Nili Couzens @ Project Inspire Retreat 2019

yeah thank you they're making them now I will not be insulted come sit here okay hi everybody Shelby what Oh am I supposed to do anything oh this has been recording for the last six minutes okay good yeah yeah no problem you have to wake up a lot earlier in the morning to insult me don't worry I'm fine okay hi thank you all for coming okay so this class is called welcome to Planet Earth you know you're doing here and by the time you walk out of here in 45 minutes an hour whatever you may not know your purpose here you may but you'll definitely know what questions to ask you'll know where to look so what I already emailed it to somebody and it didn't go through my son said anybody just forwarded to me I thought it's you that's a good idea sorry everybody give me a second I want to make sure that the you just can't send it to me TT cuz there you go beautiful house to make sure that the attachment is not there that's nice like security they can't find a photocopy machines grateful no one exceptional you okay just maybe two degrees and I'm sending it to both of you you had a Blumenthal okay gmail.com yeah it could be that you're nuts oh and then I'm sending it to you great all right I'll see what the wrong son I sent it okay here we go okay so some of you have sheets and some of you don't they're getting more sheets do they have more no that's empty see um okay so here's the deal so Judaism teaches us that each person was sent here for a very specific reason you have a mission why you were sent here if somebody else could do what you were sent here to do they would be doing it's an extra one this is an extra two hot commodity there we go who else there you go um yeah they're bringing more um thank you all for coming I feel so popular so if somebody else could do where you were put here to do they would be doing it and you wouldn't be here the fact that you're here means that you have something that you were sent here to do the question is how do you figure out what it is so it doesn't make any sense to send someone on a mission and not give them the tools they need to fulfill that mission right that's having any sense so that means God already gave you everything you need to fulfill your mission you just have to figure out where to look well once you figure out where once you figure out where to look it's not so complicated to figure it out you just have to want to find your mission you have to ask the questions the only thing you need to really be able to do this is the sense of self-worth and we live in a generation of very low self-esteem it's not going away I don't know why but it's not and there's some extent to which we all don't know ourselves and it's possible that that may include some amount of self-hatred you got to get rid of that God does not match up if you're here it's your solid gold through and through you may have mistakes we're gonna get there and second half of the class we all make mistakes that's okay but you being here means you are a soul you have a body the real you is your soul you can do things to like put schmutz on the lightbulb but once you clean the schmutz off the light bulb the light shine that's what light does light shines that's what it means Jewish people is a light unto the nations in or Ligaya light just does its thing and when you do your thing you will fill the world with life question is what's your thing how do you find it so the only thing you need to know is that you are amazing just the way you are it sounds cliche but we don't live there we have to live there and if you don't deeply believe that then you won't let the answers bubble up for you because if you dig too deep you're gonna be you're gonna be afraid what you're gonna find so you got to get rid of that that's just like garbage and insecurity and forget it Moses was called the most humble person ever of all he didn't have like some kind of like insecurity issue right he just knew his strength he spoke to God he got the Jews out of beauty brought the plagues he just didn't think it made him any better than anybody else that's why he was humble if you don't know your strengths that's just called an inferiority complex that's not called humble you have to know what your strengths are so I was teaching this class sometime I teach this class that I bought them or Maimonides program when I lived in America I taught it from a more more Maimonides program I taught at university I whoo Maimonides so I oh yeah we have extra sheets you're amazing thank you know that they have pens I think kunuk Wow hot off the presses literally who needs a sheet here yep there you go you need sorry sorry sorry there you go there we go oh yeah it's great for the back wow I don't know if it's gonna be enough more pens we might need more how many major T thank you thank you thank you who needs a pen yes very funny huh pen pen pen one more another sheet we have more sheets yeah I'm gonna leave it to you to handle it okay pens they need pens pens is that an extra pen one people many pens there's a pen box empty people on the back need one you need a pen is out of hands yeah you're holding a pen he's putting another pen no a good pen pen pen I'll miss you it'll get lost good is that an extra pen oh that's your chair oh that's sweet does anybody else need a pen we have somebody out what 50 minds and you're amazing I'm just more coming you'll have to share okay great okay so I was teaching this class at some university over which one and one of the kids said it'd be so great if we came with tags you know if I have a mission tell me what it is I'll do it you know you know your sweater comes with the tags so you don't like throwing it in the wash it's like the baby's born and you're like boy or girl and the next question is what is the tax day and like coming out of the baby's toughest is a tag I need to string the tag and figure out who this kid is you know so it says academically challenged socially a little clunky you know swimming gold I don't know Tokyo 2040 great done now I know who this kid is and when you registered the kid for first school you'd have to bring in shot records and a copy of their tag so in third grade when your kid is like a total mess the teacher just goes to the office and says can I see this kids tag I can't figure them out and they're like I could down the cleat challenge she's going to the Olympics leave her alone it's fine right they go all the money we would say tutoring psychotherapy right just easy it's good why don't we come attacks there's a couple of answers number one you ever been told what to do you do the exact opposite right if I say you're academically challenged your response will be oh yeah watch this right and that's at the point the point is not to like prove yourself the point is to be yourself so number one if you're told what to do you don't number two we're programmed to self-actualize you know your kids no I pour my apple juice I want to time it we want to do things ourselves it's in our hard drive but additionally we don't have tags because the oh who needs more sheep anybody need a sheet wow oh my god okay back to the rim of the room okay self-actualize hard drive I remember okay and it's so perfect it's not about the destination it's about the journey see that was just that I just wanted to illustrate that are we yeah I'm gonna wait till they pass these out because it's a lot good all right life is not about the destination love is about the journey so I read this story one time in the inside hang up it's true it's not true it makes the point regardless a kid graduates college and he applies for his dream job he gets the interview he goes down to the company he does great gets called back for the second round of interviews does great gets called back for the third round of interviews now he shows up it's like in the bag you need to reach the third round you're done you're in he gets there and they're session it says I'm so sorry we're just running a little late today would you mind waiting in the boardroom like 15 minutes or so we just we're just behind I don't know and what will come get you as soon as they're ready to interview you he's like sure no problem goes down the hall weights and the boardroom he's sitting in a room and has a lot of chairs a room like this he's waiting to be interviewed pretty soon knock at the door guy shows up looks like an intern he said excuse me sir I'm so sorry but we just we have a meeting down the hall and we need these chairs do you mind I don't want to disturb you but to mind if I just clear the chairs for the meeting and the kids like I'm waiting to be interviewed like do what you need to do no problem he starts clearing the chairs one by one now there's no meaning down the hall this is a test what do they want to see if he's gonna see you all what it done great if they want to see if he's gonna help clear the chairs and I tell the kids at university you know the people that are gonna hire you they know that you hired someone else to write your resume like they know that so you like babysat once and you're like a childcare expert you know they know and they're not hiring a suit and there are high-energy PA they're hiring a person so they want to see are you gonna go that extra mile are you gonna be helpful are you a team player or are you gonna show up do your job in clock out who are you so they want to see is he gonna get up and get up and help clear the chairs but this poor kid doesn't know that so he just sits there while not the intern the CEO clears chair after chair after chair until there's two chairs left the chair he's sitting on and the chair his feet are on I'm the CEO goes over to the chair wrists feet already goes that buddy do you mind the guy goes no no he puts his feet down like he's a big master and the chief CEO goes yeah we will not be needing your services and the kids like what are you talking about I'm waiting to be interviewed and the CEO says you just were what this poor kid didn't know is it's not about the finish line it's not about the destination it's all about the journey life is made up of a million moments where the cameras are not rolling and nobody's watching and that's where you become who you're gonna become and I say this the kids on campus I say you know here the whole point is that GPA that's 4.0 so I guess if you can cheat and get away with it you walk away with your 4.0 I guess it works here but it does not work out there there's only I don't know how many times a person has to lie before they become a liar I don't know how many times you have to cheat before you become a cheater but there's only one way to get there but the same is true in the other direction you know how many times do you tell the truth before you just become a person of integrity how many times do you do the right thing before you just become a mensch you know I don't know where that line is but there's only one way to get there and it happens in all of the small moments of your life and you can find your mission in all of the small moments of your life because what you think is insignificant is not insignificant what you think is insignificant is the fabric of your life so here we go now I can lead a horse to water but I can't make him drink so it's up to you're all here it's kind of a hot crowded room so I highly recommend you do the work if you don't want to do the work I'll try to like you know entertain you for 45 minutes and then you leave and you'll go on with your life not knowing what your mission is that's all you that's all you but I highly recommend that you do the work because you hear anyway and at 45 minutes you really might have a clue so you in sad are you in yeah that's better here we go number one what are your talents now when I say talents I don't mean you can juggle wet plates that's not what I mean I mean what came in your harddrive if you have kids and you could write as I'm talking if you have kids you know that there's natural things that just came in their hard drive this can I talk about say in the parenting class this kid is just naturally organized this kid just has the gift of gab this kid is just athletic there's things that you are really good at the problem is that whatever we're good at regenerate and whatever is somebody else is good at we marvel at them so if somebody if if you're naturally organized you're like big deal I can like put stuff away this is not a talent okay but if you're naturally if you're not naturally are organized you marvel at the people that like alphabetize their spices right you're like oh my gosh how did you even think to do that or if you're naturally artistic you let's say you know how to dress well or you can paint or you can whatever you're like big deal like I know to put on a scarf this is not a thing but if people don't know how to put their outfits together and you do marvel how did you know that went with that went with that people who are good at math big deal I can add but if you're not gonna match you're like I can't even like I can't get it what are the things that you are naturally skilled at I put I think three things that's minimally you should write three things if I think it was rubbish well cilantro but I'm not sure who said I eat is somebody who doesn't know their flaws but I eiei it is somebody who doesn't know their strengths you have to know your strengths so nobody's gonna read this being humble does not mean you don't know what your strengths are write down the things that you're naturally good at go they think they went to get more P are there any extra papers I can see if I have any in my folder here here's one and here's a pen off them I have no more oh you're smart here this is an extra one somebody took just doing it on their cover [Music] what's the first thing winning in character traits right just write everything green hot green hat just write everything where's your sheep stop someone from let me see if we have another one are there any more sheets to have any more sheets we out is that everything another cat need a pen okay here we go next love loves the next thing on the sheet there I have your keys by the way thank you um there are things that you love doing that you're not necessarily so good at singing comes to mind yes you can love doing something you're not that great at it so what the fact that you love it Judaism teaches us that you're we're all here for pleasure which people think sounds hedonistic you know like each one can be merry for tomorrow we die so Judaism is very into physical pleasure right that's why I'm Shabbat we have a candlelit dinner with wine and homemade food it says save your best clothes and your best dishes and your best stuff for Shabbat because on the holiest day of the week we don't say leave your body don't be shallow we say bring your body with you we want your body to come at you physical pleasure is part of Judaism there's nothing wrong with it but if your whole life is about physical pleasure you're a bottom dweller because there's so many levels of pleasure that are higher than that and by way of example a friend of mine was a lifeguard in high school and she worked at a camp and they had their day off and you know that the kids had trip day and all the lifeguards head off and they would always do something on their you know on on trip day they'd always go somewhere so one time they went rafting you know down a river of canoeing whatever and they pulled over to the side of the river to rest and hang out and have lunch and they're all like you know sleeping in the Sun suddenly they Hearst fingers screams they all got up and they go running there was another family was also rafting and they stopped to swim just like all my friends and you know the lifeguards and one of the kids went under and they couldn't find him and they're screaming okay so there's ten lifeguards so they all jump into the river and they're looking for this kid and they can't find him and they can't find him and the seconds are ticking by so one of the lifeguards is wearing contact lenses so they were swimming but they weren't looking under the water because there were wearing lenses they don't want their lens to fall out but as the seconds tick by they were like forget it and they went under the water with their eyes open and the kid was right below them like his ankle a gun stuck in something and they got him out and they did seed are they safe the kids like okay now if you take all the trip days of the whole summer where they went to their carnival and they went shopping and they had all this physical pleasure of relaxing and then you take this day where they lost their contact lenses and their day was ruined but they saved a person's life which day at the end of the summer when they look back gave them the most pleasure saving the life which story did they come home and tell about the summer save you what story they going to bore their grandchildren with right every right saving a life because yes having a day off in the Sun is a pleasure but saving a life is a totally different pleasure and Judaism teaches you're here to love your life and the things that give you pleasure that's part of what you're here to do because what you love doing I don't love doing and what I love doing you don't love doing it's very personal so what are the things that you really enjoy if you love shopping right shopping if you love lying on the beach right lying on the beach green hat nothing is too superficial if you think something is too superficial you won't write it and then it won't get out of the cloverleaf of your head you won't be able to think of anything else okay so write down anything that you love doing I wrote but right 10 right 30 just go next I see we started late after finishing up an hour I want to go through the off all the information but please keep writing paradise moment so I got this from rabbi Niven who's a teacher who lives in Israel I learned with him on the phone for four years brilliant brilliant brilliant stuff really changed how I see the Jewish calendar and how I see like people's personal mission so giving him full credit for this this thanks paint paradise moments have I didn't explained it like this you said there's moments in your life where if you could just press pause and stay there there was something about that moment that you weren't necessarily expecting but something just expanded and you just could have melted into that moment I'll tell you one of my paradise moments it sneaks up on you I was with my kids up in the Poconos we were staying at our friend's house in the mountains and it was right on up on a lake and they had like a little beach and a boats and inner-tubes so my son who's here he was like seven and my married daughter was like six and we each had our own inner tube and he went out on the water just like you know six inches you know it wasn't deep so as I think we're gonna like capsize and drown you know Jewish mother we're always right about these things it was only six inches of water and I was in one inner tube and I had one hand on my son's inner tube and one hand on my daughter's in a tube and like the Sun was just so and breeze was just so and the lake was still if I could have stayed there forever I would say you get it a friend of mine loves skiing out west she said when I go up to the top of that mountain early in the morning and no one else is there and that the snow is untouched and I haven't done anything yet I could stay there forever we bought my mom a Hanukkah gifts when I was in college I had my first job working in a jewelry store they gave me a good deal we go y'all chipped in me my brother and sister we got her a beautiful pin and we gave her the present one night me the chronica canceled he said mom you got your present and she sat there with the boxer laughs she was like what it was like the first time any of us had money you know she's like you got me a present we really can't open it and she didn't she sat there with the Box on her lap and we're like come out of it and she said I'm just enjoying that my children bought me a present right those moments now you didn't plan that but it's your soul it's your soul non-verbally communicating with you there's something in this moment that resonates with me what are those moments for you could be a job could be a baby could be graduation I don't know what is it for you go okay now as you're writing let me tell you what to do with these paradise moments what you want to do with the paradise moments is you want to kind of freeze frame the moment and look around were you alone were you with other people were you active where you pass it had you created something did you watch somebody else create something what are the details of that moment because if it spoke to you don't like wait for life to happen to you recreate it figure it out what was it that I loved for me my paradise moments are with my kids now I travel to speak and some of my paradise moments happen when I'm speaking you know you've you affect somebody it's it's it's meaningful but half my paradise moments are with my kids so I need to pay attention to that I need that balance right I'm also an introvert so it could be I'm alone it could be I look like I just pay attention to the moments because when something speaks to you notice it and recreate it so you live an amazing life so what are those what what is it that's jumping out of those moments once you figure that out I'm gonna keep going cuz we don't have an hour so you're an intern I am an introvert could you believe it I love this I love this but what am i an introvert means which we'll talk about more of this more about this in a second introvert does not mean you can't get along with people that's how what it means it means you recharge your battery when you're alone an extrovert means you recharge your battery and when you're with people so I can be with people a week two weeks a month I love it but at a certain point I need to get my time alone in an extrovert when they're alone alone oh look they shrivel shrivel shrivels travel shrivel and they don't know what's wrong till they get out and they go out with people like oh my god I feel so much better right so I just have to know what charges your battery exactly I like my company I'm awesome anyway I digress okay so like that you're all awesome like this so now that you have all these things your talents your loves and your paradise moments which you want to look for you know like in those what are those what are those diagrams call but the circles that overlap Venn diagram you want to look where it's overlapping you're talented you love it it's a paradise moment bingo okay that's pay dirt you start thinking what is the mission statement for your life you take all of these things the things that you're talented at the things that you love doing in your paradise moments and add in giving people are happiest when they give if you think about your life when you give something away to somebody else that's when you know you're really contributing to the world the Jewish people need leaders we do not have time to play small the stakes are very high maybe they've always been AI but they're certainly very high right now whatever you can do to lead we need you we need you now it doesn't mean that you're up on a stage it doesn't mean that you're you know caring cancer but it could mean in your community it could mean in the kindergarten it could mean at the office it just just step up just step up we need people to step up very often we like wait for a grown-up you know what I mean you're like wait for a grown-up like we are the grown-ups we are the grown-ups we have to do it okay so that is the whole first half now the second what are we doing now personality types oh okay it's very cool so this personality system um helps you understand yourself and helps you understand the people in your life it's a personality system I'll tell you the source and then I'll tell you where you can read more about it because the source won't tell you that much about it the source is rabbi Destler and strive for truth book five in partial F look huh he talks about Avraham Avinu and and then yes talking Yaakov about being the the basic personalities of the Jewish people but that doesn't tell you so much about this system if you want to read more about the system there's an amazing book that's out of print but if you pay 50 bucks for it you can get it on Amazon it's called powers of the soul and it's written by Rabbi Tom Meyer I think it's m ey er is that my er I think it's with an e m ey er um he lives in Israel he is a brilliant master teacher and the book powers of the soul it talks about the five levels of the soul and then he and it anything he talks about these three personality so I'm gonna explain to you now and it's like you could read it at the pool like it's the deepest Cabala in the world and it's like you can read it with your feet up it's an amazing amazing book and it's out of print and you cannot borrow my copy but I hope you find one on Amazon so high and brooklet oh so it goes like this high ends are the thinker's it says this on your sheet yes they're always thinking about light times are the thinker's broca's are the feelers they feel the bracha the blessing in the world and toes are the doers I always want to do the good thing there's one personality for your soul and one personality for your body you're usually not the same category in both your soul and your body so I'm gonna explain all three to you the purpose of this system is not to pigeonhole people it's not to say well I'm a Khayyam so deal with me that's not it it's to understand your strengths understand other people's strengths sometimes when you give something else a name you owe you it sort of gives people permission to be different than you so that's what this is about it's about being not judgmental about giving people permission to be different than us okay so I'm gonna explain all three souls and then all three bodies so hi I'm so what does the time so look like a crime so these are the thinker's of the world the people that love ideas they love learning usually obscure things they love speeches they love debating and they're not debating because they want to fight with you they're just debating cuz it's fun they'd love arguing it's just enjoyable for them it's like the playdough of the world if you have a crime kid they're very smart and they don't always do well in school because school is not really about being intelligent all the time you know some schools are and it is when it is it's great but sometimes school is about sit down shut up listen to what I'm saying and spit it back clients find that whole process insulting because you don't want money to think you just want me to spit it back so they don't work and then as the mother you kill her father you could be like you're so smart why aren't you doing well in school it's like they have no patience for it right vada Hein could also be that kid that like skips the grade or two or three cuz they're so brilliant and they do so well so could manifest in different ways the absent-minded professor classic I'm Sol think tank people classic hime salt ok hime Sol be very much thinking in their heads a broth of salt Brussels are the feelers they love art and beauty and nature and they love people they're always taking care of people these people that bring you soup and bring you cookies and they're always hosting everything and they're just so happy that you're there I mean you're usually extroverts because they love people so much and they appreciate the beauty of the world they always want to share it here taste this asparagus oh my god they're so good right and your I don't like asparagus no no no no they're so good no you have that but I just want to share whatever beauty they see they want to share it with everyone around them they say broca's and everybody loves Broca's because brushes love everybody ok these are the people that hosts everything you just love them those are brownish Emma's they're back there you go a toe of neshama a Toth neshama is driven to do the right thing if you know people like this they love halakhah they love a good camera the best right they love etiquette they're punctual they always say the right thing and do the right thing they bring a hostess gift right there all these on time they want to know what's right a friend of mine who is a towfish Amma told me that like she thought I was at Oklahoma which I'm not but she thought I was so she asked me this question she said if it's the middle of the night and there's no one around and you won't get caught will you drive through a red light or wait I'm like oh my gosh I'm so driving through the red light she was like hey you're not on top of each other she said I will sit at a red lights two o'clock in the morning there's no one around I won't get caught the lights right I'm sitting there right told Michelle buzz have to keep the rolls that's what tell them to shove is do broca's never even noticed the rules brothers are like totally knife broke hoes are into people and beauty a brownish and my mother's a brownish Shama we used to live in South Africa we opened the H South Africa branch we lived in Joburg for two years amazing and my mom came to visit so she went down to Cape Town for like you know a week or so or something like that okay now she comes back from Cape Town to Johannesburg and tells me about her trip okay there's some people that will go on a trip they'll come back and tell you every museum they went to and some people come back and tell you everything they ate right my mother came back and told her about every single person she met okay that is a rough on the Shama there's just connecting to the people okay so that is hi I'm Brock ha and Tove and now let's do the body's a Khayyam body if a high in Seoul is a thinking soul a Khayyam body is a thinking body which means they pick up on everyone else's vibes they absorb it they know exactly like where people are regardless of what they say these people make great therapists right great teachers this is very helpful and parenting because you can pick up on someone else's energy kaien bodies are usually introverts because when they go to a party or a wedding they are exhausted from it because they absorb all of that energy so high and body they get a wedding invitation they're like oh do we have to go right and then when they go they're like when are we leaving right they just if they can't they can't be there a friend of mine her husband's a Higham body and she says that when they go to a shiva house she says when my husband leaves you could wring him out you can Lori platic a lot of you must tell her right she said when our husband leaves a chef's house you could wring him out he just absorbs all of that pain okay so hi and body will pick up on other people's vibes brackla body so if a brockless soul loves to give pleasure to other people a Brussel body loves to get pleasure so the classic couch potato abraca body never met a rug alas they didn't like you get it the physical pleasure the volume of physical pleasure is just turned up much higher to them to other types of Russell body could look lazy or slow like what but that's how it's going on it's like the way you could have a slow metabolism or a quick temper or whatever Brussel body's physical pleasure is just turned up louder for them so those cozy socks and the Sun on their skin and all of the physical pleasures turns out very loud for a brothel body rustle bodies are also usually late gravity just pulls harder on them they just say they don't get there as quickly but they it also can be very into physical exercise because they're they just connect to physical pleasure in the world a tow body if a Tove neshama is driven to do the right thing a tow body is just driven they're just busy it could be right it could be wrong they just need to be busy these are people that have their schedules color-coded and they alphabetize their spices and they're always having their to-do list and they're on top of everything now their to-do list could be totally superficial dry cleaners this that mahjong manicure whatever and all those things to find you all those things but you know necessarily self fulfillment they're they're just busy to be busy to be busy that's a tough body now if you are a double in any of these like you think you're the same so doubles it's like it's a little complicated because it doubles back on itself and it's like it's like a little bit complex not a god thing it's just a little more complex Toves by the way toca Shawn become in two flavors because they're always driven to do the right thing they come in two flavors judgmental and non judgmental because if they're driven to do the right thing that means they know the right thing and if you're not doing the right thing what does that make you wrong that's the judgmental is right but there's also could be not just when I was one of my daughter's is a non-judgmental Toto she's both so these are like the greatest people in the world so non-judgmental to octobe so she has in her head that it's wrong to judge people so she doesn't she doesn't even see it just even notice it and the tope body in her we took a beach vacation a few years ago and we were all like you know it was like a house on with a pool on the beach it was like I'm a breckel body it was heaven for me I loved it now she's a total body she was doing her online bio course at the pool every day and now in the past I would have been like what is the matter with you relax it's like a week hello but she is a toad body for her to sit around a whole week at the pool we'd make her crazy she doesn't enjoy that I enjoy that cuz I'm a brother body but she being a tow buddy she needs to be busy so before I would have been like you know you gotta smell the roses in life now I know she's like smell the roses got it on her list 30 seconds done you got it this gives people permission to be different than you okay so that is the system now the second half this is my favorite part of the class right I only have 12 minutes to it renovations this is not this is great who here has a flaw okay let's say oh good I like like I like the quick hand up who here ever lost their temper raise your hands good who here was ever jealous raise your hand klutz drop stuff just keep your hands up we all have an a million flaws and if you haven't raised your hand at least once you're arrogant and lying and that's the flaw so checkmate okay we all have flaws Judy isn't if they're such a thing we aggressively on at the idea we don't care you messed up like that's what it means to be a human being Yom Kippur comes every year right Yom Kippur is the day that we say I'm sorry that I made a mistake every year we have to do this and if you notice no one is exempt from Yom Kippur I don't care how long your beard is I don't care how long your skirt is everybody blows it everybody has to pop at least once a year at least once here so the fact that we have flaws and we blow it is not a big deal in Judaism the question is do you know what your flaws are because while we all have a lot of flaws there's also something called your t you're a t the same way you have strengths the things that you're really good at and you're like rocking that you also have flaws that you're just rocking that flaw you're just you Burt you blow it so well it's your block your you let your own it right how do you tell the difference between your t and just whatever we do wrong all day cuz everybody gets angry but then there's angry people you know what I mean everybody may want maybe jealous but then there's jealous people like that's what they do every single time how do you tell the difference so there's questions on the sheet that will guide you so in looking for your tikkun usually people know their flaws more quickly than they know their strengths because that's just how we are but in trying to differentiate what we do wrong from what our Tea is so the questions you want to ask yourself are number one is this a mistake that we make all the time meaning at least daily and number two I'm going to say the questions I'll explain it to because it's tough to get but I'll give it you an example number two if I pull this flaw out by its roots would it take many other flaws with it so I'll tell you from my own life when I was doing this work with Rabbi Niven bless you so I was thinking you know what's my flaw that I trip over all the time so immediately thought I'm late i'm freckie body Braco body too late I am always late and I work on it used to be trying to mix late down 7:00 it's late but I'm late that's what I do so I'm doing this work and I'm like I'm late I know exactly what it is so question number one is this something I trip over all the time and the answer is yes I had a big job a big family my husband has a big job like as soon as you hit snooze in the morning you're like soon as you'd like to sleep too late the night before you late so I was like yes I tripped over this all the time number two if I pull this flaw out by its roots would it take many other flaws with it and the answer was no I would just I would have all the same flaws I would just be punctual to them right it's not gonna pull anything out with it so I started thinking well why am i late maybe late is the symptom of something deeper and if I can figure out what's causing late and I pull that out it'll take late and everything else with it also so I started googling like why are people late I've got these books out of the library you know the idiots guide to procrastination and you know these books I lost them and didn't return them on time you know I'm like wanna fail in these books out of the library like who do they think is taking this out like hello they're very dumb idea and everything sort of said the same thing they said you're late because you don't appreciate other people's time you don't respect other people's time you think you're better than everyone else and I'm like I mean I'm late I'm not a jerk like I don't relate to at all but Robin even always says he goes you know ask your Rob I check with yourself check with your friends you know check yourself so I start asking my friends why do you think I'm late do you think I don't respect you do you felt like like what do you think it is so like what no you just tried to do too much you just scatterbrain you just like lost track of time you don't think yeah I'm like okay so that's not it so why am i late so I realized I'm late because I don't like structure when someone says to me oh we're having you know a barbecue in like three and a half weeks on a Tuesday at 4 o'clock what can you bring I'm like what I don't understand the question I'm like next Tuesday the whole world could end I don't know what I'm gonna bring back whatever's in the house like I don't relate to it at all some people love living this way right I do not relate to it at all my daughter is very much the one who's the non-judgmental tope tope so now she's married but when she was in high school she would say to me Mommy I need to get something from Old Navy so what time on Sunday do you want to go and I'd be like I see it's Tuesday and she'd be like I know and she pillarless what time did you like to go and I'm like I I can't even relate to it I'm like I know like what time does it open what time is the clothes somewhere in there I guess we'll go okay when I say that she starts to twitch she's like I need to know I have to plan my baby what is right she wants me to say three o'clock Nunchuk oh and she plans her whole day around three o'clock and Oh baby now I don't even respect it three o'clock it up my whole day around three o'clock at all Nate what if somebody throws out what if the car breaks down much my phone rings like my whole day around fatigue that that's how she rose I'm having reaction just talking about it she's 23 years old I can't live there okay now going back to this the question is not do you have the objective perfect standard of structure or anything the only question is is it working for you see my daughter's not uptight she's fine it works for her so I have to say to myself is my lack of structure working for me now in some ways it is because when somebody throws up with the phone breaks or whatever like I'm fine I'm like okay I will run with it like you miss a plane all right love Plus figure like it doesn't throw me because I don't need structure so works for me in some ways but then I find being honest and introspective I have to admit in some ways it doesn't work for me I would get more done you know if you have to be somewhere two o'clock 2:05 is probably too late to start getting there you get it you have to plan ahead if I could plan ahead we get much more done so going back to the sheet number one is this something that I trip over all the time at least daily the answer is yes and if I could pull this flaw out by its roots would it take many other flaws with it the answer is yes okay now I may never get this perfect but at least I know where my work is and knowing where your work is as half the battle okay I think this is the last one on the sheet Yeats the harbour the voice in your head this is my favorite one so everybody know what your Yeats Ahura is Yates Ahura is the voice in your head that says nasty things that you would never say out loud to anyone else like you're so stupid and you look so fat and you're an idiot I live it now everybody has a voice in their head you don't know it do you all know your voice your head raise your hand if you know you have a voice okay those of you sitting there aren't going voice wash voice I don't have any voice okay that's the voice [Music] everyone has a voice it's important to notice your voice because if you don't even know you have a voice it means he has you in his back pocket you have to know you have a voice now everybody has the voice but everybody has different voices meaning if I put you in a stressful situation gridlock traffic on the way to your daughter's wedding stressful everybody's Yates Ahura is going to get activated but everybody's voice is gonna say something else this one's gonna say why is anybody else on the road there's gonna say why did I leave so late this is gonna say it's my sister's fault it's my mother's fault guilty angry jealous right everybody's gonna feel something else I just heard a story Tony Robbins did a seminar he was doing a seminar in Hawaii on 9/11 and they were deciding should they or shouldn't they go ahead Scimitar they didn't know what to do because there are people there that worked in the World Trade Center and lost everyone and there are people there from other countries that didn't lose anybody and didn't really relate to it it was like a whole thing they decided to go through with it so they come back together and he starts you know talking to them like how do you feel about it so what he notice is the people who got Aang who were angry about 9/11 all these got angry about everything and the people who felt depressed and helpless always felt depressed enough the people who felt guilty always felt guilty so we think it's the natural reaction it's not necessarily the natural reaction it's what's happening in our heads it's not the objective situation so what's happening our heads that's your gate Sahara it's possible to find the moment where your yeat Sahara got activated notice I said activated not created because the same way you're born with your strengths in your hard drive and your weaknesses in your hard drive it's all part what we're doing here your gates of horror also came in your hard drive it just was dormant until something activated it it's possible to find that moment so I'm gonna do an exercise with you you're welcome to do it or not do it it's up to you but in this exercise you can find the moment where Yeats a horror voice got activated when I asked you to think of the story in a second what it's important to realize this is really all about you yes I need to finish I will the last thing okay he's gone we'll stay here on it I'm I'm being recorded and video No okay story oh it's important in this story it's really all about you there's gonna be other people in your story maybe they were right maybe they were wrong don't worry about it it's not about that it's about what you experienced in this story you ready here we go think I'm you and you're not going to share anything I'm not gonna ask you to share go wherever you want you're not sharing okay it's totally private here we go think of the story from your childhood any story doesn't have to be good or bad or the first or pain right whatever story pops for you think of a story from your childhood raise your hand I'm not going to call on you raise your hand when you have a story okay close your eyes and to yourself just narrate the story from beginning to end so it's fresh for you when you're ready open your eyes does anybody want to volunteer how just this one one detail how old you were in your story just yell it out eight twelve ten seven six five thirteen eleven ten okay here's what I want you to think about in your story I'm gonna read the questions on explain it to you with a couple of examples I'm going to let you go to the amazing evening program that they have for us the two questions are what did you decide about yourself in this story what did you decide about life and what's true this is on your sheet now what do I mean by that I don't mean that this little child at the age of 5 or 6 or 10 said you know their bike was stolen they said well that's it I'm not trusting anybody ever again that's not what kids do there was just something nonverbal that clicked for you in your stomach in your chest in your throat in your head something happened a child does not have the emotional intelligence or vocabulary to really decipher what's happening to them but stuff happened that's why that story popped for you a million things happen to you in your childhood that story popped for you because something happened in that story some decision was made and now that we're adults and we have the emotional intelligence emotion vocabulary now we can go back to that story and we can figure it out I learned something from the story I'm going to give you two examples I learned something from this story that you need you know you can sort of watch your memories from like some point on the ceiling looking down you know what I mean don't do that here because that child experienced something physical a click a sweat a lump of something a tingle something happened if you're not in the body of that child you won't feel it you won't know what happened so I'm going to I have to finish hard stop can I wrap it up I'm wrapping it up I'm gonna wrap it up yeah yeah I'm gonna wrap it up okay I'm gonna tell you one story and this really just funny buddy wants to go please go you don't have to say buddy wants go please go one story I'll tell you this one boy I do this class I did this class with him and he said um can you do my story with me I can't figure it out so he's this is the story he's ten years old he's in sleepaway camp for the first time and he mouths off that he's the best runner in his school another kid in the bunk says I'm also the best runner in high school he's like great and the whole bunk says you two should race and he's like oh my god they said right now to the flagpole and back so he's like okay goes on your mark get set go he said I ran faster than I've ever run in my life and I lost by half a step that's my story I said okay powerful story let's go why'd you decide about yourself why'd you set about life I don't know I don't know an hour and it usually takes an hour to do this I don't know if you know if you do this with somebody and you tell them your story and they know you they will say oh my god that explains everything about you you will see it do not help the other person do it you steal the epiphany from them it's like opening a cocoon the butterfly will never fly they have to come to it by themselves I was working with this kid for an hour after an hour I finally said to him I got up and I was yelling at him I'm like come on I won't yeah but I was yelling you're standing there and everyone's watching you and you run and you lose what did you decide and finally he said I think I decided about myself that if you fail you're a failure and what I decided about life is never let them see you try when we have these decisions when we can figure it out you learned so much about yourself and the last question is that I'm gonna let you go what would you say to that child now what's true because that kid decided something that was never true and then it runs your life in this backseat kind of way what would you say to that child now what's to tell yourself the truth I'm letting you go good night I don't know I guess on the project you saw our website I don't know okay his classes on tour anytime anything usually it's on tour anytime yeah she said she would I know yeah that's what you know this is for 2015 because I came to that yeah did you born almost I'm really you know that's amazing I said I didn't ask you I don't know how you knew that Amana made more sense yes yes yes they do quick question yeah stream this is like and to do other people more than I can write how I can almost like a good thing sonic that's a good thing anybody home