Kedoshim/Behar: Self Care Is Not a Crime Its a Mitzvah

Welcome everybody. I'm sorry for the traffic. Really? Okay. An accident on College Road. Okay. We're grateful for everybody who's here and everybody who's here virtually. So, thank you very much and welcome back after Yamtiff. May all of you, all of us have a healthy summer, a beautiful summer, blessed on all levels for you, your families, all your loved ones, and all of our people in the Holy Land and in the whole world. Okay, there's one source sheet. So, if you didn't take it yet, you could take it on the Beimma. It's one source sheet. Today's class is dedicated in the loving memory of Ben Shalom Davidid Winstone dedicated by all of his children with profound appreciation. May his soul continue to be an eternal source of blessing and light and inspiration and love for the entire family and for all of the Jewish people. And thank you very much for your friendship and your blessings and your heartfelt wishes. Sometimes tiny little small nuances could seem insignificant especially when somebody reads something superficially. But in terra even the order is precise and meticulous. Every detail, every nuance, even if it seems not very significant, sometimes contains layers and layers of profound messages and themes that can even be life-changing. In this class, B is Hashem, we're going to identify such a detail really just a change of order between the same mitzvah uttered twice, transcribed twice, just with a change of order, it would seem insignificant, but upon deeper sign upon deeper reflection, we see the profoundity of it. The title of today's class I think will be appreciated especially by many people here and that is self-care is not a crime. It's a mitzvah that's the title. Okay. Very good. You should give the class. You hear what Hindi says? Depends. What type of self-care? Depends. Very good. She said depends what type of self-care. Depends what self-care means. Depends what the self is, right? We should go on a trip. Let's go. Huh? We should go on a trip together with Rabbi. Well, well, Hindi, Hindi, Hindi should lead the trip. Okay. So, so let's begin the journey. Hashem is barak. Everybody knows about the ten commandments which are recorded in paras and two of them are about chabas and respect for parents. So let's see the first source in your source sheets and by the way the source sheets are always loaded on the yeshiva.net so you could see them later as well on the computer. The book of Exodus chapter 20 verse 7. This is the fourth of the ten commandments. The fourth of remember the day of shabas to sanctify. These are also verses that are recited by many in the kdesh of Shabas morning. But the point is you should work for six days. The seventh day is a day of shabas dedicated to your god. Dedicated lashem. Don't do any work. Not you, not your son, your daughter, your servant, your maidervant, your animals, any foreigners that live with you. Because six days, Hashem created the world. In six days, heaven and earth, the seas, and everything contained in our universe, and he rested on the seventh day. And therefore, this day is blessed and holy. Great. Right after that comes the next commandment, the next Exodus 20:1 respect your father and your mother. That's so we have the mitzvah of Shabas following the mitzvah to respect one's father. Following that is the mitzvah to respect one's mother. Now let's forward from paras to parasam paras yra is the middle of the book of exodus in the middle of schmiss parishes of course is closer to the end of sikra the book of leviticus usually read sometime later because there's quite a few parish in between and parasim opens up with these same two mitzvah the para opens up with these same not two three mitzvah shabas and our relationship with our father and our mother But the order is changed. Leviticus 19:1, this is the opening of this week's parad. Hashem spoke to Mosha saying, Holy shall you be because I am holy. I Hashem, I'm holy. That's the pre that's the that's the premise, the catalyst, the foundation of all the mitzvah that are coming in. You should be holy or in another translation in Hebrew means you shall and will. So it's a it's an instruction. It's also a prediction. You will be you shall be holy. You will be holy. Next, a person should have reverence for one's mother and for one's father and preserve my shabas, my in the plural, my sabbaths. I am Hashem, your God. You see the interesting thing in paris what comes first shabas then respect to your father and then your mother here the order gets completely reversed it stops first he says reverence for your mommy then fori and then and then keep shabas so you say what's the difference this order that order. But it's fascinating. The first time it's shabas, tatam, tat mama, shabas, father, mother. The second time it's mother, father, shabas. It seems like only a change of order, but as we will see, this change has extremely profound significance. In order to appreciate this, we're going to change the subject completely or almost completely, but not really. And here we're going to go to a fascinating and challenging scenario that is described in Garis Mitsia. Your next source talked mitzia page 62A. And here's your homework. If you have a husband who learns dy and certainly if you have a husband who teaches daffy. Okay. So your homework is you're going to listen to the story and the dafi learned this a few days ago. So tonight by dinner you're going to test him to see how well he knows his material and he's going to say how do you know this? You learned this in school. You don't have to reveal the secret. He could listen himself but you'll be able to see right how well he's learning. I'm just joking. You don't have to test your husband if unless you want to. So here is the case. We have it in the original in the Hebrew and then also you could read it in the English. Two people took a hike and it happened to be in a hot sunny it was a hot sunny day and they ended up in a desert or in the wilderness and one of them has ketone. Ketto is a canteen. A canteen of water, a jug of water. One of them has it. And here's the situation. If both of them drink from the canteen mason, both will die. They don't have sufficient water to irrigate and hydrate both of them until they're going to reach a place where there's water. man. If one of them drinks, he will have enough water to be able to reach a settled area where there are people, where there are wells, where there are sources of water. What do you do? So, if everybody has a canteen of water, but beautiful. Now, you might ask why they didn't take their cell phones, why they don't call somebody for an emergency, why did they end up there? Good questions. I don't know why they didn't take a phone. Oh, there were no phones at the time. Okay. No reception. Very good. Why they ended up there in a place where there's no water with one canteen? All these are good questions. But this is what happened. They're stuck. There was a shipwreck. They ended up on an island. They ended up in a desert. The sun is scorching. They desperately need water. And they only have one jug. And the jug is not large enough to give them both so that they can both survive. So here is an option. And it's a very difficult option. If they share the water, which we ought to do, they will both not survive. Of course, there is a chance that something may happen. You know, a caravan of people may meet them. They may come across a source of water. But according to natural circumstances, if they both drink the water, they will both maybe live a little longer, but they're both they both won't make it. If one takes the canteen of water and drinks it himself or herself, he'll probably survive cuz he brought enough water for this journey. I guess they knew where they were going. They knew they needed water. This was an intense hike and this is enough. But it's only enough for one person. What do we do? This is the question in what does the what does what does Jewish law dictate in such a difficult tragic and challenging situation. So as you can guess there was a debate a huge debate. Who are the two people? One is a person not so known. He's mentioned only a few times. His name is Ben Pura. Ben Petura which literally means the son of Pura. What did he say? Benur Ben taught it is preferable that both of them drink and die and let neither one of them see the death of the other. That's his opinion. His opinion is for me to take this water even if it's my water and drink it and watch the other person die is unconscionable. It's not what a Jew does. I if I give you the water I mean I can give away the water but then the other person shouldn't watch his friend die. So what happens? Give share the water because I cannot watch another person die. That was his opinion. Ben until came along and he taught something else. He said there is a verse there's a fascinating in two weeks of Leviticus 25:36 it says make sure that your brothers shall live with you. What does it mean? Your brother shall live with you. This indicates that your life takes precedence over the life of the other. Because the says, make sure your brother lives with you. What does that mean? First, make sure that you're alive. Your brother should live with you. So, my obligation to make sure my brother or sister, brother here means another Jew, my fellow Jew, lives, is let him or her live with you. But the premise is that you're alive. You know what they say on the airplanes when you have to put on the mask, right? Put the mask on you, make sure you get the oxygen and then give somebody else oxygen. So is not under all circumstances. It's it's with you. With you he could be you could give him life. So once you guarantee that I'm alive now, I'll do anything to save the other person. But if by giving making sure the other person lives, I'll die. says, "You're not obligated." Now, of course, Rabbi Aka would agree that a person can voluntarily, if he or she wants, say, "You know what? You take the canteen of water. You live and I'll die." But that's an option, a very, very selfless option, altruistic option that a person may do, especially if it's a close person, if it's a loved one, etc. But we're talking now in terms of obligation. Benetura says, "I'm not allowed to take the canteen for myself, even though it's my canteen of water. I brought the water. It's mine. I have to share it. Even though by sharing it, nobody's going to really live, right? But I can't watch somebody else die. That was his perception of Tory ethics. Rabi disagreed till came and learned, "No, that's wrong." His words are and in fact, this became the in Jewish law is your life takes precedence. So, if it's my canteen of water, you can't say, "Oh, this person is a murderer. He's careless. He's apathetic. He's self-centered. He's narcissistic." That's not true. If a person wants to give away the canteen to the other person, a person can give away the canteen. The other person may then give it back and give it back. Give it back. Give it back. Give it back. Benur says, "No, wrong. Got to split." But Rabaka says, "If it's my canteen of water, I have an obligation. Your life comes first. If there's extra water, of course, you need to give it away. You're not allowed to watch another person die. But this is a very famous debate in Mitsia. The two sides are Ben Petura versus Rebi Aka. And here we want to understand something and that is we all know there's a famous PK also in parad everybody knows this. What does it say? Take a look in your next source. This is Leviticus chapter 19 verse 18. Don't take revenge and don't bear grudges against the people of your nation. You shall love your fellow your friend like yourself. I am God. And from all the sages made a comment on this very famous comment. Rashi quotes it from the zlat. This is a fundamental clin. This is not just one mitzvah of 613 mitzvah. every mitzvah being critical and indispensable and vital. But this is a meaning this is a fundamental central premise of it's interesting what does this say? You should love your fellow exactly like you love yourself says this is the foundation of now let's go back to the scenario who reflects more Benura or Rabaka it seems like Benur is saying love the other person like yourself right I'm not going to huh yeah share it share it I'm not going to live while you're going to die no way sorry Huh? Or at least he says, "I can't watch somebody else die. If I can't if if that person can't live, how can I live?" Right? That's basically logic actually argues. He says, "No, there are limits. There are limits even to kindness." Again, we're not talking about a voluntary act of sacrifice that a person does. That's a different situation. He's now talking about what is morally right and ethical. Ben says what's morally right and ethical is don't watch the other person says the opposite says but here it seems like he actually seriously argued with this premise there's another very interesting thing here that would be the same thing it's a very interesting questions. Of course, doesn't agree that I'm allowed to take somebody else's life to save mine. That's not what he's saying, right? I'm not allowed to steal. If somebody has a canteen of water doesn't say steal, take the canteen away from them. What happened is I have this is my canteen. I brought it. Right? Now, if I share it, I'm giving up my life. It's incredible thing to do. If I split it, we both don't live or at least know those that's what it looks like. Chances are we don't live. Says, but won't argue right that I'm allowed to take somebody else's life to save my life. It's one of the things that we don't do according to one of the things that a person is not allowed to do. Rab is not talking about that. But he's talking here personally owns this water. The question is when says give it up or give up 50% of it says no, you don't have to. Another very interesting thing is usually the whole Talmud the whole Mishna Gomorra is filled with arguments. So for example we'll says this and Basil says this says this one says that one says here the language is not Benur says and then it says like this Benur Ben taught it until Rabi came and taught something else. You would think it should say Ben Petura says this and Rabi Aka argues. The language here is different than in most other arguments. Ben Petura said what he said and that's how it remained odd until Rabaka came and what this indicates is that huh? No, but there wasn't an argument the story of Pes until they came and told him it's time for here it's actually two opinions right so but over there it's clear why he says because says I don't have a source to say until I learned it from Ben here it just seems like a classic argument between two people but the Gmoria changes the language completely instead of just saying no you're wrong which is how All most arguments are phrased. What this indicates is that Benetura actually his opinion was maintained until Rabi Akiva came. Until Rabbi Aaka came nobody had the guts or nobody had the audacity or nobody had the idea or the insight to argue with Petura. There was something here that was different than any other argument. said this, Raaka says Petura said this and it was held on to until Rabi Aka came maybe even a later generation or at a later point and he shifted it and the indeed was accepted as Rabaka. What is the meaning of all of this? So in order to appreciate this we have to see another story of Rabi Akiva. And here you see how everything is so interlin and interconnected and every person who speaks in Mishnay among our sages each one has a whole background behind them and a context in which we can appreciate their words. So this argument can't be fully appreciated until we know something else about Ryaka. And here let's for a moment think emotionally about the position of Benetura. I mean intellectually and emotionally. What is Ben Petura really saying? Benur is saying treat another person like you treat yourself literally. That's what he's saying. You know we have the story of Hagar, right? Hugger and were sent away from Ara's home. Aram gave them a jug of water. The water was finished. Yeshal was sick. Rashi says and he drank a lot of water and Hagar could not watch her son die from thirst. It says she went away. She sat far as it is to shoot an arrow. In other words, quite far. The the span of usually of shooting an arrow. Very interesting expression why that's used. Because she said, "I cannot watch my child die." That's the mother's instinct. Until, of course, she has this revelation that there's a well. Open your eyes. There's a well and Yeshal is saved. But the feeling is how can I watch? Hugger says how can I watch my child? I can't. I just can't and there's nothing I can do. So what did she do over here? There was no canteen of water. Obviously she would have probably given away her canteen but there was nothing. So she went away. She couldn't watch it. Benur is really saying that notion. How can I watch that's the words he uses such emotional words. How can I watch somebody else die? I can't. So you'll say, "Yeah, but but I know all the butts." This is a very, very deep emotional experience. How can I do this? I can't. I can't take water knowing that every drop of water I'm drinking, it's at the expense of somebody else, even though it's my jug. And even if I warned him a 100 times to take water, and he didn't listen. Okay. Ben Pura says, "Fine, I hear you. But I can't do it." So Benur is saying, "Treat the other person like you treat yourself. So if I have one canteen of water, how do I have a right to drink it while the other person lies there dying from thirst and dehydration and if I give it to him he's also is going to look and say how do I have a right to drink this water while this person who was just selfless and gave me the canteen is going to sit there or lie there and die. So what do we do? What do we do? So Betura says it's actually better that both of you die as long as you don't watch the other person die. What do you think about this position? Understand what he's saying. It's better that both die. Why? As long as I don't watch another person die in his mind, this is this is the fulfillment of aa. So you'll say, "Yeah, but practically it doesn't make sense." Like, so now you'll have two people dead instead of one person dead. He says, "I understand the law." He could understand that logic. You don't have to be a rocket scientist for it. But he's saying that what? Better that both of them pass on as long as one doesn't watch another person suffer, another person die. Yeah, I said that before. Yeah. That's the second position disagrees. You're right. Says, "Put on your mask. Make sure you have oxygen before you administer CPR." That's what you mean. Yeah. [Music] Now, here is the issue. People, Jews felt emotionally compelled by what Bmpeta said. There was something emotionally compelling about it. Even though intellectually you can argue it's my jug of water. What are we going to gain that two people die? But people felt their heartstrings were like so I'm g really going to watch this happen. Even Hagar understood I can't watch it. I have to go away. So how can I watch this? I am also going to die in the process. What should I do? But I can't see this part of suffering. This spoke to and the harim. This is an insight from the harim was the first mayor alter from G. He was a student of the Katskarb. After the Katskarb passed away, he became the greatic master of G is not far from worse gur as it was called. And the kadushim says this. He says naturally Jews felt compelled to appreciate bmpa because how can I watch another person die and live just because there's only one cantina and it makes sense logically. Maybe it makes sense logically but emotionally I cannot tolerate this. I cannot be a witness to such pain to such suffering. This was their emotion. Until Rabbi Aaka came, nobody argued. Until Rabbi Aaka came, there was that's why it doesn't just say Rabaka says Ben Pura's position became entrenched in the emotional psyche of Jews. There's also something deeper here and that is the sages had a fear of arguing with Betura and there's a reason for this and here we have to understand how ala works. Not everybody knows this. So it's important to emphasize the prerequisite for deciding what the view of Tyra is. I must truly truly eliminate all bias. In other words, if I'm making a decision based on my emotional needs, on my emotional stereotypes, then what often the danger is that I impose my ego or my insecurities or my fears and I say this is what God wants. That's why the is so cautious about bribery. What's the problem of bribery? Terra calls a person and but bribery will distort everything because I'm now emotionally invested. The Gmorian tells a story about a great sage and somebody came and helped him cross the street, cross the bridge and he says, "What are you doing here?" He says, "I have a court case by you tomorrow." He says, "It's over." Well, he helped him cross the street. He helped him cross the bridge. He didn't do anything. There was another sage and somebody came over to him and and and uh uh his jacket cleaned his jacket the label of his jacket. He said, "What are you doing here?" Or have I didn't tell you about you tomorrow? He says, "Sorry, I'm disqualified. What did I do? I didn't give you money. Didn't save your life." But it's basically I'm on your team. It showed how sensitive they were to the slightest forms of emotional bias. That's why you could trust them. In fact, the Gomorrah says fascinating that they had to decide which year is a leap year. Today we already have fixed in the calendar every few years there's a leap year there's an extra month. It's because Pesak needs to fall out in the spring etc. Ramadan follows the moon. So it could be any time in the year but our our our calendar follows the moon but we also follow the sun because pes has to be in the spring. Spring is based on the sun not in the moon. So we have to adjust the calendar. But in the ancient times the tamuric times every year they had to decide it again based on the calculations. So the garra says two people should not be part of the committee. The king and the kayang god the high priest the king wants a leap year. You know why? Because he paid his soldiers based on the year. So if he can get an extra month it's a very nice profit. He paid them by the year. If the year has 13 months great I get an extra four weeks of work. So he can't be he's disqualified because he has an agenda. Even if he's a great king, the god also has an agenda. What's his agenda? Mor says the he had to go to the mikvah five times. And he wants that the water should be warm, not cold. If it's delayed another month, right, winter is starting, autumn is starting, the mikvah is going to be cold. Now, I'm going to ask you a question. Is this what the kip is thinking about? And how much colder is it going to be? You're not not difference of four months. You're not talking about September versus February. You're talking about one month, but yet a mikvah, a cold, a colder mikvah is already a personal bias. It shows you how profound bias can go. It says by the daughters of they came to Moshe and they said our father had no sons. Our father died in the desert. He was not part of the mutiny of why shouldn't we have a so it says said I can't deal with this he gave it over to God and God told them they're right they're right they're not married they don't have a husband's estate their father is not alive there's no brothers they get everything soay says when they came to Mish about pesi the people who were impure they couldn't do the carbon pes Mo doesn't say Moshe gave their their their case to God. It says Mosha said let me ask Hashem and I'll answer you. Why didn't he say the same thing here said because the moment they told Mosha our father was not part of Kyak's mutiny moa felt that this was he could not be objective because their father was a good was on his team. So 40 years 40 years after the mutiny he's and still he understood how distorted a person's view can become even such a great person because of something that seems subtle. This point is not to tell you how corrupt people can be. It's telling you how authentic one needs to be with our blind spots. My brother once told me that somebody came to him for advice. So he asked him, "Is it possible that you have a blind spot?" He says, "Of course I have blind spots, but I know exactly where they are." The problem is that blind spots, I don't know where they are. That's why they're called blind spots. So that's why when we decide when when ha is is is decided, when Jewish law, what does Hashem want? What does the Tyra say? The prerequisite for this is MS MS MS MS MS authenticity through and through and through because by a human being knowing how inauthentic I can be and not because I'm a bad or malicious or evil person. No, but because I have bias, I have needs, I have my emotional fears, I have my perceptions, I have my preconceived notions, I have my paradigms, things that that that influence me in one way or another way. I have to be made aware of all of this and ask myself, can I transcend it or I can't transcend it? So, and here we come to something very profound. The sages were afraid that maybe they're arguing with Benetura. You know why? Because of a selfish reason. Maybe they don't agree with Benetura. It's not because of integrity. Maybe it's because survival of the fittest. Maybe because I I care about my needs. Cuz if I'm in a desert with another person, I want to live. In other words, maybe they're arguing about Petura not because truly truly this is the divine most ethical thing to do, but because we all have the deepest instinct for self-preservation. I will do anything to save my life. And that's why they held back because Benuru was saying something so radical. Don't save yourself even though you're going to die, but don't let another person die in front of you. Share it. Wow. That's they said you know what maybe this doesn't make sense to us but maybe it doesn't make sense to us because we don't want it to make sense we want to disagree with them we want to say no I come first and maybe there's an ego piece here and it's not the truth it's not the real divine blueprint for life and therefore there was a little stalemate until Rabi Aaka came so there's two issues that we're dealing here with one is emotion Ben Pura's message was very compelling. How can I watch another person die? I can't. Even though it means I also die and he's anyway going to die. She's anyway going to die. Logically, I get it. But I can't watch it. Sorry. Sorry, I can't. One issue, they couldn't argue with him. And the second issue is, is our argument coming? Truly because God's will is different or maybe because at the end of the day, we are selfcentered creatures. Survival of the fittest. I want to live and that's why I'm going to argue with Benetura and then blame it on God. Don't people do that all the time? They have an agenda and then they already find how the Tyra agrees with them, how Hashem agrees with them and don't dare challenge me because I became God. And that's very very very disheartening. In fact, it can create sometimes havoc and destruction because sometimes what was presented in people's lives as Tyra and the view of God was really a reflection of people's own stuff, their own wounds that they then imposed on Tyra. Sometimes a person doesn't work on their mid I don't develop my character and suddenly I uh I use T as an excuse. Somebody told me that he heard from Rabbid Feinstein. Zatal Rabbid Feinstein was a son of Mosha Feinstein. And he said it says by Pinas that when he saw Zimri and Cosby have their public relations, he took a spear in his hand. So he asked why does it say he took a spear in his hand? Obviously he took it with his hand. He probably didn't take it with his mouth or with his legs. You take a spear with your hand. So it says thehatis he said that sometimes people when they go out in the morning from their house they already go out with a spear and they're just waiting to use it at the right time. He says was not that type of person. He was a son of Allah was a son of he was a person of love and peace. He now took the spear in his hand because he had a certain mission. So these were the two issues you understand the two challenges. Number one emotionally and number one int number two intellectually. Emotionally can somebody argue with Benetura? Am I really going to watch another person perish in front of me? And then I'll say but I lived. We call it survivors guilt. Survivor's guilt. Number two, idealistically is this what the Tyra really wants or is this what we would love to say because I want to live. I don't want to die. there was a stalemate until Rabi Aka came changed the equation he taught and that became why what was it about Rabaka so for here we need to learn a story about the says what's the story look in the next source you have it in the Hebrew and Englishman was already an elderly man. Rabbaka according to tradition was 120 and the Romans took Rabaka out to be executed. This is approximately 65 70 years after the destruction of the second Bamdash. Bara staged a mighty revolt against the Roman troops. He wanted to rebuild the third Bamdish. He wanted to liberate the Jewish people. Bara was very successful for a few years. The Bam Mikdash was destroyed approximately the year 70 after the common era. Bar was staged his revolt approximately in the year 132 after the common era around 62 63 years later went on for a few years. He was mightily successful until Bar was defeated. His greatest supporter was Rabaka and then they came the day came that the Romans also arrested Rabaka. They incarcerated him and when they took him out to be killed it was the time of keshma which means it was early in the morning when it's a time to say keshma. And the Gmorrah describes in this story in braus the methods that they were using. And the contin and during this process was accepting upon himself the yoke of the kingdom of heaven. meaning he was saying the student said even now even now under these horrific circumstances you could say like look what's happening where do you have this courage where do you have this energy this is what they're asking their teacher imagine as he's being led to his death and he's saying what does he tell his students He gives them not just a coherent answer but he gives them the answer that defines the story of his life. And this is his last teaching. He says to them says this. All the days of my life I have been troubled by one. Love Hashem with all your heart and all your soul. Mean with all your soul even if he takes your soul. In other words, I'm ready to give my soul for the ultimate truth of oneness. I'm ultimately ready to give my soul. And I was aggravated by this verse. Why was I aggravated? Because I said to myself, when will I ever have an opportunity to do this? And therefore, it troubled me. All the other verses didn't trouble me. I had an opportunity to do that. But this troubled me. Now he says, now that I have been afforded the opportunity you want, I should abandon it. That's what you're saying. The students are telling Rebea, Rabbi, how can you say Schma? And what does he tell them? Guys, my whole life I was upset that I couldn't fulfill this PK. And now that I have an opportunity, this opportunity was afforded to me. Obviously, not by myself, by the Romans. You want me just to look away, look to the other side, you want me to neglect, you want me to forfeit when this has been something sitting on me, call all the days of my life, this is what I yearn for and now I have an opportunity. You want me not to do it. What happens? He prolongs the uttering of the word until his soul departs from his holy body by the word. A voice comes out from heaven and says, "Happy are you didn't die a miserable man. He died a happy man. How happy fortunate are you rabbi that your soul left your body in one? What was telling his students? Aka was saying that my whole life when I said I wanted to live it. I wanted to experience it. I wanted to embody it. But I knew that my mandate is to stay alive. And there was a pain in me. What was the pain? The pain is I want to be able to experience the ultimate ultimate dedication, the ultimate, the ultimate. That's what I want. And now they're telling him, "How can you do it?" So he says, "I was under wondering says, "Ah, now you know who Ra was." His entire life as he was alive in the physical world was a life of miser. Even when he was alive, what was his craving? What was his yearning? His yearning was absolute unity. He wanted to he had s he had pain. He was worried. He was perturbed. In other words, for the meaning of every moment in life was complete oneness and alignment with Hashem. No dissonance whatsoever. No separation whatsoever. Lublin has an incredible interpretation on this story. The garra says his soul went out during the word. He says it means something deeper. He told his students every day when I said there was a part of me that was ready to expire because a soul is divine. It's a piece of divine. It comes into a body. It continues to be divine. But it's still it's defined and limited by the body. of an AU for example says how did they die they wanted to kiss God they wanted to touch infinity they didn't want to be contained anymore that's how they died says they kissed Hashem and they departed like the electricity voltage of infinity was so intense that it couldn't be contained by the kali by the body soak says every day I'm ready for this that's how deep my yearning my aspiration my craving to touch the full truth I don't want to be blocked by anything not even by the containers of physicality But I know that that's not the purpose. The purpose is I'm supposed to be alive. A soul in a body's act as holy as it was is considered a sin. It's a noble sin. It's a holy sin, but it's a sin because a person is supposed to live says now today I see that my job is not anymore to live because the Romans want to kill me. So today I'm going to actually do what I want to do every day. And he says that he didn't die because of the Romans. He died because of his soul departed from him because of the experience of his was so visceral. That's what caused his soul to leave. At the surface it looked like he died. He was just killed. He was physical. There was actually something internal in Rabbi Akiba that happened that he allowed his soul to escape. to escape its confinement. That's what happened to at that moment. It's not just the time when it happened. It's how it happened through the his soul went out. [Music] Very good. Very good. That's why when came and said your life comes first everything was different till Akiva came because nobody can say to Rabbi Aka oh this is a bias you love yourself so much at the expense of other people oh Rabi Aka you believe in survival of the fittest the gene the selfish gene by you is so overwhelming. Of course, you're arguing with Bmpetura. You don't feel the emotional pain that Betura feels. Nobody can say Raaka is coming because he doesn't feel emotionally what Bmpura feels or idealistically there's a a selfish self-centered bent over there a bias because what was Rab who was Rabaka Ky his entire life his physical life soul and body was what it was one big story of Mr. Even when he was alive, he saw the entire purpose and experience of life as an opportunity for us, an opportunity for oneness, for intimacy with Hashem, no separation whatsoever. That was what he lived. That's what he embodied. That's what he breathed. And that's why he tells his students, "My whole life, I was aggravated by this verse." Why is he craving that every single day of his life? Because even as he was alive physically for him the meaning of life was absolute veos absolute connection with absolutely no dissonance. Finally when the moment of mysterious nefes came he didn't even flinch he says this is this is what I was waiting for now you want me to neglect it. So when said your life comes first, nobody could say anymore this is coming because he can watch somebody else die and it's not so aggravating for him. Benetur is more Jewish or more holy or more selfless or more spiritual than him. Nobody can also say that Akiva has a personal agenda here because he wants to live. What did he tell his students? My whole life I'm asking I'm praying from So when says what does he mean? Your life comes first is actually coming from the place of Raka is a life of Ms. It's a life of complete oneness. It's a life of complete transcendence. There's no ego there. So when says what is he saying? He's saying this has nothing to do with selfishness because not that person. This has nothing to do with after everything said and done. Emotions, emotions, emotions. I want to live. I got to live. It's not like Benur is holier than Benur is more Jewish. Benur is more emotionally connected. Whatever is saying is your life comes first. Not because you're a selfish person, but because you have to understand that if this jug of water was given to you and you can live by drinking it, that life is sacred. That life is divine. That life is holy. When one life can be speared says it needs to be spared. Not because I don't care so much. Not because I have a bias, an emotional bias. Here says, emotionally I understand. Remember to emotionally you may not want to see another person pass out, perish before your eyes. And if I give him the water, he may not want to see the other person perish in front of his eyes. Ben Ptoria says, "Just split it." Ribbaka says, "I understand you might feel guilty for the rest of your life that you lived and this person died." I get that. That's why everybody was so hesitant to argue. But comes and says, "What is at stake in your life? What is at stake in your life is not just your selfish desire that I want to live." That's not what's at stake. What's at stake is that God needs you in this world to serve as his ambassador. Rabi Akiva could say this. It's not even your need. It's Hashem's need. How do I know it's Hashem's need? Cuz I was born. I was born. The day you were born is the day that Hashem declared not only that you matter, but that you're indispensable note in the cosmic symphony. As the Mishna says in Sanhedrin, every person is obligated to say Clearly, because of me, the world was created. What does that mean? Because of me, the world was created. I say it and my wife says it and my mother-in-law says it and my father-in-law said it and you say it. So, we're all a bunch of crazy narcissists. It means that Hashem needs you. It means that Hashem says, "I created you for a purpose." It's not. I like it. It's good for me. It's comfortable. I like having my iced coffee and I like sitting on my couch and I like when summer comes to New York and all these things. So says, "But you have to understand that what's at stake in your life is that Hashem needs you in this world to serve as his ambassador. And as long as your time has not come, you have an obligation to live." When said this, huh? You could listen. You could watch it. Yeah. The yeshiva.net. Whoever owns the water or Yeah. If I own the water, says it's not a mistake. It's not that you're a self-centered person. He didn't look at life that way. When he said it, it was trusted. Cuz everybody knew Raba, it's not coming from a lack of emotional connection. It's not coming from personal bias. He's the one who said I'm looking. So how does say your life comes first watch the other person die emotionally I may not want it but there's something sacred in your life your life is not a mistake and if one person could live that life needs to be sp of course concedes if somebody wants to give it away to the other person that's their choice and then the other person could say I have it you gave it to me and that person can live but he's talkingly don't think is a compromise of ethics it's because we don't care it's because we have a selfish gene it's because we believe in Darwin survival of the fittest. It's because fight for yourself first and everybody else can go jump into the Hudson River or die from thirst is not that person they can trust. This is coming from this is the ultimate truth of thee that because your life because it's a divine mission. It's a divine need. It's something sacred. It's not even about your decision. God says if a life can be spared, you need a you need to spare it. Does Rebecca even know about survivors guilt? Of course he does. He knows about it and that exists. Why did I deserve to live? Yeah. It's a galda mitzvah. The question is obligation would say it's heroic and it's an amazing mitzvah and people have done it throughout history and it's happened now in the war of October 7th. I was just in Israel a few weeks ago and I went to visit um uh I went to visit a city called and uh Ofakim is the famous house of Rael of who gave the kamas terrorist cookies. You remember she baked them cookies and for more than 12 hours she kept five terrorists at bay not shooting her or her husband for more than 12 hours feeding them nurturing them. She said I realized I realized that they are they can use a mother and they miss their mother and I beca I mean I became their mother. I mean the wisdom, the ingenuity, the the the emotional. She bought time. She was saved. Her husband was saved. All five were five. It's not one of five terrorists against her and both elderly people. Her husband just passed away by the way. I think Dovet, right? Right. Yeah. Yeah. The mother who was here, you remember from the mother of the hostage, her son went back. So I was sitting there with a father. I was sitting with a father there. He lost his son. His son's his name is Nadav. And he said his son was in near Lebanon at the border of Lebanon, a soldier. He showed me a picture, a strong kid, handsome, beautiful kid. And uh he called his father a few weeks before and he said, you know, I'm here for a long time in the north and the anxiety from so powerful. I need to take a week off. I need Do you think I should? His father said, "If you need to, you need to." So he decided to go to the music festival to give him, he got permission to take a few days off just to be able to relax and then he'll go back. And he went there with a friend. The father told me he went there with a friend. And this friend was had some social challenges and had uh some difficulties, you know, motor skills that set back. He had some difficulties, challenges physically and emotionally. So he really was like a shadow for him. He was taking care of him. when the rackets came 6:30 in the morning by the festival and then the terrorists came. So his son, he says his son was a really capable capable person, he realized how dangerous the situation is. So he called his commander in near Lebanon and he told his commander the situation. His commander said, "You can't now think about anybody else. You have to go run." He said, "I can't leave this this this friend alone." He called his father. His father said, "I'm going to come get you, but take care of yourself." He said, "I can't." And what he did was he dug a grave, a fake grave for his friend. He put him there. He covered him with earth, but in a way that he could breathe and he put him there and he left. He was killed. His friend was saved. Imagine Yeah. Really? He literally he put him in a grave. So they're not going to go undig a grave to kill a Jew who's dead. And he saved his life. This this boy, his friend of his. So here is a classic example, right? Where he on his own decided in this precious few minutes where he could have taken care of himself, he decided not to. So this was it's beyond the mitzvah. something that's unfathomable in its heroism. you're allowed to but the Rab was saying what's the what's my so if a person is now going to give away their canteen of water right you remember the story of Rowi Klene he was a commander and they threw a grenade at terrorists he said is he jumped on it he was killed and he saved his entire unit few years ago there was also now October 7th somebody was in a room and they were throwing grenades he caught seven of them and threw them back the eighth one killed Huh? What? Yeah, the bus stop. But it's different when you only have a little bit of water. Right. Right. No. So here Yeah. Here here you're right. Nadav thought that he'll also maybe be able to escape. But he first worried about the person. Here it's very it's in a way it's very black and white. In other words, if I give away the canteen, I'm not going to be able to live. Even if I give away half, I'm not going to be able to live. If I don't give it away, I'm going to be able to live. If I give it away to the other person and he gives it back to me, he's not going to be able to live. So with nobody could suspect emotionally or idealistically anything but bit anything but complete dedication to what is the true will of the creator in this state in this state and that's why when said it it became the forman didn't mean you're alive because I couldn't care less about anything else or you're alive because at the end of the day I got to be selfish. No, because God needs you here. And if this jug of water is yours and you have an opportunity to live, it's a sacred obligation. It doesn't have to do with anything selfish. It has to do with the fact that you were chosen, your soul was chosen to be here on a mission to be a channel for infinite love. How it works, when it works, when is one person's time, when is another person's time, nobody knows and understands that. M vice versa beyond. Yeah. The gariah says harug lud to where there were two people in lud and they gave themselves in. Somebody killed the king's daughter and they wanted to kill the entire community and there were two people they said we did it they never did it and they were executed. The gammorra says that nobody could stand in their makita. In other words, their their their spiritual state is beyond anybody. Nobody could stand in their spiritual. But this is a complete this is where somebody voluntarily voluntarily uh uh does this and it's incredible beyond. Ben Petura would say even if I give you away the canteen, you can't take it. You got to give half back to me. Let both die says no that's not the truth. Now if I choose to voluntarily give it to the other person would say that's incredible but when he says everybody knew this is not coming from a selfish this is coming from pure nefish because how you look at lifeand you heard of vice mandal he was sent to Awitz with his wife and children he jumped out of the train he survived he moved to Mount Kisco passed away 195 58. He never recovered from the Holocaust. Especially he was negotiating with Aishman for Hungarian jury and it was unsuccessful. So he felt guilty for the death of close to 1 million Hungarian Jews. Very very tragic story against what? I interviewed one of his closest friends. He said every day for five six hours he would bang his head against Yeah. Yeah. He suffered tremendously for hours. because he would grieve the Holocaust every day until he died from a heart attack. I think in 1958 he remarried and at the bris of one of his children he said something incredible. He said, "We say, you remember what we say in different. We will sanctify your name in this world just like your name is sanctified in the heavens." And he said, "Some of my children are there, but now I have a child who was born here, but there's not going to be a difference. His life is going to embody holiness just like the life of my children who were killed by the Nazis in Awitz who are already in heaven. There's no difference." And he said then something very powerful. The Mishna Gamar says when you brought up meat from the offerings to the Misbeh to the altar and it was placed on the fire. So it's it's it's already a carbon. It's it's a carbon. It's a carbon of Hashem. So what happens? They brought it up to the altar, right? But there was not enough space. So some of them were on the side and they would push it over later and it fell down. It fell down. So it was it never made it into the divine fire. So it says it has the same holiness even though it never made it into the divine fire. Why? because it was already brought up there. So said we were all destined to go into the gas chambers. So even those of us who fell out of the equation, we jumped out of a train, it's exactly the same thing. So he looked at this child that was born and he said this kadusha of the kadesh in heaven, it's his kaduca, it's my kadusha here in this world. What he was trying to say is don't look at the physical world as divorced from the spiritual world. The same holiness is saying that was my life here is that level of holiness. It's not because I'm in love with my narcissistic needs and therefore I'm saying no my life here is one story of of being one with God. It's just expressed in the physical through the physical world because that's my mission. Wants me to transform my body, my animal soul, my physical world and manifest holiness in here. It's not just my need. It's a divine need who gave me a mission because there's something in history and there's something in life in my home in my family in my own story my soul my body that only I can accomplish and this so my soul was sent here. So according to Rabaka that is as selfless as Benatur perhaps even more is focusing on survival guilt. Beet is focusing on my emotion which I understand and Rabaka is saying ask not what God can do for you. Ask what you can do for God and he needs you to be here in this world. When I was 14, here's a personal emotion. When I was 14 years old, our camp, we went on a camp trip to uh King's Dominion. You remember King's Dominion, a big amusement park in Virginia, near Virginia. On the way back, we were in a van. We had a horrible accident. And uh our van went down a cliff and uh a very close friend of mine was killed on the spot. He was 14 years old. This was August 1986. Baze of Thursday morning. B of Tamev. His name was Label Khan. We grew up together on the same block. We went to yeshiva all the years together in camp. We were actually in the same bunk bed. Huh. The second day of of Yeah. They stopped the trips. But uh he was killed on the spot and uh my mom I grew up with him and you know today he's buried in the Montafury Cemetery in Queens not far from the Labava. So sometimes I go visit the grave and when I go there, you know, I look at the grave. We grew up together. He was 14 years old when he was plucked out and killed. And I ask myself, you know, why did I I was in the same van like him. I was in the same van with friends. A lot of people, a lot of kids were wounded, wounded badly, but he only he was killed. And I asked myself, you know, why did I survive? Why did we survive? Why did he not? A few years ago, I think a year ago, my class had a reunion. My cl my class had a reunion. They became 50. So they made a reunion. So we went together to visit his grave the first time as a class and we were all standing there and Davining and uh they sang a song because in camp they made a song in his memory. So we sang that song that was written uh it was very very moving. It was very emotional. A lot of us it was it was the first time we did it as a class. You know people went individually and you know and I was looking around and thinking here's people everybody grew up got married children some of them zadas some of them very you know each of them made a life for themselves and his life was interrupted when he was 14 years old you know how does that work why does that work and of course there's no I don't know that we don't know the answers for this and really it ultimately comes down to the question of do I have to understand They don't have to understand. But it's really every soul has a mission and that mission is mysterious. Nobody knows how it works, when it begins, when it ends, why a soul is taken when it's 14 years old, when it's 19 years old. Who knows these things? It's completely beyond comprehension. And vice was saying at the bris of his child. He says, you know, why are some of my children in heaven and here is a son who was born? But I'm not going to differentiate and say you know that is the holy life and this is the unholy life. What a is saying is when I look at my life the deepest way of looking at life is that it's not selfish at all. taking care of oneself, taking care of one's true self as Hindi said in the beginning of the class is not selfish at all because if this is indispensable to my mission in this world so that's part of the when says it's the same who said what does it mean to live with all my soul it means that in this world the way I can I want to experience complete vas complete oneness in this situation Now it's true in very very powerful ways. It's also true in more subtle ways and maybe in more simple ways. You know sometimes in life we have what's you know maybe it's a martyr's attitude and probably Yiddish imamas know very well what I'm talking about but it's generally it's an instinct. Sometimes uh a person may feel you know if I take care of my needs. I remember once I was giving a lecture it was to women a few years ago and a mother came over to me afterwards and she says you know all my children are miserable. How do I make them happy? So I asked her I said I don't know how you make your children happy but I think your question has to be how to make yourself happy because when a mother is happy she radiates that in the house and each child is going to have to go through their journey and figure out their happiness. But if they have a role model of happiness, it will show them what it means to be happy. So she looked at me like I fell off of Mars. And she said, "That's not what I was expecting from you. I want you to tell me how make my kids happy." I said, "I don't know, but I think you have to focus make yourself happy." She said, "My me, I gave up on my happiness 30 years ago." So I said, "So that's what you're going to teach your children, too. You're going to teach that to your children. And you're going to model for your children to give up on their happiness and to worry about their kids' happiness. And then their kids will learn that from their mother. And then the question is which generation is this all for? You know, it's always which generation is allowed to be happy? Any or no? It's always I'm going to be miserable but you be happy. Right? There was a Jewish comedian who said in my house we only had leftovers. We're still looking for the original meal. We're still looking. Where's the original meal? When is when are we going to get the original meal? Who's the generation? Right? So so here here's the good news. Our generation is the last generation of golas and the first generation of gulas. So this is a generation that it was all four makabatees. But sometimes we I should be happy. My kids are struggling. My husband is struggling. I'm struggling. My brother is struggling. My sister's struggling is struggling. You want me right now to be happy. You want me to be serene? You want me to take a walk? You want me to exercise? You want me to radiate joy? You want me to radiate serenity? What am I, a self-centered narcissistic? A woman once told me, "In my house, if you sat on the couch and you picked up one foot and another foot, there was a sense of you have nothing to do. You have nothing to do. The world is falling apart." The of you sitting on a couch with one foot up and never mind if there's a coffee in the other hand. And this person still I don't know I'm probably it's 60 years I don't know whatever it is still when they sit down on the couch there's a sense of inner inner inner guilt and it's often seen as something religious as something holy as something divine because like the death instinct like you're not allowed to that feels much more religious and that's why can be trusted where says he says no you got it wrong Hashem wants I should be able to serve him with all my heart, with all my soul. That means if I'm enthusiastic, if I'm in joy, if I'm angry and miserable, so my shabas, my pes is not a real, it's not a divine experience. I'm I'm giving 2% of myself. I'm like a robot. I'm like a zombie. On the contrary, self- nurture, self-care is not a crime. Often it's a mitzvah. It's the greatest mitzvah. Why? Because actually if I could fulfill my mission in this world I can actually give much more to others. You all know in your house when a mother is truly truly in a good place in a tranquil place aligned connected happy celebrating life you think you give more to your children or less to your children. What do you think? Ask your children especially those who are adults and are outspoken and will tell you the truth. When you when a mother in her the name of selflessness becomes miserable because she experiences the anxiety of every child does that help the children or to the contrary I think there's I think it could be said today in truth that most children when they see their parents in a happier state it's much easier for them I once heard a son tell his mother he went through a heavy journey so he was tell his mother said could you give advice now after you went through So he says, "Yeah, that you shouldn't take on my anxiety when I'm going through an experience cuz then you become part of my problem. You can't be part of my solution." It was very profound. Now you say, "What do you mean? What am I? I'm I'm going to unblend from you. I'm your mother. You're part of me. You're me. How can I?" But the truth is, as they say on the airplanes, when you have oxygen now, you can give your child oxygen. If I'm choking and I'm in such a difficult state and the reason I'm so difficult is because I'm so selfless because I'm worrying about everybody else besides me. What type of mother am I giving them? What type of father? What type of person am I I'm not agree? I can't even be here for you. It's like when a husband or a wife don't have an identity and their entire identity becomes codependent. Whatever the other one is feeling, I have to feel. It's not only a miserable way of living. I can't even be there for the other person because I'm busy being the other person. How can I be there for the other person? But when you're rooted in your own identity, when you're rooted in your own core, when you understand that self-care is actually a mitzvah, it's a form of real holiness. Real holiness is that my vessels are expansive. that if my body is a basikdash, the bame mikdash needs to be beautiful and solid because the bamed is the place where the dwells, you're not let it destroy a stone in the bikush. Why not? Cuz it's the house of the so if the goof is a bikdash and it is and the nama is the bame mikdash also needed protection you know with why because it's the honor of the body needs protection. Why? Because I'm selfcentered. because I'm a horrible person. No, because I it can't be a ba mikdesh if I don't respect the divine presence in this sanctuary. It's not I'm not a martyr. I'm not selfless. I'm actually detach from the truth. Real selfrespect often people think is a form of arrogance. It's a form of of uh narcissism. It could be that way, but very often it's exact opposite. Real self-respect means respecting the divine mission that is invested in my being. If I squander that, I'm not doing the world a favor. I'm not doing my kids a favor. I'm not doing myself a favor. I'm not doing God a favor. I'm actually neglecting the world from my light. Imagine if you're plugged in and you're plugged in and your plug is channeling the electricity and then you you know what? You're always thinking about your your electricity. You're in it. Let's pull out the plug. What happens? The room grows dark. You need to know how to keep your plug connected cuz then the room grows light. Say what? I'm going to think about my plug. It's not my plug. It's me being a channel for the divine light. And if I unplug it to be able to appease this one or that one to be able to satisfy what I think are other people's demands or needs, what happens? There's no light in the room anymore. The house goes dim. The mother goes dim in the name of this beautiful, beautiful uh holy anxiety. What looks like anxiety is not always holy. And what looks like happiness is not always selfish. Sometimes it's the opposite. Anxiety could be coming from a complete not understanding of who I am and what my role is. And it feels better for me, more selfless. Like Benura, Ben says, it feels better if you die. You know why? At least you will die and the other person won't die in your presence. Aka says, "Excuse me." It sounds very good. But now you have two two dead two dead Jews. So what feels like emotionally if I'm dying at least you're dying, I'm dying. We're both dying. I'm not talking about emotional stuff. I don't mean physically, but I'm just using it as a metaphor. Rub says the opposite. You know what? But if you drink and you're alive, maybe you'll be able to go find water for the other person. Maybe you'll have strength and you'll be able to run fast and find water. Maybe you'll be able to scream and find help. In many ways, Rabaka is not just being more pragmatic. He's being more pragmatic, but it's also much more idealistic. Actually, if you're in a happy place, you'll probably be able to help your children infinitely more. If I'm attached, if I'm plugged in, if there's energy coming through me, I could show up. There's a heart, there's a soul, there's a body, there's a mind what I'm saying is resonating, huh? Big time. Hindi, you with me? You agree? Okay. Cuz I asked in the beginning, is self-care a crime or a mitzvah? So Hindi said, depends what type of self-care. Do sometimes people misconstrue this idea and everything is just me me. I couldn't care less about anybody else. We're not talking about that. And with the mother sitting in this room, we're not even worried about that. Even if you try doing that, you won't be able to. Too much Jewish guilt, 5,000 years. I don't even think you'll be able to be successful if you try. Maybe there's a few exceptions. I don't know. It's really a much deeper form of understanding that it's not a neglect of responsibility was aikesh means how can I be connected to the source in the most powerful way to serve as that channel for infinite life and love and hope. Based on this we now conclude with the order Paras Shabas father mother father Shabas because mother father and shabas represents three dimensions of life. The mother is the most connected to the child. In fact the child develops in the womb of the mother. So there's no differentiation at least for a significant amount of time. Let's hope at some point there's differentiation. But in many ways you are your mother. Your mother is you. I don't mean it in a negative way. I mean in a good way. We are molded and crafted within the ammoniatic sack of our mother. Right? The Gmorra says the fetus is part of mommy. So mother really and mother is the ultimate nurturer especially in the primal most formative years both through food especially through food nursing shelter emotion. There's that n the mother is the quintessential nurturer. hopefully a healthy mother, a loving mother um who knows how to do it. Father already represents our connection which is outside of ourselves because father is also connected to us. But father is represents especially in the ancient world you know the father gave the child the discipline and the father gave the child the vocation and job and position even in le is based on father based on father Jewish or non-Jewish identity is based on mother. So the father already represents our expanded connection outside of ourselves. We're part of a family. We're part of an ancestry. We're part of a community. We're part of a a larger a larger tribe, so to speak. That's father. Shabas represents our respect for the creator. That's what Shabas is. Shabas is there's a creator. My mother and father don't live in a vacuum. None of us live in a vacuum. There was a there's a creator who conceives the world in love. And my mother is part of that. My father is part of that. I am part of that. So in many ways respect for mother, respect for father, respect for shabas are three dimensions in development. One dimension of development is I focus on me, my nurture, my being, my existence which is what mother is concerned with. Father is my respect and my connection to a community to an organism whether it's family whether it's tribe whether it's community whether it's clal the Jewish people what's the family of humanity and then shabases my duty and my loyalty to the whole plan of creation to the purpose of creation one of the great mistakes it's very easy to make in life is to make that these three are very different if I take care of myself it means it's at the expense of come on you don't care about your You don't care about your family. You don't care about you. How selfish are you going to be? And if I take care of if I care about that, I'm not really caring about myself. And if I care about God, it's not about me. But here we see the TA puts the three mitzvah together. Respect for mother, respect for father, respect for shabas come together, but in a change of order. In paras, it begins with the cl. It all begins with Hashem. There's a hierarchy in creation. Hashem, my divine soul. My divine soul. Let me just Yeah. So, Shabas represents begins with a creator, right? My father and it says my father and mother are partners with Hashem. There's three partners. So, it begins with Hashem. It continues with the father. continues with the mother. In other words, it begins with the clown and the proud. There's a cosmic plan. We're all part of that and then we become manifestations. There's the manifestation represented by the father and there's the manifestation represented by the mother which comes to me individually in parad says to you be holy. Understand how holy you are. Now you realize my mother, my father, my shabas. Now the order is it actually begins with self. Have awe for your mother, which means have awe for your own nurture, for your own identity, for your own development. Have awe for your mother. Have respect for how you impact other people. Have awe for Shabas, which is how you impact God. And the three are really one. Because in the deepest sense, it would be like I'm saying, I'm going to eat something that my taste buds are going to like. Potato chips, black and white, donuts, right? But the rest of my body is going to suffer from it. So it doesn't make sense. It's not good for the taste buds either. If I get anxious, if I get depressed, if it's not good for my sugar level, if it's not good for my moods, if it's not good for my blood circulation, the fact that my taste buds like it doesn't make it beneficial. And therefore, as a result of that, taking care of myself means taking care of my entire body. I can eat pizza and cheesecake in the morning and I like it. But what likes it? My taste buds like it for six minutes and then the rest of the body for a few hours is in a bad mood. So, it's not a contradiction. You say, "Oh, you're going to sacrifice yourself because you want your blood circulation to be healthy." That's not called sacrifice. It's called being normal, centered. The same is true. Our body is part of a larger body. My body is not just my body. There's oxygen I take in from outside of my body. So, just like feeding my taste buds at the expense of the rest of my body doesn't mean I'm taking care of myself. It means I'm damaging myself. Feeding my own body at the expense of the larger body is also not helpful. And feeding the larger body at the expense of the ultimate truth of the soul of existence is also not going to be healthy. Let's say I feed my body but I abandon my soul. I couldn't care less about my soul, my emotions. It's not going to work. A healthy life means that all the parts are taken care of. What are the three major parts of life? Mommy, tati, and chabas. So in it begins from the source the cl to the prat in par's it begins from the individual once you realize to you so true self- nurture true taking care of my body of my existence it's not a contradiction to father and chabas on the contrary it begins with that and then it goes to father then it goes to shabas even though where hashem is revealing the ten commandments he does it in the order from top bottom the hierarchy of creation but here when a person understands how holy they are then self-care is not a crime. Self-care is a mitzvah because the true self is a channel for the divine light in this world. Have a beautiful and wonderful week. Next week, Tuesday, 9:30. Sure. Take your