Living With Emunah (Part 181): Invite Hashem to the Table

good morning bogartov and welcome back to our weekly living with ammuna essentially our support group are gathering to remind ourselves what should be obvious and known by now which is that there's a creator that there's a god that we have a father in heaven who loves us that he is involved and invested in our lives each and every day that we should be grateful to him talk to him clinton connect with him ask him and feel the support of him i want to thank our generous sponsors for the year doctors avi and bella morgan in memory of our dr brian galbet and in memory of bella's mother dr ellen shanzer thank you so much for your generosity thank you for your sponsorship it is so deeply and profoundly appreciated as you know this week we are running a campaign non-brs members who enjoy our classes our writings our posts our panels our programs our conversations to please give back to show that support that participation be part of an online global community of learners we need your help we need your support in order to be able to continue to do what we do in order to continue to be able to expand it and provide it and inspire others and so very very simply put if you enjoy this class please show it if you enjoy the class go to brsonline.org global brs brsonline.org slash global if you're watching on the campaign page you can hit donate during the class it won't take you away from the class if not after we're done learning please go on vrsonline.org global in honor in memory in tribute anonymously with your name do your part and show your appreciation for the benefit that you get if any which i assume you get otherwise you won't be back here this morning if you're coming back hopefully it's because it's meaning it's doing something for you okay we go back to our learning we are learning richard meyer morgan shows wonderful savior and we're learning about vegas the quality of clinging and sticking and attaching ourselves to hashem that is what we're trying to do attach ourselves to realize that not wandering in this world on our own we're not trying to make sense of it or figure it out it's not random or chance everything is by design because the almighty is pulling the strings everything there's meaning and there's order and therefore why worry why panic why fear is talking to people who are scheduled to get their second vaccine on monday but all weekend there was some nervousness nervousness what if i get a cold what if i get sick what if something happens what if they run out and i said what's with what of what's with all the what ifs how is that going to change the outcome all the concern all the fear all the anxiety all the worry will that influence the outcome if there was something you could do about if there was something you can change it would actually impact an outcome maybe i would understand why you'd waste the emotional energy and the physical energy and compromise your health to worry but it doesn't change an outcome it doesn't create or impact or influence any reality so why waste the energy why compromise your health why not say hashem if hashem wants me to get this second vaccine then it's going to work then there won't be a problem with my getting it why not recognize please god i'll stay healthy and well and qualify and they'll have ample supply and it's just one example of so many in our lives in which we expend so much energy and we waste so much fear for things that never happen that never come true and even if they do it's the way it was meant to be it's by design it's from hashem it is what is right i want to share with you you are avid listeners i shouldn't just call it a listener because it's not a passive class i gain and i learn from you each one of you that shares a story or an impact or an immune thought and the moon is strength that strengthens me so i got a great email and it says the following i want to share with you the following and the story my wife asked me to take an important piece of mail downstairs to send out for her we live in a condo building in l.a and have an outgoing mail salon in the mail room right across from that is the monthly dues dropbox i went downstairs was on my phone and not paying attention i put the letter in the mail slot and realized it got stuck i turned to push it all the way down and realized my mistake i had put the letter in the dues dropbox instead of the outgoing mail thank god i was easily able to pull the letter out since it was still only halfway in i really felt in that moment that hashem was looking out for me i then went into the garbage to get into the garage rather i went into the garage to get into my car to go to work and pull the door it didn't open and i realized my wife had borrowed my key earlier in the day and i didn't take it back i had to go all the way back upstairs to get it but thanks for listening to umunashiram i recognized that this too was the hand of hashem for whatever reason he wanted and needed me to go back upstairs i didn't get angry or impatient i didn't blame anyone or anything else i realized it was the way it was supposed to be and the reason i love this story and the reason i thank the person who sent it in it is it has both of the forms of ashkaf it is both of the examples of ammuna that we teach and preach and we try to live regularly namely when things go right to credit and recognize and stop and thank and acknowledge hashem hashem the thing could have fallen all the way down in the wrong mail slot and then i would have had to try to find someone to open it up to retrieve it i would have paid my dues with some mail i was trying to send someone else the mail would have never gotten to them my dues would have never been paid and look hashem you made the mail get stuck and even though that would have otherwise been annoying it was exactly what was right it was perfect for me getting stuck is exactly what i needed so hashem i feel your presence thank you but also equally there was something annoying that happened and we don't just see and acknowledge and identify and thank hashem when all goes right we don't just thank him when it turns out okay when we can make sense of it but we acknowledge and we see and we think and we identify hashem even when i don't know why it had to work out that way it was annoying it was frustrating and even that too was meant to be so someone didn't give me back my key and i had to go all the way back upstairs and it took me a few more minutes and it took me a little bit more time so he said without the ammuna without the effort of devecos without the mindfulness of trying to remember that there's a plan there's a reason everything that happens is for is by design he would have gotten frustrated would have lost his cool his blood pressure would have risen his pulse would have increased his health would have declined he would have encountered his wife and yelled that he didn't give me back the key you never return the key when you don't replace the key i had to come back upstairs and it made me late it was so annoying don't ever do that again instead he took a deep breath and he said i don't know why but for whatever reason hashem intended me to go back upstairs before i left today so i love that story another listener sent me a story last night about she's on our kadisha a wonderful wonderful person and a beautiful volunteer for ahavisha who was supposed to do with tahara and last minute that tahara got cancelled because the different kadisha took on that tahara but then she got called for another tahara and it turned out her friend who had told her about her sick mother her mother whose health was in decline had passed away and the tahara she was cancelled from participating in the next tahara she was able to do because the first one was cancelled was for the mother of her friend which was so meaningful to her everything is by design if you just extend your antenna and if you just pick up the signal and you just live life looking around you will feel and see hashem everywhere the question is not whether he's speaking to us and broadcasting to us the only question is are we picking up his signal do we thank him are we even frustrated but recognize it's from him do we attach ourselves to him do we um do we lean on him and do we express gratitude to him and do we even protest or object to him when there are things that are not happening the way we want or the way we wish and so that is the the impact the reason i share these stories is not just because people tune in to divreitora and to shirum and russia's for the stories not for the devetora unfortunately but i share the stories because they are illustrations they take the ideas that we're learning in abstract in theory conceptually and when people are sharing sharing in real life how practically it has enhanced their lives hopefully it inspires you and me to execute and to put it into practice as well okay we're on page in the wonderful safer of richmond morgenstern in which he is elaborating on us and how we can acquire it how we can grow and how we can improve in it and how we can live it again the goal of the aspiration of devecos is to constantly have an awareness of god we spoke about last week and frankly every week just like i have an awareness if i'm a parent those who want to be parents should be blessed to have healthy children if you are a parent there is this awareness either in the forefront of your mind or in the back of your mind but there is a regular awareness that i'm a parent thinking about my child i'm worried about my child i said last week you're only as happy as your least happy child and one of my dear friends one of our listeners reminded me that that's not a good thing to say especially if you have unhappy children because then they feel guilty for compromising your happiness so if children ever hear that you're only as happy as your least happy child and they identify themselves as the least happy child they'll blame themselves for your not being happy which maybe they should but it's not a nice thing to do so don't ever say that expression in front of your children don't ever say that expression in general they our children only make us happy ever if you have children and they're healthy you should be happy no matter what challenges they are presenting so if you're a parent you don't ever take a recess you don't ever take a break you're never suspended from your identity as a parent the same is true in marriage and the same is true as in hashem if you're practicing vegas and you're clinging to god you're never on break you're never on recess you're never on vacation from that profile from that identity from that club even though it's not possible that's what he's acknowledging here eventually that it's not possible it's not possible to never not be thinking about god there are activities during our day if you are supposed to be sitting opposite your spouse and having a meaningful conversation and your spouse looks at you and says hello are you there this thing on hello is anyone listening and you say oh i was just in a moment of his podes i'm so sorry i was just meditating about god i was thinking about how much i love him or how involved he is in my life or how much i want to cling to him so your spouse says you can pay the bill and meet me at home because i'm out of here you want to be on a date with god or you want to be out to coffee with me you got a choice so there are activities that we do if you're supposed to be doing an activity that takes concentration so the surgeon in the operating room can imagine the nurse or the assistant says uh doctor you okay and the doctor says as they're operating with the scalpel of the robot yes it's just at this moment i feel overwhelmed by god is the rophe holm and the sitter snippets we're up to the statement he's bere refuse he is the creator of all healing and in the inventor and the entrepreneur of all medical progress and discovery we spoke about it last night insider snippets such a beautiful beautiful statement and description the beret refuse he's the chris so the doctor in the middle of surgery the mind is wandering because he's the beret refused and the nurse or the assistant or the patient will sit up on the operating table say hey doc would you mind thinking about god later and concentrate on what we're doing here so there are things that we're doing during the day it could be surgery could be a conversation it could be the pilot flying the plane don't go on autopilot and talk to god there are things that need your attention nobly need your attention they they uh deserve your attention they're dangerous without your attention only a truly righteous perfect person of which there are none could really be thinking about god 24 7 every moment every day all of life but it doesn't mean that we can't all try surely we have to interrupt there are going to be activities there are going to be moments in our lives where we need to in a very justified way interrupt our mindfulness in that moment of concentrating most directly and focused on god but that doesn't mean it doesn't mean that it's something we can't aspire for it doesn't mean it's kind of something we can't be trying to ambitiously achieve shall we there should not be any meaningful activity during your day in which you have not thought about hashem this is a theme we come back to over and over and over again and i'm so sorry to keep coming back to these themes but that's what every recovery meeting is about and this is a this is a meeting we are addicted to forgetting god and we are trying to work on that addiction about forgetting god and if you've ever been to a recovery meeting you know it follows the same formula and you recite the same statements and that's what gives the physic that's what gives the strength in order to be able to make those changes so every activity we do should be accompanied by a momentary mindfulness meditation about god and a prayer and a davening to him for him on the way into that operating room on the way into that courtroom on the way into that kitchen or the gym or the supermarket on the way into the parent-teacher conference on the way into whatever activity say hashem come with me come in the room with me be with me assist me or feel the pain with me let's say there's a parent-teacher conference are you allowed to say this i don't wanna i don't wanna uh hurt or be insensitive to the children who don't have positive parent teacher conferences but there's no such thing today jojen says all the time when we were kids we would shiver the night of parent-teacher conferences we were so afraid for our parents to come home afterwards now teachers shake the night of parent-teacher conferences the teachers are so worried about the parents they're going to come in and blame the teacher everything they're doing wrong why my student isn't thriving and everything that could be better so you say hashem this is your kid too come into the room new let's get a report from the teacher hopefully a lot of nachas maybe some challenges but do you pause on the way into parent-teacher conferences and say hashem this is your kid too come into the room with me so is hashem invited and involved in every conversation activity effort that we have before the amunishir before the brs online global campaign in which we have named a goal and we're only a quarter of the way through because unfortunately there are people who benefit listen learn and love and if not yet they will i'm confident but they've not yet expressed it to us in a tangible meaningful way so i say hashem i've been dominating a lot for this campaign partially because this money would help us teach a lot of torah and in all honesty partially because i'm competitive and i don't like to fail at a project or a goal that we set so it's been very hard for me so i dive into hashem hashem this money is to help spread your message this money is to help inspire others with your vision and blueprint for your world help us hashem help us you're one of the ambassadors hashem you need to show us the money make it rain brsonline.org global whatever we're doing we have to we have to involve him invite him invest in him and ask him to be able to help us achieve our our goal in whatever it is we're doing i'll never forget sitting with a pastor an evangelical pastor and we were planning an effort we were very concerned about something having to do with israel and it was a work we were collaborating on uh meeting with an elected leader and some other things on this on this uh campaign and we were unsure exactly what to do and the evangelical leader stopped and he said rabbi let's take a moment and pray on it let's think about it let's pray on it and let's ask god to give us the wisdom and the insight to know what to do and i remember kind of like looking around like excuse me let's pray on it i dive in chakras and manifest not for a couple hours so right now i'm at work praying is what i do in the morning and then i'll come back to it at minha but right now we're in a meeting and we don't pray in the middle of meetings and he taught me such an important lesson we should pray in the middle and before and after every meeting right this is an apolitical shear so we're making no comment on impeachment hearings but we'll make a comment on trump's observant murder lawyer who lit up the internet yesterday because in the middle of senate where whatever he is and he made the decision not to wear his yamaha he normally wears a yamaka but he had to take a sip of water and if you saw he put his hand over his head and he took a sip of water and twitter trended and lit up wondering does trump lawyers feel that his head is going to fall off if he doesn't hold it while he drinks people didn't understand why was he holding his head while he drinks is his head going to fall off and the answer is you know what he was doing even in the middle of one of the most high profile court cases of all time he instinctively or hopefully mindfully said i'm going to take a sip of water i've got to thank god he meant to make a bracha he had to wear a yamaka it was fascinating major networks all talking about the jewish practice of covering your head when you make a blessing fascinating again leave out the purpose of the trial leave out the politics of it but simply the image or the conversation that's happening around the united states about the notion of a yamaka or of making a blessing so we do pray all the time in the middle of our day each and every time we eat something each and every time we come out of the bathroom when we do a mitzvah during the day if you take chala in your kitchen and so on and so forth but that idea that we were frustrated by something and we're trying to make a decision we said let's pray on it and i learned something this evangelical preacher had no hesitation unapologetically was ready to not only express his faith but to practice it but to say he was practicing vegas he gave me a lesson on vegas you don't just talk to god at chakras in a ghetto you talk to god when you run into a challenge you talk to god when you're running late to the meeting when you're stuck in traffic talk to god when your wi-fi is breaking down and you're interviewing someone who is a candidate for prime minister of israel you talk to god when you're running late you're not sure you've prepared for the sheer adequately you talk to god when you're trying to figure out how to work on advocacy for israel and you don't know the next move so you stop and you prey on it imagine i've told our children let's stop in on it let's dive in on it we don't know what to do for winter break we don't know what's going to happen with this pandemic and pesach and the ability to see our grandparents let's stop and let's take a moment everyone stop close your eyes and let's ask hashem let's dive in on it imagine the impact of that focus of that practice of living with faith in that moment that davaning is not relegated to the sitter or darving times but davening is as we've said many many times the bells are inside halawa she is following we would dove in the whole day not from a sin or to hillary not being shul but we would dove in the whole day means that whatever activity we're doing it would be preceded by us are asking hashem for help let the cougar come out let the trial come out let the operation come out let the dvar torah come out let whatever it is we're working on come out successfully allah just like every meal i have i have to invite hashem to be a guest at that table even for a moment even the way i begin the meal i make a bracha okay everybody now we can talk now we can schmooze tell me about your day tell me about school tell me what's happening in your life but first we invited hashem come pull up a seat at the table hopefully you're having steak for dinner you made a good shahakal stay away from the carbs all week long so there's no homozy but a good steak a good shahakal you can have the most satisfying meal with a chahaco and a boring facials steak and grilled onions and delicious diet peach snapple you're full protein good way to go you don't know you get that diet and health tips from the living with the moon shirt too so you invite god to the table you make this bracha and you say god new come pull up a seat you're part of the family come we're about to go around everyone's going to talk about their day we're going to talk about the news we're going to talk about the stock market or sports or the super bowl we're going to talk about whatever we're going to talk about come pull up a seat come pull up a seat so at least once during the meal you're inviting it to pull up a seat and that's called the bracha that's called the bracha when we sit down at the dinner table and my children are already on their third bite and i say what are you doing so what are you talking about i said i wanted the amane you made a bracha i know you made a bracha of faith you made the bracha but you swallowed the bracha as quickly as you swallowed the pasta i wanted to be able to answer the amine say it out loud imagine if the meal would begin with people saying they brought out loud and abrupt is essentially an invitation hashem you're in my life come pull up a chair join us for dinner by the way we're not going to gossip or talk about the rabbi or the principal or the teacher if god's sitting at the table could you imagine if you had that sadiques or the tadik if you at the time of the rash shiva the rabbits sitting at the table are you really going to then talk about the friend or share that juicy gossip so it also helps if you invite god to the table you'll be much more discerning and judicious than the type of things that we that we talk about but i'm not saying the whole meal and victor meyer is not saying the entire meal talk about god that's not the meals we're going to have the most righteous people in the world don't have such meals that's not realistic and it's not what's real demanded of us it's not what's right for us we should connect with one another we have to shoot the breeze on small talk the varmi there's nothing small about small talk it's very important to connect with others however at least once during the meal we should invite him acknowledge him we take a moment we acknowledge our guest here at our table his name is god he created us and he has expectations of us and he gives us everything that we have and we're so happy he's joined us for dinner and for lunch and for breakfast and that he lives in our home we're so happy because he pays for the whole home he pays for everything in the home so we're so happy he's here with us this evening thank you god now you can go on with your meal now you can go on with dinner but kosher came back fella imagine every time you dive and every time you learn something you say god we're going to now learn something more about your vision for your world and we're going to try to be transformed and changed by it but we have to place an emphasis i have to go slowly incrementally carefully climb if you walk into the gym i think i give this example last week if you walk into the gym for the very first time in your life and you say you know what what's the heaviest weight you have i'm gonna bench press that so you lie on the bench press table and you take the heaviest weight in the gym and they load it up on all sides and you say i got it i'm good i'm naturally very strong and now you try to bench press the heaviest weight on the table you know what's going to happen it will crush your ribs collapse your lungs you may not make it out of the gym alive and spiritually if you try to lift the heaviest thing and you're not ready it will collapse your spiritual lungs you won't be able to breathe and you may not spiritually make it out alive do not skip steps do not jump too quickly do not go incrementally or strategically you have to take your time add on slowly make designated times of the day and that was the homework i gave you last week to decide when is it in the car you're going to think about god before you drive into hashem let me get to my destination let me be safe let me not get a ticket let everything go well when is the moment in the kitchen before everything you cook when is the moment that you're going to invite god and start adding him to your life and your lifestyle not all at once not all day and not every day but where are the slots that i'm going to add him so that i can incrementally more and more add and build up the weights and build up the weights okay next section in vegas we continue and in order to succe a person has to allow their mind to wander a person's mind has to have the capacity to feel multiple feelings if you're so fixated and you're so zoned in and you're so in a mold that you can only think about or feel one thing then you're not going to succeed because life is a roller coaster there are ups and downs and life changes and feelings change because if you stick or hold to one thought you will not be there for a long time you need to be energized you need to be alive you need to be excited you need things that are going to generate excitement in your relationship with hashem renewal new things that you're adding i got a new sitter with a new layout of the davening or i have a new class that i listen to or i have a new practice that i do dahinu shaypam yagesh mira paami's ponenba amuna says richard meyer you got to mix it up so sometimes i focus on my sense of love of god god is my father in heaven and i feel his love he loves me and i love him les shabas and shul i spoke about we all have the enduring image of harsina of receiving the torah last week is partially israel that hashem held the mountain over our head and he threatened us except my torah and if not i drop it on your head and you all die sham take fur but that's a very dramatic image in one minion i actually said wake any jewish child in the middle of the night and ask them what was arsene i like and this little kid says i know what it's like i said what was it like he said he held a mountain over our head and it wasn't even like i set him up for it i didn't give the kid a candy i didn't bribe him but it was exactly it and to me that's very sad that all children think about religion as being hit over the head with it threatened by it ultimatum be religious have a relationship with me otherwise you're dead you're gone you're out but there's an alternative medius it's not nearly as popular and we don't teach it as often and i'm not suggesting we don't teach the other one too we need to teach our children and ourselves that there is accountability responsibility expectations absolutely there's no uh this is not negotiable it's not an optional relationship we have with god he has expectations of us there are laws of judaism but there is a beautiful complimenting measure that says it was incredibly hot in the desert we came into the desert after leaving egypt and it was unbearably unbearably hot history channel had an episode trying to predict or trying to guess uh how hot it must have been said it was minimally 120 degrees with intense high percentage of humidity so you can imagine god looks down he sees two to three million of his children baking in the sun shivitzing and sweltering and passing out as they're waiting for this great har sinai matantora experience to begin and so it says you know what god did he lifted up the mountain and he held it over their head and he said nu come here kids come get some shade come get some relief come it's air conditioned come there's some shade come find some safety and some refuge come find some comfort because religion is a place that you find comfort and refuge and safety does he have expectations of us absolutely but you know if you hold it over one's head if you beat someone over the head threaten over the head you're going to drive them away but if you say come you know when the temperature is rising in your life and your temperatures rising out there temperatures rising in politics and pandemic temperatures rising in the threats to israel and to jews everywhere antisemitism when there's enough problems when the temperature is rising from the world out there hashem says do come open my sitter to hillam come talk to me come lie with me come feel my support come to my shul or my base madrish come to my is not just something to beat over the head arsenal is a place to find refuge and comfort and peace and serenity to find relief in a world where the temperature is rising and threatening us i mentioned in the russia that i had a meeting last week in which someone shared with me without criticism of the school for having our rules of distancing and masks in which we're very vigilant in demanding compliance obviously with the dangers of this of this virus but he described that for him it's very hard to come back to shul because the negative associations he has when there's such supervision we have our our volunteer and professional security who walk around and make sure people's masks are over their nose and their mouth and he said for him the trigger such trauma because this individual shared with me and gave me permission then to share when i asked about the drasha that when he was a child if he was five minutes late to shula and shabbas his stepfather beat him and beat him so badly that twice on shabbos he had to go to the hospital because of the beating he took for being late to shul and so for him he associates rules supervision demands about religion as beating his stepfather took davaning to hashem and beat him over the head literally not figuratively many of us have been the victims or beat our children figuratively hopefully only verbally or emotionally about religion but it's not the way to go we have to lead such rich and inspired religious lives that they want to come under the mountain we have to show them that it's so hot out there why would you choose to stand in the heat it's so hot out there like my in-laws who went back to new york and then sent pictures of three feet of snow so why would you leave here did you see the sunrise menu we had on friday do you know how magnificent they're on their way back don't worry do you see how beautiful it is why'd you leave so we have to show our children and all around us why are you standing in the heat why are you baking in the sun come come come under this mountain called torah come under this mountain called the muna come under the shade of a relationship with hashem there's such comfort there's such relief it doesn't mean that it's not hot it doesn't mean all our problems go away but hashem wants us to come close to him and connect with him and cling to him and fill his wake ups with him because of the relief that it provides us because of what it provides us so sometimes it's going to be a feeling of ava sometimes we're going to concentrate on a feeling of ava i love hashem and he loves me he loves me this has been a hard year and everyone's doing their best and we've had to adjust even our religious life and practices rabbis are getting together before every holiday and reimagining how do you make sure that every jew wants to hear megillic in your megillah i don't even want to start thinking about pesach yet pesach we didn't have last year pesach kind of was on hold last year pesach people had starred them all by themselves there was no doubt any shows that were shut down we've had to reimagine religion and so hashem loves us yes could we do better should we aspire for more should we push ourselves a hundred percent but this is a year we should know that hashem loves us and hashem loves us he's not beating us up with the mountain he's holding it over our head to protect us from the sun or like an umbrella to protect us from the rain he's lifted the mountain with the image not only of threatening us but the image also of loving us and supporting us so sometimes the moments are of ava but other times the moments are going to be of era you can't cozy up too much you can't get too close you can't become too casual oh god he's my best friend so he doesn't care if i don't do what he says oh god he's my best friend so he doesn't mind that i took this week off from shabbos or kosher or or or a tucker or a gossip he's my best friend he doesn't care no he's not your best friend he's god does he love you 100 but he still got he's the omnipotent creator of the universe who holds us accountable there's a process of owner's reward and punishment and we're accountable we should be in awe of him and also a healthy dose of fear of eurozones with eurocemus upon sometimes you should just think about amuna wow there's a creator wow that's magnificent wow i'm not here alone wow he created the universe so ravitchmeyer says that we don't lock ourselves in or fixate to one thought or one emotion or one connection but it fluctuates in different feelings on different days with different things going on our lives things will inform or inspire the nature of that connection the nature of that relationship and we have to be able to adjust if you're a kind of person who's such a creature of habit you can't adjust no no no i only have ava no no no i only can think about god in the paradigm of era then you're going to struggle a person needs to be able to adjust and to be able to think about god in those in those different ways we'll pick up with it next week but again i ask you i ask you if you enjoy this class or other classes our writings our posts if you enjoy the values and the vision of brs and you're not a member doing your part then please show your gratitude brsonline.org global please take a moment as well to subscribe to our youtube channel and become notified of all of our sheeran panels conversations programs in real time such as tonight nine o'clock we're going behind the bema with the candidate for prime minister naftali bennett who the news is all showing is the kingpin is the he's going to be the great influencer to determine how the coalition is going to line up in israel's fourth election in two years naftali bennett a member of knesset former minister defense minister uh tonight 9pm we're going behind the with him you don't want to miss it i promise you it's an incredible it will be an incredible conversation 9pm behind the bema do your part brsonline.org global looking forward to seeing you all next time until then stay happy stay healthy and stay holy