Living With Emunah (Part 196): Turn Yourself Over to the Care of God

good morning and welcome back to living with emunah our weekly gathering our weekly group our weekly study in order to reinforce what we already know or should know that we are not here randomly in this world but that there is a creator there is omnipotent being there's something much bigger and greater than ourselves that we have a father in heaven having shabbat who loves us who created us who put air in our lungs and brought us back to life each and every day we're here for a mission we're here for a purpose we're here for a charge we're here for a reason and that he is right by our side as we go through life with whatever it has to offer i want to thank our generous series sponsors for the year dr xavier bella morgan in memory of rabbi dr brian galvin in memory of dr alan chandser bella's mother thank you so much for your generosity and for your sponsorship if you'd like to sponsor a future share please email lie at brsonline.org we have begun this new section of bayam daracha we're still learning ravitra meyer morgenstern but we're learning a beautiful section on mahusa bittel the concept of bittel he's introduced to us the idea that if we want to really be alive if we want to really be able to experience life it's not about ourself it's not about our ego it's not about our happiness but rather it's about being avatar ourselves it's about submission it's about surrender it's about the recognition that ain't odd milvado there is no one and nothing in the world but god that doesn't mean that we should sacrifice our lives it doesn't mean we should be unhappy it doesn't mean we should forfeit pleasure hashem wants us to experience and have all of that but do we have it for ourselves or do we have it within a context is it informed are we of service to him bittel is life about our ego our sense of self our honor our pleasure our needs or the almighty of the ribonus shalom is it the recognition is it the admission is it the submission to the fact that there is a creator that he loves us that in truth there is nothing else in this world but him we last left off and we were talking about the notion of bitter the idea the concept that we can recognize something or someone else as so all-encompassing as taking up all the space in the room in our life that there is no sense of i that we can experience something with such immersion that we can be so present that we don't feel or sense our own independence that moment and richard meyer gave us several uh several examples he spoke about first of all sometimes you're with an autumn guddell sometimes you're with a great man a great woman a great person and you're so concerned with soaking up every word they say every word they teach with watching every way that they are a role model or wanting to learn and emulate from them that in that moment there is no us all we are is in the presence of that greatness of that great person lahav de lahav de la havdel he had several other examples a person is watching a sporting event a person is being entertained by something which is kosher that they're allowed to be watching or reading or listening to a person can be so involved so engaged in it that someone's calling your name someone's standing right next to you and you don't hear there's nothing else in the world but that thing that you are immersed in entertained by or vicariously living through so involved so invested in it that you can't even hear can't even pay attention aren't even aware of anything else going on in this world we've had that experience what is that experience that something else is so encompassing so overwhelming that it fills up our entire life that in that moment there is no sense of i in that moment there is no ego in that moment i don't even hear someone calling my name and we can live that level with the ribbon of shalom that hashem that the almighty is such a monumental presence he is everything anode melvado there's nothing but him so when i'm with him when i'm thinking about him when i'm feeling his presence there is no i there is no competition there is no tension between what i want and what he wants between his vision and my vision but rather i totally submit and i totally surrender and i'm entirely entirely with him because we're in footnote we're at the end of footnote ayan alef on page nun if you're following along inside the wonderful safer sometimes a person is so consumed with their sense of self sometimes a person is so worried about their own self-preservation about their own happiness but their own needs they can't even hear about a concept of bitter nullification surrender submission i don't need it i don't want it i'm all on my own in fact i just wrote an article to mr shama published this week i went um i went earlier this week to an a.a meeting i had the privilege of being present when somebody a young woman was receiving her two-year medallion of sobriety and there are open meetings where people are invited from the outside to come to celebrate to watch to experience that aaa meeting and the a meeting was as it's always been i've been to several uh awarding of medallions and celebrants have invited me it's an honor and a privilege and i always walked away enormously inspired listening to a room full of people raw and real and struggling and trying to grow and overcome whatever is their kryptonite their addiction whatever is their challenge and if we're honest every one of us have our addictions every one of us have our kryptonite every one of us have our voice of self-sabotage and our bad judgment some addictions have stigmas and others don't and that room is full of those who are actually heroically confronting whatever is their struggle and it's a privilege to be in their presence and every time i learn from them so this particular meeting different meetings focused on different steps in the 12 steps or on different aspects of recovery and this meeting was dealing with the third of the 12 steps and the third of the 12 steps is exactly what we're learning is bitter the third of the step 12 steps is submission is surrender the step reads made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god notice it doesn't say turning it over to god but over to the care of god to a higher power at the core is central to recovery whether it's in the 12-step program or in life formally or informally central and core is the recognition i'm not independent i can't do it alone i don't have the strength i don't have the resilience i'm on the capacity but i have a father i have a father who loves me and i have a father who's all-powerful and i have a father who's all capable i have a father who knows me who programmed me who's with me who feels my pain and who experiences my pleasure i have a father who's rooting for me and cheering me on and wants my success i have a father who's by my side and when i recognize that when i speak to him when i feel him when i surrender and submit at the core of of recovery in life and in recovery program 12 steps is submission surrender is bittel is exactly this concept of bitter that's the mishna and perique of us i say it so like here so no that a person should try to we should surrender and submit our desires our needs our wants and blend them into his prioritize his to recognize he's in charge he's in control not us we have uh possible nun hey that says that we should cast upon hashem our burden and he will sustain us put it on him and he will sustain us ourselves to him so there was a young man who's only been in recovery for one month he's been in and out up and down but he hit a rock bottom and he's been recovering clean for one month and he shared in the sharing part of this a meeting i'm writing about this in the article and he said the following he said he always grew up in a family that pushed independence be independent be a star athlete be a star student be a star a finance wizard be a star provide for yourself protect yourself take care of yourself be independent and what he took from that is he lived this atheistic or agnostic life in which he came to the conclusion that religion god faith it's for the weak it's for the dependent it's for people who need that crutch it's for people who need to lean on that figment of imagination but he thought himself i'm strong i'm proud i'm independent i'm capable i don't need religion i don't need god i don't need prayer that's for the weak and he said religious people are stupid they're foolish they're weak and then he kept falling he kept falling to his addiction and he hit a rock bottom that he realized that in fact he realized he came to the conclusion that in fact religion is not for the weak it's for the strong believing in god is not a sign of weakness it's a sign of strength and when he said that i remembered an amazing story a muscle of a father is walking with his young son young daughter they come across an enormous log blocking blocking the path and the child turns to the father and says dad do you think i can move this and he said if you use all your strength i think you can so the young boy or the young girl depending on the version leans down and tries to move this enormous and this heavy log and can't do it it's too heavy it's too big so looks up to the father and says i can't do it he said if you use all your strength you can so they bend down they lean down they try to move it again too heavy won't budge won't move dad i thought you said i can move it try one more time if you use all your strength they muster all their strength and they bend their knees and they put their back into it and it still won't budge so dad you lied to me you said if i use all my strength you thought i can move it so the father said you didn't use all your strength you didn't ask me for help asking hashem for help asking a father for assistance for help for insight for guidance for wisdom for strength for resiliency that's using strength it's a sign of strength not a sign of weakness bitter is a sign of strength it's the recognition i don't need to be at the center of the universe i don't need the world to revolve around me i don't need life to be about my ego i'm willing to submit i'm willing to surrender i'm willing to be my vatican i'm willing to nullify myself to the almighty to my father he is after all nipping and all powerful so my greatest strength is not pretending i'm independent my greatest strength is not subscribing to the illusion that i could do it myself my greatest strength is leaning on the source of all strength is reaching out to my father in heaven and this individual described that only when he did that when he realized that believing god in prayer and having faith over fear is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength that's his path to recovery that's the road to recovery he's clean he's sober and at least for the short time he's on the road to living his happiest life his holiest life yet he describes he prays several times a day you got to talk to god what are you grateful for what do you need his help with help me be honest today help me work hard today help me overcome my urgent instinct today and for the rest of uh the experience of this a meeting in the lessons i took you'll have to check out the article about it but it was very powerful to be in a room of people they weren't using the language of bittel but the third step is bittel submission surrender the third step is a decision to turn our will over and our lives over to the care of god so are you willing to are we willing do we take that step in our lives whether we're in recovery or not are we willing to take that step to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god to be me vato to not think we're in charge we're in control we're responsible we're to blame exclusively we have to do our part we have to take our initiative of course we are accountable for our bahira for our free will but ultimately the results ultimately the reality we have to be willing to be movato we have to be willing to submit so there are times wherever marriage describes this young man whether it's because of his upbringing how he was conditioned the messages that were communicated to him whether it was on misha gas he was unable to shemo he couldn't listen there are times of our lives there are periods in our lives there are moments in our lives we can't hear about submission surrender it feels weak and we don't realize that in fact it's wrong is the soul inside us longs for us to be avatar the only way to access the soul the soul is covered by layers of ego and arrogance the soul is covered by layers of anxiety of worry of envy and the way to reveal the soul so the soul is oxygen to breathe so the soul can express itself in this world is to peel back those layers through bittle the more we see god feel god surrender submit to god the more we accept and we recognize we don't panic we don't get anxious we don't get worried we realize he has a plan everything is coordinated everything is choreographed he has a plan for us and we roll with those punches we do our best we take our initiative we do everything that is within our power but once we have we let go and we let god we recognize with submission surrender with bittel it is up to him that is the derek the soul the neshama longs the neshama wants to give a hug to the tati the neshama wants to feel the hug from the father the neshama wants to be mavato and say dad you're in charge i'm sticking with you i'm clinging with you what child doesn't love to get into that car and dad is driving the long drive to orlando to the amusement park and the kid could go on their device and the kid could take care of whatever they need and the kid says just get me there and you hold the tickets and you get us through tsa and you get us to the next ride and you get us and you know what i'm avata myself to you dad mom i'm about to myself my parent you're in charge i'm clinging with you i'm sticking with you and i trust you i put my faith in you because i know you want me to be happy i know you want me to be healthy i know you want me to be secure i know you want the best for me so arnold feels that way with hashem hashem take me along for the ride hashem i put my trust my faith in you i'm clinging to you i'm sticking with you i believe in you to really have been created to really be alive is to be mavatal ourselves to hashem you see the moment that we think that we are independent of god that i am alive without god that i make decisions without god and that i can impact my destiny without god then i'm dead while i'm alive because i'm a fool i'm living a fool's life but the moment i'm a vat i submit i surrender the moment i say i have to do my part we are partners and i have to take my initiative and i have to do what's up to me but ultimately i am just a manifestation expression of you that you are inside me that selamat look him the godly spirit the god the soul the uniqueness of me is really you then when i release and i let go to you i'm really going deeper inside me i am not forfeiting myself i'm not surrendering myself i'm surrendering to myself i'm surrendering to the god inside me this is the truest existence i am most alive and i am most existing and i am most consistent with my mission not when i think that i exist without you but when i look for the you in me when i let go and i surrender the me to the you inside of me to the you inside of me the ilo amit atsumo kidavr nifrad eno tophes enough to think that i'm independent that i'm separate that i'm apart from you hashem that you know you're in shul you're in the basement you're inside the sitter the safaram you're in the yum the roam you're in the kadisha or the khasid you're in the tucker but outside of that at the gym in the kitchen on vacation at work there's me me there's what i want and what i need and my happiness and my priorities there's me i visit you god i pay attention i visit you i visit you every day i go to school the morning in the evening go to classes in shiram i visit you occasionally throughout the day but in between visits i have a life without you don't be so dependent god i have a life without you so when a person thinks they have a life without god and they think they're living in existence without god then they cease to exist altogether but when a person realizes my entire existence is dependent on god it's dependent on god i could disappear there are people who have horrific diagnosis horrific accidents did anyone see marone coming did anyone see the bleachers of carl stalin calling did anyone see corona covet coming did anyone see our existence is never independent we don't take a break from hashem but wherever and whenever throughout our day and throughout our lives we utterly depend and exist only because of his graciousness his generosity and because of his goodness to think that we have an independent existence from god i visit you god i talk to you god on occasion but in but in between i'm on my own it's dimun it's an imagination it's a fantasy it's a false fantasy and it's a corrupting imagination and it comes from it comes from the contamination and being soiled and the dirt of the clippos it's the yatzahara it's the things we're reading or watching we're living that are ingraining within us the wrong values and the wrong hashgaffer the wrong philosophy and the wrong outlook is trying to paint a picture of us as something that's separate something apart altogether but that's counterfeit it's corrupt it's wrong it's absolutely wrong so he writes back upstairs um so through bittel through being so immersed so connected with hashem just like lahav deal one is in a sporting event or a book that they're reading a magazine they're immersed in they don't notice anyone or anything around them because they're paying such close attention they're so lost in whatever it is they're doing we can become so lost in hashem so lost in his presence so lost in his love so lost in his support so lost in his very existence that we don't even feel ourselves we don't feel any existence independent of him dilo a neighbor who rack clearly the fact that we are created we are just a vessel we are a vehicle we are an instrument to reveal his light to the world he shines through us we are the prison we are the vessel through which he illuminates the world and god is the god is the messenger god is is sending out the messenger we're the we're simply the agent we are simply the steward we are the long hand of god we are the long hand of god so back downstairs to the footnote i in baze richard meyer continues the idea that i submit and surrender to god is not just my personal conversation with him in my sitter or in my tehillim or in my life it's not just clapishmich not just an attitude it's not just a posture i take vis-a-vis or towards god elegant clapey cobria but this is my attitude to all of creation and to all people so when i sit in that board meeting and someone's not behaving the way i want them to when somebody in the community a friend a congregant a colleague does something hurtful or painful or doesn't behave or respond the way i hope or wish i need to recognize and realize with a sense of bitter i don't exist independent of god they don't exist independent of god yes if somebody bangs my car yes if somebody fails to pay back a loan there's based in there's recourse there are things that i can do to hold them accountable for their bahra for the choices they've made but ultimately the way i should process it the way i should receive it is with the recognition that everything is from hashem my car was meant to be banged up and dinged the loan or that loss of money i was meant to be experienced we've all invested with people where they lost our money not intentionally not with corruption not with embezzlement or a ponzi scream but it was a bad investment so on the one hand if somebody in fact acted illegally and morally we should hold them accountable should try to recover what's coming to us but all along we should never emotionally get invested all along we should never emotionally become too disturbed because we have to realize that no matter what decisions the other party made if hashem didn't want us to lose that money we would not have lost that money we wouldn't have made the investment that my investment would have gone sour we would have made up the money elsewhere everything with bittel if we're willing to let go if we're willing to make the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god then we don't ever get bent out of shape angry resentful envious vengeful then we realize it's all from him so it's not just that when i'm in schuler davening or doing a religious activity i should think or say to myself bittel i'm submitting and i'm surrendering to you god it's not just then but it's klapeshmite my posture to the entire world it's my attitude to everything yeah iraq is yadashami's i see every one as an extension of god every one is a unique expression and manifestation of god our rabbis teach us that there are many many many agents and messengers of god the animal world the animal kingdom the plant kingdom the natural order human beings we are all messengers and agents of hashem they could we are just agents and messengers so when a person acts towards me whether it's for the good for my benefit for my pleasure or whether it's in a way which is painful then i should do what i need to to hold them accountable from a legal sense from a halachic moral sense but emotionally spiritually i need to work on myself to realize they are just the agent of hashem if hashem didn't want my car to get banged up or the loan to not be repaid or for that email to have been sent that embarrassed or shamed or hurt me then it wouldn't have happened so what does he want me to learn what does he want me to grow how does he want me to surrender to him um you walk through life with no fear now i'm not telling you to go through a dangerous neighborhood you know flaunting your jewelry and inviting harm i'm not telling us well hashem must want anti-semitism these anti-semites are agents of god let's lay down and sit down and just accept it no we have to speak truth to power we have to confront anti-semites we have to hold them accountable because that's what hashem wants us to do he wants us as his agents to take on and tackle not literally but the growth the spirit of anti-semitism that's what he wants us to do however but we need to recognize that whatever we go through in life whatever happens was not random it's for a purpose and that other person or that thing could not have happened without his will so don't be nervous don't be anxious don't be worried don't be neurotic and and don't be angry don't ever lose ourselves you have to hold someone accountable you have to hold them accountable if somebody dinged your car and gave their insurance you exchanged insurance information it was an honest-to-goodness accident it was a genuine mistake it was a mistake that couldn't have been avoided you exchange insurance you collect what's due to you but you never get angry you might become best friends with the person you met who by accident bump the back of your car so similarly in life the attitude we have to have is that we exchange insurance so to say we collect what's coming to us but never by forfeiting our emotion our happiness never get angry never get angry envious never get vengeful volatility don't beat ourselves up too much forget beating up others forget taking revenge against others forget forget getting angry at others forget getting jealous of others but we can't beat ourselves up too much because we have to recognize that everything is from hashem um and even within our own behavior in our own conduct even in our own lives yes yes we should hold ourselves accountable for our mistakes and our judgment for our behavior we should demand the best of ourselves the most of ourselves absolutely but we shouldn't beat ourselves up we shouldn't debilitate ourselves we shouldn't knock ourselves back down by not believing we're capable of more we have to recognize that even if we've made a mistake and even if we've come up short that's all part of hashem's master plan as we reflect back and look on our lives everything that happened was necessary or wouldn't have brought us to this moment should i look back with regret should i live with a ton of regret can't live with regret you cannot change the past it was the way it was it was the way it was meant to be all we can change is how the past informs the present what do i learn from it how do i grow from it what do i want to do differently because of it i cannot go back in time and i cannot beat myself up too much all that will do is forfeit my present all that will do is compromise my future the past is the past and we have to see the past in the context of the way hashem wanted that past to be for us instead we embrace and we live the present most fully in order to inspire and inform a most blessed and most meaningful future join us tonight 9pm behind the bema with dr leia golden hadar golden's mother hashem yokom damo taken by hamas murdered and taken captive during the ceasefire of operation protective edge for the last seven years she and her family have been trying to get him back hear her story tonight behind the beam at 9pm 9pm you can go to behindthebema.com in order to watch it live until next time have a phenomenal day stay happy stay healthy