Organized Crime to Orthodox Judaism & Israel

So, we're there, talking, talking, all of a sudden I hear >> [applause] >> gunshots. Turn around [music] and I see the fire of the gun. And within milliseconds, I turned around [music] and I'm in between houses looking and I'm I see that the car leaves, you know, it takes off. I remember that day thinking to myself [music] like, "Okay, I don't I don't want to go to jail." I said, "You know what? I have to really, really put my my Shabbos suit on." I want to say that it's a zechut to be a part of Amudai Yisrael. I didn't grow up like like this, like you guys have the zechut to grow up learning Torah, having rabbonim that are caring for you, that are watching uh you grow as a person, but also as a Jew, which is like a lot harder than you think. To to raise somebody to teach somebody math and science and history, that's easy. But to teach a Jew how to grow as a Jew and to be connected with Hashem, with uh the creator of the world, it's a whole different task, right, Rabbi? So, um kol hakavod to the rav and um and uh all to all the rabbonim watching as well. Um we recognize you and we thank you for your avodas Hashem. Im b'ezras Hashem, you should all have um tremendous um hatzlacha. So, I'm going to start by uh by saying that my story really is a tremendous uh example of how Hashem We always say Hashem runs the world. Um but I think a lot of times we don't we don't necessarily uh fo- we focus on ourselves, we focus on on our community, you know, we focus on we we think Hashem runs the world, meaning like Hashem runs my world and Hashem runs I I see how hash- hashgacha pratis, you know, hashgacha hashgacha pratis, right? Am I saying it correctly? >> [snorts] >> Uh hashgacha pratis is uh is also is also in the the world. It's also for the animal kingdom. It's also for for the leaves of the trees and everything in this world. And so really in reality um what I'm going to share with you guys is is a an example of how Hashem runs the world the entire world the entire world. Um so I grew up in a Christian home. I grew up a um in a I would say Judeo-Christian. Now that's probably doesn't mean anything to you. Well, it doesn't make sense. It didn't make make sense to me either which means what we what we celebrated as holidays were the hagim Sukkot. Uh, we we didn't know much about the the rabbinan. But you know, we we read the Tanakh and we were it was just passed down to us. So this church that I grew up in was uh was a lot uh focused on Shabbat on hagim on kashrut even. We weren't allowed to to to eat uh unclean non-kosher animals. So fish without scale and fins we didn't touch cat I never tried catfish in my life. I never you know um Okay, I'm not going to lie. I tried shrimp, okay? But uh but it was like assur like we grew up with this understanding that the Torah that the Tanakh and everything that that all the laws and all the things that we learned uh were 100% you know Hashem's like God's word to to to us. And um I didn't understand why. So I was in when I was in school um I had friends that asked me, "So why do you go to church on Friday and you don't go out you know to the movies Friday night. You don't uh you know you don't you don't buy you don't sell you don't like you don't There's a lot of things that we didn't do. And so I said I said no, well that's how we that's how that's how I believe. Uh I believe in the Sabbath and so they they asked me are you Jewish? And I would always answer yes, I am. Little did I know that I would become Jewish later in my life, officially. >> [snorts] >> Um so so that's how I grew up. I grew up in a Christian Christian home, but it there was a lot of like Jewish flavor. There was also a very close love and appreciation for for Eretz Yisrael and also for Am Yisrael. We believed that that Am Yisrael was was God's chosen nation. This is how it's worded, right? Um and that there was a specific uh role that that they played. Um it wasn't until I was about 15 years old that I was I was taught like real fire and brimstone, what we call um Christianity, which believes that um anybody, whether you're Jewish or not Jewish, anybody that didn't in Yeshua um was uh was damned and cursed and was going straight to to to to hell, basically. Um and because uh you know, Yeshua uh died for your sins and all of that stuff. So, all of that I I learned later on when I was 15 years old. We had a new leadership in the church and they brought this new kind of uh uh idea or I mean it was Christianity, but we didn't we didn't we didn't grow up until that point there was no preaching about, you know, the plan of salvation for your soul and things like that that that you hear in Christianity. Um it was always about the stories of the Tanakh, David HaMelech, uh the stories of uh and even the songs that we sang. We sang songs about Yitziat Mitzrayim. We sang songs in Hebrew even, you know? Uh so it was it was a it was very it was a big change. Um, and I accepted it. I went with it. Um, and um, and I learned I learned a lot about myself. You know, I think I was at that point I'm a teenager, 15 years old, so I'm trying to fit in somewhere. And um, I didn't fit in school. I couldn't be in sports cuz Friday night was practice, you know. Um, things like that and Friday night football, all of that. So, uh, so I I was not part of the of the school program, um, because I couldn't because of the Sabbath. So, I didn't I didn't participate. So, I was trying to find really my place and I said, "You know what? Since this is how I grew up." So, I went with it. And I I was a really good Christian. Um, by the time I was 14 years old, I was playing in the church band. I was playing guitar, drums, I was playing different instruments, piano, bass. >> [snorts] >> Um, and uh, it was a lot of fun. I'm not going to lie, it was a lot of fun. I had friends. I had my church family, uh, including a lot of my my family like that was part of the part of the church group. Uh, so so that's how I grew up. Um, on the on the other side, meaning like there was another part of my life that that was also very predominant. It was also very very influential in my decisions that I was making and my direction that I was that I was heading to in my life. Um, so I had I had family in Mexico. And uh, on the border of Mexico. Now, there's some parts of Mexico that are very tour friendly. Meaning that you can can go and you can vacation and it's beautiful and it's like it's a beach, it's an island, whatever it is. Uh, it's a resort. There's all kinds of like really nice places really nice places in in Mexico that you can visit that are not so dangerous. Now, I say it's not so dangerous, but you can get into into a dangerous situation. Why? Because um the in the 1980s, you had a a a influx of the the the drug importation import and out export export of of drugs. You're talking tons and tons, not tons like the literal literal tons. Uh hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of kilos, thousands tons of kilos coming in and out of through from Colombia uh from Venezuela all the way through Mexico and then into the United States. So, that really really really took off in the 1980s. I was born 1981. Uh so, my my um my understanding from from then is that basically and I want you to fill in the blanks cuz I don't want to get into into this for like security purposes and things like that. But um my understanding or I later found out um even though it was already I was already I kind of grew up around it uh was not really aware of my surroundings, but uh part of my family was involved with the uh with this uh the drug cartels. Um a few members of my family uh which means that the entire family was at at risk, right? If you have one person that's involved and let's just say they commit a crime. Um let's just be real. There's kidnappings, there's uh there's extortion, there's all kinds of different things that happen that that the cartels do. Um and so, from the lowest members to the highest ranking members, Um so your entire family is at risk. And uh and they other cartels or other people other members of the the these criminal organizations um if you have something if you if something happens between one person like it's there's no respect there's no there's no such thing. So they'll go straight to you straight to your family. Um and um So when I was 7 years old one of my uncles was was uh murdered in cold blood. Um and uh it could be that there was a connection there. Meaning that there was a retaliation. It was a revenge. Um I overheard conversations but um that topic has always been very very very delicate I would say and um it's it's you know that conversation is stays with the adults so to speak. But I I overheard a lot I overheard enough to understand that this is a very big possibility especially like I said. Um so that so that you have those two contrasts. You have the church life um which later found out that there was Jewish people within my church. Um so you had educated you know people people that were professionals uh psychologists doctors lawyers accountants you know typical Jewish jobs right? You had professionals that I grew up with uh that I had amazing amazing um guidance and and uh conversations and I mean great great uh connection. And then on the flip side this is this is this is my my other my other side you know, I guess I can point this way. The Yakuza are on the left side, right? So, that So, that was that. Um and And there was this this like kind of duality that I grew up with. Um because I I found out in my teenage years that my family was directly and and indirectly involved uh with with this uh with the uh the drug cartels. Um I always knew that if I wanted to be, you know, rebellious, I knew where to go. Kind of thing, right? >> [snorts] >> Um So, when I was when I was in my teens, I I I actually, you know, kind of delved a little bit into both worlds, right? Uh and I had a best friend that, unfortunately, you know, for for the lack because of poverty and just not having the things that you want, he got into selling drugs. Um so, he started started with simple, you know, I guess it's not so simple, but started And nowadays, I guess it is. Started selling grass, like they say in Israel, grass. Um and then he went into like a harder drug and then a harder drug, meaning like he made more and more money. Um and for me it was fun, you know. We went to the clubs, we went out, you know. We always We always had a fun. Um there was always, you know, um there was always like the dangerous side, you know. Uh which was also uh kept It kept It It was like a movie. So, I would I So, I started living this life already, you know, in my late teens. Um and uh it was funny because I would I'd literally like I'd go to church on Saturday, you know, sing songs and like, you know, holy, you know, whatever and, you know, dressed in my in my church clothes and then afterwards I'd go to my friend's house and they're like, "Why are you dressed like that?" You know, like it was it was just funny because like they they were like gangster type, you know, tennis shoes, like the baseball hats and like that kind of thing, you know? >> [snorts] >> Um not flashy, just like, you know, they they weren't they just weren't like church guys. So, but he was like my best friend, he was my brother, and he was like, you know, like a really really close friend. Um and I met him in in church. So, so uh so that was that was my life for a while um until he actually got um he he got put in jail. And the SWAT team came to his house. And um and at this time I was uh contin- I was like more consistently coming over and I had stopped coming to like, you know, I I played this life, you know, it was like, should I? Should I not? Okay, things are too dangerous. There's a gunfight yesterday, like, you know, I don't know, so I would stay away and then I'd get bored from church and then I'd like come back and then so it was like this, but at this point I was coming to his house like every day and it was a 2-week streak where I was not even to his house. >> [sighs] >> It was a rented place where people came to to get drugs, um a crack house, basically. So, I saw a lot of funny things, crazy things, violence, this, that, whatever. Um and I was coming to his house every day. That the day that they came to pick to pick him up to arrest him, the SWAT team came to his house. They were watching us for 8 years, they said. And the SWAT team came to his house and they they arrested him. They didn't find drugs, they found guns everywhere cuz we collected guns. He was he was fascinated with guns. So, I shot all kinds of different guns growing up. It was a lot of fun. Um and my my gun was a shotgun. I had a black sawed-off shotgun. So, that was that was my uh that was my baby. Um when they picked him up and uh they took him to jail, he was in jail for 4 years. I remember that day thinking to myself like okay, I don't I don't want to go to go to jail, right? I don't want to be in this position. Um I don't think I'll survive. I would either have to kill somebody. You know, when you're in jail and you're in my size, like you had to you have to show up. So, I had already I I was already prepared if they come to me. Uh so, that means that your sentence gets longer and longer and eventually, you know, if it's not justified or if you don't have a good lawyer, you're going to be in jail for the rest of your life. And I had friends that were in jail for a very long time. Um so, I said, "You know what? I have to really really put my my Shabbos suit on." And uh and really really get in into my religion. And I did. I really really did. I I became a a Christian DJ. Um I also uh so, I was playing, you know, I was with music and the music helped me a lot. This is while my best friend was in jail. Um and I I ended up uh making making friends with Oh, I ended up with a friend that also make made chuva. I'm not He's not Jewish. But, you know, he like he he also became more religious. He was in a punk rock band and he was like very like uh he's just very eccentric, very like out spo like just very really cool guy. Um he had like tattoos everywhere. He had long hair. And when I when I I bumped into him during this time where I was like, "Oh, I'm going to be serious." Um I bumped into him and and I didn't recognize him. He cut his hair. He had like glasses. He looked like a college student. I said, "Yo, what what's going on?" He said, "Yeah, man, I stopped uh doing drugs and you know, I'm like, you know, I'm going to church now with my with my mom and like this and that." And I knew his his parents and I was like, "Hey, that's good, you know, good for you. You're getting your life together. You're doing something positive, you know?" He's like, "Hey, man, I'm I'm uh I'm really getting into going out and preaching and evangelizing and talking to people about God and this and that." I was like, "That's good. That's good. Good for you, right?" So, he's like, "No, man, I want you to come." And this guy was like, "You ever heard of the baal teshuvah syndrome?" You heard of that? Where like is a baal teshuvah and he wants everybody to become religious? So, this was this guy. He was really like, you know, like fired up. He's like, "Yeah, let's go here. Let's go there." He's like, "I'll pick you up. I'll meet you this, that, whatever." So, I ended up a whole summer uh ev- almost every day, every day going after work, you know, going here, going there. I wanted tonight I want to go here. I want to like tonight we have church. Tonight like it was like every day there was something going on and he was like very like, "Let's go out to share, you know?" So, one night >> [clears throat] >> we were sharing and uh it was uh it was a group of guys that we knew. It was the right around the bend from my my mother's house. Uh he's talking to these guys we knew from school and everything and they were also shocked, you know, that he's like this like different character. He's like a different guy now. Um and uh they were listening and he's like, "You know what?" They heard they were listening nicely or whatever. He said, "We should come back." They said they were going to be out. And these guys were, you know, the typical, you know, uh Mexican-American guys that, you know, they were just literally sitting sitting out on their porch drinking beer. Thank you so much. Uh drinking beer and and uh and they're like, "You know, we're going to be here. If you want to come back, that's fine." So, we go. We did a few things. We went out to eat. And uh and we came back. When we came back, it was like 1:00. Something like that. So, it was um it was 1:00 and I had this weird feeling, man. I I I've always been this uh this this kind of like kid that um kind of like felt things, you know, like like I was very like spiritual and I had like intuition. I had a lot of spiritual or like intuition. Uh like just it's going to rain today. I had a car accident and I told everybody in the car right before that car accident happened. I said uh I think everybody should put their seat belts on cuz we're we're going to get in a car accident tonight. And they're like, "Come on, Joe. Chill out. You're always acting weird." And I said, "No, I'm serious." And then boom, we get hit from like 70 75 mph drunk driver. Like T-boned us. Bam. No brakes. No nothing. Just rammed into us. Um so, I was that kid, all right? So, I told my friend. I said, "Listen, I don't think we should I don't think we should go. I have this weird feeling, bro. I don't know I I I don't something something's like not right." He's like, "No, Joe. You're always tripping. Come on, man. Let's just go talk to these dudes." Whatever. So, I said, "Okay, fine. I'm not going to get out of the car." He's like, "Nah, come on. This and that." So, we get out. I was there. He's talking, you know, yes you this, yes you that, yes you loves you. He loves you. He loves you not. He loves you. So, he's back and forth, you know. And um they're drunk, you know, and they're just like they're listening, but they're they don't care, you know. I'm like, "Dude, I want to go home, go to sleep, man. I got to work tomorrow." So, we're there talking, talking, all of a sudden I hear gunshots. I turn around. I see the fire the There I see the car stopped like right here. Um and I see the fire of the gun. And within I'm talking milliseconds, I turned around. I'm I'm facing like this. I turned around. I start running. I start running between the houses. Now, this typical. I had got I have friends that got shot. You know, they'll pick up their shirts and be like, "Yo, right here, bro. You see these?" You know, they have these uh these gunshot wounds. Like it's, you know, like like it's something to to be proud of, you know? But that's that's that's how we grew up. So, drive-by shootings or, you know, you hear you hear gunshots, you know, that was like that was But this was very close. And I was like, "No, no, no." You know, start running. And um and as I was running, I used to play soccer a lot, you know, like uh like a good Mexican boy. So, I used to play soccer and I I uh I felt that I rolled my ankle. I rolled my ankle. I was like, "Oh, man. I haven't I hadn't exercised, you know, in a while. I hadn't played, whatever." So, I was like, "Oh, I'm weak in my in my in my legs, whatever." But and I'm also nervous. So, I'm thinking this and I'm in between houses looking and I'm and I see that the car leaves. You know, it takes off. And [snorts] everybody was like screaming like the his the guy's uh family comes out screaming. His wife comes out. "What happened?" Whatever. And uh and then one of the guys was on the floor. Um not on the floor, sorry. He was like a leaning against the car and he was holding his stomach like this. And I see blood. And uh and my leg is just like it went from like a ankle roll like I had rolled my ankle in soccer. It happens, whatever, in sports. But this kept burning and burning like more intensely, and I was like, "Nah, I got hit. I got shot." Sure enough, I took my shoe off and there's blood everywhere. >> [snorts] >> So, I had I got shot in my ankle. I'm good, nothing nothing is a miracle literally a miracle that nothing like no bone was damaged, nothing. The doctor The doctor told me, "I have no idea how this is a miracle. How the the the you got shot in the top in the front in the front of your of your foot and it just came out exited through your ankle. So, I have two scars, the entry one and the exit one. Um but nothing no bone damage. He's like, "I have no idea. It's a miracle. How you don't have any bone damage? How you're not your leg is not blown off?" >> [snorts] >> Um so, at that point I knew I was like, "Okay, something's really happening." My friend's in jail. I have no Nobody to turn to cuz I could have just called him right away. It would have been a different story. Like a aftermath or I could have whatever. I'm just not to sound like whatever, but you know, I had I had somebody that would protect me or that would stand up for me. I had my brother. I had, you know, I knew that you know, and he found out while he was in jail, and he was very upset. But I told him, "No, there's nothing. We don't need to do anything." Um I went to uh went to the hospital. I got it stitched up that night. Course, my mother came. She fainted in the in the hospital. She had a like a I think it was like a light stroke from the the the stress and the nerve and all of that. Um and um and but everything was fine. She got up. It was okay. She was fine. Maybe it wasn't a stroke. Maybe she was just nervous, so she they had laid her down. Um and uh as we were leaving the hospital, you know, the the guy that got the other guy that got shot, so he um he was a he was a little bit chubby. And um the the the uh the the bullet went through his fat. Right? So uh so as we as we were leaving, I made a little joke to him, you know, I said I said, "Listen, you got to get your life together, you know, we got to we got to really be focused. See, this is a this is a this is a sign from God, you know, and this and that." And I said, "And don't forget to continue eating those tacos cuz they saved your life." And he's like, "Oh, don't make me laugh, Joe. Don't make me laugh." Um but he was fine. Everything was okay. Nobody Nobody Nobody died. Um but it was definitely it was definitely uh a it was a sign, you know, we took it as I took it as a as a as a as a you know, as a sign that Hashem spared my life, you know, like it's like I hadn't at that point I hadn't really never been in that situation. Um a few days later, my foot got infected. I went back to the hospital. They They took out a piece of my pants. They said, "This is causing the infection. So, you need to stay in the hospital for 4 days at least, and we're going to put you on antibiotics and you should be fine. And everything's everything's okay." So, they stitched me back up and I sat there in the hospital for 4 days. In those 4 days, I would say um I mean, there's a midrash that David Hamelach would would get awakened with a ruach. Excuse me, he would he had his you know, his his harp. Um and uh ruach would come and wake him up in the middle of the night, and he would sing songs to Hashem. And that was literally me. I had my guitar next to me on my hospital bed, and I was I was every time I was waking up, and I was literally um just playing and crying out to Hashem. And um and reading Tehillim. That's, you know, that's that was like that's that's what I was that's what I felt in my heart to do. And people were coming to visit me and my friends were coming to visit me and and and they told me, "Look, there's there's like a weird shine on your face. There's like you look different. You look like, you know." And I say, "Yeah, I've been praying a lot, man. I've been really really trying to connect." And they're like, "Yeah, we can see it." And we're seeing together and it was like it was a beautiful Um I came out of the hospital and I thought about a lot of things while I was in there. And um while I was in there, I felt there was there was threats cuz these guys that shot I was there at the wrong place at the wrong time, but they were after some other guy. There was some kind of a love triangle going on. Um but I don't know if it was something to do with me. I have no idea, but they found out where my mother's house was and they were they were sending threats. They were driving by and throwing rocks. They were doing all kinds of different like like scare tactics. Uh and I got really really really afraid for my family and I was also very like who are these guys, you know? I already I knew which gang it was. It was a different a gang from a different side of town. Um and when I came back from the hospital, I had a lot of friends coming to visit my house literally with guns showing up in my doorstep with guns and saying, "Hey, you know what? We can take care of this for you." And I was like, "Dude, put that away, you know? Like my little sister's here, you know?" Kind of thing. And it was like that until the point where it got to my head, you know? And even people from my church I I called this guy. I had my foot like a wrapped up, you know? I got I'm going to this church meeting, whatever. I said I called my friend and said, "Hey, can you pick me up, you know? I can't I can't drive. I can't whatever." He's like, "Yeah, I'll pick you up." As soon as I get into his car, I mean this is like a church guy. He's like, you know, he's he's a good guy, you know, whatever. He has this huge revolver on his dashboard. And he says, "You see that right there?" He says, "I can use I I want to use it." He says, "So, tell me where where these guys are like." I'm like, "What is wrong with these people?" I was like I was I was literally I was laughing. I was like, "You guys are crazy, man." You're like, "What?" Trying to be, you know, OGs over here. So, I said, "No, there's nothing like that. Nothing's going to happen." And the reason why is because of the story that I told you guys in the beginning about my uncle. So, they will In these cases, they will go after your family. So, I said, "There's no chance, man. There's no chance." So, I said, "You know what? I got to I have to leave. I have to leave town." My mother also she advised me. She says, "I think you need to go somewhere. Get out of here. You're either going to end up in jail or dead or you're going to end up killing somebody." Also, Shalom. So, I said I said um I said, "You're right." Um before that happened, I was uh I was really digesting everything that happened at the at the hospital. All the experience that I had um the experience that I had, you know, the connection that I had and then I was like thrown into the real world, right? So, I freaked out and I said, "No, I'm going to You know what? I'm going to retaliate. I'm going to do it." And I knew what what would what it would cause and I thought about the consequences and I thought, "Okay, so I'll move my family out. We will leave. We'll go We'll go somewhere else, you know, I don't know." So, I told my mother and she said, "No, you can't do that. You can't retaliate. Who cares? It's not even They weren't even after you. They were after somebody else." So, I said, "Yeah, I'm You're right. But I really need It something needs to happen." Um And the at this time um I was I was not able to walk. So, I was sitting I was sitting in my house with my leg propped up and um and I said um and I was I was watching this um this this preacher on TV I used to watch a lot. And so, this preacher was talking about this king that just Yoshiyahu that got rid of all the Salim that his father the previous king constructed. So, he took all the avodah zarah and destroyed it. And um and he says and he says and you need to also this is your chance to do this also to get rid of all the idols all the all the idols in your life and to destroy them and and and I would as I was listening I was it was really resonating with me. And I don't know if I just never I didn't really like process the things that were happening in my life, but I had a nervous breakdown. Now, I don't know if you know what a nervous breakdown looks like, but I was literally on the floor crying, started sweating, I was shaking. And um and I was crying. I was crying a lot and I was just like I had it, you know, I had like all this confusion and all the like everything kind of boiled down to that moment. And I I literally cried out and prayed and made a real simple, but the most powerful tefillah that changed my life for the rest of my life. And I asked Hashem I asked I asked Elohei Avraham, Yitzchak, v'Yaakov cuz that's how we were taught to pray as we were growing up in Spanish. So, el Dios de Isaac, de Jacob, de Israel, el Dios de Israel. And um so, I prayed like that and I said, you know, take all of the idols in my life, take everything that that's in my life, please just get rid of it. I don't want to I don't want anything anymore. I want you. That's all I want. I just want you. Reveal yourself to me and and uh I cried and I really meant it. And when I got up, you know, my mother came, my stepfather came, my sister came to, you know, you know, pray with me or whatever, moral support. My mother apologized, you know, "I'm sorry I wasn't a good mom, you know." I [snorts] was like, "No, it's not you, it's okay." Um, but uh I when I got up, it was like a something happened. And I felt like Hashem was like, "Okay, now you're ready." And after that, to make a long story long, I mean, to make a long story short, literally at my decisions, like almost like I didn't make my decisions after that. My my wife uh was already waiting for me, literally. Like, she lived in a different city. We were best friends. Um, you know, we spoke on the phone like a lot. I wouldn't have WhatsApp back then, so, you know, it was a lot of phone calls. We'd fall asleep on the phone. Like, it was just like it was great. You know, we had a very good relationship. And my mother told me, "I think this is your I think this is your beshert, you know. I think this is this is your wife. I think you should go, get married to her." Little did she know that the moment that I landed in her city, literally that I went to settle in her city, um her mother would start to question Christianity. And she And this happened during the Gush Katif evacuation in 2005. So, you had a lot of publicity about Israel, Israel, Israel, what's going on in Israel and got and in Gaza, literally, full circle now. Uh in Gush Katif. And uh and that set the tone, literally, for like the rest of the of the process. So, we converted, like, you know, like I said, without making a long story a long story longer, um we went through the process of conversion, we moved to Israel. We now have We started with one child who came with our our bechor, and now Baruch Hashem we have seven kids. Tonight at Harah, we have Sheva Brachot. Uh and I just had a birthday yesterday. Turned 45 years old. Yeah, so Baruch Hashem, Hashem's keeping me young, you know, for whatever reason. I don't I don't I know people tell me I you don't look your age at all. So, um there's a reason why, I guess, you know. Um I feel it in the morning, though. Um but uh I believe that this this uh this story, I know like you guys will have to catch catch it on uh Torah Anytime, I think it'll be or there's we'll send you guys the link um so you can hear the full story. Um but uh as you can see that Hashem really does run the world. And the every thing that happened in my life, I can think back of so many details that I can tell you guys this was going to happen, but this it went this way, and then this way, and then I turned this way, and then like like there were so many directions that I could have taken, but Hashem has a path specifically for you. Not for you and your friend, not for you and your rav, with all due respect, for you directly. You have a specific tafkid in this world, you have a specific role, cuz guess what? Like I tell my 18-year-old, you're going to be a husband one of these days. You're going to be a father one of these days, right? Act like it now, so that later on you don't have to look back and be like, man, I was so dumb. Why didn't I make better decisions? Why didn't I choose better? And I I I tried as much as I could. My parents were divorced when I was nine, you know, I cried about it for a couple of years, too. Um but one thing I can tell you is Hashem does have a plan. Like he has a special design for you. And even if you fight it, it's still going to happen cuz you're a Jew and you have a neshama. And do you have people davening for you and you have zechuyot and you have great grandparents and parents and fathers that have zechuyot. I didn't have that. Now I do cuz I'm Ben Ben Avraham. So I have the zechut, right? My se'agot simanim. Whatever happens in our life is a siman, it's a indication, it is a direct connection of all of the 10 tests of Avraham Avinu, of of all the mesirut nefesh of Yitzchak Avinu, of all the titane emet Yaakov, all the emet that Yaakov lived and everything that that that he brought into this world through Am Yisrael, through all the 12 tribes. All of that is living inside of us. It's living inside of you. And you. And your mom uh everybody. All of us here have that direct connection. So you should be zocheh to continue living this life. Um and um to stay connected. Stay connected as much as possible cuz the outside world is garbage. I'll tell you like that. I lived it. I seen it. I seen it all. Melech before he wrote the uh his his book of Kohelet, he starts describing his uh where he came from, you know. So he's going to give you advice and tell you that kol hevel, everything is just hevel, everything is nonsense. Chutz me yirat Hashem. Aside from yirat Hashem, everything is it's it believe me, it's just fluff. The nations, the the and all their music and all their art and all their their philosophy. And yeah, they have some some uh chochma. But all of that is nothing compared to one, not just one of these books behind you. One of these people here. One of your rabbonim, one of the people that care about you, that that are connected. So, stay inside and without the shame you should be matzliach. Hashem should continue to guide you and uh thank you. >> [applause] >> Thank you, rabbi.