How Do We Do Teshuva Out of Love? - Zoom Lecture to Panama Jewish Community

thank you very very much thank you everybody who has gathered here from the entire community of panama let me make sure all of our stuff are working so first of all yashikam wonderful thank you to the entire community of panama joining us here live for those who will join us later i want to thank all of the members of both communities the bettel community and the chevit akhim community for joining together and being here this evening for this special night of learning and personal growth and unity thank you so much rabbi lane for the invitation and thank you to all of you who made this evening happen it's a great privilege and a great school and i begin by wishing each and every one of you a kittiva hasimatova a chanatova o metuka a beautiful year a good year a blessed year a prosperous year a year of health happiness and abundance a year in which hashem fulfills all of your heart's desires materially and spiritually for you and your loved ones but claudius a year of great health and a year of great abundance and a year of tremendous brachan and a year of yeshua and goula to you and to all of claudia israel and to the entire jewish world as we say in the dharvaning tahil shanna tiklas let the year and its curses end and a new year herald uh blessings and good tidings for all of god's people in the whole world of all of god's children and for the all of civilization and for the whole world and for the entire panama community and so forth our main kenya road sign so the wonderful theme that was allotted to me this evening is how do we do truva out of love and i'm going to begin with a very powerful insight that was once shared by hagon rabbi yosef dave halevi salavetrik who was of course the very well known rasheshiva of yeshiva chief rabbi of boston and a grandson a son of rabbisha silaveczyk a grandson of rebecca malevi salavechuk brisker a great grandson who is named after the basalevi rabbis of dave halevy salavaitchik ultimately all the way back to him of valarjan the great student of the villenegon and rabbi sullivan sheared the following which i think very powerful and potent insight when it comes to truva and i think it's one of the great answers to this question of how do we do truva out of love and he said as follows you know in judaism we all know there's a famous expression it's called vidui vidue means confession we say vidu every day after schweinsteig especially on yom kippur the whole day is dedicated to vidui as the rambam says in its kate's makila slick of a capara it's the pinnacle and the highlight of chuva of repentance and part of the mitzvah of chuva is confession articulating our sins our mistakes our errors apologizing it's basically saying i'm sorry expressing remorse for the past and a resolution for the future this is what's called vidu but there is one video in judaism that is very very unique and it's always read in the weeks right before rosh hashanah in kipper in the upcoming parsha next week parashat ki savoy in the beginning of the parish and it's called vidu meisser what is viduemiser it's a very interesting mitzvah and it's not a known mitzvah and it's worthwhile to mention it and explain it vidumeiser was a mitzvah that was applicable every few years the jewish cycle of agriculture narrative style is divided by seven years the seventh year is shemitah the sabbatical year then you have the first year and the second year you have to give tithing to the kyanim and to the levia and then 10 percent you bring to your shallow year three and six you uh so you have like this you have one years one two four and five and then you have years three and six some years you give tithing to the kyanim and levium and you bring to jerusalem and some years you bring it to the poor people it alternates after every few years the torah says the fourth year of the cycle pesach time there was something called vidumaiser i had to make a special confession to hashem that i gave all the taxes so to speak all the charity that i had to give for my grain i gave to the kohanim to the livium to the widows to the poor people to the destitute to those who need it and if i didn't give it i have to make sure to empty my house of all the grain and fruits and vegetables that had to be given for charity and then you make a special declaration called vidui maiser which was done on araf pesach on the fourth year of the cycle and you testified you made a confession that you evacuated and you gave all the charity that you had to give the past few years this is called in halacha vide the confession of mice and what do you say at this confession i want to read to you i want to read to you the words that you say during this confession in the beginning of parshas kisaway and i quote you say these words for martin luther i removed all the holy food from the house i gave it to the lady to the convert to the orphan to the widowmaker i did not forget anything i did not eat from it when i was in mourning i did not remove it when i was in pure i did not use it for the wrong purposes i listened to the voice of god i did everything you commanded me and now god look down from heaven bless your nation and then mephirsham asks a simple question why is this called vidui did you hear any confession here listen to the words the words are i did everything right i removed all the food from the house i gave it to the lady to the convert to the poor person to the orphan to the widow i did not transgress any of your mitzvahs i did not forget anything i did everything you commanded me where is the video where's the confession here here's a scenario i'm going to ask you to think about for a moment you come home one evening after dinner you tell your wife let's go out to the porch let's take a walk i want to speak to you for a few minutes and you go out together and it's very quiet and you have a cup of wine and you turn to your wife and you say i have a confession to make i have a confession to make and she gets very tense and emotional what is he gonna say what is my husband gonna reveal that i don't know that's very hard to hide things from your wife but maybe something i don't know what is it she turns to you and says go ahead go ahead and he says i want to make a confession and the confession is i have been the best husband in the world in fact i have never did anything wrong in fact i'm perfect i'm impeccable i'm flawless i am a wonderful person i am a stupendous father and i am an extraordinary human being and husband i want to tell you that during all these years i have done everything right accurate to the t i have not made any mistakes i didn't even forget to do something that you wanted me to do and now i ask you please reciprocate now you might call this guy normal you might call this guy crazy i'm not going to give the verdict you'll ask your therapist but one thing i know this is no confession this is not a confession with the confession they tell an old joke that there was a jewish kid who unfortunately was not in the jewish school and he was coming home with his classmate the catholic kid the catholic kid turns to the jewish kid and he says you know our priests are much greater than your rabbis jewish kid says why do you think so he says it's a fact your rabbis don't know all the sins of the congregants our priests they know everything that's happening my priest knows everything my father did wrong the jewish kid looks at him and says of course because you tell them you tell them where is the confession here there's no confession why is this called the video you're telling god that you did everything right the words are astounding it's not like you say i did almost everything right no i did everything right i did everything like you said master of the world now bless you bless us why did the ghazal call this vide confession and the answer to this my dearest friends is very very simple but it's also very very profound because essentially all confession must have an introduction must have a prerequisite and the prerequisite of confession is the deep deep knowledge of how good you are how pure you are how innocent you are and how amazing your potential is when somebody feels if i feel that i'm a loser i'm a smarter i'm a no good nick i can't really achieve anything i'm full of negativity and toxicity i'm the worst sinner in the world or close to the worst thing in the world then i can't really confess you know why in order to confess your mistakes you need a few conditions number one i have to really believe that i have choices i have to believe that i'm not a victim i have to believe that i made the wrong choice and i could have made a different choice i have to believe that the buck stops here i have to believe that i can't blame the whole world if i'm a real loser and a smarter and incapable and incompetent i have no reason to confess i was a victim i was a victim of my mother my father my brother my sister my rabbi my community my wife my mother-in-law my husband my father-in-law my environment my yeshiva my teacher my this one my that's what i'm a nobody i'm just a victim i just follow in order for me to really be able to say i'm sorry i have to realize that i'm capable of more i have to realize that i'm great that i have strength that have potential that i could write the biography of my life and therefore i'm sorry that's number one number two in order to really make confession i have to believe that i can change for the future even more important that tomorrow i can be different in other words i have choices i'm not trapped i'm an emancipated person i'm a free person if i believe that i am essentially flawed and distorted and i'm just a bad guy i'm just a loser i'm just incapable i am a victim of circumstances i am a victim of nature i'm a victim of nurture how can i change tomorrow i can't do truva who i was yesterday is who i'll be today i'll be tomorrow there's no choices in me my brain my neural pathways are confined and limited the way i was yesterday i'll be forever i have to believe that i'm a free person i have to believe that i'm not a traumatized victim of my past that i can reinvent myself i can recreate myself is more for me to be able to feel remorse i have to feel that i'm capable of such a greater life imagine if i'm wearing dirty clothes i'm full of dirt and somebody throws some more dirt on me doesn't make a difference i'm dirty already i'm a little more dirty but if i'm wearing a beautiful beautiful suit or a beautiful coat or a beautiful outfit or a beautiful gown a beautiful shirt and then somebody comes and pours ice cream on me or chocolate milk or orange juice then it's like it's a pasta it's a pasta it's not befitting why such a beautiful outfit such a beautiful beckish such a beautiful suit it's it's not the coming of me the only way you could feel remorse for your sins is if you feel that you're a beautiful person these sins are not becoming i'm capable of more i am more this is not who i am if i feel that i'm dark and evil and negative and dirty and filthy and just a piece of junk and hashem hates me and the world hates me and i'm just going to be punished and i'm going to burn and get him in purgatory okay so a little more chocolate cake on your shirt a little more ice cream in your shirt a little more wine on your shirt what kid my shirt is so dirty make it more dirty only when you feel that you're a beautiful person now there's something wrong i want to get rid of this this is not for me you understand my friends the only way i could do truva as if i first do vidu my sir that's why before rosh hashanah kipper in the month of ello the season of trivia we read parshas kisaway where we talk about the ability of a judah sata shem says i got it right i got it amazingly right now that you realize how good you were now you could do trouble now he could do people think that shruva is based on guilt no if there's real guilt there's no truth guilt comes from the aids of her we say in davening at night including tonight remove the sutton from before us and from behind us i know there's something ahead of me he's like a tour guide here come he says come come come come this way let's go here let's look here let's eat this let's go there let's do that why is the sutton behind me i know that he's in front of me he's trying to lead the way why is he behind me of baghdad and some of the other good oily israel explain a beautiful idea there's the satan ahead of me he says come come come come there's also the sutton behind me after i do a sin he follows me behind behind not he leads me after after i led the way and i did a sin he's behind me and he says ah oh yeah yeah look how bad you are look how horrible you are look at what a terrible terrible person you are it sounds very jewish right we call it jewish guilt it comes from the eight sahara because the moment you define yourself as a loser as a sinner you actually can't do truth true is based on vidui meister it's based on a person realizing how beautiful i am how holy i am how much potential there is in me how much hashem loves me i don't want chocolate cake on my shirt it's a beautiful shirt the gemara is very upset about it who has a stain it's not becoming for you now that's a physical garment when you talk about my soul my mind my body deserves to be in optimal health my soul deserves to be an optimal health it's a beautiful soul it's a helical your body is sacred your soul is sacred your mind is sacred your system is sacred your physiological self your emotional system your spiritual system all the nine systems of your body these are sacred divine systems from my flesh i perceive god from my flesh i could perceive god because hashem is manifested in your body and your soul this doesn't deserve to be dirty and filthy and morally blemished i could do much better because i am much better and only then can i take accountability for what happened yesterday and more importantly i can take accountability for what will happen tomorrow because i realize that i'm a free agent in life i am an emancipated human being being carved out in hashem's image i am not confined repressed inhibited i'm not in shackles i'm not in chains i am a human being who can make choices why can i make choices because there's a broadness in me because my consciousness can see largeness somebody who can only has a tunnel vision my neural pathways only act in one way there's no choice that's why we read about video before we read about shuffle my dearest friends the month of ello in the month of tishrei for many jews is a very hard season there's a heaviness in the air there's a lot of guilt but it's important to remember that it's actually the other way around these days are days of awe but there are days of so much love there are days that call out to you and say do you realize how beautiful you are do you realize how awesome do you are do you realize how much potential there is in you do you realize that you can rewrite the script of your life and you can write your biography and recreate your trajectory and your destiny the holy bell zero of the tsar shalom of bells who say yoga and elena once said we say in the confessions of yom kippur many times some people say it every night i stand before you like a vessel filled with shame and you know this makes people feel a person asked me we were in trouble the other a few years ago yom kippur somebody came over to me and said you know i feel like a smart on a good day why don't is this really helpful for people to say i'm like a vessel filled with shame so i told them the shalom of bell says you know in halacha for a kaylee to be a kaley it has to be complete wholesome if you break a vessel it's not achilles anymore for example in hill his tumma tired the laws of purity achille a vessel for it to be susceptible to ritual impurity it has to be wholesome if it's made let's say you have a pitcher of water you know let's say a wooden pitcher of water or a metal pitcher of water gold silver and there's a hole in it that there's a leak it's not a kaley anymore unless you use it for for pomegranates but if there's a big hole you can't even use it for that it's broken once it's broken it's not achilles anymore i'm like a vessel the vessel has to be wholesome if the vessel is broken you're not a vessel anymore once the vessel is whole now you could realize that there's shame people don't get the prayer they think the prayer is saying oh i'm full of shame i'm just full of dirt i'm a nobody i'm a horrible horrible smelly human being god must hate me no your kaylee has to be wholesome if you don't feel your wholesomeness you can't do truva people who look in the mirror and say i'm just a broken devastated smashed crushed meaningless valueless inconsequential person my whole life is just one exercise after another one in failure and disappointment god has certainly given up on me and i am i gonna burn you cannot do trivia you're too broken you don't you can't take responsibility for yourself you can't see a different future you're not capable of truth truth must be based on your wholesomeness realize how holy you are how s full of sacredness you are how pure you are you're a piece of gold kikili you're a wholesome vessel because your divine soul is never broken and never tarnished and never destroyed it's invincible it's a piece of god how can it be dirty and filthy god forbid when you say about yourself that you're dirty and filthy you're not only saying allah about yourself said don't say you're filthy you're duty you're a piece of hashem you're saying also your soul is a piece of hashem it says have a beautiful soul once you realize that your container is infinite now you could look inside and say you know what but there's a lot of shame over there malay but there's a lot of shame and i want to get rid of the shame i'm a beautiful person i want to get rid of the dirt it doesn't belong to me it doesn't fit it doesn't work for me they say a story the bashamtv once came to a town and he was talking to the people of the town and they said you know there's this drew there's this drew in shul and yum kipper when they start confessing yeah he starts singing a beautiful beautiful song and they told him to stop it's not a happy time it's not a time to sing nice songs so the basham said i want to see this jew and he asked this drew why is it that when you do the confessions you start singing a happy melody and the jew said to him these words he says my holy rabbi i want to ask you a question if you're working in the king's palace you're given a job to work for the king in his palace now there's different people of different jobs you have the chef the one who prepares the food but then you also have the janitor the janitor's job is when he sees dirt on the floor he right away goes and he sweeps it up and he takes a dust pen and he throws it into the garbage that the palace should be beautiful and clean so i want to ask you a question when this person is sweeping up the king's palace does he sing or does he cry the vashem smiles as the jew says of course he sings he's so happy he feels so privileged that he could clean up the king's palace so the jew says when i confess my sins i'm cleaning up hashem's palace i don't know if you saw there was a clip very funny clip somebody sent me i'm not going to tell you why they sent it to me but you'll understand it this holy african-american brother who says on the clip he says you know he's a big guy can i in her he says you know they say i'm overweight and he's yeah it's quite true he says you know i know and i know i'm overweight but you know what they taught me that the body of a human being is god's temple it's god's temple god dwells in a person's body so i decided why should i build for god a home i want to build for him a mansion so it's very funny it's very cute but the point is this jew tells the baashamtif when i confess i'm cleaning up the king's palace this is the king's palace versace i will dwell among them every jewish heart there's a palace that's where hashem dwells i'm cleaning up the palace if you cannot look at your body and your soul and see the divine palace says rabbi sullivan how could you do truva that's not real truth it's gilchu real truva comes from appreciating your greatness your grandness you your spouse your children it's also true with all of your children don't criticize your child or you student if you don't first see their greatness because it's a different types of type of criticism if i criticize you and i only see how bad you are how negative you are it's going to crush them even more you don't do that you have to look at your child even if he's doing something wrong and even if it's painful and it's difficult and i know it's hard sometimes and you have to always see the light the beauty the potential the glory and from there you criticize it's a different type of criticism you empower you stimulate you energize and even if sometimes the words may be intense and there's room for discipline you have to be careful when and how and when but discipline is a good thing if it's done out of a sense of connection and a sense of love and a sense of inner relationship of understanding what a beautiful beautiful person you are if i cannot see that then i have to go back into myself and figure out what type of trauma i'm dealing with i always have to be able to see that somebody sent me now a beautiful story there was a junior his name was arya levine was the sadiq of yerushalayim he was an extraordinary person they called him to tell your time he would go visit the prisoners and he was a heart full of love full of love and if arya levine he was rabbi eliasev satsaw's father-in-law i believe the bias of shalom alayash of the famous ghana of yoshlam passed away a few years ago i believe he's married rabbi arya levine's daughter and if i'm not mistaking raf cook or ramitaka and cook was the masada condition by their wedding in any case survival levine was a was a short fellow and he was once walking in yerushalayim one of the streets and there was a student of his who was coming from the other direction now this student used to learn by living but then he left yiddish he left the path of torah unfortunately and he felt awkward to bump into his rebbe so what did he do you know you don't want to meet somebody he crossed the street he crosses the street mario levine notices it and he wanted to meet him so he crossed the street and he chases after him and he meets me says shalom why'd you run away from me what are you scared of me what am i going to do to you so he says the truth he says reb i was embarrassed i'm not wearing i'm not wearing a keeper i'm not wearing a yamaka and i'm walking here and it would be very uncomfortable for me to meet you what do i say how do i explain it i just thought it'll be better to avoid you barry levine looked at him and said let me tell you something i am a short man i am a short man i only see up to your heart i see up the heart i don't see above that and this was his way of saying i will never ever just disregard you or discount you i may have pain i may disagree with some of the choices you made but i will never forget your heart i will never forget you have a lave tauf levyhudi two weeks ago rabbi yadin evan yisrael rabbi yadin steinseltz passed away he was one of the luminaries of the generation translated to hogemart the first one translated the whole gemara in hebrew started in the 1960s and he was a great man and he once shared something he said that he was once speaking to a jew in in israel and his jew tells him as follows he says i'm much more religious than my father his father was from the founders of israel you know they were very stormed zionists but very secular left-wing socialist jews so he says um he became about truth he says i'm much more religious than my father he says but my father was much more jewish than i'll ever be i'm more religious than my father but i'm never going to be as jewish as my father what did he mean with that what he meant you have to take it with a grain of salt of course what he meant with that is what where are you living was telling him i'm never going to forget your heart when you want to build up somebody you always have to be able to see the positivity that's there and it begins with yourself the eight sahara loves to tell jews before rosh hashanah kipper oh are you bad you are so bad and if you have that message you can't begin to appreciate what elo is what rosh hashanah is what is what circuses the passage says many of you say it every friday evening i am black and i'm beautiful this is the expression black is beautiful i'm dark and i'm beautiful and there's different interpretations in this passage but one interpretation is even when you look at yourself and you say there's darkness in me there's bleakness in me there's negativity in me i made mistakes maybe i made terrible mistakes i have to apologize yes i have to do but for nava you have to remember that i'm also beautiful because if i don't remember the vinav i only have i'll never be able to do real truth once said you have two pockets the two pockets you need two pieces of paper on one piece of paper it has to say of autumn and one piece of paper the world was created for me another package you have another piece of paper of our nike off of i am dustin ashes of roma venus says in parishes valley of vanity over babies you have to have two pockets two pieces of paper one piece of paper for me the world was created i'm dustin ashes they're not a contradiction in judaism they actually work together when you understand that for me the world was created then i deserve much better i owe it to myself i owe it to the world i owe it to hashem to do better i'm not trapped i'm not a robot not a zombie and even if i went through a lot of things and even if i made mistakes okay i made mistakes i have to cry i have to feel regret i have to make amends i have to say i'm sorry i have to apologize but the reason i have to is because i'm capable of much better i don't want to live like this this time of the year people have to look at their lives and say i can do much better it's one of the my my little anecdotes that i like they say a story there was a baby camel who turned to her mother and said in hebrew it's called baby camel turns to her mother and says mommy i want to ask you a question why do we have three-toed ugly feet why can't we have nice feet like other animals and mommy says because we're not lazy animals who sit in one place we trek thousands of miles so we need good sturdy feet to carry us and carry our weight mommy why do we have these ugly weird grotesque eyelashes because we don't sit in one place like the other lazy mammals we can trek through the sahara desert and other deserts hundreds and hundreds of miles and they're sandstorms so mother nature created these eyelashes to protect our eyes from these storms so we're not our vision is not harmed mommy and why do we have these weird humps on our back why can't we just have nice flat backs why these bumpy humps ooh my dearest child we don't sit in one place like the lazy animals we contract thousands of miles we're the only mammal that can go for weeks sometimes for months without water without food how it's because those humps those humps carry all of our fat and when we need the nutrients the humps dissolve and we get all the nutrients we need to survive because we go for so long without water ah the baby turns to her mother and says mommy i get it so we have three ugly toed feet could trek hundreds and thousands of miles disgusting repulsive eyelashes to protect us from sandstorms as we trek thousands of miles grotesque humps to give us food and water when we trek thousands of miles i get it mommy so now i have one fourth question what in the world are we doing locked up in this cage in the zoo that's what she asks your mother and that's really the question of truva the question of truva is why am i in a cage why do i think i'm incapable why do i think i can't have an amazing marriage i can't have an amazing relationship with my children i can't have an amazing relationship with hashem why am i looking at myself as such a small person when i'm really such a big person why do i feel that ambitions i look at other people and i say i'm not capable of this i cannot learn serious terror every day i cannot finish one massachusetts another mistake of sha's another massachusetts till i finish sas i every person according to their capacity i cannot finish mishnays i cannot i cannot really really learn i cannot have an amazing davening i cannot really be there for people i cannot have an incredible incredible relationship with my family with my community i must remain powerless i can't be successful why are you in a cage why do i put myself in a cage that's the question of truva without video my sir there's no vidutrova without appreciating the power of what a person is there's no viduca my dearest friends i'm going to share with you a very powerful mishna that you all know but i want to share with you tonight an insight on this mishna that has touched me very deeply the mishnah says at the end of yuma chapter eight look before whom you're purified and who purifies you your father in heaven and he brings tupesco then apostate from yerma mikhwa israel hashem which means the hope of israel is hashem and ibrahimovic says just as the mikvah purifies those who are impure hashem purifies the jewish people and this became a famous song people sing especially like boimer but i want to ask you what's the meaning of these words of rabbi quebec if he says you're so lucky look who cleanses you your father in heaven and he brings two sukkah for me why do we need to be akiva to tell this to us this is the basis of the whole torah it says so many times in tanakh entire naveem and that hashem wants to purify the jewish people you have to wait till lived at the end of the second base amiktas he lived through the destruction and he lived a century afterwards until he was murdered by the romans in the year approximately 135 after the common era a few decades after corbin barry cheney so you know how many years after marsha navenu that is you're dealing with more than a millennium almost 1500 years since maisha fifteen hundred years we didn't know that jews are lucky because hashem cleanses us and he brings aposic from yeshusko from here it says impressions is so i want to share beautiful and some amazing insight we once heard from the laboratory of blessed memory he said as follows he made us the art site of his mother and during the theme of masaka he said this inside at the end of the seal he said the mishna is very precise there's an extra two words in this mission why does he say the words he could have said we know that the mikveh is mattered to me if you're not taught me enough to go to the mikveh the whole purpose of the mikveh is to be matar to maine why did baker have to say it's up to me the truth is if you wouldn't say it's at mayhem the song wouldn't do all so well ma make them attire but if i'm not mistaking the mishnah was written before the song right rabbi lane i think the mission was written before this song the words superfluous of israel just like a mikveh purifies hashem purifies israel what does it have to say listen to this he said there's a mission in brachas what happens if somebody has what's called tumascari two must carry is the impurity that comes when somebody emits the seed of life and thrillas ezra in the olden days until they nullified it before i davened in the morning and said krishma i had to go to the mix later they nullified it even though the minigun was kept up by many but talagically it was nullified because it was just impossible for people so let's say somebody is a balkeri they emitted seed and they go to the mikveh you go to the mikvah you come out you're pure what happens if somebody also touched a corpse or they're azov or azova so their is for seven days at least for seven days does it pay to go to the mikveh for two must carry if you're anyway tommy with a bigger tumor so the mishna says in brachas then you go to the mikvah anyway even though you have a bigger tumor to get rid of in seven days that's right but now you get rid of too muscari this is the meaning of the mishna mamikvamathira satmaya means the mikveh is matthias those who are tame and they remained tame after the mikveh not mamikramatharis at man they make for purifies those who were tame that would be extra that would be superfluous for matara satmayim those who remain tommy after mikveh but the mikveh still retire them from the smaller tomah afrika desvarachamataris israel this is the great novel idea of rabbi akiva and i'll give you an example let's say i borrowed fifty thousand dollars from you i needed a down payment for the house i took fifty thousand dollars comes before you kipper i didn't pay you you call me up and you say rabbi i need my fifty thousand dollars you say okay let's meet so we meet for coffee i take out five thousand dollars i say listen i don't owe you fifty thousand dollars forget about it stop it five thousand dollars i owe you here's five thousand dollars what are you gonna tell me let me get out of here take your five thousand dollars i'll meet you by the rabbi you schlep them to an entire what type of hoots is it i lent you fifty thousand dollars now you have a chutzpa you come back you say here's five thousand dollars i don't owe you anything else either you're a mensch and make a payment plan or get out of my life will go the hard way don't start playing games with me says sometimes comes the month of ello comes with hashem that comes in kipper jew comes to hashem and says enlistment i don't have power i don't have mental space i don't have energy i don't have time i don't have strength to do a complete trivial overhaul on my whole life i can't but there's one average one sin that's bothering me i want to do trivia for that you might think hashem will say stop playing games either we make a payment plan either you pay up everything or get out of my life says rebecca ashley mr cleanses even somebody who remains impure after the mikra but it doesn't take away the fact that for a smaller impurity the mikvah cleansed me right now it's israel comes to hashem and says i want to do triva on this one thing that's bothering me even though other things i'm not ready to do truth hashem embraces it with so much love why because it's a vinul if a father and a son are estranged your son doesn't talk to you you have a child doesn't talk to you for a few years five years away you can't calls you up says tati abba let's meet for coffee go out for coffee he looks at you and says father i think you were a terrible terrible father you're horrible but one thing i did wrong and i want to apologize now in your mind you're thinking of this boy what i did for him what i did femme how many times i saved him he has a hootsuit so you're going to scream and either you say i'm sorry for everything or get out we're not talking again if you're a healthy father you don't do that you take the one apology you grab it and you cherish it because that's the foundation from this you'll build a relationship does it mean he has to grow of course doesn't mean he doesn't have to grow of course he has to grow he has to come to terms with other things but you will cherish this moment you know why because you're not a stranger you're a father [Music] is she's not a stranger says your mother says your father says hashem love is a drew more than parents love and only child who was born in a time that they didn't think they can have a child so a drew comes and says listen i know there's a lot of stuff going on but there's one thing i don't feel good about i want to do truth you might think hashem will say no no no either be real or out mom says rebecca even if i'm going to remain impure after that and i have to continue to grow that's fine but don't underestimate the power of the mikveh what does this mean in our life sometimes people look at their lives and they say either i completely change or it's worthless i'm not going to be a hypocrite it's one of the greatest mistakes people make i look for the perfect solution that will solve all the problems no take one thing in your life and transform it take one habit and get rid of it try to cultivate one positive thing whether it's in your marriage your relationship with your children your relationship with your family relationship with your community your relationship with hashem and your relationship with yourself in terror one thing one thing and say this is really eating up on me this does not belong in my life and embrace it and do it and from there you create a tremendous foundation of growth there's a legendary story i don't know if it's a legend or a story but it's a great lesson but a man his name was henry watson he was the boss of ibm the story goes that he had a employee or manager a senior manager who made a terrible mistake of the business decision and it cost the company it cost ibm 10 million dollar loss and when they discovered the loss the next day this manager the senior manager who made this horrible decision came into the boss to henry watson and as he walks into the office he had tears in his eyes and he tells mr watson he says i'm resigning no claims no tightness no severance pay i'm resigning on my own because i know what i did and how much damage i cost you it was a mistake but it's my fault i did it and therefore the least i can do is just leave and leave on good terms leave with grace and not demand anything no salary no severance nothing the least i can do after causing you so much damage and he was a good guy he had tears in his eyes and henry watson said what are you doing he said i'm resigning he said are you crazy he says well instead of you firing me i'm resigning he says firing you why would i fire you i just spent 10 million dollars on your education you're not going anywhere you're staying right here he stayed of course his loyalty quadrupled his dedication quadrupled you can't buy such loyalty watson was a wise man he could have thrown him out but he realized this person was good and he was sincere and this moment of loss could become such a great opportunity for education he said i spent 10 million dollars on your education you see friends a mistake is only a mistake if it doesn't become an education when a mistake becomes an education it's not a mistake anymore it may be your most beautiful and powerful moment we all make mistakes in life that's part of the human condition that's why it says in the madrid truva before hashem created the world he created truth for why because the world was created as a place in which chuva is a major component it's not a bad thing it's essential to the human condition the difference between one person another person is not if they make mistakes or not everybody makes mistakes you make mistakes i make mistakes maybe my wife doesn't make mistakes every person makes mistakes that's not the problem probably what i do with my mistake for one person the mistake becomes an education it teaches me where i went wrong and how i can create a new trajectory for my life a new destiny a new road and another person makes a mistake and they dig deeper the deeper hole they put their claws into the mistake they justify it they rationalize it they build excuses and justification so the mistake now evolves into another mistake another mistake another mistake and at some point i'm just living in this little tiny bubble of mistakes that's why chuva should always be out of love because truva is love truva equals love true doesn't mean repentance that's really the christian translation of the king james version of the bible the real translation of truevis return return to what return to who i always was to who i always will be to who i always really am thank you very much maybe you could text the questions because i don't know why i don't hear you there's something something let me try to make the voice so rabbi led you could you could text me the questions and i'll answer everything unless you want me to read it directly from okay you can text it you text it you'll choose what okay first question rabbi lane i'm looking in shots you always have a question and answer thing where would that be because i only see chats on my screen i only see chat oh okay how do we know that hashem will receive and accept our chuva ah that's a beautiful question that's a great great question so i want to point something out very interesting to you and the source of this comes from iguara tachuva which is the letter the essay the treatise the epistle on truva that was written by the bala tanya and tanya igerus chapter 11. he says something beautiful he says every day three times a day we have a blessing forgive us our father because we have sinned we have transgressed [Music] blessed are you hashem the gracious one who always forgives in an abundant fashion ask the balla tanya one second i said this in the morning i set it in the afternoon and now i say it again in the evening i do this day after day week after week month after month what happens if after a hundred times doing the same sin hashem says you know what i'm fed up i'm not going to forgive let's say i sin to you i insult you once i apologize twice i apologize 30 times you say get out already stop making fun of me what happens if the same thing happens with hashem maybe he doesn't forgive at least it's a question so how do we say baruch it could be you're mentioning hashem's name you're saying that he continuously forgives maybe he doesn't maybe he's fed up with you and he decided that's it it's over and if yes we have a principal suffix if you're not sure if you should make a bracha what do you do you don't make it because you don't say hashem's name in vain even if it's a doubt says the balatanya if we would even have a little bit of a doubt that hashem doesn't forgive us we wouldn't be allowed to say every single shmona israel what does this show that from a terror perspective we know that it's never a question the moment somebody says i'm sorry and they're sincere hashem forgives and it's over and the sin is cleansed and it's gone and it's finished and it's obliterated and never ever doubt it the moment i apologize and i say i'm sorry if i mean it hashem forgives why doesn't he get fed up with me because his love is infinite when somebody's love is finite so after a certain time they're like okay we had enough it's over when the love is infinite there's no end and therefore the moment you show up and you want to be back in the relationship hashem is there never doubt that if you did shruva according to torah you were forgiven never ever doubt that that doubt is one of the great obstacles that the yates sir horror wants to impose on me it wants to tell me i'm going to tell you an amazing insight from representatives he said it's a great great great great insight you know what do we do after the ilanium kippur you blow the chauffeur they finished the prayers in the illa everybody's starving getting ready to eat but before that we dive in my reef what do we say how do we start off my riff i don't understand you just finished jim kipper all your sins were taken away and then with avenged monastery mairev the night of him kipper and we say what okay you were just a whole day in shul begging for forgiveness making good resolutions asking for saying i'm sorry you don't have any sins anymore you didn't even have time to go and overeat or to gossip during the meal you're still in schulich yum kippy you just finished ilamar why are you apologizing good question you know what he said you know what we do true in my room of a vim kippur the night after young kipper he says we do trivia for the fact that we don't really believe that god forgave us he says that's the sin of after him kippur sin of after him i don't believe god forgave me not me i'm too i'm i'm i'm too dirty he says that's the sin that you have to ask forgiveness that you don't believe that god forgave you you have to believe that hashem forgave you it's over you're clean you're beautiful you're amazing you know why because you're always beautiful this is just a stain an external stain you asked forgiveness what's truva remorse for the past resolution for the future and you're forgiven i say i'm sorry for the past i make a good resolution for the future i verbalize and i articulate my mistake and i ask forgiveness and it's all cleansed next question thank you everybody for your very kind feedback if i misbehaved won't god punish me where is the love excellent question excellent question and the answer my friends or my friend is i think it's so important for you to understand what the word punishment means let me ask you a question if your child did something wrong do you punish them just to punish them because you want to get even because you want to take revenge because you're angry a loving healthy functional parent doesn't punish their children what do they do they want to help their children they want the best for their children whenever the torah speaks about punishment never ever understand it as god is angry at you and he's going to get back at you he's going to get even with you he's going to take vengeance again on you he's going to show you who's boss he's going to destroy you he's going to teach you a lesson you don't start up with me that doesn't even make sense because god creates me he gives me a sahara he gives me the ability to sin trust that he should be able to take revenge what type of god is that it's such a strange way to understand judaism you have to understand it completely different the basis of all yiddish kite is a hafti as the prophet malachy says the last prophecy that the jewish people heard from the prophet malachy god says i love you every morning and every night we say avas in the blessing before shema we mentioned the verb love seven times the first word and the last word is god doesn't want to punish god doesn't punish you did something bad i'm going to punish you no god wants every person to be able to live the most successful and happy life possible in this world and in the next world physically psychologically emotionally spiritually just think of your own parent a normal healthy parent who loves a daughter loves a son and this son misbehaves the parent doesn't want to punish i should be able to punish you no why would i want to punish you i want you to be happy i want you to be successful i want you to be good i want you to have an awesome life i may discipline you i may put a challenge in front of you to bring out your power i may want to teach you the lessons of life but it's never in order to crush you and get you down it's only for one reason and one reason only because i absolutely love you now we may not always understand everything that's happening in life there are very painful experiences in life that are not exactly stories and experiences that we ask for and that we can understand because life is mysterious and a lot of experiences online in life are beyond human finite comprehension especially in our generation one cannot just say oh you did this that's why this happened it's a very very narrow and cruel way of looking at the world there are calculations that are completely beyond human comprehension but what we have to remember is that the love of hashem to every single person and to every single jew is unconditional and it's unbreakable unbreakable there's nothing you can do to destroy that love because at your core you're divine the talmud says in conduction page 36 the mayor says whatever happens you're my child forever and a child you never stop loving you never ever disown a child i have been studying that there are unforgivable sins such as idolatry forbidden relationships cursing the name of hashem and some others that i don't remember if a person does sincere truva according to the torah a hundred percent are his sins forgiven the rambam says in hillstrom chapter three the rambam says in his trouble chapter three and by the way in the month of ello it's very good to learn rambam the laws of repentance it's ten chapters and they're beautiful they're stunning it's a very good thing to learn the rambam and in fact those who follow the cycle of rambam of one chapter a day we start learning the laws of truth this thursday and i give a class you can tune into the class on the yeshiva.net you could learn every day a chapter of rambam khushtruva we finish in 10 days so the rambam says in hilkish triva chapter 3. even somebody who denied god his whole life and he does true he's forgiven hafiz he's forgiven because i'll say the rambam quotes there's nothing in the world that stands before truth even the most cardinal sins the rambam says menasha the king of the jewish people he was a king for 55 years and he was the worst of the worst he's one of the most heinous jewish leaders in history one of the most heinous kings even he was forgiven so yes there are some very serious mistakes and sins that people make but truva helps for everything but now i want you to know something who was the quintessential lithuanian jew he was a jew what you would call a real real litvak it's right you could look it up in eurodaia i believe simon bay's oyster zion if i'm not mistaken he says that today in our generation and this he wrote already in the 1930s or maybe the 1940s but he wrote this almost a century ago 70 80 90 years ago that today most jews who deny judaism and deny god and deny the torah do not equate them with the api cursing with the heretics that the talmud discusses that the rambam discusses because they are tiny let's say you have a jew who grows up in a secular home he never had a jewish education you can't blame him you can't blame her this person didn't have a real education a real taste in what judaism is abu the beauty of it and then threw it away no this person never knew anything and these people you always have to draw in with love and with affection and that's most juice today in fact some jews who even grew up in religious communities but if you never really tasted the beauty of judaism and the meaningfulness of torah mitzvos you're not throwing it away you don't even know what it is to throw it away in order to be able to sin you have to have a relationship imagine you sinned against your father but you never met him you never met him in your whole life you don't even know he's your father how could you sin against them you could sin against your spouse if you're married to them if you have a connection to them so if you don't know anything about yudhisthira you're not of a deep connection to dream it's very hard to sin so in today's generation you have to understand most jews did not grow up with judaism and even those who had a little taste of judaism or a big taste of judith often was communicated in a very dysfunctional dysfunctional way so that's why the khazanesh teaches us and this is the khazanesh it says that today most jews are tiny christians would have to be seen as children who were abducted and raised in an alien culture and therefore you have to be kind and loving and draw them in with love as the rambam says in hil imperial base so in such a case when a jew engaged in all of these types of things of course he'll be forgiven or she will be forgiven and you have absolutely nothing to worry about rahman alibaba the point is the main thing is the sincerity of it next question regarding shruva can he explain a little more about shiva i understand it's not repentance it's going back to hashem doesn't mean repentance truth means returning returning to whom returning to hashem but even more than that returning to your own core self which is a piece of asha you're a helical kamehameha returning to means returning to your core self the rambam writes in chapter 2 that every jew essentially wants to be connected to hashem that's who i am i am part of godliness alphapi israel who the gemara says in sanhedrin duffman dalit about was quite a criminal the gemara goes through all the sins he did i'm not going to get graphic now even about him it says a jew he remains even the rambam writes in zara there are certain jews that they are treated in terms of mitzvahs they're treated like not jewish but even them if they betrot the jewish woman she needs to get you don't say they're not jewish it's a it's a good condition so every jew remains connected on some level and therefore truva means to come back to that place that was never tarnished as a part of you that's always innocent always pure and that's why you do trevor that's why you feel bad you feel bad because you feel that it's not who you really are next question there are days when it's so difficult for our children to connect to hashem should we pressure them to have their time and discipline them to davin or just let the spark get it at some point by themselves let them find their spark by themselves so i don't know that there's one answer i think every parent has to figure out what's the best and most important thing in your home and what will be the most effective but here is the rule for everybody and that is never with anger and never with negativity but you could tell your child and also everything depends on the age you could say okay now it's the morning we watch nagalvasir we thank hashem we say brachus and for a few minutes we dive in and then we go play that's very fine to make a structure a time for davening a time to say bracha time to say shem again age appropriate maybe the diaveline is sometimes too long you can make it shorter you do certain pieces so it's very good to have a structure to have discipline but it shouldn't be done with negativity and anger you know sometimes children need to let them need to uh you know they need some oxygen a little bit and they need to run around they need to play that's very good so i wouldn't use the word pressure i don't know if the word is pressure but it is very good to have rules in the house to have a structure in the house to have discipline in the house to educate your children to daven every day to learn torah every day again age appropriate and time appropriate but not with a sense of negativity and pressure and anger and warnings and threats more as part of the beautiful structure in the home and to try to infuse it with a a positive positive energy you want that yiddish kite should always be bequeathed with a positive energy but there's nothing wrong with creating structure and discipline in a house a healthy home is a home that has discipline again you have to know each child and where they are and what their needs are and what their shortcomings are what their challenges are and what their age is so think about it from the perspective of the child but it is very very good as ghazal tell us when our son starts talking the father starts teaching him tara tivolano before we eat we make a brach and you can explain you're eating a peach tell them about how a peach is created the amazing qualities of a peach or a grape or a blueberry or a piece of bread you know explain to them how what nature is how nature works the mechanism of nature the miracle of a piece of bread the miracle of a banana the miracle of a plum you know it's amazing things and when we take a plum we say barak dash this type of education is precious but this is an education that comes with clarity with awareness and with so much beauty and with so much appreciation of life next question what about teenagers stavening okay teenagers davening i missed i missed a question before i'll get to teenagers in a moment isn't it easy to say the bad we can't understand and on the other hand take credit when good happens i don't think you should take credit when good happens and i don't think you should always take credit when bad happens the mission says we do not have a grasp on why wicket prosper and sometimes the righteous suffer yeah of course when something challenging happens in my life as the rambam says in his tiny is i always want to be introspective and try to become a better person and try to do truva in any way possible and try to bring positivity into my life of course but to pinpoint and say this is why it happened i'm to blame because i did so and so i don't always know the value of it maybe if you know exactly the reason fine but very often we don't know the reason very often we don't know the reason we can't know the reason hashem doesn't tell us the reason we should always try to learn from every event and become better but i don't think you should take the credit for the good and take the credit for the bad what about teenagers should we force them to darwin okay the mitzvah of genocide bar mitzvah okay after bar mitzvah they're independent we want to try to motivate them but to start forcing teenagers to dive in is usually very very difficult and it usually will not be successful you want to try to have a good relationship with your teenager a relationship of trust of bonding you can try to motivate try to inspire maybe sometimes try to bribe create a structure you don't want to do it in a way that's going to create only anger and negative energy if that's going to be the end of it it's not going to be good it's important to discipline our children it's important to discipline our teenage children also but the discipline has to come from a place of connection from a place of understanding look where they are and try to build them from there don't just try to get them to do what you're saying with anger and threats and screaming so maybe right now they'll do what you want but the moment you're gone they won't follow so we have to remember this before mitzvah it's a different type of they're still i always have to be there for my child but it's different don't try to start butt start butting heads with your teenager and screaming matches and getting angry and getting into a fight it's it's usually counterproductive yeah if you can create a structure in the house for the teenagers that's going to work that's ultimately going to produce happy kids excellent excellent discipline is good for everybody and schedule is good for everybody but it has to be in a way that's going to build them not in a way that's going to break the relationship so just be very mindful of that what to do if a child is making the same mistake more than five times do you propose consequences or how do you manage that well you have to really understand what's happening the key in education is that the child should know that you understand them that's the key if they don't feel understood ultimately there is going to be very little growth and it's going to damage the relationship so you have to sometimes bend down on the floor look the child in the eyes and make sure that your eyes meet and that you repeat to the child what he or she is going through this must be very difficult for you it's very hard for you not to have this candy it's very hard for you to get dressed or it's very hard for you not to have this toy make sure that he or she any age any age four years old or 12 years old or 18 years old they should know that you really understand them you understand their struggle you understand their temptation you understand what they're going through and then from there create a plan try to do it together with them or sometimes you can't do it together with them but make sure the first thing is that they know you understand them now if they're doing it again and again and again they may have a limitation there may be something that's scaring them that may be something that's very bothersome and her mother was saying that her son refused to get dressed in the morning and she used to get so upset and then one day she took time and patience and she spoke to him and she realized that he's scared up to go upstairs to his room he's alone he was a little kid he was scared to get dressed he didn't want to not get dressed he was just scared to be alone in the room now if he was older he could say i'm scared but he wasn't comfortable of saying that i remember i once went on a trip with my children we were in florida and was khalamayat and we went to a safari and in the safari the animals come on the car birds and monkeys you know those safaris it's very exciting the monkeys come on your car it's the whole thing okay we left the house and one of my children started to throw a tantrum that this child refused to sit near the window it became and i thought this child was being stubborn only later two hours later that i realized that they knew we're going to a safari and they're frightened of the animal coming close to them and if you're by the window the animal comes right near you you understand so that child wasn't being stubborn the child was just having a fear so you want to address all these issues to be able to make sure that you really understand what the child is going through the fact that he's not doing doing the mistake five times could mean that there's a real limitation there or a real fear over there so you want to make sure and try the best to understand it don't just try to force things from the outside you want to be able to connect to the child and help them become the person that they're capable of becoming now that takes serenity you need calmness don't take it personal you have to be healthy inside you have to be wholesome you have to be happy you have to be optimistic next question thank you for your words kind of protest for me how to fight the thoughts of previous sins that come to mind after a long time and they affect my chiva don't fight it but you have to believe the truth if you believe there's a god and you believe that there's something called a mitzvah and a sin you have to believe one more thing and that is god said i forgive i forgive i forgive you do truth and the sin is wiped away we have to be able to trust that don't doubt it if you follow the laws of truth in sure what we do and you follow it and you do it sincerely it's over hashem says trust me i forgave you we see it in the darwining as i mentioned before every single day so when the thoughts come in no you're still bad you're still guilty remember those thoughts are coming from the eight sahara now they're there you can't always get rid of them but don't take them seriously don't worship them don't let them define your life they're there okay i may not be able to get rid of them but do not allow them to take over your life look at them give them space you don't have to fight them but just move on because they're not thoughts that are rooted in the essential truth of life there are thoughts that are here to distract you and maybe those thoughts can trigger you and arousing you a curiosity to figure out what is it that's bothering you so much and maybe you could learn a lot of things about yourself every thought has a spark inside every thought has something to teach us but the thought itself may be a clipper maybe a shell that's hiding a deep truth so you can't take every thought at face value seriously and start worshiping it and go oh my god i'm a horrible person no if you ditch over your dick true it's over you apologized you expressed remorse you confessed you made a resolution for the future that's it you're pure you're clean you got to trust that and if i can't believe truva and truva why do i believe in mitzvahs why do i believe in javaris the same god who gave me mitzvahs and told me these things you do and these things don't do the same god says there's concept and a mitzvah called truva and it always works under all circumstances in all conditions even if you did the same thing 50 times and 100 times the answers knew about and they made the same brachios that every jew says for 80 years 90 years 100 years 120 years three times a day you said it yesterday you said it last week you said it last year it's a joke imagine every night every day by breakfast you tell your wife i'm sorry i insulted you by lunch same thing by dinner the same thing throw you out of the house but with hashem pajala because the love is infinite and the compassion is limitless i love you and i wish you a beautiful beautiful evening thank you again to the community of bethel thank you again to the community of shavit thank you to all my dear brothers and sisters in panama and wherever you're tuning in from thank you for joining us and may hashem be with you with this very special powerful month when the famous metaphor we know that the king is in the field and hashem wants a personal and intimate relationship with each and every one of us may you and i and all of us seize the moment during this difficult season of corona which comes from the word crown because the virus if you look under a microscope it looks like a crown it has all these spikes like a spiked spiked virus so it's called corona so may we during this era of corona get rid of the corona as we coronate and we prepare for a new year a new year of renewal and transformation and depth and love and connection and a year filled with happiness and good news for you and your families and all of the jewish people thank you