Living With Emunah (Part 204): Strength From a Survivor's Emunah

good morning boaker tov welcome back to living with emunah every wednesday morning as we gather to remind ourselves what we already know what every child intuits and has to make sure not to unlearn and that is that we don't come from some nowhere but rather we have a creator we have a father in heaven who loves us and is intimately involved in our lives and that everything is for the good whether we understand it or not these ideas this knowledge these values are so fleeting they're so difficult to maintain that we have to get together every week person has to remain vigilant in reviewing and studying and thinking so that it can inform our each and every day and when we live with life with emunah when we live our lives no matter what is happening no matter what is occurring no matter what we confront no matter what we have to overcome we remember we're not doing it alone he's right by our side we can lean on him we can depend on him he's orchestrated he's curated he's choreographed all that's happening for a reason nothing is random and nothing is chance but everything is by design and it gives us peace it gives us tranquility it gives us serenity it gives us strength to be able to confront to be able to overcome whatever we need to i want to thank our generous sponsors for the amuni series for the year dr xavier bella morgan in memory of rabbi dr brian galbet and in memory of bella's mother dr alan chandser thank you so much for your generosity for your friendship and your support this morning sure is sponsored as well by the saka family my new dear friends in honor of the iron sight and aliyah thank you so much for your generosity and sponsor as well anonymously in this host of shoshana leia basalisa to find her shidduch speedily sponsored anonymous i don't know who shoshan alayhi basalisa is but i hope i'll be invited to dance at her wedding very very soon okay living with eminem before we dive back into richard meyer morgenstern before we dive right back into the study of bittel what it means to nullify ourselves in the presence of hashem what it means to submit and surrender ourselves to his will what it means to not even have an awareness or a consciousness of our appetite of our lives of our needs when we are in his presence i want to just share a couple of thoughts from our parasha kisavo and whether you're listening to living with amunah and happen to be up to pasha's kisabo you're catching up to the series at a later date and it's not the partial the messages remain equally relevant the theme of this parasha from beginning to end opening with bikurim the gratitude the farmer has to have for the goodness that he or she has received god's graciousness to provide that income to provide that livelihood to provide that food to eat all the way through the end of the when we're told what precipitates what is the catalyst what brings about that harsh and graphic punishment and reality the theme that runs throughout is the theme of simcha it's the theme of joy hashem wants us to be happy he wants us to be happy god did not create us he did not create this world to walk around like this with our head down and wringing our hands and all for this and all negative or anxious or worried or wound up in a ball he wants us to have a smile on our face he wants us to be bisimra he wants us to feel the sense of comfort and confidence and relaxation to know that he is escorting us through life that doesn't mean that there aren't things that we take extraordinarily seriously we are in the month of el nino divided this is a month where we are working on our relationship with god our relationship with others our relationship with ourself we have to take it very very seriously but taking something seriously doesn't mean taking it sadly one can approach and one can tackle uh important areas of life with ambition and at the same time feel a sense of a sense of joy so the farmer at the end when the farmer not only brings their first fruit to yerushalayim and then the torah includes what we call the vidue miser the farmer recites the confession of the tithes pledging and promising that he's done everything correctly he's distributed and allocated all the mice or all the tides the way it was meant to the way it was supposed to be and that parsha ends with apostates and now the farmer should feel glad should feel happy should be joyous for all the good they've received be grateful and be happy with all the good that god has given you what is happiness happiness is not an emotion happiness is a decision we've said this so many times people mistakenly think that happiness is an emotion so they are pursuing happiness like this great america offers us and promises us the right to pursue happiness when you think that happiness is an emotion you have to pursue it you have to chase it you have to run after it because it is elusive it's running away you have to try to catch up to it when you realize that happiness is not an emotion you don't stumble upon it you don't have to pursue it or chase it happiness is a decision it is a decision we choose to be happy people think that they're happy then they smile science shows that when you smile when you use the micro muscles in your face you release endorphins and then you find that you are happy choose to smile choose to see what's there not what's missing choose to see what you have not what you want choose to see what you could be grateful for not what you're upset about when we make that choice when we make that decision then we are happy how are you when you look around and you realize all the all the good there are always things our happiness if happiness is defined by what we don't have you'll never be happy because you could always want more no matter where you are no matter what you have there is always more to want so if happiness is determined or defined by what's missing then you'll never ever be happy but if happiness is determined if happiness is defined by focusing on what you have looking around do you have your health are you well do you have your functions do you have your faculties do you have family do you have a roof over your head a car to drive food to eat do you have the bare minimums of life even though there are things that we of course might want that we might crave if happiness is determined or defined by what we have then there is always something to be happy about this what's the source of that simcha the samatha is when we see the tov when we see the toph then we can be happy that's what it says hashem hashem that is who is the one who wants life you want a good life you want a happy life you want to come life you want a serene life you want to tranquil life you want a meaningful life do you want a life of true connections with others who is the person who really craves life who wants to not only biologically anatomically physically be alive but to spiritually and emotionally be living so normally we punctuate as a question mark after me is the one who wants life who wants to see good question mark the answer is don't gossip don't slander don't put a divide don't create daylight between you and others if you want a long life if you want a happy life then protect your power of speech that's our visual mayor kagan of radhan became known as the khabit khan he wrote a book about being careful with our speech being careful with our language and it's called and that's how we gave him the name we gave him the name from his book he's known as the mishna is written by the habit is written by him but that was not his name he was given a name at his british israel mayor and reversal mayor kagan became because of his book so most assume who is the person who wants life protect your mouth don't slander don't gossip be vigilant be mindful of how we speak but others suggest that's not how to read the passage who is the person who wants life who loves days then lyros tov look for the good you want a long life don't see what's missing see what's there don't see what there is to complain about see what there is to compliment don't see what you want see what you have this how do you find simcha and at the end of the parasha when they when we encounter the and god says you know if you don't listen if you don't heed my warning if you're not embracing the lifestyle the reason that i created you and put you in this world then you will suffer this horrific horrific consequence called the and we read it now before rosh hashanah because we want the year and its curses to end so we can welcome and begin a new year a year of blessings so the torah itself tells us why what did we do wrong what was so egregious what was so heinous what was so deserving of this harsh reality called the tohoha and the torah tells us you know what it is because you didn't serve hashem you didn't serve hashem you walked around and miserable and looking down you were sad all the time that's not why hashem created us that's not why he put us in this world that's not why he showers us with all the good so because you didn't serve hashem with joy simha simha is the solution smile and you'll be happy don't wait to be happy to smile is not an emotion is a decision and you can make it today make the decision to be happy our heart didn't look for the good you will make the decision to be happy when you identify and when you see the good in life so do you want to be the negative the complainer the miserable what's missing do you want to pursue happiness but never get up to it never catch up to it or do you want to make the decision to focus on what matters to see what you have to identify what to be grateful for and therefore to make the decision to fear simha we spoke about this in the pasture class too so i won't belabor it but i saw a beautiful interpretation of the word means what's underneath it and what's underneath the fact that we didn't serve what's underneath it what's driving it what's underneath it is we don't have a munna if you really felt the presence of hashem if we walked through life and we said he's right by my side he's in this room he's looking over my shoulder he's holding my hand he's with me and every moment with whatever i have to confront with whatever i have to overcome he is here and he's in it with me takas the reason then you'd be basimha bisimra because you'd say i can face anything do you know who i've been in with do you know who i know do you know my connection the king of kings the most powerful the creator of the universe why would i ever get bent out of shape why would ever get sad why would i ever be anxious or worried do you know who i know do you know who's got my back do you know who i've glued and attached myself to if one really lived their life that way and we walked through life that way we'd always be happy we'd have a skip in our step we'd have confidence that everything's for a reason even that which is painful not pleasurable we know it's not random or chance but it's by design it is from above so what is the driver of the token it's what's underneath it's the driver of the reason we don't have and what is underneath and what is the reason that we don't have semra because we're not living life with immuno we don't feel hashem there but going back to the beginning of the farmer the farmer who distributes their tides when you're cashing that paycheck when you are shopping for those groceries when you are bringing in that income that is the time to express a feeling of simcha that is the time to make the decision to be basem a beautiful insight so we normally read this as versamark be joyous be happy with all the good that you have but read it he says the end of the passage of be happy because of all the good and what is the good that is the reason you should be happy that you were given god that you have a relationship that you have an invitation that you have an opportunity to be connected with the creator of the universe the fact that we can make contact with the divine that we have a relationship with the infinite that he cares about every one of us he is aware of us and he cares about us and he's involved in our lives that's the reason to be happy be overjoyed and be happy for all the good and what is the ultimate good ash that you were given that you were given a relationship with god that is the greatest reason to be happy the greatest reason for simha last week we lost a very very dear friend of our family somebody who was family to us and to the whole brs community mr martin junovitz zuchrono continues through today until tomorrow morning he was a holocaust survivor who lost his entire family's parents his siblings and uncles cousins in auschwitz and the other camps he was in he had an illustrious dynasty he came from the city of dej of deja he was um he was an inaccurate he was a great grandson of the marijuana panith of daesh of the rabbi of the rub of daesh an illustrious illustrious background and as i said he lost it all so we in several yamashawa programs that he participated several panels and we had the great host of great privilege around our seder table in the haggadah when we got to behold we would turn to mr judith tell us about your story and he told us about deportation and he told us about being a slave labor camp and what it means to be a slave what it means to go from slavery to redemption slavery to freedom so we've asked him several times and it appears in his magnificent memoir which is absolutely a must read for everybody but how did he have faith in hashem he was so devoted so dedicated so singularly focused after the holocaust he had a whole proposal how to bring six million more jews into the world he was so committed to jewish continuity and he built our shul he built our community and jewish causes and he was asked how did you feel connected to hashem how did you still have faith how did you have faith after the torture you endured after the servitude after the persecution after the oppression after the murder of your family after you experienced the worst atrocity in the history of humanity how did you have faith and listen to what he answered he said you know they took my mother and my father they took my brothers and my sister they took my entire family and everything i had i lost everyone i lost everything i lost my parents the only one i still had is hashem the only one i still had is the ribonus loan they couldn't take him the only one i still had is avinash am i my father in heaven i lost my physical my biological parents i should throw away my last parent my father in heaven why would i hurt myself why would i punish myself why would i do that to myself he was the last one i had i held on tighter than ever to him what an unbelievable answer it moved us then it moves me every time i mentioned it and repeatedly ilan shemaso in his memory i mentioned i forgot which year in another context that at the end of his memoirs at the end of his incredible incredible book he has a chapter called emunah and he says how did i maintain faith after the holocaust and in the chapter he goes through and he lists every miracle he felt he personally experienced as he led his life from his childhood endeage through being deported through surviving auschwitz and other camps through returning to daesh and coming then through europe ultimately to america he lists each and every time he felt that god revealed his hand each and every miracle that he personally experienced he said how do i faith look at these miracles they're not coincidence they're not chance they didn't just happen they were designed from above and therefore they reinforced my sense of amunah and he says after the holocaust i was blessed to live a long and a beautiful life and to raise a beautiful family for that i have faith and nothing but gratitude to god and i thought like on steroids i always tell you about the hashtag pratis what's app group that we have in my family all these seeming coincidences that always work out they're not random they're from above and that if we live our life every day raviac or moshe both encouraged us to keep a journal to write down to record each and every day when we felt hashem in our life and that will reinforce our awareness of him our connection with him our gratitude to him so this was on steroids to write a chapter in one's memoirs in one's book and to recall each and every miracle that god did is to express that akara satov is to live really that incredible incredible life of emunah visa martin such and so many other survivors despite what they went through and despite what they lost this they chose to be happy because with all the good they didn't look at who was missing and what was missing and the years that were missing and stolen and snatched from their life but they looked bachola tov how many survivors do we know how many people who've under gone who have encountered who've endured horrific horrific things and nevertheless remained persevered resilient and remained authentically true to a life of a munna because the samakhta they didn't wait for the emotion of happiness they didn't pursue it or chase it they made choose to look at the good and when one looks at and identifies and focuses on the good and makes the decision they can be happy martin and others i was given an audience i was given access i was given a relationship with hashem why would i throw that at why would i walk away why would i not lean in embrace it and take advantage of that opportunity of that extraordinary bracha of that incredible gift okay so i wanted to share all that with you and now we dive back into beyond richard meyer morgenstern it's been taking a long time we've been taking our time through uh his definition of bitto and he says the following amnam tsar bipolar we have to understand how do you live a life of bitter we talked about four levels of what does it mean to nullify what does it mean to submit and surrender our sense of self to the almighty how does one do that in practice because ostensibly the moment the person does this in practice the moment we kick into action the moment we take the lead the moment we take charge the moment we take initiative the moment we do why am i doing i thought i'm nothing i thought i'm nullified i thought i've surrendered to god why am i making an effort why am i taking initiative why am i doing it the answer is how do we reconcile how do we reconcile submitting and surrendering to god and at the same time taking initiative and effort here is the message here's the critical point you ready you're listening listen carefully the message is the critical point is yi kanes be makshava don't let it allow don't allow it to enter into your thoughts i'm the one acting and i'm the one doing allah yargash for one should feel anee paul i am just the agent i am just the ambassador i'm just the shliyak he is the one driving me he's the one giving me life he's my life force he's the one giving me energy he's the one giving me creativity and vision he's the one enabling my success i'm just a vessel i'm an instrument he is the light liga i'm just an instrument i'm just the ambassador you know when the ambassador to a country goes to meet with the prime minister or president of another country so the us has ambassadors all over the world israel's ambassadors all over the world and when the ambassadors in the oval office when the ambassadors at the palace and the ambassadors in the capital when the ambassador is meeting with the highest elected official of another land on the one hand the ambassador is an individual agavra they are the ambassador on the other hand they are representative they are the agent they are the ambassador of the person to whom they serve and they're only allowed to relay the policy the message the communication of the individual who sent them so the ambassador simultaneously feels i live in the ambassador's residence i have the ambassador's uh privileges i am the ambassador i have a certain identity and yet at the same time simultaneously the ambassador always feels i'm a conduit i'm an instrument i'm an agent i am a representative of another and that is our mission here on earth we are ambassadors of the almighty of the ribonus shalom he's appointed us he's designated us you're the ambassador in your home you're the ambassador in your community you're the ambassador at work you're the ambassadors to jews non-religious jews non-jews who don't have contact with the ribosome who aren't aware of our torah and its values you are the ambassador and that is the mentality the attitude of which amir says we're meant to have so believing in god bitter submission and surrender to him doesn't mean being passive doesn't mean being a spectator doesn't mean being still one should take initiative one makes an effort one cares not as part of as an expression of our own identity but rather in our position as his ambassador tainoshiyaga shainlan i have no existence on my own you know the ambassador realizes on the one end i'm an ambassador i live in the ambassador residence i have the ambassador driver i have the ambassador bodyguard i have the ambassador privileges but they can be stripped of you any moment and then you lose it all you lose your whole identity in lomitzi is claude atmo you think in that country you have any status because of you nothing garnished you're the ambassador but become whatever the ambassador whatever power whatever privileges the ambassador has is only as a vessel as an instrument as a pipe to reveal the light of when the ambassador speaks the ambassador is meant to communicate it's their voice it's their choice of words but the ambassador is meant to communicate as if grono god is speaking through their mouth through their voice so when the ambassador goes to meet with the president of the other country the ambassador goes to meet with the prime minister the foreign minister of the other country the ambassador needs to make sure they can't speak freely they can't be liberal with their thoughts and they can't communicate their own message as an ambassador they must transmit they must communicate the message they were sent to say and the same is true with us when we speak srinamed we have to feel that god is speaking through our mouth we are his instrument we are his agent we are his microphone so therefore you're sitting down for an important meeting you're going in to make a deal whether it's in the professional world whether it's in your religious world whether it's in your community leadership a person has to be able to say to themselves what does god want me to say i'm here representing him i'm his ambassador i'm his agent and with every act with every deed with every effort with every initiative the spirit of god is in me whoa he is the one who's driving me why am i awake why am i alive why do i have the power why do i have this idea why do i have this capacity or competency it's only because of him i am his instrument i am his ambassador kasharov madriga zoo when we reach that level here when we can reach that level when we reach that awareness when we reach that mindfulness the god is in me zutakulas madrigas nivra that is the essence that is the goal that is the pinnacle that is bitter but that is the highest level so everything we're describing and we've been describing for the last weeks and months it's not easy it's a very high level it's an ambition and an aspiration but we should have it in our mind's eye we should aspire to it and even if you can't do it consistently once a week for an hour one time and walk into a meeting an effort a place once in a while to return to this mindset to recognize and remember that maybe i exist but my existence is only empowered as an agent as an ambassador of god well madrigal zoo and on this level lorac is mathias hashem it's not just that we see that all there is in essence all there is in truth is god wolf in chicago not just that we all exist only in god's imagination it's a matrix it's an illusion that really god controls the whole world he's manipulating and maneuvering and the entire world is an illusion and we are in it but rather so there is no contradiction there is no contradiction between his being in charge but also our being his representative who's meant to work hard here on earth we have to do them both we have to do them both god is all over god is everywhere and god is in nature and god is in events that unfold god is in history and god is in us he is in us we are his agents we are his representatives so the sikhum this is the conclusion and then we move on to kinyon habitual what is the way that we can acquire this some strategy that he gives us some practical strategy and here is the we said there are four uh definitions hashem to realize i work for god god doesn't work for me number two which is a higher level that to realize that it's not just in theory but it's in practice to feel a love and to feel a sense of oh and to feel a a presence of hashem all around us number three that god is the source of everything i submit to him that he is uh the priority he's everything in this world and number four in his presence it's as if i don't even exist i am an utter and a total i am a total nothing and that is what we're striving for what we're trying to achieve is to live at that level god is everything he's the source of everything he's in charge of everything he's in control of everything and therefore every prayer and every effort comes from that recognition that's what god wants he wants that mindfulness he wants that awareness he wants that effort that when we go through life what does he want me to do in this moment to always ask us ourselves what will give nachas to hashem what does he want me to say what do you want me to decide where does he want me to go what does he want me to do in this moment he should be at that conference table he should be in that parent-teacher conference he should be at the decision-maker conversation that god is the principal partner he is the principal participant and that we need to have the mindfulness to remember that all the time wishing you this may we not only feel the emotion but because we've made the decision to be happy beckoletov with all the good will we have only good in our life and only feel good and see good and that gold that good and gold may yield a sense of of simcha of feeling happy of feeling grateful for all the bracha in our lives tonight 9 p.m we're going behind the bema with her of moshe weinberg you talk about living with amuna someone who inspires so much of the language i use and inspires my whole shift and mindset to this way of being a way of thinking with moshe weinberg moshe weinberger tonight on behind the beam at 9pm you will not want to miss that conversation if you're on fire it will fan your fire if you're not on fire and you're waiting to be lit on fire you will be lit on fire 9 pm tonight come behind the bema with us with our emotional weimar until next time stay happy stay healthy