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Maamar V'avarti 5719 #3: True Self Love Is Divine Love; But Then I Realize that Too Is Limiting Me
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Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
Okay, good morning everybody. Welcome.
Baruchim haba'im.
Thank you for gracing us.
So we're in the middle of the ma'amar of
V'ahavti Bereishis Mitzrayim.
Class number three.
We're up to class number three. Today's
class
is dedicated by our dear friend Reb
Isaac
Reb Isaac North in loving memory and
l'il nishmas
Leah Pearl
bas Reb Chaim uh alav hashalom
who passed away on the 13th day of
Nissan. This is going to be the third
yahrtzeit? Second yahrtzeit.
T'hei nishmasa tzrurah b'tzror hachaim.
And may her soul be always a source of
blessing and inspiration
for the whole mishpacha, especially for
all of the children.
L'arichus yamim v'shanim tovim.
With all the blessings. Thank you.
And also dedicated
for a complete and speedy recovery or
refuah shleimah
for our Rav Reb Chaim Michoel Dov ben
Sarah Rivka.
May he have all the blessings and
arichus yamim v'shanim tovim, a complete
and speedy recovery.
Amen.
Okay.
So we're in the ma'amar of V'ahavti.
The Rebbe said Pesach 5719,
and we're holding
seif dalet.
Chapter four, which in the copies
is page 199.
Page 199.
I got an extremely um
moving email yesterday.
I don't know the person personally,
but it was a young man, 27 years old,
who wrote an email.
He's following the mymer. He's learning
with us the mymer
online.
And uh
Let's see if it opens.
So, I usually give a summation and the
before we begin we go further. So, the
summation will be in the form of an
email of this young man.
It was very moving to read. He says as
that starts off as he would "Hi Rabbi
Jacobson. I was extremely
closed off
my whole life, always living in my head.
I didn't even know that I was missing
anything and I thought that I was living
the evolved life.
3 years ago on Pesach I had a seder
and something about the seder felt very
different.
It was different than anything else I
had experienced.
But I was still the same locked down
person.
The next morning after Shacharis
my mind was blown open
with a true ego death experience.
It opened my heart or accurately the
bridge from my heart to my brain.
Suddenly I was able to see all of the
life that I was missing.
I struggle now with being able to tap
into that space.
I am in my head a lot of my life.
But nonetheless, once I can see the
other side
I can't exist anymore thinking that my
head is all there is.
I had to I felt that I have to say to
you something because how closely this
mymer after both classes mirrors my own
life.
And I'm I'm that something said before I
was born
can describe my life experience. I'm 27
years old.
It's been tremendous for my own personal
growth and the growth of my family.
In my case, I thought I had my whole
life figured out.
That I knew what was wrong with me. I
also knew what was right and how my life
was going to look. It was perfect.
It was that morning of Pesach,
I picked up a book was called Life is
too short
by Twerski.
When I read the table of content
contents, I realized it described my
life perfectly.
There was the header Symptoms of Low
Self-Esteem.
I could no longer deny the reality that
my self-esteem was low and my whole
worldview crumbled. At that point, all
of the labels I put on myself and the
world were put into question.
When I went into the meal, I couldn't
speak. I was struggling to hold a fork.
I couldn't figure out how to hold a cup.
I asked myself, how do you hold a cup?
Everything I ever knew I thought about
the world was shattered.
The egg cracked completely.
Words will never really give justice to
the experience. I don't know why I even
I was chosen to have this experience.
Some people tell me about certain
journeys they went on that sound similar
to the experience. I never tried that
myself, but I did do a lot of IFS work.
So, it could be that that primed me to
have this experience happen.
And
expressing his gratitude for all of this
learning.
So, uh
So, here is a Here is, I think, a very
visceral example
what we spoke about last time
that uh you can't
have the egg and eat it, too.
Either it stays an egg or it becomes a
chick.
From yesh to one yesh, we go through an
ayin.
And the whole theme of this mind mirror
is
that
if I don't go into the Mitzrayim garden,
if I don't go into Mitzrayim, I can
never go out of Mitzrayim.
To go out of Mitzrayim, we have to go
into Mitzrayim. And what is Mitzrayim?
Mitzrayim is in the mind, in the brain.
There's a very profound expansiveness of
understanding and wisdom and it could be
really, really powerful.
But nonetheless, it's disconnected.
It's disconnected from the human
internal experience
which is embodied.
But it's sometimes so disconnected that
it doesn't say it's disconnected.
Because part of its identity and safety
net is it's fully connected. On the
contrary, it figures things out in the
most objective way.
It looks at other people who are
emotional wrecks and says that's not
going to happen that's not going to
happen to me.
I'm I'm scientific. I'm methodical.
I'm organized.
I see the picture. I know where to go. I
wait I know where not to go. It's
amazing. Right? It's like imagine you
don't have to ever visit anywhere in the
world because you have a map.
And you say I know where everything is.
And literally that's what it is. I think
that's a very, very good parable. It's
literally living on a map and and you
know the world better than anybody else.
You see the shape of Italy as a boot.
You can even capture the grandness of
every ocean and every sea and every
river, every beach, every canal and
certainly every country, state and city
and you're an expert, you're a real
expert. There's only one thing missing.
You know where all the beaches are. You
know where every single beach is.
Exactly.
You know the most beautiful landscapes
and not only that, you have the whole
the whole the whole planet, the whole
earth literally in your conquest. You're
holding it in your two hands.
Right?
All figured out literally.
But as they say, the map is not the
territory. The only thing I'm I'm
missing is
the experience, yeah. I don't know what
the soil feels like.
And the truth is that it's even very
hard to understand this because as this
person said, well, words
all fit into that same
you know, map.
And it's very important, the map is
important. When you go somewhere and you
have a map, it can help. It's very
important. It can help for descriptions,
for definitions, not to get lost, know
how to get back onto the right path. A
map is very, very helpful, very
important. If you're driving with maps,
we all know it's helpful.
But nonetheless, if it becomes a
substitute for life, it's a disaster.
Not just a disaster, it's just not the
not life.
And to get from that place of seichel to
middos, like the Rebbe said, you go
through an ayin, a place of unknown. The
journey from the mind to the heart must
go through the unknown.
Just like the journey from the heart to
the mind goes through the unknown, and
the journey from the mind to the
superconscious mind also goes through
the unknown.
And that unknown is a place of very,
very deep vulnerability. The egg
cracked.
Will the chick emerge?
The seed decomposed. Will there be a
tree?
It's a place of the unknown, which
shocks the survival template that has to
go off its throne of predictability. But
it's the only way that a person can
actually go in to the place of
experience, which is yetzias Mitzrayim,
going out of the meitzar hagaron, going
going out of that those confinements.
And when we do go out of Mitzrayim,
there's always an attempt to go back, go
back, go back because there is something
very, very vulnerable.
And the the the point is that the Rebbe
can even ask a question, who needs it?
Maybe just stay in the world of seichel
because you can reach truth. We're
talking about real seichel, who reach
truth. And he says, no. Because
ultimately the whole of betachtonim the
whole
of
the whole of the whole of the whole of
As we see practically he says when
there's no
when there's no emotion, when there's no
when it there's no experience of it in
the body
the actions are not really affected.
There remains a disconnect. And
ultimately I can justify and rationalize
everything. And in the confrontation
between different modes of living
the brain intellectual detachment will
prevail.
That's how it is. It's a very very
skilled at its work. It's only the
embodiment that creates the real shift
of consciousness
and the real ability of integration.
Where it's me. It's me.
Even though as we explained you always
need the
as a map and as a challenge because if
not the emotions could become
very very
like everything it could become
egotistical. It could become
it could become uh
extra
very very overpowering of course
dis-regulated and I can start
worshipping them too. I can start
worshipping them too where it becomes
I'm not feeling I am feeling I'm not
feeling I am feeling where instead of
the feelings becoming a channel for
the feelings become a new trap of
everything is about what I'm feeling
right now. I you understand what I'm
saying? That's a whole different type of
That's where you have to go the other
way. We have to go into a different eye.
And it's it's it's a deep journey
because
you see people who have lived in their
brains and they wanted to go to the
world of emotions and then it became a
whole new prison. It becomes a whole new
prison of worshipping
my mood at this moment even though it's
a new survival template of just what's
working comfortably with me and maybe
I'm responding to an old pain so maybe I
have to go through some phase. But to
turn anything into a pagan absolute God
whether your brain or your heart becomes
another form of detachment which is very
painful.
I said
I said this in last year. I said this in
last year, the end of this year.
Yeah, yeah.
There's this three for bringing ends of
the freedom of the of the
tough shin above
1946 that I recently was learning.
Um I think Simchas Torah, Yud Tes
Kislev, and Purim, which were the big
for bringing ends. Literally the same
year and he kept on saying the same
thing.
He said the people make a terrible
mistake.
Because there's a to call Chabad
which comes from the altar they decided
that it's been a dust. It's about an
intellectual relationship.
And he says it's it's it's completely
inaccurate. What wanted is that the
middle should be guided by in a dust.
The middle should be inspired and um
and um
rooted
in deep deep understanding, meditation,
transcendental awareness. It shouldn't
just be instinctive and more superficial
and shallow.
In the language of this it should be
rooted in a note of my body. It should
be rooted in the inside.
An understanding of it as limited as it
is gives a person the ability to go to
places my own emotional landscape right
now at the moment won't be able to
experience. You know, I'm hungry, I'm
tired, I'm exhausted, I want attention.
So the in a dust is like the map. It
gives a blueprint where you could
you could experience through your mind
very very profound truth but the whole
closeness is
the journey from the head into the heart
and into the body through the garden.
And he
emphasized this again and again. So
yeah, you're right.
It's not really somewhere okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, 1903.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Your mind understands what you Yeah,
yeah.
So, this is This was the main the main
Hakodah.
Now, we come to save dollars.
All of this
was an explanation
on the beginning of the moment which
discussed the fact that we see in
Mizraim two phases.
When you read Parshas Boy,
sometimes it feels like
feels like you It sounds like they the
the was at night.
And then clearly it says the was by day.
In Parshas Boy, it says twice has a
little
This is the day that Hashem
protected and guarded and anticipated.
Actually, it says for the word
anticipation showing your mountain
to take the Jewish people out of Egypt.
Also, pirate wakes up in the middle of
the night and says, "Go, go fast, fast."
But then clearly it says
it was the middle of the day that he
took the Jewish people out of Egypt.
So, the says, "Yeah, the knows that you
could make a mistake and think they went
out at night or at least maybe some
people went out at night that they
started to go out at night." So, he
says, "No, no, they got permission.
They were free
in the sense that they could leave,
which is of course a major moment, but
the actual the actual departure was the
next day."
That's what the explains. So, it's not a
steer. And the it basically says in
that
there were two stages. gave permission,
but nobody left till the middle of the
day. That's off.
So, they say that we do at night that
like they did the say there. But the
actual
was by day.
But the says that itself needs a beer.
It's true we we we we we reconcile the
contradiction. There's no physical
contradiction. But why is it that the
Torah speaks about Yetziat Mitzrayim
as happening in two times? So, he said,
"No, it's not really two times. It was
one of preparation, one is the actual."
But, that itself
that it happened that way
means that there's two stages in Yetziat
Mitzrayim. And that's why the Torah says
this Yetziat Mitzrayim at night, Yetziat
Mitzrayim at day. And then we explain
what it means technically. But, it means
in in in the inyan of Yetziat Mitzrayim,
there's takka two phases. There's two
inyanim.
And you see it also in halakha that
maskirin Yetziat Mitzrayim bayom. And
then there's a special pasuk to teach
you at night to be maskir Yetziat
Mitzrayim. So, it's not just because you
wouldn't have you would you wouldn't
take that as a given. It's takka because
there's two dinim in Yetziat Mitzrayim.
There's Yetziat Mitzrayim of yom and
there's Yetziat Mitzrayim of layla.
In order to explain this, he went in
what is Yetziat Mitzrayim
in avodah in a person's life.
That it's going out of the metzar.
Going in and then going out of the
metzar, where the seichel becomes
trapped and hijacked by Paroh, who sits
in the nape. Paroh levels of oiref and
has the sa'ar oiref, sa'ar mashkin,
sa'ar tabachin, as we explained, the
esophagus and the trachea, the windpipe,
the foodpipe, and the veins, the
arteries, which can hijack any awareness
and lead it to where Paroh wants to lead
it. Well, and the bottom line is that
you stay stuck in confinement and
limitation and what we would call coping
mechanisms and survival templates. And I
can't live with the full power and
presence of my soul.
I am stuck in my metzar hagadol.
And that's exactly what Paroh wants. And
he's the king of Egypt. He's the king.
He's one of the mymarim that says Paroh
is melech Mitzrayim, that he's melech
Mitzrayim v'hagvulim. He's the king on
on on on of of coping mechanisms. He's
the king of survival templates. He's the
king of keeping you trapped in in in
your bubble, in in your egg. It's melech
Mitzrayim v'hagvulim.
Melech Mitzrayim, he he's the king. He
was a king. He was an expert. There's
always that So, that power is an expert.
He gets it done. Cuz the Golem which
just means the
The borders, Golem, yeah?
The the Ukraine Ukraine, the word
Ukraina means the border. Ah,
interesting. Okay, I didn't know Ukraine
means borders.
In which language? In Ukrainian?
It basically means the
end of something. Ukraina, Ukraina.
Wow. Okay.
I see. It means that in Ukrainian. If it
would mean that in Russian, it would be
great.
Putin wants to add a new word to the
Russian language. My Russian means the
same thing. Oh, okay.
So so So, the Melech Mitzrayim V'Goyim,
that's what he wants.
And then, there's going out of the
Mitzrayim going out, that's Yetzias
Mitzrayim.
Because based on all of this, now we can
appreciate why there's two phases.
There's the night then there's the day.
It's not so much a technical thing.
There's takka two types of Yetzias
Mitzrayim. And each one is a Yetzias
Mitzrayim. Yet yet, one is called night
and one is called day.
Sif Daled.
V'hinei, k'she ra'ay day ha'yetziam
Mitzrayim naseh seder ha'samiddis.
B'shas through Yetzias Mitzrayim, you do
have a seder ha'samiddis. What do we
mean by a seder ha'samiddis? That
there's a an arousal of actual middos.
Where there's an emotional experience.
But should the person experiences it.
And that is what redemption looks like.
Because then, you're completely in
you're you're in a different place.
She'k'var b'middas ahavah kana'al, and
the primary element is love.
Middos includes more than love. There's
chesed, there's gevurah, tiferes,
netzach, hod, yesod, malchus. But he
said earlier, it says in Zoya lace
pulchin a kapulchin in the Musa. There's
no avoid it like the avoid of love.
And liba pulchin the whole shifen just
like biologically from the heart
the blood is transmitted, it's
transported to every single organ.
Shifen are all the compartments of the
body
all needs the transmission of the blood
in order to bring oxygen and nutrients
to every single part of the body.
So it's not just the heart experiences
love. Once that happens, that blood goes
everywhere.
So your legs are dancing differently.
Your walk is different. Your gait is
different. When you pick up your hand in
a different way. Your gestures are
different. Everything is different.
When there's a healthy heart, every
organ is affected. So it's not just
we're talking about a meter you have an
emotion. That embodiment it affects the
gut, it affects every single dimension
of the human being. But for that you
have to get through that nerve, that
vagus nerve.
That that ability to be able to go
through the metza hagaren and not get
stuck. Because over there stuckness can
happen
so fast, so swiftly.
And once that happens, that is etius
mitzrayim. That is gullah.
And as we said last time, 5 minutes of
experiencing in your body
the oneness of Hashem will trump 53, 63,
73 years of knowledge.
Not that the knowledge isn't
significant.
But
the one is galus and one is gullah.
So in this state, when you have these
meters yes a base matrix, etius
mitzrayim by yom, etius mitzrayim by
layla.
There's deliberation of mitzrayim by day
and deliberation of mitzrayim by night.
Why? L'choida,
if you're embodying what you're learning
as we said before, it's an embodied
feeling of ein od milvado.
It's literally experiencing even for for
for 2 minutes.
The oneness of Hashem and the experience
of that 2 minutes you have to understand
it's never 2 minutes. It's really an
experience of eternity. That's its
power.
It may be 2 minutes because my brain
will be hijacked by something and my
heart will be hijacked by something.
That's true.
Like it says in Tanya Perek Chof Alef,
that when a Jew does a mitzvah,
so he says it's a yichud, it's a unity
of the soul with Hashem.
So he says Al lo shavti, the Rebbe says
He says
If it's a yichud with Hashem, Hashem is
beyond time.
So there's no such a thing I did
something for 5 minutes. No, no, no, you
did it forever.
The way it's translated in the
dimensions of time is I did it for 5
minutes and after that I did the
opposite.
But he said that's a wrong equation.
That's the way it comes into the world
of time.
Yeah.
You you can
once you experience it, you can always
go back. Yeah. Yeah.
It's a ref- First of all, it's a
reference point for eternity. You can
always go back to it.
And there's also a that yichud is takka
happening forever.
Because you're one with Hashem. Hashem
doesn't exist in time. It's beyond time.
So so you say we only connected for 60
seconds.
The word 60 seconds, that's a frequency
that we have and we say we connected for
60 seconds and then we parted ways.
But if you connected to to a to a
metzius of Ein Sof, not a metzius, the
Ein Sof,
so there's no such it was not 60
seconds, it's forever.
It's it's a vart he says like you you
have to really
You understand what I'm saying? The
Rebbe once said it over at a farbrengen
put him, he started to cry and he said
what the Rebbe is saying is as when I
eat to the mitzvah,
You
know what that is? Um
He toys with your mitzvah for eternity.
Yeah. He toys affect the
He toys with your mitzvah for all the
world.
Yeah.
A fidget spinner or a
Yeah. But not just to entertain my
boring fingers, yeah.
Yeah.
Of course, we live in time. So, 5
minutes later, I may go to sleep. Or 5
minutes later, I may end up somewhere
else.
But he said, "Don't understand what's
happening."
In this case also, it may be a moment.
But there's a dimension which not a
moment, it's forever. Cuz that's what it
means connect to something that's
eternal.
And there's also always a reference
point, like you said.
That means I may go back into it.
But you always know You always know what
that is. Your soul, your nervous system
knows what it is. And therefore, nothing
will ever be able to replace it.
Nothing.
Some of us have tried. You go here. You
want to replace it, but you can't. You
can't replace it cuz you have that
reference point.
Yeah. Yeah. I may not feel it right now,
but it's there.
And it's boom. You know You know exactly
what it is. And you know exactly what's
not.
And you know that relative to that,
everything else is
It's It's fake energy.
It's fake energy. It's what's called in
It's called energy. It's based on
cover-ups. It's based on shells.
Anything that's based on shells and
husks doesn't have that. Doesn't have
that energy. And you can't replace it.
I could
I could delude myself. I could do a lot
of things to I could distract myself.
I could do that.
Another day another that's why we have
phones.
We can make simulations of the time, but
this is a loser.
It's just not that.
So in this in here there's two in here
and you have in Lila.
For in here
he makes you the passage says in here
not she in the secret by Lila.
My soul
in the secret comes the word
um
evil emotionally, which means um how do
you
in the secret?
You don't scrape
It's associated with the word tiger this
advice.
My soul wants you. It pines for you. It
yearns for you. It craves you.
But he says the word by Lila at night.
So the way it's usually translated is
you know, that at night in darkness
I yearn for you.
I yearn for day. I yearn for light. I
yearn for presence. That's one way of
looking at it.
But there's a deeper interpretation.
Should be in this Lila I knew
I would be in the secret of the secret.
The level of of night of the time at
night it's still dark and you left the
time.
That is not she in the secret. When the
love is not she in the secret my soul
wants you.
That is Lila. That is the state of
night. What's that?
I knew I would be in the secret by Lila
mission higher enough share.
This is someone who loves because he
loves his soul.
He loves himself. He loves his life in a
in the most beautiful and healthy way.
And that is why he loves or to put it
more accurately that is what it means to
love her.
In this state of consciousness.
To love life.
Love life and life is channeled through
me in me.
It's really a love of life, but it's
also a love of my life cuz that's that's
my most visceral experience of life.
This comes from the
meditation. But they we're talking here
about the experiential meditation, not
just a meditation I It's It's
mathematics. It says by now knows that
in the end you what the possuk says in
parshas Nitzavim
ki hu chayacha, because he is your life.
What is this? She iker ha chiyus Elokus.
When a person could really get any form
of grasp that the chiyus of everything
everything is You love your life. What
What What does that life look like? What
is that life?
So I love my oxygen. Okay.
Whose oxygen is it? Well, I love my
brain. I love my genes. I love my DNA. I
love my cells. Okay, beautiful. We don't
talk I don't You love your cells. You
love your DNA. You love your your
neurons. I love my life.
What is the life? What is this life?
Like Could you look at it? What is it? I
don't know what it is. I love my
consciousness. There's something
intangible. That The pnimiyus of all
that is Elokus. That's what Elokus is.
That's the first That is what Elokus is.
What do you think Elokus is? The life of
life. The reality of reality. The
internal battery, engine, consciousness
that makes it all happen and vivifies it
and animates it and creates it and
sustains it and gives it its design and
functionality and essence.
And whatever words else you want to use,
that is going to It's going to come back
to Elokus.
You don't want to use the word Elokus,
use a different word. But it's the It's
the experience of the divine in life,
which is life. That is life.
There's nothing No other There's no
other life that was invented outside of
that. Nobody could invent it. Nobody has
invented it. And that's what it is.
So a real love of self, a real love of
life, what does that look like? That is
love of God. It's not two two things.
Somebody once asked me,
"Why do you In your Shiur you talk about
people loving themselves? Is there a
source for Torah in this?" There's no
source for Torah. Doesn't say anywhere
you should like yourself.
V'ahavta l'reacha kamocha for some
people means love somebody else like you
love yourself, like maybe you would have
loved yourself.
Okay, very nice. So, you're saying
v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. That's a good
answer.
And I told them, "You say three times a
day v'ahavta Hashem Elokecha b'chol
l'vavcha uv'chol nafsh'cha uv'chol
m'odecha.
Who do you think your real self is?
You're looking at yourself as some
detached piece of garbage. You go to
say, "I love him. Should I not love
him?" Your real self is Hashem Elokecha.
The mitzvah is to love Hashem, but this
is the words he says here. I just want
you to know I didn't make this up. Some
Some people think it's some form of
liberal
left-wing psychology.
V'yedei zeh nafshei atzmo elokus.
This is avat elokus is it it's it's the
He says oyev es chai nafsho. It's it's
called loving your soul, your life.
That's what it really is.
And this is not narcissistic. This is
not selfish.
This is extremely selfless. This is This
is cuz cuz it's one. It's mamash one.
It's not two separate things.
V'hinei
And this is called nafshi ivisiha.
Now,
v'hinei avah zu hi avah g'dolah b'yoser.
This is a tremendous love. The moment
you experience this, again, we're not in
the brain. The moment the person
experiences the love of life and
particularly love of their own life,
it's not the love of something I
accomplished.
I had an appointment yesterday and I got
investors to invest $25 million in my
company, which is a nice thing and be
proud of it. Did it happen? You got them
to invest $25 million. Good.
Huh?
It's not even a love. It's So, there's a
love a love of achievement. Yeah.
There's a love of hard work, you know?
You do a good exercise, a good training,
whatever it is, and and and and there's
something special about it. Those are
all very important, but those are all
manifestations. Here, it's a celebration
of life itself.
Which, let's face it, it's hard in in in
the tumultuousness and pressures of
life. It's even hard to get to such a
moment, cuz there's always something to
do. Now, I have to have here an I have
an appointment. Right. But, this is the
celebration of life itself. It's the
energy itself.
It's looking at a leaf and a tree, and
you can actually start crying from
emotion. It's It's you You Everyone is
have Everybody's in a conversation.
Like, Perek Shirah. Perek Shirah, right?
Chazal say All the animals are just
singing. They're all singing.
Everybody's in a conversation. There's a
symphony going on.
Harri'u Lashem kol ha'aretz. Rashi says,
Moshiach says, Rashbi says,
Harri'u Lashem kol ha'aretz. The whole
world is singing. Halacha is basically
trying to help you be a choir master, a
conductor of the symphony.
Sunrise,
time for Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu
Hashem Echad. Sunset, time for another
It's It's basically Harri'u Lashem kol
ha'aretz. It's recognizing the symphony
of the universe.
But, that symphony begins in my own
heartbeat.
So, this is not a love of this detail,
of that detail, of that detail. It's
It's Do you love your energy? Do you
know what that looks like even? Not with
your brain. Did you ever experience
Did you ever experience your energy?
That is divine. That is divine. There's
no other energy. I don't have another
energy. That is divine.
The divine channeling Ein Sof through my
brain, through my heart, through every
single cell, through every single
neuron, through every single vein and
artery.
Right. That is Every Every breath we
take, every move we make, that is Ain
Soph.
So, ahava zoe, ahava gedola beyoser.
This is a very profound loving
experience.
Why?
Because the moment the person feels,
experiences, that this is their life,
hadays kvei ahava chayim.
It's like the love of life. She ahava
gedola beyoser. It's not separate from
the love of life. What is the greatest
love in the world? Ahava chayim, the
love of life.
The pleasure, the bliss that exists in
life itself, is the greatest pleasure
that we have. It's ahava gedola beyoser.
It's an awesome awesome pleasure. To the
point that all the other forms of
pleasure are ahava, are like nothing
relative to the ahava chayim. There's so
many forms of pleasure in the world.
More refined, less refined, very brute,
very transcendental.
But all of them, he says, are ahava.
They pale in comparison to the ahava
chayim.
Ah, you'll ask a question. It's not
true. I don't even feel it. I'm not
excited. I'm alive. I'm not Who feels
excited?
Sometimes people get more excited about
their cup of coffee than about their
their life. They're more excited about
their bank account than about their
life. The new car, the new coat, the new
watch, the new the new facial, the new
Whatever it is. People get excited about
other things.
You see somebody walking in, "I AM HIGH.
I AM HIGH. What happened? WHAT HAPPENED?
I'M ALIVE."
AND THEY'LL SAY, "WHICH DOCTOR ARE YOU
GOING TO? You need a new one."
V'gam she'ainam argishim es ha'ahava
chayim.
At least regularly people don't feel
this. They're not You're looking for
ahava. Here's a ahava. You're alive.
Hadays she'ainam argishim es ha'ahava
chayim.
It's because it's so embedded, we take
it for granted.
We're looking for the distraction. We're
looking for the new thing, the novelty,
right? The revolution.
The unique, the novel. This is a tiny
little committee. So tiny little
committee but something to say tiny
little committee any tiny.
It's not experienced as tiny little
anymore because we take it for granted.
Berkshire Hathaway is once in 28 years.
And everybody makes sure to go out to
make the blessing.
What happens with Berkshire Hathaway is
it's a certain position where the sun
is.
But it happens once in 28 years. So it's
unique. If the sunrise would happen once
in 75 years, trust me, nobody would miss
a sunrise. Nobody would miss a sunrise.
But we miss a sunrise every single day.
At least some of us miss it every single
day. Nobody would miss a sunset if it
happened once in 85 years.
I was once driving in LA and there was a
billboard.
Admit it, you're sick and tired of
getting up every day to get a beautiful
Come out to this ski resort
Yeah.
She says tiny little committee any tiny.
I will be honest that it is a tiny
little God will be yours. But don't be
fooled. Just because it's happening
constantly cuz you're alive and there's
nothing to say about it.
You're alive at 8:00, and you're alive
at 9:00, and you're alive at 10:00, and
you're alive at 11:00. So life is
boring. Doesn't mean it's not a tiny
little cuz the biggest tiny little.
And he says here something very
powerful.
Where do you see this?
When the person is confronted with the
opposite
when they're confronted with the
opposite of life
then at that moment they realize that
there's nothing that comes close to
this, not even a close second.
There's nothing that comes close to the
tiny little of highest. You can eat it
with mush. And you see this very
practically.
It's a fascinating example.
If you come to a person and you tell
them
anything that you can describe as
blissful, you're going to get.
Anything. So, imagine make a make a
bucket list
of what what's your 10, 20, 50 top time
to give in the world. You can even get
to number 50, which means you can even
do the small stuff.
Yeah, think about it.
Momish your top top time to give. What
means the most to you?
In terms of yourself, in terms of your
relationships, in terms of your family,
in terms of your loved ones, in terms of
everything.
I from but there's one little one little
vignette, one little nugget, one little
stipulation.
After this, yeah?
We call the
have a good day. Breathe your last
breath.
Yeah. As I lay in your bed and I find it
it's a non-starter. The guy is a sugar
now. Fine.
Why? Well, why? I don't understand.
So, you say what's a joke? I did that,
BUT YOU
WILL SAY THROW EVERYTHING AWAY. I DON'T
NEED ANYTHING.
YOU SEE PEOPLE ARE READY to go through
procedures that are painful, very very
painful, we all know. And sometimes for
years, not for a few days. Old time you
soon for what? For what? Taking away
every single time to give in the world,
every single time to give. Quality of
life, mobility, freedom, movement,
comfort, everything.
For what? For one thing.
What? To be able to hold on to this
life. This is where you see what life
means to people.
This is where you see. On a regular day,
what's the big deal? What's time to why
you going crazy?
You look for this time to give. He says,
"But this is really where it is. This is
where it is." Can you tune into it when
you're healthy?
Not when when a person
is about, you know, facing the abyss and
then oh my god, wow, life does mean
something.
Right, this is where you need presence.
This is where you need presence.
Now, of course, it's not so easy because
we do take it for granted. It's just the
way it is. Like, what's now? What am I
supposed to do? Sit Okay, I'm alive. I'm
alive. But But that's really
that's really a a thing that's taking us
away from it.
So, that's what he's saying, to be
present with this, to really be present
with this gift. And it's not a khiddush.
You don't need a mind map for that.
Right? Cuz every living organism
embedded This This is This is your God.
This is God put into you.
This is not You don't need You don't
need a transcript for this.
This is you. You know this. Everybody
knows this in the depth of their own
system. You could see how they'll behave
when they're faced
with the opposite.
Suddenly, everything becomes
insignificant. So, that's why he said
all the tamugim in the world are
ka'ayin. They're like nothing ligabe
this. How could that be?
Because you see in a moment when this
clashes with everything else, everything
becomes ka'ayin. On the contrary, you
person will often endure every type of
tzar just to be able to have the gift of
life.
What What What are you experiencing?
Just imagine, right? I give you 50
50 seconds, 60 seconds of all the
pleasures in the life, but it's going to
be over. Yeah.
Everything you want, everything you're
thinking of, everything you're designed
for is over. And then you realize that
just the quiet kind of just being alive
is really
You wouldn't trade that in for
Anything.
Right. Being the integration, the quiet
of every day just
>> Yeah.
Yeah.
What about the olam haba?
>> No, so it's it's it's it's so
you know, it's counterintuitive, but
really it is is the ultimate into it
intuition.
Because it's like
everybody is searching for things,
right? And everybody everybody is
anxious about things.
Each one of us in our in our personal
lives, in our familiar lives, in our own
psyche, every person.
And as you say, here you're getting an
offer
that you're going to get everything,
literally everything you've been asking
for your entire entire life.
Huh? Everything.
Everything.
Whatever you want. Yeah. Yeah.
And this canteen is really a canteen
where the world is yours.
And that list is really coming true.
But there's one condition that
afterwards the person can't live, won't
live anymore. They're going to die. And
then it all becomes just a mockery, a
joke, an insignificant an insignificant
reality.
And then the realization that that quiet
what do you call it? The quiet regulated
experience
of living is really not just more
significant, but infinitely more
significant. You can't even put them on
the same scale. It's of a different
magnitude. What if the town of includes
the
life of the kids
to be the most fulfilling and stuff like
that. Wouldn't be a person to give up
his own?
In exchange for That they should live,
you mean? They should live. experience
hours of
So, let's see.
It's this is very this is very heavy
because we get come so obsessed with
what we need, all of us,
and we we we we don't know No, who has
time for this? What what are you
bothering me?
Pesach is coming. You know what? I have
to do 100 things. Like what what's
what's matter with you, Mishigas? But if
if you don't stay in tune with this,
everything else is just like
chaos, yeah?
Like bring it back to this. Bring it
back to this.
Something in our system doesn't doesn't
like to stay with this.
People
want to commit suicide.
They just don't want to be alive.
>> Yeah.
You have to If you're not, you have to
push and thank Hashem every single
moment. Yeah. Right? The fact that
you're Yeah. Yeah. okay with living,
just being alive Yeah.
>> appreciate that. I want to be awake. I
want to be alive. Yeah. I don't
Yeah. Just wanting to be alive Yeah. is
is a is a is is not crazy pleasure, but
it is the ultimate pleasure. Yeah.
>> And then you see also people who people
don't want to be alive, they're they're
missing that. Right.
Yeah.
That's why this ahavah so great.
Because when you understand what is this
love, what what really is it you you
know what you really love? You love
Hashem. That's what it is.
So he takes the whole this whole ahavah.
What are you really looking for? You're
really looking for Hashem. That is what
life is.
We may call it breath. We may call it
physical life. We may call it I'm awake.
Yeah, fine.
That's all the manifestation of it. What
is it? What is a breath?
What is a heartbeat?
What is it?
It's intangible. What does it What does
it mean to be alive? What does it mean
to be an alive person?
The answer is I'm embodying the divine
in me.
That's what it is.
You're not loving Hashem because there's
some big creature who's very very big
and he's he's stronger than you and you
have to be afraid. This is life. This is
the of life.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
On a deeper level, I mean, the animal
obviously is it's not with the
consciousness of of of
but on the contrary, they just manifest
it. They manifest it. They don't do it
with reflection.
They just are. They just are.
But when the hen when the hen is looking
for food or when the when the bee is
looking for its nectar or any single
living organism, the tree, the roots are
looking for water, what do you
essentially are they looking for?
Embedded in there
one of the one of the distortions of of
of the whole world of uh
of science is taking the miracle
of every organism searching for life
and to continue the life and just
turning it into the most technical
uh self-centered experience of survival
of the fittest.
But really, what is it? It's really
they're all part of a symphony. The
greatest privilege is to be alive and to
channel it. And that's what we're doing.
That's what they're all doing. The worm
is doing it in its way and the lioness
is doing it in its way and every tree,
bush, shrub is doing it in its way.
By the human being it could be the
consciousness of what it is.
But
rooted in the consciousness of the
source. This is what it is. This is what
it is. This is what it is. This is what
it is.
Yeah, it is that itself and therefore
and therefore he says
the moment you know this is
you'll see you're in an
cuz the biggest is a
of life.
The love of life.
And what is that life? That is a because
it's real connects real connection with
Hashem. That's what it is. That's the
That's the That's the depth of because.
So, what does it mean to be one with God
in this level? What's ever? It's really
cherishing and celebrating your energy.
Your energy, that's what it is.
Celebrating your energy, your life
energy that Hashem is channeling through
you. He's also channeling it through
every through every single creature. So,
it's a love of life. Like you said, it's
a love of life. But, he started off with
I love his life because that's the
energy that
I'm channeling.
Like we see, you don't have the
relationship with somebody else's life
like you have with yourself.
Sure, Moshe Rabbeinu was in that place.
Feeling this, living it.
And at 120, he was planning to go to the
next world.
When his work was finished at 120.
What's the
What's the Well, his life doesn't end
Life doesn't end. It The form of life
ends. But, it's that heartbeat. You're
right. That heartbeat ends, you're
right. And that's what he's saying.
That's why people will let go of any
other pleasure in the world just to be
able to have that.
I love his life.
But, now comes a big question. Why in
the world are you calling this a night?
Why is this darkness?
This is called night.
We can you could stay You should stay We
should stay here for the rest of our
life.
But, now that my memory goes, this is
Layla. Now, here you see the deal.
The Zohar says, I love his life by Layla
is a very strange way of saying
something in Hebrew. Why? Because it's
you're you're repeating yourself.
I love his life means my soul.
I want
I want you.
So, it would be like in English saying,
"My soul, I want you by night."
You don't say that. It should have said,
"I want I want you." I want you.
Once you said either say my soul wants
you or I want you. You don't say my soul
I want you.
So it should have said either Evischa
Balayla or Nafshi Efsach Balayla. Nafshi
Evischa is a sentence where you repeat
yourself. That's what the Zohar asks.
The Zohar answers and Alter Rebbe
explains this in Tanya in Perek Mem
Daled and this is the basis of this
vort.
That you saying something else. You're
saying like this, not my soul I want
you. You remember the Taich in Tanya? He
says,
you're explaining, Nafshi
you are my soul and therefore I WANT YOU
BECAUSE you are me.
That's that's the vort. Not my soul I
want you. Nafshi the moment you
understand
that you Hashem is my soul, you are my
consciousness, you are my life force,
therefore Evischa, therefore I want you.
CUZ I WANT YOU CUZ I want me. I want you
cuz I want me and you are me.
A relationship with the divine means a
relationship with the self, with the
ultimate self. An embodied relationship
with self is a relationship with Ain
Sof. That is what it is.
Nonetheless it's called Layla. Why is it
called Layla?
The heina efrish bein Layla v'Yom, what
the difference between night and day is
should be Yom where I am called over
g'vishus l'meitosei.
By day you see everything literally.
What's the meaning of day and night? You
say during the day the sun shines and
you could see everything clearly. In
other words, the truth of everything is
apparent. The truth that's visible
obviously to the naked eye.
M'shechin b'Layla, at night when it's
pitch dark, you don't see things. So you
could stumble, you can fall, you don't
see. You don't see the full stark
reality of things.
You can imagine, you learn from trial
and error.
So he says there's a difference between
Yom and Layla in Avah.
And those are the two Yichudim for love.
The same is true also when it comes to
love.
There's the love of night and there's
the love of day. What's the difference?
In the love of night,
there's love, there's tremendous light,
but I'm still not seeing clear.
In the love of day, everything is clear.
What does this mean?
The reason it's called love The reason
it's called layla is because the love of
nafshi v'sicha is not m'tzad etzem
Elokus.
It's not m'tzad the ein sof b'etzem.
It's because what's connected to me.
I love life. I love my life. Elokus is
chayei nafshi. So, this is still called
layla.
Despite the fact that it is so powerful
and it's the biggest taanug in the
world. And it's ein sof, still it's this
nafshi v'sicha is still a state of
layla.
Cuz what's the real nekudah? The real
nekudah is I'm looking for
self-preservation.
I love my life.
Why do I love my life? Cuz it's me.
That's a stupid question. It's not a
rational thing.
And Elokus is me. So, b'meilah I love
you.
I love you. I love Hashem because Hashem
that is my soul, that is my energy, and
I love my life.
Yeah. Yeah. No, so what's more than
this?
The love of yom is when the person
experiences a heart of etzem Elokus.
It's not the way.
It's connected to him, meaning Elokus is
good for me. It's good for me, which is
also which is incredible. It's amazing.
But Kiva Yaco, Kiva Yaco, I mean, I
don't know if you could say this. That's
that's more I'm using God.
I'm using him.
I- I- I- in the most beautiful way. I'm
using him for life cuz that's the source
of life. He's the engine. He's the
consciousness. And I love my life. So,
of course I love you. You are it.
So, that's still called Layla.
I'm relating to it the way it affects
me.
Here, to do it some at some of the cos.
No, that's a Roy. That's what we call
state. Yeah, that's day.
It's not like a fish in the a love shall
I go to type Roy.
It's good for me, which means
you you Ella cos is a it's a din in me.
It's a din in me. Ella rates a at some
Ella cos that's you.
That's you. That's day. Come on Shama
was a must say this is what I must say
that.
On the cos me Shama in the fact that
When it says in the hill and I and Gimel
Who do I have in heaven? And with you I
want nothing on earth. So, that said I
need to get in that act.
Or begin in alien. He doesn't want not
the lower not the liar not the higher
not the same in the at some of this.
I want you if we will man need that the
lane. I want only you.
This is you.
I want you. We tell you.
The higher with the TV by the column.
Then in other words, the love of the
column. I love you because you are my
soul. That's my column. What's my
that's
the way it fills the world. It's the
divine the way it becomes the engine the
consciousness the spiritual energy that
animates and vivifies and saturates
every single in including my psyche and
every part of my body and soul. That is
a cos.
So,
he is the highest of all the there's
Olam is
When you're looking at a rock, you're
looking at a Lakus.
You're looking at a drop of water, a
flake of snow, a bird, an insect, a
mammal, a fish, a star, a black hole,
you're looking at a Lakus, you're
looking at a heartbeat, you're looking
at a Lakus, everything is a Lakus.
Mamalacha Olam.
Chaya Shel Olam is the Chaya Shel the
Olam.
But like it says, we learned in the
previous Maimuna, Alter Rebbe says, Lo
Yizael Ikur Olam as Lakus Mashael Olam
as Mesavev u'Memale. When we learn the
different levels of Achaisa, Rayasa,
Ainasa, Samasa, Lo Yizael Ikur Olam as
Mashael Olam as Mesavev. This is called
Layla.
Because it's I'm seeing you
the way I could see you through my lens,
which means through the night lens.
And how do I see you through my lens? I
SEE GOD AS THE engine of the universe.
NOW, THAT'S PRETTY POWERFUL, AND I'M IN
LOVE with it. Cuz I love the universe, I
love me, I love life. So, that's how I
see Hashem, that's called Layla.
It's filtered through the lens of what
my organism is capable based on my
deepest natural desire for
self-preservation, for life.
And that's the biggest tainuk.
Yeah, yeah, and it's amazing, that's
Nafshi V'Sicha. You're Nafshi.
So, I appreciate I appreciate Hashem as
Nafshi, as my soul, as my consciousness.
In other words, as Mamalacha Olam.
Comes Alter Rebbe and said, Meeli
Bashamayim v'Chol Cheftzi Ba'aretz.
Ich vill nisht di Olam as ich vill nisht
di Olam habechun nisht di ganei eden
v'lo ich vill nisht di nachri, ich vill
nisht di nachas, ich vill mer nisht as
dich alein.
I'm not even looking for you
to be my God.
I'm not looking for you to be my
consciousness, to be my source of life.
Ich vill mer nisht as dich alein. I want
you.
I want you
in you.
Not you
as the source of me.
Which is amazing, which is incredible.
He said it's an over the ocean.
It's the Lila because the name of Lila
and Yaima is at night I see things from
a certain perspective. Yaima represents
complete revelation.
So relative to the over of Yaima this is
called a darkness.
Relative of course.
It's not so dark.
The first level is not so dark, let's
face it. But relative to the Indian of
Yaima
even God alien could be a distraction.
I'm not seeing you.
I'm busy with me.
But I realized who I am. So therefore
I'm busy with you. I'm busy with you
because I'm busy with me.
But the relationship with you
that's the Indian of Yaima. That's not
the Lila.
That's what he says. The party is
in after.
The first hour is the hour of
higher miss. You love the worlds and
therefore you love
interesting.
The is it a love of life or is it a love
of you? So he says it's both. The
means it's a love of the worlds and
specifically it's a love of yourself.
Because everybody channels
differently. Your
is not mine because
means it fills the vessel and your
vessel is not my vessel. So everybody
has a different column.
That's why no two people can have the
same experience of a sham.
Because every vessel is filled
differently.
The way you experience a sham as your
spiritual heartbeat and your physical
heartbeat is never the way anybody else
experiences it. And if it is, there's
something missing.
It's it's unique, it's individual, it's
very individual. Even though it's
collective, it's still individual.
That's all she said. I'm not going to
say the beginning of the world.
The hour of Yaima is beyond the world.
Oh
It's even higher than the highest level
of reality, which means the infinity
that encompasses the world, because
that's also connected to reality. It's
just called reality, meaning it's not
integrated within the limit. It
transcends it. Even higher.
The level of Yem is reality itself, the
essence. What can make in the fish? If
you go to the soul, what is it?
I love I love you not because I love me.
What's what's more than that? What's
more than my love for me? What's more
than that? We just said that for life
people will give everything.
There's something in the core of the
soul that wants reality itself.
The soul wants reality. So, you'll say,
"Why? Why? If reality feeds me, I
understand. I like you, God, because
because you're me. I get it. I like me,
so I like you."
That's the first thing.
Exactly. And and not in a not and not
and not in a negative way. There's
something in it for me, and that's the
source of my life.
And we said a person loves life more
than anything else. So, therefore, I
really love more than anything else,
24/7. That's all and that's all.
And that is the that the soul
wants reality.
Why does it want reality?
Not because of a benefit for itself.
Because it is reality.
So, it wants reality.
It's not with a and a reality
that it's going to I'm going to get
something from it.
It's because that's who it is. The soul
is one with reality. It wants reality.
That's the beginning of Yem.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Yeah, I love being.
I just want you.
If you want me to be alive, I'm alive.
I don't even allow life to be to become
a distraction.
Even life, if you want me to be alive,
I'll be alive, of course.
Yeah.
Really alive. It's surrendering
everything. It's surrendering everything
even the the most noble definition of
life.
Why should I surrender everything? What
are you going to be left with?
Isn't everything just to be able to have
something?
That's the usual uh
Madregas, that's the usual equation,
right? I'll give this all up cuz I want
this. I'll surrender this cuz I want
Olam Haba.
I'll do mesirus nefesh cuz I want a
higher level of shleimus. I'll give up
this cuz I want a higher madrega. That's
all layla.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, you're saying by Layla still there's
applicable Yeah.
I am the life and that's some kind of
measure
>> Yeah. of life or whatever it
>> Yeah. There is no it's beyond the
measure.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
You can't even uh
You
since there is no measurement there is
no Yeah. can't relate to it as as
Yeah. anything except uh
Yeah.
Yeah. This is it.
Nice. Interesting.
Yeah.
So, the first pain of the first Madrega
Nashi Vasiha Balayla
is extremely profound.
Why is it then called Balayla? It's
called Balayla cuz there's still
something in the Emes that he's not
seeing.
Like he says at night I don't see the
full truth. Why don't I see the full
truth?
Because basically I'm seeing truth
in a very real way, the way it relates
to me.
I'm seeing it through the lens of
experience, of self.
Which is not bad in any way. In fact,
The world was created as It That's the
That that's life. It's zero but that's
That's the nature of an organism. That
that's what life is with Layla.
I'm experiencing it through that way.
In in in in the words of the Mima, I'm
experiencing Hashem as the life of the
universe, specifically my life.
And that's what real self-love is.
That's what healthy self-love is.
Healthy self-love is not ego.
It's not confrontation. It's not
narcissism. Healthy self-love means
recognizing that the self is a
manifestation of Ain Soph of Hashem.
That is what the healthy self-love is.
And that's why self-preservation is a
mitzvah.
You're not preserving your selfishness.
You're preserving the godliness that's
being channeled through you.
V'cha'yiv ba'hem v'lo yash'yamish
ba'hem.
You're protecting your energy which
Hashem is channeling through you.
And that has to be protected. It needs
to be protected, cherished, respected.
And when you do this to yourself, you
could do this to others also.
I I I I'm saying this cuz this is very
very important to understand not what
nafshi v'sicha b'laila is.
And still it's called la- still it's
called laila.
There's a darkness.
What what what's the what what is the
darkness there? What's the darkness?
You're talking about a Jew who's
experiencing avas Hashem in a tremendous
tremendous way. And remember, we're
talking here about experience cuz this
is about yetzias Mitzrayim. It's not
about golus Mitzrayim. So this is an
experiential experience.
Because sof kol sof, it's b'laila, it's
through the lens of the self.
And it's due to the love of self. I love
my life and I know what really my life
is. I love my energy.
But now we are the the emes is the
atzmus.
Includes my energy, but it's not defined
by my energy.
Yeah.
Avada atzmus includes my energy, but
it's not defined by my energy.
Yom
is there's a real clarity.
You see the full emes.
And the full emes is
atzmus.
Beyond the mala and beyond sovev.
So when the Alter Rebbe says mimi
b'shamayim v'mimcha l'chafetzti b'aretz,
ich vil nisht denken anein, ich vil ich
vil men is das dich alein.
The Alter Rebbe said, "Even in Gan Eden
you can be distracted." Yitayfus.
The Alter Rebbe in his swarm speaks a
lot about Gan Eden. He says that's not
Where is atzmus? Not in Gan Eden. Not in
Olam Haze. It means don't get distracted
by the Gan Eden of Gan Eden, by the Olam
Haze of Olam Haze. Make sure that you're
in Gan Eden, but you're looking for
Atzmus of Gan Eden.
You're in Olam Haze, but you're looking
for Atzmus in Olam Haze.
Cuz I could be in Olam Haze, but what's
better than Olam Haze? Naim Ziv
Hashchina. You can't get better than
that.
Naim Ziv Hashchina, like we learned in
the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. So, it's
I'm Menachem Mendel Schneerson. Pras is
a prusa, a fragment. He says, "I don't
want Atzmus. I want a piece of God, so
that I can hold on to it. I can find
myself there. If you give me everything,
where am I?"
So, I'm looking I'm looking for you I'm
looking for you because I'm looking for
me. I want to find myself.
And I know the real self is you. There's
no other self.
So, it's really coming from my love of
self, my love of life, and that's
amazing, but it's still an inyan of
life.
And then there's Etzem HaNefesh.
Etzem HaNefesh wants the whole truth
cuz it's connected to the whole truth,
cuz it's one with the whole truth. In
other words, Atzmus. It wants Decholen.
Who's Decholen?
Decholen is not
defined by you as my energy. It's not
Decholen.
And until Etzem HaNefesh doesn't have
Decholen,
it's never content.
Not because it's looking for Madregah,
cuz cuz I want Atzmus. I want it on my
resume.
You went to Gan Eden
Tachton. You went to Gan Eden Elyon. AND
I MADE it to Atzmus.
NOW I GET THE TROPHY.
You understand? We always think another
Madregah, another Madregah, another
Madregah. And even if it's not selfish,
it's tachlis it's tachlis you're looking
for the emes.
You're looking to the emes of Madregahs.
Another shleimus, another perfection.
For me, one person's life is challah.
For another person's life is kugel. For
another person's life is classical
music. For another person, it's
literature. For another person, it's
mathematics. And for another person,
it's spiritual energy.
Huh?
And for the other and and and and for
the and for the most authentic person,
IT'S LIFE ITSELF. It's life itself.
IT'S LIFE ITSELF. I'm we we we you're
not going to get more than that.
And yet the soul is still feeling a
void.
Because the soul knows the emes of
everything.
And the emes of everything is that the
ain sof is not defined by anything.
And any madrega and schlemos is going to
be another distraction of it.
This is not It's not This is not Don't
hear judgment here. It's reality. He's
not judging. He's not judging anything.
He's not judging. We're talking about
yetzias mitzrayim. It's beautiful. It's
amazing. It's not judging.
Now the rebbe didn't look at say, "Oh,
you want gan peda adam. Peda adam. Peda
adam. Peda adam. Come here. I want you.
I don't want gan eden."
Sometimes that's the worst gehenna.
In other words, let's face it. If you
don't experience this, atzmus can be a
gehenna.
It's not Not a madrega. Fine, you use
the Like you said, you're rebranding.
Instead of using the word gan eden,
fine. The chabad they found the word
atzmus. You should go ahead.
Same thing.
You're looking for your gan eden. I'm
looking for my gan eden.
You call it atzmus doesn't doesn't
change it.
It's It's fine. It's Put it You put a
different label. You know, the companies
put You put a different label and it
sells a little better.
You're cheating on avaya and you came up
with atzmus. Exactly. Exactly. You're
cheating. Yeah, you Okay, we don't use
the word avaya. we use the word shine.
Thank you.
It's sophisticated cheating. Yeah.
EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR I'M LOOKING FOR
YOU AND WHAT'S YOU?
I'M ALSO LOOKING FOR
I DON'T CALL IT I CALL IT YOU. OKAY, SO
IT sounds more more
more romantic, I guess. I'm looking for
you, you, you, you.
It's it's a whole it's
it's a different Indian. Not a different
Indian. It's really everything.
It's it's it's not even looking for
in other words, it's not looking
I should die. I shouldn't live.
It's the whole lane.
It's almost. So if you want me to live,
of course, with all the way above.
It's almost in every
it doesn't look a certain way. It
doesn't have to look a certain way.
And with the whole lane you have
everything. You have also the whole
lane.
It's not like it doesn't it has
everything.
But it's not reduced by it's not reduced
to it and it's not defined by it.
It's a good question. The fact that he
says he will manage the whole lane.
Woah, woah, he will You hear? I want.
Woah, woah.
There is more love here. There is more
self-awareness and craving. I So there's
I I want things. Oh, so we're back to
square one. SO YOU ALSO I WANT THINGS
AND YOU WANT THINGS.
YOU'RE MORE SPIRITUAL than me, so you
want nicer things. Okay.
My taste buds are pretty brute, so fine.
I want potato chips and and you want
higher things. I get it.
L'chaim ich nafshi mami This is what I
want. You're going to give me
fulfillment, right?
But it's not that way.
Huh?
I'm not asking what he should have said.
I don't know.
You know he the Tzemach Tzedek we know
this from the Tzemach Tzedek. How do we
know this?
Um he brings in the 30 720 Shulchan
Aruch Orach Chaim the Tzemach Tzedek
writes in in Derech Chaim Shulchan Aruch
Orach Chaim he has a whole section on
davening there.
In Derech Chaim Shulchan Aruch so he
says that these are the words we used to
hear from my grandfather the Aitz
Dveikus in the middle of davening. It
was on a regular basis. It didn't happen
once. The Tzemach Tzedek says
obviously he witnessed it quite a few
times. He said this is what we would
hear from him in middle of his Dveikus
and davening that this is what he would
say. And he writes it out in Yiddish cuz
the Alter Rebbe would start speaking in
Yiddish obviously.
And he even uses the the word the words
that He quotes from Tehillim. But it's
the words that he used the word
madregah. Mernit. Mernit is is Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And even the Tachanun Tehillim Me
Li Vashamayim V'Imcha Lo Chafatzti
Ba'Aretz the way people tight the way
Meforshim tightens who do I have in
heaven?
V'Imcha with you I don't desire anything
on earth. So basically, right? In heaven
I have you and on earth I have you.
The Alter Rebbe is tightens that he's
negating Shamayim as Gan Eden.
And Eretz as Gan Eden HaTachton.
And actually the way he said it in
Yiddish was Ich vill nisht dein Gan Eden
HaElyon. Ich vill nisht dein Gan Eden
HaTachton. So the Rebbe was once medayek
in a ma'amar B'chol Dor VaDor Yit'Allu
Yisrael HaNevi'im we learned it I think
last year or two years ago. He says eat
this there's a concept of Gan Eden as
dine Gan Eden. That's already a higher
Gan Eden.
And it's your Gan Eden. It's not even
stam Gan Eden.
And still he felt that this was layla.
Because the emes is like this. When you
say ich vil manage das dich alein, I
want only you.
There's the ich. Huh? There's the ich.
Oh.
It doesn't look a certain way. It
doesn't mean
back to what you asked. It doesn't mean
that in atzmus you're not alive.
Farkert.
You're alive.
You're fully alive with all your
koachus, with all your faculties,
with all your awareness, and with
whatever you're doing.
It's just there's nothing in the world
that distracts you from the relationship
with atzmus.
Atzmus is not afraid of relationships.
Atzmus is not afraid of a cup of coffee.
Atzmus doesn't mean the world doesn't
exist. The whole kavana of dirah
betachtonim is atzmus in this world.
Atzmus could be manifested
in in the smallest, tiniest of things,
but there's nothing that's distracting
you from dich alein.
Ich vil manage das dich alein means even
in my desires, even in my feeling of I,
I don't want anything but dich alein.
I'm I'm not going to allow anything to
distract me from the oneness and the
relationship with you and your essence.
What that looks like, it looks like
whatever whatever whatever it is, that's
what it looks like. Whatever it is,
that's what it looks like.
Huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
It's like you're occupied by the
shechina. Yeah, occupied completely.
Dich alein and with no other
distraction.
In the first p'nina,
I want my life. I want my energy.
You are my energy, so I want you.
Huh?
Zog. I give up.
What does now the What does this look
like in Avoda?
I give up. I give up.
Yeah.
So, let's see. What does this look like
in Avoda? So, here comes a Huh? I never
give up. I don't know what he's talking
about.
He said, "I got it. I got it."
It says Vihinei, the last piece. Vihinei
said that Avoda min Hakala Lakoved.
The seder of Avoda is always from easier
to heavier.
You don't start lifting 500 lb.
You start min Hakala and you go Lakoved.
Umil mata lamaila. You go mil mata
lamaila.
Mil mata means I start down here and I
begin to climb. That's the seder Avoda.
It's not a dysfunctional It's not
because
of a problem. That is how Avoda works.
Min Hakala Lakoved. There's no growth
without that. If you jump to the Koved,
you're left with nothing.
It's not integrate. V'lachein,
and that's why you can't have the
Yetzias Mitzrayim by day if you don't
have the TS of Messiah of night.
If you start with our void of you in
before you have the void of Layla, it's
bypassing.
It could come from a place of
self-negation of self-hate of of of of
self-loathing.
Oh, I don't want anything. But who are
you?
You're not even a blimp
of dust on the surface of infinity.
So who is that the whole way?
So you could end up with nothing. Just
words, words, words, words.
You TS of Messiah must begin with the
beginning of Layla. You don't leave by
day, you leave by night. You leave in a
way where there's still Layla. It's
still yet there's dark there's still
darkness. Call it darkness relative
today, but that is you TS of Messiah.
Or the whole thing is that the whole
thing is that after the whole thing is
that the whole language of this first is
the whole thing is that the lower level
of this and only then could it be the
higher level of this. The whole thing is
that I jump to the whole thing is that
without the whole thing is that it's
completely not integrated and it can
even be false and counterproductive and
come back with a vengeance. The ego will
come back to take revenge.
You understand?
You don't do this without my permission.
Or the whole thing is that you're going
to be TS of Messiah should be the whole
thing is that the whole thing is that
after the whole thing is that the whole
thing is that
First they had to go out by night.
That's why it says it's Layla to go out
and then there could be the complete by
day. That's true. And that's why there's
two phases. Why are the two phases?
Because leaving what's leaving
going from the brain into experience of
love. There's two loves.
The first does the love of divine as
love of self.
It's the ultimate self-actualization.
It's the ultimate self-realization.
It's yeah, I love myself. But I don't
love myself, my ego, my stupidity, my my
my survival, my my my fears.
I look for the real self, which is the
divine, which is also inside my fears
and inside my smallness. It's all there.
And that's what I hold on to. And that's
where I stay at. That's where I want to
stay.
And that's this mitzrayim because
experiencing that energy, experiencing
that energy of Hashem's oneness inside
of you, like we said before, there will
be nothing that will be like that in
life. To experience for 5 minutes
in your gut
and in your heart will Trump
and and and be more important than 50,
60 years of knowledge.
That's all I know.
Only then can there be the day of
mitzrayim.
That's
the higher level of unity.
That's the beginning of your
until you reach a space that's higher
than night and day.
In this
it says night will shine like day.
A place where even night and day
confuse.
That's what we're saying.
Which is not doesn't have to be it's
night
night also becomes day. What's he saying
here?
This is
can also be us.
You understand? Night and day night
and day is also us.
Doesn't negate night.
But you have to know that even in the
beginning of the day
even right in the beginning the first
moment it says at night Allah Allah
Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah.
And that's why don't underestimate the
night. Even the first moment of night is
really the whole Allah Allah Allah Allah
Allah. In other words, don't feel it's a
fake Allah. No, no, no. Even in there
you have the whole Allah Allah it's just
stages of how a person integrates it.
The ultimate MS is already shining in
the first step.
The ultimate quite about to me already
shines in the even though right now it's
Allah and it's not Allah. BUT IN THAT
YOU HAVE THE WHOLE ALLAH Allah Allah.
This this this the way it evolves and it
develops until the person fully
integrates it. But even the first step
away from Allah
is already Allah Allah. Even though
right now in my consciousness is of
Allah.
In other words, MS the ultimate MS of
Allah is manifested even in the first
step of redemptive consciousness.
It's not like that this is nothing it's
just one day you'll get there. No, no,
no. The whole Allah Allah is there.
Huh?
MS it's in the Allah also. But in the
Allah the person is completely alienated
from it in their consciousness. You're
right. It's him it's in Allah. But the
person I'm alienated from it.
What's Allah what?
The crack open the the Allah.
You remember it has no space we can the
put in my mind
it has no space it's not Allah.
But in that no space like we did before
the before the Allah
you have the whole Allah you have the
whole Allah.
Even in Allah Allah Allah Allah.
They say in 34 be a opinion that I told
you this was said the middle of the
night so
there's a few places here in the
footnote they said they missed they
missed some points because the
probably they have explained something
about it I'm just saying the way I
understand it but they wrote the
explanation is missing when it was
written. I guess they didn't remember
It was It was a hard moment to record. I
told you it was done after the seder. It
was a
2:00 or 3:00 in the morning or whatever.
So so so So so what do we have from
this?
What's the difference in avodah between
the two the two types of love?
The nafshi v'sicha ba'laila
and the midbar chavatzei baruch.
L'choidah, even the first p'nina is
very very profound avas hashem l'avas
hashem l'kacha. Ki hu chayecha.
The p'shat is
and then every person could see it in
their own life. And I don't I don't want
to I don't want to uh
you know, it's it's it's it's very deep
energies. I don't want to like bring it
down in a way that would dilute it in
any way, but it's sometimes good to give
different examples that we could relate
to it even in our own lives. Yeah.
What's the p'shat is the difference
between the two? In the first p'nina, um
I I want you because I want me.
So you are the ultimate source of energy
for me.
That's why it's called night. I'm not I
don't see you as you. I see you through
the lens of me. So it's like in a
relationship, I cherish the
relationship. I may cherish the
relationship more than anything else in
the world. But why do I cherish the
relationship? I cherish the relationship
because of
what it does for me.
Which is a which is beautiful, which is
amazing. It just doesn't just enliven me
and enriches me,
but it it it it gives me life itself.
And as we said, there's nothing like
life itself. There's nothing Nothing
comes in close seconds.
So ultimately,
I look to Hashem as the source of life,
as the engine of life. But what's the
baseline? What do I love? I love life.
I love my experience of life. But I know
what the real I don't want fake life. I
want I want nauseated life. I don't want
superficial. I want real life.
So, I want you I want lava to make a
real life.
But really, you're capable of much more.
When the Rebbe said manage the whole
line,
it wasn't just a negation. It was
showing potential. It was telling you
what you're really capable of.
To put it this way, you're It's hard to
say this. You're dumbing down yourself
by thinking you're only enough to live a
life. You don't know who you are.
You're capable of a much deeper
relationship. And if you don't have the
deeper relationship, you're not going to
be free. You're still going to be in
this.
You're going to be missing something
very profound. Your soul is not going to
be content. Why not?
Because in the deepest place of your
soul, you're not even looking for any
form of self or life.
The words I exist and I love that is
very very very precious. Very precious.
And it's important cuz if you don't
begin that, right? If you don't begin
with that, you have nothing.
You have nothing.
If you tell a child this garnished,
there's only this,
that's horrible.
We begin with that. Cherishing your
energy, knowing your boundaries,
appreciating and that is is your life.
So, that's the beginning. That's the
site.
But still, it's it's depriving you from
who the real you are.
Since the
is
us, it's one's us.
I'm not really looking for self.
And knew it immediately.
He knew it in himself.
What am I looking for? I'm looking for
the whole truth.
You
alone. What's that? You alone? That
level of dick, that's a lane.
It's not the that level of dick that is
a lane. That's what you want.
Not because you don't like yourself. Not
because you hate yourself. No,
because you really like yourself.
If we'll I want to tell you something.
The if we'll of the altar rebel was
stronger than any desire of any person
in the world. Really? Why? HEY, YOU
DON'T EVEN HAVE DESIRES. It was deeper
than any desire.
Because you like yourself more, not you
like yourself less.
And you're not going to deprive yourself
of of of everything. But it's not
because I like myself. No, because you
really like yourself. Because you're
atsmos.
SO YOU WANT ATSMOS.
IT'S THE DEEPEST DESIRE IN the world. It
is not even defined by life.
It's defined by endless bliss the way
it's experienced in God himself, and
that's who you are.
And then there's no husband. It's not
because I love me and a sham serves.
Now you actually you see reality as it
is and that's what you want. You don't
get distracted from that. And how does
it manifest itself? Whatever it is, it's
manifest itself in.
That's your But you can't get to your
end without Lila.
You can't get to your end without Lila.
And in everybody's life it continues
that way.
And that's why the altar rebel himself
and many my monument will tell you what
Gan Edenism and what hell Why you
talking about these things? You just
said there's the hell lane. Cuz it's a
Cuz that's how it is. They say that the
star shows us is not a joke.
Say that the star shows us is not a
joke.
Throw away a tiller's breed you cheated
SAY THE HELL LANE FIND CLOSE ALL THE
BOOKS THE HELL LANE. THAT'S A JOKE.
Cuz it's not a relationship then. The
whole point is that there's a
connection, there's a relationship.
Atzmus wanted a relationship.
If Atzmus is everything, de charein, so
there's no relation, so there's no ikh,
so don't talk about it and and bechlal.
Like I we once learning, right? So ein
od milvado, ein od milvado, ein od
milvado, there's nothing else, nothing
else. So I asked the question to the
oilam, so how's that all to be saying a
ma'amar?
I'm sitting and I'm saying a ma'amar and
I'm telling this to you that I thought I
don't exist.
And of course the answer is ein od
milvado doesn't mean
that you're not here to say the ma'amar.
Ein od milvado means that is the truth
of what's happening here right now,
right here.
Now, the way you could see it, and this
is what I want to make this last point,
is the way you could see it in a
person's life is
sometimes
we build
we build up a spiritual life.
The way things are supposed to look. And
in a good way, not in not in not in in
in in a healthy way, in a beautiful way.
Well, avas Hashem Elokecha ki hu
chayecha. You want You want a beautiful,
meaningful life.
And then God throws a curveball.
As long as I'm stuck in layla,
it can really throw the person off
balance.
Ich vel manish das dech allein, I know
we're not in the beginn of the Alter
Rebbe, and we shouldn't think we are,
but
it's applicable to every person.
There comes a moment where you say, you
know what? I actually don't need
anything.
If you really know yourself, you don't
need anything.
I want to say something to you. This
actually changed the way I understood
Chassidus.
The Rebbe was once farbrenging on Purim.
I heard it on tape. It's the same
farbrengen that he spoke about the
yichud nifla, the day before the
tza'ascha mitzva. And he said over this
dveykus, this The Rebbe would say over
from the Alter Rebbe this very, very
often. And he would often cry when he
said it.
And he said this over.
And he said it so he touched it. And the
way he touched it,
it's it's it's it's I got something that
I didn't understand before.
He said the Alter Rebbe was saying,
yeah,
What is the tachlis of a Yid from a Yid?
Where is the place that a Jew needs to
get to?
So I heard when I heard the words, I
heard again where you need to get to.
And then he said, and that means that
that is who you really are.
He just added that. And that means that
is his atzmus atzmius. And that's why of
course he's going to get there cuz
anywhere else he's not going to be who
he is.
And then I understood the Alter Rebbe
wasn't describing a madreiga that you
have to get to. He was describing who
you are.
Period. When all the blockages will be
gone, when everything will be removed,
when everything will be opened up, when
we're going to crack open completely,
when the egg will be cracked into a
billion pieces, and everything will be
as is yoim, everything will be clear.
What are you going to see? You're going
to see ich vil men es das dich allein.
That's what you're going to see.
But we have to work through blockages
cuz if we don't work through blockages,
then it's not integrated. So fine, I
believe it. It's not it's not really
it's not ich, it's not ich vil men es
das dich allein. The only person WHO CAN
SAY ICH vil men es das dich allein is
cuz I know my eye, I've been there, I
worked through my eye, and I'm telling
you this is who I am.
AND THE DESIRE THERE IS DEEPER THAN any
other desire. It's even deeper than the
desire for LIFE CUZ THE DESIRE FOR life
is a desire that is infinite. No
question, we'll give away everything for
that. But it's coming from the finite
organism who cherishes life.
But that whole energy is a finite
creation from the infinite. Now it's
it's a big one, we love it, we cherish
it, it's what we're all about, but
realize that atzmus is is is atzmus.
The whole creation is a dimension is a
machshava is a nekuda.
And the soul feels it. And therefore,
what do I need? I don't I need nothing.
What do I need? I need you.
Which is me, which is essence. That's
what I mean.
So here there's no expectation. Here the
person could be fully present in every
moment of life.
If I build my life around a certain
spiritual structure, which is nice and
good, and we live that way cuz a person
should live in an organized way.
And my relationship with Hashem is I
love my life and I love my energy and I
love my relationship and I love my
spirituality and I love who I am and you
should.
And that's yetzias Mitzrayim and enjoy
every moment of it.
It's it's a certain powerful powerful
frequency. But then there's moments in
life where it's like, what?
Boom, it's a curveball that everything
is shaken up, everything.
Even your God, your everything we build,
suddenly it's what was yetzt.
So now two things can happen.
Either we lose the plot.
Anger, resentment, alienation,
depression, cynicism.
Which is back to Mitzrayim. Close the
heart.
Cuz like I had this deal with God, like
you were supposed to be the good life.
You were the You were supposed to be the
GOOD LIFE. I INVESTED in you cuz YOU'RE
THE BEST LADDER, YOU'RE THE BEST GAME IN
TOWN. YOU'RE THE BEST GAME in town,
that's what we say.
From all the games, you're the one.
You're the team that has won 5,000 years
and therefore I invest in you. And
suddenly this is the team.
I bet all in this horse race. Look at
this horse, a shlimazel.
Boom, I'm done with the horse. Now you
go look for another horse.
I'm making it a little grob, but you
understand the nekudah. That's called
looking for Madregas.
God was working for me. He was working
for me.
Pun intended, he was working for me,
working for me, and working for me. You
understand my pun? My brilliant pun?
God was working for me, which means he
was working for me. I'm the employer,
he's the employee.
Now, I know there's levels and levels
and levels. It's not always so grub and
stupid, but you get the nakuda.
If one minister said to him, "I am
yours." means you know, I actually work
for you.
I work for you.
Oh, wow. Okay. So, I'm good. I work for
you. I'm good.
My home is to use you.
Not you the way I interpret you. You was
you.
And that's who you really are. And And
you don't need anything else.
It's not because you're a dead zombie.
You really don't need anything else.
Because that's the real The real doesn't
need anything else. Doesn't want
anything else.
And it's fully alive.
And this doesn't take away the person
from presence. On the contrary, layla
kayam yair.
Even in the first nakuda of layla, it's
it's in every moment. It doesn't take
you away from anything.
It's not like, "Oh, well, now I can't
blow my nose anymore. I can't I CAN'T
DRINK WATER ANYMORE." NO, I know you No.
Every breath is that, too.
But the Rebbe's maiseh here that even in
the first nakuda of layla, you already
have the whole nakuda.
In other words, MS begins in the first
step. Even in the first step of going
into a deeper form of self-awareness,
you already have the batzma cuz that's
where it's going to lead to you. You
hear the word?
When people get upset,
people sometimes in their journeys they
have to deal with very basic basic
stuff. He says it's fine. The first
moment you have the whole batzma.
As long as you're
you're not doing this from an from a
from a selfish, egotistical,
contaminated place.
There's a genuine sincerity in your
work, even in your first moment of going
out of your You already have the line.
Of course, it's going to take time to to
grow the muscle and develop the muscle
and integrate and all that, but you
already have it.
So, you don't have to be in my bottle.
That's the his offer the last part.
Yeah, in other words, if it's genuine,
it's it's it's good when we're not
afraid of first steps.
We're not afraid of first steps. Yeah,
it's nothing which is nothing.
It's not nothing. It's not nothing.
It's not nothing. The guy does 5 minutes
of of of a genuine conversation, it's
not nothing.
Don't don't be in my bottle.
Okay.
At this point, I think more words will
just uh
complicate things.
Everybody have a wonderful day and a
beautiful day. Be as you wish Thursday,
we will begin a minor another minor for
Pesach Thursday morning. Tomorrow, we
have a woman's class. And Thursday,
we'll meet at 8:00 a.m.
Have a beautiful day and a beautiful
week.
Yes.
Huh?