Living With Emunah (Part 150): Illusion or Reality?

good morning bokuto welcome back to living with muh and every week our support group to bring out the best in ourselves of seeing and feeling and connecting with Hashem in our lives knowing that nothing is bi is random or chance but everything is by design and even though that doesn't mean it will be pleasurable sometimes it's painful it means by definition it won't be bad somehow whether we understand it appreciate it or see it in our lives or don't merit to see it until after our lifetime somehow it's all good I want to thank our sponsors for the year dr. Xavi and Bella Morgan really thank you for your generosity we sponsored the whole series this year in memory of dr. Brian Gabbard whose life was a model of living with Emunah really all we need to do each and every week is not even study a text but just talk about Brian's life and we would all be inspired to live with greater emunah I also want to thank our dear friend soundlessly Abadie who've been sponsoring the last several classes in honor of their beautiful children Joey and Marissa Abadie and their expected baby the baby should be healthy and happy give her parents and grandparents and Hashem a lot a lot of Natha so thank you for that sponsorship we're continuing the piece we've been learning by Rev shorts the author of the bill Vavi died bedico Nakano year b tahoe and we've been defining beautiful what does it mean to live a life of faith what is a living to live a life of a muna you know I often get emails and whatsapp's based on this class where people are trying to absorb and integrate it into their lives and it's a difficult thing it's a difficult thing members of my own family would challenge me about how do we apply this to our own lives it's easy for me every Wednesday morning to look into a camera to say everything is good and everything's from my Shem everything is the way it's meant to be but you know what that's all when well when well and good enough but what about what someone's struggling or suffering what about when it doesn't have a happy ending what about when you can't look back and make sense of it what about when it feels permanent and irreversible and there's real suffering and real tragedy and real loss so just last night someone left me a voice note I don't know them and I tried to respond to it it was so beautiful oh how sympathetic and empathetic they were to another family member who's struggling and they're trying to make sense of of a post I had written on our Emunah whatsapp group that Hashem doesn't give us anything that we can't handle the task by sham person to trust and I showed you so of know that his lesson will surround us he gives us he empowers us he energizes he inspires us he gives us the courage and the resiliency in the fortitude to be able to withstand whenever he throws our way and the person said well how do you know that and how do you see that what's the source for that and it doesn't feel like that for the people who are crumbling over under whatever bad news or whatever tragedy or ever hardship they have and I said you look the question is better than the answer I want to acknowledge that to begin with but but I put the question back what's the alternative what is the alternative to accepting that fundamental belief which we don't accept as a coping mechanism we accept it because we believe it ideologically and theologically to be true but I also ask practically what's the alternative to say we're just subject to nature and chance and randomness who knows what tree will fall on our head or who will contract an illness or who will have a genetic problem in their in their with their child and who will have this and who will have that it's more comforting me to me to know that I have parents and that they don't leave me out to dry and that whatever happens even if I don't understand it like the child who sticks their finger in the outlet and gets a patch shouldn't think well that was random but should think even though that hurt but clearly there's a parent who did that because somehow they love me and that's the mentality the attitude that we are meant to bring to others - so we believe it because it's true but I also believe it because I don't understand what the alternatives is it more comforting to think that you are a victim of randomness and chance is it more comforting to think that Hashem gives you something you can't handle what kind of God what kind of just good kind God would give you challenges that you didn't have the tools to handle what kind of God would he be I'll be honest with you I don't want a relationship with such I don't want to believe in such a god that's not a God that I subscribe to that I want to feel close to her connected with that's not the God that I believe him so I believe by definition the barouche love is our parent and if our parents is the one who's issuing so to say challenges forth to us he doesn't give us something that we don't have the tools and that he doesn't have the confidence that we have the ability to handle does that mean it will always be easy absolutely not does it mean it's always pleasurable for sure not we see people with real hardship and real challenges and yet we've seen extraordinary people who rise up and above and somehow find that capacity to withstand to put one foot in front of another and to be able to continue we dig deep within ourselves and we need to know that the post that I put up was in our parsha the Jewish people the Menachem come back and they say you know we were grasshoppers in our own eyes and so we were in their eyes the cuts Columbus says you can talk about what you were in your own eyes how do you know how you appeared in their eyes so the cuts cannabis says because when you think of yourself as small as nothing is incapable then you project that others see you that way too and when you see yourself as competent and capable you see yourself as an instrument of our Shem you see yourself not just as yourself you see yourself as the manifestation of the will of my Shem then you never lack self-confidence because you know that everything that is happening in your life is by design is from above is with Hashem so how dare you say that we were grasshoppers and so we were in their eyes you have no idea how you were in their eyes you don't read their blog you didn't see their memo you don't know how you appeared in their eye stop projecting onto others slow-mo when you talk about this parish you would say not only should we not see ourselves as a grasshopper it's a little quick review of the parsha class yesterday nothing with these we not see ourselves as a grasshopper what is the very first law of Shilton aarif the very first law of the code of Jewish law is his Gaborik re la mode la boca you're a lion hear me roar wake up and conquer the day and that means no matter what's happening in my life not every day what I feel like a lion they'll be days that I feel like a grasshopper stepped on you know why the Jewish people are like into wine why do we begin every event in ceremony and ritual of our life with wine you know I would begin it with wine if I see the shipmaster say because how is wine produced the grape when you step on it it produces something even finer more valuable it produces fine wine Jewish people have not for centuries and millennia been stepped on trampled on and you know what happens if we believe about ourselves when we're stepped on when life steps on us we get bad news we get challenging information we have challenging circumstances we go through painful episodes when we feel we're stepped on we can crumble and disappear or we can realize we're about to lose fine wine it's going to bring out the best in us if we dig deep within us and so don't ever see yourself as a grasshopper even when you feel like a grasshopper even when you feel like you're getting trampled on stepped on your scam bukhari know your ally and greet the day the challenges that doesn't mean that you'll always be in the mood to roar they'll be dazed you've curled in the fetal position in bed crying because you're going through something painful that's okay Judaism also has the laws of morning we have availa s-- and we have sad times and we're gonna enter a period of three weeks and nine days and tisha buff we understand that's also part of the human condition however how do we emerge how do we overcome how do we come back not by seeing ourselves as grasshoppers but rather by seeing ourselves as lines knowing that we have that within us it's preserved inside us we say every single day I don't remember what I said this recently I apologize if it was in the immunise year but we say every day in our Shona s ray my gain Avraham Hashem you were the shield of Avraham we don't say the shield of Yitzhak oh yeah cough even though we acknowledged our music in Yaakov at the beginning of the Amidah we conclude this brush but with my gain Avraham what does that mean the shield of Avraham what does that mean I once saw a beautiful explanation my gain Avraham doesn't mean you preserve the shield of Avraham the person means you preserve within us the Avraham you with my gain you are the protector of the Avraham in us so when you're ready to give up and you're ready to give in and you feel helpless and hopeless and you feel like you're being stepped on and trampled on and you're ready to walk away because how can I persevere and how can I deal and how can I overcome no and remember your DNA remember where you come from remember your background Allah Babbitt remember of blessed memory would reject if a person would introduce someone or talking about a Jew and say they have a very very little background or if someone would say about themselves I don't have a strong background the Bible would say do not descend from Avram it's like in Yaakov sorrow rifki rahul and leia every jew has a strong background I don't care where you went to school or how observant your parents or grandparents or the home that you were raised in every single Jew has a strong background because we come from avenues like in Yaakov serif coracle and Leia we all have that capacity within us it's in our DNA it's in our metaphysical spiritual DNA we have that power to be able to persevere we have that resiliency and if you doubt yourself look around at the extraordinary extraordinary people look while we still can at Holocaust survivors who endured and lost more than anyone can ever imagine ever nevertheless found the will to see the good in humanity to believe in themselves to build the community and build a family to build a brighter future we also have that within us we have to dig deep all I know is this how do you summon it how do you draw that courage how do you live with it I don't have all the answers but I will tell you this if you don't believe it's in you it will never happen the first step to living it is believing it if you don't believe you can then you're right you won't but if you leave you believe that you can roar like a lion if you believe there's still a lion or lioness and sign you if you believe that you have the capacity and that you've been gifted and endowed the physical and metaphysical DNA you've inherited it from a history of our people who have not only survived but who have thrived who hope not over overcome adversity had without a sense of victimhood without a sense of entitlement but we've gone out and we've built the brighter future of the Jewish people that was true collectively and it's true individually with every single one of us and the challenges that life gives us so each person in their own way needs to figure out how to endure and how to overcome and how to continue but I know this if you don't believe you can then you won't it begins not by seeing yourself as a grasshopper or a cockroach it begins by seeing yourself as a lion and being prepared to roar again and to realize that when you get stepped on it doesn't it's not doesn't represent the end like the grape that stepped on it represents the new beginning of the fine wine that will lose out when you feel that you've been stepped on by life that fine wine is going to lose out okay anyway that's just because I've been having communications with different people reacting and it's it's complicated but I just tell you the way I think about it bara Hashem I feel incredibly blessed I don't mean to suggest going through any particular hardship but whatever you're enduring in life big or small something which is negligible or something which is life-changing I think that's the mentality in the attitude to have okay we're continuing the peace but I always forget to post I apologize but I'm happy to share with anyone who asks from rushworth's the bill Bobbie Howard arsenic raise be talk on that's me you soda bit house there is a concept called Batak on ask me which means how do you translate the talk on that's me self-assurance it means self confidence is a mistake it's a mistake sherry my bachelor hunters call Adam chhote Barrett's mobile phone a mullet without gum or shall I move on then math mashallah feet fees are so coca-cola hurts me Shana macabre call from a college bar who we're not talking about a healthy self-esteem we're not talking about a healthy healthy self-confidence we're not talking about a healthy self awareness we're talking about the arrogant person who always feels I got this I can control I can micromanage I can manipulate I can fix anything the person who walks in every business meeting and says I got this I'm so confident about the outcome because I got this who walks into surgery who walks into the courtroom who walks into the negotiation who walks into the kitchen or the gym or the supermarket I don't care who walks into anywhere and any interaction in life and says I'm self-assured I've such self-confidence I got this that's not a Jewish viewpoint it's not a total way of looking at life if a person is arrogant and egotistical and thinks that they have all the answers they could micromanage and manipulate they can conquer the world and that the skills and the talents that they have are permanent and not unknown it's not a Jewish viewpoint why because where is Hashem in that equation where is God what have they done with God in Cana Oh Samantha Luhmann bathenosh Ala Moana Zahra Zoey to fisa Shakira says of Schwartz they've turned themselves into an idol that they're worshipping I'm so confident I'm so positive I can so guarantee an outcome I can so control every situation and every person around me that arrogance has actually knocked God out of the equation so they're not worshiping an idol in the form of a pagan they're not bowing down to a statue who are they bowing down to themselves they're bowing down to the person they see in the mirror I got this I control this I fixed this I repair this the whole world needs to fall lockstep in order unto the way I want it to be how daraa be tougher that's me kilala todas at symbol I'm Daphne catatonic Fira LM mayonnaise Bona nursemaids bonus feat Sony's a redundant on the haka I am sesor of Schwartz before we judge or dismiss the people who think that way it doesn't come from a place of arrogance the person doesn't sit down and say I'm so self-assured and I have such self-confidence because because I worship an idol and I am that Idol and I invite the world to worship me and bow down to me persons not hummin the person is not power the person is not evil doesn't have nefarious schemes or plans why does it come it's cultural it's cultural because the world we live in is that external world not the internal voice of its element of Kim it's not that internal voice the manifestation of godliness but we live in a place that is that external voice that sees the battles and what happens we hear all those pep talks and motivational speeches that says if you're gonna win in that battle you got to believe in yourself and know that you can conquer and know that you have that power we just gave that talk ourselves at the beginning of this however when we gave that talk we didn't give it as if we ourselves are the source of it the reason we can be confident and the reason we can believe and the reason that we have hope and faith is not because the belief is in ourselves the address the destination of our belief is not us it's a collage for who it's the almighty because we know he's in us because we know he's protecting and preserving the Avram and the ayats how can the a cove the Sura Rivka and Rahul Alya in us it's Hashem ultimately that we are that we are seeing when a person is too self-assured and too self-confident things they can micromanage and express their power over everything they are competing with the Almighty and they're knocking him out of the equation that is not a Jewish view need to miss part dig most prosciutto is gonna move for someone asked on my fish but surah me - o ver Cara be talking but over the name of mr. Bennish he says let me give you several examples where we can explain or Express illustrate this idea Adam literally Tosa for Miami not be careless Oh Lavar foolish dos at feasts Oksana Samaras vada shots Leah Kalahari missus a fabulous dose a person wants to lift a big bucket of water to make a broth to drink so what happens the external sense of self says of course I can lift his cup and drink from it of course I can lift this jug or this utensil and drink from it I'm a normal person and my joints and muscles work and history has shown me the pattern that I have the capacity to lift it it's a no brainer it's a no doubter it's a done deal we don't even think about it our brain has already come to the conclusion that I'll easily be able to do this I think so too ever but I order my passion why because our whole lives however many many years we've been alive we've been able to do it until what until we can't do it anymore hey Margie she mentioned by Alito's oesophageal delicious Loomis has been held in Bali madruga Munna gevalt hyssop enemies Naveen Ian mccoshen hate and believe machines remember from Aruba she met sleek Lavazza GaN Pula calleb Judah Keynes there so there's two types of lives we can be living and by the way I don't think we're shorts are suggesting that we're living with the level of consciousness that every time I lift the glass to drink water I'm thinking Hashem please help me lift the glass help it and not slip out of my hands help my joints and my muscles coordinate and work help my neurons shoot help my brains work in order to communicate to my muscles what I want to do help me not dribble and drew it all over the front of my shirt I don't think he's suggesting that every sip of water we go through all those thoughts we'd never be able to operate in our day we'd be entirely and utterly debilitated what he's saying as an illustration is that they're two mentalities are attitudes there can be two implicit thoughts when it comes to every time we lift the glass to drink it can be I'm in control I'm empowered I can do it nothing can stop me this is a no brainer no doubter it's a done deal or you know anything can go wrong any time and whatever I'm doing I do so only with the goodness and the graciousness of God go I and therefore whether this will be a successful drink of water or whether I'll drop the glass of Dhruva water I'll spill it'll fall out of my hand that's really all up to God so it's a tiny illustration and one that he's not suggesting we think about all the time but rather a tiny illustration of the two attitudes one can have to the very same simple negligible act now I'll tell you where the tone is trying to endorse and promote and create is the sense of mindfulness of the right attitude what's an example of that the most base animal behavior that we go through is we eliminate the food we eat we all have to go to the bathroom we digest and we eliminate the food we ate it's simply the biology it's the way that the human system was created perhaps the most brilliant chemical factory that was ever designed is the human body it knows how to extract nutrients and eliminate waste it's an incredible brilliant system that was designed and what do we do every time we go to the bathroom I don't know any other religion like this we have a religious activity we have a religious ritual that when we come the bathroom we don't go back with our day we don't emerge from that animal moment the great equalizer I don't care if you're a millionaire or billionaire I don't care if you're a world leader or a homeless popper it is the great equalizer everybody needs to go to the bathroom pyro thought pyro tried to present himself as a deity as a god he would go to the Nile and hide there to pretend he didn't however every human being needs to it's the great equalizer so do you come out of the bathroom and say yeah that was a given and every time I need to go of course it all works out the way it's meant to and therefore I'm not even mindful I just go on with my day because I think I'm empowered I'm in control is or do we pause and say a brother called a shiatsu and say God thank you that's not a given ask the people who are in catheters ask the people who are on ostomies whether that is a given ask the people with jagged disease as in every Ashkenazi Jew on the planet ask the people who've been diagnosed with Crohn's or colitis whether what just happened it was a given that it can happen in time in the right place that had happened in the right way with dignity in a way that's good for your health it's not a given whatsoever so therefore a shot sir was given it's an illustration just like it's not a given I can lift a glass and take the sip it's not a given that I can eliminate the water or whatever I just drink when it's time for it to go another example another example I just lost the place a marker will be talked on a mortgage but over at Lisa its onus banaue has been a number I was like motion that's legal harms SFL nude speak action if I'm in code my same between mishima pursue the zoo so where does it come from let's analyze for a moment let's think analytically where does it come from the arrogance to think that of course whatever I want to do I can do I want to when I wake up in my in the morning my eyes should work and my legs should work if I want to walk a run or bend or crouch it is a given it should work I'm in control and of course that will work where does that attitude come from where does it emanate from if I want to lift the glass or I need to eliminate my food or I want to do whatever I want to do why should we assume in presume it's going to work the answer is very simple says dove Schwartz you know why because it's worked until now because every time until now it's worked so that pattern simply reinforces that erroneous conclusion that I can summon it and it will that it will happen whenever I want the caffeine crushing shaker ancient caution is negated Lapua zu there is nothing against by lifting the glass when I wanna I should have had a glass here to illustrate this but every time I want to lift my coffee cup I've never had a problem so this is an area of life that has no opponent it has no obstacle there is nothing I have to compete with there are suits pieces of you talkin ask me a lot of Miss patacas bit so my husband option in reboil poulos McLaughlin's Madhavi might show some change in Carfi oculist I get LM on the mailing boat in Makaha every time I step on the gas my car goes every time I turn the car on it starts every time I lift the glass I successfully take a drink every time I go to the bathroom I eliminate the food I ate the pattern of each of these behaviors and the successful outcome reinforces the mistaken assumption that we are in control that we can dominate and that we can continue to expect it to work exactly this way along to Shizu shame is from mr. galliston again Adam and you saw the Bateses amatzia samhitas and the zoo Ashley I'm a alum Adam Yan chicawa ASIMO domina Adam this says your source does not reflect the reality or the real world you know what it reflects a world of fantasy ask the person who can no longer walk who has a threat assert ask the person who can no longer eliminate food easily or at will ask the person who's lost the power of speech ask the person whose car has broken down and they can't get it to start ask the person who that which we take for granted we expect we think we are in control of we think we own permanently ask that person who theirs from there's been an enormous break down and we'll come to realize that it's an illusion it's an absolute fantasy it reflects no reality the fact that we can anticipate or predict or that we can Bank on the fact that we'll always be here keep Asik a dark colored solution welcome miss doc named Coco's a goof-off for me Hulk on the necklace Jim the natural order is that people get older and things down and they don't work with Farlow Brewer sure that's live missus I filed about some annual ish dose you have to ask someone else to pour you the drink or to carry it over for you or to lift it to your lips or as happy talking to mr. Ghul was the harissa safari Latvia fishery is a rare and should be selfish italic Barnea but two thematic Shane : I made one who owed that's when we breathed that sense of humility that's when we realized I'm not really in control that's when we start to you know it's a it's a fascinating thing that the people who spend their lives arrogantly believing they're in charge they're in control the most minor breakdown becomes debilitating the most minor breakdown breeds of depression and anxiety why because when you confront a reality that's so different than the distorted illusion that you were clinging to it absolutely knocks you flat on your backside so if you always thought you're in control you were in power you can fix you can repair that you are the source of everything in life now throws at you and says that's not true it was never true so what do you do with that what do you do with that I remember a doctor a surgeon who told me that the hardest patients are executives executives of big companies people who built their own businesses they're the hardest patients because the doctor says you can't bounce back you're gonna be on your you're gonna be need to recuperate recover you're gonna be at home don't try to manage us don't try to speed it up and the patients don't listen and why don't they listen because they're used to everything operating the way they want they tell their employees what to do they they execute their vision their decisions their conclusions they make for the hardest patients because they're unwilling to accept that the natural reaction to surgery is going to demand a different schedule than the one that they want and then the one they can control they are the worst so the same is true in life the law cling to this fantasy this illusion then when the reality strikes the harder and further we're going to fall the more that we live our lives even when everything works we know it's on alone it's not permanent the more that we spend our entire lives realizing I'm a cab Rafa every time my legs work in my eyes work me in fact make that bra nation which either go all first 15 breakfast in the morning because a Shahar the prelude to two chakras is all about oh my eyes work my legs work my hands work a shiatsu my elimination system works Oh it's all working check check check check every day we remind ourselves it son permanently don't take it for granted don't assume don't think you're in charge don't think you're in control and then if God forbid or when there is a breakdown of one of those operating systems then it doesn't knock us out because we always knew that that could happen we were prepared for it and we know how to ask and pray for it to return and come back yet again so it's predictable what's not predictable is that we'll always be in control or we'll always have it what is predictable is that it's going to eventually break them come walking eat our pain the national market and shamash must symptom because like little odd the more in American mayhem but Hinkle Adam Perron is company commissioned receive a liudmila Marsha and nourish income in America Lister's Motoko NASA file the box office a founder for burnish bar bitte Schoen Anushka if you're not prepared for a time in a day that your hand will shake or that you'll lose the muscle in your forearm and you may drop that glass not only will the glass drop and fall but it's your heart that's going to break when you thought that you were invincible when you thought that nothing could ever happen to you we have to realize the truth imipramine Ahlers dance this was a friendship they are no laelia be Tameka Venusian in there are two perspectives there are two attitudes there are two approaches you've been living your life with God or living without him you either think you can roar like a lion because you know God is on your side and you're invested in him and trust in him and you realize the reality of his role in your life or you'll feel like that grasshopper you'll feel stepped on and you'll feel stomped on and you'll feel eliminated when life throws the curveball you're away because you face the reality that in fact you can't control and you can't solve every problem meet a Leticia chakra do botanical teams in earshot Sahara this little son of metal is toast so the external sense of self says you know why I'm having trouble with this glass my muscles my joints I overworked I'm aging I didn't take the calcium I should have taken my life I never answered got milk so that's why I'm not able to lift this glass right now it's that external sense of stuff Kim idealists are hot Simona birthday laughs - laughing goofily of a car fly Woody's borrow but may EDA there's another point of view there's another attitude and that's what we're doing together on Wednesdays we get together for a short time in order to remind ourselves and to bring out that best added and what's that attitude he says habit ah home to live a life of Emunah living with a Munna and betta home how'd them attacking him the many mistresses tokenize of america for him the hot Lila she hula Easter that when you drop that glass you say oh it's not because of my aging or my arthritis it's not because of my calcium deficiency it's not because it was slippery and I shouldn't ride it on the outside and it's not because the person who handed to me let go you know I the glass drop and broke and fell because that was the will of Hashem because that's what was meant to be now if I wasn't careful I can certainly learn from it and promise and pledge to be more careful going forward but the pause in every moment is to say to ourselves to say to ourselves that's what was meant to be nothing happens by accident now this is a complicated area and we've discussed several times this is the baby to the Rambam and many others Rahman has a very extreme view not everybody agrees that every single small detail but I subscribe and I promote and we learn in our class this attitude in this notion that it's all from above that nothing is coincidental and therefore that's what empowers us and encourages us and gives us the strength to get through life from the smallest negligible things to the big things there are faint pop I'm an eerie Makram Carabas a no-name shirishama has stuff all talking our program Misha Magnum that may have tequila the great rabbis if you go back to Kazan you understood the attitude of our rabbis in the town but you will see that you know what they would conclude when they drop the glass and it spills everywhere what they would say is it wasn't meant for me to drink that maybe there was a poison in the liquid maybe it was gonna be detrimental to my health maybe it was gonna fill my bladder and leave me in a position to have to go to the bathroom in a place where there is no bathroom maybe who knows who knows who knows but it wasn't meant to be so you know the only thing I need to do right now is clean up the spilled glass and not cry over what spilled from it instead realized huh I guess that wasn't meant to be time to move on there are two points of view and two attitudes that we can bring one will leave us anxious one will leave us frazzled one will leave us bent out of shape one will raise our blood pressure one will lower our quality of life and damage our relationships when we think we can micromanage and control when we think we're in control in charge when we subscribe to an illusion of the life and the other when we take that deep breath and we let go when we take that deeper and we realize whatever happens is with meant to be and we'll deal with it now I want to tell you III don't know I'm shocked actually these last three months turning out four months have to me humbled the most arrogant people in the whole world we know nothing we understand nothing and we can control nothing it doesn't matter how desperate we are coronavirus isn't over because we want it to be over maybe it's over for us but it's not over for it so we can't control it we desperately want to be able to predict and anticipate in control and we can and we're seeing brilliant brilliant people accomplished charismatic entrepreneurial creative brilliant people who so so so desperately want to be able to control and bring about a different reality a return to normal and we can't I've been flattened by this I wrote about it two weeks ago because you know as a community leader as a rabbi I try using advice of people around me and an incredible team that I'm privileged to be part of we put out fires we're problem solvers we come up with ideas we execute plans we try to manage the community and this is a life right now of utter and total uncertainty I wake up every morning and I know less than I knew the day before there's a transfer on surfaces and through children and the role of masks and distancing is it over is it worse is the spike because of testing is this bike because hospital admission I don't know anything anything how does anyone know anything and you talk to this person and their post corona you talk to this person and they're hiding under the bed because it's worse than ever and you're left saying I don't know any I thought I knew everything I can google everything and get information I can YouTube everything and know how to fix anything and here's something I can't fix not only can I not even fix it I can't even understand it or know it with any sense of confidence this has shattered self confidence it has shattered self confidence now it shouldn't say we could have two reactions to that it said you know what I'm a lowly nothing grasshopper really it's not just coronavirus that leaves me uncertain and lacking confidence I should realize that every day I wake up my entire life pre Corona and post Corona life is equally uncertain who knows what it's going to bring who knows how your day is going to change who knows what's gonna happen to people around you that you love or god forbid to yourself but good or for bad who knows every day should be a sense of uncertainty and yet this is uncertainty on steroids and it is debilitating and I'll just tell you very personally Baruch Hashem we're very privileged our daughter is engaged we couldn't be more excited and happier and in the scheme of things this is the greatest problem to ever have or wish on anyone but you know heart is to try to plan a wedding in a time of the maximum uncertainty how do you know how many people where how can you dance will there be masks can you test everyone there will it be a spike will things be better how in the world where do you get started where do you begin if you've planned us simply you know that even when you're living a life of not variables but constants even then it's hard to plan even that it's impossible to plan now take every component and variable of a plan and turn it on its head and say you can know nothing you can know absolutely nothing what do you do with that and how do you plan so I'm just sharing this because I'm trying to give a very personal illustration an example all you could do is take a deep breath and say we'll do the best we can and it's up to our show and we'll keep having to modify or adapt or change or hopefully for the good and for the more and for the better and if not last minute you have to go the other direction it's the way it was meant to be and it's easy to have that voice in your own head harder to have that voice with the people around you and the and the main and the main centerpieces of the Simca themselves but what other choice is there what other choice is there so these are the two mentalities that we can have the external sense of self says I'm battling and battling the venue on battling the caterer and valuing the Health Department I'm battling the medical community I'm battling what's right I'm battling the optics I'm battling the cut I'm battling battling battling battling that's the external sense of self and you know when that happens who wants to get out of bed who wants to host even a sinful to do anything but there is another choice there's another option and the other option is to say I'm not battling anything there's a harmony to the universe and there's a lion inside me ready to roar with emunah and faith or whatever is meant to be will happen that I can adapt and conform that I can change and be flexible and that it's going to be great by definition because that's what's meant to be and that's what's going to happen for a simpler faster show on for the opposite that's what's going to be that's what's going to be I saw a great quote I'll end with this today I saw a great great quote you ready anxiety is the tension between the now and the then anxiety is just the tension between the now and the then we'll get to the ven and we'll get to the post then whatever the ven is a similar god forbid the opposite whatever date on the calendar whatever milestone we'll get to the then whatever the then is that we have to get through well get to the then anxiety is the tension between the now and getting to the then but it doesn't have to be that anxiety is there if we're living our external sense of self but if you're learning you're living your internal sense of self if you're living not with the worst of you the best of you not the battling you but the harmony you not the egotistical arrogant you but the submissive confident trusting in our sham sense of you then you could eliminate that anxiety between the now and the then just fast forward to the then fast forward to the then and say whatever it will take to get from the hear from the now to the then I trust in you so it will be what it will be and we're good to go and I'll do my best with whatever I can in any given moment but it's going to be okay it's going to be okay this is a daily and an hourly and a moment-to-moment choice that we make which version of ourselves do we want to express do we want to tap into do we want to live that's the question on us it's a question on us because we have the capacity to roar like a lion we'll come full circle the way we begin we can see ourselves as that incompetent incapable grasshopper stepped on by the universe or we can see ourselves as that lion ready to roar with Emunah and be tough I'm not roar with arrogance that we can solve every problem but roar with the knowledge that we can eliminate that anxiety that we might as well be at the then now because it will be no different there is no tension between the two because both we know with confidence that we're going to be okay that it's going to work out because by definition that's the way it's meant to be and that's the way it is so we'll pick up with this next time as we continue to all work on ourselves thank you so much for joining I wish everyone a wonderful life living with Emunah behind the beam of tonight 9:00 p.m. we have an incredible guest from Moshe Weinberg ashleeta who really preaches and teaches and lives all these ideas and ideals looking forward to the conversation with them behind the beam of tonight at 9:00 p.m. everyone have it the most wonderful wonderful day