could tap in is is finding our light, sharing with different lights. So the fact even even the counter in in different styles is precious and important. >> We're human. It doesn't always feel good. Somebody disagreed, somebody spoke against. We're human, >> right? >> But the knowledge like Ram taught that different lights bring our light. Bring our light hard and true. Don't try to create balance. Don't worry. Our people will be great. We in a funny way we never feel like if we wouldn't do this if Ry Goldberg wouldn't do what he's doing in Bokeh if Phillip you wouldn't do what you're doing in Bokeh what would be in a funny way it we'd rather say nothing would happen without us I don't think that's the energy of doing I don't think will be okay will be okay the energy is this that Hashem gave us a light that we can bring and shine in our way and and let's shine it. Let's light and in our light they'll we'll bore a hole in this element a world of hiddenness and we'll reveal an aspect of Hashem of godliness and in in that light others will find their light and they'll shine and we'll have the tremendous shine of our whole people shining. >> Well, thank you for breaking through a little hole for our community to get in a little more light. So, thank you for being here. >> Thank you so much for having me. Thanks a lot. >> Thank you for listening to Behind the Beimo. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, [music] rate, and review on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. We'll see you next week for [music] another peak behind the beam.