Ep. 30: A Video of the Rebbe Changed His Life with Rabbi Asi Spiegel

I feel like the Reb with this answer the Reb kind of made me a spit because that was it you know that's it the Reb is the is the way and really as a kid when I got this letter I was so thrilled you know and and then I went to the whole thing but always felt you know I hope I uh you know I embodied this value but at least for sure I got it like from the reb as an And you know all my life I'm trying to live with it. You know >> if you've been enjoying this [music] podcast please like and subscribe so that others can enjoy it as well. In addition if you've benefited in any way from among podcast and would like to give something back, you can do so today at their.org/donate. I'm Yasi Cayman. Welcome to among an ongoing faban about life as aid our vibrant connection with the an inspired living shaped by the way he teaches us each and every day. This episode is dedicated forel. how are you? >> Shim. >> Okay. Thank you very much for taking the time to talk and uh hope it'll be uh a benefit for myself and for uh all the listeners and those that are watching. >> Thank you. Thank you for having me. >> Okay. So um I think the way I would like to begin is that I we actually had it once printed in I believe uh we did an interview with you regarding a certain um event but I think the way it began is you discussed a little bit if I remember correctly that you discussed a little bit a little bit of the background of where you came from. I know you wrote to the Reba at one point and um I understand that you weren't born into into Labavich. It's something that you acquired and there's some background and involvement of the Reb with that. So maybe you can share some about that. >> Okay. So um I grew up in Israel to a modern and orthodox family what's called over here kipasuga and my father is a big Torah scholar so he gave me solid education and as a kid I was interested in uh you know raonim and learning and things like that. So, [snorts] but really we didn't have any connection that I know of uh with the Reb or with Labavich. Later in life, I I discovered my grandfather had some connections, but when I grew up, I knew nothing of it. And my connection started when I was about 12 years old. And I heard about the Rebe a little bit more, but I ended up I don't I don't know if that was the first thing, but one of the first things that happened was I saw a movie about Tish 770 when I was about 12 12 and a half years old. So when I saw that made a big impact on me and I started connecting with Kabad House in my local town in Israel and I ended up getting a letter from the Reb for the Bitzvah. I wrote the the rabbi letter. He wrote me back and I went to Kabad Shivas at 15 years old and that's also when I went the first time for Tish when I was 15 years old that was the then I came again for Tish and then mid midv between Pum and Pes [snorts] I actually came to learn uh by the Reb. I came to for Pesak I stayed in Morristown was there for about a year and then a year and a half and then in 770. So basically I was in 770 from Midv and Zun and in later years I was also on but I was there in and out for different. So that's that's just my general background of where I come from and approximate years of where I had the amazing miracle in my life that I was spend a few years by the Reb. >> Amazing. So I have a few questions about this. Number one, this movie that was shown this was like uh where did you see this? What was the context of it? I'm just curious. So the movie that I saw, Levitaken is was one of the big photographers of the Reb. He used to um when he came back from Tish in those years, those the MEMS. Okay. So when he would come back to Israel, he would walk around the different towns and show a movie of Tish. It was reals, you know, it was like a old style movie, but uh it was it was amazing to see. and he showed it in some in some hall in Patika in where I lived and somehow I I got the notice about it and I went to see it because I was already curious more about the rabbit by by that point and it blew my mind. That movie basically uh you know changed my life cuz I saw it and I was just I couldn't believe you know just just try to imagine I'm 12 and a half years old kids from the shs that I've seen in Tel Aivva or Shalim whoever I was you know I've never seen anything even remotely close to what is going on in 770. So as a as a kid when I saw it I got so excited you know the dancing and the reb is like you know making everybody jump up and down and yeah that that kind of got me in the the reaction of my parents when I told them about it was also the the next thing which they didn't really like it so much which made me even more interested you know so so that was like my kind of my my beginning or one of the angles of it. Yeah. >> Okay. I've always heard about the leak and bringing the videos back to to show people, but uh I don't know. I I don't I'm familiar with your story and that there's you know that was the the catalyst to to what brought you to the Revs. That's pretty amazing. Um there was also I think I remember that there was interaction and answers you had from the before you came. >> Is that am I correct? Maybe that was afterwards. >> No, it's around the same time. Um this is all you know prior to my b mitzvah. Um what what happened was I I I used I started going to kabad house in my town. There there's another piece of it which uh honestly I don't even remember what came first this movie or or whatever I'm going to tell you right now but I as a kid now this definitely came first. This part I'm going to tell you is that I as a kid maybe when I was 11 or so or maybe before I I went with my parents to um what's called in Israel Shàu the week of the book which in Israel nowadays it's all over Israel back then it was mostly Tel Aviv and Jerusalem there's like um big big um book display of all the publishers of Israel in town square in middle of Tel Aviv. for a week and you would walk around and just see the different new books and publications. So my parents took me there as a kid and kos you know many of they they were always there. Apparently the Rebi asked to be there. So one of those years when we went there was a family we stopped by booth and they gave me talks and tales in Hebrew. And so after I read it at home, when we came back home, I asked my dad to give me to get me a subscription for it cuz I I liked it. And and a couple years later, my dad told me that the there's a new volume of talks and tales that came out and if I want to buy it, Kabad is is the publisher and there's he told me there's a new Kabad House in town. So maybe I want to go to Kabad House and uh buy this new volume of talks and tales. When I went to Kabad House, this was uh around the time that the Reb started for children in general, you know, and then so I was still before and I walked into I I walked in for this book for this safer. But there I come and the there's his name was Binyam Rabinovich, the the guy who managed the place and he told me, "Did you hear the started this whole new thing with the he got me he plugged me into it and I got involved and I got kids in my school to to purchase letters." So uh so that was the other piece that that I said. I don't remember which one came before the movie or Mr. maybe came out the same time. And so, uh, this is, uh, before my bar mitzvah, couple months before my my bar mitzvah, and I'm getting really into kabad, and my parents don't really like it so much. And then one day, my father had a conversation with me about buying um, a jacket or a suit for the braitzvah. And I asked him um can we buy a black suit which I wanted because you know I was becoming like more roomidic what whatever you want to call it. Um and my father is a like I said before he's aim he's a Talmud professor he's a is a very learned person. So when I told him I want black suit, he asked me to get him a safer from the library, a safer called kafim and he and he opened the safer and he shows me and and it shows me that it says that you're not allowed to wear black on chabas. This is a safer from like two 300 years ago was a big rabbi in in Ismir in Turkey. So I I saw it and what can I tell my father? He's showing me I can't wear black on chaveis. So I told him, "What about the Reb? I mean, if you can't do a black and chabas, how come the Reb wears black?" So my father brushing me off sort of told me, "Oh, that that's a question for the Reb, not for me, you know." So I was thinking to myself, I didn't tell him anything, but I think, "Oh man, that's that's a good idea asking the Reb something, you know, like like he gave me the idea, you know." >> So I did. >> Yeah. So I did. So I wrote the Rebel letter and describing to him this debate. I had with my father. I even I remember I sat with the cafer and I copied the lotion of of you know the the quote exact quote from the kaf and I sent it to theb and and before I closed the letter this idea came to me you know the mitzvah invitations were already there on my on my table and I was thinking you know what why don't I send the rabbi an invitation to I had no idea it's you know I it was like a kid you know I was like okay let's send him invitation and I did and um sure enough about 2 months later or so I got a letter from the Reba back which I didn't expect I wrote the letter you know like a kid writing a letter the half deal you know to the president you're like write a letter and ah the president has time for me you know you give it a shot but it's not like you're waiting for the answer so but the answer did come and the reb to get from the a letter for mitzvah, you know, the the official um that the Reb kind of kind of a standard lotion the Reb sent everybody and the Reb signed it and then there's a noun base in the letter the the was published already in other places and basically answered that uh there's different minogim and uh I should look up in this forum the different minogim and then he he finishes it saying other words is not giving me an answer and he said look it up in but but the real answer is so sometime that we only that we only have the m of >> yeah like you're asking me why I'm wearing black cuz wore black you know >> the right so when I you know in different occasions in Fabangas with Bim or whatever when I when I retell that story I always say and I'll say to you as well I feel like the Reb with this answer the Reb kind of made me a spit >> because that was it you know that's it the Reb is the is the way and really as a kid when I got this letter I was so thrilled you know and and then I went to Shiva and the whole thing but always felt you I hope I uh you know I embody this value but at least for sure I got it like from the Reb as an answer and uh you know all my life I'm trying to live with it you know >> right okay so you go to and then you said the first time you came to the was so what was that like actually I think I'm pretty sure that we interviewed in the was about MMA. I think I'm pretty sure that's what it was. So maybe you can tell >> maybe you can share a little bit about that. >> Right. So you know it's it's a bit uh challenging to try to uh to try to capture the experience of coming to the Reb for the first time but um yeah it was it was unbelievable. Let let's just say I'll tell you like this. You know, when I when I came for the first time, I remember within a few days of being there, I remember thinking there's no way I'm going back to Israel. There's no way I'm going back. Um I mean, I did I did after, you know, realizing that this would be way too much for my parents, you know, especially back then, you know, 1985, you know, my parents weren't even in America then. So it's a the world was very different than today and I felt like saying to them that I'm going to stay would really be completely but I'm I'm saying it to share the sentiment you know it was basically a dream come true just to come to see the to be there in 770 whatever whatever I was dreaming it's going to be like was much better and um you know it's uh and also and also I'll say this and I want to be very honest about this um since you know today I bring often in Israel with with young, you know, with bim with maid and a lot of times I I don't want to be I don't want to go too strong talking about those memories cuz sometimes I feel that people it it gives them a little bit you know it gives them a little bit of uh I don't know how to translate it exactly like u it's a it's people are having sometimes a hard time hearing how fantastic it was because you know um it's unfortunately it's an experience uh it's it's a state of mind it's not available today especially at least not in that way you know as it was so uh I'm just saying like uh sometimes I I am in fabas with people I see it you know sometimes I talk about it and I see the faces are starting to go a little uh so listen it was something that is impossible to describe obviously um the the level I I would just say this that the um I don't know I don't know if if if being alert I don't know if that's the right word to to describe the you know like you you let's say when the Reb when the Reb would be in the room okay once the Reb enters whether it's whatever the Reb is in you know the Reb came out right once we were the presence of the Reb Everybody's alertness level, you know, like like the the reality becomes something that's different, you know, it's like it's like a different level of energy in the room. This I'm not saying there's nobody is not talking yet. There's no fab and it's just like the Reb is here. um was a very very different feeling and uh you know the the let's say level of optimism let's say okay being hopeful being thinking you know we're going towards Msiah and everything is going to be good or whatever it is I'm just having a good day you know it's like I'm happy to be here right when the Reb is around all those things for me at least I'm I'm speaking about my experience you know all those things were a given you know that that life is amazing and I know what I want and then it's all good. You know, it's just incredible because you're extremely affected by the fact that the Reb is there. So, um, of course, if if there was singing or sim moments like that, you know, it was just like um something else basically. >> Okay. Um and that tish at that time it was you're able to like on the fabangans you're able to understand the rabbi or was it was just the at that point? >> That's a good question. That's uh it's one of my favorite topics uh to tell people about about what was really going on in FBI and because you know it wasn't always so simple to really understand what's going on in real time. Now again this is obvious but I'm I I do want to emphasize it that I'm really speaking extremely from from my own perspective you know so I'm I'm speaking really I'm going to explain it really strongly but this is what I felt I don't know other people could feel other things you know so for me it's like this I really did learn Yiddish as much as I could and obviously I really wanted to listen and heal for bringing and focus and as much as possible um since you know I was in 770 for several years. So I have you know different memories of different angles in 770 when I got myself a better place. Obviously the first you know I came in as an Israeli bur without any you know or any relatives and common or anybody I nobody got me a better place I had to earn it on my own you know I mean I had friends who gave me tips but uh but that was it you know there's no good uncle who has like a little place for you under his uh you know bench or something so obviously the first was challenging in terms of also the second tissue It was challenging in terms of uh being able to be close or being able to hear. Um did hear the reb part of the fabbras but I can't say that in that in those uh years in those occasions of tissue I was able to fully you know to fully be there. Um in later years I I got myself better places in 770 and even then obviously when a good place or when it was a quieter for bringing sort of you know not so packed this still even if you could hear the you know thou begins the real work of of holding with him and that was always a challenge you know but uh yeah first was was pretty hard but but uh you know there's there were some obviously uh you know weekday weekday for bringings those those were obviously easier but also on Shabas and Yum you know you could you could get some of it at least you know but for sure I can't say I can't say that uh I I got all of it not not even in later years >> right um is there anything you want to share about the tishab in particular before we move on to when he actually arrived to stay >> well well I'll say two things number one, what I meant before when I said that this is a favorite topic of mine is to say what what's the favorite part of it is that a lot of times I tell people that even though I think that a lot of people uh you know I don't want to say most because that would maybe sound too extreme but certainly many people that were bringing were not able to either hear very well or even if they heard well were not able to to hold cope with the Reb, you know, it was a very challenging, intellectually challenging uh thing to do. Nevertheless, even though you were in moments that you you didn't hear or didn't understand, you were glued to your place. Nonetheless, it's a very important thing to understand that in Fabbran there were two things going on at the same time. There one thing is trying to understand what the Reb is saying. You know, if you could do that, that's fantastic. You know, but even if you couldn't, the experience was so strong, you could stand there for hours looking at and many people did, you know, and they'll tell you about it too that they they they they knew that they don't really understand the or maybe they understood the cash and then and then, you know, their minds flew away still just standing and looking at the Reb the you know was like magnetic type of experience. It's that's why I'm saying it's different than what we know today because today I don't I I can't think of anything similar that anybody would be in in presence of somebody speaking okay 10 minutes 15 minutes if I don't hear so well I don't understand okay have a nice day you know how long can I do it you know with the rabbit the rabbi had many many participants who u were there just just to see it or to feel it was already a lot you know if you could even understand what he's saying. Wow, that's even better. So, that's just to to explain that um about particular moments in inv um you know, it's like I have so many years altogether um mixed in. I would say that Mev I do remember there's a moment I remember very very strongly is in Tishv when the Reb got up to dance um at the end ofashen at the end of of the second year I was there I'm pretty sure that's what it is I don't think it's me I think it's but the Reb said to sing of and then of the and right away he might have even started no I I don't think he started himself then. He didn't. I think he said to to say they started singing and and within shortly after the Reb got up to dance. Now I think the Reb didn't get up in for bringing to dance uh probably for about 8 years or so. There was like a long gap of of since the last time that happened. So I didn't I didn't see and also prior to that you know in the and all that there wasn't anything about it and all of a sudden got up in the end of it was and he gets up with unexpectedly and I just remember how the whole 770 just like you know wherever I was standing I was on the floor within a second and then I had to regain back my place to to see the rest of it. So uh that's that's a strong memory from then >> I thought I thought that was meh but came >> could be could be I I like I said maybe it is mim so maybe it is you know but uh that I remember strongly you know the whole tish I mean there's everything is special but if you ask me if you stomp me on that you know this is what I pull out uh that moment >> and [clears throat] also um there's also Right. So, so first of all, you know, if you ask about then obviously was the highlight of the whole year in terms of the Reb's um but it's not just it's not just that you know there's a coffus and the Reb is making with a hand. It's pushed the Reb's face when he walked into a coffus or when he walked into 770. just like, you know, th those are things are a little bit hard to say because it's just like it's like feelings and memories and and how can you describe the the Reb's face exactly, you know, but it was an obvious thing like you saw the Reb walking in the there's a I think you say in Yiddish like it's like an expression like I don't know how you say it exactly but it just you see the Reb more sort of open you know like looking at the people more or just like a different different aura coming out of him. So sing was a different level and um I think a lot of people know that one of the most challenging Fabrangans was when the Reb wanted everybody who could to go to Tal and but at the same time there was a Fabrangan also the Reb started for around 9:00 or so everybody went to Tal around 6 or 7 or depending where you were going But the first year that I was there, everybody told me that I want people to go far away and don't be a smart boy and try to catch the Fabangan. So I did, you know. Um but then in Mimv uh the second time I was I just remembered that the when I came back and hearing the description of the Fabran and I came already at the very end at the very end of it. Sov was when the Reb turned the the cup around upside down, right? Upside down. And I mean before that there was a whole uh about the you know there was there was a whole fab and but the cup the turn the cup around. So that year I I did go to Tala to a closer uh area cuz I did how I'm going to go I'm going to go to Tala but I'm also going to catch some of the Fabran. >> You became smart. Yeah, I was a little bit of a smart boy, I guess. Not completely because I did go to Tala, you know, but uh but I also wanted to catch the Fbrran. And the and the thing was also that in this Fbringion, if you came earlier and you yourself a place then you would just stay there for the duration of the Fbran. Well, you know, in other Fabrans there were pl people have mo kava and they have their own place and it was a little bit challenging to find a place to stand. But in that FBring since it was already starting as a chaos, so wherever you went, you could stay there. So I I I came and I stayed I stood pretty close to the Reb and and then when the Reb um you know turn talked about turning the cup upside down and the B you know people were you know that Fbranian once the Reb basically held the Becca upside down in his hand the whole time and he started you know the beginning he said and he turned it around then people started singing and then the Reb started like you know do with the hand holding the the becca. So since the Reb was holding it and everybody else who had a cup that was done with it would also hold it upside down and other people's who had the bottles of mo or mashk whatever they had they also held it upside down. So the whole try to imagine it like that. The whole 770 is holding the cup upside down and I don't remember like 5 10 minutes into it something like that. Uh shockingly the Rebel looked at me and uh and he told me to say it was the motion that the Rebels did back then was he was holding the cup you know in one hand and then he went like this. So I got like a look like this from the Reb like where's your you know so I never the Reb never asked me to sell you know before or since you know it was just like my moment in life you know but the problem was that there was no more in 770. I mean 10 minutes ago the Reb already said to turn it upside down which means basically to empty all the vessels and the Reb said back then this was related to the Rambam why the the goblets the G are upside down so because you have to empty them and give it to the world. So, um, it took me like a little while turning around and figuring out that there's no way I'm I'm going to skull the right here and and and leaving outside and trying to get from outside would wasn't a good idea cuz I would never be able to come back where I was standing, you know. So, and by the time I was figuring my options, the niggan ended and the Fabran ended. And the only other uh time for me to say to the Reb, I mean, some people said during a coffus, but for me in a I was like way up there in the ceiling. So, there was no way to sell to the Reb. The next um opportunity would be the next day for bringing and u you know lo and behold as they say I come to this for bringing and the second that I I raise my cup which was basically the first niggan the rebba said then the they started a niggan and I'm raising my cup the looked in another direction but as soon as I raised my cup the rebel looked at me and said to me. So, uh that was that was like a very special moment in my life where Mameish felt it like the Reb basically knows it all and he feels it all and you know even though it's Bim in 770 we all believed it obviously that was like the default setting that you know that knows who you are and he knows what you're thinking and you know but it was with you know you don't have on a regular basis a a proof for it. You know, it's like you believe it. In in in my time, there was no personal anymore. So, we didn't really have a chance, you know, I missed that. People who came a couple years before me, they had some even though it was already those year was very short and everything, but still you can't you came to the room, you know. So, we didn't have that already in wasn't so feeling it, you know. I owe him to the Reb from last night and it just it turns to me right away and gives it to me. After you can imagine how I felt in between the time that the Reb told me to sell until he actually did the next day. I felt like basically the the biggest mazel in the world. You know, the Reb asked you to sell and there's no mask in 770. I mean, how likely is that? But that's what happened. So, I felt pretty bad and the Reb, I'm sure, felt it. So it just gave me a quick and you know it was a major um feeling of you know the reba is here he knows you knows what's going on. >> Wow. Okay. Thank you for sharing that. >> So me you went back and then you I just remind me you said you came back to Mars. >> Yes. So me was there for tish then I went back to Israel. Now, like I said, and this is real, you know, I'm not playing it up or anything, but really the the first dish I came, the second I came, I really wanted to stay mit the way I felt and uh I was I was ready to do it, you know, but uh there was no way to do it unless I would really, you know, cause a big issue with my parents, you know. I was 15 years old, 16 years old. So after tish involved um when I came back to Israel I started already doing tish but even when I came back I started writing the rebel like every few weeks I'm writing a a pan I'm asking for a braha that some miracle should happen that I should be able to come learn by the rebba I really this was the only thing on my mind and uh the miracle did happen my parents decided my father's a professor and decided to go on a sabbatical year to Toronto. So because of that and somehow, don't ask me how, but somehow I managed to convince my parents that, you know, I'm going to miss them so much. I'm not going to be able to stay in Israel for a whole year, you know. So they told me, "So what do you suggest?" I said, "Well, you know, Toronto, New York, it's not so far away. I should go to yeshiva in New York and uh and then I could come visit you once in a while. And somehow they they went for it. And um they even helped me because you know back then I don't know how it is today but back then if you were at a bish yeshiva in lud you know to soil and you would come to terra during many bim came to check out maybe they could train the yeshiva you know but there was an agreement between the yeshivas that uh you could only learn in terra if you from Israel send them a letter that they are asking for you to learn there wasn't so easy to get this document but here. My parents were going to a sabbatical. So this was like an official thing. They came to Dan and then I got a letter. So I had no problem. It was like a smooth ride for me. I got to New York and and basically I came for Pes. So Pes was you know in 1440 with the older and then after Pes went to Morristown. So I was in Morristown for for half me and me Zion. But every shabas I was in car nights you know I was never never >> every single shabas >> what >> you're never a shabas in maristan >> never I was never there for shabas not yet [laughter] no and during the week I'll just say during the week sometimes there were surprise for bringinsions you know big forans obviously everybody went to New York for bringing sometimes the I remember surprise for bringins that that we were debating like should we listen and the hookup or should we go to New York and it but you know you go very fast an hour and 20 minutes whatever it was and at least you catch the second part of the fabran in 770 you know so that's I think that's what we usually did you know um >> you you were from that camp that decided to go >> yeah but I'll tell you I don't I I remember this maybe once or twice because I was from the camp that if there was even a chance that there would be a foran we would already in New York, you know, >> right? >> Something like that, you know. I was I came for the Reb, you know, I didn't come to sit in Morristown or any any place like that, but there's no other way. >> Why did you go to Marstown and not >> So that's funny. That's funny you ask because my my Israeli friends who were then in Kut, right? So that Pes I was I was thinking, should I go to or should I go to Morristown? So they told me, listen, if you're going to go to LA, then you're going to be in 770 all day. You're never going to learn anything. But you go to Morristown, at least during the week, you know, you'll learn and then you come for Shabas. I don't know if that's what really happened in reality, but at least in theory, that was the idea, you know. >> Yeah. So, and then and then me I uh I basically chose um not to go on as a ber I don't know if this was the right thing or not but that's what I chose cuz I I wanted to be you know I wanted to be by the so to me it was so hard for me to even get there from Israel with my parents the whole thing and then everybody wants to go on I was like you know what I'm I'm I'm in 770 so I kind of stayed you know m I was in 770. >> So you went straight from Mars in the 770. Boom. >> Yeah. Basically, basically. Yeah. Kind of like U. >> So you >> So you were there. Um, so you there? >> I was. I was actually somebody called me today in Israel to to ask me to be to Fabang somewhere. So one of the question was, you were the right. I said I was. Okay, let's do it. you know, they're looking for somebody was there. >> Yeah. So, it's it's almost maybe uh maybe you could talk about that a little bit. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Well, okay. Well, did not is definitely one of the highlights of u of the years that I was there. Uh no question about it. I would say listen, the story the story begins when I was still in Israel and the summer of Mh. I was in yeshiva in Malahabad and I remember so I remember really you know very strongly this memory that we were told that the Reb is going to speak about something um very very important on the reason we heard that is because you know the Reb already had a [snorts] fores before and he told them that he'll speak about it and so but we had no idea speak about it we didn't know what it means and we were young so we weren't in the know of really the insides of the babage what's going on we just knew makik so as boim we were certain not certain I wouldn't say certain but we were thinking that probably there's going to be a new ma because that's the spirit of the days you know is going to speak about something important what's it going to speak about you So we had no clue that this is coming and then the Arab spoke and then uh you know was more of a less publican. So still still we heard the hookup but uh you know so uh a lot of people were confused in Israel. People didn't really know exactly what's going on. The details were like you know trickling in. This guy knew this. This guy knew that. But there was a general sense uh I'm talking about the very beginning you know after that we all knew what's going on but there was a general sense that this is something that is very very uh upsetting the reb this is like this is like really and uh and I'll say as a young guy I remember when when when the actual story and the details came out I remember in my own mind a little bit of a kind of like a gap like I couldn't understand why this is so tob I'm probably I'm not the only one but I'm just saying like not that I was questioning it I'm just saying like this was at the whole you know I remember that we were still in Israel and and and we heard I think it was shabinas when the when the like put his hand on the table and and it was like with with rashag was bringing that spoke with rashag and knocked on the table and those reports were coming in and uh it was it was amazing like everybody knew then there was I think the Reb said then that that it's hard for him to to prepare there was an expression like this you know things nobody ever heard the rebb ever heard the rebba affected that he would say that he would say publicly that it's affected so so the sense that theb is in distress about it to me at least to where I was at those in those years was a lot stronger than the actual details of what's going on. It was just I mean we knew the some of the details. I'm just saying today when bo people read the whole story you know you go into the details and this happened that happened for us the details were secondary. The main thing was that the reb was you know so there was a a lot of tension around this you know a lot of uh stress. So, so that's just the AC and then then I I I went to New York and I was there uh like I said, you know, I came middle of MV, so the summer of MV and the winter of Minne and then I was actually I had a big to be did not in New York and not in Morristown and that is because on that Kanuka of Mine I like I said you know I was I didn't spend spent so much time in Morristown and so that Kanuka is whoever remember those years it's a famous Kanuka where basically almost the only Shiva was u expelled back to New York as a punishment which I knew I I was I love those punishments you know if you they were upset at you the punishment go to New York for a week okay great thank you so so I was one of those punished for not being uh not asking for shoes whatever it was and they sent me to New And there I am and meet them all, you know, and I'm I'm right there. So I remember 11:00 in the morning, I remember they they started saying the was already talk before that it's coming. Wasn't a complete shock, but nobody really knew it's going to be when and what and yeah and that was um that was an amazing um you know time. Um the first few hours everybody was dancing in front of 770 and everybody is saying you know and then the coming to Mina which uh I happen to to to remember it pretty well um because the contrast between where we were at you know and the way the Reb came in it was it was pretty obvious you know and you could even see it in the video today and imagine what it's like to feel it you know it's pretty much around 11 we got the news if I remember correctly. So let's say 11:30 or so you're already in front of 770 dancing you know and then M is 3:15 right so it's like after 3 to 4 hours of and dancing outside inside upstairs you know said 2770 finally the reb comes in honestly I was sure the reb is going to come in you know it's like that that was the feeling everybody's dancing I mean we thought we are uh doing the right thing you know and then the rebs in and you know so serious also on his face not only the movements of the hand his face was so serious and you know the they started the um singing the the I think it was the right and the rebel looked it was just it just didn't look like everybody is in the same on the same page here however however And I I remember that the Reb turned around to say that moment that the Reb turned to say I I remember feeling like all the pressure going off because if the Reb will say I mean this is so this was not common to say there's nothing to say for unless you know it's and also I was you know after some I remember also by the way this is the only time that I remember that the Reb is speaking and I'm not 100% sober. Okay to say it mildly. Okay? Because at any other time I speak I speak to people about it on Purim, you know, or any other time just imagine like I said before the told me to say so I I didn't have but let's say I did have you know nobody really I mean you'd say to but nobody would really want to get too buzzed on the at least not me. I don't know about other people but you want to you know be in the moment and listen to what the Reb is saying. you want to hold cop, you don't want to lose your mind here. So, um, you know, sometimes the Reb would say to people to sell again cuz if the Reb would really want somebody, you know, you know the story with Elizel, that's a famous story, but it's it happened many times with people, the Reb said again again cuz the Reb know that people they don't want, you know, not because they I mean they love to sell not but not when the Reb is there. 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Go to.org/ourdays, order your set today and start living with. >> So um I remember this uh feeling of ache the sim on one hand that you know is going to say so it is a big thing. We didn't just dance like for nothing but also the fact that I'm not 100% was I was very distressed about it and I remember when the Reb said right away it's like within the first few seconds of the Reb start saying about the said and right so it's a famous thing said it many times but here said in detail that that the Reb pointed the Mba to guide the young and I remember hearing it and it was for me it was like okay the Reb is confirming the are standing half drunk it's okay you know the Reb that's how I felt it that there was some sort of you know and the said you know it's like for sure the Reb was happy was it was all a matter of balance you know so and then the whole week the Reb said and 770 you know there was nothing like it I don't think I don't think there was ever that I remember I mean like was like something from and really all it was all it was it was love to the really that's that's what it was because like I said before you know and the details of the testimonies I mean there's some boims that were like learning all the details and what's going on it's amazing I mean I knew what's going on I wasn't as uh you know informed about everything but it wasn't I didn't feel then that this is where it was at. I don't know the details. I know the is happy that the the we're winning the the court. That's all I care is happy. I'm happy. You know that was the sentiment around and it was a pretty strong sentiment. It was it was amazing. you know, it was uh yeah >> and um all of the all when you're in New York whenever Marstown during that period that sentiment or that like that pressure was felt throughout all those months, you know, until until >> Right. Right. It was, you know, and that's what I'm saying. It was like such a release even though we it wasn't the end, but we we obviously didn't know that uh at that moment. So we just know the Reb was victorious and um you know it was just like uh I mean the Reb about Sima anyway in those years in a very very uh serious way so it wasn't like Sima wasn't on the table you know and but this was even more because it was a personal thing you know I didn't mention here uh another thing which happened where the Reb had pain in his leg and because of that um he started uh diving upstairs. It was like a monster that diving upstairs. This is involv right when I came now now remembering as I was speaking to you when I came I told you I came for uh I came after Purim in Mvov and >> it's right then that's when it happened >> right it's right then and >> right and the and the first time that the reban went downstairs to Davin back downstairs to Davin was was Yv of PES of PES and I remember this when they announced >> those those months the moved everything upstairs everything was upstairs >> I was I was you know shabas morning davening was up everything besides >> the came downstairs for >> right right so besides >> the upstairs right so so shabas obviously you know how much room is there upstairs for shabas so we do have to come a lot earlier right to a place but but there you could hear a like you never hear downstairs that was that that's I remember that very very strongly I mean besides governing upstairs was special but the was was really and then the first time the reb came back down was lev was a big simka remember when uh when the reb came down so I'm I'm bringing this up to say that when what I said before about like the rebim the reb victorious it it also has to do push it with the Reb's health bag because you know the Reb was having a hard time walking and the Reb stopped coming out of the main door of 770 you know and since then I mean it didn't usually I mean depending where he went you know went to the suka or went to the library so it did come out from the front but I'm saying in general with the car and everything there from that time didn't really go from front of 77 it's a it's a big detail uh to have in mind over here you know I'm saying symbolism of it, you know. >> So, what you're saying is basically that besides the Reb's the the anguish that caused the Reb and everyone felt that that was like probably the first time the were privy to such you know emotion to the Reb also at that time there was also all of a sudden physical health related uh thing with the reba that also pained. So it was like a very it was a it was a whole basically of of that feeling for the then I guess kind of lifted that that's what you're saying >> right right >> I'm summarizing and asking confirming making sure I'm right >> you said it right I mean before that we only heard we did hear the Reb you know speaking very emotionally about you know the Israel and Mui and different things I mean the the passion when the Reb would speak about or or even you know admos for example, >> you know, but but but still all those issues is one thing but something so personal, you know, this and the necess of the Reban is affecting the Rebashm that was a whole other level and therefore the simra of it when when when it was uh was yeah the simra was um you know I I'll tell a side comment but I heard uh recently I listen again to the fabbran of yodal ydalat kiss of lameess which is 50 years you know the anniversary so the rabbi says with an expression that uh is asking why why is there we didn't see by that well first of [clears throat] all not all of them came to 50 years of anniversary but those who did we didn't see that they did anything publicly with. So then the Reb said what whatever he explained over there but he said that it's in a day like this the expression I heard it so basically is saying so that for bringing this is not just for bringing for this for bringing to the you know the loved ones. So if you if you listen carefully the is basically telling you if you're there or if you're listening to it you're you know so it's a similar thing you know was something was like inside situation you know the it was a different category of connection and therefore I think the also felt more more hish kind of a situation you know Right. I mean today there's a whole other appreciation and understanding of when you first of all knowing more details of the story and also all of the about which we appreciate you know after I guess in hindsight much more but he's saying at that time it was a whole different component that was the main thing about the right and the >> right I agree with you that in perspective from today um this was all basically uh you know preparation for our situation today because those that the Reb says in those years regarding you know that every year the and all those issues yeah those those are giving us a lot of today and it even it even seems as if this was some sort of a for us you know something I don't know exactly what to call it but that's how we look at it today absolutely Okay. So, um what are some of the sov you're there and I I asked in the beginning about understanding the >> and you said that as the years went on there was more of that. So are there any like um highlights from those early years that uh that you remember that something that you want to share like particularly I mean there's some there like a moment that kind of cemented uh you being plugged into the Reb's mission you know or something like that that type of thing you know there's like u there's some famous there there's different uh things like that. So maybe you want to share. >> Right. So so I I'll I I'll I'll tell you something in general and then I'll I'll zero in on a couple moments. But in general I want to say that um you know in in in those years there were uh there was for bringing almost every shabas. I mean after after the for sure there was a for every shabas but even before that it was almost every shabas you know. um the uh the amount of Torah that the Reb poured on us um in in real time. I mean obviously today we have the in the bookshelf you know we could see I mean it takes exactly 3 seconds to show somebody what is the the you know the fruits of the rebra I mean we see the volume of it even even so that's obvious today when you look at the library you could show it right but I'm speaking about in in in real in real uh in real life in real happening right so you there 770 okay so the amount of let's say you have a liquid every shabas okay and you have the of last week which is 30 to 40 pages you know and then there's all kinds of things in the middle of the week right I'm just saying stamp to to catch to be um what's the word uh to be like updated with the rebent publication >> up to date >> up to date yeah thank you to be up to date with the reb yeah let's say I I arrive here here uh involved you know to be up to date that itself took a lot of work just to catch up to where the reb is holding you know and um you know let's say there's a faban and chabas so foran is let's say four hours 5 hours depending which year but loan this is about what it is and you feel and by Monday Tuesday depends which week an comes out the whole is written okay so no matter what I got in Shabas now I have Dan and I have to learn it right so I'm saying this to say that for somebody like me you know somebody came for a week or two or a month but somebody was there for like straight you know 5 years and then like another two three years in and out something like that which is basically my mat I'm just saying there's no way for me to hold it all in my mind so but I do know I do know when I was there. So for me let's say this year particularly is from so I'm looking you know doing more now also a little bit but doing you know a lot of times I look in fabian and I'm like wow I was there that's amazing you know I feel I feel more connected because I was there and yet I don't remember it at all you know c certain I'm saying certain s I'm like really how can I I don't remember it you know because we're talking about some seriously high volume of of that you have to remember I wish I remember more than I do you know but then I'm saying this as a setting to on the other side of it there are some moments that was so [snorts] strong that would never forget you know that they were there the in my mind you wake me up in the middle of the night I'm I'm I'm there you know uh bashm, you know, those moments were obviously the more uh emotionally charged moments because usually that's how we remember things is like there's like something going on, you know. So, so for example, yes, you you mentioned um that's a that I remember where I was standing. remember first well first first of all that's which is which is also a liquid you know it's in the it's mug I'm pretty sure it's mug twice you know one version in the there's another version that the was right after it's almost the same but not exactly but there's also another interesting detail to that which is very unusual not not completely unusual but highly unusual and that is that the reb actually said the questions of the rashi a few days before because there was a for the who came for Pes this is like a this is a right after Pes like a week or two and there was and in in the which we all heard you know we would be standing outside and listening to the or maybe maybe it's I think it's I'm pretty sure it's maybe it's a women no I think it's and the Reb He says that he's going to speak about it on Shabas is it's the of the day I think. So the Reb starts the starts asking questions about Rashi what is Rashi talking about and he's presenting all the questions and by Shabas this already I'm not sure but it might have been even mug could be that the Reb was the questions or they were printed like everybody knew the Reb is going to talk about it. I'm just saying um this did happen many times that we knew the rashi that or even or even sometimes the question but to have a it's like a it's like a 15inut I think it's not it's not short you know so we knew we knew the questions but uh there what what I remember particularly is not da itself which which I did hear that's talking before about that understood or not by the Well, you give a you have to give a background of what the what the rash is. >> What the rash is, right? So, the rash is basically um uh don't stand by when your friend is blood is is being spilled. Okay, that's basically the puk and and and Rashi gives an example that somebody is drowning in the river and and and and a wild animal or robbers come to him. Okay. And and and and you could save him in this particular it's a it's a very particular scenario. somebody is drowning in the river and uh and the wild animal or robbers are are at the edge of the river. So it's not only he's drowning but if he's trying to save himself he has nowhere to go. And the rabbi was analyzing this, comparing it to the to the midrash, to the source of Rashi takes it from and analyzing the differences in the you know in the wording there and also just the idea why is Rashi getting into such a particular situation and the answer of course I'm just saying the point of it the answer that the Reb gave was that Rashi is presenting us with a situation where there's a suffk what is you know whether you're going to save the person or you may get hurt yourself because it's a wild animal or robbers and nonetheless you do have to risk your u your own safety which is a sophic you're not sure if you're going to get hurt or not and um to to save another person okay so that's the general topic and the general idea but there when the reb discussed this idea that you could actually uh you know save this person. The Reb when when he said it, you know those words and if if showing you a situation like this, why is he showing it to you? You know, remember the Reb like shouting it so so to say, you know, 770 is quiet. When the Reb is speaking anyway, it's quiet. you know, nobody is speaking, you know, for bringing everybody's uh as they say, you could hear the the flies, you know, it's not it's not an exaggeration. It was really very very quiet, you know, when the Reb was speaking, nobody was uh nobody dared to to not to speak but to to even make any sounds, you know. So, it was very quiet and you hear the his tone, you know, is going up and he's basically but the idea is that he's saying to us that we could save another, you know, That's so bringing like that you know when the Reb basically um um you know put it in our mind not not just the idea as an intellectual idea that we could help another Yid but it's that it's our responsibility that we must do it you know so it's like we have in the para where Ysef you know he sees Yakov au you know there there it's in a situation of or is about to do something not right and he sees Yakovu But I think about us those who heard the Reb or today learning the but of course if you heard it from the it's like sometimes there are situations you know when I don't feel like doing you know I'm like I'm whatever it is I'm at some airport and it's not like you ask me I'm okay just keep doing my thing you know but you hear the reb's voice you know like you could do something you know those those things have huge impression, you know, and also and also the the that thought that you could affect, you know, a lot of times it's not just that I don't feel like it, but even deeper is that I don't think it's going to work, you know, like I was in whatever it is, you have to go speak to the mayor, tell him, I don't know, to give permission for whatever it might be. And you feel like, no, why why would he care about it, you And all of a sudden the Reb's voice, you hear it in your head. It was like, what are you talking about? Of course you could do it. Well, I give you the to do it. You know th those are very powerful uh uh moments where the Reb instilled those ideas. I I always tell people by the way that you know the Reb there's two tools that the Reb used. I mean there's more than two but two general tools the Reb used to affect the world. One was you know personal encounters with people which obviously changed people's lives completely and the other one is faban now faban was a bigger kay for the rebba um you know first of all you know also stopped at some point but even in generalis faban this is really the the way the rebba did it and I think I mean I'm not here to rate it I'm just saying like faban was the main clea right and um That's what made you know people go to and follow the Reb was basically right. So yeah, those those it's not just the intellectual ideas which are amazing obviously but it's the way the Rebi gave it to us, you know. arts, you know. >> Yeah. And it's interesting that you're saying that the rabbi gave this and this is what this is the with that power, you know, to go. I think I heard from others that this you're describing was a big wakeup call. There's a few sikas during those years strong words that the used I I think I believe I heard that there are people that like that was like when it hit them like we need to become like that's that's the at the time that was like when it hit them that is to be >> absolutely in those years you know in in winter you know and also did not also said you know so definitely definitely somebody wants once told me somebody in town nights um that have had a lot have a lot of kids. So he told me and he's like I guess maybe five to eight years older than me something like that you know. So he said once jokingly but but it's not really jokingly. He said listen when I was in 770 the talked very strongly against family planning. you know, when you were in 770, the talked very strongly about Kabad, you know, so that's the difference. I I live here and I have a lot of kids and you guys went on, you know, but it's a joke, but it's true. It's it's definitely true. And you're right that invoke about you, you know, before very strongly. But I think in those years the Reb emphasized more and more that he's speaking to everybody that this is like you don't have to wait to be called you know before it was so if Mosk called you then it meant that you're getting the job something like that you know but in our years in like in those years it just became like not not that you don't have to be official but I'm saying like the Reb pushed this idea that everybody could uh excuse me, excuse [clears throat] me, that they ever pushed the idea that it's for everybody. So, it's true. It's true. >> Right. [clears throat] And um someone else that I spoke to uh in one of the previous podcasts was talking about that in his years, he has his years, but not you guys after have everything. I think the he used was so I guess now we have to have large families and go if they're both. >> Okay. So um so okay I'm just I'm I'm thinking about that those years in that >> okay >> so talking so then we get to so first of all something that everybody first of all the big and then also everybody that I talk to describes as out of this world, >> right? >> Maybe you want to talk about that. >> Okay. So, first of all, yeah, of course, of course, I also talk about it. In fact, when I when I talk about it with people, I always tell them don't don't believe me. Ask other people about me. So, so get it from other people as well. So, I'd say like this. Listen, I I was um really only only before that right. So I'm not not the expert ones but I was there for three years prior and um yeah it was it was very different. Well first of all tism in general you know when tism came and the rabbi talk about because of the letters of the year. So the Reb already pushed very very strongly and then it was the moment when Rashag um left. Okay. There was a combination of a couple things that happened together. >> He left our office. >> Yeah. He left. Now you know that moment he he basically came into well first there was my rib you know and then there was a coffus. So he did come into a coffus and he's a big player in the [snorts] in the scene of Akoffus because he goes to to a cop with the Reb, the first one and the lastb >> obviously and dances with the Reb >> and the years that I was there before um you know he was already quite a senior gentleman. Um and the Reb would put a hand on him and the dance would be extremely uh slow due to his condition and and this is just how it was you know um so the Rebet physically couldn't really do much when when he's with him you know so then he comes in for a coffus and really just like in the very beginning or or maybe it was already after my no kind of separate. No, you came in. It was very close to the beginning. This is like the first 10 minutes. I don't know. He didn't feel well after he came in or whatever it was. The Rebel looked a few minutes go by and everybody gets it that he's leaving. Now, let me tell you something. The everybody felt with all due respect to Yeah. because everybody got it that the reb is going to be by himself. You know that it's going to be a whole different aphasy ever seen. I mean >> and it happened once before by the way I think Maliff I think had a stroke >> and that year he wasn't there and danced by himself. So there was precedent for it. >> Okay. So that I didn't know at the moment and uh and even if people did you know still you know it was like uh an so the sim remember it's like everybody was like and also the rebba the reb himself I remember the the after or the first thing that happened after everything was different it was pretty at least this is how I remember it that it was pretty uh felt that it wasn't just us like there was sim there was not I mean let him be healthy and everything but there's going to be something else going on here. Okay. So that's first of all then the mis that's actually what happened when the reb was holding the by himself and you know looking at certain sides of 770 in a more particular way and you know and pointing the towards them and it was just incredible because let's say if I was if I saw the rabbit's back for a moment right when he's like looking at the other side and you look in front of you and you see the whole side that the Rebel looks at basically going to the ceiling and down and you know that in in a few seconds or whatever it's going to be our turn. It was just really unbelievable. Okay. So, so, so the office of the Reb by himself were a major thing. But besides that, add to that that also the regular acoffus. Also the regular aus the the movements that the Reb did with his body and and and just the level of intensity. I remember I remember in general couple times but in more particular I remember it I remember telling myself you know work harder to remember what you're saying. I'm seriously I'm not making it up. If I remember it, mamesh mishas that I'm telling myself, you have to remember this. You have to remember cuz cuz I remember feeling that this is not I can't I couldn't even believe that I actually see that the Reb is physically doing you know with his hands you know clapping and the the speed of it and it was just like you you were looking and I was like this can't be this can't I can't be this is not what I'm seeing here is not be going on it's impossible that it's something else like there's no words to describe it but I do remember feeling it bish and then when the reb came back to his place um I think this was must have been the second night you know I don't I think the rebba there was like a few other songs that the reb did from his place you know in other words he went under the stairs akas pretty much ended and instead of the reb going to the stander um is there and he's singing a few more songs singing yet. I remember even I remember even that that the Reb is everybody's singing a song and the Reb wants to start another song but you know the 770 everybody's still singing not and label from the back is behind the reb is going with the hands everybody to be quiet because that wants to sing another song for and yet and and another another song that I don't remember right now but that extra Aus, you know, a um when it came to the end, you know, there was always au everybody saying au when when when the reb would come back to his place and the would be back and that song I don't know when it started that everybody was singing it, but that was that ashenu at the end of a copus that was sang every year was pure a love song to the you know just imagine it after the whole and after the whole thing and this is a coff and everybody feels so grateful to to Hashem that we actually seeing this that we are part of this you know so that au was just like you know everybody was really there 100% and so in that year when the rebi felt like the rebi himself like we felt was like we don't want this ever to end right in it felt like the rabbi was uh was feeling it like almost I was like the rabbi also didn't want it to end he added more nigon and more nigim and in fact I remember also that some people I was then you know 20 years old whatever and I heard like a day or two later people told me you know some elidim are saying that maybe it's not such a good sign you know that the because you know in the Maybe he's trying to mic some zer and I remember dismissing it thinking who was the mug who came up with this like it didn't sound to me at all like a like a legit way of thinking but I do remember that people mentioned it. I I definitely do remember it and I'm remembering not accepting it at all but obviously we all know you know what happened in so there was that sense in tism this was a very emotionally charged year because it started with with this crazy bang of simka that we've never seen um and then I mean it took a few months you know but still it did happen in the winter the rabbit rabbit sitting shiva and and walking by the rabbit sitting Shiva. This was like not something anybody thought about or wanted to be a part of and and yet you know at the end of the year um the Reb says it's it's actually in where the Reb speak about and the Reb also got up to dance over there. This was also one of the you know unforgettable forbrings of all times you know both in terms of content of what the Reb is saying over there that we need to be more to bring Mashia I mean it's a pretty radical there but also the dance that the Reb and also the Reb said over there that it was I think because of buildings because also But you know it's an amazing thing that in that year the Reb actually writes in a you know so it was a mix you know that uh but definitely definitely was and also the the demand that we should be it's like all over that year and and you know that definitely uh you know I I as as somebody who who basically kind of grew up in 770. I'll tell you something. I'm always ready for a dance. Seriously, it's even today, you know, I live in fast. I d in a pos. They don't dance so much in in the sh that I dab in. But today punked, you know, somebody started dancing after dinging. Some of the people in the sh they look at him whatever maybe he's having a hard time. I don't know. But for me, I see you dancing. immediately kadima, you know, I'm like, why don't we do it every day? Cuz, you know, growing up in 770, I mean, this isn't the most natural normal thing to do is to be even if you're not doesn't matter if I'm there or not. It's it's a it's aim, you know. >> Yeah. >> So, uh that's definitely a result of education in 770 in those years. No question about Yeah, >> definitely is a common scene in 770 especially in the later years when starting in the weekday very often when there's a whether or anything else the natural reaction when the leaves that there's a whole the whole dance every other day. >> Yeah. In the middle of in the middle of the riots, there was a about the the gill from Mashiah, you know, everyone's dancing, you know. >> Right. Right. >> Exactly. So, you know, >> so maybe Yeah. um you know you go back to it's actually I mean when you learn the which I happen to learn a lot of um recently it's like you read them especially about then you know what's happening it's like hard to to you know compute exactly how that happened but maybe maybe you could talk a little bit Right. So, [clears throat] let me just say this in in general comments before we get into the details. I think that maybe for people who weren't there, you know, I don't know if everybody knows the feeling of, you know, what we felt back then. It it was it was a big disaster basically you know it's like in my in my book and I don't feel so comfortable to say it but I but I do feel it you know that giml was basically started inat in other words the fact that the rabbitson passed away uh that was not um I mean the vision was the rabbit you know is taking us to Guula with the rabbitson. I mean it doesn't matter that we never saw her and we didn't know anything about her. That that's you know she's the reb is rabbitson. I mean she's our rabbitson but whether I know her I see her. Okay. So so she's not she's extremely tanua and she's not uh you know by the way I did I did look at the rabbitson once. Um and it was quite obvious that she was not so happy about it. So I experienced personally this thing about the rebbitson not wanting to be uh seen in public that uh >> what was that? And that was the you know the rebbiten in those years in the in the later mems they built this apartment for the reba in the back of the library and the reb would go there for shabas right instead of walking home I I don't remember which year it started but when I came which is you know midmanov this was already how it was you know >> and the son were there for shabas >> was there for shabas and the rebba went to the library and and in the morning he would walk back to 770. So uh so the rebbiton would be driven to 770 a while before Shabas by uh Gansburg you know he was the shamesh and he was the driver and usually there was there was an awning uh covering the door you know the driveway of the library which um I guess it's not there anymore since they built right I mean I'm trying >> it's still there the driveway >> still there it is still there okay so that driveway I I don't I don't think you could. Yeah. Mhm. >> Yeah. Probably still there. I'm not just not picturing it how it is right now. I'm remembering it how it was. Um so anyway, um there was a awning. It would before it would go pick her up, he would lower this awning, then it would go get her. So with with this awning down, when you would drive the car, you wouldn't see anything, which was the reason why this awning was there. So you can't see anything. But there's one one Friday and I was there with a friend or two sitting on the bench in the and it was just before Shabas. We were already ready for Shabas. I don't I don't know why we were there but we were there and we noticed that somebody forgot to lower this awning. So we figured, you know, the rabbit's probably going to be driven in any moment. I mean she's coming for Shabas. So this is our opportunity to to to look, you know. So that's what we did. I mean, nobody was there, just the three of us or two of us and he opened the door and she came, you know, bought the walker. She had a walker then. And so she gave us a look, just turned with her head to look at us, looking at her. And just the way it fell to me, it fell to me. I mean, it wasn't like a sad look, but it wasn't it was like, uh, guys, what are you doing here? you know, kind of that kind of a look, you know, like it's like, you know, I'm not uh here to be seen, so so why are you here to look? Something like that. At least that's how we felt. So did see her. But I'm saying the the general vision was that the Reb and the Rabbitson will lead us to Mashiah, you know, that was just like a given. So once that happened and all of a sudden you have uh you know the rebbit's in passing not only that I mean the rebba we saw the rebba I mean could just try to imagine this feeling you know m shabas the came for shabas look we it was obvious that the rebba even though he was in pain obviously but it was also obvious that he's not going in the regular route of uh you know just sitting Shiva and and and and and all that. I mean, he's doing everything that says, but I remember when the Reb after the funeral, the Reb said a very short in the house. That that was a big sign of, you know, we're going to go forward anyway. Then the Reb came for Shabas was Shabas. So the Reb came for Shab >> what inse Yeah. It was so it was a mix between you know sitting Shiva but the Reb keep going and the things said and you see I I actually think that the Reb given a new way in the world of how to look at morning. You know, I think people before um you know, sometimes sometimes I think about things that sound maybe extreme, you know, like as if all I'm thinking about is the and I don't see the world, but really I'm saying this from the other perspective. I see it not from the I see it from reality. And see in reality especially in Israel but it's also in America that a lot of times when people go through lenu go through passing or even a tragedy you know people try to navigate the energy right away into mitas riding buildings making buildings and names of people who passed away. I really believe that that u way of thinking in the world the Reb brought it down in the the way the Reb himself spoke right away that their name was this is how the Reb ended the first time he spoke when he the day of the funeral and we came home this is how we ended the name was >> so so the whole thing of and the life you know that that that was uh what the Reb brought down. Meanwhile, meanwhile, while it was happening, you know, Moes Shabas, the Reb was sitting and, you know, in his place in a small uh Shiva chair, you know, and everybody and everybody, I mean, we didn't go to the house in the house, but when in 77, you know, but just the feeling of it that we I'm going I mean, which what is going on in the world if we got to that moment? It felt so so strange, you know, especially also in light of this much and all that. I mean, the whole thing was a kind of a surreal um but that's what it was, you know. Mhm. And then started a whole new with the Reba being in the house and every in 770 besides Shabas basically moving to the Reb's house like >> what's that like? >> Right. So you know the the dvening with the Reb is um is something very special that we had you know in those days uh once in a while you would get to D mish in the Reb's house but the rest of the time you know most boim weren't able to be there every day you know but in 770 you um you heard the you know during time of ding you heard the speakers in 770 so basically you would be there 9:30 30 put on fill and in ding with the reb was actually pretty uh amazing uh situation you know and and because of that also I mean the of the rebining I pretty much know it from that year you know otherwise I wouldn't know it so well but you know hear the three times a day you know you hear it the whole year so and also recommend to people who weren't there. I mean the the the recordings are there you know how many you know ding with the reba once in a while you know just put it on ding with the reb it's a pretty amazing thing that it's even available you know so that that was like a a highlight of this much you know dabing with the a whole year uh was that and um yeah but in general I I'll be honest and say I don't want to get too uh too uh depressed over But I I will say that what I said before that it was I'll tell you something. Um I I don't come from background. Okay. You know really I'm I'm being very honest. You know I didn't I didn't grow up in that uh you know uh results in [snorts] you know just you don't get the same education you know. Um there's certain things you get it's like somebody who didn't go up from you know you either you either hear it when you're three years old about mobu and if you do hear that three years old this is you you're a certain kind of a yid and if not listen some people I mean I'm married to my wife didn't go up like this I know this very from a very close relationship you know woman everything but there's something you didn't grow up with. The same thing you know somebody grew up with the Reb like my kids you know like kids who grew up from from zero from the birth from the moment of birth they see a picture of the obviously okay so that's the good side of it the other side of it I would say if it's okay for me to say that uh you know sometimes you also have like the certain things you don't think about so I think that in the years I was in 770 and especially since this m I'm embarrassed to admit you know that I was thinking about worldly uh you know things probably more than my friends were you know from birth and definitely tism was was definitely a big shakeup because you know the rabbits and passes away what's going on I mean this is and you know it's just like brought a lot of bilbull and also also see again seeing the rebitting Shiva you know the rebutt you know a lot of things were different you know so um not I'm not saying that this was like uh occupying my mind uh too much you know was I was there I was in 770 I was hoping and dinging with everybody you know and Mashiah any moment this was the headsp space but still I mean was definitely a big uh a big bug in the plan you know like a big it was not something you can you can totally avoid. I mean what is what is this you know so it was it was not easy you know >> right was the other that shared the sentiment or this was your I've heard this from others but I don't know if it was common or this was >> right so so uh not most people wouldn't speak about it was one friend of mine did speak to me about it and he was actually uh in worse shape than I was I guess so he was like uh you know telling me what what do you think I mean it happened to the son I mean uh what do you think you know so there were people mostly but mostly no mostly no you know it reminds me if we're already there you know the you know that's I remember I remember that >> dressed and it was that and it was then it was then I mean the also during the Shiva the Reb wrote during the Shiva the Reba called in Rabi Krinsky to write organized I mean all >> right right so so so for example that you know that nobody nobody wanted to accept that the Reb actually said these words so the wasn't you know the asked and they didn't give the whole thing right so it was that that gives us the kind of the feeling of where people were holding which was we would rather not go there you know that was uh the thinking and which is okay you know it's not that I wanted to go there I'm just saying maybe I thought about it more than others uh for examp I'll I'll give you an example you know the reb you know nunal nb I I don't remember to tell you when it started I'm sure uh those who are experts in the in the yman they could pull off this information. But at some point the Reb started coming late into Shabas Fabbrang. It used to be that 1:30 was 1:30, you know, a minute, two minutes, you know, but 1:30 is 1:30 and then there was years um you know, I remember this, you know, it's like a quarter to two, 10 to two. And just the fact that the Reb wasn't keeping the times the way he did before, it was unsettling. I think that's a good word to choose, you know, really. I'm serious. Like unsettling. It wasn't like that I was over worried about what's happening right this minute but it was just like and since since that unsettling feeling kicked in I mean obviously test was very strong tin and it was amazing year so so the reb was very very strong you know and the the the fabbrangians and everything it was it wasn't I'm just saying it was lurking some some were there where before it wasn't even on the table, you know, wasn't nobody was like basically going there, >> right? I mean, the Reb himself said that um that there it was a different from was was a newbel. So, >> right. That's right. That's right. >> Yeah. [clears throat] >> Among is brought to you by we live in a chaotic world. A world where for us is au we do not have the ability to hear and see the on a daily basis. Yet we know that the is very much with us and is alive and thriving [music] more than ever before. One needs to only tap into it. provides you and your family with the tools necessary to tap into all of this. Whether it's the monthly magazine, the way it all began, whether it's their hair books, their hair online content, and so much more, men, women, and children throughout the world benefit and use these tools on a daily basis. 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So there's there's so I want to I want to ask you about for uh those who have been reading the magazine for the last year and a half and if you're not make sure to be subscribed.org even if even if you don't I'm doing a little plug over even if you don't read every issue that this is the magazine that's is important for for the household. Anyhow, [laughter] but I can't resist. But uh in the in the we have a section where we write various articles featuring different things, but we have one section that's been there from the beginning. It's called Leban where we we just go through Yan. So the last few years it's not a translation of Yan. We've been reconstructing it from various human but we've been doing Allah said there tun and now we're doing nalif and one thing that this this theme that I've been seeing throughout all the months and it's going into nalif is the whole idea of the gulf war >> right >> and the the the foundational that the rebba spoke then because about uh it was in reaction to the a certain that was speaking negatively about and very very strong then obviously the whole story of the Gulf War but that you know and then the Reb said that nothing's going to happen but it starts with I mean there was a famous speech given by that Rashiva talking very negatively about and the Reb reacted to that very very strongly so um is that something that you remember well that uh that event >> yes absolutely I'll just tell you you you plug in the the hair and I could also say and I'm saying it honestly since I'm bilingual with Hebrew and English I really think the hair is like the best u is publication I love it because we have great stuff in Hebrew but just the way it's organized and written um it's really um very helpful in giving the sense of what's going on in 770 so I'm all in for the plug um >> okay >> um yes So I'll tell you the shinon, [clears throat] excuse me. Soon obviously and um and like you said also the the in the winter there there start speaking about the when the Berlin wall fell which is pretty much um the end of ' 89 in the goia calendar I think November 89. So there they spoke about in a fabrian that uh you know that uh Europe is basically instead of it being in a war in bloodshed um it's falling apart peacefully >> and yeah and uh and about that famous rashish you're right you know there was a there was a speech actually that speech as a in Hebrew his speech as a Wikipedia entry um because he was speaking to that to totally uh negatively about the kibbutnikim and all that and uh the reb responded and just the I have a question the the was in a buildup of of you know the the the conflict in Kuwait that was part of the Gulf or that speech or or it wasn't connected. >> I don't know. I don't know that this was in my memory relating u to to the war, but it happened at the same time, you know. Um or or before, you know. >> So, he said that that that he said he said that whatever he said that the kibbutnikim are >> Yeah. They're eating they're eating tra Yeah. Like basically. >> Yeah. And um and we all know how it is in u in actually actually that I'm going to talk about it's the reb lays a certain in how we relate to other um because but but I'll tell a little bit of a personal background for that and why why that I'm feeling very connected to um and that is because in toon I went to Nepal for PES with two of my friends um David Bis and Kimboki we were all boim then obviously and we went um to do the pesal there was there was a lot of times people introduced me as the guy who went for the first time to Nepal but it's not True. There was a seder in 1989. Uh Bim came from Australia. Meny Castell who is in Australia now also and Meny Lipker from New York and they were bo in in Australia and they went on to Katandu. The next we went from from New York from Meos with Rabbi Kotlarski and he arranged it. So that >> I actually I I once spoke to about this whole story. It was connected to something you were writing in. So he gave me a little bit of a rundown of the background to that and I believe he mentioned your name also. >> Right. Right. Yeah. I uh what happened was is and that we discovered years later. We didn't know that back then, but there were two um there were Israeli travelers in Nepal in 88 in Tism in Pesh. There were already Israelis there and they went to the embassy and that was maybe they gave the masses maybe but that was it you know so that these guys wrote a letter to the Reb and they wrote a letter telling the Reb that a lot of Israelis are in Kathmandu and maybe it's a good idea to send that letter the Reb forwarded it to Rabbi Castell from from Tak in New York and and and the next year his son Meni who is basically the source for the story. This is who I heard it from Rabbi Mendi Castell. So he called his father and he told him that they thinking to go somewhere for Pes to do because the reason also for that is just another that there was a of the Reb with the chief rabbis of Israel in Mev. I think this was where the Reba suggested that they should arrange public saders for all the uh people who come from Russia. And so there the Reb pushes for public saders. It took a few years and the picked it up and he talked to his father. His father told him you know the Reb forwarded to me this letter about Kathmandu. So then they arranged this first seder in Katandu. This is how they got the idea. Then the next year >> from Australia >> from Australia. So then that was and then the next year Meros was arranging it and we were sent from New York. Now, how is [clears throat] this relating to um to what I'm about to say is that that so that shabas is we had we were scheduled we did fly to Nepal that shabas now the really is in response to like you said from this rabbi what he said in soil which is it was berating the the non-religious Jews and the rabbi was speaking this was very passionate and also I remember like I told you before I remember so here I remember when the Reb said such a shout gave and the Reb says over there that that every Jew today is a is a aid is a is a testimony that there's a kesh in the world even if that Jew doesn't do any mitzvah and so how could how could that guy or anybody speak against how could they have the brought many many over there you know and he says is there. Yeah. Even if he doesn't do any mitzvah. So really the Reb responded then to what he said in Israel. Um and then and then and then after after the Reb got up to dance and the niggan was the Reba got up and it was an amazing dance and I remember when when the Reb got up to dance I was thinking right away somehow I don't know but just just what I was thinking that that the dance is for us you know everybody thinks about themselves right the dance is for us because we're going on an amazing I mean it was crazy I And nowadays we have kabad houses all over and this and that. But back then the only kabar house in the far east was in Hong Kong was already there but uh you know in Hong Kong they don't have Israeli backpackers. So it wasn't really I mean it's in the Southeast Asia but it's not the same category. We were going there was no kabadas in Thailand or in India or anywhere you know and we were bahin too which is you know I don't know if we want to get into it right now but you know I'm 56 years old today I'm thinking about it you know with two three boim 20 years old was sent for like two and a half weeks to catmand do I mean we we were there we did it you know it was amazing so >> there's a there's a documentary about it that I watched as a kid. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's movies, there's different things, you know, there's um you know that I have. >> It ends off with your wedding. >> Oh, right. That's right. Listen, I'll show you something. Let me show you something here. I have uh this picture album. Okay, I'll just show you like uh whatever. I mean I'm not going to start showing you the pictures but it's a picture album of uh you know the first seder we did in Nepal you know it looks like this something like that why am I showing it to you tell an amazing story and then we'll get back to to the beginning of the story but we came back from Nepal and we made this album for the Reb with a and got an answer from the Reb the following words So we were so I ran to Rai and I told him listen for with this album. He told me says to fund raise with this album. >> Yeah, that's what he sent. And so I get I wanted to give it to Kotlask. He told me what are you talking about? you you guys work to the reb it's it's your answer it's not my answer so and because from the I I didn't even make the album worked on this way more than me but the reason I it's my possession it's in my possession is because I kept going I went to Kathmandu for seven years seven different years and so it's in my um possession right here and I got a from the Reb for fundraising I'm not I'm not really a fundraiser you know but through the you know, the braha uh definitely came into uh there's more to do. There's definitely more to do, but I could say that I had some uh fundraising miracles happened to me and I attribute it to to the reba obviously, but um back to the Fabrangan when the Fabran happened, I didn't think that the was relating to us particularly. I was thinking more about the dance, you know, got up to dance. We were so excited that we're going to go on for the such a place as Kathmandu. But years later, maybe I think 20 years after I was learning the I was then and I was just reading the and all of a sudden it hit me that the whole in addition to being a counter to whatever the rabbi said in Israel but in that the Reb really explains why he's sending us to Eugene, why he's sending us to Kathmandu because you know a lot of people back then we met people at the airport and we told people we're going the Reb send us to Katandu. like why why does the Reb care that Israelis travel in in in the Far East? I mean, think about it. It's not like today. Back then in 1990, whoever was in Kathmandu for Pesak, Israeli or or or Jewish, he wasn't planning to make a seder. It was not part of their plan because they were in the Himalayas for Pes. It's not like today, you know. So, we arrived there and all those people. It's not like today that it's not like today that it's part of it could be part of their itinerary, >> right? But today it's like you you find out where could you stay next to Kabad house, you know, you already know that you're going. So therefore, a lot of people are traditional. They feel they could travel and then they could go to the uh with Kabad, you know, but back then if you're there, you're not keeping PES basically. Um but everybody did come to our I mean I don't think there was anybody there who heard about it who didn't come. So that was that was definitely an amazing amazing event. But I'm saying in that when the Reb says um you know who is he talking about? He's talking about those guys in Nepal, those Israelis that even though they're in Nepal, but he lost, you know. So, so it took me years to think in my own mind that the in addition to being whatever the Reb said about what's going on in Israel, it was also a very um major uh explanation of why is it that the Reb sends to run after those Israelis, you know. So, and that's the Rebs that and that and that's something I I I say this to a lot of people and even today, you know, in Israel we have all this politics and it's quite ugly. you know, the the lefties and the righties and it's getting not so pretty. But you know something amazing? Anybody from those so-called extreme lefties, try to tell them that they're not Jewish. You know, they're going to jump on you and they're going to say, "I'm not Jewish. I'm more Jewish than you are." You know, that's that's how people, in other words, they could argue with you about Tel Aviv and Shabas and Kabad and this and that, but Jewish, of course, we're Jewish. And really the Reb says in that a yid who goes around the world today even if not doing any mit but the fact that there's a yid you know and this is not only relating to Israelis I mean also on campus and in America and anywhere you meet a yid are you Jewish yes once he tells you yes we we take it for granted you know but saying I'm Jewish is already a connection according to that you know it's you're basically a it's an amazing thing. So yeah, so that definitely is remembered and the dance afterwards and then at the at the seder in Nepal I told everybody that before we left we dance with the Reb and I told everybody we we taught everybody the everybody was you know there was definitely a big part of it. Um the the the war the Gulf War by the way um you know that there was um I was I was after that I was a little bit in San Francisco and you know in the Gulf War at some point there was a by Goldstein went by the Reb and he asked the Reb if you should take a migilla the Reb told him something like by then you don't you're not going to need it. he was going to Iraq said you know something by then you're not going to need it right so from that there became some rumor that the Reb said that the war is going to be over on Purim and amazingly it was you know so [laughter] I remember >> on Purim itself Purim came in >> Purim yeah I remember it I was in San Francisco in the middle of Purim you know that they said oh the war is over the president is going to speak soon the war is over was unbelievable, you know. >> Yeah. The Gulf War was definitely. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Go ahead. >> No, I just wanted to add one more thing that I think the Gulf War is like um uh turning point in soil for sure. you know when the Reb back then spoke about being the safest place in the world and uh this was definitely it's a little bit similar to what happened in the six day war because in six day war you know there was crazy fear in soil and the reb speaking about soil was very positive there's going to be miracles in a in a similar fashion a little bit different you know in Israel I wasn't in Israel but my family was and everybody knows there was a huge scare of chemical weapons and they gave gas masks to everybody and the tape the windows. There was like a whole procedure going on. Meanwhile, the Reb is saying Israel is the safest place in the world and and and and we know that the war um and a lot of miracles. By the way, not to veer off, I'm just going to mention this that I I thought a lot about it during the the last war we had right here in Israel. And you know I'm talking to you from and the war withah we had sirens every day over here you know and and a lot of people were scared obviously a war is not a fun time but for us of the remembering how the said Israel is the safest place and remember the Gulf War he gave us a huge you know to to know everything is going to be okay the's words are you know still there and is still you know and We saw amazing things. >> Yeah. Right after October 7th, um obviously on the Bavage, but even beyond in the F world in general and maybe beyond that also, a lot of videos of the Reba were going around because people want to know they should pull their kids from out of October 7. People want to know should they take their kids home from yeshiva or not send them. A lot of the's videos were going around, you know, you have to go, you have to bring your your your children back. And I think that was a lot of people way beyond those those same videos from from the Gulf Warf, >> right? Absolutely. >> Um, so so Nalif and Nay, you're not in 770. Well, I was uh in and out. Okay. So, Tish uh parts of Tish, you know, base for sure. I was there for Tish and Nunal. Excuse me. You know, I was there um um for I was there. I was you know, and I was there in and out. So some for bringing the I was there. Depends depends what it is. I spend a lot of times in Vancouver, British Columbia. We went on over there by Rabbi Yi Weinberg and uh and then in San Francisco. I was spending uh in San Francisco by Rabbi Langanger of San Francisco. But but yeah, I was uh depending what the event is, I was there. >> Okay. Okay. So you mentioned so maybe you want to describe a little bit I mean the whole um and the way the Reb was speaking about Msiah um what do you want to say about that? Yeah, there was there's definitely um you know things definitely changed in I I can't tell you the the exact point of where the change took place but definitely we all know and base um were different than the earlier years in in in that the Reb spoke mostly about Msiah you know even even certain Fabangans even started You know it's like the never started like that you know would always be like we have to start off in right I mean so it's like the ecstasy if you want to call it that was very very strong um it definitely felt um as if it's um as we say it any moment now you know also also it was in the media you know it wasn't just in 770 like I told you I was in San Francisco back then and and this was all over the media I mean there were articles about it that the says the mash is coming were speaking on the media about it I remember even in San Francisco or by langanger I mean this was like a big theme and it definitely felt like It's uh it's any moment now. I mean Niss was a big shock obviously. I remember I remember this very well. remember like when I was speaking and uh I mean the is recorded it's not a very long anybody I mean every year I guess everybody watches it so people know the but if you if you watch it or listen to it from the beginning not just from the moments when it gets really intense but you know it's the starts like any other it doesn't you don't feel in the beginning everybody was standing in 770 you know listening to the thinking it's like another Tuesday whatever ever it wasn't but then you know it just the tone changed and you know the Reb said things that are uh were very hard to hear you know and you know what else can I do you know things like that and um >> everything I've done till now is >> right I mean that was terrible to hear those words I mean that was like not uh easy to swallow you know and um yeah and it definitely also created you know in 770 bila bringing all night and what should we do and the whole uh you know the whole mashia situation basically developed from there I don't know listen it's uh it's um we we definitely um I would say from today's perspective there's no question that in the rebba's and the reb's who we got to be on, you know, any moment now. This is it. There's no other uh there's no other thing to think about. Now, I there was already like I don't know 35 years, whatever how many years it is. Okay. So, uh there's no answer for it. In other words, I don't I don't feel I don't know what to say about it. I know I told you the Reb wrote me a letter personally. That's it. you know the Reb is 30 years ago the Reb said Mashiach is you know imminent then how much more imminent is it right now and the thing is I got to say for those who you know it's not easy to to accept maybe uh what I'm saying all to everybody at any moment but the reality is that the world around us is supporting that because we see I mean at least I see it in Nazi soil you know 30 years ago when you told people that is saying mash is coming any minute. Uh I don't recall everybody being agreeable to it. I actually recall people not I'm talking about you know not I'm talking about the world you know yidden and people were like um wondering what that means. Well today you know for sure most people you talk to they told listen has to come. There's no other solution. Mashia has to come. So, so we see that the message is any moment that go that any day that goes by that question that the Reb asked back then is still here. That question just became stronger. So, the message is more relevant. I have a question. How could it be that 30 years went by and okay, it's a good question. And I'm not I'm not uh I also have the the same question. But the question doesn't uh make me uh change my mind about it. It just makes me think even stronger that it must be that u you know that Mashiah is coming. But uh there's definitely you know there's definitely the the in those years the the to go excuse [clears throat] me to go from nun base to switch to order and then to gimlamuz obviously that was a pretty complicated uh time you know I mean it still is but back then it was felt even stronger. So, you know, every generation has its challenges. I guess on the other hand, I mean, the Reb also, like I said before, the Reb did say the Reb did say the I mean whether we like it or not, he did say it. So, um you know, here we are. You know, I think I think the the the K is that here we are. And even though we have a lot of questions and even though we have situations we are not so thrilled about, we see that the Reb's message gets stronger and are here and here we are sitting and talking about the Reb. I mean the Reb is definitely stronger. So >> So you have you have less questions now than you did the day after. >> Um I think so. Yeah, I think I I don't know. I don't know if less questions is the words I would choose to describe the difference between how I feel now and back then but I would definitely say and and and I'm saying also openly and I told you before I I don't come from Lubavich so definitely after gimm I felt it I felt it already after you know that people who had like a a family support system or something more uh personal. [clears throat] They had their approach, you know. I I didn't have any I didn't put any money on the stocks of the Bavet. You know what I'm saying? I came from the outside and I came for the Reb. Didn't care about the Crownites or Mish or this that I don't want to say names, but you know what I'm saying? Like I wasn't part of it. Still not part of it. Whatever. I can't for the So if the Reb is gone or seems to be gone or whatever I want to call it, then uh okay, got to go. I'm not interested, you know. So that's how I felt back then. I felt like, you know, I I I'll say honestly I wouldn't dream that Kabad Mubavic would be so strong so many years after Gimmel Tamos. you ask me that Gimmel Thomas I I wouldn't uh I wouldn't put my money on it really. I I thought it's uh so yes for sure in in real time back then I was way more uh disoriented and depressed and all whatever you want to call it. Now so many years went by. Yeah. So the time the time part of it like I said before I don't have an explanation. I don't know. I don't the time we're in I have a big question mark. How is it possible that the world is there? Which that's that's a that's a used many many times that there is no explanation why did not yet come in those would say that all the time. >> Exactly. So if they ever said it back then what are we doing in I don't know I have no idea how to explain such a thing. It doesn't make any sense to me. But what I could say is that I and I do see that since then, contrary to my own personal assessment, you know, not to mention other people, the Reb >> Yeah. You I say you and and and others. >> Yeah. Listen, you know, but the Reb is so much stronger. So many [snorts] more people in my own family even, you know, I told you I had with my parents and everything. My mother told me a while ago was with my mother. She's telling me I'm couldn't believe she's telling me she said you know what Ali all my kids should beadim not just you talking about my brothers whom she love you know but my mother calls me she said you know I saw an amazing J movie today I want to share it with you and and my mother was so angry that I went to Kabad you have no idea I'm not going to get into it now and and she probably wouldn't want me to talk about it but I'm telling you that's what it was so I see it with my personal family I see it with people around people, you know, in shul I go to shul people who are not are telling me, you know, the Reb the Reb saw it all. The Reb is so right. What would the Reb say? What does what does the Reb say? So when you see that the Reb is so much more relevant now than ever before then you know the cautious about Msiah we have cautious but but we see that so many people are drawing inspiration and from the and it's just getting so so much stronger that that so definitely I'm I'm less confused not I'm still a little bit confused I won't tell it I'm not but it's definitely less than how I felt. right then, you know, for sure. It's a different world, you know. >> Okay. So, uh I think we should uh do uh what the Reb wants from us and uh we should actually take care of all this and it should be Pale mish we won't be any questions. >> Oh man. >> Okay. And um you have a lot of and all of the that you do in beyond. >> Amen. Thank you very much. Thank you.