LTT Podcast EP #08 Heartbreaking But Winning. The OTD Challenge.

hello and welcome to let's talk tackles wow we just came out of an amazing interview with a very special man who he and his entire family are really working hard and assembling and giving all of the questions to help and build one of the children who is never struggling and they really buckled up to do what's right even though it was not easy and not so popular in the beginning but they're really struggled through abohoshal today they have a lot of a lot of advancements to share this was not an easy interview and all of you like to see interviews chick and watch it for 20 seconds you know the whole story this is not the case it was not an easy interview took a little time to unravel and count to the point but wait and see what you're about to hear you're going to be really surprised and mesmerized and really feel admiration for this family for what they did so take your time watch the entire podcast wait till the end there's a few good stories in the end and you really like what you sing enjoy [Music] hello and welcome to let's talk tackles thank you so much for joining us we really appreciate your time you share time with us we know your time is valuable especially especially before pesach and we really appreciate it today we have a very special guest like I always tell you and let's talk tahras sometime it takes us a little too long till we do the next podcast but we are very very picky and we bring on a guest it has to be super special so today without further Ado let me introduce to you Rabbi Mr Isaac Miller hello Mr Miller thank you for introducing me as a very very special person I really appreciate it the people who watch so far they don't know you're special but by the end of this interview they'll all know your special so I'm jumping ahead of the game and we'll go straight to the chase [Music] um Mr Miller Isaac my my dear guest has a unique and very powerful story to share with the world the story is not such a pleasant story um he's doing a very tremendous job here and his entire family really as a group are working very very hard to make the story very pleasant and he has a lot of successes on his calendar Hashem he's going to be very brave I hope and I believe tonight to share a personal painful story with tens of thousands of viewers and the only reason he was willing to come here and share with you the story is because he feels that is a lot for all of us to learn and know in this subject and he's really has a mission to make the world a better place and make classical and classical's children happier and healthier and that's why he's here tonight so what's going on Mr Miller and without further ado I would like to thank you for the opportunity for sharing my story I wouldn't call it pain I would call it maybe painely not painful because there's a lot of joy as well when you see what you can accomplish what you can do and how you can turn things around there's really a lot of joy and a lot to be happy about Hassam I'm happy I'm a happy person and I'm trying to put the smile on other people's faces as well I share my story a lot and I go out and I talk to people and work Hashem many many people thank me today for their smile on their face I think shame making people smile is a new DNA right yes fortunately yes I know I don't know if any one of you heard the name Miller ever nah is it Sam Miller I always say I'm from the rabuna similar yes so Isaac's father is a very special Miller a very famous the udon person so for them to put smiles on people's faces is everyday occurrence but today let's see how we can put a smile how we can gift wrap this story so let me hear what happened in short because I I asked some of it my interview is why are you here today can you answer that sure I don't think that it's a hard question at all when I share a little bit of my story I'm first always make a disclaimer I'm sharing a story I'm not here as a professional and I don't want anyone to view me as one I'm not giving advice and I'm not telling anyone what to do I'm just saying what happened to me and my family and how we I believe very successfully got to where we are and our hopes are high that we we know that we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and we're gonna get to the end of the tunnel we'll get out we'll get outside so I can say uh like every typical person I grew up and visit in monthly I was born raised over there I grew up as a vision to hold it I got married over there I lived over there I raised my children there I started marrying golf my kids while I lived over there my whole life was in the circle in that bubble a vision succeeded and in our days we live and we see many kids who struggle and it is only normal to try to be judgmental and in most cases we judge the parents we look at the family as a failing family even if only one child of 10 or one child of more we still look at somehow they failed we try to find it even and the easiest reason the easiest person to Target at all with the family so as all of us I Was the Same I was a typical person I know exactly why every kid is struggling and how the parents are to blame one parent was too strict the other one was too soft it was almost easy going one was hard going but you know there was always and I knew exactly why it happened everything was lined up all the excuses yes not exclusive the reason there is reasons and it all went well till it happened to me and in the beginning I would say I would admit I was judgmental on myself too where did I go wrong and I was focused on that where did I go wrong what did I do bad why did it happen to me must be my fault I didn't know if I should blame myself or my wife maybe so automatically things started getting very tense at home I always I started feeling insecure in everything I did because maybe I'm going going too hard too soft I should I should not but all the rest of the kids I lost my confidence and the same thing I didn't know for sure if it's maybe my wife's fault and I said blame her when we did it started the the ripple effect of this was huge it was unbearable and it had a very very bad impact on the whole house automatically and I whoever I talked to it's only normal people it happens to I had an effect on the house and one of the things that I started feeling was I started feeling guilty for everybody so first I felt guilty of course from my own kids then I felt guilty for my neighbors their kids are going to have such a kid in their neighborhood and I felt guilty for the family they're gonna have to live insane and they're going to be embarrassed my parents my wife's parents my own brothers and sisters and siblings my wives and I didn't know where this is taking me so I was like lost I was in a dark and nervous I didn't sleep for nights I was worried and that and on top of that I was also worried about my own child my kid that's struggling when it's all started to unravel it was a very bad situation tough situation when I realized what's going on the only thing I saw was that she disappeared night after night I had no clue where she is I would I would not go out of my house at night and walk anywhere night late at night I'm that type of a person who stays home I wouldn't walk around and wander on streets and when I found out later where she was at the other end of town without being scared she was a young girl how old she was even was really started investing I think 14 15 really young yeah so I realized there's two things that's going on she got herself some pants I found it under her pillow and I started looking after her so my focus was I was so I can say focus on the wrong thing all together I was focusing on how to put boundaries and what can I do to get it back on track and how I can make it happen and how quick not only control but how quick I can do it I knew that the trick is the quicker I do it the less shame I'll have the less before it goes down the street I didn't want the street to know little did I know that before I even know everyone let's do it they thought many people that I meet today they're busy you know about the neighbors and about the neighborhood they shouldn't find out they all know before you know it they know it and I was trying to protect my my dignity my family my reputation I felt everything is on the line so really it's a very it's a very difficult balance to to game to play because on one hand you do have feelings for your own kids for the other kids and you want you do want to protect your kids they are your kids you don't know what's good for them you don't know what's not good for them you have your wife forever yourself let's not talk a little the extended family but you only me your own immediate family that sit with you every day by the side with the dinner table a Shabbos dish um you feel very bad for them right and you also separately are starting to learn that you're feeling bad for your daughter also so how do you really juggle between these two these two feelings it's it's not a simple task that you get a book a manual how to deal with it first of all I realized that by being this nervous and by being worried so much and by trying to control the situation I'm only harming up my entire family I was the calm person a normal person and suddenly I became that nervous father without any patience to anyone skeptical and with no confidence and I didn't know what to answer I was always my mind was flying around and worried and worrying and I couldn't concentrate when the kids were talking to me I realized that in an effort to try to control the situation I'm losing the situation so it's not a matter big people think that you can control the situation by in any way that means there's no such a thing you have to let it go a little like what's how can you okay so it brought this stuff yourself from wanting to control right so when I realized that I always say today when I look back and people tell me you're enabling right this is a very popular word became the word enabling and I always say you can use what is the opposite word of enabling disabling disabling can you disable no you don't control situation anyways so it's not called enabling when you don't when you can't disable when you can control it when you realize that it's anyways not in your your control and it's not in your hands you don't do anything different to let when you let go it's not even called let go that's when you take instead of trying to take the situation and control the situation you control yourself that's all it is self-control and stay focused on what you're trying to accomplish where are you heading what do you want to do where do you want to get so I want to roll it back a little bit because unfortunately it became very rampant and unfortunately we see it in so many families is there like a certain time or incident or situation that you were able to you can pinpoint today and say this caused it these are the signals that you have to watch from like when when Looking Back Now I want to hear soon about your your relationship with your daughter these days and those days but how's the sugar what should parents look look out for when they have Muslim are facing similar situations starting to unravel in general once you see that what your kid is doing things not the way all the rest of the family does it and not the way you raise them and it doesn't make any sense what they're doing that's when they realize that you could you should realize that the kid must be in a bad place I would call it when I say a bad place it means that they are broken for whatever it would eat in one or the other and it's irrelevant but to once they're broken I always say it had nothing to do with ye described goya's guide it has to do with the person that there's a person over there and a broken person is not a person when you're dealing with a kid that is broken then don't they can't control you they cannot do anything they're unable they're broken like a broken car cannot be on the road it's broken and once you realize that you come to realization with the fact with the situation and you live with that situation you realize that the only thing you can control is yourself you were saying that if you see unconventional moves and all kind of if things don't make sense then you really like you should realize I I realized that it's not in her control and it's not something that she does intentionally now it's in my own hands if I should make it more complicated for her and for me or make it easier for her and for me and it's going to make like life much simpler what I mean by that is a few things number one I'll do whatever it takes to remove spite if spite is in play then it just becomes worse it unravels right just despite me yeah so what I had for instance now I have very open conversations with my daughter and she recently repeated the message said that in the beginning of her journey she started she always used to speak to me in the addition to my wife in English if girls do it's very common and I was okay with that but when things started to unravel I moved back and I was trying to take the situation and make it even stricter a stricter rule I'm gonna bend it the other way this is how I'm gonna take control so I said from now on on you cannot even talk to Mommy in English anymore and what do you think happened started talking to me in English and she wouldn't talk to me anymore near this nothing would make her talk to me in Yiddish and recently she'd repeat it to me that thought he should remember that so you can see what spite does right she could she was not ready to take over there she couldn't she couldn't tolerate any structure or anything this is what they can't when they're broken they cannot so you can do whatever you want you can kill them and then it won't change so there's a few things that he must remove that I felt I must remove and again I go back I'm not saying you I'm saying me but I'm sure it took a long time for you to become who you are today from taking going away from all the spikes and becoming and all it took was and my main thing was not to lose focus and it is still today so now it's easy it goes automatically my focus is like this and it automatically any situation then comes up by instinct it's about her and not about me it and and I can tell you this much that it made me a better father to all my kids my older kids always tell me that they wish I was this kind of a father when they grew up wow because to all my younger kids and it's not only if you take this kid and by her you make her an exception it's going to make the other kids jealous and it could affect them no change yourself and know us and it's a new me and it's all about my kids so whatever she needs I'm for that and whatever another kid needs even in a normal situation and the way I was before I wouldn't give in so easily stuff I am make trying all I can to make sure they feel that my my devoted to them and I want to make their life as good as I can and we're not talking about I'm talking about taking them to a freedom store and spending time with them so even in a forum store I let them roam around and buy books it costs a lot of money but books they enjoy I'm talking comic books and for one kid that likes to see this forum I would spend money on that games toys they are number one they're number one for me in life and it changed a lot and the other thing that I did was that I realized is if a person doesn't have a friend they rather die so I realized that a lot of kids I I'll go back a little bit to humor I always say that people are scared about other kids they start to worry and why is that you have to understand them though people who don't have the experience this is really the biggest scare I know so but I and I'm not judgmental today to anyone right even to people that judge me I'm not judgmental to them because I know that I was that person before I was the normal person I'm no longer normal and I don't expect anyone to look at me as normal and I'm fine with that so I don't mind if people judge me at all and so one of the things is I always say that why is it when the first kid struggles the parents are blamed this is normal we blame the parents if a second kid struggles no one would think that the same thing that called the first kid to struggle maybe it was some kind of MLS there or it was someone else in any other way of abuse that did the same thing to the second child no but the second child they will blame the first child so what happened so people will say right he kept him in the house and this kid brought down the next kid and I always turned to them and I say so you can explain to me why it happened to the first kid the first kid didn't have a sibling before and it still happened I was gonna ask you if there is a it is a certain explanation any explanation why it happens to one particular kid versus other kids in the family the same thing goes in in physical health if they have two brothers same family grew up together and both smoke one of them gets cancer dies and the other brother or sister smokes heavy same and lifts to the 90. what does that tell you so it doesn't tell you that smoking is healthy definitely not but it tells you that one person can be built better better or better genes or something that made them be able to tolerate the smoke right and the same thing goes over here it could be two people can be as equally abused or bullied or whatever it takes to cause trauma one person can tolerate better trauma than another so there's no General like you always compare it to health situations right every doctor or any sickness any organ cardiologist no people no no doctor would treat two patients alike every person according to his abilities according to his strengths according to his weaknesses the same goes with kids the same can goes with comes from spirituality one person can take abuse and go on with life and another person cannot may I ask you a question but you can tell me to back off you think you by now know maybe what triggered this particular kid to be different than her siblings a particular event or a happening that happened very sadly I have a another only a feeling I have more than a feelings you when we became close and she became close and open and wasn't scared to talk she [Music] basically did Express to my wife what what caused it I'm sure it's unpleasant and I don't think that here is the place I don't want to make it very painful details I'm I'm shaken as is anyway but I can tell you one thing at a certain point when she was open with us and we had started happening having open conversations even today it's not a problem and we can have any kind of conversation it's not a problem nothing is sensitive and she she revealed to my wife that when she was 12 years old she couldn't sleep through the night she had problems staying sleep she had nightmares from what happened to her and she couldn't sleep through the night but she wanted to she was trying she was struggling to be able to go to school so you know what she did she was 12 years old she used to go downstairs and I had some place where I had kept my wish vodka she would go down and get drunken up night after night and she fell asleep with vodka or this is very painful but Whiskey A young innocent child and it shouldn't be that way so when now when I look back I feel only sorry for her that this is what she went through this is so painful this is what it took her to fall asleep I can blame anything I can blame her on anything I should only go to what I what I did the way I turned it out the way I realized it was just Mama's every day realize open your eyes it might not be pleasant to look you to look at your problem to face your problems and to deal with it it's not always pleasant but you have to do it this is our struggle in life to face your problems and deal with it accordingly now there's a if you can stay focused on what where you're trying to get and what you're looking to accomplish and don't look at any side matters [Music] you can be very successful and when I say side matters I mean even myself I own ego my own dignity I have to let go of that and it evolves very much and if you think deeply into a lot of things that people do it's about saving their faith their own faith into this world for sure and it's normal it's a normal Instinct of a person it became worse in the past 20 30 years people today do many things for themselves they don't take in consideration the the true meaning and the true good of the person they are representing supposedly because it's such a world today I'm sure to to disconnect yourself you go to Shield you go to you go to work you meet your siblings you meet your family meet everybody and and everybody is pointing rolling their eyes even if she's if the kid is not there if the kid is there especially when the kid is there but I'm sure it's it's till he became a routine to disconnect the feelings from all the outside cameras and photographers and and analyzes I'm sure it was a very very big struggle it's probably one of the hardest struggles in in the game in this in this at the beginning yeah in the beginning I was like in a cave in my own world I wasn't sharing anything with anyone and until I was approached by neighbors who probably meant well um but what were they looking for the job the cemetery is is paved with the road of many people who meant well exactly but I can I see I'm not judgmental against them as well because what they believed and they scared they say that they're scared for their own kids they're going to bring down the neighborhood and it can ruin their kids I'm not so sure that this is really what they escape but it's an instinct people think oh this is going to represent our neighborhood this is how the neighborhood was going to start and look I don't want it in my neighborhood and people get all excited by it and I don't blame them perhaps it means that some people think the opposite they said oh now my kids can see what what they should they should not look like if a girl's house or shouldn't wearing pants or boys wearing it or not wearing a couple or this and that so some people sell the chick that the kids you see him or her don't be like him or her I can tell you one thing that in the beginning when my daughter dropped out of school someone asked my younger daughter who was only nine at that time I'm afraid to him and it's very simple that's a simple question are you jealous at your sister that she doesn't have to go to school and she gets away with anything so are you jealous of her and she answered no and when the person I didn't tell her anything when the person asked her why and you know how well she she answered and this is what kids read like another one you don't have to explain anything she said because my sister is not happy nine-year-old a nine-year-old and she said I see she's not happy no one looks to follow that there's no such a thing that one I can only say one thing if this kid if you try to control the situation what happened what ends up happening is that this kid feels isolated and because they can't follow rules they can't follow anything so every day it's about them and they're targeted another fight and they go back and forth and tension around them they feel they start feeling isolated now if a kid once a kid feels isolated as I said before or the kids need the kid needs someone on their side so one of the one of the kids like like this going to do trying to pull one other kid of the family to be with them someone should understand me someone should be my friends for sure it's not gonna be my parents it's not the whole family let me please get someone on my side and this is when probably some people might pull other kids together together with them but if you stop that and you present about them and you focus on that and there is no spite this is the first thing that flies out the window there is no dirty talking no cursing screaming you know screaming no yelling there's calmness in the house automatically it brings a new atmosphere a new and they and and there's no thing my side her side so she has no need to pull someone but she's equally as everyone as is one small announcement many of you had the issue that you could not watch the podcast on a filtered phone and I really admire the people who took Upon take upon themselves to have a kosher phone and stick to it so we just made big upgrades to our website let's talk tacos.com and you're going to be able to watch directly the interviews without going through YouTube enjoy and let's continue first stage a person has a showroom starts to realize where does it go Das how does it know how to start going to professionals I know you have you had you have a rabbit you had a New Life and and not it's not an easy situation for any rabbit to control today unfortunately it's becoming more and more um common unfortunately but like what do you do like boom a ton of bricks fell on my head what do you do one thing that we must realize is when you look in Arabic you don't find any hello situation so really go back and say the word I don't think there is anywhere in the halucha something to refer to yeah but that's where we believe has special maybe you had a story with one maybe you went to one of your best one of you people that that had a certain opinion about this situation of how you should handle it and was it successful was it not like I'm sure I'm sure you didn't go on your honor with this thing well of course from the beginning and as I said before I'm a vision for horses and I went to the division of monsie I was Hitler said and it all started and I realized that I'm going wrong it didn't take me long to realize that I'm going wrong and I and I someone mentioned to me about it man a guy very famous today Avi fishov and I was considering maybe going to him and at the beginning I was fighting the idea myself and I was saying this is crazy this is stupid this is the worst thing I can do to my house to let my kid do whatever she wants it's going to ruin my house it's all speculation now I'm thinking back it's all Theory speculation there's nothing really to establish it but this is how people think they because it goes back to a person when he feels that he loses control so he automatically if I'm gonna lose if I'm not even going to be in control it automatically means that the whole house is going to go it could be ruined and it's not when you don't I think you have this many and they go I'm going back to to a physical thickness in physical thickness you can see you cannot control the situation you do What actors tell you what professionals tell you but you can't control it that you have for the rest and you hope for the best and same thing goes here I'm sure a lot of Tears went oh I was rolling in the middle of family in the beginning it was I couldn't face anyone I couldn't look anyone in the eye I was crying through night it was not an easy me my wife we lost a lot short this was nights of sleep and weeks of we didn't eat we didn't how long is this Saga taking place really so it started 12 years ago yeah yeah we are where we are from the beginning when I was introduced to such a kind of a Mahala instead of pushing away right and and that some guy we fish off instead of pushing away your brain learn your Embrace and you learn what your child is going through with trying to explain it to you so you live with what your child is going through the struggles of your child and you struggle with your child together so you really can Embrace and you can really be in their bubble in their world you're gonna relate to them much better and build your relationship and build them up from the ground up and when I was introduced to that Mahala khalili thought that this is crazy and I couldn't round my head or I couldn't wrap my head my head around it so it created idea advice so but when I started realizing that what I'm doing is wrong [Music] my signature an email I always write under my signature I will write my slogan life is all about how you handle Plan B because this is what it is and I always well said yeah people that go to Aviation no one comes their first choice everybody tries first to control the situation so nobody should think that people that go to him are the people that have normal situations and they choose rather than controlling their situation so organized it's so planned yeah and no it's the people that tried people that failed and when they realized that they're really going bad from bad to worse and they want to open their eyes and face their dilemma and deal with it that's when they realize there is no other way so I went to the river and I told them about it that my daughter is struggling and he was crying together with me I went over to critical it wasn't pleasant the level was literally crying with me and it was like frantic what's going on and then I told them that I learned recently there's a new asking on the black his name is Avi fishov who was the devil's opinion generally about such kids in the beginning I guess I I can't say that he had a general opinion because I hear so many stories versions yeah evidence itself how one person they told this way one person another way and a lot of it I guess that's right whatever the way a question was asked because we know people go to whatever for business questions and many times we hear stories of people they got the answer they were looking for so for people that the situation of dealing with such a kid is tough on them and they think that by throwing out the kid they will get rid of the problem right they will release them from the problem they'll go to the river and ask it in such a way that the neighbor should say throw them out of the house so when when a person looks at a situation like something that is going to ruin its whole house it's going to ruin the whole family because this is what he anticipates and he goes yeah and he goes to the lab and he tells them I have a kid that is ruining my whole house that's going on in the house cursing and whatnot and of course whatever would say you know if it's ruining you all have whatever might say get rid of the kid it's ruining your house you can't let other kids fall because of this kid my humble opinion but I wasn't there when other people asked I can say that I was there once when I asked about one another of my child my children and I I was had a child that was also like a little bit struggling but not as bad as not as hard as this one but also struggling and I couldn't take it and it wasn't hard on me and I said to the neighbor I'm thinking of sending this child away and the driver said what was angry at me what are you talking about and I said I can't handle him and this was after before the story before before and I told that ever and I said but the driver told this and this person to send away his child they ever told me you want to compare your child to that what are you doing so it wasn't a and I so then I realized you know it might be also that other parent asked the question different I don't know I wasn't there but when I had a a company please tell me this this child is doing okay today the thing is Living With a Purpose with a vision on the future and talking about the future I'll get to it and hopefully uh soon but the way it looked in the beginning there was no talk of a future no I could not ever be brought up something about a future she never wanted to hear about get Ever Getting Married ever building a house ever discussing having children and now it's all about that person that believed that she had a future and can build a house has a lot of confidence so I can say that we build up our kid from ground up and both of them she's today she had a sense of humor and a generic or goes viral yeah not dumb and she lost weight she is of drugs for the past it's almost two and a half years already she went once to rehab and I can say one thing that I can share this is not if you realize that he cannot control anything nothing you can control some people I know that pushed their children to go to a rehab or to go to even this even though how did it happen she asked for it yeah wow I think I think this is the bombshell of this particle of this interview if if the viewers have let's talk less heard now something that the child that struggles so much and went through such pain such ups and downs such Lonely Nights such so much friction in the family came to a point of saying she wants to be helped with with uh with the drugs I think this is the biggest the biggest encouragement for suffering for families and people are parents and stuff are wow so in the beginning I think he can go home really [Music] in the beginning it was all about whiskey and vodka she used to get drink drunk this was normal and related to revealed that this is what she used to fall asleep and she used to get drunk beer everything alcohol she used to like drink like no tomorrow and she later got it off by herself when we you know we started building up and she got rid of that on her own but unfortunately it changed the drugs it started with weed and I went on to much much harder stuff got out of it and now it's already probably a year or so that she also quit smoking wow and when she decided now she's so strong that when she decided to quit smoking she never once yeah took a cigarette please tell it I'm very proud of her we all are and so are all the viewers from our from our podcast all very proud of her and I'm sure she's gonna now to be proud of her is nothing I was proud of her every day throughout these 12 years it wasn't one day when I was not proud of it and I leave I really felt it she never embarrassed me wow as soon as I realized that I'm going in the wrong direction I can say in the beginning I was embarrassed if it was embarrassment about everything but as soon as I realized and where I live and what I have to do to turn around and I realize that that she's broken I wasn't embarrassed anymore wow amazing what a what a difference it was me identifying with her meaning so there was a monthly grand opening when Evergreen started the supermarket and the grand opening whole town came in yeah and I decided that day she wasn't dressed the way we are used to and I would go with her shopping meaning hand in hand and put the card together with her and shut up in the Thor while everyone looks and what I would do just look them back in their face I didn't even stare down to the floor I just stared back oh take so much and he built her up it gave us so much strength that I can identify with her in public I used to hold her hands and go out from my house to my father's house and so soon at night to go Taylor she would only stick bro Hashem she always stayed home she wouldn't wander around anymore when it won't be turned around and I would go hand in hand now just as soon as I'm visiting it for the umptive that we had thousands and thousands of people came from all over the world and it was in front of everyone I had no embarrassment no nothing and I went with this was my pride I'm sure your wife is 100 Locked In and the same my wife had the same situation and came to weddings let's say right and she was at the wrong side and my life just held out their hands and sat next to her identified I think almost the word spite came back in now despite all these people I'm going to show you that I'm strong and I'm wow this is unbelievable and you would think that people the the instinct is that you believe that you think that everybody will look down at me that I have such a child and it's the opposite when people see how you stand next and you stand with your child they only admire you I've only got compliments never I was maybe told something I don't even remember it when one year it came in the other so the only uh hard situation was so I went to the vision set up and I told them about this mahalak of Aviv and at the level fashion go to him and the rabbit said of course and asked him for a broker and he gave me a brokeragean so I went in later some neighbors they were all scared about the situation and what it's going to do to the neighborhood and people are also scared of the reflection Beyond really so worried for their kids how the neighborhood is going to appear so this is the neighborhood where and I can tell you one thing that if people would realize that if you can respect a child a broken child they're not desperate to bring in their own friends to get corals or to get physics family and they're okay with neighbors if neighbors can get along with those kids there's no reason to shame them no reasons to embarrass them we're used to yell at them it doesn't bring doesn't do anything it only makes them that they are looking out for support who are they bringing for support people from outside and it's only going to make the situation worse I'll tell you a very scary story even if it's not where we're talking now but it's something to make people aware I just heard of this master Sabbath and I know the people involved I know the families and all the people I know firsthand and so the person that repeated to me the story told me the story that I knew was a kid that went South and neighbors didn't like it and they asked the father to move away and he didn't want of course why would I move so one neighbor started arranging that the neighborhoods would come and protest so every night there were protests in front of that house can handle that Neighbors coming one one neighbor was the whatever I don't know what exactly they'll be yelling years went by that family fell apart at the end no wonder and they moved away and but I'm talking years went by I'm talking about maybe over 20 years good over 20 years and the person that the leader of that group he himself has now a few kids after their okay and it was only decently when he realized that maybe I did something wrong he picked up the phone I took some courage and I picked up the phone and they called up that person with his prior neighbor from years ago located in him and started yeah and started begging him from a Healer and he said you know would you forgive me I realized that I went wrong I was wasn't the proper thing to do I want to ask you for moshila and he said I'll be honest with you I have a few kids now struggling not he not from and the legalized might be because of this the man told him I want you to know that you ruined my whole family and I want you to know I want to know how many kids do you have that are struggling and he said the number he said don't call me yet because I dumb to Hashem when this happened that you should have more than this and since you're not there yet I'm not going to be more of you this is so painful this is scary I just got sure nobody no healthcare and no and no one knows but the one I'm sorry this let's talk tacos is a happy place I have to go back to book Hashem to your successes You Killed Me Now by the way you killed me but I want to go back to the successes and I want to I want you to tell our people our viewers and listeners that as much as we've died from as much as we beg the Irish tale it should give us these challenges when it happens give me a few words of Courage for the people how strong they should be and how positive this should be and they should not let it drag them down please give us give us encouragement I'm I'm gone so I can tell you that all you can do is you don't want me to work out on a wheelchair from this place you better build me back you you do you have excellent record of rebuilding people you have to stay focused on what you're trying to accomplish and what's your main goal here and remember that and don't think about anything else don't get turned away turned off don't get distracted by what neighbors would say or parents or grandparents or anyone and it only brings calmness back in the family only builds up your family and build up your kid we can say it with sure but I would focus what I was focused is on a few things number one I was very strongly focused that my kids should not own anything to anyone else outside of me meaning she shouldn't have any hakura for toys and be desperate enough to ask someone on the street to provide anything to her and owe that person anything so I wanted to make sure whatever my child needs is coming from me and the only person she has a toys too should be me was it prevented mommy and me yes and was this prevented and I'll tell you where I started and this is by letting my ego go when I first wrote a letter to her an apology letter you wouldn't believe what that apology entailed and what it included and I just realized when I saw once I realized that she wasn't in pain and she was broken I had to tell her that I feel sorry if I'm not realizing if I'm not apology for that period between when you discovered yes and until you started changing your style that's yeah that's what it's focused on right yes I took the blame I'm sure you I know I know you I'm sure you were a great father generally speaking you and your wife are great parents all throughout you didn't become solely now you became smarter and but I'm sure you didn't never did anything wrong to this kid before but it's not happening so what the signs of things going bad is when you think that when you see that logic doesn't work every kid you don't think I realized right away yeah I'm telling my child you have to wake up on time you think the child doesn't know that I'm not telling them any news I'm telling him anything that is about structure yeah the child knows exactly okay they grew up exactly like the other kids they lived together they grew up in a healthy fine normal home and and as soon as he realized that this is out of logic and doesn't make sense you realize that with logic and with sense you will not get anywhere because the logic they have since they have when they don't make sense and they lose logic are you pushing logic into them doesn't change the situation just makes it worse just tell them just just bite you bring a fight you make them lonely you make them be alone and they try to pull other people and they need some support they'll get it and if they can't get it in the family and everybody's strong against them they'll get outside and if anything they need they have ways to get it they all get it unbelievable I think we can be all night but I'm so happy that we are we can conclude this amazing conversation in a positive note I I couldn't be able to interview a parent that is in the first phases I'll tell you what what my sometimes we have that's an order to jump up if sometimes they have to bend down a little bit so you can get a better jump so by me the my daughter gets life you can see a lot of those kids they need love to an uncontrolled in an unimaginable amount of Love on the imaginary level for many of them they need dogs to survive because a lot a dog is not judgmental and it gives you love to no end and this is what they need my daughter has a different thing that gives her mom's life and this is babies the smile that a baby gives her and the love that a baby gives is also a baby doesn't touch a baby loves you smiles back to you and she gets life from that so she used to work by a babysitter but all of her money all of guns had another cat not a penny was there plus but how much I paid and helped and supported her all these years throughout the journey and then many many ways one day a from father came into the pick up his baby but that babysitter and he saw that how she was dressed and he told the babysitter he cannot let his baby or a few months old he cannot let his baby be with such a girl over here it's always she has to tell my daughter to dress up so what do you think she's dressed up right of course it's just done so my daughter came home and said my job is gone that's it so I told her me and my wife sat down with her and we said you know what going forward Let It Go and you will start your own babysitting in our house and she said I'm a sexer that's what she said I'm over foreign it's not going to happen it's impossible I said okay don't worry but it's not it's it's still worth trying it's not worth giving up and I can tell you what's today that as soon as people find out that they're going to have a baby they register with her she takes very responsibility so she's very responsible she only takes she has a helper now and she only takes up to I think 12 or 13 babies but this is her life and this gave her life my whole house throughout the week is turned upside down with cribs playpens whatever these guys everything and crying in the house babies crying babies happy and she's talking and walking and it's all about the kids and everything can I register my grandchildren by her and and I'll drive them from Brooklyn to Mercy every day with pleasure and it all came to halt a short stop this was one of the saddest times the hardest times throughout this whole period watching her unravel she lost her whole appetite in life so before we never she wasn't bad she didn't bother coming out she had no purpose in life not coming out and it was horrible that situation and I felt to myself you know I saw I lived in visitor that I said before and when this whole thing came about neighbors starting threatening me that they're going to make protests and stuff and I said you know what I'm moving away I sold my house my house was paid off my mortgage I was I lived with a tenant that paid me rent and paid off my taxes and my insurance I live basically only paying utilities and it's free already I sold my health I bought a new house now I'm paying a mortgage again without any tenant I'm just a beautiful room for my daughter over there and I made it comfortable as only imaginable for her I made it Mom's a beautiful beautiful section that I built special for her and this is where she stayed because I'm throughout all these years since I moved that's covered then after all this moving and after all this sacrifice to have uh this thing go down collapse collapse I felt like where it is going to go now and that friend but when she realized that it's going to a bad situation and unless she takes it in the situation into her own hands nothing will happen she called me down one day to come to talk to her and I was sure that she's going to tell me that she's ending her life giving up she's giving up I I didn't expect anything else and when I came down and she told me that she is looking for help and she wants to get out of this wow wow so getting from getting her to the fact that she herself it's the second the second bombshell he's throwing at me I told you only I can I cannot handle that much she's self called out for help instead of giving up is unbelievable you get a lot of credit and you're giving a lot of people physic now if the baby's thing is back on are we back on right after covert came back because full swing and it's mamas mamas every day you should see how she talks to the kid and how they talk back to her they call me Daddy what was going on but what a remarkable story oh it became the whole house became a calm house and a comfortable house where everybody's welcome and and even when she brings when she had to bring friends they are welcome rather than her her any she never has to wander off to anywhere because I'd rather have her him fighting his friends over those in a comfort zone sure and whenever she wants friends she can invite them over it's not a problem we have beautiful and anything I want to finish with one nice story yes so the um as she went to rehab and she was just gone away for before Yom Kippur she went she left Aaron Kipper and she's going to come back and focus for 10 days so she told me Anderson she said tati you know that and the thickest I won't be home and we used to think every sick as we think it's a song very nice and she loved it she had even now every Sabbath she's the one who's been getting the kip at every Sabbath Friday night of singing many for the simple that's her song yeah she gets and she starts a nice song and we sing and so we used to sing together and she told me that the young Childs used to come and sit on my lap when we were singing and she misses those times and now she's gonna go to rehab she'll be able to sing so soon we don't think it's for thickest so she says since I'm going to be missing you singing Secrets can we sing it now it's a sooner tonight I said of course come sit on my lap she asked you want to sit on my lab the way she did it when she was a young child and she came she sat on my lap and together we sang this is what you needed before she went off to yeah there's no doubt that she's a very very high in the Sherman a special in the summer and I'm sure the Irish there's a lot of Allah and I know I know that you have a lot of I can tell you that nowadays she loves to identify with me so if we happen to be at the same time let's say in a supermarket I would be going through an aisle and I wouldn't even necessarily know that she's in the supermarket and she would certainly see me from the other end of this of the aisle she would like crushed in there not wrong he yelled from there everybody should see that she's my daughter and talk to me in Yiddish wow she's amazing she wants to identify with she feels so good identifying with me all right tell her again and on behalf of all the let's talk viewers she's very special yes and we are very proud of her and I really want to thank you for coming here I know it wasn't probably easy to to go public but I know the the touchless because it's called the results will be amazing and I really really appreciate you coming here thank you for giving me the opportunity my pleasure [Music]