How to Like the People You Love

the yeshiva dotnet thank you so much I appreciate your kind words if I could just ask of you to put your cell phones on vibrate or on-off I don't want to ask you to shut them because I know you may be expecting a call from Prime Minister Netanyahu or president Trump or maybe now the leader of North Korea who wants to discuss with you his future plans but at least on vibrate thank you he named a toy of Amman I am Sheva our him gam Yahud how beautiful how good how pleasant to be with so many him so many brothers and sisters as King David says and if you listen to the words he named Matt ov oh ma a.m. how good and how pleasant you know in life things that are good are usually not pleasant and things that are pleasant are usually not good for example eating spinach is good is it naive is it sweet absolutely not look at the menu tonight eating barley kernels soy beans tofu kale juicing wheatgrass is very good for you but it's not sweet Kiska kugel knishes sweet-and-sour chicken pasta rice Luis is coming lasagna cheesecake these are pleasant they're sweet but they're not good right marriage is it Tony was it my in there was a professor there was a professor once asked to students he was an English teacher and he said students what's the difference in English between an engagement and a battle and one of the students says one is before the wedding one is after the wedding they once asked a woman how was marriage she says before I was married I was incomplete now I'm married and I'm finished you know there was once a woman is married already 19 years and one night she turns to her husband she says you never ever tell me what you think of me tell me really what do you think of me how do you feel about me and he looks her in the eyes and he says a b c d e f g h i j k wow what does it stand for this is a amazing be brilliant and beautiful see charming colorful courageous creative be delightful e extraordinary F fantastic and fabulous getting better and better g-great gorgeous dish MUC H honorable and hilarious wow wow wow wow and what's i JK I'm just kidding now he has been missing since last Wednesday there's a search warrant for him all over New York so if you find the guy and he's saying Ah he ijk you'll know who he is in Silicon Valley they wanted to know if Kay ballistically computers were masculine or feminine because you know in Kabbalah everything is either masculine or feminine or a combination so they asked me I said I'll tell you on one hand I think for sure computers are masculine because they retain enormous amounts of data yet they remain clueless explain it to your husbands they're not they're like stone-faced oh this is gonna be a male-bashing evening I knew I shouldn't have come I only pay and she said you have to come you have to come you have to come first of all they say is good and it's also about marriage and you really need help in your marriage I'm never going where my wife wants to us to go see what that's gonna do for your marriage so computers are might on the other end I said I think computers are for so feminine I'll tell you want nobody besides their creator ever understands what's going on inside a computer and when one community computer is communicating with another computer hot syncing you stay out it's absolute cold language don't even think you can understand it on the other hand I said I think computers are masculine you buy this beautiful perfect model for a cheap price and you're all excited and you come home and you're overjoyed and then you realize if you would have only waited six months could have gotten much better from much cheaper then I said I think computers are feminine you buy this gorgeous model abcdefgh gorgeous fabulous stunning computer and a pretty good price and you come home and he's so excited mama Sherman see and then you realize within a few weeks you're paying 25 times of the amount for accessories so they wanted to know what's the verdict that I said I think the verdict is computers are feminine because they forget nothing every time you press a key it it is internalized in the computer for all of eternity if not in the software in the hard with not in the hardware in the hard drive not in the hard drive and it shipped it's there and one day it will come out and far virus you every move you make every breath you take is enshrined for all of eternity in the psyche of your spouse and one day you might hear about it it could take 20 years but you're going to hear about it you know the story this woman who was dating and after like 10 days she comes home and her mother says no no no no she says you know everything is works on paper but there's one major issue this guy this boy he mama SH doesn't believe in hell he doesn't believe in gay mom he doesn't believe that the such as bigness hell I think I have to break it off she says no no no no you you accept the proposal between me and you we will show him innocence so my friends I come back to the question is it tall or is it naive how does God introduce marriage the first time anybody remembers in Genesis Bereshit lo told hayata Adam livid or it's not good for man to be alone it's good for a man to have a spouse is it Pleasant ah that's another question so King David says he named my toe oh man I am never to condemn you how do we make spinach not only good but delicious delicious you know there was a Jewish couple celebrating their 50th anniversary and she gets up she says I want to make Allah hi him to me for sticking it out with him for 50 years and I say to you that the fifty years of our marriage went by like two days people Wow oh my god a Jewish couple after 50 years not only are they on speaking terms but apparently the marriage was so romantic and heavenly just flew by like two days there was one nudnik in the crowd every crowd I traveled the world every audience I ever spoke to except this one always has a nude net you know the definition of a nudnik it's more of an Ashkenazi thing my grandmother would say there are three types of Jews slow meals slow mazels and Mullenix the difference is as follows this Lamia pours the soup on the schlemazel the nudnik wants to know what type of soup was so at this wedding anniversary I just got it it's pretty funny at this wedding anniversary 50 years a nothing that gets up as as excuse me ma'am why do you say that the married 50 years went by like two days why don't you say it went by like one day I told you he was a real nudnik she looks at him and says because our relationship for 50 years felt like two days Tish above and yom kippur the two toughest days in the jewish calendar my friends how do we turn that which is 12 into that which is naive Sheva taught him kamyaka a hymn and Hebrew and Torah doesn't only mean brothers it also means friends Abram tells Loki on a Shem him a national they weren't brothers he was his nephew but a hymn represents all forms of camaraderie from the word eat Hui Hui connection in Korea Alexandria and more Lucas MA I caught the act the verse in Proverbs tell wisdom you are my sister connection how does it become both toes and I am or to put it in the title that was allotted to me in tonight's lecture how do you get to like the people you love there are a lot of people we love but we don't like them there are people you like and you don't move there are people you like and you love and that there are people you don't like you don't move usually your husband I mean now usually a stranger how do we learn to like the people we love most people or at least many people love their parents love their siblings love their spouses but it's not always easy to like how do I like those I love so my dear friends let's go on a little journey this evening and I'm gonna begin with a story that everybody heard it's from Talmud tractate d'Ivoire month page 62 be some event where the Talmud says and it's quoted in almost every speech during this time of the imaging basal controls to the point when most people hear the story they shut down emotionally and they eat and the Talmud says that the students of Rabbi Akiva passed on during the times of Spira during the era season of Saphira which is why it's a time of mourning in the Jewish calendar and the reason Islam not how guk avoids Abaza they behave disrespectfully to each other and the famous old question is how can this be Rabbi Akiva is the greatest proponent of love in the atonement every Jewish child knows what rebbi akiva said on the verse the hafta lay a a Kaka maka maka read yesterday in every show at least outside of the Holy Land and in the Holy Land a week before Zac Lao no actually Kadosh in and read everywhere baffled Africa mo for the love your fellow like yourself Rebekah versed Zac la God all Bottari loving another person is not some small Mitzvah it's one of the cardinal principles of Torah if he taught this to the whole Jewish world for sure he taught us to students so how is it that his students could so not get one of the great teachings and messages of rebbi akiva what happened wait a trivia we did they go wrong whether the teachers go wrong with it the students go wrong and tonight I share with you one interpretation it's based on a little brief commentary of a Hasidic author known as the shame me small that is a commentary on Commission on holidays written by a man named rabbi shmuel Borenstein known as the rebel of Sakha trove in poland a son of the avenue nazar about ROM Borenstein and his book say much more on Saphira he gives an insight and the nucleus of the insights is what allowed us to develop this point that we're going to base our Shem bring out tonight and he says that there are two different concepts in life and in Judaism and they have diff name's one is called Ahava and the other is kavod ha means love kavod means respect now the two of course are very closely related you respect somebody have positive feelings towards them you love somebody you would respect them if I love you I should respect you true but nonetheless they represent two different concepts and sometimes opposite concepts love comes from likeness we're so similar we're so connected cavort comes from distance from recognizing our differences the word Ahava is the numerical value of 13 Aleph hey Vaes Hey is 5 + 5 + 2 + 1 is 13 which is the same numerical value as the word Akkad 1-var comes from the recognition that were one a mother loves her child because their one apparently Father loves his child broker Odawa been Habana Africa have been macaw have the child of zoella been a child is part of a father part of a mother physically and thus emotionally biologically psychologically of course and spiritually I love my siblings were ultimately one we come from the same womb we share the same genes a child loves parents a parent loves children families sometimes could fight very heavily but there's a certain Ahava that is natural it's innate its intrinsic because we share so much in common especially for those of you are lucky to come from the glorious Bukharian community where family was so so important something that many Americans often forget which is something even those of us who come to this country and you want to fully integrate don't lose glorious traditions that have allowed families and communities to survive for thousands of years families keeping close together because not you can't easily find the replacements for family the f heart there's a oneness this Ahava there's something else called kavod respect respect represents the fact that there's something in you that I see that I actually don't have and I respect it it's a quality in you that is different than me maybe it's respecting the rabba a teacher a sage a rabbi a Rebbetzin an elder person a great person at Siddiq but all forms of respect even among friends and colleagues and spouses represents the idea that there's something in you that I have respect for I don't own it in fact it comes from the recognition that there's a distance there are borders there are boundaries what is the difference between our van covers when it comes to relationships when I love you it's because I feel that you're one with me I respect you because I feel that you're actually not one with me and I cherish the differences sometimes it's easy to love but it's harder to like a person every healthy mother and father love their children but we don't always respect our culture you love your parents you don't always respect them you love your siblings you don't always respect them you may love your spouse you're one but you don't always respect I love my child I want the best for my child because my child is me but can I recognize that my child is also not me my child is not be my child is me but he's also not me she's also not me sometimes parents choose the shin do the marriage partner for their children based on what they need not based on what their children made that's why Abraham didn't choose him selfish Italy it's Huck he knew he's gonna choose a woman like Sarah Sarah was a strong tough woman Guevara and you did not need that Rob needed that cuz I've robbed was has said he needed Sarah yet took was War II needed rifka he didn't go himself to choose a marriage partner he sent somebody who grew up with you took somebody who was objective somebody was outside of the family Eleazar he sent him to find a match for your son he understood he can't only love you talk he has to respect you talk I can't only love my child when I only love my child I treat my child like he's still in the womb which many Jewish mothers do even when he's 40 years old she looks at him and she still sees him as in the womb he thinks he left but we know the truth in his own imagination he's independent but we know the truth he's just part of me and therefore I make decisions for him and I'm overprotective some of us even have the glorious title of being codependent you can ask your therapist what that means you know the story of the little boy who goes the first day 2 3 1 a to school little little kid and his mother kisses him and she puts him on the bus she says my mother my angel might Sabich my sis my sweetheart my heaven my angel my soul - summer love my heart my love and my love mommy is gonna be here right when you come back 3 o'clock I'm gonna give you a big kiss my dear angel Saint Suffolk sends him off to school he comes home she kisses him and there's my mother cool what did you learn today he says for starters I learned that I have a name David in marriage we sometimes love our spouse but can we like our spouse I could love my spouse because ultimately you're one you built a family together you have children together were you gonna go you're gonna move to New Zealand there are some men who do that but let's face it a month later they regret it what do they leave behind they leave behind the family a unit the future children and grandchildren of course you could run away when you don't get along big deal we know that our drew ones came to our ruff screaming and yudish it's Phil I get the feel I get I wanted the voice he says yeah very honest who doesn't [Music] you and Christopher Columbus discovered America the only marriages I know that are perfect are the marriages I don't know okay besides you I know if you have a perfect marriage you can get out now the only relationships I know are perfect the only families I know a perfect of the family I don't know there are skeletons in every closet we're human we have brokenness it's part of the human condition a person could run but a person looks this this is my wife this is my husband we're one we love each other we may even die for each other but that's not what I'm addressing but do you know how to like your husband can you learn how to like your wife not only love but also like sometimes like as harder because light comes from respecting the fact that you are not me and that you are entitled to your own personality your own character your own disposition your own idiosyncrasies your own demeanor and your own needs as the cuts grabber one setting you dish and then I'll translate I initially made about do please do and do please do well it's beneath but Nick Nick who do business do I think Nicholas Venetian do miss Duval do please do many who do please do anybody knows it is I'll translate hey it's not recess yet batteries I'll tell you when you dismissed class is not over he goes if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I then I am that I and you are not you but if I am I because I am I and you are you because you are you than I am I and you are you and now we can begin to smooth the basis of a relationship is not only that we're one it's also that we're different and we're supposed to be different one of the key paradigms necessary for a functional and loving relationship is to recognize this is just make it harder is to recognize that truth in a marriage is not objective it's subjective my wife's truth is not my truth my truth is not my wife's truth if you can't respect subjective truth in a marriage they may be loved but there will not be respect meaning individuality will not be able to be respected there's a famous psychoanalyst who lives in San Francisco his name is Shalom he's an Israeli Jew living in California for many years and he has many books on psychology and then one of them he tells a story that captures this truth he says a woman once came to him and shared with them that she had a very difficult relationship with her father they didn't get along her father was petty and demanding and he was always upset nothing was ever good enough a chronic complainer you know the person whatever you do will find a fault anybody ever lived with such a person you don't have to all raise your hand but if you did it's difficult oh and you're never good enough but always buck-buck-buck you got a hundred or 110 you know the story kid came on with a report card the other day and so you got a minus and B on this and C and this and then dancing he got an A plus and when the father saw that he gave him a snack says why you smacking me dancing it he said you fail and everything else and you still have the mood to dance so she grew up with such a father and they weren't on speaking terms sadly it's very sad when parents and soldiers are not on speaking terms doesn't make sense one of the great tragedies when parents and children are not close certainly when they're in a fight that doesn't make sense never allow it to happen in your family siblings parents you always have to talk to you sibling in your parents you have to have a connection even if you scream at each other and you fight and so she was getting married and the weekend before her wedding she calls her father and says daddy we haven't spoken for a long time let's go on a road trip the weekend before my wedding just two bombs and he was so excited he says sure and they meet up and they go on this road trip that's supposed to last a day or two a few days before her wedding and they're traveling on a road near San Francisco and it's a beautiful weather and she's driving and her father sitting on the other side and it's the beginning of the trip and they're schmoozing you know it's a little awkward and she wants to make conversation and she's this lively vibrant girl and she opens her window and she looks out and she says daddy Wow isn't this landscape so beautiful and he says let me look and he looks out his window and he says actually it's so ugly it's horrible I don't even know how you could think this way and she thinks wash here he goes again god forbid before my wedding why should he agree with me god forbid he should say it's so beautiful I said it's beautiful he has to say it's grotesque it's repulsive it's a bomb and she shut down you know when you pick up your hands and you're like oh you know that one the women are nodding yeah what I thought it's exercise she does it every night okay it's not exercise it's your wife giving up on you Maura my leg he thinks it's Pilates because for him this is exercise okay right she gets so upset and that's if she's like Daddy it's all right and that said the trip is over she gets married and they never come back together 30 years pass she's a married woman and she's taking a road trip with her husband and suddenly she looks out and she's on the road which she once drove with her father 30 years ago before her wedding as Yogi Berra lavash alum said his deja de ja vu all over again that's a Bukharian drunk and this time she's in the passenger seat he's in the driver's seat and he's looking out as he's driving on this highway and he turns to his wife and he says wow what a beautiful Wednesday she opens her window and looks out and she sees a cesspool and she remembers you know what a cesspool is a sewer system not a very nice it's not very beautiful not when you go to the pipes under the house it's what Holland looks like after the Ashkenazim digested sure who's my mother-in-law who taught us is this a conspiracy I can continue ok Barker Shep whoa really how many people tell my mother ok great I don't think I need therapy this week that's wonderful it was Tommy the exact amount of people and if there are any compliments please do me a favor ok criticism you can keep for yourself she remembers this is where a father sat and she realized he wasn't trying to be argumentative he was actually describing what he sees from his window from her husband's window there was a different landscape and she comes to professor yalom with this tremendous guilt of misunderstanding her father creating a lifelong separation and I asked you how often does this happen in marriage can you really appreciate the fact that you and your husband or your wife look out of two different windows and she will never see what you see and you will never see exactly what she sees what you need to do is respect that her window maybe a different window respect and learn that not every disagreement is argumentative it's not about denigrating you she has to disagree with me you know that feeling he has to disagree with me she asked two windows and then you learned that a disagreement there's actually an opportunity to broaden your perspective now it's easy to preach about this when it comes to emotions you lose it hey you go again either you explode or you implode especially if you suffer from emotional constipation which is a good old Jewish trait especially if you come from Eastern Europe especially from certain sections of astera we Jews don't like talking especially men we have a theory when you come home at night your wife looks and says how was your day we don't like answering that question our philosophy is it was hard enough experiencing the day now I have to talk about it I don't want to talk about it I want to go into a cave take out my phone and text read the paper surf the web drink at Wyndemere read something I don't want to talk about my day women have a very different window when they have a hard day they want to talk about in the knot once once as does the preliminary once to their sister a second time to the other sister third time to a third sister fourth time to their mother fifth time to their girlfriend sixth time to another girlfriend seventh time to the therapists eighth time to the yoga instructor ninth time to the friend they meet at the cafe 10th time made me their husband when they finish giggling and crying after 10 times they're ready to relax just the way it is in fact in fact somebody asked me what's the difference in men and women cabbalistic lee i said men are waffles women are spaghetti very deep kabbalah do you never eat a waffle waffles every waffle is self-contained it has four walls around it when you pour the maple syrup into the waffle you make sure it doesn't go over the wall and stays within this square of the waffle that's men women are spaghetti there's no one piece of spaghetti every strand of pasta is intertwined and interconnected with hundreds of other pieces of pasta our brain is compartmentalized in hundreds of filing cabinets we men have a filing cabinet called a car the house the wife the mother and more the children the job the therapist that everything has a separate filing cabinet and when we have to pay a bill we open up that filing Emily we make sure it doesn't touch any other file we take out the paper usually we don't do anything we put it back quietly we close the drawing we make sure nothing else gets disturbed and in the middle of our brain we have a huge filing cabinet the biggest one with a big sign and it says on it nothing and we love hanging out in that space in fact most of us men if we wouldn't have to make a living we would hang out in that filing cabinet called nothing so when you ask your husband what are you feeling and he looks at you and he says nothing and there's no answer that drives women as crazy as the answer nothing they can't believe it they think you have another relationship with somebody they think you are hiding everything no women we feel nothing in fact after this lecture you can ask your husband so how was it and he's going to look at you how was walks the lecture was talks about you oh here she goes he doesn't know me how was it Oh his jokes were not too bad most of them I knew but a woman there's no nothing her brain is like the World Wide Web Microsoft Windows with every possible window open and the tab is switching back and forth every moment like spaghetti and the traffic of the World Wide Web there are hundreds of millions of neurons consciously interacting at every single moment and he's like clueless which is why you'll see the following scene he comes on one night and he decides tonight he's gonna be a good husband so after dinner you sit down with him on the couch and he looks you in the eyes and he says honey you want to share with me how your day was you're like wow what a guy he's been listening to Rabbi wise lectures he's been working on himself Emmet has been getting to him he's working he's working on his salon by it it's so beautiful so you start sharing with him your day and of course you begin with the fact that the cleaners ruined a 600 dollar dress and he opens up the filing cabinet called cleaner and it's a it's a it's a hard process man you could see on his brain just take it out and take out the file and check off okay the cleaners crisis $600 from the cleaners you shift immediately to the fact that you don't like your job so now he opens up with a filing cabinet called a job and then you move on to the fact that your sister and Juan salted you at our son's Bar Mitzvah and then the fact that the Sheva brachot you weren't invited and then that his mother is really obnoxious to you from there you discussed the fact that you don't have good cleaning help and then of course you go to the kids he's not happy in third grades the principle is not nice this teacher doesn't know what he's doing then you go to the car then you go to the paper you have to finish you discuss the leak in the bathroom summer plans your own mother your own sister the upcoming BAS Mitzvah it's now 2 minutes and 10 seconds you have already explored 48 happens and this is what he's doing he's opening and closing filing cabinets he went from the cleaners to the bathroom to the cleaning lady to your mother the assistant to the Bar Mitzvah to the BAS Mitzvah to the hooker to your job to your paper to your car to the swimming pool to the summer to the camp to the crisis of school it's four minutes now 397 topics have been explored and you're just beginning this poor guy for the last four minutes has been opening and closing filing cabinet and remember nothing can touch anything else so he takes it out it's mum with a very very heavy game now after four minutes as you're about to begin topic 400 he is about to go crazy the logical choice for him at this moment the most logical thing is suicide there's a problem he loves you and he doesn't want you should be a widow so that's not an option so he does the second - the best option under these trying circumstances and that is he falls asleep and within 20 seconds within 20 seconds he's snoring on the top of his lungs and you're stone-faced you were just having this whole romantic experience and this guy just fell asleep on you you are so hurt little do you know that the snoring is an expression of his deepest love because the only other option was to him for him to shoot himself in his heart and the only reason he didn't is because he loves you so much so if you could look at the snoring and say what a special the love of my life my dearest partner your good love my friends is not respect love comes from recognizing that world one respect comes from the fact that we recognize that we're not one we can't always be one we will not have the same window for some things we will for some things we won't what we need is not to have the same window what we need is to trust that the fact that the other person has another window doesn't mean they don't care for us and they don't support us and they don't cherish us if I could look at your differences and you can look at my differences and I could say I am i and you are you and from this place we're going to respect each other and support each other what happens often is disagreements become proof that you don't like me you're not here for me and that's where a relationship breaks down I stopped giving you the benefit of the doubt I don't trust the relationship and when there's no trust when you don't really feel that your spouse has your back and your spouse cares for you the trust erodes but that doesn't mean we're going to have the same window which is why when the Torah wants to describe Yitzhak's relationship with his wife rifki the Torah says Vahine a heat shock midsize heck a truth gosh damn it Scott was laughing with rifka why is that the term for intimacy I make jokes because my name is Yitzhak why why is Yosef Yitzchak besides when I was born they said why why and I'm trying to justify that and to answer the question yetsko comes from the word laughter why would anybody name their child hits cup which means a joke what would your therapist say when you told them that your mother named you a joke great for self confidence now and you know this is the first boy born as a Jew the first boy bernd born as a Jew is called a joke this is where we get our insecurities from telling them we have this in our genes I'm a joke I'm a joke guy told me just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean the whole world is not out to get me my dear friends what makes people laugh if anybody knows what makes people have the answer is an unexpected punchline that's why somebody told me when I started to speak he said a joke you can only repeat once a year because if you repeat the same joke and people remember it they're not gonna laugh he told me a joke once a year a story once in two years oddvar Torah twice in the same sermon that joke is over it's always the unexpected punchline a good comedian will take you to unexpected places and when you think you got it he'll suddenly make a curve and I'll throw you a curve ball which will create compounded laughter all laughter comes from the unexpected the unusual a good sense of humor means you know how to look at things in a twisted unique unconventional way somehow you bring out the humor of every situation yet skux greatest skill and the greatest skill of the Jewish people is they know how to create jokes meaning they can do the unexpected what is expected it's expected that humans are selfish that's expected it's called survival of the fittest it's expected that if you're married to a spouse you fight in America 50% divorces you know why why not if I'll be married to your husband what would I do you get divorce sometimes you get alone sometimes you don't 50% you have 50% not the uniqueness of the Jew is he or she understands the purpose of life is to create an unexpected punchline not to follow the expected to follow the unexpected to surprise yourself to shock yourself to allow your soul to surprise your mind which means all of us will have emotions that will take us away from our spouse get skux power was MIT psychic he was different than Rivka they weren't the same they were opposites she was extroverted he was introverted their opposite windows she loved Yaakov he loved ASA they disagreed about so many things but they never stopped laughing and when you never stop laughing you can surprise yourself you could surprise yourself by saying we're different what do you do with being different you could do one of two things you can start killing each other or you could start laughing with each other and that makes the difference between a beautiful marriage and a very challenging marriage so now my friends come back to the students of Rabbi Akiva there be Akiva taught that the basis of Judaism is a half dollar Erica Mohawk love your fellow like yourself love his students Lorna ague cavort suppose that a challenge with respect they love each other so much they couldn't appreciate the fact that they're different and they have to respect each other we see it with the Jewish people constantly we love each other but we don't always respect each other I was once at a conference about anti-semitism and they asked me at the conference a Jew raises a sensitive average Jacob said what's the difference between Jews and anti-semites I said what do you mean he says they both don't like Jews anti-semites don't like Jews and don't like Jews what's the difference good question though so I said haha my dear friends I'll explain tis very deep the anti-semite we're talking about a civil anti-semite right they say that Churchill said Ament ice mi to somebody who hates Jews more than necessary but let's say somebody doesn't hate them more than necessary only as much as necessary a civil anti-semite normal go have a conversation with them as I have and say my dear anti-semite my civil anti some what do you think about the Jewish people they caused so many problems Isis is Israel's fault 911 Israel's fault the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico Israel's fault global warming Israel the problems in Gaza in Egypt in Syria in Iran in Pakistan in India in Afghanistan in Sudan in the Congo Israel's fault of course to choose to Jews but my dear anti-semite your cardiologist is Harry Goldberg so true he's befriend the best cardiologist in America but your accountant is mr. Klein he's an honest Joe but your neurologist is Finkle stay most brilliant neurologists in the world but your lawyer Swartz haha he's been with I've been with him for 50 years your barber the best conversationalist in the world some of my best friends are to it what do you think of the Jewish people vermin horrible mason horrible people these individual Jews are they're very special now come to any Jew in the world hello Salaam alaikum alaikum what's your opinion of the Jewish people me okay I'll go Adebayor who is like your nation Israel I love the Jewish people I knew your habit that you deem Wow now tell me what's your opinion on your neighbor I'm a mother [Laughter] what's your opinion on the other neighbor a lowlife despicable what about your brother-in-law don't get me to talk about it he'll end up in prison what about the GABAA in your show this same Camela what about the guy who sits near you and so I wouldn't trust him with a border this guy is a gun in my chakra marriage say I found lowlife a stick maneuver Lima stupids I said it's a pair of autumn you can ask your grandmother shall explain to you whatever you don't know the meaning of all the words initiative family they'd still be Jewish something missing but you could still be true then you'll come to him and say what do you think about the Jewish people will start crying and he says I love Jews so I said that's the difference between anti-semites and Jews anti-semites hate Klaus right but the Debu style they like Jews love Klaus route which Jew doesn't love killall you sell every speech of any rabbi or any jeweler goes it clown is wrong but when it comes to abuse trial when it comes to the guy near me it's not so simple but my dear friends kalau Easter all is made up of her abuse rails it's easy to love the cloud the warmness it's about the individual rabbi akiva student loved his students loved respect to something else respect comes not from oneness not from sameness from the appreciation of differences and that's why when we count the Omer the Talmud says in Menorca 66 Amer abaya Mitzvah lemony ome or Mitzvah lemony shabooey submits with the count days and submits with the count weeks we say today is seven days which is one week today is eight days which is one week and one day the people so illiterate you can't figure out that eight days is one we can one day 14 days which is two weeks thank you Jesus what's the meaning the answer is what didn't in a day in a week a week is a unit of time Sunday through Shabbos seven branches of the menorah seven MoDOT of the soul it's one unit a day is individual there are two separate counts there's the count of the weeks of oneness but there's the count of the individual which is separate mushiya comes it says Kahala God all yasubo inna we will go as one and it also says for Adam to look to let God as husband Israel each one will be gathered as an individual my dear friends the leader of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra is a Jewish fellow a Brit by the name of Benjamin Benjamin Zander and he wasn't shared the following story he heard from a Jewish woman and she said to him she said Benjamin I want to tell you about something I experienced I was fifteen years old and my little brother was eight years old and we were both placed on a cattle car taken to Auschwitz Birkenau during the Second World War our parents were sent elsewhere they were gone it was me and my baby brother on the train and on the train I looked at my brother and I saw that he was missing a shoe from the whole commotion and being traced onto the train he lost one of his shoes he was barefoot what does a fifteen year old girl tell an eight-year-old boy he loses his shoe she doesn't know where they're going she starts screaming at him she yells at him how could you be such a baby how could you be so irresponsible how could you lose your shoe what am I supposed to find you or sue what are you gonna do now we're gonna get somewhere you're not gonna have shoes I don't understand you mommy is not here kathy is not here nobody has another shoe for you how could you be so irresponsible grow up and take responsibility you don't move the shoe and she gave it her like a 15 year old nervous anxious girl might speak to her baby brother and she tells Benjamin who did I regret that conversation because it was the last conversation I ever had with my brother we arrived in Auschwitz and Josef Mengele made the selection one of them was sent to the right and the other to the left within an hour her brother was gassed and his body sent to the crematorium she was sent to slave labor and she survived the war on the day of liberation January 1945 January 27 1945 when the Soviets liberated the Auschwitz Birkenau death camp this little girl this young woman left the portals of hell and as she walked out of those gates some of you have seen it with the big sign Arbit macht frei she says to Benjamin at that moment I stepped in from death to life and I made a vow to myself that despite all the suffering I endured I'm going to live and I'm going to live life to the fullest and then I made a second vow to myself and the second vow I made to myself was this never will I tell somebody something that if I knew it was the last thing I ever said to them I would regret it I would never say anything to anybody again that could not stand as the last thing I will ever tell them especially when it's a child I say to you this is something very lofty it's a very high ideal and it's a little unrealistic to ask of somebody to be able to think before they open my mouth is this the last thing you want to tell the person but it's something to think about as we speak and communicate with our spouses as we speak and communicate with our children ask yourself there's this something I would be happy telling them if this was the last time I ever spoke to them and when one creates this type of awareness in a relationship then the next 50 years of your marriage and the 50 years afterwards can also go by like two days Purim and simplist IRA the two happiest days of the Jewish calendar thank you very much thank you this class is brought to you by the achieve Annette please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot they ueshiba net / donate