Dr. Naftali Fish The Internet Challenge: Jewish Spirituality and Mindfulness

[Music] okay so doctor enough tell these fish he is the one who started and in fact wrote a book called Maha Bua and will mention a little bit more within the introduction but I just want to mention it quite often people say I have everything but I'm not really happy so not Ruach challenges the modern Western cultures frantic pursuit of happiness it is something to do a serenity peace of mind or being relaxed or chilled but it means something else dr. Natale fish is a licensed clinical psychologist and hypothetic no no no therapist in Israel dr. fish has made out the United States with his family in 1984 after completing his doctorate he has maintained a full-time private practice in Jerusalem since 1990 and has served as a senior lecturer the psychology department at Torah College in Israel since 1994 based on extensive clinical experience and variety of public and private settings dr. fish developed the innovative Naha Ruach treatment model a professional Torah based approach to psychotherapy individual marital and Family and clinical meditation hypnotherapy the NACA true of approach is a unique and effective method to enhance physiologic physio psychosocial psychosocial spiritual growth that professionally integrates tor values and wisdom within the therapeutic process and relationship as it means to accomplish treatment goals while openly acknowledging that Hashem is the source of healing dr. Fischer is an internationally well known expert in the treatment of addictions including substance abuse gambling eating disorders and internet and sexual addictions he is also experienced in the treatment of depression and anxiety disorders and social phobias OCD anger management psychosomatic syndromes healing and trauma healing of traumas and the inner alluded child building positive self-esteem and identity and issues of Bali chuva and off the Derek thank you for coming welcome happy to be here the introduction you heard so I'd like to tell you about the first case that I had that dealt with someone who got into some trouble with his internet and I think from this case we'll see the basis of what I want to develop this evening going back to the late 90s when some Jews who lived in Zurich got in contact with me through South by Southwest cam and I was going to Zurich a couple times a year to work with the community there and one of the cases I received was working with a couple where he was born in Switzerland he had no Jewish background he even had his bris when he was like 20 years old and the wife was from Brooklyn and they had some marital issues but what really triggered off my involvement with this family was what I'm going to call now the split between dr. Joe Joseph in the day and his use of computer and dr. Joseph's use of the computer at night to show what I'm going to call the dialectic between our understanding of the internet that it's not a black and white issue because during the day he was able to give much more up-to-date and resor sourced out evaluations which was his main role that he had if you have a question about diagnosis something he wanted to know about some medical syndrome symptoms within seconds he could find updated academic professional peer approved resources that would help to make that diagnosis and I'm sure in many cases that helped the person that he was working with be healed quicker better or not not be healed etc so during the day we would all agree that his going into computer at that point was very positive now he'd finish his day five o'clock he was a barley - from one of the bigger she was in Yerushalayim and we're still in that process of being macaws egg and lots of things in terms of Yiddish kite so he would relax a little bit in his office was underneath his a partner and he'd be lacks a bed his wife thought that was she never paid attention to him but one day she went down there to maybe say somebody called him of the coma for dinner or something like that and she found him watching a what when I wrote my first book for target pressed not a stroke I couldn't use the word pornography and then and not in a place that was modest today we'll say he was looking at pornography hardcore pornography and this was to say shocking and to his wife and earth-shattering would be an understatement this was the first couple that I had where on the one hand that was dealing with the wife's reaction and which position to take today most professional psychologists including those with a key part and it doesn't matter what South size shape or color most of them will take the position now lishka Fela almost Mishka feller they can even like cuz I said you can make a share it's you know tahor in 150 ways this arguments how can even improve the marital relationship the value position that I'm taking from from the NACA drew off tour of base professional turn based psychotherapy model is to integrate turf perspectives and Emunah within the framework of the therapy with which the client knows and wants to work in that way and there's many many many people who do so my position in this case is that the fact the the husband who had a choice to try to get out of this addiction or to see somebody else who maybe would helped his wife come to terms with it which I don't think she whatever should have I'm not going to talk about working with these type of cases tonight that's not my main goal I've worked with hundreds of these cases how do you work how you work with him how do you work with her utilizing the 12-step approach and Torah based understanding that we also have enough that were created but similar came and we have an ephah shell okay therefore on the week of your test kiss live to not only know that have self-awareness and get contact with our official okay to use the touch with that place within ourselves to try to overcome and be able to overcome addictions which is coming more from the Yates to her ah when were panini etcetera the nefesh Jamie with Hashem's help doing my hair started and asking for sea otter dish Maura within the histor blue and beyond this double that's the treatment model when I'm here to talk about tonight I would say would be more convention and through the question of what's our attitude towards the Internet as you know the Harry D world for reasons that do make sense to some degree if they were realistic would prefer to still keep basically and any sore on on the internet but it's not it's not possible it's not even a matter of realistic it's just not possible anymore and so I think what we have to be able to do is have a way of understanding the Internet by internet I mean social media and everything that goes along with it I think we have to have a model to help us to understand how we can cope with with this development because we're now as many point books a point that pointed out we're now in a new historical period this is not just a higher level of technology like you know we probably remember when the first color TV came in after the black and white type of thing this is a new era and we we see it already what's happened in the past twenty years has just been mind-boggling how much has happened and how we've gotten used to it for example some of the things that Facebook is has challenged is the whole concept of monogamy and and most people haven't thought about and one of the goals of this type of what I'm discussing tonight is to give us some awareness of what we want to get from internet and what we don't want to get that's where I'm going now to get there I want to use the analogy that I think is correct I've discussed with other my doctor to rst who I've made a stream but rakesh am still be my mentioned I'm sure many of you are yours and your followers your followers of him we're understanding the Internet when I say it said I mean the whole the whole my record now to be not only similar but really be an example an expression in this age the effective ashita of the combination of the bill bull between evil and good within the same thing the consequence of Adam Harvey shown eating from the ate Sadat was that from that point until mushy off there's a blurring between good and evil in the world that can't say sharpness but there's an interaction there and it's our goal and what the consensus stresses is a major motivation for doing this vote is to do what's called a beer aura to sort out from the bad the good element that's within it because nothing can ultimately exist if it's not the will picado smurfo giving in existence every moment even if it's on the side of the non kedusha and our goal and the alter rebbe states clearly the name of the are resolved that the goal of learning torah and all of our locus sometimes it gets a little bit you know when your nerves or the arguments to my floor get in the Gemara between this pinion and not a pain and he brings it down this subclass citizen came to do to show us the deeper understanding what he what he says in the name the IRAs are is that the golf studying Torah before the maloca is to do this clarification between the good and the evil until we get to the the final to mr. Napier and there there won't be a need for beer or andiroba dr. shim will have a higher purpose to do unifications between this world and the higher worlds now let's bring it down to the ground level and our our issue per se I'm saying the Internet is having this good very very good part within it even to prepare for this lecture I'm going to talking about mindfulness so I wanted to look up a couple of definitions for mindfulness today and within less than a minute I was able to see 20 definitions of mindfulness that I can now share with you and you walk out knowing even more about mindfulness and how its defined then if I hadn't done that how did this happen now how did it happen that the internet and the culture of the internet was able to take off like a rocket ship with well at anybody really questioning some of the implications that it's had for our society I just mention a few it's noted aid by anyone who works over doing marriage counseling there's a lot of divorces or a lot of marital problems for sure connected to people meeting each other on Facebook okay and I remember a case to show you how times have changed I remember a case in the 90s that the husband came in and was not talking to his wife for like a month or two and the reason was that there was a fellow that was calling his wife every night at home one that old-fashioned telephone and having a conversation with her clearly that was not about work or even making an attempt to show that was connected to work in some way and he asked her to stop this conversation he thought it was going over a boundary of what was a pro weird and a relationship between a husband and wife in terms of what fidelity was considered today or monogamy was considered to be or what commitment was considered today in this couple while I work with many who would have defined themselves as Hari ddotty he defined himself openly is being dotty light and he he gave his wife really a hard time that she was having the conversation with God this fellow here but she saw as being outside of of her commitment to him and her intimacy with with him an emotional level etc and today people have gone in without thinking about how the Facebook has changed the whole concept of commitment and infidelity to one's the spouse I've avoided the the Facebook party for that reason and recently when I published the second book on the internet and I did a new website I said that maybe I'll get in into the world look at the Facebook a little bit and I did it a couple of weeks ago and since then every day I'm getting pictures sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and there's like a picture there of somebody's being suggested to me you know some woman who all I have to do is I can make a clip and I have some type of connection with her in a way that 20 years ago would have been considered by most people normative people I'm not talking about really really conservative people or fanatical people outside of the realm of a marital of what you're supposed to be committing yourself to a marriage what happened was looking at from a psycho historical way is two points I want to bring together but the regul carpet that you'll get the main idea one is that Sigmund Freud as we all know he's one of our pepper I his theory had a very very big impact on the 20th century and particularly what happened after the 60s that they got the 60s generation is 70s I think most people here were there were close to there and that whole hippie thing that whole going against the the what they called the straight world then was really a knockout on what was the Puritan ethic that with America's being the rock and roll and the Roaring Twenties it still was from Freud's point of view a society that had a secular super-ego Freud's critique Borrego HUD which was appropriate in 20th century Austria Hoggy which saw all pleasure for me non-jewish viewpoint as being evil he understood that within this conflict in the psyche between the ego and super-ego which is very cool he'd probably taken for the maybach between the nefesh muhammed nefesh indeed he just took out of adam out of dog dog ma'am he took out the olive which is a Kadosh abou could you develop that's your vibe is 2060 mark it's Lewis for that he saw the Dom Freud understood blood he understood the nefesh behind me he understood the pleasure wasn't bad per se he understood that be fessing pleasure which he called the be the made then made the sexual pleasure the major motivation what would lead to repression which he saw as being underneath deceptive isn't that were coming to him in that period and he wanted to reduce the power of the super-ego that society reflected because in his world there was a secular super-ego that also said don't do this don't do this don't do this and we remember that America like even now you get on a plane don't be rude almost every time I'm on the plane one of the stewardesses tells me I'm rude for I don't know I took the coffee in some way we was wrong in the middle of the night or something like that so there's like a social value that was brought over and Freud was right but what happened is that his theory had a big impact later on in the late after that in the later part of the 20th century and what's essentially happened now is that there is no super-ego that's it's exactly the opposite now that whereas in Freud's period in America of those who grew up in the 50s and 60s it was a super-ego that was internalized we had feet we had more fear of our public school teachers than you know kids who when you're mayor Beame have a year out towards their you know - they're off you'd never call a teacher by their first name all these types of things we remember that today the societal super-ego is actually pushing going away from what were considered to be the norms of the society 20 years ago it's all there's no super-ego is there a super-ego in secular world that's - that's the dilemma for the secular world in Israel in the Western world every place else where is there a boundary and just what's happened in the past couple of years in terms of the whole gender thing this shows that there's no super-ego anymore because and that's on that's part one part two was that the Western society was already in this place and then in the 90s the Internet technology came in and now you had like the final opportunity really to just act out your it the it is the part of the person that's only looking for immediate gratification doesn't look the consequences it's looking for sexual pleasure it's like driving down the street like you know you still want to go back to like Ocean Parkway you're going straight ahead all green lights no it just no yellow light the yellow light is the ego proceed with caution the red light it's stopped it's wrong you have now that the combination that the culture has moved to an extreme position where there's no super-ego it's now an eID culture America went from being an ego super-ego culture save and all this type of things to a super a lack of super ego culture which is now glorified and is politically correct and is almost impossible to go against and within that people are now have finally been able to do what even I think I would really if it was a Gilgo of food coming back the first thing I would say was are you what do you think about what's going on is this what you anticipated I'm not sure whether he anticipated it either because now you have privacy you can do what you want you can change your identity I work with people like this I'm doing still a lot of work with Internet addiction and I see the fantasies of people getting it that are now possible to get into because every nuance of a fantasy has been has been discovered and now is available to people to develop and get addicted to and there's no one watching them because I've said the name of a young Ben Zakai they're horrified that our fear if I share would be the fear of people now here's where the Haredi world's had a big problem because a hurriediy world which you know we're all in some way connected to it to this degree to that degree the whole system was based on not what people think you can't get a sheet off if you have a television in your house that worked but now in the era of Internet is privacy so in the worst scenario you have a world with a fedora and you have a world without social inhibitions and the same person who don't walking down the street if somebody you know I'm trying to be appropriate here whistled at her she wouldn't look she might who knows what she's doing at night how many people she's talking to something happens when you go into the virtual world that you let down your inhibitions and it happened in a way that well you know they had a site they picked up last year when they found 37 million people on the website to where they were achieving their 37 million people that was probably just just one throughout the world at any given time we're making matches with others now I was still saying that there's been good things in the internet that's the whole point of what I'm saying but people went into it without enough awareness there was something about going into the internet that people who you would have thought would have asked some of these questions kind of went into it without without doing some type of cash bonus I wrote in the book here it seems that that you were welcome to buy the internet challenge Jewish spirituality and meditation - as keys to overcome its challenges and gain from its benefits it seems that there's something about the Internet experience that disarms people they tend not to pause and think about whether they're acting in ways that in the past what has been comfortable well that may have been against the value system it's kind of like when somebody goes into the sea and initially doesn't go into deep he stays close to the shore and the lifeguard ten minutes later without having paid attention to it he finds himself 50 yards from the shoreline the water is now most of his head he's put from the safe place without even barely there was an on detail it seems like there's an Internet mindset that avoids looking at and dealing with what our future consequences of what one is doing so what I'm advocating this is based on working with so many people who run into difficulties here is that we utilize the question there that I've developed you can find it from someplace else where all of us who go into the media have decided in advance some very basic questions what do we want to gain from it what don't we want to gain from it and as someone who who works with addictions being aware of a tendency to be in denial about these things that even when you you know a guy can be drinking two bottles of whiskey a day and say he's not an alcoholic so we need to be checking up on ourselves and even sometimes have a partner or include - who's giving us feedback you know slubby I think you're going you know you said you want to limit yourself to one hour a night and you spent four hours last night and that wasn't the first time some of the questions that I'm suggesting to ask and I thought this was a very practical for the group now for what purposes do you want to use the end in social media etcetera etc for what purposes do you not want to use Internet and why and that goes into why you think you don't want to it takes up too much time it takes away from family time you feel losing control developing relationships that you think about it you're not so comfortable with how did how often do you find yourself using internet social media in ways that you don't want to the vibe you enter that in social media into three categories greenlight vitae all the time yellow light sometimes red light never and when you find yourself going over boundaries here are you a are you finding yourself going over boundaries that you you know that you said you wouldn't go and you are and I put in bold print here don't be afraid to look at this because denial is one of the biggest problems that people go into addictions people can be denying what was so obvious and that's why you need someone else who's kind of modern you in a certain way in general what do you gain from using your internet and socially and what are you losing and then afterwards I write here that what is important to know how while it's important to know how to utilize technologies of the constructive where you stay clean that is all the filters are having filters to make it less challenging that's not going to be enough for people a lot of people it's even more important to have a worldview that provides a very clear reason why to stay clean it provides a satisfying alternative concerning how to meet basic needs that people trying to fulfill through internet and interactions being as I work with the 12 steps and also terror of perspectives on the recovery I came to the clarity once that the 12 steps of someone people people know this program shows us how to stay clean the Torah tells us why to stay clean we have a higher purpose with creative assembler came and we we want the world we were here to make the world more of a place for Hashem is dwelling but could achieve to you the Hoonah so this is this is part one that in summary we can't avoid the Internet the challenge is how to use it the right way understanding it's like the eight side October ah and to notify ourselves what we want to get from it but we don't want to get house connected to our value system and when we might start finding myself going against our value system and not going into denial which is again the big trick because a lot of times again that's the nature of the phenomena what are people going on what are people looking for that gets them into trouble what is it that they're looking for so what I tried to do is say that movement we're going to see what people are trying to meet from point of view of psychology basic human needs like having pleasure we don't have to buy Torah a damn load of rod a little neck that's how the Roundhouse starts their Messiah sharee madera fashion not there's a major books of Musa we understand in the deepest way that the world was created so that we would have pleasure in this world how having a relationship with Kadosh people in this world ultimately the next world how do we do that through Torah Mitzvah which gives us the boundaries which gives us the recipe which gives us a favour to understand how to do this beer or how to have pleasure in the right way and not the wrong way so the so what we see is people or tried to have pleasure that pleasure principle was taken out of the any restrictions the goals how to have pleasure in the right way - people are looking for relationships remember when they talked about all the lonely people I don't think anybody is lonely in the way that the Beatles meant but it doesn't have to be because but Facebook I could have had it already like within a couple weeks I don't know 500 friends you know and and the good side of it is we all have relatives have a brother in the states have a son in the states now grandson I can see when what's up and now do you have to pay a step for it making a phone call even in the nineties here so you can see people now I can now make contact with phones that haven't seen 20 years oh yeah I like how you're doing I can see we can relate we can talk to each other we really can connect the what's up in a way that's really meaningful and it's great to do these type of things but we can also get in trouble so we have to know how to have relationships in the right way how to have pleasure in the right way and ultimately this has to come down to a spiritual foundation that wants us not allows us wants us to have pleasure and sometimes the turret world and its reaction against the other side has gone the other way to make it seem like we're not supposed to have pleasure but we are supposed to have pleasure and that even in any in the way that a person is born I saw some article itself that it that the reason that this pleasure what is an end so that it's as pleasure and that act is Hashem no this way people would do it in this way there would be a creation but physically once you've had the end of that pleasure you no longer you no longer can have a child in other words it's all connected to the possibility to have a child even though you're able to have relationships not only for that reason but that's a major reason so the challenge now here is how to have relationships in the right way Chavez the relationships the alter rebbe says the true way it's one of the most important things he says in the time which is very very bringing things down for Lamar Lamar Lamar to Lamar the type of things he says the true way to have love and an intimate relationship is to see the other person's message and okay to see the other person to look at a person even for five seconds and see that your spouse is nefesh of okay once today he says that's the true basis to being able to have love and connection and the chef approach the sheva brachot that we say to everyone is not from Hollywood it's not modern it's not you know from movie this is the ultimate understanding of love and order or the the expressions that are given there so we need to have learn how to have pleasure in the right way and on the side of kedusha and ultimately that means do they could being able to have more of a sense of personal relationship with Kadosh borrow which we'll talk about when we get to the meditation in a few minutes and relationships not having fake relationships having real relationships having relationships that where there's commitment today we don't know what's going to happen today kids are growing up saying literally thousands of thousands of pictures of they're not modest and they're good at 20 years old going to get married and then just be able to be with the wife I get a lot of cases where people tell me this is their problem they got so connected to before they got married talking openly now they can't they can't just even imagine just being you know just with their their partner they've seen too many pictures and even if they don't want to see that the pictures are still there and and you know the monogamy probably talked about already in terms of note and see no boundaries everybody's showing off you know everything they do to everybody else is like no privacy anymore and then you in anyway that's what I want to stress in part one now how does meditation come into this what I'm when I'm stressing is that meditation is the way that we can one way that we can maintain some balance as the world's become so external and so superficial and so insane of anyways we need to have a way to maintain our balance balance is understood to be health all systems of health have to do with maintaining the right balance so we're out of balance we're too externally oriented and we need to be able to go inside so a very simple method yes if you give me permission to do with the group for about 10 minutes at the end you'll say a very very simple way but helpful where you're pleasant way and a way that you have a positive impact afterwards how to take a timeout once a week is also good more than once a week is even better and it's based on a couple of techniques that that I've put together and one Accord enough it through our meditation so that's what we're going to look at now now meditation has usually been associated with the east and that's where it was developed we have a lot of interesting sources how it has a connection with Abraham Aveeno and the sons of the Palladium that he sent to to the east and is a placement is Zohar that mentions this it's very close yahoodi hodo is very close but it's a thin line between Abu Dhabi sham and Abu Dharr surah the Lubavitch ever be there for when Transcendental Meditation which was the first marketing of Eastern ideas into the into the America in the 70s and 80s he came out against he said TM was was avid Asura because there was a picture you had there was a picture of the girl when you took me when you learn the the macho you had to look at the picture and say something but he said just be using analogy just because there were people to worship the Sun and they were idol worship was to the Sun doesn't mean that we don't gain benefit from the Sun so he gave a blessing for Jewish professionals to develop the Torah based meditation which I knew about I've had I was very influenced by flybys you can tell but I never jumped in all the way but I learn Tanya for many many years so I have my relationship there and recently I became more connected to I wanted to become what I saw the blessing again I tried to connect myself more to the blessing that the meditation did not involve isn't using it is it has a blessing from the Rabi that this will be a form of professional Jewish base meditate now the first step in being able to do this was that doctor by the name of Herbert Benson you hear his background from Harvard you now have them starting in the seventies eighties Western high scale Harvard professors and med school acceptance doctor making a bridge to meditation and some Eastern concepts he took Transcendental Meditation out of its Indian garb and he said you know you can take any word and say it 18 minutes and this will set off a natural relaxation response and he has researched to show it to go into alpha wave when he shows how people who do it directly which most people don't can lower higher blood pressure and cholesterol and anxiety and depression and there's this is all based on Harvard Medical School ha you know how a to da so that's what part of the meditation is closing your eyes and thinking about the word NACA drew up or TIF eret for when I work with people or two minutes five minutes someone who does it on a daily basis will definitely gain a lot of benefit and you go back to daily life with more you shoot my daus and more nothing in your mind and more you shoot enough ago in your heart another another connection here is simply taking deep breaths okay taking ten deep breaths breathing and positive letting go of the negative we have many sources for taking deep breaths in the Torah one is a pursuit that we will read maybe we don't really remember rushing on it when the pursuit of are you schmuck when version of daniel is about he's about he's been told by Sasha now is the time to leave for China so thank you for our people a coffee before Liverpool a-- he comes to armies rail and he's giving them the mr. otto vote what's what was the response below Shamu now Moshe made Coetzer Rua they didn't hear this buster like you tell people they're in debt a million dollars tomorrow everybody's gonna give that get a million dollars from some big fear and no one budges they would that's the slave mentality no shimobe Kosovo Rashi order says this is our connection coalition they saw this mattoliver opponent coalition made saw Brujo finish motto surah for the whole Arif finish motel everyone who is in the place of Nava a code serve Allah which is the opposite of naka Tula isn't able to hear I hear you write this now to everybody talk yeah I hear what you said I don't hear what you say not literally I understand what you're saying so they were in such a state of anxiety and fear that they weren't able to hear this great news they would just be given so what part of the meditation is just sitting still that's the mind for this part of it the second part is taking deep breaths breathing and positive letting go of negative verb Nachman stresses the the value of groaning when you when you do when you when you breathe it up for you then now I'm going to show you what it means but it seems a little bouncing but if this is really what helps oh you go let it out boy I tell some of this for you you have a lot of nuts but we know how to say oh I don't know yes nothing equivalent away and that's it that's that's very helpful and also in daily life like before I came to do all you want to get using scented I took 40 dress I live in the area I told Totoro that for years I would take a walk around here on Shabbat and I come into this courtyard I do a little hit but to do talk that sham for five minutes look at the sky one of the highlights of my Shabbat the meditation if the spiritual level is a combination of Hippo dilute that the alter rebbe kate's the main part of tanya is based on the Rambam the rob give the Rambam the major the source for the alter rebbe the robbed of teachers in in Mission mr. Tarrou hello Hannah not much of a we have a mitzvah to love Hashem and Theo chef how do we fulfill this Mitzvah of loving your chef everyone asked you can tell me to do something how can you tell me to love passion and he brings down the way to love Hashem is lit bowden to contemplate on the wisdom that we see in nature men you're looking at the stars and next time you the desert you look at the Stars or think about that your brain and how just what's going on right now in our heart and how it's working and one little tip and you're like in trouble he says when youth this is now it's called cognitive behavioral therapy think in a positive way and this was set off the love for Hashem and fear for us and we the same the same teaching the same process hit fun of it the Rebbe deepens it he says when you are but when you contemplate your arousing the natural love that every Jew has an inefficient okay as au rue sha from the aboat o Havarti sham when all ye Rakesh M is not something from the outside that we bring in it's from the inside that's always there then we have to uncover that's the whole point of the tanya and the way of of uncovering this love is to hit bone a newt that's arises love of Hashem and I want to suggest that they're not men of course most people you know on one side or the other side but I'm an integrated person and I love the army connected to both so Rebbe Nachman I think as one of the greatest things the bed Nachman advocated was hit Bodhi dude I talked about the ear of the era of internet talk about the mass society talk about people not being in touch with themselves talk about the religious world placing so much emphasis on external this that's the direction this shirt I understand it all I had this like I had you know a man who came to me that grew up Hasidic went Latoya is something usually we think it goes the other way and for years he had to wear strong or towards my heart because this really would kill his father if he took up a she didn't have a strong it's there's something to it but Rebbe Nachman is getting back it's not political it's not external it's not it's you talking to Kadosh for her Freud what Freud did was bring out hit bowed to do it when you're lying on the on your back there you're not saying the therapist and you giving permission to get out all your thoughts and free association and don't worry whether it's politically correct or not that's what it bowed to do this be real talk Tosh am thank you a sham question Hashem asked us to talk it don't hide you hide your your your limitations he teaches if you if you judge yourself now you won't be judged afterwards they're not the same point so hit bowed to do even two minutes a day when they say an hour day I think that's that's taking away it's making it again something that most people can't do two minutes a day talk to Hashem and within a meditative state I think it's a fiducia I think to talk to us Shem within a meditative state for like one minute two minutes people find very very helpful so the meditation has these elements just sitting still in the present moment which is called mindfulness and that's the whole big big in young and American or the executives say I start my day by mindfulness meditation taking deep breaths focusing on the word naka drill off for a couple minutes we're going to do the whole thing within 10 minutes 12 minutes at the most and then when you add a little deeper stay one minute talking to yourself because our most important relationship is with ourselves and then talking to Kadosh Rafael and I think the people do this well and and they're aware of what they want to get from and not get from from the internet will find that they're able to utilize the the internet and also the social media in in a positive way and I want to give all fairness I want to give robbery at Kaplan and credit he deserves when in the 70s he gave us from his mammoth encyclopedic knowledge of Torah and get with mammoth sources it would meet any academic setting showed us that the history of meditation I just give you two examples but what yo yet suck but but it's a it's a classic Masada thus far no says he was meditating there not only was jogging mid cup but he was meditating the Rambam we talked about that's the meditation everyone knows in Brock hold the custody motioning prepared for the Fela for one hour then they dogged for now hour and then they did something after for now it's clear that they were doing meditation robbery Kaplan brings all the new vow is based on meditation America also stresses that well there was the Kabbalistic hire her Kabbalistic meditations we know about to the re saw and it was then brought down by the chassis team as to web Nachman and through through the alter rebbe then in the 19th century or 20 when when when the Yiddish gate had to prove itself to be more rational because that was the world was rational then it was downplayed but in recent years it's come out and we see own happy evie movement the Jews room there and it's this meditation that meditation so it's a we can gain ideally from our own sources so I can take some questions now or we can do the meditation I think it's best to did the meditation and we're still within our timeframe with one hour basically okay so now I'm going to talk in my meditative that's more meditative Todd you get get some adrenaline when you get up in front of an audience you want to say a certain amount within a certain time so I think what I say can you see me what first what I'm going to do is tell you what what the stage is our first I'm going to suggest us watching the beginning just to sit still with your hands straight nonpolar did your legs not folded just as still and then I'm going to suggest that you take deep breaths now this will be like a practice work okay when I say deep breath this can get very complicated with something simple it's still very very doable for sure nobody about a deep breath is taking a breath from inside of your there's no stopping breathing and slowly and consciously for your toes holding for couple seconds what is important and then let it go bring a map anybody tried be there let's go good the next part is closing your eyes and beginning to repeat the word a couple times and now we do the word in your mind the thirty-third is in one of the Sphero is connected to Harmony Health Services Authority is the Church of Health bounce the combination of pest Edinburgh with pesavum stronger so to ferret is it when we meditate on disparity or goal is distracted that part of you felt within our deficit okay so that's that's the so we're going to start now now anyone who does not want to do the meditation that's your choice I based on the experience worth working with grips just there's some tendency people don't realize it sometimes to talk to other people who think you're not doing it up it's your choice whether to do it okay so first of all sitting still hearing my voice now here after the see how we had about the challenges of the internet era and how to be able to gain with that being hurt so nice to just sit still now so so simple but so so helpful so so healing the fool to nephesh with ortho goof now and even more so afterwards decide that's what you'd like just paying attention now this is the mind when this car just paying attention now to the present moment without thinking about the past or the future hearing the tick-tock having awareness without judgment what's going on and now going inside pay attention to your heartbeat [Music] with more and more awareness more and more appreciation of just being alive in the present moment and with more appreciation and every heartbeat really is the expression of Hashem as will that you have our own be alive and well and growing in the present moment and even beyond that every heart beats really expression that pajamas AHA var for you as a Jewish man or a woman traded its Alamelu came heavy Jew has a unique divine spark which is always holy always healthy and building yourself esteem from that foundation and art value goes beyond our achievements we have intrinsic value beyond our achievements beyond our parents and when you upset when you're down remind yourself with that now beginning to take deep breaths like I showed you breathing in holding for a couple of hours letting go Oh breathing in the present moment letting go of the stress from today before breathing on your own and I suggest you do at home [Music] either your novice real are heading good coats over well something didn't stressful think about and then feet in and then let go my body more times [Music] breathing in a beer our actors Tyrell machi mama Halima appreciating the holy energy of the sky he was a virgin so that's the muffled of urges real the sky it's holding your breathing in literally debate hello could with every breath one with one or two more times breathing in I'm really okay when you feel hurt by something let's go breathing am rokosz am IV - I'm great and now the final part just paying attention to your thoughts looking at them for a moment he knew but on the outside people deal with sessional thoughts that can help - don't have to see your thoughts from the outside and now simply focusing your mind now on your new mental anger for one minute I'm going to suggest knock up go off and for the second minute you ferret and when you have other thoughts other thoughts to come into your mind you'll want to and you'll be able to move your thoughts back to your new mental anger to the word naka de Valois witty farad and also on day to day life or something house with you if you're sort of thinking in a negative way or somewhat of a compulsive way you'll hear my voice saying take several deep breaths think knock and blew off nothing blew up nothing go off and you'll come back to more the screen in a place and now thirty Seconds to be with yourself just be with yourself getting in touch with herself without anything external and now before coming back to regular I can stay you know when you know you can give yourself more time here talking - am packing hush am asking Hashem for yourself your family farm is for l2 the world I'm gonna count from zero up to ten you come back to read your work and stay one two three four five six seven eight from this point the hypnosis starts go to this level up in this point if those are sports for anyone ever ones to experience the hypnotherapy looking up your eyes at ten seven eight nine ten when you open your eyes you're going to have a nice feeling feeling warm or you shoot my dot one more clarity and you're thinking more and more nothing rule off calmness and a pleasant feeling in your heart and ready to go out and make the right choices in the era of Internet thank you any questions comments the first section was mindfulness just just sitting still and in the present moment and paying attention to what you hear that's what I'd like to do when I come here on Shabbat I just 4minute oh I disclosed my eyes and listen I hear birds I look around to see all kinds of trees I never paid attention to just paying attention in the present moment without any judgment on this this is good this is bad b-big that's before the breathing that's getting centered and then and then the breathe a mental exercise it sets off a natural relaxation response again someone is doing it for a more of a medical reason you should do that five minutes even ten minutes a day on a daily basis that that's what the research is based on people doing it with that frequency just that one section that guess that's the meditation itself sitting down focused taking a couple of deep breaths and then focusing on a word that you choose for 10 minutes the word itself is not significant per se knock at Villa adds to the meaning to it but you could say one you could say oh you mean terms of in terms of the order of it yeah now I know I said that at something stuff but if you just were going to do the first the first step is closing your eyes paying attention to what's going the president then paying attention to your heartbeat then taking deep breaths and then focusing or knock it real off from that point you taught me being in touch with yourself and then talk to our chef in that place and then it's best to count from zero to ten when you come back so you you don't come back and like you just like a jump but you can always open up your eyes if you're doing this exercise and you know your kid walks into the room you can you know get up and it's not because the conditions here are like either the worst conditions you know well when I do hypnotherapy I've seen people drop down like he travelled be deep quickly in group settings that's nothing to think about huh could be to be there's a cumulus cumulative energy yeah anyone who's interested to buy the book it's possible to buy for me tonight that has what I said that goes beyond it in terms of other sources etc etc and if anybody ever wants to do this meditation maybe it's a small group interested in doing it a couple times and connecting it to more personal issues you know that's super ego destroyed was a guess because it's very dark authoritative enough and and rigid and I heard that I learned that you know in the previous skill goal I learned Transcendental Meditation I learned Transcendental Meditation and I learned yoga at one point I was doing the other one point yeah so from there I had some that was that was original stages the other points were that as I tried to develop part of my own process of professional tour based psychotherapy and hypnotherapy Benson was getting it was a big literature about him in any ease and and if he breathing you see you see everywhere that's I happen to have it done haven't done that type of work I've done it with Karen but I've done it so many times with the people I'm working with it is that they caught or cuz they're when that when I'm doing it I'm also doing it SS you know I've done it many many times and and it's quite helpful in terms of helping people afterwards be able to store that with more cloudy what they're trying to sort out it gets to get you your mind more [Music] to help to stress that the way to deal with the addiction I didn't get into it would be part of it but it would only be one part of it it's not the whole part of getting out of internet addictions if it's really an addiction then then you know that it's another treatment already with utilizing the 12 steps and hypnotherapy a lot of times but it will be part of it for sure yes [Music] it does in the case where I used hypnotherapy because what we just did now with stage 1 and hypnotherapy starts from what we just did now and a lot of the hypnotherapy is healing trauma is healing with the expression is the the inner wounded child that's very often underneath the dis-ease even in English that comes out this ease the mind-body aspect of disease that the person is there to deal with a lot of times it's the barking down in ABC a day so hypnotherapy is doing more what you were what you were just asking me because it's deeper to work with like you said working on if I understood in a world of the sphere well within ourselves I haven't been using that in a professional way keeping it more of what people are able to have the Cape must people have it on just have the understanding for it I believe repeating tafero that the concept itself I think has has an effect and and in authority I will always say at least once that we're doing our history and then we're asking a sham for sea otter - Amalia within the hitch Duluth and beyond or history and I I think the therapist has to see himself as being Julia and to help the healing and not to see that you're that you're doing it you're doing your role but the healing is coming from from Hashem in the in the most basic shock way of maybe the way you've been taught that would understand it's just very shot and I've seen a lot of really quick changes working with people in this way like someone came to me who had like a year Kipnis out the yeah psychotherapy she had a charmer that she was like she got out of abort like I didn't she didn't want to marry the guy and she she that had a trauma at the board after the war she she she then developed this anxiety attacks and going like withdrawing it to herself and then her younger sister got married when she went into even more and I've been working with her for about about two weeks and she's like well have any come along like she's come a long way so I think it's when you when you you do what you can do and then ask Hashem and you know even pray for the person you're trying to heal that a lot of times you'll see results from that that's how I'm working yes okay so again the phone call says Adama Luna brought a de with an egg but Hashem the person well Hashem said a moon right now he choked it in a but that's the whole thing we're talking about cloud he says ultimately that's in the world to come but Oh NIC Shabbat is something that we should be experiencing did they cooked it's something that we should be we can experience and I've been I've been blessed to be able to have that experience and I'm trying to share I'm trying to share it I've been blessed scoot about that they could knock telly is also tequila a missed it they could the name of Talia is individually but that's really serving Hashem Annette in you know you salon so yeah we're supposed to serve Hashem Pacifica focused on well I would ask you what do you ever do you feel differently about thing you do during the week well had it was okay what what's the debt what's the difference go down go down until experiential what's the difference between how you feel to me the proof okay dose before Shabbat happens do you feel so try to feel when you when you're some people are more right some people are more left some people they they can get to own it from from the camera I get it the only from Netanya but try to try to experience Kabbalat Shabbat try the experience are you saying that pleasure is cut off but are you saying pleasures cut off from Kadesh Boko who's creating the pleasure okay so that's a very good point so one of the this is to I think there's two points here one is what you just asked I'm going to give you another response from the ROM file the valve class says at the end of chapter one and the Serie C showing he says after the whole thing of of all the Moose or he says bottom line and all language person's here to serve Hashem do mix with Turkish am and the role of pleasure the role pleasure and now he's talking about what we would call secular pleasure going through a walk on the beach playing with your son advance on baseball you know reading a good book going fishing the role of that type of pleasure and who uses the word pleasure is that when you finish with that pleasure you'll have more motivation and worthless availability to go back to serving Hashem that's one of the reasons why addictions are bad because if somebody can just you know once in a while do a B and C fine but once you're addicted you've lost your free will you lost really what makes you as a person and the bottom line is the pain the people don't do when they're in it when the yep but that he gives the legitimization and it's overlooked for what would be called secular pleasure you the litmus test is whether it's you go to a baseball game twice a year you go back the next day you went alone you know more or at least you don't want to learn this but they try to be a little bit more aware at the very shock level of onek shabbat and do things that might be like different but they're really very simple just look at the candles for a minute or two just look at the knit is near of Shabbat look at the Han OPR look at the light when you stay there for two minutes and look at it and go talk just look at them candles instead of teaches the light the sources you don't want to hear but the source of the of the light is is a hidden light but it was hidden when the first after 36 hours is revealed in Hanukkah these are these are experiences we can happen in this world so that's how I try to ask that parents for that question anything else I think and I'm trying to keep it basic to the shock being is were so distracted by the outer world it's so so simple but it's so so powerful to just be by yourself for a minute of tow and just pay attention to a heartbeat or thoughts of going through or our mind and not have any external place that we're putting our attention even for things like meeting a good book or looking at candles one Shabbat just being in touch with our self and a lot of times nothing says the reason we don't we don't get connected to Hashem ins we don't have his shoe but dot were we're distracted and he said that you know 200 years ago so huh yeah so if you the meditation that we did is actually very very simple it was very very profound in a way that dad would just know I remember even you know from when the taught wait the main thing was television with people who didn't like to be in the house by themselves they just have a television all and you ever see people like that there's something doctor twice he wrote about this in one of his books you know just being with ourselves well we're trying to escape ourselves so many in so many ways it's so much what we're doing is escaping herself and so just get back to the basics great questions yeah and the New Age movement to try to bridge what a really total opposite so how how do you propose bridging that gap and you really see that there's a similarity so the good question I didn't I didn't mention enough that involve Aria Kaplan so literature on meditation have you have you seen some of his books no so I could share you share a couple books because he really gets to historical development of meditation what what are what our colleague in the corner mentioned before everything when you get into Kabbalistic meditations when you get in you ever seen a Kabbalistic darling where he thinks like an hour since it to say the shamone abstract when you get into that type of Qabalah it gets into we have a concept that ain't so ain't so the kaduche book will ain't so chlorophyll those levels or there those levels of live getting beyond and abulafia and I'm kind of you know I do I'm like innovative but I'm also conservative in this certain way I've stayed away from trying to do this meditations or I wouldn't teach people those types of meditations because that's the type of meditations because I said you should only teach the person privately and we have the famous story before people went into pardes and what happened to them that was understood to be a meditative experience and when the Boulahrouz walk was on meditation so we have that too but we have kadosh baruj being both as being followed by well what we have to maybe define our terms you know in the same way that's because what work but worth thoughts of we're getting who says it's that's not a revelation from Hashem right there if I understood you when you saying you don't get that in meditation yeah something to think about why I think there's a little bit more of that then you might be aware of heard what you said if you if you if you if you read more makers answer to was very taut involved were so this one I'm going to stay there between the line chose to stay there he wrote books on meditation and yeah amid Nachman things from from pursue keen and he men that we we have rebel debt from our thoughts are our revelations we're getting we're getting them and seem all the time is a big part of a citizen it deals with getting thoughts and you have to be careful you know think you you know the she up type of thing but I don't think it's a it's a it's a good question this type of thing you need to do like you know dissertation law but I think it I'm not sure it is dichotomous Isis is the yield you making it yeah haha with the technical question with the doctor yeah that's not his real name no I yeah they they gave me permission to yeah well that's from the book I think I said it seems I copied well I brought it there I think in the context of the wife the wife being able to the dilemma there's to what the wife's trust has been shouted the wife I mean 20 years ago this was more shocked than it was today but it still happened today her trust in it and her husband was shattered now for women you know trusting their husband and it's very important I mean in this ferment to but I think in general for women it's even it's even deeper in their emotional on Japan and the dilemma in these type of situations is that even if the guy is clean and does double everything value no one can say he's never going to have a relapse again and her model of him that has been changed in a way that can never get back to the to the pure and innocent trust that he couldn't do something like that again and she has seven kids and they're all young and he decides that he's not so bad and he's doing he's doing rehab and you know he does follow up but that it'll never be what it was before in terms of that initial so awesome what I'm pointing at the beginning is that our our society hasn't yeah I think also maybe too well I think the probably our source is from the Torah but hasn't really decided whether this is considered adultery or not and the letter and the spirit of the law it is I think there's also statements about it that you know we're thinking is worse than actually doing it what's in your mind from the Gemara well so I've seen it in other places but for women it it broke Birds a trust that that is like it's like an adulterer it's like it's emotionally it's like an adultery because she's now been replaced by someone else and yeah I've seen that happen the white maybe again it depends on a lot of factors there yeah the potentials there she's not going to be able to it's kind of like you lost your you know what you can't get it back again like you know from terms of women lose when they get married once you lost that innocence it's hard to get it back that it's more subtle so she'll never be able to trust her husband began the way she was able to trust no people come to terms they cope with things that's your fleshly they become mature they put things in perspective it has something to do with whether he really stopped it didn't stop at a certain point you can get divorced over this if the husband doesn't stop and people and you know escalates and this one thing but today there's a little more openness toward it today well today I'm hearing from religious clients someone contacted me from New York about two months ago who who was involved in kind of a strange in a internet type of let's call up the fetish and his his wife knew about it and she she wasn't good she she didn't accept it and she was very happy that he he was trying to get help for it he was like extremely guilty he had he had guilt he menage had old-fashioned guilt about it and but she you know it didn't lead to a to it a marital right right there I don't have you know from an academic point of view I was saying it now and I get you the University I'd be interested to know what the attitude is first of all in Israel how much of it is is about how much of a difference between those who define himself a secular dottie and you know hurry day let's say around this issue a visa the infidelity what's what what is it considered infidelity okay what I'm hearing from my one and only dear brother in the States is that this step who read the book was that everybody's like concerned about their kids how the kids are being affected growing up an ear of Internet and you know how you how you how you prevent your kids from I fight before their age ten having you know being exposed to it could be very disturbing violence and all kinds of things and how do they how do you base how do you raise kids now you can't just it seems like you can't take the TV out you could take the TV out but seems to be hard to take out the internet okay okay reason for this I guess a serious test that has affected many people who are accompanied be run too severe geologically the reason is just another tested time based on so this I say as as a possibility and deal with the Vaughn what's the answer but it's known that before it's known that the final goal is going to be based on the model of the of the Goulet they good often miss Ryan and I miss Rio got the whole point of the whole and yarn of pest off is that our material got to the lowest level of tomorrow the 49th level and the whole thing of having to be taken out that night and the pet was that was the final moment just to prevent us from going down into the 50th level of 2ma which is connected to destruction and my focus out of that we were powerless powerlessness what the program picks up your powers we couldn't get out by yourself Hashem had to take us out we had some screw-up but we couldn't get out by ourselves so there are sources that I've read with Twitter sources that this is the final battle the final battle between the the the Yates of Hvar and the Yanks are told to keep it in that in that framework and at the last moment like when two arms or two people with two sides of arm wrestling the opponent does like he gives his all out final final attempted to pin the other guy in that that's yeah it said what's in the measurement show their ammonia there's if you want to call me I'll give you the source it's the source I've seen from a book yeah yeah contemporary more than in the past you know fifty years or so yeah did this just to heal in that has at the back of it and it's a final it's like a final something like something maybe like the Maybach the Yakov Aveeno had with the malach and they were struggling the whole night and like and what like at the very end he got injured and then it's finished on the darkest times before the dog yeah yeah yeah yeah that I thought that's why it's looked at that before the Gulag when there's gonna be a new world and a new light and lights gonna come down it gets it gets to the darkest point yeah a yachtie Chikara is the proof that we take could take the glue line and instead stage is not like a a miracle out of nowhere is that it's the light comes right after the darkest I mean we see it in the physical world which helps us to understand it accept it in the spiritual world yes [Music] and with the internet allows for us for using with people of your own opinion talking calling people to share your opinion and say stuff so all these flocks are forming you know and it's like we see in America and it's so active Ramona's was down the left and the right where it wasn't that way before that follow the Israeli model or something and I think it's well I think it's even worse that would be possible it is possible it baby not a bit they don't even talk to each other like and so everyone that was only staying with the media and the entertainment shows of their flock and these are only that and so that talks about it allows that to happen yeah for information and so that could be at one point a question as far as in the past as far as like let's say hopefully not addiction but you know wanting to have self control and using it for good so in the past I've tried for myself you know like with other people the family I had one kid in particular that was more on it now it's thank goodness less but to say trying to decide how much time you're going to be on it before you go on and that that wasn't very successful you know it's probably because the Internet is it is addictive right there is your honor okay but oh they pulls it a hero and before you know you won't and pull off into a chain okay that's the psyche like the nature and Sonny tonight I was thinking okay maybe I should say what I really want to use this for what do I not want to use this for you know and maybes have some kind of Prevnar okay Matthew no no no time like you know I'd like to be around five or ten minutes or half an hour and that how are you how are you your son we're doing talk now so with this model the kind of giving it W you decide what you want and what you don't want how much time and Justin you said you were going to go for an hour and you you you went in if he would say if he would say it's not easy I think that's the you know those who grew up before I have some grounding somewhere else but there's a hole they caught the Z generation there's a whole you know mindset now that we don't know how it's going to influence a lot of parts of our society but I think I think what you have to do is start it's not so simple the addiction with I have grandkids for like three four years olds who are addicted or ready to you know and it's a really sad to say it's really sad the parents have to be on it the parents can't be liberal the parents have to say and I some who or not the parents have to like to really say you can see you know adopted stage one hour you know and then come in and drag them out but if you buy the book they get something worked out to clarify what what you know you can't tell them not to get one too but at least give them awareness of how they might be developing Prague great nice to meet you all [Music] you