Mission Statement - Part 1: Clarifying Your Purpose - Rebbetzin Avigial Gersht

[Music] let's get into partners you'll be a group of three introduce yourselves to each other you know your name where you're from what you do a bit about your family but 10 years from now okay you have a couple minutes you could skip out the last name okay you don't think of a last name we'll have time to go around to everyone let's hear a little bit we'll start with inna your name is still inna a lot each each ten each decade it like changes you're sticking ID they're almost like what God did to sorry Sarah Aram is like Avraham Jews are into the stuff we're complicated things okay your name is still inna [Music] two years why push it up I push it off got a link sooner okay Dina which is the ena with Adi very original okay we'll go on Hana someone rich obviously if you're living in a hobby it's part of that stick it in there stick it there yeah [Music] wonderful Filipa okay we like South Africa ice will do two more who wants to share their ten year plan [Music] also we do in my children's very Jewish outreach it's virtually impossible to [Music] nice one more yes wonderful financed a speech therapist or any of my children asking them to I have to say I am thoroughly impressed that was very impressive you guys all just like whipped out your life plan like in a minute that is very impressive now that we move past that let me ask you a question what do you think is the most important component to be successful let's throw out here ideas what to be happy positivity determined motivated gold direction easygoing know how to flexible so what every single one of you said is true you need to be motivated you need to be happy you need to have positivity need to be flexible right if you're so rigid you just won't like life just doesn't work that way we're gonna focus on what Danny said which is you have a goal you can be happy you can be positive you can be flexible you can be in a good mood that is all useless if you do not know where you're going what's that line if you don't know where you're going every train is the wrong one right I keep it we're going on a trip we're going to bake the pocket bags and then have my kosher food and then half again where we're going I don't know did you plan it it doesn't matter what you have here you are if you don't have a destination then all of that planning is not useless it's nice and it will get you places we're talking about being successful human beings a Harvard researcher in 1979 I'm gonna preface this with saying it's a very famous study I've seen it many times online and I've seen many people quote it I was speaking to my rob ones and he said he should know that studies not true so I don't know where he's coming from I don't know where all the sources where I got it from her coming from so I'm laying out to you to take it or not I have to give that preface because I thought it's always be true it may not so happy to let you know that in 1979 Harvard researchers interviewed the graduating class from the MBA program and they asked their the students what what so you note ok fine so this may be alive ok hmm I think it's true I'm just I had to say cuz this is what I was told and they asked them what was your goal coming in what's your goal what was your goal being here they found out that a staggering 84 percent of the students there didn't have a specific goal what was my goal I come to Harvard dude like that's my goal right 84% didn't have a specific goal at all 13% had a goal but it wasn't written down it wasn't confined to paper but they had a goal and 3% had a goal that was written down you should know Barack Obama when he was in Harvard he wrote down I'm going through the President of the United States so 3% had a goal that was written down 13% had a goal it wasn't written down and 84% had no specific goal at all they followed these students for 10 years 10 years later they interviewed them again and they found out that the 13% who had goals but were not written down I had goal I know what I'm doing we're earning twice as much they were earning double the style on average as the other 84% you're following me okay this the 13% were earning double the amount then the other 84 percent who just like had no specificall and the 3% who had a specific goal that was written down were earning 10 times as much as the other group 10 times as much as the other group we're working today we'll see how far we get is is on a mission statement we're gonna speak about what a mission statement is but first let's just see why is it important to think about my future why is it important to have a mission statement even though we're not so sure what a mission statement is yet why do we think it's important yeah [Music] wonderful like you don't know what steps are necessary because where are you going right so I'm just like making a cake of like if you don't have the proper ingredients like you need to know what is it that I'm making an orc to get the proper ingredients let's see what then welcome then misty lucky sharing says the path of the just written by the rum father of Moshe Han the dough he says you still have to see this for sure how about that which means the foundation of piety and the route of complete service right he's speaking about God all the more so in our personal life the foundation of it is clarifying and verifying what one's obligation his world is and where he should place his vision and goals in all his labors throughout his lifetime what is the foundation he sank to success clarify and verify where I'm going this class is one of my favorite classes it is literally life-changing I have sat more than once with the girls who are I mean when I stand very impressed with everyone's answers but I have sat more than once with the girl said so who are you tell me a bit about you and the responses you know I never thought about that life doesn't just happen right as children at least I thought this is a childlike you just become an adult I don't know how I don't know when it happens but like you become a mom you become a wife you know how to cook you know how to do bills like yours like your life is climbed out it's not true do you know any old people or even your parents who say I can't prove left turned out this way right well I can't believe this is my life raised your hand if you know anyone like that right of hmm you're pointing to yourself you're like that no you're not you're not that old are you and this is you're doing it now you're doing the work now so we don't a buck I don't know who I am is it because you didn't think about it that wasn't part of the fun yeah how many girls here feel the same way thank you very good company so so there's one aspect of life throws us surprises which the electric you said you need that flexibility however when it comes to achieving a goal at being successful whether it be in your relationships relationships don't just happen the divorce rate in America is over 60% there are great reasons for divorce not 60 percent of marriages have those reasons right when someone has a goal in their marriage when someone has a goal as a parent what am I doing here as a parent then they have what to work towards we why are we having this class now because we do not want to be and I know personally an old man who he's in his late 80s and there's not many grandchildren at his bedside there's not many people coming to visit him you take almost like sign up a sheet of a who's going to take it take a turn now right why is that doesn't just happen that you build those relationships it takes an investment it takes where am I going what am i doing what relationship that one have my life works like that professionally personally with God with really everything let's read the second one Derek it's time he said a person spends much of his life making accountings about his business on his day to day life but why doesn't he take to heart even for a short time to think about these extremely fundamental questions what is he why did you come to this world what does God want from me where is all this leading me this type of questioning which is very powerful this type of questioning is the greatest and strongest cure that one can find in the battle against the gates or her me knowing the answers to these questions is the strongest purim barreling that part of me that always that wants to make me fall and trip and and hurt my knees right though it is easy though it is easy it accomplishes a lot it produces much fruit for one to spend some time every day he's saying every day I'm saying do do this at least once in your life or at least once a year right though okay every day free of his other thoughts to think about these things and asking this heart what are the virtues that made the great city can grand blood by guy he's beating him out the rule is for a person who doesn't think about these things will be extremely difficult to achieve success and a person who does think about these things bless you it is very close to him the Y's are constantly thinking about this and therefore they are successful in all of their actions okay who can summarize what we just said it's a good question well let's ask the cover how do you answer that how do it let's be honest how do you answer [Music] assuming that like a guns not to your head and you're having conversation with your friend it's a very hard question it's different conversation but we'll speak about it a little bit it's important we're byte or scheme who's an incredible author and psychiatrist he's written over 80 books all self-help on on dictions he was once he was at shul one Friday night and he saw this guy there and I was clearly not religious and he said do you want a contest for Shabbos meal you're gonna come to us sure I've never done this Shabbos thing before but sure I'll come to you that's what Jews do and as the servitor skew said to him okay but just so you know there's something called um you know the halacha that we don't carry on Shabbos there's no Arab right there's no string across the city that enables us to carry on Shabbos so you'll have to leave your wallet and stuff here guys like okay and so he left it he left in shul and as they're walking towards her big touristy test orbit Rosie asked this question so who are you Tommy a bit about yourself and the guy put his hand to his pocket through his business card then he had this shocking moment of how much he's so identity in half his wallet on him and that moment of realization of Who am I without the initials after my name Who am I without in the business card so it's a tricky question if we don't know what the answer is when it depends what people are asking when someone says so who are you telling me about yourself because say well what do you mean gianna start which hospital I was born in right like what does that mean tell me about yourself if people are asking like what do you do you can say what I do is this however way too often we totally totally identify with my job with my credentials with what I do with my fat my last name with my bank account with the car that I Drive and the problem with that is is the moment my identity is based on something external and that my boyfriend my parents approval the moment that is gone my entire self-worth is gone I have no identity which like cannot be based on anything external right Who am I the answer to that is so again depends the context of like what what people actually want from you but that that's things that you do I remember having a very big realization of this of how much I was identifying with also what I did when this last year I was looking into master programs I want you to get masters in clinical counseling that doesn't accept counseling as a degree doesn't exist in Israel and they had a massive in psychology that was in Hebrew and I really didn't want to break my teeth the Hebrew I did it for four years I didn't want to do it again and I looked into this one program it was in Hebrew and it was the degree that I want was like an MSW but it was like four days a week really intensive two years a lot of money like should I do it should I not do it maybe I should and then something came out there was this course in clinical mental health counseling which is right here on bait hook booths not far from here it's in English it's one day a week and it was literally all the courses that I want addictions family counseling couples therapy etc I didn't even take a second look at it I'm like I don't it's a certificate from a no-name brand place I want a degree I want a degree and at a certain point I was looking on with maybe I'll get an online degree so I looked online and they have this thing called Harvard Extension school which is um if you know it it's like Harvard but online school I'll send them like I told my husband I'm like honey I'm like really I'm like yeah you have to go to Boston like once a year for like a month I'm I see it now I was like and I'm eight and I spoke to them on the phone I was like all into it then I like glanced at what the courses are actually and had to take this statistics course and all of these courses that I didn't want to do but I found in this syllabi like one or two courses of again that's exactly what I'm looking for like one or two out of the 15 courses that I have to take and then I stopped I'm like oh my gosh there is this no-name brand place that is giving me everything that I want the courses that I want I can afford the tuition it's one day a week so I have to quit my job that I love it's down the street and it's everything that I'm looking for but here I have to break my neck right break my teeth that's expression break my teeth right money I don't have time I don't have courses I don't want to take why so I could have MSW after my name and it had such an epiphany moment of I was totally identifying with a degree I had nothing to do with what I wanted I'm actually in the course now I stopped I didn't do the online thing but it was very humbling for me to recognize of what am i identified with am identifying with you I cannot tell people I have a graduate degree right that is totally superficial that's totally superficial the answer in short - Who am I I am a soul that that's that's my identity we say every morning ello kind of shy manners had to be to her he my god this holy place to me is pure which means no matter what I did no matter how low I've sunk into no one can ever take that from me my identity is a soul which means if you don't like this class I'm sorry you don't like it I'm okay yeah I'm okay I like I'm Ana Shama that didn't affect me right I'm sorry you didn't like it what she did but do you want to learn about but they didn't affect me if you don't like what I'm wearing sorry right but what does that have to do with me if we ensure ask yourself these questions if I am so affected when I know that someone doesn't like me right there are some people very hard for that if someone doesn't like them like why don't you like me what did I do wrong how can I make it better why does that bother you so much right so my identity to be something that no one can take that away from me so in one word Who am I I am a soul now what do I do oh this is my profession what's my family I have a husband and children but my essence is a soul which got a place to meet and that no one could take from me here did that answer your question okay so this professor stood up in front of his class and he had an empty mayonnaise jar in front of him and he looked at the class and he said is this jar empty or full they said empty he took empty the bag and I had a bunch of rocks in it and he put the rocks in the jar and he said is this jar empty or full they said it's full do have room for more anything else in anything you know you put big rocks into this jar he took out our second bag filled with pebbles and he put the pebbles in between the cracks of the rocks and he said is there room for anything else in this jar and they said no definitely not and they said he emptied a third bag he took out sand and he pulled up the sand drip through sift through right all of the empty spaces and the jar was totally compact and was known for anything else and he looked at his class and he said the rocks represent the big things that are important to us family God relationships right the pebbles represent the secondary things you know my job my car etc and the sand represents everything else okay the activities they do the hobbies that I have if I do not consciously put in the big rocks into the jar first and I just put the sand in the jar will be filled with sand I need to put the rocks in first and then you'll fit the sand into why am I saying this we're having this class or I'm saying everyone has to be here class this is like they were doing I'm gonna try myself doesn't matter I'll explain later but but we tend to just live life it's gonna happen I'm gonna find the guy and I'm gonna have the kids and I'm gonna be that good wife and I'm gonna be that good mother and I'm gonna have that that good job right but we may not realize we may have our ideals nice but unless I have my goals what is important to me we may be filling our life with sand and that is how you can have people who are in there there are 60 70 80 s or 40s whatever the age is saying how did this happen to me I had a girl who told me her father always told her I can't believe this is how my life turned out she was like her and like one sister he's like I wanted to have boys right and like he was just like he was just like not impressed how his wife turned out right that you that means I ended up filling my life was sad not consciously I didn't mean to do that right this guy comes to a very wise man and he has a bird in his hands and he says to him I have a bird in my hands is that alive or is it dead and in his mind he thinks if he says it's alive I'm going to crush it with my hands if he says it's dead I'm going to set it free so he looks at the man he says is this bird alive or dead what do you say someone asked you that other than thinking they're weird and why are you holding a bird if you suffocated so he did say something similar to that thank you you know which is Deena without the deal she said to him it's in your hands it's in your hands is it alive or dead that's that's in your hands our life and yours I can't tell you how lucky you are that you're choosing to be here and studying which it means regardless of how long you here for even if you're here for a day over just for an hour that means I consciously decided to learn more about life you are like 50 steps ahead of so many people who have never thought about this before I can tell you that because I've spoken to people before I've spoke I'm sure you have too spoken to adults who said whoa how do you know that and you're like men really did you like just look like you how do you not know that right you're so how do you not know this right so it's in our hands we're creating our life now what I want to do is we're working on two different aspects we're working on what's called a general mission statement which is what is the mission statement for my life meaning what do I believe in right what are causes that I believe in do I believe in a higher power or not the big questions that's called a general mission statement in life a mission statement it's basically H I don't know what a missions they - who can expect yes yes yeah exactly this was actually first to you it's used with businesses I'm using it in our personal life it's used with businesses that's just saying my aspirations and the goals of the business and what they want to achieve yes exactly if you can tell when a company has a mission statement I was once sitting in a restaurant with my husband and it was the best service I have ever had and I turned to my husband and they said I know what their mission statement is you can tell you know certain stories you walk into you can just tell like hi the customer's always right hi how are you you know can I help you and you can just tell if the company has a mission statement or not right so we're working it's basically a short sentence that that summarizes what the goal of the company is high here at Windows we do etc etc so we're working on a general mission statement where are my general beliefs about the world and then we're gonna work on which is gonna take more than in one class my personal mission statement what uh what isn't which means every single person has and will get there when we get there their own personal journey that they need to go on no two people are the same and what's your personal direction that you're going on this is so crucial you see you can tell also when there's something called family mission statements when a family has a mission statement of and I'm sure you all have it whether it was made conscious or not doesn't have to be posted on your fridge but I want my children to grow up knowing what is our mission statement our mission statement is we are a family of love and acceptance and caring right and kindness to other people and family comes first that is what are the values of our family why very simple when they're put to the test they always go right back to that someone sitting at the table I don't like that one moment what's our family's mission statement do I tell them ah I don't like you you're EFI Stephen Covey he gives us example which I thought was very powerful he was reading in a in a ship water magazine there's some sophisticated word for it Boat magazine he was reading this article which said this boat this big boat was traveling at night in the water the deep dark waters of the ocean and all the sudden its seize an incoming boat coming towards them so they sent out a message on the last speaker incoming move to the right a voice comes back saying incoming move to the left the captain is really shocked he says incoming if you don't move to the left will collide a voice came back saying we are a lighthouse a lighthouse are those towers in the water that let you know where land is right the boat had no other option but to navigate itself around the lighthouse mission statements are lighthouses why is it important because when put to the test these are foundations that I cannot budge on this will get to flexibility and and what does that mean I could never ever you know budge from what I believe in no that's not what it means but when I have a mission statement my personal mission statement and my mission statement as my general belief in the world that is creating a lighthouse for myself who can give me a practical example of a lighthouse to make it more real yes okay yeah that's a great one right uh there's this funny story where this this Jewish woman was walking in the supermarket and all since she saw this totally not Jewish woman telling her kid who's having a tantrum on the floor saying he wants candy saying saying you can't eat this not kosher so she turns turn she says are you Jewish she goes no so she said white telling your kids not kosher she goes I don't know I saw these Jewish women do it in the store and it works every time the kid puts the package back right away right which is what and I always think that I think that's amazing that you can have some some things are so hard for us right and and they're challenging for us however like for example its use the example of food which is foods heart I like chocolate cake right so even though I'm full and I'm stuff and gonna give me a headache I'll have the child cake anyways but if you're to put like shrimp before me no matter how hungry it's just not even on my radar if we're keeping kosher it's just not on my radar why it's just not something that I do meaning this is a great example right that is my lighthouse I mean I'm sorry I just can't do that right but oftentimes we feel threatened for example shomer negiah is a good example there are times if you're going to embarrass someone you a man you can shake his hand if he reaches out right but most of the time they will not be embarrassed okay I was one I was when I was in New York I had there was this doorman there it was so funny I'm not used to having a doorman it was his doorman the place we're staying in Manhattan and we started my husband I started like speaking Tim and one day I just said hi what's your name we were sick speaking he introduced itself is that I him so and so so I said I'm sorry I just don't shake hands with men oh man I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm like no no I'm the weird one not you like Doha and they explained to him I gave him like a whole schmooze I'm like whoa Jews have this concept and you know every muscle embarrassed so I gave him up he's like that's interesting so but that's an example of you know is that a lighthouse or not you there are times but again another example is kosher should I should I not if someone's gluten-free or someone's allergic to peanuts they will not feel bad about saying I'm sorry I can't eat this two weeks ago we had this guy who's gluten free and we'll finish here who's gluten free at our house for Shabbos he is coming to Shabbat lunch so we never do this ever my husband I made a gluten-free cholent which is toned is like barley and wheat okay we made a gluten-free trolling for him it was very exciting during the first course took salad I said oh just have enough are you allowed soy sauce because I actually put soy sauce in there he's like Oh depends which one I showed him the ball he said no I can't have this my husband's eyebrows go up he says you can't have any soy sauce he's like yeah and it's not this type I hope that I just put soy sauce in a challenge he like he'd remembered everything except for the soy sauce I'm like ah okay so everyone else ate gluten gluten-free trollin except for the guy who is gluten-free did I feel bad no did he feel bad no he's gluten-free even though I made it totally just for him and the rest of us had to defeat chili he's allergic to it right that's it white house for I'm not gonna cross over that boundary here it was saying because I feel bad for you so again it's very it's very complex and gobbling we'll continue next class of creating for ourselves a vision of where I want to go what do I believe in and also that translates and that transfers into like your children and future generations so ladies have a wonderful day