Finding Peace: A Journey From Despair to Purpose #shorts

I had a big dilemma. How do I marry ending my life without quitting because I have this personality where I hate to quit? And so I'm like, I'm not going to commit suicide because I I can't I don't like quitting, but I also don't want to live anymore. So, how do I marry those worlds? And so, I was sitting in Los Angeles in between filming one day and I put on the TV and I was watching the Iraq Syrian civil war with ISIS just running rampant throughout the Middle East. And I remember watching this one video of this young boy sitting in the back of an ambulance after an air strike covered in blood and uh my heart broke for him. But then I had an idea like an epiphany. Go to Iraq. I can go. It's dangerous. Maybe maybe uh God will do me a favor and end this life a little bit quicker. And it can be all be said and done. No one will know the the why I went or what what I was doing. And I and I thought this is a great solution. And all I remember is a very, very loud whisper to the depths of my heart that said, "If you're that willing to give up your life, give it to me. What's the difference?" >> Wow. >> And it's like playing chess with Hashem. And you think you have like I'm done. And he's like, "Checkmate. Give me your life. What's the difference?" Because in that moment of time, I realized if everything I was saying was true, I don't care about my life, everything, because the result doesn't matter. And then bang, shalom. I felt peace. And I was like, "Wow, you're right. Nothing matters now. I just serve you." So, okay, it's yours. Whatever you want. Whatever you want, God. Whatever you want, I'll do it moving forward and I won't ask questions.