How to Enjoy Life Despite Pain and Challenges - Rabbi YY Jacobson Parshat Vayakhel

I want to thank very much Mrs. Miriam Klein and the the who instigated and initiated and gave birth to the entire process and of course to the leadership of the shul Lazer and Heather Scheiner and all of the staff for really helping out in this entire process cuz a lot of things have to be done over there in order to make it ready. So, thank you very very much. We're very grateful. Huh? It's a major investment. Yes, yes, yes. It's a major investment on their part and we're all very grateful, yeah. Okay, thank you. Thank you. So, we'll confirm base Hashem next week about the actual move date. Okay, today's class is dedicated by uh Liz and Dr. Michael Michelle in loving memory of Liz's dear mother, Mrs. Shirley Levy Sarah Passel bas Reb Aryeh Leib a'lav ha'shalom on the occasion of her 60th yahrzeit on the 22nd day of Adar, Chof Beis Adar Sheini. So, we dedicate this class in her loving memory. Um those of you who uh have been here have been here for many years know that Mrs. Shirley Levy worked with her uh her husband to turn the Monsey community into what it was today. They arrived in Spring Valley back in 1952. It's a couple of years before I was born. Huh? You look 20. And uh they founded together what is known today as A Shayna besides privately lending help and encouragement to countless, countless families in various stages of spiritual and financial need. Uh? I'm an alumna. Oh, wow. Okay, wow. My children are Wow, okay. Which year did you go there? I went from 19 what? And then I went from 1965. Wow, okay. Okay. So, for all the alumni, yeah, welcome, welcome. And uh really she uh Mrs. Shirley Levy, Sarah uh Sarah Pesha bas Levi was one of the pioneers and builders of this community, so we're very grateful. So, we dedicate in honor of her yahrtzeit to have a neshama tzurah. But tzurah chaya may may her She was a very, very special lady for all those who knew her. May her love and light and and kindness and dedication be a source of love and empowerment for her family and the community and all of her family and all of the Jewish people and to all of the family l'arichus yamim v'shanim tovim. B'toiv hanireh v'hanigleh with much health, happiness, prosperity, and nachas. And thank you very, very much for your partnership. The today's class is also dedicated by Reb Dovid Refson, one of the legendary educators of Israel, who built the whole uh Uh? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Many educational institutions. Thank you very much for the zchus to participate in this work of spreading Torah. Thank you very much. Reb Dovid ben Tzadok. Can I call him? The class is also dedicated by Gitty Munits for a complete and speedy recovery for all of our grandchildren who need it and for all of our sons and daughters and all of our entire families and we should see Mashiach coming take it from me ad mamesh and bringing an immediate redemption to our people and our world. Amen. We couldn't agree more. There was a famous comedian known as Sam Levenson. Some of you already laughing when you hear his name. It's good when you hear somebody's name and you laugh instead of cry, right? That's a good thing. And he once said, "When my father came to America, he came here from the old country because he was told that the streets of the United States of America paved with gold." And then he said, "When my father came here, he soon discovered three things. Number one, the streets of America were not paved with gold. Number two, the streets of America were not paved at all. Number three, he was the one who was expected to pave the streets." I say this to you because there's always different ways of looking at something. And this class, we're going to explore three major stories in the Torah, but from two different sources. One source tells a very, very, what you would call idyllic story. A beautiful, splendid, almost cozy, geshmak, romantic, idealistic story. The other source tells the same story, but suddenly there's so many problems and politics and distractions and anxiety and stress. And we want to try to reconcile the two if we can. So, the entire second half of safer shmois, beginning with truma, tetzaveh, part of kisisa, vayakel this week, next week pekudei, are all dedicated to the theme of the building of the mishkan, the house for God. V'asu li mikdash v'shachanti b'socham. Shem tells Moshe make for me a mikdash a sanctuary a temple a holy sacred space and I will dwell and I will dwell among them. And the details and the intricacies of it are quite intense. Every piece of furniture, every vessel, every beam, every socket, every hook, every curtain, every veil, every pillar. All the tapestries, we know exactly how many and the sizes and the dimensions both the height and the width and the length and where everything was placed. And it was all done in the most impeccable flawless manner. And actually this week parshas Vayakel is when it all comes together. Moshe gathers the people, gives them the instructions. They begin donate the first time in history and maybe the last time in history that the Jews donate more than was necessary to the point that Moshe said stop giving. I never heard ever again that any rabbi should say the appeal officially comes to an end even if you want to give we're not taking your money. Go take go home. But Moshe says that's it. Stop. And uh till it's finally put up till it's finally built at the end of parshas Pekudei and indeed the divine presence enters into the Mishkan. When you read all these portions, you go Terumah, Tetzaveh, Ki Sisa, Vayakel, Pekudei, especially these weeks Vayakel and Pekudei, it's presented in a seamless uninterrupted flow. As they say in Yiddish, "Sikhlapt." It's going well. It's perfect. It's wonderful. It's beautiful. Everything klapt. Everything is going. Basically, the commands are given the the instructions are given and everyone mobilizes. The women, the men, the children. Not only that, it says the women came before the men and they slept the men with them. Anashim And obviously even the men says even the children donated. And everything was voluntary, meaning there was no obligation for anybody to donate. It says six times that it was based on the divo saleve, pure generosity. In other words, it was not it was not compulsory, it was no obligation. Everybody gave what they wanted and how much they wanted, whether it was the gold or was the silver or was the copper or was the various wools with all of the different colors and dyes, the turquoise, whether it was different heights, incense, spices, oil, all of the donations that were needed. The biggest thing was the acacia wood that I say and we spoke about. Everybody gave what they want, but they gave as I said in such abundance that the donations had to stop because they would simply be superfluous. So, there was an instruction, the gathering, and then the construction happens again flawlessly. There is such mobilization and the construction work is it was also voluntary. Two people, Betzalel and Oholiav, ran the show, but everyone else, artisans, artists, craftsmen, sculptors, molders, builders, anyone who wanted and had a skill and talent came and was immersed in the work. So, the way you look at it in the Torah, the way it's written in Torah She B'ksav, Hashem gives the commandment to Moshe Rabbeinu in Parshas Terumah and Tetzaveh. And the beginning of Ki Sisa, Vayakhel Moshe presents it to the people, he gathers all the people, Vayakhel, he gathers all the people, and he tells them the plan. The nation responds with enthusiastic passion and and frenzy and love and fire. They love it. They donate more than is necessary. All Moshe has to do at this point is tell them to stop, not to give more. And the construction progresses exactly according to the plan and within a half a year, an incredible, incredible feat, within a half a year compared to how long your house was under construction, and your house, with all due respect, is not as difficult to build as the Mishkan. Some people are still building their houses 8, 9 years later. Here, within a half a year, not even a year, it's all done. The Mishkan is put up. According to Rashi, Moshe gave the instruction a day after Yom Kippur, and already on the end of Adar, they began to put up the Mishkan the 25th day of Adar, Rosh Chodesh Adar, 23rd day of Adar, and Rosh Chodesh Nissan, which means less than 6 months later, the entire Mishkan was erected and ready to function on a daily basis as the spiritual epicenter and home for Hashem in the desert among the Jewish people. Great. It looks beautiful. Then you open up the Medrash. And when you open up the Medrash, where we have all of the various commentaries and all of the various explanations and different stories filling in all the gaps, the oral tradition, what we call Torah Shebaal Peh, the oral tradition that was transmitted orally, from mouth to mouth, from generation to generation, we see that it was anything but smooth and seamless. In fact, there was politics. What else is new? There was politics. For example, the Medrash tells a story that there were Jews, it's funny, but yes, there were Jews who suspected that Moshe pocketed some of the money. Of course, when you have one man with so much gold and so much silver and so much beautiful gems, remember there were also gems that were brought, Avnei Shoham, Avnei Miluim, beautiful diamonds for the Ephod, for the apron, for the Choshen Mishpat, for the breastplate of the Kohen Gadol, you have so much wood, very very expensive and beautiful wood. So much beautiful oil so much beautiful types of wool and dyed with amazing incredible splendid colors. From turquoise to the skin, etc. And they said that Mosha probably pocketed some of the money and they demanded from Mosha then the question. They wanted Mosha to give an accounting for every single donation, every coin, every nickel, every dime that came in. Where did it go to? And in fact, Mosha humbly did exactly that. The whole parshas is dedicated to Mosha's accounting. It starts off next week's parsha. This is the accounting of what was done with every donation. Why? Why? We already know that everybody donated. What's this accounting for? It's in somebody's bank that I need access to it. The answer is Mosha in his humility said, "Okay." And he literally gave an account of where every as we would say today where every dollar went, every shekel as it was for this grand grand construction project. Not only that, the rubber says that Mosha actually forgot. He forgot something that he did with the silver. He forgot where a certain amount of silver went. It wasn't in his mind. And of course, there were RIGHT AWAY RUMORS. NOW FOR SURE HE POCKETED THE MONEY. YOU know what it is. In fact, somebody said probably, "Look, Mosha's been driving a new BMW. Who paid Who paid for this BMW?" And generally he went on vacation with last summer. It was a nice vacation I heard. It was in L. Or Aruba or maybe even Greece or the Riviera. What happened? Who paid for that? And you saw the of Gershon? Who makes such a Who makes such a of a? You know when the yachnas talking about people who make such a bar mitzvah. I'm not going to show you all my mimicking skills. And the schmorgasbord, I never saw so much sushi this yenta, never saw so much sushi. Shine, so go find a place where you could buy sushi. And his daughter got married, $2 million home he bought her. He couldn't buy a $1 million home? $2 million bar. Anyway, and the granite counter in the kitchen. Etcetera, etcetera. And the medrish says that then Moshe Rabbeinu, he saw the image of a vav, and he remembered that it was a hook. A vav looks like a hook, and he remembered that he used it for hooks. And the day was saved. He could account for the silver. So, it's so fascinating that this is part of what happened by the Mishkan. There were also other obstacles. The medrish says that there were times that Moshe simply couldn't grasp the instructions of what to build, how to communicate it to the artisans, to the builders, to the craftsmen. And Hashem had to really show him an exact blueprint of what was needed. Furthermore, our sages say when it comes to the menorah, even that didn't work. All the instructions did not work. Moshe or his people couldn't grasp it, and Moshe really despaired of making it. He said, "I can't." And Hashem had to do that do that part himself. Another interesting thing happened. The Mishkan was actually, according to the medrish, ready much earlier. It was ready in the month of Kislev. And it was ready to be put up. And for some reason, he was told not it has to remain idle for 3 months. For 3 months it remained idle, and it was a very difficult time because they finished. Everybody was looking forward to this. This was like the high, and it was all put on hold. And people started to doubt, you know, did God have Does God have different thoughts? Is he regretting this entire project? Does he not feel that this is his right home? It was very difficult. Finally, it came time to put up the Mishkan and as the Midrash says and Rashi brings it, nobody can do it. It was not working. Nobody can lift up the beams. Nobody can lift up the pillars which really created the encircling structure of the Mishkan. Without that, you don't have a Mishkan. The structure was the beams and the pillars. Even as they did it collectively, many people together with a lot of power and strength and they could not get it done. was such an anticlimax because people felt, "Okay, the whole work with such an investment of money and resources and time and energy and most importantly love and it was all in vain." And at the end, Moshe himself was told, "You do it." And Hashem said, "You're not even doing it. I'm going to do it. Just make believe that you're putting your hands there as though you did it." Even Moshe himself couldn't do it on his own. What is so interesting about all of this? This is all in the Midrash. What's interesting is that in the text of the Chumash, there's not even a hint. I said maybe hints, but there's not any mention of this. You of course have a hint here and a hint there and a hint there. The Chazal always found the hints and they deduced it from the hints. But in the story in the Torah, it's a very holistic, seamless, beautiful, idyllic, pure, innocent story and narrative. There's no obstacles. There's no setbacks. There's no politics. There's no accusations. There's no problems. It's a smooth ride without anyone encumbering it. So, here we have to ask a fundamental question not only about this story. A fundamental question whenever we learn Chumash or whenever we learn Tanakh, whenever we learn Yiddishkeit, how do we reconcile the narrative communicated in Chumash and the narrative communicated in Torah Shebaal Peh, the oral tradition in the Midrash. If the Midrashim are presenting the actual facts of what happened, which we know they are, so why does the text of the Chumash completely ignore these facts? Doesn't tell us about any of these facts. It's just a beautiful, beautiful, impeccable story. Is the Torah trying to cover up all that which is not pleasant? It's like it's scratched out of the record. And if that's what's happening, what is the lesson from us? Is the Torah telling us repress things that are not comfortable, things that are not so geshmeck, just make believe they never happened? Let's believe and let's make everybody believe that everything is perfect and really it's far from it. And if that's the case, that's the way to go, take out of your mind anything that doesn't fit the beautiful narrative, why did our sages spoil it? And say, "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. It wasn't so simple. It was very, very difficult. It was very, very challenging." What's the right path? How are we to understand this dissonance, this inconsistency? Now, if it happened would happen once, you would say, "Okay, it happened once." There's two other major stories in Tanakh, all you could say quite historic, and we see exactly the same pattern. First let's go to the story of creation. That's a pretty big story, wouldn't you say that? It's probably responsible for everything. Or I'm saying probably, it's responsible for everything. Bereishit bara Elohim et hashamaim ve'et ha'aretz. So, you read Parshas Bereishit, Genesis. In the beginning God created heaven and earth. And here you have again a beautiful, seamless flow. Six days and everything is created. As they say, it took God six days to make the heaven and earth and since then it's made in China, which Trump is trying to deal with. Trump is trying to deal with that. But again, it's a smooth cruise but it's about the mission of the heart etc. Or somebody once had in the Stone Bar Park, in God we trust, everybody else pays cash. So those six days, Hashem does an amazing amazing job and he constructs what you could say is a mind-staggering, splendid, otherworldly universe that actually exists in our world. And as you say, study one blade of grass and its intricate brilliance is is beyond imagination. Study one cell, one neuron, one atom. I mean, it's incredible our universe when you look at it on a micro level, on a macro level, when you zoom in, when you zoom out, and with each generation it becomes yet more splendid and more sophisticated. From generation to generation your works get praised. Your shabbach in Hebrew means they actually get better. Like shvach, it gets better. What does it mean it gets better? So the Malbim writes in Tehillim, in each generation we can appreciate much more the work of creation. What we know today relative to what we know a thousand years ago, you can't even compare. People used to think that a cell was pretty simple and therefore it could just happen randomly. Just a few pieces coming together. Now even a Lego, a few pieces don't come together on their own. But today you know that the infrastructure of one cell is more intricate than the infrastructure of London, Paris, Moscow, Tel Aviv, New York, Los Angeles, and Melbourne put together. And that's only one cell and in your body you have like 70 trillion of them, yeah? They certainly knew a lot of things, but with all the technology that has developed, we just have an ability with x-rays and MRIs and microscopes and telescopes and all of the technology, computers, etc., robots to be able to perceive layers of reality that they couldn't perceive. Germs, viruses, bacteria, atoms, cells, atomic energy even, right? What's the power of one atom? You split an atom, it's pretty powerful. They do a certain things, but a lot of things not, obviously. So, that's on one level. And this is all created in these six days of creation. Now, suddenly you open up a Medrish, you open up a Gemara, even open up Rashi, and you see that Hashem himself came across some very serious obstacles and had to, as they say, change course. The trajectory was not so simple. It's like you're going on a journey and suddenly there's a crazy crazy traffic jam and you need to find a new direction, a new path. Not only that, every one of the six days, if you study the Medrish, posed another challenge, another obstacle. The first thing the Medrish tells us is that the quality of truth opposed the entire entire idea of creating the world. The Medrish says that when Hashem wanted to create the world, I'm Reb Simon, Reb Simon said said Medrish Rabbah Bereishis, when Hashem wanted to create the world, truth said, "Absolutely not. I completely disagree to this foolish foolish plan. This is a world filled with lies and truth cannot tolerate it." In fact, the Medrish says Hashem had to take the quality of truth, he took truth and he threw it to the ground. He cast away the truth in order to be able to construct the universe. He shlich emes artza. That's why the possuk says and tell them emes may eretz titsmach. Truth is going to grow from the earth. Why is it in the earth? Because tzit tifa graben. It was buried deep deep deep in the earth and therefore we're waiting for it to grow. Emes may eretz titsmach. Every day it grows a little more, but it takes some time. That's number one. So truth be chlal felt that this whole idea doesn't make sense. Our sages always so say that in the beginning Hashem had one way of creating the world. B't'chila al machshava l'vri'as hadin. He wanted to create the world with attribute of judgment and then he realized nothing will endure, nothing will exist. And he realized he has to bring another attribute, the attribute of compassion into the universe. On the first day he created light hoping that this light will be able to serve the universe, but what happens is he saw that the world will not withstand the light and he had to take the light and realizing that it's useless, he had to hide it. As the Gemara said that I'll say that the light that was created the first day, gunzoi, he hid it. It couldn't even be used. Then comes the second day. He creates a firmament that separates the waters. There's the higher water, there's the lower water and the Medrash says the lower water made a revolt. Mayim tach'tonim made a rebellion. It's not fair. It's not fair. Why did the higher water stay up and I went down? And the Medrash says mayim tach'tonim bochin. The lower waters are still screaming, yelling, and crying. Anan b'inan l'mevei kodam malka. We want to stand in front of the king. Day three, there was another rebellion. On day three all the produce was created, the world of botany. If you look in the Torah, the way Hashem planned it and the way it happened was different. What he planned was it says tatzmiach Hashem Elohim tatzmiach eretz desha, esev mazri'a zera. Zera Which means Hashem says let the earth Grow its produce. All of the grasses that will continue to reproduce. A tree, a fruit That produces fruits. When you look at the creation what happened? It says the trees produce fruits. Hashem said it should be an eight pre A tree of fruit that produces fruit. He wanted that the taste of the bark Should be exactly like the taste of the fruits. The trees themselves should be edible. The trunks, the trunk of the tree, the roots of the tree, the branches of the tree, the leaves of the tree should all be as edible as the fruits themselves. The trees rebelled and they said we're not interested. No, and that's why You can't eat the bark of a tree. It's not very edible. You have to get the fruit. So this was a rebellion already on the third day that the trees didn't listen. Then comes Wednesday. You would think God would have a little peace. He creates the sun and the moon two great luminaries and the moon says no no no no no not on my watch. This is not fair. Two kings don't use the same crown. And the moon went on a lunar rebellion pun intended. She became really lunatic and really And we're suffering from it since and really went crazy In full full frenzy saying this is not a way to create the world. This is ridiculous. This is not going to work. And God said okay so diminish yourself. And she started to complain and they had a whole as the Gamorian page 60 a whole fight back and forth and I shall have to appease her and says you know what The Jews are going to make their calendar based on you." She says, "I COULDN'T CARE LESS. WHO'S GOING TO MAKE A CALENDAR BASED ON ME? THIS doesn't make sense." And he said, "Jacob is going to be called small, and David are going to be called small, and everybody will And the the holidays will be based on you, and people will be able to see you even by day sometimes. Will they be able to see the moon or in the morning?" I don't care about any of this. This is ridiculous. And at the end, God says, "Okay, I guess I sinned and I need an atonement for diminishing the moon." And every Rosh Chodesh, there was a goat that was offered in the base hamikdash and the mishkan, and it says on that goat, "LaHashem chatas." It's for God's sin. What was his sin? "Haviu lai kapara sheme'ati tiyes hayareach." Please bring me atonement for diminishing the moon. Now, however you're supposed to understand this, but something happened over there that didn't work out the way it was planned. So, basically, this is what happens on Wednesday. So, already on Sunday, we have an issue with truth. We have an issue with the light. On Monday, we have an issue with the lower water. On Tuesday, we have the rebellion of all the trees. On Wednesday, we have the defiance of the moon. And then comes Thursday. Thursday, he created all the birds and all the fish, including the Leviathan and the Livyosa. And then suddenly, what happens? He realized that if the Livyosan, male and female, reproduce, it's going to be the end of our planet. It's going to be completely the end of our planet, and therefore, he eliminated he killed the one of the Livyosans, the female Livyosan, so there shouldn't be able to be reproduction. This was again not a simple thing. And then Friday was the real action. When he finally creates Adam and Hava, now the angels revolted. And the angels said, "This is the craziest, most insane idea. Do you know what people are like? They are not to be trusted. They're going to change forever the face of reality." "Ma enosh ki siskirenu uven adam ki siskidenu?" The Tehillim quotes. Who are these people that you're so in love with them? They're just going to make disaster after disaster after disaster. God, you're going to regret you're going to regret the day you brought this guy as a partner into your business. Because sooner or later he's going to throw you out of the business, hijack it from you, take it over, and you won't be anywhere to be found. You're going to be looking for a home." And basically they say you're going to suffer sadist tortures. You're going to suffer sadist tortures from the people. And indeed they had a point cuz a few hours after the creation of Adam and Hava, they decided they're smarter than God. He told them not to eat from the tree, and they said, "Of course we're supposed to eat from the tree because it looks good." Basically what we see here is that not a single day of the six days of creation went by smoothly. Uninterrupted. There was a jam every single day. But what is even more interesting, not one of these stories is mentioned in the text of Chumash. If you read the text of Chumash without delving into all the hints and all the nuances where it's all hinted, you do not see the story. Over there in Chumash, it's smooth as it gets, glatt kosher. When you look in the Midrash, IT'S NOT KOSHER AND IT'S NOT GLATT. IT'S NOT SMOOTH AND it's not so kosher. Again, how do we comprehend this dissonance, this gulf? Is the text of Chumash trying to repress, cover over, it never happened, everything looks good. You think it doesn't look good, you go to therapy. It's not my problem, our family is perfect. And then why are our sages ruining everything? What is even more disturbing is when the Torah finishes the account of the six days of creation, it gives us a summation. And the summation is And everything he made, and it was perfect. Wasn't only perfect. Wasn't only a 99. It was 110. Perfect means excessively good, very good. Like the whole my daughter. Really perfect? Every day was another migraine headache. Every day was another explosion. Was another breakdown. Was also some other form of disintegration. Why don't you say it was perfect, BUT WHERE IS THE BUT? I'M NOT SAYING NOT TO LOOK AT THE GOOD THINGS, but give ME ANOTHER BUT. GIVE ME THE other side. There's another story that also seems to have a major cover-up. And it's interesting all these stories are connected because if you read by the way the the way the world is built. And putting up the Mishkan was like putting up a microcosmic universe. The same similar expressions are because really this was like the purpose of the universe. The place where God is going to dwell in this space. And then the third story is and in fact the Mishkan was built in the way that the universe was built. The intricacies of the Mishkan as they parallel the universe. There's a whole safer by the called where he explains this. And the third story is the building of the first which is taking the project of the Mishkan and making it a permanent project on the In the beginning of chapter chapter 6, chapter 7, goes on goes on this incredible project of building the first It was not simple. You look today at the excavations. You could still see the stones that were used to build the first by and it's incredible. And it's incredible, incredible the massive project and how splendid and incredible it was. When you read it in Tanakh, it's a smooth story. Amachaya, takahard work, a lot of people involved. There were people who he went he the work that was done in Lebanon. You had a lot a lot of people you have tens and tens of thousands of people involved, but it seems like an amazing seamless beautiful splendid not easy but workable project that went that progressed without obstacles. When you open up the Medrash and the Gemara, suddenly you find different parts of the story. So for example, in middle of the construction, they encountered a subterranean wellspring that was so powerful it threatened to flood not only Jerusalem but the world. And it had to be stopped. This was a danger for everything. And then when reaches the critical moment, the zenith, the crescendo, bringing the aron, the holiest piece, the aron the ark with the luchos into kodesh hakodashim, the portals refuse to open. The whole kapitel shirim shushuarim rashechem venasu pischei olam veyavo melech hakavod refuse to open. And in fact, right away the rumors went, this is because of David what he did what he did and he's your father and it's not going to happen and despite everything this looked like a tremendous moment of the spirit let down where all his work was futile. And then the Medrash tells us something else. Came the day that the Beis Hamikdash was to be dedicated, the first day when the doors would be opened up and the service would be done the first time. You can imagine the excitement, the passion, the the energy and the enthusiasm of the people. What happened? The whole thing was delayed. Hamelech the night before married the daughter of Paroy, and he slept in, and nobody knew what to do because the key was with him, and nobody wanted to go into the room to wake up the king and his new queen, the daughter of Paroy, and who did they have to send? They had to send who you always send in these situations, his mother. His mother, Batsheva. They said, "That's it. Go take care of baby because he's a big king, we can't go in, but for you he's still, you know, your baby." And Batsheva went in, and she gave him a piece of her mind like a Jewish mother knows when she wants to. She gave him a piece of his mind. Sleeping in on the first day of the Beis Hamikdash to the point that everything had to be delayed. Here again, if you come to the Tanakh, you don't see this story. It's a beautiful story how dedicated the Beis Hamikdash. Wow, the prayers that said then, the way they bowed down, the joy, the ecstasy, the celebration of the Chanukah of the dedication of the first Beis Hamikdash was otherworldly, it was transcendent, and for good reason. The way speaks about the Beis Hamikdash, he says, "The heavens and the heavens of heavens can't contain you, God, and this home, this little home on Earth, can contain you." So, we remain with this enigma. And the enigma is, when you look at the text of the Chumash of the Tanakh in these three stories, it completely suppresses or ignores any annoying details. It comfortably scratches them, delete. There are no annoying details. Come our sages and give us all of the annoying details, and tell us a story that may be interesting and beautiful ultimately, and maybe all is well that ends well, but certainly not idyllic and certainly not smooth. When people see these things and I've read different articles that people wrote about this, they can assume one of three things. One is that yeah, the Torah is uncomfortable with these stories, so it doesn't tell them. But that's not really correct even from a pure scientific perspective because the Tanakh is a very unbashful book and it want when it wants to reveal, it reveals quite a lot. Number one. Another perspective they say is that there was some dissonance between these two texts, but it doesn't make sense because if the Tanakh is so comfortable with revealing things that are uncomfortable, why did the sages feel that here not? And if they were if they're following with the Tanakh, so why do they reveal it if it's not supposed to be revealed? And if it didn't happen, why just make these stories? Why? Why? For what reason? For what purpose? So you have to say that these stories obviously occurred. That's why and Hazal want us to know these stories and the text wants to tell us that we're not putting in these stories only in the entire Sheba book. But the truth is that this little maybe not so little this dissonance that we see is really very very powerful. Because it's basically, you know, you learn from things that are written and you learn sometimes even more from things that are not written. Omissions can teach you as much as what is included in the text teaches you. What wasn't said is as important as was what is said. Everybody knows in any encounter between people there's what's being said, there's what's not being said and what's not being said is sometimes much more thundering than what is being said. It's called Bain Hashurris, what is between the lines is sometimes far deeper and here what is between the lines is giving a very, very deep and powerful message. If the Torah would believe in repression and suppression, you probably know the difference. There's two expressions. Cuz we can repress or suppress things consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes we know that we're doing it, and sometimes we don't even know that we're doing it. That's how deep it is. But if the Torah would believe in that, then most of the so many stories there wouldn't be there. And then the sages wouldn't ruin it. But it's rather a perspective of Torah on life. And a tremendous perspective that is at the basis of Judaism. The Torah is not trying to hide anything. Not the people who claim that Moses was a was a thief. Not Solomon's mother who told them what a foolish king he is, completely immature and irresponsible, gets carried away with his new wife, and doesn't realize what's going on in the bigger picture. Not all of the complaints against the creation and every day being another obstacle, and not all the problems with the Mishkan as well, even for the fact that months it just remained there idle and nothing happened. And that's why the Torah had no problem to expose and reveal all of the details. But the Torah is teaching us something. It's not going into the text. Not because it didn't happen. It happened. And it's important to know it happened. And it's important to learn from what happened. You can have Moses himself, think about this. The greatest prophet who ever lived, and then you have rabble-rousers in the back of the room who's saying, "How much money did he pocket?" I mean, think of the chutzpah. Here's a man, right, who gave you the Torah. You know that God has chosen him as his prophet. And you think, but just cuz you're money hungry, you think he's money hungry, and you can't even imagine somebody differently. And Moses has humility, instead of looking at this guy in the face and saying, "Have a good day. If you don't it, you could join the Moabite tribe. He says, "Yeah, I'll give an accounting, no problem." He completely doesn't get entangled with this. It's an important story to know. It's an important story to know what sometimes very, very great people deal with. And sometimes the greatest of the great deal with these issues. It's an important story. It's part of what happened by the Mishkan. It's called quintessential Mudniks. Who? Never miss an opportunity to criticize and have to bring the party down. Okay, you have that. So, why doesn't the Humash mention any of this? Is there no space? Is it just an issue of space, of real estate? The issue is as follows. The Torah is teaching us how to live. One should never ignore, repress, suppress consciously things we do unconsciously. That's another subject. When we look deeper, we realize why we're doing it. One must never run away from reality. That's not a way to live. But when somebody develops internally, energetically, a proper perspective on life, then don't have to mention the problems. Not because they don't exist, but because they don't define my story. I'm not dependent on these stories to live. They don't become my narrative. And therefore, I'm the one who can decide not to transform them into part of the narrative. And now I'll explain what I mean. Torah Sheb'al Peh doesn't doesn't only mean the Torah that was written. It's also the text that has to be written. It's not only that which was written. It's the text that has to be written. Meaning, the text that has to be revealed. The text that has to to the one that occupies your mental, emotional, and physical space. Then there's a lot of other details. But Torah should be taught as teaching me how to look at the story, how to define the story, how to understand its meaning, its content, what is vital, what is indispensable, what is important. In all of these three stories that I mentioned, the creation of the universe, the building of the Mishkan, and the construction of the first base of miktash in Yerushalayim. What's the story? What is the story? The answer is this is each of these is a cataclysmic, earth-shattering, literally, world-changing, life-changing, historic-changing spiritual earthquake in a very positive sense. In the creation of the universe, infinity merges with finiteness. Wow. That's a BIG DEAL. THE IMPOSSIBLE becomes possible. Nothingness is metamorphosized into somethingness. The human being meets God, God meets the human being. From cosmological emptiness and infinite divinity, creation emerges. From pure ayin, absolute no-thingness, yesh, somethingness is created. Hashem creates a universe. In the Mishkan and the base of miktash, God takes his infinite, undefined presence and he puts it into a structure of a few feet. A structure of stone or the heart of a frail and mortal human being. That's the story. That is the story. Were there traffic jams on the road? Yes. Were there mistakes? Yes. Were there accusations? Yes. Were there setbacks? Yes. Were there moments of ambivalence and despair and doubt? Yes. That's not the story. Not because it didn't happen. But because that's not the story. And therefore they can't and they should not dampen eclipse the power, the glory, the glory of the story. That's why the title doesn't say it. Of course they happened and you should know they happened. There's amazing amazing lessons in happened. But don't let them that become the Don't let that become Don't let that become the story. Now let's understand this on a on a personal level. Because like everything in Torah, it's a timeless blueprint for life. Life is difficult. If you haven't figured it out yet, hopefully you'll never figure it out. Amen. I bless you you never figure it out. But life is difficult, challenging, at least for many of us. I think there's a book by uh There's a book called The Road Less Traveled By. Uh Scott Peck. So I think it begins, if I'm not mistaken, it opens up life is difficult. Once you realize that, life can be fun. It's a very powerful truth. If I'm always being disappointed by expectations that life is just one long, you know, cruise in the Pacific and I'm always on the deck and everybody's taking care of me, there's going to be a disappointment around every 6 or 7 minutes. And maybe even less. Once you understand what life looks like, now you can actually have fun. What does this mean? Things are challenging. Life is challenging. And things that are really important, the important things of life are usually even more challenging. Marriage, raising a family, raising healthy children, cultivating them, polishing the diamonds, turning them into the people they they're they're capable of becoming. I don't have to tell all of the holy mothers and grandmothers sitting in this room, requires sacrifice, commitment, strength, resilience, courage. Raising children is no easy task. Cultivating a good marriage, as you know, could be grueling and sometimes difficult and very challenging. To develop a real relationship with Hashem is sometimes a very lonely and solitary and deep deep experience that requires a lot of inner work, a lot of discipline, a lot a lot of honesty and authenticity. Many things in life won't work out the way we hope, the way we expect. And probably many people before they get married, you know, they imagine what type of marriage they're going to have and what type of home and what type of family and what type of children and what type of career. And sometimes it works out exactly that way, but usually we realize that there is plan B and sometimes plan C and plan D. And the question is, are you updating yourself or I live in the old expectations? We also have to deal with crisis, with loss, with grief, sometimes with mental illness, with physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, social challenges within ourselves or within our loved ones. There are moments of heartbroken of heart when the heart is broken, moments of pain and agony and suffering from different causes. There's also moments of misunderstanding and of quarrels, of fighting, of disputes, moments of anger, moments of failure. You know, you say, "What was that lowest moment in my life when I made that fatal fatal or at least very, very cataclysmic mistake. We have to deal with depression. We have to deal with illness, with with financial tension, with spiritual confusion and ambivalence. You know, doubts, disappointments. Everyone in their own life, I could use more adjectives, but I think at this point you get the point. Each life deals with various forms of what they call in Hebrew mashberian breakdowns. Or as Hemingway, I think, once said, "Life breaks all people, and then some people figure out how to live in broken places better than others." But he himself, unfortunately, took his life. There's something that often happens in life. And when I speak to you, is not here preaching to you some lecture, cuz I know this from within my own life, but I think many of us can relate to this. People go through painful things in life. But here, there's a very, very deep question. And it's not an easy question to answer, because you can't answer the question intellectually with words. The answer to this question must come from within, energetically and emotionally and with your nervous system, more than with your brain. And that is is the pain my story, or is the pain something that happened to me to help make me the person I'm supposed to become? It's a very big difference. Do I so identify with the painful moments of my life that that is actually my story? What do I mean that's my story? That's who I am. That's how I see myself. I am essentially a product of this story. This is a essential part of the I. And sometimes people will say, "Yeah, I need to be honest about it. This is the pain. I'm not going to shut up. They asked me to be quiet for 29 years, for 39 years. Genug is genug is genug in my family. Everything was perfect. Emotional constipation was the rule of the of the land. And that's it. I'm done." And we really have like two separate extremes in the way people think. And I deal with this all the time. Some people like, "Come on, this is a beautiful family. Take your problem Everyone has problems. GOOD LUCK. PUT ONE FOOT AHEAD OF ANOTHER FOOT, boots on the ground, and move on. YOU THINK YOUR BUBBE HAD A PERFECT LIFE? SHOULD I TELL YOU WHERE YOUR GRANDMOTHER WAS BORN?" And then we hear the guilt trip of what happened 60, 70, 80, 90 years ago. "You're a spoiled brat. You have everything. You eat steak and ketchup for dinner. You even have asparagus and french fries if you want, and you can even have sushi twice a week. What are you complaining about, Miss America prima donna, who has everything, and the greatest crisis is that you can't find the keys to the car?" "Wow, that's your crisis. You're going to therapy. You're going to go to therapy cuz you couldn't find the keys to your car cuz your mother YOUR MOTHER YOUR MOTHER put it in her pocketbook instead of leaving it in the car. Let's make a therapy appointment." Wow, wow, wow. And you're going on vacation next week with three friends, right? You're going on vacation. That I'm paying for. Okay, I'm being a little dramatic, but you get the point. And then there's a very different approach. No. You didn't want to feel, that's fine for you. I need to feel what's happening. I need to be honest with myself. This is what's going on in my life. This is who I am. This is what I'm dealing with, including you. And there's somewhat of a conflict of culture. I'd say somewhat a little mildly. It could be a very, very profound conflict. And actually here, in this very story that I'm describing to you, we see a very fascinating thing. Tisha B'Av, in all these stories, tells us a beautiful story. Parsha Balak tells us a story that was saturated with challenges, or at least had many challenges and problems. There's really no contradiction whatsoever. Because really when a person realizes and does the inner work that God wants them to do, we suddenly realize that whatever has happened to me in my life, even if it was very very intense, and I know there are people sitting here who went through some serious challenge and they should never ever be minimized. So, I say this with a lot of empathy to myself and others, but you don't have to turn your pain into your identity. Not because you should deny what happened to you, but because when you know your greatness and your infinite beauty and splendor, it doesn't deserve to be your identity. Your identity is so much bigger, so much more powerful, so much more blessed. Now, there is a concern. People are afraid that if they let go of identifying intimately with their pain, what's going to happen is they will not be a witness anymore. And that's a very very deep deep concern and a very justified one you would think. Elie Wiesel used to say that his job is to serve as a witness to what the Germans did because they burnt, unlike Hamas, they didn't want videos of the Holocaust. They destroyed the crematoria and the gas chambers, most of them. They didn't want anybody to know their crimes. They didn't feel shame internally, but they understood that people won't like it. It won't be aesthetical. So, they tried to hide all the evidence. The worst thing that can happen is somebody else does a crime and then you're blaming yourself. So, he said, "I'm going to be the witness. I was there. That's our job to be witnesses." And people say this about their own lives. "I was the only witness to what happened in the bedroom. I was the only witness to what happened when I was four or six or eight or 12. I was the only witness to what happened here or there in this area or that area. IF I LET GO OF THIS, LAST WITNESS IS GONE." AND therefore they feel almost a responsibility to themselves to carry their pain in order for the witness to remain alive and well and the criminals not to get away with their despicable despicable behaviors. And it makes a lot a lot of sense. But here's the truth. Just because you don't equal your pain doesn't mean you're not a witness anymore. Whenever you choose, you can come back and grieve. Whenever you choose, you can come back and be a witness. Nobody's asking of you to delete it from the reality, to forget it, to make believe it never happened, and just to smile and make believe that this toxic toxic human being whom with you need real boundaries is the greatest saint in the world. That's stupid That's stupidity and a lie. What you are we are saying is when you really could get closer to your own inner divine soul, which is infinite and full of bliss, you don't need to identify something that somebody did or did not do as your story. This is who I am. Because you are so much so much so much so much infinitely bigger than this. Is it an event that occurred? Sure. Why did it occur? I don't know why it did occur. Somehow it was part of my journey, but it was part of your journey. It was part of your journey. It was part of your relationship with yourself and with God. It was part of your greatness. Don't descend into the other person's abyss. Don't give them the power to rule over your life even by saying, "This is who I am." Now, this is true about everything. From emotional abandonment to emotional neglect to different experiences or lack of experiences that people developed from the types of mothers or fathers or upbringing or educators or family environment, or different events that people suffer from till today. And I've so No. So, we we need to we we we must acknowledge everybody needs to find a support system to be able to do the work that they need to do in order to be able to find their healing. But, healing looks like and healing doesn't look a certain way, but there is a point in life where I have the courage to be able to say, "I'm a free bird." Not because the bird didn't experience things, but because you can actually choose and say, "I'm going to embrace my greatness, my divinity, my holiness. I'm a channel of Hashem, and if I need to come back and grieve, that's fine." You're allowed to sit when you want and cry for a half an hour or an hour. You're allowed to share this story with somebody. It doesn't mean when you stop identifying as this victim, it doesn't mean you forgot it, and it doesn't mean you don't say it anymore. But, you choose when to say it, you choose to whom to say it, and when you want to grieve for it, you grieve for it. What's the different option? The different option is that I can't separate myself from it. I'm always in the grip I'm always in the grip of something toxic that happened or didn't happen, and I'm not necessarily talking about one dramatic event. It could be a series of many. It even could be things where there was neglect in people's lives, and they can always identify with that. Or, I could come to a place where I am so at peace with myself, which every person deserves to be at peace with themselves because their selves are the are are are are amazing. Yourself is a coming moment. Mamesh. And then, that's what I'm celebrating. That's where I'm breathing from. That's what I'm experiencing. That's what I'M INTERNALIZING. DON'T WORRY THAT the witness will be gone. The witness will be here. But if all I'm doing 24/7 is being a witness for somebody else's issues, I'm not living my creative life. I'm not living my blessing. So, it's a very subtle difference, you see? There is that idea of just forget it and move on as disengage and it didn't happen and just smile there's a Hanukkah party in the family. Just smile and make everybody look good. There's a mitzvah tons. Don't ruin it for Tanta Feiga. Tanta Feiga worked very, very hard. Don't ruin it. No, you may not be able to go to that mitzvah tons. There's too many too much toxicity there. Yeah, whatever you That you have to decide with a good support system who care for you and want you to be able to live a constructive life. There's no need to to I'm not going to start talking about cover-ups cuz but it's cover-ups are so toxic because they're such lies and they feed into a disease. But the opposite of that does not mean that you forever deserve to walk around with wounds, living in those wounds as the definition of your life. Was I wounded? I was wounded. And when I work on myself and I find my beauty, I learn that these wounds contributed and made me the person I was able to become. It's a process. You don't do this like this and right when a person discovers things, there is grief, there's pain, there's tears, there's empathy, there is support. But as we grow and hopefully we continue to grow, we want to reach a deeper, deeper, deeper place that doesn't deny anything. But it's almost like what's my story? Who am I? Who am I? Am I a victim of XYZ? Or am I the splendid infinite light of Hashem in this world? And yes, the splendid infinite light of Hashem in this world went through some very dark tunnels. Yes. Is it pain is it Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice. Edith Eger. Edith Eger. Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice, but I think that has to be explained. Because sometimes people now feel guilty. Oh, I'm suffering, I'm guilty. The class said I shouldn't suffer, and I am suffering, so now you're guilty for that. And here you have to understand how complex trauma works. If you have complex developmental trauma, anytime anybody tells you be happy, it could be retraumatizing. One of the worst things that happens to people before Purim is people tell them you have to be happy on Purim. Good luck. Good luck. And therefore, it's such a miserable day for so many people, although they're not allowed to say it. And then you get all these WhatsApps, not you, not you. Rachi, not you. Uh then you get all these WhatsApps. You had a good mother, a good You have a good mother, you have a good father. Uh then you get all these WhatsApps that if you daven on Purim for like 3 and 1/2 hours, you'll be poel everything, right? And you're trying desperately shalach manos, you know, for like seven kids, and the the costumes were lost, and one of them had a meltdown, and the other one almost having a meltdown, and there's no suda, and then this family is coming. And but now you have to And then there's guilt. You should and should and should and should and should and should. So, if you're hearing this class like you should be happy, and you should let go, and you should and should and should and should, I'm not talking to you. Whenever we start hearing you should and should and should, it's your trauma hearing somebody retraumatizing you by telling you how bad and guilty you are for not being like this. So, scratch that. If that's what you heard in this class, and some I see did, scratch it from the record, because trauma will use everything for trauma, including you should not suffer. Well, I am suffering. I want you to go to a different part of your brain. Breathe and go to a different part of your brain. It's not you should. It's not you should. If you'll breathe into your inner energy, there will be moments when you will understand that you're not a suffering victim. You are not. It's not you should. It's not about you should. If you'll breathe into your inner moment, your inner consciousness, there will be moments, not always, when you'll be able to experience more and more that you're not a victim of anybody. You're an amazing, amazing, amazing, beautiful soul that went through very, very powerful journeys. I just saw a story about one of the hostages who came out February 22nd. His name is Tal Shoham. Tal Shoham, and he gave an interview for Fox News here. So, I saw an article about this interview. I didn't watch the interview, but I saw an article about the interview. And uh it's like I think an a long interview. He was 505 days by the Hamasniks, Yimach Shmo. He came with his wife and two children to Kibbutz Be'eri for Simchat Torah, Tavshin Peh Dalet, 5784, September 7th, 2023, to stay with her parents. His in-laws lived in Kibbutz Be'eri, and that's when the attack happened. And they were in a bombshell down in the house when the rockets were falling. And then, when the terrorists came, he went out surrendering, hoping that that way he would distract them and his family would remain safe. He saw like 40 terrorists, and they abducted him. They put him in a trunk, and they brought him to Gaza. He didn't know that his wife and two children, eight and three, were also abducted, because they were kept separately. And uh he was in a house for a very long time, and he He know if his family is alive or dead. And he said that was more devastating than everything. What happened to his wife? What happened to his two children? His in-laws, I mean, the whole family was there. He didn't know what happened. And he said in order to survive, he had to imagine that his wife died and his two children died and that he's at their funeral and he's burying them and he had a speech that he told each of them, like he said a goodbye to them. And after that, he said, "Okay, now let me try to survive myself." After, I think it was 30 or 50 around 50 days, he got a letter somehow somebody delivered, I guess somebody with a little bit of uh a drop a droplet of you of humaness uh delivered a letter in which he found out that his wife and two children were alive. They were taken into captivity and they were released in November 20,000 2023. So, they were fine. And then he said, "Finally, it's like, okay, now I could start living and try to survive." But a few days later, he was taken into a tunnel. And the tunnel he was in a place of just a few feet for a year. A year. And he lost like from 180 lbs, he went down to 110. Terrible suffering. I mean, a Gehennam of Gehennam of Gehennam what this person went through. Just incredible story. It's hard to believe that this happened in literally now. But one thing he said that was unbelievably powerful. He said at some point they took him out of the trunk. He was blindfolded and they told them to kneel. He just said this a few days ago, to kneel. And he said to them, "No." "You could kill me if you want, but I am not going to bow down to you." "You're not going to execute me like ISIS did when they had people kneel and then they executed them." And then I realized, "Wow, Mordecai lo yichra velo yishtachaveh." This was like a little literally reliving this. And he said, "You could kill me if you want, I will not kneel." And he refused to kneel. And in this gehennam of gehennams, this person literally embodied this lo yichra v'lo yishtachaveh. You hear the stories of these hostages, it's like an infinite core came out that is completely unfathomable. And you're dealing with Jews who mostly grew up secular. Many of them in atheistic homes. Left-wing secular. And they found God in the most unexpected places. Much sasi david avdi b'simcha. You ask, where is this from? It's not like you're talking about a tzaddik hador who went into captivity. You're talking about people who grew up without anything. There was even a man there. He saw on television the Hamas let them and they saw on television they were advertising some restaurant in Tel Aviv. And somebody ate something and made a bracha borei minei m'zonos. So since then, in captivity, whatever he ate, he made a bracha borei minei m'zonos. It was the only blessing he made. Water, borei minei m'zonos. A fruit, borei minei Everything borei minei m'zonos. What would Rebbe Yitzchak Badush would make of that story? And this is really an example of what the Tanya says, that people don't know what is inside of them. And sometimes it takes a great moment of joy or crisis to be able to see a part of you that you never knew before. So Mordechai lo yichra v'lo yishtachaveh doesn't mean that there's no Haman in the world. There is a Haman in the world. There is an Amalek in the world. And it doesn't mean that Haman didn't affect the Jew. What it does mean, lo yichra v'lo yishtachaveh means that there is a It's not you should, there is a space in each side each of us that when we have the privilege, and it's a gift, and we need to daven Hashem to be able to get there and do our own healing to be able to get there, when that opens up, I don't need to identify with this story not because the story didn't happen. I choose how to contextualize the story. The story doesn't choose me, I choose the story. The story doesn't own me, I own my story. I'm a witness that's not a victim to the story. I'm a witness that's choosing to tell the story cuz I'm so deeper. It's you look at this dirt thing like this is completely beneath you. Beneath you. It happened? Yeah. Part of your infinite journey of God was that he took you through this place and probably somehow this is going to be your amazing light that you're going to give to the world. It's a completely different narrative. But if you're doing this from a place of guilt and should should should should you're not hearing this class. You understood what I just said? I hope so. So now let's see how this is exactly what's happening in these texts. Exactly. Because it's really making a decision not intellectually making a decision in my body in my nervous system. What is my story? What is my story? Is raising children difficult? Yeah. Do mothers sometimes go to sleep and like I is going to murder it? Yes. Do we sometimes have feelings that are not so schmucked to say about the people we love? Yes. You don't have to tell them to me but yes. We're human. People have interesting feelings sometimes about their children and about their spouses and about themselves and about other people in their life. But I still need to ask myself what's the story? What's the story? You look into those trusting eyes of that little child that little infant and you know this is the miracle of life. Were there challenges that led to this moment? Of course there were. You have a moment of trust in marriage, a moment of trust. Are there challenges? Yes. But that moment of trust, that moment of of mutual respect that's a miracle. That's the miracle of of of relationship, of connection. You have that moment of coherence in your own soul. That moments that moment of of of peaceful bliss, of connection with the source of life, with Hashem, with your own neshama. That's that's life. Adam Amalyulad, a person was born to toil. Every day is work. Every day needs consciousness, awareness, discipline. Every day I'm choosing to live in the frequency of oneness or in the frequency of fragmentation. Every time I take a bite, every time I enter into a conversation, I answer a WhatsApp, I read my email, I have to choose in which space I'm going to be. And there will always be setbacks and challenges. I had a Sunday but in honor of Purim Meshulash in Yerushalayim, we did a Sunday virtual program on the Yeshiva.net for children from all over the world where they can come and ask questions and answers. And I do classes constantly on air virtually very very often. Even after Corona, a lot of, you know, Zooms and events, right? And it's time to go on and there's people waiting and the internet decided right then not to work. You understand? And it's like I'm sitting there. Right. Now, I know this is not the greatest crisis of history, not even the smaller not even not even a great crisis in history, but personally it was very very difficult. It was urgent. People are waiting. There's a sponsor, etc. etc. I don't have to explain to you. And the guy I don't I I know about technology less than I know about kangaroos in Australia. So, I don't even get close to it. Just tell me the button I press and I press because anything beyond pressing three buttons, I have a meltdown and a breakdown and I'm like, let's go back to the horse and the buggy and and that's it. We can only trust horse and buggies because I don't know what to do with cars and computers. Okay, technologically challenged it's called. And there was a there was a there was a part of me that was starting to experience a frenzy chaos. Like, what do we do? Can you use the phone? Use the phone. And then finally they got it to work and 20 minutes later the guy is like, it's down. So, So, thought it was working. It's that it's it's down again, you know, and and it started and it was supposed to start at 6:00. It started like 7:05. I assume many of the people, you know, at that point, they probably found other things found other things to do. And then I realized I realized that ultimately internally I had a choice. Internally the choice was what how am I going to identify with this moment? Am I going to identify with the moment as a moment just of failure and and and loss and nothing works. And I could have done that and I've done that in the past. Or say no, yes, it's an aggravating obstacle. You do whatever you can to fix it. It's not a mitzvah to make things broken. Ultimately a guy came and he realized it was a wire that had to be fixed and he fixed the wire and everything the internet was beautiful. And then I also realized Hashem runs the world and those who needed to hear the program heard it. And those who didn't need it to hear it didn't hear it. And even if they were there, they would hear whatever they God wants them to hear. And in every situation small and big it's an internal space of if I'm living with my guilt and my shame and I just need confirmation bias to prove that I'm a loser, I will always find it. The internet went down. Oh, well, sure. Can't get anything together. The more and more we cultivate our inner divinity, our inner beauty, our inner soul, yes, there's failures, things that I could have maybe fixed. We could have done a test earlier or not. You have to figure these things out and be responsible. But the internal story is not one of shame and one of guilt, but one of a mistake happens. We don't always foresee things. We're not in control of things. And you go with the flow and you maximize the moment and you realize that ultimately you don't own anything and you're a channel, you're a shliach Hashem, and you're doing his work. And that's the real real question on every single situation. People go to work. There's so many challenges in work and I can get obsessed and overwhelmed. Is that the story or is the story I'm making money and with this money I could support my family beautifully and help people and give tzedakah and do amazing things with my money. And the same is true a teacher in school with children, a parent at home with children, an educator, a rebbetzin, a saleswoman, whatever you do in life. I could get obsessed. This didn't work and that didn't work and what's going to be with rent and I don't have this place and I have that place and this nudnik is complaining and yes, it's all true. And I have to deal with it the best I can. But what's the real story? The real story is you get every morning to look into these child's eyes or these students' eyes or these people's eyes and ignite their hearts, expand their minds, open up their souls. That's the story. The definition of that story ultimately I'm the one who has to define the story. So I look at my life and ask what is the story of your life and that's a question everybody has to ask. Is it a story of hardship and struggle and pain? And you know what you can answer? Yeah, hardship, struggle, pain. Or is your story something that is really astoundingly beautiful? You're building a Mishkan. You're building a Beis Hamikdash. You're creating a universe for Hashem. You're creating a link every moment between heaven and earth, between soul and body. You're choosing to open up your heart to the divine infinite energy that lives in you and to live in that space. You're building a family. You're building your own soul and body. You're bringing light into the world through your Torah, through your mitzvahs, through your love, through your presence, through your cooking. Through your delicious food and challahs and dips and challah and sourdough. I'm investing in relationships of love and splendor. I'm helping I'm helping women I'm helping men I'm helping children. I have this list of learning Torah of spreading Torah of spreading light of doing a mitzvah of igniting other people of lighting up the world. That's my story. Do I have to recognize other parts of the story? Of course I have to and what do I need to repair I should repair when I need to confront I need to confront and if I need to grieve I should grieve. But you have to define what is the story. So the Homish says I'm not going to allow a nudnik who's accusing Moshiach of being a thief to hijack the story to make it sensational. Oh, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? THIS GUY ACCUSED THAT'S GOOD for WhatsApp gossip chats. That's not the story. The story is what actually makes this that's an incredible story. Were there delays? Yes. Were there frustrations? Yes. Could they not pick it up? Yes. Were there things Moshiach COULDN'T FIGURE OUT? YES. BUT LOOK AT THE STORY. DID SLEEP IN? YES. DID HIS MOTHER GET UPSET with him? Yes. Was there a flood? Yes. Could he get the IRON INTO THE HOUSE? NO. BUT THAT'S NOT THE STORY. I'm not going to let that become the story. You heard what happened? slept in. Daughter of Paraoh let me tell you about the daughter of Paraoh. I googled her and I found out what a she is. She's going to have the wrapped around her finger. Welcome to a new era where we're going to be dealing with this DAUGHTER OF PARAOH. WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MICE everybody has what to talk about. The story is about creation. Did the moon complain? Yeah. Did the trees rebel? Yeah. Creation happened. That's the story. We're not trying to ignore repress suppress details. We're trying to tell you how do you tell a story in your OWN LIFE ENERGETICALLY. WHAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE? IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE a story of victimhood or is it ultimately a story of celebration? I wake up in the morning. I may have how many things you have on your to-do list today? Usually 94. If you get practical, it's 50. When you get really practical, it's 30. Finally, when you get realistic, it's like three and four, and you're lucky if you'll finish them, right? Some of them are responsibilities. Not everything is fun. But what's the real story? The real story is the opening words when you wake up. That's the story. I thank you. I thank you, eternal and living king, for giving me back my soul with compassion. Great is your trust in me. Wow. That's a big deal. I just got I just got the gift of consciousness, of life, of awareness. That's big. Now, truthfully, when I'm living in terrible, terrible pain and anguish and survival, I can't even see it. I'm just trying to survive. It's like when you're starving, don't talk to me about anything. Just give me a piece of food. It's true. This is where I need to work. I need to open up. I need to open up my life. I I came across an amazing letter. And this is what I want to finish with. I came across this a few years ago. And I I asked them to copy it. This is from the volumes of letters. This is like 30 or 40 around almost 40 volumes of letters by the Lubavitcher Rebbe. And this is a letter that he wrote Aleph Kislev Tavshin Chof Aleph. That's 1960, the end of 1960. And it was to a woman. I don't know who the woman is, but it looks like she's from Israel. It also looks like that they were distant relatives, and my feeling is that she was it was a famous woman in Israel her name was Zelda. She was a poet. I don't know why I have a hunch that it was her but it could be I'm mistaken. It's just my own hunch cuz I see at the end that they seemed like to be some distance. He was she was some distant family with them. And I also know that she had a very hard life. And I guess she wrote a letter complaining about how miserable her life is. That's what it seems like. This is only the letter back but that's what it looks like. But there was an insight here that really captured this in a very very beautiful way. So I want to read this letter with you fast and conclude. So this is this is going to be the second paragraph in the letter. Okay? I'm going to just read in Hebrew and translate. Basically every letter that the Rebbe sent the secretariat would keep a copy of it. So over the years they started to print all the letters and they'd write it without a name cuz it's a private letter but the letter itself they printed. So they have a copy they had copies of most of the letters. Yeah. There's like almost 50,000 letters that are printed. The Lubavitcher Rebbe wrote this letter to a woman in Israel. So he says like this. Despite the language of your letter and its theme. Furthermore, despite that the same thing I see in every letter that I get from you. I still have not lost hope that one day you're going to see the goodness in your own life. You'll see the goodness in life and even in your life, and not just in life general. And not only see it, but you'll actually feel it. You'll embody it in your heart. You'll feel the goodness of your life. My hope is not lost, even though every letter that I get from you tells me how miserable your life is, I hope that ultimately you'll see the goodness in life and in your own life, and feel it. Especially based on what's explained in Hasidic teachings. In this world, everything is mixed with good and not good, positive and negative. There's mixtures everywhere. Each person then has the capacity to choose what to emphasize, what to meditate on, and what to be the most interested in. Meaning, what attracts me? WHERE DO I SPEND MY MIND? Where do I spend my heart? Where do I dwell? In which sandbox do I hang out? What do I emphasize? Where do I meditate? What am I interested in? There's two paths in every life. I could see the goodness that surrounds me, or he doesn't want to finish the sentence. He says, "Etcetera." Or I could just see all the bad that's around me. And both are actually true. You're not lying. You're being honest. This is true with each person living in this world. How much more so when it comes to a Jewish man or a Jewish woman. We believe in absolute faith in the eternity of the soul. What does it mean the eternity of the soul? It means the eternity of spirituality. That means the eternity of good. We believe that ultimately everything begins with good and ends with good. We believe that good is ultimately eternal. The soul is eternal. This is eternal. And therefore, goodness will prevail. And what do we mean prevail? Eternally prevail. Because it's impossible that something that is just passing will not be triumphed by something that is absolutely eternal. You can't even compare the two. So now, what are you going to focus on? Are you going to focus on those aspects of your life that are absolutely eternal? They were here forever. They're going to be forever. Are those aspects of our life that are part of a challenge, part of a test, part of a journey, but ultimately are going to vanish? Because that's the relationship between things that are really good and things that are not good. So where am I going to live? Am I going to focus on something that just happened, you know, it's passing in my life? Or am I going to focus on that which will remain forever? Isn't it incredible to focus on one story of our sages? They said as follows. Adam before he was Adam, before he was expelled from Gan Eden, he lamented to God how miserable his life is. And they called him a cruel tiger. Basically, when Hashem says, "Why did you eat from the tree?" And what did he say? "You cursed me with this wife. She destroyed my life." And Hashem say here Adam was a cruel tiger. Hashem wanted he should have company, should have a partner, should have a soulmate, should have a relationship. And she became the curse of his life. So he says, "Here's a man in Gan Eden doesn't have a single thing to worry about, right? No tuition, no sugar crisis, no paying a mortgage, no medical challenges." Good. He didn't even have a sugar. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS? NOW, I don't I don't understand what that means cuz my shviger is amazing. She's a tzadeikus. But somehow it got a good laugh. I don't know why. I wouldn't know why, but somehow it got a good laugh. Right? But Adam didn't have a shviger. Right? As my mother once told me a joke, why did Adam live for 930 years? Cuz he had no shviger. Of course he lived. And then she added, and since it came from my mother, I could repeat it, then if you wouldn't have had a wife, he would live forever. But I don't understand both jokes. But in any case, he's in Gan Eden. He's in Gan Eden and he has everything. And yet, you ask him, "How is life?" He says it's miserable because of this woman. So, YOU COULD BE IN PARADISE and say, "Ugh. UGH. WHY DID YOU GIVE me Hava?" Now, look at the contrast. And we all knew Jewish men and women who were in the concentration camps of the Germans, yimach shemam. U bitkuf achi ayuma rachmana litzlan. And they were in the most horrific error in history, in the concentration camps. Berchu birchas hashachar v'chuli. In the morning they would wake up in the barracks and they said brochos. We know Jews who woke up and they said the brochos of the morning. Hanosein lasechvi p'kiach ivrim matir asurim zoikef k'fufim, etc. Hoidah u'vracha l'voirei oilam aniga. Somehow they felt that they want to give thanks to the creator of the world for opening their eyes, for giving them another day. So, he says, "Explain this to me. Adam is in Gan Eden without a concern in the world and he's like, 'My life is miserable. You gave me Hava.' K'foi toiva. And here's a Jew, a man or a woman in the lowest lowest Gan Eden. This is the concentration camp of the Germans like this this towel towel show and then by the Hamas tunnels momish concentration camps like by the Nazis and sometimes I don't know I don't know horrific. And he says there was Jews this dude this has to say he's making burman and mizanus. Omer Shem Tov started to keep Shabbos a gum burger started to keep Shabbos. You want TO KEEP SHABBOS COME TO Monsey keep Shabbos. But they brought Shalim Lakewood Toms River Shine Williamsburg Monroe. In Gaza you have nothing else to do? He saved the grape juice that he got from the week so he can have kiddish for Shabbos. So Jew grew up without Shabbos. Yeah yeah it lasted. So here you have he says Jew Adam and Gan Eden says life is miserable and a Jew in the concentration camp where life is miserable. He has nothing he wakes up and he's saying broches. Why are you saying broches? What are you grateful for? What are you grateful? He opened his eyes he's breathing he has a soul. How long is it going to go he doesn't know. But he's thanking the creator for the miracle of life right moment. By the side call the and then the summer. Now let's face it that ultimately each one of us is somewhere in between these extremes. We're not in Gan Eden with Adam we're also not in the concentration camp. We're somewhere in between. So he's telling he's telling her. We know that the realities are there good and evil but the question is where are you living? What are you breathing? What are you focusing on? What does it mean? What does it mean what you're focusing on? Energetically what are you identifying with? This is where I'm choosing to be. Moving the Gan Pasha. Now he finishes something very interesting. This could sound like especially if you're hearing it from the lens of trauma. OH LIFE IS GOOD STOP COMPLAINING stop complaining. Moving the Gan Pasha and then the and then the and then the and then the show. God forbid I'm not here trying to justify things, minimize things, saying it's fine what she suffered a lot apparently. I had stuck us I didn't make saying yeah, this is exactly how it had to be and it's fine and not doing that. Especially doesn't want to finish but especially whatever I don't know what happened to her. Came out gosh you some of these commercial. I'm not trying to repress reality. I'm trying to bring out how we look at reality. And the quota. I open the suit higher than my higher mileage slots in the token. I become a half key totally the middle of the sugar the good old rotten Adam how much should be I and sickly stuck at the side of your man at the side small. What I want to say is unbelievable words. The style of people's lives, whether you define your life as a life filled with satisfaction and depth and meaning or the opposite. A lot of it depends on my own inner energy. And my own conviction and my own desire because each of us has a mind's eye which needs to choose what to focus on. I could look at the right side, I could look at the left side. Both are justified place to look on. But that's the question. Where I really going to focus my energy and my attention? So it's not you should you should, it's the capacity internally to be able to know that I can identify deeply with so much amazing magic, splendor, beauty, love. And that's the idea of these Jews finding a reason to say a brocha. Somehow they could still hold on to something to be to be grateful for. And I think that's one of the messages, the fact that the Torah deletes all of these uncomfortable stories, not to repress, not to deny, but to always remember what is the story. There's a story of creation, and there's a story of building a Mishkan and a Beis Hamikdash. Every single moment of my life, fusing the infinite and the finite. Sharing love, experiencing love, giving love, being in the presence of love, and feeling the heartbeat of love. Are there challenges? Absolutely. Are there things I may never fix? Yes, there's things I in my lifetime may never fix. God has to fix them. I can try, I can try. There's some things I can't fix. But at this very moment, I want to be able to energetically not allow my trauma and agony to hijack my brain and say, "Oh, this class, yeah, he doesn't know what you went through." If he knows what I went through, this class We know that. We understand a lot of people went through a lot of stuff, and some people are still going through a lot of things. Unfortunately, I know quite a lot of painful stories from a lot of people, including in our neighborhood and in our area. It's part of what I do for a living. I listen to people's stories, not always for a living. So, it's painful. It's very, very painful. And we need to be able to empathize with ourselves. And we need to be able to empathize with others. And we can't just tell people, "Oh, scratch it, delete it, it never happened." That's ridiculous. That's naive. Or minimize it, or justify it, or rationalize it, or say the stupidest thing, "Some people have it worse." At le- At least you have a roof. At le- I know I have a roof, baruch Hashem. But somebody who's suffering, you have a day I know they have a roof. But they feel like they're in a tunnel. And that's very true. And we need to be able to grieve. And if we need to cry, we have to be able to cry. We Everybody needs a support system. There's no question. And yet, what the Rebbe is sharing with this woman in these beautiful words is remember there's people in Gan Eden who are still complaining. And other Jews in the opposite who found a reason to be thankful. What does that tell us? It doesn't tell us that we shouldn't try to live the best life possible with God's grace material and spiritually. But it means that we have to realize how much of attitude and the energy we bring to life defines the home that we create, the relationships that we define. And when you walk into the home, is it a spirit of energy of of life and joy or is it one of just an internal internal despair? And every day a person looks and reads these stories in Chumash and realizes the Torah wants you to know that at this moment I can build a Beit Hamikdash where the infinite energy of love dwells in my heart and in your heart. Have a beautiful and inspiring week.