Online Kiruv Training - Jewish Misconceptions: Being Judgmental

in order to connect a person to Judaism it's important to understand one might be blocking a person from having a meaningful relationship with Tara in my experience the first and foremost is this if a person feels judged by you or by Orthodox Jews in general that's something that will push him away in fact he might even feel that the Torah validates that belief that Orthodox Judaism are in fact allowed to look down unless affiliated Jews when a person feels judged it's intimidating and the result is that they feel I want to have nothing to do with you or with Judaism in fact this is really true for all of us if we feel that someone is judging us thinks that we're bad we simply want it won't want to hang around them either now let's try to understand why this judgmentalism is really a misconception not something that the turret really allows the town would actually asked the following question and says if someone would set would point god forbid point a gun at your head and say will kill you unless you kill this innocent person standing in front of you are you allowed to kill an innocent person to save your own life and the Camorra answers absolutely not my classes who knows whose blood is redder you can't kill him because maybe his blood is really redder than yours now let's just extend this a little bit more imagine that the gun was being pointed at the biggest rabbi in the world and someone was saying to that rabbi will kill you unless you kill this innocent person in front of you in fact this innocent person in front of you is a good-for-nothing lay about pickpockets people you don't want to know how he treats his wife can this big rabbi kill this person this good-for-nothing lay about to save his life what's the answer and I think we all understand the answer is one again no you cannot why not because you don't know whose blood is redder but it begs the question how do you understand such a thing this rabbi is the biggest rabbi doing mitzvahs all day and this person is a good-for-nothing layabout what's he doing why can we not consider the person who's the big rabbi a better person in God's eyes and the answer we know is altered in esco verica edge to Gilliam a coma you can't judge another person and until you're in his place we don't know what this person's chemical makeup is we don't know what a genetic makeup is we don't know how he was brought up we don't know that his father wasn't Jack the Ripper and his mother wasn't any better we don't know that maybe one good deed that he did that on his level might wait out outweigh all of the good deeds that thats a dick has done we just don't know that we don't judge these things only God judges and therefore you can look at and at your friend in the face and say you know what I'm not judging you I sincerely believe that you could be a better person in the eyes of the almighty than me every person is made in the image of God we're all children of the Almighty aiza Hohokam who is the wise man hello made me call Adam a person who learns from everyone I have a lot to learn from you and when you say this to a less affiliated person he feels validated he feels accepted he's open to who you are and what you have to say now let's just understand that this is really just what i call the su Mei r are taking away the negative don't judge someone because if you judge them they'll run a million miles but let's just think for a second if this is just taking away the negative one in fact can be accomplished if we actually do the assay Tove that we go try to develop the relationship in a positive way and how do we do that so let's just think for a moment what would be the positive don't judge him because if he feels judged or run away what should you do accept him love him compliment him see the good in him how much will that accomplish how about if you actually listen to him there's a story that my teacher rabbi weinberg used to say this is the last gun story for the day but he used to say that that was a person that came with a gun to a person and said to him listen I'm going to kill you unless you listen to me for the next hour no one has listened to me for the past year I can't take it anymore you're going to listen to me whether you like it or not we all have a tremendous need to be listened to listen to someone how about no saber olam Rivera how about empathize with someone instead of listening looking at your cell phone on the computer reading the papers whatever no se but own feel Willa put where a person is at what will that do for someone and has even more how about going out of your way to positively help a person with their physical and spiritual needs you know when I first came to America I was working for H on the Upper West Side I asked many people that were getting involved in age why did they get involved what brought them to be involved in the center and many of them would say the following thing that they met a particular person his name was Steve Eisenberg Steve Eisenberg invited them to come to a class he sent them to her to it to a family for shabbos he brought them to some kind of a social event and they got involved so I went over to Steve Knight said Steve it's amazing so many people have got involved from me because of you what is the secret of your success and he told me the following thing when I meet someone I ask myself the following question what is it that I can do for this person on the Upper West Side there many singles they might need a they might need an apartment they might need a job when I meet people I help them with all these things in their inbox than today is a few people they can speak to to help them find an apartment people to go to for shabbos people to help them with the of this is what I do when you help people with their needs they appreciate it and really this is the general principle that we learn in the turret which is oh hey essa brias will mature ovum Latura all of people and you will bring them to the Torah and the reality is that reveal a cove weinberg you said to me that it says oh heavens at brios first because you cannot skip that step the first step in bringing a person to Torah is to love a person loving means accepting not judging listening caring empathizing trying to proactively help that and it's not just true for an unaffiliated person it's really true for everyone is true for your children it's true for your spouse just imagine if you could accept your husband or wife if you could give them compliments listen to them empathize and proactively help them surely that would be the end of any shell and bias problems so too when you're reaching out to an less affiliated person oh hey Vasu brias love people ninety-five percent of reaching out is caring if you can do this then you have a chance with McCarville and Latura but remember and this is something that I learned from our Shore Weiss shalita but he said it doesn't say Oh Ava sub rias coeur de la carven datura love people in order to bring them all to Torah it's a separate entity unto itself love people because they're beautiful because they're made in the image of God because they're really your brothers and sisters and if you can do that perhaps they will come closer to Torah if they do that's wonderful if they don't then your brother and your sister anyway now there are many things that a person can do to reach out and to create that relationship let's give a few examples invite someone for shabbos give them a phone call go out for a cup of coffee give them a compliment send someone a birthday gift or an anniversary present write an email just to stay in touch and ask them how they're doing find out what's going on in their lives ask get to know reach out put in the effort to think how you can develop the relationship the bottom line of what we're saying is that develop a healthy relationship with that person and that in turn will help you help them develop a healthy relationship with Judaism of course don't get me wrong we can and must judge actions and ideas whether an action is right or wrong is in our realm to do whether an idea fits into tura philosophy or not is something that we should judge but the essence of a person that's not for us to judge that's in God's realm alone so ladies and gentlemen burr this is the most important principle and reaching out to a less affiliated to love them care about them don't judge them think how you can help them when you do that you will be successful in bringing a capacity closer to yourself and to refer national you