0:00 / 0:00
Olami: Devorah Kigel - My Hardest Mitzvah - A Workshop on Covering Your Hair
45 views
Categories:
Torah
Comments(0)
Transcript
Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
start you know there's a bunch of people
still coming on but I want to reward
everyone for being on time so first of
all I want to thank my old and dear
friend not old just from a long time ago
not all we are 28 ok though
hi Airtel is one of my dearest friends
even though we don't see each other as
much as I would like it's like no time
has passed when we do and she and I had
the idea to do this class because there
were a number of students that asked
have asked both of us over the years for
some information on this Mitzvah and who
better to teach this class than me who
totally did not grow up religious and
always vowed never ever will I put
anything on my head so Hashem has a
fantastic sense of humor and so here I
am
teaching a class that we called it my
least favorite mitzvah or something like
that so I have a lot of information to
give over tonight and I'm gonna try to
talk as quickly as I can forgive the
background I tried to do a simulated
down awful so we're just not doing that
so you get to see my favorite so I put
my website up here and my name on
Facebook so that you have access to
reach out to me I don't know how much
time we're gonna have for questions I
would like to just invite you guys to
write in the chat any questions that you
have I'm gonna try to get to them if at
all possible I will try to get to all
the questions the truth of the matter is
I've probably addressed all of your
questions in the actual material of the
class because I had all the questions
that there are to have about this
Mitzvah and so that's how this class
developed this class is an outgrowth as
so many of my classes are of my own
issues related to Judaism so um so I put
this info behind me
in case you want to reach out to me
privately I do try to post a lot of good
content on Facebook those of you who
know me know that I'm a dating and
marriage coach so I'm Barajas Sean thank
God we just had I just had my 128th
client get engaged yay so if you would
like to meet with me privately on that
front you are more than welcome to and I
just do a lot of classes on Jewish
issues related to being a woman so
relationships modesty a woman's role
lots of stuff like that frankly all the
stuff that I had the biggest issues with
when I started looking into traditional
Judaism so on my website by the way you
will find all of my favorite books
divided by topic it's like the best
baal-teshuva library
right it's divided but you know science
and Torah feminism and Judaism like
literally everything divided and I've
read all the books on there and they're
all great also there's a contact me
section if you'd like to contact me and
my dating pointers are up there as well
so the way we're gonna do the class is
first of all please write your your
questions in the chat you know if you
feel like you're gonna forget them or
you need clarification for something I
that I just said otherwise we'll leave
most of the questions to the end and
again I probably will get to most of
your questions in the actual content of
the class I also wrote a website here
rabbi Manning comm um so I was recently
put onto him he has source sheets and
recordings for pretty much every issue
that made me crazy about about Judaism
and women so really cool stuff on
including the source sheets for this
class so I'd really recommend if you're
into sources I'd recommend that you go
on his website you can download it and
print it out and all of that okay um I
also want to mention that there is only
one book out there that I'm aware of
about this Mitzvah it is this book
called hide and seek on I I can't really
give it my full approval for various
reasons
um so if you do read it that's that's
your own decision I'm not giving it my
stamp of approval there a lot there's a
lot of good stuff in there and it's like
essays from different women who hover
their hair and whatever but um there's
some things that I don't agree with in
there also so unfortunately there really
isn't a book that really encapsulates
what we're gonna talk about tonight
maybe that's on my extended to-do list
during quarantine but I'm gonna try my
best to give over a lot of information
if you are interested in getting sources
or notes please feel free to reach out
to me afterwards okay so first of all um
okay first of all more people need to
open their video cuz like I'm talking to
Emma and Rebecca come on guys really
thank you so much come on keep it going
I want to make that yeah I haven't
socialized in two and half months
okay so like you're my you're my social
life come on great this is awesome makes
it feel much more exciting keep it going
and we have close to 60 women on the
call that's awesome great hi this is so
nice seeing old friendly faces great
okay keep it coming I would love to see
all the beautiful faces on here okay so
first of all disclaimer on this is my Oh
someone already has a question hang on
um yeah so someone asked me why I don't
really recommend the book um you know
this is a really important point um and
some of you don't know me so like
whatever you'll just get to know me
tonight um I tell it like it is so
whenever you're learning Torah you have
to know what filter the Torah is coming
through to you
so like the Torah is pure and the Torah
is truth however when it goes through a
filter you imagine like in the theater
there's like blue green and red lights
right there's like a film that goes in
front of the light and makes it blue so
the light is white but when it goes
through the blue film it becomes blue so
you always have to know who's teaching
you Torah and what what their biases are
and where they're coming from so because
I know the backstory of the author I'm
reluctant to advocate for this book
there is a lot of good stuff in there I
reread it over Shabbos there's really a
lot of good stuff in there and it's nice
to hear like different people's
perspectives about this Mitzvah I all
I'm saying is take it with a grain of
salt that's all I'm saying I don't get
myself into trouble okay and book is on
the to-do list
okay so disclaimer this is my hardest
Mitzvah
by far there's like you know I didn't
grow up religious at all completely
secular so there's like shove bad I fell
in love with oh my gosh is amazing get
to turn off your phone and like just be
and enjoy all the social life and being
with family and friends and whatever
kosher grade I took that in stages took
me years okay fantastic um even dressed
which took me 20 years legit to figure
out how to put clothing on myself and
have it look cute and express my
personality it took me 20 years
okay so if you're less than that you're
doing great don't be discouraged so it
really took me 20 years to figure this
out for many years I felt like I was
wearing someone else's clothing do you
know what I mean like it was like my
Robinsons clothes but it wasn't me
and it takes a while to just feel
integrated like comfortable in your own
skin while dressing in a different way
than obviously I'd grown up with like
very small amounts of fabric so even
that I've really learned to appreciate
and I love fashion and I like going to
the mall and picking out like the few
things that are according to Jewish law
okay and putting together an outfit and
like it's cheap because like I got it at
H&M and Zara and forever21 and whatever
and I get creative with that even that
Mitzvah I've learned to love hair
covering is a mitzvah that I can
literally and honestly tell you I am
doing completely lachemann lachemann
means just for God not cuz I'm getting
any side benefits out of it although I
will tell you when it's a three-day Yom
Tov right when like the yom tov goes
into Shabbos everyone else has
disgusting oily hair by the third day
and I actually have awesome hair okay
but that's the only side benefit I get
to this Nessa the rest of the year I I
find it extraordinarily difficult and
I'm married almost twenty two years even
though I'm 28 okay don't do the mouth so
I'm I've been doing this Mitzvah since I
got married not to the full degree that
I do today but I I did carver my hair as
soon as I got married so 22 years I've
been doing this Mitzvah and still to
this day like I walk into my house and
off it goes most of the time so it's
really really hard and I just want to
preface this class by saying that my
purpose and giving over this class is to
encourage you to educate you on a
mitzvah that is extraordinarily
unpopular
there are many many many women out there
who identified themselves as I am an
observant Torah Jew Orthodox whatever
label you want to use that they don't
cover their hair either either they do
it part-time or not at all it's a very
unusual thing right meaning if someone
says they're they're an Orthodox Jew
that they're not gonna bacon right like
that's just it doesn't go together but
there's a lot of women who if you ask
them they would say yeah I'm Orthodox
but they don't cover their hair so it's
it's a very unpopular Mitzvah um it's a
very difficult Mitzvah those two things
usually go together and and for me
personally I'm just telling you I'm just
like being honest it's really really
hard for me still to this day and what I
tried to tell myself and you know as
with so many of my classes I'm really
just talking to myself and you're less
you're eavesdropping
what I tell myself is this is such a
beautiful opportunity for me to do a
mitzvah just for her son just because I
love God that's it I'm not getting side
benefits I'm not enjoying it I really
don't enjoy it even after all these
years I do the most I can to make it fun
and cute and another accessory and
whatever but it's really really
challenging um and I try to remember
that you know like in marriage sometimes
your husband asks you to do something
and you don't really it doesn't make
logical sense to you and you don't
really want to necessarily do it he's
asking but because you love your husband
unless it's like a crazy request you'll
do it because you love him so - with our
relationship with God sometimes there
are myths those that we connect with
great like we just love Shabbos so much
it's so easy to connect to Shabbos and
then there's other mitzvahs that we're
like this is really hard and I don't
really want to do it but we get to a
point in our journey that sometimes
we're like you know what I'm ready to
take this myth on even though I don't
understand it fully and even though I
don't enjoy it because I just love
Hashem so much and I always look at
Judaism as kind of like
package deal meaning if I want a husband
who doesn't look at other women ever
like no internet no magazines when
there's girls on the street not wearing
whatever he focuses on their face
he's completely and utterly devoted to
me and my whole life I was looking for
something like that right I was in very
long relationships with guys who like
you know a girl would walk down the
street he'd be like like that's so
disrespectful so it's a package deal so
if I want a man who's gonna be so
devoted and respectful to me and not
look at anything that he's not supposed
to look at so then so too there are
things that I'm gonna do for him
and in the in the context of that
relationship that are not so comfortable
or easy for me so that's my disclaimer I
will tell you that it says in pyaar ki
vote ethics of our fathers this is my
favorite line in all of Hazael it says
the Fung Sarah Agha
which means according to the struggle
that you have in a particular Mitzvah
equals that is the reward you get for
that Mitzvah so you know I always give
this example that I have a friend who we
can't became more religious together
and she always wore these like long
flowy skirts Jade Jill hippy trippy
whatever and I always works quarterly
small pieces of fabric so who do you
think got the most reward for the
Mitzvah of snood of presenting oneself
in a little bit more of a covered
dignified way her or me me obviously for
her this was natural this was something
that she just was her sense of style she
just always liked dressing that way for
me this was like wait what I have to
have fabric that goes to where like I
didn't have one thing in my entire
closet not one okay that that fit the
laws of Judaism not one piece of
clothing okay so I always think it's
kind of funny that there are a lot of
high schools that have me come talk
about these topics to the girls like
Modern Orthodox schools and I always
just think it's
so funny because like me like who you
talk like me the one who had the most
trouble with all this stuff and this is
who they want to hear from and I guess
it's just that they find me relatable
cuz I'm very honest about the fact that
it was hard for me so um so the phones
are a Grameen's a mitzvah that's hard
for you you're gonna get more reward
force so when I put this thing on my
head when I don't want to I remind
myself that I'm doing a mitzvah in the
highest way possible which is lachemann
not because it's fun not because I get
side benefits but just because God told
me to and I love him and I want a
relationship with him and I'm getting
the most reward for it of probably of of
definitely any of the mitzvahs that I do
this is the hardest for me okay so
that's my disclaimer so I'm gonna give
over a lot information then we're gonna
get to the chat okay so hang tight
so because hair covering is an unpopular
Mitzvah so some of us might have assumed
that it's not challah that it's not
Jewish law and I've even had people say
to me what do you mean like I've gone to
like Orthodox communities and I go to
Orthodox shul and like then the women
take off their hat so it must be fine
right and I'm and so my line is always
we don't judge the Torah by looking at
what the Jews are observing everyone's
human everyone has a harder time a
certain that's those but we want to look
at what is the Torah actually say not
looking at what the behavior is around
us okay so what does the Torah say okay
so I'm not going to give over every in
and out of every source
please check rabbi Manning calm okay if
you are interested in printing out the
source sheets I did it myself
the Torah source we know goes back to
parshas now so there's a whole
discussion she could do an entire
separate class on of a woman who's
suspected of adultery she's called a
SOTA and she's her husband suspects her
of you know doing something that she
shouldn't have done with a man that she
shouldn't be with okay she's a married
woman
so there's a whole procedure he brings
her
the debate amic - the temple - the high
priest the kohanga doll and the Kohan
the priest does this whole like
procedure where he basically tries to
get her to confess if she was in fact
unfaithful if she was unfaithful and she
says yeah had a moment of weakness
sorry chief oh whatever
they divorce and they go through
separate ways in peace if she maintains
her innocence and in fact she wasn't
innocent she dies a very gruesome death
as does her lover wherever he happens to
be walking down Broadway or less than
Avenue okay so um so what's the part of
the procedure they erased huh shams name
in some water she drinks the water
before the so right if she drinks the
water and she was and she was guilty and
she says she was innocent she dies a
gruesome desk death as does the guy if
she was innocent she's gonna drink the
water and it's gonna be obvious and she
didn't blow up she's gonna be obvious to
her husband that she was actually
innocent she didn't have relations with
another man and then the priest blesses
them and they go home and the next time
that they're together has shunned
blesses them with a baby which is
basically his HUS comma that means his
stamp of approval right now go together
in unity and Shalom and peace and
rebuild your marriage now just on a
total side note because I give a lot of
marriage classes and this is related to
this Mitzvah of hair covering one thing
that we don't often talk about is this
whole procedure happens before the
husband can prove that she's done
anything wrong now barring the 0.1% of
like weird psychotic guys why is why
does he suspect her so there's a whole
backstory to this that basically and you
know I I don't know anyone who's cute
nowadays so I'm just gonna use Brad Pitt
cuz I'm old okay so your husband comes
to you and says you know it makes me a
little bit uncomfortable when you hang
out with Brad Pitt can you just not like
makes me a little bit insecure and
jealous now instead of saying honey I
love you and like of course why would I
want to do an
to make you upset instead this woman
goes and hangs out with Brad Pitt in a
secluded room you know by themselves in
a locked room for like ten minutes okay
so she's not gonna win any like Good
Wife Awards but that's the first thing
and there is something about the whole
ceremony that the priest does leading up
to her drinking is that he uncovers and
messes up her hair so this is basically
medica Negin meda which means tit for
tat basically for her not acting as a
proper married woman should have
therefore she has to undergo this this
ceremony that is not dignified that
undoes her hair so one thing that we
want to just remember about this whole
episode is that she she really wasn't
behaving like a married woman should in
the first place even if she didn't have
relations with whoever this was not Brad
Pitt I don't want to incriminate him
right it's she wasn't really being a
good wife as we would expect our husband
also not to do things like that okay so
that's the Toba source that basically
the her hair is somehow uncovered and
disheveled through this um through this
experience okay and Rashi who's our most
famous biblical commentator gives two
derivations for the hollow ha number one
uncovering the woman's hair is designed
to be a humiliation of sorts right
because she you know she they're trying
to get her to confess cuz again then
they go their separate ways
Sean O'Malley struck right okay from
this we can infer that covering the hair
in public is dignified and number two
bow she says the need to uncover the
hair of the married woman implies that
married woman's hair was generally
covered at that time okay so this is
very linked to the concept of public
dignity and the myths becomes to
indicate that a certain status in
society brings certain obligations of
dress by the way I found out recently
that the strai --ml the fur hat that the
fuzzy dish men wear
they only start wearing that upon
marriage as a woman starts also only
covering her hair upon marriage it just
side note okay
so we are meant to cover our hair when
we get married okay and the the Mishnah
and the Gemara they go into a whole back
and forth is this October sources this
rabbinic source
okay the vast majority of opinions the
way the halacha the way the Jewish law
is clear to have developed is that this
is a Torah law to cover one's head in
some way to cover one's hair in some way
how much when in front of who these are
the things that are discussed but there
are no rabbis that are legitimate to my
knowledge in any source going all the
way back to Rashi all the way down to
today
they would say it's okay for a woman to
go out in public with absolutely nothing
on her head okay so that's just an
important thing to clarify this is not a
rabbinic custom this is not a fashion
statement as I heard one rabbi say okay
determined by the times that we live in
this is a mitzvah from the Torah by the
way all the laws of dress are not even
mentioned in the Torah all it says is
we're supposed to walk modestly with God
what does that mean okay so there are
many many myths vote in the Torah that
really are not explained even like
cooking a calf and its mother's milk
like what does that mean how do we not
eat a chicken parmesan from that you
know what I'm saying so there's like an
oral law that it's very important to be
aware of if anyone's interested in how
all of these helices are developed
there's a wonderful three books they're
yellow books by Rabbi Ellen Sun I'll try
to write it here hang on um that I found
really helpful because my Hebrew is not
great and it isn't all in English you
know it's English and Hebrew rabbi Ellen
son um and the books are called serving
our Creator I think the modest way and I
forget the third
okay so it's three bucks there you go
that really it starts with the
Torosaurus than the mission of Gemara
down to today
safar D Ashkenazi Roth moshe feinstein
and you can literally it's every month
are related to women in judaism and how
it developed it's very very interesting
i found it very helpful okay so
basically the toad from a torah law
perspective for a woman to go out in
public it's called in the shook right in
the marketplace with nothing on her head
this is a violation of torah law then
there's something called daddy who deeds
which basically means the custom of your
community so obviously in the hussy
douche communities in Israel or in
Williamsburg they have different ways to
cover their hair you may have seen like
the the little wig with the pillbox hat
on top right they do a double head
covering that's their custom some of the
Satmar where those turbans right with
and they shave their head underneath
okay the average regular Ashkenazi
Orthodox woman in America most of us
wear what are called shape tools wig
some people were tiful scarves hats
whatever we're gonna have a little bit
of a fashion show at the end with my two
teenage daughters that I basically
bribed to do a little fashion show so we
can do that the ends and we're gonna
show different options okay I'm gonna
just turn around and show you the back
of this okay so I listen this is still
from the bar mitzvah that I made like
two days before Corona happened so
basically I'm too scared to deal with
this thing because I can't take it to
the lady to wash it and fix it so I just
left it up in this beautiful um like
half updo which she did and I had this
gorgeous like sequiny you know crystally
thing in the back it looked gorgeous but
that that literally happened right
before Corona and then like I'm just
wearing it like this cuz I can't do
anything with it I'm jus scared
okay so anyway so we can do a fashion
show at the answer stay tuned to the end
okay okay so community standards would
mean so from the Torah
can't go out with nothing on my head I
have to cover my hair in some way that's
from the Torah and then rib Italy you
know Doctor Who deeds based on my
community standards gonna determine how
do I do that right if I'm Safari and I'm
living in Israel so I'm wearing one of
those gorgeous scarf contraptions that I
have literally no ability to do I am the
most completely dysfunctional person in
this area when I wear a scarf in the
summer I've literally like around my
head bun that's it like I can do
anything I'm like dyslexic in the ER in
this area
I know Rebecca's on here and she makes
these door just contraptions that I'm
like I have no idea how to do that and
I've had the little demos I still can't
do it okay so it's just easier for me to
plunk this on my head anyway so if
you're safari in Israel you are wearing
some gorgeous like scarf thing and you
look like Queen Esther right if you're a
typical Ashkenazi woman in America most
of us wear wigs most of the time but
we're also you know there's a snood
there's two holes right we're gonna show
that at the end okay the bottom line is
how you cover your hair is really your
own business you and your husband and
your rabbi League you guys figure it out
whatever you want to do but it is
somewhat determined by our community so
this is just on a side note choose your
community wisely right you want to
choose a community where you feel
comfortable where you're not gonna feel
judged right okay so but how you do it
is really more of a personal decision
that the woman makes herself and the
discussion with her husband on a total
side note I think on like maybe my
second date with my husband I said I was
back from nine months it in a day and I
said to him do you want your wife to
cover her hair now there was only one
right answer here if he said yeah of
course I'd be like sexist this is not
your Mitzvah
don't tell me what to do if you'd said
no I don't really care I would have been
like okay you're not even religious okay
so there was only one right answer and
Hashem gave him a brain wave that he
said it he said I think that's her
decision and I was like yes take out
check please okay
so there was only one right answer in my
mind the funny part is of course you
know now obviously he feels very
strongly about it and he's so
appreciative that I do it and by the way
it makes a huge difference when your
husband is on board I have a friend
whose husband was so not into it like
his connotations with hair covering as
were mine by the way was basically
cancer unfortunately like that's from a
secular Jewish perspective that's
literally the only thing you know as far
as like wigs and and like scarves it's
like god forbid when someone's sick so
he was totally not into it especially
wigs and so she just were these cute
little hats all the time
kudos to her like I don't think I could
do this myth stuff my husband was not
into it and for like 15 years she did
this like she would even match the hat
to her wedding outfit like it was it was
really crazy and then finally he just
gave in and she got herself a wig and
that's what she wears now but uh but it
took a long time and I really give her a
lot of credit because very hard if your
husband's not on board okay so the so we
said already the Torah law is you must
when you're out in public there must be
something on your head when you're
married as far as Doctor Who deed that's
basically according to your community is
gonna determine how you do that now
where do we need to cover our hair okay
so again I'm not gonna go into all the
intricacies but the Gemara the Talmud
talks about three different levels one
is totally public which is called the
shock okay one is semi-private which was
like a courtyard which kind of people
could come in but it was mostly your own
property it was like a like an alleyway
courtyard and then there was the in the
inner part of your domain where people
wouldn't come unannounced really it was
a mostly owned entirely private area so
there are different laws based on how
public it is as you can imagine so semi
public what's called a cult Oh which was
some sort of like basket type covering
that they wore in those days was enough
in a semi-public place it was not enough
in a full public place okay so going
into the show basically when we leave
our house that it needs to be fully
covered okay so that's that okay
and so everyone from you know Rashi to
Rambam to the macabre to most of our
kronum including rather value Yosef who
is the B was the posit for the Sephardic
community and with moshe feinstein who
was the PO sake for the Ashkenazi
community in the last generation they
all ruled that hair covering in public
is a Torah obligation not a custom or a
rabbinic myth right this is from the
Torah okay how much hair should be
covered I'm really getting going through
the hollow huh very quickly because I
want to get Tosh Gaza how much how much
hair should be covered is a matter of
opinion but the vast majority of sources
say either right the Zohar said the
Zohar is the mystical work says that
every hair should be covered that's the
most stringent down to Roth Moshe set
seems to have said although there is
some differences of opinion is exactly
what he said that less than a toughie
could be shown at a sock has basically
two fingers along the top of your head
so you'll see when I put the scarf on my
daughter there may be a little bit of
hair showing at the top very very little
by the hairline according to Rose Moshe
that as long as it was less than two
fingers that that would have been okay
to go out in public okay and by the way
the pay us right the temples this area
right here
okay does not need to be covered
according to most opinions because it's
not considered a part of your hair it's
your temples it's like almost it's
basically impossible to cover your
temples unless the thing goes covers
your ears right and the little neck
hairs down here right like little little
neck hairs you know I'm talking about
those also are not considered a part of
the hair of your head it's considered
that you don't have to according to most
opinions you don't have to cover that
either okay so the the nape and the the
temples would be okay to show but again
the Zohar insists that no hair must be
showing it off okay
in your own house when there's no one
there but your immediate family or your
father grandfather son according to most
opinions brother you can actually Halawa
Kaleo
cover your hair some people don't feel
comfortable with that they're sensitized
to that but according to the basic
allaha you are allowed to uncover it in
front of those immediate family members
so you know I don't know from my parents
because they're you know they're not
observant yet so especially for my
father it like gives him a lot of
pleasure I think when I uncover my hair
in front of him because you know have
awesome hair and he's just like yeah
there's you you know although truth is
like 20-some odd years later he's like
oh I like that one that you wear that's
like this you know he like has his
opinions on my wigs now it's very funny
anyway so okay so that's as far as in
your house okay um there's no
requirement to cover your hair in front
of your children father grandfather
though there are many women who like to
be more must marry which means more
stringent on themselves as I tell all of
my students and those of you who are
regulars you know that I say this all
the time very very important to know
what's Halawa what's Jewish law what's
custom dahlia I can hear you what's
custom what's extra stringencies which
is homeruns look it's really important
to know all those delineations because
if you say to yourself oh I can't do
that and meanwhile it's not even Holika
so right you need to find out what it is
and that's why it's very important to us
a lahar of acquire yourself a rabbi that
you trust that knows you that knows your
journey and on this note I just want to
share a story that I had a couple of
friends who were also ballet Trouville
like myself did not grow up religious
and they asked the rat bass said to the
rabbi so I'm gonna start covering my
hair like full-time when I got married
and he said I wouldn't advise that and
they were like what the rabbi's telling
me not to cover my hair and he said I
want you to just do Shabbat you just
cover some cover on Shabbos and don't
worry about anything else right now why
did he say that because if we take on
too much too quickly and this is by the
way a general principle when you're
becoming observant maybe I'll do another
one of these
about the healthy approach to growth
because I have an awesome class on that
but if you take on too much too quickly
guess what happens you explode and then
you're like see you later been nice
knowing you I'll go back to my secular
life so it's really important to go slow
and steady you know it's like an athlete
who's training for the Olympics they
don't go out there and run 50 miles the
first day right they slowly slowly add
another quarter of a mile every time
they train and then by the end they're
ready for the marathon so too we are
interested in the marathon Hashem God is
interested in the marathon he's not
interested in the sprint he is not
interested what you're doing tomorrow
he's interested in what you're gonna do
thirty years from now and a good rabbi
will have that put that that mindset as
well so this rabbi who is an excellent
rabbi told my friends I only want you to
cover it on Shabbat now of course many
years later they cover it full-time but
it's really really important to know
yourself and what's too much because you
may explode and get resentful the
general rule of thumb is push yourself a
little bit out of your comfort zone but
not so much that you get resentful and
upset yeah so that really applies to
everything whether it's Shabbat kosher
snoots hair covering whatever it is I
did everything in tiny little steps one
at a time oh let's take a half a step
back okay two more okay another half
step back that's the way that healthy
growth works the best okay
the marathon not the sprint okay so
regarding this myths about hair covering
especially since it's so difficult we
don't want to be comparing ourselves to
other people right again maybe it's
easier for your friend happens to be I
have awesome hair
so of course this mitzvahs gonna be much
harder for me than my friend who had
stringy hair who was so excited to cover
her hair cuz her regular hair was so bad
right so of course she's gonna be
excited I was not excited and I have
extremely thick hair so it's hard to
stuff it under anything as well so and
my hair had been really my signature so
it was really really challenging for me
so it's very important to go your own
pace do not compare yourself to anyone
and really get some what's called HUD
raha which means guidance on you know
exactly how quickly or how slowly to do
things okay alright so I'm gonna take a
break from the halacha part and I'm
gonna go to what's called hash Java
which is kind of like the deeper meaning
behind and that's that now we want to
approach this study with humility
Devorah yes sorry I just there was one
question that I think somebody Adam chat
that I feel like it makes sense to
answer about the what are the amount of
interest technically that can be shown
right so again at eff off is basically
two fingers worth I think it's what is
that like six some Mainers I don't know
they I could get a ruler but basically
two fingers like along the hairline so
again we're gonna show it at the ends
but if you're wearing a scarf and like a
little bit is showing in the front
according to many opinions that is okay
there are opinions that every hair
should be covered but if you are at the
stage where you're like you know what I
just need to do to fulfill the basic
aloha so you would be okay with showing
less than a tough hawk so less than two
fingers worth okay
good thank you great okay and yes the
nits love covering your hair is only in
front of men according to halakha
Jewish law so theoretically right now I
could take this off and you could all
see my awesome hair okay but I'm not
going to because the truth is once you
start covering your hair it's sort of
like walking outside without a shirt
like it just kind of feels like
something's missing you know when you're
like keys cellphone okay so like it just
sort of becomes like that and you
develop a sensitivity particularly I
feel like when I'm teaching Torah I want
to look like a little bit more dignified
and covered and whatever but certainly
if I had like one friend over I don't
know that I would always have my hair
covered you know I'm saying and there's
certainly no requirement according to
halakha okay someone's asking me to
clarify this a rat rod Moshe I want you
guys to go to this hey rabbi Manning
calm
listen to the class that's recorded
download the source sheets he's gonna
say it much better than me there are
there is some ambiguity about exactly
what Ruth moshe said but most people
quote him as saying that you can show
less than a toughie okay we're gonna
move on okay so what's the deal with
women having to cover their hair so as
we said this comes from the Torah in the
explanation of this SOTA this woman who
didn't act as a married woman should
okay oh and we said that we want to
approach this hug this hush gothic
portion from the place of humility that
we're not giving reasons for the Mitzvah
it's really important to realize that
I'm gonna give you some interesting
ideas it's called the Thom a ha minutes
vote which means the tastes the tastes
of the myths ah it's like a hint to what
might have been going on in Hassan's
mind when he made this Mitzvah but we're
not seeing the whole picture three and a
half pounds of brain matter in here
Hashem infinite not gonna work okay I'm
not gonna understand everything about
Hashem Torah but I have her requirements
since Hashem gave me a brain I have to
have a requirement to use it as best I
can so I'm gonna try to understand them
it's vote as best as I can certainly as
about Shuvo which I know many of you are
you know most of us would not do the
mitzvahs and sign on for this unless we
really tried to understand as best we
could what we're doing but we have to
become to a glass ceiling or a cement
ceiling beyond which we cannot go
because our mental our intellect our
human intellect will not allow us to
fully perceive everything okay so it's
really really important to come to this
topic with some humility so we're not
seeing the whole picture here but what's
with hair if you look at any woman's
magazine right or any billboard selling
anything from coca-cola to sports cars
to whatever it's usually a woman with
lots of hair and very little clothing
those two things usually go together
right tons of right and like seaweed see
you know bikini or whatever it is okay
so there must be something about long
hair that is sexy that's alluring that's
sensual under any
one's old enough to remember the Herbal
Essences commercial remember that okay
so um that does not happen to me when I
take a shower by myself okay but anyways
so there's something about hair that is
sexy and alluring and sensual and it's
like it sort of symbolizes this side of
a woman okay so I think we can all agree
on that so the Jewish view is that every
part of our body teaches us something
like a spiritual truth so we have two
eyes and two ears but only one mouth
because we're supposed to see and hear
more than we speak the fact that we have
two coverings over our tongue which can
do so much damage so much worse than an
than a than a gun is a is the tongue
right you can destroy someone with your
words so Hashem made it that there's
teeth and lips
- hopefully control our tongue so we
don't say things that are mean so what's
the physical purpose of hair what are we
supposed to be learning from hair so
there actually is no physical purpose -
hair there are plenty of bald men who do
just fine
okay they're fine there is no physical
purpose to hair it doesn't do anything
particularly to us on our head however
it's an adornment it makes us beautiful
that is the purpose of hair it makes us
beautiful and it's it's a sensual thing
so fine okay so what why do I have to
cover it when I get married okay so
there are two kind of explanations or
hints given to why woman would cover
their cover her hair when she gets
married the first is that it's a
physical sign that were married similar
to a wedding ring right even the secular
world has that concept and by the way in
like 18th century Britain and France the
young unmarried women would leave their
hair uncovered and the married women
wear the lil bonnet remember if you've
seen any Jane Austen movies right the
married woman wore that little bonnet
the wipe on it on a total side note I we
went to Pennsylvania Dutch country to
this
the Amish and of course like I am like
interested in these things so they had
two little girls at the Amish farm one
was probably about twelve and one was
probably about fourteen and they were
Manning the farm and like selling stuff
and one had a bonnet on and one didn't
write the 14 year old had a bonnet and
the 12 year olds a knight of a bonnet so
I was like hi just curious like when do
you start wearing the bonnet and she
said oh like around 13 14 puberty okay
so interesting like I love cross
cultural stuff like it's so interesting
to note that there's this concept with
them as well that like when a woman when
a girl kind of becomes a woman right now
in Judaism we don't do it when you
become a woman we do it when you're
married okay why do we cover when we're
married primarily as an extra sign of
modesty and restraint but now that
you're a married woman and that all of
that sensual energy that was symbolized
in your hair needs to be directed at one
source at your husband okay so when a
woman first experiences sexual intimacy
right it's her first experience
hopefully
okay so then she is the first time that
she's really aware of this incredible
power inside her okay y'all know what
I'm talking about okay she is finally
first a wit like maybe she was a little
bit aware when she was young but like
then now she's like whoa I can like wrap
him around my pinky in about 0.3 seconds
okay like you are suddenly aware of so
much power that you have in this arena
in the sensual Department and that's the
exact moment when we have to take all
that energy and keep a lid on it okay
can anyone in the kitchen please go to
another room thank you working from home
not simple okay so so we're gonna take
all this energy and just reserve it for
our husband on a total side note I'm I
recognized when I was at in Ave right
which is obviously an all women's
seminary so um then I would occasionally
go to like a coed Shabbos meal
like in the old city and all of a sudden
I was like flipping my hair all over the
place and I was like this is so weird
I don't remember flipping my hair for
the last three months because I was
around girls then I went to a coid meal
and I was like like you know what I mean
and I'm like this is crazy okay so it's
really legit it's really really truth
okay so covering our hair is basically a
symbol of restraint it's so much more
for the woman herself than for anyone
else
you always know it's there right it's
kind of like when you went to the prom
and you got your hair done you're sort
of like this right like you couldn't be
like you know go in a convertible and
like you know you didn't want it okay
kind of that feeling of like restraint
so I always know it's there it's like a
physical reminder to me I want to behave
in the way that a married woman should
behave I'm not gonna have that
conversation with that guy that comes
for Shabbos I'm gonna draw a little bit
of boundary I'm gonna be nice and polite
but I'm not gonna go over that line and
be overly friendly so this is always a
sign on my head for myself that now I'm
a married woman I'm gonna behave
differently it encourages emotional
fidelity okay what is the expression to
let your hair down mean to let your hair
down means to act wild and crazy without
any restraints isn't that interesting
right think of wonder woman okay
anyone remember her I mean the original
Linda Carter okay so she wore her hair
in a bun when she was Diana Prince or
whatever right she was all like
secretarial she like had her hair in a
bun and she was wearing like a suit she
was very proper then what happened when
she had to go save Steve Trevor from
like some kind of Nazi calamity right
Dunnan and right and then she all of a
sudden she's in a bustier and she all of
his hair right now I don't know exactly
why she needed that very small outfit to
go beat the Nazis but okay moving on so
there was something very very sensual
about her hair right it was like part of
the whole package
so to let your hair down denotes wild
unrestrained behavior one of the
identifying marks of the hippie movement
right the 60s which was the free-love
era do whatever you want with whoever
you want whenever you want was long hair
for both men and women Veda was very
symbolic no rules no restraint
we're anti-authority we're gonna grow
our hair along and who cares if it's
washed right that was the 60s what's the
first thing that happens to a man when
he joins the military why why does he
have to shave his head when you get a
crew cut or whatever when he's in the
military because the military symbolizes
restraint Authority I don't just go onto
the battlefield and be like no yeah I
don't really like that saying my
commander say I think we should go this
way no you listen to what your commander
is telling you period the end so shaving
their head is very symbolic of deference
to Authority and restraint okay moving
on when a woman covers her hair after a
marriage she is making a statement to
herself and to others that she lives
with a discipline for her life has now
taken on an added dimension she has to
establish a bite Nam on the Israel which
means a genuine Jewish home a faithful
Jewish home and that requires all of the
gifts that she has as a woman focused
inside and that doesn't mean she can't
work outside the home it means her
essence is focused on what's going on
inside my home so some of this
perception was obviously filtered down
to other nations right the Queen of
England never goes out without either
her awesome diamond tiara or gorgeous
hat that like totally matches her outfit
right so there's something about royalty
that you know you you cover your head by
the way I believe it was President
Kennedy who was the first president who
did not go out without a hat on his head
before President Kennedy every man and
woman there you would never consider
leaving the house without a hat on your
head because it was considered like you
left some clothing off like you're not
dressed it's not dignified to go out of
the house that way I have an amazing
photograph from GQ magazine of like a
sporting event like a football game or
something or baseball game from like
1940 or it's something like that
it looks like shul remember strolling by
the way way it looks like shul everyone
so all the men were wearing a suit tie
and a fedora it knowledge looks like an
orthodox shul and it was like a football
game okay that's how men dressed what do
you mean it's like that's dignified and
women also unfortunately in my opinion
unfortunately our society has gotten a
little bit degenerated now like casual
Fridays every day and no one gets
dressed up even we go to the Opera on
the ballet right everyone's casual so
there was something always on her head
obviously no woman would attend an
audience with the Pope unless she would
cover her you know she would always
cover her hair if you're gonna go see
the boat so there's something there's
something going on here interestingly
Havas hair haba Eve her hair was tightly
braided when she was created apparently
and the sources tell us that after the
sin her hair became like disheveled and
unbraided and it was only then that it
needed to be covered so it's kind of
also a symbol of sort of this misuse of
power right we just talked about the
power that a woman has over a man she
misused that power and got her husband
to sin okay it was also his fault don't
worry okay it was mainly his fault
actually but um but she she really
misused her power right she coulda used
it properly and she used it improperly
so okay moving on and don't worry I'm
gonna get to the questions
okay it's a big blessing that we have so
many great options to cover our hair by
the way like you know in our
grandmother's generations it's not a
wonder that barely anyone did this net
stuck because your choices were
basically like a kerchief where you look
like babushka like grandma or you know
wearing some horsehair wig that looked
like a horsehair okay so like there were
not so many attractive options now we're
so lucky but there's like a million
different beautiful ways to keep this
Mitzvah depending on your own personal
taste and
and custom and community and it's just
we're very very lucky so it's just
important to you know to remember that
as well the Gemara
the Talmud and the Zohar which is the
main work of Kabbalah the mystical
sources teach us that a woman who is
careful with hair covering is rewarded
with blessings in this world and the
next
health pernessa which is livelihood
financial livelihood and abundant Nahas
that's joy and pride from her children
and her grandchildren okay now remember
every step in the right direction is
precious to God you know please don't
take this as a you know as y'all go out
as soon as you're married and you know
okay that's not what I'm saying everyone
needs to grow at their own pace but I
think a woman could um maja psych
herself could strengthen herself by
remembering the blessings that she's
bringing into her home and to her
children and to her family when she
keeps this Nessa okay so this is just a
cute vignette that I heard about like
someone on the Yankees or the Giants or
whatever someone was interviewing him
and said you know isn't it hot we're in
that helmet like you know you're hot
you're sweaty it's uncomfortable and he
said are you kidding when I put on this
helmet I feel like it's a crown it's
such a privilege and it reminds me on
part of the major leagues so when we
cover our head as a as a woman it really
shows like I'm on God's team right and
we don't have a yarmulke
we don't have a kippah a religious man
always has this mark on the top of his
head right this like symbol I'm a
religious man and maybe he wears sits is
hanging out also so everyone spots him
which is by the way a blessing and a
curse it means you can't sit down while
the pregnant lady is standing up in the
subway right it causes you to be a
better person you know it forces you to
kind of up your game because people are
looking at you and saying that guy's
Orthodox we don't have that same thing
and covering our head is really our
yarmulke it's a form of Jewish pride it
attaches us to a certain segment of the
Jewish population right I heard some one
of the beautiful stories in that book
was a
woman who she went to some conference
for work and it was like mostly non-jews
and whatever and across the room she
spotted another Shaiful another wig like
at like a hundred people knew him she
spotted two shades over there and they
shared a look like we know we know each
other kind of right and then they ended
up like having like a meal together and
whatever and they just like knew so much
about each other just because they
shared this which is I find about myself
as well when I'm in like a very random
you know non-jewish environment and then
I see someone else covering their hair
I'm like oh you know what I mean it's
like secret Club okay so um
mariette marriages referred to as
kaduche in' in hebrew which really means
separation so when you get married you
make a lot of separations there are
parts of your inner world that you're
not going to share with anyone else
besides your husband there's parts of
your physical body that you're gonna
only share with your husband including
your hair we're not supposed to you know
be like flirty god forbid or talk
excessively with other men we want to
keep our relationship with our husband
as private as possible there's this
whole like circle of intimacy that's
created and covering one's hair fits
into that rubric where when a woman
covers her hair it's like her real hair
is this special intimate thing that only
is shared between her and her husband
and that's why I said it's so much
harder if your husband isn't on board
okay by the way the word snoots which we
badly translate as modesty but I really
prefer to call it dignity or internality
focus on the internal comes from the
word say now which means privacy right
so the whole rubric of modesty really is
about privacy not everyone needs to see
everything why would I want everyone to
see everything why would I want men
gawking at me I'm married for gosh sakes
right so not so hair covering though it
is a separate Mitzvah from modesty from
you know the laws of dress for instance
it does it kind of overlaps with modesty
meaning a woman could be covering her
hair according to halakha meaning all
her hair is covered but if she's wearing
I call it the Kim Kardashian shape
though okay like Shh you know what I
mean like the first one I tried on was
like that and I was like I should be
dancing on tables somewhere with this
thing like this is just like not okay
right so a wig that is so provocative
and sexy and not snoots and eye catching
is unfortunately not fulfilling the
spirit of this law and by the way this
is another general principle in Judaism
there's the letter of the law and the
spirit of the law so there's certain
laws of Shabbos right and then there's
the spirit of Shabbos like you could
officially set your timer for your TV to
go on and you wouldn't be violating a
law of Shabbos but it's not Shama stick
like I don't want to be watching Netflix
on Java straight like it's not in the
spirit of Shabbos so - with hair
covering there's the letter of the law
which is cover your hair and then
there's the spirit of the law which is I
don't want to be provocative much more
so now that I'm married even before I
didn't want to be provocative I wanted
to be pretty and refined and put
together and dignified and gorgeous but
not sexy and alluring and provocative so
if my wig is sexy alluring and
provocative I've got a problem and I
have to look inside myself and say is
there a way that I could grow in this
Mitzvah now very important we never
judge another Jew so when I see a woman
wearing a Kim Kardashian shape doll
I say to myself this is probably the
only way that this woman can cover her
hair and she's doing the Mitzvah good
for her there are unfortunately many
women sometimes they attend my hair
covering classes and start a barrage of
criticism of what I'm saying but since
you're all muted I don't have to deal
with that okay so there are some women
who will judge other women based on what
they are wearing
on their head and say to themselves
they're not keeping the Mitzvah what's
she wearing okay
note to self God hates one character
trait more than any other treat you know
what it's called diva which means
arrogance when we've judged another Jew
and we say I'm doing this better and
that person is not trust me they're not
throwing a parade for you in heaven it's
very dangerous for yourself we're never
allowed to judge anyone it says in peer
chaos until we are in their shoes which
is when never okay so moving on so you
know I say to myself maybe this is the
only way that this person can cover
their hair I can tell you honestly for
myself if wigs were outlawed there is
zero chance I'd be keeping this Mitzvah
I'm telling you really honestly really
really honestly I don't know why I'm
recording this but stuff to marry off
kids okay but I I don't think that I
would be capable of doing this Mitzvah
if I were not allowed to wear wigs and
my rabbi pointed out that the countries
in pre-war Europe where the rabbi's
assured wigs where they said wigs are
not an acceptable way to cover your hair
in droves the women stop doing this
Mitzvah and the countries where they
stir rabbi said it's okay to cover your
hair with a wig the women in general
kept covering their hair and I know for
sure in America and certainly rough
Moshe and little Babaji Rebbe ruled this
way that it's it's not realistic to
think that the average woman is going to
be able to cover here only with a scarf
so I want to just read this I don't
remember where I got this I'm sorry
because I've compiled so much
information but someone wrote this that
I respect the lubavitcher rebbe held
that shade cells are definitely Lahav
HeLa which means I like ideal not what's
called Big D of it which means and okay
it's not so great but okay he said it's
lathela
it's it's even preferable in his mind
whereas revolve ah da Yosef from my
understanding he was talking about his
clientele in Israel but many Sephardic
Jews in America also hold by this that
tiful Zen hats and scarves were
definitely better okay so you have you
pick
this is the only reason I'm happy to be
Ashkenazi most times I'd rather be
Sparty okay
the Rosh Yeshiva Ralph I'm Pincus shine
Berg's wife were sheitel and I had a
very good conversation years ago with my
friend and neighbor Rebbetzin boshy
touristy the head of the hadera seminary
which Hodari is like you know on the
spectrum of seminaries extraordinarily
right-wing okay so I asked her why is it
ok to cover with a wig even if you look
better or more beautiful with a wig on
she said very simply the law says a
married woman must cover her hair it
doesn't say with what there is no
Mitzvah to be unattractive odds are ABBA
that means on quite the contrary
abbis melis which means the daughter of
the king meaning Hashem has a mitzvah to
be attractive and put together for she
is truly the daughter of the king she
always were a sheitel to go out of the
house and told me she preferred it
because she felt she got the most
coverage and didn't have to worry about
it slipping back which is mine also my
thing when I wear sky very slippery hair
even with the band and the grip and all
that it slips off my hand to a degree
that the sheitel does not move as about
trouve I think we all struggled with
this question of why covering hair with
hair and looking great was okay but she
really put my mind at ease about it and
obviously many if not most of the GU
Dolan's wives had wigs on people tend to
get very entrenched in their own
position and it's just important you
follow your love you make your decision
with your rub and you don't worry about
other people okay and we definitely
never want to judge other people on all
this bearing in mind bearing all this in
mind there are still days where it's
very hard for me to do this nuts but
usually when I get my hair cut and it
looks like awesome and the ladies like
oh why you cover looks so good like why
you stuff that hat on okay wrong accent
but whatever so I once had one of these
days where I was like really I was like
in tears it was new I was newly married
and I was in tears
and and my husband said to me do you
have any role models any women female
role models that you aspire to be like
that you want to be like who don't cover
their hair
and other than my mother I don't have
anyone they all cover their hair rabbits
auntie Healy a gir who I want to be when
I grow up right like you know Rebbetzin
young rice like all these amazing
amazing women who are like crazy amazing
speakers that also really devoted to
their family like they all wore a wig
they all covered their hair so that was
like such a good point and I remember
that now when I'm having a hard day I
think to myself the woman that I want to
be covers her hair so after all the
whole effect discussions and all the ins
and outs at the end of the day who I
want to be is a woman who covers her
hair so that gets me through the days
that are difficult and I thought I would
share that with you on another note and
this shouldn't be the case but it is
okay for better for worse the way that
you view a couple's religious standing
is largely based on how the woman is
dressed and what she's wearing on her
head there's nothing to say about this
I'm not saying it's good or it's bad it
just is like all the men look basically
the same more or less like on a weekday
or like let's say i'm Shabbos let's put
on shop on Shabbos they're all wearing a
white shirt a suit and a guy
okay had no hat but whatever you can't
really tell he could be like not keeping
Shabbos or like Hussey addition you're
not even really sure but you look at the
woman and you're like oh I totally know
the whole picture now I don't know that
it should be this way but it just is
this way and we tend to judge by
externals and we like figure people out
based on like what they what they look
like
it just is I look at it as a big
responsibility in a good way
okay next story I was very very moon
newly married and I was I told you I
started covering my hair when I first
got married with a wig primarily but you
know then I'd wear like a baseball cap
with stuff hanging out like which I
wouldn't do today and I was Shabbos and
I was wearing my wig and I was still
struggling a lot with the Mitzvah of
muse of dress and I was
definitely pushing the envelope a little
bit and a cure of Rebbetzin
unfortunately came up to me in public in
front of my husband and other people
okay this is such a big Avera as Tim
when you embarrass someone in public
it's according to Jewish sources the
same as murdering them and she said to
me you're gonna cover you you're gonna
cover your hair with a wig and wear that
outfits don't you think that's
hypocritical okay so I cried the rest of
Shabbos and then I knew has been said to
me I think you should call her first of
all what if she says that to someone
else like I'm already in I'm not leaving
you - cake because some lady opens her
mouth and says the wrong thing like I'm
a hook line and sinker I love Hashem and
I love this / but what if there was a
newly like a newly a newbie like that
comment see you later right so he said
and it was true I should call her and
plus she might not realize okay so I
hate conflict I'm like averse to calm so
I'm like sweating right but I called her
motsu Shabbos and I said you know you
may not realize but this is my hardest
mitzvah is like dress you know and hair
covering these are my hardest mitzvahs
and it's like a miracle that I even have
like fabric on me and like it really was
hurtful when you said that because it's
I'm struggling so so hard to do the
right thing okay now of course she was
like oh I'm so sorry I didn't realize
blah blah okay whatever I forgive her
it's been 20 years okay but anyway I
give over this story because I wouldn't
want anyone in this group to ever have
that experience but if you do have that
experience just realize that people are
human they even though we have the teeth
and the lips
some people just it's like word vomit
like they didn't they couldn't control
what they were saying and it just came
out
and it was wrong that she said that to
me um and you know we would never want
to do that to anyone else right okay so
next few points and then we're gonna do
our fashion show oh and I'm gonna look
at the
so okay so I just want to address the
issue of the hair covering falling like
overlapping with modesty right so the
laws of snood are supposed to help us to
focus inward that's the idea
instead of getting trying to get other
people's approval for our externals by
the way it's not smooth for a man to
wear ferragamo shoes and a big Rolex
watch and a ton of cologne either okay
it's nude is for men and women and it's
not just about clothing right we're
supposed to be understated the cause
I'll tell us do much say little I don't
need to brag about myself say how much
money I make come into a room and it's a
big parade you just do what you're
supposed to do make the world a better
place and not everyone needs to know
about it okay so that is really the
definition of snood focusing on Who I am
inside and developing that not being so
focused on my outside so when a woman
covers her hair and frankly her body as
well it really encourages us to focus on
her insides and I'm just speaking for
myself here when I was wearing like
small pieces of fabric it's very hard
not to focus on your body because it's
coming out all over the place right okay
did I work out my abs enough today like
you know am I like you know what I mean
like you're like tucking everything in
then is it falling out somewhere and
you're very aware of your body once you
start covering it I was sort of like
liberated really I was freed up to focus
on my insides and you know I've been
working on my insides for 25 years I'm
getting better okay but it really it
made me lazy cuz I got so much
validation for the outside why bother
working on the inside okay so covering
our hair is supposed to be under that
rubric of like you know I'm not like so
focused on my hair right there was a
beautiful story in here where she talks
about from like an early age you know I
had a B I had two I have two girls who
were bald until like two years old so
like with the tiny little wisp of hair
that was coming out I stuck one of those
velcro bows on so people would know she
was a girl you know likes of a very
young age we stick bows on our baby's
hair then
what happens when you're a teen girl oh
my gosh the amount of time I spend on my
hair like I could have written like an
entire Talmud by now so I used to get up
at before dawn in high school so I was
like the era I'm gonna date myself here
but it was the 80s there's a lot of
hairspray okay so like I was like you
know like permed and sprayed and I spent
like an hour and a half on my hair why I
have no idea okay then you know then
we're single right and we're like
flipping our hair all over and like
looking all luscious you know and then
we get married and it's like mmm what do
I do now now it's supposed to all be
reserved from my husband so it's not
it's not like it's a overnight you know
easy but there's a lot of really special
things about this so as we said once she
first experiences all of this power
right after her wedding night she wants
to take all of that energy and that
sensuality and not have it be going out
in a million directions we want to
literally put a lid on it and like a
laser it goes towards our husband so
hair by the way is compared to the yet
Sahara and Jewish sources which is like
the evil inclination ace of my Esau was
born hairy and he really was symbolizes
the Sahara and we have hair growing on
the places of our body that have the
most potential to cause harm so you know
and to be misused right the areas of our
body we need the most self-control right
the brain we want to control our
thoughts the mouth for a man you want to
control our speech and our private area
where we want to control our desires
so the eight Sahara really represents
the primary drives we have as human
beings and the Torah provides the
structure to direct those drives towards
purpose and meaning so the hair of a
woman as a married woman it's it's
representative of the most powerful
aspect of her physicality right her
sexuality
once this switch is activated and she
understands that power she covers her
hair to constantly remind herself of her
need to set clear boundaries and keep
this powerful aspect of herself
restrained and controlled okay and by
the way also it's not Halle ha but there
are women who are more particular about
covering their hair during the times of
the month when they're not permitted to
be physical with their husband so now
this makes sense because during that
time when she and her husband are meant
to separate physically sexually she is
taking that hair which is representative
of that sexuality and covering it again
not every woman does that but women who
are particular to do that it makes sense
logically based on what we're saying so
through the myths of covering her hair a
merry Jewish woman recognizes the power
she possesses as a woman and the
importance and beauty of that energy
within the framework of her marriage
upon leaving the privacy of her home she
physically covers and restrains her hair
which reminds her that she must restrain
the most intimate aspects of her
femininity and direct these energies
inward towards her husband you know
between her husband and herself it is
with this awareness that she can help to
cultivate a deeply fulfilling exclusive
relationship with her husband okay
so just make sure I got to most stuff we
didn't get to everything but rabbi Sauer
who was rush Kohl of why you in LA says
that the Mitzvah of hair covering is
really the hallmark of the Jewish woman
right where the yarmulke is to a man a
symbol of Europe shamayim fear of heaven
the hair covering is for the Jewish
woman as the yarmulke symbolizes
humility so a
married woman's hair covering symbolizes
modesty and humility an essential aspect
of the role of the Jewish woman
so the Torah again just to highlight
this does not want us to be unattractive
or ugly it wants us to be beautiful and
dignified but not provocative okay so
okay by the way ruff shimon Schwab said
women are not obligated in the myth so
to fill in because they we're there to
fill them throughout all the hours of
the day I thought that was so cute I
mean not cute but you know okay so and
this is ruff who I don't usually
quote by the way but while her head
covering should not be overly flamboyant
and flashy neither should it be drab and
somber Hazael the rabbi's teach that a
wife should always make an effort to be
appealing to her husband
and number two it would give the
impression that Yiddish kite is
restrictive somber and gloomy right
which it is not okay so even our head
covering needs to be thought out right
it's not supposed to be drab or schleppy
or frumpy and it's not supposed to be
overly flamboyant and flashy either okay
so I'm gonna look at some questions here
and just make sure that we got whoa okay
this is the Wonder wig so this is
basically this is a fantastic invention
okay so this is basically like a wig
that's sewn kind of like a circle and so
you basically wear it with like a
headband
I wear this also all summer you'll see
pictures on Facebook either in like a
messy bun on the top of my head or like
a pony
so it's sewn in a particular way that
makes it basically you can't wear this
by itself because you see it has no it
has no hair in the front right so you
can't wear this by itself and you really
can't wear it down it looks a little
weird but I wear it in like a messy bun
like on the top of my head or on the
bottom of my head and I wear that like
all summer and it's it's super
comfortable and cool and it's off my
neck and whatever okay so that was the
fashion show I'm glad I convinced them
do that okay
and you know by the way as far as like
my weeks ago I have this longer one
which is you know for more fancy or
fancy occasions like you know a Bar
Mitzvah
Shabbos whatever and then I have a
shorter one that's like to my shoulders
it's a little bit more casual and not as
like whatever a big deal and that I wear
just you know on a regular basis I'm
trying to think that's pretty much the
extent of what I do okay let's see if I
can answer some questions here um what
are the Halawa arguments against
covering your hair what does that mean
there are many modern orthodox women
that don't wear wigs and don't
completely cover their hair either oh so
those are two different questions the
first question is what are the Halawa
arguments against covering your hair
there's I have heard a rabbi who you
know I wouldn't call so legitimate but
he felt that hair covering was not a
Mitzvah from the Torah and it was just
based on society and since society no
longer covers their head like I told you
since President Kennedy
so we also don't need to do that okay so
obviously you know if you look around
the Orthodox world there's very few
people who would agree with him you know
and again I I just go back to that thing
my husband said look at your role models
what are your role models do that's what
I go back to um whether how much to
cover right in the modern Orthodox world
there are women who will show more hair
you know I'm not gonna weigh in on that
you know I hold Bhairav Moshe that seems
to be the majority Halawa opinion that
you can show only a toughie and not more
but again we're not here to judge so
maybe maybe this person that's that's
the best way they can cover their hair
great it's Judaism is not all or nothing
it's not like you wear a burqa or are
naked like there's like a whole you know
there's a whole process that there's a
whole spectrum same with hair covering
Shabbos kosher every Mitzvah it's like
it's like a you know it's - life's a
journey and again we're interested in
the marathon not the sprint maybe you'll
never get to the end that's okay and
Hashem is not comparing us to anyone
else most of us on this called in-group
religious
hello the last person who covered in her
hair and my family who's probably like
250 years ago at best I'm really not
kidding so do you think Hashem is gonna
be like cracking the whip on me no of
course not it's like they're throwing a
party upstairs for what I'm doing okay
have you ever had a moment when you were
happy or relieved you cover your hair
only three-day antov that's it okay
are women allowed to stay one-on-one
with rabbis you now let's be enjoyed
this is totally off topic you're not
allowed to be in Euclid which means in a
locked room or seclusion with with any
man that you're not married to so if a
rabbi meets with you is a very important
question if a rabbi meets with you the
door should be open or someone should
always be like around ready to walk in
that's a really important question
actually because we have a lot of ballet
chuhwa girls here who may not know what
is appropriate or inappropriate behavior
for a rabbi okay so if you are concerned
or confused please be in touch with me
privately what's the difference between
a fall in a Faisal okay so a fall
basically like the Wonder wig we'll have
this this line here so that you you
can't wear it by itself you would need a
hat or a headband or something or you
know something to cover up that seam
that that's a fall so wears a full
sheitel you see I have like side bangs
so I I'm not pulling out any of my own
hair this is just sitting on top of my
hair by the way when I first got married
I did pull out my own hair because I was
like very muffin which means particular
that I wanted a very good hair line and
I didn't want anyone to know I was
covering my hair I wanted to look
exactly like my hair so I would take out
a little bit and pull it over which
according to most opinions is holily not
okay but that's what I did and you know
what I did it for about four years and
then we moved to Passaic New Jersey and
I was like I don't think that's gonna
really fly here so I went back to my
shades on my heart which is the wig lady
okay and I had her cut some some more
layers in so that I felt more
comfortable with the hair line
I happens to be this one is not even as
good as my other one but happens to be
I'm very particular about hairline
because I don't want it to look Wiggy
and the hairline is worth there two
things make you look Wiggy the hairline
if it's bad and also if you have too
much of your natural hair you get a bump
right here under the wig because you
have so much hair stuff then happens to
be my natural hair I cut it shorter for
that reason because I very very thick
hair and there's just no way I would be
able to stuff it up into any intuition
into a wig without a bump otherwise and
I think I look cute anyway so it's okay
and so does my husband so that's a fall
um a fall is a Shh all without the
hairline okay great
there are mixed opinions on if a woman
needs to cover at home
okay great it is not halakha in your own
home but some women like to be extra um
stringent on themselves and cover in
their own home and it's true that like
now that my kids are older there's
always like someone running in the house
and like whatever friends and you know
so the truth is my hair is mostly
covered day to day now but I didn't
start off that way and it's and I needed
to not start off that way if you know
any how about if you're wearing a hat
was only the top of your head not
showing right so meaning a hat with your
own hair coming out so again
Roth Moshe and really the majority vast
majority the post-game say that either
all the hair has to be covered or less
than a toss off which would be very very
little at the base of your neck when I
first got married I wear those cute like
fancy hats that like black ladies wear
like you know like with like out of
Titanic you know I mean like this
gorgeous hats and I had like a tiny bit
of my hair you know coming out the
bottom which probably was politically
you know debatable not too bad but I
wouldn't do that today so you know again
it's it's a it's a growth process and
better something than nothing that's
what I keep trying to tell you guys
better to put a hat on your head and
have all your hair coming out then
nothing
obviously that's better we just went
through the Torah source okay okay fine
I gets complicated with family members
visiting in-laws in particular right if
your in-laws are always dropping by if
you're Russian I'm just kidding if your
in-laws are always dropping by so then
you're like oh ah oh right so I leave a
little beanie by the door it's on a hook
right by the door of my house and I can
literally like the the the winter hat
and I literally just and answer the door
you know six Terminator comms whatever
you know I can just throw that on in a
second but yeah it would be nice for
people who are visiting to let you know
that they're coming so you don't you
aren't in a situation you're
uncomfortable with stepson I do not know
the answer to that I think you would
probably need to cover in front of your
stepson but I'm not a rabbi how about in
front of friends and other women no as
we said according to Luffy you do not
have to some people are more sensitive
and particular about that is there a
requirement to have hair no because in
certain prestigious communities they
shave it so it's definitely not a whole
lot to requirement to have hair that
being said the vast majority of
Ashkenazi post scheme which means rabbis
who rule on subjects are not in favor of
woman shaving her head because we're
meant to be look beautiful for our
husband and by the way on a side note
really important that you take care of
your natural hair just because you're
covering your hair does not mean that
your natural hair should be spa as they
say junk right I get a real haircut you
know I don't Leah and Jara don't need to
dye anything yet but when the time comes
maybe I don't know but I take care of it
i conditioned it I make sure it's
healthy and as I said I think it's
healthier now because I'm not blow
drying is perming you know all that
stuff that I used to do it doesn't see
the Sun really so you know it's not
getting like bleached out right it's
healthier actually does it need to be
covered when Davin and or saying abraca
went alone okay so check your lor about
that from my understanding you do not
need to cover your hair when you are
saying Abraha but most women when
they're dodging would cover their hair
like I certainly cover my hair when I
but when I say a broth I'm not always
what about and by the way in the mikveh
you're saying a blessing right most
women do not cover their hair there
right there is a little pile of
washcloths that some women will grab and
put on top of their head but not it's
not required what about if a woman has
cancer god forbid and she is bald or
loses her hair for another reason and
does she have to still cover her bald
head that's such a good question um yeah
I think so because it's the rosh if you
look at the Torah source it says the
rosh which means head so with or without
hair that's so interesting though
because hair is what we're talking about
should never happen to anyone what are
the amount of interest technically that
can be shown okay we already talked
about that when people wear a fall
pulled back okay right so again we're
not judging anyone else but I'm telling
you less than @ff which is less than two
fingers any recommendations for a rabbi
a mentor you know speak to me privately
because I do have I mean certainly
anyone at ola me you know is great
depending on your city I could recommend
someone who is like the head of the
kollel or you know a rabbi they're
depending on your city does the tefik
count at the bottom of your hair as well
right yes as far as I know yes so if it
was covered completely up here and there
was a tiny bit coming down that would be
considered according to what I know okay
but again that's very little and tough
off is very little how do you suggest we
discuss with men we are dating our fears
about hair covering especially as a bt
who keeps meeting fo fees gives everyone
know what that means
FFP is a firm from birth someone who
grew up religious they may want someone
to cover their hair fully full time
right away i would want to be able to
effectively communicate about my fears
and my growth plan not scare him away by
seeming unwilling to perform this
mitzvah so um yeah you know that's why
i'm very happy that i was able to marry
someone who also comes from a similar
background to me and we were able to
grow together and like i said his answer
was the only answer that would have
worked for me and i know a lot of women
who feel that way like i don't tell me
what to do but then again you should
care you know so it's like this dicey
thing so i think that you know
is something you probably want to talk
about fairly early on when you're
talking about other things like your
Shabbat observance kosher snoots hugging
holidays whatever like what you know
what's he doing what just you're doing
does your picture of life the way you
want it to look match his right that's
what you know as a dating coach I'm
telling you you do need to talk about
these things because I know couples for
whatever reason it's more common in the
safari world but I know couples where
the woman is covering her hair with it
with a scarf and the man is not keeping
Shabbos okay
this would never like just doesn't
happen in Ashkenazi but like why would
you marry someone so far off but in this
in our amongst our students who are
mostly safari this is quite common
because they're like already traditional
so then it's a question of like am I
going to go farther than traditional or
not and sometimes the woman becomes more
religious and the husband is not and so
then you have a bad dynamic so this is
definitely worth talking about early on
also I don't think it's worth saying
he's not for me if he has trouble
getting on board with a growth plan
rather than doing it right away by the
way also um
don't fall for just talking ladies okay
doing okay if you're dating a guy and he
says yeah yeah when I marry don't want
to fill in the blank keep Shabbat kosher
get a rabbi go to shul great let's start
today okay none of this talk what are
you doing now
wait Gris you want to go in that
direction let's go in that direction
together right you're gonna save
yourself a lot of pain how is your own
hair different from wearing a wig it's
attached to your head so there's
something about hair that's attached to
your head that is sensual and hair
that's not attached to your head is a
little bit you okay like it's just not
like can you imagine something going no
like it doesn't work so that's where the
difference is when it's attached to your
head it still has this life to it
there's vibrancy this like sensuality
and when it's not attached to your head
and someone else's hair it just doesn't
I always joke that my husband's married
to 25 different women because all of my
looks are so different I once got a pony
shape though that was made for
Asian hair so when you go ahead and see
a Chinese Lee he'd be like there's your
hair like it looks like my hair it was
like stick straight you know in black
but anyway it's kind of it's like a pert
it's a private joke type of the thing
but it's definitely not sensual is the
wig more sexy than the hair so right
again that's what I said about the Kim
Kardashian sheitel if your if your wig
is legit sexy then you're not fulfilling
the spirit of the law are you still
keeping the letter of the law which is a
married woman should cover her hair yes
you are and that shouldn't be sneezed at
but are you are you violating the spirit
of law quite potentially because we
don't want to be provocative right we
don't want that
how is covering your hair directing
yours essential energy towards your
husband because again your hair is
symbolizing all of that sexy energy and
you're saving it just for him it's
basically just involved between you and
him so therefore it it it is part of the
circle of intimacy that you share okay
someone asked a good question if someone
was it's actually active before marriage
today after their cover their hair so
actually there is a discussion in the
Talmud about this since that's the
reason like part of the reason given is
that and the rabbi's determined this is
not this would not work for obvious
reasons anyone read The Scarlet Letter
okay so this would not work and so to
save people's dignity this was not
adopted but if you look in the Hassid
--is-- world right you'll see the young
girls wear breeds right they usually
wear two braids when they're little and
one long braid as they get a little
older or vice versa I don't remember um
and that's for this that's because it's
like the Amish like as they're growing
into themself as a woman they want their
their hair to be more snoot to be more
immodest and by the way the laws of
modesty regarding wigs relate pretty
much exactly the way you would do your
own hair meaning if you have a lot of
like tons of luscious hair that's also
not so modest as a single woman so it's
the same with a wig it's the exact same
thing these are amazing questions great
I wonder if the hair shaving concept
here is a reason as to why I stopped my
cousin do this restraint no so the two
the two reasons given for why certain
parts of the Hussey dish world shave and
it's not the majority its the minority
that the reason that they give is number
one when they go in the mikvah which is
that pool of natural water that we go to
you know to keep the laws of family
purity so if your if you have a lot of
hair so it's potentially possible to go
under the water and have your hair up on
top of the water which would then
violate your immersion okay so that's
one reason okay so what do we do we just
do a cannonball that's what I tell you
okay so funny okay so I've got to get a
background or something okay so that's
one reason given and the other reason
given is that they don't want any hairs
to show because they're holding by the
Zohar which is that mystical work which
says that no not even any hairs should
be showing and like even with this you
know if the bangs break a little bit you
know you could see my hair you know what
I'm saying so if I had no hair if I had
shaved my head okay there'd be no chance
of that so those are the two reasons
given for shaving and again most um I
would think safari but certainly most
Ashkenazi rabbis do not agree with this
custom you know if it's not your custom
it shouldn't be your custom because it's
not considered such a great idea if
we're covering our hair because hair
essential then why is it okay to cover
your hair with a wig and also a lot of
ways are a lot more beautiful and
central of the natural hair okay I'm
repeating myself okay believe it we said
this so again the letter of the law is
covering your hair the spirit of the law
is don't be provocative and sexy okay if
your wig is sexy and provocative you are
keeping the letter of the law and not
the spirit of the law do we all need to
do inner work and grow yes are we
allowed to judge anyone else
no okay did I ruin well got it okay
great
by the way they're really different
opinions amongst the rabbis regarding
wigs so um you know the lubavitcher
rebbe as I said felt that that was a
better way to cover your hair Rosa's
idea says scarves are better
but neither a little Babaji Randi nor
arava Vado would ever say that a woman
doing the opposite of what he recommends
is not keeping the the mitzvot and
that's what's really important is you
know some of these ladies who send me
materials before my hair covering class
you know it's just really important to
have a sense of humility and not judge
anyone else okay but again there's no
myths but to be ugly or schlumpy dumpy
frumpy okay whatever you want to wear
that makes you look classy beautiful and
dignified that's what you should wear as
the Royal at the Royal Ascot in England
all men and women still need to wear
hats to be allowed admission that's so
cool what's that
what's the Royal Ascot someone needs to
write in but that's a really cool
I've spoken to men about the power of
hair and they all admit it's true
religious or not very interesting I'd
love to more conversations about that
not sure if this was a just yet if you
place your hair in a bun and wear a hat
showing a bit of the bun is that allowed
so again not according to the Menino
majority sources but again could that be
part of a woman's growth process yeah
you know but definitely not not okay
okay halacha Glee according to most
sources I couldn't tell the difference
when I first started learning about
Orthodox Judaism but then I started to
be able to notice that Shaiful versus
regular hair totally true like I think
I've been fooled once in my 25 years and
it was from someone blonde it was like a
blonde wig which are you have to get a
really really good wig if you're a
blonde and it looks so natural and the
cheese is when people pull out their own
hair over top which again is not so okay
um it's really hard to tell because you
really can't see the hairline at all I
know the answer partially but also
sometimes I'm like why isn't a bun good
enough I doubt any guy sees a bun is
like wow that's hot right why is not why
can't you put your hair in a non sexy
style right so I hear that but we don't
really understand men's brains important
point to realize so something that we
would think is not sexy and attractive
they might
is it's very hard for us to really
understand that I'm and again the Halawa
says cover your hair so we don't have to
like make up something new how do you
find balance where you still feel
confident put together in a shade bill
so it really takes a lot of what's
called patch keying okay so like when I
first got this wig it was way too much
hair and I looked like I don't even know
what like a doll or something so I had
to get I got them to like thin 30% of
the hair in the front to have it be norm
more normal then I took it to my second
lady and she did like some some you know
side bangs and layers then I had to take
it back to her to do a few more layers
because it wasn't sitting right it's a
little bit of a posh key and then I got
some highlights put into it you know so
it's it's like right off the bat it's
usually not the way you like it
you have to kind of fuss with a little
bit and find someone good who you can
bring in pictures what you want it to
look like and you really I do find that
the more money you spend the more
comfortable it is right you won't
necessarily you probably would not be
able to tell the difference between this
one and my my other one which it was
more expensive even though a shorter but
it's more comfortable and that's the
thing if you spend a little bit more
money it's usually a little bit more
comfortable on your head which i think
is really important so I you know the
lubavitcher rebbe used to give people
money to like give a woman money to buy
a shape though because he felt this is
such an important it's fun if she
couldn't afford it he wanted her to get
something very very beautiful where she
felt proud to cover her hair and
beautiful and and dignified no I don't
think that's true about the light hair
necessarily so it's fine to get a blonde
wig you know again if it's platinum
blonde that might be like a bit much you
know we want again we want it to be
modest and not overly eye-catching right
so this question about when I went a
woman turns of age no so again there is
a discussion in the sources of like
should a single woman cover her hair
under certain circumstances and they
ruled note that we're not going to do
this by the way a woman who was married
and either divorced or widowed the
majority opinion is that she should
continue to still cover her hair
although if it's gonna get in the way of
her finding a off like like if a
man thinks she's married and then won't
you know what I'm saying so then she
there are rabbis who will say she can
uncover her hair do you get your hair
cut in a mixed salon when I first got
married I did and then a couple years in
I didn't feel comfortable any longer and
so now I go to actually my wig lady cuts
my hair also so she has her own private
basement maybe I'll take you guys on a
tour after corona and she has this whole
basement office it's like really cool
like Gillian's have shape tools and
whatever so she cuts my hair also and
she's the one who did this updo for the
bro Mitzvah I know you already touched
on this but does a woman need to have
her hair covered at home and it's just
her and her husband at a Shabbos meal or
throughout the day no so she should
cover it when he's saying Broca's
although he could look away but it's
best if he's you know he's saying
Kaddish emotes see that she has her hair
covered but um you know and I do keep it
covered at the Shabbos table because I
feel like it's more like what's called
the cathodic um like honoring of the
Shabbos of the Shabbos meal to keep my
hair covered but then I go to the couch
and I rip off my beanie so if it's just
the two of us you know obviously just
six of us at this point but yeah and
it's funny because my kids know when
mana has something on her head she's
probably going out especially the Shadle
going out at this point teaching a zoom
class okay do you have sources for other
forms of hair crap running like sources
that permit partial covering I don't
really have those sources on again go to
go to rabbi Manning comm and you can
download and print out the source sheet
um you know from my recollection of it
it didn't talk about more uncovering
more than a toughie um you know so there
may be some more Modern Orthodox rabbis
that ruled that way I don't know it's
not my community so I didn't learn it
that way
where can we follow you do you have a
whatsup sure to follow oh thanks um no I
don't have anything like that
I really I'm on Facebook I know y'all
are like young and you're like who does
Facebook Instagram okay but you all have
you know that all the college girls that
I speak to get on Facebook just for me
I'm just kidding but they do follow me
on Facebook and I can't do two social
media at one time it's too much for me
I'm already addictive enough so I'm just
on Facebook so I try to publish a lot of
great content on Facebook so you can
follow me on Facebook okay Devorah Rose
Kegel that's on Facebook and I'm you
know I have a lot of to do plans there's
a lot of content on my website also but
I really want to write a book and
there's a lot of stuff I want to do but
I'm so stay tuned okay weird when do you
start covering the day of your wedding
oh this is such a good question Jenny
okay so according to most sources you me
a woman needs to cover her hair the next
morning after her wedding
ie when she could have had relations
even if they didn't have relations the
first night when she could have so then
the next day she carts she starts
covering however you may have noticed if
you've been to some of these weddings I
think the the German Jews the Yankees
maybe and certain fussy dish groups view
it as preferable to start covering the
hair after the you hood room which is
the room of seclusion that you go into
for 10 minutes after the Hopa but before
the dancing and so either she'll put on
her shape tool in there or her turban in
there or sometimes they just start off
the wedding in a wig because they don't
want to deal with fussing around and
putting something on so I've been to
weddings where the bride herself is
wearing a wig at the Hopa right but
that's minority opinion the majority
opinion is you can totally have your
hair uncovered throughout the entire
party go home to the hotel and the next
morning you cover your hair
great question okay such great questions
here can't wait the answer is a possible
have the Q&A before the fashion show oh
sorry
okay so this is recorded so you know I
will you know be in touch with me if you
want to if you had to cut out early
these people are not hearing that but
you can tell them okay why is beard hair
not considered evil in the ace of
comparison so according to the Kabbalah
this the mystical sources a man
beard is is compared to huh said it's
like kindness loving-kindness and the
hair on either a man's or a woman's head
is considered to be Guevara or din or
judgment and that's where again it falls
into the it Sahara thing okay but it
doesn't mean that's bad wait think
Sampson remember Sampson with his hair
got him into trouble okay but anyway I
should put that in the class okay
armpit hair I hate I don't I don't know
what the symbolism with men where keep
owed from age three women don't cover
the hair until marriage what's the
explanation so again even the comparison
that I was making between the keeper and
the hair covering is not it's not in
every way comparable it's just it's an
outward sign for a man that he's a
religious Jew and there's an outward
sign for a woman that she's religious
sure that's the only comparison and you
know that it it connotes humility and
modesty but yes a boy starts wearing a
keypad age three when he you know
sometimes they've been the custom to cut
his hair then we did that and and that's
when he starts learning Torah so he
needs to always have his keep on when
he's learning Torah and when he says
blessings and he's supposed to remember
that God is above him okay what if I
feel ugly when I cover my hair find a
way to do it that makes you feel
beautiful and again that's really was
the mindset of Lubavitch Rebbe he you
see the Habad girls they have the most
the nicest things he really felt like a
woman should feel beautiful even when
she's married she shouldn't feel ugly so
whatever you want to do whatever you can
do to make yourself feel beautiful in
this Mitzvah I'll be honest when I got
this one this is my most recent one I
started crying when I put it on ladies
on nine twenty some odd years I I
started crying because I felt so Bluff
so as I told you it needed like five
patch keys and now I'm happy with it
you know but you got to keep working on
it until you feel great
you want to feel great doing it you
don't have some doesn't want us to serve
Him grumpy he wants us to serve in the
simcha joyfully
okay how can a friend who couldn't make
it to the zoom find the recording so Oh
lemme should be posting it I guess I
don't know but I will have it so anyone
who needs it you send them to me and I
will give it to them I was taught that a
woman's to feel it is to fill in as her
uterus whoa that's cool I never heard of
that interesting um I doubt it was a guy
who invented it I don't know the wig
grip maybe was a guy a girl I don't know
but whoever it is going straight to
heaven how do you still feel like
yourself uncovering your hair so you
know what it's such a good question um
Katya I feel like a different me I feel
like me but different like I do feel
different when I'm just where you know
when I just have my own hair it's like
the private me that only my family sees
and then this is like the going out me
this is like the Torah teacher and the
dating coach and the whatever you know
that so it's I feel me but it's like a
different me and then my hair as I told
you is pretty short so it's like a super
cute short haircut it looks very
different and that's like the private me
so they're both me but they're just
different
I like the fall great so yeah great do
do whatever you need to do someone asked
the question that now I'm pondering as
well covering your hair is the sacrifice
that you're making between you and
Hashem and a mitzvah and you're covering
your hair with hair and you're not
supposed to be sensual and beautiful to
other men what's the hair does so if
you're doing all essential and beautiful
wig food okay so I think this is still
the same question um which is you know
what's the deal with wigs
okay so again there are Robin M who are
not so into wigs there are abundant who
are more into wigs obviously if you look
around the ashkenazi worlds the vast
majority of women cover their hair with
awake if you go to Teaneck though you'll
see a lot of you know um scarves and
like beanies and whatever it really
depends on your community and even in
the safari worlds in America I know a
ton of safari Rebbetzin who cover their
hair with a wig so you know again as
long as it's not provocative and sexy
you get your good okay and it's a gray
area we have to all stretch ourselves
and look into ourselves and again not
judge other people hi
fall when I workout yeah you look
adorable nuts when do you start covering
the debut okay great we did that
what's a half wig I there is such a
thing as a hat fall which is like
netting on top and just hair coming out
and you wear a hat on top and there is
something called a keepo egg which is
according to most opinions not sohe
logically acceptable which basically
just sits on top of your actual hair and
just kind of all the hair mixes together
like your hair and the shape the hair
mixes together it's considered not so
appropriate but again if it's a step in
the right direction great okay where
does your hair go in the Wonder wig so I
I have short hair so I just stuff it in
if you had longer hair you could like
make you know plates with a with a
barrette and stick it up or like a bun
up there and it just goes in the cap
okay and then you take the actual wig
and you make it into like a pony or a
bun on top and then you always have to
be wearing the headband so if you're not
into headbands it's not a look for you
but I think it looks really cute and
young and like I probably won't be able
to do this forever but okay yeah wonder
wig w u nder w IG okay
speak to me if you need the recording
can we ask questions out loud sure if
you have a question ask it out loud yes
it's being recorded because of the 2
inch rule okay it's not 2 inches okay
not 2 inches too tough ox okay I'm sorry
a toughie which is two fingers which is
definitely not 2 inches it's it's
basically like an inch I would say at
max so it has to be less than an inch I
could get the centimeter for you but I
don't know but it's definitely not two
inches two fingers is that why women are
able to pull out some hair in the front
to make their shape to look more natural
so I think it's a great question you're
asking I think that they're
misinterpreting the tough off because
really if you were to take all of this
out it's gonna be way more than itself
up so there I remember when I did it I
was thinking to myself I don't even know
if I was singing but if I was thinking
to myself I was thinking okay whatever
I'm only taking like a few hairs right
here no no no and I'm pulling it over
but those hairs are very long so that's
why it doesn't really fall into the TEFL
again my impression is that girls who
are doing it are not really aware of the
halacha most of you probably never had a
class on hair covering before right
my girls have never had a class on hair
covering before my my oldest had it for
the first time when she was in seminary
and not only seminaries teach it so it
could be that a woman is covering her
and she doesn't actually know the
halacha which in my mind is a problem I
actually had a friend who grew up from
grew up religious and then she married a
cure of rabbi and so she moved to an ad
town community and the ladies in the
community said can you do give that
class on hair covering like why'd we
cover our hair and she was like yeah and
then she was like wait why do we cover
her hair so she had to call my friend
who's abolished reverts if I know why we
cover her hair okay this would never
happen Isabel Juma
cuz there's no way to stick this thing
on my head if I didn't know something
about it you know I'm saying but like my
daughters don't think that way thank God
my daughters are so excited to cover
their hair because to them it's a symbol
of being married it's like normal and
natural and fun and exciting right it's
like it's not weird to them like it was
to me thank God
yes that would be frowned upon pulling
out but again I don't think they're
doing it on purpose I'm really I'm being
honest here I don't think that those
girls who pull out hair or doing it
because they they know it's a violation
I think they're confused and they're not
sure okay um I can't think of one more
or less holistic Orthodox person who I'd
want to emulate I'm sure they exist I
just don't even know where to stumble
upon the unicorn a family professional
and social me I don't know I know so
many women like myself I know a ton of
women like myself like Passaic is full
of us you know women who have a passion
have a job love their family are normal
you know not all of us grew up religious
some did some didn't there are so many
normal people here you have to find your
community that's really really really
important you have to find your
community where you meet women that you
want to be like and where you don't feel
judged love this talk to more I think it
was great physic for myself love hearing
you speak
Thanks where's the tourist source for
it's half off okay so I really want you
guys to download this and print this out
yourself but rough Moshe rules that it
even though it's commendable for women
to cover all their hair in accordance
with the cut time so fair a woman who
wishes to be lenient and uncover some
hair it's not to be considered to be
acting inappropriately or moshus that's
the maximum hair which may be showing is
one squares off two fingers across the
head okay but that is one opinion okay
there are opinions that say all hair
should be covered so again this is why
it's so important to have your own rabbi
okay strongly advise anyone who is
struggling with this to sit down with
their personal rabbi and discuss the
issues with them if you have a rub that
is legit and and whole and you are
holding by him you can feel confident in
that the problem is a lot of people
don't ask and so they just look around
and what other people are doing and
they're like oh okay so that's enough
for me
you know and of course that's not what
we do with Halawa we really want to
rabbi to rely on and he can take you
through the sources as he understands
them you know and that's like an
excellent exercise um is it important to
dress me ously at home when cooking
bacon collar shaking saying prayers
that's such a good question I mean you
know I I can hear the mentality of being
more dressed when you're doing like I'm
this I like taking challah and certainly
once your kids are around I do feel it's
important to dress them a pretty
dignified way you don't just like you
know like you're going out outside but
it should be you always want to look
dignified you know somewhat dignified in
front of your kids so you would have to
ask your lor as far as like what you
need to have covered you know when
you're doing things like that but I
think it's more like a sensitivity than
hala huh and certainly once you have
kids everything changes I've heard that
if you cut your hair and make it into a
wig that's fine to wear is that true
extraordinarily minority opinion but
yeah cuz no longer attached to your head
so loses that power how do you know what
hairstyle looks good on you cutting a
wig is different than your own
so I feel like you need to change the
style from your natural hair well what's
scary is the wig doesn't go back so you
want to do it gradually because now
we're gonna go back so just kind of
gradually take a picture with you to
show her you know kind of what you want
and she does it gradually so then you're
like a little more a little more and
then you're you're hopefully happy with
it how often do you wash your wig so
they recommend as little as possible
actually because the more you wash it
the less long it's gonna last
and it actually holds a style better
when it's a little bit not so clean it's
kind of weird to say but I'd probably do
it every couple months two to three
months or before some cut or something
you get to try on all different styles
and cuts totally you could like have a
short bob and like long blonde red
whatever have fun with it it's another
accessory Ascot is basically a royal
horse-racing of venom cuz England is
very into ceremonies oh and they wear
all the hats yes right I knew that
okay great that's so cool what is it
called Ascot
okay what brands have you found comfy as
far as wigs so my favourite is a call to
Clary which my shorter one is a Clary
that's probably you've seen me most of
the videos I do on Facebook that's the
one I'm wearing so it's a Clary and they
run from about 1500 to 2200 something
like that um this is a Niveen which we
have an Emmet student my husband works
for Emma and we have an Emmet student
that sells them so I got it from them
and this is a little bit cheaper than a
Clary so irene's usually run between
like depending on the length like six
hundred to two thousand six hundred to
fifteen hundred something like that yeah
is it okay to use a different hair color
once you get a shape filled yeah sure
have fun with it definitely anonymous
please as a Jewish woman with babies my
husband only sees my nice hair when we
go out once in a blue moon I don't cover
my hair according to halakha I should
cover it outside and open inside but
then I literally never have nice hair
getting pretty at home is non-existent
kids puke on my shoulder daily I relate
so I don't know what to tell you I still
keep my hair cute at home you know even
though I it is mostly covered but it
still looks cute when I take this off
and like fluff it a little bit looks
cute and we definitely should always be
pretty for our spouse are they're shaped
Olga mouths yes yes yes yes there are
and there is even financial assistance
to buy fatals so don't ever feel like
it's a financial issue okay I can put
you in touch with the right people
what wig brains do you recommend so
again I like Clary this is I mean what
else do people like the blonde girl
golly people like there are shades
looking laughs but I got a stunning one
for six hundred straight from China
except we don't want to buy stuff from
China right now okay
wig brands really have to do with your
color head hair sorry Irene are very
good brands Dini is the highest end you
can follow all these on Instagram I
found Wonder week to be the most
comfortable but the look isn't for
everyone right me and haya both look
younger than we are so we can get away
with the Wonder wig but most of my
friends would be like that's weird like
for like in our forties what's the best
brand for blonde hair I don't know
hi maybe you can look into that for
Katya I don't know what the best brand
is for blonde oh she left
okay so Katya you be in touch with her
what's your email so we can get the
recording it's my name de votre Kegel at
gmail.com Oh someone already read it
great okay what so lemme okay so all of
me is the umbrella group of college
outreach people that me and my husband
belonged to because my husband is Campus
Director for M ed and I am a freelance
speaker for most many of these
organizations so Oh Lemmy is really
someone put the website up birth up
there but they do amazing amazing stuff
big care of organization their goal is
to inspire Jewish greatness yes and my
my tagline is your whatever mitts vote
you do is really only your visit
between you and Hashem but you have no
hat sir that means no leniency to be an
uneducated Jew so my goal is to get you
learning whatever you do with that is
only your business and that's it no one
else's business but you can't be
uneducated I have my master's degree in
French and I had like a kindergarten
education and Judaism that's so sad
right so I wanted to up my knowledge and
Judaism to to make it match what about
the need to cover in your own backyard
it's private but perhaps neighbors from
their attic can see into the backyard
that's a great question I was just
asking my husband it seems like that
would be considered the cuts there I
think which is the in-between right so
it's kind of like the right it's like
your own private I'm sorry the courtyard
whatever it's called in Hebrew it's your
courtyard it's not it's not completely
private like in like your bedroom but
it's basically private and it's really
their responsibility not to look so you
know ask your lor from my from my
understanding you would probably not be
violating anything by uncovering your
hair there but you know you could
certainly talk to a rough Thank You mind
blowing thank you thank you if anyone
wants to learn how to rap with different
kinds of scarves they can reach out to
Rebecca great I show Kyle has had a wrap
with volumizers like in Israel or great
so she is so much more coordinator than
me I'm like these things are like out of
this world I like cannot do anything of
that regard so yes get in touch with
Rebecca at range I also wonder about
that because the distance they aren't
close they can't tell if you're in a wig
or not so you know it's interesting once
you start developing the eye for these
things I can spot a shade though a mile
away but it takes some time to spot it
and again mostly this is for you not
other people
again you're not supposed to look
provocative but that's the same with
your regular hair right as a single
person do you have any books that
inspire joy hair covering unfortunately
there isn't any that's the problem so
there's this book which okay I guess I
will have heartedly recommend it but no
there were no books I just basically
went to Israel to learn at navei and
after a month there it became so normal
to me to see women with hair covered I
was like oh okay it was so weird like it
was just like by nature of it being
normal
it was very strange evolution is I never
ever do this Mitzvah what's your
favorite wig company I don't know like I
like Clary but I think there's a lot
there's so many wig brands out there you
can definitely play around where can we
get financial assistance for wigs so be
in touch with me depends on your city
but there's there's always a wig month
there's always some assistance available
I'm sure the Habad would help because
that was really the Messara the
tradition of the rebbe
but in addition like in Passaic we have
a wig box so that you know a wealthy
woman who would get a new wig every two
to three years she would put her wig in
anaguma
she would give her old wig to a ganache
and it's perfectly wearable she just
wanted to get a new one I don't know
when I'd get rid of my way gets like
done it's like a mouse at this point
like it's basically dress up from again
for perm can I get the recording yet
please be in touch with privately what
are your thoughts I'm very
natural-looking wigs like lace top I'm
surprised someone didn't ask me this
until now so I personally don't have
lace tops because I did not on a
personal level want to take that extra
step to make it ultra natural that was
my personal decision I'm not judging
anyone who does that again you know the
point is not to fool everyone the point
is to cover your hair in an attractive
way okay so I personally didn't want to
take that extra step to make it so
impossible for anyone to tell you know
like if you if you go close to me you
can tell because I don't have the lace
there right but the lace basically for
people who don't know it's like a piece
of lace that comes down to here and the
hair is like growing out of the lace and
so it literally you can tell like you
have to have a really good eye to be
able to tell that's awake because it
literally looks like the hair is coming
out of the forehead so I personally
didn't want to take that step to make it
bat natural um that's just my personal
feeling okay thanks for class you have a
fun way of speaking I appreciate your
time thank you I appreciate that I like
to feel that I'm at least no one's
falling asleep and we had almost a
hundred women on this call is so
beautiful so and there are a lot of
competing classes but so many women
reach out to me I can't come can I have
the recording so I want to just give
everyone a bra saw who's remaining and
the people who already left that we
should all find our way in this mess
in our own way in our own time on our
own highway not judging other people and
not feeling judged by other people and
really try our hardest to connect to
this Mitzvah to do it as the simcha as
we can but while realizing that even if
you do not like this Mitzvah for the
rest of your life that it's probably the
biggest karma and the biggest sacrifice
that you can give to come close to a
sham because you're literally doing it
just because he said so and you want to
be close to him and pay back your debt
that you owe him so that's my bra I mean
we should all find some simcha in this
Mitzvah and someone's asking me if least
cops are wholly valid yeah I don't think
they're violating anything you know
certainly not just the letter of the law
they're not violating anything just like
but over I just felt like it was a
little bit too much of a fake-out and I
didn't want to do the too much of a
fake-out that's just my own personal
decision I'm not judging anyone else
okay thank you so much ladies so find
your own way with this Mitzvah ladies
you should find simcha in it as much joy
as you can and enjoy the journey okay
thank you so much bye guys