Family Is Your Greatest Strength - Rabbi Avraham Willig

In Leviticus chapter 21, the beginning of the Torah portion of Emor, the the the Torah presents the laws of death and mourning. The laws of burial, what happens if you lose a family member, God forbid. And this brings up many halachic areas of Jewish law. Again, the laws of death and dying, the laws of dealing with uh the preparation for a burial called aninus, the laws of the purity of Kohanim and where the prohibition of Kohanim, the Jewish priests, uh uh to to engage uh with with the dead. And of course, sitting shiva, what we call avelus. The seven days of mourning for the seven close uh relatives. In fact, the the the laws of shiva are actually learned from this section, from this passage. And the Torah lists those seven relatives, uh whose loss calls for sitting shiva, for sitting for seven days of mourning. Who are those seven relatives? One's father, mother, sister, brother, uh son, uh What did I say? Father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, and wife. Okay? They're These are the seven close relatives and whose loss calls calls for shiva. Now, what what's what's noteworthy, and I want to show you today, uh is really one one turn of phrase, that the language of the Torah, that the Torah uses to describe those family members. If I was writing the Torah, which I'm not, but lucky you. But if I was writing the Torah, I I would have used the word one word to describe this, family. Family. If you lose someone in your family or family members, those are the people you need to sit shiva before. However, the Torah does not use the word family, rather the Torah uses a different terminology. In Leviticus chapter 21 verse two, it says She'ero hakorov elav. She'ero hakorov elav. Translation, people who are close to you. The people who you're closest to, those people who you're close to, those are the people you're obligated to sit shiva for. Those are the people who we we mourn for seven days. And then it lists, again, the Torah lists those seven family members. Why? Why such a strange description? The the the the people close to you? Family. Isn't family good enough? Right? What does that mean? The the the the the the people close to you. It seems that the Torah, God here in the Torah, is teaching us something. Something very simple, but also something very significant. And that is you are very close to your relatives. You are close to your family. Who is your family? The people who you are close to, the people who are closest to. I often hear people say, unfortunately, we've all heard people say, "Oh, yeah, I have a brother, you know, he lives in New Jersey, but we're not close." "I have a sister, yeah, yeah, but we we don't talk." "Oh, it gets worse. I have a mother, but you know, we we're not close. We're not close. We we we never see each other, you know, we haven't spoken in 20 years, you know. I have a daughter, but we're not close. We're not close. You know, we we don't speak. We don't we don't we don't visit each other." The Torah, in my opinion, it seems that to me that the Torah is roundly rejecting this notion. Utterly dismissing this concept philosophically. Dismissing. There's no such thing. In fact, the the the categorically defines uh uh uh family as the people who are close to you, the people who are closest to you. Right? That is to say to the statement uh uh you know, that's a fact. Now in other words, to say this statement of I'm not close with my brother is counterfactual. Counterfactual. It cannot be so. Right? It's It's It's It's It's It's not so. It's just not true. Know this. Ladies and gentlemen, if you can hear If you can hear me, know this. You are close to your siblings. You are close to your children. You are close to your parents. It makes no difference to me what you'll the stories you'll tell me about this and about that. You have a very close relationship with your mother. You have a very close relationship with your son, with your sister. You're very close. Like it or not, you're very close. You are. You are. It It's true again philosophically, it's true morally. And we must take care and make sure to make it true practically. And make it true Make it true emotionally. You know, I come from a very large family, very large family. Me and my wife both come from very large families. Um and my children have more than 40 aunts and uncles, just aunts and uncles. Right? And over uh I don't know, 100 over 120 first cousins, just first cousins. That That's a a of people, right? And one time one of our many relatives was uh was married was getting married and they you know they don't live close and we don't we don't see each other very often. And uh my wife's and my wife's sister was going to the wedding. And my wife said to her uh uh you know, where are you headed? She said, I'm going to this wedding. And my wife asked her, really? You're are you close are you like it's a relative who lives in a far away and you know, we don't see them and you don't spend time together so much. The are you are you close to them? And her sister turned to her. And I know cuz my wife told me the story it made such an impression on me. Her sister turned to her and said her? Our cousin? We're very close. We're very close. And my wife said, really? I didn't know that about I didn't realize that you guys are very close. She said and she said we're cousins. We're very close. We're very close. That was years ago and ever since ever since when such a family situation comes up me and my wife we turn to each other and say we're very close. And my kids say, oh where are you going? This person that you know, what's happening? Who's that person? Oh, that's our oh, we're very close. And you are? Yeah, we're very close. And it's that's our cousin. Right? This is this is what the Torah is teaching us in this story. The Torah you specifically uses the word the people and repeats it. Repeats it in this passage. And more than once. Ha karov elav she'ero ha karov elav. Right? The people who are who are close to you. These people are closest to you. These people are very close to you. And and and and you know we need to challenge ourselves and and and wonder aloud. Again, you talk about the philosophy of family. Think about it this way. Life is rough. Life is tough. Who do we have on our team? Who do we have on our side? Think about it, right? We all come to moments in life, whether it's emotionally or, you know, financial moments or medical mo- whatever that whatever the moments are, who who's really close to you? Who's really on your side? Right? Oh, I know this guy from college, he'll help me, you know, I know this one, I know that one. You know what? But you know, as the expression goes, if you can't count on your brother, your your actual brother, who could you count on? Who could you count on? Is there someone closer to you than your brother? And sometimes people say, "Okay, listen, I don't need to help them." What do you mean you don't need to That's your brother. That's your sister. It it it it it should be, right? Hopefully, it should be like understandable, but sometimes it's not as open and clear. We don't spend so time so much time together, you know, we He was He wasn't always nice to me. That's your brother. That's your sister. That's your relative. You're so close. So, this is a this is a a teaching about the philosophy of family and and one which we need we all need encourage- we all need encouragement in to make sure to take care, to keep that closeness and breed that closeness and invest in that closeness, which for many of us should be obvious, but for some of us is not. And and I bless you and bless you back to have the closest relationship with the people close to