Farbrengen Rosh Chodesh Kislev With Rabbi Shmuel Lew , 5784

that's some you know there's a there's a there's a whole underlying power which doesn't exist hardly anywhere else in Jewish or not Jewish yeah but got better he was sick and he almost was at the time what the people said they after speaking with the doctors oh do themselves said the biggest of the was that recovered to to whatever extent even before fact that they survive but that will live what's what's so special about today that's question number one I made for my black I'm in school in high school so I once made 10 15 I made a list of different things which took place between and the effect the impact certain things which we Define to a very large a large part of our kabat identity in things that we do what we know we should be doing and our kids learning about has to do with the whole L of thees the whole about 70% probably were were edited by the after 95% at least I didn't do the I never did the arithmetic accurately but I'm sure it's over 95% of M after after and and what about Li these all things all of them and they are Central themes and Central things j a lot of this type of the things that have happened after then and which maybe is the most important of all because it the was protecting but he was showing us what the transmission of Nas is from one generation to the next even for a Reit that you don't see it was maybe the most relevant of all that's a big a gift it's was a gift that you got you know once I met a Sak guy in London once in the real heav years and we after with the whole so I said you know what we do now we do five Tas a week instead of five a year so he says he says sat gets the credit then he he knew it's a Mitzvah I said yeah and H gets the credit for p him anyway so showed us Direction and many many other things that are there from after so it is something even that we had those years is in this world I want to tell you a story when this question first came to me was when a guy asked me what's I was I was going to it was y guns you know y guns from from uh the williamsb boys whose son he was a sh in Miami still must 25 years ago maybe and he and he invited me to come to come toi had about he put up a a thing there 350 people maybe packed out Sho near had the doctor who actually was the first one that treated the re and spoke on and he spoke about how powerful the Reba was in term he says he's used to it he was like a a top Cardiologist he says everybody all they know about is themselves surviving that that moment and with the you you saw his powerful concern for the community let go home whatever it was all the different things this doctor spoke then Shiro spoke well sh cousins and then and then I was on the plane and there's a guy very trim nicely an old guy back maybe 75 he looked like black suit trim appearance he looked like he looked like guy looks after himself and obviously L and I wasn't going to get into a conversation with him and but we at the airport the bags were delayed about 45 minutes so he came over to me and he said you know I'm here for mitz of a grandson or great some kind of a family s uh do you live here I said I live in England he said what are you doing here location I said I'm I'm going to speak tonight in the on on the occasion of tonight so he say what so in my mind flashed through that second what am I going to tell him 5 10 years after gu think everyone knows laes are crazy anyhow my somebody once came by us guys miss chakis and in the in the summer is about 9:00 at night 9:30 and after about 8 9:00 they made for those you missed Monday and Thursday so a guy comes in a lot of L stop come into the and they see a Minion for at 8:00 at night so they ask is it a a minut don't believe anything about so we said no a plane came today from America so I told the guy how can you say a lie he says 25 planes came from America anyway so this guy says what live and I said to myself what am I going to tell him all a second had to answer him right away I just I'll tell him straight out I said the recovered in 1977 and went home and we celebrated and I was scared of what he's going to tell me but I I fig it be good have a good you know a little dialogue he said to me these exact words is to me this was a lesson about he wasn't he was talking about the's contribution to post Holocaust Judaism or to the 20th century he said is for and I said what's your story what do you know about the rebba he said what do I know about the rebba I was in I said you might anybody tell me I met many people not I asked them just tell me one single thing that never told you so come here as follows he's a Survivor from his family I think he the only one that survived L and he went to the Mir Yesa and he spent his whole life now he's already retired but he learned there he got there and then he went to work there I think administrative position in the he worked in the office of the Mary Yeshiva his whole working life and then he got engaged at some stage in the 1950s in the he got engaged and he wanted to get a so who's the this this is at the age of 50 that's he's he's the leader you know he's the person um so he decid he's going to go with his col col would you mind if we go together and get a br for our wedding from the re so she said that's a great idea and those people I I know this I'm not that old but I'm old enough that I remember the generation before my generation 5 10 years older who didn't have hardly had family and they and they live learned in yes whatever it was whatever it was and their family the whole life was my principal in high school Quinn I found out 30 years later he was born with it's a story in its own and with including lived till about anyway but Rabbi Quinn said he was talking about in in he was talking in 1955 telling us what life was like in 1945 he said when we went out on nobody could afford a suit we had we had one suit and we everybody would borrow it the suit that that that he was trying to tell us how you guys are living it up because you have your own suit forget about two suits so the the person's whole society and this whole reality was the the so he said so he told him what he doing he said look guys getting married in another month and my wife and I my and I decided we're going to go to get a we're going to he says all my friends said whatever you do don't go to for he said why not that's what he's going to tell you to learn and he is a great man he's a if aad tells you you're trapped you won't you won't be able to like this you don't you don't learn you don't learn the tells you to learn and you don't learn don't go and he says I'm going anyway he went with his color so that's the he had so I said what happened to y see I tell you two things number one the said why at when a person gets married is the specific BR that they are wished that they are blessed with is the it's an occasion in your life what's what's the something forever and the re said it's because your Behavior you're young you're inexperienced but the things that you do at that stage of your life will be reflected and will have Echoes for your entire life it's a that means that that is a is is a moment in time but it's not just a snapshot just of that moment it's something which is going to affect your whole life and secondly the said I advise you that every day you should learn mus and he heard this and he was bold over and the next morning he came to Yesa and everybody there was with a semi smirk on their face yeah you went he said yes okay bit more SM B smile what what did the tell you he said he said every day this sm's getting bigger I said Le mus what that's the story but I was in t you know 10 years later I years later in the in the 50s and a lot of our guys not they weren't getting married including uh I was already hanging around I had I used to have a she every Wednesday night in the dormatory with ra g g for two years that's one of the reasons that here but there were other were gave and gave and kinsky gave there were a lot of these were the in those days and they gave and a certain number came and most became were always very positive and I went before my 17th birthday two days before my 17th birthday and ever told me to learn every day for at least 10 minutes but my friends in my class some of whom became psychologist doctors well known in different communities many of them maybe most they told to and I spoke today I I I told the story over today in a zoom lesson for the top three classes in California one of the things that the whole Co did is that you speak now all around the whole world without living your house anyway so um and I and I explained that this all based on and they're both there to try to cultivate in a person it's the different approach is way try to make a person become more adal but it's a holy thing this is about we put it another way mus centers upon the person about improving and and elevating your character that's what mus is about is about getting close to God it's not getting away from your bad mid or getting close to your mid which is still ego driven it's there to go and get closer to so what reminds us it reminds me meaning was a person who was a giant a Giants but as my friend Jonathan sex told me not once and that's why he said it publicly as well 100 times when you he visited all these different Jewish leaders he said when you when you're in the Pres tomorrow pardon yard tomorrow say he says his yard said tomorrow his was and I was invited by the United synagogue to give a talk about the early years that the early years we put a book nobody knows that I got I got the letters he sent me from Yesa but I I don't think I you know there would be a bombshell if they went out his description of for example you know wasn't always wasn't always so uh we'll do them up for you one day what one we'll give them out for you don't know about it till afterwards it's okay anyway so in the so he said that he went to America I we I met him 1968 55 and a half years ago but that summer he went to the states and he was doing a project on Jewish leadership and he visited about 15 Orthodox he visited RAB salic he visited Rabbi hesel conservative he visited Cincinnati reform he visited no Goldman who was secular leadership Jewish agency type of thing and he had a list of questions and he asked them all questions and they and then he said wherever he went they said something about the Reb everyone said something about the Reb so he decided the Reb so we arranged it and he took his Greyhound bus back from California where he had some relatives to New York and he went he asked his questions and when he finished de said can I ask you a question he said sure and the said what do you proposed to do to enhance Jewish life for the yeen in Cambridge University and when he was interviewed when he became Chief Rabbi in England it's a position in the whole country so he was on National Television which millions of people watched and they said what does a guy like you from the of the top colleges in Cambridge goofa in Keys College how you become a rabbi and he told and he his answer was he spoke about the he wasn't about was a person was from he was like a m boy boy I don't know what would have happened to him in the 60s but I believe he would always have remained he was a person with a with all his Brilliance and he said it was the first time in his life that any body told him that he's supposed to do something not just and not just in b not just to absorb what the Jewish Community is giving him what life is giving him the he so he said every one of the 15 people he met you can sense in the presence you can sense their greatness but with the rebba the rebba made you sense your own greatness your own potential that was the biggest thing about the re made leaders he made a person to follow to to a leader so when a person says I believe it's because he at least subconsciously was aware that the re is a person who challenges you and encourages you and empowers you enables you to be able to see that you have a bigger potential than just Treading Water spiritually than just you know just doing what you're doing it's something more than that that you can do you can make a difference that's what then we so compared to that when you say that after wasting think of all I once made a list of 12 things I I read it out to an assembly in my school once a week I have an assembly I said this is but this is even bigger in a sense it's saying you have it in you the guys are are people in Crown Heights New Light in Crown Heights I I we at the oil with on Friday and the the P is about seven pages and in that P and obviously this week it mentioned a lot about Ro there were three communities which were singled out there was a thing for k really and for all the and for their families but there were three groups of people who were singled one was the and one was the and in Ukraine and Russia and the third was the of crownheights as as as a role model for the whole world in a sense so now normally conventional wisdom is that the the Crown Heights are a role model to theim because of two powerful things the biggest thing is the that takes place I think that was mentioned in the in the pond I don't think the the whole project of could exist in the form in the form that it does in the format that it does quite apart from all other activities that depend upon this community and supporting the but I want to say a a different thing that every single person here can do themselves what a cannot do and I'll tell you a story there's a guy in England a colleague of mine and he was in about 50 55 years ago about 50 years ago yeah and he complained to the rebba that he felt somehow left out because he he because his was not spiritual it was administrative it was dealing with fundraising with the banks with the overdraft with with you know with with seeing that everything should be in order overseeing a major Mo with with with workers and everything he said my colleagues went there and this one's a teacher and this one's a ro and this one's an adult education goes to B groups and to there was no campus this one goes to campuses didn't exist then campus when I came to England I was on campus but I wasn't on campus I was in Stanford Hill and I visited about 20 different campuses about six or seven had regular including Cambridge and Oxford some every week some every two weeks whatever and thenes these were the type he said they're all dealing with spiritual activities and my job is to deal with a graan bank manager and to see how we can pay off the wages at the end of the week or at least it be only a month behind or only two months behind only three months behind only 8 months behind so a g once said I won't give another Penny to your place here I said why a very very rich guy he said told me that he he hasn't been paid for eight months so why should I give you money I said it's a lie either didn't say it why he's telling it to you in the wrong it's it's language people give you a language it's language the guy might be working in the Moes for 40 years and he got paid instead of getting paid every four and a half every 30 days he got paid every 35 days every 40 days and the accumulated debt is might be eight that that that could be but there's nobody there that didn't get paid usually every month maybe it was W and they a record sometime somebody once gave this one guy went to put on trilling he did in a old age home and a person died and left about $10 million to barage or something and they paid up all the wages on this spot and then they said all the individual moers have to arrange arise their own uh I think two3 words of of the cost that's what I that's when I first became a fundraiser I spent 27 years spending it and then I had to start raising anyway so so he told the re my job my job is an office job it's not a this this not what you call so the Reb said if you're allow to say a typical answer of the Reb the said you have what nobody else has he says a r a teacher gets a a a ro book with a list of which kids are in the class he gets a syllabus he knows what he has to teach this this this this whatever you have to teach a rabbi knows his community he knows the families he has to see the development spiritually materially he and he what he has to speak on this Etc everything's predictable you go to a b group you know their standard yish and you prepare to meet them on that level and to elevate them and the same with University student he said you have the you never know who's going to walk into your office that's what the said look he looked to the Miler you never know who's going to walk into your office and therefore have a pair of in your drawer so you don't have to walk down two flights in order to get PA fil and I still to this day don't know how been knew that the architecture of laich in England is that the sh is two floors below the it's on the bottom floor and the office is you have to go up uh you go up one flight to the office and down one flight to the sh so that's two flights between and you didn't have to walk down two flights to get a PA filling so the people in Crown Heights everybody should have a pair filling either your own or the one when you go to work or somebody comes to your house or there could be a delivery person you're not you're not so we're all one we are all one and we're all doing the same thing and one person is doing it in a more predictable way one person this way one person meets them every day the other one happens once every week once every month but it's there he sees his job as doing something for the time to eat something you guys and and and somebody somebody asked me tonight a story about and I said it's good you ask me I said because he said I wanted to check out if it's accurate which it wasn't but uh uh I said that I have a book potential book of 500 pages of stories between me personally and the rebba which never happened but but people come to me and said oh yeah I heard this story about you and some of them did happen but not to me some of them I worked out I I guessed I'm talk really it to me it was like a puzzle and I worked out who the guy it might have happened to and I went to the guy and it was exactly that guy that it happened to a story label grown this book some of them I don't I don't recognize the story as I say 500 pages it might be not exaggeration I never never measured it was like the most famous one of all is that the guy who was playing was diverted because the told him one day your plane's going to be diverted and always bring with you always have food for shabas and he said I never travel I'm always with my wife for sh since I'm married and never said do it and then he went and his plane was diverted to Greenland and happened to be there that CH and he was he went to the office whatever a whole bunch of things and I somebody showed this to me I was in a year and a half ago like I was in Milano and they show me a a Hebrew comic with that whole story and so I read it so I said to the sh who his his little kid 5-year-old kid was reading this they spoke his I said there's six things in that story that didn't happen he says tell me what I said I was never in Greenland shever he said okay I don't need the other reasons anymore I said I went on Monday morning was Wednesday and Friday morning Friday afternoon I left yeah anyway the guy tonight he told me that when the when M arranged the first flight to New York 1961 and it was very cheap like people paid it it was like $75 to go from England to New York and get everyone there even not got with so they gave a present to my of a a very nice and those days that was the deluxe the shot gari and in it they got AER to write in Hebrew like a very big thank you to Mr jaffy for arranging this flight to be signed by all the passengers and the inscription by the was in B because that's what they were learning in the at that time told them right above then he went to with the and he asked the please autograph it please sign the Gar so uh the re said you know he doesn't normally do this he said but every everyone signing but never said I'm not a passenger it says there we the passengers of the flight in Hebrew he says I'm a passenger so he said wherever we go as a group the re is with us and the sign sign I told the guy tonight I have a there's a photograph of of that page that's printed M was upset because the people didn't understand he wanted everybody else to sign on the page just the re sign should be but the end is the re is there together with about 120 signes page just mention [Music] have to [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] thank youing cups [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] name Russia I [Music] [Laughter] [Music] wrote when iare [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] the king [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] the [Laughter] me see [Music] [Laughter] huh sugar sugar [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] the [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the the [Music] [Laughter] the [Applause] [Music] the [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] the [Music] world the world [Applause] yeah on [Music] coffee no no yeah you know I want to speak about [Music] relationships relationships you know what it means friendships marriage parenting SCH anything in the world unless you in solitary can find them part of your life is relationship obviously in his there's also there's a question of a relationship and how do you define a relationship I want to tell you a story I heard from the it's a famous story but I heard it's director the about 60 years ago and then I want to tell you something that happened to me a story story from the gor that somebody asked me a question about I'm not leage about a year and a half ago and how and and the thinking process that that I'm I'm working on this for the last year thinking this through the different and you'll be able to in your own way you be able to do yourself the question was the the fifth Reb used to learn don't forget that became when he was 21 years old and he still with and the was the you ever heard theava this was the who made up that n or he was attributed to him his name was May best his last name was best he had a son whose name was was a in San Francisco California really that you know you remember him remember his son from San Francisco remember his son do you remember the one from San Francisco did you I saw no I saw letters I saw him his name on letters and stuff yeah with the name of the city anyway so anyway the theab was learning with him and they also had discussions which which appear these some of these discussions appear in so once they were discussing what is a and I think that he said he listens what says said that's not a that's an orthodox Jew that's if a reab tells you if a rabbi tells you to do something it's that have you have to listen to the that's that's not a he said someone who attached to the that's not that's that's you you obey them he said is to the of he's m to the activities of the and so that's the story I put it the way that I heard from lived in England don't forget for years I came to England in the end of L and was sent by the to go on a trial for the summer six years later and if he likes it and if they like him to take up the job as the Mas there he never said spend the next year closing down your business and if a begin you go to if everything works out told me the story by the way in the Shiva for his daughter he said my business I can close down in a week I don't I don't need a year to close down a business business but he underst his daughter was killed just few weeks after all this happened a month later and then and then she left 11 kids Yosi Libra was the oldest he was in Yesa but there was 10 kids in the house it was a major major um organizing effort logistical challenges that took place that year anyway that's my m that's I was and and to I'm from his community and he was like laughing he said in London the ends on chab at 3:00 it begins at 3:00 he was D until 3:00 anyway nowadays by the way in London it ends at two you can set your watch it was what there was a life roof there the guy was there and he said this is not it was so notorious he said is not five years ago he it's not going to end at 2:00 and he screamed and shouted and he pushed out the be make and it didn't end at 2:00 but 90% of the people went to the next room made anyway so but men said that's a bringing it's just that I remember the one vot he said son who listens to his father when his father asks for something that's not the ultimate that's not the ultimate relationship between a son to a father the ultimate is that he anticipates what his father needs or what his father wants and he gives it to him or he he does it for him not because he was told and I thought that that means means doing what you know that would want you to do not because told you to do it told you to do it it's not aish a much bigger is one who wasn't told and he did it actually for told I just saw today for the project by and that as wanted to get credit at the end of of of of the end of T so the said that as wanted to show a oneup MIP he's better than yakob yakob was told by y by his father not to marry from the local uh people and to go to a different place so he married from also not from the locals he want to show he's better how is he better because he was not told to do it if you're told to do something and you do it what's anyway so here's the story that's all the background the story that happened can't tell story happen with me with a guy from as the beginning I got to tell you story of but this illuminates the story I met the guy happens to be a relative I met him unfortunately at a Shiva for my brother anyway I told and I so we got close I said to him anytime you want have a question he phones me up I've got a question this is about 1:00 in the afternoon probably it's about 8 9:00 in the morning here in New York he lives in Flatbush and he asked me he he noticed I think in the umip it was in El and he was looking over the M for the gamor the gamor says in Arab that there was an argument a dispute between B and B Shi would it be better for a person that he was born or better that he was not born and interesting by the way he didn't say it but the doesn't say which who said which opinion it just tells the story and they discussed it in depth to two and a half years and they concluded in the end better better if a person is not born but you are born but learn and do you know get make the most of it do make it into something real so I said okay that's aor I said what's your question he says one question what took these guys two and a half years to discuss this they should have been able to to reach their respective view in 2 and 1 half hours 2 and 1 half minutes even so ask your opinion okay think it through he wanted to know how can you see a a a a a question like that having so many facets and so many issues and so many aspects and so many possibilities and so many priorities that maybe it'll take him a year and two years to go through every uh possibility and then they didn't reach uh well they reached a conclusion so I told him as follows I heard this not from a Jewish source that I heard that the Japanese say if you want to solve a problem Sometimes the best thing is to make it bigger not to make it smaller you you want to CH cut off a piece of it but you're not getting to the core if you make the problem bigger then you begin to see what the whole thing's about and then you be able to work out what's you know what's the underlying thing and once you fix the underlying you fixed everything anyway so I say let me make the question bigger how can you say that it's not good for a person to be created when there's a be in the first in the first in the first chapter and God saw everything he made and it wasn't St good it was very good andem created so how can you say that it's not good for a person to be created and secondly a key Mitzvah especially to us after October the 7th is the first M of the T is to have a child how could the Torah tell you to do something which is not good for the kid how could the if it's not good to be born how could it how could the Torah tell you to get to to have children and the answer is by the way I didn't know it at the time but through the it's actually the mentions a form of this question spiritual form about you can check it is it's half a column it's it's a of a and in it to say he talks about that it doesn't say it's good for a person to be born or not is it comfortable is it easy is it the lazy option to be born or not and on that it says it's not it's good to be born but it's not easy and then I told him a little about relationship I told him I I explain to him I said by the way how much time do we have I told the guy he says I work in New Jersey I have one hour ride from Flat Bush to New Jersey I said okay so we got we talk about that when you love somebody we talk about relationships if you really love somebody you love somebody how could you tell you love them draw that picture write a poem about them sit there and and just look at them the whole time and say I really really think you're great and I told him I said uh do you take the drive to New Jersey on Sundays he's way crazy I don't I don't work on Sundays I said but you don't take the drive anyway he well take the drive I say what are you doing something you don't want to do if you don't do it on your day off so what do you do it today you know why you do it because you love your wife and your family you have your wife and your seven kids which he has and that love is expressed when you sit with them and you sing or you argue or you just talk shabas you go out that's a very valid and important and necessary aspect of Love of care of friendship but the real real test of it is when it's not the real test of it I said this what they were arguing about this they were trying to say which is better or I told them other examples from things but you see it in life generally there's such a thing that I tell you a brother of mine this brother passed away a year and a half ago but a younger one he lives in Lakewood now he's 79 my kid brother and the youngest one and he came to England where he was like a neww or something about 55 years ago probably 56 years ago he came to see England maybe was on the way to Israel I don't remember why I just remember he I only remember one I know he was in our house for a better part of a week with his wife and they went touring they went there they went there but I and he's a very popular kind of a person very charismatic extroverted and he know a little bit he he he lived in Staten Island for 40 years and having in Young Israel and whatever Rabbi Marcus the rabbi who I met the rabbi was born on yal niss and he used he said I was born when I to the theab says you know when I was born that's what claimed to a gigantic Young Israel but my brother was the one that was to give the Dr he's that kind of a guy he has something to say and this and that I had a about him once so I asked him I said to my brother hey tell me something she unlik his older brother for four years four and a half years older than him I said do you have any friends which should seem like a crazy question to ask him at the age of 25 because he was very popular and he said I know a lot of people and I have a lot of friends but if your question is that if I have a problem or a crisis at 3:00 in the morning is there anybody I could phone up at that time he says one maybe two Max Max three that I can call up and I from the whole week he was in my house that's I only remember that sentence because I it was such a profound sentence as a definition of what a friend is what does it mean a friend if your friend is your friend when you feel like it and your friend is your friend when things are going smooth and if your friend is your friend when you're having a great time by the way all of which three things are necessary for a friendship you remember all the good times you had together but that's not the definition if it if if if a difficult moment comes and your friend needs you and you're not there because it's not no it's not comfortable then that friendship is really it's selflove that's all it is as long as as long as it fits into my agenda you fit in there you have your own place in my agenda I got you here I got all my little things and all the little holes I put in all all the little puppets and all the little holes you're one of them you don't say it but that's the reality so somebody sleeps for8 hours uninterrupted and everything's good and nobody needs you at 3:00 in the morning for any crisis he lost his passport and he's at the border or he had a flat tire or the kid woke up in a a l night whatever it was and you sleep eight hours that is called that's one level of comfort then somebody comes to you and says you know what you know what I need you and it might be something you do for them all the time you might it might be something you do for them 10 15 20 times in a year year but today happens to be the day that I hardly slept last night I've been having headaches lately and just today the we had a a gas leak or power failure and just today and this and this happened I got into an argument with so and so and this person need you that moment and especially if it's 3:00 in the morning and you get up and you say okay I'll come there you go so that means you you drew from a deeper reservoir of morality within yourself it's the right thing to do so I did it even though it's not the most comfortable it's not but you feel it's right it's correct it's the priority at this moment in this situation I have to do it but I said that is's a third level the third level is that not only do you do it but you thank the abish this person's going to need someone thank God I was here for them when D it's not so comfortable D it's not so easy and that's a real real relationship and I can see B getting at it and I can see and it doesn't I just I don't know I didn't I I didn't look at any mu I just looked at the story itself was fascinating but I my own interpretation is why don't we know what said and what said which is a which is a because the truth is it depends how you look at it it could be different days you see it different ways but at least you can measure your connection and that applies as a parent that applies as a spouse that applies as it applies as a member of it applies I'm talking about go out of the way going out of the way in a time when it's not in your comfort zone doing something which you wouldn't normally do and not only that you da wouldn't do it for anybody else but it's for the that's that's Aces at that moment you might only experience it once in your life or once in a year or once in two years but that moment cherish it that moment when you went out of your comfort zone is a completely different level of life it's a different depth of experience it's a completely I tell you I had a I'm principal in the girls high school last 48 years and we have thousands there different people that went you know there some the regulars for people live there there a lot of people not people sent me just now since October the 7 I got two two two separate things of girls in the Army someone sent it they sent me a whatspp it's to in a clip or something and she says they said where's your education she I actually went to a with went on the base or the Gaza STP she said I went to aat school that's one of my so the teacher sent it to me they they're not labar families by the way not because there aren't any but they I don't know if they would say they went 12 at school anyhow so they income so anyway so so we had this time one this one girl she was going school for a year maybe two years I don't know and then she went to a less room school then she went to a third one which is even less room but only in England a few years and then she in America that's where she that's where she is she now 55 I know you know this years ago but somehow she took a liking to she liked my uh because of uh uh severe Financial Cuts we couldn't afford it to have every class ding separately and going through theas we divide the school into two one and I took one half of the school the older half and I gave them a a a summary they D together not singing they just D and then I gave them the of the day 10 15 minutes a synopsis and she really liked it she asked me for a at that time to record it and then she fried out look at me and she wrote to me she went to wrote to me but she was still she wasn't by me anymore don't ever write to me again I don't want to hear from you ever again and I immediately wrote back and I said you can rip this letter up the first the first line I said you don't have to write to me I'm going to I'm going to keep on writing to you then we ups and downs and and at some stage later on which was read hand I said where are those tapes she said I still have them little cassettes still have them now she's a very big AC but she went through a difficult few years and then one year she called me about something I helped to at the end of the day I got introductions to for jobs and stuff like that but she really needed it was not was not person and then so I said we going to be P must I don't know why she says nowhere she's a single parent I'm not going anywhere and H she said a polite way H can C I'm not going anywhere I don't want to go and she was crying this I said I'm getting in touch with the at this place where she lived and you just be ready to go there and I did and this got in touch with her he sent her email or whatever and she didn't answer and a by me it was about 12 noon that means it was 700 a.m. in the east coast the guy calls me up I haven't heard back from what should I do and I was in the SP did everything he should he did he invited her what do you want from it he's going to have probably his own 200 people coming or whatever I phones up right then and there was 7:00 by her also and she I told you I don't want to go and I said you have to go he's not calling you up for cosmetic reasons that was the invitation you could say he didn't really mean it he did it but now on a p you know how busy he is and that's what means he wants you to go how could you not go and I went I went to this whole line at some stage she said okay H how long do I have to stay there how long do have to stay there I said to her you stay there as long as you feel like staying there as long as you're comfortable yeah I said yes plus 5 minutes I said five I just say five minutes when you're not comfortable and then go home I told you the whole story for that for that sense sometimes it's just it's it's a little gesture and when you say five me you're not Comfort you're not comfortable that doesn't mean okay I'm going to I'm going to factor that in I would have stayed for an hour but now for 55 minutes now I'll stay for an hour that's not what it is it's I would have stayed for an hour and then finally the hour is over five minutes and it's in everything in life work on your just five minutes extra said that it's possible he says you could win over your your whole with five minutes what when he tells you to do tell him come back in five minutes just keep on pushing it off once you push it off you feel empowered you feel good you feel comfortable so it's the idea of how do you judge how do you measure friendship how do you friend measure loyalty as a spouse love parenting child Community activism anything you want in the world it's it's it's it's not heavy big things it's small things of it's it means going out of your comfort zone for this anyway there is not just say a historical fact it's talking about a contemporary accessibility you know what that means it means there's something that's there today the only question is is he me or not you when you take that five minutes that's out of the comfort zone okay boys that's the comfort zone bye five minutes this the five minute notice they have to build into the thing itself that that five years become part of the thing tell us one you of yours please tell us one of yours one the one the one that didn't go on J what the one that doesn't go on J I wonder you can't watch on J that's a that's a good question you I have I have voice notes which I make I start to make and they made it on to a folder today what yeah but I I have one is one which I've been making for the last half a year and I'm hoping that sometime the next 25 years I'll do it because because that's the one that you won't see on J well all the stories are the ones that yeah I'll tell you one which I haven't done but I probably will do it that one which I I I hope I hope to do it I have to work out when I when I make one of those things for five minutes I don't write it out but it's usually anything up to a month or more that I'm thinking about it somewhere you know and I and then later on I always regret I'm always missing a detail I want I just want to give over a mood a a Aion so and this thing is like something which is highly highly highly embarrassing and and personal letting down the re but and the reason I want to do it is because I it should benefit somebody else but I have to work out way that's all you know it's it's it's it's balancing three things my embarrassment versus doing what's the right thing for somebody else versus making excuses yourself why it's really not better this way that way it's it's working out which is better which is worse you can make it into a comic with somebody else's name on it ah it's a good it's a good a it's a good a but the trouble is that when it gets really really personal then it loses the accuracy I have one one I saw I actually I just want to mention it's not about me it is about me but this wasn't the answer wasn't to me it's my whole life but uh it's all of you well probably a lot of you I I gave it in a workshop in the in the it's all that in itself is a possible it would have to be three or four voice notes somebody asked about half a year ago or about three months ago about the's views on this was that's kind of school back what's the really was there's so many different things with that's so I gave a talk on that in the kill but that's not a 5 minute voice that was a 50 minutes approximately uh which I which you know when work through I'll tell you about my brother who who has friends that he can wake up at 3: in the morning that same brother before he came to England he was inas and going to Brooklyn College at night and he got his degree whatever worked at OU a lot of years he worked in Lakewood manages the Bas fer and now I was 4 years in Montreal and I really was desperate to come to 77 I want to be bra I want 100% well to the extent that I'm possibly 100% And I didn't even write it sett I just went to and I said if I stay in 77 I'll be able to be car with my brother you know my brother's from but this you know and could you get me I I I have about half a dozen such things that I didn't write that I asked on my behalf used to go in every night at the end of the day the re's day whether it was whether it was 4 in the morning whether it was an early night which meant like 11:00 midnight when they went home will go in anywhere from 5 10 minutes he he go in there for 45 minutes for an hour even to whatever I don't know what they did at the end of the day but he told me that the said your brother stay was never written and that's when I went to 77 and I and my brother was supposed to come to 770 every Thursday night and we're going to learn and this was the Kua that I was traveling a lot with Rabbi baram got other people doing a lot of and I go away Thursday and he would have his basketball game on Thursday whatever in the course of the year I'm not sure if we learn more than times I'm not sure but we learn now this was at the end of place I got engaged at the end of I got married at the end of I went on and you I came in with the rule was that you can come in once every two years doesn't mean two you give one and a half years you know well you came in once for for coming two years later even though it's it's two months before I so I asked my father wanted my father want me to come for my brother's wedding that brother and uh but it was less than two years it was a year and a quarter he got married in K so I wrote to I said what am I supposed to do and he said and he answered that said since your father wants you to come come and I did and the and the wedding was there two two three days after a day after the night before the wedding was I came with my wife and we were in and out of the balloon the says to me is this the same brother he used to see this and it took me a couple of seconds at least to recall what I what the was talking about you know five years before wasn't really happening that much really it was my ticket to 770 I kept maintained the contact with him but we weren't learning that regularly you know certain not every week and um I said yes so the said that land is he still learning so what should I say any ideas before I tell you what I actually say what should I have told the them he's going to start now what he start now what you say I'll start now I wish I would have said that that would have been a good one that would be a good SM I said so the said and as he said it the face grew into a full full [Laughter] smile and then he told me a sentence a a one lineer and he said at least twice and I think it might have been three times over the next few minutes he said speak to your brother that what respons meant it's not your fault tell him in my name that I said the following message is saying this is over the past is past and you can get it in Hebrew or yish or English whichever is more accessible to him and never said this in different forms over is over certainly twice in my and at least twice and I think very strongly it might have been three times but I'm not sure and there was maybe afraid of my relationship with my brother which was excellent always and the next morning and we were he was in he was living with my father the only one my mother had passed away a couple years before there were in that house in Williamsburg I went up to his room I was staying in the house with my wife and I said I was in your this last night asked about you he was he was totally totally bowled over that the re remembered him and cared enough to ask he very and he said he'll do it eventually he he Liv in bar Park and he learned with with and then he moved to Lakewood to uh Staten Island he learned with Rabbi cman for 40 years then he moved to Lakewood and he stopped probably and then his his his grandson his granddaughter got married two years ago so it wasn't lockdown but it was a time of distancing and they made a big federal case out of when you move from one country to another the laws and isolation and the the the side very very wealthy Jews in gold as green and the guy could not afford to take off two weeks to go to isolation so he paid tickets for the all the immediate family to come from America to make the wedding here in in England it's outside London in some place I remember because was the first time in about a year that I that I went into the public transport with mask mes and then we during the lockdown our own can I know a big family and they're living in about the children I living in about 11 cities now the grandchildren it's about 20 cities different places so um and so every Sunday we had a zoo this went out for about two and a half years every Sunday at a zoom an hour two hours just I would tell a story of the or and people say something interesting that happened but was one in the community I come home from that wedding which is on a Sunday and the zoom was was on was the my wife was sitting there in the kitchen with the kids and I said I met my brother that night at the wedding and I and I said to him I had fored gim before that that means a year and a half ago in Lakewood in the of Rabbi misel so I said I and now I know a guy in Lakewood you can look see this with him so my brother said fine I came home and I said I told the story over to the that was my story for the zoom so my kid screamed at me he said why did you Lear with him on Zoom so we started zoom and it with something like 1962 like you know maybe 10 times in one year some [Laughter] that and then he had he had health problem they amputated a little part of he had to this had some kind of a health issue and now he's he's not been reab so I said you know we got to we got to do it he said I'm getting the to come into the and and we started already again about two weeks ago three weeks ago but we're doing it so that's a that's the answer which is not which is like a person with the whole background and the whole ep the epilog is still happening and uh he has he looks very respectful of me I'm his older brother unfortunately we're the only two brothers that are surviving right now and um H know with it I went then I went to to to to America to Rabbi sh alich was he he ran the Kos and I got something in English and something in Hebrew and something in yish to give him at that time this is a good 55 years ago and the big thing about that it's an interesting story but how does it negate to you and to me those three words in my opinion are the key to life over is over the worst problem that any of us can fall into is not the aad or the lack of Mitzvah the error of omission or of commission that we do the worst thing is the effect that it has on your self image either resigned look that's me I'm just a I might as well enjoy it or depression I'm never said three words over is over put another way every day is a lifetime I've sh them on Zoom different ones I used to go the K house in bloomsy Center London and I I tell them different things and they say look it's too late it's all over I say you're a teenager you're not 65 years old you're not 45 you whatever happened in your life is it's a back it's a background that's my background get the take consideration it's far away the future anxiety speculation it's it's totally totally sterile worthless the only show in town is today over is over you can make today a day which lasts forever it says in I was at the oil yesterday for grandson's became a cin but I so I I was there a little bit longer than you know maybe an hour or so not like on the you have to clear out and I saw the PK a thousand years in your eye God is like a day so everyone know it means that by the thousand years is like a day to us but says a different period which I considered to be very very potent very powerful it's I'm paraphrasing it you have to read it into what he says whether you live a thousand years or you live one day it's limited it's going to end a thousand years is not a,1 years so you're trapped God forbid a person get depressed with that but the TRU is you can put into that day something which will last forever and ever for billions of years and that means every day or every moment over is over forget it don't live in the past say what can I do today in a you have to plan okay and you have to have but these are like these are the background they're there to inform to inspire to elevate to innovate to energize to empower your what you're doing now but that's the only thing that really matters that you say I did haven't learned for the last three years so what sit down now and learn something and learn it 10 times until until something de clicks one look for five minutes out of the comfort [Music] zone is over that's the code next year you'll ask me for another you do it for the next 20 years or so I was at tonight I told he said give me a I said I give you a but I want you to give me a that I should dance at the wedding of your who he just got married today but I didn't ask for to take him on my shoulder that would be already the five minutes we Happ five minutes [Music] [Laughter] [Music] la [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] n n [Music] [Applause] [Music] la [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I want to tell One More Story which is net about 30 years ago what take a rabbi in England he was making a series of uh like family related issues uh invitations in his own private house and invited people so I guess some of that he had about they told me he made about four or five of such evenings or afternoons some and he Ed certain types about 30 40 50 people to each place maybe wred some that came the one that he invited me to speak about was about people that probably went to if with people like you know he knew them because they come once a year and they were members Etc and I'm supposed to speak about families as a father of 15 children to speak about the virtue of having children and I did and I so I want to tell you what I which I told them I said you know you ask a question what M 15 kids are crazy eight kids it's insane five kids it's also many people consider crazy so I said what do you need one kid for why have children at all it's it's a tremendous it's not that's for sure it's not you know your kids give you a good run for your money but on the other hand they become your best friend one day if you play it right if you put if you put into the relationship a little even a little a little bit anyway so I spoke about the fact that it depends what if you look at children as a burden but a necessary burden you have to do it you pay your debt to society or it's to replace the Jewish people or yourself or it's to have someone to look after you company I don't know what it is I said if you look at it as a treasure it doesn't mean you can to have kids but it means you're going to see each one of a blessing and I was m to these people who don't come to SCH maybe maybe I didn't know any of them I said but except later on the rabbi told me about one of them uh I said I'm not telling anybody here have 15 what have 12 what have 10 would have eight even all I say is that whatever number you're thinking of having have one more you want to to have four have five you want to have three have four you want to have two have three that's all and and um the rabbi called me up uh few weeks later and he said a woman called him up and said I'm expecting a child because of your father-in-law was my a said he I'm expecting because of the rabbi's speech I said wow this is you so and her husband was the producer of the biggest most popular year after year it's not it doesn't exist anymore children's television program in England very very famous guy he was Jewish I I didn't I I don't know the program even existed but there was there and she said on the way that Saturday night we said you know what it sounds makes sense now what makes me sended after 30 years ago now after October the 7 I had to speak two days later the Tuesday night three four days later they made a a a a gathering for all the shs and sent to London and the Kish was this is a real Fancy Shoes two people from the two government ministers F there were over a thousand people there in a and they the Finish was that they they they divided two or three houses in other words they recognized them not just as Outreach they didn't write a for example they invite it as shs and and and there were about 10 or 15 different speakers wasn't speak each said Capal I my son was it was not for me my son is a rabbi there he has aab house there but he was in he was somewhere else he was out of the country he's in America so he asked me to go for him and you had to say this one had sing and this one I had the for the hostages this is just two days after it happened and they told me the organizer the rabbi local Rabbi he said you speak before for 3 four minutes that's what they the problem was about an hour an hour and a half about 10 12 speakers uh besides the government woman and a man from the government and um and I was thinking of this thing you want no response you're not telling you go have, 1400 kids or even 14 but if 1,400 people have won imagine 14,000 have one more kid and that's a letter of the toel in you can look it up there aren't that many letters to him it's a yish letter of about four pages maybe more and Ellie wiel did not want to get married check it out on your brother's on your it's on the he he didn't want to get married and the rebel was trying to persuade Ellie wizel to get married he says he want to get married because he did not want to bring children into this kind of a world which tolerated let alone perpetrated a holocaust and the re writes back in the letter it's a rare thing there are letters like that but you probably count them with the fingers of two hands maybe one hand with renti is Hitler by name and then say Hitler wanted that there should be fewer Jews in the world and you have the opportunity to see they should be there should be more Jews in the world that's the best answer and he got married and when he got engaged the re sent a big bouquet of flowers to him and when this when his son was born he also got the sun it's in J it's in it's in here's my story that he said so on that on anyone heard of him he was a doctor in Philadelphia a fertility doctor and he's in Philadelphia and this this doctor is a top notch you know he's talking about five figures probably minimum to get treatment to have a child and after the M of in Mumbai 15 years ago whatever it was he said to the sh I want you to find me six six people were killed I want you to find me six who are childless and I treat them proo I'll treat them free and within a couple of years six kids were born and that's the I mean watching 700 whatsapps and all the news and the fake news and everything that's happening and what should have shouldn't happen this that humanitarian if if we get persuade anybody who I'm not saying someone should it's not a lot out of it's a five minutes out of the person's comt not guy says you're going to have two kids have four that's that's already out of the comfort zone a lot one to see that a children should be born as a result or encourage encourage people to get married earlier and and and and to have less break between engagement and a marriage whatever it is to I heard from Jonathan saxs he was a very very close friend and he he was speaking about demographic marrying out assimilation he said forget about assimilation forget about marrying out he said 150 years ago people got married at age 20 and had kids right away and nowadays you're lucky if they get married at or have kids at 30 so he said 150 years ago in 60 years there were three generations and today there's only two he said we lost the generation just in the timing besides the fact that the younger you have the kids you know the better you you're able to be a younger parent today you know sometimes this comes up in conversations in polite conversation and and I just it's just something that I I'm to me this event I'm in this very big deep state of of trauma I'm aware of it because I never I was born before the Holocaust but I was a little kid but for anything that I consciously knew about that there was a lot of things Wars Korean Wars and and and and and seers and and and Day War and the war and all these little summer these all these skirmishes that they were in the last 25 years Gaza and all these places but this was different even it was just one day it was different this was different this was AUM like the oldfashioned pums like the this is let P killing Jews because they're Jews I saw today a clip I always make I'm not going to look at them I thought you waste of time I could I could I could write you the script but it was a thing of a an real intellectual it sounded like an Australian accent a a a fanatical Muslim he really believes he's a Messianic and uh and he was talking about the and he said don't let them fool you he says that he says the only reason that they're against Israel waiting for messiah and then when mhia come they're going to fight against you so kill them now basically that's basically what he said it's kill Jews with torches with with with with with degrading it was and the only answer to that more more but first and foremost more you know that's that's that's in your face the real in your face more than the march to Washington unless unless it helps to the St sure they put on trilling with thousands of people we never here in Washington there some people here what there were some of them I saw some I somebody sent me the family what I saw some relatives [Music] there that was not a party political broadcast that was water that's the mus I'll tell you one more story I heard this in the car coming back from the oil Friday from a guy called Lea Brenan anybody ever hear of him yeah who didn't such a sweet beautiful guy and I know a little remember his father and his sister remember as a as a boy and he was he went to he went to in London 55 years ago 60 years ago he wanted to come toab told him not yet and he had incredible incredible so he told me this week story that and in the said to him you to learn more so at at the end and he asked questions like like he's learning and what did he do that's like one of the kind of questions he would ask I don't know if it's the same the end he didn't interrupt that in the middle at the end he said to he said to learn extra can you be more explicit more detail what do you want me to do so the said I'm talking about Monday Thursday and shabas when those days really there is a thing it says every day Monday Thursday andas and then the said Sunday night RAB sudak gives a in laich house in Stanford Hill was in Gold go to that CH that counts us Monday and Thursday he said learn that's about it's a fantastic fantastic powerful and learned that with Rabbi Herz of and shabis learn with h Gman you know he he CS in Tanya learn Tanya with him so and I remember this even though I heard a 100 stories since then since this Friday because I'm going to hopefully tell it over to the kids of my school because it shows you a lot of things even the story just that you know at at at face value but it to me it tells that number one was switched on to the detail that RAB is giving a she on Sunday night there were dozens of in they knew exactly who to go to and what's happening and the second thing is that is a personalized interest in an individual teenage boy and any any one of us and be after so there's no limit is not it's not just a friend it's a Reb and that's accessible today tner [Music] right call very apprciate [Music] thank you felt what you did voice I was in 39 29 times over a period of that's besides first it doesn't count people cloes and it doesn't count when they never stop me and my wife in the whole once and hold this for 5 10 minutes always 777 was this time he said over when we arrived about a week before that he came in my wife told black over he wanted to know who's taking her Sheed have girls she had two little kids under the age of one under the age of two but girls taking three four girls will come with them sing with them you felt the scared going I always felt very scared of scared scar my first my was literally literally give you your hand to give you a chair or something that was that was [Music] and the experience was possibly are available today about 100 I would stay after even when I was married my wife to come home 11 I didn't want to go home hear good story now those kind of stories I would get two three stories a year you get them mon information is much much more you came with mus what you came with mus late wife with my sister oh was yeah mle right mle mindle mle her name was yeah you remember you know her my uncle's M wife ringer from Milano [Music] but I only went to went only went [Music] really he also he also that's right that's what I'm [Laughter] saying my [Music] brother you know his older brother you know who older brother's older brother you know who older brother's older [Music] brotheri mother [Music] May [Music] were aou used [Applause] to very often it was real [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] who done in who done [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] wases [Laughter] was was when I got [Music] [Laughter] [Music] I'm but Thursday [Music] night years [Music] a lot of a lot of famous