Basics of Emunah #29: Therapy, Mental Illness, Anxiety, Molestation - by Rabbi YY Jacobson

the yeshiva dotnet [Music] my I was once in a big show and somebody stood up to give a speech and when he stood up the whole show emptied out I shouldn't say the whole show but a very big part of the shul emptied out so he said when he got up to the mic he said now I understand or Stickle Gomorrah the new Mario says and breakfast of Kafka's that went herbalism Ben Azaria became the nasi he became the leader replacing um Leo so I'm Leo had a policy that called me shanterrica Barleycorn isla based on Madras whoever's inside was not like his outside wasn't allowed into the basement so most people obviously were sent away blazer bananas are you changed the policy he removed the gut the the shimmer half past suck the the guard at the door and he allowed everybody to come in so the kumara says ah who yo i'ma eat tofu South's Alabama D Russia that day many new benches and shares were added to the base Madras the Gemara gives two versions how many but hundreds 400 800 she said they never understood why they came or say who you meet ephesus it tasteful soft sell of abatement russia that day there were many new cheers should have been there were many new people says but now when i got up to give my share i understand why - a lot of new cheers in the biz madras this evening what I want to do Basel rush em is answer a lot of questions I took a lot of questions I'm gonna try to deal with each of them briefly and concisely as brief as as concise I know how to be which is not my greatest talent always but try to respond to them these questions as you will see are by definition extremely real authentic and many of them very personal but I think why too many people I have a very difficult marriage I started to go to therapy because of my marriage my husband refused to go to therapy I asked him one that you asked our rabbi are rough the rabbi told my husband that he doesn't think he should go to therapy for marriage I spoke to the rabbi I called him and I asked him why he refused and he said that this is not the issue that requires therapy and he would quit all the therapy the problem is are married for 20 years we went to many rabbis they have not been helpful this is maybe our last chance to bring this marriage to some place of peace my husband refuses to go to therapy says the rabbi says no I can't go what is your view on this it's an important question you asked and the answer I think is very clear there's a famous principle in Jewish law and halakha that halakha kirov budino orcish malbim a minor meaning Ravin Shmuel were two of the greatest sages who debated many many helices how do we decide the halacha how did the courts decide so generally the Gomora says holoku kirov Bedini will be surah fish movem a minor issues of monetary disputes civil issues kosher measurement the law he usually follows small issues of dinner a locus between man and God not monetary issues the Allah usually follows around so they rush obeying a washer my sector of a comma explains what's the logic for this and he says that Arabs court was visited by people who constantly had shyness in different Holocaust between man and God Iraq I am your idea of a Nasser Shmuel best in smallest court were experts in monetary disputes because monetary disputes from the entire country came there and as a result of that the Court of Shmuel excelled in this particular area they dealt with so many different cases and so many different questions with so many different situations and circumstances that simply the best end became much more excelled in this area when it comes to issues of therapy psychology mental illness and so forth it's not just enough to find somebody who's called a rabbi even though he may be a great person you need somebody who's an expert in this particular field just like there are rabbis who are experts in questions of medical ethics or end-of-life issues or infertility issues in vitro fertilization not just enough somebody who knows other Halak has to be an expert in this this is particular particular issues the world of marriage counseling of therapy of healing of psychological issues whether personally in terms of relationships there's huge huge amounts of research in this area experiments exercises and the most important results of facts on the ground with hundreds and hundreds and thousands of cases so it's always good to get advice but you want to get advice from somebody who has proven to be knowledgeable and an expert in this area generally the greater the glaad one sign that somebody is an expert is that they call experts when they have a question on something that they don't dedicate their life to the first thing they do is they call the experts to make sure that their views are consistent with the reality of this situation and how it can best be helped and that's why I would encourage you particularly to ask this rabbi this Rove who says that therapy should not be taken if he could please call the therapist that you're going to and have an open conversation and then see the results if he's not open to speak to anybody especially somebody who was seeing you over many months in many years it could be this is not his field of expertise and you may want to seek somebody who's an expert in this area I have mental illness I have been diagnosed with mental illness many years ago my journey is incredibly incredibly difficult but I have to say in many ways it's so so beautiful things that people take for granted I have to self teach I have to learn that making a mistake doesn't make me unworthy that love shouldn't have to be earned but it's a birthright that inherently each human being is beautiful and so so worthy and many other things that come very very difficult to me however maybe I'm just weak and really it's all in my head and I would just work harder I would be normal I feel less only because I'm being easy on myself and I blame it on mental illness soon as there's no blood tests or scan confirming mental illness the onus is on me and how I see myself I guess maybe I'm exaggerating my symptoms yes I have severe symptoms but oh gosh maybe this is just all my fault and why did God give me mental illness is this what you do to someone that you love you're addressing here a very very serious situation and many of us are really uneducated in this area first of all you ask why God gave you mental illness I don't know I don't know why God gives anybody any circumstances you doubt yourself about your mental illness there's oh it's always good to question yourself but you always have to have compassion for yourself meaning as I said before there are experts in this area if you're going to an expert and if it doesn't work with one go to another one or a third one there's no need to forever doubt yourself you may really have some serious struggles and challenges that come from within and things that other people take for granted you can't take for granted what I would add from our spiritual perspective is this every soul journeys into this world with two suitcases one suitcases one suitcase is filled with the challenges that the soul is going to have to face during its lifetime every soul has its challenges as journeys its difficulties and that's one suitcase that we carry the other suitcase that we carry into this world this full of the talents gifts and resources that we need to withstand these challenges the difference between these two suitcases is as follows the first suitcase is opened for you the second suitcase you have to open yourself your souls challenge or one of its challenges may be mental illness that's a suitcase you didn't choose that suitcase it's really not your fault your mission is to use your talents to turn the pain and frustration and deep agony and misery into a positive journey and a positive force for good I believe that perhaps because of your openness and willingness to share your experiences you can be a source of tremendous light clarity and inspiration to others who suffer from mental illness and to their loved ones and families who are often left in the dark you can bring hope and light to people who are not as strong as you by showing them how much they it can achieve if they focus on their abilities and that every challenge is also an opportunity and every crisis is also an opportunity for growth you can also bring understanding and insight to many of us who have never experienced the pain of mental illness the fact is that in so many communities mental illness remains an absolute stigma if somebody suffers from it it's done in complete silence they don't feel they can talk to anybody it's also not something many people or understand especially because it's not visible when somebody god forbid is suffering from cancer or suffering from devastating physical illness people see it they notice it they feel compassion they feel empathy they donate money they help out the person they help the family they pray they say to Hill them and so forth those of us suffering from mental illness suffer in silence people look perfectly normal high functional sometimes extremely respected members in the community but internally for them to wake up in the morning it's so painful that people who don't have this can't even understand it somebody who never suffered from clinical depression or from bipolar or other mental challenges and illnesses doesn't even begin to understand the hellish incredible pain and misery that innocent souls go through but nothing is physical nothing is displayed its internal trauma and internal agony and people who have this need to be able to turn for help they need to be able to talk about it to somebody without being stigmatized that they're not normal and crazy and if they don't talk about it they'll be hope that they'll live a normal life and they'll be accepted and they suffer for the rest of their life inside a person like yourself who obviously has a lot of courage can change that tide a little bit we desperately need to be able to talk about things God presented your soul with a tremendous challenge I don't know why but it seems to me that he has given you a bright personality a warm personality a deep personality and a strength of character that will not only allow you to stand up to these challenges but also transform so many people's darkness into light you have gift that you can share with the world don't stop and don't wait this doesn't answer any questions and it doesn't take away the pain I'll always try to be here for you you've sent me many many letters in the past that's how I know a little bit about you and if I could be here for you in any way I would like to be here with for you but never ever doubt the tremendous infinite light that you have in your soul and never see your challenges as a verdict that your life has to be miserable always see it as a mission you were not sold into this place you were sent even if I believed in my Matt Harrison I which means I have faith that God exists that he gave us the Torah that at Mount Sinai the Jewish people stood and they experienced the presence and the existence of Hashem which we call terror Menasha maíam I have a question how is this the obligation of the children of the people who stood there if my father takes upon himself something his commitment should affect me if my father votes Republican do I have to vote Republican if my father commits to help a certain organization it's my problem my father decides to be friends with somebody I have to be friends with them absolutely not and this is not my father this is like my great great great great great great great great grandfather and grandmother I know 40 50 60 generations now you're going to tell me that the meddler says that all the souls were there so therefore I also made the commitment but you and I know I don't feel it I don't know if you feel that your soul was there but even if it's true shouldn't such an important thing be specified in the tire so my parents made a decision good for them why do I have to suffer it's an excellent excellent question I've been asked the question if you could put your cell phones on vibrate please so those of us who have a DD it's hard enough to concentrate it's an excellent question I've been asked a question many times including quite a few emails that came in on this question I'm not going to discuss now how a rational person believes that toy is divine we discussed it in sheer number six and number seven I believe and I think number thirteen a few times in the basics of a munna that are all posted on the issue without net but I'm going to discuss your particular question about the relationship between the parents and the great-great grandchildren so many generations later you ask a question why should my father's commitments and my mother's commitments obligate me they don't obligate us in any other particular area our parents make different commitments and we're not bound by those commitments but I would put it this way I don't think this is so much I think this is more about truth then it's more than it is about obligation if my great-great great-great-great-great grandfather discovered penicillin or discovered antibiotics or discovered electricity or my great-grandparents were the Wright brothers who discovered aviation had a flaw or any other discovery that has been made over the last 50 hundred a thousand three thousand years I will not say oh I'm not gonna use my Entebbe Attucks I'm not gonna use a plane this is my great-grandfather's discovery it's not my problem he discovered it let him use it if my grandfather discovered DNA cellular biology black holes or the Big Bang I don't say it doesn't obligate me it's not my problem it's not so much about a contract it's about an awareness of what is true if my grandfather discovered something and it's true I could run away from it for the rest of my life and say it's not my problem it's not about a problem it's the question is what is true and what is not true what is life what is the purpose of life does the world have a creator if the world has a creator what does the creator want from me how do I fit into the system of creation what is the purpose of my existence these are not so much questions of contracts these are questions of truth I'll put it a little bit in different words perhaps I don't know if you ever went to a huge library but I once went to a library some of these you mungus libraries that number books not in the thousands and not in the hundreds of thousands but in the millions and they're almost endless the corridors are endless books and manuscripts and collections not only of recent publications but of man scripts over hundreds and sometimes thousands of years and you look around and you're humbled you're humbled by the amount of data by the amount of information that's in this library you know where do you even begin where do you begin how many people have in their lifetime mastered 10 books really mastered 10 books from beginning to end but mastered them really mastered them how many people you know five books two books I'm not talking about read them people read but I don't mind master now here you have hundreds thousands maybe millions but thousands are enough thousands and thousands and thousands you don't even know you don't even know where to begin and then somebody the chief librarian calls you over and he takes you down corridors and halls and he brings you to a particular section and then he brings you to a particular bookcase and then he brings you to a particular shelf and then he takes out this old book it's three thousand three hundred and thirty years old and on the cover of the book there's the name of your family and he says here this is your family's book and you open it up and it's the story of your family from the founder of the dynasty of your family all the way tell you and he says this is yours there's some empty pages at the end for you to continue the story now you could look at him and say this is not my problem I don't stop my issue that they wrote a book here take the book and give it to somebody else I'm gonna deal with all the other books you could do that I suppose but it's really not about the guilt that your parents imposed upon you as much as it is about your story this is your story you can ignore it you can run away from it you could be angered by it you could be pained by it but this is your story and one of the book to hell you about the jeans that you come from if the book describes to you your DNA if the book describes to you features characteristics tragedies triumphs victories vices virtues gifts defeats of your family for generations and generations of struggles and Wars of great exhilarating moments and great difficult moments I could say this doesn't obligate me I'm not connected to this book I could supposedly do that but it's like saying if my nutritionist tells me you know this is your blood type and therefore these foods will enhance your energy and these foods will really bring you down well I could say it's not my problem well it happens to be it's not my problem but it's just my reality this book is this book is is my reality so it's not the juice to they made a commitment what might happen at her Sina is it's your story it's the story of your reality it's the story of your people and most importantly it's not a question of contracts or obligations it's a question of what is your ultimate truth if somebody tells me who I am and that is true my choices to be to accept Who I am or not to accept who I am but I can't become another person if a person decides tomorrow that he's a horse there are people who decide that and in many ways there are advantages to being a horse I don't know if you're familiar with them but there are advantages to being a horse and I could decide that but it's not going to take away from the fact that I'm a human being I could choose to live as a human being I could choose to live as a horse but it will not deny the fact of Who I am and I think the path to happiness and freedom is not denying who you are knowledge and then being that person because if this is who I am there's only one path to happiness and that is embracing it with all my passion and all my zest and if somebody says but I didn't want to be me okay perhaps fine you didn't want to be you and we have to maybe answer some questions about why a God would want you to be you but there's only one path for you and that is to find you in you to find yourself in in yourself this is a sharp letter I grew up in a very religious community and a very abusive home I was abused in my home I was abused in my school I was abused by the people I went to for help you know very well rabbi Jacobsen from all the letters you receive and I heard from many and I heard that you know this and I know that you know this for many lectures that you gave that religion is often very very abusive people who are very religious still abuse other people physically and emotionally my parents are very very religious people but oh so very abusive people if so why don't you go to the next step rabbi why why and reach the logical conclusion let's get rid of religion instead of trying to answer and protect and help people why don't we get to the cause if there's an infection you don't give people tylenol or give them band-aids you try to get rid of the infection generally I would say more than this religion is the cause of all wars the main dangers of society today in the global arena come from fundamentalist Islamists they believe in religion imagine they wouldn't believe in religion why don't we just wipe religion off the face of the map and the world will be a better place it's an excellent question really good question religious people can be very abusive that's the truth and religious people can use religion as a justification for abuse it happens all the time in fact I'm a Jew and you really don't have to convince me about this who more than the Jewish people know what religious Christians and religious Muslims have done to our people for almost two thousand years how many hundreds of thousands if not millions of Jews were murdered and pogroms in autumn in Altered the phase and fires in inquisitions in expulsion and genocides in the name of God and in the name of religion nobody has to convince the Jewish people the dangers of religion the deep hatred the fundamentalist Islam is directed first and foremost to the Jews even before the Americans jihad and suicide bombings began in one place before anywhere they did not began then that did not begin in Manhattan in the twin towers or in Madrid or in Mumbai they began on buses and in cafeterias pizza shop schools basketball courts of the Jewish homeland then they traveled to the rest of the world so it's really a no-brainer than in the name of religion the worst crimes against humanity have been committed people have blamed God or their prophets for killing Jews and so many more innocent people it happens till today sadly and tragically but that's really there's no argument about that if you're a sane and understanding person of integrity but I want to really tune in to your question let's step away a moment away from religion any religion and speak about mothers okay are there any abusive mothers in the world anybody are there any abusive mothers in the world huh no I'm with hey I hope your mother's listening and watching there are okay sadly I wish there were not but sadly there are abusive mother's in the world I'm not discussing if it's malicious or it's completely out of ignorance they're just wounded and clueless they're survivors themselves and they don't really know anything about love and nurture and protection that's really another discussion it's not about judgment and blame and prosecution it's just a fact that mothers who are the people who sacrifice most to bring a child into the world with a lot of pain since the story of the tree of knowledge and with tremendous sacrifice the people that infants and children trust most because their very life depends on these mothers sometimes these mother's or Father's or the second closest to the children could be very abusive as some of you in this audience know very well physically emotionally and in other ways that I'm not going to even graphically describe so now I ask a question should would you suggest that we get rid of all mothers should we really do away with all mothers what do you say send all the mothers on vacation let the killers raise the children you know the Communists once had an idea to obliterate families and the government the Communist Republic will raise children you know where that idea went obviously you're laughing what about doing away with all father's let's just get rid of all the father's and you know what no mothers no father's no abuse I have another idea no kids are interested no no they give birth and then we get rid of them no abuse no schools no abuse no teachers no bees no babysitters let's get rid of all babysitters forever no camp no counselors no uncles nobody shell out to be uncle's no uncle's no cousins no abuse no guests in the home no abuse no synagogues a lot of abuse happened you know we're in Schulz let's get rid of all the synagogue's and there won't be abuse the answer of course to this is it doesn't really make sense to get rid of mothers would be getting rid of the most precious relationship in all of the planet there's no relationship that is as vital as necessary as loving and is incredibly powerful and amazing and nurturing as a relationship of a mother to a child their very life security depends on that attachment the same is true father and children what we do need is we need to be able to distinguish between good mothers great mothers mediocre mothers and dangerous mothers between great fathers extraordinary fathers and sometimes dangerous fathers we have to be able to educate people we have to be able to help people understand the differences help the people themselves understand the difference between good and evil between constructive education and destructive education between discipline and cruelty between fear of heaven and abuse I'll ask you another question one of the most notorious doctors in all of history who was a great expert in medicine was a man named dr. Josef Mengele in the name of medicine and for the research of medicine and for the advancement of medicine he conducted some of the most sadistic barbaric experiments in the history of humanity on Jews in the death camp particularly in Auschwitz Birkenau some of you like I may have known or know Mengele squints as they were known or mangle is patients and what he has done to them well for the sake of medicine for understanding the workings of human biology and the human organism so now I asked you a question should we ban all medicine should we ban all doctors none of us should go to doctors which some of you are getting excited about I know Taisha Buress think ahead should we ban it's time Shapiro from the best of doctors ghost again only the best because the best of doctors thinks the best of doctors thinks that he doesn't need any more consultation with anybody the best of doctors can become arrogant and pompous toy if Chavira Morrison condition types should be very familiar the best of doctors goes to purgatory toys is Tesla vase 17 Tess's nine vulva six vases 270 a doctor only believes in toy oven seventeen blessings of sh - ray - Tara's eighteen he only believes in - seventeen because you're Fae Noah Shem been a rough he doesn't belong to him he doesn't need God as a healer he knows everything such doctors Tucker belong in purgatory generally people who are experts in everything and can't pick up a phone and have the humility and know that the certain subjects they did not dedicate their lives to and there are people who did speak to them such people could become dangerous are we going to then ban and excommunicate and try to vanish all doctors from our planet that's ridiculous medicine saves lives every single day we don't get rid of doctors we don't get rid of mothers we don't get rid of fathers we don't close down all schools and get rid of the institution of babysitters just because there have been babysitter's or counselors or uncles or cousins or guests who did horrific things to defenseless vulnerable children under their protection or not under the protection what we need is to educate to make people aware to warn to report to bring out from the darkness the skeletons that are sometimes associated with parenthood or education so people can make distinctions so the defenseless don't have to be the fenceless that is what we need let me tell you something about abuse abuse doesn't come from religion abuse comes from human nature from human insecurities from human trauma from human evil from human narcissism from human stupidity from human ignorance from human selfishness from human voids from human deep deep deep addictions and bad habits that were never dealt with and cultivated that's where abuse that's where abuse comes from if you happen to be religious oh you can use religion to justify rationalize your abuse just like if you're a horrible said this the evil doctor you can use medicine and surgery surgery which are there to save lives to destroy lives and to torture people but now let's look at it the other way for a moment come with me and look at it from the other perspective religion I'm gonna speak specifically here about Judaism because that is your question when you speak about you discard Judaism it's probably the best tool to work on yourself if you're suffering from these conditions that turn you into an abuser first of all Judaism argues and this is not a scientific statement that we are all one that we all come from one source that harming you is a form of harming myself Judaism argues that everything I do I'm accountable for and even if I conceal it it's not concealed forever I am responsible for every action Judaism argues that there is meaning and purpose in my life and therefore I don't have to fear confronting my demons my pain I don't have to fear my abyss because deep down within the abyss there is meaning this is where religion where Judaism could become the greatest force for healing for recovery for honesty for integrity Judaism teaches that people could control themselves Judaism teaches that at the end of the day God wants you to be happy and to live a successful life not a life in which you abuse others and ultimately have to always escape your fate the same as you talk about wars within many wars are conducted in the name of religion of course where many people murdered in the name of Christianity and Islam and other religions of course but you think it's religion that causes Wars no secular people never had wars who are the greatest murderers in human history to people anybody knows Joseph Stalin number 2 Adolf Hitler both of them murdered in the name of not religious ideal secular ideals for one it was communism and socialism Lizza and for other one or the other one who was the superiority of the Aryan of the German race aa racial selection yeah the name of of the science that Germany produced they weren't religious at there there were secular ideals mites upon how many people that might suit tongue murder in a china the millions in what name not in the name of religion a name of secular ideals that for them was religion they were substitutes the door they weren't based on a Bible or God and talk about almost somebody who almost became our friend in North Korea I know it's a very sensitive topic today but what's what's what's what's his issue North Korea is not about religion the point is wars are caused by people if it's not religion we fight about other things pagans who believed in thousands and millions of mythical gods also fight people can kill each other about on parking lots who gets to who gets the space in the parking lot thank God not here we have enough space people fight about money people fight about territory kaien killed heavily the first murder in history why did he kill him the mad Shabba gives three reasons reason number one it doesn't say clearly why he killed him the tire doesn't say why he killed it so the major shoppers has three reasons reason number one us they argued over real estate kyon said all of earth belongs to me Havel said okay all mobile assets belong to me as they got into a fight kyon told hello you now let it be on earth because it's mine so have a said take off your garments because they're mine so they killed he killed them second reason he killed them is because Havel had an extra to win an extra twin girl and kyon wanted that girl he said I'm the oldest I get your extra 20 the third reason the matter says is they fought where the base--emitter should be so he killed them so you see three reasons one has to do with love and intimacy one has to do with territory and one has to do with God and those are the basic three reasons why people kill each other til today every war begins with kyon and Neville we're human and as humans we could behave like the jungle and sometimes much worse than the jungle because lionesses and cheetahs and tigers kill when they're hungry and we sometimes kill and embarrass and insult and abuse even when we're not hungry if you're evil and you're unrefined can you use a religion of course you could use religion what's the solution the solution is not to get rid of religion I'll tell you why religion and again I'm gonna speak about Judaism is actually the only and best argument for peace because that I use that were one I mean we say in our Declaration of Independence in America that it's self-evident that all men are created equal what makes self-evident maybe would not create an equal who says were created equal this was the argument of the Bible that every human being was created in the image of God it was Judaism that argued that we all come from one source it was Judy isn't that argue that were all responsible to each other we're all really one because there's one God it was Judaism that are used that moral behavior is expected from every creature and it's woven into the very fabric of reality these are religious ideas so that's why I know about the abuse but I don't think the solution for that is to remove the world the idea that people can heal which is the core of all of Judaism that people can heal that people can recover that people can repent and if that you were hurt you can always recreate yourself I would not remove that from the vocabulary of your home your soul of my home and my soul I am about Trouville I returned to Judaism many years ago today I have to say I'm disillusioned I have seen too many lies too much corruption where are you living which planet are you living I think it's sometimes all about money I'm jaded by all these phony ads of rabbis governing and praying for you at all these graves it's all baloney I believe in God but I drifted so far from him because I feel nobody around me is real anymore conversations are so external and so superficial you ask a question that is deep and real and authentic and people think you're crazy there's almost nobody I could speak to real stuff it's all about money these days with most of the rabbi's how do I get back my Emunah I'm writing to you you sometimes can be a source of inspiration but do I know what you're really about how do I know ha that's good thank you for the applause and welcome back how do I know if a rabbi is ever honest first of all thank you for sharing and I am sorry for your disillusionment I know it's sincere and painful I am not in a position where I can judge anybody I will never judge anybody that I don't know and I haven't researched so I'm not really in a position to answer your question and give a blanket statement about everybody being corrupt or not being corrupt but I'll just share what I think is a fundamental truth and that is I have had the privilege of teaching many secular Jews who have made their way back to Jewish observance of the years people who are on their way to become ballet jouvert people who became ballet chuva and people who were in the process of becoming my lecturer and people who were just beginning to to open themselves up to the world of Tyria to the world of Judy to the world of us right I always shared with my students of all backgrounds and persuasions something that I feel is very applicable and that is every life needs inspiration every one of us in life needs teachers mentors and guides the Mishna says in pre-k Ava's the ethics of the fathers chapter one a sailor Karev oaken a will hover a choir for yourself or rob a mentor and a friend you need a mentor you need a friend I just realized the end of that mission is where they done is called them lock off skills and give people the benefit of the doubt what's the quiet what's the connection then I realized after so many years of disillusionment you have to be able to give people also the benefit of the data not become so judgmental okay or jaded but we all we all receive from people there are people who are important sources of influence in our life beginning with our parents our teachers are more Rosario she shiva's our mark usin our ebiz our our rabbis whoever they are they're our mentors in our life and those are important a person can't learn without a teacher and yet you always have to remember your relationship with God has to be direct intimate direct and personal never build your Judaism on the foundations of an intermediary between you and God because people can often disappoint you all people are mortal all people make mistakes some people make bad mistakes and some people are con artists too and it's sad to say I don't like saying it it's sad but it's the truth you can't confuse Jews with Judaism Judaism is Judaism Jews are extraordinary people but we're not perfect and when your whole Judaism is based on this rabbi or this Rebbetzin or this person or this individual and then suddenly 20 years later you discover something and your whole foundation sometimes is out the window and you're disillusioned this is not about cynicism it's about knowing that your foundation must develop into one that is a relate that constitutes a relationship directly between you and the rahbaniya Lila and I'm going to ask a question it's a completely hypothetical question but this is the question I've asked students if you find out tomorrow heaven forbid that there are millions of Jews in New York who claim to be religious and they're absolutely not they are all living a lie in a cover-up will you stop will you not put on tefillin tomorrow morning will you not keep Shabbos will you stop eating kosher because this whole society is corrupt some people might say of course they're all liars but then you're forgetting one thing when God revealed himself to the Jewish people at Sinai and he communicated the Ten Commandments which we just celebrated two days three days ago he opens up and he says the first words to the Jewish people are noisy Hashem la caja I should say system at the time I base about them I am your God who has taken you out of Egypt and all the commentators and the matters say why in the singular when you're speaking to four million people the uniqueness of this moment was that you weren't speaking to one person you were speaking to everybody a noisy Hashem I locate him I show its ACSM merits with slam well yell FM elekid muharram apana as in the schwa on the smle case demonstrates ACSM and there are different answers that are given but one of the great and beautiful answers I think it comes from the first moderate sir ever who said God was saying an atheist Schemmel Akaka all I need in the world is you all I want is you I am your God imagine the whole world was out it's about you I want you I want a relationship with you there's an exclusivity there's an intimacy there so yes learn from people take inspiration from people always a sailor Kerava Canela to hover and a scholar is called Talmud Holcomb so the harvest URI I think it is introduction says Wyatt alma Kaka Oaxaca Wyatt alma kharkom is it because the Great Sage is always a student the moment you're not a student you're not a hakama you always have to be a Talmud Kaka but don't build your whole source of inspiration on a person or people you are directly responsible to the creator of the world that is the essence of Judaism it doesn't justify people's corruption or mistakes and I'm sorry for this allusion meant but it allows you not to fall apart when you notice weaknesses of people so many people their whole youdescribe falls apart because they hear this story about somebody with this story about somebody and I welcome to America people have a ate Sahara it's been around 5700 than how many is 78 years you think it just disappears suddenly why why because you looked up to this print it's great that you looked up to the person people every people fall and sometimes people fall miserably and great people by the way are not people who don't fall those people who fall and stand up and apologize and make mistakes and repent now you ask which rabbi can you trust which rabbi can't you trust it's an interesting question I'm thinking about it what do you guys say Isaac you want to answer me some of you say are thinking absolutely nobody nobody nobody I'll tell you I would trust people who see themselves first and foremost as conduits conduits of God I'll explain to you what I mean when you ask a rabbi a question he will answer you probably after that do a follow-up question follow-up question is what's your source what's your source you will see different responses one person will give you such a look which even without saying anything is conveying the message how dare you question my authority and maybe not with anger with dismissiveness which is worse with derision almost like I'm 72 years old I've been doing this my whole life the best Otsuka commoner the best onufry earth shall line if Gawain of you a little check that didn't open its eyes yet you know when the chicks are hatched they don't open their eyes and now you're coming to me I'm have been a senior chicken or rooster for how many years well ha still of course and the little chick is coming to challenge me what is this a joke is this a comedy even if he doesn't get angry it's that dismissive look he may say something or matrice that give that look I would have difficulty trusting that but I'm not judging the person but I have difficulty the purse you have another rabbi you'll ask the same question and humbly he'll go to the bookshelf I'll take out the book and I'll say this is my source or it's a great question I have to do my research I'll get back to you tomorrow or in a week come back in other words the person never sees himself as an authority independently and what I mean to say is very simple and blunt the moment a rabbi has power he becomes a dangerous person the entire power of a rough of a real leader of the Jewish people is that he sees himself as powerless he sees himself completely as a conduit for terror as a channel to give over the words of God the words of Toyota the moment I start feeling it's mine it's my power I own it then I'm now let I have any power because my power is dangerous the moment it's my business it's my operation I control it it's about me I'm young men I have an ego that's fine it's normal but I can represent her I could represent my ego I should go into real estate that's what become a real estate tycoon buy buildings on Fifth Avenue and 2nd Avenue or even Borah park or Williamsburg will do you well financially and become a tycoon Basanta hate have human Eagles all over the eye we all have egos but I have to understand the Korea the Chi of the power of every member of Sanhedrin every R of every Rebbe every Sadiq every Monica's role is that he sees himself as completely powerless the more powerlessness the more power the more power the less power this is articulated clearly in the gomorian brofist Camela given Chikara souvenirs I killed the DeMars of the Broca's Navajo base every Jew davits Minister you bow in the beginning and you bow at the end the king once he vows he's now letteth pick up his head till the end of summer Nestor so if you want to throw a strike him on him that's the time because he's down the King any King why everybody could stand like this and he has to beam down a whole shrine astra the answer is yes because you're the king the king has to be far more humble than everybody else infinitely more humble because that's the only justification that there is for leadership the only justification there is for leadership for authority is that it's completely not about me it's a privilege the Gemara says in messiahs hurry is the feud there Emilio wanted to appoint two of the great sages to become leaders so they refused they didn't show up they were very humble people finally he got them to show up and he told them this line listen to these words from gum leo says to these two beauties to Jews Kimmi Duma Atem Asher irani noise and the hem of the sunny noise Salaam you think by appointing you leaders and the community I'm conferring upon you leadership aristocracy royalty I'm turning you into slaves I'm turning you into servants I'm turning you into evolved him out of the Sun in Iceland look you become servants of the people not Lords of the people servants of the people and that's why I could trust him I can trust him because he looks at himself and he says what does God want at this moment what does tyre wanted this moment such a person you can trust a Hasidic Jew once wrote to me about a particular individual he said he said there are two types of rabbits are small rebus and there are great rebus he writes to me the differences small rebus have the Hasidim running around telling everybody how great the rebus great rebus always talk about how great his students are or to put it in different words there are two types of leaders good leaders create followers great leaders create other leaders the greatest form of leadership is when you create other leaders you become a source of leadership and others those are the people you can trust people who when you come to them you feel that what they want is they want to empower you they want to turn you into a leader they're not looking for you to forfeit your personality and become another robot and member in their cult what they're looking is for you to flex your muscles maximize your potentials and light up the world they get excited about the ability of giving people the ability to become successful and powerful those are probably people you want to learn from you want to be inspired from I suffer from anxiety welcome I was told by people that this proves that I have no connection with God if I would have a Munna and be talkin if I would have real faith that our sham runs the world are some is good Hashem takes care of me my anxiety would go away nonetheless this only gives me more anxiety because every time I have anxiety in addition to the anxiety I blame myself as the cause of the anxiety because our never Munna which gives me only more anxiety and makes me worry more about me and my future is there any way you can ease my anxiety without judging anybody which I never do I'll just say this all the people who told this to you I'll put them into two categories either they don't understand what anxiety is or they don't understand what it means to be connected to God because if somebody says to you this statement either he or she is completely clueless about anxiety or completely or partially clueless about a connection to God the pain and suffering of anxiety is not something that everybody can easily control some people who suffer from anxiety say you're suffering from anxiety even if you tell yourself God is in charge he'll take care of everything there's nothing to be anxious about and even if you really believe this it's not fake you really believe what you're saying sometimes it helps but often it doesn't help and the anxious thoughts and feelings continue to torture you anxiety often requires enormous amount amounts of inner work sometimes it requires therapy professional assistance in order for you to be able to overcome it it's a challenge it's an asana it's a test that God has given you it has absolutely nothing to do with your faith and connection with God our connection to God transcends all of our challenges and our pain and it could never be dependent on a challenge that he gives us challenges that you haven't even chosen to say that God gives you a challenge anxiety and as a result of that you're not connected is unfair it's senseless it's cruel how could you somebody say such a thing you given a challenge by God and then they say as a result of your challenge you're disconnected because you have this challenge that God gave you and he wanted you to deal with suddenly you become disconnected from God you never chose it you never disconnect it this is an absolutely unjust and unfair statement it's true sometimes we can turn to our faith and connection to God and it allows us to overcome our anxiety some people do just that but not always will it work sometimes the anxiety is just too deep and strong and powerful yes it's true that the people who have perfect extraordinary faith are liberated from all anxiety but that can not always be the case with everyone certainly not with me and I think not with you let me tell you how to look at it in this very moment when you're feeling anxiety it's not always within your choice to not have anxiety that's not the case do not feel guilty about that it is within your choice to work hard and ultimately overcome it perhaps or partially overcome it it is your choice to confront it and find ways to deal with it and ease it but at this very moment you cannot snap your fingers and say ah sham I'm dominating I believe in you and the anxiety goes away it's just simply not the case and the guilt connected with it is really unfairness just creating unjustified anxiety I'll tell you what you could do in this moment in this moment you could snap your fingers connect to God and ask him to assist you with facing and dealing with your anxiety in this moment you can know that you're deeply connected to God he loves you he cares for you infinitely even though you're facing a serious struggle that you have not chosen and in this very moment you can know something else that despite your feelings or thoughts of anxiety that are attacking you you could still pursue your values despite the fact that there are so many voices playing inside your head the anxious thoughts are not the masters of your life their thoughts their like clothes clothes you could put on you can take off sometimes these clothes are really sticky but they don't define me I am NOT my clothes these thoughts are here that's fine it is permissible to feel anxious it's part of the human condition now I am going to choose to pursue what is valuable to me in life rather than the voices that the anxiety the voices that the anxiety is display the voices coming from the anxiety that are leading me to a certain direction imagine you're driving you're holding on to the steering wheel and there's always a backseat driver I'm sure many you have a backseat driver and he says take the light take the light take the light and he doesn't stop the whole way there's always somebody in the back who tells you to make a right make a left you don't have to drive you're driving too fast you gonna get into an accident the police are gonna stop you you can't get rid of the backseat driver especially not if he's in your own head but it doesn't mean you have to give him the steering wheel you can hold on to the steering wheel and tell the backseat driver so nice to hear from you and continue driving to your destination where you want to go so I will tell you my dear friend relax about not being relaxed if you can enjoy serenity about not always being serene don't take your anxiety so seriously to worship it or allow it to dictate your life and sometimes by relaxing about the fact that you're not relaxed and just letting it be for what it is it becomes a little weaker it doesn't have to take over your life when you stop feeling so anxious about being anxious and so anxious about lacking yamuna and about being a bad girl and a disappointment to god that itself may weaken your anxiety trust that god loves you he wants you to be happy and successful in every possible way live a life full of similar joy serenity meaning and wholesomeness I am currently opening up in therapy and reliving my abuse which is creating immense pain night in and night out for two years I was being abused physically nobody saw nobody knew I didn't tell anybody for many years I was molested horrific ly I don't have any questions as to why it happened to me why did I have to go through this incredible pain but let me tell you something being abused as a child creates intense trauma twisted subconscious thoughts people who have not been molested don't even begin to understand what people like myself go through they often look at us say get on with your life stop it don't be a baby forever I don't blame them they simply don't know thank God with the help of my amazing therapist and supportive husband and of course God's help Santa to Shania I am slowly learning and improving how to deal with my triggers I am very grateful for this my life is filled with triggers and what I need most is to become aware of these triggers here is my problem however why I am writing to you I feel numb and distant when it comes to talking to God praying darvany and opening up to Hashem on a personal level my heart yearns for that level of connection to God so badly I missed the connection that I used to have to God with God prior to my healing process you see my coping mechanism at that time was total total denial that the abuse happened so I used to speak to God in you dish in English and sometimes other languages and I felt him so near I was completely in denial of my abuse and my pain I repressed I said I repressed it unconsciously but I had a good connection with him but now when everything is coming out I feel so hurt I feel so pained by God who let it happen every time I try to talk to God my feelings of pain and abandonment by the one I loved so much comes rushing over me and I just shut down from any conversation and relationship what bothers me most and I haven't found any comfort is what the abuse did to my Emunah more than the trauma of the abuse I am so hurt by the fact that it also killed my god I so badly want to connect to God why would he allow something to happen that challenges the pure essence of my ultimate connection of me and every survivor these connections we victims crave and yet so many of us can't have it I have a very hard understand a hard time understanding this why would God want to rob me for my emunah what can I do to reconnect it would be an honor if you could find the time to answer my question and help me find clarity and comfort what I say to you is Wow you write a whole letter how you lost your connection to God as a result of your abuse but in the very same letter you write that what hurts you more than the trauma of the abuse is the lack of your relationship with God let me tell you this I can only wish on all of us who have not been abused and molested that we would experience 2% of the depth of the relationship that you have with God trust me if you could say that the greatest pain in your life is not the abuse but the fact that the abuser took away God from you there are few things that demonstrate a deeper relationship with God than you have you have such a profound relationship that even the agony and trauma of abuse which most people don't even begin to understand as you eloquently conveyed is not as deep as the agony that you have from the loss of your relationship with God such a relationship with God is one of the deepest that people are capable of having and I could tell you that this relationship is a source of inspiration for me because I don't know again how many of us people who are not abused at least on this level can even begin begin to have you are criticizing your Emunah you are denigrating your connection you are putting down your Fela and I say you got it completely wrong your relationship with God is as strong and as powerful as ever it's completely intact there's a story it reminds me of there was a Jew who came to his rabbi that's a Masonic the grandson of the ballot Anya and he said rebbe reb perhaps makers in a muna rebus saved me I have doubts in faith so that sammich addict said newest voss so what he says rabbi how do you say it was ie I you need the cops fakers in am unarmed Jewish and doubts and face-first so once you have doubts in faith he says I'm a Jew is Dagon is the hostage kiss a kiss in the moon no worries you have no doubts in faith dear letter writer you don't have any problem in your relationship with God what you have is pain in your relationship with God and the only reason you have so much pain in your relationship with God is because you have such a deep relationship if you wouldn't have such a deep relationship there would be no pain in the relationship the depth of pain always comes from the depth of love the depth of pain always comes from the depth of attachment because you have such a deep relationship the hurt and pain that you went through is eating you up and you're directing it towards God because of your deep relationship with God I envy the depth of your relationship it is very very powerful it is very very pure it is very very deep and what I would suggest to you is talk to God about this talk to God about your pain talk to God about your disappointment talk to God about your shutting down that itself is a very deep relationship it's obvious to you from you it's obvious to me reading your letter that there is an infinite light in your soul no abuser could take away your light I just wish you could see it the way I see it believe in your light allow the pain to come out allow the pain to burst express it in any way you need to express it don't be ashamed but never ever give up on yourself or on your future you're a giant of a woman infinite blessings are going to come from you and I want you to remember the great teaching of the baal shem tov the light that can transform darkness is the light that comes from darkness that has been transformed to light generally darkness is darkness and light is light many of us are sent on a mission to the world of light some souls were sent on a mission to transform darkness but how can you transform darkness only one way if you discover the light that comes from darkness that has been transformed into light then you have the light the recipe to transform darkness your soul is one of those souls it's faced a lot of darkness I will never know why nobody will ever know why nobody should give reasons to the depth of pain but one thing I know your light is not the usual light it's the light that comes from darkness and it could transform darkness question rabbi Jacobsen his therapy against Tyrel I once heard you say Analects in a lecture that emotions can be a vides aura emotions can be worshipped as idolatry in therapy they tell me trust your gut would you say that's idol worship excellent question answer I'm going to rephrase the wine you here in therapy trust your gut trust your gut that this is how you feel yes absolutely trust your gut that this is how you feel you don't have to trust your gut that this is what you should do trust your gut that this is what you feel don't trust your gut always that this is what you have to do sometimes you have to trust your gut that this is what you have to do no question for example if there's a line coming into the tent and you got says run you should follow your gut but not always some person may feel they want to get divorced today trust your gut that you feel that way sometimes you feel like you want to break the windows of your home or you want to punch somebody in the nose sometimes you feel like throwing a dish down on the floor sometimes you feel like smacking your child running away from your house or screaming at them trust your gut that this is how you feel don't deny it don't run from it but you don't have to trust it to the point that you need to follow it into the world of action your child may say totty totty callouts Allah towards Allah trust your child that he feels like you have to call Hatzolah but you don't have to call out Saul it till you don't check out the seriousness of the wound he may have just stubbed his toe on the corner of the bed which deserves sympathy empathy a nice hug a warm kiss and if possible vanilla ice cream but it does not war and thank God rushing him to the hospital so it's not one extreme or another Judaism never says don't trust you got your gut means nothing your emotions mean nothing they're just bad bad bad follow the right thing that creates a Judaism that is divorced from the human condition it allows us to become completely dysfunctional mechanical robots people who suffer from emotional constipation and are unaware of their emotion are people who are not fully alive but God gave us emotions he gave us personality he gave us character he gave us a soul because the relationship is supposed to be holistic so trust your gut to know how you're feeling and you'll learn a lot from that don't run from it respect it for what it is you don't have to worship it and turn it into a deity that dictates your behavior I'll give you a metaphor probably the best metaphor for this that is in the Tonya chapter 13 he gives that metaphor and distinguishes between a show foot and a diet explaining the gomorian bra kasama Calif tsadikim yetzer Tov South to reach I me it's a harsh I've done Beynon in Z visits I've done and he gives the example he says you have a jury or you have a son hadn't you have a Bezdek and there's an issue on the table and everyone every member of the court every member of the jury has to give its opinion has to give his opinion or her opinion so people have different opinions this one says guilty this one says innocent this one says death penalty this one says life in prison this one says he's an innocent person let him go and everyone has it and that's how it is that's the nature of a legal democratic court and debate everyone shares their opinion on bashfully honestly with full integrity even though he or she may be contradicting every other opinion then there is the Dyan who gives the verdict the verdict in our life Beynon and most people's ever says shiftin we have many different voices giving different opinions we have a very large jury in our heart and there's different opinions different voices different thoughts different emotions different feeling and that's fine and then you have to decide what's going to be the Furtick what am I going to do am I actually going to punch this person in his nose am I actually gonna sell my house get the move out of Muncie move to Canada am I actually gonna slap my child am I gonna run away from the house cuz I can't deal with the stress am I gonna quit my job today because I'm so angry at my employer that you're angry at your employer is one of the voices great may have a lot of inside that voice probably has a lot of insight but you don't have to allow every member of the jury to give the final verdict chef Donn is one of the chef's Tim one of the judges not the one who gives the verdict I am a hasidic very firm teacher that's redundant I have been through trauma for years I have been trying to heal myself through Tyra I read learned as plenty I read the books of this rabbi that rubbish she lists off many rabbis books that she read contemporary rappers finally finally after three decades I went into therapy I'll tell you the truth I find the very fact that therapy is helping me more than my learning and searching did an offense to Torah it's shaking up my entire faith in Judaism all the books I've read and learned all the education in school all my teaching four decades of Yiddish kite did not bring me respite from my trauma therapy is what does this tell me about Tyra doesn't the Gemara say Barassi eights are horrible Rossi LOI Tyra Pavlin God says I created I ate Sahara and I created Tyra as a remedy it's an excellent question there's a lot to say about this I'm going to make two points very briefly just to touch on it often the Tyra that we learn is detached from life it's not applied to our real life and we need help bringing it down to our real life often concepts in Toyota are very abstract and very often teachers of Tyra who have not experienced these ideas internally can't convey the realness of these and we sometimes need help from somebody to apply these concepts to our lives besides the fact a lot of people are very knowledgeable in a certain aspect of Judaism but not in other aspects of Judaism Judaism has two dimensions to it what's called the niggler and the nister the niggler is the concrete practical guidelines of Judaism what are you allowed to do on Shabbos what are you now to do on Chavez what do you eat what are you allowed to eat what do you know how to eat how do you build a native how do you build a mikvah what makes an ester kasha what makes what disqualifies an ester what makes something come it's what's not comets etc how long do you eat matzo for what bracha do you make what happens if you forget something and Avenue very very important the concrete guidelines of Judaism but there's a whole other aspect of Judaism the inner theology spirituality psychology and therapy of Judaism very often people are really clueless about it they don't know anything about it so how can you expect it to help you in this area now all of Tyra is helpful but if it's not you don't feel the connection to your life very often you will remain unhealed and there's nothing wrong with finding a person who can help you apply great truths to your life and remember that not everything that a therapist says oh so is sacred meaning you have to be an educated consumer when it comes to therapy as well but I'll tell you one more thing the Gemara says bara c8 Sahara bar oscillator at Avalon I created Terry Restylane what does the word travellin mean Talyn doesn't mean remedy table means spices what do spices do we use spices what do spice has accomplished spices don't destroy the food you know what spices do they add taste to the food you put in a little salt and if ever you put in a little salt and pepper or other spices to your salad - through your trollin - to your Google or to your howler to any dish you make the spice is not supposed to destroy the food unless you really don't know what you're doing if you know what doing the spice adds luster and flavor and delight and gush muck to the food so the Talmud the Gemara says it God says I created the evil inclination and I created Torah as a spice what does this mean that the ultimate function of Terror is to show me how my Yates our Hara how my challenges and my challenging inclinations and my negative inclinations can add a whole new spice to my life the objective of trade is to spice up the eighth sorrow think about it to give the eight other personality meaning life to turn the eights or into an instrument of my spiritual growth of my relationship with God and this actually therapy can't really do we need Tyra to help us see are you eight Sahara in a positive light to be able to look at everything you're going through and find the powerful meaning and opportunity for growth is something that Tyra by its very definition can help you out with in a very profound way next you speak a lot about individuality this is a lie at least for me and I'll tell you why I'll prove it from you every week you come dressed with the same uniform you always wear black and white okay sometimes blue and white gray and white now you notice why don't you ever dress as an individual a little diversity you speak about everybody being individual but everybody in your community and in most communities where I am everybody looks exactly the same all the men basically wear black and white or something similar and the guys who think they're cool they put on a blue shirt basically all you're preaching about individuality is about individuality within a cult let me ask you my question I am a parent of six kids I live in a community here in Muncie how can a parent of six six kids all being part of the same system start to individualize myself I want to start living instead of existing just to fit into the cult due to peer pressure sincerely a real son of God who wants to live with him without any broker's guns good what should I wear next week a yellow bowtie on orange hat one shoe green one shoe brown and maybe dye my hair dye my hair I like that color what is it light beige how do you do it I am NOT I cannot again I it's hard to speak about people and individuals and communities every person is a universe in and of themselves I've learned that a long time ago including you and including your colleagues and including your friends but I will talk about the fact that in more Jewish observant communities at least many of the men tend to dress very similar to each other which you don't find in the secular world and shouldn't a system of Judaism that encourages so much individuality as I claimed in my lectures encourage everybody to dress differently so I'm going to make a point and I'm going to make an opposite point and both both are true sometimes I would say that because many of us dress the same or very similar to each other it actually allows us to become and to be more individual and I'll tell you why what does it mean to be an individual what is individuality what does it mean what does it mean does it mean I'm coming out of my house tonight I'm going to a bar mitzvah or to our reception or to a restaurant or to a wedding or just a walk so I say you know what I want to be an individual I don't want to be like you when you when you when you and you and you and most of you are wearing white shirts actually we have a lot of individuals I say I don't know who I'm attracted yeah but I think most of the people here are wearing white shirts okay some of you have made very individual choices tonight I have to admit so I really want to be an individual I want to be a why why I don't want to be a copywriter so I'm going to focus on maybe instead of a black tie a purple tie and maybe instead of a black coat a green do green and purple go yes okay and I come out and I look at everybody looks at me and I've one shoe yellow and one shoe dark brown am I here like like like some people do especially teenagers right up to one sock this way one sock that way you see it all over the place and I come in everybody looks and they say wow he's an individual he's an individual what does it mean to be an individual I think the definition of individual means you realize your own uniqueness you appreciate and cherish that your soul is distinctive to you your journey is distinctive to you you have challenges and gifts that nobody has you express Hashem is light in this world in your own unique way nobody can ever take that from you nobody can ever give that to you it's yours and yours alone and it's your mission and your life and your experiences throughout the 24 hours of the day that you alone have to quote of an American to hilum many killed let's say Chavez morning I think of lawmen hey Annie yo Dottie ki God Oh Hashem Avada naina McCullough alaikum I know that God is great and our master is greater than all the lords all the gods so most people focus on what Aeneid that they got less time I know that God is great one of the great man I think of Nachman writes the focus is key Emilia data he got Elijah I know that God is great and the way I know it nobody else knows it the way I live life the way I experience life nobody else can experience life there's something you know about life that I will never know and you could teach it to me there's something I know about life you will never know when I can teach it to you the music that plays in your soul is not the music that plays in my soul and conversely every person is a universe and every person is a rich tapestry of infinity that shines through this person's soul in a uniquely individual way that's how I would define individuality but say that works that's my definition according to you to be original I need a where a weird shirt crew shoes an unusual haircut the more unusual my haircuts the more unusual my bowtie on my shoes a might my my jacket the more I'll stand out in the crowd but now I want to ask you is that really what makes you different from anyone else whoa on to you I feel bad for you if the only difference you feel exists between you and the other people is the color of your socks or the color of your shirt do you think you're such a separate superficial person that the only difference between you and other people is your sax and your hairdo don't you realize that clothes are important but they're in exter completely external to who you are as a soul as a heart as a mine can't you cherish your own specialness wherever you turn in life your individuality shines as long as you're an honest person you will be an individual because no two souls are the same the Mishna says it's Annette and I'm at Zion a shame shame parts of failing Shalvis contained a is saying show us no two faces are alike no two mindsets are alike no two cells are alike and every person has to say the world was created for me from my unique contribution cuts occur everyone said why does the mission to say just like their faces are not alike their minds are not alike what's the just like he says nobody gets upset at anybody else because they don't look like that I don't come in to show and say you know when is your nose gonna look just like my nose why do you have to always be different mama Jean action-y can you just look like me we're all happy that I look I am are you are you so he says so why do you get upset when somebody thinks not like you his nose is not like you his eyes and I like you his heart is not like you and this mine does not like you mustache like that's supposed to be that way I feel bad that you feel that there's really nothing to you and to your individuality outside of the color of your socks wall on to teenagers and children and adults that believe this is how they're going to make a mark on their universe rather than appreciating and cherishing your inner soul in Judaism what makes an individual is never clothing it's character it's not clothing and sometimes when you're part of a community of people and everybody dresses the same there's only one way to stand out you have to be original you can stand out with the shirts can stand out with the hat you got to be an original it's not your clothing the people that are around you you're not going to notice them for their clothing you gonna notice them for their character the way they treat people their manner of speech their dignity their light their majesty their personality their empathy their kindness their wisdom their commitment you can't hide behind the superficial individuality based on hair style and fashion you have to be a real individual now I'm not telling you to go buy a black jacket I really don't care if you wear different type of jacket I'm not telling you what to wear but perhaps you should rethink how you look at yourself maybe you're projecting your superficial image of yourself to the people around you start appreciating that you're much deeper than the color of your socks and the color of your shirt I will tell you however that it is sad that in some communities where that dress was actually just meant to get the externals out of the way so that people could shine what happens in some communities the exact opposite it's all about everybody being dressed the same with such little focus on character development on inner personality and on conversations of truth and integrity that's the other extreme that is very sad the whole focus of dress in a similar way is to get it out of the way so people can actually shine as individuals and what often happens is that most external facet becomes in some people's mind the beginning middle and end of Judaism that's where God is that's what ruthless that's where shidduchim are that's where happiness is that's where your future is clothes are important garments are important the way we dress makes a statement about who we are what our values are but close our statements about our external selves not about our internal self and it baffles my imagination when I get an email from somebody he didn't ask a question so I'm not reading it I get an email from a quest person who asks me to try to convince his son at the bar mitzvah of his son to wear shtreimel so he doesn't embarrass the family there's only one problem this son doesn't keep Shabbos he doesn't need kosher he doesn't put on tefillin he doesn't even believe God exists he does things that I'm not gonna elaborate in a shear but his father is so not connected with his world all he wants us he should look good in the pictures he's completely disconnected from who his son us for him the shtreimel is God truth Tyrel yiddish kite the whole point of the Strymon was to create a uniform that allows the inner soul to shine when it substitutes everything else obviously it's very hard to respect that because there's really no substance there even though the strai Milland similar Hasidic and Jewish garments are holy and they're beautiful and they're part of a sacred tradition and they represent the unity and a commitment to certain values and they're modest and and there's tremendous beauty and culture and tradition and and Messiah and condition all of that but even with a safe attire you don't substitute the mantle of the safe attire with the safer tighter every saver there that has a beautiful Montella it's like a stri mole it feels like a stri mullets velvet let's go smack we kiss it we cherish it but somebody who decorates his whole house with covers of the safe Italia but there's no safe inside then you're missing the point the whole point of the cover of this inverter is to adorn the safe Italia to to to show beauty for the cemetery to express the preciousness of the cemetery not to become a substitute for for the safe Italia now you ask me now how you could become an individual in your community with six children how could you not become an individual in your community with six children dream dream about what you would like to accomplish with your life create the life that you would like to create for yourself you could learn new things you can create new things you can invite interesting people to your mucus for Shabbos you can create movements you can create organizations you can touch people you could learn yourself you can teach people you can reach out there are youngsters all over the place who are craving relationships you can get involved in kirov work here of car interior hike of secular Jews religious Jews you could you could do extraordinary things with your life you can create you can produce you can write you can maximize yourself in so many ways why do you feel bound by anybody or anything when your soul is infinitely individual I would say you know Mozart Bach Beethoven did not have to invent new keys on the piano to demonstrate individuality they can use the same keys like everybody else but when they played the piano other compositions came out when I sit down by the piano is like the the the the the the the the the the and others sit down at the same piano 84 keys how many keys 84 keys brilliant compositions come out they didn't add new keys loyce ISIF my sink enough to add new keys the keys themselves lend themselves to so many diverse so many diverse compositions I said I'll be able to do more I'll do I'll do two more questions and we'll call it a night good questions how long should I stay in our marriage well slocks though the women are crying in the men are laughing what's going on here I've been in a marriage for many years I come from a Hasidic family I married a top boy who was learning in illiteracy a Shiva who comes from a similar background like me he was very studious in a city as he was very serious everything was only Tyra it was amazing he was much more religious than his parents and I thought wow he really takes his terrorist so seriously one day I discovered he simply suffers from very severe depression how long does somebody stay in a miserable and a difficult marriage are there rules do I feel people tell me that divorce is the worst thing so I'm not doing it because I feel very guilty and I want to be stigmatized what is the right approach listen you ask you know a question the question of of questions I'll be I'll try to be honest straight brief and concise even though it's a question that you know we could talk about it for a few years I don't think any responsible person can never tell a woman or a man to stay married or to get divorced this is a choice that the people who are dealing with the issue have to make themselves I'm again I'm not talking about in a situation where there's danger where a person is physically abusing you you're dealing with a unbearable situation and you need help getting out of the situation if there's a horrible horrible situation I'm talking about in a situation you've been there many years and you're contemplating it yourself I can't tell somebody to stay married I can't tell somebody to get divorced but I will share a few general perspectives if the person or people are ready to get help if they're ready to acknowledge that there is a challenge within themselves and in the marriage and they're ready to get help you have to get best top top experts and go for help and follow his or her instructions and I'm going to say what I said earlier you have to be an educated consumer when it comes to therapy and healing as well there are women and men that go into therapy some therapists are great some therapists are fine and some therapists are lousy sometimes therapists give stupid advice to women and to men sometimes a therapist will try to build up a woman and build up her independence because she's codependent but what they do in the process is they completely emotionally cut her off from her husband and she remains alone in the world with nine children the therapist is very proud of herself or himself because he gave the woman independence what are you what did he do he took her away from her deeper values and priorities maybe she wants a relationship you have to help your patient reach their goals not reach your goals and when you're affect when you're a patient you have to make sure you're reaching your goals if after three four five six seven eight times it's not going anywhere and it's just creating more misery more pain more agony and there's no there's no light at the end of the tunnel there's no awareness there's no awakening there's no hope being conveyed it's like I shoulda stopped the date then go find somebody else just because somebody has a degree doesn't mean they're good some people with degrees don't know what they're doing they push it don't know what they're doing just like this doctors there's great doctors this fine doctors and this lousy doctors and especially doctors when you tell them you want to ask a second opinion you see their response like I spoke before see how they respond you'll know if it's a good doctor a great doctor a lousy doctor when you say I'm gonna ask a second opinion he will freak out my father all of us almost one's being treated by a doctor and there was no progress and my mother tells him I'm going to ask a second opinion he says ok ok as though you need one so she asked a second opinion is that can opinion said get your husband fast out of his care so my mother took my father away and he said before you're going to kill your husband don't blame me but as a result his life was saved so the moment somebody becomes insecure on your husband don't trust so I say be an educated consumer when it comes to healing if something doesn't feel right if something doesn't make sense you don't worship healers you worship God not healers so that's concerning help now there's another question what if he's not ready to get help what if he's not ready to I acknowledge his problems what if she's not ready to acknowledge person has borderline personality they're not ready to acknowledgment person has other challenges they're not ready to acknowledge it person has a narcissistic personality disorder at least due suspicion that they have it and you can't walk around on eggshells for the rest of your life what do you do then if there's a situation where people are open and honest then you're dealing with an extraordinary opportunity for a much deeper marriage because if a husband and a wife could look at each other and look in the mirror and say you know what I was clueless I didn't get it I have to learn I have triggers I'm responding to trauma these are my issues we didn't understand each other then there can have the best marriage ever even better than most other marriages because they had to work through their skeletons the challenge is if you're dealing with a person who's non Moore or dead or lifeless or completely in denial and and it's just endless pain does that mean you have to get divorced what that means is you have to look at this situation very very clearly and you have to look at two things what you would call them business the pros and the cons you have to look at all the pain that this marriage is causing you but you also have to look at all of the positive values that this marriage is tributing in other words divorce doesn't end all misery it substitutes one life for another life now in some situations that new life may be much better than the first life it may be more beneficial if you have a freakin if you I'm sorry if you have somebody who's a real abuser and is speeding children or never mind doing other things to children run run no question if it's not that situation where people's lives are in danger they're just being ruined and devastated but it's a difficult situation you have to look at the pain you have to also look at their values there's a value there's a family there's some good moments perhaps maybe really he or she is an innocent person and they just can't control themselves it's not malicious you have to really see what this marriage is doing for you in a positive sense and what this marriage is doing for you in a negative sense and then you have to ask yourself are you ready to live with this pain for the sake of the value that this marriage brings to your life or not of course if there are children the consideration has to be not only your own pain but also their pain and the consideration also has to be what the consequences are for them in terms of the value that it brings and in terms of the pain that the marriage brings on the other hand I should say some women are put through a terrible guilt trip for getting divorced and that's not always the case Toyota legislates divorce for a reason God acknowledges that sometimes it's the right thing not always in America sadly too often it's used we create a secular America that created a culture of divorce and that sad but sometimes divorce despite the fact that it's painful it should only be done in the last last last resort when all other options have been experimented with but to put a woman or a man through terrible guilt for abandoning a marriage is completely unfair especially when it's coming from Yanis and idiots who know nothing about the marriage I know nothing about the pain there are people who have been through 20 years of hell and they finally got out of it and then they have to come and people give them this look like how can you this is very unfair do you know what happened were you in the bedroom were you those children do you know who she was do you know who he was how could you judge somebody this doesn't mean she made her or he made a right decision maybe they made a wrong decision but I can't judge somebody without knowing everything and sometimes it's a sad but right decision amputating a foot a leg or a hand is not a celebration you don't throw a party because the doctor amputated both of your legs but sometimes it saves your life and if it wouldn't have been amputated you would have died a divorce is an amputation it's painful it's difficult it's challenging anyway you spin it but it doesn't mean that it was unnecessary or that it was not the right decision and you should not allow yourself to feel that guilt for the rest of your life that you destroyed your life you may have saved your life and the important thing is to create a brighter future and not to remain in a cycle of violence and fighting which is probably one of the greatest most important ideas that even when you divorce somebody the relationship as much as possible as to remain civil and mentally especially if there are children because for you she may be just a sick person or he may be a sick person but for your children these are their parents forever and when we use our exes as missiles to fire and hurt our ex it is so damaging it is such narrow-minded thinking it is so petty it's gaining short-term and sacrificing everybody's happiness long-term I know of a story there was a man was extremely wealthy and he had a he had a partner who owed him close to a hundred million dollars and he didn't want to pay him the money and he was in court with this partner for close to a hundred million dollars and this man died and his inheritance went of course to his widow so she had the opportunity to continue in court and get the hundred million dollars from her husband who died but she told this to me she said that that partner was vicious and she knew that if she goes to court she will be in courts for 25 years and she may come out with a hundred million dollars which is not so bad for a widow with a bunch of kids she told me she withdrew it from court completely she was Michael everything I say Wow why'd you do it she said I had to choose between being 25 years in court and maybe making a hundred million dollars because we were right or living a life of peace of serenity and struggling with finances and raising my children and a normal healthy functional home without garages without negative energy that's a wise woman that's a wise woman and today I could see the difference there are people fight and fight and fight again so no there's no choice sometimes situation you slept to court but as much as possible avoid these things like the plague you win the battle and you lose the war and you don't want to lose the war in life you want to win the war and sometimes by winning the battle you lose the war this pain and you have to deal with your pain you have to have a good person to help you because this is painful and there's a need for revenge but try never ever to go there especially when you have when you have innocent children those are some thoughts about this but really this is a very individual question and you need some people you trust okay I'm going to do one more question Phase II Russia I'm hoping you'll be able to put an end to what has been a long and arduous journey and my attempt to gain clarity on a battle that takes place within me almost every day I am 20 years old I'm an English teacher at a grey Jewish school they say that being a teacher is supposed to be rewarding and fulfilling yet somehow I feel as if I'm lacking something I don't feel I'm supposed to be a teacher I enjoy my job I'm good at it but I don't find the real full that so many people talk about when you teach I have been blessed with another great talent acting as far as I can remember I have always possessed an overwhelming passion and appreciation for acting I have numerously I have numerous times lost myself in exercising my talent of acting I am enthralled by the talent by the professionalism and by the glitter of acting and here is my challenge I come from a very religious Torah observant home none of this is appreciated in our circles when I graduated seminary I was told that acting has no place in Judaism it's all my ate Sahara my evil inclination that's growing stronger and stronger I want to have a close relationship with God but I'm very confused about the whole talent thing I was told that all these talents come from negative places in me I have to let go of them and just enjoy my teaching job I thought my passion for everything would maybe go away as I got older but it remains and it becomes even stronger so now I'm desperate why did God put the idea of entertainment into this world and give these kinds of talents to Jews if it's essentially a non-jewish thing why are Jews blessed with talents that belong to Gentiles is my life's goal forever to overcome my passion to crush my passion to overcome my desire to develop my skills does it make sense to look at it that way I feel such emptiness in my job now I don't want to be a teacher for the rest of my life what am I supposed to do with all these voids with all this pain with all these feelings I've been searching for answer for a year now for more than a year now I keep myself I keep finding myself at a dead-end I find that so many people I speak to about this are simply not sensitive to what I'm going through you see what people are thinking about ah well sock still I have nine hundred letters like this I still left answer I don't even know how I can come close to what they have to answer by email I have around 900 letters like this every person a different story I'll tell you I'll tell you how I see it I mean briefly I'll tell you how I see it there's no such a thing that your talent is a non-jewish thing and that it shouldn't have and it's a curse that you have it and your whole life has to be an exercise in in misery and frustration and repair and suppression I don't I don't relate to that I don't think it's true I know a mission in picki office I like bringing sources the Mishna says in pre-k over the last Mishnah we just finished learning it call Marcia Baraka there's Miroku boy Lamar Libra la la Vida whatever God created in the world he created for divine glory it says call everything doesn't say besides your talents everything besides you everybody was created for glory besides you the Gemara says a massacre Shabbos Y Baraka there's Barra who'd over occurred lavit Allah there's nothing in this world that was created in vain now this doesn't mean that the purpose of it is always clear sheep we can eat horses we can't eat wasn't created for eating we can ride on horses donkeys we can be transported on the donkeys as moisture did with his wife and his children and as I've Rama vena did and as mushiya who will come on a donkey doesn't mean it's for eating every everything in the world has a purpose what its purpose is you have to figure out you have to study you have to analyze sometimes the purpose of something is to engage it in one way and sometimes you fulfill its purpose by disengaging from it but everything has purpose everything has meaning everything exists in you especially a talent a gift has incredibly profound meaning you shouldn't feel guilty about it and horrible about it it's part of your life in this world of its time one said it's we say in this song of Sunday surely I'm of Sunday maash Emirates employer tableware shrivel me ala bearish a milkman concoction Nikita Pomeroy live off a chalet NASA la shove now she who will come up who will scale the mountain of God a person who has clean hands a pure heart who did not carry my soul in vain what does it mean to carry my soul in vain if somebody has a talent and they don't use it if somebody has a gift and they don't maximize it if somebody has a resource and they don't actual eyes it what are they doing they're carrying God's soul in vain I surely know Salah shoving off she and that's a crime against yourself and against the whole world the world needs you the world the world needs your light each of our souls were sent down to this world to light up the world to make it a better place a holier place each and every one of us is an ambassador of love and of light and of hope each and every one of us is Ashley of the reboiler shillelagh to add wisdom enlightenment kindness goodness holiness kedusha to the world you have incredible talents which means you're capable of igniting the lives of so many people through your unique individual skills it's a blessing and it's an opportunity yes as Jews we have moral boundaries I can have incredible talents but I have to have boundaries not to destroy me to protect me to allow those talents to actually be used for a longer time in a more safe way from my own benefit sometimes when there's no boundaries it looks more promising I could do whatever I want but why don't you go interview a lot of women who are out there in the big world on stage and ask them how their marriages are how their personal lives are remember that a lot of people use us not always in ways that we can choose moral boundaries help you with your talents they don't destroy your path talents you want to make sure that talents don't come at the expense of priorities of values sometimes in the name of talents we sacrifice what we really really cherish and then it's too late to turn the clock back there was a famous Jewish feminist I think her name was Gloria Steinem who said women need men like fish need bicycles and this was her way of saying who needs men you don't need marriage so a whole generation was created of women who decided they'll become judges and lawyers and business women and not wives so they can be free and emancipated and so many of them I avert from them the clock ticks and later in life there's a profound sense of loneliness because relationships are not a curse to to build a home to build a beautiful marriage to build a beautiful family is not a curse it's probably one of the deepest values that a human soul and especially a feminine soul has so you want to make sure to focus and maintain your boundaries not to give up your priorities and your values but there's no need to see it as a contradiction to expressing your talents what should you do with your talent one thing I could suggest is perhaps try to cultivate a plan and a strategy where you can provide people maybe young women young girls with spiritually uplifting entertainment if you can channel your entertainment skills and use it as a vehicle to inspire people towards towards goodness and towards a relationship with Hashem it's unbelievable I know that there are many many young girls and women today and young women who have tremendous talent and they're craving to express it and they often feel stifled imagine a person like yourself with your wisdom and skill would create a opportunity for them to do this in a morale in a beneficial and a productive way and you can have a tremendous impact on your life far more than many other famous actresses who are maybe celebrities in Hollywood but their life is in shambles emotionally if you could just interview them or read a little bit about about their lives okay should I do one more how do I know which direction Judaism is right every rabbi and rebus says they're weighing you discard is the right way there are so many communities in the Orthodox world considers Modern Orthodox yeshiva SHhhh let's fish religious Mizrahi how do I know that I'm on the right track I'm not even comparing the modern to the ultra Hasidic within the consider Shore world within the from let's fish world there are so many differences how is it that everybody claims they're the right path I was born here but maybe I need to search for something else is there room for individuality must I be just like my father who will be around in two hundred years which hat is going to win the key posture Oh God the bar Cellino the strai Mille the spodek the caskets which one is going to be around in 200 years those are still he wants to know who's gonna be around 200 years this primal or the bar Cellino of the key posture Agha and which one should he choose today also my father tells me Messiah is holy you have to follow the tradition of your father but what about if I find another path that is more meaningful when is Messara holy and when is Messiah politics good questions people good questions good questions wow this really is a long one this is not we're gonna stop here stay tuned have a wonderful evening and thank you for coming Cygnus is basically the teachings of the Baal Shem Tov and the students that emphasized certain ideas in yudish kite they were pre-existing others didn't invent a new so this emphasized ideas that were there but they weren't emphasized so much emphasized them elaborated on them explain them accentuated them and so forth position the position to the cities at the time came from a few factors fact number one was you could see it in the in the in the from him in there in the bands that were written there was a dissenter him there were witnesses that came to him and told him stories about Adam and how they do and how they behave and they testified that they're breaking halakha they're violating hollow head of our lineage of kumara and it was a movement that was spreading like wildfire so the Vilna Gaon was scared that there's gonna be another another movement another new cut a new cult against Allah and remember they were just recovering from the whole shop CTE debacle which happened a hundred years earlier less than Andria's earlier which was a disaster and it relied a lot on Kabbalah and mysticism that shop seats vien and his spokesman Nathan of Gaza no Sanaa so he preached and he felt that it may be another major disaster for tyre and Yiddish kind that was one thing so there was push it tremendous doer there was there were two with this testimony that was brought to him and you see in the theorem that he describes things they're doing but it was obviously the wages that came and and testified against them I think that was the probably the biggest factor second factor was Sid Amanda Siddhas began to emphasize things that weren't very much focused on before started to bring out certain things and for people for whom they knew you discard is vulnerable and the power of you destroyed was my side of the tradition and it was too different there was to newett it sounded strange it's like who speaks this language so they got very suspicious and I'm talking him out of my right here the ADA Scheck I'm talking here about good people right they got very suspicious it's like what's that what's gonna be the end of this Marshall the most I'm too focused a lot on passion emotion simcha other such a mere assertion he focused a lot on the fact that every neshama is a helical economy mom Amish the fact that in the core all Jews are one one of these types of concepts that the world is annoyed malvada in the world is divine in which never sahayam struggles a lot with the two sides some some shall I could shoot they would have a lot of in youngnam that are very very powerful stuff very intense so some people felt you know may limit kabbalah my learning this stuff or you know some select few we lead fine let it be our bond mission asila par disrepair Kievan is a problem at all but a mass movement you talk about these things what's gonna be the next step then they'll change this then Shabbos will be changed and this sister will be changed it was a lot of suspicion a lot of fear from good people I think from good people plus you had you know Mollie Malloy cos they see a fire they make sure to pour kerosene that was the ADIS and I think a combination of analyst was very successful oh so it was like wildfire it was spreading like crazy right it took Pollan and Galicia and a lot of Russia and parts of Lithuania not all over the parts of Lithuanian and Russia and then Hungary it was just very very successful and the Vilna Gaon felt that he has to protect you describe so I think it was based on of tremendous misunderstanding sometimes coming from very good intentions but you see clearly that in a few decades was all over Brian vulajin ah ah did I inhaled mention doesn't exist anymore maybe out of ignorance not out of seriousness if there is a Maha Lycus today its first of all doesn't exist and even if it does very few people at set of ignorance it's not coming out of knowledge they never met the people they stereotype them you hear about a group you hear three and a half stories about them and you stereotype them and then you build a whole philosophy but if you get to know the people the patina you don't have the mark like us anymore maybe you'll find three and a half people that they can look like us seriously really know but nobody drinks wine from Masuda nobody's there and nobody stands in their dali lama's how families would have to get divorced way to go and stay them half of the families would have to get divorce today it almost doesn't exist the ready the Godot Lolita already changed it right that generation of kind of emotion already was habitual of a larger and some asada yeah working my machete machete I'm as close close partners this was mama SH a few decades later and constantly what's climbing the balls are over up high in brisk and and the lebarge he never did a sharp or mama Sh very very tight a crime oyster of its hyeri beautiful corner from from from caverna with the Gary burrata good I mean it was already it was they weren't going to sit they may have had different there were different Messiah T's did this one emphasize this will emphasize there's no question Sydenham emphasized and taught ideas of cities from the Beauchamp if the literature didn't fine but wasn't anymore a fundamental mahalik us in in in in essence different approach just like you have no satisfied no sahaj cannot understand you have different monogamy have so many monogamy with people we do proxy will don't need the brachot so what people are maxim and these people are not much man these people have this cool little cool but they didn't see it anymore as a substantial McLucas they saw it more as a cosmetic maha like us understand the difference it's very different yeah yeah yeah yeah you know the ballot Anya went to visit the Vilna gone Yasha vessel of a chick used to say the ballot on Europe men de lavit tips K went to visit the villa gonna Villa they pressure wanted to go and speak to him well Tanya felt that if he would have a conversation with the gone it would all be over boys well the Tigers go anus and Ziggler was was lawfully they called them by his bat mitzvah of tano that's really excited I'm it straight out of town or it wasn't behalf liver fell and he felt and it meant a lot of Dhaka was also been gone with he would have one conversation it would all be over because gone would ask them the questions he would see where they're coming from everything has a source but he didn't because they they fed so much Lashon Hara Sabrina can spot him that kazakh loshon Hara Seamus Kabul ll lave even by Gorillaz wrong one of the sad things of history and he didn't want to see them and that was it there's different messiahs but the bottom line is it never happened whatever the reason was it never happened and that was that they were Salon de Xiang yeah the market the first item was I think the topic of wombat days this was 12 years after the Baal Shem Tov passed away that's a good question why the Baal Shem Tov can that generation for four reasons three reasons basically one reason was the physical MOT some of the Jewish people was was mama Shin the aired it was in the it was see but see how you did remember that taffyta 1648 1649 which is just fifty years before the Baal Shem Tov was born Bogdan malinovski amar Shah my and the Cossacks massacred close to three hundred thousand Jews after the Holocaust it's not a big number but you have to understand since kumbaya shaney there was no such Corbin like this it was destroyed Poland Ukraine it was reckless what happens is that they were killed in the way they were killed that's number one number two a few decades after was the shop seats V which killed the Jews spiritually it was almost a fatal blow to the morale hundreds of communities believe that he's machine and when he converted to Islam it was he he converted to Islam to save his life they offered the Sultan of Turkey he was in Turkey is me he offered him either Islam or he chops off his head so he converted to Islam so imagine mushiya they sold their homes in Turkey they leased all the boats to take him there to zero and and and as a result of that the demoralization of the Jews was Sheckler a third component was completely on another level the Enlightenment began the Haskalah began in Western Europe and then it traveled to eastern europe and that killed religion from another angle then Lichtman destroyed the church christianity and in the process had also destroyed judaism from a different angle so the whole you described was now facing a Sakana witch proved to be another major fatal blow das scholar and a fourth component which was connected to all of this was the internal mood in the Jewish world was Sbrocco and the division in communities and the division between homina homina shortened it was just a tremendous dryness and the spear and hopelessness in the Jewish world communally and individually they were toiling they were Goodell the tear them into her common but there was a certain brokenness basically the gallows got to the Jewish people the girls got to the Jewish people so that sunset of others says that the Baal Shem Tov put in a little bit of the air of Messiah he put into the world some people who thought that the Baal Shem Tov was just a term to be makar of simple people to be nice to simple people people used to look at simple Jews as a yeah it's nothing and he said no you don't understand the clay enough to heal him and I'm saying Oh main and of giving stock and of singing a in and of talking to Hashem and cuckoo cuckoo and I come on a Libra boy so the most Hampton was like you know a nice man who understood farmers and peasants and chickens and cows and milking cows and and correctness and he was as a vitamin vitamin e who went around and you know and he said look I am and hangin a tensile and that was his contribution but the truth is that this is this comes from historians who know nothing about the citizen about Sumter because the Hebraic edition of the baal shem tov would go in a eilam the market of miss rich himself was a gone i l'm in niggler push it the told the sack of Yosef the bower tangy was one of the greatest go in him and all the dirtiness he had the bower florida's safe a minor fish malkov Nicholas Berg about ditching him some is about did sure is known as a fight was a gun it was the robbed of huge killer spins quite it review these were these were I've bought off des dunes and tae-yong in Russia she was they were huge going him what were they attracted to tell me that if I milk my cow and I say Baruch Hashem can labor star the kid you got milk so all the mile awesome star dancing it wasn't there wasn't the shot is at the bottom that was my gala or she was my gala he brought her a shitty English guide he brought out on a couldn't couldn't you know that were on Mucca Mucca Mucca mad scientist and Nicolas an entire semester but there are from a mainland there was a new dignity by the inertia be shortened but run was my gala the the most the most of Thailand in a sham of Tyler the neshamah the sauce and zyre it says that in everything this awesome and Galya does the hidden and is revealed in a Judas Sossaman Galya diabolica there's this awesome of a Jew the hidden part of the Jew and the galley of the drew the revealed part of the Joe entire to this Sossamon Galya and could Sabri hood assassin Mongolia so the baal shem tov you could say started to speak about and be Magana this awesome of a Jew thus awesome of Tyler and the system of coach Abreu and thus awesome of the world but male everything got lit up with a new type of light but it was it was a omocha might create a lot of leaders that's part of it that's part of it Harambee so many different branches also you're right in an economy you can't compare the of the ballot on yet others I mean it's all but is usually you write so many but is usually a common denominator you could sense in all this forum that come from the hey how about some turf there's usually a certain common denominator yeah usually you could sense not always but usually there's a Sun a shovel that pervades all civics in this from this farce ms2 the BAM I am hi I'm from the Maire shemesh the register all for Myra Mayor to the Tonya huh from you smash motion what let me set even though put them all on look at the man in his dareth it's a breslav adara it's not the it's not like a douche a slavey yeah yeah yeah yeah well the power Tania developed a whole and he wrote in this he wrote the encyclopedia felicitous that was Tania all tsipras's were basically on the parsha you open a kedusha slavery writer and I am Alamelu or Samus and later generations so it's on the parsha of art I'm very anxious of our Tom Nowak of art on Pesach this told the sack of Yosef even the first safe amalgam or of lack of their vert on the parsha the first safer that was written on the parsha was written as a systematic presentation what is the visitors was a Tanya it was written with Kapila as an encyclopedic huh should be not safer and it's not impartial to explain what is the of citizen avoid assertion what is it so to speak the show tomorrow the official tomorrow to know how to live in Ziggler so traditional Carnatic of the life of the cities so it was in all different that a whole different our he focus very much on that in a phenomenal year you need you need teachers forces you need me just like you need a teacher for game or you need a teacher focuses right you're right you're right you want to know what's there between the cities in the morale of a citizen the nefesh a Khayyam of a citizen leche Bevacqua ma reversal of Elvis or sherry true Viroqua tzaddikim Oh miss Alyssa sheriff was farm of their I'm how that's what he asked even the farm of mr. so if you learn if you learn well all this farm you'll see that this ah okay to you you'll see that there's certain Kudus and mahasin that the baal shem tov and a student's accentuated and brought out that you don't have so much another smaller even in there I'm Colin even o'clock Pacific Hawkman dust furnace and safer Vic you are all anonymous I said this you could find before everything is in Kamara and in Bali in your Shawnee and Madras there's no word from the Baal Shem Tov or from his talmidim that you won't find in Tyler as the Irish Army says in Magilla Cove a DAB Rilakkuma Scott very male a cold Marsha calm it was the cost of the Kaddish how cold it emerged Messina right so if it's trader you're gonna find him if I didn't enough you'll find it in Bali find something you'll find it a madness you'll find it in halacha you'll find it as you say in city most sense if you're my cover I'm not talking about that I'm talking about accentuating it emphasizing it makalah elaborating and not not inventing it wasn't invented bring it bring it out elaborate certain acordes all Marshall than a goodness of Actos Hashem that everything is an expression of a sham this you find in C fixedness shall I bear us more than others the morale is as the morale the side of a lot of us did this come from the mire how there's no question the Tania says ma look at me peace for a moment be safe for him so the Messiah is that's for him men the morale in the shallow and soy-free me meant the ball jumped him in the market so there's no question - shall also tremendous amounts of you say this if I said this you'll see in the morale and the Shawa but I've said this it was brought out in with a certain language with a certain house border with a certain irises and with maybe most important with an application to practical life that you won't find in the Maryland inshallah you understand what I'm saying side the houses border side that her cover and that the application yeah it's like a certain approach and approach to life certain approach to terrace an effort psychological life the emotional live the practical life very very heavily but you'll have tremendous amount of you say the solicitors in the Shalimar L almost a little shallow rights my son Shamala k neshama hood doesn't mean it is one God it means that Hashem is the only Macias that says into Shawa officially the most m have said it constantly but the shallow says Allah says it once he says it in a few lines I said this turned it into a cancer my patient the coyote Somoza on a shaman a shaman is a helical are coming my cloak assassins there are man says yeah there are mom says it's just awesome who says it 20 times the reason says it probably 25 times there's just awesome says it's probably 30 times sha what probably says it 90 times that Ana Chamizal Catholic Allah , mom there are mother commits the washin but it sucked Collin faf maths most sane FAS who me mouthwash I'm Barnaby nature says the postman in Kabbalah it's already are you saw it in caballes forum you have it much more right but the my love Anna Shama in citizen became a huge sukhiya you're not gonna find it before voice you find them fun you'll find an emphasis I'm also but I'll become a huge a huge suger now Lamar Sheldon Ephram will emphasize that after session the real actors Hashem on that level has to remain above it has to remain mysterious in Nikola you shouldn't mix it combined if this is very much into that the Fela that has to remain above if Cindy's dad Garcia was not like that since that Goshen was not that after session has to inform life so that when you learn well you see that this how do you apply that I'll tell you where a Moshe Shapiro's told me I'll tell you where my we're a motion Shapiro versus ash dieback he knew well the sifri grah grah he knew well Safra Gras but also tomorrow episode the category can tell so his last year I heard there was here in Muncie he came for treatments and he was here the Shabbos before Rosh Hashanah or the Shabbos before salutis or the Shabbos Lucas he davon din Baruch show a little show someone shouldn't ask him to speak he spoke for a very long time and it was his life turned out his last year so much sorry Shabbos it was a private mother Malkin somebody's house so the person invited me so we had a very long s'mores so he told me to moistur told me that when he wants to experience Tom granadan so he goes into a room he locks the door he opens a look at the taint of the ballot Anya and he sits on it for hours amazing and Aidan so I asked him what's the he told this to me clearly he said it to me I heard from his mouth this is a Canadian huh he was after Latakia so no I mean Mossad there's no much like us today I'm telling about this it's an old McCoy's to forgot too much like this and their stomach like cosines who's not gonna win the ballot on yet because my focus of the girl doesn't exist you know one person who doesn't quote the budget River I'm asking you there's no McLucas it's a few cultural differences this type of had that I perhaps there in addition the Kaddish so remember that the Marcus caster no class I mean what's the most like us there's no much like us did somebody who says ah I'm saying there's no much like us today I don't see a much like us today maybe there's three and a half people who hold on to mark like us but nobody knows them they're somewhere in basements maybe no respected Russia Shiva today would even speak like this you hear one person say it so that's Ksyusha Shiva's Esaias rabbi Shapiro I told him that some of his talmidim told me in his name that there was no mosque like there's a cherry for them one of the ballot Anja discusses the of Samba column that Simpson was captured a their easel holds the reason says there before brie asylum Hashem had to limit Sampson they ain't safe to be able to create space for the world cause ain't safe isn't everything ain't life is infinite so they had to be what's called Simpson withdraw symptom arrange safe and he left a hollow empty space the series also has an eight sky and in a few places so there is a big McLucas what's shot in distance is it Kip shoot a or shall I keep shooting so the ballot Anya and Tonya sherry doesn't want to paint a giant has a huge irises a huge payday that of course it's July capture tie and it's a big mistake those who thought that it's symptom escape shooter that the ain't safe is mamala the world just like it was before creation there's no difference it's only a hillock of Holloman Guillory etc so officially one of the bar Phuket is the other side was asagoro in the Segura and his peers and sifrit it's near son the Zohar he has a penis on surfer that's nice is the marshmallows it seemed some escape shorted but are those who say that it's not a real mark like this so they quoted Moshe Paris I asked them if that's true that he said that because he said no there is a mock Lycus of course they look like as if Simpson was literal or not literal so I asked him my knife came in which comes down to the question of shahi Mozilla might not come in hello my enough come into this side of that son practically I don't mean the mouth came in in in in house Boris in this so so he claimed that one of the difference is very very a very profound idea that it boils down to the following question the question is very very deep if the ultimate path to Hashem to kedusha to tell the Costa College Borough Hall if it requires preesh were not precious meaning if you say that kavaja whole the ain't safe is not in this world there's a marshland some of them a cabal him that it's like the king who looks out of the palace and he sees the garbage dump but he's not in the garbage dump he sees it he supervises it he's in control of it but he's not in the Ashbaugh he's not in the garbage dump he sits in the palace and he looks at it that's Simpson if you say that it means that soft course of this world is a safer place what do I mean it safer place it's not it's not the place where truth is the more precious the more you could segregate yourself the more you could disengage from oil um huzzah and all of its expressions the closer you can get to the world of ain't safe if you say it symptom is not kept shorter so then a night move on died so that in the world itself you couldn't you could find a locus this also expresses itself okay so that's an Ulster so in other words one there's much more the precious from the world and one should this is no McCann off a bin the guns are wealth the whole world the last is Lloyd's body dynamite oldest enemy got excited yeah Steinem look good too tight missed half finished half here but that there's no student that ultimately the tactless of avoid that is to be Megillah Alec whose godliness and everything and everywhere it also comes into the person himself in other words how do you deal with yourself one Darris is the more you can go away from your individuality and Bhima Vatel yourself Bhima Vatel yourself to Tara so the more holy you become and the other directors know every nakute in you could be could be utilized could be could be embraced that's detail that's details an avoider where you are yeah look the gomorrah says you tell an aussie right Scarcella caramel a seeker of don't get close to the vineyard you have to know where you are missing the door room is a good thing of the Dharam it's not a good thing Dietmar Shastra Tyra don't be no their own a Dharam struggler priestess so that's different much something where a person is if somebody is addicted to food and this was it was unknown when Rebbe said me on my line at NACA let's putana shot is it wasn't a egotistical or nah that goofy yeah yeah I'll that aldera out that a person eats car bonus right it's it's Michele Segovia Kazaa Cola yeah she says in Bates a is sitting at Chokin on Melanie or guest of our show so there's two types of eating so I asked her Marcia what what other than a few minutes between the two Simpsons she says dusted energy nook this is enough revolutionary to my house theme of how to how to look at the world it's a whole question do you elevate the world do you run away from the world do you elevate your talents do you run from your talents do you try to go to heaven as much as possible or know you wanna you want to connect heaven and earth it's it's huge knife cominius an avoider and there's an engine availability welcome hi i'm and it comes down in so many different ways it branches off in millions of little little ways what your relationship to work is we in relationship to businesses relation to money relationship to the world but law your relationship to individuality to talents it's also i would say very much probably why they're hashem to was mongers simcha so much what's the enough simple ah no but what's the most idea of simcha in other words if if if you tell a person for the rest of your life you have to be an effort on effort but by being an average for 90 years you're gonna get a limb haba and if you say sir you find tremendously schmuck on what you're doing but the new Hoodie is after Stan servitude and then you'll get our loom haba so soft call soft unless you're on a very high moderator this there could be there could be a certain pain a certain fact wrench kite why the Baal Shem Tov who is marketing in of annoyed Nevada so it's not an engine of Aldous it's an engine of self-expression it's an engine of Actos not avid us so then it's a whole it's a it's a different ad gosh so these are some of you sizes that he would that he brought out a lot the kites Ibiza same is true with Astor Cicero one Titan after sister all is you have big differences between drusy I Russia she means argan oil up and here's a push to farmer LMI without Sinai man she have to be a man she have to be nice it's part of Hester that's part of this so sometimes it could be a little superficial I'm not throwing my by beginner shamans but sometime by people who are not so big in a tsunami but if you're Marga Sh if the bartender was money that all Yeadon Amish one and the new Cudahy optimist the Talmud Holcomb and the Pasha to child is much the same kala kalah Carl even though there's differences in Lum descendant this so then this is the hair of actors in in a more natural organic way the coyote tsubasa but this is all in the original is the way they developed this is the new career of Moshe Shapiro's we had a conversation this was it was his last year his last year never give a shear after he passed away a few months later when did he pass away last year two years ago this was duration Shabbos before a Shoshana before he passed away did I answer your question a little bit oh no not good not completely okay for his bases merits the sequester Shila no it wasn't a Schuyler soft call surface if something is Tyler it comes back to the same look good if something is real tighter it can't not come back to the same decoder you understand that's a cloud the shine is in one that could itself there could be a lot of different manifestations the Gemara dr. Hagee yeah yeah you have this side and this side the coulomb area ahead neatness it doesn't it could have actors and everything a lavell Olivia like him time of mr. Anil Hakeem Khayyam sinners 20 tell attempts that means Bashar my basil--oh it comes back to one that could but from one that could there could be a lot of different different manifestations but ultimately real Toyota always comes back to one Dakota now you can't compare shot yeah she's Peter son homage Yeah right so there are bounds Peters to the clay ah kurta there a high into the told the sack of Yosef to the Naima lamella to the reason speeders on Hamish Rashi explains to you am i sir with with with the garb Harshit and i reason suddenly the home ice is all Derrick Assad so what is it they're contradicting the shot is it's all one I could but there's different layers there's layers of Yiddish grind and they're all MS first ace was a hug so there's no stealin more horse if it's tighter then I could this after satyrs could this actors from ATS masane save but a comment developed not only V not only V what you mad Gish defender human avoid even in the Musa will take the Musa world yeah you now many differences the work so given this loboteca Dennis index and then a vide the Kadena when the altar funk alum about the governors of Tommy DiPalma basil--oh chelation show called circa among the vinaigrettes Americas Enzo hush state that it all started when moisture hit the rock if moisture would have spoken to the rock wouldn't have happened because he hit the rack so capita she fights itself Satan takuna Ziya they weren't Allah cautious and a boy is some hikers and toughness and take hoes and reminiscent when Peter came on us outs from the moisture honey in Iraq as a statement hakuna Shia gamma mu Kazakh a coid vodka Asian or mash em oka party she fights at cellar so that the vada is cash ain't fire but cafeteria fights at Salamis long in the cellar partitions I think become a tree Amata moisture so you fight to sell us so you have tied everywhere and everybody gets a little piece and together you work it through and you get back the whole picture that's why you need all the McCoy person you need me shout me any bacilli need to be smarter but get rid of you who did it may need all the much like us because everyone is a piece of the rock if you if you ignore that to you ignoring the part you're not gonna get back in the rock that's to avoid the Siberian no no the question is when some sometimes people choose to go a little bit away from their fathers Messiah and the fathers get very upset yeah people who fill a void they feel a void and they you can't force a person and say you have to stay here that's not Judaism copy the service of sms's not which you Shiva to learn keyboard of this is just an art here today and Simran hmm your father tells you don't go learn you don't have to be Muhammad off for that in the shoulda why cuz that's not keyboard of keyboard of is respecting the father his needs don't sit in his seat don't give him tomorrow says in condition give him to eat give him to drink give him to dress if he needs help holy but cubed off doesn't mean that if my father wants me not to get my inspiration keepeth of the my father's want me to eat I shouldn't eat that keep enough for Kent it's embarrassing if that's what a father wants well listen I'll listen them from the edge today this uncle asana thatthis that's a fact fathers today screamer sorry to miss item aside a messiah the only reason to said this is because they left their fathers if they would have stayed by their fathers they wouldn't have been right fathers didn't go to the Baal Shem Tov the Magadh all these people so they all left their fathers huh okay sometimes ELISA but even an issue schlong in a minute huh keep without of how locker doesn't mean it's a productive economy your father today I don't want you to marry this girl you want to marry this girl you know if the listen I don't want you to go learned tired in this yeshiva these are young on them it's always better if your father agrees it's gosh McKenna you never allowed to embarrass your father Zardoz or dark iron Akili I mean ever a lot embarrass your father you never a lot of disrespect your father but keyboard of doesn't mean if I need these vitamins for my soul or my father says it for me it wasn't it was enough without it Barra Hashem for you was enough I need vitamin I need vitamin B what should I need vitamin B so what for carrot a smart father understands appreciates that is if your son has to change stuff it's better that he goes this way then that way right I don't see what embarrassed somebody wants to be Samus Kazakh avoid assertion so the father learns a mission a day and he learns three blood today so it's an embarrassment well you have to look if it's an embarrassment Toyota's opinion so Daschle cannot have devolved no it's not if I disagree with you and you tell me oh you're embarrassing me but albumen look at hey Leo muhabba I'll say I'm sorry I apologize but I'm not embarrassing you in public it's not up to them if a person is never emotionally ill fine but call it emotional illness don't call it instead what I'm saying now and showing others how luck is how to disagree with your father Tucker says you shouldn't be cited as one if you don't say your father you're acting against hello he asked him a question ah but doesn't there's a way of communicating with a father respectfully but the house for some to say keyboard of means I know the halacha is different and I say the wrong thing because my father says different way you know louder if your father has a day now look and you know any you know he's making a mistake you know I want to listen to him thank you enough if I cared the tape of the kid would've listened even I said to Mitchell he'd be maxilla keeper dog has a good Darian keyboard of doesn't mean whatever my father says I do it what if your father's against you should and what if you want to send your kids to a different school cuz they need it and your father says no so cubed of is not to not to do with your kids needs it's an Irish guy it's against how waka this you have troopers about this is a murder I'm shake this is a sue Guinea vamos devaraja bill metatarsus of famous Miranshah court reverse Raj Nam there's a famous troupe of Raja Tommy says even to change the new suck of your father's darvany is not a problem it's not after stereo cinema even the new sucks the Messiah of is Dominic he says it's not a problem ah I see a blue shirt a gray jacket are you an individual are you an individual you're embarrassing your embarrassment so maybe try this is this nice but Thursday night Thursday night what should I tell you what am I supposed to tell you if this is an embarrassment for the mishpokhe i love.i everybody would embarrass the muscle like you what should I tell you I don't know but I'm not bi can't I listen lavash lavash them are a beautiful thing and when there's a messiah at mishpokhe on a killer whale abortion it's a beautiful thing to continue and the question is why you're changing the lavash IAM is it coming from weakness is it coming from strength a lot of times the people are taking off lavash them it's book it's not the lavash that's because they're they have a it's not the love mailer the lavash sometimes it's other stuff going on so you have to always see what is it it's because I'm becoming closer Tosh Emma I'm coming a little further because I want to throw away you just kind of want to come closer to you this guy that's number one you have to know whatever the stuff she does has got them major finished is it a nice thing of course it's a nice thing to say this is Ganzi this guy come on put off has nothing to do with dressing if somebody you you answer Silas if somebody comes to you and says is this keyboard of your saying if your father says that were you putting on a blue shirt is embarrassing me so MIT some kid would over your maklouf to change it I would say yeah you have to ask you poison come on tell your father to come to some Shearer man I want to know how deep their relationship is it's only about a blue shirt that does their relationship as long I doubt the problem as the blue shirt the problem is the blue the white shirt that's what he says he puts on the white shirt everything will be good look like it he's not an embarrassment he's an embarrassment father reasons right as I had kind of a sandwich poker there's a guy a younger man who told me the younger man who told me like this he's one of 14 from a very famous addition a burr hood and he somewhat he's an elephant but he left the tradition of the family the clothes and the style and so forth and they have groups for mothers whose children went over the derrick so his mother is part of that group even though is her son is Froome but it's a different Mahalo he's a little young and one week she had to speak she had to give the speech of his own so who did she call to find out what to say she called the son she said I have to speak to all the mothers of our kids who went over the dareth could you tell me what to say to give them physic and inspiration and he told her what to say and she didn't even realize she's calling him to tell her how to be much housing the mothers you understand Souls I know say but I'm saying I found it quite interesting no no he's saying over 14 year old he has a certain fashion style and he's crushed and denigrated and cursed and he's and he's in it basically instead of embracing him and working with him you forced him you forced him out and what you push you make you make him you make him you make him feel unwanted and he has no choice almost that's what you saying yes Wow yeah shikaka Amen oh you knew of a failure album the master Gracie toes but of all fabina district in Danish maracas I need a second side laid that affects innocence I laid the literature Dada Shalom Aleichem us master was my night Josh I don't know what the biggest hits a heart of a generation I don't have that I don't have my finger on the pulse of the universe to be able to say what's the biggest hit Sahara what what I would say one of the bigger Yeats of Horrors I think is the and also my spot I'm Shinya I would say the feeling that so many people have that they're worthless and and not realizing how close to Hashem they are and how deep Hashem believes in them and wants them to be conduits for him that's what I think is one of the top it's Aras ah if it has to do with that you live there you live in oh we're so good school you're saying it creates depression well that even that even secular non-jewish sources say that the success of social media creates depression because people are not interacting socially and they don't have friends and everything is like on Facebook and you don't this class is brought to you by the achieve Annette please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot a yeshiva net slash donate