Olami: Devorah Kigel - My Hardest Mitzvah - A Workshop on Covering Your Hair

start you know there's a bunch of people still coming on but I want to reward everyone for being on time so first of all I want to thank my old and dear friend not old just from a long time ago not all we are 28 ok though hi Airtel is one of my dearest friends even though we don't see each other as much as I would like it's like no time has passed when we do and she and I had the idea to do this class because there were a number of students that asked have asked both of us over the years for some information on this Mitzvah and who better to teach this class than me who totally did not grow up religious and always vowed never ever will I put anything on my head so Hashem has a fantastic sense of humor and so here I am teaching a class that we called it my least favorite mitzvah or something like that so I have a lot of information to give over tonight and I'm gonna try to talk as quickly as I can forgive the background I tried to do a simulated down awful so we're just not doing that so you get to see my favorite so I put my website up here and my name on Facebook so that you have access to reach out to me I don't know how much time we're gonna have for questions I would like to just invite you guys to write in the chat any questions that you have I'm gonna try to get to them if at all possible I will try to get to all the questions the truth of the matter is I've probably addressed all of your questions in the actual material of the class because I had all the questions that there are to have about this Mitzvah and so that's how this class developed this class is an outgrowth as so many of my classes are of my own issues related to Judaism so um so I put this info behind me in case you want to reach out to me privately I do try to post a lot of good content on Facebook those of you who know me know that I'm a dating and marriage coach so I'm Barajas Sean thank God we just had I just had my 128th client get engaged yay so if you would like to meet with me privately on that front you are more than welcome to and I just do a lot of classes on Jewish issues related to being a woman so relationships modesty a woman's role lots of stuff like that frankly all the stuff that I had the biggest issues with when I started looking into traditional Judaism so on my website by the way you will find all of my favorite books divided by topic it's like the best baal-teshuva library right it's divided but you know science and Torah feminism and Judaism like literally everything divided and I've read all the books on there and they're all great also there's a contact me section if you'd like to contact me and my dating pointers are up there as well so the way we're gonna do the class is first of all please write your your questions in the chat you know if you feel like you're gonna forget them or you need clarification for something I that I just said otherwise we'll leave most of the questions to the end and again I probably will get to most of your questions in the actual content of the class I also wrote a website here rabbi Manning comm um so I was recently put onto him he has source sheets and recordings for pretty much every issue that made me crazy about about Judaism and women so really cool stuff on including the source sheets for this class so I'd really recommend if you're into sources I'd recommend that you go on his website you can download it and print it out and all of that okay um I also want to mention that there is only one book out there that I'm aware of about this Mitzvah it is this book called hide and seek on I I can't really give it my full approval for various reasons um so if you do read it that's that's your own decision I'm not giving it my stamp of approval there a lot there's a lot of good stuff in there and it's like essays from different women who hover their hair and whatever but um there's some things that I don't agree with in there also so unfortunately there really isn't a book that really encapsulates what we're gonna talk about tonight maybe that's on my extended to-do list during quarantine but I'm gonna try my best to give over a lot of information if you are interested in getting sources or notes please feel free to reach out to me afterwards okay so first of all um okay first of all more people need to open their video cuz like I'm talking to Emma and Rebecca come on guys really thank you so much come on keep it going I want to make that yeah I haven't socialized in two and half months okay so like you're my you're my social life come on great this is awesome makes it feel much more exciting keep it going and we have close to 60 women on the call that's awesome great hi this is so nice seeing old friendly faces great okay keep it coming I would love to see all the beautiful faces on here okay so first of all disclaimer on this is my Oh someone already has a question hang on um yeah so someone asked me why I don't really recommend the book um you know this is a really important point um and some of you don't know me so like whatever you'll just get to know me tonight um I tell it like it is so whenever you're learning Torah you have to know what filter the Torah is coming through to you so like the Torah is pure and the Torah is truth however when it goes through a filter you imagine like in the theater there's like blue green and red lights right there's like a film that goes in front of the light and makes it blue so the light is white but when it goes through the blue film it becomes blue so you always have to know who's teaching you Torah and what what their biases are and where they're coming from so because I know the backstory of the author I'm reluctant to advocate for this book there is a lot of good stuff in there I reread it over Shabbos there's really a lot of good stuff in there and it's nice to hear like different people's perspectives about this Mitzvah I all I'm saying is take it with a grain of salt that's all I'm saying I don't get myself into trouble okay and book is on the to-do list okay so disclaimer this is my hardest Mitzvah by far there's like you know I didn't grow up religious at all completely secular so there's like shove bad I fell in love with oh my gosh is amazing get to turn off your phone and like just be and enjoy all the social life and being with family and friends and whatever kosher grade I took that in stages took me years okay fantastic um even dressed which took me 20 years legit to figure out how to put clothing on myself and have it look cute and express my personality it took me 20 years okay so if you're less than that you're doing great don't be discouraged so it really took me 20 years to figure this out for many years I felt like I was wearing someone else's clothing do you know what I mean like it was like my Robinsons clothes but it wasn't me and it takes a while to just feel integrated like comfortable in your own skin while dressing in a different way than obviously I'd grown up with like very small amounts of fabric so even that I've really learned to appreciate and I love fashion and I like going to the mall and picking out like the few things that are according to Jewish law okay and putting together an outfit and like it's cheap because like I got it at H&M and Zara and forever21 and whatever and I get creative with that even that Mitzvah I've learned to love hair covering is a mitzvah that I can literally and honestly tell you I am doing completely lachemann lachemann means just for God not cuz I'm getting any side benefits out of it although I will tell you when it's a three-day Yom Tov right when like the yom tov goes into Shabbos everyone else has disgusting oily hair by the third day and I actually have awesome hair okay but that's the only side benefit I get to this Nessa the rest of the year I I find it extraordinarily difficult and I'm married almost twenty two years even though I'm 28 okay don't do the mouth so I'm I've been doing this Mitzvah since I got married not to the full degree that I do today but I I did carver my hair as soon as I got married so 22 years I've been doing this Mitzvah and still to this day like I walk into my house and off it goes most of the time so it's really really hard and I just want to preface this class by saying that my purpose and giving over this class is to encourage you to educate you on a mitzvah that is extraordinarily unpopular there are many many many women out there who identified themselves as I am an observant Torah Jew Orthodox whatever label you want to use that they don't cover their hair either either they do it part-time or not at all it's a very unusual thing right meaning if someone says they're they're an Orthodox Jew that they're not gonna bacon right like that's just it doesn't go together but there's a lot of women who if you ask them they would say yeah I'm Orthodox but they don't cover their hair so it's it's a very unpopular Mitzvah um it's a very difficult Mitzvah those two things usually go together and and for me personally I'm just telling you I'm just like being honest it's really really hard for me still to this day and what I tried to tell myself and you know as with so many of my classes I'm really just talking to myself and you're less you're eavesdropping what I tell myself is this is such a beautiful opportunity for me to do a mitzvah just for her son just because I love God that's it I'm not getting side benefits I'm not enjoying it I really don't enjoy it even after all these years I do the most I can to make it fun and cute and another accessory and whatever but it's really really challenging um and I try to remember that you know like in marriage sometimes your husband asks you to do something and you don't really it doesn't make logical sense to you and you don't really want to necessarily do it he's asking but because you love your husband unless it's like a crazy request you'll do it because you love him so - with our relationship with God sometimes there are myths those that we connect with great like we just love Shabbos so much it's so easy to connect to Shabbos and then there's other mitzvahs that we're like this is really hard and I don't really want to do it but we get to a point in our journey that sometimes we're like you know what I'm ready to take this myth on even though I don't understand it fully and even though I don't enjoy it because I just love Hashem so much and I always look at Judaism as kind of like package deal meaning if I want a husband who doesn't look at other women ever like no internet no magazines when there's girls on the street not wearing whatever he focuses on their face he's completely and utterly devoted to me and my whole life I was looking for something like that right I was in very long relationships with guys who like you know a girl would walk down the street he'd be like like that's so disrespectful so it's a package deal so if I want a man who's gonna be so devoted and respectful to me and not look at anything that he's not supposed to look at so then so too there are things that I'm gonna do for him and in the in the context of that relationship that are not so comfortable or easy for me so that's my disclaimer I will tell you that it says in pyaar ki vote ethics of our fathers this is my favorite line in all of Hazael it says the Fung Sarah Agha which means according to the struggle that you have in a particular Mitzvah equals that is the reward you get for that Mitzvah so you know I always give this example that I have a friend who we can't became more religious together and she always wore these like long flowy skirts Jade Jill hippy trippy whatever and I always works quarterly small pieces of fabric so who do you think got the most reward for the Mitzvah of snood of presenting oneself in a little bit more of a covered dignified way her or me me obviously for her this was natural this was something that she just was her sense of style she just always liked dressing that way for me this was like wait what I have to have fabric that goes to where like I didn't have one thing in my entire closet not one okay that that fit the laws of Judaism not one piece of clothing okay so I always think it's kind of funny that there are a lot of high schools that have me come talk about these topics to the girls like Modern Orthodox schools and I always just think it's so funny because like me like who you talk like me the one who had the most trouble with all this stuff and this is who they want to hear from and I guess it's just that they find me relatable cuz I'm very honest about the fact that it was hard for me so um so the phones are a Grameen's a mitzvah that's hard for you you're gonna get more reward force so when I put this thing on my head when I don't want to I remind myself that I'm doing a mitzvah in the highest way possible which is lachemann not because it's fun not because I get side benefits but just because God told me to and I love him and I want a relationship with him and I'm getting the most reward for it of probably of of definitely any of the mitzvahs that I do this is the hardest for me okay so that's my disclaimer so I'm gonna give over a lot information then we're gonna get to the chat okay so hang tight so because hair covering is an unpopular Mitzvah so some of us might have assumed that it's not challah that it's not Jewish law and I've even had people say to me what do you mean like I've gone to like Orthodox communities and I go to Orthodox shul and like then the women take off their hat so it must be fine right and I'm and so my line is always we don't judge the Torah by looking at what the Jews are observing everyone's human everyone has a harder time a certain that's those but we want to look at what is the Torah actually say not looking at what the behavior is around us okay so what does the Torah say okay so I'm not going to give over every in and out of every source please check rabbi Manning calm okay if you are interested in printing out the source sheets I did it myself the Torah source we know goes back to parshas now so there's a whole discussion she could do an entire separate class on of a woman who's suspected of adultery she's called a SOTA and she's her husband suspects her of you know doing something that she shouldn't have done with a man that she shouldn't be with okay she's a married woman so there's a whole procedure he brings her the debate amic - the temple - the high priest the kohanga doll and the Kohan the priest does this whole like procedure where he basically tries to get her to confess if she was in fact unfaithful if she was unfaithful and she says yeah had a moment of weakness sorry chief oh whatever they divorce and they go through separate ways in peace if she maintains her innocence and in fact she wasn't innocent she dies a very gruesome death as does her lover wherever he happens to be walking down Broadway or less than Avenue okay so um so what's the part of the procedure they erased huh shams name in some water she drinks the water before the so right if she drinks the water and she was and she was guilty and she says she was innocent she dies a gruesome desk death as does the guy if she was innocent she's gonna drink the water and it's gonna be obvious and she didn't blow up she's gonna be obvious to her husband that she was actually innocent she didn't have relations with another man and then the priest blesses them and they go home and the next time that they're together has shunned blesses them with a baby which is basically his HUS comma that means his stamp of approval right now go together in unity and Shalom and peace and rebuild your marriage now just on a total side note because I give a lot of marriage classes and this is related to this Mitzvah of hair covering one thing that we don't often talk about is this whole procedure happens before the husband can prove that she's done anything wrong now barring the 0.1% of like weird psychotic guys why is why does he suspect her so there's a whole backstory to this that basically and you know I I don't know anyone who's cute nowadays so I'm just gonna use Brad Pitt cuz I'm old okay so your husband comes to you and says you know it makes me a little bit uncomfortable when you hang out with Brad Pitt can you just not like makes me a little bit insecure and jealous now instead of saying honey I love you and like of course why would I want to do an to make you upset instead this woman goes and hangs out with Brad Pitt in a secluded room you know by themselves in a locked room for like ten minutes okay so she's not gonna win any like Good Wife Awards but that's the first thing and there is something about the whole ceremony that the priest does leading up to her drinking is that he uncovers and messes up her hair so this is basically medica Negin meda which means tit for tat basically for her not acting as a proper married woman should have therefore she has to undergo this this ceremony that is not dignified that undoes her hair so one thing that we want to just remember about this whole episode is that she she really wasn't behaving like a married woman should in the first place even if she didn't have relations with whoever this was not Brad Pitt I don't want to incriminate him right it's she wasn't really being a good wife as we would expect our husband also not to do things like that okay so that's the Toba source that basically the her hair is somehow uncovered and disheveled through this um through this experience okay and Rashi who's our most famous biblical commentator gives two derivations for the hollow ha number one uncovering the woman's hair is designed to be a humiliation of sorts right because she you know she they're trying to get her to confess cuz again then they go their separate ways Sean O'Malley struck right okay from this we can infer that covering the hair in public is dignified and number two bow she says the need to uncover the hair of the married woman implies that married woman's hair was generally covered at that time okay so this is very linked to the concept of public dignity and the myths becomes to indicate that a certain status in society brings certain obligations of dress by the way I found out recently that the strai --ml the fur hat that the fuzzy dish men wear they only start wearing that upon marriage as a woman starts also only covering her hair upon marriage it just side note okay so we are meant to cover our hair when we get married okay and the the Mishnah and the Gemara they go into a whole back and forth is this October sources this rabbinic source okay the vast majority of opinions the way the halacha the way the Jewish law is clear to have developed is that this is a Torah law to cover one's head in some way to cover one's hair in some way how much when in front of who these are the things that are discussed but there are no rabbis that are legitimate to my knowledge in any source going all the way back to Rashi all the way down to today they would say it's okay for a woman to go out in public with absolutely nothing on her head okay so that's just an important thing to clarify this is not a rabbinic custom this is not a fashion statement as I heard one rabbi say okay determined by the times that we live in this is a mitzvah from the Torah by the way all the laws of dress are not even mentioned in the Torah all it says is we're supposed to walk modestly with God what does that mean okay so there are many many myths vote in the Torah that really are not explained even like cooking a calf and its mother's milk like what does that mean how do we not eat a chicken parmesan from that you know what I'm saying so there's like an oral law that it's very important to be aware of if anyone's interested in how all of these helices are developed there's a wonderful three books they're yellow books by Rabbi Ellen Sun I'll try to write it here hang on um that I found really helpful because my Hebrew is not great and it isn't all in English you know it's English and Hebrew rabbi Ellen son um and the books are called serving our Creator I think the modest way and I forget the third okay so it's three bucks there you go that really it starts with the Torosaurus than the mission of Gemara down to today safar D Ashkenazi Roth moshe feinstein and you can literally it's every month are related to women in judaism and how it developed it's very very interesting i found it very helpful okay so basically the toad from a torah law perspective for a woman to go out in public it's called in the shook right in the marketplace with nothing on her head this is a violation of torah law then there's something called daddy who deeds which basically means the custom of your community so obviously in the hussy douche communities in Israel or in Williamsburg they have different ways to cover their hair you may have seen like the the little wig with the pillbox hat on top right they do a double head covering that's their custom some of the Satmar where those turbans right with and they shave their head underneath okay the average regular Ashkenazi Orthodox woman in America most of us wear what are called shape tools wig some people were tiful scarves hats whatever we're gonna have a little bit of a fashion show at the end with my two teenage daughters that I basically bribed to do a little fashion show so we can do that the ends and we're gonna show different options okay I'm gonna just turn around and show you the back of this okay so I listen this is still from the bar mitzvah that I made like two days before Corona happened so basically I'm too scared to deal with this thing because I can't take it to the lady to wash it and fix it so I just left it up in this beautiful um like half updo which she did and I had this gorgeous like sequiny you know crystally thing in the back it looked gorgeous but that that literally happened right before Corona and then like I'm just wearing it like this cuz I can't do anything with it I'm jus scared okay so anyway so we can do a fashion show at the answer stay tuned to the end okay okay so community standards would mean so from the Torah can't go out with nothing on my head I have to cover my hair in some way that's from the Torah and then rib Italy you know Doctor Who deeds based on my community standards gonna determine how do I do that right if I'm Safari and I'm living in Israel so I'm wearing one of those gorgeous scarf contraptions that I have literally no ability to do I am the most completely dysfunctional person in this area when I wear a scarf in the summer I've literally like around my head bun that's it like I can do anything I'm like dyslexic in the ER in this area I know Rebecca's on here and she makes these door just contraptions that I'm like I have no idea how to do that and I've had the little demos I still can't do it okay so it's just easier for me to plunk this on my head anyway so if you're safari in Israel you are wearing some gorgeous like scarf thing and you look like Queen Esther right if you're a typical Ashkenazi woman in America most of us wear wigs most of the time but we're also you know there's a snood there's two holes right we're gonna show that at the end okay the bottom line is how you cover your hair is really your own business you and your husband and your rabbi League you guys figure it out whatever you want to do but it is somewhat determined by our community so this is just on a side note choose your community wisely right you want to choose a community where you feel comfortable where you're not gonna feel judged right okay so but how you do it is really more of a personal decision that the woman makes herself and the discussion with her husband on a total side note I think on like maybe my second date with my husband I said I was back from nine months it in a day and I said to him do you want your wife to cover her hair now there was only one right answer here if he said yeah of course I'd be like sexist this is not your Mitzvah don't tell me what to do if you'd said no I don't really care I would have been like okay you're not even religious okay so there was only one right answer and Hashem gave him a brain wave that he said it he said I think that's her decision and I was like yes take out check please okay so there was only one right answer in my mind the funny part is of course you know now obviously he feels very strongly about it and he's so appreciative that I do it and by the way it makes a huge difference when your husband is on board I have a friend whose husband was so not into it like his connotations with hair covering as were mine by the way was basically cancer unfortunately like that's from a secular Jewish perspective that's literally the only thing you know as far as like wigs and and like scarves it's like god forbid when someone's sick so he was totally not into it especially wigs and so she just were these cute little hats all the time kudos to her like I don't think I could do this myth stuff my husband was not into it and for like 15 years she did this like she would even match the hat to her wedding outfit like it was it was really crazy and then finally he just gave in and she got herself a wig and that's what she wears now but uh but it took a long time and I really give her a lot of credit because very hard if your husband's not on board okay so the so we said already the Torah law is you must when you're out in public there must be something on your head when you're married as far as Doctor Who deed that's basically according to your community is gonna determine how you do that now where do we need to cover our hair okay so again I'm not gonna go into all the intricacies but the Gemara the Talmud talks about three different levels one is totally public which is called the shock okay one is semi-private which was like a courtyard which kind of people could come in but it was mostly your own property it was like a like an alleyway courtyard and then there was the in the inner part of your domain where people wouldn't come unannounced really it was a mostly owned entirely private area so there are different laws based on how public it is as you can imagine so semi public what's called a cult Oh which was some sort of like basket type covering that they wore in those days was enough in a semi-public place it was not enough in a full public place okay so going into the show basically when we leave our house that it needs to be fully covered okay so that's that okay and so everyone from you know Rashi to Rambam to the macabre to most of our kronum including rather value Yosef who is the B was the posit for the Sephardic community and with moshe feinstein who was the PO sake for the Ashkenazi community in the last generation they all ruled that hair covering in public is a Torah obligation not a custom or a rabbinic myth right this is from the Torah okay how much hair should be covered I'm really getting going through the hollow huh very quickly because I want to get Tosh Gaza how much how much hair should be covered is a matter of opinion but the vast majority of sources say either right the Zohar said the Zohar is the mystical work says that every hair should be covered that's the most stringent down to Roth Moshe set seems to have said although there is some differences of opinion is exactly what he said that less than a toughie could be shown at a sock has basically two fingers along the top of your head so you'll see when I put the scarf on my daughter there may be a little bit of hair showing at the top very very little by the hairline according to Rose Moshe that as long as it was less than two fingers that that would have been okay to go out in public okay and by the way the pay us right the temples this area right here okay does not need to be covered according to most opinions because it's not considered a part of your hair it's your temples it's like almost it's basically impossible to cover your temples unless the thing goes covers your ears right and the little neck hairs down here right like little little neck hairs you know I'm talking about those also are not considered a part of the hair of your head it's considered that you don't have to according to most opinions you don't have to cover that either okay so the the nape and the the temples would be okay to show but again the Zohar insists that no hair must be showing it off okay in your own house when there's no one there but your immediate family or your father grandfather son according to most opinions brother you can actually Halawa Kaleo cover your hair some people don't feel comfortable with that they're sensitized to that but according to the basic allaha you are allowed to uncover it in front of those immediate family members so you know I don't know from my parents because they're you know they're not observant yet so especially for my father it like gives him a lot of pleasure I think when I uncover my hair in front of him because you know have awesome hair and he's just like yeah there's you you know although truth is like 20-some odd years later he's like oh I like that one that you wear that's like this you know he like has his opinions on my wigs now it's very funny anyway so okay so that's as far as in your house okay um there's no requirement to cover your hair in front of your children father grandfather though there are many women who like to be more must marry which means more stringent on themselves as I tell all of my students and those of you who are regulars you know that I say this all the time very very important to know what's Halawa what's Jewish law what's custom dahlia I can hear you what's custom what's extra stringencies which is homeruns look it's really important to know all those delineations because if you say to yourself oh I can't do that and meanwhile it's not even Holika so right you need to find out what it is and that's why it's very important to us a lahar of acquire yourself a rabbi that you trust that knows you that knows your journey and on this note I just want to share a story that I had a couple of friends who were also ballet Trouville like myself did not grow up religious and they asked the rat bass said to the rabbi so I'm gonna start covering my hair like full-time when I got married and he said I wouldn't advise that and they were like what the rabbi's telling me not to cover my hair and he said I want you to just do Shabbat you just cover some cover on Shabbos and don't worry about anything else right now why did he say that because if we take on too much too quickly and this is by the way a general principle when you're becoming observant maybe I'll do another one of these about the healthy approach to growth because I have an awesome class on that but if you take on too much too quickly guess what happens you explode and then you're like see you later been nice knowing you I'll go back to my secular life so it's really important to go slow and steady you know it's like an athlete who's training for the Olympics they don't go out there and run 50 miles the first day right they slowly slowly add another quarter of a mile every time they train and then by the end they're ready for the marathon so too we are interested in the marathon Hashem God is interested in the marathon he's not interested in the sprint he is not interested what you're doing tomorrow he's interested in what you're gonna do thirty years from now and a good rabbi will have that put that that mindset as well so this rabbi who is an excellent rabbi told my friends I only want you to cover it on Shabbat now of course many years later they cover it full-time but it's really really important to know yourself and what's too much because you may explode and get resentful the general rule of thumb is push yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone but not so much that you get resentful and upset yeah so that really applies to everything whether it's Shabbat kosher snoots hair covering whatever it is I did everything in tiny little steps one at a time oh let's take a half a step back okay two more okay another half step back that's the way that healthy growth works the best okay the marathon not the sprint okay so regarding this myths about hair covering especially since it's so difficult we don't want to be comparing ourselves to other people right again maybe it's easier for your friend happens to be I have awesome hair so of course this mitzvahs gonna be much harder for me than my friend who had stringy hair who was so excited to cover her hair cuz her regular hair was so bad right so of course she's gonna be excited I was not excited and I have extremely thick hair so it's hard to stuff it under anything as well so and my hair had been really my signature so it was really really challenging for me so it's very important to go your own pace do not compare yourself to anyone and really get some what's called HUD raha which means guidance on you know exactly how quickly or how slowly to do things okay alright so I'm gonna take a break from the halacha part and I'm gonna go to what's called hash Java which is kind of like the deeper meaning behind and that's that now we want to approach this study with humility Devorah yes sorry I just there was one question that I think somebody Adam chat that I feel like it makes sense to answer about the what are the amount of interest technically that can be shown right so again at eff off is basically two fingers worth I think it's what is that like six some Mainers I don't know they I could get a ruler but basically two fingers like along the hairline so again we're gonna show it at the ends but if you're wearing a scarf and like a little bit is showing in the front according to many opinions that is okay there are opinions that every hair should be covered but if you are at the stage where you're like you know what I just need to do to fulfill the basic aloha so you would be okay with showing less than a tough hawk so less than two fingers worth okay good thank you great okay and yes the nits love covering your hair is only in front of men according to halakha Jewish law so theoretically right now I could take this off and you could all see my awesome hair okay but I'm not going to because the truth is once you start covering your hair it's sort of like walking outside without a shirt like it just kind of feels like something's missing you know when you're like keys cellphone okay so like it just sort of becomes like that and you develop a sensitivity particularly I feel like when I'm teaching Torah I want to look like a little bit more dignified and covered and whatever but certainly if I had like one friend over I don't know that I would always have my hair covered you know I'm saying and there's certainly no requirement according to halakha okay someone's asking me to clarify this a rat rod Moshe I want you guys to go to this hey rabbi Manning calm listen to the class that's recorded download the source sheets he's gonna say it much better than me there are there is some ambiguity about exactly what Ruth moshe said but most people quote him as saying that you can show less than a toughie okay we're gonna move on okay so what's the deal with women having to cover their hair so as we said this comes from the Torah in the explanation of this SOTA this woman who didn't act as a married woman should okay oh and we said that we want to approach this hug this hush gothic portion from the place of humility that we're not giving reasons for the Mitzvah it's really important to realize that I'm gonna give you some interesting ideas it's called the Thom a ha minutes vote which means the tastes the tastes of the myths ah it's like a hint to what might have been going on in Hassan's mind when he made this Mitzvah but we're not seeing the whole picture three and a half pounds of brain matter in here Hashem infinite not gonna work okay I'm not gonna understand everything about Hashem Torah but I have her requirements since Hashem gave me a brain I have to have a requirement to use it as best I can so I'm gonna try to understand them it's vote as best as I can certainly as about Shuvo which I know many of you are you know most of us would not do the mitzvahs and sign on for this unless we really tried to understand as best we could what we're doing but we have to become to a glass ceiling or a cement ceiling beyond which we cannot go because our mental our intellect our human intellect will not allow us to fully perceive everything okay so it's really really important to come to this topic with some humility so we're not seeing the whole picture here but what's with hair if you look at any woman's magazine right or any billboard selling anything from coca-cola to sports cars to whatever it's usually a woman with lots of hair and very little clothing those two things usually go together right tons of right and like seaweed see you know bikini or whatever it is okay so there must be something about long hair that is sexy that's alluring that's sensual under any one's old enough to remember the Herbal Essences commercial remember that okay so um that does not happen to me when I take a shower by myself okay but anyways so there's something about hair that is sexy and alluring and sensual and it's like it sort of symbolizes this side of a woman okay so I think we can all agree on that so the Jewish view is that every part of our body teaches us something like a spiritual truth so we have two eyes and two ears but only one mouth because we're supposed to see and hear more than we speak the fact that we have two coverings over our tongue which can do so much damage so much worse than an than a than a gun is a is the tongue right you can destroy someone with your words so Hashem made it that there's teeth and lips - hopefully control our tongue so we don't say things that are mean so what's the physical purpose of hair what are we supposed to be learning from hair so there actually is no physical purpose - hair there are plenty of bald men who do just fine okay they're fine there is no physical purpose to hair it doesn't do anything particularly to us on our head however it's an adornment it makes us beautiful that is the purpose of hair it makes us beautiful and it's it's a sensual thing so fine okay so what why do I have to cover it when I get married okay so there are two kind of explanations or hints given to why woman would cover their cover her hair when she gets married the first is that it's a physical sign that were married similar to a wedding ring right even the secular world has that concept and by the way in like 18th century Britain and France the young unmarried women would leave their hair uncovered and the married women wear the lil bonnet remember if you've seen any Jane Austen movies right the married woman wore that little bonnet the wipe on it on a total side note I we went to Pennsylvania Dutch country to this the Amish and of course like I am like interested in these things so they had two little girls at the Amish farm one was probably about twelve and one was probably about fourteen and they were Manning the farm and like selling stuff and one had a bonnet on and one didn't write the 14 year old had a bonnet and the 12 year olds a knight of a bonnet so I was like hi just curious like when do you start wearing the bonnet and she said oh like around 13 14 puberty okay so interesting like I love cross cultural stuff like it's so interesting to note that there's this concept with them as well that like when a woman when a girl kind of becomes a woman right now in Judaism we don't do it when you become a woman we do it when you're married okay why do we cover when we're married primarily as an extra sign of modesty and restraint but now that you're a married woman and that all of that sensual energy that was symbolized in your hair needs to be directed at one source at your husband okay so when a woman first experiences sexual intimacy right it's her first experience hopefully okay so then she is the first time that she's really aware of this incredible power inside her okay y'all know what I'm talking about okay she is finally first a wit like maybe she was a little bit aware when she was young but like then now she's like whoa I can like wrap him around my pinky in about 0.3 seconds okay like you are suddenly aware of so much power that you have in this arena in the sensual Department and that's the exact moment when we have to take all that energy and keep a lid on it okay can anyone in the kitchen please go to another room thank you working from home not simple okay so so we're gonna take all this energy and just reserve it for our husband on a total side note I'm I recognized when I was at in Ave right which is obviously an all women's seminary so um then I would occasionally go to like a coed Shabbos meal like in the old city and all of a sudden I was like flipping my hair all over the place and I was like this is so weird I don't remember flipping my hair for the last three months because I was around girls then I went to a coid meal and I was like like you know what I mean and I'm like this is crazy okay so it's really legit it's really really truth okay so covering our hair is basically a symbol of restraint it's so much more for the woman herself than for anyone else you always know it's there right it's kind of like when you went to the prom and you got your hair done you're sort of like this right like you couldn't be like you know go in a convertible and like you know you didn't want it okay kind of that feeling of like restraint so I always know it's there it's like a physical reminder to me I want to behave in the way that a married woman should behave I'm not gonna have that conversation with that guy that comes for Shabbos I'm gonna draw a little bit of boundary I'm gonna be nice and polite but I'm not gonna go over that line and be overly friendly so this is always a sign on my head for myself that now I'm a married woman I'm gonna behave differently it encourages emotional fidelity okay what is the expression to let your hair down mean to let your hair down means to act wild and crazy without any restraints isn't that interesting right think of wonder woman okay anyone remember her I mean the original Linda Carter okay so she wore her hair in a bun when she was Diana Prince or whatever right she was all like secretarial she like had her hair in a bun and she was wearing like a suit she was very proper then what happened when she had to go save Steve Trevor from like some kind of Nazi calamity right Dunnan and right and then she all of a sudden she's in a bustier and she all of his hair right now I don't know exactly why she needed that very small outfit to go beat the Nazis but okay moving on so there was something very very sensual about her hair right it was like part of the whole package so to let your hair down denotes wild unrestrained behavior one of the identifying marks of the hippie movement right the 60s which was the free-love era do whatever you want with whoever you want whenever you want was long hair for both men and women Veda was very symbolic no rules no restraint we're anti-authority we're gonna grow our hair along and who cares if it's washed right that was the 60s what's the first thing that happens to a man when he joins the military why why does he have to shave his head when you get a crew cut or whatever when he's in the military because the military symbolizes restraint Authority I don't just go onto the battlefield and be like no yeah I don't really like that saying my commander say I think we should go this way no you listen to what your commander is telling you period the end so shaving their head is very symbolic of deference to Authority and restraint okay moving on when a woman covers her hair after a marriage she is making a statement to herself and to others that she lives with a discipline for her life has now taken on an added dimension she has to establish a bite Nam on the Israel which means a genuine Jewish home a faithful Jewish home and that requires all of the gifts that she has as a woman focused inside and that doesn't mean she can't work outside the home it means her essence is focused on what's going on inside my home so some of this perception was obviously filtered down to other nations right the Queen of England never goes out without either her awesome diamond tiara or gorgeous hat that like totally matches her outfit right so there's something about royalty that you know you you cover your head by the way I believe it was President Kennedy who was the first president who did not go out without a hat on his head before President Kennedy every man and woman there you would never consider leaving the house without a hat on your head because it was considered like you left some clothing off like you're not dressed it's not dignified to go out of the house that way I have an amazing photograph from GQ magazine of like a sporting event like a football game or something or baseball game from like 1940 or it's something like that it looks like shul remember strolling by the way way it looks like shul everyone so all the men were wearing a suit tie and a fedora it knowledge looks like an orthodox shul and it was like a football game okay that's how men dressed what do you mean it's like that's dignified and women also unfortunately in my opinion unfortunately our society has gotten a little bit degenerated now like casual Fridays every day and no one gets dressed up even we go to the Opera on the ballet right everyone's casual so there was something always on her head obviously no woman would attend an audience with the Pope unless she would cover her you know she would always cover her hair if you're gonna go see the boat so there's something there's something going on here interestingly Havas hair haba Eve her hair was tightly braided when she was created apparently and the sources tell us that after the sin her hair became like disheveled and unbraided and it was only then that it needed to be covered so it's kind of also a symbol of sort of this misuse of power right we just talked about the power that a woman has over a man she misused that power and got her husband to sin okay it was also his fault don't worry okay it was mainly his fault actually but um but she she really misused her power right she coulda used it properly and she used it improperly so okay moving on and don't worry I'm gonna get to the questions okay it's a big blessing that we have so many great options to cover our hair by the way like you know in our grandmother's generations it's not a wonder that barely anyone did this net stuck because your choices were basically like a kerchief where you look like babushka like grandma or you know wearing some horsehair wig that looked like a horsehair okay so like there were not so many attractive options now we're so lucky but there's like a million different beautiful ways to keep this Mitzvah depending on your own personal taste and and custom and community and it's just we're very very lucky so it's just important to you know to remember that as well the Gemara the Talmud and the Zohar which is the main work of Kabbalah the mystical sources teach us that a woman who is careful with hair covering is rewarded with blessings in this world and the next health pernessa which is livelihood financial livelihood and abundant Nahas that's joy and pride from her children and her grandchildren okay now remember every step in the right direction is precious to God you know please don't take this as a you know as y'all go out as soon as you're married and you know okay that's not what I'm saying everyone needs to grow at their own pace but I think a woman could um maja psych herself could strengthen herself by remembering the blessings that she's bringing into her home and to her children and to her family when she keeps this Nessa okay so this is just a cute vignette that I heard about like someone on the Yankees or the Giants or whatever someone was interviewing him and said you know isn't it hot we're in that helmet like you know you're hot you're sweaty it's uncomfortable and he said are you kidding when I put on this helmet I feel like it's a crown it's such a privilege and it reminds me on part of the major leagues so when we cover our head as a as a woman it really shows like I'm on God's team right and we don't have a yarmulke we don't have a kippah a religious man always has this mark on the top of his head right this like symbol I'm a religious man and maybe he wears sits is hanging out also so everyone spots him which is by the way a blessing and a curse it means you can't sit down while the pregnant lady is standing up in the subway right it causes you to be a better person you know it forces you to kind of up your game because people are looking at you and saying that guy's Orthodox we don't have that same thing and covering our head is really our yarmulke it's a form of Jewish pride it attaches us to a certain segment of the Jewish population right I heard some one of the beautiful stories in that book was a woman who she went to some conference for work and it was like mostly non-jews and whatever and across the room she spotted another Shaiful another wig like at like a hundred people knew him she spotted two shades over there and they shared a look like we know we know each other kind of right and then they ended up like having like a meal together and whatever and they just like knew so much about each other just because they shared this which is I find about myself as well when I'm in like a very random you know non-jewish environment and then I see someone else covering their hair I'm like oh you know what I mean it's like secret Club okay so um mariette marriages referred to as kaduche in' in hebrew which really means separation so when you get married you make a lot of separations there are parts of your inner world that you're not going to share with anyone else besides your husband there's parts of your physical body that you're gonna only share with your husband including your hair we're not supposed to you know be like flirty god forbid or talk excessively with other men we want to keep our relationship with our husband as private as possible there's this whole like circle of intimacy that's created and covering one's hair fits into that rubric where when a woman covers her hair it's like her real hair is this special intimate thing that only is shared between her and her husband and that's why I said it's so much harder if your husband isn't on board okay by the way the word snoots which we badly translate as modesty but I really prefer to call it dignity or internality focus on the internal comes from the word say now which means privacy right so the whole rubric of modesty really is about privacy not everyone needs to see everything why would I want everyone to see everything why would I want men gawking at me I'm married for gosh sakes right so not so hair covering though it is a separate Mitzvah from modesty from you know the laws of dress for instance it does it kind of overlaps with modesty meaning a woman could be covering her hair according to halakha meaning all her hair is covered but if she's wearing I call it the Kim Kardashian shape though okay like Shh you know what I mean like the first one I tried on was like that and I was like I should be dancing on tables somewhere with this thing like this is just like not okay right so a wig that is so provocative and sexy and not snoots and eye catching is unfortunately not fulfilling the spirit of this law and by the way this is another general principle in Judaism there's the letter of the law and the spirit of the law so there's certain laws of Shabbos right and then there's the spirit of Shabbos like you could officially set your timer for your TV to go on and you wouldn't be violating a law of Shabbos but it's not Shama stick like I don't want to be watching Netflix on Java straight like it's not in the spirit of Shabbos so - with hair covering there's the letter of the law which is cover your hair and then there's the spirit of the law which is I don't want to be provocative much more so now that I'm married even before I didn't want to be provocative I wanted to be pretty and refined and put together and dignified and gorgeous but not sexy and alluring and provocative so if my wig is sexy alluring and provocative I've got a problem and I have to look inside myself and say is there a way that I could grow in this Mitzvah now very important we never judge another Jew so when I see a woman wearing a Kim Kardashian shape doll I say to myself this is probably the only way that this woman can cover her hair and she's doing the Mitzvah good for her there are unfortunately many women sometimes they attend my hair covering classes and start a barrage of criticism of what I'm saying but since you're all muted I don't have to deal with that okay so there are some women who will judge other women based on what they are wearing on their head and say to themselves they're not keeping the Mitzvah what's she wearing okay note to self God hates one character trait more than any other treat you know what it's called diva which means arrogance when we've judged another Jew and we say I'm doing this better and that person is not trust me they're not throwing a parade for you in heaven it's very dangerous for yourself we're never allowed to judge anyone it says in peer chaos until we are in their shoes which is when never okay so moving on so you know I say to myself maybe this is the only way that this person can cover their hair I can tell you honestly for myself if wigs were outlawed there is zero chance I'd be keeping this Mitzvah I'm telling you really honestly really really honestly I don't know why I'm recording this but stuff to marry off kids okay but I I don't think that I would be capable of doing this Mitzvah if I were not allowed to wear wigs and my rabbi pointed out that the countries in pre-war Europe where the rabbi's assured wigs where they said wigs are not an acceptable way to cover your hair in droves the women stop doing this Mitzvah and the countries where they stir rabbi said it's okay to cover your hair with a wig the women in general kept covering their hair and I know for sure in America and certainly rough Moshe and little Babaji Rebbe ruled this way that it's it's not realistic to think that the average woman is going to be able to cover here only with a scarf so I want to just read this I don't remember where I got this I'm sorry because I've compiled so much information but someone wrote this that I respect the lubavitcher rebbe held that shade cells are definitely Lahav HeLa which means I like ideal not what's called Big D of it which means and okay it's not so great but okay he said it's lathela it's it's even preferable in his mind whereas revolve ah da Yosef from my understanding he was talking about his clientele in Israel but many Sephardic Jews in America also hold by this that tiful Zen hats and scarves were definitely better okay so you have you pick this is the only reason I'm happy to be Ashkenazi most times I'd rather be Sparty okay the Rosh Yeshiva Ralph I'm Pincus shine Berg's wife were sheitel and I had a very good conversation years ago with my friend and neighbor Rebbetzin boshy touristy the head of the hadera seminary which Hodari is like you know on the spectrum of seminaries extraordinarily right-wing okay so I asked her why is it ok to cover with a wig even if you look better or more beautiful with a wig on she said very simply the law says a married woman must cover her hair it doesn't say with what there is no Mitzvah to be unattractive odds are ABBA that means on quite the contrary abbis melis which means the daughter of the king meaning Hashem has a mitzvah to be attractive and put together for she is truly the daughter of the king she always were a sheitel to go out of the house and told me she preferred it because she felt she got the most coverage and didn't have to worry about it slipping back which is mine also my thing when I wear sky very slippery hair even with the band and the grip and all that it slips off my hand to a degree that the sheitel does not move as about trouve I think we all struggled with this question of why covering hair with hair and looking great was okay but she really put my mind at ease about it and obviously many if not most of the GU Dolan's wives had wigs on people tend to get very entrenched in their own position and it's just important you follow your love you make your decision with your rub and you don't worry about other people okay and we definitely never want to judge other people on all this bearing in mind bearing all this in mind there are still days where it's very hard for me to do this nuts but usually when I get my hair cut and it looks like awesome and the ladies like oh why you cover looks so good like why you stuff that hat on okay wrong accent but whatever so I once had one of these days where I was like really I was like in tears it was new I was newly married and I was in tears and and my husband said to me do you have any role models any women female role models that you aspire to be like that you want to be like who don't cover their hair and other than my mother I don't have anyone they all cover their hair rabbits auntie Healy a gir who I want to be when I grow up right like you know Rebbetzin young rice like all these amazing amazing women who are like crazy amazing speakers that also really devoted to their family like they all wore a wig they all covered their hair so that was like such a good point and I remember that now when I'm having a hard day I think to myself the woman that I want to be covers her hair so after all the whole effect discussions and all the ins and outs at the end of the day who I want to be is a woman who covers her hair so that gets me through the days that are difficult and I thought I would share that with you on another note and this shouldn't be the case but it is okay for better for worse the way that you view a couple's religious standing is largely based on how the woman is dressed and what she's wearing on her head there's nothing to say about this I'm not saying it's good or it's bad it just is like all the men look basically the same more or less like on a weekday or like let's say i'm Shabbos let's put on shop on Shabbos they're all wearing a white shirt a suit and a guy okay had no hat but whatever you can't really tell he could be like not keeping Shabbos or like Hussey addition you're not even really sure but you look at the woman and you're like oh I totally know the whole picture now I don't know that it should be this way but it just is this way and we tend to judge by externals and we like figure people out based on like what they what they look like it just is I look at it as a big responsibility in a good way okay next story I was very very moon newly married and I was I told you I started covering my hair when I first got married with a wig primarily but you know then I'd wear like a baseball cap with stuff hanging out like which I wouldn't do today and I was Shabbos and I was wearing my wig and I was still struggling a lot with the Mitzvah of muse of dress and I was definitely pushing the envelope a little bit and a cure of Rebbetzin unfortunately came up to me in public in front of my husband and other people okay this is such a big Avera as Tim when you embarrass someone in public it's according to Jewish sources the same as murdering them and she said to me you're gonna cover you you're gonna cover your hair with a wig and wear that outfits don't you think that's hypocritical okay so I cried the rest of Shabbos and then I knew has been said to me I think you should call her first of all what if she says that to someone else like I'm already in I'm not leaving you - cake because some lady opens her mouth and says the wrong thing like I'm a hook line and sinker I love Hashem and I love this / but what if there was a newly like a newly a newbie like that comment see you later right so he said and it was true I should call her and plus she might not realize okay so I hate conflict I'm like averse to calm so I'm like sweating right but I called her motsu Shabbos and I said you know you may not realize but this is my hardest mitzvah is like dress you know and hair covering these are my hardest mitzvahs and it's like a miracle that I even have like fabric on me and like it really was hurtful when you said that because it's I'm struggling so so hard to do the right thing okay now of course she was like oh I'm so sorry I didn't realize blah blah okay whatever I forgive her it's been 20 years okay but anyway I give over this story because I wouldn't want anyone in this group to ever have that experience but if you do have that experience just realize that people are human they even though we have the teeth and the lips some people just it's like word vomit like they didn't they couldn't control what they were saying and it just came out and it was wrong that she said that to me um and you know we would never want to do that to anyone else right okay so next few points and then we're gonna do our fashion show oh and I'm gonna look at the so okay so I just want to address the issue of the hair covering falling like overlapping with modesty right so the laws of snood are supposed to help us to focus inward that's the idea instead of getting trying to get other people's approval for our externals by the way it's not smooth for a man to wear ferragamo shoes and a big Rolex watch and a ton of cologne either okay it's nude is for men and women and it's not just about clothing right we're supposed to be understated the cause I'll tell us do much say little I don't need to brag about myself say how much money I make come into a room and it's a big parade you just do what you're supposed to do make the world a better place and not everyone needs to know about it okay so that is really the definition of snood focusing on Who I am inside and developing that not being so focused on my outside so when a woman covers her hair and frankly her body as well it really encourages us to focus on her insides and I'm just speaking for myself here when I was wearing like small pieces of fabric it's very hard not to focus on your body because it's coming out all over the place right okay did I work out my abs enough today like you know am I like you know what I mean like you're like tucking everything in then is it falling out somewhere and you're very aware of your body once you start covering it I was sort of like liberated really I was freed up to focus on my insides and you know I've been working on my insides for 25 years I'm getting better okay but it really it made me lazy cuz I got so much validation for the outside why bother working on the inside okay so covering our hair is supposed to be under that rubric of like you know I'm not like so focused on my hair right there was a beautiful story in here where she talks about from like an early age you know I had a B I had two I have two girls who were bald until like two years old so like with the tiny little wisp of hair that was coming out I stuck one of those velcro bows on so people would know she was a girl you know likes of a very young age we stick bows on our baby's hair then what happens when you're a teen girl oh my gosh the amount of time I spend on my hair like I could have written like an entire Talmud by now so I used to get up at before dawn in high school so I was like the era I'm gonna date myself here but it was the 80s there's a lot of hairspray okay so like I was like you know like permed and sprayed and I spent like an hour and a half on my hair why I have no idea okay then you know then we're single right and we're like flipping our hair all over and like looking all luscious you know and then we get married and it's like mmm what do I do now now it's supposed to all be reserved from my husband so it's not it's not like it's a overnight you know easy but there's a lot of really special things about this so as we said once she first experiences all of this power right after her wedding night she wants to take all of that energy and that sensuality and not have it be going out in a million directions we want to literally put a lid on it and like a laser it goes towards our husband so hair by the way is compared to the yet Sahara and Jewish sources which is like the evil inclination ace of my Esau was born hairy and he really was symbolizes the Sahara and we have hair growing on the places of our body that have the most potential to cause harm so you know and to be misused right the areas of our body we need the most self-control right the brain we want to control our thoughts the mouth for a man you want to control our speech and our private area where we want to control our desires so the eight Sahara really represents the primary drives we have as human beings and the Torah provides the structure to direct those drives towards purpose and meaning so the hair of a woman as a married woman it's it's representative of the most powerful aspect of her physicality right her sexuality once this switch is activated and she understands that power she covers her hair to constantly remind herself of her need to set clear boundaries and keep this powerful aspect of herself restrained and controlled okay and by the way also it's not Halle ha but there are women who are more particular about covering their hair during the times of the month when they're not permitted to be physical with their husband so now this makes sense because during that time when she and her husband are meant to separate physically sexually she is taking that hair which is representative of that sexuality and covering it again not every woman does that but women who are particular to do that it makes sense logically based on what we're saying so through the myths of covering her hair a merry Jewish woman recognizes the power she possesses as a woman and the importance and beauty of that energy within the framework of her marriage upon leaving the privacy of her home she physically covers and restrains her hair which reminds her that she must restrain the most intimate aspects of her femininity and direct these energies inward towards her husband you know between her husband and herself it is with this awareness that she can help to cultivate a deeply fulfilling exclusive relationship with her husband okay so just make sure I got to most stuff we didn't get to everything but rabbi Sauer who was rush Kohl of why you in LA says that the Mitzvah of hair covering is really the hallmark of the Jewish woman right where the yarmulke is to a man a symbol of Europe shamayim fear of heaven the hair covering is for the Jewish woman as the yarmulke symbolizes humility so a married woman's hair covering symbolizes modesty and humility an essential aspect of the role of the Jewish woman so the Torah again just to highlight this does not want us to be unattractive or ugly it wants us to be beautiful and dignified but not provocative okay so okay by the way ruff shimon Schwab said women are not obligated in the myth so to fill in because they we're there to fill them throughout all the hours of the day I thought that was so cute I mean not cute but you know okay so and this is ruff who I don't usually quote by the way but while her head covering should not be overly flamboyant and flashy neither should it be drab and somber Hazael the rabbi's teach that a wife should always make an effort to be appealing to her husband and number two it would give the impression that Yiddish kite is restrictive somber and gloomy right which it is not okay so even our head covering needs to be thought out right it's not supposed to be drab or schleppy or frumpy and it's not supposed to be overly flamboyant and flashy either okay so I'm gonna look at some questions here and just make sure that we got whoa okay this is the Wonder wig so this is basically this is a fantastic invention okay so this is basically like a wig that's sewn kind of like a circle and so you basically wear it with like a headband I wear this also all summer you'll see pictures on Facebook either in like a messy bun on the top of my head or like a pony so it's sewn in a particular way that makes it basically you can't wear this by itself because you see it has no it has no hair in the front right so you can't wear this by itself and you really can't wear it down it looks a little weird but I wear it in like a messy bun like on the top of my head or on the bottom of my head and I wear that like all summer and it's it's super comfortable and cool and it's off my neck and whatever okay so that was the fashion show I'm glad I convinced them do that okay and you know by the way as far as like my weeks ago I have this longer one which is you know for more fancy or fancy occasions like you know a Bar Mitzvah Shabbos whatever and then I have a shorter one that's like to my shoulders it's a little bit more casual and not as like whatever a big deal and that I wear just you know on a regular basis I'm trying to think that's pretty much the extent of what I do okay let's see if I can answer some questions here um what are the Halawa arguments against covering your hair what does that mean there are many modern orthodox women that don't wear wigs and don't completely cover their hair either oh so those are two different questions the first question is what are the Halawa arguments against covering your hair there's I have heard a rabbi who you know I wouldn't call so legitimate but he felt that hair covering was not a Mitzvah from the Torah and it was just based on society and since society no longer covers their head like I told you since President Kennedy so we also don't need to do that okay so obviously you know if you look around the Orthodox world there's very few people who would agree with him you know and again I I just go back to that thing my husband said look at your role models what are your role models do that's what I go back to um whether how much to cover right in the modern Orthodox world there are women who will show more hair you know I'm not gonna weigh in on that you know I hold Bhairav Moshe that seems to be the majority Halawa opinion that you can show only a toughie and not more but again we're not here to judge so maybe maybe this person that's that's the best way they can cover their hair great it's Judaism is not all or nothing it's not like you wear a burqa or are naked like there's like a whole you know there's a whole process that there's a whole spectrum same with hair covering Shabbos kosher every Mitzvah it's like it's like a you know it's - life's a journey and again we're interested in the marathon not the sprint maybe you'll never get to the end that's okay and Hashem is not comparing us to anyone else most of us on this called in-group religious hello the last person who covered in her hair and my family who's probably like 250 years ago at best I'm really not kidding so do you think Hashem is gonna be like cracking the whip on me no of course not it's like they're throwing a party upstairs for what I'm doing okay have you ever had a moment when you were happy or relieved you cover your hair only three-day antov that's it okay are women allowed to stay one-on-one with rabbis you now let's be enjoyed this is totally off topic you're not allowed to be in Euclid which means in a locked room or seclusion with with any man that you're not married to so if a rabbi meets with you is a very important question if a rabbi meets with you the door should be open or someone should always be like around ready to walk in that's a really important question actually because we have a lot of ballet chuhwa girls here who may not know what is appropriate or inappropriate behavior for a rabbi okay so if you are concerned or confused please be in touch with me privately what's the difference between a fall in a Faisal okay so a fall basically like the Wonder wig we'll have this this line here so that you you can't wear it by itself you would need a hat or a headband or something or you know something to cover up that seam that that's a fall so wears a full sheitel you see I have like side bangs so I I'm not pulling out any of my own hair this is just sitting on top of my hair by the way when I first got married I did pull out my own hair because I was like very muffin which means particular that I wanted a very good hair line and I didn't want anyone to know I was covering my hair I wanted to look exactly like my hair so I would take out a little bit and pull it over which according to most opinions is holily not okay but that's what I did and you know what I did it for about four years and then we moved to Passaic New Jersey and I was like I don't think that's gonna really fly here so I went back to my shades on my heart which is the wig lady okay and I had her cut some some more layers in so that I felt more comfortable with the hair line I happens to be this one is not even as good as my other one but happens to be I'm very particular about hairline because I don't want it to look Wiggy and the hairline is worth there two things make you look Wiggy the hairline if it's bad and also if you have too much of your natural hair you get a bump right here under the wig because you have so much hair stuff then happens to be my natural hair I cut it shorter for that reason because I very very thick hair and there's just no way I would be able to stuff it up into any intuition into a wig without a bump otherwise and I think I look cute anyway so it's okay and so does my husband so that's a fall um a fall is a Shh all without the hairline okay great there are mixed opinions on if a woman needs to cover at home okay great it is not halakha in your own home but some women like to be extra um stringent on themselves and cover in their own home and it's true that like now that my kids are older there's always like someone running in the house and like whatever friends and you know so the truth is my hair is mostly covered day to day now but I didn't start off that way and it's and I needed to not start off that way if you know any how about if you're wearing a hat was only the top of your head not showing right so meaning a hat with your own hair coming out so again Roth Moshe and really the majority vast majority the post-game say that either all the hair has to be covered or less than a toss off which would be very very little at the base of your neck when I first got married I wear those cute like fancy hats that like black ladies wear like you know like with like out of Titanic you know I mean like this gorgeous hats and I had like a tiny bit of my hair you know coming out the bottom which probably was politically you know debatable not too bad but I wouldn't do that today so you know again it's it's a it's a growth process and better something than nothing that's what I keep trying to tell you guys better to put a hat on your head and have all your hair coming out then nothing obviously that's better we just went through the Torah source okay okay fine I gets complicated with family members visiting in-laws in particular right if your in-laws are always dropping by if you're Russian I'm just kidding if your in-laws are always dropping by so then you're like oh ah oh right so I leave a little beanie by the door it's on a hook right by the door of my house and I can literally like the the the winter hat and I literally just and answer the door you know six Terminator comms whatever you know I can just throw that on in a second but yeah it would be nice for people who are visiting to let you know that they're coming so you don't you aren't in a situation you're uncomfortable with stepson I do not know the answer to that I think you would probably need to cover in front of your stepson but I'm not a rabbi how about in front of friends and other women no as we said according to Luffy you do not have to some people are more sensitive and particular about that is there a requirement to have hair no because in certain prestigious communities they shave it so it's definitely not a whole lot to requirement to have hair that being said the vast majority of Ashkenazi post scheme which means rabbis who rule on subjects are not in favor of woman shaving her head because we're meant to be look beautiful for our husband and by the way on a side note really important that you take care of your natural hair just because you're covering your hair does not mean that your natural hair should be spa as they say junk right I get a real haircut you know I don't Leah and Jara don't need to dye anything yet but when the time comes maybe I don't know but I take care of it i conditioned it I make sure it's healthy and as I said I think it's healthier now because I'm not blow drying is perming you know all that stuff that I used to do it doesn't see the Sun really so you know it's not getting like bleached out right it's healthier actually does it need to be covered when Davin and or saying abraca went alone okay so check your lor about that from my understanding you do not need to cover your hair when you are saying Abraha but most women when they're dodging would cover their hair like I certainly cover my hair when I but when I say a broth I'm not always what about and by the way in the mikveh you're saying a blessing right most women do not cover their hair there right there is a little pile of washcloths that some women will grab and put on top of their head but not it's not required what about if a woman has cancer god forbid and she is bald or loses her hair for another reason and does she have to still cover her bald head that's such a good question um yeah I think so because it's the rosh if you look at the Torah source it says the rosh which means head so with or without hair that's so interesting though because hair is what we're talking about should never happen to anyone what are the amount of interest technically that can be shown okay we already talked about that when people wear a fall pulled back okay right so again we're not judging anyone else but I'm telling you less than @ff which is less than two fingers any recommendations for a rabbi a mentor you know speak to me privately because I do have I mean certainly anyone at ola me you know is great depending on your city I could recommend someone who is like the head of the kollel or you know a rabbi they're depending on your city does the tefik count at the bottom of your hair as well right yes as far as I know yes so if it was covered completely up here and there was a tiny bit coming down that would be considered according to what I know okay but again that's very little and tough off is very little how do you suggest we discuss with men we are dating our fears about hair covering especially as a bt who keeps meeting fo fees gives everyone know what that means FFP is a firm from birth someone who grew up religious they may want someone to cover their hair fully full time right away i would want to be able to effectively communicate about my fears and my growth plan not scare him away by seeming unwilling to perform this mitzvah so um yeah you know that's why i'm very happy that i was able to marry someone who also comes from a similar background to me and we were able to grow together and like i said his answer was the only answer that would have worked for me and i know a lot of women who feel that way like i don't tell me what to do but then again you should care you know so it's like this dicey thing so i think that you know is something you probably want to talk about fairly early on when you're talking about other things like your Shabbat observance kosher snoots hugging holidays whatever like what you know what's he doing what just you're doing does your picture of life the way you want it to look match his right that's what you know as a dating coach I'm telling you you do need to talk about these things because I know couples for whatever reason it's more common in the safari world but I know couples where the woman is covering her hair with it with a scarf and the man is not keeping Shabbos okay this would never like just doesn't happen in Ashkenazi but like why would you marry someone so far off but in this in our amongst our students who are mostly safari this is quite common because they're like already traditional so then it's a question of like am I going to go farther than traditional or not and sometimes the woman becomes more religious and the husband is not and so then you have a bad dynamic so this is definitely worth talking about early on also I don't think it's worth saying he's not for me if he has trouble getting on board with a growth plan rather than doing it right away by the way also um don't fall for just talking ladies okay doing okay if you're dating a guy and he says yeah yeah when I marry don't want to fill in the blank keep Shabbat kosher get a rabbi go to shul great let's start today okay none of this talk what are you doing now wait Gris you want to go in that direction let's go in that direction together right you're gonna save yourself a lot of pain how is your own hair different from wearing a wig it's attached to your head so there's something about hair that's attached to your head that is sensual and hair that's not attached to your head is a little bit you okay like it's just not like can you imagine something going no like it doesn't work so that's where the difference is when it's attached to your head it still has this life to it there's vibrancy this like sensuality and when it's not attached to your head and someone else's hair it just doesn't I always joke that my husband's married to 25 different women because all of my looks are so different I once got a pony shape though that was made for Asian hair so when you go ahead and see a Chinese Lee he'd be like there's your hair like it looks like my hair it was like stick straight you know in black but anyway it's kind of it's like a pert it's a private joke type of the thing but it's definitely not sensual is the wig more sexy than the hair so right again that's what I said about the Kim Kardashian sheitel if your if your wig is legit sexy then you're not fulfilling the spirit of the law are you still keeping the letter of the law which is a married woman should cover her hair yes you are and that shouldn't be sneezed at but are you are you violating the spirit of law quite potentially because we don't want to be provocative right we don't want that how is covering your hair directing yours essential energy towards your husband because again your hair is symbolizing all of that sexy energy and you're saving it just for him it's basically just involved between you and him so therefore it it it is part of the circle of intimacy that you share okay someone asked a good question if someone was it's actually active before marriage today after their cover their hair so actually there is a discussion in the Talmud about this since that's the reason like part of the reason given is that and the rabbi's determined this is not this would not work for obvious reasons anyone read The Scarlet Letter okay so this would not work and so to save people's dignity this was not adopted but if you look in the Hassid --is-- world right you'll see the young girls wear breeds right they usually wear two braids when they're little and one long braid as they get a little older or vice versa I don't remember um and that's for this that's because it's like the Amish like as they're growing into themself as a woman they want their their hair to be more snoot to be more immodest and by the way the laws of modesty regarding wigs relate pretty much exactly the way you would do your own hair meaning if you have a lot of like tons of luscious hair that's also not so modest as a single woman so it's the same with a wig it's the exact same thing these are amazing questions great I wonder if the hair shaving concept here is a reason as to why I stopped my cousin do this restraint no so the two the two reasons given for why certain parts of the Hussey dish world shave and it's not the majority its the minority that the reason that they give is number one when they go in the mikvah which is that pool of natural water that we go to you know to keep the laws of family purity so if your if you have a lot of hair so it's potentially possible to go under the water and have your hair up on top of the water which would then violate your immersion okay so that's one reason okay so what do we do we just do a cannonball that's what I tell you okay so funny okay so I've got to get a background or something okay so that's one reason given and the other reason given is that they don't want any hairs to show because they're holding by the Zohar which is that mystical work which says that no not even any hairs should be showing and like even with this you know if the bangs break a little bit you know you could see my hair you know what I'm saying so if I had no hair if I had shaved my head okay there'd be no chance of that so those are the two reasons given for shaving and again most um I would think safari but certainly most Ashkenazi rabbis do not agree with this custom you know if it's not your custom it shouldn't be your custom because it's not considered such a great idea if we're covering our hair because hair essential then why is it okay to cover your hair with a wig and also a lot of ways are a lot more beautiful and central of the natural hair okay I'm repeating myself okay believe it we said this so again the letter of the law is covering your hair the spirit of the law is don't be provocative and sexy okay if your wig is sexy and provocative you are keeping the letter of the law and not the spirit of the law do we all need to do inner work and grow yes are we allowed to judge anyone else no okay did I ruin well got it okay great by the way they're really different opinions amongst the rabbis regarding wigs so um you know the lubavitcher rebbe as I said felt that that was a better way to cover your hair Rosa's idea says scarves are better but neither a little Babaji Randi nor arava Vado would ever say that a woman doing the opposite of what he recommends is not keeping the the mitzvot and that's what's really important is you know some of these ladies who send me materials before my hair covering class you know it's just really important to have a sense of humility and not judge anyone else okay but again there's no myths but to be ugly or schlumpy dumpy frumpy okay whatever you want to wear that makes you look classy beautiful and dignified that's what you should wear as the Royal at the Royal Ascot in England all men and women still need to wear hats to be allowed admission that's so cool what's that what's the Royal Ascot someone needs to write in but that's a really cool I've spoken to men about the power of hair and they all admit it's true religious or not very interesting I'd love to more conversations about that not sure if this was a just yet if you place your hair in a bun and wear a hat showing a bit of the bun is that allowed so again not according to the Menino majority sources but again could that be part of a woman's growth process yeah you know but definitely not not okay okay halacha Glee according to most sources I couldn't tell the difference when I first started learning about Orthodox Judaism but then I started to be able to notice that Shaiful versus regular hair totally true like I think I've been fooled once in my 25 years and it was from someone blonde it was like a blonde wig which are you have to get a really really good wig if you're a blonde and it looks so natural and the cheese is when people pull out their own hair over top which again is not so okay um it's really hard to tell because you really can't see the hairline at all I know the answer partially but also sometimes I'm like why isn't a bun good enough I doubt any guy sees a bun is like wow that's hot right why is not why can't you put your hair in a non sexy style right so I hear that but we don't really understand men's brains important point to realize so something that we would think is not sexy and attractive they might is it's very hard for us to really understand that I'm and again the Halawa says cover your hair so we don't have to like make up something new how do you find balance where you still feel confident put together in a shade bill so it really takes a lot of what's called patch keying okay so like when I first got this wig it was way too much hair and I looked like I don't even know what like a doll or something so I had to get I got them to like thin 30% of the hair in the front to have it be norm more normal then I took it to my second lady and she did like some some you know side bangs and layers then I had to take it back to her to do a few more layers because it wasn't sitting right it's a little bit of a posh key and then I got some highlights put into it you know so it's it's like right off the bat it's usually not the way you like it you have to kind of fuss with a little bit and find someone good who you can bring in pictures what you want it to look like and you really I do find that the more money you spend the more comfortable it is right you won't necessarily you probably would not be able to tell the difference between this one and my my other one which it was more expensive even though a shorter but it's more comfortable and that's the thing if you spend a little bit more money it's usually a little bit more comfortable on your head which i think is really important so I you know the lubavitcher rebbe used to give people money to like give a woman money to buy a shape though because he felt this is such an important it's fun if she couldn't afford it he wanted her to get something very very beautiful where she felt proud to cover her hair and beautiful and and dignified no I don't think that's true about the light hair necessarily so it's fine to get a blonde wig you know again if it's platinum blonde that might be like a bit much you know we want again we want it to be modest and not overly eye-catching right so this question about when I went a woman turns of age no so again there is a discussion in the sources of like should a single woman cover her hair under certain circumstances and they ruled note that we're not going to do this by the way a woman who was married and either divorced or widowed the majority opinion is that she should continue to still cover her hair although if it's gonna get in the way of her finding a off like like if a man thinks she's married and then won't you know what I'm saying so then she there are rabbis who will say she can uncover her hair do you get your hair cut in a mixed salon when I first got married I did and then a couple years in I didn't feel comfortable any longer and so now I go to actually my wig lady cuts my hair also so she has her own private basement maybe I'll take you guys on a tour after corona and she has this whole basement office it's like really cool like Gillian's have shape tools and whatever so she cuts my hair also and she's the one who did this updo for the bro Mitzvah I know you already touched on this but does a woman need to have her hair covered at home and it's just her and her husband at a Shabbos meal or throughout the day no so she should cover it when he's saying Broca's although he could look away but it's best if he's you know he's saying Kaddish emotes see that she has her hair covered but um you know and I do keep it covered at the Shabbos table because I feel like it's more like what's called the cathodic um like honoring of the Shabbos of the Shabbos meal to keep my hair covered but then I go to the couch and I rip off my beanie so if it's just the two of us you know obviously just six of us at this point but yeah and it's funny because my kids know when mana has something on her head she's probably going out especially the Shadle going out at this point teaching a zoom class okay do you have sources for other forms of hair crap running like sources that permit partial covering I don't really have those sources on again go to go to rabbi Manning comm and you can download and print out the source sheet um you know from my recollection of it it didn't talk about more uncovering more than a toughie um you know so there may be some more Modern Orthodox rabbis that ruled that way I don't know it's not my community so I didn't learn it that way where can we follow you do you have a whatsup sure to follow oh thanks um no I don't have anything like that I really I'm on Facebook I know y'all are like young and you're like who does Facebook Instagram okay but you all have you know that all the college girls that I speak to get on Facebook just for me I'm just kidding but they do follow me on Facebook and I can't do two social media at one time it's too much for me I'm already addictive enough so I'm just on Facebook so I try to publish a lot of great content on Facebook so you can follow me on Facebook okay Devorah Rose Kegel that's on Facebook and I'm you know I have a lot of to do plans there's a lot of content on my website also but I really want to write a book and there's a lot of stuff I want to do but I'm so stay tuned okay weird when do you start covering the day of your wedding oh this is such a good question Jenny okay so according to most sources you me a woman needs to cover her hair the next morning after her wedding ie when she could have had relations even if they didn't have relations the first night when she could have so then the next day she carts she starts covering however you may have noticed if you've been to some of these weddings I think the the German Jews the Yankees maybe and certain fussy dish groups view it as preferable to start covering the hair after the you hood room which is the room of seclusion that you go into for 10 minutes after the Hopa but before the dancing and so either she'll put on her shape tool in there or her turban in there or sometimes they just start off the wedding in a wig because they don't want to deal with fussing around and putting something on so I've been to weddings where the bride herself is wearing a wig at the Hopa right but that's minority opinion the majority opinion is you can totally have your hair uncovered throughout the entire party go home to the hotel and the next morning you cover your hair great question okay such great questions here can't wait the answer is a possible have the Q&A before the fashion show oh sorry okay so this is recorded so you know I will you know be in touch with me if you want to if you had to cut out early these people are not hearing that but you can tell them okay why is beard hair not considered evil in the ace of comparison so according to the Kabbalah this the mystical sources a man beard is is compared to huh said it's like kindness loving-kindness and the hair on either a man's or a woman's head is considered to be Guevara or din or judgment and that's where again it falls into the it Sahara thing okay but it doesn't mean that's bad wait think Sampson remember Sampson with his hair got him into trouble okay but anyway I should put that in the class okay armpit hair I hate I don't I don't know what the symbolism with men where keep owed from age three women don't cover the hair until marriage what's the explanation so again even the comparison that I was making between the keeper and the hair covering is not it's not in every way comparable it's just it's an outward sign for a man that he's a religious Jew and there's an outward sign for a woman that she's religious sure that's the only comparison and you know that it it connotes humility and modesty but yes a boy starts wearing a keypad age three when he you know sometimes they've been the custom to cut his hair then we did that and and that's when he starts learning Torah so he needs to always have his keep on when he's learning Torah and when he says blessings and he's supposed to remember that God is above him okay what if I feel ugly when I cover my hair find a way to do it that makes you feel beautiful and again that's really was the mindset of Lubavitch Rebbe he you see the Habad girls they have the most the nicest things he really felt like a woman should feel beautiful even when she's married she shouldn't feel ugly so whatever you want to do whatever you can do to make yourself feel beautiful in this Mitzvah I'll be honest when I got this one this is my most recent one I started crying when I put it on ladies on nine twenty some odd years I I started crying because I felt so Bluff so as I told you it needed like five patch keys and now I'm happy with it you know but you got to keep working on it until you feel great you want to feel great doing it you don't have some doesn't want us to serve Him grumpy he wants us to serve in the simcha joyfully okay how can a friend who couldn't make it to the zoom find the recording so Oh lemme should be posting it I guess I don't know but I will have it so anyone who needs it you send them to me and I will give it to them I was taught that a woman's to feel it is to fill in as her uterus whoa that's cool I never heard of that interesting um I doubt it was a guy who invented it I don't know the wig grip maybe was a guy a girl I don't know but whoever it is going straight to heaven how do you still feel like yourself uncovering your hair so you know what it's such a good question um Katya I feel like a different me I feel like me but different like I do feel different when I'm just where you know when I just have my own hair it's like the private me that only my family sees and then this is like the going out me this is like the Torah teacher and the dating coach and the whatever you know that so it's I feel me but it's like a different me and then my hair as I told you is pretty short so it's like a super cute short haircut it looks very different and that's like the private me so they're both me but they're just different I like the fall great so yeah great do do whatever you need to do someone asked the question that now I'm pondering as well covering your hair is the sacrifice that you're making between you and Hashem and a mitzvah and you're covering your hair with hair and you're not supposed to be sensual and beautiful to other men what's the hair does so if you're doing all essential and beautiful wig food okay so I think this is still the same question um which is you know what's the deal with wigs okay so again there are Robin M who are not so into wigs there are abundant who are more into wigs obviously if you look around the ashkenazi worlds the vast majority of women cover their hair with awake if you go to Teaneck though you'll see a lot of you know um scarves and like beanies and whatever it really depends on your community and even in the safari worlds in America I know a ton of safari Rebbetzin who cover their hair with a wig so you know again as long as it's not provocative and sexy you get your good okay and it's a gray area we have to all stretch ourselves and look into ourselves and again not judge other people hi fall when I workout yeah you look adorable nuts when do you start covering the debut okay great we did that what's a half wig I there is such a thing as a hat fall which is like netting on top and just hair coming out and you wear a hat on top and there is something called a keepo egg which is according to most opinions not sohe logically acceptable which basically just sits on top of your actual hair and just kind of all the hair mixes together like your hair and the shape the hair mixes together it's considered not so appropriate but again if it's a step in the right direction great okay where does your hair go in the Wonder wig so I I have short hair so I just stuff it in if you had longer hair you could like make you know plates with a with a barrette and stick it up or like a bun up there and it just goes in the cap okay and then you take the actual wig and you make it into like a pony or a bun on top and then you always have to be wearing the headband so if you're not into headbands it's not a look for you but I think it looks really cute and young and like I probably won't be able to do this forever but okay yeah wonder wig w u nder w IG okay speak to me if you need the recording can we ask questions out loud sure if you have a question ask it out loud yes it's being recorded because of the 2 inch rule okay it's not 2 inches okay not 2 inches too tough ox okay I'm sorry a toughie which is two fingers which is definitely not 2 inches it's it's basically like an inch I would say at max so it has to be less than an inch I could get the centimeter for you but I don't know but it's definitely not two inches two fingers is that why women are able to pull out some hair in the front to make their shape to look more natural so I think it's a great question you're asking I think that they're misinterpreting the tough off because really if you were to take all of this out it's gonna be way more than itself up so there I remember when I did it I was thinking to myself I don't even know if I was singing but if I was thinking to myself I was thinking okay whatever I'm only taking like a few hairs right here no no no and I'm pulling it over but those hairs are very long so that's why it doesn't really fall into the TEFL again my impression is that girls who are doing it are not really aware of the halacha most of you probably never had a class on hair covering before right my girls have never had a class on hair covering before my my oldest had it for the first time when she was in seminary and not only seminaries teach it so it could be that a woman is covering her and she doesn't actually know the halacha which in my mind is a problem I actually had a friend who grew up from grew up religious and then she married a cure of rabbi and so she moved to an ad town community and the ladies in the community said can you do give that class on hair covering like why'd we cover our hair and she was like yeah and then she was like wait why do we cover her hair so she had to call my friend who's abolished reverts if I know why we cover her hair okay this would never happen Isabel Juma cuz there's no way to stick this thing on my head if I didn't know something about it you know I'm saying but like my daughters don't think that way thank God my daughters are so excited to cover their hair because to them it's a symbol of being married it's like normal and natural and fun and exciting right it's like it's not weird to them like it was to me thank God yes that would be frowned upon pulling out but again I don't think they're doing it on purpose I'm really I'm being honest here I don't think that those girls who pull out hair or doing it because they they know it's a violation I think they're confused and they're not sure okay um I can't think of one more or less holistic Orthodox person who I'd want to emulate I'm sure they exist I just don't even know where to stumble upon the unicorn a family professional and social me I don't know I know so many women like myself I know a ton of women like myself like Passaic is full of us you know women who have a passion have a job love their family are normal you know not all of us grew up religious some did some didn't there are so many normal people here you have to find your community that's really really really important you have to find your community where you meet women that you want to be like and where you don't feel judged love this talk to more I think it was great physic for myself love hearing you speak Thanks where's the tourist source for it's half off okay so I really want you guys to download this and print this out yourself but rough Moshe rules that it even though it's commendable for women to cover all their hair in accordance with the cut time so fair a woman who wishes to be lenient and uncover some hair it's not to be considered to be acting inappropriately or moshus that's the maximum hair which may be showing is one squares off two fingers across the head okay but that is one opinion okay there are opinions that say all hair should be covered so again this is why it's so important to have your own rabbi okay strongly advise anyone who is struggling with this to sit down with their personal rabbi and discuss the issues with them if you have a rub that is legit and and whole and you are holding by him you can feel confident in that the problem is a lot of people don't ask and so they just look around and what other people are doing and they're like oh okay so that's enough for me you know and of course that's not what we do with Halawa we really want to rabbi to rely on and he can take you through the sources as he understands them you know and that's like an excellent exercise um is it important to dress me ously at home when cooking bacon collar shaking saying prayers that's such a good question I mean you know I I can hear the mentality of being more dressed when you're doing like I'm this I like taking challah and certainly once your kids are around I do feel it's important to dress them a pretty dignified way you don't just like you know like you're going out outside but it should be you always want to look dignified you know somewhat dignified in front of your kids so you would have to ask your lor as far as like what you need to have covered you know when you're doing things like that but I think it's more like a sensitivity than hala huh and certainly once you have kids everything changes I've heard that if you cut your hair and make it into a wig that's fine to wear is that true extraordinarily minority opinion but yeah cuz no longer attached to your head so loses that power how do you know what hairstyle looks good on you cutting a wig is different than your own so I feel like you need to change the style from your natural hair well what's scary is the wig doesn't go back so you want to do it gradually because now we're gonna go back so just kind of gradually take a picture with you to show her you know kind of what you want and she does it gradually so then you're like a little more a little more and then you're you're hopefully happy with it how often do you wash your wig so they recommend as little as possible actually because the more you wash it the less long it's gonna last and it actually holds a style better when it's a little bit not so clean it's kind of weird to say but I'd probably do it every couple months two to three months or before some cut or something you get to try on all different styles and cuts totally you could like have a short bob and like long blonde red whatever have fun with it it's another accessory Ascot is basically a royal horse-racing of venom cuz England is very into ceremonies oh and they wear all the hats yes right I knew that okay great that's so cool what is it called Ascot okay what brands have you found comfy as far as wigs so my favourite is a call to Clary which my shorter one is a Clary that's probably you've seen me most of the videos I do on Facebook that's the one I'm wearing so it's a Clary and they run from about 1500 to 2200 something like that um this is a Niveen which we have an Emmet student my husband works for Emma and we have an Emmet student that sells them so I got it from them and this is a little bit cheaper than a Clary so irene's usually run between like depending on the length like six hundred to two thousand six hundred to fifteen hundred something like that yeah is it okay to use a different hair color once you get a shape filled yeah sure have fun with it definitely anonymous please as a Jewish woman with babies my husband only sees my nice hair when we go out once in a blue moon I don't cover my hair according to halakha I should cover it outside and open inside but then I literally never have nice hair getting pretty at home is non-existent kids puke on my shoulder daily I relate so I don't know what to tell you I still keep my hair cute at home you know even though I it is mostly covered but it still looks cute when I take this off and like fluff it a little bit looks cute and we definitely should always be pretty for our spouse are they're shaped Olga mouths yes yes yes yes there are and there is even financial assistance to buy fatals so don't ever feel like it's a financial issue okay I can put you in touch with the right people what wig brains do you recommend so again I like Clary this is I mean what else do people like the blonde girl golly people like there are shades looking laughs but I got a stunning one for six hundred straight from China except we don't want to buy stuff from China right now okay wig brands really have to do with your color head hair sorry Irene are very good brands Dini is the highest end you can follow all these on Instagram I found Wonder week to be the most comfortable but the look isn't for everyone right me and haya both look younger than we are so we can get away with the Wonder wig but most of my friends would be like that's weird like for like in our forties what's the best brand for blonde hair I don't know hi maybe you can look into that for Katya I don't know what the best brand is for blonde oh she left okay so Katya you be in touch with her what's your email so we can get the recording it's my name de votre Kegel at gmail.com Oh someone already read it great okay what so lemme okay so all of me is the umbrella group of college outreach people that me and my husband belonged to because my husband is Campus Director for M ed and I am a freelance speaker for most many of these organizations so Oh Lemmy is really someone put the website up birth up there but they do amazing amazing stuff big care of organization their goal is to inspire Jewish greatness yes and my my tagline is your whatever mitts vote you do is really only your visit between you and Hashem but you have no hat sir that means no leniency to be an uneducated Jew so my goal is to get you learning whatever you do with that is only your business and that's it no one else's business but you can't be uneducated I have my master's degree in French and I had like a kindergarten education and Judaism that's so sad right so I wanted to up my knowledge and Judaism to to make it match what about the need to cover in your own backyard it's private but perhaps neighbors from their attic can see into the backyard that's a great question I was just asking my husband it seems like that would be considered the cuts there I think which is the in-between right so it's kind of like the right it's like your own private I'm sorry the courtyard whatever it's called in Hebrew it's your courtyard it's not it's not completely private like in like your bedroom but it's basically private and it's really their responsibility not to look so you know ask your lor from my from my understanding you would probably not be violating anything by uncovering your hair there but you know you could certainly talk to a rough Thank You mind blowing thank you thank you if anyone wants to learn how to rap with different kinds of scarves they can reach out to Rebecca great I show Kyle has had a wrap with volumizers like in Israel or great so she is so much more coordinator than me I'm like these things are like out of this world I like cannot do anything of that regard so yes get in touch with Rebecca at range I also wonder about that because the distance they aren't close they can't tell if you're in a wig or not so you know it's interesting once you start developing the eye for these things I can spot a shade though a mile away but it takes some time to spot it and again mostly this is for you not other people again you're not supposed to look provocative but that's the same with your regular hair right as a single person do you have any books that inspire joy hair covering unfortunately there isn't any that's the problem so there's this book which okay I guess I will have heartedly recommend it but no there were no books I just basically went to Israel to learn at navei and after a month there it became so normal to me to see women with hair covered I was like oh okay it was so weird like it was just like by nature of it being normal it was very strange evolution is I never ever do this Mitzvah what's your favorite wig company I don't know like I like Clary but I think there's a lot there's so many wig brands out there you can definitely play around where can we get financial assistance for wigs so be in touch with me depends on your city but there's there's always a wig month there's always some assistance available I'm sure the Habad would help because that was really the Messara the tradition of the rebbe but in addition like in Passaic we have a wig box so that you know a wealthy woman who would get a new wig every two to three years she would put her wig in anaguma she would give her old wig to a ganache and it's perfectly wearable she just wanted to get a new one I don't know when I'd get rid of my way gets like done it's like a mouse at this point like it's basically dress up from again for perm can I get the recording yet please be in touch with privately what are your thoughts I'm very natural-looking wigs like lace top I'm surprised someone didn't ask me this until now so I personally don't have lace tops because I did not on a personal level want to take that extra step to make it ultra natural that was my personal decision I'm not judging anyone who does that again you know the point is not to fool everyone the point is to cover your hair in an attractive way okay so I personally didn't want to take that extra step to make it so impossible for anyone to tell you know like if you if you go close to me you can tell because I don't have the lace there right but the lace basically for people who don't know it's like a piece of lace that comes down to here and the hair is like growing out of the lace and so it literally you can tell like you have to have a really good eye to be able to tell that's awake because it literally looks like the hair is coming out of the forehead so I personally didn't want to take that step to make it bat natural um that's just my personal feeling okay thanks for class you have a fun way of speaking I appreciate your time thank you I appreciate that I like to feel that I'm at least no one's falling asleep and we had almost a hundred women on this call is so beautiful so and there are a lot of competing classes but so many women reach out to me I can't come can I have the recording so I want to just give everyone a bra saw who's remaining and the people who already left that we should all find our way in this mess in our own way in our own time on our own highway not judging other people and not feeling judged by other people and really try our hardest to connect to this Mitzvah to do it as the simcha as we can but while realizing that even if you do not like this Mitzvah for the rest of your life that it's probably the biggest karma and the biggest sacrifice that you can give to come close to a sham because you're literally doing it just because he said so and you want to be close to him and pay back your debt that you owe him so that's my bra I mean we should all find some simcha in this Mitzvah and someone's asking me if least cops are wholly valid yeah I don't think they're violating anything you know certainly not just the letter of the law they're not violating anything just like but over I just felt like it was a little bit too much of a fake-out and I didn't want to do the too much of a fake-out that's just my own personal decision I'm not judging anyone else okay thank you so much ladies so find your own way with this Mitzvah ladies you should find simcha in it as much joy as you can and enjoy the journey okay thank you so much bye guys