Guiding Others Out of P*rn Addiction - Saadiah Klein

pornography is the ultimate enemy. It is not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. You are not dirty. You are not corrupted. The end layer of you has been contaminated and corrupted. Also, the future version of yourself is not addicted, and you can now step into your future self. And when you do, your life is going to be full of fire and joy across everything. It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to take action and to get the help you need. It's true, our community has a lot of shame, but that's not your problem. That's not your problem. It's not your fault. No one taught us. No one guided us. No one offered us that support. >> How does it feel to overcome? Most people think that a sober living is just a place where you stay clean. It's not. A sober living is about building yourself after the noise stops. It's when you meet yourself. That's why I created something meaningful, a home for people who suffer from addictions, named Cove 76. If you know somebody who suffers or you suffer, please check out this website, cove76. Cove 76 is not just a house. Cove 76 is about taking your life back. Check out cove76.com. >> Okay. Today's conversation is about a struggle that many people experience, a pornography addiction. They experience this quietly and often feel ashamed to talk about it. Uh my guest today is Sadia Klein. >> It's a pleasure to be here. >> Thank you. Thank you for having me. >> Today, uh he dedicates his time to educate. Uh he dedicates his time for prevention. He talks to um schools. He talks to students. He talks to teachers, professionals, and also one-on-one. Um this is next level work. >> Thank you. >> Um it's excellent what you're doing. Um and I want to thank you for having the courage um to speak about it and to speak about something that a lot of people avoid. >> Certainly. That's precisely why I started speaking about it because so many other people avoided >> Avoid this conversation, so >> It's full of taboo, as you can imagine, and makes a lot of people feel very uncomfortable. But in my particular circumstance, myself and my peers and the vast majority of the young people who I've, you know, had relationships with throughout my life, had this experience of silence from our educators, from our mentors, from our parents. And when you're dealing with something as severe and all-encompassing as an addiction, >> Right. >> then certainly, you need a voice. You need someone to speak to. You need at least someone to acknowledge that the struggle occurs. So, that's what motivated me to begin in the first place. >> Right. And it's a tremendous thing what you're doing because this is something that like we said before, people avoid this conversation. And a lot of people struggle with this in silence. >> Certainly. >> And um and this is something that needs to be talked about. This is something that that that people have to know that you're not alone. And if there there is help out there, and if you want the education and the awareness, and it's a it's a tremendous headache for people who are trapped in this and they want to get out of it. >> Exactly. >> So, before we get into this uh conversation, I want to know a little bit about you. Where did you grow up? What What is your background? >> Sure. So, I was raised in London. I was raised in a modern Orthodox from family. I spent 18 years in London, then I went to Yeshiva in Israel for 2 years. And since I've moved to New York, where I study in Yeshiva University. I I'm based within school system, but I try and make best use of my free time to go and educate wherever I can. That started earlier on. And I was 16 when I first looked to the left and right and saw this lack of support. And just felt really provoked to take action. So, I was running a few youth groups at the time that I had initiated with some friends. And that grew over time both within the school setting and in the social setting. And then once I got to Yeshiva, I was running weekly like 30, 40 boys or so. And then by the time I got to America I started working as a director of outreach at Guard Your Eyes um for for the majority of last year, which was a phenomenal experience. And really gave me true insight into the scope of this problem in the Jewish community across all the different sectors. And and yeah, I have a future vision, many future visions, which I hope to work with many people to achieve so that we can respond to this properly. >> Wow, that's that's that's tremendous. Um but who were you back then? You were like a young boy, 15, 16 you're saying? And um how did you get into this this habit, into this pattern that that was going on as a young age, who introduced you to something and how did you find out? Because I want to relate to the young the youngsters today. >> Anthony, so I was actually exposed when I was 9 years old, which in America is the average age between 10 to 12 years old is is the average age that people are exposed to pornography for the first time now. Um it was actually before I had a smartphone. It was on a family device at a friend's house. It was a very innocent uh search that we made on the internet. When you're a young child and you know, you dare someone else to search up I don't know, naked women or something of the sort. Which is very innocent, age and stage appropriate. >> But usually kids are playing games like that. You're in the middle of playing games. >> each other and and what what not. And it took us straight to a pornography website. >> Mhm. >> And that was where I was first exposed. I had no I didn't even know what sex was at the time. So, it completely ripped my reality to shreds along with my friend. Um but of course, it came with this awe and this shock which stimulated us to want to learn more, if learning is even the right word. Um and within a few weeks, my whole social circle was watching pornography, too. And this is a pattern that I've seen in many different uh social communities that I've learned about over my time. And that carried on for years. That carried on for uh until I was around 16 years old. I wasn't even really truly aware that there was a problem. Just fantasy, just novelty, just a instant access to euphoria, which no other source of experience could provide in my life at that time. And it also guaranteed me this awareness that no one in my school would speak about. My parents wouldn't speak about. So, it was like a secret knowledge. A secret power. You know, I I I would be able to sit in my class and roll my eyes when my teacher would say, "You know, boys and girls, relationships is the thing you'll learn about later on in life." And I was like, "You don't even know what I know." >> Yeah. And the the secrecy is what fuels it even more. >> Certainly. >> Because you are like um having this this this secret and you can't share it with anybody, just with a couple of friends or whatever. >> Yeah. And and and and the secrecy, which was initially a feeling of strength, then becomes the biggest weakness as time goes on because now, once you realize the problems or once I realize the problems that arise, well, now I'm really in trouble because who do I go to to explain what's been happening to me these past few years? No one. >> No. >> So, yeah, of course. >> So, how did did um how was the school day going by? Like, you know, you you were this this little kid with with with with with stuff in your head going on every day and in the meantime you need to focus on school, on on uh you know, on learning, on beginners and on in English department. You you were not here. >> I'm fortunate that I'm a hard-working student and therefore I was able to get by relatively well. My concentration was destroyed. >> Mhm. >> My focus [clears throat] destroyed. My grounding, my motivation to work hard, my respect for adults, my respect for human beings in general, my respect for myself, my sleep, my my attention to detail, my goals, everything was warped because that is what this addiction, like any other addiction, does to your uh chem- the chemical procedures in your brain. >> So, what you're saying is that at the age of 10, 11, 12, 13, whatever the age was, you can become an addict at that young age? >> Younger. >> Even younger than that? >> Addiction doesn't start when you're 18, 19, 20. >> doesn't start when you're 18, 19. The younger you get exposed, the far more intensity of the addiction. >> It's going to be later on. >> Certainly. >> Wow, that is nuts. >> Yeah. >> Now, let me ask you something. You see these things going on every day. I mean, you hear from this organization you worked with, plus you talk to a lot of people about it. >> Yeah. >> What happened when you were 16 and 17 that you said, "You know what? This took over my life and I'm done with this. I want to make some changes." >> Right. So, there's a cycle that plays out with any addict, and that is an increasing need for stimulation, which leads to a decreasing feeling of satisfaction, which leads to an increasing need for stimulation, which leads to a decreasing feeling of satisfaction. That cycle goes on and on and on in a downward spiral. And eventually, I reached that point of rock bottom, although rock bottom has always got a lower rock bottom. >> Yeah. >> Um and I believe and love the idea of existence and being alive, and I realized that I wasn't getting any younger, and one day I was going to have a wife, one day I was going to have kids, one day I was going to have colleagues, and one day I was going to have all other responsibilities of adult life. And right now, I was completely incapacitated. I couldn't, you know, manage those responsibilities at all at this stage, and I wanted to build myself up. I wanted to have a relationship with my my creator. I wanted to fall in love with the everyday, and it was destroying all my sensitivities, all the little things that are beautiful in life, all the little things which can bring a person joy for free disappeared. >> Wow. And I want to live. >> Now, did you have a mentor? Did you have somebody like that you could stop to? Did someone put their hand around your shoulder? >> Actually, I said I wish, but it's the case that I did. Yes. We had a teacher, after I'm by now, phenomenal man. He works in my school has many in in London. Um and he was the only rabbi we ever had that explicitly spoke about problems that we were going through and put real effort into education and awareness. And that definitely made the cogs start turning in my brain. >> Because he was talking about explicit materials that >> He was speaking about it explicitly, and he was also really, really, really sharing it from a place of I love you. I want you to live your best lives. You are destroying yourself. You need support. >> It's a tremendous message what you're saying right now. Because educators and teachers and people who can make a difference in this world, you know, with other children who are in the business or even a regular person on the street, holding it back and not talking about it, it's it's it's you can save someone's life. >> You can save someone's life. I I I feel a tremendous so good that I've been given to help people reclaim their lives. >> Yeah. >> It is the most meaningful, truest experience and and work that a person can ever be engaged with. >> Right. And this is uh happens to be such a destructive uh behavior >> Yeah. >> that it it takes over your brain. You get a a brain fog as far as just functioning. >> It's far more than brain fog. It's I want you to imagine that you're the driver of a car. >> Mhm. >> Someone stands in the road with a machine gun. Makes you get out the car, puts you in the back seat and they're driving the car now. And they hijacked you. It's not a brain fog. It's a It's almost slavery. >> Slavery on slavery to what? >> To yourself. To an algorithm in your mind. >> Now we know that today um the youngsters >> Yeah. >> They grew up with phones in their hands. >> First generation ever in human history to grow up with iPhones >> in their hands. >> In our pocket, yeah. >> Yeah. Because my generation, I don't remember, you know, there was no iPhone. >> Yeah, sure. You just had magazines or whatever. >> Yeah, whatever. But not no iPhones. So now every boy, every bocher, every girl has a phone in uh in our pocket. >> Right. >> And >> And I got the laptops and all that other things. >> And this is dangerous and there's a huge fight and a huge debate uh is it filters? Is it let's cut it out completely? >> Right. >> Or no, let them have it because you can't fight it. Just educate them. Build a relationship with Hashem. Educate them. Uh let the schools talk more about it. There's a lot of but my question to you is in your experience, you know, what you you're doing and you're working, you're obviously in this uh deep in this business is um putting away iPhone like cutting them off is this a long-term solution? >> It's a long-term solution if you live within a very insulated Meah Shearim type community that's never going to leave, perhaps. But otherwise, certainly not. You know, the entire world now is accessed through smart devices. >> And world is changing and the >> I I could not have got here to your I mean, via public transport if I if I hadn't have used my smartphone. >> Right. >> I require a device. >> Right. >> And and, of course, all education, all all forms of modern information transfer ends happen. Yeah, of course, we need to have the phones. So, it's obviously not about just banning it. It's about dealing with the root problem here. Not treating a symptom, treating the root cause. >> So, what was your first step, let's say, when you woke up and you decided, "You know what? Um I want to take my my life back into my hands." Where did you start with? Did you go and what was your first step to say to yourself, "You know what? This is a journey and I'm going to uh make this work." >> It's a great question. There's a lot to it. There are three main parts that I realized simultaneously. Number one is that I needed accountability. I needed somebody outside of myself who I could speak to, who I could relate to, who I could um basically keep accountability on my journey. Um that was one. >> You found that, man? >> I I struggled here. It was more like a a different person at each stage. But, I did ultimately. >> So, you had this like a sponsor type of person that you could share with no strain. >> it was it was friends, it was mentors, it was but but I would really have to seek them out. The reason why I'm doing what I'm doing right now is because I want people to have it quickly accessible person to go to so they can speak to them. My My goal is to set up partnerships, call it a havruta, right? Between every 16-year-old boy and girl, let's say. What Whoever it is, they set it up, which is just on this. We speak once a week about where we're up to um in this area. And what that means is that 20 years down the line, when you're in marriage and, you know, you have all this relationship baggage and you have all these different dynamics which are frustrating you and you don't know who to turn to. You have someone who's been there with you for the last 15 years who knows your whole process and that's the person that you can immediately have that conversation with. I'm only one voice. I can only speak to one person at a time or group setting. I want to empower as many people as I can to be able to have these conversations with each other. >> What I'm hearing from you is that you're saying this pornography you can't fight. >> Not alone. >> This is This is coming in like a like the ocean. >> Like any addiction. >> And young people are growing up and you are working on prevention. What you're saying is we are against This is a war and I am going to try to build tools for the young people to know how to handle this thing coming headfirst. >> I want to help them in prevention. I want to help them in intervention and most importantly, I want to help them rechannel the energy caused by this in their life towards their best future self. So, all three parts of that stage. >> Wow. >> Just to go back previously, you asked me what it was that I realized. So, accountability was one. >> Yeah. >> The second thing was is that you cannot take something away from someone without replacing it with something greater which means that I knew that I needed a source of vitality in my life that I could turn to in a healthy manner before I took pornography out of my life because just on like a chemical level, your brain says, "Absolutely not. You're giving me all these core dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, vasopressin, adrenaline, all these core chemicals which I need to survive. And you want to just take that away from me? Absolutely not. So, I had to bring a new force into my life which for me first was a love of life and a relationship with myself, but ultimately a relationship with Hashem and a relationship with the world around me. Um, and that's that's the second pillar. And then the third pillar is if I'm not being defined by a vision of the future, I'm going to keep repeating the past. So, I had to really learn to tap into that masculine strength of here's my future vision. Here are the ways I have to steps I have to take to get there, and now I can fill my life and my time with an order, with a structure. That that I can now like always be stimulated and always directed. Cuz that's where the pornography comes in. It comes in in those spaces of lack, in those spaces of absence. So, those are >> So, those are the three things that that that >> initially got me moving, yeah. >> Got you moving. Well, that's amazing stuff. Um, and we'll discuss it in detail later. We'll discuss about spirituality and all this stuff, how you got involved, how the way you look at life. Um, but I want to discuss the the the human mind. I want to I want to I want to discuss that idea that this is not this is intellectuals. These are successful people, and they're not only youngsters, right? We're talking about What are the ages that you see? >> The youngest ages are 8, 9 years old, and the oldest ages are in their 70s. >> 70s. >> that I know of. >> Yeah. Spending hours. >> Hours. Weekly, monthly, yeah. >> Yeah. >> Hours. >> Now, um >> Uh, the 8-year-olds and the 9-year-olds aren't spending hours because they haven't got access to those devices as frequently. Once they do, like they've been exposed and >> Right. >> I mean, I I do know two or three cases where yes, they were that young, and they were constantly viewing pornography. >> Right. >> Which is terrible. >> And parents have no idea. I mean, they're in denial. Did you find that that people say that they like not my children and my house is, you know, we brought up the children differently and this is for sure not happening here. But this is something that that falls through the cracks and >> It doesn't discriminate to anyone. It goes everywhere. There's parents who literally don't even know what's occurring. There's parents who have a vague idea, but they really don't appreciate how destructive this is. They think it's normal. And then there's parents who, I guess, are just essentially neglecting. Like they they know their child is in that state, but they've just given up. And I don't even blame the parents. No one taught us. No one told us this was coming. It just showed up now. The child is unresponsive, irritable to be around because they're struggling like any addict would. And no one know no rabbi, no teachers, no work of No one is teaching anyone how to respond to this. But with AI, with VR, it's only coming in more and more intensely. It's the biggest market in the digital space. >> So the parents or the teachers in school don't even have a an inkling of the what is going on in the child's head. >> It's very interesting. >> They just think that the doesn't want to learn or doesn't want to behave on the you know But really what's going on behind that they don't even know. >> Or you know, I know plenty of people who I've been in the room when they said something along the lines of this was You're all just You're watching this stuff, this rubbish. You need to stop because it's it's ruining your brain. Just focus on your studies and it'll be good. >> Yeah. >> What is that? >> It's not addressing the problem. It's not addressing the root of the problem. >> the problem. It's not addressing the root. It's not even beginning to acknowledge what's actually occurring. >> So what is the human mind searching for? >> Beautiful. It's a great question. The human mind is searching for, I believe, expression and connection. Our Torah tells us that we are created but still I'm a little Kim in the image of God, which means that our nature is God-like, which is to shine outwards to to build, to expand, but also to connect and to deepen. Just in all directions, right? That's the human mind is trying to get us to that place. Right? And we work, when we build relationships, it's all about this building, this expansion. Um and our our physical vessel was given tools to get there. It was given these chemical channels, which increase our actions in some ways, decrease our actions in other ways, in order to support us to get to that place. And this addiction understands that perfectly. Bearing in mind, right? This is $200 billion of annual revenue. They have the best neuroscientists, the best marketers on the planet working towards this. And they understand the human psychology to the depth of the root. I'll give you one such example, right? Here are the two ways that a human being can be most God-like. Number one, taking their thoughts into action, which creates a reality. Okay? I look at a space and say, "I want to build a building." And then I take the action and now there's a building. It's like a mini God-like experience. Or step two, is creating life physically. I created a a human being. I created life. You're a creator. Pornography knows exactly how to attack these two things in the deepest way. It makes you believe that you're achieving them. It makes you fall for the illusion that you are achieving them both, but it ultimately drains you of your energy and stops you being able to ever achieve them in the long term. So, yeah. >> Now, the human mind um is wired for creativity, >> Right. >> for stimulation, >> and for survival. >> and for survival. And we love to see things, do things. This is what the human mind is. >> Right. >> And um somehow we get, you know, it was somehow we lose focus on where the healthy way to channel it, through a healthy way, and people find it through an unhealthy way. What Where's that shift? Where's that fork that we are created as, you know, co-creators, uh we we we we are you know, we are we are good at what we do. Where do we take that left turn? >> We didn't lose it. It's being aggressively taken from us. From the time of the Greeks, or even before that, until the modern day. >> Mhm. >> But from the second you wake up to the second you sleep in this modern world, there are a million and one different forces trying to take your attention away from you. Right? Even if just the physical world and the way people dress now, in the way that that that are um advertising models, in the way that the streets are built, in the way the shopping centers are built, to whole digital world. >> Right. >> It's meant to distract your attention, cuz attention is their money. They can get your attention, they can get your money. And the whole world is built on that profitability model. And it is being aggressively taken away from us. I believe that if a person returned to that more organic lifestyle, like people who live, let's say on like a yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael, or somewhere of the sort, that they're involved with their land and their their focus comes back to them very quickly, and it never leaves them. Now, we can't all live like that, of course. We can't, but we have to be aware that our focus and our attention is being taken from us aggressively and so we have to be very, very aggressive ourselves in gaining it back. >> Gaining it back, yeah. >> So, it's it's happening all the time. >> So, this is the avoid, this is what you're saying. This is the war, the war is that that we are here, we are resourceful, uh we are here for creation, we are here for uh productivity. It's just nothing we are off the road, is what you're >> The avoid of today is consciousness. >> Yeah. >> To be deeply, deeply aware that I am a soul in a body put in this physical world to elevate it and to bring it back to its truest place. That is the avoida. And to be aware there are many, many, many, many forces actively looking to stop that happening. That's the avoida. And the the reason why it's happening, in my opinion, is not for a bad thing. There has to always be a balance of energy. >> Yeah. >> In this world today, we have so much resource and access to wisdom to the fact that I can right now sit in this space right now on a little box, speak to someone in Australia in live time. If someone from the 1700s saw that, they would have a heart attack and die. >> Right. >> That is magic. The fact that all Torah is accessible to us in our language wherever we go. >> Yeah. >> Our community groups, etc. We have everything we need. There's going to be an also an equal, opposite force in the form of destruction in this world to keep that balance. It's either you can buy it or you can leave it for those who grab it. You choose. You have to actually actively choose one, otherwise you end up automatically on the other. >> Um let me ask you how much of uh loneliness and boredom uh or stress, people think sometimes that this is a stress reliever. Um, contributes for a person to choose this route with this type of behavior? >> Is it loneliness? Boredom? >> Stress. Right. So, firstly, the answer is a lot of them and we'll go into it. But then also, once you fall into this addiction, it causes all those things itself. Which then requires you to need to like go back to it. So, it ends up in a cycle, right? >> so what you're saying is if someone falls into this addiction, he will become lonely. >> Will become lonely, will become stressed, will become Will become stressed, will become all the things which would maybe lead someone to addiction in the first place. >> So, this doesn't come before? This is not a reason why people would go to it? >> So, now we come to a right point of distinction. For most addictions, cocaine, whatever it is, it's a symptom. A person is suffering in life and then they turn to this source of stimulation to try and numb the suffering. >> Correct. >> For pornography, masturbation addiction, all the rest of it, that is definitely the case. But it's also equally the case that people are exposed, natural, normal, healthy people are exposed, and then they fall in. And now they are in fact the lonely person, they are the stressed person, etc., etc. And that's happening mainly of primarily at my age of my generation cuz there was a lack of awareness, a lack of the generation above us teaching us and warning us in an honest way, not in a Guys, just shmiras enaim. That's a very true message. Shmiras enaim is absolutely the key. Shmiras enaim, shmiras oznayim, you know, shmiras shmiras peh, like everything, you know? Guarding all the senses, it's very true. Tachlis, you have to be very direct at what it is that is coming a person's way, otherwise they're not prepared. >> Yeah. >> So, yeah. So, yeah, it's both a symptom and it is the cause itself. >> Wow, that's very powerful because this is a uh never-ending black hole. >> Right. And as a symptom, I actually feel like when we address it as a symptom, that brings a lot of compassion. Because what that means is your brain did the right thing. Supposedly, your brain said, "I'm in a very painful place in this world and I need to save and protect myself." So, now I'm going to look for things in this world that can do that for me. Your brain, your unconscious brain, doesn't know that pornography is bad for you and exercise is good for you. It knows it when you do it, but it doesn't know it prior. It just looks for the best and easiest way to help you out. >> Right. >> So, I understand why people fall into this addiction. It makes sense. You were suffering and your brain tried to protect you. It's not your fault. >> Right. >> It's not your fault. But, I'll I'll obviously it brings us to the place that we stand. >> And why do we see often times that when you want to fight something really bad, it fails? You know, if a person, you know, is sitting quietly and is saying to himself, "You know what? I want to stop this." >> Mhm. >> And he starts fighting it, fighting the thoughts, fighting the urges. >> Yeah. >> And then it fails because he's falling back twice as much. >> Yeah. It comes down to discipline. You're not going to win by going to war. It's much bigger than you. >> Right. >> Discipline. Discipline is the is is the net which protects the person. I'll give you one [clears throat] such example. People think, "I'm going to have my phone and I'm going to go to war where, like, you know, I go to my bedroom every night or I go to the bathroom and I I'm going to fight against it. I'm going to fight against it and I'm not going to fall. I'm not going to fall." And you know what? They won. I was successful. Great. They They ate. Back to the start. Whatever it is. Don't fight it. What here's what discipline does. Discipline says, "I'm never going to let myself get into a scenario where this could even be a thing." For example, my phone is never going to enter into secluded space with me. And that way I already had that gather, that barrier, before it comes about. That's what discipline does. Discipline means that I've set up my covenant eyes, web cada, whatever it is, so that my friends getting screenshots of my of my activity, so that when the moment comes I've already pre-planned for this. You have to pre-plan. You don't fight, you pre-plan. >> But before the discipline is the choice. >> Certainly. >> You have to have a your will for uh improvement needs to be stronger than the will. You have to be at a rock bottom first to to to make a choice like that. Is that what you notice? >> Yes. And whilst that is true that you need to have that will often you also need to have someone to come and give you that will. Mhm. Because of how low a person can get to, which is why I set out to educate the way I can. To come into a space and say to someone "Hi. I know you're in there. And I want to help you come out. You've lost yourself along the way. I lost myself too. Let me help you come to a place where you can even feel the will and the want to come to a place of strength again. People even need help with that. Like a like a depressed person. A depressed person isn't going to get increasingly depressed until one day they shoot up their depression and say, "I want help." No, they're going to require someone to remind them that they can live a beautiful life and that will get them the will. >> Yeah. Now, describe how you felt enslaved. I was in a few words we want to hear. What is it when you were enslaved, what was the feeling? Can you put it in words? >> Sure. Mhm. On the level of the mind my thoughts were always directed to one place. And even in scenarios which not always directed, but largely directed to one place. And even in scenarios that seemingly had no relationship to it, somehow everything would join back up to one place. >> So, you went to a simcha or whatever you went. >> Whatever Whatever it is. >> present. >> Couldn't be present. Um and on a level of neuro neuroscience, it's it's very clear why that is. If you just see it the way that the the brain neuron neuro networks link up, it's very clear. You can watch it through a through a particular machine. Um Number one, so on the mental level that's what's happening. Your your whole life is being ruled by this concept, by this idea. Secondly, on a physical level, your body actually feels irritated and stressed and hyper aggressive because you're not satisfying your crave. Um on an emotional level, where are the emotions? It actually like a a lack of emotion. A lack of an ability to feel close to people. I couldn't hug my mother for quite a long time cuz I didn't know how to associate physical touch in like an emotionally compassionate way. In in in in in in genuinely desiring a future, I didn't desire a future. I just desired a return to the place that I had been the night before, you know, whatever it is. And and on all levels, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, there was one tyrant at the top, one king, sitting there demanding all my action and all my attention. >> It's unbelievable what you're saying. Now, how can a person test themselves? Because I'm sure a lot of people are like they're deep deep invested in it, but they're in denial as far as the word addiction. I'm not addicted. >> Right. >> How does a person uh really test themselves and say to themselves, "You know what?" Because to admit that is also a lie. >> Right. So, two things. I'll I'll I'll address your question first. The I believe Torah time block for change is 40 days. >> Yeah. >> And then science it's more 90 days. So, let's go stage one. Can you get 40 days or 90 days >> Right. >> without engaging? Now, hold on a second. Engaging does not mean watching straight pornography or masturbation. Engaging also means all the lighter forms of pornography along the way. All the other things a person may look at. And all the ways that they look at people. And all the ways that they look at the world. Just notice. Just observe your life. Observe the way you interact with the world. And and and if and if 40 days goes by by and it's not a problem, then thank the Lord. You're not addicted. >> Then you're okay. >> You're It's not a problem. Don't get me wrong. It's still a problem. But at least you can say you're not addicted. >> Mhm. >> Um That That That's one thing. The only other thing I'll say is is that people's care for the subject should not be about whether they are addicted or not. Okay? Because the fact is is that because this is so rampant, this could be your child. This could be your friend. This could be your spouse. This could be your your colleagues. This could be your student. Whoever it is. This is sharing across everyone who has access to a device. And it's only getting more of a problem. The care for this subject should not come from personal struggle alone. It should come from a realization of where humanity is at and a desire to help. Because we want to have beautiful homes. We want to have beautiful classrooms. We want to have beautiful relationships. That's why. >> It's just we don't want to live destructive lives. >> We want to live healthy, thriving lives. >> Yeah. >> Now, describe how I'm sure this is a journey, and it doesn't matter what age, and it doesn't matter how many years someone is sober. You always have to work on this. >> Always. >> Always. Just like any other thing in your life, you always It's either you fall or you go. There's no standing in the middle. >> monitor, right? Flatline means you're dead. >> Yeah. So, so how does it feel to overcome? How does a person who gets back his brain? What's the feeling of a person after he overcame 40 days, 80 days, a year sober? What is that feeling? Describe that feeling. >> I have an analogy. You have two caves. One is 5 ft deep, and one is 50 ft deep. Now, the 50 ft deep cave is obviously darker. It's also potentially a vessel to receive more light. A person who overcomes this suddenly feels this power in the world, this compassion, this love, this fire for all the things to come, a sensitivity of all the small things in life, even color, even breath, [clears throat] even taste. All the basic senses can become a really beautiful experience because you fall in love with life again. With human beings, you really see, "I'm in this one, you're in that one. How cool it is that we're interacting?" You become aware of the whole process of your mind from the initial will to speak to the end action. You fall in love with your creator and with the world around you. There is an endless amount of energy that comes from it. The tool of visualization, right? Pornography creates a strong power visualization in the brain. Yeah. Once you overcome it, you still have that muscle. Now, you can use it for all awesome sort of things. Right? In prayer. Now, the Kabbalists speak about structures how you get back to the source. So, you can literally visualize structures and make your way back. You can imagine your future dream life, and then you can have a great idea of how to get there. You can envision the home you want to live. You have so much passion and fire. It's not just about overcoming it. You take this stream and you direct it to a new place. For the for the normal person, spirituality is a luxury. They get to have the experience. They don't get to have an experience. For the addict, it's a necessity. They need it. And so, once you achieve it, your whole life is operating at a higher level. Cuz you've already seen how low it can go. You can't do average it anymore. Right? We always work at averages. So, if your life is like this and like this, then that's going to be your average. But if your life went down like here, then you know, you have to go equally up to average out again. So, you have just this much more expanded, [clears throat] directed, beautiful life. >> Right. >> I wish on everyone. >> Yeah. >> Thank you, pornography. I appreciate what you did to me. You opened up a whole new world. You know? >> The clarity uh that a person has and the the the appreciation for life >> Exactly. >> is that he gets back as like a free man. >> Gets back and and renewed and opens worlds. >> Unbelievable stuff. Now, what about on the other side of the aisle? >> Okay. >> We talk about women. >> Yeah. >> If a husband comes home and and he sees his wife, is it is are they addicted to to this kind of things? Or parents with their daughters? >> I'm I'm asking What what's your question specifically? >> Are women also addicted to porn? >> Of course. I mean, the statistics show a significantly lower level. It's about a third as much as men. But it's still a very significant amount. Um I mean, again, we can go into spec- specificities of why I think that women are less and and men are more. Uh one such example is that most of pornography is made for men. >> Right. >> It's a very male basic experience. >> Right. >> Women are more attracted to other forms of pornography like literature and and other forms of >> Right. >> uh you know, audios and what what not because it's more tailored to women's experience. So, just the market is different. But the truth is is that women are in the Jewish community especially have an even further taboo. You can't speak about pornography and sexuality and then women are even further shunned away from that conversation. And unfortunately, you know, it's not totally appropriate for me to be in direct communication with, you know, female audiences about that. Which Which for me is a struggle because I I want to help, you know? >> Right. >> I want to empower the female role models who can go up and show up for the women. So, whoever they are, let me let me empower you to help other women, you know? That's But but the women need need the help as well. They need it. >> tremendous message that you have because how should how should a husband deal with this? And how should parents deal with this if if if their children were exposed and now they're stuck and they just they also struggle and nobody even knows. >> Yeah. And I I I I have a particular family in mind >> Mhm. >> where I have a very close relationship with everyone in the family. I know that the father has the addiction. I know that the son has the addiction. They don't know each other has the addiction. And they both have such guilt towards their relationship with the other because of it. You know? And I hope at the right time I'll bring them together. But and and on the female side, look, I I made a choice last year. I'm not sure if it was the right choice or not, but just put my contact details out there. On the internet basically. It has been an endless endless flow of emails and phone calls. Men, women, parents, children, spouses. It's been really intense. The truth is actually it it it burned me out for quite a while because it wasn't managed and stable. I I I needed to build a team. I needed people who are willing to make this message a reality, you know? >> Now, was it important do you feel that um parents talk to their children about it? 101. You know, but these conversations are important conversations. >> Of course. Of course. Like without a question. But when is the question, right? When? >> Yeah. >> Because if you have a 15-year-old or 16-year-old teenager who has been going through this for 2 or 3 years or so, let's say for example. And then the parents show up and they're like shyly ambiguously drop like questions and whatnot. That's not going to be helpful. Parents should come to their children when they are young. 12, 13 years old and have a beautiful conversation with them about what kind of life can look like. And then also a real conversation about the things that can get in the way. And and the reality of the world. Parents should show and speak to kids about the phenomenal relationship between a husband and a wife, between friends, between a person and themselves, between a person and their God. And say, you have to be aware. Here are the things that are going to get in your way. And here is why they're going to get in your way. And when they do, here's what you can do. That's the conversation. The conversation is not so, are you watching pornography? Conversation is not we know pornography exists and um we hope it's not what you're going through and maybe there are those parents who say, and if you are, come to us. And that's already a big deal. Because most parents are not having that conversation. >> Right. >> I know a few courageous courageous parents who are really doing the right work. And I hope to empower them, too. Hopefully, they'll teach many other parents eventually. But, the conversation has to happen way earlier with compassion, with direction. Otherwise otherwise, it's a no-brainer. >> And that's that's education. That's the good thing that you're doing, that the God's work. >> Right. >> Because they will at least bring awareness to parents, first of all, who lived in different generations that don't even know what this is all about. Talking about even the young parents, this has to be normal talk. This can't be uh pushed under the rug anymore. >> Right. I have tremendous parents, and and I can tell you for sure that having an open line of communication is a game changer for everything in life, really. >> Yeah. >> And parents should should be excited by this because it brings a real opportunity for relationships, you know? >> It it builds a a a very intimate relationships between the >> Exactly. >> What else is there? I mean, this is what it's all about, parents and children. Now, let me ask you a question while people men or youngsters are intoxicated with this um with this content, how do they view women in general? >> Mhm. >> I mean, here is like you said before, your mother and you have sisters and you have um friends and you have and they want to get married. Wherever they go, how do you view another person when your mind is occupied with this uh content? >> Yeah. It's a real question. The answer is you can't possibly see them. You can't possibly truly see them for who they are. You can't possibly respect them honestly. It's very sad what's occurring, but I'll give you one such example of of of of what may happen. And and and I don't say this to be crass. I say it just to be honest and aware of of of how these things work. Okay, so in I don't know. In the Shiva, for example, there's often this thing where, you know, the boys and girls will meet in the Rover area or in or in the you know, near Ben Yehuda or whatever it may be. And everyone's you know, trying to impress everyone and all the rest. And I think the girls think, "Wow, if I dress in a certain way, um the boys will think I'm really attractive and they'll be super attracted to me and and and and that's what will happen, you know?" Boy's not attracted to you. He's able to and often copying and pasting your face onto all the images and scenes he has in his mind and can rapidly run through that in a couple of seconds, you know? And and and not even on purpose. Just that's the natural association. Women, this association >> Right. >> Make the movie. Boom. Without conscious like intention. That's where it can get a person, too. Which is what happens with any addiction. So, what happens with normal people, too. Right? So, like you see restaurant, you imagine food, you think about your dinner yesterday, whatever. It's just the brain works through association. So, you've just completely dehumanized the person. Here's the other thing. Just on a more spiritual level. If I I know it's a bit graphic, but if I peeled off the top millimeter of your body, which is your skin, top 2 millimeters, what would I see now? It would be a a very fleshy sight. But the point is is that clearly you're not your skin. You're not your skin. You're beyond that. If you were your skin, you'd only be 2 millimeters deep of anything. But this addiction stops people's relationships at the skin. That's it. The body is a bridge. So, so, two bodies bridge connect to each other. That's the whole story. When you're stuck in this addiction, you don't see the human being for what it really is anymore. You just see flesh and skin. And it's so demoralizing and dehumanizing. And there's a beautiful world out there in relationships, and this just cancels out their ability. Yeah. And and and and for family, yeah, you just completely lose your feeling of physicality as an emotional beautiful thing. Like I said, giving a sibling a hug or giving, you know, it's it's it's a cancer. It's cancer. >> It's literally a cancer. >> Cancer for the soul. >> Unbelievable stuff. Now, people use this um is nothing different, according to what you're saying. This is nothing different than any other addiction. >> I'll tell you the difference. It's in your pocket. It's free. It's always accessible. It on the outside, on the outside, has no damage in your body. >> That's what it is. So, what you're saying is if someone is on is on cocaine, he'll lose his teeth or whatever. >> Well, they lose, yeah. >> Or he's going to be uh if someone is drunk, he'll drive drunk. There's consequences. >> a lot of marijuana in their eyes, you know, like like over here. >> Yeah, over here, you have this skin in front of you. You can act, if a person knows how to act, will just have a smooth sailing, goes to school as a leader of an asset, he he he does whatever he has to do, and in the meantime in his head, he's damaged. >> But don't get it wrong. >> But don't get it wrong. Your body is physically changing. The gray matter on their brain, which is responsible for memory, for attention, for connecting ideas, is is getting shrunk. It's it's being eaten. Because, just on a science level, we have these things called dopamine receptors and other forms of >> Right. >> And and and and too much of that uh chemical literally numbs and fries your brain, and it shrinks the gray matter. >> Yeah. >> So, their body is changing. You know, and and they're losing their physical their physical spiritual energy. It's changing. >> Now, how does that do in a business for a person who has a business? And what does that do to motivation? >> Yeah. So, I touched on this before. Success in business, I believe, again, I'm 22. You know, I can't claim to know too much about life. From my experience, success comes from being able to direct focus and energy. Here are my goals. Here are the key performance indicators to get there. And here is energy I have to direct towards it. When you are doing this, you are leaking your energy out in all direction. And you're thinning the quality of the energy towards any direction. So, of course, you have less motivation, less aggression, less focus, less clarity of mind, less will to make any of these happen. So, of course, going to be all of this. And that's without speaking about any spiritual realities or you know, religious texts say or anything like that. Just in a purely physical world, that's of course occurring. Your respect for yourself is diminished because you know where you were and what you were doing last night alone. You know, and then when you look in the mirror afterwards and you just feel worthless. So, because your respect with yourself diminishes, your confidence diminishes. And when your confidence diminishes, your your your your your strength to go out into the world diminishes. And and so, of course, it just destroys everything. And people can sense it. Like Like when when You think no one knows? If If If anyone is remotely aware or sensitive, when I stand in the presence of someone, I can tell. I can tell from their aura. I can tell from you know, People vibrate. They vibrate their energy. And you're either shrinking or expanding, always. >> But But what's interesting is that people um supposedly say that they do this so it can make you feel better. Why do they always feel worse afterwards? >> Right. Right. It does make you feel better in the moment. It does make you feel better in the moment. That's why they say it. And And what's crazy is that means that till the day you die, this addiction will affirm you in the moment. It will make you believe in the moment that it is working. It does. >> But afterwards, the thought the the the withdrawal is like >> It's pure It's just purely science. We have to come back to a level of of average. So, if you overdo your your dopamine in the beginning, then it has to reduce below normal level. It's just averages. There's like six different chemicals which each have very different responsibilities in all the directions of your life. And this process is happening in all the directions at all times. >> So, what you're saying is that this will affect the marriage in the bedroom, also. >> Marriage, bedroom, the the the the substance, the job, the relationship with the kids, relationship with yourself. There is nothing like with any other addiction that it won't affect. Nothing will be untouched. >> Now, what helps for a person to have a full mind-shift? >> Mhm. >> Change completely his foundation, the way he looks at this, and change the way he thinks about this. >> Right. So, I think initially in the start a person needs to have a very powerful experience which reminds them what life is. I I lead group meditations and other forms of like a somatic works. Although I need to get more training, etc. A person needs to have an experience which really shows them again what life could be. Go to a few days of a retreat center. Or for many young boys and girls, they go to Yeshiva in Israel, and they see a new world. Whatever it is, you need to have a profound experience like a lightning bolt that shakes you and wakes you and says, "Oh, wow. There is something here that can open me up." People are now doing plant medicines. People are doing all forms of different things to make that happen. Right. Torah is another thing. You know? You have to have first a very deep awareness. That's stage one. But it's going to go. It's like a flash of lightning in in the forest. You see it, then it goes. >> Yeah. >> Stage two is then to have a life plan across your whole life. Your whole life, not just one area, your whole life to get you to the place you want to get to. >> It's a lot of work. >> It's a lot of work, but it's also what life is about. People say it's a lot of work. You're built to walk uphill. Your body was created for work. You were created Work is the best thing that ever happened to us. Joy. >> Right. >> Joy comes through work. >> If you want to live life, this is life. >> Yeah. >> If you want to live life, then you go out you got to go uphill. >> When people say they want to live life, they mean they want to have joy. Simcha. What is What is joy? Joy is from what I've learned the moments that we see ourself getting closer to a goal we already set. That's what joy is. The moments that we realize that we are getting towards a goal. What does pornography do? It immediately cuts out the work, it shoots you right to the end, and says, "Happiness." Gone. Because the real happiness was about the stages to get there. It's in work that we find ourselves. >> That's what it is. >> And and and I have a phrase, you find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others, right? You are going to find yourself when you step beyond yourself. That's when you're going to find yourself. Work is what it's all about. Love hard work. Read the Torah. The whole thing is about actions and doing things. In Tanakh, they're not sitting there just thinking, they're doing. The whole thing is >> Right. >> you know, building and creating. >> Now, going cold turkey >> Yeah. >> never works. >> I know people who it's worked for. I do know people who it has worked for. So, I will not come up here and say that's never worked. But it's not a model for general success. It's not. It is It's a phenomenal thing that some people can do. But, if you go cold turkey, you're not addressing the root the root problem here. Okay? So, I'm not I'm definitely not saying don't go cold turkey. Just watch a little bit porn a little bit I'm not saying have porn. >> Right. >> What I'm saying is to think that the only way to solve this problem is I stop everything today and that's it. That's not going to get you anywhere. You fail your way to success. Small tiny steps, small small levels of improvement take you a long way consistently. Consistency is key. >> This is This is a heavy heavy stuff. Now, can you explain a little bit um the shame and the guilt that comes with this? >> Sure. >> Why is you know, supposedly it's it's it's private. You know, it's secretive. You don't [snorts] share it with other people, but there's it like it's inner shame and an inner guilt that is it because a person knows that this is not right that it's not meant to be or Where does that shame and the guilt come from? >> Two places, I think. One place on the external is the community, right? We have built taboo. We have built We've built ideas of of of what's moral and what's not moral. But, that's that's based on the community. Like, for example, if you go to Africa, there's plenty of tribes or or people that walk around completely topless and there's no shame at all. >> Right. >> They're they're they're very joyous people. So, there's that level of shame which is created by the culture, right? Um and and that's a whole story of its own. But, I think at the source a human knows what it is meant to be doing in this world. And shame is an awareness that I've fallen way way way way short of that due to my own actions. I have caused myself to be a much much lower level of what I could have been. And that's shameful. It's embarrassing. It's >> Yeah. >> It's and and and you like you said there's no one else there. You're not getting embarrassed in front of other people. You're getting embarrassed in front of yourself. Which just shows you how deep this is. It's that It's that real. >> Yeah. >> Human being knows that it's meant to be a creator, a lover, a giver. Outwards. Outwards. Outwards. >> And that is enough of a motivator to for a person to say to themselves, "You know what? I don't like this feeling." >> I wish that was enough, but it's not. >> It's not. >> Not enough. People are doing that for 20 years straight, 30 years straight. It's not enough. It's not enough. Why is it not enough? Because all these things, right? Realizing it's wrong, someone giving you a talk in school, all these things, what is that ultimately? It's motivation. It's a feeling that comes into you. So now you have this feeling. Lovely. You go home or maybe a day later you go home and now you have the new feeling of pornography. That feeling is going to be way stronger now. So if you wait for feelings and if your whole basis for succeeding is on feelings, then you're just waiting to be pushed this way and that way like >> Yeah. >> ocean. Yeah? Like waves in the ocean. It can't be about feeling. It's proactive, disciplined steps. >> When a person is trapped in this um pattern of behavior, um what question should he ask himself? What is a powerful question that he can say to himself that should wake him up? >> What do I think about myself when I'm by myself that has got nothing to do with anything outside of myself? Try see if you can even answer that question. What do I think about myself? Okay? The person that you've been walking around your whole life with, 20 years, 30 years, 50 years. What do I think about about myself when I'm by myself, right? There's no one else here. But it's got nothing to do with anything outside of myself. Not my team, not my religion, not not anything. Just what do I think about myself? If you can't answer that question, that means you're living a complete unauthentic life. You know, it's just it's very very simple. If you can't ask a question yourself about what it is you think about yourself, like so where are you? Where are you existing? Where are you? People mostly live in reaction to other people. >> Right. >> There's there's this idea, and it's how most of the world lives. I am not what I think I am. I'm not even what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. And that's how I experience myself. Just ask yourself that question. You know, ask yourself that question. See how you can answer it. >> And be honest with yourself. >> honest with yourself. And be honest with yourself. Don't speak about things in your life. Speak about your relationship with yourself. That's one thing. Another question. What do I want? Very simple. What do I want? And when you come up with your first answer, say why? Then ask yourself why? And then ask yourself why until you can't anymore. When you finally can't, that's your answer. And usually that will shock people because it's just an empty space on the page. >> Right. >> Wake up. Wake up. You only have a limited amount of time here. You're you're already you've already got nothing, right? You're alone in this life. Make the most of it. I did a calculation on the way up here. Let's say a person I'm I'm I'm I'm going to be conservative here, right? So, let's say a person has 60 years of their life that they have a smartphone. So, let's say they only ever got it when they were 20 years old. Or let's say they got it a bit earlier. 60 years of their life that they got a smartphone. Now, let's say they spent 4 hours a day on it. The average nationally is 6 hours a day. 4 hours a day on a smartphone, right? Do you know how long that is? 10 years. Over over over those 60 years. 10 years. Okay? So, then ask yourself how long are you sleeping? The answer is in that same period of time, if you average 6 hours a night, 15 years. So, this 80 years you're alive, let's say, that's 25 years gone. Where where you're not actually living in this world. Yeah, you're either sleeping or you're on your phone. Wake up. >> It's mind-blowing. >> Wake up. You know, like like like like we're here to do. Human Uh sorry, we're here to be, really. Human beings, not human doers. In this world, be. Don't be a zombie on the phone. >> What I'm hearing from you is that um in order to fight this it is not about an outer environment, it's not about your community, it's not it's not about it's about inner work. If you want to live, if you really want to live authentic life you could fight this. >> Get help and fight this. Right? Again, I'm I'm really stressing. This is not about you getting up there going, >> [snorts] >> "Right, that's it." >> Yeah. >> It's not going to work. It's not going to work. Get educated, get resources, get direction, get community. >> Now, you worked with the an organization before, Guard Your Eyes, and you're pretty much doing this for a couple of years. And uh you talked to a lot of people. In different cultures, do you see a difference where is modern Orthodox is is is uh more Hasidim less, or the opposite, or uh Yeshivish, or or is it everybody equal? What do you see because there are places where there's no access to to uh phones the way it is on in the you know, on the outside world? >> Yeah. >> But as far as this pandemic >> So I was saying that this addiction exists in every single community. And and of course in communities where there are just simply less devices it happens less. Pornography addiction happens less. But in the in the Hasidic community for example which it's true they have less phones. Far more inside family molestation and other forms of sexual abuse far more um >> You're saying it comes out in different >> Comes out in different forms. >> If you're not grabbing your mind if you not if you don't have a handle on life then it's going to come out from the cracks. >> It's not even just about grabbing your life okay cuz now we're touching something deeper here. If it's if you aren't aware of your sexual energy >> Correct. >> Right? And if you're not conscious about how you are directing that okay? Which again for bochurim or for people who are you know in their teens it's not going to be in the sexual world but it's going to be through a process called sublimation where you redirect that energy towards other things. If you're not aware of that energy if you're not dealing with it in a compassionate healthy way it's going to come out. Pornography addiction in physical forms of of of addiction right? So sex addiction I mean I've seen some of your podcasts and infidelity cheating and all the rest of it or or internal forms of abuse and masturbation addiction right? That's that's when I say pornography addiction that's almost always the same synonymous you know? >> Right. >> But but that can also be on its own. This all about the yesod. It's all about taking that foundational energy and having a healthy relationship with it. >> Wow. I want to talk about spirituality. >> That's I feel like we've been speaking about spirituality the whole time. >> No but this is this is like very important because after all we are Yidden. >> Yeah. >> And we all have a highly caliber kind of mouth. And this This should be a tool of a Yid how to go about this, fight this. Now, from a Yiddish point of view, talking about condition, talking about um you know, what our job is in this world, like you said before, how should a person view this subject as a Yid? >> Just uh just to clarify, are you asking about pornography or sexuality? >> Both. >> Okay, fine. So, let's start at the deepest place. Sexuality. >> Yeah. >> I like it like having a Your sexuality is your most potent force of being like a creator. That's what it is. It's the blood in your in your in your in your first spiritual body. Okay, it is the force. It's the life force. It creates life. It creates the world. Without it, just imagine what Even in the secular world, if you go with sexuality, 95% of marketing would disappear cuz that's that's the root of all of it. >> Right. >> You know, all the ideas about having more fancy cars, having what It's all really built by sexuality. It's built where predominantly the male wants to be more attractive to the female. >> Yeah. >> That's the whole thing, basically. What would happen if all of us men were just on an island alone? And this is not to negate the female experience. Like they There There's a lot to be said about that, too, right? Really. And I I >> [snorts] >> I'm happy to speak on it more if you ask, but point is is that sexuality, we should view this as the force of our lives to become our truer selves, our most connected selves, our most passionate selves. It's a beautiful beautiful thing. It must be guarded and it must be directed. That's how we should view that Pornography, we should view it as the most modern and strongest and potent force in the world trying to take away your godliness. Since the dawn of time, one person has been trying to be more powerful than the other person. Right? Think about Nebuchadnezzar. Think about, you know, go go all the way back. >> Yeah. >> One person trying to be more powerful than the other person. In order to do that, you have to make that other person feel less god-like, less powerful, so they agree to submit to you. Pornography is the ultimate ultimate force of that today. The ultimate force to make you less powerful, to make the whole world slaves. It's that simple. It drives the economy. It's the sixth biggest industry in the world. >> Right. So, this is basically the the polar opposite of Yiddishkeit. This is it. This is the Yesod. >> Sexuality is the center of Yiddishkeit? It's the center of Yiddishkeit. >> The Yesod? >> Of course. >> Right? First mitzvah is >> Is it "Pru U'Rvu"? >> Right? It's It's the fundamentals of Yiddishkeit, sexuality. And And all of Torah is L'shem Yichud Kudsha Brikhu u'Shkhintei, it's about uniting the masculine and feminine. It's all about it. And pornography is the ultimate enemy. >> The ultimate enemy? >> The ultimate enemy. There's many smaller enemies along the way. Pornography is the ultimate enemy. >> And And And this is our job. This is This is the Avodah. >> I I want to share an idea. Now we're speaking about spirituality. >> Yeah. >> So, the concept of Sefiros, right? >> Yes. >> Okay? So, the whole goal is to achieve Malchus. When we achieve Malchus, then it's called Mashiach, basically, right? >> Yeah. >> Malchus is Dovid, the kingship, etc. The whole purpose is to get the light to go from Kesser all the way to Malchus. Flow all the way through. The six millennia that we speak about in Torah our sixth equanimity of all the the lowest um Sefirot except for Malchut. And we are up to Yesod right now. Which is the the last one before Malchut. >> Yeah. >> Once we fix this the light can flow through to to the to the final one. It's all connect connected. Tikkun Yesod, Rabbi Nachman, all the Gedolim say is the union of today. We want to achieve Geulah. Fix the Brit. Fix the Yesod. Fix the home. The Shalom Bayit. And there's Shalom in the community. in Am Yisrael. Shalom in Am Yisrael. Let's make it happen, you know what I mean? >> Mhm. >> So so this is this is the way to go. >> This is it. Wow. So what did the Sefirot say? Like Rabbi Nachman talks a lot about this subject. >> Right. >> He even correlates the Parnassah with with with with this subject. Right. He To him this is what the whole Tikkun HaKlali and and and Teshuvah >> Yeah. >> Everything is is is Every day he says that you should do it again and again and again. Say the Tikkun HaKlali again every day. What is What is Do you understand Rabbi Nachman's concept? Rabbi Nachman touched on something that is literally the Yesod >> Yeah. >> of Yiddishkeit. >> He touched on many many areas around it. Um So So you're asking me what does Rabbi Nachman say about about this concept specifically? >> Yeah. >> So again, this is he was a big about the fact that a person needs to get to a place of Simcha. Rabbi Nachman was all about Simcha. >> Yeah. >> And the biggest thing that gets in the way of Simcha is Ya'ush. >> Yeah. >> Like despair. >> Right. >> And despair comes about through all things we spoke about. And Rabbi Nachman knew in his day, right, masturbation for example, was one of the biggest forms of of Ya'ush in a person's life because it immediately shows you that like clearly all your religious upbringing, clearly everything is is is for nothing, right? >> Right. >> And it brings a lot of despair. I think Rabbi Nachman creating Tikun Klali and and telling us about mikvah and all the rest was really to remove guilt. To just say like any errors below on column, get up, keep going, get up, keep going. >> Good. >> Um it's all about removing ya'ush and and he gives phenomenal set of tools how to deal with it. I'll give I'll give one of Rabbi Nachman's tools. >> Yeah. >> It's It's like a bottle. Speaks about it. You have to say there. Basically, a bottle has one entrance point, right? >> Right. >> And one exit point. So, he says don't worry as you keep working on yourself you suddenly see these thoughts coming in and coming in again. It's not that coming in. They came in through the top of the bottle and they're leaving out through the top of the bottle as well. So, they keep that when you work on yourself and the thoughts keep coming and ya'ush it's it's actually showing you that you're doing the right work. But then a person goes, "Ah, it's very nice, but let me ask you something. I thought this thought yesterday. Why is it come back today?" >> Yeah. >> What's the question? How many times did you bring it in? That's how many times you have to let it out. >> Mhm. >> So, Rabbi Nachman saw the historic as as the basis for for I mean as the building of Torah for the family unit, for the individual. Um I definitely like have like Likutei Moharan for example, it's not actually Rabbi Nachman's sefer. Likutei Moharan is a is a different sefer that I read. >> Yeah. >> I thought Likutei Moharan, but this this brought me to this idea. >> Yeah. >> Likutei Moharan says that we are all hidden leaders. There are thousands of souls connected to all of us. And our actions build up those souls and reduce those souls. And we have to take absolute accountability for that where whatever we do. You sitting here right now is affecting your family, your job, your everything. Right. You You just existing. So, so yeah, the Tikun HaKlali is is the ultimate Tikun for for Geulah. >> Yeah. >> It is. >> And it's it's good advice to to to look into Rabbi Nachman's because he gives you such chizuk. >> Which particular idea are you are you are you particularly focused on >> No, just everything. Nachman's style of of of Ein Sof is that don't think that it's over. >> Right. >> It doesn't matter how many years you're doing this. You can grab yourself today. You can get up today and whatever your puts out of you come, you know. That was his concept. >> Rebbe Nachman's whole Torah is about teshuva and the kodesh Torah. >> Yeah. >> Right? And and and teshuva which is the relationship that we have with Hashem, that space of ratzo v'shov, of going forward and being able to return. Rebbe Nachman was saying, you know, like I said before, this is an opportunity for you to deepen your relationship with Hashem. >> Right. >> Deepen, keep going, keep going. And the kodesh Torah just constantly push away and and and return back to the moment. Rebbe Nachman says that every moment in time a person can immediately turn to the right and start walking in the path of truth. >> Right. >> The most important thing after doing the wrong thing is to do the next right thing. >> And and like you were saying before with the bottle, is that just because you came in doesn't mean that it's going to sit over there. The same door you can go out. >> Yeah. >> That's what he's saying. >> Yeah. >> That don't give up. >> Yeah. >> Don't give up and live that life. Now, the Tome of the Voida talks about emulating Hashem. >> What does it say? >> It says that we have to if if Hashem is a creator, Hashem is the creator of the world, then we are also creators. We're co-creators with Hashem. >> Mhm. >> So, if we do something, you know, inappropriate, what we're doing is we're making a void of the world. You're not creating anything. >> Yeah. Yeah, it's true. It's true. And it's all about it's all about potential as well, right? So, it doesn't look like in my bathroom in that moment in time that I'm destroying the world. >> Correct. >> Doesn't look like I'm destroying the world. But me and you both know that that seed, for example, has the potential to build a life. >> Yeah. >> Which can build thousands of generations to come. Right. So, understand that it was not intended for that. It wasn't intended to build a life, but the way you treat that potential is the way you treat the world in general. So, if I'm willing to take something that has that much potential and just throw it down the drain, what does that say about my my my general feeling of like respect for myself and my capacity? Nothing. It just shows a genuine disregard for my creative power. You're right, you weren't going to create a child with that seed, but that seed could have created a child. And the fact that you're willing to take It's like It's like taking taking the hub dough, a billions and billions of dollars worth of checks and just throwing them out the window, you know, because because it's just it's just such such a disregard for for what it means to have a physical body. >> Cuz we we have to get to know ourselves. >> Yeah. >> We have to get to know our relationship with Hashem. And and you know, if you carry yourself with a certain class, and you build this relationship with Hashem, and you know, you don't want to destroy >> Mhm. >> um You don't want to go there because you just built a tremendous relationship with the Ribono shel Olam. >> Right. >> So, what are you doing? >> Right. Right. >> And then the Bracha becomes and says, if Has v'shalom you fell, you get up again, but it's the awareness. It's to fight this and to fight the internet and fight the phones and fight all this, there's only one fight. If you have a relationship with the Ribono shel Olam. If you have a relationship with the Ribono shel Olam that really I I'm talking about gratitude. I'm talking about seeing the Ribono shel Olam. I'm talking about feeling that everything is a gift and and and you're hanging on a thread, and and and you want to ruin this? You don't want to go there. It's not about the desire. It's only when you're far if you have a brain fog, and you look at life uh uh FOMO, or fear of missing out, you You what I mean? It's living here for a short period of time, and I just want to have fun. What is life what life is all about? >> The Navi Hava Nagila says I love to bring this out. The deepest idea in relation to what you're saying. Sadiq I'm going to say it here. The righteous will live in that faith. What that means is that we were given this ability to create a world around us, a sulam, a ladder, to go beyond this physical world. >> Right. >> And when you create that palace around you, then you really create a palace. It's not going to be a fight anymore. You'll be like this the princess like the princess with the peasant right lost princess. It's the princess with the peasant. Uh that's not the lost princess, but you get the point. >> Yeah. >> You're you're going to have like the Torah is all about the immense awareness of the dignity of being a human being. Once you are aware of your dignity and once you experience that dignity, okay, so we spoke about earlier about having the feeling of being bigger than yourself and the feeling of passion that replaces the passion of pornography cuz you have to have something that replaces it. When you feel that dignity where my feet are on the earth, but my soul is in heaven and every second that I speak to the creator, I speak a cosmic gesture beyond the furthest universe and back in a fraction of a second. I I I can go on about this forever. That dignity takes pornography from that big flaming fire to a faint glow in the corner. >> Yeah. >> That's what it does. That is what it does. It's free. It's our inheritance, right? Or kill it Jacob like it is it is available to us. It's available to us. We just need good educators and we need good resources, and I hope to be part of that process, you know. >> Yeah. It is amazing. It's amazing work what you're doing. What message do you have for a bocher listening now or a young man or a middle-aged man who is trapped and he's struggling right now with this uh with this problem. What would you tell him right now? >> I look straight to the camera because >> Yes. >> It is not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. You are not dirty. You are not corrupted. The end layer of you has been contaminated and corrupted, but you cannot be corrupted. Right there in the core of who you are, that inner kernel, that fire, who you really are is not corrupted. Also, the future version of yourself is not addicted. Only the past version of you has been addicted. And you can now step into your future self. And when you do, your life is going to be full of fire and joy across everything. And don't worry, when that day comes, you're not going to be like, "I wasted all that time." Because the light is going to be so strong, you're not even going to have to have space to realize like all that lack. It's going to become the very, very mechanism which is your best place. The best thing that happened to you. It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to take action and to get the help you need. You're not going to do this alone. And it's okay. It's true, our community has a lot of shame. But that's not your problem. That's not your problem. We are dealing with something that no one from the past did. Not then or VM, not the time, no one dealt with what we had to deal with. It's not your fault. No one taught us. No one guided us. No one offered us the support. But it's here now. And if you're someone who thinks that you can help with this action, reach out. We can do this together. This is going to bring about the good in us. And you're part of it. If you're here today and you're struggling, you're part of the greatest, greatest, greatest moment in history. >> I love it. I love it. That's excellent. I'll tell you what today's takeaway is. >> Please. >> You are not broken. >> You're not broken. >> You are not alone. And you're not your life is not defined because of your struggle. There is a way to clarity. There is a way to connection and self-respect. >> Yeah. >> That's your message. >> It's my message. I I know we weren't able to go into the into step-by-step actions all of it. >> Right. >> I I I know we'll share my website to my content and and and there's so much more to happen. But it is possible. You are not trapped. It's all temporary. It's temporary and you can and you are way bigger than this. Way way way way bigger than this. >> Sadia, I want to thank you for doing this work. >> Thank you for having me. >> And and I want to thank you for helping others reclaim their lives. >> Thank you. >> It is a pleasure. >> It's actually amazing going from strength to strength. >> Thank you. Thank you very much. >> Thank you.