CHAZAQ’s Torah Talks #15: Rabbi Yitzchak Feldheim - Desires in Judaism

and welcome welcome welcome to yet another tuesday's timely torah talks tonight we have our very dear friend robbie it's feldman world renown lecture joining us robbie fowler and welcome how you doing oh i'm great good to be rabbi you have the best audience so like you have you invite me i'm the happiest ah it was great seeing last night at the simcoe we should only see each other at cinches yesterday and uh only happy occasions so tonight our topic is desires in judaism so we're going to jump straight into it and we're going to ask the rabbi the different uh questions that we have for our torah talk we're going to be talking torah so we usually associate desires you know in the torah world in judaism as a negative light you know all these desires oh my gosh right but uh how do we use desires for a positive person you know you like to be positive think good it'll be good you know so rabbi what do you say about that you know i was like i have to grab the audience i always want to start with something radical you know like uh so you're asking me like how do you use desires for a positive purpose i want to say that there's no such thing as desire for a negative purpose all desire is holy and is that radical enough i have like i like to dig a hole and i have to climb at it okay all right so that's my that's the assault if you want to know that's i chose the title you asked me what's what desire because most people think i'm gonna say you know don't have desires like be a good boy you sit still take a cold shower like no the whole avodah i listen some people may have heard of something anyone listen to me but i like to say this the first time i talk to people i like to say one thought because it sort of introduces people to my whole way of looking at the world that i want to share with people so i'm going to tell you something if you heard it i'm sorry it's good the main thing is revealing yeah so so here's the people have heard this a lot of speakers use this as a vehicle to talk about i have a different way to do it but there's an idea that the eskimos have many words for snow you ever heard that it's the thing the best because when words help you talk about things and if something is very central to your culture so you need to have a lot of work if if your roof is made out of snow and your car is made out of snow and your bed is made out of snow and your fridge is made out of snow so you have to know is this roof snow kitchen snow bedrooms no road snow like what what snow is this you know in new york you don't have this problem you know there's good snowball snow and bad snow walls and that's it you know and so it's a cool idea to think about because what we're really stumbling on what this idea is attempting to say is that we now have a non-biased way to figure out what a culture is about like you ask anyone any culture so what's your culture about everyone becomes a spin doctor and they say oh we're about love you know we're about brotherhood justice but here you have a non-biased way what you do is you open up their dictionary and you look which words have the most synonyms and then you'll know what's central to them it makes a lot of sense right so i'm for years i was a rabbi out of town doing you know like a secular community i gave this year and i used this vehicle i used to say in judaism we have ten words for judaism happiness and prayer are the most important things very nice and it's honest because it's a non-biased way those are the most words in the dictionary and that's what i thought for years until i was doing research for a different share i was talking about and i found another word with more than 10 words not only is it more than ten word it's it's more than eleven more than twelve i found another word with 25 words wow two and a half times more words and so this word is far and away the most important word in judaism which is like it's not arguable i'm giving a build up over here i think everyone knows the punchline is because he gave him the title but i shouldn't be using the title but this word the other build up is is that the fast like a lot of times we learn new things in life you know we always learn new things but very really do you learn something that when we're older at least that's 180 degrees the opposite of what we thought before this is one of those cases because the word that is the most important thing in judaism most people think it's the evil inclination most people think it's evil and i'm saying not only is it not evil but it is the single most important thing in our entire religion it is what you think is the yetzer thomas all 25 words without the hilum every other paragraph is another word for desire you have razon khalsa i'm being honest i'm not making up those hebrew the rabbi is giving me a thumbs up there are 25 words to desire because desire is the holiest thing in the industry you know and it's a real it's a real principle you know the irish have 150 words for drunk you can google it okay all right all right okay i'm not starting world wars over here i'm sorry it was a joke i would like drunk strong myself my best friends are drunk okay all right so so what is it now okay but isn't desire bad so so here's uh so here's how you explain it you get according to judaism the yater told his desire if the yates are told this desire so what's the it's a heart you see our whole life is about just longing longing is holy when i do not vera it's not that i have a desire for it it's that i lost my desire is that somebody broke me i if i do i do sometimes a training for a day in middle school i don't want to sound like i'm some big i have really i'm a one-trick pony i have one message i want to share with every review okay it's not like i have a four month course i have a one hour course okay this is my teacher course okay i say when kid is doing something wrong so we often say whatever culture or live whatever you have a different way of saying but the word becomes he's a baltava right he has desires uh i guess sometimes it's harsh it's a little bit like i'm saying in english he's a hedonist not really because we don't say that word it's like he's a party animal you know he's a he's a partier he's a chiller so that's what we say and i said that's the biggest mistake in the world because what you told me tell a boy who's doing something wrong that he's a party animal so a little bit you're glorifying it you're making him sound like oh he's the man i'm a little bit bad but i'm having fun that's not the truth what you really should say to the boy is i never what happened to you you used to be a dreamer you used to have such big conceptions you full of fire who broke you who did this to you when someone is is doing something wrong you know i took the secular college kids and they're all partying like that's my main job before cover i haven't been to a college since covered but before that my job was every day i went to a different university and my first line to university students was you think the rabbi you think i'm coming here to tell you like don't go to clubs you know don't have so much fun and you think that religious people why are we saying that because you have to have it's about your soul not your body it's about the world to come not about this world so you think the rabbi's job is like don't you smile is too big your eyes are too bright you're looking too it's that's wicked you're right i'm telling you don't go to clubs i'm telling you don't go to the club that's why i'm here i'm here to rain on your parade but don't think i'm here to tell you i'm going to clubs because i don't want you to have fun the entirety of judaism only has one goal you should be happy that's all i care about but you know what the secret is nobody ever went to a club to be happy you know why you go to clubs you go to clubs because every year they get darker and louder it's a place to hide from the things you wanted when you were 10 when you were complete at 10 years old we're jumping off furniture with towels tied around our neck we're going to save the world i'm going to kill a dragon and get a princess because that's what complete people want and then we go through life we get knocked around we get beaten a little bit and we start to say i'm not gonna be prince charming no princess wants me or i'm not gonna be a princess no prince charming is gonna kill risk killing a dragon for me and we stop believing that we're gonna be what we want and then we lose our then we don't dream about our dreams so when you go to the club what you're doing is you're not going there for a dream you go into the silence in the noisy darkness you can silence the things beating inside that voice in your ear of what you want because you know what the definition of pain is i define pain as the gap between your expectations and your limitations you have dreams those are your expectations you started off shaolin you called you a complete child right the first people up in any house in the morning are the little kids you know they're bouncing off the walls because they're alive and they're vibrant we call it wide eye you know i always say this and the parents have to lock the door like just because europe doesn't mean we have to get up you're not happy has to go to shirley that's going to work you go play in the living room you know and let me talk to you sleeping up there and that goes on until the kids are 14 you know or 13 and then all of a sudden the parents wake up and the house is silent and they go oh my god who stole the kids and they discovered nobody stole the kids avi locked the door to his room now the roles are reversed you go avi what happened because at 10 years old we're still full of dreams and then we get broken and we lose our dreams and so and the college kids they they right the college girls who burn their diaries who are you burning when you burn your diary you know that's you you know so how do so how do we call the person in the club desires and they get you tell the guy it's too much desire so you're feeding him you're going yeah i'm a party animal i'm a rock star no it's sadiq who broke you i knew you a few years ago i tell them from people for college kids i go you wanted to carry that girl's books home from school you wanted a mo launch a whole summer so you can buy your own ice cream you had a picture of deserving somebody and now who are you hanging out with what are you doing who broke you who destroyed you who extinguished the fire in your eyes that's what the yetzer tov is desire the yetzer hara the definition of pain is the gap between your dreams and your fears and your and your limitations so if you have dreams and you don't believe you can reach them anymore you suffer so what people do is they have to deny their dreams you have to silence your dreams and then i won't have the tsar instead of working on my limitations or something but that's not the purpose here but i just need to shift people's view imagine what would happen if every rebbe in every school if a kid was doing something wrong instead of saying you you russia you belt you heed in this party animal we said what happened to you who broke you who did this to you i remember you when you were on fire what would happen then hey first of all instead of glorifying the kid you're you're taking away the kavod you're taking away you he's no longer the cool bully in the class now he's no longer the bad influence but you're also giving him the empathy he does it's the empathy he needs he's not going to get to he needs to go and the best reason is the reason to change this instead of saying about about to say never the best reason is it's the truth like maybe we should just say the truth that's what happened no one is doing an aveda you could think of that if you want to think about it try and find any other that comes from desire anything you wanted to make a million dollars and now you're stealing the shortcuts and cutting the line that's not what you wanted you wanted to earn it you wanted to go to sleep at night feeling you did it nobody ever dreamt of a shortcut this is i think the most important thing judaism the center my yetzer tov his desire all we should you see someone doing avira the answer isn't to knock him down the answer is someone poured water on his flame let's right i was asked to speak somewhere once they gave me a title the title was kindling our children's lift let's see this we're lighting our children's friends so i said i don't know it's no the parent's job is not to light children's life every child is born lit that's what a kid is a kid is a ball of fire appearance job is to make sure that nobody pours water on the kids fire amazing parent's job unbelievable rabbi the topic of desires could be very close to the word of ambition you know it could be a very big tremendous punch for good so once we achieve the ambition there's an internal conflict between dreams you know like you mentioned dreams right you have dreams and then there's also the topic of fears people are worried and scared of these big dreams i mean this is where you came to the right because once you describe this like when you just described like that desire is everything so then why do you have to talk about anything else so why doesn't everybody have desires so so what is the problem how come who doesn't want to live dreams who doesn't want it so the answer is fears right but you have to get the reason why we become we become chillers and that's a new word that i chose relax relax you know what chiller is chiller is just chill is just the remarketing of failure what is the process of chilling right doing nothing right you know what's so appealing about chilling it's in it's impossible to fail that chili you cannot chill poorly if if you chilled poorly means you were doing something which is better than chilling you succeeded at life right it's the idea is if you're lying flat on the floor you can't fall what a cool way to live you can't fire me i quit if you never ask someone for a date you can't get rejected if you don't apply to a school you can't be not accepted so the secret of being cool is don't ever invest in anything and then what happens is you can never be hurt what a safe life but you know what else is low you let you'll never experience the pain of failure but you'll also never experience the joy of success you're committing suicide one day at a time i call it incremental suicide one opportunity at a time check it out so so you're right it comes from fears the reason why we don't embrace it is why should i try and climb the mountain i know i'll feel good but the odds are i'm gonna break my neck so why bother right so because the fear of failure is what robs so i like to skip i mean we're not doing a four part series i gotta get this all done in like a few questions so i'm to skip to a few steps and say where does the fear come from why do i believe i'm going to fail so people like to say because i failed in the past that's not a good proof to me because many people fail they get beaten up and they'll never go back there again you know whatever it is uh i know maybe there are people here who read comic books when i remember my audience when i was a kid we grew up they were very held in conference but every comic book had a an advertisement that was preying on teenage kids well not even teenage pre-teenage kids it was they knew which advertisements to put in the conferences every kid wanted they had a comic book of the guy he's sitting and whatever he was there with his maydah you know and uh on the beach and some big guy came and kicked sand on it and the girl left because he's embarrassed so the next scene is the guy joins the charles atlas weight building muscle building program and he goes and he gets these big muscles and the next it's like three little pictures in the in the comic book the next the last scene is where the guy is coming back to the beach now and he beats up the big guy and everything's good so as kids we all everybody feels weak sometimes i can get muscles and you could be that guy so every kid decked their father you know i didn't because i knew my father was not going to punch like a previous experience but but but many kids they did their fathers with every how many people sent away for the charles atwood so what why am i bringing this in because everyone says the reason why they give up their dreams is because they think they're going to fail and why they think they're going to fail because they got beaten up or they failed i said but that's not the answer because some people get beaten up and they'll never go back to the beach again but some people get beaten up and they go to the gym so it's not automatic that beaten up means you give up you have to go one step earlier what is it that makes the trauma of life making me give up that's the question why am i not the guy who got beaten and went to the gym why didn't i get made fun of and then be the cyclopedia and i know everything now why didn't i become the biggest lambda because the rebbe said you're not going to be anything you know i shouldn't have said that everyone says he thinks i don't know any rebellion who say that every regular i know is a rock star right but maybe a hundred years ago when people said things like this but but i don't want to add my voice like all the negative we're beautiful people they really are and everybody needs to like take pot shots at us because we're too happy okay um so um so i just sidetracked myself so like a little advertisement but but the the question is is is how come some people are told that they're no good and they become great so what's the that's the real question where did the fears come from so you have to look back everything's in the torah the story hashem creates them in this gun the goal was that they should be dancing barefoot in the gut children and singing and violins and flowers that was ashen's the briar to enjoy the beauty of the world instead they end up hiding in the bushes ashamed so why are other manhattan in the bushes why do people hide there's one gun but there's millions of bushes what makes people unique is which bush we all the same dreams we want love and purpose and meaning and truth and clarity and justice significance but hiding places everybody has their own hearts he hides here he but what puts someone in the bushes what drives you to the club what what makes you need loud and dark so why are so we know why other mahava are in the bushes because of shame the secret of the opposite of desire is shame what is busha it's a hard thing to define shame most people think i'm ashamed of other people that's i call that secondary busan that's not real pusha shame the way that works real bouchas i can't look myself in the mirror i know what i did i know i'm a faker i'm a cop-out i let myself down i can't look in the mirror if i have real busha then how do i face the world so i fake like i'm happy and everyone thinks i'm great and i get away with it then when i get exposed in the world so it makes fun of me so they ripped off my mask now my secret is out i thought i was getting away that no one knew that i was ashamed and i and now you ruined my mask so public embarrassment is just ripping off my mask and forces me to deal with what i already felt like myself so the the answer of of of how to get that so i'm not sure if you're asking how to get back this when you talk about dreams and desire you have to talk about shame because and and the definite the precise definition of shameless i think shame is the feeling you feel when you cop out when you take a shortcut when you don't you know i give like a secular metaphor a simple thing like the kid who buys works the whole summer you know mowing lawns and he buys his first car from five and up rusty old jalopy but all of his friends spend the whole summer driving around in his car it feels like a million dollars you know and another guy sees all the guys driving in this rusty car around town the whole summer and he's jealous he goes to the next town he steals a shiny new cadillac and now now all the friends are driving his fancy cadillac because his radio works and his air conditioner works and it's like a party our guy you know he's if the guy with the cadillac he comes home at night drops everybody off can he sit in this driveway in this car our guy who paid for the droppy he might not even have money left over for gas he might not be able to go anywhere but after he comes home at night he can sit in his car in his driveway and put his arms down going nowhere and feel like he's on top of mount everest because he paid for this car the feeling of self is is to have climbed your mouth shame is the experience that the things in my life are fraudulent i am not liv i'm not i took a shortcut i'm not who i was meant to be and i i it's idea i can't look my shame is detectable when you're alone when you're looking in the mirror and that's what wrong when you don't believe that you are good then you don't have dreams the way the way to recover dreams is to deal with pusha and and if you deal with it and and there's really okay you know there's a lot of go a lot of directions here i'm gonna use the question and answers i'll let you ask the next question right i'll go on oh you wanna imagine i must say rabbit called in very very powerful you know mindset and and and and teaching that you're you're telling the audience it's a different outlook you know many times people look at it this way so it's very very very impressive you know oh well let me say this let me say you're right this is the uniqueness of judaism you see other religions they actually see it the way that i started like taking apart they they say that the desire is evil right it's bad it's the body over the soul don't ignore your body embrace your soul it's about olam not allah these are religious people but the goal in in even people like the eastern religions because they somehow sound more philosophical but the eastern legends they say at the clearest what's their goal their goal is they want to meditate and sit still why because if because my soul my infinite part of me is trapped in my body my body is like a straight jacket limiting my soul so i can only see through my eyes and hear my ears imagine if i could transcend my body and escape become part of the infinite it all sounds nice but what their life is about therefore is sitting still and not thinking not eating not feeling not doing itself negation that their goal is not to feel their dream is to transcend to reach this thing called nirvana is to escape the world you know and their image and god and christianity is suffering on the cross and in islam it's about sacrifice and martyrdom submission every religion everyone's about breaking yourself and becoming smaller desire therefore it's evil judy isn't that just and unfortunately say this many jews think the same way you know it's a mistake it needs a lot of shirin but but the truth is is that you look in david hamilton he uses the word constantly increasing tests alone and it's always good a desire for hashem the desire for torah it's all holy because hashem created us to dance in his god he wants us to have joy this is this is the uniqueness of torah torah is is not a book of escaping life this law is about everything he's living it's it's a way to live it's the world is i say this you know if you look at the world like this and hashem created the world to experience him in the brian hashem created a world desires holy because everything's beautiful so then who is the biggest in the kardashian in the world who is sanctifying god's name the most you know who the guy who wakes up earliest he's saying whoa look at the world and who's the biggest who is desperate who is saying the guy who pushes the snooze button the most times because what he's saying is it's never going to happen who might fully hide is the people in the world who are here to fan your dreams to restore dreams he said that you have to dream but you can have to dream with your eyes open don't go to sleep beautiful beautiful that's right that's that's it but let me ask you a question rabbi once you know we want to pursue our ambitions our dreams our our our goals our desires right we want to start doing this right but our environment or surroundings or the people we're around right might pull us from achieving our dreams oh you're right yeah so how do we prevent this rabbi okay you know i've had many times people get inspired y'all like we're gonna change the girl the next day you see them ah my friend what happened to you all the master went back to school and my friends and my surroundings and my family my parents and my brothers and my siblings you know you know what it is so how do we prevent that yeah yeah so oh yeah so so let's try if only we could say that the biggest danger is friends you know it's like uh it's like it's like in the firmworld like very against smartphones you know but i always tell people you know a man's mind is more dangerous than any smartphone you know i'm not i'm not saying you should have smartphones but but don't stop by the smartphone you gotta like have a filter on you gotta figure how to download right by the way let me say this because that this is an important thing to stick it you know a lot of secular people they or even a lot of modern jews religious jews they they don't like that the religious world is so defensive of our kids you know so was so protective and so restrictive i think this is really part of this year because um the reason we're against the we protect our kids from from exposure to the secular media is exactly your question you see the secular world is very very good at at getting pouring water on fire you know you know let me say how i have 10 minutes how much i'm going to have to say this right now okay because i want this i want to say listen i have a way of saying this like when i started doing hero years ago so you go to high schools go to colleges to speak so you know in high school like in colleges teenagers have words that they use every five every other word is the same word you know so when i started you know what the word was i'm gonna give away how old i am but the word that the world used when i started was it was like a california from california it was it was called like the california valley girls they used to say like awesome totally awesome remember that you might you're not my age whatever nah okay all right but that was the thing everyone anyone who lived those times knows that that was everything was that that's totally awesome like awesome awesome is this awesome it's a smarty pronunciation of awesome okay it's awesome so that's how i started everything was awesome you go to college now or high school you know what the number one word is today whatever whatever let me tell you something there's no bigger gap between two words and the gap between the word awesome and the word whatever awesome is a word full of optimism and excitement and hope and whatever is this i say it's the saddest word in the world it's a long word awesome but it's much longer than people think it is here here's the word awesome what it means also means when i was young i thought everything was oh it's right whatever's a long word here's the meaning of the word whatever the word meaning or whatever is when i was young i thought things were awesome i was full of dreams and then bad things happened i don't believe those those dreams will happen for me and it hurts me very very much now when i think about those dreams it causes me so much pain it's i can't live with that pain so i need somehow the silence the voices in my head that say that i have all these dreams therefore i came up with this new word called whatever which says that all that stuff is foolishness and not necessary and that's why i can live with all of the things i thought were awesome it's a long speech but that's what it is so where the world is is really sad and the world i wouldn't say they're that they mean to be evil but when you give up and you don't believe genes are achievable so then you have to create a culture you don't want people to feel pain so people are not going to fulfill their dreams and you don't want them to feel pain so what do you have to do you have to teach people to say whatever you have to teach people how instead of being wide-eyed like they were when they were kids they teach them how to roll their lives how to make fun of all the things they love and the secular world is the kings at that all of the media has one goal with two parts to make fun of all those innocent dreams that are not achievable and to glorify all the fake replacements to make all make my clubs and my noise and my darkness sound so exciting and to make all those lofty noble dreams that my diary had shameful and if they do that then they can help people not have pain because you silence the dreams no one wants to so it's a dangerous world if kids are exposed to this stuff so then they're convincing they have the best most talented presenters doing this so they they will convince people that their dreams are are are childish and shallow and and destroy the world besides children will see so they'll they'll shame you right and but i want just remind me to get back to the other side of it like people just want to give one example when i do i do like a lot of men and women talks on colleges and it's also it's the opposite of the way they see it and in one hour you can change a person's whole life people are scared to stop because they think it's like the hardest thing to sell this is the opposite i think it's the best topic because it is it is literally where we can show them that that our world is the opposite and they and intuitively they know that this is their truth what i'm saying is who they really are and you can change someone's life in five minutes i regularly have girls leaving the share saying i mean the boys get it also but the boys you know how i know the boys get it when i finish my the boys go well that was so deep now i gotta go somewhere darker and louder as they say but the girls they don't do that the girls they get it and the girls the girls decide like why am i going to get my dreams i'm too young i'm 18 why am i giving up my dreams i have a whole life to live so they go back to their dorm rooms and they decide that they're going to be more and they're going to tell their boyfriend or whatever they have rules and usually the girl starts to have a little self-respect and if the boyfriend was a nice jewish boy he's gonna try and play along because he feels like like busted like you know like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar he knows he didn't that he wasn't being treating her the way she was supposed to but the girl invariably ends up crying to sleep every night why because she's proud everything's better her roommates torture her to death she's such a prude you're so old-fashioned what's the matter it doesn't mean anything go to a become a nun before you're a moderate trying to undo the whole fabulous movement what's the matter with you the world does not want anyone to be too happy because we all gave up and you can't remind me of because he caused himself you're ruining their hiding place you're not keeping the social contract your job is to read my instagram and tell me wow you're so jealous oh my god i can't believe what you're eating give me what you're wearing that's our jobs you help me fake i'll help you fake and together we won't ever remember the voices and then we'll be numb but that's only half the other half is i said not is that this that's the shaming of the world then there's that's two types of shame then there's the internal shame is the feeling i feel when i come and we don't want to have internet because when someone sees things that he was supposed to work for and deserve and i was supposed to deserve work hard and i wanted uh to to be deserved i wanted to be all those things and then somehow i see all these things i wanted to see without any work i deserve it i feel that's the shame and you know what happens when a child sees she has shame so what do what shane does is it runs through your whole personality makes you feel like a nobody and and you become a chiller because you you can't jump around because you don't believe you're good you used to be the kid used to be the last kid in from recess the ready had to say like you'll come in and you would go ready one more shot you know and that's healthy that's the way it's supposed to be but the day the kid sees things that he's not supposed to see he doesn't even go to recess anymore you can't fight with the boys and run after the ball you lose the whole balancing step you know if they ever focus their mind straight and and and and go towards the goal of these dreams and constantly go towards it no matter what the situation is don't go side track don't lose focus and and also protect children you see i i don't think like people always say to me like you can't do that forever you can't everyone's gonna see the i understand but here's a simple way to explain it to somebody is that yeah you can't do it forever but you see when you're a child so you have shame this is an important thing for the answer like when you have shame so the shame runs through your personality but i have nothing to answer it to once a kid has made us see him on bavacama he worked the whole 10th grade and he finished hold so now he has an accomplishment so now if he's exposed and he sees something you shouldn't see and he feels shame he has a cop out so it doesn't run through his whole personality because he has another voice saying yeah but i worked a whole year and i finished on the sector so now he has a voice to counteract the voice of shame and and the more you accomplish the stronger that voice is and you can survive but a child has nothing to fight it and and he has no real accomplishments all he has is his parents tell me he's a genius you know he once said a word he pronounced it wrong he's a rock star you know that's what kids do like you know i have a dimple you don't feel pride from those things you haven't accomplished anything yet so so when you feel shame a child it destroys him it runs right through him without any valves and takes over his personality and he has no choice but to make fun of the world in the kamikaze you need shmira we have a we have a pasuk it says when you strengthen the bolts of your gates the kids will be blessed now listen people will go to work and people will go out in the world but you can only do that once you've already done things that you can be proud of and now when the invariable failure comes you have another voice that uh that can can counteract so these are real rules you know um let me yeah rabbit i gotta tell you very big very big inspiration i'm telling you all those that are listening i'm certain that they're feeling the same vibes that i'm feeling like make things happen do good things that's important what you're doing you know the shame will fade away you you'll push to deciding just continue doing amazing amazing good things and and achieving those dreams rabbi let me ask you one final question you ready for this rabbit felden can you please leave us with some closing last inspiring remarks for our listeners on this topic one last final thought one final another you know fastball another uh grand slam you've been hitting a lot of grand slams today i love it okay okay ready we're ready you sure i didn't pull any muscles normally if i do anything that's the only way i know i did athletic activities something hurts maybe it'll hurt tomorrow okay i'll trust you um what can i tell you so you know what let me just tell you the cure because invariably we all have felt shame you know we've all we've all had compromises we've all so therefore we look in the mirror we don't we we're not convinced that we're heroes and so so our our temptation is to hide therefore and we're looking for bushes you know and we have all these different ways of hiding so what's the way out of the bushes so i have to pick one thing um you know what i'm not going to take one i'm going to say two things really fast and then i'll say one thing properly the the easiest thing the first thing now the best thing but definitely the first thing is you help somebody you feel good and that will that will coexist with the shame and it makes you feel valid you can be in the darkest place and you give someone you can be on the way to the bar and you give a homeless person some money and you say something nice and the person smiles at you you might not go to the bar you might just turn around and go somewhere better because it instantly makes you feel that that's the short answer um better answer is to learn torah you know is uh do you feel smart deeper that's probably the best answer because it changes the way you feel like you feel like a human you don't just belong doing low things you feel like like you feel like you tasted the heavens you know if you really so but let me say something in the middle which i think is the is something that everyone can do and in ghanaian um to look the place you look for the cure is hiding in the bushes and what did they do they covered themselves with a fig leaf by yasula if i have shame and i want to come out of the bushes so what's my favorite what is the metaphor of the fig leaf what is so i can't get into the face i'm going to tell you what what what i think that is every every for every shame there's a different figure you know the fig leaf hazal say that there was because you have to cover yourself the cure for the shame is what the shame was you need a shame so so therefore i think again it could be i'm projecting but most people like most of my friends people i know have the same thing have the same shame why do i hide what's my hiding because i know i'm good at stuff i know i could hit a home runs once uh i can do things good one i i i have talents i can do things but the reason why i push this button the reason why i'm reluctant in things the reason why i like hiding as well as somebody else does is because like the muscle i use is if you're feeling a bathtub with water and you're running the water fast and it doesn't fill it because there's a crack on the bottom so you got to figure it out we all have filling our life is filled with accomplishments what's the crack in the bottom of my tub that's not letting my accomplishments make me feel good that's what you have to identify and i found for myself that my crack in the bottom of my tongue is yeah i'm good i could do stuff but i have no stamina i could do it for a week you know every gemara i have from every year in school the first three pages is covered in notes every maram shift every year you know everything i decided and then by dalid it's already pictures of cowboys you know and hey probably doesn't even exist i don't know where it ended up you know but like so i learned over the course of my life that you'd see feldman is a talented guy he can do certain things well but he can't do it for a while and it's always gonna so so then when that happens that's the crack in the vomit then when it comes to doing something you say you say why should i bother it's never gonna last i'm just gonna tease myself and get my hopes up so what's the what's the f if that's your boucha if your boucha is the lack of stamina on consistency so the fig leaf for that is two things is shakharit bitsibur it's nice you have a lot of benefits of tila but there's one benefit if i go every morning to the same night and i sit in the same seat for a month you know what happens at the end of the month you look at yourself and you go you know what i'm consistent i'm a man hashem this i got shoulders put her on my shoulders you reformat your hard drive and you think of yourself as a responsible person i believe for most people in our daughter two things every day the same seat and tafyomi oh i love that nafiomi because it's not like you're the biggest lump down it's not a coffee trip it's a consistency trip and these are the two referrals for our daughter if you're going to shoot everyone in the same seat and you do the daf when you finish your first maseta and you had your first snowstorm and you shoveled the car out in the dark when it wasn't even light yet and you get to show them you come home sore you feel like a man and you'll never run away again because you don't have pusha the pusha is gone i thought i was a cop out and i'm not so now i can embrace now all of my abilities and strengths will pile up soon your tub will be overflowing i hope you don't have neighbors downstairs that's the story right there there's so much more to say that was so inspiring unbelievable i [Music] it should be like we should have like a hashtag like like a bumper sticker like a ripple off this news button like ah you know talking about you know sometimes people feel weak and they feel like they're tired or they're inspired right now everyone's watching is inspired there's no question about it okay the massive audience everyone is inspired but the thing is you have to keep the inspiration going you have to stay strong you have to stay hazak so we we we came up with don't hang up let's go let's go let's continue like i'll see you a whole day that so we came up with a reminder for everyone it's right over here it's called be strong you see it's a reminder everywhere you go because i be strong because i be strong you know you take the commitment right now people are going to commit to make sure every single morning they're going to go to shacharit they're going to go to amign they're going to sit in the same seat they're going to do it for a day for two days and then by the third fourth fifth day like the ravi said with the gemara it's going to get a little bit difficult you have to just continue to stay hazardous and you should add after 30 days of doing this you should send everyone a little thing that says okay beautiful rabbi you're the best you guys are the the staff the team the board members the supporters they're all mama's ready will be able to do stuff for cloud each of the jewish people and we're going to do a lot more we want to remind everyone every tuesday tuesday's timely torah talks kazakhstan's amazing podcast and program available in all the various different uh apps and all that other good stuff around there we're getting tremendous feedback all over we have many special guests coming up on the next few weeks uh stay tuned for that i believe charlie herrari is uh up and coming i don't remember the exact schedule but you'll hear about it hashem and uh please continue uh sharing and forwarding and and liking and all that other terms that are out there and once again rabbi feldham thank you very very much and uh looking forward to seeing all of us together [Music] we have been spending our days amen you