Likkutei Torah Atem Nitzavim #2: The Unshakeable Love of David and Jonathan

[Music] Oh yeah. No, no, no. [Music] Grab [Music] baba. Oh boy. Yeah, my boy. Yeah, my boy. Oh, no. No. No. [Music] Yeah. Oh, you know, [Music] you know. Hey, [Music] just going to Got a safe. Oh, you know [Music] Okay, good morning everybody. Welcome. We began yesterday a new which is the first mime of the alterb on par. Today is you may know that today is the birthday of the and of the used to call it on Wednesday there's the there was the says Hashem hung up the he put into the world the two great luminaries so the calledum the birthday of the two great luminaries is the BMP and the bal was born on the 18th of Elnasim. That's 5,558 in the secular calendar at 1698. And the alterba was born 47 years later when the bos was 47 which was the yearn which would be 5,000 I'm sorry I said the bump was 55 was 5458b was 55 right 55105 which would be 1745 tk Kuf would be 1745, 1698 and 1745 also on Kayell is also the yard site of the altered the Maral of Prague. He was the seventh generation of the Maral Benaben and uh the Maral's yard site is so he would say today. So good everybody and since that my birthday is mazal the masle of the person the spiritual energy of the person is is very powerful in the world. So the light of the and the light of the alterb whose we're to learn here should illuminate all of us and especially as the once said you should be able to get in touch with the that's inside of you and the that's inside of you. Yeah. Okay. So uh we did the first pedic of the mimer and we'll continue pedic bay of the mimer a today's class is dedicated by a very dear friend by Mitchell Garbo in honor of yours truly and the yeshiva.net team whose Torah continues to illuminate and heal the world. Thank you very much for your friendship and partnership and dedication and love and for being an ambassador of of light and love and hope and healing and redemptive consciousness and thank you. It means a lot. Huh. Okay. So the the the main theme of yesterday's class of the first chapter of was that it says in zoim refers to the shashana. So is also a it's a hint even though it's not the literal interpretation of the words and um the idea is that on that day all of the all the every single soul every spark of every soul comes back to its source it's elevated back in its source and that includes every single one and therefore he includes all the 10 categories in the Jewish people from all the way down Just like in every personal soul, every individual soul there's 10 dimensions in the there's also 10 and they all come together and that's what he explained at length that this is the principle the main principle in is that no the beginning is etched in the end the end is etched in the beginning because essentially you're dealing with a reality that is rooted in complete oneness where there's no there's no absolute higher hierarchy of higher and lower and head and leg because in one element you're the head and in another element the leg becomes the head just like the head needs the leg the leg needs the head and there is an interconnectivity and interdependence and therefore they may have different functions and there may be a functional hierarchy but essentially you're connected with what he calls of where there's no and every person has mileus and unique qualities that the other person needs and if I do not see that he says says if I start thinking I'm just I'm just the leader and everybody else is under me and that's essentially how I'm looking at it. What the person as he puts it then the person is he's fallen into the he been hijacked by the reality of fragmentation which represents unholiness. This was the main the main theme that we discussed at length and he says we call chuva. with it's a time that the souls return back to their source and that's Hashem becomes a melash when does what does that mean he becomes a mel the heads of the nation the heads represents the head what's in the head what's in the head the thoughts of all the nation instead of being in where they're fragmented they become a where they can become a conduit for God's unity because the only way we can become a conduit for Hashem's unity is when there is that sense of oneness with and ultimately are all part of one. And when we go in from where everybody's thoughts are go in different directions to where there is a oneness that is which creates and as he says in the last line in parenthesis it's a word we usually translate as here here but in Hebrew The word schma also means gathered. It says sha gathered the nation. Right? And the truth is that's really what schma means. My thoughts can be all over the place. And means tune in. Can you bring your thoughts to this place? Can you come into a place of coherence? That's what real listening is. If I'm listening with one one ear and the other ear is doing something else and then I'm busy, it's not listening. Listening is >> so over there it's also listen but means gather doesn't mean he listen it gather the people to war against the malik there is also kind of >> yeah so that's really the idea that is a time of come together bring all the pieces together from tous where I don't have to remain isolated in my ego to protect myself in defend myself but can let go to experience the larger vision of unity where there is coherence and there could be true co-regulation because we're not he finishes this chapter of this is in a general way in other words in a what do we mean generally in a general way every comes has the potential it's it's invited and on some level it comes back to its source and over there everything becomes one because it's but then there's not negating the cl it's specifics like clalop cl is the general vision and then there's the the granular specification of this experience more specifically the way of specifics How do we reach this path of unity? And what really is? He said is returning to the source. What does that look like? And the third question is why? So this is all going to break down the general principles that he spoke about. And that's just a general cloud, pun intended, that whenever the cloud doesn't go to, it can remain very lofty. It could remain just abstract. It's nice. It's maybe at certain moments a person can experience it or feel it. But when you bring it down that it's integrated into the granular experiences of a person's daily life. So these are the three things. So for this the continues afterwards. In other words, when you look at pious in the beginning, first he says, "You're all standing in front of Hashem." And he goes through a list of 10 categories like we discussed yesterday, all of the levels of Jews, so to speak, from head to toe, from top to bottom, which really it's not considered top and bottom because on one level you're the top and on one level the bottom is the top. Like he said about feet, feet are under the head. Obviously, they're the lowest part of the body. But if the head wants to go anywhere, he has to communicate with his feet. If he doesn't communicate with his feet, he says, "Who are you? I don't know you." Then the feet say, "Okay, no problem. We're going to stay here for the mala for a few years." Huh? >> Yeah. So the feet carry the head. N not only that, the feet hold up the head and the entire body. They are like the foundation, the structure. And as he's brought in heal in healing, there's no such thing by letting blood in the feet or in the legs it helps that because there's a cohesive organism. But after he he he concludes he includes all the categories says what's the purpose? The purpose is in the third of which literally means to pass through. He's going to explain that means to take you through right to take you through into the covenant. the connection with the oath which he's making with you today because he wants to make you today his people and that's the bris he wants to make you his people and he will be yourim as he promised you and as he swore to and then he adds it's not only with you it's all those who are here today and all those who are not here today it's an oath with everybody says this is What's for example? For example, when you have two friends, two beloved, two beloved people, they really cherish each other. Means they're filled with a they're filled with affection and they make a bris what's called Chris's briss. They cut a covenant or they enter into a covenant. What's the bris? The brris is like we call it brrisam. We're making like a a bond, right? And what is it? A covenant that their love should not be interrupted. He said, "What does this mean? What's the idea of making? If I like you, I like you. And if I don't like you, what is it going to help that tw 10 years ago, I decided I'm going to like you?" Right? In English, they have an expression. It's called falling in love. You fall in love and you fall out of love. Don't fall in love, climb in love. Don't fall in love, climb in love. What do you want to say? >> So, we know how that works. >> Yeah. It's an interesting thing. What? Make what? What's this bris? What's this bris? If it's going great, you don't need a briss. If we get along, we get along. If we don't get along, we don't get along. What's going to help me? That what? That you made a briss a year ago. That I'm going to get along with you when I don't get along with you. What's this idea of a Chris's bris? >> Huh? So, he says, so it's he says a very profound idea here. If that thing that thing which the love is depending on in other words that thing that created the love it created the bond it created the relationship would have been eternally intact you wouldn't need a bris because the very love that you experienced the first day you'll still experience now they're concerned they're fearful that that thing which built the love the love was built on is going to be bottle. It's going to seize and then the love is going to go or maybe there's going to be an external factor. In other words, that thing will still be intact. But life changes, right? There are exter there are external factors and pressures that change in people's life. all the vicissitudes that we go through it's not necessarily internally that foundation may still be there but there may be different factors outside and that causes the end of the love. So what's the is going to help if that thing which built the love is gone or there's another thing that's destroying it from without whatever that is you know people change things happen whatever it is so what so what's the so so it's a fake thing we made a covenant 20 years ago fine so it's it looks like fiction What it helps is that the love should be an eternal love that never falters forever and no, no prevention, no obstacle, not me bias, not from within, not from without will separate them. Why? [Music] It's not because he says is not a technical thing. It's not okay, we're going to write on paper. I'm going to be your friend forever. Five years from now, I find out it's right. Oh, whatever. We get into a major fight. Whatever the union is. So, I I sign I signed on a paper that I'm going to be your friend forever. Take your paper and uh throw it somewhere else. What What am I supposed to do? If it's love, if it's just a external commitment, fine. You know, you have avas, you have a business, you're connected, sometimes you get messed up. Okay? So, you have to deal with it. But you're talking here about love is something else. To make you have to go into a whole different space. What's happening is they're creating a kesher a very powerful knot and bond that they're becoming connected with a kher that's called a keshla a pelic connection a a wondrous a stupendous which is beyond regular reason and rationality now you don't go into such a lightheadedly in other words I'm I'm I'm telling myself I want to go into a kesher That's we'll soon see why you do want why why would you want to do that? Like why would I want to do that? Like why should I call like it should should it make sense? It should make sense. Should make sense. >> Huh? >> So on one hand it's being built from a place of rationality. It's I'm not making a bris with with the next person I meet in the street. If it's you could say if it's so so fine to do with anybody, right? So on one hand it's it's being built on something. So why make a bris? Because you're now graduating it and you're taking it to a different space. It doesn't begin like this. If it begins with then it could be very very dangerous. Then it's like okay meet the next person. We're making five minutes later I realize the guy is whatever. We made a bris. You're abusing yourself and you're abusing everybody else. that means you have no self-respect that means you're just uh it's an unfortunate situation. It's complete weakness. This is you're building a relationship but because you know that every relationship is limited that's just how life is. So you know enough about yourself and you know enough about the other person that you say can we take this to a place So now there comes a point in life we're based on based on reason the love should have been interrupted or even more sometimes you just part ways sometimes no there should actually be hatred something that causes discord contention not just okay you know it's not working out it's The creates a situation where the love is going to remain and he uses the word. Now here the word usually means forced right. So it sounds like the is making it's a forced love. What means? We're going to explain what means. A different type of because anybody who loves somebody by force, you understand what that looks like. Means you realize that this is who you are at your essence and nobody ever has a choice not to be who they are at their essence. That's what it's a different type of mc. In other words, am I forced to live with my genes? Yeah, I can't live with your genes. There's certain things, you understand? There's certain things we choose in life. There's things we don't choose in life. We're forced externally. But the deepest things we're also forced, but you know why we're forced? Because that's who you are. That's who you are. I could deny it from today till tomorrow. Yeah. I could decide tomorrow. I could decide today that I'm a horse. I like horses. Some people want to be that. I can eat like a horse. I can't run like a horse. It's hard to sleep like a horse. But you can eat like a horse. You could do other things like a horse, right? I'm not I'm not I could decide people decide I want to be you. I want to be like another person. You could you could copy people. You could make believe you're somebody else. And people do that all the time, right? I could try to please you and I want you. When somebody has a crush on somebody else, it's usually because there's something in that person that's very appealing to me and if I feel if I could only have that right or closeness with you, suddenly you know how these things work. But till you don't learn to accept who you are, all these relationships are going to be very wounded. So there's a type of m it's it's you're forced to be yourself, but it's really a celebration. It's called force because the you know somebody once said there's freedom of choice and there's freedom from choice. Freedom of choice means you could do whatever you want. Freedom from choices. You're free from choices because you know who you are. That's what this is. You're free from having to choose the love because you know that this is who you are. You know that when all the blockages will go away, there were block. do our blockages and that's why the love wasn't is is going to be interrupted. But if you'll go into your core, this is it. This is your this is your relationship. Then you make a bris without having this a weirdness. You can't make a bris. Then it's it's a force to force contract in there's a whole of if they force you to sell something, right? Can you get married by force? You can. It's notically valid. Not a man, not a woman. Everybody has to be because this is this is graduating the basic relationship. It doesn't supplant. It doesn't substitute the basic relationship. After all the groundwork, you take you got after that's what he says. There's an expression, love blinds people. Love covers over all sins. So uses this lion. It's not that there's no it's not that there's no challenges, but it's all covered over by this love. Meaning what's the is it's as though we became one flesh. A healthy person never starts hating themselves. You say, "Yeah, but but I made a mistake yesterday, but I have a my hand is making me problems. Let me cut it off." The definition of a person is you like yourself. Very powerful words. There's nothing a person can do to himself. I'm talking about a healthy person that says because of this I'm stopping to love myself. That's what a Christ means with somebody else. So So are you are are are you forced to love yourself? I mean you could call the word forced. It's not forced. You want to love yourself. What else should I love if not love? If I if I don't love myself, what am I working with? >> I have me. Like this is such an important idea, right? Love of yourself is not a choice. Not because you're forced, because it's beyond choice. You're going to say, "Okay, let's all decide if we should love ourselves or or no, I got into a fight with myself." A guy tells, "I got into a fight with myself yesterday and I decided we're done. I'm not talking to myself anymore." Mama is like in relationship. Imagine people do, you know, people do that to themselves. It's called disassociation. Yeah. Yeah. People do it really. And and and and it's a tragedy. >> Yeah. Yeah. I don't like myself anymore. >> They disconnect. >> They push to disconnect themselves because you hate it. And we often do it as at a very young age. We don't do it consciously but at a very young age if you decide right if you decide that um I mean there's some people who know about this very very well if you decide you got a message for whatever reason that you are undesirable you're an undesirable child you're you're worthless you're you're evil you're sinister there's something very ugly and dark about you what do you do you're like okay we're done that part of me goes into isolation and the whole personality that everybody sees is not connected to that. So my entire life is functioning as an outsider to myself. But I don't even know this cuz it's a secret even from me. But this is the tragedy that he's describing here. Now the is not even entertaining that possibility. I don't know if in that day they didn't whatever for whatever reason he's not even entertaining the possibility that you stop loving yourself. It's not it's because without this there's nothing. I mean that's the baseline of everything. any relationship I have with anybody or anything is coming from me. So if that's the evil, if if I'm separated from that, what am I connected to? The moment you're connected to other people at the expense of being connected to yourself, it's not a connection. You cannot save me from myself. The moment somebody else is saving you from yourself, they are the saving grace because you hate yourself. It's not a connection. It's all fake. because my entire relationship with you is based on self-hate. So, how deep is the relationship? You're just like an escape an escape place. It's like it it's it's not it's not a real connection. And the moment I get in touch with myself, it's over. So, you can never love yourself at the you can never love the other at the expense of yourself. >> Huh? >> Yeah. Exactly. Whether it's people pleasing or it's any relationship where you become the savior from me because I really hate myself. But if you like me and I like you, oh now now now I'm a good guy cuz you like me and I like you and it's a complete escape. And then the relationships become toxic. I choke you. You choke me. I can't give you space. I need you. I become this needy. You relate to what I'm saying? These are important ideas. We become needy. We we don't really I don't really respect you because I need you for survival. There's no you and me anymore. There's no you and I. You are me, right? The famous of the right. You know that. You want me to say it again? I didn't say it for a few years. That's the truth. That's true. I didn't say it for a few years. That's true. That's true. I don't know what happened. Maybe I stopped liking myself. I don't think so. Huh? Maybe. Huh? Yeah. So the said can dodo. So if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I. I am not I and you are not you. But if I am I because I am I. You are you because you are you. I am I. You are you. And I would add and now we can begin to talk. This is my little. And now we can begin to connect. Okay. I'm glad I didn't forget it. Well, it's hard to forget this line, but this is so important. So imagine yesterday I had a disagreement with myself, right? We got my my mind got into a fight. Do this, don't do this. You made a mistake. I You know what? I'm done with you. You're making me problems. I'm not talking to you ever again. I'm not looking at you ever again. Let's not connect. The whole idea is comical and tragic. What do you mean? But but but you're having issues with yourself. Okay. So let's deal with those issues. The option of cutting myself off from myself is not an option. If I want to live, there's only one option. The option is find find the path to to bring yourself into coherence. That find the path to bring your parts together. I have different parts parts of me that are maybe very anxious or very guilty or very fearful or very overwhelmed or filled with very challenging emotions and thoughts. Okay. So, let's talk. Let's talk. Let's breathe. Let's connect. Let's let go. But bring it bring it back. Why? Cuz I have a Chris's briss with myself. We don't have to make a Chris's briss with ourselves. That is the the Chris's bris is if my hand hurts, I'm not cutting it off. My my leg hurts, I'm not cutting it off. And if I have a headache and okay, let's just behead myself. Yeah, cut off the head, you won't have a headache. Yeah, you won't have a headache. That's true. But it's not an option, right? So it's funny, but we we understand physically it doesn't work. Emotionally also doesn't work. Emotionally, when you cut off your head, you cut off your heart, you cut off your emotions. It's the same thing. Now the question is why would you be so crazy as to do this with somebody else with you? But that's the truth. The truth is this is where attachment comes in. When a person has that relationship with themselves, they can have that relationship with the person they choose to have that relationship with. But it has to come from choice. If it's a forced if it's a forced if it starts off with then it's not that then it's another forced relationship actually you'll hate them even more because when I'm forced to have a connection with you that I don't want I'll hate you even more >> yeah so that's what he says why not you're not me Because our bond is such a bond that be it began with with with a rational reason. We enjoy spending time. We have similar personalities or at least we compliment each other. It may be your love, your humor, your wisdom, usually not your money, uh your your personality, whatever it is that attracts souls to souls, hearts to hearts. It's something and it's something to build on. And that has to be very rational. It has to be very rational. If your child is going on a date, at the first date, you say, "Okay, do one date, make a bris, and it'll be good." That's not a responsible parent. Don't make a bris. Check it out. And if you need time, you need time, right? We all understand that and appreciate that. But we also have to understand something that a relationship, even a very powerful relationship by definition, is limited because life changes. You want to know enough about yourself and the other person to say that perhaps I want to make a criticism. What's a Chris's bris? A Chris's bris means it's a recognition essentially. And here here is the real point. Do we have a choice to make a bris or not? So the answer is as follows. He's calling it a bliss is really the way alterb is describing an inner recognition that we were meant to be together forever. In other words, if God is true, this relationship is true. It's who we are. >> Just like I'm meant to be together with me. Even if I have issues with Y Jacobson, I have to work them out. I can't say, "Okay, I'm going to be with me for another 10 years and then I'm going into somebody else's body." The whole trans movement, all of that. What is it connected to? I mean, it's all, you know, painful things, you know, dysfia. What? >> Dysphoria and all this, right? I don't like my body. I I I don't like myself. The greatest tragedy in the world is when you really don't like yourself because I don't know what to work with. So just like in 10 years I'm not deciding I'm not going to be me. I'm going to now another 10 years that I'm going somewhere else. So I when I realize that there's the if God is true our relationship is true means we're meant to be together on a soul level because we're essentially one. It doesn't mean there won't be challenges. But even the challenges are challenges that are coming to block oneness. You understand? There's two types of challenges to a relationship. There's challenges that prove to you that it's not a relationship. It wasn't meant together. That that and that's fear. We have a we have a mus of get. We have a mus of divorce in >> huh. >> A mitzvah if it's necessary. Yeah. So it's a challenge that proves Yeah. If let's talk more simple. We're we're partners in business and we see it's not working out. You have one agenda. I have another agenda. I don't feel you're honest. Whatever it is. So you realize that the challenge is teaching you something. It's not meant to be. I mean it's unfortunate. There's something painful about it. But uh it's much better that way than than the other way. Right. And you make a separation and everybody goes their own way. In you have the beginning of [Laughter] it's not a tragedy and is a whole of meaning if we have you we own a property together and it's enough to split it between us we could say yeah I want to be myself you want to be yourself and then we could force each other to build a makita you have to give half I have to give half etc. Why is that? It's not a bad thing. It's called boundaries. I don't have to share my bedroom and my kitchen and my life with other people, right? What did Bum say? He prayed that their doors are not parallel to each other. So when I open my tent, I don't have to see right into your into your bas into your bed. I don't have to. It's fine. So that's one type of of relationship that ends. But then there's a relationship that reached a place of where you say the challenges are only here to help us grow and crystallize how deep the relationship is. You understand that's very different. Let me just see my son is calling me. I'm sorry. Yeah. Hi. What' you say? Hi. Good morning. I will. Yeah. That she should pick you up. Okay, I will. I'm going to text you. >> Yeah. After my she Okay. Have an amazing day. Have a beautiful, beautiful day. Okay. Bye-bye. My wife is out of town, so uh father first. Yeah. Forgive me. Excuse me. [Laughter] Although it wasn't hard. So uh so so you understand now the challenge is if I'm having a challenge in myself, what is it telling me? I should divorce myself. I shouldn't talk to myself. No, work it through and you'll reach a deeper closeness with yourself. So means we know enough about the relationship to be able to say it's time to take it. Vadas not that we're good both going to become stupid that's not why should you be in a in a relationship we have to be stupid to be in the relationship rather it's such a powerful there's such a powerful opportunity I don't want to limit it to what I'm understanding today because if I do we can also separate as fast as we became close so this is a very sensitive thing that's why you have to have a very good foundation you have to have a healthy if I go into it from a place of sickness and toxicity and self-hate and self-loathing like people sometimes go into a relationship and you're going to save me from myself then it's not it's you weren't thinking you know people force sometimes themselves or their children into a relationship or they push it very very hard because they like it now they hope it's going to work out they don't they don't mean they're not trying to harm their kids but they hope yeah you know it works out but it it doesn't doesn't know hopefully it But sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it doesn't. So we pressure, we pressure, we pressure, we pressure. Sometimes God, you know, allows you to make that mistake and it works out. And sometimes it's a mistake and it doesn't work out. Like the pressure was not good. So the laas is really coming from a place where you truly truly appreciate so much about the other person that there's a voice inside of you. there's an instinct or a hunch that says that this is this is really who I am and if this is who I am I want to take it to a place where it's eternal that means when there's going to be obstacles or challenges and there will be he doesn't say there won't be a no there will be but you know what they are they're here to help you grow closer by removing and dealing with I mean this really describes you know this is what a this is what a real real marriage is. He's called maybe not a in other words the potentiality of this the also says sometimes there is divorce because sometimes it's not this case sometimes you can't go there for whatever reason sometimes it's just not there. So when when I really really recognize that we are one and that's not because my mind thinks there's good things about you. Obviously that too. If we're one, I'm going to think good things about you. But it's not that. There's an essential oneness. Then you say, we're going into a place that nothing is going to be able to stop it. And that means when that day comes and I'm in a bad mood or something happens or there's a misunderstanding or there's really a challenge, we could say, "Okay, but we're connected." Like you'll have it with parents and children, for example. It's like an essential Christmas risk. If your child disobys you or or misbehaves or causes you tremendous pain or anger. So a healthy father and mother calls up their child and says, "Okay, I'm not talking to you ever again." I know there's parents who do that for adoption. >> I'm putting you up for adoption. Yeah. >> Your kid is is is turning over the house. Okay. We're sending you up for adoption. That's it. One more time. You have one more chance. And if not, change your name. Adoption. No problem. Somebody else will raise you. It's not an option by parents. Why not? Why not? If it would be somebody else in your house behaving that way, you would make av somewhere else. But this is Mikates. The answer is because it's your child and the relationship with your child is deeper than the mess. Do you want him to be do you want him this? Of course you don't want. Do you want him to behave this way? Of course not. But we have to work on it. We have to figure out how to go back to oneness. But it's not an option. So these are bris that Hashem made already into nature with healthy parents and children. Here the kadesh is you're choosing to reveal in your life that which you can choose because it's really who you are. And what it means in in in spiritual isis it means if God is true it means that we're one. In other words our oneness is reality. Ifims part of that MS is that we're connected. That's damus. I may have to grow into it. Sometimes to be able to be deserving of the relationship with somebody else, you have to grow into it. You have to work on yourself. Until I don't go to that space, I will not see that oneness. And then it's called m. You're just like, you know, it's like it's like when you're exercising and you're just forcing yourself, forcing because your body is still not there. And then once you you know, you uh overcome that uh what's the word that uh hurdles >> that hurdle it. You're in flow. You're in flow. Ah. Ah. You're in flow. Of course, we were one. You overcome that hurdle. The hurdle was the fear, the resistance, the the wounds. I'm dealing with all that. You overcome it. It's flow. Now it's it's it's what does means cutting. What are you cutting? They cut the eagle. They cut the calf and they went through the pieces. That's what they used to do. They would have a calf for example slaughter it and then they would cut it into two one on one side one on the other side and then they would walk through together as a bris like we have it with brisar what's between the pieces what's the idea a calf is one calf it's not two calves you split it into two but it's really one goof there's one side of the animal the other side of the animal you're walking through it what are You trying to say these two pieces they look like two but they're really that's the same with us >> huh physically very visceral we're talking of two people but it's really just like I can't hate myself if I'm a healthy person even though I may have issues with myself because it's one who's hating me I'm hating me so it's the me hating itself something is off and when that happens taka it's the tragedy of of a it's a tragedy of a life when my mind and me are two separate things. That's taken, >> huh? >> That's Chris. That's That's >> And this is the opposite. That's what means. You're cut off from yourself. Here it's here. It's Chris's bris. That even though it seems like we should be cut off, we're coming back together because we're one goof. All right. We're split. We're two separate people. And there may even be issues and challenges and struggles. You got it. But it's really g meaning if you'll go deeper, you're going to see that there's an essential oneness. And if I run away from that oneness, I'm running away from me. That's what it says in Zarious. I think says that and it's plagu it's a half a goof. Odum is a half a goof. Kava is a half a goof. and together they make one goof. What's the idea? The idea is if I'm not one of Adam the parts from I had enough of you. Essentially what he's saying is I had enough of myself. That's a very deep statement. I could say no I had enough of you. I didn't have enough of myself. When do you say in life I had enough of you. I didn't have enough of myself. I had enough of you cuz I want to protect myself. Cuz I don't want to damage myself. I've been damaged too much. Yeah. that that that's the first level of a relationship. It's really not working. It's just not working. And you have to respect that. People have to be able to respect that about themselves. This is really not working. It's just toxic. It's just we're driving each other crazy and we're killing each other cuz it takes a lot a lot of work to be able to come to this place. We're saying no, it's really a goof. In other words, if I'm cutting myself off off from you, it's a fast, it's a shortcut to avoidance. I'm really avoiding. And that's a very deep distinction. Am I cutting myself off from you because this relationship is really not helping me or you or I'm cutting myself off from you because I'm not ready to deal with those things in myself that you are bringing up. You understand the difference? And that's a huge difference in life. If I'm avoiding myself, it's not going to help. I can go into another relationship and there'll be a similar patterns. You know, people think they'll run away from this one. They'll go somewhere else. No, no, no. After you get settled and things come up, there'll be new issues cuz I never dealt with the infection. >> Yeah. You're kicking the can down the road. That's the truth. And sometimes you have to be able to nip it in the bud. So, a Chris Bris is a reaching a place where you say the relationship with you is literally like the relationship with me. This also teaches us something else and that is you know people think it's a cliche but here we see it in a very deep way. There's no such a thing of really loving another person if you hate yourself. It doesn't work. That is the basis of the love. Just like he says with the deepest relationship, you become the paradigm for that. This is an extension of self-love. Self- loveve in a very beautiful way, not self- loveve in a selfish, narcissistic way. Self- loveve means the appreciation of who you are as God's light in this world. That's what it means. So that's why they go through one goof. Even though the goof is split, that's what makes it a Chris's bris. Of course, we're split. We're not one person. That's why we need a Chris's bris with yourself. You don't need a Chris's briss. Today, maybe in our generation, need a Chris's bris with yourself also. It's called fragmentation. When a when a when a when a a psyche gets fragmented into many pieces, that's what we're talking about. That's the tragedy. And then I don't like myself. If my brain splinters, my psyche, my my sense of self splinters into many pieces and they and they're not connected to each other. That's a very very difficult situation. So there's parts of me that I don't know that I have to repress that I have to bury. They come up and and it creates it creates chaos. The definition of of of of basic emotional health is integration, cohesiveness. All your parts are talking to each other. They may not always agree. We have a kiss. We have an effus. But they're talking to each other. They're in a relationship. They're connected. There's no part of me that I just cut off and you never show up again and go under the pit and I don't want to see you because if I see you, I'm dead. You're dead. And then my entire life is a life of of suppression, of repression, of always, you know, shoving something down like like the moment I hear your voice. Yeah. Why do people have addiction? The moment I hear your voice, I go eat. The moment I hear your voice, I go drink. The moment I hear your voice, I take my phone. Why do people take their phones constantly? What? Nobody sent you a Nobody sent you an urgent message in the last 30 seconds. You know, people open the refrigerator every 5 minutes. I always say you see they're a muna. They believe that in the last five minutes the man came down from heaven and went into the refrigerator who went shopping in your house in the last five minutes that you reopened the refrigerator. Explain to me so either you push to galda and you push believe that cover brought the man right from evergreen uptown into your refrigerator. So there's a whole new malava mala waiting for you or there's a voice that's uncomfortable and the opening the refrigerator somehow solves it. People still people don't realize this. I'm just I'm I'm I'm on autopilot. I'm on cruise control. So now give me my phone. Now give me my refrigerator. Now give me this. Now give me and we have billions of things. But really, what are they taking me away? They're taking me away from an uncomfortable energy that I don't even know about because I'm always opening the refrigerators. How do I even know about it? Or I go to my phone or I do this or I do that or I do that. There's always something to doem. And as a result of that, I never even hear these voices. So this is an essential separation from certain parts of me. >> Yeah. And the beginning of all of this is to make a Chris's bris with yourself. Like of course you have different parts but it's one goof. It's one person. If it's one person, everything has to be here. Everything has to be invited. You need a lot of trust. This is work that needs trust because you have to trust that even after you see everything, you're going to remain connected. Right? There's a reason that people don't want to see everything because they're afraid if I see everything I'm going to lose everything. But the truth is once you see everything, you can actually start being you can start being real. Now your relationship is based on realness. Any relationship that's based on covering up something is not a real relationship because it means it's based on concealment. That's what the word kipa means. Kipa means our relationships are based on concealment. They're based on something being blocked. There's a kipa. There's a shell there. There's a makita. That's what our relationship is based on. But if all the shells are removed, what happens? It's not going to work. So any relationship that is based on not seeing something by definition is very very flawed. It's very deep. It's very skin deep. It's very superficial because it's based on not having information. Anything you're you build based on not having information, how real is that? The moment you'll have information, it's all over. So this is really an invitation to be able to appreciate the fact that the deepest deepest relationships come from a very very deep place of truth. And when I come to that deep place of truth, it's not it doesn't have to be tmdas. So it's vidas not because I'm stupid, but because I want the relationship to go to a place where my intellect doesn't have to constantly define it. This is the mshel. So now look at the such a you have to see the just his words. This whole martial that we spoke about this is exactly what Hashem did with us says it's the every fast day after the after they sinned with the golden calf also a calf but here they use the calf not to go through a bris they use the calf as a deity the kagel So tells I'm making with you in front of your whole nation. I'm going to do wonders. Usually I'm going to make miracles. He says no. He used the word earlier when he said that means that the love of is going to be a nifla. What's nifla? Nifla means aella. Pella. I think writes in the PKinder the Rambam calls has a safe forl you know what is you know what that talks about and what's the connection to so usually a lind when you declare a vow so all these of the power of words and this is all in say for but what's the so the says says it's Pella it's a he speaks about a it's a when somebody segregates themselves from the from the addictions of this world it's a pella that's why he says yafly in other ability for a person to be sacred to be so disciplined is a pella so the word the word is comes from the word pella what's pelle pella means it's a wonder it's pella >> yeah it it's awe inspiring So he says the relationship is going to be it's going to be this is the eulogy that David gave for Yos when he was killed with his father Shaw and Yenison. Well, Shaw fell on a sword when the the the the fight with the and Shaw was killed and Yun and his son were killed and Yonison and David were best friends. And you know, Scholik told Yun, I don't know why you like David. He is your competitor. He is the one who's going to take away the throne from you and take it for himself. You're my son. You're supposed to be the ear. But Hamel knew that David was the next king and therefore and he wanted to kill him. So he told she says, "You're you're you're a foolish kid. You're friends with your enemy." Nonetheless, didn't side with his father. He sided with David and they remained eternal friends. Alpan Vidas, David should have been his biggest enemy. It's his brother-in-law and his competitor. He liked that. I don't know why he liked it, but we're not gonna ask questions. >> But that that requires a therapy session. You're you're a good release. It was a good release. Killing two birds with one stone says amen. Yeah. So your brother-in-law's not one reason to hate. Another reason is he's tacking your competitor. That's what Shaw was telling him. I never saw such a crazy thing. You don't have other friends, become friends with somebody else. So it's fascinating. In one line is explaining what the friendship of David and Yian was. It was Vidas. Yosan of course could say I want the throne. Who gives away the throne? It wasn't a Yan knew who he was. And Yanison knew that David is his best friend. But I want the throne. No. No. If you know yourself, you know that Yin is your best friend. If you don't know yourself, then you want the throne. You know, when you know yourself, you can also say, "I don't need the throne cuz it's not for me." When you don't know yourself, anything I get, I get. Oh, I have the throne. Give me the throne. A billion dollar. When you know yourself, you could say, "This is not for me. I don't need I don't need this. In fact, it's going to take me away from myself." Yeah. Enu didn't want to become he. He wanted to remain a shepherd because he knew himself. The BMP the BMP said that he was punished. He was told by that because of something wrong he did therefore he has to reveal himself. It was a punishment. Yeah. >> Why? You know you know who you are. So David Amelik when Yin was killed David Amelik eulogized Yin it's a beautiful unbelievable unbelievable hespit so one of his came from a place of what's it didn't start that way didn't meet David make understood who David was he felt David knew who was. So why they make a bris? They said now we know who we are and we know what our relationship is. Let's lean into the infinity of it and the oneness of it. What would what do you need that for? You need to be able to tell yourself this is just revealing what truth is. So now your father could be against it. The whole world can be against it. It doesn't make sense. Everybody says you're trying to murder my father. But you and I know that we belong together. And that's what David described. >> We know the truth. >> Yeah. It's not. And once you know the truth, I don't care what the whole world says. Not because I'm obnoxious. Cuz it's not. It's not It's not relevant. You'll tell me now that it's dark outside. Fine. I mean, fine. If that makes you >> tick. >> No, that's says it's not limited by logical arguments. It's not limited by it. It's pure truth. And pure truth is not always grasped logically. You understand? Logic is beautiful and sometimes logic will lead you exactly where it has to lead you. But logic also has its limitations. It has its way of analyzing things and dissecting things. It puts things into an intellectual box which sometimes is very very important. If you're making an accounting of something, if you need to make a right, if you're learning a then there's something we call logic can also hijack truth. Log logic hijacks truth. You could try it with your wife. You'll see. Try to use logic with your wife when she's sharing her heart. You'll see what I'm talking about. And you're like, "You're not logical." Duh. Of course I'm not logical. Relationships are not supposed to be mathematics. I need your heart, not your mind. So there's something lamat. Everybody understands that somehow it's a everybody understands that, right? But it's so true. It's so true. means I'm being stupid. I'm being I'm being stupid. It's like going into a relationship that does not make sense, but you're either being forced or you're overwhelmed or you're being pressured. You're not using your SE. My brother told me, my brother Simmon told me that he once heard from my label growner. Label Groner was the was the mosque, the secretary of the Reba for many, many years, like 60 years. uh the Reb asked him to already help him test 1949 before the Aayat passed away and inshall 1954 he got engaged and he got married his wife is growner he married her so he was already working by the for five years as a bak like he was in the early years of the reb and and he remained his whole life I mean till till Gimmel Thomas so what happened was so he told my brother this he shared it with that he was dating his wife. This is and you know was going and going but he wanted you know how it is a buck doesn't always know you have all these fas. So he decided you know who better to ask than the so he once asked the you know should he uh should he uh clinch it and propose or not what does the rebba think. So he said the looked at him and said cup and he pointed he says heart stuff this is a question I can't answer your father can't answer your mother can't answer your brain can't answer your heart needs to answer it that's what he said and I guess he decided yeah they got married by hashem He died during corona or day before. I'll call upon him. What? What's this vart? You shouldn't use your brain. Of course, you have to use your brain. But there reaches a point where I need to fill my heart. And sometimes a person doesn't fill their heart because we're blocked. We're very very blocked. And we we need to appreciate that too. That's a process of healing. But that was the point. The point here is you don't live life with your brain. The brain is a tool. It's not living. Just like I can't eat cake with my brain. Yeah. You can't appreciate. It's a delicious piece of cake. Fine. But you can't do that with your brain. You need taste buds, right? To taste something, you need taste. I can't live life with my brain. We try to do that. I tried for many years to do that because if you have a good brain, it's a great way of living life. It's called artificial intelligence. People don't realize Jews invented artificial intelligence because so many of us became artificially intelligent. Brilliant. Brilliant. Artificial intelligence is brilliant. There's no human being who's as brilliant as artificial intelligence. There's only one thing. No soul, no heart, which is what makes it beautiful. They don't charge. They don't get into a bad mood. They always say nice things to you. Ever see how they chat GPT answers? I'm so sorry. They always I'm so sorry. How sorry are you? I'm sorry that you think I'm not sorry and I'm sorry for that too. Really? Are you feeling me? Well, as best as I can, I'm feeling you. Right. Everything. But somehow it doesn't replace relationships. Yeah. You can't get married to Chad GPT. Although they may develop that soon in America based on how they're going. You marry them and then you'll have a tax discount. So what's the So the brain is amazing. It's an amazing amazing skill, but it's a tool of life. It's not life in Hashem created. So you're never going to connect to the creator through itself when it's a creation. It's part of it. It's part of the picture. It's an amazing part. It's it's it's it's the gift that we have, right? Obviously and all that. But the real says is usually means there's no it's not we're not different than is that a person can go into go beyond. So there is a connection right that stuff you call just blind you're just blind I'm not being rational and then there's how do you know the difference when it's vas you're afraid of thinking about it when it's you're not afraid of thinking about it you just don't have to you see the difference you're not afraid I could talk about it it's going to work is not going You want to be blind. You don't want to open your eyes. You want to be stupid because if you're not stupid, it's going to it's not going to work. Is you don't need to say it's not limited by it. You're not afraid of it. It's like with ama is afraid of any question and any answer is not afraid of a question. It has its place. Logic has its place and it has its limitations. And I can appreciate it. I can appreciate it for what it is. I will not appreciate it for what it's not. The same is true in relationships. So this comes back to what I once shared with you. The Reb once said I I said it a few times. Put him. He was describing this type of relationship. The negative is this. And he said then a and he said it's like the relationship that is so essential between a parent and a child that if you want to explain it I'll be so he said he said it very very fast it's it's hard but when I heard it I heard it on tape I wasn't born yet and it it was like wow because it like you know it clenches it in an incredible way. He says sometimes as a relationship The first thing is you can't explain it with SE doesn't have it. It's it's not going to do it can explain logic. It goes deeper than that. So first of all you can't. Then you say, "Okay, you can, but like I say, I can't explain something that's you don't need it. It's not like you can't like like I'm kind like I I don't know. You don't need to you don't need to do it. Like it's not going to help the relationship. My child, my infant child is not going to be closer to me because I give him a pimple. Why I like him?" Oh, so now we're going to You don't need it. First of all, because it's higher. You don't need it. It's not going to help you. >> It's not going to add to the richness, to the beauty. You're going to be closer to your mother because your mother explains to you logically that she has good reasons why she likes you and she didn't give you up for adoption. Thank you, ma. She'll she'll she'll make a DNA test and she'll prove to you that your DNA comes from her and therefore it makes sense that she should take you to the Koopa. Okay. Thanks, Ma. And if you have such a mother, whatever. I'm not going to finish the sentence. It's complicated. Yeah. Very nice. It's complicated. Yeah. It's like a son is going to the with his father and mother and he says, "Wait, wait, wait, wait. Prove that you're my father and mother." So they go through DNA testing. They prove it. It's like the guy who was and then the doctor let him out and he said, "Give me a certificate that I'm normal." No problem. The doctor signs Dr. Goldberg Mount Sina, you're normal. The next morning he comes over to the after shakus. He says you're normal. The says, "Yeah, I hope so." He says, "Prove it." The says, "No." He picks up. I have proved that I'm normal. You don't have proof that you're normal. Proof, right? That's that's what I have. What in other areas is a big thing. If you have a deed for your house, it's a good thing to have you some because that's the vert if if if my normaly is as much as thear describes it. So you understand how normal I am. So back to this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, the was once it was they used to call it even though it was after PES. So it went very very long like till 8:00. And um there was a there I heard this from Khan. So the Reba kept on asking him is because it was so late and he didn't have a yet so he wanted him. So he kept on answering and he was very proud of himself cuz he was like the you know the the gatekeeper of normaly at some point. time it is like you know when are you gonna when are you gonna I don't know what time it is let go yeah let go so I'll call him so you say I can't understand it I don't need to understand it say I don't need to it's not going to add the rich to the richness of the relationship and when when your mother proves that you share DNA now we will go to the kupa if you had a problem with her and your father taking you to the kupa because you don't know that they your father and mother the document from the hospital or from the doctor, from the genetic system. I mean, it's very nice for genetic studies, but it's not going to solve that problem. And if you do know that your father and mother, you don't need this. I don't need my mother to she never did it. My mother never proved with DNA that she's my mother. Somehow, I don't need to do it. And it's both. Somebody sent me a note. She says, "Of course, my mother knows how to push all my buttons. She installed them." So she installed all your buttons. You know she's your mother. Everybody knows their mother is their mother. Hopefully only in amazing and beautiful ways and sometimes you know some challenging ways. The third thing that said is that's already much deeper. You don't want to understand it. It's not first of all you can't you can't go understand God. But go understand. I don't even understand a cell. I don't understand an atom. Second of all, you don't need to. It's not going to add. Third of all, you don't even want to. Why not? Because it's going to take away. It's going to it's going to cheapen it. It's it's a it's a you're desecrating it. >> You're limiting it. You're taking something that is rooted in and you're putting it into a cup. Who wants to do that? Why? Why would you want to do that? A cup. Very good. A cup. Good. A cup. Exactly. There's a pure am so there was he was killed in the war in the holocaust. So he used to if it's a pure amuna it's not dirty amuna. So he used to say means um Huh? >> Means like Yeah. Like like if you have a beautiful piece of art and then you scribble on it, you you you destroy it. You don't need to fit it into any model. It's so much bigger than that. Real love is a flow of souls that is rooted in infinity. That's once you know that this is your connection, it's such a deep connection. You don't want to reduce it to intellect. You're also not afraid of intellect. You're not afraid of it. So this is what David told us. It's such a tight because this explains how they could become friends. They couldn't be friends. If it would remain in Tom Vadas, it makes sense that we're friends. And now it makes sense we should go away. At least we shouldn't be best friends. Your father hates me. He's trying to kill me. So in those days especially, you had loyalty to your father. Today me you know people your father says one thing you have to do. But then it was still a mitzvah that you listen to your father and your father was who was Msiah Hashem. It wasn't he didn't have a father mafiosa. His father was show two people that >> of course you must have two people for that. You need two people to be able to have the conscious experience of it. You can have a bris from one person but they know the other person is not ready for it. But the conscious experience could only be with two people only with two people. I'm saying sometimes you can have a parent with a child. You see the child is not ready. child is going through a process and whatever they're running away and and that's where it's hard for parents because if they don't have a chrisis bris they start reciprocating you don't call me I won't call you that's one of the biggest mistakes parents make today their children are going through difficult challenges and they shut down their heart because it's painful for them in other words they are really being children to be a parent you have to say this Chris br is here it's open my heart is open you may not be ready I Understand? You understand what I'm saying? >> Yeah. If the child if the parent stoops down and starts, oh, you did this, I'll do this. You did this. Now, it's not this is all this is insecurity. This is this is not even Tomas. It's insecurity. It's babies playing with babies, which we understand. We understand. You hurt my feelings. You're not respecting me. I had my nephesh for you and you're spitting me in the face. I'm not talking to you ever again. I'm done. I'm not talking about creating boundaries for the sake of the child. I'm talking about creating boundaries that are absolute because I can't deal with you. I'm not talking there's a very big difference where you create boundaries because you want to help the person. Like we're talking here about boundaries that block the person off forever. That's a very very painful reality. So it's important to understand that Chris's brisk could come from one person but you cannot consciously experience it with another person if they're not. It takes two to tangle in in in many ways, right? Including in the positive way. I think the world is literally your love to me was greater than the love that a man has to a woman, which usually that's the biggest love, right? Like David's son would explain. But I think I saw in the sh once the way you learned how to have this love is from the love of from the love of was also that's how you learn to have this I think the writes that says soba finishes the paragraph fore. So this is it here. You see how it goes in the n. Why does Hashem say like said about at that moment he access what's called the 13 attributes of compassion. What does that create? It creates a bliss and akash. What's here? You learn what is means. When people talk about iskash, what's connection? What's iskash? You have iskashas of two people. of realash is not it's if it's based on being blind it's not his you don't look you don't see his means I could see everything and then I know it's time to go so what happens is arouses he reveals in Hashem a new dimension of the relationship with and he had to do it because it was the ketagel because there was a ketagel everything should have stopped stopped. You got married 40 days ago and the kala went and betrayed you. How many marriages can survive that? Yeah. It says in it says in the middle of the imagine the middle of the she goes and and then betrays you or he goes and betrays her. I mean you're at it's 40 days after that's when you built the ego you didn't wait it's 100 years 50 years finished the honeymoon still >> yeah exactly the band didn't clean up the photographers are still here is coming down from the mountain so that they went it's like it's like oh but it's over so understood that so what happens He was he revealed a dimension in the relationship that wasn't revealed because it didn't have to be revealed when everything is going good. We get along with each other for that moment when there's reasons to run away. So he was that usually it says in the sins interrupt it shouldn't be why not is we're one. It doesn't mean there's no sin. It doesn't mean you don't have to do but it means is inevitable because that's who you are. It's inevitable. It's inevitable because all the whole interruption is only based on not knowing who you really are. What's is it or is it not? If you mean force, it's not forced, but it can't be any other way. Some things are forced not because you're forced because it can't be any other way because that's who you are. I'm forced to be me. I'm forced to be truthful. It's true. In many ways, that's the deepest type of choice. The deepest type the greatest choices you could choose in your life is the cho just choice to be who you really are. You will not have any greater choice in your life. All other choices if this if there's if there's if there's two tissue boxes and I'm choosing one tissue box, what's the choice here? It's just random. Choose this one. Choose that one. You understand? If there's two houses and I have to choose, there's usually a reason I'm choosing this one because it makes more sense. It's more comfortable. It's cheaper. Whatever. It has a pool. It has a nice garden. It has more bedrooms. So, it's rational. Yeah. So, essentially, you didn't really have a choice. This house made much more sense. If I have two jobs and your job is a better job. I don't have to travel and I could sit in my basement and I'm making more money and you're a nicer guy. It's not really a choice. It's just called being st normal, rational. What's the only real? The only real is when you're choosing to be who you really are. That that's it. That that's that's you. Cuz that's you. That's you. That's the ultimate choice. The ultimate choice is you don't have a choice. But not you don't have a choice cuz somebody's forcing you. It's your deepest choice you'll ever make because it's a choice to really be you. That's that's the and that's the ultimate that's the ultimate. It's it's it's not that you celebrate fully that you're there with your whole heart. Anything else I can't be there with my full heart. If I'm being forced, I'm not going to be there with my full heart. If it's random, it's random. If it makes sense, I'll be again. This makes sense. Of course, I'm there. But when it's your essence mish beyond anything else, that's that's the deepest form. So, so this is what is now going to start explaining that here again at the end of his life when he's talking about which is says and that's going to be the to the whole Indian of what's that's how he's going to explain what this is what why onash so after he explains what a bris is now he's going to get in to explain this whole and that's going to be the next which is going to be Monday morning 8:00 in the morning I just want to announce that is so as every year we have our before it's going to be here 10:00 20 upstairs everybody is invited it's going to be followed by a few of here in the shul so that's going to be shab 10:00 it's also going to livereamed on the yeshiva.net beginning from 10:30. I want to wish everybody an amazing day and just to finish that the rebi used to say that he heard from theat that the last 12 days of areb once said as the my father-in-law revealed that the last 12 days of correspond to the 12 months of the year that each day has the energy of the entire month of the whole year. So is and tomorrow you test the last 12 days of each day has in it every day every day has the power of the entire month to be able to bring in and a light in that month of the previous year whether it's that's the of these days not in a way of guilt in a way of uh of of opportunity and Um. Huh? >> Oh. Oh, you're saying last year. Okay. So, that day we have to really You're saying it's going to be two months that day. >> Take a nap that day. >> Everybody have a beautiful day. [Applause] >> Wanted to show you he made this. He makes this now. >> Yeah. Gavald. Yeah. He's right now. [Music]