Discovering Your Personal Relationship With Hashem

thank you so so much Thank You rabbi rittenberg Thank You Emmett the great extraordinary organization the Emmett Outreach Center located its Center in Queens New York thank you for this great privilege and invitation and opportunity we had a smooth as we had a class together a few weeks ago just during the beginning of the crisis or closer to the beginning of the crisis and here we are now once again this evening I really want to welcome the hundreds and hundreds of people who are joining us from MS via zoom chat I want to welcome the hundreds of people joining us via the Achieva dotnet I want to welcome the hundreds of people joining us via Torah anytime and the various live streams YouTube etc we have Jews literally gathered here of course from New York from Emmet but literally from all over the world even people who are not sleeping much these days in Europe in Israel they're also joining us now so I want to welcome all of you from the United States all of you from Europe from South Africa from Asia of course from our holy land and Australia wherever you are thank you thank you so much for coming I send you my deepest love's love and blessings and prayers to stay healthy and as Rabbi Ruttenberg said tonight's class is dedicated for this special and beloved memory of Rabbi Yosef hi and margarita he extraordinary couple beacons of of love and and light and camaraderie in and dedication and I want to welcome their family and thank you for making this happen and thank you all of you for being here the great advantage of doing this over zoom and over technology is you could fall asleep in middle of my presentation and I will not take it to heart even though with zoom I could see some of you but you could fall asleep also you can chew gum you can crack nuts you can eat you can enjoy your ice cream which usually is difficult and distracting for me when I give a lecture but now feel free and live it up and knock yourself out my dear friends so rabbi Ruttenberg the director of MS who has become a very special friend asked me to address this evening a very important and a very loaded topic and it's called developing a personal intimate relationship with God and I think this is I thank you for choosing this topic because I think it's the unique opportunity today to focus on this question how do I develop a personal real authentic and intimate relationship with God as rabbi Ruttenberg said everybody is welcome to send in their questions I'm going to speak and then after my presentation we will take questions you could share whatever is on your mind on your heart on your soul rabbi Ruttenberg we'll read your questions you can also type them in on the yeshiva dotnet if that's easier for you if you're not on zoom' and I will look up the questions over there as well Lena there so you know one of the brilliant things that came out in this entire devastating pandemic is extraordinary humor sometimes I get clips with such great anecdotes and and jokes people sense of humor has really accelerated I guess at a time of crisis humor is one of the degree one of the great tools to release tension the old saying goes what you can laugh at you can survive that's why the Jewish people have always had a niche for humor the name of the first Jewish boy is its hook it hook means he shall laugh why would the first Jewish boy born a Jew be named he shall laugh and the answer perhaps says God was giving us a lesson he said that which you can laugh at you will be able to survive not only survive but you will be able to emerge from it more strong and more blessed so allow me to begin with an anecdote about two Jews mr. Berkowitz and Mr Rabinowitz if there is a mr. Berkowitz and Rabinowitz with us tonight it's not you it's your fourth cousin once-removed mr. Berkowitz and Mr Rabinowitz were business partners they were also avid golfers they loved golf anyway one day Berkowitz calls up his friend Rabinowitz and he says Rabinowitz listen up these buyers we have been schmoozing up and trying to cultivate their business call to say that they have a reservation for us to meet them to play golf at their exclusive Country Club it's gonna be this coming Saturday at 9 o'clock a.m. it's exclusive it's extraordinary this is going to be private intimate time with them an unbelievable opportunity for business Rabinowitz tells his friend Berkowitz he says sorry I can't go it's Shabbos it's Saturday 9 o'clock in the morning Saturday I am in the synagogue I am in sure this of course is pre corona days Saturday morning you go to synagogue so Rabinowitz tells Berkowitz I can go when Berkowitz hears this he says what shul Shmuel what are you talking about this is a big deal this is an opportunity of a lifetime you can't reject such an opportunity to go golfing with these multimillionaires besides you are going to show since when do you go to shul I know you Rabinowitz you're going to soup I have known you for decades you're an atheist when we were kids you were a communist you got to shrew Rabinowitz says listen this was all before mr. Goldstein came to town you remember mr. Goldstein came to town as a refugee he didn't have a penny in his pocket now he's a multi-millionaire some say he may be worth billions and Goldstein tells me that it's all because he goes to shul and he talks to God Rabinowitz Rabinowitz Berkowitz screams you expect me to believe that you are going to show to talk to God come on you're a radical atheist don't tell me Bubba mices we gotta go golfing and Rubinius with response he says no no no no you don't get it you don't understand Goldstein goes to show to talk to God I go to show in order to talk to mr. goldstein it's one of these old Jewish anecdotes which of course expresses the fact that very often life Jewish life could become routine we go through the same patterns the same habits we do the same thing every day before Quran or some of us were going to Sheol every Shabbos or every day or a Shoshanna and Yom Kippur and very often you're not sure if he's going to talk to God or he's going to talk to goldstein or he's going to a swage and calm down his grandmother who is going for a kid their chauffeur Bar Mitzvah what's missing orphan is the intimate personal relationship today nobody's going to synagogue there are a few people who are still going to synagogue and they're not doing the right thing but most of us are doing the right thing and they're not going we're not going to synagogue we're quarantine now very often people look at it as what's this decree all the shoals are closed down the schools are closed down it's sad and we look forward to be reunited with our communities not just through technology but also physically but we have to remember something and that is in Judaism every single crisis is always seen as an opportunity never forever allow a crisis to go by without maximizing its potential and the same is true with the present pandemic of covert 19 woe unto us if when this madness is over we just go back to normal life as though nothing happened and all we're asking for is come on let's get the schools open let's get the stores open let's get the malls open let's get the businesses open let's get the industry's various industries open let's be able to go to work in the morning and send our kids to their educational institutes so life could go back to normal we don't have to be quarantined that's a wonderful wish and may it happen and happen easily and happen swiftly with everybody fully healthy however what a pity it will be for us and for the Jewish people and for the world for Humanity if we don't emerge from this crisis far deeper far more blessed far more expansive far more authentic I mentioned that another lecture to the South African community that when Jacob meets his adversary that mysterious night in the book of Genesis and the adversary tries to kill him all night and finally he can't defeat Jacob but he dislocates his sciatica and when the morning comes when dawn breaks this adversary this mysterious warrior or angel who comes to fight Jacob tells Jacob shall hey me let me go because dawn broke and Jacob says these immortal words Loya shall lay kazakian bare honey I will not let you go until you do not bless me what imagine someone has attacked the middle of the night by a gangster in a dark alley you're fighting all night finally morning comes and the gangster wants to leave and you say wait well why wait I need a bro need a blessing Jacob what are you asking for blessings for from this fella coal mine Juan Juan punch him in the nose let him go what's this need for a blessing and of course the commentators present many different perspectives but I shall share one Jacob was bequeathing a timeless lesson to all of his descendants for eternity whenever you face adversity in your life whenever you're confronted by an angel who wants to destroy you whenever you're dealing with a challenge an obstacle a formidable enemy spiritual physical psychological emotional financial social an enemy within or an enemy with Alex whenever you're confronted with trauma with skeletons with demons with ghosts whenever you're dealing with a crisis that it's affecting whether it's your health or the health of your loved ones your economic situation the entire community and in this case the entire world it's not only enough to extricate yourself from the grip of your adversary and emancipate yourself and set yourself free that would be insufficient because if that is your only achievement the question is why would God put it in your life in the first place if the entire goal was just I want to extricate myself from your terrifying grip why did I need to meet you and engage with you in the first place Jacob says the message and perspective of Judaism the veltheim found that sustained the Jewish people for millennia was that at the end of every long night we looked at the adversary in the eyes and we said I will not let you go Keon Beretania unless I emerge from this encounter more blessed more wise more deep I want to emerge a transformed person I don't only want to run away from the corona iris yes I want to do that too but I want to seize the opportunity we want to seize the opportunity to welcome a world that is more unified a world that is more aligned with its true purpose a humanity that is more in touch with its core in its essence we want a Jewish community that is much more authentic honest real deep wise I want to emerge as a much better person a deeper person a person of much profounder integrity wisdom enlightenment harmony and connection if not I say woe unto me that after such a long night facing this angel which each one of us faces in our life all I can say is let me go back to normal life Jacob says don't make that mistake I will not let you go if I do not become more blessed through you my dearest friends this pandemic has devastated many a life many of us have lost relatives parents grandparents uncles aunts close friends mentors teachers beacons leaders of our communities queens the community of Queens was struck very very hard just like the community of Borough Park just like the community of Crown Heights the community where I live which is Muncie New York and many other communities they were struck very very hard we have lost some of our best our sweetest and our holiest many more are struggling for their life and struggling with health this is not an easy time for people and yet we have to always remember that in life we look at every single challenge and we say I will not let you go if I do not emerge from this more blessed I remember when I was sitting Shiva for my late father in 2005 and I went out one night to alley to the driveway when my parents live in Montgomery Street to Brooklyn it was a long day and on you're sitting on that low chair for 12 hours and the visitors don't the visitors don't stop and people come till midnight and after midnight so I went out you know just to get a little fresh air and I was standing outside at the side of the house and my nephew my brother's son comes out as well and with tears in my eyes I turned to my nephew and I say it's the end of an era my father was really a larger-than-life personality was an institution and it was a real seasoned Jewish journalist for a half a century so I taught my nephew these are very colorful and interesting personality so I told my nephew the end of an era and without skipping a beat he said something that stayed with me and it was comforting he said yes it's the end of an era and it's also the beginning of a new one it struck me the end of an era could be the end it can also be the beginning of a new one when one window closes a new one opens when one door is shut a new opportunity opens we know that all of us for the rest of our lives will refer to Prix Corona and post Corona this is one for the history books what we were going through now an invisible virus the size of 125 nanometers has brought seven point seven billion people to their knees not a sector in our civilization has not been affected and transformed as a result of this invisible enemy which you can't see with your naked eye and you need microscope to be able to see these microorganisms and yet the whole world was changed many of us will yet share this with children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren crisis that is unique the end of an era but do we just go back to normal how how can I be deaf how can I be deaf to the opportunity how can I be blind to the potential that is being born right now as we speak there is a tremendous potential and light embedded in every single darkness and this doesn't mean it's not dark it doesn't mean we wanted it it doesn't mean it's not tragic it doesn't mean there's not a lot of pain in the world it does mean that we have to make a choice do we just look at coronavirus as just one of those devastating crises and that's it and we want to get rid of it or we emulate and we repeat the words of our Father Jacob lie a chalet shakopee in Beira on me I will not send you away unless I come out more blessed and one of the key areas that I myself have found myself working on and I think is extremely relevant to so many of us is with the shows closed down with shopping centers and malls closed down we all retreat it to our own corner our own home we can't Davin anymore with the community we cannot study anymore physically with the community although we're using this technology and it's amazing our kids are not going to school they're being homeschooled even if they have school through the house it's a very different reality many of us most of us are not going to work so now when I get up in the morning to pray it's just me alone me and God alone is this sad on some level on some level it's an amazing opportunity this is the time to develop a personal relationship with God and it's not only through prayer throughout the day whenever we are struck with a difficult moment in life we can do one of two things we could become cynical [clears throat] or we can become deeper we can simply resort to survival instincts which is normal or we can discover our innermost strengths we can allow our innermost light the of our personality a part of ourselves that we usually are not in touch with we can get in touch with and I say to you my dearest sisters and my dearest brothers open yourself up to that opportunity because these things don't happen often and we don't want them to happen often please God everybody should be healthy but when such a thing comes into our world carpe diem seize that there will not let you go until you bless me what does my relationship with God look like what does your relationship with God look like do we have a personal relationship with God what does prayer mean what does davin II mean the Prophet Jeremiah says in lamentations shivery sam-i-am labayda Noah nasha let your heart pour forth like a water current in the presence of the face of God what does that look like to pour out your heart as though there was a waterfall in your heart what does this mean and this is what I want to address during the remaining time of our class ways of internalizing and experiencing a profound relationship with God throughout the day but one particularly focused on the art of prayer because prayer is the time when the Torah established the meeting place and the meeting time between the human person and the almighty on a daily basis the Jewish religion we have three prayers a day morning afternoon evening Schaffer administer my River on the Sabbath the holidays we have four on Yom Kippur we have five what are these meetings about what is supposed to happen what are we trying to accomplish many people find prayers to be as they have shared with me over the years at best monotonous boring sometimes they actually get anxious it triggers all types of negative emotions and want to try to help you and me change our paradigms expand our horizons and really see how and we can cultivate that much deeper and more authentic relationship with God the first and foremost understanding of what a relationship with God looks like of what prayer looks like I experienced a few years ago one day in a building I lived in Brooklyn on New York Avenue I was living in a building there and I went to get the mail and when I went out to get the mail I had to go upstairs to the fourth floor where my sister-in-law was living and I went to the elevator and I see a lovely african-american brother who seemed like an electrician or a plumber standing at the elevator and he's talking he's talking and talking making with his hands so I thought that he has an earpiece and he's on the telephone when I got closer I saw that he didn't have anything in his ear and he was just talking and I wondered about that you know cuz he had this animated conversation and I tried to him and I said holy brother do you mind if I ask you a question he said go ahead my brother I said who are you talking to I thought you had headsets or an earpiece you're talking on the phone I see he got nothing who are you talking to you don't get to yourself who are you talking to us and he tells me he says I'm talking to God I said really standing at the elevator door and he says yeah you know I have a very hard day I'm working very very hard so I stopped at the elevator have a few minutes see I'm waiting for the elevator and we had a very slow elevator in our building you could wait there 20 minutes for the elevator 10 minutes whatever it was he says we'll never have an opportunity I share with God what I have been experiencing and I share with God what I'm going to experience and I asked him for his guidance and his help so I said so what were you talking now to God about he said I was talking to God about where I'm coming from I was talking to God about where I'm going I'm going to this in this apartment they have to accomplish this I still have to go here and go there and go there and I'm asking for God to be with me and help me that's what I'm doing and I'm standing there perplexed and inspired and I thought to myself wow this african-american brother is teaching me something so powerful about prayer it's real it's real he was standing in front of an elevator and talking to God I thought he's talking on the phone I once heard from dr. Twersky that he was once at the Kaiser at the Kotel at the Western Wall in Jerusalem and he was standing there and he was praying I think it was minister of the afternoon service at the war and there's a Jew standing there and he hears the Jew he's not eavesdropping but he standeth here's a drew talking to the wall and the Jew starts talking about a dentist appointment that he went to and what the dentist said or what the dentist did and then the Jew interrupts himself and he says oh I'm here mighty love hugs at tomorrow boom I'm oh I told this to you yesterday already I don't have to repeat let's continue and after Twerski said at that moment I learned what prayer is a Jew is sharing with God what the dentist said yesterday and then he says oh I share this already yesterday let's move on with the conversation what does this represent it represents the basic idea in Judaism that we believe at the core of the universe there is love the universe is not death to your pleas to your cries to your experiences to your emotions you're not just a random mutation an insignificant blimp on the surface of infinity you live and you die and crumble when the time comes based on some random equation you were conceived in love you were created with a mission birth is God saying you matter and birth is God saying that something in the world will remain incomplete without your presence your light and your contribution the glorious institution of prayer is the idea that every single person must know that God wants to hear what is going on in your life share it with him so you'll say an infinite God wants to know what's happening in my life yes that is the essence of the of one of the most fundamental ideas in Judaism the universe is not blind to your agony death to your suffering oblivious to your journey at the core of reality is the presence the consciousness of a divine infinite moral loving creator who loves you infinitely and loves you unconditionally and wants a relationship with you in parentheses I am now going to insert a profound philosophical / spiritual idea I'm not going to elaborate on it but I just want to share it there is an ancient question how we reconcile two opposite ideas in Judaism God's knowledge and free choice the question is very simple it was already raised by my manatees Rambam in the laws of repentance I think it's chapter 5 my manatees raises the obvious philosophical question if God knows the future so God knows everything rabbi why why is going to do tomorrow next month the next year and he knows when I'm gonna wake up and he knows if I'm gonna do the right thing or the wrong thing and he knows if I'm gonna eat she stay even though I'm not supposed to eat cheesecake and he knows if I'm gonna eat cockroach cake even though I'm not supposed to eat cockroach cake and he knows what grab I Brooklyn burgers gonna do for the next 10 years 100 years hundred 50 years and he knows what every single one is gonna do so I don't have choice how do I have choice because if I am forced to do what God knows I'm going to do so that means I have no choice my actions are compelled by God's previous knowledge and if I could choose according to my own volition and conviction and choice and I can prove God wrong so then it means God doesn't know everything so we ever a big contradiction you say God as clueless God doesn't know what I'm gonna choose not God doesn't know if God knows then I can't choose otherwise because by tomorrow it's already predetermined interesting question and the commentators and the philosophers and the catalyst and the Mystics and the Masters of ashcoff of perspective have spilled March Inc on this question one of the best answers is Maimonides answer you know my mom and he says my man that he says oh we can't understand you think you're gonna understand how God's mind works God knows and you have choice and derive it one of the great commentators on the Rumba rybnikov run band double bass choirs is very critical he says you ask a question and then you say oh we don't understand don't ask questions if we don't understand he's very critical of my mind that he's you now this is not our discussion so I'm not getting into the details but I want to share with you a little insight that comes from the baal shem tov the baal shem tov was the founder of the Hasidic movement he was born in 1698 he passed away in 1760 onsh Lewis and he revolutionized the landscape of Jewish thought and Jewish life and Jewish experience through his teachings and his students and he has a very short teaching about this now I have to tell you the truth I'm not sure I understand it but I think I feel it a little bit I'm not sure I'm not sure I understand it but I think I feel it a little bit and I'll tell you what the baal shem tov says the baal shem tov says of course god's knowledge is a mission God is a mission he's omnipresent meaning he's everywhere and he knows everything and if his knowledge is infinite winning he knows every single detail about everybody's past present and future it's supposed to deny me free choice and yet the baal shem tov says there's another reality that is as potent and that is not only God's infinite knowledge but also God's infinite love God loves me God loves you and God craves more than everything else a personal relationship with you and for that relationship to be meaningful you have to have choice because if not you're just a pre-programmed computer you can't have a real intimate relationship with a computer because a computer is brilliant and marvelous but ultimately it just is a product of the programmer what you program and that's what you get there's no creativity there's no choice so for God to have a real relationship with you like equals like partners like friends like marriage partners this choice says the Baal Shem Tov God's love shrimps God's knowledge so even though biz knowledge dictates that I don't have free choice but God's love to me is even deeper than God's knowledge and because of the love I do have free choice he so to speak suspends his infinity to allow for free choice this is a parenthesis I come back to this key point in Judaism mainly what does pray represent God is not death to your life he wants to know what's going on with you and that's an incredible idea the idea of dominating the idea of pray in the morning in the afternoon in the evening it's literally like in a marriage your husband your wife wants to know what is going on with your life you say oh we already spent on yesterday that's not our marriage works if you don't newest leaf heed the relationship you start drifting away that's how marriages work it's not like other relationships you have a class a classmate an old friend sometime you don't speak for a couple of months and then after a couple of months you call up you say hey Harry how are you Oh George what's going on hey Sylvie how are you eh Helene what's going on how is everything how have you been and you just continue the conversation where you left at three months ago try doing that with your wife or don't yeah three months later oh I'm back it doesn't work that way why because the relationship is so powerful and the relationship is elevated to such a magnitude and you're dealing with two people who are very different from each other and yet they're so close to each other that this relationship needs to be fed it needs to be nurtured it needs to be nurtured on a daily basis and not just one time a day and if not who naturally start drifting away God becomes vulnerable the infinite God chooses he doesn't have to but he chooses to become vulnerable and say I'm waiting for you I want to hear what's going on in your life share it with me I'm not deaf to your situation that is the first fundamental truth behind prayer and behind developing a personal relationship with God and it's this feeling it's this experience that gave men and women of faith so much resilience and so much hope it's not that it takes away all the pain in the world it's not that faith eliminates pain people of faith don't struggle real people of faith struggle as much as everybody else what it does do is it means that there's somebody who cares there's somebody I could talk to there's somebody who's ready to embrace me and you know you see this most you see this most in the book of the hilum The Book of Psalms and I would encourage you to read through the Book of Psalms but with a translation that you can understand and internalize today you have great translations in English and in Yiddish and in Russian and in French and Spanish Italian Portuguese and Hebrew that is more contemporary it's worthwhile to read through even if you could read a chapter a few chapters a day it's fascinating book because it's not just brilliant but the emotions of it you literally go on a journey with King David and you see how we dealt with crises in life because almost every chapter is dealing with another challenge and another crisis in fact the book of tehilim is divided by the months by the month many people finished it to hilum over the month over 30 days because there's like a few chapters you say everyday there's 150 sections poems and tehilim over 30 days you say every day a few chapters you finish it by the month so I mean people even finish it during the week but it's very powerful when you read The Book of Psalms you see what it means to have a personal relationship with God King David just shears his soul he shares his agony he shares his doubts he shares his fears he shares his insecurities he shares his trauma he shares all of his experiences with his creator you see that he knows and he feels in every bone of his body that God is not death to his cry nor is God death to your life and to your experience so seize the moment and cultivate that relationship talk Shearer meditate connect that's that number one which brings me to step number two and here I want to address a very interesting word in Hebrew in Hebrew grammar when you say in Hebrew I'm going to davon how do you say it those of you know Hebrew say a knee or left the hips parallel an ear left the HISP a leg only about love depends if you're Ashkenazi too smart what does Allah hittable L mean I'm going to Davin I'm going to pray right now this is interesting because if you know a little bit Hebrew dictionary grammar let's say I want to say I'm going to dress my child I'm going to dress my baby yeah say I'm near left Lahaul bish at I yell actually Attell dart I'm going to dress my child what if I want to say I'm going to get dressed myself not dress someone else then I say Annie oh let the heat Labiche the hit la beche now prayer seemingly is the idea I'm going to pray to God but we don't say that we Sandia Leslie hit the parallel late Paulo means I'm going to do something within myself what is this that I want to do within myself weed is the word Fela come from what is the root of the words Fela which we translate his prayer in Genesis Jacob is separated from his beloved son Joseph for 22 years 22 years he has not seen his son Joseph since the brothers have taken him and cast him into a pit and sold him into slavery after 22 years Jacob is reunited with Joseph and at the end of his life he tells Joseph - Ethel I feel Alti I never imagined I never anticipated that I'm going to see your face Mohini hair like Kim I see gammas are a fan here not only that God show me you but God also showed me your children the word he uses his filthy filthy means I didn't know you feel all the I didn't expect I didn't imagine I didn't anticipate so what is Fela Fela means imagination expand dissipation the heath parallel means like little Abeche I'm going to get dressed leap Allah I'm going to imagine I never imagined life alone tenement so what's elite fellow I'm going to imagine that's what happening is what are you going to imagine now who leads the prayers the prayer is led by a hassan a cantor what does the word kazan where does it come from comes to the words cuz i'm vision so the cancer is not just singing the prayers he's presenting a vision kazan is a vision hezonia shall live below means I'm going to imagine a vision I'm going to anticipate something I'm going to open myself up to a no idea what is this well what is this that I'm opening myself up to this my friends is a very very powerful idea prayer in Judaism is about visionary thinking what's the visionary thinking of prayer and the answer is it's the ability to be able to see myself not just as a small petty finite mortal limited moody struggling creature who got lots of struggles and lots of issues you can talk with my therapist but rather prayer means I am cultivating within myself a vision I want to be able to imagine myself in a new way how I want to be able to imagine myself as an ambassador of the divine in this world as an extension of God in this world as a manifestation of God's infinite light in this world as an ambassador of the divine on our world an ambassador of infinity an ambassador of love light hope healing wisdom enlightenment unity and redemption you see there's two dimensions in me and every single one of us there's two sides there's two dimensions there's a side of me that is filled with fear and anxiety and panic and hysteria and jealousy are you familiar with this if you're not great but I have to deal with this there's a side within me that is petty small just operating on a survival instinct fight or flight but there's another side to me and the other side to me is deeper and that's the part of me that is really infinite it's the part of me that is a manifestation of God that Tonya says that every person has two souls we operate on two levels of consciousness one is called an animal consciousness and one is called the vine consciousness which he describes as a Haley la Comi mal mama SH de they mentioned within your core your consciousness that is actually a fragment of God it's a piece of divinity it's a ray of infinity it's the manifestation of God's light in this world a relationship with God every day particularly there in prayer is the ability to step away from seeing myself only in terms of pettiness and smallness and insecurity to be able to see myself to imagine myself for who I really am and Who am I really I am really a complete partner when the creator of the world I am God's light in this world you are God's light in this world and that's why jealousy always comes from ignorance because nobody can extinguish your light on the contrary by you shining your light you help me shine my light everyone has their unique way of manifesting God's light and God's love in this world you have a unique contribution you are not just a victim you're not just a servant you're much more than that you're a full partner you are divine yours you are so to speak the peace of God that he sends down to Planet Earth in order to change the world and to bring light into darkness can you imagine yourself from that perspective can you make decisions from that perspective can you operate from that perspective can you communicate with your spouse and your children from that perspective can you communicate with yourself from that perspective now this is not easy this is often very very challenging and that's why this relationship needs to be cultivated and nurtured it must blossom and it's not enough just to do it once a week once a month cause intuitively I go back to my insecurities intuitively I go back to my small tiny miniature self a relationship with God means a relation with myself with my core with my deepest deepest identity as an ambassador of infinity that's a powerful challenge but it's also an incredible an incredible opportunity now you know my dearest friends I want to share with you two stories two stories about two extraordinary individuals and they have touched me so deeply because it taught me what a personal relationship with God is some of you remember him a few years ago the Jewish world lost one of its heroes dr. Elie Wiesel Elie Wiesel professor Wiesel I had the privilege of knowing him personally because my late father and the late dr. Wiesel worked very closely together in journalism for many years and they remained close friends I remember one Rosh Hashana quite a few years ago Elie Wiesel penned a letter to God and he published this letter in the New York Times and I have to read a few excerpts of this letter that Elie Wiesel published in the New York Times I think there was a day before a Hashanah around 20 years ago 20 or 25 years ago I read master of the universe let us make up its time how long can we go on being angry more than fifty years have passed since the nightmare was lifted many things good unless good if since happened to those who survived it they learned to build on ruins family life was recreated children were born friendship struck of course Elie Wiesel lost much of us family the holocaust his father died his mother died siblings he survived Auschwitz Buchenwald he wrote his well-known book night and in night those of you who read night about that the night the night of of Jewish history Auschwitz remember how Elie Wiesel describes his his challenges with God that God's existence allowing the sight of a child a little child being hung on the gallows by the SS so 50 years later he's penning a letter in the New York Times saying family life was recreated does this mean Elie Wiesel writes that the wounds in their soul have healed they will never heal as long as a spark of the flames of Auschwitz and Treblinka glows in their memory so long will my joy be incomplete what about my faith in you master of the universe I now realize that I never lost it not even over there during the darkest hours of my life I don't know why I kept on whispering my daily prayers and [snorts] I kept on whispering those reserved for the Sabbath and for the holidays but I did recite them often with my father and on Rosh Hashana Eve with hundreds of inmates at Auschwitz was it because the prayers remained a link to the vanished world of my childhood in my testimony I have written harsh words burning words about your role in our tragedy I would not repeat them today but I felt them then I felt them in every cell of my being why did you allow if not enable the killer day after day night after night to torment kill and annihilate tens of thousands of Jewish children why were they abandoned by your creation these thoughts were in no way destined to diminish the guilt of the guilty they're established culpability is irrelevant to my problem with you master of the universe in my child that I did not expect much from human beings but I expected everything from where were you God of kindness in Auschwitz what was going on in heaven at the celestial tribunal while your children were marked for humiliation isolation and death only because they were Jewish at one point one point they began wondering whether I was not unfair with you after all ouch which was not something that came down ready-made from heaven it was conceived by men implemented by men staffed by men and their aim was not only to destroy us but you as well what we not to think of your pain to watching your children suffer at the hands of your other children haven't you also suffered as we Jews now enter the High Holidays preparing ourselves to pray for a year of peace and happiness for our people and all people let us make up master of the universe in spite of everything that happened yes in spite let us make up for the child in me it is unbearable to be divorced from you so long wow-wow friends when I read this it struck such a deep chord in me Elie Wiesel debated and fought God for 50 years he did not agree with God he didn't justify the Holocaust he did it rationalize it he wrestled with the divine but he felt in his bones that there was someone listening to what he was saying he could speak to God he can cry to God he can get upset at God he can cheer his heart and his tears with God Elie Wiesel lost almost everything his mother his father his baby sister was slain by the Germans on his own skin he experienced the blackest chapter in Jewish and human history you know he refused for many years to get married he felt that it was unjust to bring Jewish children into a world that would be so cruel I heard this from him myself yet he rebuilt his life he got married he had a boy who he named after his murdered father Alesha we both had a Gris at the same time and he inspired millions of people not only to remember the victims of the Holocaust but to live better and more noble lives he spent decades fighting peace fighting for peace and fighting anti-semitism standing up to injustice and for me it showed what it means to have a personal relationship with God the power of prayer he may have wrestled with God that's what the word yes rail means yes Ryle means R Israel you have wrestled with God and men and you have prevailed but he knew that he has somebody to wrestle with there was somebody who was holding him as King David says in 23 chapter 23 of Psalms CaMKII a litigate some of his lawyer a rocky after him are they even as I walk in the valley of the shadow of death I shall not fear any evil because you are with me I'm going to conclude with one more story which inspired me very very deeply and inspires me till today and then we'll open it up to your conversation and your feedback there was a Jews many of you remember him his name was Simon Wiesenthal Simon Wiesenthal passed away in 2005 he was in a foster Ian Jew a Holocaust survivor he spent four and a half years in German concentration camps and he dedicated his life to be a Nazi hunter after the war he became famous for this work I think he dedicated most of his life to track down and gather information on fugitive Nazi so they could be brought to justice a number of years ago there was a conference of European rabbis in Bratislava in Slovakia and the rabbi's honored the 91 year old Simon Wiesenthal with an award you know what they gave him as a reward they gave him a sitter a prayer book Simon Wiesenthal gets up at this conference and he speaks to the rabbis and he shares with them an experience he had with one of the great American rabbis known as the Blazer silver the Blazer silver passed away in 1968 was among America's foremost Jewish leader he was very involved in the vaad hatzala and rescuing Jews from Europe and he was the chief rabbi of Cincinnati he was the head of our goodness Sarah Bonham an organization that brought together many rabbis and Simon Wiesenthal tells the following stories as I was in math house and after the liberation rabbi silver came from the United States to help the survivors settle in the DP camps rabbi silver organized a special prayer service and he invited Simon Wiesenthal to join the other survivors in praying Simon Wiesenthal turns to rabbi Laser silver and he says no way I will not join these prayers and I'll tell you why when I was in the camp I saw many different types of people do many types of things there was one religious man in whose presence I experienced so much on I'll tell you why this guy managed to smuggle a sitter a Jewish prayer book into the camp I was amazed that he was ready to risk his life in order to bring a seed or a prayer book into the camp to my horror the next day my or of this man was shattered I realized he was no religious man he was renting the siddur in exchange for people giving him a little piece of their breads I was so angry with his Jew how can he take a prayer book and use it to take away another Jews last piece of bread I am NOT going to pray if this is how religious Jews behave in Bergen and nach Hause and they use a prayer book in order to manipulate people to give them their last piece of bread I will not be part of this as Simon Wiesenthal turned to walk away rabbi laser silver tapped him on the shoulder and he says in Yiddish I the best on are the best on Nar which bluntly means your foolish your foolish Wiesenthal was intrigued why are you calling foolish call me secular call me apathetic called me assimilated call me angry why are you calling me foolish and your blazes silver told him these words you know my fellow Jew he said why are you looking at this manipulative June who rented out his sitter to take from people their last meals why are you focusing on this person why would you focus on something else why don't you look at the dozens of Jews who were ready to give up their last morsel of bread in order to be able to use a prayer book to be able to talk to God why don't you look at these extraordinary people who in spite of all their suffering fell that they can connect to their Creator people who had nothing left to their lives but they knew one thing they still had left and that is an indestructible relationship with their Creator that can never be shattered and for this they were ready to give up everything why don't you focus on that rather than on this one person who was maybe behaving or behaving in an inappropriate way Simon Wiesenthal mattered he turned around and he joined the prayer service with Rabbi silver and he shared this story 60 years later with European rabbis in the 1990s who honored Simon Wiesenthal here you have it my dear friends what it means to have a personal relationship with God to know that in all circumstances God is your best friend God is always with you I may not understand him I may not be able to wrap my brain around God but I always know that he's ready for a conversation I know that he's there to hug me to listen to me God often challenges me challenges me and very very profound but the challenges are never there to destroy me and crush me they're there to bring out the best in me and to allow me to shine my light on the world yes sometimes I can't feel it sometimes I'm feeling all these other types of emotions which are normal and human and yet if God is worth worshiping it's not a God whom I can contain in my limited to pound or three pround brain it's not a God who I can reduce to my own expectations and my own imagination it's a God whose infinite who is the infinite source and cause of all of existence and who challenges me and invites me every single day to be in a relationship with my deepest core what is my deepest core my deepest core is the core of my life and the core of all of life which is Hashem God a personal relationship with God means above else above all else a personal relationship with yourself your deepest self your innermost self the core of your entire reality because of the doors of perception are cleansed everything appears as is infinity you are an ambassador of that infinity in the world and every day you are capable and I'm capable of building a relationship with that dimension of self which then allows each and every one of us to become an ambassador of love light hope and healing thank you [snorts] and family sizes here should be in our prayers as well so I have [clears throat] a question here how old is this person you started to say as a young what as a young as a young single living alone okay let me tell you what I think is an answer to your question and that is and I think it should be it should be understood by all of us what is Hashem when we say a relationship with Hashem what is this Hashem that we're talking about I really want we should understand what it means what do we mean by this and the answer of course is and this is so critical to understand when this person asks a question what am I supposed to do to have a relationship with Hashem I dive in I pray I do all these things and nothing is happening who is this Hashem Hashem is the essence of life Hashem is another word for reality the reality of reality that is Hashem it's the core of existence it's the core of reality which means Hashem is you and you are Hashem it doesn't mean there's no Hashem outside of you but it means there's no you outside of Hashem because we all are living in reality we are all part of reality we are all an aspect of reality and the reality of reality that is God that is the divine that is the meaning of the words ain't it Malvado there's nothing outside of them because everything in the world is in reality it's an aspect of divine energy it's a manifestation of divine energy every living organism lives with the DNA at the nucleus of the cell which basically is at the core of every living existence those are letters which at their core are manifestations of divine energy and the same is true every single cell in every living organism from the bee to the mosquito from the lioness to the elephant from the hyena to the chimpanzee Lahav will the human being every single cell is a manifestation of divine energy and the same is true with every bush and every tree and every shrub and every plant every grain of sand droplet of rain flake of snow every star and every galaxy the micro and the macro are essentially manifestations of divine energy so you know what a relationship with God means a relationship with God means a relationship with yourself with your ultimate self with your truest self so what I'm going to encourage you to do is start trying to have try to begin developing a real relationship with yourself cut away all your external layers do you know how to do that shed all those parts that are not real do you have one person in your life whom you can have a real conversation with about your deepest vulnerabilities about things that bother you in the profoundest way about who you are at your core when you begin to remove the cover-ups with each day you will be able to develop a relationship with God because God essentially is the core of you yeah go ahead okay excellent excellent question you [laughter] [gasps] really don't have to feel dumb you know if if you're if your child comes home from school you remember the days when you can used to go to school right and something happened in school and you may know exactly what happened because the principal called you when your child comes home from school and says mommy daddy I want to share with you what happened in school do you tell your child oh I know everything don't tell me nothing I know everything a parent doesn't do that you don't do that you welcome the conversation because it's not about if you know or not it's about the relationship let's say my son got into a fight in school for misbehaved in a school or had a difficult day in school and the principal called me I know everything and then my boy comes home and he says top D I have to share with you what happened in school do you I say oh my shirt don't share anything I know everything go to your room I don't have to know everything I know everything that's the worst thing you can do as a parent you may know the information but you're looking for the relationship you want your son to be able to share everything with you because that means he trusts you and that means you can trust him and that means you can brainstorm together how to recreate the situation and how to develop him or her into the person that knows how to deal with the various challenges that come across in life that's the idea of pray you don't have to inform God of the facts it's it's extreme seing the facts and presenting them to your loving father to your loving mother it's an entirely different concept you're not giving God information you're sharing with God your soul your experience your essence your feelings your emotions and God cherish is that because he's not looking for information he's looking for the relationship what's practical ways of building relationships with ourselves a few things number one to be able to spend to be able to have people or at least a person in your life in whose presence you can think out loud you need to have people in your life with whom you can be completely and brutally honest whether it's a spouse a close friend a confidant a therapist a counselor a rabbi a Rebbetzin a teacher a mentor but one or two or three people whom you can really lay your sole beer it's so so important the Mishna says acquire for yourself a teacher and a friend to be able to have that relationship it allows you to be able to see what is going on in you and not to be afraid we are often so afraid of what's going on inside of us so that's number one number two it's important to spend time with yourself spend time with yourself spend time with yourself means not texting and not what zapping and not watching another video and not busy answering emails but spending each day time with yourself looking into yourself meditation mindfulness is helpful exercise is helpful prayer is helpful learning is helpful all these things will you really retreat back to your core and you simply spend time with your innermost self and a lot of interesting things will come up another very important thing is to make time to meet your anxiety as though you're meeting a friend by an appointment to really make time you can't always do it sometimes you're busy with something but to make time to meet your fears to meet your insecurities to meet your anxiety and really like have a conversation with it to listen to it to respect it not to judge it and to find out what is going on because you will learn a lot of things about yourself another very very important component is to be able to challenge yourself if there are teachers or books or writers who speak to your soul and resonate with you learn from them read them listen to them watch them grow that way you will continuously grow these are some basic ideas that I think can help any of us to develop a deeper relationship with our core with our core selves okay we have over here a lot of questions came in through the Shema net so let me see what's going on okay how do we know that what we individually feel down here is replicated by God above meaning I'm happy he's happy I am sad he is sad well it's a very famous expression in the Zohar that the proverb says my face that I reflect to the water the water reflects back to me and the same is true with God that the face I reflect to God he also reflects back to me that's why there's an expression in Yiddish traffic good benzine good think positive and that creates positivity when you're in an upbeat mood when you're a happy person you open up new channels because the universe responds to you it's like the law of attraction but from a much more even a much more spiritual point of view and perspective that my attitudes are not just my own attitudes the human being is the interlacing link between heaven and earth so when your heart is open and when your mood is open when you open yourself up to faith and hope and happiness and joy your moods and your feelings and your emotions reverberate through the cosmos and through all of the worlds and just like a mirror you see what you're showing the mirror you show the mirror a smile or a sour face that's what you get back and that's a very powerful idea in Jewish mysticism Hashem silca God is your shadow so the baal shem tov said the shadow follows you so very often you're not just a victim you're a full partner you're a full partner with god can the rabbi give us some clarification about very difficult situations in life I have very difficult situations in life that God gave me he rescued me also with great kindness I don't have a problem with loving God I have a problem with fearing God I know that God is kind and forgiving but how am I supposed to develop fear of God I don't want to fear God I want to love God not fear God it's a great question and the answer to your question is I'm gonna say two points point number one is what does fearing God mean fearing God doesn't mean that you're fearing God because he's unpredictable and he's a tyrant and he's gonna punish you and he hates you and he's gonna take revenge fearing God really means I'm fearful of ruining such a powerful relationship you know when you have an amazing relationship with somebody you're afraid of doing something that's going to damage the relationship and that's what fear of God means fear of God means I'm afraid to ruin such an amazing relationship it's too good it's like you have if you have an incredible friendship or an incredible marriage you can cheat on your friend you can speak behind his back you can gossip you can slander you can excuse me backstab him or back stab her you can lie maybe nobody will even know but you're afraid why are you afraid even if they'll never find out and they won't punish you're afraid of ruining such an amazing gift that you have in your life how can you how can you be so insensitive and because of a temptation ruin such a powerful relationship that's one element of fear another element of fear is when you realize how much God loves you and how much he's crazy about you it becomes pretty scary meaning if you could love me so so much that's like pretty scary you know if you wouldn't love me so much it's like okay I can do whatever I want but if you love me so much and you're so connected to me it's like wow that's a pretty scary thought that's another idea of fear of God so fear of God shouldn't be seen as a negative thing it's a very very noble it's a very very noble emotion and feeling and it's a very important quality in life there's the element of there's an element of love and there's the element of or a fear of reverence of respect as I explained Dena says it seems like a one-way relationship between us and God we talk God listens he never encourages us he never tells us to keep going he keeps us alive everything we have is from him but he doesn't seem to answer us directly there was once a fellow who came to a rabbi and he said you know nobody in the world thinks about me I'm all alone nobody ever ever even has a thought to think about my well-being and the rabbi thousand that there was once a fellow who came to his therapist and he says you know nobody [laughter] ever thinks about me I'm alone in the world and suddenly suddenly a hundred billion white blood cells popped up and they looked at this fellow and they said what are we chopped liver and of course what they meant to say is that you have approximately maybe more a hundred billion white blood cells which are like policemen they travel through the entire body and they're basically the secure like police they patrol your organism in case an invader might come in an infection bacteria a virus and when the invader does come in they immediately mobilized to attack this don't say nobody is thinking about you ever when there's a hundred billion little guys who are working day and night 24 hours a day seven days a week from the moment you're born until the last breath at 120 to make sure you're fine when you say that it's a one-way relationship with God if you mean that we don't hear God's voice that's true we don't hear God's voice but every single moment of life every experience of life is God talking to us is God communicating with us we just have to clean out our antennas so that we should be able to open ourselves up to that vibe the energy and the presence of God is in everywhere and in everything however if my ears are plugged or this static and my brain I can't hear it because I am in a much smaller place when you clean out your antennas you open your ears you're open your eyes you cleanse your spirit every day you become open to experiencing this relationship and then you will see that the relationship is constant and the more you open up to it the more you'll be able to experience because the relationship is always there God is always always present but Cuba do you want me to read more happier 17 questions so maybe it's your turn I should read more okay a lot of a lot of questions came in okay here's the next question okay thank you for the thank yous you speak about connecting to God and connecting to you in yourself and finding this opportunity to find your core let's face it this is a chaotic and busy time men who are usually busy governing and Shore learning and working are now sharing the burden of children at home with their wives they can't learn normally they can't pray normally how are you supposed to connect to your inner self we can't even think straight we're all overwhelmed we're all busy we're all occupied we're doing things we never used to be doing come on this is a question from a man named shear or Joshua excellent question excellent question okay I know every single person is in a different situation there are people who are literally home alone there are people maybe older couples who are home just two people or people children already you know the nest is empty so I know so many people are in different places but let me tell you something even if your house is very very chaotic and very very busy that's part of connecting to your core self because now we're given an opportunity to deal with issues that we didn't have to deal with you know all the issues in marriages he used to run to work she ran to work they only saw each other at night now you're together a whole day it's such an opportunity to figure out what's going on to get rid of some of the skeletons some of the ghosts some of the demons to be able to take time every day and spend time with each other if you can take a walk that's great if you can't take a walk depends where you live and what the health officials say but it's so important now to focus on issues in your marriage that you didn't have time to focus on or you weren't forced to focus on the same is true with your children you get to see your children a whole day you get to listen to your children you get to see the interactions I don't mean connecting to your core self in the Buddhist model of going on top of a mountain and meditating and fasting and spending time with Nirvana and one and all all in one I know some of our homes are very chaotic I'm talking about connecting to your core self in the chaos and in the busyness by noticing your emotions by learning to control your temper by identifying your anxiety by figuring out what's really bothering you and you know it's so important not to be scared of any emotions respect your emotions whatever they may be as chaotic as they may be give them their space and then choose to live a life based on your values your wife or your husband may say something that Shriekers you and you want to explode your teenage son or daughter says something and you want to explode then you would lose lead and run out of the house and go to work and now you can't it's such a great opportunity for you to be able to observe your emotions to see what's happening and for you to be able to choose what is your right path how you should respond verbally which thoughts should take over your brain based on your innermost values so this is such an opportunity for self refinement for self-discovery for searching inside your soul and becoming a transformed person amidst the chaos and amidst the busyness that's how that's how I that's how I see it how can you have Isaac how can you have a relationship and an intimate one with God God is not visible he's not a person he's not a thing we have no frame of reference what God is are we supposed to invent an image of our imagination I think this is one of the reasons that boys and girls are leaving Judaism because they're all like robots they're doing things with no feelings and no connection to God this is Isaac's question Wow great question Isaac I love it I love it now by Ruttenberg that's a good question Oh excellent excellent excellent question so let me let me let me respond very briefly I think I addressed some of this during the lecture I know God is not visible God is not a person God is not a thing you're not supposed to invent any image but that's exactly the point if God would have an image it would mean that connecting with him is limited to a certain style to a certain time to a certain place because because God has no image it means that my relationship with him is never limited because it never has to look a certain way a relationship with God doesn't mean I'm in a good mood or I'm in a spiritual mood arm and I'm uplifted mood a relationship with God doesn't mean I'm black or I'm white or orange or yellow or a blue or brown a relationship with God doesn't mean I'm in a specific space or box or model the relationship with God means wherever you are at this moment wherever you are physically emotionally psychologically socially spiritually you are one with God because God has no image he has no place he has no figure there's no space that God runs away from her God says oh I can't deal with this or God says no this is the way to connect to me or ever you are in the world right now right there right then you can open yourself up to the fact that at your core you are divine you are one you are infinite let's remember a relationship with God means discovering what it is you want to know God get to know your deepest deepest core and again this doesn't mean there's no God outside of you there is a God outside of you it means there's no you outside of God the Navi says job says me sorry exa Le Coq EF from my own flesh I shall receive Hashem beautiful words the ballot on you said without shiet and embosser bismillah darkens nla cop you have to send the Brutus of your flesh until you'll be able to perceive God over there I would say however very important qualification many of us relate to God only through images we paint a picture of God when we're a child and that picture sticks with us forever and if our image of God is a negative one or a scary one it paralyzes us and it limits our ability to experience and mature and infinite relationship with God that's why I'm going to ask you Issac and all of you to do an exercise think what is the image that comes up in your mind instinctively when you say the word God without thinking about it if there is an image that comes up immediately it may teach you a lot about what is the obstacle in your relationship with God I complete agree with you Isaac that boys and girls from a very young age need to be taught about cultivating their own relationship with Hashem wherever they are this is vital children understand infinity much better than we think they understand and I want you to Ramayana remind you the words of God to Moses when he stood at the burning bush Moses said let me go see what is happening at the bush and God said no take your shoes off your feet because the place upon which you stand is sacred soil teaching my share a bane of Moses you don't have a relationship with God by running to the burning tree you have to discover how the place upon which you stand is sacred you have to be able to find that the presence of Hashem is always inside of you right now right here and I could connect to that truth under every single condition and an all in under all circumstances my grandmother passed away three years ago there is a metaphor that the Angel of Death uses other things not to take the blame because he was worried that everybody will blame him so God said don't worry they'll blame the doctors the hospitals when my grandmother passed away I didn't blame the illness that she had I blamed the Angel of Death I'm angry that she was taken away what could you do to help me calm down from my anger who that's a very very good question jelly or jelly and when somebody close to us is taken away it's very very very hard and that anger is is part of the human condition you're angry you're very very angry under the anger you're very very sad and you're in a lot of pain and I'm sorry this is this is very very difficult and I know you say was three years ago but when you're very very close to somebody three years is not always a long time and what I want to tell you is that I think the most important thing to remember is that your grandmother died physically but her soul is eternal and asked yourself how your grandmother would want you to live do you think your grandmother would want you to live with perpetual anger or your grandmother would want you to know that her soul is eternal she's still here for you she prays for you she thinks about you she loves you and you could connect to her and you can be there for her soul because every time you bring in goodness into this world you elevate and you inspire and you bring joy to her soul so think about what your grandmother would want from you of how to live today what would be the greatest tribute for this wonderful lady who obviously was wonderful because I see how much you love her Aviva God okay the next question is uh Wow a lot a lot of questions okay how you want to go rabbi Rothenberg okay excellent question and I think the I think a very I think a very very important answer to this is what you could do is don't it doesn't have to be big and dramatic let me give you a few simple exercises and steps when you wake up in the morning there's a lot going on but you can open your open your eyes and you put together your hands and you say that little powerful meditation and that for that Jews say right when they wake up Murray Danilov anezka Melek ivic I am chef desire to Benish Massey the family album wanna sell I Thank You Hashem for giving me back my soul with compassion great is your faithfulness and trust in me what a beautiful way to open yourself up to a new day you acknowledge that you were given a soul you acknowledge that you are an ambassador of God for this day you acknowledge how much God believes in you you wash your hands and you say the blessings and when you say the blessings the breakfast in the morning I'm gonna ask you do it with an English prayer book so you could see the translation listen to these words La Caille neshama Shanna SATA B Tahiry he octave Aras at the attire to God my God the soul you have imbued within me is pure and Tahiry also means it's light and Aramaic Tyra means luminescent bright which means the soul you have given me is filled with light because it's God's light in this world focus on these words it takes a few seconds but stop 10 seconds and think about the fact think about the fact that inside of you there is God's infinite light and then you thank God for all the things that we thank him in the morning the ability to see and the ability to walk and the ability to step on the ground and the ability to flex and stretch our muscles and the ability to stand up and the ability to have wisdom and the ability to experience another day those are very small short but powerful powerful meditations that we're saying every day and if you could take four or five six minutes do it slowly with the translation so you understand what you're doing and focus on it with sincerity you are an amazing relationship with a chef that's what a relationship is one day God willing you'll get married what do you think a relationship with your spouse's these are what relationships look like this is the stuff of a relationship and then you as God shitake Lainey hi you saved me May as a foreman who may as opponent from people who are screwin scrupulous from hutzpah may other Mahavira shocking repay Gera ayan Harrelson our ADA checker sinister breeze you're asking God to save you from a social life that is inappropriate from gossip from slander from saying lies from hating people make Hawaiian from illness such powerful beautiful world's giving you focus you tell God about high rev nas device or askable phenyl make the words of your TARDIS sweet in my mouth I should be able to appreciate the sweetness of your terror this is right even before diving in just a few minutes you say this with a little concentration sincerity meditation every single morning and you become a different person you become a conscientious person a reflective person a good person a noble person you become an ambassador of Hashem in this world and I would also suggest that when you davon every day take one paragraph of Dominic and learn its translation read it with your mouth and with your eyes with a translation you'll understand for example tomorrow take the prayer the blessing of us eylem or a Barabbas you do Ashkenazim right before smile and focus on the translation just that paragraph every week focus on another paragraph sooner or later you'll get to know the davines and you'll see it will be a different experience I'm with you okay I'll take one more here I'll take one more here let's see what's coming in and a few more came in but let me I could take let's see what's going on oh wow okay [sighs] okay please repeat the question I'm repeating the question okay let's see here what is your advice my natural feelings tend to go towards a self-identity as the rabbi described I'm small petty finite moody struggling praying is gonna change my perspective what if I try every day to have qivana but to no avail how do I get out of this view of myself how do I step away from my traumas how do I become an ambassador of God's hmm I like that okay I think you really have to expose yourself to a deeper dimension of Judaism I think you are you're used to a very narrow perspective of Judaism and of yourself and I think it's important for you to explore a Judaism that really sees you as one with Hashem as an ambassador of Hashem because if you don't have this information when you dive in you're coming from a wrong reference point I shouldn't say wrong from a smaller reference point I think the more you will learn about the spiritual dimension of Judaism and the loving dimension of Judaism and the infinite love that God has to you the more you'll be able to change your thoughts and when I mean change your thoughts I don't mean that you destroy other thoughts any thought that comes in you let it be but then you gently shift your brain to another way of looking at it so if you could stand back and observe what your mind is doing you could make choices how do people have choices only if they know that there's more than one highway if there's only one road I'm used to traveling from here to there I have no choice but if I step back and I say oh there's another road now I can choose the problem is you're so engulfed we are so engulfed by the thoughts I'm petty nobody I'm traumatized I hate my life nobody likes me I'm not gonna be successful I'm not talking about you I'm talking about me and many of us okay those are thoughts but you are not your thoughts you're not your thoughts these are thoughts inside of you they are not you step out of them and observe that these thoughts are flowing through you but they're not you and you know what you can look at another way of saying it and saying you know maybe I'm not petty maybe I'm invincible maybe there's a part of me that's indestructible maybe there's a part of me that's confident powerful happy wholesome splendid sacred beautiful moral infinite maybe no I know you you're an idiot you're a Mazel you're a petty little nobody you're a loser you're a crash okay my dear thoughts thank you foxy driver observe them don't become them observe them and when you observe them you could let them be and then you could say but there's another way of looking at it and then you can choose how you want to live the more you learn about another self the more you'll have a choice to dive in and connect to that self that's why I will suggest to you that you try to start dedicating time to learn the spirituality of Judaism if you appreciate my classes we do a lot of classes on these topics you can come learn more on the yeshiva dotnet for my class especially I think you would do well with the texts of Hasidic spirituality cassadee's because they really tune in to this dimension of the self this would be my personal suggestion to you if you're part of Emmet or you want to be part of Emmet rabbi Ruttenberg classes follow a lot this line and these are important perspectives because they will help you see yourself in a much in a much deeper way not that you don't struggle anymore but that you could see that there's other ways you know and then you develop new neural pathways because the problem is freedom is a muscle use it or lose it our neural pathways develop in a certain way and then we don't know there's anything else but when you can see another perspective you could start exercising different highways in your brain and with neuroplasticity you actually expand the way you start looking looking at the world Freyja relationships obedience personal limits how can I explain to my children these concepts when they're growing and the answer to this is you have to explain it to them from a very deep place of caring and love it's not about obedience in order to satisfy your impulses it's obedience and relationships and personal limits in order to be able to create a safe and reliable environment with which can teach them responsibility and teach them about their abilities and that they can create their lives by identifying the causes and the consequences go ahead yeah [laughter] that's that's a very very that's a very good question so first of all my dear friend welcome to the club our minds wander it's extremely important that before you start diving for a few minutes you prepare yourself that may mean that may mean a little meditation it may mean a little mindful exercise it may learn it may mean learning something or reading something that helps you get in tune with hashem again texts of jewish spirituality are usually very very helpful for this and then when you davin try to focus on the world in a calm gentle and joyous way your mind will will will will go away and you know what that's gonna happen and then slowly and gently with compassion say now come back don't feel guilty don't get angry don't get into a bad mood don't start feeling like a loser this is the natural thing that the mind does it goes here it goes there a lot of other voices come in and I'll tell you something when you're having a very good Davines sometimes at the peak your mind drifts away in the most radical fashion you know why because if I'm having an arm wrestle with you right I'm having an arm wrestle and I'm winning I'm winning I'm winning I'm winning and you're almost down down down now in the last moment you get this new burst of energy right and you throw me back what happens when you see you're losing you get this new adrenaline and burst of energy so you really start fighting back because you want to survive you want to win the same is true in our own life we have two souls and they battle during dominate and when we're winning the other side the animal soviets are as a zoo I'm not gonna let this happen and he fights back and when you're feeling that resistance it often means that you're actually doing well so let it be and tune into your soul slowly and gently so as your mind shifts away which is very very normal come back bring back your mind to the words it's very helpful if you have a sitter where you can understand what you're saying because if you can understand what you're saying your mind can be focused on the prayer if not you're just saying words and it's very hard to connect to the energy there is a concept of connecting to the energy of the words like mantras it's discussed by the Kosilek masters and the capitalists but it's easier if you can understand the meaning and then you create a mindset and you start dominating and when your mind goes back just bring it back and attack again and again and again and the more you practice it it's like exercise muscles you use it and it grows you don't use it and you lose it the same is true with prayer I use my mind I concentrate the more you do it you see the more delightful it becomes and you'll see something else when you have a meaningful Davenant where you try to stay focus you emerge from Davin Inc a much happier person a deeper person because your relationship with your soul is so much more powerful somebody says a raisin everything you're describing doesn't apply to me that's the way I feel how can I change that and how does one feel Hashem steer and love how do you know that it's real and it's not fake ok great question first of all you'll forgive me but with great love I'm going to disagree with you I don't think it doesn't apply to you I think it does apply to you I think that you're not used to looking at yourself this way but I think it really really applies to you I think that you are probably a very deep soul and a very spiritual soul but it's also possible and I want to say this and you'll forgive me I'm gonna be a little blunt a lot of Jews I know are traumatized by Dominic they hear the word Dominic and it triggers a negative emotion I'll tell you why some of us sat through school for 5 10 15 years and the Dominic was long and you weren't allowed to get up from your chair and you were so bored that for the rest of your life the word Dominic or the prayer-book brings up a very very negative or at least of boring emotions like here we go an hour of boredom you know people talk about not speak shurl not speaking and shall not talking them sure and it's very very important what's the reason though people talking sure they don't find it relevant they don't find the joy in their domine there's no experience nothing is happening it's just dead so why shouldn't they have a conversation I was once in a shoe and and there was some focus I asked this habit to be quiet so somebody says he says rabbi why why I don't understand you you think I come to shul to be quiet I could do that at the house at my house I could be quiet I come to Sheol to talk to my friends what do you want for me I'm home I come to show I want to socialize that's interesting you talk about the market you talk about what's going on and talk about interesting stuff you talk politics you start channeling whatever you thought take a little Stickle harrying mystical cake could I plane people talking by Dominique it's really the time that I shed turns to a Jew and says I want to hear what's going on in your life here is a time we're going to meet face to face intimately let's talk let's hug let's slowest let's chill out together let's hang out let's wrestle let's embrace each other and I'm in a conversation but I understand that some people find it so boring and this is not judgmental but it's a reality for some people it's so so boring and maybe this is a great opportunity when you're not in shul to learn how to doubt it because it's only you and God nobody's watching the rabbi is not watching president is not watching the gala is not watching Hamish is not watching nobody is watching your wife is not even watching from the women's section she's maybe watching from another port room in the house it's now you and God alone but you know what it's an incredible opportunity you could actually discover how to talk fashion and you know what I so people talk them in your own language do you know that the dishes tomorrow in the code of Jewish law says that in schmatko elena in the blessing of Schmucker then you could talk about whatever you want you could talk about corona you could talk about your children you can talk about your marriage you could talk about your business you can talk about your anxiety could talk about your parents you could talk about your sky things you can talk about your past you can talk about your issues and you can speak in any language and schmatko later you can speak about everything and in other blessings you can also add texts let's say refer a new you can speak about themes that are connected to that blessing you could speak about health smack oh man you could talk about anything but every other blessing you can bring up anything that's connected to that blessing and talk about it for 10 minutes you use the opportunity talk talk talk to God fight it out fight it out argue it out and you know what Hashem won't interrupt you like a good good therapist he will let you go till the end he will not interrupt you ever he will let you finish he never says ok enough be quiet you want to speak I'm here to listen and then our son gives us answer when he's ready to give his answer in his own unique inimitable way ok rabbi rotten work I think we're good or you want to do more thank you I just want to conclude and wit thank thank Emmet for Emmet outreach center for this great opportunity and I love you all and I bless you all and I thank you all for being here and I wish you only only the best and really - you know we all know that this is this is a difficult time but it's so important not to forfeit the tremendous opportunities that we have every crisis has a silver lining and really use this time to enhance your marriage to work on your relationship with your children to work on your relationship with yourself to work on your relationship with Hashem to become a much newer person a better person a more real person and a more refined person this is a time to get out of our gulleson tality our exile exile pettiness and open ourselves up to a consciousness of gula to a consciousness of infinity to a consciousness of Redemption I do want to finish with one last question that just came in through the Shema net because it's very meaningful it came in from Natalia Natalia and she says I did not experience my father my father was a survivor of the war with his own trauma and therefore I never know what it means to have unconditional love I never could connect with the sense of God as a loving father unconditionally I'm accustomed to judgment and criticism how can I be helped to feel Hashem loved constantly no matter what what a beautiful and important question Natalia thank you for questioning this to bringing this up and I'm going to answer and conclude with this the answer is the words of King David in Psalms 27 we say it in the month of Elul at issue a key of e ve me as Avani Vashem Yossef Amy my father and mother have abandoned Lee King David says but Hashem took me in and what at King David is teaching all of us is that sometimes in life when we did not grow up with role models who can model unconditional love you have to find it within your own relationship with God it is so important to be able to reinvent yourself from that place and the way to do it is every single day when you dive in in the morning you say la kindness shamash and Assad to be Tahiry focus and tell yourself take a deep breath and say to yourself whether verbally or in your thoughts God you have given me a piece of you and as a result of that you are with me at every single moment in the prayer before Sh'ma we say I have us I'll um after know you have loved us eternally and we employ the term love seven times in one paragraph we finish her boiler by mahabhava you choose your nation with love and then you say smile Shambala can wash on the hood in the prayers before we start happening knowing as birches are chakra we speak about a national anthem Navy sets a B'nai of rum who may have a slush and a half the I say oh missing cost-conscious a master boy Carosa SHM is all Vishera from the infinite love that you loved him and the joy that you celebrated with him you called his name Israel and this we H and every one of us is empowered to say every morning so every day my dear friend make an effort and an exercise to be able to say that I know naturally my instinct is to say I'm being judged I'm being criticized I'm being crushed there's a tyrant who wants to get me God is waiting for the next mistake oh I did this wrong I did that wrong in a drought that's the eighth Sir Horace speaking to you that's this evil inclination eating up on your soul again learn about the other dimension of Judaism and then you can make a choice and when you watch your brain going there say ok my dearest friend I know this trauma and I know that that's where you like going but we are going to be revolutionaries we are going to be innovative and we are going to allow the brain to open itself up to different thoughts a you know what those thoughts are gonna say those thoughts are gonna say God loves me because I'm his child the love is unconditional God gives me everything I need to be able to succeed I am an ambassador of God at my core I'm beautiful amazing splendid incredibly powerful God wants me to have the most successful and happy life he wants me to suck the marrow out of life and live my life to the fullest and then the other thought is gonna say all come mom we know the truth you're a loser do everything wrong smile develop a sense of humor and look at him and say oh you back again and now we got to go to the other thoughts the more you will do this the more you will understand King David's words my mother and father may have abandoned me but Hashemi Aswany there is always your relationship with the divine which always is there for you to be able to sustain you uplift you and empower you my dearest friends thank you very much have a good night and God bless you thank you thank you