How to Address the Four Sons in Our Own Homes & Communities - By Rabbi YY Jacobson

the yeshiva.net [Music] our topic this evening is how do we speak to the four Sons to the four children in our own homes and our own families and our own communities or who are the four Sons today who are they what are their questions are we addressing those questions do we have answers what are the answers the truth is that each one of the four Sons probably deserves a separate shear and maybe not one but many yet tonight since it's a week before PES we'll have to try to uh compress them all in uh in one Shear but I just have to say it's impossible to really exhaust the topic and give it the attention it deserves but we will try to be brief and concise and at least give one point to think about in connection to all of the children all of the four Sons I think I once shared with you there was a Jewish Nobel Prize winner he won the Nobel Prize in physics his name was Isidor Robbie he was born in Galia passed away in 1988 I believe and he was once asked how he managed to become such a great physicist to the point of winning the Nobel Prize and he said my mother made me a scientist asked him how did your mother make you a scientist he said he grew up he went to school Yeshiva in Brooklyn as a kid he said all the other my other classmates came home and their father and mother asked them one question did you learn anything today in school what did you learn what did you learn tell me what you learned he said my mother when I came home from school she said I don't care if you learned anything today in school I just have I want to ask you one thing did you ask a good question today in school he said that turned me into the scientist I became and I received the Nobel Prize there is a profound idea in that and that is that P one of the most important themes of p is questions questions questions questions and the reason for that is because the T addresses the S of P the conversation of p in terms of questions and answers when your child will ask to the point that there is a mitvah that the child should ask questions and the parents should respond to the questions andal tell us in that even if there are adults at the table they should ask each other questions and kazal continued that even if you're sitting yourself you're having a s all alone you should ask yourself questions now that seems very strange I understand you ask me a question I ask you a question why am I asking myself a question just say what you want to say this means that the question itself contains a very powerful a very powerful idea and I think one explanation in that is that slaves don't ask questions free people ask questions people who are slaves people who are abused people who are victims who are tormented are taught that they're not let to ask questions all abuse happens in silence all uh all discrimination all abusive Behavior happens in coverups painful situations are silenced there under the rug sometimes for many decades slaves don't ask questions because they're not allowed to challenge the status quo Free People probe they ask they wonder they Challenge and that itself is a very powerful idea so the night of pesak the night of freedom is dedicated to questions where each father and each mother turns to their child and says ask ask ask whatever you want and I'm here to listen it's not even so important if I have an answer I don't have an answer I ask anybody over here did you ever get an answer to the four questions the answer is where's the answer to the four questions we hope by the time your father finished you already sleeping two hours later so you didn't care about an answer to the four questions but the truth is that the questions themselves constitute the objective of course the answer is important but ask and it's not so much important answer what's important is that you feel the freedom to ask particularly the ha revolves around four questions four questions that come from four different children as they're called Aron and if you look in your Source sheet let's see how the introduces it this is a well-known paragraph because it's from the paragraphs in the beginning of the so it has masle people are still in the mood if I would discuss you know how many makas there are nobody's listening anymore they're two tiges just waiting for the for the egg and for the chicken but at this point the kids are still taking out their hagadas people are still sitting around the table and the father hopefully is still awake so you remember this paragraph translation blessed is Hashem blessed is he blessed is he who gave T to his Nation Israel blessed is he the T addresses four children the wise son the rebellious son the time the the simple son or confused son of the one who doesn't know to ask that's the introduction now the obvious question is where did the speak about for Sons this is not an original quote from the author of The hag it comes from theil which is the medish the commentary written by the tan on and the says that the to addressed four sons and this is a quote from the the question is where did the to address four children where did the kazal come up with the idea that t speaks to four children it doesn't say inish that Hashem speaks T speaks to four children but they came up with this from a very interesting in a very interesting way basically there are four different throughout where speaks about conversations between parents and children four times three times in par one time in 40 years later three times he speaks about children right when they leave Egypt right by the last time again four decades later the first time is in let's see the speaks when you come to the land that hem will give you as he said you should preserve this work when your children will say to you what is all this work that you're doing you should say tell them this is an offering of Hashem leaped over the houses of the Jewish people in the Egypt when he plagued the Egyptians and he rescued our homes our families when the nation heard this by they prostrated themselves they bowed down BYO they kneeled and they bowed down so let's just learn rashi rashi says why did they bow down why did they kneel and prostrate themselves three reasons first of all they hear that they're going to be redeemed number two they hear that they're going to arrive in the land of and number three they hear that they're going to have children and their children are going to ask them questions so that's why they kneel for three reasons they're enslaved in Egypt we're going to leave number one number two we're going to arrive in our homeland and number three we have children so they kneel in a form of praise and gratitude that's the first time M speaks about a conversation with Children what is this for you a little while later the next chapter per you should tell your child that day namely because of this because of these things that I do on night of PES hasem did this for me and took me out of MIT the next is just a few later per when your child tomorrow will ask you what is this tell them that with a strong arm arm God took us out of Egypt from the house of slavery finally when your child will ask you what are all these statues and laws and rules that has commanded you we were slaves to has took us out with a strong arm four different verses address the same theme children speaking to their parents and asking about the significance of the Seder the significance of pesak the significance of the work and you responding to them come the kazal and say why repeat yourself four times obviously let's be sensitive to nuance and discover it's not the same child the for suim are addressing four different children it's not the same child asking the question it's four different Sons so now you get the background and you see how came up conned these four they assumed were four children but now the question is how do they know how to match up whom to whom for example the first verse they match up to whom the no the is the last one the is the last one in the he's the first speaks about him all the way at the end the first one he actually addresses is who is the Russ that's very interesting how do we see look at the first one those are the words that is going to put into the mouth of the Russ the second one who is that so take a look at the and you'll see let's see what the says comes the and says you see we read the without the the backdrop so it be we don't we can't fully appreciate the full picture you have to see how did the develop this theme so now we saw the let's see the what does the say again the T never says it's a the T just says it's your son they're all your children we are saying it's is saying it's assumed this this kid is wise intelligent what does he say that's a quote from what you should share with him is the laws of P including the last law of the SED which is after you eat the carbon P there's no dessert is a bring out the dessert bring out the the appetizer the chocolate mousse the vanilla ice cream the strawberry whatever strawberries whatever it is once you eat the carbon PES there's no dessert I you'll ask me why in the hotels they have a vion table I don't know I don't answer those questions it's a good question today we don't have a carbon PES instead what do we eat in L of the carbon PES we eat of course some more of the delicious matah because we didn't have enough during the night so we eat a little more of the mat so at the end of the meal after the full meal before benching we eat that is in commemoration of the carbon PES and at that point hopefully it tastes like lamb chops at least on some level if you drank enough so after the there's no eating anymore that's the last thing we eat this is what you should tell the let the matah linger in your mouth there's no eating and according to many not even drinking and some say not even water okay next where did they get this from the first in they're still in Egypt what does the say the Russ says what is this for you guys for you not for him it's not for me because he excluded himself from the community he did got gets exciting now you should blunt his teeth you know what blunt his teeth means doesn't mean to chop out doesn't mean to knock out his teeth me means make this teeth not sharp make the teeth they shouldn't be an edge they shouldn't be sharp blunt them them which is actually a quote from a different P this is what Hashem did for me not for him if he would have been he would have not been redeemed next what is this where did they get this question from this is the third one right the last one this they put into the mouth of the simple child of the confused child what do you tell him actually this quote is direct finally have the one who doesn't know what to ask you open up the conversation this is the second one in it says you should tell your child because of this hasem took me out of MIT why did they put this PK into the mouth of the one who doesn't know how to ask why do you think this PK not the other ones exactly all the other three begin with a question this is the only one where there was no question you initiate the conversation hence says you open up the conversation because there's absolutely no question the question however is if we can ask a question not like the how did they know who to match up to whom for example why would they take the first p and put it in the mouth of the Russ he says and says they're almost saying the exact thing almost verbatim when the Russ says we go crazy said the same thing why don't we say he's the he's the and he he says he also asked what's all this about it seems almost verba him but this they put into the mouth of the Russ the other they put into the mouth of the we could understand why the middle one they put into the mouth of the T because he just says ma what's this somewhat ambiguous he asks but he asks ma the truth is that if you could put your cell phones on vibrate please and hopefully by the Seder too K were very sensitive to Nuance I want to point out three things about the first and you'll see why they assume that this was a rebellious kit number one the other two you have here you have they're not asking they're saying that's number one number two this is the only one in which the question is in plural it's not all the other three you're speaking to one person here there's a conversation with many people number three this is interesting all the other three have the word L right here it should have said all these three details demonstrated to our sages that we were dealing with the child who is rebellious why there are people who ask questions and there are people who make statements the two are very different a question I can answer a statement is not I can't answer because the person is not seeking an answer like the old uh the old V they attributed to bris or maybe Alman meltz different books different sources but is he said once uh to somebody who had lots of questions he saids I can't answer answer your questions he says some questions are questions some questions are not questions they're just answers they're excuses they're ways of making a point cynically where you actually have an ax to grind you're not seeking information or wisdom you just want to make a statement in the form of a question so how can I answer an answer I can answer a question not an answer I think the points this out it says number two ler what does lameer mean Lamer means to say back to repeat the child asks you a question Lamer he wants to hear an answer this child doesn't want to hear he's just saying he doesn't want a response in other words you may give him a response but it's just going to trigger a new response number three questions are really individual searches that's why it's your child asking you a question here there's teamwork this guy is using the support of a whole group when there's a group that makes fun together it's always more gmak it's always more juicy it's always more delightful they're sitting and smoking cigarettes and eating chalant and making fun so now everybody feeds off everybody else's cynical energy it's not the way of an honest conversation of a curious and inquisitive person all the know exactly what I'm talking about about the two types of conversations so therefore we have here three nuan proofs that we're dealing with the Ben rash none of them exist in theuk my question however to you is the it changes the response in it says let's go one step further when we dissect the words of the ha the responses to these four children seem very difficult to comprehend what is the asking what are all these laws that Hashem commanded you what is bothering him and we don't compare him to the Russia yet the response seems even more strange why are we telling him you don't eat anything after the A and how does that respond and answer his question we come to the Russia we call him a he never denied God's existence he just asked why you calling him next who invented this idea to blunt his teeth never said that where did the kazal come up with this and how is that exactly going to be effective we usually don't have this somebody asks a question get into his teeth like what now I never heard that an a conference of Educators they'll saying these questions you get your fist into his teeth like what is the are telling you okay now what happens he won't be a russer what's going to happen he'll run away from the house what's exactly the point another interesting thing is he's speaking in second person and we're speaking in third person he said he doesn't say he's speaking to the family that's what the P says so we should respond we should say right we should say suddenly the response goes to third person as though he's not present when he's there and he just spoke to us in second person we move it to third person when it comes to the he says Ma and we say what was the question what was the answer with what exactly is the message we're giving him that we didn't give the other children and how is that a response to the one who doesn't know how to ask if you look at the introduction to all of these questions and conversations it becomes even more strange what is that all about blessed God okay that's always good blessed is he okay blessed is he who gave okay and now again you just said why you saying it again why is this an intro to the sentence about the fact that addresses for children to bless is a wonderful thing why does this come in the as the opening of the paragraphs that are going to deal with the four children and why this repetitive expression of blessing Hashem in four different ways and repeating the who twice and then says really grammatically it should have said what's the obviously if you'll count you'll see it's one and one and one and one why would the ha put it in such a strange terminology did I ask enough questions the I don't know where we're holding the truth is of course that all these questions allow us to excavate some of the deeper meaning some of the deeper layers that exist in these four paragraphs because the truth is that these four paragraphs contain within themselves volumes of pedagogical and educational paradigms and perspectives they really contain within them values of information and wisdom and the Art of Education even if you'll just take the opening words Conn think about those four words ConEd five words T speaks about four children I hear immediately three messages here message number one there is no one child there are four children in other words get rid of the notion that all the children could be grouped into one group and dealt with in the same way God who created Mankind and the Jewish people and gave us the T says immediately there is no one child and there is no one cookie cutter model that fits all children there's no one answer one statement one verse one response that belongs to all children Ked speaks about four different children with different questions with a need of different approaches and different responses number one Paradigm number two these four characters are very different we're going to see in many ways they're diametrically opposed but one thing you have to remember they are all your children they are all your bonim so you're going to look at one extreme and another extreme never treat one of them as though he or she is not your child number three to to has what to say to each one of these four children don't entertain the notion and say this kid is beyond repair for this child we have no message for this child we have absolutely nothing to teach or say this guy is on his or her own path no may I may have not discovered in t the wisdom the depth the information or the inspiration that can speak to this child but the to has a message has a paradigm has a perspective for each one of these four children just these three ideas Alone number one con number two they're all B number three has what to say to each one of them is often a paradigm shift for many people cuz often we don't take seriously the fact that there are we ultimately believe that there's one child and everybody ultimately has to fit in in one way or another with slight little adjustments that's not true they're very very different those four kids and that's why there's four different and that's why mosha will speak about different children asking different questions even though they sometimes sound the same and what's so interesting is more or less it sounds like the same question but it's not the same question because it's coming from a different child somebody once told me he said never answer the question answer the person sometimes two people are asking the same question but the answer has to be different because you can't only answer a question you have to answer the person asking the question and the person is above the question is more to the person than the question you have to see in the question what the person is is being bothered by intellectually or emotionally or psychologically or all of them and the truth is that these four children exist in every generation they exist in every Community they exist in every school they exist in every classroom they exist probably in every home and I think we could take it a step further and say they exist within every single person the four children are not just four children we point here is this kid and this kid and this kid like somebody once in a classroom said we're going to go through the four sons and everybody raise their hand when they are called upon this was great pedagogical sensitivity when I say the raise your hand when I say the Russ raise your hand when I say the T raise your hand and when I say the raise the hand problem is that that teacher ended up with a whole classroom of sh because nobody raised their hand but all of them exist within every child and all of them exist within each of us so on PES we address the child and we address the inner child and when you address your own inner child you're addressing four parts of your personality there's a part of you that's a ask your schwier she'll tell you which part there's a part of you that's a Russia you can ask your wife about that just a joke there's a part of you that's a Tom you can ask your principal about that and there's a part of you that's a sh you can ask yourself about that or your therapist about that so within each and every one of us there's the there's the there's the it depends on the hour depends on the day and depends on the week and all of them come to the SED and all of them are sitting at the table and the says I want to speak to all the parts in you I don't only want to speak to the in you I want to speak to the r you the you you they say there was once a Jew from Kum in Poland who decided to go to Vila to check out out the scene in VNA the big city in luu sh so he goes to VNA he comes back from VNA to and he says it's amazing what I found in VNA I walked into schul I sit down in schul and I have a conversation with a Jew and I meet there a Jew he's an atheist I meet a Jew who's a Believer I meet a Jew who's an agnostic I meet a Jew who's a communist a socialist a capitalist a right-winger a leftwing Winger a Believer a heretic a Zionist an anti-zionist unbelievable every type of person I met there so they ask him what's what are you so excited about in we also have all these types of people he says you don't understand it was all the same Jew it was the same person the same person operates on many different levels so exist within each and every person let us begin the journey and as I mentioned in the beginning it would be lovely to exhaust the topic more but we will give beem a few minutes to each child and bring out one point there are 70 faces the doesn't have 70 faces the has thousands and thousands of faces you go into a bookstore and you'll see I don't know if there's any other part of the Year Sader of the year that has so much commentary and so many interpretations and there are people that buy 50 hagadas before PES and they come to the S with 30 of them and they plan to read Theus and get inspired the problem is that when they open the first T the first child spills out that cup of wine then they get they clean it up they want to get back to the hag then somebody turns over their k then there's a in the kitchen and 20 minutes later somebody needs stitches and this guy was his 30 40 Haas and he was planning a spiring sad in the heavens and at this point he doesn't know what hit him everybody is stressed out the kids are tired the guests don't know if they should sit or come or go they're starving they're tired they're exhausted and he still has 50 AAS to read he has the and he has RI and he has the brisk he a he has a right he has everybody's he has everybody's but the wine is all over the place the mat is broken the Kyra is messed up they forgot to make the K the lettuce is not dry he's afraid of g whatever is happening and he's starving and when men are starving you know it's never a good idea so well a guy once came to me how miserable his s was he had all these AAS so I told him you missed the point all I know it says about the doesn't say to bring 50 it says connect to your child go out of your cocoon and speak to your child celebrate your child tell your child ask all your questions on life he I'm here let's talk let's have a good time let's be free Let's Celebrate life together let's bond like I bonded with my father and he with his father for 3,328 years don't create an idol seder that lives in heaven extricate yourself from the normal world and suddenly you get frustrated when things don't work out the way you want speak to your child and in many ways we'll see this is what addresses the first question this is a great and even teaches us we're not going to go in that Direction tonight but just for context the says that the Aron represent the four worlds in Caba you have four parallel universes Bri and he says the addresses the world ofus which is the highest spiritual Universe of complete intimacy with hasem from the word close and then you have the is Bri and then the and there the two are pointed put together and it's interesting that and the r come right near each other first you say but you put him right near the you don't even put him at the end says something profound what does he say the first child we addresses and I should say thank God for such children the holy child not just in terms of intelligent of a high IQ often the Russ has a IQ maybe sometimes higher but the the is sensitive he's spiritually sensitive he's in tuned and he asks an interesting question it's one of the most idealistic questions in Judaism Judaism is divided into three groups we all know the raan says there's the Mitzvah called Adis and and M are rational mitzvas don't steal don't lie when you borrow money pay back it's a rational Mitzvah Etc respect your father and mother AES we all know our Mitzvah like shabas symbolic they represent ideas through customs through ritual are what we call superrational Mitzvah it's hard to understand the meaning objective what's the point don't wear wool and linen don't eat cheeseburgers what's the objective am is with ashes and water red heer a bunch of sacrifices very hard to understand these are called we have distinctions the says the I don't understand why are there even distinctions here these distinctions demonstrate the fact that we're trying to introduce human emotion into a relationship with God this child is such a sweet such a good such an idealistic child he says for me all the Mitzvah are identical asked me to do something and I do it what's the difference I understand I don't understand when you have a really romantic relationship does it matter what your wife asked you to do what's the difference sometimes she asks things that make sense and sometimes think don't make sense called me he says that his wife wants flowers for shabas I should explain to him rationally what roses do for a person what am I supposed to tell him so I told him my dear friend listen to me you'll have a good marriage some things you shouldn't be thinking about it's just like par par a red rose reminds you of the parum this is a red he this is a red rose that's it this God wants this your wife wants it's the same thing sh sh he does it every week and he sprinkles the ashes whatever he does he has water I hope he doesn't bring in Ashes to the house but hopefully he puts the roses in the water in a real relationship what's the difference it's not about me it's about Judaism is not about me what I gain what I understand what I comprehend what I experience ask not what God can do for you ask what you can do for God I'm not paraphrasing Kennedy Kennedy paraphrased the balatan yeah there was a who came to the balat and he complained complained about his life he needs this he needs this he needs this so he told him in he said you speak a whole time about what you need you don't speak about what you're needed for so the Ben says I don't want to speak about what I need I want to speak about what I'm needed for why does Judaism acknowledge this distinction in a way what he's saying is something that's very profound he says Judaism is an opportunity to abandon to transcend The Human Experience to touch heaven to touch the Divine my condition my limitations don't matter what matters is I'm a servant I'm loyal if God would want me to chop wood in the morning instead of putting on I'd be happy to chop wood there an expression if he would have told me to chop wood it would have been good it sounds very beautiful it sounds very romantic it sounds very Heavenly and it is but says you have to speak to him that even P has p means to LEAP to jump to jump over all the limitations and even that has even that must have a structure and where do you see this we want that the taste of the matah should linger in your mouth that the mat also must have a taste mat represents as The Zo says the bread of Faith the bread of belie the says in you abandoned Egypt you went into a desert you didn't even let your dough rise it was the bread of Faith then the bread of Faith now and even mat must have a taste what does it mean it must have a taste it should permeate your taste bud it should permeate your experience famous line of the so he said inite there is Holiness that is superum and I want your Holiness to be human the reason it's so important is because people who often abandon completely The Human Experience what happens is when they come back down and it happens they sometimes fall very very hard because there's no integration they're inspired I have no identity my personality is irrelevant my emotions are irrelevant I'm a servant of God and then when I wake up one day and I feel myself often I lose it all what also happens often to these people is they're very judgmental of others in their unique quest for Holiness they become intolerant to anybody that is different and this is a stage that many go through many youngsters go through they forget themselves in a genuine quest to connect to God and God says that's wonderful but I need you to taste the Judaism and God Hess and infinity ought to permeate and penetrate The Human Condition it should be integrative it should be holistic it should permeate you as a human being and then you won't fall down into the abyss one day you'll also be able to appreciate the human challenge Holiness ought to be human you will not become an angel who cannot tolerate people don't forget that you're human and God wanted you to be human that's why there's AIS that's why there's and that's why there are the second child comes from every very different point of view the first boy in your house you're trying to convince him to eat dinner you're trying to convince him to go to sleep you know that child you have to you don't know that child doesn't exist anymore you have to convince him to relate to his humanness you have to convince him not to look at himself and other people as the epitome of evil to be able to embrace his emotions to be able to embrace her personality to understand that God wants people not angels and your humanness is part of a hasem it's not evil that's the first child the second child whom we call Russ and translate Wicked but I don't think Wicked is the right word I would call it more uh we'll soon see what we can call it maybe rebellious or maybe uh maybe in pain in pain he asks a very good question says you call this man don't you this is a time of Freedom who ever heard that this is what Freedom looks like for a month before they're slaving away they're slaving away cleaning scrubbing rubbing the night before people are walking around with candles in holes and crevices is under beds looking for some Speck ofets the next morning they wake up early with a Vengeance they destroy all of this horrible leaven then start the preparations there's no holiday in the world that has so many laws requirements nuances details andas like the holiday of P whoever came up with this definition of freedom what are you doing and the word is this labor this is I want to be a free person leave me alone I can relate to certain aspects of Judaism that are Charming that are cute that are nice but what's this whole God took you out from bondage and what did he do he put you in a new bondage and worse because par at least doesn't know what you're doing in the bathroom par at least doesn't control you 24 hours a day but here we tell you how to cut your nails how to tie your shoelaces even forgive me how to go to the bathroom this is called Freedom this is what you're thankful for I don't need your bite and I don't need your honey this is his question you see that this child exists in every person well not in every person but in plenty of people he's a very interesting boy these questions come come up in almost every yes every classroom unless they're throwing out it's not like they don't ask the questions they just ask the questions elsewhere they're convinced there's no answer but this is a very real question very different than the first question but he says I don't want to I'm not interested in this this is a weird weird religion and everybody's obsessed with the you ever saw and then you ever so what that looks like there's people that sit at there say with a clock and they eat two k of mat and they don't do they do and they do both and you have to swallow them simultaneous and they do a four minutes you try doing it in four minutes I know a guy mamish almost had a heart attack he got so obsessed and so uptight mamish almost died on the spot and somebody said to me this is man eat relax eat slow this is how free people eat you ever saw what a saber looks like how comfortable people are during a say why you doing this why you sitting like torturing yourself he says cuz that's how free people eat it's very funny so he says I don't understand what are you doing this is what this kid has to say he comes to the table he just doesn't get it and the truth is a whole generation of Jews said this a whole generation of Jews said this and chose a different style now response to this child and the response is very nuanced very deep and very s sensitive first thing that says is what we're tempted to do is scream at this boy and say you're a or in modern terminology you're anus you're a you're a you don't have that's what you are somebody asks a question if people don't have an answer you ever heard that it's called K 101 you swipe the credit card called K aurus you don't have an answer what are you calling it aurus say I have the same question and I never knew how to deal with it so I call you an Aus but for that we have to be honest what are you screaming Aus you know what an atis is you know what a me is you know what a k is you know the definitions how do you know he's an aitis because he has a different opinion than what you think is truth did you research it do you know all the opinions about it it's an easy word we love the word because it makes me feel like I'm the M somebody asks you how much you believe you know how much you believe but the main thing he's an Aus so the says let me tell you something most people that are they're not they're they feel that they have no part in this community they feel that no nobody gives them space they feel that they have no identity here that's why they're they're not essentially Heretics it's seldom to find a real real heretic especially today's day and age for first staries you have to be educated you really have to know a lot to be able to be Aus they say that one of the Israeli Prime Ministers said that she wants to have there should be an intense Jewish Education in Israeli Public Schools so that the kids should know what we don't believe in you have to really know what you don't believe in it's very unique it's very reare how many real do you have writes in one of his TR he says that's almost impossible to have today so what is saying is even then the worst thing you can do to somebody is expel them from the cloud make them feel like a the moment a child feels I have no home I have no Pete no friend I have no Mentor I have no love I have no friendship I have no place here then they need an identity so what's going to be their identity so he reads the latest website and he becomes AER he hears a few questions that people ask he becomes a ker that's number one but then the takes it a step further and says don't be Embrace this child but I know that he's biting and he's biting very hard this kid is cynical this kid is sharp this kid is mocking and laughing from everything you consider holy and those teeth are really really aggressive and really power powerful but you have to know what to ignore get Beyond his teeth and realize that most kids at risk are really kids in pain and most of these sharp statements are really desperate cries for love for validation for empathy for understanding don't become a victim to the teeth of go beyond the teeth imagine that you can IGN be confident enough that you can ignore the sharp statements because those sharp statements those teeth are really much less scary than they appear to be they are just a hungry Soul yearning for something deep for something real remove the cynicism the sharpness of his body smooth out his rough edges don't respond to roughness with roughness don't respond to teeth with another set of teeth don't get don't get caught up in his snidey remarks and in his cynical comments inside this boy this girl is crying and usually it's the wisest and most sensitive itive who end up in these situations ask any parent or any teacher who deals with children who are so-called very very rebellious and you'll see the mother will say he was the most sensitive of all of my children he was the kindest the sweetest the deepest the smartest those teeth are symptoms of deep pain remove the edge and you will discover the glow inside and if you think here Rabbi Jacobson is giving us liberal pop psychology to so I'll tell you a v from somebody you can't expect suspect of this because he wasn't just a litvak he was the father of all the Von the Von writes what's listen to this what's HOV so the Von says Russia is the numerical value of 570 ra is 200 Shin is 300 I is 70 570 sad sad K is the numerology of 204 right K is 100 sad and is 200 do is four so you have 570 and 204 is 366 Shin is 300 n is 50 and 10 is 60 V is 66 he says take the teeth out of the Russia minus 366 from 570 what do you end up with you end up with your tadic that's what you have to do just take out the teeth you are obsessed and you're overwhelmed by the teeth you can't even see the pus get beyond the Edge get into the soul you'll see your big Russia is really an innocent sadic 570 you'll take off 366 you get it and you'll end up with your tadik you'll have you 204 I read years ago that there was a uh John Hopkins Professor who gave a group of graduate students an assignment very interesting assignment he said I want you to go to the slum literally the slums of the slums and I want you to take 200 boys between the ages of 12 and 16 growing up in the slums and investigate their background and investigate their environment then I want you to predict their chances for success in the future the students consulted social statistics they did some investigation about the particular area they spoke to the boys they compiled data and their conclusion that they presented to this professor of John Hopkins this was part of their graduate work was 90% of the boys of these 200 boys 90% would spend some time in jail it was not a question based on how the system works in those slums 25 years later another group of graduate students was given the job of testing the prediction of the first group that's a quarter of a century later they went back to the same area some of the boys by now men were still there a few had died some moved away they got in touch with 180 boys from the original 200 that were interviewed 25 years before and they found that from a group of 180 only four of them have ever been sent to jail and even those a short period of time why was it they wonder that these men who had lived in a breeding place of crime how did it happen that they had such a astoundingly surprisingly good record so the researchers the new group of students were told by by most of these boys well there was a teacher they kept on hearing that Mantra there was a teacher so they pressed further what teacher what everyone has a teacher and they found that in 75 in 75% of the cases it was the same teacher a woman teacher that they had so they went to this teacher she was now quite an elderly lady it's been 25 years after she's been teaching and she was middle-aged she was living in the home for retired teachers that they had over there and they asked her how did you extend such a remarkable positive influence on the group of voice could she give any reason any method any mechanism why all of these boys remember her a quarter of a century later they were 12 years old what did she do right and she says I really don't I really don't know I had no methodology no mechanism I was just a teacher and they pressed her because they were trying to create a paper that would uh that would be useful for further research and she says I really did nothing and then they wrote this thinking back over the years she said amusingly almost speaking to herself more to the researchers she says I love those boys she was like almost whispering to herself remembering and the researchers understood that that was really it almost to herself so to speak matter of fact oh I love those boys you have to be able to love those girls genuinely but the say something even deeper and that is look at his teeth nobody is born with teeth some mammals are born with teeth these teeth that this child is portraying they're not his natural or her natural self the potential for teeth existed the teeth we're born without teeth so we should nurse our mother's milk this is not their natural state something happened there was a distortion don't Define the entire person by the teeth because this is not their natural essential state but is saying something even deeper and that is after we get through all of this we actually tell him something very profound and what we tell him is you really believe that freedom means doing nothing why all these Mitzvah why all these requirements in other words Freedom means letting nature take its own course I want to be a couch potato I'll be a couch potato but then H is you have no business having teeth because when you were born you did not have teeth many mammals do have teeth but the human story is a story of development of work we don't Embrace things the way exactly we the way we were born and that's so we keep it then we shouldn't be walking we should continue to be nursing our whole life we don't do that in fact most animals a few seconds or hours or days after their birth they're already in some ways not completely but in some ways self-sufficient says what's in the plural why nasam so he says all animals the clayer has an interesting uh similar inside all animals a few hours after they're born they're not babies anymore they're running around when it comes to a person Hashem turns to and momy and he says let's create a human being together I need your help in molding a human being it's a process it's development and we know that even at the age of 30 or 40 we're still trying to have the baby grow up not let's make a human being together so in other words man woman achieves their ultimate purpose only through work only through discipline only through challenging themselves like in the violin as I told you once in the violin if the chords are not tied down the music will never play say let the chords be loose they can be loose but the music will never play We Tell him even further we say leave we do it in third person there's a very profound statement here what is the profound statement we're telling the Ben Russia if he would have been there he wouldn't have been redeemed we don't say you we say he meaning if a child like you would have existed would have before I say the answer isn't it strange to speak to somebody like imagine somebody sitting at your table and says why are you doing what you're doing if he would have been there he wouldn't have been redeemed you learn there's something off here say something why don't you say the benefits if he will Embrace what you what you believe in why the negative why the negative this is the most positive statement you could say if this fellow would have been there in Egypt before before he would have not been redeemed you had to make a choice if you didn't want to go out you didn't go out that's if he would have been there today once you stood at Sinai and God declared that you are part of you're part of a kingdom of princesses and a holy nation of course you will be redeemed you are an indispensable part of the Jewish people you are a piece of the Divine you are essentially sacred and holy there's nothing in the world that can sever your wholesome relationship with God even if you choose not to acknowledge it or you're unaware of it intentionally or unintentionally the love to you is absolutely unconditional You Are Holy based on your essence your core and is nothing that can compromise and tarnish and destroy that Holiness and if that's the case the only way you will experience freedom in life is if you learn who you really are I cannot be free by making believe I'm a horse I can't be free by making believe I'm a cat sometimes it's nice to be a puppy but I will never be free as a puppy because I'm not a puppy I hate to break it to you you say let me tell you is it true that many Jews follow a lot of rituals and they see absolutely no significance in it yes but if you will have the courage to study and explore you will see that every detail and every Mitzvah is a tool for your ultimate self-realization and self-expression because it's who you are it's not here to destroy your reality to crush your reality it's ultimately here to express your reality they tell the story Med brings a story very deep story when Hashem created the bird the bird said to God he says I don't understand you I have such thin and weak legs how will I outrun my Predators so Hashem said ah I'll protect you and he gives the bird a beak says this ugly beak no way way out so he gives the bird claws the bird looks and says I'm such a beautiful bird why claws no way so God says I'll give you something else and he places on the bird what we call Wings the bird feels this new burden of Flesh coming down on it and says God Master of the Universe I'm weak as it is now you added more flesh more fat to my body so now I could run even slower and he said no no no what I added was wings that if somebody's chasing you you can lift yourself up and soar to the heavens you can fly away so you can have the same reality one person calls it a crazy excruciating painful burden but from another perspective it's wings what does it depend on if you know who you are if you know who you are you will learn that this is your music a fish is submerged in water imagine the fish says I want to visit the dry land I would like to tour Manhattan and Mony this is ridiculous being in water 24 hours a day the fish doesn't do that in the famous metaphor OFA in why because this is life for the fish this is life anything else is death This Is The Deepest form of self-expression I want to show you these words by one of the great masters of ofin extraordinary piece literally an extraordinary piece take a look we'll get back to this and I have a big question you remember we learned before the first P about the children says your children will tell you what's this so you'll tell them about the PES and the nation kneeled and bowed down so what does Rashi say why did they bow down they heard they'll be liberated they heard they'll come to and the third thing is they're going to have children ask question turns to four million Jews and he says you're going to have children and they're going to ask you what in the world are you doing they're like yeah we're going to have kids if you have an individual couplea infertile and mosu says you're going to have a child Like A and S wow you bow down you're speaking to a whole nation every nation has children the way by it is a miracle no question but that's the biological system of the world animals reproduce plants reproduce insects reproduced by the hundreds of millions and billions birds reproduce they hatch and humans reproduce that's the fact so why are they dancing and celebrating M didn't point to a couple V where did they think they came from these 4 million Jews not from parents not from grandparents you know what sadik says sadik says Nah this is deep which children are we talking about here are which children the these are the the people who don't ask they say they bite they scream they're cynical they're mocking you that's what we're talking about not regular children talking about why they celebrating cuz mosha was telling them a message you know those kids they will never ever ever ultimately be expelled or driven away from Jewish people from the Jewish people now they started to dance that's not that they have children that every single child even that child that everybody is giving up on that the principal calls you in and said we tried there's nothing to do child have nothing to do in your house that child is as holy as any other child about was Despicable he stole from the spoil of in contrast to's commandment in the presence of open Miracles and today's times we sometimes have to say even a Jew is also Jewish he transgressed all the says sonin the man didn't want people should see that he had a bris so he pulled his forkin to cover his BRD in other words it wasn't just he did a sin you know he ate the it wasn't GL he didn't need the bat he at he didn't want to identify with the Jewish people it's like I'm not part of you guys he said in this world you're being punished but don't think you're expelled from the next world says the beginning of the 11th chapter there are three Jewish Kings and four ordinary people who don't have a remember who they [Music] are and they don't have no they're lost forever comes the and the g says who made this list and the gor says the list was made by an these were the greatest of the Jews who built Judaism in the beginning of the second the groups ofra they made this list comes the G and says what's people who expound on says on verses literally means means transcripts those who who are these people we don't know we'll see in a moment everyone is coming all these Jews are coming to was no big what's you have some sometimes something written on a piece of paper it's clear what's AR means H an impression a symbol a Simmon it's not a clear message means he says people who detect they detect feelings that are Beyond human comprehension and intelligence they're not clearly articulated not everybody can see it you have to be extremely super spiritual sensitive that's using human faculties were saying look at these guys they were really really despicable they were not people who just you know who just did wrong things they made these three comes and say this is why they rejoiced for the kids when they heard that even this will have ah this was completely transformed their whole perspective comes and says go back to the why is that an introduction those are the four children children you have to understand and relate to Hashem in a different way and communicate to each of these children a different aspect you could tell to the to the r you have to know to the you could say to the that's why it's an introduction and he says represents God as theace of the universe recognizes everywhere he recognizes says he's the the space of the world redeemed us and turned us into a Jewish Nation May because he's a Jew and he had a he may call himself he says I don't belong the truth is he belongs he's essentially connected this is who he is he's sacred he's holy he has a piece of we speak to the r we say who and we speak about we say like in third person he not you why represents the element of hem that's beyond human intelligence it's not I could look at God and see him in this face of the world this is who transcendent sometimes in my I say no no no I can't deal with this you're not part of this group he says don't limit God you don't understand everything there's an element that's who that I can't see I can't detect I can't comprehend I can't understand Soul's Journeys they're very very deep open yourself up to a future depth open yourself up to a layer of the soul that you have to be ready for you have to be exposed to it this is this is the introduction to the Ben R let's go to the third child very very briefly if we do it a little more long we'll be sitting here till and you still have to do and so on and so forth so very bit I'm not going to elaborate I'll just say the point of the other two children not least we'll discuss one one point The Tam is the third child who exists in each and every one of us and the T we call him a simpleton a probably the more appropriate word would be the confused child the is spiritually lofty he's holy he wants to detach himself from The Human Experience the Russia doesn't realize how holy he or she is and that's why they call themselves a Russia and the worst thing we can do is take them seriously that's the worst thing we can do take them seriously in the sense of believing that they're evil and they're not part of the claw and turn them into the t is a confused Soul he's confused what is he confused by he doesn't have the ability to be able to commit to anything some people it's called sitting on the fence they're nashers they like schas boards you ever see schas boards they don't want to miss out anything they go from one to the other to the other and everything you want to taste there's people who live their whole life by ashong board this is the confused child he is driven by so many different forces that compete I like this I like that somebody once told me they said Rabbi we sping about speaking about koshers they said we keep kosher in the house in the house we keep kosher when we go out but in the house we keep kosher de Deli mil I said it's wonderful wonderful news they say why we thought you would be you wouldn't like it I said I'll tell you cuz one thing I know that after 120 years in heaven all your Cutlery is going to go straight to paradise you and your your wife I'm not sure but the cutlery the dishes the forks the knife the spoons the plates they're going straight to Gaden cuz they were kosher I said what is this a joke was a joke what's what's a different body when you come outside what in the airport there's no God in the restaurant there's no God what's the difference your house not in your house but that's how we are that's how we and everybody in their own way and we sit on the fence he's not against anything he's not rebellious he's just Tom we're we're driven by so many different forces and messages and contrasts they saying the name of the G is one of I think in his name or one of the is and he said the four children the four Sons very penetrating Insight with the four generations of immigrants that came to this country or other countries in the beginning of the 20th century already at the end of the 1900s or the the beginning of the Next Century he said the first generation of immigrants that came over he says they were all with p and Yas and B mostly not most a lot of them that came from the other side from Eastern Europe says do we know yeshivas do we no uh there were no schools they all went to public school and they all wanted to integrate so the children rebelled they rebelled against everything he say that's the second generation they became completely integrated into American culture they could speak in English they can go to Harvard University they can become doctors they can become lawyers they could celebrate New Years with their friends they could become Real Real Americans and join the Melting Pot says that was the second generation the third generation he says they were the T confused they had religious grandparents and secular parents so for shabas dinner they would go to the Bubba they would watch the Bubba light shabas candles she would sing with them a there was a whole generation of American Jews who knew these n the still read the yish newspapers there was a culture of Judaism by the Z and the BBA and the parents were secular so they were time they were confused between the two and then he said now we have a fourth generation sh they're not confused anymore they don't have what to ask they're not confused they never saw their grandparents their great-grandparents fourth fifth sixth generation and so forth this is the tragedy of the time he's a good kid but there's a lot going on he says ma what do you want ma what's this what's this what's his question he's not challenging anything he's not upset he's not a rebellious but he's confused between so many different forces in the world it's very hard for people to make commitments what you have to tell them is people who don't have people who don't have conviction people who don't demonstrate strength remain slaves forever life you have to be able to have what's take a position take responsibility make commitments make a commitment in life don't just taste Embrace commit some people can do it in a relationship they can't commit they'll date for years and years and years they just don't know how to commit they commit to anything they're always afraid to throw themselves into something they're afraid to become too passionate too zealous to embrace something but then you stay in of course don't commit to foolish blind stuff based on indoctrination but when you recognize a truth don't sit on the fence your whole life this is a challenge that has to be addressed and it's in all in all of us it's very difficult go because in many ways it's easy to sit on the fence like we want to dance at all the weddings we want to have the cake and we want to eat it too but in life to be able to really leave Egypt I have to be able to embrace and say this I am committed to with my heart with my mind with My Soul with my energy with my wallet with my body with my n there is the fourth child the fourth child you got to love doesn't know how to ask I want to ask you a question if I may and I hope the Shen forgives me that I'm using him to ask questions when he really doesn't know how to ask so I'll ask for him what do you have to know to ask I could say I understand you don't have to know any that's the beauty of asking you ever hear people ask questions it's obvious they know nothing present company excluded it but people ask questions it's like obvious they know nothing that's the point you don't you don't have to know anything to ask you just sit back like this and you ask I don't mean you I'm just illustrating you sit back and you say how do you know why maybe not Etc right you ask how brilliant do you have to know to ask a question you ever hear people's questions Einstein said two things are infinite the universe and stupidity and the latter is more infinite than the former they say that there was once I don't know what the word is he was like a Reb he was I don't know he had his whatever and he never set to by the Tish he used to have a Tish Friday night they would sing and he would give food he never said to ever after a year or two he turns to his gab and he says what does the what do the people think about me he says I'll be honest with you that people are saying that you may be a real amarat you may be a real real ignorant man you know nothing he says why do they say that the guy doesn't open his mouth nothing it's like mute he says six months later he turns to the gab he says new what's the crowd saying about me he says Reb I'll be honest with you there's a lot more people who are starting to suspect ECT that you're M and I think if I may interfere if I were you at the next Tish I would say some he says tell me how many people think I'm an Amar it's honest he says I think it's 50% of the he says but it's only 50 or it's more he says it's only 50 he says the other half think he says yeah and that's why I think the should really speak he says if that's the case I'm not going to say anything this week he says cuz if I open my mouth then the other 50% will also be convinced that I don't know anything at least 50% have a maybe I know something what do you have to know to ask to answer what what what do you have to know what does the Russ know just say how sophisticated what are you doing doesn't mean you don't know how to ask you know what to ask like every word in the is very profound it comes from the word knew and as a result she gave birth she got pregnant now from knowing somebody they don't have babies yod is a euphemism for intimacy means connected to he became one with and therefore she has a baby she gives birth to and he Etc doesn't mean he doesn't know to ask he doesn't keep here to ask he's not connected to anything to ask to ask a question I have to care I don't care I'm not [Music] connected that's what doesn't mean knowledge that's means intellectual intimacy I connect with something intellectually I'm not connected to anything to ask nothing bothers me you want to eat matah eat matah you want to eat n Kaz Eat N Kaz you want to knock yourself out knock yourself out you want to have 20% alcohol in your wine G I don't care I'm not rebellious I'm not I'm not even confused I'm not confused I don't care anybody body knows that [Laughter] person that's it I I'm fine I don't hate you I'm not angry at God I'm not angry at religion I'm not angry at my mother nobody abused me the right say oh you must have been abused nobody abused me I just don't care it's all I'm not connected I don't even have a negative emotion if somebody has a negative emotion there's an attraction there's an attraction maybe a negative attraction it's not gak but it's somehow there's a connection there and sometimes people have they live vicariously in a relationship through a negative energy which is a dysfunctional issue on to itself it's not for now but uh they glean from the negative energy it's a separate condition this kid or this teenager I should say this adult and sometimes the older you get the more you become been there done that how many times you do how many times you do here we go 10 pieces it's all the same thing God is old yashan yashan yashan sometimes the whole Judaism is one big yashan there's nothing else but Yash be I don't mean that I mean freshness newness so this guy is a very interesting he's a very interesting guy he's a real Jew he's not an atheist an atheist is disturbed by God there's no God he doesn't have an issue yeah God no God I don't care he's not busy denying anything he doesn't care God exists fine he wants me to eat matah fine I really couldn't care less somebody else will offer me it's fine kidney is fine sushi with quinoa good sushi with rice goodi fine ashkanazi fine and in many ways this is the child we want to let go of and this is the part of ourselves we let go of what you do is you just go to sleep you go to sleep you finish it you go to sleep I was once in a sh Friday night so a guy says in this sh we have a policy we knock it off that's our policy that's in our constitution we believe in knocking it off okay you knock it off and you take a nap and some people just get used to this you know what there's benefits I guess there's benefits Mark they say in the name of Mark Twain he lived in Brooklyn in New York and he said that that before he dies he wants to move to Manchester because he said from there the transition to death won't be that noticeable now I personally like Manchester I've been to Manchester many times it's a wonderful place Wonder just always rains but besides the fact London and Manchester always rain you can't get normal weather there but New York is not too much better so uh so I don't know what he meant with but the point is some people choose to live as though they died you know why a lot of advantages to that nobody bothers you you don't bother anybody else it's a nothing gets on your nerves it's called a dead man walking he happens to be alive biologically but that doesn't mean much so their Judaism is also that way but the truth is that this is a sad reality it's called living a life of quiet desperation the says something very deep you have to open the door you have to open the window what does it mean you have to open the window the first thing is there's no such a thing a person who really really doesn't care there's people who decide at some point they don't care cuz nobody ever turned on the switch nobody ever gave them something to be passionate about nobody ever showed them truth meaning Majesty goodness every person in the world wants love I don't know one person who doesn't every person in the world wants meaning every person in the world wants wholesomeness every person in the world wants a relationship every person in the world wants some level of Ms but after years and years of corruption or dishonesty or monotony or retun just how many times are you going to get hurt so you just detach you cut yourself off you say you know what it's easier to make believe I died and stop feeling emotions don't give up on this child and don't give up on this child in you but you know how you have to do it one condition what did you just tell me that has a message for the what you just told me was if you want to open up the window to his soul or her soul you have to be able to speak about if I'm just going to give the prepared speech the prepared sermon the in this week's para there's an interesting it ain't going to work did anything really ever touch you you have to get to the Lee to the me to the core if I strip my garments and I go to my etum and I give somebody my core I'll be able to get through their garments and get to their core but there's one condition the condition is I have to give them honesty I have to give them rawness I have to give them authenticity I have to give them real Judaism not for recycle Lee go be deeper than your garments go beyond your comfort zone and you'll be able to penetrate into their deepest self beyond their garments that's why it says before you get to the fort children is going to tell let me tell you something you're going to hear some interesting stuff now but I want you to know one thing in each one of them there's and if you're not going to be able to recognize the E the oness in each one of them then you don't hear the we're going to help you recognize the in each of them it's not just four kids it's in each one there's an in each one there's a glow of of the oness of consciously a consciously more revealed or more concealed and sometimes it has to be you have to open it and at is feminine you have to be able to be feminine meaning you have to be able to be full of empathy which is a feminine quality full of compassion full of understanding full of sensitivity and to be able to be really vulnerable with them which is usually a greater feminine skill than a masculine skill with all respect to with all due respect to the ezis an then you can get to your Lee you can get you can get to his Lee so the finishes off that's the again so remember is is the Beyond he says is the Tom to whom you have to be able to give him the to that hasem gave and the could turn him on he has to appreciate the fact that there's real conviction in the world and he has to be able to embrace it to be free he has to be able to embrace the to that he gave the Jewish people because it's true it's to comes to sh what now says you got to go back to fascinating the rush the you have to connect to that's what he says in the last lines here 1 2 two three five lines from the bottom at first glance you say there's nothing here this guy is numb this guy is paralyzed this guy is frozen this guy is lifeless he doesn't care he's not connected the problem again is here you are relating only to God the way you see it from your limited point of view this El's godliness is infinite and it's infinitely mysterious and it transcends human compreh apprehension and if you will understand that you will be able to see that in that Soul there is abundant infinite nuclear Holiness you can open it up but for this you have to be able to say without that introduction you can't get to your now according to all of this we can have a beautiful homedical understanding of the structure of the beginning of the hag right after we start answering the questions the four questions we tell the story after we tell the story the greatest of the generation the generation post the century post the destruction of the second are sitting in it's the night of p and they're telling the story of The Exodus of Egypt throughout the whole night until their students come to them and they sayb are teachers the time ofak has arrived what happened here a lot of different interpretations I want to present to you one homo Leal interpretation Al based on the above there are four sons and in each son there's an there's in each in each child boy or girl in the the r is rashis the acronym of the word shakas is what Shak so you have the is the r is Russia the saf at the end is Tam and then you have so is Russ Y and T the greatest sages of the generation were sitting a whole night they were sitting in a state of Lil a state of Darkness telling and teaching the story of to all of their children to all of their students to all of their disciples which included a very wide extreme of Jews until their students came to them and said you managed to reach the and have them all say together you manage to discover and help each one of the children discover the the harmony the Oneness the holistic or organic Unity that exists within them in their relationship with themselves with their soul and with God you managed to affect all of the children to the point that all of them all the managed to reach the time ofma the time of and thus right afterwards two paragraphs later we say we have to affect and reach through the Seder you want to reach the K how do you know the Seder was successful and effective if as a result of the Seder you manag to reach hi you touch and you reach that all of the Shak and all of the four children are engaged in kashma you revealed the in each of them now you know that your SED was effective the students have to say this to the rebas the rebas can't say it themselves the student said you affected us you transformed us to the point that you accomplished the whole story of and that's why we have that introduction by the way it's interesting to know that there are opinions that the reason B is redundant is because it used to be that there was a person reading the and he was like the narrator and people were responding after him it was called the Mak the makra like the Mak the so therefore the person reading the would declare loud he would say and everybody in responded and then he said and everybody said that would be one explanation of the repetition but here we have even a deeper explanation which also answers why it comes into this paragraph because these four bar respond as we explained to the four children and it in it says that the word in Mish means blessed also comes from the word grafting in the Mish says if you graft a Vineyard y bre in modern Hebrew is a pool of water when you draw basically from a Wellspring or from a lake from a stream from an ocean from a beach you draw into a pool of water means to draw forth to draw down for each of the four children you have to draw down their own deeper energy to reveal the for the you can bring it from that which fills the world the space of the world presence in the world he relates to in the world and not only that what that's what you want to accomplish with the is very holy the is your holy child who says why are there why are you making distinctions between when you realize that the objective of isus is intimacy is connection with Hashem who cares how the method doesn't matter it's all ultimately the same Rel relationship with God and what you're telling this is that you want the relationship should permeate and penetrate The Human Condition the human faculties the the space of the world when you come to the Russia you're drawing down from you have to reveal the who you have to reveal the who the concealed Jew in the Russ says from the who of and from the time you reveal the the value of the commitment of T and the sh again you have to draw The Who and you can't compare the to the sh they are two very different different creatures The Tam is not celess the Tam is just fearful he's spineless he's uncertain he's confused he cares he just it's hard for him to make a commitment you have to teach him the power of conviction the power of commitment is driven by by apathy not by fear not by confusion not by contrast and different priorities simply by apathy here you need the which all of this explains something very fascinating the says in Pre that the four cups of wine correspond to the four children the first cup is the the second is the the third the fourth now listen to this the first cup what do we do when the first cup we make KES what do we do the third cup we bench the fourth cup Hal the end of the Seder what about the second cup you fill up the second cup before mag before the Manana and the whole said on the on the second cup the whole till you wash your hands and you start eating the mat and the and the the whole the meat and potato of the mitvah of the night of P to tell the story of is said on on the second cup and the tells us who is that that's k r strange so the whole is set on the second cup of wine which was instituted by the kazal to be set on the how do we understand this now it's all clear and the same reason that the author of The hag put in such a harsh response to the Russia the Russia comes to the S there he speaks to you he says why don't you give him a response all the says is seems like knock out his teeth punch him in the nose punch him in the teeth and just tell him you would have not been redeemed he's there by the say he asked the question engage him be a m tell him something no but now we understand not only are you giving him a message this is the ultimate message of you're turning to this child and you're saying if you would have been there in before if you would have been in Egypt and you would say I'm not interested then it would have been your choice you would have not been redeemed but once you stood at Mount Si and Hashem said to every single Jew and every single Jewish soul forever I am yours and as the is brought in means is it's your God means strength your true Consciousness your true depth your true energy is Hashem you're Divine of course you're going to be redeemed of course you're indispensable to the story of the Jewish people and that's why we say it in third person because you of course you're redeemed if somebody else similar to you that model would have been there then and indeed the whole story of we say on the second cup to elevate this child because in the story of you got to elevate all of the children the and the Russ and the and the Shah says interestingly that the four cups correspond to the four mothers says this in his famous section known as says the firstes is s was the one who was mes she began bringing Kad into the world the first Jewish woman the second cup is R because the second cup is you tell the story we were entrenched in idolatry and then we came close to Hashem and that's the story of Rifka who was taken out from the house of L and brought to then you have the third cup which is set for ra the third cup is Bening and it says that the paros in the house always comes in the of the mother of the home which is and then you have the fourth cup halah who never stopped thanking the fourth cup what do we see again that the second cup of the said with on Rifka Rifka was that child taken out plucked out from the thorns the med applies to her the verse like a rose among Thorns she was plucked out why would we begin the story of the about the denigrated status of the Jewish people that's what the mishna says you begin with the Shand you begin with the negative because the objective of is to elevate every child to transform every child even when you look at yourself or you look at your loved one and it looks like you have to remember that the power of is to reach the and to reveal the to reveal the Oneness in each of our children you ask interesting question very practical question right yeah exactly well this wonderful Jew is telling us that uh this is a distortion of the meaning of he was educated that it means literally some of the children are wicked and they have to be expelled and thrown out and said yes they would have never been redeemed that's the way of dealing with them very harsh you know this conversation is not abstract you know when things are in the abstract we speak about a perfect Ideal World it's sometimes easier to argue let's speak very realistically okay I have a question to you there are many many homes today in the most observant toy observant communities around the world in America in Israel and everywhere else around the world hundreds and thousands of homes that a child or some children have drifted away from the path ofz I make a public seder every year for many years okay I ask you now a question if I meet one of these children that boy or girl may be your child maybe your nephew maybe your niece maybe your sibling and yes he was thrown out of his community or he left his community for whatever reason now I have a question for myself should I invite him to my public seder and make him feel comfortable Embrace him and tell him that you have a place of dignity at my seder there's a place for you at my seder you are part of my family you're part of our people you will always remain a part of our family a part of our people or I should tell him since you're a Russia give me your teeth let me knock them out and get out of here because you would have never been redeemed you're not part of I ask you this real question if it was your child if it was your child and I would call you up before PES and I would say tell me honestly what do you want me to do do you want me to bring in this child or do you want me to expel this child like this child was once expelled maybe from or wherever he was expelled what would you tell me to do and now I ask you if it's not your child if it's another dude's child it's not God's child think about this in Practical terms I'm going to finish off with two stories two opposite stories and you'll see the two extremes and I think it will sum it up well I don't know how many of you heard of the name of a Jew named Zero mustell okay an interesting name right zero mustel he died in 1977 he was born in 1915 he was one of the most famous American actors and comedian he was known for his portrayal of kic characters tuvia fidler and fidler on the roof Etc his name was not zero zero mustel his mother and father at his bris did not name him zero which in Hebrew means FS or in yish N his name was yel mustel if you want to be more precise he was was born in Good Old Brooklyn he was one of eight children Kayan Hara of a very observant and from Jewish Family they were raised in the Lower East Side of Manhattan like many nice Jewish families ultimately he left yish he left Jewish observance he earned World Fame as a worldclass comedian and actor and he was a three-time Tony Award winner which made him really world renowned when he went into the entertainment field he changed his name from Y and his first name became zero and that's how he became famous zero mustel they asked him who and how in the world did you come up with this name zero you know what he said tell you what he said he said that his father would always tell him Al you are a zero and you will always remain a zero so imagine he goes off and he becomes the world famous zero mustel I think there's a painfully clear message here if you don't make your child feel special they will find someone who does they will find someone who will make them feel special one story story number two the BL of spir who passed away in 1989 I think how old was he like 100 no 99 99 years old as you know he suffered terribly during the Holocaust his wife and children the first marriage was slaughtered and at one point he ended up in Bergen Bellon he was called the one of these uh unique rebes and the Germans had a special unique hatred reserved for these types of Jews who were spiritual Giants and admired by so many other Jews they would torture them with a unique sadistic barbaric hatred if there could be something even more than their barbaric treatment of other Jews regular ordinary Jews the blood ofba was no was no different one year a few weeks before pesak he decided to do something very risky in ber Bellon there was a German Commandant there who took unique interest in him he found them to be peculiar and strange and he would sometimes clandestinely have conversations with them and he felt that there was some touch of humanness in him so a few weeks before PES he says it would be wonderful if we could bake matah here and have matah and he explains to him the tradition the man looked at him gave a long stare at him at some point the BL of related he said he thought he overstepped his boundaries and he could literally be shot for the request but the man said let me think about it and he walked away a week before PES this guy this Nazi commandant brought in a little oven and he gave them flour and he allowed them to bake they started to bake matah and uh it was like a little brick oven and then they saw that a German was coming so they stopped and then somebody said you don't have to stop it's the commandant it's that guy you could do it he gave it to us he comes in they were just starting to bake and he smashes the oven he starts hollering and screaming somebody basically sneaked out a letter from ber and Bellin and therefore his rank was lowered he was blamed this is how they pay him back and basically they were just starting to bake it was the end of the oven and they had a few matzas that they just baked that were left over the question was who's going to get to eat the mat on P so they went to the and they asked him to decide who should get the mat for PES first of all everybody was starving but besides the fact who's going to get to do the Mitzvah blood said that mat is an obligation on every Jewish adult so we'll take a few of the adults and as much as we can we'll give each a kazas mat at least they should fulfill the obligation of eating mat this is what the said he say this is how we should do it this was in the in one of the barracks at that point there's a voice that's heard in the barck a woman's voice and she responds to the BL of suggestion and she says meaning of of course that when mha tells par you want to leave Egypt par says take the adults M says she tells the blood of said first he said first the children first the youngsters she had a broken body an imated body sheated body she told the BL but she says no the mat you have to give to aru first you have to give to the children he says I don't know if we're going to get out of here but hopefully some of the children are going to get out of here and they still have a chance to rebuild a family and rebuild the future if we don't give them mat there won't be a future to the Jewish people we have to give the children we have to invest in the children the BL went over to her and he said you're absolutely right and that year the horrors of Bergen Bellen he gave the matah to the children who were there in Bergen Bellen by the s that was led by the BL after Liberation the BL married this woman her name was Bron and they began a new life she became known as the BL rabbitson I think in her two words she captured the soul of PES our children are our greatest gifts and our greatest future and if we put our soul and love into it we can open their hearts have a wonderful night and to you and your families thank you this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small 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