Living With Emunah (Part 180): Look in the Mirror

welcome to this episode of living with emunah to stay up to date subscribe on youtube listen on your favorite podcast player or mobile app or check out by fromgoldberg.com good morning and welcome back to our weekly living with amuna series are we living with emunashir so good to have you back together again to work on our sense of faith our knowledge our confidence our connection with our creator with the almighty i want to thank as always our dear sponsors dr xavier and bella morgan who sponsored the living with the moon series this year in memory of rabbi dr brian galbert and bella's mother dr ellen shanzer thank you so much for your generosity also if you'd like to sponsor a future episode please email lee l-e-e at brsonline.org leelee brsonline.org we continue living with emunah how to feel hashem's presence in our life each and every day to live with an awareness that no matter what we're going through no matter where we are no matter what's happening around us we're not alone we're never alone the almighty is always by our side his hand is on our shoulder he's always supporting us loving us he's always directing our lives even when it feels like we are on our own figuring it out for ourselves and so we're trying to achieve a level of vegas we've been learning the wonderful say for a review the chapter that deals with the way the path to acquire the quality of clinging to god of feeling his presence of gluing and attaching ourselves to him on a on a regular basis and we've talked about the different methods number one to think about and to talk about amuna so your yo-te put a check next to number one you come on wednesday mornings you're thinking about amuna we are renewing that sense of confidence knowledge that there is a god there is a creator of the universe of what it means to live with his presence number two we said was where's number two number two was sorry his bonus being contemplated setting aside time to think and to be to feel and to emote to feel a sense of love a connection an admiration an awe for god a lust a longing for him the rambam describes when you come to know god you love god and just like in the courtship period or phase when a couple are coming to learn about one another they're drawing what got me called the love maps misaiva taiva gedola laid the assassin says you're filled with this loss this longing it's all you could think about you walk around and you look like you're in outer space have you ever been around somebody who's in love they're obnoxiously annoying it's impossible you can't get far enough away from them they're all consumed and they're seeing stars and they're and the rama describes that that that phase is something we're capable of experiencing with god when we're in that journey to discover god to learn about god to look at his world when we're trying to identify with ashka pratas his the feelings that he's involved in our life and to thank him for all that he's doing a person could get to the point of misawa taiva godola to feel a longing a lust a great desire to know god to connect with god and so one needs to set aside time said rivets amaya ii naming the hisponeness to be thoughtful to be contemplative to shut down to disconnect from the things around us and to be able to connect with what matters to be able to connect with what is truly the most the most important number three was torah utila let's not forget when we're doing torah and mitzvos let's not forget when we're actually doing religious activities don't forget that you're allowed to be connected to god we sometimes forget that when you're davening you could walk away having thought of god we sometimes forget that when you do a mitzvah you're allowed to be mindful that this is a bid for connection a means for connection that i'm supposed to walk away transformed and enriched and feeling closer to god than i was beforehand we forget when i learned torah that ye shalom there's a god even in the or the sheer or whatever learning i'm doing it's not just about the information and the minutia the details but i'm also learning about god we said yesterday in the past year the end of the parasha after we received the torah at har sinai hashem says don't make gods of gold don't make gods of silver and revenue the great spanish commentator medieval commentator had a magnificent explanation said rabbin in understanding this pasak he said what does it mean where's the passage so the simple understanding is don't do with me don't i'm the only god this is a unique monogamous relationship we have a one-on-one says god you confide in me i can fight and trust you there's a sense of intimacy a connection of closeness and if you're going to start to worship other things if you're going to start to worship money and power and fame if you're going to worship idols which all those we've turned into modern day idols then you're cheating you're practicing infidelity on me don't do that to me reinterprets the verse and he says when you're with me don't make elohim so what does that mean don't do that when you're with me says revena when you're davening don't be thinking about your trip to nordstrom's or neiman marcus or going on amazon and what you're going to be able to download and order when you're davening when you're learning when you're doing a mitzvah when you're et when you're supposed to be with me don't be thinking about the stock market or closing your next deal or money because if you do then you've turned that money into elohim you've turned it into a religion you're worshiping at the altar of possessions and material things rather than having a relationship with me rather than leaning in to connect with me because after all says god i'm the source of your livelihood i'm the source of your wealth i'm the source of all your material possessions so lo sassoon et when we're meant to be with god be with god now a life of divacus what we're working on is all about being with god throughout our day wherever and whenever from when we wake up till we fall asleep to feel he's in the room you're about to choose what to watch no he's sitting on the couch next to you so choose wisely you're about to choose what to say what to share with a friend over coffee he's also there for that coffee clutch that coffee meeting whether it's on zoom or in person so choose wisely filter carefully what you say you have a business decision to make you're about to whatever it is in life to feel he's in our he's our he's with us each and every moment of every day however in particular during those religious activities davening learning doing mitzvos then he's even more intensely with us we can feel his presence even more intensely when we're supposed to be with god don't be thinking about the physical world physical indulgences physical pleasure physical pursuits physical ambitions because we've turned those into gods we've turned those into gods but it's hard you know i'll tell you be honest for a moment i'll make a confession some of my best thoughts come during darvening have you ever noticed that when do your breakthrough thoughts come i keep a little piece of paper and a pen on my stender because when a thought comes to me while i'm dominating i want to get it out of my head as quickly as possible i want to get back to god i don't want to be juggling or carrying or figuring out how to remember it even when i'm done so if it's whether someone i have to call back or something i want to do or something that i need to an idea for what i want to write about i try to jot it down and get it out of my head why does it happen during davening why does it happen during davening because that's the time we're disconnected from technology that's the time that we're actually setting aside to think so richard meyer said number two is bonus you gotta think you gotta set aside time to think get us a time to be contemplative to feel to emote to have breakthrough moments yaakov when did yaakov wrestle with himself when did he emerge stronger and better when did he improve when he was live adele when he was by himself so we have to experience sometimes being by ourselves and the only time we're by ourselves these days is when we daven we're not by ourselves we're of course in conversation with god and if you're actual you're surrounded by other people but we're by ourselves because we're disconnected disconnected from the usual technology so that's when we often have our best thoughts that's when we can be distracted and that's when we can be thinking about other things but that's a mistake because god says lo you ever talking to someone and all of a sudden they say you're unburdening yourself you're unloading you're sharing or confiding you're saying something about what you think about the world and they say you know just one second i just i gotta send this text which makes it clear that all along they weren't listening they were thinking about something else and now they've got to write it down or send a text how do you think god feels when we're supposedly in conversation with him and the truth is we're doing these other things we're making gods out of these other things all at the expense and all while ignoring god himself then we talked about the notion of name shameless of drawing and picturing the name of god and the power of connecting to a name and hashem the name of god our mission is to expand into the last la i hope you can hear me now okay the last we had left off with was hasmada was that a person needs to be invested to spend time the measure the metric how do you know that you really care about a relationship is how much time you give it if you tell somebody all day long how much they mean to you so they say so make some time let's get together let's talk let's experience let's travel let's go out if you don't spend time then you don't really value the relationship is a you know the theory of volatility equals mc squared well there's a theory of relationships and i don't know exactly what the formula is or what the acronym should be but it involves time if a person doesn't make time in the relationship they don't really value the relationship relationships demand time and they demand undistracted time they make man focus time they demand quality time and the same is true in our relationship with hashem we cannot claim to love us and we cannot claim to want to connect to hashem and yet we don't make time and yet we don't make time there's no time so yes you can't say i love god in truth is so god i'm sorry i have no time for you i'm binge watching netflix sorry god i have no time for you i'm going to be invested in the super bowl from 11 a.m till 11 pm this sunday sorry god i have no time for you i have 17 magazines and 14 newspapers who all say the same thing but i've got to read every inch of every column sorry god i have no time for you because i'm constantly at the mall checking out the latest fashion the latest fed sorry god i have no time for you and you can list all the things that we claim we have no time for god or we claim to have no time for our spouse or our children or our friends but if we took an honest inventory of our time including how we spend it online one of the greatest oil made when yosef revealed himself to his brothers yosef says yosef i am your brother yosef and our rabbi say wow what a pachan punim what a smack across the face what a profound muslim moment and you say profound muslim moment all he did is say i'm yosef your brother but yeah you know when the biggest muslim in the world is you know the biggest smack in the face is when you have to confront the reality of your choices and your life and the illusion that you sell yourself that no one else is buying when you have to confront the reality and the illusion and delusion fall apart that is the most harsh harsh moment so we have that moment in our lives open up your phone don't do it right now and your phone or your laptop is tracking how you spend your time it'll tell you exactly how much time you spent on facebook or twitter how much time you spent surfing amazon how much time you spent watching netflix how much time you spent doing whatever you do on your device it is tracking and dividing and providing you the details and data of exactly how you spend your time so i want you to look at that and then come and tell god sorry god i really love you just don't have time for you sorry kinder luck my beautiful children i love you just don't have time sorry my spouse because my marriage is the most important thing on the planet i don't have time for you well that's funny because your phone said that you had four hours to look at echo chambers of social media of people yelling at each other of which you got nothing better out of it all you did is raise your blood pressure and use loose ears on your life that you had time for so ces the metric the measure in all areas of life but including with god of the quality of the relationship and how much you really care about the relationship is how much time you give to it how much time you give to it and there's an exercise when i was first becoming the rabbi of brs i had a mentor stuart harris i love hashem who was an extraordinary man incredibly brilliant and wise man and he gave me his time generously tried to mentor me and he sat and he talked to me he put me through the following exercise it's not directly related to emunah but i think it's worthwhile for me to share anyway he said to me what do you want to be spending your time doing how do you want to be spending your time what matters what's important what do you think your job your responsibility your role okay so we created a pie that involved of course my family first and foremost that included myself because one of the relationships we have has been atmo we have a critically important relationship between us and ourselves which is our mental health and our physical health and taking care of ourselves it's important you can't be entirely self-centered then you're just a jerk but you also have to have some sense of self-preservation because if you don't care about or take care of yourself at all then what worth and what good are you for others so how do you spend your time between taking care of yourself and your family and then the community local national international roles jobs responsibilities i told them he said great now i want you for the next two weeks to write down every single moment of how you spend it every day so what are you kidding so yeah carry a pad and a pen and write down how you're spending every moment of every day from when you wake up till you fall asleep what were you doing of every moment how much time was spent in meetings how much time was spent counseling how much time has been teaching how much time was spent with family how much time i spent with your learning how much time was spent with your exercising what did you do i see linda shaking her head because she may have remembered that exercise she was probably in charge of writing it up or looking at it or helping me get up off the floor when i had to recover from it so the exercise is to write down why you spend every moment and does what you do in reality match what in your mind you think you're doing does what you do in truth match does it correspond with what you claim you should be doing with your time it was an invaluable exercise and an enormous reality check of how we think we spend their time and how in truth we spend our time and so coming back to dweckos until which amaya morgenstern bianda he says that how you spend your time is the evidence of the relationship you have of how much you really care of how much you really care so if you make no time for god you're late to doubting you rush out of doubting and you fly through your daughting and you're cleaning up the room while you're diving and the dalvin and you're doing other things while you're doing it and supposedly that was the time you were talking to god supposedly that was the time that you said everything else aside you said god let me tell you about my day let me tell you where i need your help and let me tell you what i'm grateful for let me tell you why i love you and let me try to listen to you in me talk to me about what i should be thinking about and then you're distracted and doing a million other things and you fly through it you get out of there as quickly as possible oh but you really care about your relationship with god any relationship we really care about we make time for and if we don't make time for it then maybe we want to care about the relationship but if the reality doesn't match what we believe in what we say then all that matters is the reality now what's in our mind and what's in our head that's how you confront truth and reality and that's when you begin to change it and adjust it as long as we live in a cloud we live in a world of illusion and delusion as long as we convince ourselves either that we don't have time or we disproportionately and inaccurately report how much time we think we spend with our spouse our children or god then we'll never change but if we actually have to look at the data and confront the reality of how little we exercise and how little we dive and how little we learn how little we sleep how poorly behaved we are with our eating habits if we have to confront the reality because we record the data then that will kickstart us to change that will jolt us into transformation and that will allow us to measure our progress and how we're doing with zes and this is the secret this is the critical key says richard meyer to success when it comes to clinging to god she is try and to attempt according to our level and according to where we're at to the best of our ability to cling to god and to never break away to never stop thinking i've said this example before i'll say it 10 times more again just like i'm never not married when i'm married there are people who are not married but when one is in a marriage you're never in the state of not being married now i have work i have to do and i have to sleep and i'm dominating i'm learning in those moments i'm not necessarily thinking about my spouse otherwise i can't i can't genuinely be inauthentically and an earnest be doing those other things but somewhere in the back of my mind somewhere in the recesses of my heart of course i'm thinking always about my status as a married person and my love of the other and that's the level we strive for as a parent the same thing a parent the same thing you're only as happy as your least happy child nothing true or has ever been said in life you're only as happy as your least happy child so who's not always checking in and learning about the happiness of your children and that's what carries or dictates and determines your day you're only as happy as your least happy child and so yes meanwhile you're going to work or you're dominating or you're doing the other 100 activities you have to do you're not necessarily talking to your child or your grown children throughout the entire day but they're in the back of your mind you're always a parent you're always loving them you're always concerned about them you're always worried about them that's part of the status and the identity and the profile on the biography of who we are so if you're a true evid hashem if you have a real relationship with the almighty if you're really trying to practice dvacus then in the back of the mind right next to i'm married and right next to i'm a parent is i'm also a servant of hashem he's with me in every room he's informing inspiring and guiding every activity i need him i ask him i reach out to him last week i'm behind the bhima we had shulam lemmer shalom lambert the great belzer khasid with a magnificent voice who's been signed by universal records shalom lambert the first hasidic or jewish superstar signed by a secular record label and he sings the totality of music it's worth listening to that episode because he sang a little bit on behind the bhima last week and shula number lincoln center and across the globe in countries in europe and he has performed everything from yiddish and klezmer and khazanas to billy joel elton john opera and everything else in between and shawn lemberg shared last week on our show that every time he performs every time he performs he says a peric of tell him before and then he asks god please help me find my voice now that's not surprising you go stand on stage at lincoln center in front of thousands of people who paid a lot of money to hear you and you have to fulfill your contract with a record label and you're nervous so you say to god please help me succeed i got it but here's the amazing thing he said when he's asked to go to visit a hospital room and to sing for a patient who can be uplifted by his voice and it's mano amano it's one on one it's him in the patient in the hospital bed he's being paid nothing he's doing it by the goodness of his heart he still pauses for a moment before he walks in the hospital afterwards i better say thank you because it's on loan it's not permanently owned and that's the level we should be walking around in our lives that i hope i'm successful every time i get in the car let me not get an accident let me not get a speeding ticket and let nothing go wrong every time every activity we do in our life a life of vegas means each thing i do whether explicitly or implicitly whether out loud or in my heart i take a moment to say god i need you i need you for this cake to turn out well i need you for this dresser to turn out well i need you for this conversation to turn out well i need you for this negotiation to turn out well i need you for this car ride or this airplane trip or this journey to turn out well i need you each and every time and each and every activity now we're pretty good at that part because you know there's no atheist in that foxhole in those moments we get desperate and we need him are we as good afterwards as saying thank you when we arrive at the destination and we pull back into the driveway do we say thank you god that went smoothly that went well we're all here and safe in one piece after the negotiation goes well and after the cocoa or cake tastes delicious or after the dry show we feel like we found our voice and it turned out well so a life of vegas is asking for help before and saying thank you right after and always remembering always remembering that we can't do it without him to ask him and to feel his presence in our life in our life and so it's part of the definition of who we are we're a spouse we're a parent part of the definition we are as a child as i look at some of you you're you're in the sandwich generation who are both thinking about concerns about children simultaneously thinking about loving concerned and supporting parents and tell me in the back of your mind is there a moment of any day that you're not thinking about your parent let them not fall let them not get hurt let them not continue to deteriorate let them not get exposed to somebody with covid again does that mean that it paralyzes and debilitates you that you can't do other things during the day of course you're doing other things during the day but while doing other things during the day there are people who are in a position in life that sandwich generation who while doing other things during the day are also thinking about children parents and so the one we should be thinking about simultaneously now it's impossible says richard meyer of course he concedes it's impossible that you're not going to have to break away and think about other things so you're right it's not 24 7. you're not going to be sitting thinking about god god forbid while you're in the bathroom or while you're in other activities in which one should not be focused on god it's part of the definition of who we are but there are moments that you're not going to be thinking about him but what's the the goal what's the ambition the ambition is there's no issue of the day that you weren't thinking about god i mean think about it if i told you there should not be anything you eat where you don't think about god you'd say come on i can't do that but we do do that how do you do that it's called the bracha it's called the bracha my delicious cup of coffee that i'm still nursing it wasn't to make two coffees i felt bad that's dangerous two coffees in the morning so i just bought a bigger cup 20 ounce cups i work off now i have one coffee it's just 20 ounces instead of a smaller it's a great trick you could try i'm not patenting it try it at home still one coffee i'm up to 20 ounces then i'll go to 30 and 40 but i only still have one cup of coffee to start my day so everything you eat and drink you make a bracha beforehand so is that not saying god both thank you and please please let this cup of coffee help me not harm me please let it all go well and thank you afterwards god thank you thank you for the incredible factory called my digestive system my body thank you for the gift of coffee and caffeine thank you for everything you do so every meal begins and ends with god oh i'm either eating by myself i'm not by myself i'm with a companion but you know who's present that every meal that you take you know who's present whether you're eating in your car you're eating on the go you're eating at a restaurant you're eating at home god is at that meal acknowledge him acknowledge him thank you for the capacity to have this food to have shopped and cooked and provided it to have bought it thank you for a world in which it's produced if you have a garden thank you for growing it god is one of the people present at every meal if you invite him if you acknowledge him if you welcome him if you have gratitude to him every mode of transportation whether you're in a car whether you're on a boat whether you're in a plane god's the adapter speak to him and cling to him at least once and certainly every time you learn that every time you don't god is there last week over yeshiva week we went swimming with the manatees if you've never gone swimming with the manatees i highly recommend it you want to find god put on a wetsuit get underwater and start looking at the world under the sea there's an entire world down there we live above the sea we don't see it but it's a whole world and i don't mean disney and cartoons under the sea i mean put on a snorkel and get under there yourself we have the gift we have the capacity to do it it's not a far drive if you live in south florida and you know i think god will have a taina if you come upstairs after 120 and he says what'd you think of my manatees what'd you think of my stanley fish what'd you think of the coral reef and you said nah i didn't see it why i didn't have time and then he's gonna hold up your screen time and he's gonna say you had time to binge watch netflix but you couldn't go see my manatees you had time to watch things and vicariously see other people's lives you watched grown men throw a leather ball and and beat each other and pulverize each other but you didn't have time to put on a snorkel and check out my manatees there's only one place that's legal in the entire united states to swim with the manatees and it's here in florida not a far drive put it on your radar if you feel it safe do it now when it will be safe make sure it's on your bucket list because it's worth it you put on that you put on that uh snorkel i couldn't pull you have it out when it was time when we were done had to get back in the boat she was loving it she was checking it out the manatees come up an inch away from you you swim with them first you got to watch a little video and they tell you there's laws the manatees are protected so there's laws and they tell you that um all my kids have to watch this we all to watch this before we can jump in they tell you that uh if the manatee touches you you're welcome to respond and touch it otherwise leave it alone certainly if the manatee is resting or sleeping you're not allowed to awaken for the most part don't aggravate the manatee so i turned to my kids afterwards and i said i'm the manatee whatever the rules you just heard they apply to me also so don't bother me if i want to hug and kiss you reciprocate although if i'm sleeping don't bother me the protected species i'm the manatee i am the they're the cow of the sea i'm the cow of the land don't uh don't bother so get under there and see the man it is god how do you not talk about god before you jump in if you've never snorkeled before how do you not think about god and how do you not thank god afterwards when you've just spent time with his creation most of whom you've never met before and you get to give a real shalom aleichem like a magnificent colored fish magnificent manatees these huge humanities they come inches away from you they're peaceful they're loving they're there and you can go interact with them it's amazing it's amazing you have to do it so when you're down there what are you thinking about certainly you're thinking about let water not come in the top of my snorkel but once you pass that thought you got to be thinking about god looking around taking it into your diabetes emo speak to him via dalvik but cling to him say god i feel you down here i'm connected to you down here wow what a world you've created and god you have a relationship with every blade of grass and every inch of the coral reef and every manatee and every all the water because and to go um incrementally our parsha also has you're not allowed to run up the ramp you couldn't run up the ramp of the altar you know what happens if you run up the ramp of the altar you reveal your nakedness because in those days even men although they did have something underneath their garment but if you run up the ramp if you if you run too fast so your steps are too wide you'll reveal your nakedness to others and how melodically our commentators tell us what that means is if you're moving too fast religiously if you take steps that are too big and you will reveal your nakedness you show that you know the emperor is naked so to say you say that on the outside you're moving quickly but you're moving too quickly it's not genuine it's not authentic and it won't last so you have to go out little by little climb a little bit more so pay attention during dominating you try to pay attention during eating and try to pay attention when you say your ashiyat and you come out of the bathroom and try to thank hashem when things go well and try to be conscientious and conscious of hashem when you travel each time you go in the car little by little not overnight become this big sadiq who can't stop thinking about god 24 7 because that won't be real and it's never going to last you'll just annoy the people around you really quickly and then they'll tell you i told you so when you drop it and you move on but little by little slowly determine times and periods and points in life and during the day where you can think about and connect to god because your life will be so enriched as a result votes madregos don't jump steps don't skip steps move slowly move incrementally move methodically move strategically and be able to measure and track that progress start a spreadsheet start a spreadsheet we talked about earlier what gets measured gets managed peter drucker peter drucker the great management guru said what gets measured gets managed so look at your life how do we spend our time and are we really doing the things that we claim we want to do and does that time include spending time with god being contemplative and meditative and disconnecting and just being and thinking and feeling his presence in our lives so what's it going to be this week here's your homework my dear dear living with a moon of friends here's your homework what's it going to be this week one thing one thing when is the extra effort to think about god going to come in coming out of the bathroom cooking in the kitchen getting in the car which activity will we make an extra effort to take one moment one moment say god like shulam lammer before i sing god i need your help god i want to be successful god thank you afterwards because the more god conscientious we become i'm not telling you to live this life i know i've said this a million times tell a secret everything i'm saying i've said a million times i don't know how you why you all come back we just said the same thing every week just find a different story to insert inside it to say it and rabbi dr abraham jay torski passed away this week an enormous loss to the jewish world an outstanding person he wrote over 60 books but he famously said i really wrote one book about self-esteem i just said it 60 times so we say the same thing each and every week until it will penetrate until it'll get through until finally we'll be able to live that life the reason we're trying to live this life of a moon is not for god it's not a sacrifice it's not a concession it's not a compromise we're not doing it because god needs it we're doing it for ourselves because the more we know that he's there the more we know that he's in our life the more we know he's in charge and he's in control the more we surrender and submit the healthier physically emotionally spiritually we'll start to see our improvements uh our relationships improve you'll start to see your health improve your start to feel less envy less anger less arrogance feel god in our lives and our lives will simply get better and therefore just like taking care of your health it takes work it takes discipline but the results make it worth it the same is true in this area of life so that's your homework name yourself what is that area you're going to work on which will it be in which area of life will we feel his presence will we ask for his help before and feel the gratitude after is it each and every time you get in the car is it each and every time you eat a morsel of food each and every time you come out of the bathroom each and every time you're going to cook each and every time you're going to prepare a drush or shear which will it be i'm with you i've got to think about mine and pledge mine as well until next time stay happy stay healthy stay holy tonight 9 p.m we go behind the bma with our congressman ted deutch and his wife jill deutsch apolitical we're going to talk about behind the beam it's all about inspiration not politics so we're going to talk about judaism and forms what they do and why he chose to go into uh into politics to begin with and some other inspirational ideas maybe have special surprise guests tonight as well join us tonight we go behind the bima at 9 00 p.m subscribe on youtube to get notified each and every time we are going to learn together till next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy