Lag BaOmer: The Path To True Love - Rabbi YY Jacobson

okay there's one source she today it's double-sided today's class is dedicated by reim Abrahams our dear friend in honor of his dear parents RAB mosha and D Abrahams it's also dedicated by Norah Kagan in memory of her father re rville kogan thank you very very much we're going to learn today a medish a fascinating story in the medish and it's a story about The Great Sage whose of course yard site is and day of Celebration we celebrate this coming Sunday on the 33rd day of the the 18th of year is the Y what's known as the YULA literally means wedding anniversary because shash asked that the day of his passing should be celebrated and uh celebrated with great festivity and especially since this year the Jews won't be able to go to Iran due to the situation in the North of Israel with kbal and Lebanon so it's certainly very appropriate to learn the teachings of R especially in connection to his great joyous day so this is a story about it's a very astounding and perplexing story uh it's certainly extremely original and creative talk about thinking out of the box somebody once tell me that a son told him he says I don't want to he told his son think out of the box I don't want to think out of the box I want to think as though there's no box so this is one of those uh stories and you could look at it inside it's uh you see on top it says it's double side make sure you have the right side Med Al on the song of songs there's a med known as the first chapter on the words we're going to rejoice and celebrate with you in you literally in you the med tells the following Story another meaning of the words it's based on what we have learned if a couple is married for 10 years so this is a justification or an obligation or a justification for them to part ways in order to be able to have children said I want to tell you a story there was a woman means one woman who lived B she lived in a city in in the Holy Land called she was married 10 years and she did not give birth so the couple the wife and the husband came to the Great Sage rabish shim the son of Y now just for historical context lived in the first century and after the common the first and second century after the Common Era this was the century after the destruction of the bikes was the great student of RAB AKA who was killed by the Romans and too as we know was persecuted very heavily by the Romans he had to hide in a cave for 13 years with his son rabaza they were in a cave in order to protect themselves from the Roman a because there was a death of death there was a death sentence on him so he lived in one of the places not far from s and he ca was visited by this couple again married 10 years without children what did they want from they decided it's time to get divorced Aramaic means to release each other he would release her she would get divorc from him and they would both be free to pursue their lives and that way hopefully they could maybe still have children this is what happen so they come to who's one of the great or greatest Rabbi of the time to give the get to make sure to to arrange the get so that they can get divorced he says to them this is where the story gets interesting he says literally means means by your life which is a euphemism of I swear like you swear by your life you know people say I swear by my life I swear by your life by your life meaning by your life just as when you got married to each other when you started your Z when you started your relationship how did you get married there was a we meal there was a feast there was a wedding what happens at the wedding there was eating and there was drinking and there was feasting that's how you should get divorced from each other the divorce should replicate the wedding that's what he says mispar is the word Pisha when you're separating from each other only with food and feasting this was obviously a very novel instruction we know that a wedding we make a feast there a special in fact it's the greatest joy the joy of a so you eat and you drink and there's music and there's dancing and all the other beautiful things at a wedding but nobody ever heard that a get should be done with a celebration in fact it's known that there were even rabbis that the day that they would give a get they would fast they wouldn't eat there's no obligation not to eat but because it was a sad sad day in fact I grew up there was somebody in the community got divorced so he came to the wearing his shabas clothes wearing his big day was I guess a big said go home and put on your regular clothes and come back have to put on your shop is close but here rash gave a very counterintuitive instruction the divorce should look like the wedding okay second paragraph they followed his path they followed his instructions and they made for themselves a a holiday they didn't only have food and drinks it looks like they were people they were people of means so they arranged a means a huge party a huge feast a huge [Music] meal and she gave him to drink a little too much the wife gave her husband she inebriated him she INX more than his vessels can contain okay when he came back a little to himself he was very very high he was very very Tipsy but he came back a little to himself CU she gave him so much to drink at this meal he turns to his wife who's now becoming his ex-wife and says biy my daughter bi is like an expression like you know my daughter my love my friend look you know I'm a man of means look at any precious item that I have in the house and take it as you go to your father's home in other words there was this was a gesture obviously there's always an arrangement by divorce you know the the husband's obligations the wife's obligations but here in the midst of this of this Feast he says take the anything you see in this house you know if there's a $20 million rafhael or shagal or or D Vin you know take it home take it whatever you see call the most precious's object or item in this house is yours take it as you go to your father's home you go back to your parents okay this was his gesture to his soon be divorced wife what did she do you would expect her to find the most precious piece of jewelry or painting or Furniture in the house and take it why not right remember he had a lot to drink she gave him a lot to drink he fell asleep she intimated to her servants male servants or M and mate servants and said to them put him into a bed take him and bring the bed and him to the house of my parents fine that's what they did so now this guy ended up in his Fig's house literally in his mother-in-law's house father-in-law's middle of the night the meal may have started early afternoon so this was a long drinking party so I guess in middle of the night at some point he woke up the wine p means he sobered up from the wine the wine uh pug means um it it's effect was diluted he sees her he says b my daughter again B is an expression she was his wife but he just like was like a expression of affection you know my kid my child where am I I don't recognize this environment she says to you're in my dad D's house my father's home says why how did I end up here in the house of your parents what's my connection why am I sleeping here she says to him that's what you told me that's what you told me last night to do what does this mean so she explains you told me last night take any precious item in this house that belongs to me and bring it to your father's home there's nobody and nothing more precious in the world to me than you so therefore I took you home you said I should take whatever I want to my father's house I took you now they went back to remember he said just like when you got married make a party when you're getting divorced make a party so they were getting divorced so they made a party and this is what happens and now they went back to him he stood up for his and he prayed for them and they had a child that's the story and this is how the Mish explains the words we're going to celebrate with you and the med continues what does it mean with you they could celebrate a lot of different things so he says like we also say in by a similar expression this is the story about it's a fascinating story it's a beautiful story it's an emotional a moving Story the question is how do we understand the story to the best of our ability first of all what's this idea that before you get divorced you make a party you throw a party and comparing it to a wedding again a wedding two souls are coming together hopefully a so a great celebration says even in that when a husband and a wife get married a it's not a re it's not a union it's a reunion because the soul of a husband and a wife it says in zor two halves of one soul and before they were born they were inseparable best friends in heaven and then the two Souls come down and one soul is born into one house and one one family another Soul's born into another family when they come back together for marriage it's not a union it's a reunion it's like two friends that haven't seen each other best friends that haven't seeing each other 20 years 25 years 30 years whatever the number is and now they're reunited is a tremendous but what's this idea that pulls out at this moment that says you're getting divorced the same way like you're getting married number one question number two at the end what happens for them if he davens for them at the end what's the question he could have done that in the beginning they came they said we don't have children we want to get divorced so my husband could remarry she could remarry whatever they would do whatever their plans were for the future after 10 years and that's how the med brings in the whole story have said wait let me he doesn't do that he sends them to get to get make a party before the divorce later he starts daving those are the questions on this med so there's a beautiful really very very beautiful very moving discourse by the balat by the alter a called a set of called which means coures by the and over there one of them shorter ones he has an explanation on this medish number one number two the relevance to it the lesson for it in a person's life every story in t like we always speak about the fact every story in T and Med not just the story that happened as the zya says the word t means means lesson so everything in T is a lesson it's an instruction it's not just a book of laws it's a book of lessons the word to actually means like Mo like an instruction it's a manual for life it's a blueprint for navigating the roads of Life the journeys of life so every story even a story that happened in the medish with a couple if the fact that it's recorded in the mean Med it means that there's a lesson for it in life it's not just a beautiful story about and his greatness that of course too but it's also a lesson for life and so in this mind explains both when tells them to make a feast before they getting divorced is teaching something here he obviously didn't see this as just a divorce he saw it as the beginning of a second wedding of a second marriage they were married when couple gets married there's a big Mitzvah to make a sud that's the sud in fact you may know that in the times of the gamar there was a break there was a 12 Monon break between what was called aisin and was the where the husband betres a woman gives her a ring for example and says so now it happens all together but then there was a 12-month break after that she was still living in her house he was living in her house and they gave 12 months for him to prepare the wedding to get the jewelry he needs for her to prepare the house to appear the feast it took a long time 12 months they would prepare after the marriage huh was his [Laughter] job didn't no she was married if if she if they wanted to get divorce they needed to get but this was called AIS it was 12 months to later they cancelled it for for for very good reason because of everything that can happen in those 12 months so today we do everything under the so the first part of the does the a which is actual marriage we take a break and that's where they read the that's really a break and then the second half is what's known as the that was usually done the second part of the and then the whole meal after that and with the and the and all that that's belongs to what's called in Hebrew today they call AIS engagement but it's a mistake because AIS doesn't mean engagement AIS actually means full-fledged marriage but trro but they still were not living together so this was a very big Mitzvah to make a celebration here is again introducing this idea to make a celebration and a feast and that's why she gave him to drink why because obviously what was is we need a second wedding but they were married already they didn't need a second wedding so was saying oh you want to get divorced okay get divorced but during this divorce cere I want you to make a ceremony just like the wedding cuz what is he saying he's saying really this separation is going to be the beginning of a new relationship sometimes two people could be connected and they're connected on one level how does the connection graduate to a completely different level they already connected so what happens there's a separation there's a severing of the relationship so it could be a severing of the relationship was saying is what's going to happen here is it's going to be a severing of the first Rel relationship so that you can Usher in a new relationship almost like a second marriage right renewing your vows I mean it wasn't technically a second marriage because they didn't actually get divorced but symbolically it was like a new meal a new Feast for the second marriage that's happening after you let go of the first marriage which is symbolized by you getting divorced and this is true in relationships sometimes right a marriage reaches a certain space it may be civil it may be problematic it may be challenging and there's a lot of challenges that come up or a boredom or a monotony or even worse than that and it seems like it's about to break apart and here two things can happen one thing that can happen is it breaks apart another thing that can happen is the husband and the wife go into a much much deeper place they discuss and explore much more vulnerable Parts in the elves and they find the foundation for a much deeper and much more mature relationship and connection the says that uh 40 days before a person is created there's a Bas there's a voice that goes out in heaven Bas the daughter of so and so will marry the so and so 40 days before the fetus is created there a basle so the gor says over there but there's another view that says that a happens not based on a Bas but based on people's characters so which one is it is it based on a pre-ordained what we call Basher Basher means this is your soulmate already established or it's based on character so the says in track page two one is the first marriage or a second marriage first marriage is based on a BAS it's a pre-ordained voice in heaven the second marriage is Le based on character based on actions so one of the explanations in this a fascinating explanation is it could be even in one marriage sometimes one marriage has one marriage and has a second marriage a marriage itself and everybody I think knows this in their marriage a person a couple could be married 10 years 5 years huh what 10 years 5 years 15 years 20 years 25 years somebody once wrote I think I think I think I think Mark Twain wrote that you don't know your spouse until a quarter Century of being married and then you start thinking you know them so very often a marriage goes through a process and it may have been fine sometimes not but some it may have been fine but then something happens maybe there's a breakdown maybe there's a crisis maybe there's other stories that people deal with have to deal with in life and now it's time for a for a second marriage the second marriage can't anymore B be based on the fact fact that there was something in our soul that connected us to each other which is basically we both hear that Bas but now it has to be much more worked out you know when a 19-year-old marries a 23y old or whatever the age is you know it's like two startup companies it's easy to merge right but you take AOL try to make a merger with time word and everybody's in business for decades it's not so easy to merge you know if I'm a startup and you're a startup we're both broke we're both babies let's do it together right somebody once asked me I was lecturing they said why is it that in the Orthodox Jewish Community they get married so young you should have people more mature experienced go through life find out who they are what do these babies know about who an 18-year-old knows who she is a 23 year old knows who he is yeah I said it's true maybe you should wait till 95 you think that's what they should do I said okay not 95 but you got to wait a few years so I said it's the other way around two startups can do it once you have a company that's been in business for years they have their comfort zones they have their paradigms you could make mergers but it's just more complex it's much more challenging I already have my shtick you got your stick I have my idiosyncrasies you have your idiosyncrasies and it's already been established for many many years you can do it you can do it but it takes more inner work to be able to confront my habits and confront my my stuff and confront my is shoes so I said whenever it's I it's when if you can sometimes you can but if you can startups are easier to come together and invest and yeah both babies try to grow up together you just hope that both babies work together on Growing Up rather than one of the babies growing up and the the other one saying I'm going to choose to remain and take bubble baths and uh eat my mom's cookies till I'm 69 years old so very often in one marriage itself you have a zish and a z zish is a BAS zuk sheni WIS within the marriage itself when the couples actually connect not just because their inner soul knows that there is a connection which is more mystical and Transcendent but it's so worked out that in a very conscious way both of their personalities can Embrace and agree and celebrate enthusiastically that relationship fully so the Z and could be in one marriage itself and this is what rash is teaching sometimes it's the separation in this case they were ready to get divorced in other words they saw this marriage is not continuing because they wanted children so therefore they're about to separate rashbi looked at them and he understood what they need more than anything is they need a different type of marriage and here the balatan says something very profound rajb noticed that there's a blockage sometimes there are blockages in life now these are very very deep realities that very few can really notice and understand and certainly you know be so creative and how to solve it but he saw that there's a blockage in their relationship their relationship is not what it could be not what it's supposed to be not what it's meant to be and it's this blockage that's not allowing the flow of miracles to happen in their life sometimes there's a flow that's waiting but there may be a blockage in me there may be a blockage in my system in my psyche in our system and that blockage is like it blocks it literally blocks the flow it obstructs the flow so for ashb to pray the first time around he didn't feel it would be effective it's like the could rain and rain is amazing but if I didn't plow the Earth and I didn't plant any seeds nothing is going to grow it's what's called you have to make a k you have to make a vessel it's not that when I plant the seed and I plow the Earth and I make make sure it's good soil and there's sunlight and there's oxygen it's going to be a guarantee without water there's nothing we can do I need the water I need that hash I need that flow but I can create and cultivate the Earth that if there's rain and when there is rain it's going to be fertile something is going to happen we all know in life people can give you the best advice in life they're giving you brilliant brilliant ideas but I may not be ready to hear it right there's certain things I may have heard 10 years ago or 20 years ago as they say it w in from one ear it goes out from another year even if I retained It And I memorized it but sometimes you're just not there the Earth has not been plowed enough to be ready for the rain so it could rain and rain and rain and rain and it's amazing only one problem you didn't plant anything and even if you did the soil is not fertile so there's always a combination of getting the message but also being ready to get the message so rash could have prayed for them but there was a blockage in this relationship rajb knew we need to catapult this marriage that's a good word catapult this marriage to a different state of consciousness elevated to Unique Heights how do they do that how do you do that they're about to get divorced so rash said oh we're going to be making this into a second marriage of course he can't tell this to them because then he's going to ruin it you getting divorce treat it like a wedding make a bash and they did and of course she gives him a lot to drink and the story develops according to rash's vision of what can happen you see here very profound pedagogical and psychological Vision what this coupable is cap what this couple is capable of but they have to be shocked a little bit into that into that moment what happens here what really happens here they're getting divorced they're making a party why are they making a party told them and they're good beautiful Jews and says to do something you do it a child you don't have to ask and obviously you could see that it looked like he was a man of mean so it seems from the story there was nothing missing in drinking the fact that he says take any precious item in the house means there were precious items in the house if he was a poer and a beggar there's nothing to take what is she going to take an Old Rag an old shirt so they made a big suda at the big suda they're drinking at they drinking she make sure to give him a little extra why she knows as the says she wants to get some secrets in his openness being in inebriated he says something to his wife and he says we're getting divorced but we're friends aren't we this is not a divorce coming from animosity this is not a divorce coming because we don't like each other it's a divorce coming because of very difficult circumstances that there were no children and therefore we're getting divorced so at least take the most precious thing in this house and take it home with you a little little a small symbol of what I can do for you for all these 10 years that we were together that's from his side what's from her side she seizes the moment and what does she take home she takes home him what's her message here they're getting divorced what are you taking him home with you take home a painting what are you taking him home for and when he wakes up she says because you told me to take the most precious thing in the house there's nothing more precious what just happened a new dimension in the relationship emerged there's nothing more precious in my life and in the house more than you but one second you guys are about to get divorced because there were no children in the marriage this is where a deeper level in the connection comes out the deeper level in the connection comes out here is that there is a love that is not conditional it's not connected it has no strings attached she didn't have to meditate and comprehend and get advice from a therapist what to say what not to say when he was drunk he said the truth take the most precious thing and she right away knew at this moment when she was about to lose him what the most precious thing is why couldn't this come out a year ago a year ago they had each other right there's an expression in the navi remember what told tomorrow you'll be remembered because your seat will be absent sometimes it takes absence for us to remember something it's also true even if it's not physical it's emotional absence makes the heart grow fonder but it's also true on an emotional level sometimes when I have something and I have it in a specific way that's what I have I'm not open to experience it in a different way when I'm about to lose it and I actually say goodbye to it now I actually have an opportunity to reflect and rethink is it easy for me to get rid of this and now I can actually choose it sometimes I'm in a relationship and it just happens by life circumstances let's face it people are young their parents are involved sometimes other people are involved and they get married yeah it makes sense I I hear this a lot of people I get emails and people write this I didn't choose my marriage somebody else chose it so sometimes you have communities with is an arranged marriage but parents hopefully are responsible and really figure it out but it doesn't always work but sometimes you have place there's no arranged marriage but still did I really choose it what did I know did I know him did I know her do people even know themselves could we really know what happens when life gets a little tough do we know different factors that emerge sometimes people don't even know themselves do I still know who I am every day we try to get a little smarter and touch a little more of Who We Are are so very often we end up in a relationship which may be beautiful and of course by the time you realize it there's a family so what do you do but sometimes there could be a stuckness a stuckness it's not always comfortable to talk about but there could be a stuckness and people are just going with the flow here challenges them with something very profound he say can you actually imagine this moment of letting go of Separation because now you'll have an opportunity to choose and now you won't be able to blame your mother the shaten the rabbi the therapist the advisor you're going to have to blame yourself in a good way this is a privilege can you really choose it's 10 years later nobody's pressuring you in fact H logically you can all go separate and now you're going to have to make a choice but if you make a choice it's going to be a Choice you're not going to blame the bosal anymore you're going to blame yourself once you blame yourself it's not a blame it's accountability it's I'm in I'm not in 50% because this is life I'm in I'm fully in this is my choice this was the gift they were given if you're making now a choice it's a second wedding in fact in many ways it's more powerful than the first wedding the first wedding happened the second wedding you are choosing you're creating this is what happened he she chose him and when he woke up he says what am I doing here she said you told me to take what I want most I took you and you could see he didn't get upset he didn't like really now I'm in your mother's house what are you doing he wants to know what she's doing in her mother's house when they're supposed to get divorced but when she says it they go back to they understood that something very magical happened he says now your relationship graduated to the next level now I can pray for you now I can pray for you he prays for them they have children in many ways you could say the first marriage had a business component to it I know I'm being maybe a little dramatic it had a business component to it it's almost like two people go into a partnership for a business now this is not a business to make money it's a business it's a Bea it's a very holy business it's a business to build a family but there's a business component here component here there's a very practical utilitarian benefit there's a Mitzvah Vu it's the first Mitzvah in the tah it's the greatest Mitzvah it's the future for this we need to get married so we get married and in fact in fact one there his children usually there's so many headaches there's so much exhaustion for a few years you stop thinking and maybe that's the way it's supposed to be cuz if we start thinking too much about everything you know everybody is busy you're preoccupied somebody has to go to the doctor there's no dinner the cleaning lady didn't come look at this house and you're making a tomorrow night so now what are you going to start thinking if you even have 10 minutes to think you fall asleep that's it you can get another hour of sleep and in many ways in many ways there's a lot of advantages to that than people that sit and think for 30 years to figure out their life cuz when I think I think like a story that there was once a professor in college and he was teaching he was a biology Professor he was teaching his students how many muscles they have to move in order to pick up their leg and take a step and of course after the class nobody could move nobody could move do you know how many muscles do you know what's I can't do this how can I do this imagine before you digested your food you knew what you had to do what your body has to do to digest trust me nobody would digest thank God we know nothing our body knows everything we know nothing you know sometimes it's very true in life as well if I'm going to figure out everything I'm going to end up doing nothing because how can I figure it out so a lot of life is about jumping inam but being open the CH challenges when I become smug and complacent and arrogant I don't know how to digest I trust but if I think I become an expert then it becomes much more problematic so there's a lot of advantages in the fact that we go into life yes there's a lot of Na there's a lot of ignorance that's where tradition is so powerful right when you have a tradition time tested truths and values of thousands of years that have created a amazing families and have created amazing people and have created amazing communities and have passed on values that have brought life and love and Justice and goodness that's very very powerful but like in everything in life there's pitfalls we make mistakes we make errors and therefore there Comes This Moment that challenges them to enter into a different type of relationship and this relationship needs to be much more worked out you say but 10 years ago I didn't need it it's true I didn't need it but now now yes I need to choose and to choose I have to be in a completely different place I have to be completely drunk and sober he's drunk on love but he's sober in the fact that he can make make that choice so in every person's life we have this experience and this opportunity and sometimes sometimes it's tough in fact I would say that sometimes what's even happening is a marriage starts experiencing challenges and pitfalls and stumbling blocks and on one level it's because things are not working out so well on a deeper level is teaching us the soul of the wife and the husband are craving for a much more authentic relationship so sometimes when you see things happening and it could be sometimes things that are not gmak I don't have to elaborate on details everybody knows different lives experiencing these things in different ways it can be in a very practical level on an emotional level in a very deep way and sometimes in a very hurtful way where that loyalty or that Oneness is being challenged in profound ways so sometimes the marriage really is unfortunately broken that that happens sometimes and it's always sad it's always tragic we always try to save a marriage especially when there's children we do anything divorce is only something we do Last Resort but sometimes there's no you know there's no way forward but often we have to ask ourselves very deep as it possible that your soul is actually crying out for a deeper relationship and therefore therefore you're looking for a much deeper response from the other and what you're doing is triggering the deepest parts of the other person's soul that if we now with the right support and help and inner work and spiritual work and emotional work we can actually get married again but from a much much different place so says the fact that you guys want to get divorced I'm not it's not the end of the story it's the beginning of a new story I just want to say a story that I heard from a person who was there I was once walking in Brooklyn in Crown Heights I was visiting with my son and I met on Eastern Parkway a man he already passed away his name was RAB bamin k was one of the secretaries of the and I was walking in E par in middle of the day and I saw him so I said shom the I told him share with me a story so he shared with me something quite an intense story that he shared with me directly and he said that there was a couple that was living in ER they were living in benra or near benra and they were married for 10 years and they really loved each other it was a very nice couple and he was a yes man he was a was a serious learner at but after 10 years there were no children so he decided to get divorced so he should be able to do the Mitzvah first he went to consult this one and that one but in the community there's those who say you don't have to get divorced you're allowed to get divorced but there's those who say no you should and he came from such a community so that was the decision it was done with with a lot of heartbreak he consulted some people you know people in his community who he respected and uh it happened they got divorced they got divorced a few weeks later or like a month or two later they see she sees she's pregnant that was not expected 10 years they've been trying and nothing worked she's pregnant a problem he's C so you can imagine the Heartbreak after 10 years they got divorced not because they wanted to get divorced they liked each other but they finally got divorced he's a c he's not let him marry a gr so he went to authorities that he respected in his City to consult and uh one was a particular famous and respected person Shiva and everybody lifted up their hands in despar they're like what are we supposed to do there's nothing to do he went to somebody and that person suggested for such a thing you should go to the LA so was in the 1980s now he came from a community where there was a lot of opposition to the lab let's put it mildly Mak and opposition and very dismissiveness Etc so this was unheard of for him he said you're crazy crazy no way like like contrary to everything he was raised with so his friend says listen what do you have to lose here this is a mess this is a horrible situation the worst thing is he won't be able to help you nobody else is helping you but if there's somebody who can help you it's probably a m no I can't want his wife his ex-wife started the pressure and said what what what do you have to mix in other things try so begrudgingly he went to New York this very young kin told me and he when the would give would give dollars on Sunday he would give a dollar for and if somebody asked he would answer so this guy went online with a friend who went with him and uh he tells the Reb fter story so the Reb gives him and fast he says talk to your mother he goes out he says I told you this was worthless and meaningless I should talk to my mother I should talk to my mother how is that what my mother's going to make a Yeshua here my mother's going to like Einstein go back in time retroactively so we didn't give a divorce so the guy says what do you have to lose the Reb said talk to your mother talk to your mother say you don't my mother's an old woman she's already uh not completely here she's very sensitive she's frail she's weak I didn't tell her the whole story why should I break her heart and aggravate her so now I should go tell her the story what's going to happen what's the point I didn't tell my mother she's not she lives in New York so he says the re told you to speak to your mother he heard the story go speak to your mother so he again begrudgingly he went to speak to his mother he had to catch her in a moment of you know that she was more present cuz she was already older and she was struggling with her brain at times but he found her and he shares with her this devastating story she looks at him and she says the rebit told that to you when you came to him and told him what happened he said yeah he said you should speak to me yeah he said raen to the mama and you speak to the mother so she said I guess if the Reb knows I can reveal it and she looks at her son and she says there's a story I made an oath that I'm never going to say we adopted you from before birth we wanted to give you a beautiful childhood so we made an oath to each other that nobody is ever going to tell you the story but you're not a Cen my husband was a Cen you're not a Cen but we made an oath now she didn't know about this story he didn't want to aggravate her right maybe you're not a Cen and he remarried he remarried his wife RAB kin tells me on e park where he says I went to visit the oil of the laan Queens in monteur my Cent would go there every week to DAV there and he says I'm there and I see a young man a guy with with a with a child there a bu there at the Reb Tombstone so when we went out I said Shalom RAB K what's what where you from Ben what brings you here so he says this is theah this is the boy that was born after after we remarried so I came to say thank you to the rebba now I have my wife I have my child they had a second child afterwards this is what Rabbi Klein told me that day so now so what what happens what happens is so this is what we see in this story that after 10 years the miracle happens sometimes a person person has eyes and sees much much deeper sees what other people don't see that's eyes of a tadak in our own life it means that sometimes we're watching something and the situation is dismal there you're looking at it you're stuck you're stuck between what is it called a rock and a hard ball sorry a rock in a hard place and a and somebody throws a hard ball on you too so you stuck between a rack and a hard place with a hard B that goes into my nose this there's no way out like what what are you supposed to do make what were they supposed to do nobody nobody thought of I'm going I'm going to start telling you you're an adopted child you know you're Shak right somebody's going to tell me tomorrow I'm an adopted kid I know my mother okay thank you for the compliment that's funny but your son is a sadic your son is a sadic takes after his [Music] mother that I don't know I don't know I don't know it's a good question what did he do I don't know that's a good question I don't know if he got a head I I really don't know I don't know maybe he went up not to hurt his feelings and he didn't do I don't I I can't answer cuz I really don't know I didn't think of asking him the question it's complicated yeah now they did it out of Goodwill you understand they wanted to protect this kid he shouldn't have a stigma and he shouldn't be different than everybody in his class in Brooklyn and they try to protect him so sometimes you know it's a situation right you look what are we supposed to do like there's no way this can be soft but the truth is the truth is that sometimes there's a whole different From perspective a paradigm shift that you couldn't prepare for you couldn't prepare for I I once went into a bagel shop in Crown Heights there's a you over there his name is Mr shinberger so I was waiting I was buying some bagels for the house so as he was preparing it he tells me a story he tells me I'm laughing but it's a very powerful story it taught me so much he tells me he comes from a family in y a big family it's only the shinberger family it's an old his mother died suddenly from a stroke and she left like 11 kids she was very young you him this was right before sukus he's telling this to me about his own mother after sukus after they went to the cemetery to do was a very poor family didn't even own a car old family so they were waiting at the bus step in Y for the bus to come to take them to Har where she's buried for you have a father with 11 kids at the bus station he tells me an old man starts walking by with a stick and he sees all these kids at the bus stop and he says kids you didn't have enough trips on now you got to go on another trip why don't you go back to school it's already after suas fun is over and he walks further this shinberg tells me he says I was one of those kids and I realized how much people are clueless are clueless we were going to the of our mother who just died and he's like oh you want to take off school again so you can go on another trip it's already Suk is over the fun is over sometimes the ability to realize how I may be completely blocked so here it's obvious but sometimes it's not obvious the that says the story The says in V that Huger was sitting with yal and there was no water right and it hasem opened her eyes and she saw a well he opened her eyes and he saw well she created a well so the med says everyone is blind till God opens their eyes what the med is saying is the well could be right here but I could be blind and blind doesn't necessarily mean physically so I could be in a situation where my entire life I judge and I see from a certain perspective and I'm right and I investigate and I go to people and everybody says the same thing but then there's a whole different perspective that comes from a completely different world like there go talk to your mother the last person I want to talk to aggravate my mother that this is what's happening with her son who can't have children and got divorced and finally can't remarry like last person you want to talk to especially when she's so old and that was the beginning of Salvation And this is true in so many situations in life so here too as a couple is going through the these various trials and tribulations and as I said and I have to say that sometimes they're so severe and it doesn't seem that there's likelihood for rehabilitation and sometimes there's takat especially if somebody is not ready to do the work or or not ready to change or not ready to deal with their personality disorder trauma mental illness or whatever it is that they're dealing with but very often what rash says is no no no no this separation that you're experiencing is the Genesis of a deeper relationship both of your souls are crying out for real connection the connection the first 10 15 20 25 30 35 years didn't cut it it was good for them maybe and now your soul is like we need something much deeper how am I going to get something much deeper so maybe I have to throw a hard ball again and the hard bll shakes up this relationship shakes up this marriage and now suddenly it's like wow what do you really feel what do you really really really really feel at this point the husband and wife couldn't deal with camouflag feelings they were about to get divorced and sometimes you know I could be in we could be in a relationship and our feelings are more superficial it's like yeah we go through the routines you know there's a everybody is civil we do the right thing we have shabas and Yanke has an ear EG too so it's like you my emotions could be superficial even if if we're fine people but then there's certain moments where my emotions can't be superficial when there is such a serious crisis and breakdown my emotions come out what do you really care for what are your priorities what are you living for who are you who are you deep down a woman wants to know who are you and the husband wants to know who are you not who everybody else told us we are we know who everybody else told us we are who are you who are Who Am I who are you that happens here there was no fanf there was no drama at this moment the husband found out who his wife is when she slept in the middle of the night to his in-laws and she found out who he is when he said wow wow this is incredible rash B now had a different couple in front of him this was a different couple this was a different type of couple a different type of relationship who knows of that fellow too in benra if there wasn't some serious blockage because of different things in his own brain that then opened up and allowed this miracle to flow into his and wife's life I don't know cuz I'm not on that level of knowing that but who knows so now let's see how the balatan takes this and applies it to our lives individually as well true in relationship it's also true to each of Our Lives individually and here we're going to see inside if you turn over the page if you turn over the you know before you turn over the page let's learn aash and we'll see where got a little bit of an idea from the song of songs and Al connects these two in a very original way Song of Songs chapter 8 beautiful [Music] basically you see the Second Source chapter eight she looks at this person who she cherishes and she says wow if only I could be with you like a brother as if you had nursed from my mother's breast like my brother then I could kiss you when I meet you in the street and nobody would despise me you hear what she's saying basically the B explains this is two types of relationships relationship of siblings and a relationship of spouses M's explanation amazing explanation when a little brother and sister meet they can hug each other a brother and a sister meet even later they can hug each other and embrace each other and kiss each other a relationship between a husband and a wife is usually not that way the relationship and the affection is done in private so what is she saying I wish you were like my brother who nursed for my mother then even if I see you in the street I could kiss you and nobody will make fun of me why this difference so the says it's interesting The Sibling relationship begins in a revealed way they're both born from the same mother we know that we're connected it begins in a revealed way so it continues in a revealed way the relationship between a husband and a wife begins not in a revealed way they come from different families they may come from different countries they may come from different cultures they don't publicize to the whole world oh by the way we're going to go meet do you think we're connected it happens it has to develop it has to be cultivated and it's cultivated privacy because it's a very intimate Choice it's a very intimate experience so it remains hidden as well there's an element of it that remains hidden but here she's asking for something else she says I want to have the aspect of the brother in the relationship that even in the street I don't have to feel embarrassed and the B says that this is also a metaphor in our relationship with our soul sometimes we have moments of deep spiritual inspiration but we keep it to ourselves somebody else sees it I'm like I get very self-conscious you know Jew is daving in sh he wants to sing he wants to dance but everybody's going to think I'm a sugar I'm supposed to be a yaka I'm supposed to be an organized person RAB Adin steinel was once talking in the synagogue in Manhattan very big modern Orthodox synagogue and he was a little upset about how uh it was very uh rigid very rigid so he got up and he said you know the B once said everything in the world you can create while you're cold there's only one thing you can create with coldness and that's a child a child could only be created with passion he says it's a Pity that the B didn't live now cuz he would have known about artificial insemination so he could do it without passion so he's saying you created a Judaism of artificial insemination this was his challenge the point here is that this Jew is saying I don't know what I want to do it privately secretly I want to be able to be free I want my heart to be open the whole day I want to be able to kiss you in the street boys and no and I'm not embarrassed and then she continues she says you know what what happened I would take you I'll bring you to the house of my mother you're going to learn with me I would give you to drink from spiced wine for my pomegranate juice anybody here he drinks pomegranate juice it's healthy right right doctor says it's healthy this is the source you hear what this woman is asking for I wish you were my brother I could kiss you outside take me take you to my mother's house learn with you and then I would give you the best wine and the best pomegranate juice says took this PK seriously when he told them go make a party he's like this is what you guys need you guys need a celebrate each other you never celebrated each other you were like business partners you were good people you were good people but you were building a Enterprise together you weren't connecting to each other the deepest power of a relationship is that you connect to each other why not because you're building an Enterprise because you have each other then the child that's born from that relationship it's also different then that child experiences in his or her DNA the Bliss of being rather than Bec there's human being there's human becoming we're called human beings because being is the miracle being present you know so often I meet somebody what's next what's next what's next now my phone what about presence to be fully present in life is to celebrate what is here right now without the need to prepare for something else that's what a relationship is you know I could look into my child's eye and this this is it this is it we sit down to play a game there's no what's next what's next what's next it's the presence when says the world is recreated every moment a new so it means that all of life is happening right now not a moment ago not a moment later so who is the most important person you're ever going to meet it's the person you're speaking to right now what's the most important class I'm ever going to give in my life class I'm giving you right now no no bra she says no brainer like what's thees du you know the intelligent crowd you have here in the room you think you're going to find other intelligent more intelligent people maybe next week we don't know you mean we'll all be more intelligent next week what's the greatest place I'll ever be in the place I'm now in and what's the greatest moment I'll ever be in the moment that is here that's what it means the world is created now so all the energy is here right now tomorrow's energy is a different energy I don't want to hijack it but that comes only from celebration of being with the relationship is not for something else the relationship is you for being you this means I have to be able to open up myself to that space in my soul which seeks that level of Oneness which is comfortable with that level of Oneness that's where real being is that's where I'm part of the Rhythm where my heart resonates the vibrations the Divine vibrations of this moment when sings I am a harp for your Melodies and it went into the famous song it means my soul is a harp for all your Melody so right now it's hearing that music That's The Power of a relationship where the relationship itself is everything and that's what she says I don't want anything else I want you but one second we have a major crisis we have all these things in our life that it's not working we don't have children For Heaven's Sake what does that mean about our marriage and at that moment they reached a different place of Consciousness and that is if the relationship is about the relationship itself so we have something perfect going on this doesn't mean there's no challenges in life this doesn't mean there's no trials in life but it means that there's something that's Irreplaceable there's something that's priceless there's something that's Divine and that is I have you and you have me read this p and that's what he had them do she actually fulfilled this she wasn't embarrassed anymore she slept him to his mother's house she gave him the wine she gave him the pomegranate juice he got drunk and finally his true love came out he wasn't anymore a calculated man who had to be intellectual and detached his emotions could come out says Ah this is a couple now we could pray now there could be a flow so now let's see how this app in every person's life not only with biological children also with spiritual children because children exist on two levels there's biological children the but as the says As We Know many throughout history have not been blessed with children the re guaranteed that this couple should have a child but he himself never had children many other great people didn't have children in fact if you look at some of great Giants who rebuild the Jewish world after the Holocaust it's quite an intense Revelation that they didn't have children in in different communities for example the right I know the he had a daughter but she passed away in his lifetime and he passed away without children in the world he passed away in 54 53 also passed away without children in the lit grenki was the ra VNA I believe he had one daughter who passed away before he passed who died before him he passed away in 1940 the BB Aon of bells he lost his children in the Holocaust he remarried but he never had child children he had a nephew the Bel today is a nephew his brother's half brother had remarried and had a child the same is to the B is the G the GBA also also remarried but didn't have children after the Holocaust he lost his children and then remarried it's it's it's it's it's it's it's quite it's quite uh it's quite intense when you think about the same with the never had children so these are people Souls that were that were designated by Hashem to rebuild the Jewish world after the Holocaust and they became fathers and mothers to thousands and thousands of millions of Jews they themselves were not blessed with biological children so the gamar says told us we don't know why of course it's just a very very powerful reflection so everybody has a child the question is what type of child this physical children that we create which is of course the greatest and Priceless gift may they be healthy and well they should all have a lot of from them but we're always creating spiritual children spiritual children is the way we impact ourselves and our environment and the world around us and students and disciples and people and it's The Good Deeds that we plant in the world the those are children and they're real children because they take seed and they reverberate for generations and they reverberate for eternity emotions in T and in and are called children because every every emotion is a child there's no emotion that is not born from awareness and that's why it says that andina is a father and a mother and mid are called children just like a child needs a father and a mother every em has apparent there's no emotion that is not preceded by awareness we don't always realize that CU When I'm having an intense emotion it's just how I feel it's not just how I feel there's an awareness that is giving birth to this emotion any emotion that there is whether it's a positive one one of closeness or one of distance whether it's AA or love or a there's an awareness behind it or to put it very simply it's never what you say that triggers me it's what I heard heard you say that triggers me you understand what I'm saying you could tell me something you could say the same thing to somebody else he didn't get triggered I did why it's not the words you said it's what I heard you say what I heard you say was based on how I think about myself and how I think about life yes yes exactly yeah it's how I think about you it's based on my belief system it's based on my paradigms it's based on my coping mechanism so suddenly you said something and what I just heard is there's a lion about to attack me the other person is oh that was cute really that was a lion or that was cute oh lions are cute cubby Cubs are cute not Lions the answer is I have more control than I think I have control in the sense that I take responsibility for my reactions because they're based on me now I may not be able to change it immediately but that awareness is already a very price awareness that's the avoid of self- awareness so a and love and a and all emotions are children just like children children develop children grow up in a certain environment children can be educated children need to be respected children need to be disciplined children most importantly need to be loved and embraced emotions are exactly the same way they're like children they don't grow up in a vacuum they have fathers and mothers we need to respect them but we also need to know their limits we need to know that they're children but we need to know they're coming from somewhere that's what it means emotions are children so when this couple comes to say we don't have we don't have children th says it's also the Jew coming and saying I don't have emotions so now let's see his point here we'll see it inside turn over your page this the bat said something a meaning an auspicious experience to be able to find to be able to have birth in serving giving birth to a son and a daughter is all and love a and those are the two basic emotions love is closeness and is respect or reverence distance boundaries those are the two basic emotions of closeness and distance an emotion I want to be close to you and I have an emotion I want to keep away both can be very positive both can be very negative sometimes there are the love that's distra that's disastrous sometimes there's a that is actually very beautiful I need my boundaries I need respect sometimes this year where I'm afraid of you I'm anxious that's a different type of year so generally in a we have a and we have that sense of closeness and that sense of a and reverence and respect am am is fear fear is usually fear but it's better to translate it as awe or reverence or respect a person who may be serving God he's doing good things but there's no emotion there's no ecstasy he has it potentially it's all there dormant we need advice we need advice was talking apparently to somebody here who struggled with this he's now paraphrasing him very briefly the story somebody came to didn't have children told just like when you got married you did it with joy now the opposite of divorce should be with joy and make a feast and he did it the joy he told his wife he told her take the most precious item in this house and go home to your parents in peace what did she do she brought wine she got him very inebriated until he fell asleep on his bed she brought him to her house he finishes the story when he woke up he saw that he's not in his house and he says to her what did you do to [Music] me what did you do so she said you told me to take the most precious item and there's nothing more precious than you and because of that they can have children this story is also a mush when he says it's a mush he doesn't mean it didn't happen he means it's also a metaphor it's not just a story it's also a lesson in life in a Jew through his or her actions whether it's actions of giving helping charity or any Mitzvah with joy it creates by there's a relationship there's a relationship think in a marriage or best friends when one a husband or a wife is connecting to the other person and the other person feels the joy in the connection how they're looking forward to it what does it do to the other person it triggers a tremendous amount of enthral of of of of ecstasy of of passion when you see how someone is interested and enthusiastic and celebrates the relationship it touches the other person's heart in such a profound way with gratitude with Sim with joy so the balat says the same is true with us in hasem when a Jew serves B don't just think it's your thing it's not it reverberates in the entire Cosmos in himself it reverberate it's like he becomes so he becomes this is the meaning of that verse in the Song of Songs She says I wish I can bring you to my house I want to give you to drink from spiced wine May assist REM him from pomegranate juice what does this mean why do I want to give God a drink from spiced wine and from pomegranate juice listen what he says every Jew is filled with Mitzvah with goodness like a pomegranate with seeds a pomegranate you open it up and it's filled with seeds the Mal even says that some pomegranates have 613 seeds in Yeshiva I had a friend I guess he was a little bored so he decided to count so he would sit a whole day with pomegranates and count today you could buy pomegranate seeds in the store but then you didn't so it was a real Ava he sat and he count didn't count I still don't remember the number he came up with so he says every Jew is filled with mitus like a pomeg you're filled with goodness like a pomegranate now you know between the pomegranates you have those yellow membranes they can be a little bitter you don't want to get them in your system we've tried when we want to extract the seeds and not work hard enough but every Jew is filled with pomegranate seeds and the inner core is beautiful it's delicious that's the pomegranate juice the liquid the juice in the pomegranate is the most delicious part of the pomegranate that's why it's healthy that's why it's nutritious it also has a tarty delicious spice to it so when you say a Jew is mitz kimon it means that inside the Ron there is delicious seeds and inside the seeds there's extraordinary delicious juice inside every Jew there's pus and there's the juice in the Jew the pus it's delicious sometimes though I have to extract it you have to take out the seeds it's an AV you have to excavate it you have to dig it out you have to remove it from all the membranes and all the shells so this is what I want to give hasem this wine I want to give him as we'll soon see wine reveal Secrets when people drink wine Secrets come out again it's the pus it's the secret of the this is a metaphor I want to give you my wine I want to give you my pomegranate juice I want to give you my pus that's what a person wants when the wife tells this to the husband this brings the husband all the way down all the way back to the relationship it's like wow this is who you are right the image we show the water the water shows back to us us so the balat says this is how we bring Hashem completely down when the Jew says I'm giving you pomegranate juice I'm giving you wine just like she gave her husband to drink and that drink that she gives him ignited a deeper level in the relationship here too when the Jew reveals this type of the relationship you're the most precious thing to me in the world that brings the relationship into a new level where they reconnect in the most powerful way but when the Jew says in 73s who do I have in heaven and with you I desire nothing on Earth so the B says as follows Hashem created for Isel the higher level of ganen which is called Gan aen the Garden of Eden it's called that's what we mean by heaven there's the G and G there's the higher G Heavenly G and Earthly G Paradise so is talking about the higher Paradise ER is talking about the lower paradise and here says who do I have in heaven and with you I want nothing on Earth that means the Jew is saying even ganen he has no desire outside of him not not even and with you I don't want anything what does it mean with you anything that's with you but it's not you anything that's not oness I don't want you are the most precious item and this is the greatest gift from hem to us we say in daving we say in so usually the world Tes you have given us hasem our God you have given us holidays you have given us says there a deeper interpretation you gave us you know what you gave us the deepest gift you gave us is you gave us you what did you give us that's what you gave us you gave me you there's nothing more precious in the [Music] world and with you I desire nothing on earth when I'm in a state of erot what do I want what is he saying here what we spoke about a marriage is a reflection of our Rel relationship with Hashem a relationship can also be like a business transaction just like it's in a marriage also true with Hashem what does it mean a business transaction relationship it could be a very beautiful business transaction I want benefits I want benefits like this couple they wanted to build a family this is why we're with each other their connection with each other was not there with Hashem also I want get I want alaz this world I want I want the next World what's wrong person wants Alaba we talk a lot about person doing things in this world for alab the tragedy is or the the the blockage here is I'm not really in touch with what it means to be in a relationship in other words I'm not in touch with the depth of my soul in the deepest part of the Soul if we remove all the layers what does the soul really really want it's not looking for a business transaction in the soul in its core says I want you more than anything I want you there's nothing more precious in the world than you what do you mean there's Heaven there's this Earth even if not even what are these this is my experience of a benefit that I'm going to get what was helping this couple realizes you have each other and that each other is more precious than anything else when the soul in its deepest core it wants and yearns and craves one thing and that is what he says oness complete vacas without any agenda not even a spiritual agenda it's not that I should reach a level and I should reach Perfection and I should reach light and I should get this that's all a compromised diluted version of reality and it's not touching my deepest deepest space in my deepest space I want you I want you and just like in a couple when they got this their relationship was different what do you mean but they didn't have kids there was a big issue here that's why they were getting divorced in our own marriage es what does our relationship look like what if there's all these challenges and struggles we want to heal this and we want to get rid of this and we want to fix this and we want to fix that but nothing challenges this truth if we realize the most powerful thing we have here is the presence of the other so even in the midst of all obstacles and even in the midst of challenges that retains its power and its momentum because it touches Us in the deepest way it actually gives people the courage and the power to be able to deal with any curve ball that comes that way and it gives a joy and a fulfillment even in the presence of something chaotic of something difficult of something challenging but there's something that's deeper than everything because the relationship is not just based on a utilitarian will be here and therefore we're going to get this and this benefit it's a completely different way of looking at it it's the relationship itself is its most powerful powerful experience more powerful than anything else it's being present to the flow of life right now without any agendas you say what this is very idealistic it's not very idealistic it's really being in touch with your soul when I'm really in touch with my soul my soul is a channel for the Divine music right now and it's always about this moment in this experience of being together right here in this experience a I don't have anything better in the world than this often I'm already stuck in paradigms and expectations and I'm building relationships to fix those expectations to change those things to to uh repair things here it's the opposite can I go into a place of full relationship and then any miracle that has to happen will be able to happen because you're in the flow you're in the zone but it's without any agenda suddenly the husband and wife said oh we have each other wow wow wow wow wow wow incredible now he said now I could D for you now I could D for you it's also true in our relationship with God no life is perfect so my relationship with okay Hashem I'm going to D but but I need to get this telephone call but my daughter my son me my what's wrong I'm makinging deals I'm in a business relationship it's not about wrong or right it's if I'm actually alive or I'm blocked in the real relationship the greatest gift is the greatest gift is not Shay not erit it's you that's what the woman tells the husband you said I should take the most precious thing I don't have anything else that's more precious the most precious thing is I have you [Music] and therefore I'm completely free the most important precious thing in the world I have right now right here under any situation you say yeah but this is bothering me and I would have liked to see this with my son and this with my daughter and this with me and this with my wife and this with my sister and this with my brother-in-law and this with my mother and this with my business and this with my house and this with this everybody from delay I understand but my soul the deepest thing it wants and needs ISO I want you that's really really what the soul wants when I have that I have everything and now I show up to life the way I need to show up I don't become a passive Couch Potato but I show up with the deepest celebration this couple they had each other that's that was absolute no strings attached it's a whole different relationship now they had a new marriage this is what rash is teaching and that's why it's interesting that brought out such a it's interesting in Israel the second most visited places after the kisun and I think the biggest physical Gathering of Jews usually happens like B like a half a million or more than a half a million but the day that he passed away the fires and Sim and dancing what is it about obviously Raj brought something into the world that aroused a new spirit and this was really the power of the inner core of the of that doesn't celebrate the transactions we have between us and God it celebrates the presence the relationship itself happening right now right here at this moment in every place and every time like I said the person I'm talking to is the most important person the moment I'm in is the most important moment when I'm looking for something there's always a more important moment tomorrow the action happens next year in 10 years when I graduate when I retire when I make money when I buy the house when I sell the house when the nest is free empty when the nest is full again with the UR 8: [Music] but in this space it's it's it's right now just like in a marriage it's right here right now so I want to give him this wine I want to give him this pomegranate juice and it creates such a Sim in the other as well there's nothing like a husband and wife feeling from the other person that the most important place that they can be in is in this place right now with their spouse the most important time is the moment they have their spouse the most important experience is the experience they're having right now the most important person is this person and that the celebration of being with the other Reigns Supreme and triumphs every other piece of Celebration every other celebration I wanted to say piece of jewelry but I don't know if I should say that then if this happens the jewelry will come already just like the kids will come we're not worried when a when a when a spouse feels that genuinely there's nothing that opens up the heart that way but it's hard cuz we're insecure we have to protect ourselves I don't want to be so vulnerable children have this they're so vulnerable and they're so open and then we get a stab and then we close up and our relationships we're also closed up it's very hard for us to celebrate this type of a marriage cuz we're so we don't want to be hurt this is a very vulnerable place to be in to be in this place there has to be full trust if I open myself up to somebody and I'm getting anything less than 100% reciprocity it's very very hurtful it's like what do I need it for let me just be sheltered let me put my heart in jail and I'll I'll approach you from a very limited point of view this is real real trust when talks about this this is real trust I'm fully here fully present no obstructions no limitations the heart is completely open the that creates inem from my pomegranate juice and my wine he says is incredible that brings down the relationship in an incredible way this is the feeling of me even ganen doesn't cut it not that we have anything against ganaden but ganaden can also be a place where I get stuck I'm stuck in a spiritual ego where I want to milk you for your spirituality nice it's better than potato chips but I'm still stuck in the real relationship it's I have you I'm not interested in your Paradise I'm interested in something much deeper the real Paradise is I don't need need Paradise I need you I want you so he finishes now he says when a person reaches this space and I'm really free from anything else now transformation happens on all levels the most concealed worlds can become revealed because all the blockages open up when I have this type of openness the most concealed Parts can come out this creates children spiritually this is how my emotions open up the emotions are there everyone has these children everyone has the love in awe but as we said it could be hidden it can be potentiality but when a person opens themselves up to this type of the relationship now the emotions flow freely they come out fully and then from the spiritual physically there's also children this is where the soul reaches its ultimate truth where I desire nothing in the world not with soul not with body only his will is my will and it's all one so it looks like a person is giving up everything really they're gaining a relationship with their truest Soul cuz deep down the soul everything is one when my soul is in touch with its own core it wants one thing to experience and be one with the with the Oneness with that's what the soul is that's what it really is soul is not narcissistic it's not self-centered it's not even spiritually self-centered the soul is a it's a derivative of pure infinite Consciousness so when the soul has that the soul is in one that's what it really wants so you say yeah but I want this I want this I want this I want all of this when I don't know what I really really want what I really really want is to be one with you I want only you everything else I want is a manifestation to be able to fulfill that when that opens up then there's no blockages when there's no blockages things open up all the flow can happen and he finishes the last word this will be enough for somebody who understands this will be enough for somebody who D this will be enough for somebody who understands Al May it's a term from Z from the concealed World from the world that is concealed we also need to be grateful this week for the great miracle that we saw that a hamon harha of our time just like hamon was second in command to aashish Ibraham RI the president of Iran was second command to the aatala toi and this man known as The Butcher of Iran murdered more than 30,000 people in Iran probably much more and just 5 weeks ago sent more than 300 drones missiles Rockets into Israel five weeks ago with the intention of murdering countless Jews 99 of them 99% of them were percepted out were received and percepted outside of the airspace of Israel which was an incredible incredible miracle and not one person person was killed one bwin girl was unfortunately hurt this was a grand miracle and five weeks later this butcher who also funded the whole Kamas atrocity of October 7th and really a h rash of our time died was killed in a helicopter crash with his foreign minister and as the P says in M when the wicked perish it's a time of Celebration K as as in her famous song after she defeated SRA says all your enemies all the enemies of goodness and love and kindness and decency and humanness to their own people even should perish this way but it's important to be grateful because nobody could have expected that the president of Iran should be killed in a helicopter crash with his foreign minister suddenly just a few weeks after he planned this massive Massive Attack on the Jewish people and after months of trying to instigate a war against Israel and the Jewish people it also shows you how a miracle can happen like this nobody expected it Israel didn't do it Israel didn't plan it Israel wasn't behind it the Mad was not on the airplane they didn't plant B on the airplane this is a pure divine intervention and a miracle to remove from our planet this Russia marusia and for this we have to be grateful because the Jewish people are one lamb between 70 wolves literally throughout all of our history and the fact that we're here is not according to Nature it's completely miraculous and then every so often we see these moments of an incredible incredible Revelation that is really very very inspiring it may the day of who ignited this fire in the Jewish people bring only infinite blessings to our brothers and sisters in Israel to all the hostages to all the soldiers to all the families of the slain and all of the wounded and to all of the Jewish people and may we be able to uh remove all the blockages and experience true Oneness and Bliss for eternity and see the have a beautiful week a pleasure to see you shedding light on the fact that my husband's been in a wheelchair for for two years un believeable wow everything you said I totally connect yeah it shifted our relationship wow unbelievable you'll send him my love yeah I will please tell him that we miss him we both listen to Monday and he and he even wrote a comment yeah he did tell him I saw his comment and I see his other comments regards and a we have a new attendant today so devoted that her husband actually came and sat in the back W over I I don't know we met OU few years ago uh Inspire yeah RI and my CH she comes this year here's the devoted husband obviously they have no black we just got married just got they obviously are very connected we got very okay she have a beautiful marriage and a lot of success oh beautiful perfect Che you didn't even know it you see that wow mazeltov wow a new marriage okay from strength to strength and thank you so much for coming thank you okay I hope it doesn't take away from the attention that you want I'm I don't want him to get jealous it only helps so you came from California yeah from beautiful send my regards to Rabbi and Reb and and Rabbi and T and all of the other over there okay I will thank you so very beautiful Irvine and Ma again thank you thank you thank you I'm just a channel I'm just a channel I just tried a channel yes I have two questions I don't know if you can yeah go ahead go ahead one of them what do you mean by I want you that's one and the second one is what if like you're in a relationship with a narcissist if your relationship with a narcissist it's very very hard oh okay so sometimes God feels like I feel like God's a niss you feel like God yeah I hear you I understand we need a heal we all need a heal I'm working on it for years yeah no narcissism is a very serious disease yeah so don't don't be involved well if there's room for growth and accountability then good things can happen if there's absolutely no you need a support system right what sometimes people with narcissism if they take responsibility and they're ready to go for healing there could be tremendous healing but it's hard it's very hard and if they don't take responsibility it could be a A geham in the house so it's very important to have a support system in place you understand what I'm saying yeah very often narcissistic people we have here a therapist so maybe she'll shed light but very often narcissistic people uh are completely unaware of how narcissistic they are and part of it could be not always but it could be that in childhood their developmental trauma was so profound that there was no self ever developed and for them to survive they can't allow anybody to exist because there's always a sense of danger if I'm not at the center of attention 24/7 I'm not safe the the world is the most dangerous place so they'll feed off everybody and everything they always need to be in the center they sometimes do it in very brilliant ways at the core of it may be incredible fear incredible beyond what they know their mind is in is so Frozen they call it they call it dorsal that their mind is so Frozen that they don't even know what's happening they're angry they're obnoxious they're selfish and they don't even realize like but they're ass huh this is they have a soul but they don't have access to it so if they can begin a process of discovery and they need a lot of support for this and they need good healing for this today there's a lot of healing methods to be able to uncover stuff then there could be tremendous growth but if it's a person who's a narcissist that everyone else is guilty and they're completely not willing to do any form of healing it's very very difficult it's very challenging it's horrible it is yeah yeah unfortunately I know about narcissism a lot me too L of thank you for coming nice to have you about RAB Shima today and the whole share was about him he made a discovery that the 33rd of the which is the second p and second parent Rashi wow names yeah shim yeah yeah in par Bahar no oh about yeah yeah so the 33rd rash quotes very nice so you spoke about beautiful beautiful thank you above thank you thank you I said this is the best sheer we'll ever have for the moment for the moment even not for the moment I got your email okay I'm looking into it I'm not I saying I'm just studying it to see okay so give me a moment yeah what would you for someone who doesn't feel connection the connection to Hashem begins with feeling a connection to ourselves does this person feel a connection to themselves yeah very often feeling a connection to hasm means feeling a connection to life I was with somebody a few days ago and they were telling me how much they love Hashem so I asked this person what do you mean when you say you love Hashem the person said I mean that I love life I just love life and I'm a channel for life and every breath is channeling Divine life hashem's life and I just love it it's such a gift so basically what this person was saying and I think very truthfully love Hashem is not just this abstract thing you know I love some Angel living in heaven loving Hashem really means loving the beat of life it's loving the breath of life it's loving the Rhythm of life that comes through us every single moment it's being open to it now it's hard because if I'm afraid or I'm anxious or I'm overwhelmed with stress or I'm angry or I'm upset about so many different things I don't love life I'm just trying to survive right so it's really a process the same yeah we we we can have this both at the same time yeah cuz we have different parts in US my animal Soul could be very scared and very overwhelmed my divine soul is very regulated and very in touch so there's a part of me that can really love life and breathe that love and there's a part of me that's saying no but you have to do this but you have to go to the airport but uh the taxi won't come uh you have to move out of the house what are you doing for the summer I don't even have a ticket oh so so the love brings to connect now so the love is so now I want to live in a way that I'm going to connect to that life to that source of life so every Mitzvah is a connection every daving is a connection learning is a connection so you diving in your own language you diving in English you D in your own words you pray your own words you celebrate life you can write a poem you could sing a song you can ask for what you want to ask for also friendship is a way of connecting so speak to yourself and speak to friends remember every person is in the image of Hashem so when we speak to the image of God in another person we're speaking to Hashem and also Hashem is in you also so when you speak to yourself you're also speaking to Hashem you understand what I'm saying Hashem is not just some creature there that we talk to it's also you you get it huh what this talk to yourself I want to was