Derech Mitzvosecha Minu Melech #8 - Discipline: Too much isn't good, yet, None is worse - RC Dalfin

So we're learning the we're on page 218 and we're middle of the page where the explains to us he answers his his question. How is it that when when do when the Adam Marisha and Abra Yakov and Yseph gave away years of their life it actually took away it took away years of life to to make do with pos to live because he was called Barnaf he was fallen he was a a nafl he would have never emerged so asked the question since we're talking about spiritual powers and spiritual powers spiritual energy it's like taking from one candle to another candle. When you light one candle from the other candle, nothing's missing the first candle. And yesterday you began the explanation to say that's true. If things are ber means there's an association like I told you one is one out of one trillion. To say that one out of one trillion is bleak vul there there is there is an atom for night and difference is wrong. It's a gool difference. It's a limited difference a major one. But how do you have a trillion from many ones? That means one is a player. It's a small player but it's still a player. in order to get to something that is beyond transcendent or in Hebrew shalom. You need to you need to remove yourself completely from the first position. Otherwise, there's always a remnant of the past that's there and that doesn't allow for a a complete change. And just to add to something that we didn't discuss yesterday and we just mentioned it briefly. This is true also in in in what psychology calls the paradigm shift. You have to change your entire outlook. Now you know people say well people don't change. You know people are people at the age 80 the way they were 20. Even if that's true, even if that's true, you know, psychologically, that's not what we're discussing. What we're discussing is when you make a complete break and you don't you forget about the past and you and you move on, >> but you have to make a complete break. If you don't make a complete break, you're not really going to ever move on in in a way that you want to move on. And this is true from religion to to practical behavior in all aspects. And it's not easy. This is not easy. And it doesn't mean you have to move on, by the way, with some of the ways that people are doing it today, which is very wrong, where people are bad mouthing their parents, their rabbis, you know, there's a whole movement of, you know, the vulnerability movement. I I'll I'll coin that phrase. This has crept in to the main speakers in many communities in Kabad included where the more vulnerable you are and you and you say you're vulnerable, the more you're accepted. To me, to to me that is, excuse me, hogwash nonsense and wrong because first of all, if you want to be vulnerable, don't tell us you're vulnerable. Just be vulnerable. Number two, did you check with the TA? Maybe there's certain things you're not allowed to be vulnerable in public like embarrassing your father or your mother or your rabbi or your wife. Now, there are times you're allowed to. We spoke about that there's abuse. There's exceptions to to a rule where Jewish law says so. But normally this whole approach I I'm thinking a lot about this these days because it's now you know rampant on the on the p in the podcasts. I mean, if you take if if you look if you listen to many podcasts, I'm telling you and this is the this is throughout whether it's this I'm telling you this is the this is a culture that's been created and I live in this culture but yet I come from a different culture a different background and a different time period and I understand what the culture wants but there's a there's there's we as We follow the not our whims and if the says this is not the way to do it you're not allowed to DO IT YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO it whether you understand you don't understand that's what aju is he listens to hashem right so why am I saying this how is this relevant because the the is talking about here that that the reason the reason Abraham and Yakov and Yseph had to give from their actual years. Give away their years. You understand? Moshe Adam could have lived a THOUSAND YEARS. HE TOOK 70 years. That's a bulk of time and he gave it away to another individual, another person of course, right? But nevertheless, who who who of us is going to give away years I'm not going to give away the years, you know, and if I have to give away years for my for my Reb's health, it it's it takes a lot out. It's a big midfish, right? So explains that the only re only Dove could do what he needed to do was if he actually had part of Adam and the rest in a way that it's separated from them. Because if it still is attached to them, he can't accomplish what he needs to accomplish. I always one second one more thought. I always quote the rights. What does it says? Go my children. Where'd you get lost? Stay on the on it. Listen to me. When you want to ask your son, your daughter, your friend, your wife to to listen to you, you tell them to go away. You tell them, "Come here." And he says just the opposite. Seemingly go my children. Go away. Listen to me. So the the explanation that I heard and you know it makes sense. You don't really know if your child is listening to you until you send them away because while they're in your home and in your community, you know, you keep an eye on them and you, you know, and you criticize them and you and you and and and you praise them. They're really not they're not they they're not independent. They're you. So, you really don't know who they are and what they believe in and what they're going to do on their own. when they go away and they're faithful to you, to your wife, to your parents, to your community, to your rabbis, to your family, to your friends, then you know that they're really listening. So, what do we what do we understand from this? You have to go away. And it's a you know it says limra you have to exile yourself to a place of YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE YOU CAN'T EXPERIENCE it in your real in your own four cubits you know again just when I see y myself of of of of examples baseball and football and basketball so it's NOT A IT'S IT'S A BIG A DEAL TO WIN to win not in the home field advantage but by the other team. If you win there, it's a greater feat because in your own team, they're cheering you on. So the Islam these are all examples is saying in order to do what he needed to do as a king he needed to get he needed to get the energy from a and Jacob and Yseph and Adam and that had to be removed from them. That's why they actually gave him the actual years. Misha, now it's your turn. What do you want to say? Want to know if if today in our day this concept of can one give over to another from their own reserve spiritual goals, spiritual abilities. They they can but but they have to be a may they have to be a living example of what they're giving over. In other words, if someone himself is not a spiritual entity, he cannot give it over. He can't give over that level of spirituality that I believe you're referring to. In other words, he cannot take a dead person who was dead and revive him and all of a sudden he lives for 70 years. No, that can only be done if you're an if you're an a and and I don't mean to say them as paradise, you know, such holy people. I mean to say if you're if you're a person by osmosis, people will pick up on it. I mean that there's no question about it and then that they will want to to live more that way and to be more that way. So the answer is yes. I think you're also asking what I hear in your question is you know is this something that is possible today being that we're not you know we're not living in in in in 2,000 years ago with with with the prophets and all all that. And the answer is yes. And remember, Hashem like Alro, there's a a statement. There's a word. Israel is not a widow. Al alman al Hashem takes people. He knows. He took away Sadikim. He took away a generation. He He knows that. And yet he says, "You're born. I'm born the next generation." So he plants people now. You got to find them. You got to find them. I think I' I've said to you this this this this person, this sadic, whatever you call him, the inuka, right? I never heard of this guy. And all of a sudden, one day he pops up, you know, he pops up. WHERE DID HE COME FROM? AGAIN, I'm not I'm not a you know, I'm just saying that there are people that until a certain age, they're quiet, unassuming, and then they shine. And they shine not only because others make them shine because they really shine. You know, from what I've seen on I haven't met him, but what I see online over the years is that he's an aid person. He seems to be a refined person. and with humility. Remember, you know, you know my claw that I picked up in and h and I wish I would live always like it which is humility. If you got humility, you have everything and you're holy. If you have no humility, I don't care how much you know, you're not holy. You have a lot of information. So when I >> the king though, >> what' you say? >> The king, right? >> The king. >> The king, right? Right. >> Yeah. Exactly. The king was about humility says I am dust and n ashes and so many statements. So anyway, let's go back to the text now. >> Thank you. >> You're welcome. So we're we're we're middle of the page. Um we're actually like 15 lines from the top or so. The the line begins with the words And we are at the last three words. Is an acronym. The only way that can impact the next worlds, it's it's if it descends from its place, the 10 latter virtues. They are the 10 emanations of the world of They invest themselves in what's called the head of the world of creation then it will extend itself and it will reach its energy will reach to the entire world of creation in he concludes there must be it must be it's not possibly has to be that it that that it already removed itself And it's left the general world of as you mentioned before the years that first man and the patriarchs gave to David. It actually reduced their own years. Because what they gave over were energies that required a great descend for night and leap from the world of of of godliness which we call the world of to the world of creation which is and when the energy descends into the lower world of creation it must be that they leave and now they're missing from there. Doesn't have that energy anymore. And that's why we call this act an act of a gift. Life I borrowed from you. You gave to him. It's a pos. And he explains just like someone who gives a a present to a friend. When you give the present to your friend, you don't have any longer the present, RIGHT? YOU BOUGHT A PRESENT FOR SOMEONE makes a beautiful muza gives it a present. He doesn't have that present. He wrote it. He wrote the muza. It was his. It's no longer his. Once you give it away as a gift, right? So the REB SAYS THAT'S WHY this this idea of the energy coming from is like giving a gift. Reb nowic answers a question. Remember we mentioned a Yakov and Yseph. Hey, what happened to Yeitz? You forgot about old PAPA YITZUK. WHERE IS in the equation? Says that further gave nothing to the reason is represents JUDGMENT and and dread and the fear of I HAD HERE. This is unbelievable. DAVID, KING DAVID DIDN'T NEED TO RECEIVE FROM judgment because even without GETTING the rule of the land IS THE RULE. HE'S A KING. IF HE'S A KING, HE HAS JUDGMENT TOO. LAW AND ORDER. So why does HE HAVE TO ACCEPT WHY DOES HE HAVE TO RECEIVE MORE JUDGMENT FROM FROM WHO REPRESENTS IF HIMSELF IS as it says a king through his judgment will set the earth will set the law will will make its is called the upper bez And it's and and that's also called a harsh judgment. It's the lower and is called the soft judgment doesn't have to receive anything for BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT JUDGMENT TO BE AUGMENTED. We have enough judgment, right? on him that are always seeking to be m on other people's account. I'll just leave it at that. It's like we have enough you know IF THERE'S A PROPER HEADER let people breathe. I'm not from those that you know that say there shouldn't get but there's a CONCEPT DON'T BRING IN TOO MUCH JUDGMENT. I'll tell you a story in a moment. On the contrary, DAVID SAYS, "I NEED MORE POSITIVITY." GUYS, you learn this mimer and it's like I WANT IT SO CABALISTIC AND IT'S SO PRACTICAL. YOU HEAR THIS? WHAT HE SAYS? NOW, DAVID IS LOOKING FOR MORE POSITIVITY TO GIVE OVER TO THE PEOPLE AS THE MEL IS WITHIN LAW AND ORDER. HE'S LOOKING TO CREATE RULES THAT ARE BENEFICIAL IN A POSITIVE way for humanity, not in a way to restrict humanity and independence. Where does David do get that from? A we'll stop here and next week we'll continue with Jacob. But I want the story I wanted to tell you and to conclude. Listen to this. This reminds me. So the the one in charge for years of the kra kadisha in crown heights was one of my rashivas, one of my rebies, Rabbi Yitzkal. He was from Kit near outside I think of VNA uh somewhere around there and he was a massive tal and a smart and a very fine person very refined person. Anyway, so he once wrote to the deb and we have actually you hear this, we have actually the the question and the answer in writing. So and I believe I might have even put I did put it into one of my books. So he writes to the he writes the mist is Aramaic. It means if I wouldn't be scared. Lula means if not mistina is scared but it's not Hebrew it's Aramaic and it's a it's a it's language used either it's language used and it's a very kind of I don't know the word poetic but it's it's a very um rich language it's like you know if I wasn't scared of Hashem or someone else I would implement ment like I would implement that men and women that women should not come to a funeral. Now do you know that by the Hungarians women don't come to a funeral right here Williamsburg >> Burough Park. >> Okay. Okay. Now whether it's Mutatas, whether it's because of cababalistic reasons, whatever that's so he he writes to the and again I don't know why he wrote it, what happened I I don't know and I don't know I don't remember now what year he wrote it but I don't think it was in the early years. Probably was in the 70s in the 70s because he passed on mid in mid 80s. Anyway, he writes to the Reb, but but I don't have the broad shoulders to do that. He's the head of Kadisha for Kabad and he can easily give out an edict that women are not to go anymore to funerals, but he writes to the Reb, I don't have the guts to do this, and therefore I'm asking the Reb, what does he think? Huh? Interesting question, right? And the Reb answers him, I'm paraphrasing, I don't remember the words. I wish I would. I don't remember the words, but the basically the Reb answers him enough with bringing these type of Hungarians into AND BASICALLY THE REB SAYS, I'm not agreeing to it. The Reb DIDN'T SAY MORE. WHY? WHAT? BUT HE HE he did say paraphrasing the this words. So I always I think about it you know the rebel was so f and so strict but yet in certain things you see kind of an open-mindedness taking into consideration the humanity. A woman, a mother, a a a wife, a daughter wants to participate in the passing of a loved one and you're not letting them come. Right? We're not saying it shouldn't be. And again, if the that's the minute, but that's not nowadays, which probably didn't do, so be it. But he's asking for crown heights, you know, about establishing the Reb says no those that the Hungarians do and God bless them and and the Reb is not poo POOING THEM. HE'S JUST saying it's not our way. I want you to remember that because these things that I'm sharing with you, these are this open up to understand the how the Reb wants his for sure to to behave to and to know what's what. You know, just this morning I heard someone coming home driving on on the Spotify that when they made Civ Hashem, when they made uh the organization the the army of Hashem 1988, they wanted to make two separate divisions for boys and girls and the Reba didn't let that doesn't mean to say that there there wasn't a makita when they had a rally in 770. There was but I I'm I'm just saying you have to really hone in again. This is Lebavich. This is the Reb, you know, and and I and I'm making it clear, you know, with the Lak Bulma parades now in in, you know, in in Jerusaleim and Kikar Shabas, they don't have they don't let women come. You know that, right? Because Kabad want it. But the rabbinet there overruled them and they it's their it's their domain. They are the bulk of the people. They make the decisions there. Whether it's the bats or whatever else I I don't yet you know but for ourselves we have to know you know what's ara. So going back to the mimemer is saying David DIDN'T WANT MORE. HE HIMSELF IS A JUDGE. He's not a judge. is a king. He makes law AND ORDER. SO WHY SHOULD I TAKE FROM YEITZK WHICH YITZUK'S judgment was more holy in A SENSE BUT MORE judgmental the wrong word more discipline disciplinary. AND DAVID DOV IS LOOKING TO MAKE LAW and order in a way that people feel good about it. And this is a fantastic lesson for leadership and especially with the two gaboam here. You know, there needs to be law and order, but in a way that's what we call inut favorable to the congregation it, you know, and I could say though knowing your your ra Shapiro, he he's that type of individual. I've seen it. I've seen it. Here he is, you know, the R the Reb of the community with that, right? And he can kind of make any edict the rule he wants, you know, and and I see how he he works with the people and he doesn't I am Am I wrong? I he doesn't like impose, you know, he doesn't seem to like impose. You're >> right. >> What? >> You're you're correct. >> RIGHT. >> AND THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LOVE HIM. I and that's one of the reasons you know can you find there's some people that are greater than the yeah for sure but that's not the point this person I WASN'T SURE SOMETIMES THERE'S SHABAS AND HE'S SITTING IN THE BACK ROW WHERE I SAT CUZ I DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN AND BE HEARD JUST LET ME DAB IN AND WHO PARKS HIMSELF NEXT TO ME THE R AND I said I didn't say anything to him but I was saying TO MYSELF RV RABBI you seat up in the front. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE BACK? YOU KNOW WHY HE PARKED HIMSELF IN THE BACK? NOT THE WHOLE TIME. THEN HE GOES BACK TO HIS PLACE CUZ HE HE WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE PEOPLE AS THEY come in. Tremendous. I I learned so much just in that short time observing. Excellent. Excellent. Um meet us in and and and and understanding of people. I saw him at Shalashudas and I s you know he gave room for people you know he didn't say oh YOU CAN'T SPEAK AND YOU CAN'T GIVE A drussia he had Rabbi Stern you know speak many times when I was there you know he HAS A CAPTIVATED AUDIENCE OKAY HE DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH as as well as as as we know that but that that's not the point HE CAN YOU KNOW HOW MANY RABBIS HOG THE SITUATION AND THEY DON'T let anyone else speak they're the rabbi they're the R THEY WANT TO control David Melik was looking as the king to make it easier for people to make people more comfortable. So therefore he says please I DON'T WANT ANY YEARS FROM I WANT A IS A IS KINDNESS GIVE ME MORE KINDNESS AND ABRA GIVES IT TO him now again don't don't get me wrong gitiz is holy of holies BUT IT'S A DIFFERENT energy it's a different energy and I think it's very important as we conclude this year to think about this you know let's say a mother and a father parents different people, different children relate differently to different to the parents. One more to the father, one more to the mother. And I contend that's not bad. I think that's healthy. A ch because children are different and and and each one has to find the sympathetic air. It's my mother. No, it's my father. And if you if you can and and if the parents understand this and they give room for this, then you have healthier kids, then you have, you know, more success. And and we know some some bo some boys they'll spill the beans and pour their heart out to a father and not a mother. And others will do it to the mother, not the father. Should you feel should you feel bad? No. Each one has personality and and and people you know even kids relate a certain way to a father or a mother. This you know unfortunately this becomes sometimes a vicious game where they play one against the other especially if it's a divorce and things like that but we're not we're not going to that area. We're talking about in a healthy relationship, if a if if a parent realizes their weakness and their spouse's strength and therefore they they they see one of their kids as a certain style WHO WOULD BENEFIT MORE FROM THEIR SPOUSE, NOT FROM THEM, and they and they and they push that way and they encourage them to do that. That's that's A GREATER WIN FOR THE FOR THE FOR FOR THE SPOUSE THAT DOESN'T HAVE THAT STRENGTH. When you're able to to realize your shortcoming in this area and your spouse is stronger in that area and you give that over to your spouse, you score more points. First of all, the the son, the daughter realize, you know, look at my father, look at my mother. they're able to realize, you know, that they don't have this or not as as strong and they're willing to give it over to a spouse and there's no jealousy. And when there is, it's a problem, a big problem. Rabio tells my Khan, I remember he told me that in Tel Aviv there was a known was a great thinker of Mosha Garari from the Kabad Garari family. The mashp and the yeshiva was brook another kabadin and he was a great scholar but in mosha garari was greater brook asked mosha garari to teach and some of the boysidas TWO THREE TIMES A week because he knew that these BOYS NEED THAT TYPE of teacher and told me he DIDN'T FLINCH AN EYE THAT he he's the head honcho ON THE YESHIVA IN TEL AVIV. He's the rashiva. He's giving away his students TO SOMEONE WHO'S NOT EVEN THE YESHIVA. He was in the in the business world, but his knowledge of was tremendous. And he was Jew I remember he always told us how he was amazed how his own rashiva who was a special y in his own was able and willing and wanted on his own. THIS DIDN'T COME from the students. THIS CAME FROM FROM FROMBUK. HE realized that he cannot give the boys and what this other can and therefore he went to and he set it up and they learned by him two three times a week. I wish there would be more of that today because people are just like uh hogging. Don't go there, stay here. YOU NOTICE we had a mini it's OF SO HASHEM HIMSELF THE FATHER BLESSES THIS month I want we should all think about this of is not a negative month it's positive because it's the only month where the father blesses us and that's what we need to rebuild the bid should come everyone see you on Monday shalom byebye The