Living With Emunah (Part 249) - Can't Know Where You Are Going if You Don't Know Where You Are

good morning everyone thank you good morning good morning I hope it is a good morning we pray for a good morning there were two Terror attacks in Israel this morning two bombs that went off including uh tragically the uh the murder and the loss of Yeshiva Bach are several injured among them she's well was released from the hospital but our own Rabbi pilachaski who used to live here in our community his daughter was at the in that location about Hashem she's okay and she is home but I'm sure very very shaken up our hearts our thoughts our filos our prayers and our shears dedicated for the comfort for the strength for the recovery for the safety for the security of our brothers and sisters in Israel who are Paramount on our mind and have our our full attention I want to thank our generous sponsors of the amunashir Dr zavia Bella Morgan sponsored a memory of Rabbi Dr Brian Galvin memory of Bella's mother Dr Dylan schanzer remain very very grateful to them this morning she was also sponsored by Michelle and Marnie Weingarten in honor of their parents Dr Alexander and Merrell Weingarten thank you very very much for your generosity and in memory of Dr Jacob Hiller who exemplified and models had to live with simchas so thank you for all of our sponsors and again we continue to dive and everyone's invited to say afterwards to heal them all those who are ill and now added to those to him our brothers and sisters in Israel if you've not yet signed up for the WhatsApp groups for the yamuna WhatsApp group or the other shoe room to be no one the sure schedule is or the link to watch live or later or bonus material or just to be part of a community of whatever Shear that is go to Rabbi FM goldberg.org WhatsApp Rabbi effinggoldwork.org WhatsApp and it would be an honor to be in the same group together with you okay we're winding down this topic we been learning about Godless and Katniss the days of smallness and bigness the days of distance and closeness sometimes we connect and we feel the presence of Hashem when all is going well when all is going right when we feel alive and we feel happy and we feel spiritual and we feel his divine presence and assistance and other times we feel far away and we wonder where he is we wonder how we're supposed to endure and how we're supposed to get through and how we're supposed to make our way there are different feelings and there are different moments and we talked about why that is by Design we are a nivra we are the created and as created we feel both independent and dependent at the same time and that's reflected in the email Captain May Godless that's reflected in the ups and downs and we last left off last week we spoke all about the fact that sometimes it's the feeling of distance sometimes it's tough but when we feel far away that we have the best chance of getting close to when you hit that rock bottom that you have the biggest bounce we left off of you remember with the bat the bat sleeps upside down the bat sleeps upside down so it can let go and gravity makes it build momentum so that it could fly and we do sometimes the fact that we're falling the fact that gravity spiritual gravity is making us fall we can capture it we can bottle it and we can take that momentum and turn it into flight we could turn that momentum into lift we could use that fall the distance whether it's in our marriage whether there was a challenge to our loyalty or our faithfulness or our trust or our honor or our kindness and we had a we had some friction we could take that friction the friction get either further divide and set apart where the friction could be the Rock Bottom from which we bounce so that we can begin to fly we can begin to soar the same is true in our relationship with the Hashem the same is true in our relationship with ourselves that being distant and far away feeling like we're falling or we're struggling to connect with him doesn't have to be the beginning of the end the cop out or an excuse to walk away it can be the very Catalyst okay could be the very thing that sets us in motion to be able to come close and to be able to draw close we're on page now we can start we're on page 1 70 165 the left hand column um even in the days of Godless so now you'll say well I long for and I wish for and I wait for that fall if it's true that the fall can give me the lift and the momentum to fly so maybe I shouldn't be happy when I'm flying I should want to fall so I can fly higher maybe it's not good when everything's going too well in my marriage in my friendship with myself or with Hashem maybe I need to wait for that struggle with attention because it's in the fall that I get the lift to fly it's not true but we have Clarity and when we have joy and when we have fulfillment and we have satisfaction of course that's the ideal that's the best of course that's the best we shouldn't sabotage that or compromise or corrupt that so that we can have a fall and get a bounce of course not we had an extraordinary program last week I don't remember if I spoke about it last week in the I want to share we had an amazing program the foreman family talked about I think I did if you haven't yet watched it shame on you you should watch it because whether you are exposed to involved in struggling with addiction or not there's something to learn and to grow for every single every single person so you know Alana who is the recovering addict described how she's more resilient and better and stronger now than she ever was I don't think she would tell anybody go try drugs or alcohol go become an addict I don't think she would recommend go become an addict because when you're an addict when you bounce out of it you'll discover more and you'll you'll realize greater strength than you ever knew she would never recommend it it's an incredible Ted Talk which we have spoken about I'm sure in the past Esther perel who was a Jewish woman a famous psychologist a big author and speaker she has a TED Talk of millions and millions of hits where she talks about infidelity she says most people will be married more than once the question is will it be to the same person or someone else when you run into a wall in friction and marriage there's a break or breach of trust in marriage will you break through and reinvent your marriage will you be married to the same person more than once or somebody else more than once and she talks about that that unfaithfulness revealed something that was wrong that needed to be addressed or fixed and either it can be the thing that divides you or now you can address it and it'll bring you closer together than ever she gives hope I've shared it unfortunately with many people who've needed it and needed to hear it and she gives hope and optimism to people who've been in that horrible situation and it doesn't have to be the most egregious form of unfaithfulness or breach of trust it can be the everyday tension that marriage has feeling the other person didn't treat you kindly or nicely or fulfill their promise to to be their your partner it doesn't have to be the ultimate breach but did that reveal something broken that could be fixed and now you're better than ever why do I share that because at the very end she says people often ask me do I recommend someone should have an affair because then if if her whole thesis is true then what you can discover and how you can grow and what you could do to repair and recover you'll be stronger than ever and of course she says no that's not the recommendation so it's a perfect example of what we're talking about ravicha Meyer is not saying have a spiritual fall you know break down feel far away from Hashem don't be connected to dominating and learning in midos and so on he's not suggesting that he's not saying that of course that of course that that is not a method there's what we gain and there's the positive of when we're flying high but also know that even when we're lying low there is something to extract from it and Propel ourselves and get a bounce and a spring from it as well he wants us to be healthy and happy he wants us to be functional he wants us to be having the best of the relationship we can but we need to know that even when we don't and inevitably and invariably our lives are ups and downs so we've now given this example many many times if your life is a straight line you're dead it's the very ups and downs that are the evidence that there's life there's life the EKG of spiritual life so we have both existences we are flying high and lying low we have Godless and Katniss bones when you feel far away in distance and you're low to the ground that builds a moon it tells us we can connect we can cling we can glue we can attach ourselves to him no matter what no matter where I'm about to read something to you that is unbelievable I'm going to read something to you that's going to blow your mind in a moment regarding this and it creates a sense of connecting hanging relying depending looking searching longing yearning repairing to Hashem all of those are incredible character traits it's not a coincidence I think it has to put our references this and certainly anyone who works in Psychology or social work will tell you that it's often after friction in a marriage could be unfaithfulness or could be friction and but it's often after the Breakthrough that you have the the greatest intimacy and closeness and connection emotionally and otherwise that it's dafka after the repair and it's after the the fix and it's after the effort and it's after the yearning and the longing that's renewed and restored that the distance created you feel a greater closeness and a greater intimacy and a greater longing in every which way how does it manifest itself than you did before so when everything was well on hunky dory and it was good and you were so happy and you felt close that that's the goal to be there but you can't live there permanently so when there is friction doesn't have to be unfaithfulness even friction when there is friction when you work out that friction the bounce that comes afterwards from the recovery and from the repair and from the attention and from the driving from the longing can lift you to an even closer place than ever that's true with Hashem is the goal is to be in a good place davening and learning and need those and spiritual drive and ambition that's the goal but you can't live there permanently we have ups and downs and and it's a function not only of Hashem it's a function of us and what's happening in our lives of how well we slept how well we feel how well our children are behaving how well things are flowing in our life livelihood parnassa or longing for uh for ourselves or our children or our grandchildren or whatever the case may be we feel and we relate differently but even when there's friction with Hashem where are you why is this happening I don't feel connected to you if we work on if we lean into it when we care enough to fix it and repair it the resulting bounce that connection that closeness can be stronger and bigger than ever before that Godless bonuses so there's something to extract and to gain from when we feel low and far and there's something to extract and again for more living in that high let's see cool and therefore next page because some above let's see yeah I love Duncan the world what's the slogan the world runs on Duncan but caffeinated with cavana is much better slogan we gotta find our cups bring them back caffeinate with kavana is a much better slogan with kavana charcoal Hashem everything charcoal everything's from you everything is from you even this cold is so we've learned that a person now here's something he hasn't said yet and this is incredibly important in order to know how to navigate this roller coaster called life you need to have self-awareness self-awareness person has to be able to be aware and to be introspective and reflective and say okay how am I feeling what's going on what's going on in my body what's going on in my soul what's going on in my heart what's going on in my mind where am I holding where am I holding because if all of life is a blur the days blur together and the weeks blur together and the months put together and momentum is just carrying you on life and you're not actually present and thoughtful and you're not in touch with who you are and where you're at and how you feel then you can't live your best life to live our best lives is the capacity to disconnect is what we just talked about in the sales this year before this one to live our best lives you have to have the ability to disconnect and to think and to be present to practice encourages many long before him and after him but including him their avocado encourages to live a life of his Buddhism to set aside time daily or at least regularly to simply be present to Simply sit and think not competing for my time for my attention for my focus just thinking I'm just just taking inventory taking inventory there's a lot of new age science about this you know our body absorbs so much of how we feel so if you want to know how you're feeling let's listen to a whole podcast where I forgot which maybe it was brene brown I forgot who it was being interviewed and she spoke about in the middle of a meeting could be a business meeting could be an awkward or difficult conversation you have to have with a friend or a family member Gage how what's your how's your body are you all tensed up and you're this is your breathing shallow or deep are your muscles calm and relaxed how are you feeling are you sweaty are you anxious are you relaxed our body is a great metric and measure it's a great instrument to tell us how we're feeling so you have to disconnect and practice disposes you have to have self-awareness and and be introspective say what am I feeling where am I how am I doing where am I spiritually where am I emotionally where am I mentally where am I physically and where are my relationship to him but if you never think about that you never connect to that and again you're just on this hamster wheel you're just running this Rat Race momentum is just carrying you the days are blending together the weeks the months are blending together the next thing you know I don't know if you feel this way a little news flash for you apparently it's almost December yeah so it occurred to me that because someone said something to me about yeah in 2023 I was like wait a minute that's a few years from now 2023 what do you mean we'll do that then we'll schedule that then but that's a few years from now why would we wait so long and then I realized wait that's next year that means this year is 2022 but I haven't gotten used to writing that on a check yet I don't write checks nobody writes checks anymore everybody knows every January you write the wrong year on a check for a whole month until nobody writes checks anymore so I don't you venmo the wrong date I don't know it fills it in automatically I don't forms that you fill out nobody does that stuff anymore but how did it become what do you mean it's the end of 2022 when did we stop 2021 when did we stop 2020 didn't we just have Y2K everyone remember Y2K yeah the world was going to collapse and implode and computers were going to explode cars were going to stop working we went to sleep that night not knowing what we'd find the next morning Y2K we found ourselves in the hospital we have a daughter born one of the first babies born in the new millennium aratara she comes down to every scene with a with a bang so but Y2K you remember Y2K so how did it get to 2023 20 in Y2K if I would have said to you 2023 you would have thought of like an episode of The Jetsons you would have said like what are you talking about 2023 so how does that happen because life is just gotta get to the moon is sharing a carpool I gotta cook it's on my Shabbos I gotta call the thing I got to go to the place I gotta take care of that I gotta get to work I gotta pay the bill I gotta did you ever stop say what is this life about who am I where am I holding what do I want to achieve who do I want to be what difference do I want to make what Legacy do I want to leave the films I want to spend time what conversations do I want to have what change do I want to affect and make who do I want to be what's going on in my life how did I get here where am I going where am I now do we ever have time for that or we're too busy getting confused what year it is we're too busy finding ourselves in December we say what it's the end of the year December what happened the 2023 is not scheduling something for the next decade or next year it's almost next week how'd that happen had that happen you gotta stop it you gotta you gotta press pause you got to disconnect you got to connect you gotta be you got a bit you can do that by yourself if you're lucky you're fortunate you're blessed and we bless everyone who wants to be to be in a marriage you could do it or should do it with your spouse with your partner where are we who are we what difference do we want to make what kind of family do we want to raise what Legacy do we want to leave are we making enough time for we for us to schedule regularly time away and phones off and conversations you can have and it could be during the week spoken about people who've inspired me not inspired me enough to do it yet but inspired me to think about doing it that I have a regularly weekly meeting with their spouse at Starbucks turn your phone off you come in and you could talk about things that need to be discussed decisions that have to be made but also just to check it if you don't schedule the time it won't happen in the words of Greg McKeon the author of one of my favorite books essentialism if you don't prioritize your life someone else will something else will if we don't prioritize Our Lives something and someone else will whoever emails or texts us the most whatever fills our inbox whatever takes the most time whoever screams the loudest whatever wheel is squeakiest that's what will prioritize our life if we don't so Cesar Richard Meyer you gotta stop and you got to focus you got to concentrate you got to feel you got to take stock who am I where am I what's going on what massive am I in what's my massive let's see we're gonna launch a new living with amuna um language when we see each other people will ask how are you which no one really cares or no one really answers and it's just a horrible how you doing great never better all good we don't really mean it in the question nobody really means their answer we just get onto our agenda whatever else we wanted to talk about we don't really mean it but we should ask is what's your massive what massive are you in Godless or Katniss what's your Madness what's your massive how's your soul how's yourself we don't ask that we asked but yes has your soul when's the last time you were in contact with your soul are you aware of your soul do you nourish your soul do you protect and care for your soul do you exercise your soul do you listen to your soul do you know you have a soul have you ever known yourself to have a soul what's your massive what's your massive that's our new we're gonna make bumper stickers what's your massive what's your massive what's the massive what's the massive means are you in a period of Godless or kindness are you connected or distanced are you plugged in or plugged out what's your massive because how could you know what comes next if you don't know what's your massive how do you know where to go if you don't know where you are I don't care ways Google Maps MapQuest how could you take directions of where to turn and where to go next if you don't know where you are have you ever had that you're driving and maybe you were in a tunnel and then your phone all of a sudden says you know I'm not connected to the satellite and instead of the little icon that makes it realize he knows where it's going you get the other like round circle little icon that says I have no idea where you are right so you're driving you're going 70 miles an hour but the map's not moving and now you panic I don't know where to turn next now the map knows exactly how to make the turns to get where you're meant to go what's the problem it doesn't know where you are and if it doesn't know where you are how could it know where to send you where to turn where to go next how could you know if you don't know where you are you know that you know that feeling usually you yell at the person next to you that's the safe way to do it or you try yourself or there's no one with you so you try yourself and you try to right you turn your phone off and on or you put it on airplane mode then not airplane mode you see if you can recover the satellite you see quickly if you can figure out where you are because you needed to know where you are why because it can't tell you where to go next if it doesn't know where you are so how do we in life know where to go next if we don't know where we are how do you know where to go next if you don't know what matzo you're in how do you know what's next to work on what's next to do what's next to become if you don't know where you are having you also have to know what are the options what are the difference Godless Katniss what massive are you in how's your massive how's your soul how's your soul this is one of the things that you need more than anything you have to know where you're at to know what to do next if you go to the doctor you're trying to solve a problem the doctor says okay so you're presenting that you have this issue but on a scale to one to ten how bad is the pain if you say I don't know the doctor can't help you doctor has to know is it a three is it a nine is it 11 at a scale of one to ten is it every kid it's always an 11. but is it an 11 or is it a three are you there because it's you know it's aggravating it's annoying I decided to finally take care of it but it's a three well the doctor needs to know is at 11. how do they know what to do next to treat you if they don't know where you're at so what's your matzov where are you spiritually eight or nine plugged in Connected living high on a moon a feeling his presence every day feeling his love his guiding hands are you a 3 a negative three I don't know where he is I haven't had a real conversation I haven't let him in I'm angry at him how do you know how to treat how do you know where to go next if you don't know where you are sorry you have running towards and running away you are front and back we have greatness and we have smallness regardless we have moments that we're alive you jump out of bed there's a skip in your step you run to greet the day there's moments of alive and then we feel exalted and elevated and enriched and empowered we feel like Hashem oh you're with me everywhere and you don't have to look in order to search if you don't need a magnifying glass and you don't need a telescope he's not don't you see him everywhere did you see him in the iguana and the lizard and the Sun you walk outside and you're like wow a parking spot Hashem is amazing wow I feel the sun on my neck Hashem loves me you have feelings of Godless like he's just everywhere and everything you attribute to him and he's bulldozing a path for you and all you want to do is talk to him and sink them and sing with him you can't wait for the next comments and if I bring in and on again Tish you can't wait and you have joy for life but also you have a Clarity of vision you see clearly he's there but other times we're in a place of smallness other place I don't know what you're talking about you're annoying stop talking like that get lost I don't want to hang around you you keep talking about God I don't see him I don't feel him I don't know him I have no clarity about him I'm overwhelmed with doubt I don't know what you're talking about I don't feel like going to the sheer I don't want to go to the event I don't feel like going to the if I bring in the Tish Leone right speaking to a group of women I know online everyone listens but in person for whatever reason it's a woman's share so I know women with shul on Shabbos morning you're not obligated to go you're not obligated so it was one of the challenges with Corona Baruch Hashem but many most of you have bounced back and it's wonderful to welcome you it's great to have people back but I know Corona created a new pattern that if you could wake up shop this morning and take your time save her getting out of bed and sip your coffee while reading your mishbacha or whatever or your drugs of choice on Shabbos morning that why I gotta show okay get rest you can put yourself together you gotta see people you gotta talk to them they want to talk to you they have to get a seat what if you don't like the khasem but the rabbis Josh is boring or way too long to make an appearance at the kiddish stay in your Shabbos robe sip your coffee read your magazine you'll get you're diving at home you'll diving at home too purely hypothetical speaking what if your husband's the one who gives the Joshua and he says come on get to shul already she's back she was back right away she was in Corona seven masks she was there I'm not talking about my wife so and you make God bless you'll be like what do you mean I jump out of bed I get dressed I want to be there as early as possible I savor every word of the sitter I love the deafening it's amazing I want to be at the kiddish I want to see people I want to sing the songs we put the Torah away oh it changes my life I want to be there for for Anka location are you kidding me which one I wouldn't I get there as early as possible God bless I don't even know if I'm gonna dominant home does it really matter to make a difference does he really care I'm not really focused I don't really I'm dominating while I'm setting the table while I'm putting away the dishes last night while I'm yelling at the kids to wake up while I'm not even dressed while I'm on my 17th cup of coffee so those are the different feelings that you have there's massive of Godless there's a matsum of Katniss you don't feel connected to the trappings of yiddishkite you don't feel like opening the city of the tail I'm coming to school hearing the dominant going to the shears and this second matzov um of a feeling of not having connection not having revelation of hashem's light it's not only true for mankind hashem's light in this world goes in and out there are feelings of his presence being felt more intensely and there are feelings of hiddenness sometimes he's more hidden sometimes he's more intense so what are you doing he's more hidden I was going to read to you but I think now I'll save it for next time I'm gonna tease you a little bit too bad catch you back next time our beloved Mordechai it's Martin Judith Mr judovitz who was one of the pillars of our community of our shul literally designed our show of the Holocaust Memorial outside was an extraordinary extraordinary extraordinary man with the tremendous trust after his wife passed away she was extraordinary in her own right we hosted almost every Shabbos and yoga really took tremendous care responsibility of him and setting him up but other people's Thomas and so on he wrote several Safari but he wrote A Memoir Memoir is called Holocaust and rebirth like every survivor's Memoir it's well worth reading we actually spoke about earlier says if you want to grow spiritually read biographies autobiographies biographies don't read self-help books don't read novels don't read read biographies because when we see the other people what they struggled how they broke through who they became that is an incredible source of our own growth so every Holocaust Survivor by definition their stories are extraordinary and they're amazingly moving now highly recommend them so he has a chapter at the very end it's essentially an addendum to his biography his autobiography and it's called it's titled simply amuda it's titled faith and he says as a holocaust Survivor I'm often asked the following question do you still believe in God you lost your parents your entire family the Holocaust for the sole reason they were Jewish and you yourself endured enslavement by the Nazis because you were Jewish did that affect your belief in God um excuse me do you ask yourself why did God allow this to happen and then he has five thoughts five reasons for why he continued to believe to live he didn't just believe and live he lived and modeled incredible emuna and a rich vibrant dynamic Jewish life that helped create our Jewish life here so next time I'll read to you we'll look at those five thoughts thought one thought two he goes through five thoughts we had his unveiling recently and one of his sons read it at his unveiling and felt it best captured his legacy with the five thoughts his father had so I I listened through the tears and the sweat was during the summer at the cemetery of the unveiling and I thought to myself as I often do you know we think we're having a bad day because the Wi-Fi was slow like God where are you how could I deserve so much better how could you give me slow what what do you mean the Wi-Fi is not working how am I supposed to believe in you how do I know you exist what do you mean Trader Joe's no longer stocks my favorite there's no God why does it not have any more vanilla ice cream vanilla ice cream everyone's got to think Trader Joe's no longer has that is rocking their faith in God shaking their basic emuna so he's like I lost my parents my siblings my hometown my family everything I ever knew and here let me tell you five reasons I still lean in to a relationship with him and we're like the Wi-Fi on the plane didn't work I had a middle seat I'm really examining whether I want to be from anymore I'm exaggerating but only slightly the younger you go the less it takes to rock your faith and to the extent of even walking away the older you are the more you can endure and it gives you greater faith and it seems the younger we go and this is a real reason to be afraid of our future but it seems the younger you go the less it takes to go wrong to lose faith and we have the ability to grab on to people like Mr chunavitz and these five thoughts which we'll start with next week and are you made captains when we are in a place of smallness or the place of Darkness a place of doubt how could we grab off these five thoughts to be able to lift ourselves up tonight we're going behind the beam of Yushi Fleischer who is the spokesperson for Chevron we'll talk about the rise of Terror in Israel talk about Ben Veer he worked on his campaign talked about why should Israel spend all this money and risk the lives to protect the Thousand Jews who live in Chevron do we really need to be there that'll be at nine o'clock tonight the chef is coming for Shabbos it's gonna be an amazing Shabbos here at Boca until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy