Israel Uncensored: Coping with the Flash Flood Tragedy

Josh hastin here Israel uncensored man of the drill Network at the land of evil calm it is Sunday April 29 2018 14th of ER five seven seven eight on the - from Gush Etzion Israel hope you doing well don't forget you can get in touch with me during the week via email Josh at the Land of Israel calm or the Seas for beets Joshua he's on Twitter at - peace now we've been through this before here on the program we're unfortunately a horrible horrible thing happens between Monday and Monday when our show airs and I come on the air and I report about it and we talk about it and discuss it and bring on experts or or sometimes I just rant about whatever it is and most of the time it's unfortunately a terror attack and it makes my blood boil and we're angry and we're sad and all these emotions come out this this week is is a little bit different because of what happened here in Israel this past Thursday we had unseasonable weather throughout the country we had severe rain storms thunderstorms lightning hail and flooding and this past Thursday 10:00 Israeli high schoolers young children 17 and 18 years old ten of them nine girls and a boy were killed in a horrible accident as they were hiking in the Judean Desert near the the Dead Sea area if you're familiar with Israel so here we are now it is Sunday when we're recording this show several days later and the sting is still there I cannot even imagine shelana does they say may we not know such sorrow but what the families are going through but but the difference really between Israel and the rest of the world in my opinion from what I know growing up in the u.s. we're all really one family here we really really are this isn't a situation and I know if you're living in California and something bad happens in Florida you're upset and it could bother you and you could be very sad about but here in Israel it's such a small place where everyone knows everybody where one of the girls sisters lives in my hometown community where I was over Shabbat was the the home of another one of the kids who was killed in this horrible horrible event so the entire community showed up to pay their respects at his funeral so you have ten mourning families now here and we just wish them all the best and only good and there's no really word that that I could say that would really heal at this point so I was asking myself as I was trying to nap on Shabbat afternoon yesterday afternoon I couldn't sleep I was just so upset by what had happened two days before you know how could I try to make any type of sense out of this horrible tragedy what can I do and I thought maybe I should turn to my spiritual side and seek out God seek out some spiritual spirituality and making some kind of sense to this horrible horrible tragedy so my guest today is ruff not an Alexander he is an educator he's the founder of Rovner tong calm it's an education resource enhancing family relationships bringing peace and passion to lives and I want to get to the work they and the important work that he does after the break a little bit later on but I wanted to really talk to him initially here Rob not on because I maybe I was selfish and I myself suffering as just an Israeli as a Jew seeing this horrible tragedy and reading today's Jerusalem Post seeing a little bit learning a little bit about the lives of these young high schoolers whose existence on this in this world were snuffed out way way too soon so rough night on Alexander welcome here to Israel uncensored on the Land of Israel network at the Land of Israel calm Thank You Josh thank you for having me I'm sorry to be here at such a time yeah I would say I you know it would be better to have you on just to talk about the other work you do which we will get to enhancing people's lives and their relationships but I just want to start by asking if you could just describe how you're feeling now 72 hours here and I and I what I said on Facebook was it feels like another Memorial Day Yama's e Quran that was what I was feeling on Thursday not comparing the death of 20,000 soldiers and people killed in terror attacks but it just had the aura on Friday here as the funerals were taking place of another Memorial Day what are your thoughts initial so Josh I think that first of all it's really important that we don't rely on any other man to give us any answers I think that these things happen and we don't have answers to them as we know the the prophets say no much of what I must report FM my thoughts not my your thoughts my ways are not your ways and that's just how it is there are certain tragedies in life that we can either accept or we can allow them to pain us but no man is going to give an answer no man can tell us why the Holocaust happened no man can tell us why terror attack happens or god forbid why ten young lives have been taken from us but to just share some of my feelings with you I was speaking to some people in America and trying to explain I said you know one of the most painful things about this is that the Jewish people are not used to losing people this way we unfortunately are very used to losing soldiers we're used to people dying in terror attacks but a natural disaster is something that is just something we don't deal with we don't think about and therefore I think people learn even more of a loss of how to mourn this and how to deal with it I think that definitely at this moment during the shiver are the seven day mourning period is a time where you know people want answers people want to know how this happened who who can we hold accountable for it because then we feel better fair you know in inverted commas hanging someone for the mistake or the issue but now is not the time do that now is the time to mourn and sit and feel with the families and support the families the Jewish way which is to cry with them and to support them as much as possible another thing that I found very very inspirational is you know they they announced the funerals on the radio now we say meek a mile away how about it who is like you Israel in what country in the world what people in the world announce to strangers across the country if you would like to come and mourn if you would like to come and bury these people come and join us like maybe you would think okay there's a wedding everyone should be invited right okay yeah call or come and dance at someone else's wedding free food let's go do it we're about a funeral what a special people we are then not only are we inviting people into our most personal place of mourning but the people actually go people actually attend and people take on these children as along with any other people that we lose in disasters as our own children our own brothers and our own sisters it is truly a unique country I mean you know we get together as one for happy times and unfortunately it reminds me again you know I mentioned Yama's a car on Memorial Day the unity in 2014 when the three boys were kidnapped and killed and how that brought together a country I don't know if this is on that level but but but still as you so eloquently just just said I mean we are I believe the the only group that does something like this that that gathers for you know for good and unfortunately and oftentimes for bad I know that and I have seen it amongst young people especially firsthand adults also I know the tears and crying and people of all ages really just destroyed or torn completely by this tragedy what would you say to let's say high schoolers or kids who are listening to the show who are themselves properly perhaps here in Israel who in a week or two will be going on end-of-the-year trips or you know also in either pre military academies or in high school who I saw over the weekend as I said I was in one of the locations where one of them one of the kids was from I saw them you know actually in the synagogue shedding tears you know what do you say to that young person a 17 year old an 18 year old who may have lost a friend up here or just somebody who knows somebody else because there is in Israel as we say there's no more than two or three degrees of separation what would you tell that young person stop and feel Western society is so used to finding excuses to carry on as quickly as possible people are so afraid of feeling pain but pain is an important part of life tears are an important part of life being held and holding others and relating to others who are going through pain a beautiful character traits they're important character traits so the first thing I would say that 1718 and 70 and 80 year old is just let the emotions take you allow yourself to be a part of this mourning period because of very quickly people are going to get up they're going to turn on their phones they're going to be posting things all over the Facebook they don't go back to school or go into the army they'll go to work and before we know it it'll be a year's time and people will say well it's the memorial I can't believe it's been a year so the first thing to do and the toy is very powerful about this when our on the high priest died they stopped and they cried for 30 days we live in a society that emotion a shunned upon a man crying what do use a soldier what's he crying he's a man stand up no we've got a cry we've got a feel we've got to be real then after the seven days or the thirty days is the time to jump into action time to do something we can't bring these people back we can never bring them back but we can continue their memory we can continue and it's a very very Jewish and Israeli thing you know I work for a charity organization king's ransom there are so many charity organizations in Israel and so many of them are named after someone we've lost because action is so important to people to carry on someone's fall someone's work in this world when they've been taken too early so for now the answer is stop and feel and cry and allow yourself to feel then we need to as a Jewish people and those that love us and care for us in a blessed through them blessing us we need to jump into action and continue these team lives in whatever way we can down in this world through good deeds through love through acceptance through the love of the Land of Israel which they literally died within let me ask you this then that's a very powerful answer you know there is often the term thrown around following a you know again not comparing the two but following a terror attack you hear about the resiliency especially in Israel the Israeli people a bus I remember when I met Ali ah in 2002 it was almost a daily occurrence where you had a cafe or a bus being blown up by a terrorist and then literally an hour later the scene was cleared scene was cleaned up and people were at that same bus stop for example waiting for the next bus and people applauded and said you know that shows how resilient we are as a nation and as a people and I hear that side of it on the other hand they're often times and I've talked about this and I'm not getting into politics at this point usually I do on my show but you know on the other hand I I sometimes say that maybe that's not the way we should be doing it maybe instead of jumping on that next bus and you know it's claiming that that's a victory against the terrorists going back to our lives and showing again the word resiliency our resiliency maybe it's time not to jump on that bus and take that time to mourn to feel the loss before going back through our normal lives and I'm not again not saying in a political context but in in terms of these kids is it the wrong approach and it seems like that that is kind of what you were saying to just jump back on the bandwagon you know go back and I'm not judging but I saw you know the very next day there were people out in the Judean Desert who were you know chasing the the storm and the floods and going to see the the waterfalls and whatnot and I'm not judging them but but what would you say you know which one is it it's an amazing question Josh and I think that it's up to each person to answer that for themselves and fast not allow ourselves to sip is step into judgment yeah no doubt about it all I'm absolutely clear at that hundred percent course morning is a very very difficult thing so is happiness so is anything that's polarized you know people you know I wouldn't be that happy or I wouldn't be that sad but people have to be real with themselves about what they need to do what they're able to do and I would imagine I don't want to go for me to speak on behalf of the families but I think that the families would be happy with any reaction as long as it's with kavod with honour to their children about resilience I am no prophet but I actually think that the nation of Israel is going to find it harder to get up and move on yeah there are people back out there right in the desert doing you know in the same areas or whatever but I think that how did that resilience is and also like you know you can't win when it comes to a terrorist attack like we'll show you that in you know wherever the terrorists came from you're going to turn on the TV and see us back at the buses back at the shops something that I think is going to be more difficult with this case he says really no one that we need to show hey we're over this it was not you know a terrorist that sent them there it was not an attack that happened and therefore I think that it might be a little bit more difficult for us to get up and get moving after such a terrible occasion you're listening to Israel uncensored on the Land of Israel network at the Land of Israel calm I guess today is rough not on Alexander rabbi not on Alexander and we are going to switch gears after the break but I really thought it was you know the most appropriate thing to do is to bring on a rabbi a Rob here who lives in the Land of Israel to share his thoughts on this horrible tragedy of the 10 the death of ten young Souls ten students here in Israel instead of getting into everything else going on in the country and as you know my listeners know there's always something to talk about whether it's Hamas on the Gaza border and all the other stuff going on a lot of important things as well but I really wanted to not speak to a politician or an expert on what happened or who's pointing fingers at who and and all that will come out in the news in the days and months ahead but we are going to take a break and come right back and talk to her I've not thought about the other amazing work that he does the benefit the Jewish people here in the Land of Israel and around the world again you're listening for his role and sensor get in touch with me during the week Josh at the Land of Israel calm on facebook it's Josh of what hastin and on Twitter at Josh Hastings don't go anywhere we'll be right back [Music] for her to say that because of her discomfort with the Prime Minister that she is not even going to come to Israel to receive this prize tune in to an exclusive interview with Michael Medved one of the most successful Jewish talk-show hosts of America has to say about Natalie Portman and the scandal about her refusing to accept a two million dollar prize in Israel I think because she is Israeli originally and I know my family in Israel always looked at Natalie Portman yes she is on the left and she is an artiste but she's one of ours that's inside Israel today here on the land of Israel network on the Land of Israel calm we are back Jason near Israel uncensored the Land of Israel network at the Land of Israel calm it is April 29th 2018 Sunday we're recording here in Bishop's Y on the 14th of er five seven seven eight s off Shanee that is actually today's mini holiday in Israel we're not going to get into the the details or the meaning of peso Cheney look it up have yourselves a piece of matzah if you didn't get to over Pesa but google pestsof Shanee second Passover and a lot of people probably don't even realize I don't think growing up I realized this was a mini holiday here just 29 days after the first day of Passover so we talked to rob not on in the first half of the show if you missed any of it about the horrible incident in which ten young Israeli children were killed in the flash floods this past Thursday so if you missed any part of the show and you're still struggling go back and listen to Rob Natanz words it is very very helpful in this difficult difficult difficult time for the people of Israel and and those who love Israel and Jews around the world and those who those who really understand what it what it's like to live here and be part of one big family but we're going to move on here because we're not is also an educator and he has a website it's called Grove gnihton calm Rav not on nata n.com it's an education resource enhancing family relationships bringing peace and passion to our lives I mean who doesn't need help with peace and passion in our lives I mean every one of us needs a little bit of help and now we have a resource and outlet to go get that help welcome back or nothing thank you very much so we're gonna switch gears entirely here and talk about your your resource there ruffnut time calm why did you establish it what's the purpose what's it for and how can it help us those who are listening to the program today ok so you know if we can follow in from what the tragedy that we were talking about one of the things that I think people start to ask themselves when they view tragedies for other families is understanding who my family is and what they mean to me are they is my spouse just my spouse is my child the person who keeps me awake at night or uses my credit card by depending on what age they are or are they an entire life are they an entire world and how would I god forbid feel if I lost them the way that these families have lost their children so I'm an educator been an educator for almost 20 years in schools outside schools youth groups you name it and a few years ago five years ago I realized that there was one area of education that especially the Jewish world but everywhere he runs away from and that is relationships and sexuality and I believe I was born in the wrong generation I should have been a hollow you know in the 20s and 30s draining the swamps of Israel I hear a pioneer and I decided with my wife's blessing of course to be a pioneer and step out there and talk about relationships and sexuality which sometimes they go together and sometimes they don't between our spouses our relationships with our children you know people get a little bit worried like peace and passion why are you saying passion with your children well how many of you are passionate passionate to be husbands and wives and as passionate to be fathers and mothers how passionate are we to be brothers and sisters and to look after and to invest in our entire family so I went out there and I've been teaching ever since - Jews - Christians all around the world in Israel in America in Australia South Africa and thank God lots of people are listening and and quite a few people are making some major changes in their life because it's not only about inspiration I try to make sure to give practical tools as well because people you know you can hear the rabbi talk go WOW he spoke so well what did he speak about I don't know I don't remember right so it's very very important to give practical tools which are not given in school right in school we learn one plus one equals two we learn where yeah I don't know Afghanistan is on there on the map right but do we learn how to communicate with our spouse when we disagree about something three learn how to deal with a lack in our bank account but yet continuing to have a loving relationship for that man or woman who's not providing for us the way that they promised they would under the hopper in the marriage ceremony so that's what I deal with and apart from that there are a lot of sexual issues that happen for people in the Jewish world in the non-jewish world in the religious and the non-religious world there are really no barriers between us in that and so I'm open and very happy to talk about those issues I have the backing of some amazing sex therapists in Israel David rib nur Tali Rosenbaum Ariela Perry all of those people have helped me in in what I'm trying to do educating the world about relationships and sexuality so this can be a very sensitive issue for people I mean you mentioned that you know this isn't you know an arena perhaps that as you said isn't discussed enough in formal education and whatnot what is he what is your format when you present to crowds of people to groups or maybe perhaps I don't know if you do any one-on-one talks as well and you know how are you able to get them to express themselves on something that you know maybe is is you know very very intimate or sensitive or or something that perhaps otherwise they wouldn't want to share with a group of people or perhaps wouldn't want to share with you I mean one of the tools that you use in order to really get at whatever it is that is it is affecting someone's relationship whether it's with the spouse or with a child or somebody else in the family so it really depends in what arena as you say we're dealing with that I do one-on-one counseling with individuals I do couples counseling and at the same time I also do web on what online webinars also speak to big crowds at all there so it depends in what arena is when it's one-on-one in couples counseling it's about trust it's about allowing the time and the trust to set in to then allow the couple or the individual to open up and let me into their lives to try and let me help them and give them some skills and tools the interesting thing is most of the time when it comes to couples counseling it's the wife who reaches out to me sends an email or or something on Facebook and they drag their husband along so the trust is mostly needing to be built between me and the man and it's not an easy thing for a man to sit opposite another man and after time here listen this is where you could grow these are tools that you could use it's not simple put in LA it's not simple I hear what you're saying and you know I would probably say that that's normal because guys you know I guess without stereotyping or usually wanting to be perceived as more macho and more closed and not wanting to get help or ask for help I mean isn't that the the norm wouldn't that be the norm I mean maybe it's I see what you're saying in terms of the wives who are actually reaching out to you but you know isn't that the norm from what you've what you've learned over the years it's very much the norm but the norm doesn't have to be accepted you know part of part of the process is to allow the man to see what he's losing if he doesn't actually pay attention if he doesn't do something about it and there's ways to speak to the man to let him understand certain things you know no even when it's couples counseling most of the time it's sometimes together both of them sometimes it's them separate you can talk to the man in a certain way when it's just two guys talking and the truth is that sometimes the barriers get broken down that we actually become mates become you know friends that therefore it's much easier to talk through things because it's two guys sharing and helping each other grow but that's just you know one of the strategies that can be used when it's talking about big crowds it doesn't have to be that they are actually giving back any information they like to just receive and write notes you know and and poke each other and say I told you so which I try and get them not to do but you know what the Gomorrah gives us the answer when the great rabbis used to stand up in front of his very serious students and tell a joke even though he was discussing Torah you need to soften the people up become trustworthy and and then be truthful be real about it like this is something that I do literally I started my morning 5:30 I go to bed you know we've been messaging I know 12:00 1:00 o'clock this is something I have a passion for it's not you know that's what it's about that's what my life is about my family my god and doing this and helping people in this in this arena some of the most interesting stuff is training youth group students which I'm really humbled and privileged to do in Israel that you youth groups invite me to come and train their magic in the youth leaders how do we talk about sexuality - we talk about sexuality at all and you know there's a process that we go through over there to empower the leaders to pick up on certain signs if there are issues there abuse and and be able to support kids through certain things but at the same time have very clear boundaries listen you're 17 18 19 years old you need to know what you can deal with and what you cannot deal with and what are your structures within your youth group to report if there are issues that you can't deal with so it's a very sensitive topic for a whole lot of reasons and thank God where we're moving forward and a lot of people are being educated that sounds amazing and if we had more time I would ask a lot more questions maybe try to test you ask you some specifics about myself and use myself as a guinea pig but we're not gonna do that today right exactly but for those out there who are in search of enhancing their relationships family relationships bringing peace passion to your lives go to rob not ton calm RAV n/a t am calm and get in touch with rabbi rob not on Alexander who lives here in Israel and is helping people with their lives enhancing their lives of all people of all ages all over the world it sounds like so go check out his website and Facebook Twitter any other way to get in touch with you I don't have Twitter yet but Facebook Rav nothing Alexander my email is ruffnut on a at gmail.com Facebook is I posts almost daily Facebook lives there different videos there's blogs ya go take a look and there's a lot of free videos also on my website if you go to my website there's webinars that we run almost weekly and it's a lot easier when you turn up to a webinar and it's not one-on-one you and your wife you and your your husband sitting there but you can sit there in a crowd and you can learn from there so go take a look I look forward to connecting with you I want to thank you so much for your time I've not time and again if you missed any part of the show you can catch it again you can download it on soundcloud on itunes and it's very important stuff both the information that we just talked about in ruffnut on and how he's enhancing relationships and also the first part of the show dealing and coping with the horrible tragedy we had here in israel the death of ten young people this past week that's all the time we have for here on Israel uncensored at the Land of Israel network at the Land of Israel calm my name is Josh haste and get in touch with me I appreciate each and every correspondence all the emails all the feedback whether you love the show hate the show does anybody else you want to see on the program things we're not discussing that you want to hear about please feel free Josh at the Land of Israel comm on Facebook it's Joshua Easton on Twitter at Josh hastin and most importantly now until we speak again next week next Monday everybody out there in the wonderful world of ours everybody out there please please be safe Shalom Shalom from Gush Etzion Israel