Living With Emunah (Part 231) - Forgive Yourself

good morning poker 12 welcome back to living with amuna welcome back from pesa wow wow and applause for the welcome unbelievable automotive series is generously sponsored by xavier morgan a member of dr brian galbert and a member of bella's mother dr ellen schanzer deeply grateful uh to the morgans for their sponsorship for their support for their friendship uh we continue to be very very grateful living with emunah we just finished the moon of the holiday of amuna end of faith i hope everybody felt themselves walking through the sea didn't get your feet wet came out on the other side because this entire experience of pesach and right now this count of swedish omer this journey that we're on this walk that we're taking is not a commemorative of something that is thousands of years ago we're not doing something in order to celebrate or commemorate or mark ancient history but we're living it in the present we're living in the here and now we are going through it every year in this time we've spoken about the jewish notion of time many times it's not linear it's cyclical it's a spiral we're advancing and moving forward but we are following that same pattern and we are encountering and engaging the same points of time that are pregnant with possibility and they're filled with energy and themes and that we're meant to extract and we're meant to live and we're meant to be transformed by so that's what this is this we are so now is that we began the we had this burst of amuna the way this farm understand that is that on pesach this enormous light this enormous burst this enormous breakthrough we were enlightened and we felt confident and we felt um clarity that there's hashem and just like he split the sea and just like he took our ancestors out of egypt so too he's there in our lives interacting intervening with just as much confidence and just as much clarity but after that original burst of ammuna after that breakthrough light we come down and now we've got to start from the beginning and then we had that gut check that reality check that the reality is we were on the 49th level of tuma the reality was that we were absolutely marinated in the culture of egypt and we carried the superstition the silliness and the moral depravity and the corruption and now we're on a 49-day journey a 49-day march we're not counting down famously asks normally when you're excited for something like a vacation you're going away you got a trip to israel coming up so you count down the person with a prison sentence when they write on the wall in prison they're not counting up to when they will get out they're counting down so normally you count down with great excitement with great anticipation why are we counting up instead of counting down today is the 11th day of the omer i don't know when you're listening to this if it's still even the omer if you're listening later online but today hear now live is the 11th day of the omer so why are we counting up and the answer is because we're not counting down towards a release you know a vacation is i am obligated i have work i have boundaries and now i have freedom we're saying the opposite we're counting up because we're elevating ourselves and we are enriching ourselves and we're transforming ourselves and we're improving ourselves and we're bettering ourselves so every day a little advance a little bit more a little bit better a little bit we don't go from day one to day 49 by the way you don't come out of egypt and walk right up to the mountain we don't celebrate schwa it's the day after pesach it's 49 days the jewish path of growth is not overnight and it's not instant it's a challenge we live at the time of instant gratification so you decide you have this epiphany major epiphany everyone had it on mote shabbos which was i'm never eating again major breakthrough major epiphany i'm never ever ever eating again right you still feel so full and uh so full from the matzah and from pesach i spoke on the last days of pesach my slogan was don't just feel the matzah after pesach feel pesach after pizza don't just have matzah in your system after pesach have pesach in your system after pesach birkas that we walk out and we load up on and we carry with us the experience of of pesach that we carry it out so a person has that breakthrough that first birth you know burst of you know what i'm transferring my life i never have an interest in sugar or chocolate or carbs or gluten again i wouldn't put that in my system it's poison it's disgusting i'm full i'm gonna just capture my life i'm gonna sleep right i'm gonna eat right i'm gonna exercise it's unbelievable and then the next day comes and you're really hungry and there's nothing around except sugar and chocolate and carbs and gluten and now the hard work begins so pesach is like that initial burst of never again and i've got it and i see the light and i'm enlightened and i have clarity and then you've got the hard work then comes the hard work so we're counting up we're counting up and we're improving and we're growing and so that's what we're doing this time of the year we're going from the aunt of avamuna the carbon that was brought the carbonaromer was made out of barley barley is animal food and the carbon that's brought on tribus is made out of wheat and the only one the only species who knows how to plant and harvest and grind and create bread from wheat is the human being so we're going from our animal instinct our animal impulse the animal in us that's how we came out of egypt and we're counting up to become human beings we're ready to become human beings the animal in us has no self-control the animal in us has no discipline it's an amazing amazing thing the messiest we just finished our our weaknesses here he says much earlier in the book than where we're at now this is trump says something which every time i think about it is astounding we think as human beings that we are far more sophisticated than animals and we are animals have an animal soul and we are endowed not only with the animal soul we of course have the godly soul the human soul we're much more sophisticated we're smarter we're brighter the human being the human brain compared to the animal brain you can't begin to compare and yet and yet the reality is in many ways the animal is much smarter than we are the animal engages something that harms the animal and it knows to avoid it next time the animal recoils and distance itself and doesn't repeat it because the animal knows that was dangerous that was harmful that injured me that hurt that was unpleasant so the animal knows to avoid it what does the human being do it goes again the same food that made you sick last time and you swore you'd never go near it again just until next time right that same meal that we ate and overrated and continued to eat once we were full and once you take that first box of bite of matzah even the people say i hate matzah next thing you know you're four matz is in by yourself which is the equivalent of eating like three full challahs so and you swear i'll never do that again i'm done so the animal when it says that is done and the human being says i'm done for now i'm done until next time and then we go right back to the same behavior or pattern and it's true not only with substances and foods it's true with behaviors we fly off the handle we get in a fight with our spouse or our children we have such shame and such regret and it takes such effort to repair the relationship that we damaged and we say you know what that's never happening again i'm never raising my voice ever again i'm never getting angry ever again i'll never allow myself to respond with rage ever again look at how much damage it caused look at how much it hurt other people look at how much effort it took to repair you know what i may get upset about things but i'll never do that again and then what do we do the exact same thing again so we have this animal instinct this animal impulse in us and what we're working these 49 days what we're counting up towards not counting down but counting up towards is i want to break through and be a human being i want to be a human being i want to be a mensch i want to be a mensch that's it we say in our dabbing every morning we say in our dominion [Music] in private and in public there's a lot of really religious people in public the question is those same people who are so religious in public are they equally religious and private what does their browser history say about their religiosity what do the tax returns say about the religiosity what does the conversation in their bedroom say about the religiosity what does when no one's around and no one's watching what does it say you know i'll give you the example i don't know what the equivalent is for women but there are some men when they get their alley of the torah so they say the bracha the birkha satora shaybach loud and like fetch and a big uh shackle you know we say the same beer casa torah every morning is part of the avenue so good so when their home is in birkha torah first thing in the morning and no one's around is it the same shackle and the same fetch and the same passion when no one sees and no one's watching and no one's recording and no one's observing so that's what we say every morning person should always be ishmael that god awareness that hashem is right on my shoulder so i'm choosing what to listen to what to say what to watch where to go what time to wake up what to eat how much to concentrate when talking to him he's right here lola always real he's right here he's right next to me he's on the couch next to me he's right there he's at the dining room he's right there he's always right there to say sir in private and in public why am i telling you this because the body muscle encourages us read it a little bit differently and you'll think about this now every morning when you say these words say stop you read too much punctuated earlier lolam yeah that's the next part but the first part the first instruction the first mission when you wake up in the morning la olam yeah adam be a mensch be an adam don't be a raw don't be a vilde don't be a behemogasa don't be an animal what's an animal we use this in our vernacular your room's a pigsty you're eating like an animal eating like a pig in our in our language when someone acts compulsively impulsively when somebody is is acting instinctively rather than thoughtfully and mindfully and godly and disciplined they're acting like an animal the animal in us craves all kinds of things the animal in us craves all kinds of things like the potato chips late at night craves all kinds of uh you know the the 17th matza pizza in a row the animal in us craves all kinds of things looking at saying that eating doing sleeping but the godly soul in us is supposed to be able to say no animal be quiet that's not the best of who i am best of who i am is that godly soul so allah yeah adam be a match be a match be a person be in control exert and express the godliness the discipline the dignity inside ourselves we have that capability and we have that capacity it's not so simple and we have to be sensitive about it there are compulsive behaviors there are addictions that people struggle with but i think so much of recovery is to empower the person to say that while there are these forces that lead to compulsive behavior ultimately you're a person you have control submit to a higher power and realize that our power has empowered you with the ability to be on them to be a mensch to have discipline to have some self-control don't forfeit it don't forfeit i can't do there's nothing i can do it's not my fault i can't help it often do you hear that i can't help it you can't help it again i don't say that insensitively there are addictions and compulsive behaviors they need therapy they need recovery they need a support system i don't mean to minimize but with that we can't help it we can't help it how can hashem create us to be drawn to things that and tell us you're not allowed to do it but then design us in such a way that we can't help but doing it that doesn't sound like a very fair god it doesn't sound like a very just god to me that god would design a world and would design children with his children and say you're not allowed to do this now i've designed you that you can't help but do it and i'm going to hold you accountable for doing it that's not the god i want to believe in it doesn't seem very fair or just to me so something's got to give either you don't believe that he said you can't do it or you don't believe he holds you accountable for doing it or you have to believe that he that we have the capability of being in control of it not easy it's hard work life is hard work it's called avodah hashem for a reason hashem it's not called lounging with hashem it's not called leisurely with hashem it's not called relaxing with hashem life is avodah sashima voda means work it's work it's hard work it's a lot of hard work okay now we're ready to start the class all this was just to say that we're in this time of the year that we're working on ourselves we're working on our moon we're working on our simcha we're still on the section about simcha we're still learning about itchy no music no no how could you have simcha the answer is virus doesn't mean no it means we turn down the simcha we lower the volume we lower the level but a jew could never live without simcha the moment the semranu is entirely extinguished your life is extinguished your soul is extinguished the soul is joyful and the soul breathes the air that the soul breathes is simcha is happiness so there are times that we raise the level the month of adar there are times that we lower the level sphere of the three weeks the month of aav person's mourning or grieving it's inappropriate but even within the grief and the morning they're simply even within the seerah there's simcha it is part of the very foundation it's the very fabric it's the definition of being a yid of being a jew of being a jew we're on the bottom of page 156 i don't know if that's where we are that's where i am that's what we're starting he's talking about the impediments and the obstacles to feelings if there's so much blessing in our lives the very fact that we're awake and alive in our and our faculties work and we focus on what we have not what's missing so why don't we feel the simcha why don't we why don't we the default should be to wake up every morning with a smile on our face we should jump out of bed with a joy why don't we why don't we so the answer is because we feel something's missing and many people think what's missing is our own success there are people who beat themselves up they're constantly in conversation with their alter ego and their alter ego is not giving them a what a boy a great a job what a girl great job job well done be so proud and how accomplished but the alter ego is saying you're nothing if only other people knew just how much of a failure you are we beat ourselves up and we focus on our our inadequacies or our shortcomings or our failures but that's very very detrimental and it holds us back and it robs and depletes us of our simcha and it's not positive it's not that by doing that we're going to become better and beat ourselves up all we normally do is knock ourselves down and hold ourselves back so how do you overcome that instinct to beat yourself up who didn't beat themselves up mostly pesach when they got on the scale who doesn't beat himself up after they speak that lashinara or watch that thing or go to that place or sleep in and miss that that she or that minion who doesn't beat themselves up after they react to their spouse or their child in the very way they promised and swore they never would again who doesn't feel down and miserable and beat themselves up so how do you overcome that the answer is la sashuva the answer is improve grow hold yourself accountable look at what happened and say how are ensure it doesn't happen again the answer is to lean in and to work on remembering that everything that happens from hashem is for a reason and that even our own failures were so to say by design that doesn't mean we pass the buck or blame god it doesn't mean that we're not accountable and there are consequences for the choices we've made and for the mistakes that we've made but it means and this is a complicated thought granted this is complicated conceding this is complicated but it means that we realize that you know what hashem designed this world he designed the way we work and we shouldn't have regret the regret should be that we made a mistake we could have been better we were capable of better and we will be better but once we made the mistake that was part of who we are now so to perseverate and beat yourself up and become debilitated by the mistake is not part of the process of chuva that's not how you grow that's in fact how you stay stagnant the way you grow is to say you know what i'm gonna understand why it happened i'm gonna ensure it doesn't happen again but you know what if it happened it was meant to be and it's part of who i am now and i will give it meaning and purpose by becoming better from it as a result tahanu akhasha the massachusetts once we do chuva once we understand what triggered and what led to the mistake we made and once we commit to not repeat that mistake so now we need to nullify ourselves to hashem submit and surrender to hashem is and coming sprouting out of the bed will be good so there's a bed and the bed may be our own fault the bed may be a result of our own choice but out of that bed something good will happen so don't deny and don't regret the bad i'll give you a minor example admittedly a very minor example don't feel bad for me i can't tell you how often i finish speaking not a shear as much but usually a drusha and then in the middle of mussoff beating myself up oh forgot to say this or i could have ended that way or if i would have used that word or this would have been a better close i can't believe i left that out and then i get so frustrated so upset at myself and i think how much more impactful it might have been how much more of a difference it would have made what a better landing for that dress shift i would have said this and each time that happened give me a little insight into the disturbed psyche of the darshan so among many other disturbed thoughts that happened during russia or after the joshua but each time i try to remind myself right away and i say you know what that was meant to be if hashem wanted you to remember to include it you would have included it you would have said it and if you forgot it if you didn't notice it on the piece of paper if you didn't land the plane that way that well that was the way it was meant to be that's what they were meant to hear move on let go and it works it works every time my instinct is to first be upset at myself and have such regret and then ruin my mustaf and ruin my beautiful kedusha to sing with whoever is leading the davening and ruin the lunch because i'm just and then you know what happens everybody says sh great russia and then i say it wasn't so great i left the thing out of there you know it just instead i'm just letting you into what's happening you know when i'm facing forward the toss is over my head you think i'm concentrating i'm just having this conversation with myself so then i said to myself no you were not you were meant to leave that out if you were meant to remember it you would have remembered it okay so next time use a highlighter over the words next time underline it on a piece of paper next time font size 20 000. next time whatever learn from that how to make sure you don't do it next time but each time it happened that was what was meant to be this is a very nuanced point it's a difficult point how do you reconcile on the one hand on the one hand we have initiative on the one end it's our responsibility we have free will we have free choice on the one hand we have bahira on the other hand saskatchewan is divine providence so which is it is everything from hashem or is it us i told you when i went to syria of sharon maroosh with your heaven the story with the guests and tell your story or your memory is just as bad as mine either way i'll tell you the story again so several summers ago this now goes back many summers i was on this big a moon kick i think that's what started this whole focus on emunah living with the moon is just my trying to live with muramuna so i read the garden of emunah is rochelle marouche and he's a breast liver who lives in in your shallow so i read the book i had some significant questions on the book and i said let's go meet with him so you come and i went with our family we went to go meet with him and on the way to go i was i was on a bigger moon everything's hashem it's what's meant to be that could drive people around you crazy because it's just hashem so anyway our car that we had rented was running out of gas like the light was on we were well below the level you know men have this really disturbed game they play which how far can you drive with the light on and below the level and not run out of gas because you're proving something to someone until it doesn't work it's a really disturbed game anyway so i'm driving with no gas and you kind of says you gotta get we're going to run out of gas what do you mean we've got to go see rashad marush we have time we're supposed to be there to meet with them she says you're going to run out of gas guys whatever hashem wants is what's going to happen you know i was on this big hamuna kick i read the book so we go meet with him and i ask all my theological questions the philosophical questions and the rambam you know we're having a whole discussion about it fascinating pipes up and she says if we ran out of gas and we're on the side of the road what's the bottom line did hashem make us run out of gas and we say oh it's hashem everything's from hashem everything's amazing everything's come on davido come on talk about it everything does for the best or my husband kept driving when the light was on she probably said it a little bit nicer than this but this is how i heard it but my husband is what she gets for not coming today but my husband kept driving with the light on and the level below so which is it so he gave a very interesting answer which at the time i thought was a crazy answer but now i appreciate more you know what he said he said your husband was thinking like a who drives with no gas but who is a who thinks that only if hashem wanted you to have such a thought would you have such a thought that was his answer so meaning if you lay out a gas you'd say i'm the a drove with no gas that's why we ran out of gas but this is what was meant to be because for whatever reason i shouldn't put that bizarre thought in my mind that let me do it now does that mean i should keep driving with no gas no have a normal thought have the normal thought and get gas but if you had an abnormal thought and the result was you were on the side of the road with no gas it's from hashem everything is from hashem that's what he answered at the time i won't even tell you i fully appreciate it now but i have much more of an appreciation of what he was getting at now but that's what richard meyer is trying to say as well at some point there needs to be a sense of bitter bitter lagamre to nullify to submit to surrender to relinquish control and responsibility to say hashem i just submit this is your world not only externally and extraneously everything that happens in it but this is your world that even internally my thoughts on what happened that's also you am i not accountable i'm accountable if i have no gas it was my fault but it's also what was meant to be and while those feel like asthyra those feel like a contradiction they're not necessarily that was one of the other things he said to me i kept pressing him which is it if we believe in initiative we also believe in ash as divine providence how does that work so he said to me is is milk kosher yes is meat kosher yes are milk and meat mixed together kosher no so he said human initiative that's kosher that's a that's a belief that we have divine providence that's a belief that we have if you mix them you get basholive stop trying to mix them another answer was stop trying to think about it trap down to make sense of that focus on our responsibilities initiative hashem we also believe it's all from him and when you're going to try to mix them and reconcile them and make sense of them you're going to get baseball you're going to have a mixture of meat and milk each kosher on their own but they become absolutely traif when you try to mix them together so that's what richard meyer said at some point bittel bittle bitter lagami you got to be mavata you got to submit you got to surrender and you have to learn from it and not repeat it but don't beat yourself over it yatsumiya um from that bed will come the good or from the but differently the bitterness will come the sweet that's hilo he mixed the muro and the matzah together that's why the murrah comes before the mata ringamlil i know now we're after pesach but we spoke about that within pesach the whole experience of pesach is there are a million degree torah like this which i won't give you now especially because we are now 11 months and and three weeks before pesach which means some of you are starting to prepare and clean but because hashem puts that bizarre thought in your head um yeah but who's counting but there are a million divere torah and if you trace the pesaceter what you see is it's not all about this binary experience where we went from slavery and bitter to freedom and sweet what the whole seder is about is that there was a sweetness within the bitterness freedom within the slavery that the bad was the catalyst the genesis for the blossoming and the sprouting of the good we're meant to see that and feel that and live that and believe that in our lives to be able to hopefully merit to interpret or see out of the bed what became the good even while still bad last time i told you about i'm just looking at the name of the book because i think penny sent it to me i told you last time about a book of arrow from england who ran the asian london who lost his wife young bad things don't happen to good people painful things happen to good people she sent me the name of the book and now i can't find it um here it is ah i can't open it i'll i'll send her on the name of the book i'll send her on the name of the book so again in that book he writes and when he spoke here he said he would give anything to have his wife back it's the most painful thing he ever experienced losing his wife the mother of his young children at a young age however that doesn't exclude him from also identifying that in her loss he and his children realized strength and growth in themselves that they feel are such a blessing there was a sweetness within the bitterness they realized potential and possibility and strengths and resilience and skills that never would have come to the fore they never would have become who they are had they not gone through that does that mean it was worth it would they do it again are they happy it happened of course not of course not but we live in this world often that says if i'm sad and miserable then i can't acknowledge anything good that came out of it and if i acknowledge anything good that comes out of it then i'm disrespecting and dishonoring and denying the grief and the pain and the sadness no no it's a different book so but that's not true it's not either or there can be both that's what hilo said hillar said stop just eating either the matzah or the murrah let's make a sandwich let's make a lava shawarma lafa because that's what it was it was svari matzah it was a soft mata with some lamb shawarma with some with some murder some kharif in it and it was it was a swarm of that was hilah sandwich in the base of mkdish but he said stop seeing them or eating them or thinking of them as separate they blossom and they mix and they come out together everything is in hashem's hands he's in charge he's in control he is the administrator over it he is the one who moves the world in the direction he wants it to go he can do that through hurricanes and tsunamis and rain or the good weather we have barak hashem continue to have he can do that in the natural order and he can do that in our own thinking by the way is this not also a lesson i'm like harping i'm still stuck on pesa but is this not also a lesson of pesach what was the story of pesach how did it happen hashem hardened para's hearts is that not like saying keep driving when you have no gas sometimes hashem hardens our hearts we're still accountable we're still responsible para was punished para was punished but hashem hardened his heart those are not contradictory we're able to live with both simultaneously he's demonic stop trying to think you're driving the bus you're not the pilot of the plane stop trying to grab the wheel he's in charge of mamela mashayama what was and what will be hakolu raklatov everything is for the best and for our best in that moment sometimes we understand that sometimes we don't understand that sometimes we will understand it and sometimes we'll never understand it but that is the assumption that we live our lives with i've said it a million times i'll say it a million more just like we ask our children you may love or you may not love my interaction with you however no no my sweet dear precious child that whatever i do is because i think it's for your best so when i give you the afikomen present when i shower with gifts and when i love you with affection that's because i love you but also when i take away your technology and when i put you in time out and when i don't let you go to that party and i don't let you wear that outfit that's also for your best you don't have to love it and you don't have to even understand it but i need you to know that whatever i do it's because i'm doing it for your best that's what we ask our children as parents and that's what we as children now see of our parents and that's what hashem says of us it's raklatova it's all for the good akomanubi because it's all organized by the one with the best hands the best hands show them somebody needs surgery and because jews only go to the best hospitals and get the best surgeons they're in the best hands so they're so nervous the anesthesiologist comes to meet with them or the surgeon comes to meet with them and you know what the nurse says or the other patient says or the other doctor says what are you nervous about you're in the best hands you're in the best hospital you're the hands of the best doctor you're in the hands of the best lawyer you're in the hands of the best accountant what are you nervous about what are you all anxious about what are you all flustered about you're in the best hands we use that in our own vernacular to describe the doctor or the lawyer you're in the best hands what are you worried about what are you worried about sometimes when i'm with my children you're playing or you're doing something with them and you say well i'm scared i'm scared i say would abba ever let you get hurt and never ever would abba ever hurt you or let you get hurt never in a billion years kirschbarko says when i never let you get hurt that's what virtue might saying we are in the best hands you think the surgeon's got good hands you think that lawyers got good hands surgeons read buddhism the source of all existence if only we can mavatal ourselves to him we think hashem is the source of all existence but even that is is inaccurate there is no existence he's not the source of all existence he is existence there is no existence outside of him he is everything we're essentially a figment of his imagination we are simply his matrix life is an elu it's an illusion we're operating on his matrix where in his hands so sometimes what he chooses for us is painful we're not denying that we're not pretending it's not however we're also not going to lose our joy and our simha and our happiness we're not going to lose our capacity to see the good or find the good or feel the blessing because we realize that somehow it's all from him and even though we're all responsible for our actions we'll just finish this paragraph then kill kalu saken and if you messed up you've got to fix it if you messed up fix it if you made a problem create the solution you're not going to spill and say this is what hashem wanted so i'm going to leave it you got to clean it up you make a mistake you got to clean it up okay you clean the spill you fix the dent you replace the vas you did the best that you could you learned from it you fixed it to the best of your extent so now it's all going to be for the good for whatever reason this was what was meant to be and now a good is going to come from this you don't know it you may never know it in this world in this life but that's by definition so something you just got to let go you have to let go we hold on for so long and the longer we hold on the heavier it becomes and we have to learn how to let go we have to learn how to let go not not the grudge we hold against the other that's hard enough to learn to let go the hardest grudge to let go of often is the grudge we hold against ourselves if only i would have said that in russia if only i wouldn't have said that to my child or spouse if only i wouldn't have invested in that if only i would have invested in that if only and we just replay and replay and replay and think about it and think about it and think about it and imagine how differently we could have done it and how much we wish we had a time machine but we don't but we don't so it doesn't mean that we don't have to repair it gotta fix it and it doesn't mean we don't learn from it we improve ourselves based on it but then we let go of it and realize it's all from hashem i told the story on yant if i'm not gonna repeat now about my daughter and the suitcase and everything that was in it and uh someone surely asked my son-in-law to tell me something when he saw me so he said you got it he said yeah i remember he said try to remember it better than you did the suitcase it's a good line it's a good line i like that anyway it was a good life so so my my daughter beat herself how could they forget it how is it possible they didn't have it she were on our way to go fix it to go look for it but sometimes now that had a great story great had a great ending hashem it's clear the good enough you understand the good in that story right you understand why i should have made that happen so i'd have a pesach joshua it's all for me well for me all for you so that's why what was the story i'm going to save it maybe i'll write it up maybe i'll write it up because it's that good write it up it's not good i picked my she and her family came in from israel i picked them up in the airport in miami we loaded the car we came home we unloaded the car kids were all accounted for the suitcases we thought were but her carry-on little suitcase that had her shaytal and a laptop and his tolerance and fill in an envelope of cash was nowhere to be found that's the story that's the beginning of the story i'm not going to tell you the end now but hashem made the whole thing happen so i would have a great russia so i would have a great dress shirt but in any case but the whole time and let's say it didn't have a great end let's say you lost the suitcase so you'll say how could i be so stupid how could i have left it how could i have been so stupid that so many precious irreplaceable things in it should have been especially vigilant with it how could i have made such a mistake so you could spend the rest of your life wondering that and regretting that and beating yourself up over that and even feeling shamed for that or you could say from now on i'm gonna tie every suitcase to my wrist when i travel i'm going to label everything upside down i'm going to have learns from it but i let go of it because you know what so this is let me end with this because this is really the point that richard meyer's trying to make that i'm trying to make this is really the entire point so let me express it and articulate it i hope well because this is the whole point the point is how do you do that let's say you lost that suitcase you lost the shape of the laptop the tiles and fill in all the cash how do you not beat yourself up how do you not how do you let go so the answer is very simple because you say to yourself this was the will of hashem hashem wanted me to have that suitcase that have it and if i don't have it yes i learn from it and yes i'm accountable for it yes i feel bad about it but i also simultaneously respect and recognize that this was hashem's will if he wanted me to have the suitcase i wouldn't have forgotten it plain and simple and if i forgot it it's only because that was part of his plan that i forgot it and that's how you find the strength to let go so emunah again this life of amuno we've been talking about this now for how many years are we doing this class five years seven years ten years however many years we're doing it over many years we've been saying over and over and moon is not hashem is asking us to do something for him and moon is not hard it's like fasting and tish above emunah is you want to live a life of joy and peace and serenity and happiness of learning to let go so just just live with the munna just have that conversation in your own head you forgot to say that in the russia you're about to be upset at yourself no stop hashem didn't want that said oh that's that's true you know what good now i can let go i'm moving on a little harder with the suitcase if it hadn't been found but there are all kinds of things throughout our life that we have our entire life is a conversation with ourselves our entire life is a conversation with ourselves right so much of the day there's much of the day that we're in conversation with others but even when we're in conversation with others we're in conversation with ourselves about what to say to others the person that we spend the most time with the person that we have the most conversation with the person who knows the true us the best but that doesn't stop us from trying to fool them is ourselves there's a whole realm of jewish thought that we neglect if you ask any sixth grader any second grader what are the relationships in our life let's say between man and man between man and god and that's true but there's a third we don't ever talk about it and that has been adam la atmo seen a person themselves you can't have healthy relationships if you don't have a healthy relationship maybe we'll do a series on that because mara writes we just we start practice this week the menageries in the summer do pick of us a parrot every week so the mar writes the pirky of us which is brought to you by the number three three things the world is founded on three things remove you from the world three things right everything in piccolo versus three says you know what all those three are now have fun go look at each mission of the three and figure out which is which which is between us and god which is between us and man which is with us on ourselves you have to have a healthy relationship inaudible if you're not true to yourself and honest with yourself in a conversation with yourself transparent with yourself trustworthy with yourself forgiving of yourself all these relationships that we need with others if you don't have that with yourself you can't have the healthy relationships with others as well with others as well so this is part of that conversation that we have with ourselves all the time is emunah hey you know the good ego is reminding the bad ego when you start to go to that bad place of arrogance or anger or envy no no no no don't we go to that emunah class you give that a mooner class don't forget you were meant to not say that in the russia don't forget it was meant to be that that would happen so stop getting upset stop getting jealous stop getting arrogant you think you were it was everything is from hashem everything's from hashem that is the refrain that should be playing in the conversation with ourselves over and over and over and all the time and you will see your life improve spiritually emotionally physically in every which way eight nine o'clock tonight we're going behind the bema two incredible survivors 97 years old who were only reunited a couple weeks ago after 80 years of separation two of them will be speaking at our yamasha program at 7 pm and they are the interview at 9 00 pm for behind the bhima so until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy