Farbrengen 3 Tammaz part 1, Rabbi Yossi Paltiel - 5786

Good evening everybody and hello. Thank you for having me. >> We We're all The mic has to be closer to me, right? I'm going to hold it. Is that okay? Can I hold it? Yeah. >> We're We're all members of the Kabad family. Hello everybody. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. We're all members of the Kabad family. Kabad obviously means an enormous amount to each of us, to all of us. And at the heart of Kabad is the And um sometimes it's difficult to fathom the degree of his influence and the degree to which he is the source of the little details of every little detail of how Kabad lives and is and breathes. But there's another very important factor which is particularly poignant today and that is how personal it is. I mean Rabi Sabo and I are old people at this point and Rab Risky and Ra Levid, our children are the next generation. Our children either knew the Reb as little children or didn't know the at all. And explain it how you wish. Don't explain it at all. Their relationship with the Reb is not just meaningful and deep, but also very personal. Personally, it's individual. Him and me and nobody else. Our relationship with the Reb is very personal. It's hard to understand unless you experienced it. It's really hard to understand unless you experienced it. Everybody talks about the leadership that his great leadership is vision is intelligence that have creativity thinking outside the box going and nobody else went. But there there are other dimensions to the drea and one of them is he was an exceedingly exceedingly holy man in his personal life. He was completely removed from anything material. The way he lived his life the man didn't eat, he fasted, he didn't sleep. His personal life was extremely extremely holy, extraordinarily holy. And he was, as this video so incredibly well demonstrated. He was so deeply connected to us. He wasn't a cosmic man who saw us as the cosmos. He was a father. His relationship with each of us was extremely personal, extremely individual. And we knew it. We knew it. Not just he knew it. We we felt we felt we feel a very personal love from the deb. I'm going to tell you something hysterical. Okay, I really don't care if you believe me, but this actually happened in the last two weeks. Okay, I'm doing some work in my home and it had a bit of a difference with my neighbor. Okay. The Reba came to my contractor in a dream to tell him that my neighbor was right. True story. Anyway, that contractor calls me. He says, "The ever told me to tell you my neighbor is right." So, of course, I said, "Okay." A week later, the never came again. Didn't say a word. Just let him know that he was happy that he took his advice. This just happened. 2026. It's a current story. I don't know if I should tell the story, but I just I can't get over how fortunate I feel. He didn't come to me. He went to somebody else. It's always that way with me. I don't know your relationship with that. I really don't. And and I I I hope and I wish that this is not just respect for a great man, reverence for a great man, appreciation for a great man, but a relationship because the Reb is a sadic, a very big sadic, an incredibly big sadic. Just a little story, a little just a a small little story, a story about small. The previous whose name I carry, his name was Yafitzk. He was born in 1880 and he passed away in 1950. He was about six or seven. His father was named Raz was already then the leader of Kabad because his father the fourth Kabad passed away very young and he was probably 25 was a very young man. He became at a very early age and he had one child. He had an only child, his only son who would become his successor. And his little son was in shul. Everybody had home to eat shabas lunch. And his father was alone in shaw and he was praying. And he got to the schma and he started to cry. So it bothered him. Why is my father crying? So he went to his mother and he said to his mother, "Mama, daddy is sitting in Shaw. There's nobody else in Schul. Everybody has gone home." and he's crying. Why is daddy crying? So his mother said gay frag fetal. Go ask your uncle Zman. Zman was the the older brother of the fifth reb. So he went to his uncle Zman as uncle Salman said cuz when your father went to school he didn't pick up the Hebrew well. He can't read. So when he prays and he stumbles on the words he cries out of frustration because he can't read the Hebrew. Now the previous knew that that wasn't the truth. that there had to be a better reason why his father was crying. So he ran back to his mother and says fat Alman's uncle Alman says that daddy's crying because he can't read Hebrew and she says gay to the bab go ask your grandmother go ask your grandmother who was the wife of the forbe so she went to his her baba his baba and he said this my father was sitting in crying why is he crying So the said to her grandson past 50 cries it doesn't mean anything anymore. He says because your father is not like most fathers. Your father is a sadic. He's a holy man. He was 25. He's very young. And when he prays, he really connects to God. So there's emotion. There's tears. The deb is a very big sadic. You know, big sadikim are far removed and the bigger they are, the further removed. But there's an there's an incredible irony that the further away they are, the lower is the bottom of their ark, the greater is the reach of the bottom of their sphere. And there's nobody like that. There's nobody like that in terms of how holy he was and how he related and he connected and he loved and he consume he cried as this individual tells the story for everybody for everybody. The reb was so busy. My uncle was one of his secretaries. He received listen to this 400 letters a day and he opened and read everyone himself. The secretaries didn't read his mail. They sent out the answers if and when there were answers. He opened up every piece of mail himself. How does he have time for anything else? And he had many other things to do. And when we get together on this day and we commemorate this event, this yard site, it's it's the first thing. This is very personal. This isn't a holy man. This is somebody who's very close to us. I feel extremely close to him. My children, my children and now my grandchildren feel in a very real way attached to him and close to him. It's not because we're special because he's special. His reach extends beyond any kind of limitations including the limitation of the fact that we're not able to see him physically. And I uh I bless each of us, all of us, each of you, each of us, that uh not just today, but always, but maybe this could be the trigger to consider the idea as people who are involved in the family of Kabad that part of our relationship with the Reb is a personal one. It's not only a religious one. It's not only a collective and a communal one. It's me and him. I write to him, he answers me. He doesn't answer me. I take the letters to the oil to the cemetery. I leave them there. This is sadikim. These are holy people. Holy people have different rules. And uh we don't understand. But it we don't only believe. We don't only believe. We see, we feel, we experience. We celebrate. And this is ours. This this is good for us. It'll it'll make us better. It'll make us closer to him and make us closer to and make us a lot closer to our to our to our best self to the person that we can be and that we must be and that we should be. I was talking about the is mail. The open 400 pieces of mail a day. It's a lot of mail. Takes a lot of time. So somebody who worked with the Reb bought the Reb, this is the 1970s. this 50 years ago. He bought the Rebe an electronic mail envelope opener. It was a machine. You fed the envelop and it was easy to take out. So he brought it into the secretariat to of the Reb. And he says, "I bought this machine for the Reba that uh said it can save a little time. Rabbi Ger, the Reb secretary who knew the Reb well said, you know, the Reb is not going to use that." He says, "Listen, I bought it and I paid for it. Offer it to him." He offered it to the Reba and of course there was never an answer. The deba didn't say thank you or no thank you and that was the end of the story. So he waited a bit then he came back to the secret. Well what happened? Says the said it makes too much noise. So he went and spent over $1,000 then to buy a a envelope opener with a muffler, a silent envelope opener. And he was a young fellow with not a lot of money. I know him. He told me the story and it was a huge uh exertion financially for him. He just wanted to make the deb a little bit easier and he brought it into brought it into 770 and he came to Rab okay this one is silent and Rab says zman you know the is not going to use it he says what do you got to lose I bought it and I paid for deliver it anyway nothing happened there was no response he didn't he waited a bit he came to Rabbi Grooner and says well he said the deb doesn't want to use it why not listen to this the said to him as follows when people send me letters They seal the envelope. There are those who seal their letter with a little bit of water. There are those who seal their letter a little bit of saliva. And there are those who seal their envelope with a tear and the machine doesn't pick that up. I I have to open the mail myself. I I don't need to tell you that we're living in a modern age. Part of the reality of our modern age >> isn't only the modernity itself. The evolution of technology in the last 120 years or whatever date you want to begin with is incredible. But part of the evolution of technology is the rapidity is the speed at which it's happening. Technology is changing so fast you simply do not have an opportunity to acclimate to one condition in technology before the new one is here. So it's the machines are moving faster than us far much faster than we can. You know, remember the record player? Remember the record player? Once upon a time record players, people used record players for a hundred years. After a while, you got used to the record player, you know, and then there was a radio and then there was a television. These fellows, they lasted each one of them came along at a certain time. And you had 20, 30, 40, 50 years to get used to the machines. And um at some point we it became our new reality. Today technology changes. No, I'm really I'm fine. I'm I'm >> okay. I appreciate it. I appreciate I'll tell your brother and he's going to say, "Who cares? I'm just saying that you should know that I know your brother." Today the technology moves so rapidly. The consequence of this is literally we're all off balance as human beings to keep up with the machines that are such a part of our daily life. We don't have a chance to integrate the realities that we deal with. And uh those of us who are adults may have forgotten how much more acute and uh and difficult it is for kids. Children are young. Children don't have experience. Children don't have a barometer. They don't have a measure of what's normal and what's crazy. their measure of what's normal and crazy are their experiences. And when they're living with these kinds of changes, they think that constant change is life and it's not. And it makes it makes living very difficult. And one of the one of the uh prices that we pay for all this uh noise, for all this upheaval in our lives is is our definition of normal. Really, our definition of normal is it doesn't exist really. As human beings on a psychological level, we don't get a chance to be normal because there's always something else that's taking away our normal. And ideally, in a perfect world or a perfect person, we have the right filters. We have the right um self-control or self-management to establish our own normal. And as I tell my students all the time, if your machine is not a slave to you, you're a m a slave to your machine. Um to manage our lives in the kind of way that it doesn't steal our normal. It doesn't steal our calm. It doesn't steal our inner peace. It doesn't steal the certainty of our self-identity. And what what I'm describing is is extremely serious and I I know it and I'm sure everybody in this room appreciates just how incredibly difficult it is to just to know who you are minus the machines to know the you that doesn't change from the moment you were born until the last minute of your life, your long healthy, successful, blessed, happy life. Um, but we we must do that if we're going to be human beings. The Reb was born before the first world war. The Reb lived through the two world wars and he became the shepherd of the Jewish people. He became the Reba of Loavich and in to a very great extent the Reba of the whole Jewish world right after the Holocaust. There are so many ways there are so many things that you can identify the rebab. But one of the things that is extremely sensitive and profound and beautiful is the Reb represents normal. The Reb was an extremely normal man. It's it's funny. Uh but there's nothing funny about it. The Reb was such a genius, such an incredible mind. He was so extremely busy. He valued every microscond and he was never in a rush. He was never in a rush. He he was extremely normal and he commun he gave I believe you could say he gave normal to people. He gave normal meeting that ebbe was an extremely powerful experience. It was a bit overwhelming. It was very intimidating but he gave you a normal. He gave you a normal. There's a woman who still lives in Morocco in Tunisia, pardon me, in Tunis in North Africa. Not a fun place to live. She's a from decades ago. Her name is Mrs. Pinson. Her husband has now passed away and she lives on. I think she's still alive. >> Ah, she's passed away. Pardon me. Um, I met her. She came to one of my classes. Interesting lady. She Tunisia is a dangerous country. There are not many Arab countries that Jews live in significant numbers. Morocco has Jews. Indonesia has Jews. And um there was a there was a lot of fear. A lot of people left. There was a lot of fear, a lot of intimidation. There was a lot of government sanctioned killings. Actually, she she was visiting the Reba and she was in the Reb's room and she says to the Reb, you know, I live in Tunis. very happy to live in Tunisia as your representative. But in this room, I feel so peaceful. In this room, I feel so calm. I feel so at peace with everything with myself. I want to take that back with me to Tunisia. I want to take that along with me that where I go in the tumultuous world out there, I should carry this peace with me. And the deba in typical deba fashion said to her why for you for everybody. And that was the end of that. She says for years women would say to her m how come when we're around you we are so calm and she would say in good tradition said what you're feeling is the blessing that gave me for inner peace and it's real. A woman that I knew said to me, you waited outside the door to meet the Reb in person. You waited outside the door to go into the Reb and meet with him. It was called private meetings. The Reba met thousands of people for 25 years on a very consistent basis. And then for a few more years, a little bit last at some point because of physical reasons, the Reb discontinued these private meetings. And she says, "You're standing outside the Reb's door and you're a nervous wreck. You're so apprehensive. you're so you feel so unworthy. She said to me, a woman that I knew said to me, I I'm saying to myself, I'm going to walk into the deb. I'm not going to hear a word he says and I'm certainly not going to remember anything. She was so apprehensive. She was hyperventilating. She was so emotional. She says, you step across the threshold of the door and then you're at peace. You walk into the actual room where the Rebe is sitting at his desk with this fedora creating the little shadow of the top of his face that he's so famous for. and and you feel peace and all a sudden you're clear. You're lucid. You're completely present. The Reba had that effect on people. He gave them inner peace. He gave them a normal which in our times is something we we I I wish we still dream about. We wish for. And it's it's an incredible gift that the Reban gives. And it's not only the spirituality of it. It's it's the awareness of a normal. The awareness that there is a normal and that I want a normal. My home is a normal place. My relationships are normal. My relationship with my husband, my relationship with my wife, my relationship, my children is consistent and stable and normal. The world makes this difficult today. All because we have such good toys. It's so interesting. Machines are supposed to help us, but machines are making it very, very hard for us to be helped because there's just so many of them. Which leads to another point that I want to share with you. The Reb gave us God. The Reb gave us God. Gives us God. Now, nobody gives anybody God. God is the creator of everything. And uh we're all here because of God. What I mean when I say the Reba gave us God, the Reb gave us the the God priority to the Reb who was one of the smartest people in the world. God was so simple. God was so certain. He was so smart that he wasn't unsure. You understand? He wasn't so smart that he had doubt. Those are the people less smart than he was. He was even smarter than those people. And he was so certain about God that it was simple. And he gave that simple to each one of us that Rebe was a Rebe he was a Rebe he was a he was a shepherd. He was a father. He was a he was a an intimate of so many of us. He was also a great scholar. He was a great scholar. And the Reb would talk for hours. If you've ever followed the the fabang would go on for eight hours sometimes, maybe longer in the earlier years cut them shorter because of his age and because of his health. But the rang for hours and in one fabang would go from topic to topic to topic and some of his topics were extremely scholarly. And then there were topics they were extremely human and the scholarly stuff he did quick relatively speaking. the human stuff. He would repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat because he wasn't giving information. He was touching hearts. He was touching hearts. And whenever talked, he talked in the kind of way that he was branding it into your soul. He wasn't telling you, he was giving you. And and had expressions that he would repeat constantly, just say them again and again and again and again. And he was repeating them not because we didn't know them. He was repeating them because he wanted to personalize them for us, to us, in us. And one of those expressions was Hebrew means the creator of the world and its governor. God Almighty is the creator and the governor. What do they say? I don't know what the statistics are today, but Americans, most Americans believe in God. So, you have to have a relationship with God. Knowing that there's a God, believing in God is academic. It's intellectual. It's scholarly. Having a relationship with God, I'm not going to call that religious. I'm going to call that normal. I'm going to call that peaceful. I'm going to call that wholesome. And the Reba gave us God in a very intimate and a very real way. He wanted Hashem, God Almighty, to be real for us like I'm talking to you. We talk to God. An intimate the personal relationship with Hashem. I I you know, I've been around, what can I tell you? I mean, I'm not around a lot of other people, but I've been around and I met all kinds of people. And I know so many people who because of their mind, because of their brain, have a barrier between themselves and God. Many people just can't get past the problems, the questions, the difficulties, the uncertainties. And maybe the questions have answers. Maybe the questions don't have answers. This I can guarantee you. There's always going to be more questions. There's always going there's never going to be an end to questions. It's the nature of learning. Any person who's a serious learner knows that part of learning is leaving questions unanswered. When you're 16, you can't do that. But when you're 60, you can. And even when you're 40, you don't have to. You can sleep. You can sleep because when you can answer this question, it's not like when you answer the question, the world is perfect. It's ne we're never going to know everything. It's impossible. There's always going to be questions. You put the questions down and you talk to the creator of the world like a son speaks to his father. The Reb gave us that God that makes it all so normal. It makes it all so peaceful. Joseph Tushkin in his book has a story and every one of his stories is sourced. So you can look it up. uh where did they ever met a man who was secular very smart guy in the in a private meeting academic of some type I don't know mathematician a physicist but a really really smart guy and he spoke to the rebba and when you talked to the rebba you were overwhelmed by his knowledge overwhelmed by his knowledge but was so interesting about the reb was if you didn't know something you didn't even know that he knew it you only knew of the rebba >> what the rebba knew of you he had that magical ical ability to show you the piece of himself which was your mirror. You never felt talked down to. It's incredible. But the the the smart guys, the really intelligent people would meet a man who was their match and more in every field and they'd be overwhelmed by this man's intellect. You know the day before the deba became aba the day before that took the job he was sitting with a friend of his an academic and he says to this fellow you know what's going to happen tomorrow I'm going to take a job as an ever and you and I will never be able to talk again cuz I'm not going to have the time so he says to ever don't do it don't do it what do you need it for you're a scholar you can BEAT THE SMARTEST PEOPLE in the world you waste your time with bubbis But that's what it is. That's the job. That's the job. So this man says to Rabbi, "How could anybody be as intelligent as you and believe in God the way you do?" How could anybody be as smart as you are, know as much as you are, and have so no difficulty with creator and not just the creator, the master of the world, the governor of the world, the intimate in our lives. And the Reba told him a wonderful thing. It's a different skill set. It's a different skill set. One of the great mistakes that the modern world has made is to assume that faith is the end of knowledge. That faith comes from research. That faith comes from discovery. That faith comes from our mind. Now, you got to use your mind. If you don't use your mind, you're not a human being. But you have to be smart enough to know that not everything you have to understand. Faith comes from the noma. Faith comes from the soul. Faith comes from a very very different place than the whole machine that questions and the doubts and that probes and that challenges and that searches. It's a very important part of us. It's a very important part of us. The mind is exceedingly important. But then a sharma that's a part of our normal that's a part of our peace and that's a part of our God and this is the God that ever wanted to give us in this incredibly chaotic world that spoke to children little kids you can watch the films talking to the kids or if he's talking to the biggest and the kids are literally playing some of them are doodling supposedly writing what he's saying others are simply bored some one or two are trying to listen and the rebas talked him like a reb from the mountain top that's how he always was the never that in public came down from that place of distance and he would say to the children over and over and over again the creator of the world and its master and its governor he was branding into the hearts and the souls of little children the reality of God The reality of God, not the question and the answer, the reality, faith, amuna. It's so important. It's not only important religiously, it's human. It's important psychologically. You know, one of the weird things about the crazy world which we live today that I think now, of course, you welcome to disagree. That's what we're all about, but it's never made more sense to be religious than right now because the world's gone nuts. I mean, completely spun out. And religion creat equilibrium. There's a center. You know, things don't always not everything changes all the time. And at the base, at the heart, at the soul of religion is our relationship with God. And that gave God to the Jewish people. And if I may say so, he gave the Jewish people to God. That gave God to the Jewish people. And he gave the Jewish people to God. The deba lived in very difficult times and but there was he had technological advances you know the lived in the post holocaust world you must understand I was born in my father was born in 1938 my father was born in Moscow Russia he my father remembers mortars hitting the house in which he lived Nazi mortars cannons from I don't know was 10 20 miles out of Moscow that the Nazis were shooting bombard they never took Moscow my father remembers a bomb hitting the house in which he lived and running off to Siberia. My father's life, my father Zangunt, he's living be well. It's not been an easy life. It's a long life, thank God, but it's been very tumultuous. Imagine a person of that generation and multiply that times thousands and thousands and thousands of people who came to the Reb one at a time and they met the Reb in his room and he found a way to heal them. He found a way to their soul. He found a way to give them permission to believe. He found a way to give them permission not to survive but to actually live. He had that magical ability. There there are many stories. I'm just going to mention one. The had a very deep impact on Ellie Visel. An incredibly personal and deep impact on Ellie Visel. And he the and him talked a lot. He was a very smart guy. Elizel was a brilliant he was an incredibly intelligent person obviously extremely successful extremely important in the greater world and the was a part of his inner world and he said to the once he had a debate with the rebba he wouldn't get married he didn't want to have children he felt that the coolest thing any Jew could do is bring a Jewish child into the world and he believed it on principle and the rebba said to him I'm sure gently but firmly do you understand that you're continuing Hitler's And the Reb said, "You have to get married and you have to have a normal life." So he said to the Reb, "How how can you allow how can you afford the luxury of normal? That's what we went through. H how is it justified? How is it correct for me to allow myself to live a normal life?" And the Reb said, "Because that's how you defeat Hitler. That's how we win. And the Reba debated him and debated him and debated him and he got married. He listened to the Reb, he got married, had a son by the Reb's in incredible incredible encouragement. But one of the wonderful little anecdotes that he tells about his relationship with the Reb was he argued with the Reb. How could the look forward from the beginning was one of the few rabbis who looked forward everybody was looking back. Everybody was looking back. And when you look back, you can't live. When you look back, you see terror. The Reba lost a brother in the Holocaust. The Reba lost many family members. It wasn't that the Reb was removed from the Holocaust, but the Reb understood what the Jewish people needed. He did not look back. He looked only forward. And Alivel said to the Reb, "How can you're not allowed? You're not allowed to look forward." And the Reb says, "You must." And they argued and they argued and they argued. And at one point in their conversations, he said to the Reb, Delhi Visel said to the Reb, I would like you to teach me to cry. And the Reb said to him, I will teach you to sing. He said to I wanted to teach me how to cry, which for a survivor is not easy. By the way, this fellow Gmidt who said I wasn't much of a crybaby, you saw that >> he was in the massacre in 1929. His parents were murdered. He was a 2-year-old in the closet. So now you understand why this man didn't cry. He didn't have parents. And now you understand how poignant that little exchange that he had with the deb took the place of his father and gave him practical advice. and he starts to cry. He says, "Reb, why do you love me so much?" And the Reb says to him, "Because you're my son." And this the Reb had this relationship with so many, many, many, many, many people. And the Reba figured out how to dial our number. that Eba figured out how to reach people who were very beautiful, very beautiful, extremely beautiful, but very broken, very hurt, very confused. And what's odd, what's strange is we're their grandchildren, maybe even their great grandchildren, but we're still confused. It's still so hard to find normal in this world of plenty. Really, there's never been a richer country in the history of mankind than the United States of America. And frankly, there's never been a kinder country in the history of the world than the United States of America. And maybe there hasn't been a more confused country. Now, how does that work? How does that work? Because we got lost. We lost we lost the eye. We lost ourselves. And the Ebbe taught us if you want to find your eye, you need to find God. You need to find faith. You need to find normal, you need to find peace. And the Reb figured out how to dial our number. And his approach was very simple. No speeches. No speeches. No speeches. A good deed, a mitzvah, one at a time. It's so simplistic on the surface but so incredibly effective and so unbelievably magical and so unbelievably real. You know there are many many Jews in the world today who are Orthodox who were not raised Orthodox or their parents not raised Orthodox and by no means are they all kabad. By no means they all kabad but many of them will tell you you know the first encounter I had with Judaism was a boy on the sidewalk and fill it or a girl on the on the boardwalk and shabas candles a seed was planted. It could take 10 years, 15 years, 20 years. That seed germinates and it grows and it becomes a living thing and it wakes up the didn't give people speeches. He never told anybody they were no good. Never. Never told anybody they were no good. There's no point. There really isn't a point. Is there any point in telling somebody that they're bad? I'm asking you a question. You are A BAD PERSON. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELL, I'll be sure not to disappoint you. Right. In general, there's it's not a good idea to tell people things that they already know, especially if they're not positive. And most of us pretty much know that we don't like ourselves already. We don't need anybody else's help in that department. But the Reb made it so that what you did a minute before and what you did a minute after didn't matter in this minute. In this minute, I could be a yeid. I can connect to Hashem. I can have one moment of normal, one moment of faith, one moment of God, one moment of peace, a mitzvah. And it takes a lot of years to look back and see how wise that was. The whole idea of not trying to change a person completely, not trying to change a person at all, just giving them an opportunity. And if they change, they change themselves. an opportunity for a mitzvah. Mitzvah are holy. Mitzvah like the like a holy person have God inside. Believe it or not, every human being, every Jew has God inside also and they have a common language. When a Jew does a mitzvah, there's magic. Sometimes you feel it very acutely, sometimes you don't feel it at all. But when a Jew does a mitzvah, there's a magic. And the Reb said to us, just do a mitzvah. Don't worry about the effect. Don't worry about the future. Don't worry about the big picture. Do a mitzvah. One mitzvah, another mitzvah, another mitzvah. And the mitzvah, they they multiply. They begat more mitzvah, more mitzvah, more mitzvah. They give people more normal, more God, more love, more peace, more center. and uh that I was very careful to tell people that no mitzvah is not holy because you aren't. Your mitzvah are not bad because you think of yourself as a bad person. Your mitzvah are not bad even if in fact you're a bad person because there's good in everybody and the mitzvah is good and the mitzvah is good no matter what. I I have a friend who told me a story and told me don't ever repeat the story. So I always repeat the story with the disclosure that I'm not supposed to repeat the story. I heard the story secondhand. He heard it from somebody else. A man came to see the reba in the early 1970s and he was homosexual. He was gay and he wanted to go to yeshiva. He wanted to study. He wanted to become religious but he wasn't going to stop being gay. So we wanted to know if there's any point is there any point of me going to yeshiva and studying tada if if I have you know from the perspective of Judaism a gigantic scarlet letter but he didn't want to go alone he wanted a witness so he took along this other man who's the source of the story as I heard it and he accompanied this let's say it was 1972 it's a long time ago and they went into the together this is this is you know you want to be the answer that question is there any point of me studying yeshiva becoming religious I'm a homosexual and that's not changing that's how he felt at the time at least I don't know the person I do not know who the person is and said a Jew must do as many mitzvah as he absolutely can do your best he didn't condone it he didn't condemn it he said one has nothing to do with the other you can do a mitzvah if you can study study t you can put on film, put on film. You have an issue with some issues. Everybody got issues with something. And that was able to re to what's the right word to unshackle us from our own self-hate really from our own uh attitude of if if I'm not a good Jew that I'm a bad Jew. So many people feel that way. You know, if I can't do it right, why bother? And the redeemed us from that burden. He didn't say it's okay. He said, "But the good is good. The good is good." The good is good no matter what. And he he gave us this ability to be Jewish to the best of our capabilities. And some of us become very Jewish. I mean, more and more you grow and you grow and you grow and you grow. And it starts with fillin. It starts because there was a holy rabbi who believed in the sanctity of a mitzvah who believed in the sanctity of the Jewish soul and who believed that when a holy mitzvah touches a holy Jewish soul something happens something very real happens. There's a rabbi who has I think a brother living in California or youth live in California. His name is Rabbi Lapine. Rabbi Leine Rabbi Lapen I think you call him here. He lives in South Africa. And um he um he was a businessman was a businessman and he joined the shaw in South Africa. South Africa is like like like like like England. There's the United Synagogue. Everybody belongs to the Shaw. If you ever been to to these countries Friday night, everybody goes to Shaw. Afterwards, the family people go home for Shabbat dinner and the boys and the girls go to the club. But everybody goes to Shaw first. And it was he joined a schol a congregation like that. There were many many people and there was a rabbi who made speeches and shook people's hands and that was it. So he started to teach. He saw it was he started giving classes and he was good. He was very good. He was so good that he began to dedicate more and more of his hours to teaching in this congregation. And he's running a business and he's becoming more and more harried. And at one point he decided to close his business to liquidate his business to live on what he has and become a full-time teacher because he saw the need. Anyway, he he wasn't a he was a kabadnik but he knew that this is the kind of question you need to answer the so in the 1970s 50 years ago he flew from South Africa to New York. He made himself an appointment and he came in to see the rebba and he tells the rebba you know I am not a rabbi I'm a businessman. I became a rabbi because there was an opening and I took it and I began to teach one or two people. Now I'm giving many classes to so many people and I'm contemplating closing my business and becoming a rabbi, a teacher full-time. What does the Reb think? And in typical Reba fashion, you can almost hear the Reb saying it. The Reba said in quotes, more business, more Raonas, more business, more more rabbi, more teacher. So he says to the I'm very flattered. I'm very flattered by your opinion of me, but I'm falling apart. So the Reb tells him wonderfully. The Reb says to him, "The mistake you make is because you envisionage uh an act of ku. You envisage an act of embracing a Jew and bringing giving them a mitzvah, giving them a vata, giving them a Jewish experience like a chemical reaction. chemical reactions. Every chemical is stable, right? If chemicals weren't stable, it would be even crazier than it is, right? Chemicals are stable. When you mix two chemicals, they go crazy. Yeah. And then they become normal. Takes a little while. They react. They interface and they have a new normal. And then they sit there till you mix them again. In your mind, says to him, meeting a Jew and doing something Jewish is a chemical reaction. So there is a moment of energy. There's a moment of transition and then there's a normal new stable new normal. That says when a Jew touches a Jew, it's not a chemical reaction. It's a nuclear reaction >> and it has ripples that go on and on. The more time that passes, the more effect it has. So you do not appreciate the extent of your influence, of your reach, of your success, of your I'm going to share two more thoughts and then I'm going to we'll interrupt. We'll go outside and we do whatever we have to do. Labavich is an old kididic movement. You know that it's a very old kididic movement. And if you would meet kabadnik from 100 years ago, you would believe that they're not only different than the kabad of today that the antithesis they're 180 degrees opposite the kabadics of today in a thousand ways. I can't even begin to tell you. And the this the credit for that goes to the previous rebba who came to this country 85 years ago 86 years ago and the rebba who continued this revolution. And one of the examples of that was the place how do I say this in English of ble in in inic tradition a person is supposed to be humble inidic tradition a person is not supposed to be busy with himself. Anyway, this is a story with the Re and humility that I I think explains to you his his unique approach. A boy was a yeshiva. A boy, he was in his 20s. It was yeshiva and this goes back to the 60s and the 50s. Brilliant, very smart. So smart that he was head and shoulders above his friends who were not slouches either. He was very intelligent and he studied the whole chass which is an extraordinary achievement for a young man. The problem was he knew it. He knew how bright he was and he knew how learned he was and he knew how superior he was to his friends and he made the terrible mistake of letting them know that he knew it. Well, they let him know that that's not good. And they didn't let him know with kind words. They let him know with very very what's the words on certain terms. And he got the message that he's full of himself. He was and he went to see the init private meeting and he told the rebba that I'm finally ready to admit that I'm I'm a little arrogant just a little bit. I'm full of myself in our culture say you couldn't be next to me. He smelled so bad. So um he goes into the and he tells the deb I need help getting past my ego appreciating the fact that the blessings that I have come from God. My successes are not my own. If my friends had the mind I had, they know better than I do. I got to get over myself. And the Reb said to him in Yiddish, also classic Yiddish, you understand Yiddish. Whatever you think of yourself, be didn't talk him down from his ego. He talked him up to his ego. You think you're brilliant, be brilliant. You think you're smarter than everybody else, be smarter than everybody else. You think you're the holiest roller in the world, roll of the holy. Just be whatever you think. Think as highly as yourself as you wish and then challenge yourself to be what you think. Say, ladies and gentlemen, I I we're going to we're going to continue this. This is the formal part. There'll be the informal part. I want to finish with this simple idea. Dr. Jonathan Sax who was unfortunately all of Ashalam said very famously that you know great leaders get people to believe in themselves sorry leaders get people to believe in them great leaders get people to believe in themselves leaders create followers great leaders create leaders took very ordinary people really and he gave them a mandate and the mandate was do something and know that the little bit that you do is not a chemical reaction. It's a nuclear reaction. The little bit that you do will have ripples and ripples and ripples and you will not be able to count the number of fruit that will grow from the trees that you succeed in planting. You think you're planting one tree or two trees or three trees. And what's interesting about that, it's an open field. that Abbe empowered every Jew to be a leader. You just have to decide that you want it. You have to just decide that this is important enough for you not just to be a taker but a giver. And all of us who were in Kabad know that when we give, what we're giving back to ourselves and to our families and to our children is tenfold. It's a hundfold and a thousandfold. That did us the biggest favor. Anybody that ever said you want to be a go ahead. You want to be a kabadnik go ahead. Just do find a space. The world is still big enough find a hole. Find a nish. They have today all over the world now ambassadors for mitzvah. People my son god bless him. He's a and it's near Philadelphia. Before Pesak, his community was going around handing out matzas. The people who are handing out the matzahas probably don't even know you're not supposed to eat bread on bas but they know you're supposed to have matzah so they can give matzah to another person. Anybody can be an ambassador for mitzvah. And when you give you get many many fold I need to finish with a story. There was a great sadic whose name was of okay frame of reference. He passed away in 1850 1851. He died 1851. That's a long time ago. He was a very holy man. Anyway, he had a follower who was very poor. Had a large family, many children to marry off. And of course, in those days, if you couldn't pay for a wedding, you couldn't have a you couldn't have a a hassan for your daughters or a kala for your sons. And he was eating himself up and his wife was beating him up. So, it was a great combination. That's the one two punch for those who don't know. Um, and he would say to his wife, you know, where we get the money for the weddings. And his wife would say, you know, you have an uncle in Vienna. I have an uncle in Vienna. He had an uncle in Vienna. Vienna was a modern city, a secular town. Then his uncle was not a religious man. Lived alone, never got married, had no children, had tons of guilt. And he really looked down at his nephew. His nephew was a schleer. you know, his nephew was one of those, you know, as they said before the Holocaust. Anyway, his wife said, "Go to see your uncle." He said, "Nah, my uncle hates me. He's going to put he's going to make fun of me." She said, "Okay, he'll make fun of you and he'll give you a check. It's worth it. You need the value of your children." This conversation went on for a few years. And one day, she fought, "Okay, I'm going. I'm going to my uncle." So, the family was very excited. They bought him a new suitcase and they got him some money for the trip and some food and some clothes. They dressed them all up and he's gone his way to see his uncle. He comes to the door of his home and he put his hand in the he stops and he thinks and he puts down the suitcase says I'm NOT GOING. OH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT GOING? So he says, which means who knows about uncle is still alive maybe he died and if he's alive maybe he lost his money and even if he's alive and he has his money maybe he doesn't want to give it to me but God is alive and God's rich and he wants to give he's not going anyway don't ask what happened after that his wife went ballistic his children stop talking to him where they talk to him non-stop and the story is a little while after he gets a knock on the door officer of the the I guess it's the Galitian army comes through and he says listen I'm going to the front I I cannot trust anybody but you I know from childhood I trust you I'm leaving you an enormous amount of money like 15,000 rubble or whatever if I'm not back in 90 days he tells him it means I was killed and the money is yours if I'm back in 90 days. You'll give it to me back. Fine. He puts the money away. 90 days turns into 180 days and 270 days. And his wife says, "Take the money. It's not mine. Take the money." He said he doesn't come back in 90 days. Means he's dead. It's not my money. I'm not touching it. So there's another argument. Anyway, after a long long discussion, he says, "I'm going to see the Reb, the holy, the great saddak of he comes to the where he lived and he made an appointment to see his reb. He walks through the threshold of his Reb's door before he had a chance to say a word. looks up with the most beautiful eyes and says to him in Yiddish on that heart on that heart, God Almighty is alive. He has got plenty of money and he gave some to you. I give all of us a God Almighty is alive and he has a lot more than money. He has health and he even has wisdom and he even has normal and he even has peace and hashem should bless each one of us and he should give us all these wonderful gifts and when we see them and we experience them we should celebrate them and we should say thank you. God loves thank you and you give a thank you yet another check. Okay, good evening to all of you. Thank you for listening.