Inspired by Every Moment - Rabbi Dr. Benjamin Epstein, Ph.D. #188

hi everybody Welcome to coach vanak burnfield tonight on this special Sunday night thank you for joining us tonight is shear 188 and I just had a long weekend I just got back so if I'm a little bit off just because I'm tired don't think it personal and um tonight um we're going to start off first with thanking all the people that coming on every week letting people know about it uh we thank all the people that are part of our program and they posted on their WhatsApp statuses and they email their friends about it talk about we could talk very important topics in CL all things that are going on and have a real real discussion about it everybody wants to join our WhatsApp chats we have a community WhatsApp me at 314710 I'll send you the community chat I'll also post it in the zoom link as well you can also go to bf.com to his website and sign up every week to get his emails and his replays and all the speakers and all the information that's going on in land so please go there um thank you to all the AV anybody's watching the replay of this on YouTube please click on the like button the Subscribe button we upload the new videos you can see them right away and special thank you to all the advertising sponsors of lak scho here in Lakewood Ellie nariel from 5own Central and from jcn met next week so this week is a very big week this week it's sh this week right in the middle of smack of the week but we're doing a share before sh and that's the point of tonight's share and the sheare after sh is gonna be a very special sh it actually there's a whole story behind it but uh I will leave that for next for next week June 16th we're going to have world famous morning High Wier together with a few live surprise guests who are going to be sharing their private mental health struggles and triumphs together be a very amazing deep program and we're it's going to be not just stories but the therapeutic and the modalities it's going to be something very unique I think it's going to be very powerful sheare people are going to learn how to people can go through difficult things in life talk about it and how they grew from it and hopefully they'll be helping tremendous amount of people we're going to title it we're going to title it healing narratives personal mental health Journey and therapeutic guidance from the experts let's get real what's it called over here let's get real and break down mental health barriers so please join us next Sunday at um 9:30 p.m. our gatri guy is not available this week he's by the so he said 188 is so just put it together you'll see it adds up and we're going to start off first with Coach Sunday night I just want to beon here tonight I should know what we're doing it's the first time meeting Dr Benjamin Epstein here so he's here from live 4:30 in the morning and is more into this mindfulness and deep feelings I'm gonna be the I'm Gonna Learn tonight what all this means all the stuff what are we doing e amazing looking forward okay welcome everyone to another let's get real with here we are number 188 and we have this host to have with us Rabbi Dr Benji Epstein and yes we're going to be discussing mindfulness what it is and uh we'll have to take it slow because uh you know to get it to understand it but here we are in a few days M to and we have to make some preparations because without preparation you just fall into it and um sometimes it's over before it starts and you don't realize so that could be part of being mindful um making those preparations and tonight we're going discuss how to be inspired by every moment this moment now and to elevate our sh andem learn what mindful mindfulness is so just a little bit of introduction we all know that we are living in a society that's going a thousand miles per hour it's going so fast and if you think about it just 100 years ago in one hand it's amazing talk about you know you can talk to a person the other side of the world you can have a zoom conference the speaker for and you could send a me message email in a second have a conversation with people around all four corners of the world you know not a problem connected everything happens so fast and it's amazing on the other hand the consequences what you know what what are we dealing with whether it's anxiety depression lack of fulfillment people are are seeking for meaning and people are never happy not good enough looking for more others always have more some sometimes people try to figure out what what's bothering me you know things are working out things are great looking around the my you know where I am I I should be so thankful to Hashem but there's something in me that's I'm just not happy I'm just looking for more whether it's going on vacation and then going on vacation from that vacation and you're running you're searching but you're not sure what's going on what are you looking for so mindfulness which we'll get to learn tonight is a tool that helps that actually helps and I'm I don't know the research but we'll hear you know it actually works we'll hopefully we'll learn tonight how what it is and how it works but before we go there by we have implemented in our day in our week in our system we have one day a week that we don't have technology and that's amazing could you think about it one day a week you have to shut down and you got to be mindful three times a day we actually connect with DAV we're connecting with our creator with our mission with our meaning with everything that we're looking for and it's amazing but the question is is it possible that even if we have all of these practices we could still be missing the boat you know once it becomes routine and you're used to doing it we do shabas we don't have a for those you know most of us and most of us we DAV but are we mindful are we connected or maybe not we're doing it you know every week every month every year we're doing it for years but we're trying to figure out what am I looking for so that's the question is it possible to be mind list while sitting shabas this afternoon or and we all know we all know what's going on in our minds listen I know what's going on in my mind you know what's going on in your mind but there's so much going on in our mind that it's hard for us to focus hard for us to be there hard for us to connect so even even though we do have the practices but there is something that we're missing and um that's why I'm so happy to have you Rabbi Dr Benjamin Epstein just to discuss with us the basic tell us what is this mindfulness and how should we you know what it is why is it important why you can't live without it and how do you do it so thank you so much and let's get into it so again tonight's share we titled it inspired by every moment Elevate Yeshua in everyday living through the gift of mindfulness Epstein I'm going to read your bio and then the floor is yours and since I know nothing about this really excited such a crazy concept even Benjamin epon PhD is an expert psychologist author and speaker who Blends traditional mindfulness based cognitive therapy mbct Google it with spiritual acceptance techniques in addition to his private practice Dr Benji Dr Benji leads Mindful and psychedelic integration seminars seminars and sessions he receives his certificate in ketamine assistant Psychotherapy from Char cic Hospital should should have titled that then we would had 10,000 people Dr abin is the author of living in the presence a Jewish M's guide to Everyday Life a work designed to provide a practical word road map to the rec discovery of purpose capturing and experiencing some of the benefits of the world to come right now in this world he has also hosted and produced content for the Jewish mindfulness podcast pause Rabbi Dr Benji Epstein PhD floor is yours and I am listening okay thank you so much uh Coach man to be here um I saw an amazing interview from a a real um a real mindfulness Guru and he started off the interview um with his big shot from CNN he says can we just spend a minute or two just closing our eyes taking a few deep breaths before we jump in and come into presence just to like really get here so for just one minute we're just going to close our eyes and just really really just be here it's nice all right okay just um before we started uh we're talking about the atmosphere here in ell after the news on chabas the miraculous um unreal um rescue and release of the hostages um but thinking about the kados who was who was nther AR and also thinking about one of the hostages still H per that all this learning that we're doing here um should be PR for everyone for the hundreds of families uh and the individuals who are being held hostage currently in Gaza um but specifically um H Po and Goldberg um H and perana everything that we're saying today should be OSHA for his quick and Speedy release could become home very soon so we're setting we setting intentions before we start anything and uh I think Ras you said a beautiful gatria so 188 is is the gatria again one more time I didn't get the full thing but so so so I I I I love that and and the one that that I came up with was when I when I call hashem's name what ens up happening is that's that's what we're doing right here the goal is so anytime you didn't get together to share to laugh to cry to bring more into the world it's all about connecting to the shash the yud hey the V and the K which is known in the vernacular as the retrogram which in the name k it suggests that the past and the future the the the ha and and the Y are all subsumed right now in the present in the H he is was and will be and it's all right now so that's what we're connecting ourselves to so we start off with our intentions and here we're going to talk now about definitions because fundamentally mindfulness is a very simple concept its power its C lies in its practice in in our application of it so the definition for mindfulness that I like to use for myself my clients uh was proposed by John kabid Zin who is the founder of mindfulness-based stress reduction and he defines mindfulness as a means of paying attention in a particular way it's paying attention on purpose in the present moment and non-judgmentally on purpose in the present moment and non-judgmentally and what this kind of attention does is it nurtures much greater awareness Clarity and most importantly acceptance of our present moment reality and what's really great about what happens when we start to pay attention is that it wakes us up to the fact that our lives are only happening they only unfold in moments it's right here and right now and the flip side of this is if we're not fully present for these moments we're going to probably Miss what is most valuable in our lives and we're going to fail to realize the possibilities we have for growth and transformation and you don't need to have a neurode Divergent disorder you don't have to have ADHD like me to realize that your mind is hardly ever in the present moment it's either rehashing the past or rehearsing for the future but by being in either of those States you miss the present moment and here's what's happening in the present moment it's the only moment you have to be alive to make decisions to grow to heal to be there for the people you love and to show up for our own lives or as Jacob Rosenfeld and Ash Cohen sing oh this moment is the only thing you know so if we aren't bringing our attention to it we end up living most of our lives on autopilot we are literally lost in thought the problem for most people is it feels like the moment that we're currently in the one we're in right now not this one because this one's pretty good but the moments that people are in it's not really worth paying attention to it'd be so much better to plan that wonderful future the amazing times we have to look ahead to but if you haven't cultivated the ability if you haven't practiced if you haven't worked the muscle then when those moments do eventually arise those good moments which are coming are you able to be present for them and chances are unless you've cultivated the ability to train your mind to stay in the present moment the mind is always going to do what it's done which is look to the future or ruminate perseverate about the past but for us for the for the Jewish practitioner for the soul practitioner what I believe and what I'm trying to convince is is mindfulness practices help us to really capture and I think this is what coach man was alluding to in his introduction essential Judaism and what it can do is really assist us in transforming the totality of how we relate to our daily existence and that's pretty much essentially the book that I was to to to cultivate you know and to sort of call together from my teachers specifically rosha Weinberger SCH Judah Mich that's really what I was to put it together about because according to yadas and this is uh you know I'm happy to hear if other people have different sheas but from what I understand and from my teachers have taught me according to Judaism the world could not cannot exist without AES without God's constant presence and participation so when we look at it from that perspective Hashem God is recreating the world at every single moment so that means our invitation to Deus our ability to connect to Theon Shalom the complete connectivity can only occur in the present moment so we're about to go up Pari we're about to reaccept the Torah every single one of us was there and every single one of us will be there again bezem on uh Tuesday morning so about to ascend har and the idea that I want to speak about for a few more minutes can be the meditation that we can really contemplate on to prepare us for the upcoming day of not only the giving of the Torah but also receiving the Torah as well and so much of my own personal avod and so many of my clients as well it centers all around this key concept we're transforming ourselves into vessels into to be capable of receiving reing the Torah in the present moment and through the practice of what I like to call Jewish mindfulness which is really just mindfulness just mindfulness it's of pausing we can fully connect to the voice of Hashem in the here and now and uh one of the lines that I really uh you know sort of meditate on from the book is the transformative power of the moment der deres from the Divinity the elus that's residing within it the transformative po power of the moment all this talk about mindfulness Ruster this transformative thing of be here now and and live in the moment and really connect it's not about anything you know the power of now it's because there's Divinity residing within it we're not con we're not just connecting to the here and now as a nice idea as a nice psychological concept because it's true all these things are very good if you have anxiety being present in the moment means you can't be focused on whatever you're worried about so there will be anxiolytic effects but that's not why we're doing it the reason why we are connecting to the here and now is to connect to the Divinity that's infused that's imminent within it and within ourselves so what this means for us is that unlike other belief systems we have a fundamental spiritual religious need to be mindful because our purpose the goal is for me and for all of us what's the goal Elohim how can I beem how can I be closer to God and the way to do that is through being aware through connecting with present moment awareness and yadus Judaism is is a is a path that helps us to wake up to our lives but it also like coach was alluding to it demands that we remain attentive to what we're doing if you ask my amazing wife you say before khah like what's your favorite y she like a khah Kaneka is lit we got to do Kana and then you call her right before perm and she'll start giving you this whole Spiel that perm is her favorite holiday so someone's like I feel like so if you ask me you know so for my wife every yff is the best but if you would ask me what's the most mindful you know holiday for for for Jews it depends when you catch me but it really depends on the timing um but right now the upcoming holiday of sh that's the headquarters of Jewish mindfulness because it provides us with the perfect opportunity to deepen our connection to Torah to the Divine and to this moment and and as I was talking to coach manah at the beginning before I said that there's a beautiful Jew in in the five towns he Kinski and he speaks about this cassader talks about that this this idea is not you know if we believe that msah is coming it means that that that we're all going to become Nim we're all going to become the is very explicit that is gonna is gonna pour His r on everyone so we have to be able to cultivate the C the tools to be able to be fully in touch with what's happening because that really ultimat is the is the navi is really in touch the Divine wavelength and so yeah so one of the ideas that we talk about for shuis and this is something that my clinical supervisor and teacher and roacher partner of Judah Michelle was the chief Rabbi of the world he wrote about this in his magnum opus B he wrote We Shall Not cease from exploration and the end of all of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time and what that quote is suggesting I believe is is that life is a journey of continuous exploration and Discovery but the ultimate goal of our exploration is to arrive at a place where we feel a deep sense of familiarity of understanding as if we're experiencing it for the first time but it's as if as Joey Rosenfeld says K as if we're once again climbing Hari for the first time we're going back to Hari and we have to really sensitize ourselves to that so the work of kabalas but maybe even more because the name for sh is also Matan Torah the gift the present of Torah which is again the presence of Torah and living in the present is waking up to Vitality in every moment that we have because in wakefulness everything inspires and nothing is excluded from the domain of the spirit so again we're talking about you're reading Torah every week every day you can't go one two three without being reminded that hm took us out of Egypt how many times 49 times 50 times right when it comes to M the culmination the makes the whole reason we left Egypt the whole reason we exist there's barely a tracer mentioned right some people have it in the to remember I don't know if you said it today right seems a bit preposterous it's a little bit it's a little bit mud the whole reason hasm took us out of Egypt ra right was to give us the Torah it's the it's the S we've been counting up 48 days we're almost there and then we get out and we do all these mites and then there's barely a whisper of remembering when we reive the Torah it's a good question right RAR Cutler is that rights you can only remember something that happened in the past you're retrieving information from something that happened a long time ago requires the active process of memory right you have to remember it only only if it happened in the past and some of the things that you know one of my clients talk about is they fear forgetfulness because it implies the loss of something that was once present and is no longer here Ron explains cabal is different because Kabal is every single day and in truth it's every single moment of wakefulness it's happening again over and over and over again we can always tap into the receiving of Torah by being fully present in this moment call it never stopped the question they're going to ask us after 120 the isak have you fixed or established yours your etim your moments through the lens of Torah are you attaching yourself to Torah In This Moment In This Moment In This Moment and this moment and that's hopefully the next book so sponsorships are available who do I speak to afterwards about this right a and again you look in the CLE and the again says it doesn't say it in the Torah it doesn't we figured out through you know simple mathematics that 50 days after we left MIT that's when we get the Torah but it never commemorates that the six of s never says V is when you got the Torah and again by avoiding fixating on a single day the Torah is giving us a message it's telling us do not relate to Torah that's something that happened in the past it's a continuous ongoing experience it's happening it's happening it's happening now our relationship to the Torah has to be immediate and visceral we receive it we incorporate it into every day life every day each and every moment and for the final few minutes just going to learn Rashi right Rashi we're going back to right left Egypt right the Jewish people arrived in the desert go to the beach more right I think that's that works out with your gach right on this day Rashi says it could have said on that day what is the meaning of on this day Rashi says and again rashi's job isra basic basic you're basic keep it basic the basic the literal meaning of the text the words of Torah shall be new to you as if they were given just today Rashi is emphasizing that fact that it says this day not that day because that day implies event that happened in the past this day implies that it's happening right now so can you imagine what a radical transformation would occur in our lives if we fully realized that precisely at this moment in time you me we are actively receiving the Torah from God and that's the nuda that I want to take for myself and maybe for anyone out there listening for now and uh maybe for the rest of our lives because if you can just pause and imagine the radical transformation that would occur in our lives if we fully realized that precisely at this moment in time we are actively receiving the Torah from Hashem and just as Hashem is recreating the world from aesh Moment by moment every single day we our task our avod is to recreate our own personal world on a similar basis always looking for renewed inspiration receiving the Torah into our lives that is as fresh as the day it was given because it's all happening right now it's all right now so thank you again for allowing me to be here and uh we're opening the floor to gatas and questions okay amazing okay let's start with a poll and then we'll uh start the poll and then we'll get into questions okay first question what is your definition SL connection to schs okay talking to you personally um number one nice meals with the family number two learning all night number three I celebrate being Jewish number three receiving the Torah at har which of these four is your connection as we go into number two what are your thoughts when you hear the word meditation number one I'm excited to learn more number two it's taboo to me number three three it's a is this is it a Jewish thing not my M or number three I don't I don't have time for it number four I have no idea what it is number five I'm sorry it's five answers that goes with this should have closed their eyes people answering could have voted one there's a there's a story about the one of the somebody was like from like different went to a different different uh he was around he was I don't know what the expression is but somebody who was connected to allas and he ended up this by by being by the and so they asked him why why did you decide to you know you know eventually end up by him and he says by all the other rebers when they sing they all sing with their eyes closed but the the rebba when he sings it he sings it with his eyes open right the goal is really to be able to keep to live with our eyes wide open to be able to see it without closing our eyes we have to cover our eyes for shma Israel because it's too hard you know there's too many too much distraction but by the rebba uh he was able to to to to keep that presence with his eyes open so ultimately we're trying to to to to rec that okay let's get to the answers we're going to share with everybody the answers very interesting um first all number one the first question is most people connection with TRS 71% of people yeah receiving the Tor 11% night meals with the family 9% learning all night 10% celebrating be Jewish 71% the connection is receiving the Torah har so I don't know what that means actually to be honest with you I know 71 people saying it what does that mean that means that's your connection I don't know um any comment on that you want me to comment on that yeah yeah yeah it's I'm wondering about the other uh the the people meaning sh is is uh it's a it's a wedding think only y that doesn't have anything no l no EST no fasting no nothing just Tyra just Tyra again which again which is connected again it's a wedding uh one of my teachers says imagine being under the and the or the turns to each other and says pulls out a notebook and says I started doing our taxes I started I started making aone of all of all the things that we need to buy for the next year you say sweetie or you say husband you know you know cutie hey this is not the time for this right now the the they're saying the right they're just being happy about being at the wedding and and not like renewing the vows and we're deepening our connection to the fact that this is and we see no in in the present tense no Tor meaning what does our life look like because we have Torah and if we can really sensitize ourselves to that it changes everything because as coach again alluded to we could get stuck even even if you're dressed in the most you could be stuck in some aod that you were doing for the past few years and it's lost its time on the outside it all looks the same it's all about Our intention it's all about our our our our attention as well so receiving the Tor what does it mean for you on a personal level everyone heard hashem's voice it's a it's a fundamental yod Aruna is the reason why do why do we believe in Torah like why do you believe in Torah I can't see anyone because I'm got this pole in my face how do I move this pole why do you believe in Torah maybe that's a maybe that's a poll question but there are three million people standing at a mountain and every single one of them heard every single one of them heard it there was no and says that they heard it in their own voice what is the what does the voice of Hashem sound like it's their own voice they heard it they heard them they heard the kishkas speaking to them and that's a can we get there well we could we could aspire to get there like I said we're going for NAA so uh yeah receiving the Torah what it means to receive the the Torah and again the Matan Torah the mat of Torah does Torah feel like a present to you does it feel like a gift or does it feel like a burden and that's something to think about second question what are your when you hear the word meditation so 70% of people are excited to learn more so I'm excited I want to learn more 2% is tab to me 6% is it a Jewish thing not my not my 21% of people say they don't have time for it and 1% have no idea what it is um what do you say to that there's a lot to say about that there's a lot to say about that specifically I want to focus on the idea that it's not part of our Mota which is just a very unfortunate um another one of the terrible terrible uh tragedies of of I think 2,000 years of GIS because again if the goal is NOA if the goal is to be able to tap into the voice of Theon Shalom is to really tap into deep deep deep your essence your soul how can you do that if you don't know how to quiet the mind and I'm GNA say a mishna inas you're because you said it's just me and you right Rashi just me and you fourth I think it's the fifth par right it says a person right they would they would show him whatever that means and then they would dve him for an hour and then they would uh integrate for an hour what were they doing for that first hour they were playing on their phone they were doing Wordle checking out WhatsApp statuses doing kazara of of the last week's Shear of Coach manam what were they doing learning Casas they're learning Casas no it doesn't say that it doesn't say they were learning it would say how you it was before it was again there's no there's again before after the post we're all postmodern so it's like what were they doing very simply they were contemplating they were quieting the mind you get to a point where you're climbing up the ladder you know going from AIA and then you're going to the next you know uh to the next World of Y and then T Bria and Aus and we have spiritual models and now we have therapists like Joey Rosenfeld who are combining these spiritual models with with the Torah of recovery and doing beautiful work with that and our Dr Jacob Freedom was also infusing all of his spiritual work with the with the mental health that he's you know to to to hundreds and thousands of people he also some really good books you should check out off the couch but yeah they were pausing for a minute for two minutes for three for an hour can you imagine what your M would look like if you stopped for five minutes and just put away your phone and just breathed before you went into into doing a game changer so he say it's not part of our M I'd like to introduce you to Rabbi AR kapin that's how who has three or four books on Jewish meditation meditation in cabala every single one of the tan in were seeped in these traditions we just celebrated the the zor how do you think he had he came to his realizations even though the batam says he was learning he was learning Shas the entire time in the cave but even so if you look up the Zar just reading the Zar that's coming from a different place entirely and we believe that to get to those states of D vacas to be able to do that it's it's byos hasem and different ways of breathing and unfortunately we've lost a lot of that these Traditions so just to be able to to tap into what a shabus is to be able to be off your phone and not thinking about your phone but really be with the people to be able to DAV Inon and just to say the words without being in 50 million different places requires a person we hear meditation we think a meditation again is paying attention non-judgmentally in the present moment it's just cavana what's cavana then let's go to let's go to to the second to the last 21% of people you know it's not majority but 21% of people feel that they don't have time for it what's what's your comment on that my comment is if you don't have time for the things that you need to be making time for in your life I'll tell you a client comes to to coach and says and Coach says you need to start you need to start exercising and the client says I don't have time for that coach is gonna say you need to make time for it meaning if you're not making time for the things that matter in your life if you don't have time I can't remember the Tony Robbins quote if you don't have 10 minutes you know then you don't have a life you're saying Benji am I going to finish all the things that I'm doing it's do less Jus is is the whole avod of so if you don't have 10 minutes say oh I don't have 10 minutes to spend with my kids sorry I like my kids but look I don't have 10 minutes for that saying how do I not have 10 minutes to actually start spending time to focus on the things that matter in my life and this is across the board from the ra to the to says if you're not taking a few minutes a day to just focus on what am I doing here what is my purpose can I be clear about what my is right the first line in when was the last time we just sat for 10 minutes and said you know what my intention is what am I doing here I don't have time rosha wber is is probably the reason that I was so enamored by this aod has been learning this Farm of thees the again why we've lost it and one of his that weberg learned 30 40 years ago is is something called B which was a little pamphlet that was like for only the cool kids like he couldn't be in the club like he very much made it very exclusive of B Alia this is in you know you know in between World War I and World War II and Weinberger when he's learning this this mad for for a person to be able to start doing um meditation he says that a person who doesn't do this you know he say he said this language I remember such a language he says you know a person who's doing this looks at other people who are doing this like and he just like looks at them and say what are you thinking because once you've tasted this once you've T this like how can you be running running running running running and you have never paused and asked yourself what am I running around for if I don't make the time to consciously pause and ask myself the question that are sometimes very difficult you know and the answer should be constantly changing but to start to live with that you say I don't have time I don't have time to eat if somebody would come to you Coachman I say I don't have time to eat you'd be worried I don't have time to breathe you'd be worried I don't have time to do any Torah Mitzvah I'd be worried I don't have time to take a five minutes and just stop in the middle of my day to Just Breathe and recalibrate what I want to be focused on where I want to be bringing my attention where I want to be bringing my focus to it could help with the productivity also somebody should stop for a moment and see what am I busy with from s from when I wake up till when I go to sleep what are you so busy with and let's sit down with that for a minute usually it's being busy doing things that are not so important and the important things you push off for tomorrow so what you realize is that you're not really do it's not like I don't have time I don't want to have time I just want to keep busy because if I stop and I take five minute pause oh you know stuff come up and maybe Dr Benjamin can talk about it things it's not easy to stop it's not easy to actually sit for 10 minutes without your phone very hard it's a muscle it's a muscle that we've we've unfortunately let let it we've let it atrophy we've let it atrophy we have not allowed it to to cultivate and to deepen and we suffer because of it I have clients who take their phones into their bathroom because they can't be alone in the shower they can't they they need they need music because to be alone alone with your thoughts which is why so many people struggle before they go to bed because you're forced to stop and once again we have shabas to train Us and nobody feels nobody feels pulled to their phone on chabas everyone and and you ask anyone like ah it's a m and then right after shabas you're back on it's a really big question only yeah I'm sorry yes yes get live questions we're really get into it a lot of questions we're going to get into it say I've got I've got isn't for another three hours we got time I gotta wake up early tomorrow I have a trip you got another trip you just came back from a trip I heard I know I know oh so Russia needs to sit still you got to sit still oh no that would be bad that would be that would be bad right we have this we have we have a we the doing nature is almost a form of violence to ourselves and recogniz I'm getting into to the first Live question you're on hi hi you hear me yes hi yes yeah hi so um how do I know it's like I'm very into mindfulness especially DBT which has a mindfulness module and like how do I know if I'm like if how do I know if I'm being too mindful like you know like too hyper aware what I'm doing a lot of times I got caught up in my own head like I know I'm not going I know I'm not an autopilot for the most part I'm a weir I know what I'm doing I'm like 99 like 95% of the time I'm a weird I'm not an aut pilot but yet but yet I'm like very I can get very quau up in my head but still I'm C up my head at the same time I know what I'm doing so it's like am I doing it the right way I'm I'm confused I'm not sure like am I too mindful like do I need to stop being mindful I feel like sometimes what you're saying like sometimes when I Like You Close Your Eyes for that minute right okay am I there yet am I there yet am I there yet like the mind doesn't let relax yourself am I there am I doing it right but you're not really actually being calm you're not being meditating right right yeah beautiful yeah the the Beau that's a great question the beautiful thing about this practice is you can't get it wrong you know which really works with my like you know Rah R Rah optimism it's like you can't get it wrong no there's a way to do it and there's a way to not do it it's once again paying attention non-judgmentally in the present moment if you notice that your mind has been caught up in anything it could be the most beautiful fantasy in the world could be the most like weird thing you've ever thought of it doesn't matter the Magic Moment is when you notice it the Magic Moment is when you notice it and then you bring it back to the focus of your of your attention which is could be could be right you're D and you could have been lost the entire time you get up to the last BR and you say oh I've been I've been you know I've been in Liv this whole time you know I've been on my I've already been on my vacation you're sitting in Shas you're already on your vacation R buer right so you're there so what do you do in that moment and in that moment you take that deep breath and you bring it back it's just your mind wanders a hundred times so if you're saying am I being too hyperaware that's what we would call a thought you notice that thought and you bring it back to whatever it is you're meditating on does that make sense Sara yeah could be if I'm if I'm yeah if I'm questioning being hyper aware like I'm having like the metacognition like metacognition right I'm thinking about the thinking exactly and again we can notice that and the fact that we have that ability to notice it helps really again when you're working with yourself or working with your clients about how that that cognitive diffusion is where you're not actively fused with that thought which gives you the flexibility to be a little bit more responsive to those thoughts because sometimes when we're not paying attention we're down that thought Rabbit Hole we've already taken that you know say you know a person who is is struggling with addiction that Tia that that urge to to to take that drink is already equated with I feel like um you know I have to take that drink already and so noticing that not judging yourself for it right you have the opportunity in every single moment to once again be kind to yourself not judge yourself for not being amazing at meditation because we all decide that once we meditate we're not only just going to meditate we're going to be the best meditators we are going to Mish achieve and and equinity and peace of mind and it's like it's just not the nature of mind the nature of mind is to be all over the place and K recognized that if you go to any any any you know Masia or or reiton and you say in the middle I had this crazy thought that I wanted to speak lashar every single one of them with a little SE hopefully would say just ignore it right just that's not that your brain is constantly out thoughts that's not you that's not who you are BS so you don't get stuck like I'm hyper aware yeah yeah so so another another aspect is that like let's say I'm on the kach on zoom and like I's say I get a little space out or a little war then I go to Whatsapp or like let's say am I doing I'm multitasking doing different things but I'm aware of what's going on is that mindful or is that like like I don't know like like like like I'm not I'm not even sure how to Phee my question but like I'm aware but I'm not like awar that I'm not aware being multitask no I I think that you know especially if you're if you're the male you know if you if you're there you cannot multitask so that what my wife has told me is that she is able to do that and but she might be you know a completely different Bria batma she might be something completely different Superwoman um but I think that if you are saying I'm okay I'm choosing to listen to Coach man and then your phone dings and you instinctively look to it that's not mindfulness but if you're in Coach man you're saying you know I want to check my messages so then I'm making that choice to move to the message it's the same thing if you're sitting in meditation and the practice or or the uh instruction beforeand is to not move but there's like a really really really really like itchy feeling that you get the second the person says don't move which is what it always happens so the question is can you sit with that for a little bit and if it's driving you crazy then you're actively picking up your hand and noticing that because again ultimately I don't believe that that that the multitasking can done in a mindful way but it's more about where you're bringing your intention and are you doing it intentionally with like say I'm choosing to stop listening right now and it's okay I'm choosing to keep it in the background but I'm really focusing on my WhatsApp right now does that answer your question yeah I think it's all about the intention and if I'm pausing mindful mind mindfully or if I'm posing mindlessly exactly and and another word non-judgmental is very important because if you're sitting there and thinking am I doing it right I'm not doing it right not doing it not doing it right so you're judging yourself but if you realize it's just a thought so am I doing it right good question am I doing it wrong good question and you just stay there don't judge it's it is what it is or notice the Judgment notice the Judgment say have done called they don't say don't judge he says notice that you're judging notice that you're like oh this is Jud judgment this is a judgment like and sometimes someone will be like well it's true I'm like that's fine it's again it's your story you're you're creating a story in your mind what's really true what's EMS that's that's the EMS but everything else is subject to your to your nature to your nurture and as soon as you notice that a lot of your stories is being projected to other people on other people like I just don't want that person to think it's like don't worry you don't have to worry about that anymore or you can notice that you're worrying about that but to say to not be judgmental the more when you start this practice one of the first things you'll notice is how judgmental you actually are because you're starting to realize like no one's being mindful no one's being thoughtful everyone is living in their head and it's just like hey notice that notice that you're saying just by noticing it you can start to it's like I say one of my teachers said to me that like you know mindfulness doesn't solve any problems but it helps dissolve a lot of problems they just become a little bit more diffuse yeah okay thank you so much okay um let's go to the next Live question hold on just waiting for to get on okay hold on one second yeah I'm here hi disappear okay sorry um it wasn't being it wasn't being mindful enough um so there we go I'm the opposite of the the previous question just asking being over mindful so I'm probably the problem here um but in terms of how do do you actually do it so I think coming on to the zoom seeing the topic everyone here is like okay great being mindful but how do you actually put on those breaks I'm definitely not over mindful I'm quite the opposite where everything's scattered and I'm you know when you first started a zoom you asked for a minute of silence and I'm like I'm actually in the middle of putting away my kids laundry I don't have a minute to close my eyes I'm going to drop the fold laundry I'm doing I am multitasking as I'm listening to the zoom so how do how do us people who or ADHD or have struggle with mindfulness not the other not the person who's over mindful or you know how do where are the breaks and how do we find them how do we access them and that that's a beautiful question SEMA Sima both okay um beautiful question the answer is that mindfulness can't be a vort it can't be AAR it can't be like okay it's this week is the topic is is mindfulness and it's it's like okay next week we're going to move on to the next topic it's like no this is always the topic um and for a person to be able to really cultivate this it's going to require formal practice it's just like saying okay when I go to SCH I'm you know following Torah and and then when I leave SCH you know I'm a different person it's like no the formal practice the doing the learning has to impact every single other aspect of Our Lives it's got to be 24/7 and say 24/7 it's aspir ation we're always there's there's no depth the amount of presence so it would be for you I think to find somebody or a YouTube or or one of the apps you know actually Dr jcer Freeman and I are discussing about maybe creating an app for for Jewish mindfulness for the Jewish mindfulness practitioner to really before Yan before chabas you know help with sleep you know every single because the Mitzvah that we do are from the with itadi which means to connect us which means to connect us to what we're doing so before you eat instead of eating mindlessly we make a braa before chabas before jumping into chabas we're going to like the candles to attenuate attenuate us to this awareness of now we're switching into a different gear so you're saying I don't have the capacity you can all pay attention and and you know there's a gar that says if you're if you're you know if you're if you think you have too much money to learn Tor you don't have time here's this person if you're too poor you have hillo so if you're ADHD and you think you can't meditate then Benji Epstein right so so so let me just I know I have the capacity but it's extremely hard to access and I I feel like I'm fighting uphill battle with the world around me let's say forget smartphones and everything that's happening the world is created to to to fight mindfulness even getting on an app on my phone to do mindfulness is just seems like oxymoronic to me it does just because I'm gonna be on my phone again you know so I'm saying not that I don't have access to it but I see that it's it would be it would be extremely challenging and I wouldn't know or I would love to do it but I don't know how to actually what the breaks look like how to stop I mean maybe as a woman it's harder because we don't have you know the the seway of stopping three times a day maybe that's that's a factor that is a factor but I think also as a woman I think that you're more intuitive um in general again we don't make you know there there's these topologies but rabi nakan says and this is what any single mindfulness teacher would tell you is keep it simple and stick to the present moment meaning it's starting with a minute it's starting with two minutes it's starting with three minutes says when a person wants to enter into a hasem a person feels like it's a it's a tremendous there's so much to learn Rabbi right all the in the library there's takes so long to learn everyone I'm afraid I'll never be a and Uncle says listen to very closely to what I've say if you learn Torah every day you do it with a friend you'll be a one day right that's it it's starting with this moment and my teachers if they say hey I'm going to start with 10 minutes don't look at it as 10 minutes it's one minute and another minute and another minute and another minute it's really keeping it simple so if you tell yourself I can't do it it's it's that original question we talked about if you can't find 10 minutes so find five minutes it's the same person who go to the mash and says I don't have time to learn he's like learn mus he's like why learn mus he's like so you'll find out that you have more time to learn so again if this becomes but it can't be a vort it can't be like oh I want to try try it it's it becomes a practice just like if a person wants to inculcate healthy eating or more exercis it doesn't become a a nice idea to do it becomes something that a person is trying to cultivate all the time and you could be off the train for as long as you've been on but the second you turn on the light right you're sitting in that dark room the second you turn on the light you're there yeah but for 50 years of my life I was not paying attention Asma so what right now I could be more focused and again it's folding laundry mindfully it's being feeling the laundry right it's not just about breathing it's not just about closing your eyes it's about being fully attentive to what you're doing so you can be mindful in the shower you could be mindful when you're eating a meal right take your meal and eat it without a phone without talking feel the food feel the texture every single mindfulness based stress reduction group starts with giving out a raisin and eating a raisin you know long it takes them eat the raisin 15 minutes because you feel the raisin you listen to the raisin you smell the raisin and o o what I'm I'm I'm already getting spas on you know to to to spend 15 minutes doing that but that's what we're doing people see it's an unbelievable because once you start paying attention things slow down it's just how the mind works so noticing the self-limiting beliefs and then it's saying when I do laundry make know right now I'm folding laundry so my kids have clean clothes and that's it and I'm being the Mitzvah of you know it's beautiful set the intention and then do it thank you okay let's go to the next question hi there thank you for taking my call I have a question if you don't do the preparation necessary how do you like manage to stay in the moment like I didn't count saira and I didn't know work on this and everything and feeling like I'm missing out or you know I missed the boat and I can't enjoy the moment because of that I missed some of the question but you pued out oh sorry um I was asking about like if you don't do proper preparation for like shu How do you like tap into being there in the moment and tapping into the Kucha because I like never did the work I never counted safira I never you know worked on my meot and I want to be in the moment but I'm always like full of regret for what I didn't do and didn't prepare properly like that's where I struggle right but it's it's it's it's a really important question that you're asking and we often have this dimon we have this fantasy of not being ready or not being prepared or not having done enough and and it's true it's true you could have done more but the whole lesson of SP is to really focus on that day's aod so noticing that you're having this judgment noticing that you're beating yourself up for not having done enough and it's pulling you out of the present moment because right now it's Shu and you're spending your entire Shu feeling like you didn't do enough for whom could it have been better could you have done more work before and it's like studying before the test like okay now the test is here and how do you approach it how do you go about doing it so if you catch yourself noticing that your thoughts are pulling you to the Past it's something everyone says to me you know it's like I'm out it's like what do you mean you're out like yeah I'm out of sphere like I'm out like meaning you can't count with AA because you missed a day According to some reown him doesn't mean you're out it means you just count you say today is the 48th day and you did the Mitzvah what's your avod to be focused on right now debborah that's the question you want to be ask yourself over and over and over again yeah but I feel guilt guilt is not a productive emotion that we work with we notice the guilt but guilt is just beating ourselves up we could reframe that and really start cultivating something that is more skillful like remorse and saying taking that energy of I could have done taking that energy and really investing yourself in what's happening right now so what do you need to be focused on right now does that make sense Deborah yeah that makes sense a lot of sense thank you so you're saying notice be be kind to yourself be kind be gentle gentle we don't we don't grow by by yelling you know we don't train the dog or the dolphin to jump through the hoop by yelling at it you no good dolphin no we give it a fish we give it a fish we reinforce the positive we really and every single little bit that we do or M it we appreciate it because the more little that we appreciate the more and more and more is going to be Chef you know giving more and more shef to it but if we don't appr app the little things that we're doing then you know it's like how do we grow yeah I'm sorry coach so it's so it's notice the thought notice the judgment and you're saying it could be it's true that I could have done more however where am I now in the present moment and we have two days left to work on our mid could I work on my midles in two days well maybe not the Perfection but I could do something so it's really really being in the moments Perfection is not the goal Perfection is an antidote is a recipe for pain and that's it if we're shooting for Schamus that's wholeness that's all of me imagine bringing this to to to their B saying it's so painful to me that I'm not that I'm not closer to you that's beautiful everything is about the rone everything is about the intention again paying lip service to it is different but not being able to manifest fully we're not we're we're so focused on the bottom line when the bottom line comes to Rus there's no dollars and cents you have a good feeling about it that's very nice you finished many things that's very nice but you might have an intellectual capacity you could have finished so much more you know somebody finishes DFI I'm done learning for the day why you have another 45 minutes the guy finished the year in 20 minutes like I finished I'm done like I scr like right now you still have a little bit more time I forget which Reb says but you know even the last of the year and you're talking about the same you know it's over it's like no it's never over it's never over it's at some point it's over after after man vroom it's over but until until until you're still breathing right now there's something that you can be doing there's something that you can be doing at every single moment sometimes it's to suffer sometimes it's to wait sometimes it's to just get through the day and that's worthy and it's really really getting to know yourself more and more and more and and shu is that time to to to reaccept the Torah but not just the Torah in its in its in its you know entirety but it's what's your Torah the what's the Torah that speaks to me and it might be it might be na'vi and it might be but it also might be Tora right I need to be doing more I need to be more involved in in certain areas of my life and really connecting to it and and that's going to give you your that's going to give you the the the life force that you need when you're 20 you can't figure that out but you start to you know get closer to to you know 30 40 start to say oh this is this is speaks to me and that's that's righteous well that person told me in Yeshiva that I have to learn this safer that's not your aod and stay in your lane means being very careful to know to know yourself and then you're going to become a z then you're G to become laser focused not that you're all over the place right Tommy Boy right but you're going straight you're going straight for what it is that your heart and then really really Foster that just like we want to Foster our kids unique skills he's not as good as he's not he's not as good in gamarra as his brother so what ah suck him get rid of him like no this is what's his skill and how can he be celebrated and how can we help direct him in that how can we direct ourselves find your Torah find your Torah but the only way to do that really is to again quiet the mind to spend more time living the questions the process of inquiry what am I doing here and you don't need to get the answer it's not going to come to you right away but the more you start to ask yourself these questions the more you start to cultivate a a and and really develop a practice and using that and using the the gifts that gave us right giving us giving us real reminders in everything that we're doing to pause to think like we're all trying to connect back to to get back to that voice that we believe is still being spoken has never stopped andus Pinkus says it's not like the medis we understand like okay in the medis you know the the cows stop mooing and the fish sto jumping and the birds stop Flying and everybody was quiet sh listen No it's like when you really get quiet when you intentionally become quieter when you lean in then you hear the voice of a that's just uh that's that's innate amazing it's beautiful okay let's go to the next Live question you're on hi you hear me me yep okay so I for a long time I'm aware of being connected and tuned in but what I see is that I consciously run away while I want to connect to myself I just make sure to do something not to connect but because of the the shameful or unworthy thoughts that come come to me like I'm in pain of all these negative thoughts that I have so I just rather will listen to to music or do something while doing laundry or while while doing something but not to be with myself because of the bad thoughts of feelings I have are we doing therapy right now are we doing therapy that's yes no I'm kidding no it's so important first to number one I really appreciate the the the question it's so important to to to yes it's so important that you recognize and this is something that is is is you know a real um fundamental part of of of of therapy and and if you work with somebody or having a friend is for you to recognize and to normalize that what you're experiencing everyone experiences we all have 30,000 thoughts a day and some of them are completely like out of left field like completely not ego syonic which means they're not in line with who we aspire to be they're not a reflection of of our deepest ratsos and and and who we really really um who we really are and so what we have to start to learn and this is what meditation can help us with is to start to see that you are not your thoughts you're not your thoughts but because we've gotten so trained and you're so good at thinking and so automatic that you start to believe that that voice in your head that's who you are and it's simply not the facts so what you would want to do with a professional or with you know with a good self-help book um and this is not I'm not giving anyone you know therapy I'm not doing psychological I'm saying you know this is as we say right this is more about you starting to have a more um compassionate response to the thoughts in your head that are just popping up they're not you and when you start to be able to have that ability to separate from that then you could look at these thoughts more clearly and then you could choose to respond but if there's this fear of like I cannot be alone with myself then there's a part of you that's not trusting yourself meaning somebody somebody who's struggling with OCD they have a thought that says something like you um need to wash your hands need to wash your hands you you didn't you didn't wash your hands enough for for for OT you need to was your hands you need to wash your hands you hands again that thought is a true thought and it is completely is completely false right the thoughts in your head that tell you that they're facts are also thoughts right even the ones that tell you their facts they're also thoughts and learning the skills and working on being able to to once again give yourself some R some space between those thoughts then you could start to see ah there's that thought again and that thought's been happening for years and years and years but I've been judging myself for it and I've been actively pushing it away and again the more we try to push away the the more we struggle with it the more we're stuck in it one of the most basic thought experiments is don't don't think of a pink elephant okay rasher don't think about a pink elephant what are you thinking about rasher purple elephant a purple elephant why are you thinking about a purple elephant because I'm not thinking about a pink elephant I'm back in the pink elephant again we need to change the way we relate to thoughts the the thought suppression and the pushing in away don't somebody tells you don't think about it that's not going to be the skill they asked the bmov they said when Reby passes away who do we get to get replac to he said very simply because we heard about this guy he's a big deal it's a different town he says ask him if you can get rid of you know foreign thoughts thoughts that are distressing like you're talking about if he says I can get rid of them he's a charlatan don't believe him right okay right we're this is the bov we like easy way do you have an easy way how to give self-compassion an easy way to give self-compassion is easy tip easy tip the easy yeah easy tip easy tip you've been you've been you've been you've been engaged in self-loathing for I don't know the past three decades let's just make it go away it's like you know there there there are tools there's no there's no easy way it's the long short way but the question is you want to see what's getting in the way right one of the mystics speaks about your job is to not seek love your job is to get rid of all the barriers that you've built inside of you that are getting in the way and that's the work of of of a good friend of of a spouse of of of of a therapist where you could start to see what's getting in the way of you liking yourself because you're pretty likable when you were five everybody liked you when you were five I think wow wow okay thank you thank you also what what would you tell a friend if they call you and they say all of these thoughts about themselves if you can sometimes it's easier to tell a friend very easy it's very easy to tell a friend child everyone but so listen listen to what you're telling your friends and right take two of those and tell it to yourself see if that works it's not going to work in the beginning it's not it might it might but also it's you're not going to believe it but it's saying this reab says this in where he says that even if you're not holding by this place and again I'm gonna throw out a shout out to to if you want to listen to something amazing shum about Hope Joey Joy Rosenfeld who's been on the she um on the um has an unbelievable series which has really inspired me about hope akman says that even if a person's not holding on a certain level you should still be M someone else so everyone thinks to yourself oh I don't want to be a hypocrite think no sometimes you're just not at that place if somebody's stuck in their own in their own Addiction in their own suffering their own self-loathing it's it's impossible to get yourself out you need somebody to help you out that's just the way it works that's the way created in the but that doesn't mean that you can't be that person and so many therapists struggle with this myself included of this like I'm giving this amazing ASA to this person and I'm like wow I really should start listening to myself but you can't you need somebody else you need to be going to therapy you need to be speaking it out to your friend you can't do it on your own and it's humbling but it's also it's also very very liberating to know that that I could give somebody a good word and then start to treat yourself like a good friend what would it look like if you decided you know what for the next 10 minutes I'm going to treat myself like a good friend because I certainly wouldn't ever speak to one of my friends like this I would never speak to one of my family members like this I just wouldn't I might but I'm saying most of the time and really start starts it's so hard it's so hard but again we're not here for the easy stuff the easy stuff is is is is just not what we're put on this planet for do I wish you could do a play a playr for us I I I want to imagine how I could just love myself it's it's it's so do you love do you love any do you love anything in the world do you love anything um so I love a lot of things but is really love or is it a runaway again I'm say I'm I'm not talk I'm not talking about choca I'm talking about is there something that you feel you know tremendous affinity for and and deep affection for and someone or or something you do anything for yes start there so love that love that person just deep just passing that love to that person and then start expanding it slowly slowly slowly rabman has the practice of nuda rabman says a person needs to find a nud right you have to find and search so find your nuda and then of course immediately your brain is gonna tell you yeah you gave Stucky yesterday yeah you smiled at the bus driver but you know you know what's the big deal it's like every single time noticing that it's like no this is Mya and I'm GNA cultivate it and I'm going to deepen it more and more and it's practicing gratitude in a way that's therapeutic because you can't be depressed if you're of gratitude and you can't be angry if you have gratitude so we're really doing these simple basic practices but we have to make it a practice we have to make it a practice it's every time we say modim if you have the ability to to say modim it's I'm not getting back up until I've thought about someone or something and it could just be something really basic like I'm able to walk I'm able to feel the wind on my face I I I I'm able to hear the birds it's like Benji get out of here you know it's like yeah keep it simple keep it simple we we get so focused on the big right the big things you know the the big things again I didn't write the plan but the big thing the kosim of of of Hari that didn't last right those Peak experiences if we don't know how to inter integrate them into our day-today lives and really really our basic I think there's a one of the meditation teachers that I listen to sometimes he has a beautiful book called after the Ecstasy not the actual medicine but the the ecstatic experience he says after the Ecstasy the laundry our avod is to grow in Rus by taking care of the kids by going to work by sitting in traffic not to sit on some Mountain somewhere I'd love to sit on a I'd love to become a Shepherd yeah let's be a Shepherd M talk to all day be really nice that's not what the plan is for us and so it's really embracing where we are and seeing how we can serve Hashem which is ultimately our highest self in that moment and what's getting in the way of you feeling good about it I I I I recognize the struggle of of of of of not loving ourselves I recognize it it's not something that you go into this uh field without without having some intimate intimate knowledge of that and there's a way out there is a way out let's let's get into it somebody somebody text a very interesting question is there a difference between mindfulness and meditation I like that question mindfulness is a form mindfulness is a form of meditation there are many different forms of meditation you could be doing a mantra Rabbi kapan Z has a a a a mantra meditation that he has from would say imagine saying over and over again they're now coming out from the base Med of of where you they're you know learning the like learning you see ever SE those those sitters that look like coloring books right it's all about that's also forms of meditation Abul lafian meditation things like that but so mindfulness is a particular form of meditation you say like laav kids they're not meditating but kids are mindful right because they're just they're just in the moment right they're doing whatever they're doing they're not judgmental they're not thinking does this look good does this does this does this dress make me look you know different you know it's like so we want to be able to to tease that out but in terms of of being a particular form of meditation I just think that because in our aod Hashem it's such a critical need to be sensitive to every single moment and the are being at every single moment every says excuse me says that every single is different you talking about it's the same I said the same the same thing it's like you're different you're bringing a completely different person now it's you know whatever day in C we're holding by D it's a whole different day you're a whole new person and if we could live with that beginner's mind if we could live that ability of his but then it's a completely different aod so again mindfulness is a form of meditation but there many forms of meditation and a person should find one that sh that works for him but if a person isn't using some T some part of the day to just consciously develop a part of themselves to work on on either being more present or to work on being more conscious of what they're doing so I think rer speaks about how you know if a day without isn't is is a day like you haven't really lived a day without consciously pausing and it could be for two minutes before M and just reigning yourself to like your greater goals and to your greater Vision it's uh it's a day that you might have uh I don't want to say lost but it's a day that that uh you you you you weren't behaving as skillfully as possible simple question like let's say during the day you're busy what would I do in that moment to be mindful of my thing would I stop with that my phone close my like what would I actually do very basic practical what I do the breath the breath is the breath is your anchor the breath is always your anchor example right now I'm working on a computer I have three reports the guy's going to call me soon what am I doing I'm turning off my phone am I closing my eyes what am I again if you're catching yourself and saying I'm gonna consciously very simple we'll do the the stop practice you know the Russia table s o p the first thing you do is you stop that's the S see take a deep breath no just take a deep breath breath and then observe observe where your mind's at observe where your body's at observe where your your stomach's at observe where you're like oh my God just observe right and then remind yourself K runs the world where you remind yourself hey I'm doing okay or you remind yourself I've got a lot of things going on right now and I want to stay focused great whatever is coming up and then pee then you proceed in that but you're not being mindless anymore because you're back in it you're aware it's like when a person's learning Torah a person is supposed to learn Torah to connect to Hashem but if you're trying to figure out the gamarra you're not closing your eyes and singing and nigging you're not you're not you're learning Torah and you're using all of your intellectual capacities but before you learn Torah you're setting the intention and a few times during the time when you're learning you be like I'm doing this to connect I want to be to I believe this is the most intimate way to Know You by learning you know buba it's like really yes this is how I connect to the Divine mind and when I'm clear about that then I proceed so again making the intentional pauses to just pause in the middle of your day stop take a breath observe and then proceed in the value Direction speak lash you just will let's go to the next question on hi um you know you've answered a lot of questions um you know as far as like ADHD or anxiety and I always dealing with that and I do try to be a little bit more I don't say mindful or structure I generally look forward to sh I try to put my all into the holiday but what do you do when you like something comes out of left field where you have some like a family crisis or emergency and it's uh affecting my con the concentration or enjoyment you you know we all want to be but what do you how do you keep the mind just I don't know it's even just from straying you know from your something that can open up a lot of other issues of things where you just confused you don't know what to do but in the meantime you got the holiday you know and I want to I want to enjoy myself I want to you know serfice Jam but cheesecake I enjoy that cheesecake oh yeah it's getting yeah usually look forward to that it's got to the point you know I'm not so sure I'm going to be in the cheesecake this but the thing is what do you do that how do you try to stay mindful uh you know when you know you've got a uh emergency going on in the background or C you know yeah yeah everybody has their Source I'm not uh you know not discounting but you how do you how how do you try to stay focused um I guess practical it's it's it sounds even more like a practical issue than a spiritual it's a great question and and the real practice is going to be you know the intentionality leading up to it how things play out ultimately it's out of our hands because it's a crisis you didn't play that was not on the Shabu menu the crisis was not but it's also knowing yeah that things are not going the way that I wanted to go but they're clearly going the way that that he wants it to go and when I'm when I'm remembering that saying this is happening right now or right now it's like this and it's finding your Mantra and it's finding your intention meaning this my intention this this hog before I go into it is not just to enjoy the cheesecake and to savor every bite but also I'm not going to raise my voice and one of my teachers says you know if you think you're enlightened spend a week with your family the family is able to bring up a lot of stuff right family can bring up a lot of of childhood wounds and traumas and things of that nature so if I know that going in and I'm preparing myself I'm going to say hey I'm going to when I feel myself getting a little bit more um disregulated I'm gonna just take a break or I'm gonna just remind myself of you know what's my keyword my keyword is sh my keyword is cheesecake my keyword is is is Torah whatever it is and we again we're going to get hooked at some point at some point again we're not shooting for Perfection we're really just noticing that moment when you found yourself like oh I lost it you can get it back it's like oh I've been I've been I've been yelling at my kids or I've been yelling at somebody or I've been frustrated at myself at 10 minutes and you notice that you can say okay I'm back now you lose it you get it back the goal is not to lose it the goal is really to get it back you know faster than the last time though if you can catch yourself before him but really setting that intention before say this I want to be present and and using some sort of of of way of reminding yourself looking at the naos right looking at the flowers that you set up using some sort of of anchor taking a few deep breaths to allow yourself to do it because it's always it's it's happening that's the the real big yod is sh I remember one one one LBA Omer I was like doing this like you know shaking my head like really just like grabbing my head and like like my wife turns to me she like you okay she's always like are you okay and just said LBA Omar and she's like ah you know fantasy world because I thought that me stressing about it beforeand is going to make it more visceral make it more real it's like this reality is happening can I be open to it can I stay open to it because all of this is based on faith we believe so your faith is really what's making this happen if you say did the Torah really did hasem really give the Torah does it really no it's like I believe with 100% Anda that we got the Torah and that says he's giving us the Torah every single day and Sh is our time to rekindle that connection so I'm at the wedding and I want It's My Best Friend's Wedding it's my wedding it's my wedding it's your wedding and you're getting caught up in the fact that like the flowers don't look the way you wanted them to be it's like wait a second I'm getting focused on a peripheral bring it back to the wedding bring it back to what's really true what's really happening I want to clarify something so let's say somebody to be mindful and then a crisis happens somebody crisis happens yeah it's like forced forced G either you know it's the point is that you're you you accept that this is what has wants for me now so you're present that this is what I'm dealing with now and not living in okay I don't want to focus on it I'm focusing right now I'm dealing with something that I don't want to deal with but it's in front of me I have to be mindful of that it's it's it's a madrea to be able to cultivate an ability to say yes but that's that's what theim and that's what I believe um you know the idea ofay is like Aron showed up every day Kan okay this is how you want it this is how you're going to get it right I I I don't I don't you know I don't want this crisis and it's saying your wants your preferences are getting in the way of what Hashem wants from you right now if the is dictating you need to be in a car right now to for a good thing your wife you know is is is somebody you know needs to get to the hospital to to deliver a baby right hey I wanted to be learning all night you know I remember I think you know my kids put their chin open one Shu night when we find ourselves in the emergency room it's like you thought that you're you're tiing Shu was going to be the one that's going to bring M it's like no you're sitting in the in in the emergency room in in in in shed and if you're able to say okay this is where I can be and this is what I can be doing right now and to be doing it I think that's pretty good that sounds pretty good like yeah but Benji there's no cheesecake I be like yeah that wasn't part of your shivu you're like well I wanted it to be this way and then you're probably not serving Hashem there's probably something that's getting in the way and if you really want to be you know Ma the Torah and you want to hear it's like okay I'm gonna be M right here in this moment I don't think there's a Greater Joy I don't think there's a greater nakas that you can bring to your creator I'll keep that in mind yeah me too bless me bless me that I keep that in mind too don't deize okay let's go to the next question okay you're on um I have ADHD OCD and anxiety I'm doing not too bad for it let's put it that way I just find like one day Blends into another it's like and then I feel hasem is making the world go fast faster wants to clean us up M's coming you know and and I don't know where to start when to get to sleep it's nuts and I can't wait for shabas I go I'm here to connect with you I can't wait and I can't wait for shuis you know just I'll just have good stuff there I'll make it good anyway I'll make it good I just don't know where to put everything and then I get a little lazy in between and like and I don't know how to start and I do pause I I do uh I do steps also step work and is very important and um beautiful beautiful and I I had to learn to take my wheel my hand off the wheel I don't run the show but it's okay and I thank Hashem a lot when I'm going from Street to street thank you thank you Hashem and uh but it's crazy I don't know what is is a making it all go fast I mean I don't know I just like don't know where the time is going and I and it's good for I have my my meetings and then I have my Shear I can go listen to what's going on and is real okay that too but but I try to multitask but some like I get stuck on my shape like I want to fix it a certain way you know like and I said I said to sh let my hair be good enough so I don't have to worry about it for now you know I I'll worry about it a little later down the line but let me do what I have to do you know so it's I just feel like like this walk iniz and I don't know what how to get better or how to look at this I do pause so I have pause like before I do speak to somebody else do I really need to to do this do I need to speak to this now you know so that's that's kind of what my question is I I did I didn't hear a question there but I did hear that I think you're alluding to the fact that the before mashiah and I'm not I'm not Asos but from what I've heard from from the sadikin is probably the best antidote um let let me start with saying that when Mia does come and and everyone is living with this this Consciousness with this with this everything is saturated with divinity and elus you're living with a peace of mind you're living with isas and so the best thing you can be doing Jane for right now is really cultivating that more and more and more is to slow things down to focus on one thing at a time to notice when the OCD is getting a little bit out of control to remind yourself to keep the main the main thing that's the most I think um practical avod that you could be doing to be Yeshua is to really tap into what it's going to be like after M because I think the big of our generation is exactly what you're alluding to is the fact that we cannot sit still the fact that we're anxious all the time the fact that we feel like the world is moving so quickly and and it is the amount of technological technological innovation we're living in a different world a different gilgal seems to be happening every years every every every three years is like you know what the kids are dealing with right now what we're dealing with right now with the technology and with the um also with medications all the different different different treatments there's so much beautiful things in technology but we also need to be able to remind ourselves that the real goal is to be able to have this presence and that is really a messiah type of of of living and when Mia does come it should be very soon is it's going to come with this this everyone's going to be living in their own peace which is not not just from from war but also the internal peace that we have so the best thing you can be doing is hey yes noticing that things are are fascinating you know going faster you know this but to also to allow yourself to live with that shabas mindset of intentionally slowing down of saying that things are the way they're supposed to be and I'm here for it fully here for it instead of wishing them away or pushing to the next thing and and so keep it up Jame okay go some people are asking and I would like to clarify more the idea of if somebody's life is things are working out you know wife kids he's learning he has a sedor and he for some reason he's here he's listening and he doesn't feel that he needs Improvement I mean everything is great where would mindfulness come into his life why should he and uh you know where should he start or why should he start it's not my job to convince people I mean the people who are drawn to to to read you know to to to come to this uh podcast if I'm speaking or to to to read my book or to to talk about these things they're feeling a certain sense of something's not not where where it needs to be it's it's it's like trying to someone who's about let's ask the question a little different okay that's but what what what's the benefits of being mindful versus not again it's it's what's the benefit of being mindful is you're alive you're awake mean you're not running you're not R it's you're not running from one thing to the next because you're fully present to the one life that you have to live and you're you're when has anxiety or somebody has ADHD is it like asking them to be mindful almost counterproductive like like like it's actually it's actually it's actually telling somebody with diabetes to say take an insulin shot it's like here's what you can be doing in order to be able to have more of an intimate relationship with a how out of control your thoughts are and B your job isn't to just sit still meaning a person could be mindful when they're walking a person can be mindful when they're eating it doesn't mean to stop everything you're doing it's paying attention and noticing that your mind is literally out of control so we're going to start having more of an awareness of what's going on but to try to convince someone to do it I don't have to convince somebody to do it it's like I think everybody's Le you don't don't learn that's fine that's your choice but if you're saying hey Benji I don't think I need this I'd sayem taste it somebody who's about chuva and and and you know experiences chabas they're on fire somebody who's been doing shabas is whole life and you be like no you want me to learn some something about impus to connect more it's like n it's I'm good it's much more difficult to convince that person but if you feel called to it if you feel drawn to it if you feel like there's something missing here's a tool that can help enliven to really make you awake to whatever is going on in your life even the more difficult times because again if we're able to experience the difficulties many people who are taking um uh medications for for for different uh psychological illnesses sometimes feel like their their emotions are blunted and I said that's part of the trade-off you know you're get you're you're not you're not breaking down but it's also harder to feel the to to feel the positive emotions and it's more and and getting more and more closer to what you're you you know are feeling and that ultimately it's not something about convincing somebody and a lot of people when they try something new it's like oh you got to go this you know you're going you're doing your ioska you got to go try you gota it's like hey we're not trying to convince people we're not trying to to to convert people but if somebody feels it's just been my personal experience in my own life I feel drawn to this because this is what I needed and then you start to realize how can I be a more a more complete EV Hashem and this is this is the tool this is really what I think hasem a lot of people a lot of people are into um education and for their kids and I believe this practice even if you think if the parent thinks everything is good and he's okay and he's running his life but for you to be able to connect to your child I think this would benefit if you can learn um first of all what mindfulness is and that it makes you slow down which that's what your child needs to be able to connect to them to understand to listen to to you know to be there in the moment I think it would it's something that's it's K to learn every single relationship can benefit your relationship between you and your family relationship between you and your clients relationship between you and your and your and your client you know people you work with relationship with you in their by own it's it's it's it it enhances everything it's like it's like a boost for everything because it's really what is actually happening instead of once again being caught in some figment or some story of of of what you want to be happening or what you think is happening it's like real present moment experience and there's no Veil there's no more and which is ultimately when I'm doing a Mitzvah I just want to be doing the Mitzvah when I'm talking to my child I just want to be talking to my child and your kid is sensitive to it your kid knows when you're on your phone and you're also like you know talking to them and so does your spouse and so does your friend and so does the person you're working with and everybody has a fundamental need to be seen to be heard and and we were losing that skill because again we're we're so bombarded with everything going on and we're downloading massive amounts of information but it's in a very it's a very superficial way but what we really crave is depth what we really crave is EMS we want the people who are ems in our lives we want the we want the relationships that are ems in our lives we don't want the Facebook friends oh I have a million friends like do you know what have you ever spent any time with them no but they're my best friends like I do believe there is connection on social media for sure but to have a real sit down with somebody face to face to look at someone in the eyes and really learn how what the you know to hear to hear them to the what's going on we have a fundamental even before even before mat Tor first a person needs to learn how to hear and then you can actually be maab the Torah right the whole para of is where we got the Torah the first skill that was saying by the way you got to learn how to listen before you get the Torah you need to be a person who is pres a person who's actually able to be a maabo to be able to to to quiet yourself to listen to the other person and to be able to to move forward from that to to lean in with the willingness to be changed by what we hear that was one of the definitions that one of my teachers taught me to lean in with the intention of of being changed by what we hear but we're usually answering to respond we're usually like already like three steps ahead I do it to my wife all the time and I'm working on it like I think she's going somewhere and I'm already like you know and it's like pay attention slow down pause breathe make sure the person is finished speaking before you chime in but we're so worried about what the person's thinking about us or how we're supposed to be perceived or I want to raise money from this person or I want to convince this client that I'm so smart and we're not in the moment so just going back to practical steps if you once you start practicing mindfulness things will slow down and um that's why we heard before that it might be some fear for people to slow down because thoughts come up but I think the step number one would be to learn how to observe whatever comes up observe your thoughts yes would that be step number one learn to observe those stuff that are going on in your head paying attention it's paying attention non-judgmentally in the present moment and then John cson adds as if your life depended on it which it does the p has a piece at the end of the called his technique which is again another way of observing what he does is You observe the thoughts till it gets quieter and then you add a different thought which is different than mindfulness of of you know Kim So once you get quiet he says observe the second hand on a clock to just blow yourself down and then ultimately when things are slowed down you could start to see how you've been lost for such a long long time and by just simply observing without judgment you start to see that's a good technique to to look at the seconds and just look at it another technique is to focus on one spot in in the room just focus on one spot for like a while and just see how you you know slowly you're just focusing on that you know whatever it is so these are good ideas for people who want to start you know but let's go to the next question question is you're saying observe your thoughts and notice them but there might be some thoughts that are real you know how do I know if it's just observe and not do anything about it and before we heard people are you know they're knocking themselves they have negative thoughts maybe it's true how do I know which thought is true and which thought is not all your thoughts are real you go to a therapist and and the therapist tells you you're not your thoughts are fake and whatever you're feeling that's not real you're faking it you probably walk out of the door you probably say oo what what graduate school did that person go to because of course the thought is real it's just not a fact it's just not a fact you're like well Benji I just had a thought that I'm Coach B so it's real it's like we're not getting into meaning those things about it's all my head it's it's it's all it's all in everyone's head it's it's h it's it's all in your head everything is in your head everything is the way you're doing it and and just because you can think it doesn't mean it's true because right now and and it's it's it's funny because people with Ras also start to question themselves also and and what this far will say is no those thoughts are real those are the real the other thoughts you're thinking they're not real but but to have to have imagination is is is again critical to becoming a noi but what we want to start to realize is that the thoughts are not facts even the ones that tell you are you say well Benji I'm thinking I want to wake up for shakas great go wake up for shakas I'm thinking that I'm a piece of garbage whoa hey notice that you can notice them the same way you don't have to notice that I want to wake up for shist that's great nobody say and then you choose how you respond to it meaning you're not hooked in that thought you're not you're not becoming completely connected to it it's such an important thought that we don't have to deal with thoughts on any sort of content level right every single thought as good as as bad is as good as as bad is as good it's like no I look at my thoughts differently all of them are just thoughts a person is actively thinking something you're trying to figure outat and toos is a very different mode of thinking than the automatic thoughts that are constantly popping into our heads so if you're thinking about how I could take how can I bring over five cheesecakes to to to make sure everyone gets a cheesecake before so I can you know enhance it that's a beautiful that but that's not the thinking we're talking about we're talking about the ones that are are the the waterfall thoughts the ones that are just like you know in our head percolating all the time why am I getting stuck well and usually you're only getting stuck in the ones that are very very very you know fun to listen to or the ones that are very threatening it's like oh can't kill that's bad that's bad bad bad bad it's like oh and it's it's a real skill it's a two-part skill if of you know I want to come in contact with like you said I want bring it to awareness I want to pay attention to the contents of my thoughts and that you have your internal soundtrack and and as much as we like to think we're we're where we we come up with kushim it's pretty much the same tap player over and over and over again right we've internalized certain thoughts over and over again it's like oh this one's different an OCD client coming he like oh I have a new OCD I'm like I'm 100% it's the same guy it's the same OCD character just with like a little bit uh you know you know a different different makeup different different dress so again you notice the internal soundtrack and then it's going to be developing the skills to I don't untangle yourself from all the thoughts and then it's like ah oh that story that's that's not me that's not me I I'm not so stuck in this like incessant repetitive nature it's like blah blah blah it's like I I can't remember where I heard this but I think it was it was it was the reiton in a college campus I think in Virginia she said something so great is changing all the time the world is changing all the time you're changing all the time your cells are changing all the time it's everything is changing you know what hasn't changed the story in your head the one thing that doesn't change right is the story in your head it's like oh my gosh that's the one thing that you have to start to realize wait wait a second if that's the one thing that isn't changing things off here and then that's if you want to see change that's where the change has to happen right I'm not getting rid of it my job isn't to get rid of it my job is to become so spacious that it becomes just another cloud in my head you become the weather you become the sky don't be stuck on that gray cloud but we get to focus like I need to kill it I need to destroy it I need to get rid of it it's like why what well I had a thought that says I'm a terrible human being I'm working with an O bak and Yesa he's like I I have to be the best at learning who says says you're created to serve your creator L the gamar says L you know you know to to to to to serve the shamash's con I need to serve hasem yeah but that guy finish sh who cares they in your lane that guy gave a lot more stua give more staka if you can but if you can't then what are you beating yourself up for I mean do what what you can with what you have and believe that that's your aod can you be doing more maybe but you won't be able to see what you're supposed to be investing your time and love and and your Nish into if you don't pause and say wait a second what am I doing here how did I get here and where how am I moving forward and someone always says to me like oh if I'm being mindful then how can I prepare it's because I'm not doing it in the middle of kar meaning I'm making an active choice on every Thursday night you know in between the and before I go to bed is to say okay let me look at my week right now say here's and here's what I want to do better next week but it's not coming from a place of you stink you stink you stink it's like hey let's go let's go but that's it that's it once a week twice a week but the rest of the time and again reading like's like looking at me trying to catch me no you catch your kids doing good know that the way is seeing you the way you're judging others is what's happening in the world are you judging others favorably because that's how you're being seen are you looking at yourself positively we're not we're not pretending that there isn't what to be doing we're not pretending that there are some unskillful behaviors that we have to work on on on correcting but that's just not going to be the way we relate to ourselves or others we don't to it's like I'm just going to focus on all the bad things that person did to me let me see where I can connect to that person and then I can start to skillfully work on on it with myself and with my loved ones and then with the entire world we have to start cultivating it and it starts at home and when a person starts to see how their thinking is so insubstantial and is so repetitive and so Bal and so mundane you can start to rest in this Mish this moing the Godless of of a loving heart instead of getting lost in your this you know this Labyrinth of of deus of thought amazing what let's go to the closing part of tonight sh thank you Rabbi Dr Benjamin Epstein is that it is that it see time flies when you're having fun is that it we got I was mindful of what was going on you you so there you gone it's I tell you it's it's what he's going to start using it all the time and make sure he's using right wak up so early natur and really putting down this the concept of mindfulness just talking about I think it's tremendous thing again tonight's share is 188 if anyone want to join the WhatsApp chats please uh WhatsApp me at 314710 I can send you the community chat you can go to b.com sign up for his weekly Flyers again if anybody's here the first time every Sunday night at 9:30 on this Zoom ID we have different topics if our bottom Sunday after have a great week this week M it's be you know it's very little work this week so enjoy it enjoy the cheesecake but right after that um Sunday we're have a beautiful Shear with world famous Mor wer we have live guests that are coming on to share their private mental health struggles and triumphs and we're we're going to do the diagnostic part and we're going to do their stories and we're going to try to learn from it it's called healing narratives personal mental health Journeys and therapeutic guidance from the experts let's get real and break down mental health barriers which should be very powerful sh please join us let people know about it it's going to be something amazing looking forward to it um if any has any questions you can email.com everything's recorded um.com and T next share is 188 any if anyone wants to listen to it on the phone the phone number that'll be uploaded to 73235 9011 73235 9011 Rabbi EP somebody wants to get a hold of you how do they get a hold of you email website phone number soci security number address Dr Benji dcom Dr Benji dcom or Epstein mindfulness at gmail so uh yeah and I'm pretty good at being responsive okay send an email there going TCH that yeah please don't don't hesitate to be in touch any further questions and thank to all advertising s of Lakewood Scoop here in Lakewood Lakewood scoop sco scoop it up scoop it up five Town Central and KY from jcn and I'm gonna go to closing the and then Rabbi Dr Benjamin Epstein PhD we're going to leave it to you to you know leave it up but the only thing I want to say after being here for two hours is that um you the thing you opened with is very is very true L said that we're we're never there we're always either thinking about how bad something happened or how past was or worried about what we're going about the future very really were present in the in the very present present moment such a funny text I just have to laugh um very rarely are we present in the actual right exactly I wasn't even president in the speech I feel like most people live big part chunk of the life not really being here they're never at you know 11:24 p.m. at this time they're always thinking about tomorrow morning and the stress and I guess if we're mindful about what we're doing more present and again it's sometimes it's hard because we get very nervous very our mind really is crazy crazy things it just takes you to another planet I mean just you'll know what I'm saying and you just end up someplace like you know where you are so I think that's the type of skill it's like a muscle like we really have to work on it and I think if I'm going to do for myself and everybody can do whatever they want is the concept of trying to say five minutes a day I'm going to start with this you know during your work day when it's busy and it's hectic or maybe before ding whatever whatever works best for you and say for five minutes I'm turn off my phone I'm going to just think about what I'm doing you know not doing the medication thing I'm not trying to like meditate I just want to breathe and calm just be there you know I think that will just help regulate yourself but maybe once you work out that muscle I'm assuming I'm guessing we could do the sh I'll let you know and see if you are more present and feeling more enjoying more know what I find it also interesting I know we didn't discuss it I feel like with eating sometimes you're so hungry you come you eat like a huge meal you didn't even enjoy the food because you were so hungry you like never tasted for a second to taste you just like swop down this whole meal then like your stomach is busting like if you eat slow and calm and just like peacefully just brus right yeah before you shove that food in your mouth changes the whole experience changes the whole experience and I think that we have through a lot of aspects in life so I think we should all work on that I think we'll really enjoy and be in the moment and we can be more present and then the wies can be happy that their husbands are there yes yes so you so you see the benefits you ask me about the benefits like there you go you just told me six of them I know and the tal gets it the tal gets it oh okay becomes I'll give it to you and then we'll give it back to oh wow first of all I'm very impressed she learning how to be mindful look at that doctor so um first of all thank you very much and yes sitting and talking about this concept which is not always easy to understand but the idea of we if if you're running and you're on the rat race and there's so much going on then you're probably only living that superficial life just doing things whenever you know things come up and you're busy busy busy people don't realize that there is more to it there's more to your yourself there's more to your relationships more to your connection with Hashem like we heard and for that we need to slow down and go in we go inside what am I feeling what do I want like to get super focused so not everybody wants to everybody wants to get there but it might take time like we heard we haven't gotten to how to experience n and that's really the goal to get the vacas to really sit and be connected to AEM and while you're ding you feel like you're really there and you feel it feeling the vacas and people would say you no it's not meant for today's days and uh who ever heard of such a thing but but we're learning new things that we could connect then we should connect and that's our goal by ding by learning connecting to Hashem and for that after we start practicing mindfulness you know on the basic stuff every day to slow down and become aware of my thoughts become aware of where I am what do I want eventually we can go to the next level which maybe we'll have part two which will really stop not for a minute beginning for five minutes quiet and we'll see if you know people stay Stayed on how many people stayed to get to that next level and the idea of mindfulness you know you can read through research look at a rose first time you see it you see a red rose and then beautiful look at it again and you see the texture look at it again you see the difference the inside and the outside look at it again understand there so much deeper but we don't go there it's so busy so if we can slow down and slowly connect and have that vas and mitem with the practice and like we like we said nothing has to change all you have to ask yourself is you know ask a question where am I now what does hem want from me now that's it you're back in that moment like where am I like oh take that breath oh you're right I got lost I was lost for the past few days here I am again come back and uh should help us all we should be able to have the real should to connect no matter where you are if you did this or you didn't do it here I am now these are my thoughts this is what I can do and take that deep breath and slowly slow down and do one thing at a time and enjoy it so thank you to both of you just as you were saying one of the MERS I don't remember the gar is one of them before sh he would prepare a big suda for for everyone and he would say if it wasn't for this day how many be running around the right I'm living with this of I'm living with this Torah of of just right now because otherwise I'm just be another one of these guys but now I'm really getting in touch with Who I Am What wants from me and if you'll indulge me first of all R I'm super super super happy that that that that from our conversation you came out of here with a it's so important that we take the that you took something on yourself and said you don't want to call it meditation we're going to call it ushering you call it ushering which is it's a very doesn't matter what you call it we don't get stuck in the name it doesn't you getting stuck in the the definitions terms it doesn't matter the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing and uh life moves pretty fast and if you don't stop once in a while to look around you could miss it so if you'll indulge me for the next few minutes I'd like to finish with with with a meditation so again if you feel comfortable enough to do it if not you could sign off is that okay for for the next you know five six minutes have the theab okay so we're going to sit by starting with h sitting position that allows you to be alert so your spine is going to be straight but not rigid and so you're sitting in a way that's embodies dignity whatever that means to you and if you feel comfortable enough to you could gently close your eyes you could rest your hands in an easy and effortless way and just take a few moments right now just scan through your body and wherever possible just ease soften relax any obvious areas of physical tension and we begin this practice of coming back of coming back to presence of coming back ouri by establishing our home base there are many possible anchors you could do Sound Sensations throughout the body the most common and the one we'll be exploring here is the breath so just breathe naturally just simply notice where the breath is easiest to detect and where the breath also feels most Pleasant or at least neutral this is the normal natural breath there's nothing special or weird or anything you're trying to accomplish you're breathing so you might be paying attention to how the breath feels as it flows in and out of your nose you might feel the touch of your breath around your nostrils or around your upper lip or or perhaps you feel the movement of your chest or the rising and falling of your abdomen perhaps you feel your whole body like a balloon expanding with the in breath deflating with the out breath it's just one breath it's just this breath and just taking some moments to bring your attention to the sensations of breathing one of these areas the nostrils the chest the belly relaxed attentiveness there's no need to control the breath rather since you're receiving the breath much like you'd be listening to a sound you're settling back in Awareness it's a relaxed awareness no need to lean forward allowing the breath to breathe itself and just discovering observing what the breath is really like as a changing experience of Sensations life breath is your home base a place to rest and be aware just for the next few moments together simply relax as the breath comes in and notice what that's like and then relaxing with the exhale Letting Go Letting Go letting go and noticing where your attention is you might find that your mind is drifted off into thoughts that's what we talked about it's completely natural your mind is conditioned to move off into all these places thinking about the future the past when you become aware of thinking that's the magic moment to bring yourself back to the Anchor noticing the thinking and you could use a soft and gentle mental note just say thinking thinking and then pause and simply re- relax just open the attention again to the feelings of the breath and the sounds around you re- relaxing your body just feeling the aliveness in the body relaxing your heart without any judgment just allowing yourself to once again gently return to the inflow and outflow of the breath letting the breath be an intimate friend a home base that connects you with your own presence you can notice other experiences in the background traffic your tummy Birds you feel Sensations warmth coolness whatever is in it can be there these experiences can be there without drawing you away you continue to breathe to relax with the breath with the intention of noticing when you can when you drift off into thought mind wanders back to the breath mind wanders again back to the breath if the mind wanders a thousand times back to the breath that's the practice gently come back into this moment thoughts are not the enemy you don't have to clear your mind rather you're developing the capacity to recognize when thoughts are happening and not get lost in the storyline each time you notice that you drifted you notice you've gotten lost here's an opportunity again to strengthen your muscle of remembering and to strengthen that muscle of kindness again arriving here here gently coming back to fully live in the presence as you notice the mind getting quieter you might sense the peace that arises when you relax even more and immerse your entire awareness into the inflow and outflow of the breath breathing in knowing that I'm breathing in breathing out I know that I'm breathing out just simply aware of the beginnings and endings of each breath awake at home in this moment in eternity there is indeed something true and Sublime but all these times and places and occasions are here and now God himself culminates in the present moment and will never be more Divine in the laps of the ages taus Adonai tamima thank you all for your attention awareness and presence wow everybody have a wonderful y to to hear the sights and see the sound wow amazing everybody we'll see you guys next week next Sunday 9:30 W and looking forward have a great y take care byee J good J