Overcoming Challenges - Rebbetzin Raquel Kirszenbaum

okay hi guys how's everyone doing good morning you had a good night everyone's very tired not so much hello okay so yesterday we sort of started speaking about the concept of prayer right and we spoke about how god wants to have a relationship with you and everything else but i realized that sometimes you're like god wants to have a relationship with me for sure but like you know sometimes you're like god but you don't really give me such a good life sometimes i don't really want to have a relationship with you you know like why do you make my life so hard you know when i was growing up and i'm not going to lie to you i spent like a lot of my years very angry at gold you know i didn't have such an easy life and i told you yesterday as a joke but it's a reality i thought i was going to get firm and then life was going to get great i was just going to get married soon have children soon this did not happen i mean by watching now i am thank god it's not i'm just fat but it's okay right but uh it took me a long time i had to wait such a long time for this and i was like how come you know i really see all these people they're not really trying so hard you know and i'm really trying so hard and you're making my life very difficult and then i understood at some point that the concept that i have from the way that god relates in my life is not the same concept that it's the truth you know most of us when you define god why do you say oh god you know everyone says it he's all good almighty all powerful and obviously the question that remains in your head is if god if you're so good why is my life not so good god if you're all mighty and all-powerful then why don't you do for me everything that i need and everything that i want why do you make my life so hard but i think there's some lines and some things that you need to understand in order to make sure that this works right there was a famous ah episode in the torah called the sin of the garden of eden this is not really what it's called but whatever i was gonna say something else right what happened adam and java right they ate from the tree and they shouldn't have eaten from the tree and everyone got a little punishment i'm not gonna lie in that torah we don't believe in punishment we actually call it a tikkun a fixing when god gives you something hard in your life and i'll get into it in a second he's not really punishing you but rather he's trying to help you get fixed you know because what's the point of me going through hardship in life if i don't learn anything from this so what happened one of the things that the snake got punished everyone knows this story that adam hava right the snake got punished like this listen to us that she wouldn't walk anymore in four legs in two legs because this is how she used to go she's gonna crawl in the dust and her punishment was that she was gonna eat dust for the rest of her life this was her punishment so the rabbis asked does that sound like a punishment to you where is their dust guys everywhere if you walk two seconds in israel i was a little ocd friday when i got married i cleaned my house every day two or three times and then i just gave up because i was like this is not gonna function so now my husband cleans it okay great but the point is but he only cleans it once a week i mean but everything else we clean many more times i am opening a school for training husbands in house duties if you need any help send them to me my husband does everything whatever don't tell him i say this but he says in israel there's no maid so he's the mate okay works well thank god everyone is happy but what is the point right the snake was punished that she would eat from the dust of the ground and if you ever think about it there's dust everywhere i don't know if you ever thought about this but the snake is the only creature in the world that doesn't need to do any effort whatsoever in order to eat except for opening his mouth even the lion has to go and catch his prey you know us we have to work so hard so how come the snake gets it you know doesn't really make sense and the rabbi say god does that sounds like a punishment to you that sounds to me like a blessing she has everything she needs always and god says that's the words punish word worst punishment of all because you know i'm giving the snake everything she wants so that she never has to doing up her head and ask me for anything you know that's a bad punishment when i don't want to have a relationship with you anymore that's sad there was a kid that used to come every day to school in a limousine so everyone would look at him and be like you know this is a cool kid he has everything in life i wish i had a limousine so one day they had an open heart session you know in school whatever and that kid was like i hate my life and everyone's looking at him like of course you hate your life like for sure you would complain you have a limousine you know what we would want to have a limousine so the kid looks at him and he says you don't get it you see that limousine but what you don't get is why do i have an emoji and he says like this my father married my stepmother and my stepmother said that the only way she's marrying him is if she never has to see me again you know one of the stories of the parent trap so my father gave me a limousine and you know credit card in order to feel good about himself you know so you see that limousine but the limousine is really costing me a whole relationship right guys we all know this inside of ourselves you know imagine you go to america and you're going to college and your dad gives you a limited credit card right so you go every everywhere you're passing it so your dad calls you all the time and he's like so what's up i was live and you're like i'm just too busy too easy too easy what is your dad gonna do really what would you do if your kid doesn't want to talk to you he's too busy for you you stop calling really you want to do it you really want me to talk to your son you wouldn't do it why would you do you cut them off you know what they do the next day hey dad there's no more money and you're like oh really i wanted to make sure that really you're the one using the credit card and no one stole it because i tried talking to you and you don't even listen to me when you're really not talking to him they cut you off but why are they calling you off guys why is your dad coming off your credit card why is he cutting it off you could just yell you know but it's okay because he misses when you speak you know can i tell you a little secret i realized all of my life most of the ways that we think are like brainwashed by society and we don't really think straight i'm gonna tell you something if you really understand this your whole perspective in life changes right really really really think about what i'm gonna say let's say i have a girl that she breaks every day and one day she doesn't pray and her day was bad what's the first thing that comes to her the head i didn't pray and therefore god punished me honestly speaking right let's say you were driving on shabbat right and suddenly you crashed your car wow is the first thing that comes up your head honestly i broke shabbat and i'm being punished does everyone thinks like this honestly speaking yes you eat something non-kosher and you get diarrhea diarrhea i don't really care because you know you wouldn't gain so much weight but throwing up that's not so good i was like when i get pregnant i want to throw up and then i could lose weight i threw up but i didn't lose weight so life is not fun anyways but yeah throwing up it's horrible diarrhea you survive okay moving on that's not the point right but imagine if every time you eat non-courgette you get diarrhea why would you say ah i'm getting punished because i ate non-culture does everyone thinks like this almost everyone yes so now think about what i'm gonna say logically can i tell you something logically lots of things make sense emotionally they don't but there's a reason why your brain is higher than your heart you know you could be in pain but that doesn't mean there's no reason or purpose for it you know viktor frankl wrote a whole book right man search for meaning anyone read this book he said that if there's purpose in what you're going through in life you could go through anything and survive there's a reason why your brain is higher than your heart don't pay attention to only the pain and the hardship and of course we like to be victims sometimes because victims is easier right but think about what i'm gonna say logically because it makes sense if when you're driving on shabbat and you crash the first thing you think is i crash because i drove on shabbat i got punished now let me ask you from a hundred percent of people that drive on shabbat jewish right how much how many of them would you say are crashing their cars in shabbat how many not so many could it be less than one percent yes from all the people that do not dive in right how many of them would you say have a bad life not many i told you yesterday they have much better lives than i do from all the people that are eating non-culture how many do you say suffer from diarrhea not so many right have you ever suffered from diarrhea don't share this in public this is being filmed okay right most of them know why not so now let me ask ask you logically if logically almost no one crashes their car on shabbat is it really a punishment when you crash it think about it logically logically it doesn't make sense because what happened to the other 99.5 of people does that make sense what happened to everyone else so why is it guys why is it that sometimes you crash your car you know it shouldn't happen to you but why is it that sometimes it happens to people you know why is it listen to what i'm gonna say right this is gonna change your whole perspective in life let's say that every time i break shabbat i get electroshocked you know lighting fans from heaven and go like this would i stop breaking shabbat yes or no yes because i want to keep shabbat no because i don't want to get elected show because it's not a nice experience yes if every time i eat lobster i get diarrhea would i stop eating lobster yes or no yes because i want to keep kosher no because i don't want to get diarrhea if every time you're walking if every time you put zedaka everyone knows the word tadaka right charity i get money filing from heaven you know how you would walk you would walk like this it's raining money hallelujah why would you do that because you want to give charity every second because you're so kind no because money is falling from heaven does that make sense to everyone great so let's put this in a line right i'm gonna say it and then i'll explain it if you would have an immediate reaction for every action that you would choose to do right you would be forced to do what god wants and not what you want does that make sense let's say it again if i would have an immediate reaction connected to the action that i do i would be forced to do what god wants and know what i want if every time i get electroshocked in shabbat i would start keeping shabbat but not because i want to but because i'm forced to therefore what it does it comes out to be right obvious god will almost never interfere in your life and give you an immediate reaction or any sort of reaction that you could just relate to whatever you did in your life why because if he would would you have free will no and doesn't he wants you to have free will because life is a choice great so what are we saying now god will almost never interfere in your life and he will just let you live whatever life you choose to live so that you would decide what you want to do when you want to do it right and he will not interfere so you could be driving on shabbat for the rest of your life right hopefully you will never crash but now if you do crash why did you you know why did you crash think about this for a moment if it's not a punishment because what happened to the other 99 of people that didn't crash why did you crash good question why did you if god doesn't like to interfere in your life what did he just do right now to remind you he interfered you know why because he loves you exactly the opposite because he's saying i know that you don't want to keep shabbat but i really do want you to keep it you know so why do i want you to keep it by the way guys does not god needs you to keep shabbat god doesn't need anything from us he's perfect maybe you could say that way so that we understand it if one day you did in daven and it went bad that's not god punishing you because what happened to all the other people that are not damaging and having great lives you know what is that that's god saying i missed your voice you know one time i was a madrigal for a camp right and my little kids didn't wake up in the morning so what did i do i'm a horrible madriga you know what the madriga means of course you do cancer whatever you want i went and i put a whole thing of water on top of the face of one of them i mean it was one of those cool experiences to remember but now why did i did that because i'm bad no why did i do that so she wouldn't miss out on the activities so at the end right did a blessing just came to her in form of pain yes or no yes but wouldn't she had such a great day and if i wouldn't have waked her up she would have missed it you know what happened that one time that you know you crashed your car whatever you want to say because you were driving on shabbat that was god saying i really don't want to miss you to miss this opportunity and therefore even though i usually do not mess up in your life do not interfere take my spanish whatever you want right this time i will interfere because i want you and when you want someone you will do anything to get it yes do you believe that god puts that into action or things like that into action to stop something else from happening it could also be there's many reasons why it could be you know at the end of the day let's say at the end of the day could it be that i was driving and i crashed my car with a little car ever so final destination and instead of doing that if i that wouldn't have happened i would have kept on going and crashing to a bigger car it could be now can i do all of this accounting no but what is that what you could say from that you could say from that that obviously whether it was painful or not there was a good purpose behind it right could you say that yes can i see it no maybe next class will do something like that maybe we'll do like why do bad things happen with people i'll just like express this whole thing but could you say that that even though i wasn't able to see it right it could be he was saving me from something great yes do i believe things happen for a reason of course i do you know there's actually a famous song in hebrew right which uh does anyone know hebrew here there's a famous song from an artist called jaime israel i don't know if you know him but the song goes like this hashem whatever he's fairy so he has a special voice so he goes the song means it is not a happenstart you say that word in english it is not a coincidence but rather it came from god this is the name of the song right by the way we say this in our morning blessings every day thank you god that you guide the steps of men right everywhere you go it's really because god wants you to go there now how much more awareness you have of that will be to your benefit if i have no awareness i could be going where god wants and then it doesn't really matter but there's a famous song it says it is not a mikre mikre in hebrew means a coincidence right i don't like writing but whatever but rather it is rak me hashem it is only from god i'll say this again in hebrew in case you missed it whatever it is not a coincidence it is only from god right the word coincidence right if you rearrange the letters it's exactly only from god you got that you saw it as a coincidence but that was only because you weren't in there you know one time i realized something amazing you know what rabbi nachman says you ever saw rabbi nachman great who's singing eh so he says like this imagine you go into a room and the lights are off yeah will you see anything in the room no let's say you come back in again and you turn on the lights right so then suddenly you see chair you see tables you see everything would you think it was like toy story and everyone just came really quickly walking into a room yes or no no why would you say things were always there but you lack the ability to see yes or no says it's the same thing in your life everything is coming from a source but unless you turn on the light you know what's that lady that said turn on the light turn on that whatever unless you turn on the light you won't be able to see it you know if you really try to be aware of it you'll see how everything in your life really is coming from somewhere but all of that requires awareness if i send you a gift through a messenger right and the messenger doesn't tell you that the gift came from me will you know ever that the gift came from me no will you be able to thank me thank me no will you be able to develop appreciation no that's what happens in life in reality everything comes from the same source but being that god doesn't want to force you to believe in him right but rather he wants you to what choice he hides it in a way that maybe you'll see me maybe you won't but the more that you turn on the light in your life the more you'll see it but what was the point that i was trying to say right going back to a thing if i did crash on shabbat at the end of the day right according to what we were saying was that a blessing in disguise yes or no was that a painful blessing do you guys have lots of painful blessings in your life have you ever give birth no i mean i'm scared of that also but do people choose to give birth even though it's painful have you ever run to a marathon right or do triathlon whatever you want is that painful would people still do it by the way can i just tell you something while you're training for the marathon who do you hate the most really the coach right while you're training i said who do you hate the most the coach yes who do you love the most when you win the coach can i tell you something god is your coach you know why sometimes you're like i don't believe in god because you're like god you're messing up my life but really can i tell you the truth people tell me all the time i don't believe in god and i tell them if you think about it logically no one thinks this was made by itself right so that one wasn't made by itself but that's a different class right but if you think about it logically our issue with god is not so much that we don't believe in him but rather we don't agree with the way that he manifest himself in our life according to a description that we have from him everyone says god is so good but why is he making my life so hard and you know what's the thing god is your coach he wants you to be your best and therefore part of being your coach is that your life is gonna be hard you know but if you get this you understand it's all for a greater benefit because at the end of the day when you finish a marathon whether you want or not and you made it how are you gonna feel about yourself you're gonna feel amazing not good amazing you know yeah um if you don't do this and if you really believe in that that that you will get punished if you don't for example keep shabbat then people actually believe that will follow it because they think they will do that you could see it from many many ways number one right let's say you know i had a very strict daughter so if i would come home late he would kill me i would not even you know knock on the door i would just stay sleeping in the lobby i don't know how your houses are but in panama in the buildings we have like a lobby outside of our house do you have this in your apartment no we're fancy people in panama i'm joking but in every like floor there's two apartments or one apartment you have a little lobby i would just stay in my lobby yeah but now that was my daddy he was very strict but now if your dad always says if you complain i'm gonna punish you right and then you never get punished was that some of your parents probably yes next time if you come late you're not going out and next time you went out and you came late and it happened again would you take him seriously yes or no no so can i tell you number one point it does say in the torah that god is going to punish you right but could you really actually see the punishment no so that that one second once again that's first answer so that's does that mean that because of the punishment i'm forced to what i want you could say yes but you could also say no because i'm not really seeing it in my life yeah you're not really able to see most of these things going on in your life number two imagine you really have to take a very important medicine and if you don't take it it could ruin your life and your mother cannot take you to eat that medicine because you're being annoyed will your mother say if you don't take this medicine i'm gonna punish you in something very very hard right i'm gonna take away your iphone whatever you want and but and then you take a medicine did you did it only because you didn't wanted her to take away your iphone yes but was the medicine good for you yes and therefore wasn't your mom taking your iphone at the end of the day also a good thing because if it wasn't for that you wouldn't have taken the medicine yes or no yes so in the same way does does your mom wants to take your iphone no she just wants you to take the medicine maybe your mom does wants to take your iphone because you never speak to her right in the in the table but does your mom wants to take your iphone no she just wants you to take the medicine but if not she has to take drastic measurements do parents want to do things that are hard for their children no sometimes your parents by the way our parents are not perfect sometimes they are angry and they just take it out on you but god he's not angry he's not doing things for him he doesn't need it he doesn't have lackings he's only doing it for you but when he really needs you to do something for your own sake i'm taking the medicine for me and i'm not paying attention well he has to give me sometimes a measurement that will even be hard for me yes yes but does that means that he wanted to hurt me does that mean he wanted to no he just wanted me to do something that was good for me by the way if i would have taken the medicine before did my mom had to take away my iphone no so really whose fault is it that my mom took away my iphone your own you know at the end of the day i'm sorry to say this people don't like it you know but if you were doing what you're supposed to be doing no one would have to take away your iphone you know that's the truth in life if i was doing what i'm supposed to be doing all the time in my life then you know i would be on track but now if i'm not then god has his own way of helping you do it because it's for your own good is he gonna do it all the time no but again is it a punishment no that's why i said in the word in hebrew we don't use the word punishment that's a non-jewish word in hebrew honest which is punishment means to see where you have fallen so that you could pick yourself right back up right and go on track yes um i didn't say what you're saying but for the car crash like even if yes but you don't see it in the same way you understand if you crash any other day you wouldn't connect it with shabbat and therefore part of life is how you connect it because of the awareness that it creates on you you know i could be your question another day by the way have you ever met someone that was sick right and when they you know they weren't sick and then they woke up and they were like you know what like i just decided to change my goals in life have you ever met someone like this do people grow more honestly through hard lives or through easy life hard lives have you ever seen parents of children with disabilities are they amazing parents most of them yes would you want to be a parent like that yes would you want to have a child like that by the way they're the holiest souls in the world the holiest but is it hard yes but would you want to be a parent like that yes you know how they got to be parents like that because they had that difficulty you know that australian guy that doesn't have arms and legs he's all over uh youtube really famous you know this guy oh my god i was a last year i i saw a salt surfer i don't know so i really like bethany hamilton whatever you know soul surfer anyone saw this okay so she's the one that lost an arm whatever this guy met her i'm not joking by the way you could see this video on youtube this guy met her and he said to her okay let's go back to his this guy doesn't have any arms or legs right she only lost one arm right he has that what he called a drumstick it's like a his tiny leg and then he has like two fingers they met and he said to her i admire you so much i don't know how you're able to live your life and be so amazing without one arm if i would lose my drumstick over here and he's standing on the table i don't know how i would do it and i'm looking at him and i'm like are you joking you don't have anything you know wouldn't you want to have a life that you could appreciate your drumstick you know like really i'm not joking right how did he came to be like that he literally said to her he admires her how did he get to be like that because that was a topic for a different class but when i don't have so much i appreciate everything i have when i have a lot i don't you know when i'm put to a challenge and i have to give it my all i start appreciate i start growing i become a happier person you know those parents became amazing parents because of the child that they had right they could have also not stood up for the challenge and be like why me you know i don't want to do it everyone else has normal children you know i'm not saying this child is not normal again this is holy holy souls right but you could have said you know what i didn't ask for this but that's not what they did they rose up to a challenge and they understand god gave me this right i know tons of people that had sicknesses that had abusive parents you know there's two looks you could have in life you could say everything happened to me my life is horrible that's being a victim victims never have to take responsibility this is the outlook that 95 of humanity takes but then there's another five percent of humanity and they say you know what this is what happened to me i'm gonna take it and move on if there's something i like in israel can i tell you how do you say why in hebrew lama walk in the street you know when you say lama in hebrew what people answer to you i love this israelis are the best you know what they say lama kaka which means you're asking why and they say that's right and you're like you're so cold you know like why did he have these parents that's the way it is who cares pretty much that's the israeli outlook lama and i was i you know you could have issues with this you're like no one cares about your feelings and then i really started thinking about this and i was like really that's the way to perceive things is it going to change you to know why what happened had to happen it's not really going to change you it still happened you know if you are abusive parents doesn't matter how many times you ask in your life why they were still abusive you know what's the hebrew way of asking it's not llama lama it's kaka this is why it was the hebrew way of asking is le ma same word different pronunciation you know what lemma means for what this happened move on what do i do with this you know things are going to happen in your life all the time maybe i'll deal with this you know like this big question next time things are gonna happen in your life all the time if you ask llama you'll never move on you'll just be a victim most people just remain in the victimized stage for the rest of their lives have you ever met someone that had abusive parents and they chose to be doing amazing things and be i don't know what social workers and be examples for other people by the way are most of the people that are changing the world honestly speaking people that had easy lives or hard lives hard lies why because they chose to rose up for the occasion right so again you could say oh you know why are all these things happening to me but in reality god says you're not getting it i am coaching you to be the greatest you you know last year i put my husband in a ultimatum i said he has to lose weight oh my god everyone in the internet will know this i say we can't both be chubby you know so you have to lose weight because i'm the choppy one here i do not lose weight don't worry i exercise every day of my life i do zumba six months pregnant you know and i still teach zumba but i exercise every day but you know i said god need a chubby people so i was chosen okay what am i gonna do but i say my husband he needs to lose weight so for four years you know every man when they get married they develop this like beer belly not my husband he actually lost weight but then he gained it all back so i was really annoyed last year i'm like you know what you have to lose weight so so my husband says to me fine i start exercising men i hate them they eat whatever they want then they start exercising they lose and lose and lose and become thin and women we're like counting portions and it doesn't happen to us it's okay guys if you know it you'll feel much better about it so what is it that he started doing he started doing like this video called walk at home have you ever seen these videos okay this is not exercise it's literally a lady she doesn't sweat one drop and she goes like this we're walking at home necklace necklace necklace leg clips and then she goes like boosted walking this is boosted working okay my husband was doing this every night one night i come home because he doesn't exercise while i'm there cause i'm an exercise freak you know like he doesn't exercise so much one time i come home and i see him doing this and i'm like do you really think you're gonna do anything with this he's like raquel for someone that never did anything in their lives this is called exercise i'm telling you i'm gonna lose weight i'm like this is not gonna work out she's like you tried i tried the whole 45 minutes did not sweat one drop and i sweat a lot i was like that's it this is not the exercise i'm giving you an ultimatum so he says to me fine what exercise do you want me to do i'm like you'll do whatever i say he's like yes so i took advantage right i put him through jillian michaels you know julia michaels okay whatever she's the one that trains the biggest loser this woman is crazy oh my god don't worry he took out his glasses so he wouldn't see her anyways he doesn't like women with like abs or anything she thinks they're not so nice but he took out his glasses he was perfectly kosher right one of her exercises was like you squat you jump you do like a push-up and then you do the whole thing again the lady would do 10. my husband would still be getting up from his squad in 10 times and then he will start yelling i don't think i could keep up i think i'm dying do you want a husband or not and i'm like you're gonna do it until i say you're gonna do it now my husband literally four months she lost 30 pounds she goes running every day in the forest the rabbis are like we see your husband running in the forest and then everyone goes to him we went to a wedding last night and everyone goes to him like wow you're looking good and he's like yeah i've been working out and like and everyone is like congratulations i'm like congratulations to him congratulations to me you worked with him for four years you know by the way you know how my husband used to call me don't worry he likes me a lot but you know how he used to call me i'm not even joking gestapo you know ss officer because i'm like my husband doesn't like vegetables so i hide vegetables in his meals it's like like a little kid don't tell him i do this even though he knows but it's okay during the week i forced him to eat vegetables i'm like when i married him he only schnitzel coca-cola i can't have him he has to die later than me you know what i'm saying this is not gonna work out so i make him eat vegetables i make him do all these things right so he used to call me and i'm like yeshaya do you think it's nice calling your wife as a nazi so he was like okay i'll call you the kgb i'm like that is nice also okay whatever but what is the point right the other day he comes to me and he's like raquel i want to thank you so much for introducing me into a new lifestyle i feel so free when i'm running and like i even started liking salad i'm like really could you say this again i'm gonna record it right now is he so happy about the changes he has made in his life yes even though he loved me did he hated that part of me that i was driving him crazy yes does he love that part of me now because because of that he was able to make great changes in his life yes that's the same thing with god you just have to get it sometimes you think god is being so hard on you no you're not getting it again guys it's not that you don't believe in god sometimes it is just that you don't understand if god is so good why your life is so hard but you're messing up god's rule god is not to be supposed to be your best friend even though by the way your coach could be your best friend but only when you understand he's your coach only when you understand he wants to get the best out of you you know there was once a guy he was burning on top of the empire state building right so what happened he didn't know what to do he had to get people's attention so he puts his hand in his pocket and he noticed that he had little coins so he starts throwing them out right so now if coins follow you from heaven what do you say i know from the empire state building they open a hole on your head but forget physics right so coins you started throwing coins from having whatever you want so what do people do you know what people would do for 25 cents amazing it's raining money they put it on their pockets everyone's happy you take all the money so the guy noticed he's still burning there's no more coins what is he gonna do he finds that there are little stones on the roof so he takes them and he starts throwing at them what do you do when stones follow you from heaven one of two reactions number one reaction what the heck i'm gonna kill you who do you think you are yeah that's number one reaction number two reaction what the heck i'm gonna keep oh my god he's on fire right and then you go and you try to help him same thing with god when he throws at you good things you take them you put them in your pocket god everything is great just don't mess up my life you know like of course this happened because i'm smart i'm beautiful my parents when something bad happens to you do you always blame me back on him almost always right but that's not the reaction you should have you should blame it and then realize he was trying to get your attention because that's all he was trying to do he was trying to get your attention why because he wants you to fix your life he wants you to change he wants you to to know that he loves you right he's cutting the credit card out of love for you when you get this strain in your life your whole life changes you understand what i'm trying to say i'm going to tell you a theory i've developed in my life did you have a question no i'm going to tell you a theory i've developed in my life again take it from someone that hasn't had an easy life right really this has worked out for me so much it has helped me in everything in my life right when i got married you know i got married four years ago my sister told me that i should take birth control i am not discussing whether you're allowed or not this is a topic for another time yes you're allowed under certain conditions do not worry no one expects you to be a baby machine you know as i'm sure you'll notice but that's not the point right so my sister was like you need to take birth controls because if you get pregnant right away that's very hard on your marriage i don't know what blah blah blah okay i go to my rabbi right and i told him what my sister said so my brother looks at me like what do you want to take birth control for you know start having kids right so i didn't take birth control so in my mind i thought i'm for sure going to get pregnant like tomorrow because people get pregnant all the time is that what most people think yes so i started thinking one time because again i was very annoyed and i was not very happy i started thinking why is god doing this to me and i've realized something amazing in my life i'm gonna share with you my theory of life i think if you like apply this it changes the way you perceive life when you were a little kid yeah you remember this long time ago okay whatever when you were a little kid and you went to a birthday party wasn't your birthday party you were a guest what was your favorite part of the birthday party ah really you like other kids watching the presents i want their presents to know you were a guest in a birthday party what was your favorite part the cake the goodie bag the cake i'll tell you why not what if they had chocolate and you like vanilla was that good no so did you always like the cake everyone always had chocolate for you then there was a pinata you people have pinata where i come from if you're not feisty you don't get anything from the pinata even though sometimes in panama they give you like watches i'm not even joking but whatever right but uh i'm joking i'm joking fake watches sometimes they're real also that's another story but the point is right the pinata some kids will get more some kids will get less yes but do you always like the pinata unless you were one of these bullies you didn't like it and if you were not a bully but you were just quick you liked it all okay what was your favorite part she said it the goodie bag if you really think about it why was the goodie bag your favorite part because you actually got something cause you got something why else what about because you knew you were gonna get it do you like that part did it the mom made goodie bags for every single kid they invited to a party yes or no when i was little this is the family activity we used to do for my brothers and sisters birthday party we made goodie bags each one put one thing in the bag i put two things because i was the biggest and quickest one so i put two things right so what happened you know that if the mother invited 40 kids to a birthday party she for sure made like 46 goodie bags 40 for the kids and six for their annoying brothers and sisters and no one invited but they will still come every kid will get a goodie back yes now if you didn't get a goodie back how did you feel you feel sad and how did you felt you probably felt one of these three things either i've been forgotten they hate me or i'm being punished does that make sense i realize that in life we think god is giving out goodie bags you know when everyone is getting married you're like how come i'm not getting married am i chosen you know do you hate me god right and whenever everyone is getting something your obvious question is why you're not getting it by the way it's not necessarily that you're jealous that someone else got it and you don't but really what bothers you is why am i the one not getting it you know if no one would get married it wouldn't bother you that you're not married but when everyone gets married you feel left out you're like how come it's not happening to me and it's happening to everyone else does that make sense yes i felt like i was chosen how come everyone has kids and i don't have it is it that god cannot give me kids of course god could give me kids so why is he not giving them to me and then at some point i understood something amazing when you're getting that goodie back you think they thought of you because you're for sure gonna get one but can i really tell you sorry to break this to you no one really thought of you you were just one more kid coming to a birthday party weren't you and if you wouldn't have made it and your brother went he would still have gotten a goodie back no one thought of you you were just one more but now let me ask you a question if you have diabetes and you get one of these goody bags full of sugar would that be good for you no that could be very damaging if you have celiac which it didn't exist in my days i think it's much more common now and you get all these cookies would that be good for you dangerous imagine if you're allergic to peanuts if your friends get it that's like dangerous to you you know but whatever what am i trying to say right if you get the same goodie bag that everyone got it could not only not be good for you could be really bad for you and it could be really hurtful so god says you're so happy when you get what everyone else gets because you think i thought of you but i didn't thought of you you were just one more you know what it means that god thought of you you get a tailor-made goody back right with exactly not what you want but what you need but you know what that also means and i realized that it changed my life it means that sometimes your goodie bag is not going to have sugar and sometimes it's not going to have cookies and sometimes it's just going to have carrots and cucumbers because you're in a diet but if you get it then you get that you were just not one more kid you were raquel gord made a goodie back specifically for you guys when your life is not running out exactly like you wanted it's not because god chose you for now god chose you specifically to make something that's for you i was so annoyed and i was like why are you not doing this to me but then i understand i said to god god i want you to control my life i want you to manage it and god decided that for a certain amount of years it wasn't good for me to have children why maybe i know maybe i wouldn't well not no right has there been lots of things in your life that have been hired and suddenly later you realize i needed that yes sometimes you will sometimes know you won't maybe i'll talk about this next time right but what is the point i did realize something amazing god made a goodie back specifically for me and that's really love you know every morning when you wake up you say in your morning blessings looking at your sister it's a beautiful blessing you say thank you god that you have done for me all my needs thank you god sorry that you did for me all my needs says you know question why does it say deep for me all my needs i wake up i'm gonna eat it's got did for me my nature is god doing my needs doing right i should have said hashem or selly culture that you're doing for me my needs what do you say that you did for me my needs pay attention first of all past tense why do you say past tense you remember last year you lost your job and you were miserable right and you were like god how could you do this to me and four months later you got a better job right that paid you the most that time that you lost your job that was your need because if you wouldn't have lost that job you wouldn't have been able to get a new job you know all of those hardships that go on in your life they're really blessings because they're opening up for something greater for you to happen am i gonna appreciate i don't know if i'm gonna be a better mother that's not what i'm saying but will i appreciate my child much more than someone that got pregnant on the first month yes or no yes because i have to wait for it doesn't that mean right that the pain itself it's an opening for a blessing that was a need if you open up your heart to it then you'll realize it could have been painful but that doesn't mean it wasn't good you know that doesn't mean it wasn't something you needed but you know why else you say thank you god that you did for me all my needs great there's two statements that you're making number one statement thank you god that you did for me all my needs because everything i have i need that makes sense right everything i don't have i don't need everyone whenever they say this blessing this is what they think everything i have i need everything i don't have i don't need but there's a third statement you never thought about you know the third statement thank you god that you did for me all my needs because everything i have i need everything i don't have i don't need but most importantly everything i don't have it's because i need not to have it if you would put sugar on my goodie bag and i'm diabetes that wouldn't be good for me whatsoever i need not to have it you know i've realized that in my life we like being in control we like knowing everything but are you perfect could you make the best choices now you can't when god is sending at you little stones that's not because he wants to hurt you he wants to get your attention for something greater you know but you have to be aware for that you have to understand that you not looking at god's presence in your life it's only because you haven't turned on the light but i could guarantee you guaranteed that if you check out your past and you see like when this happened this happened this happened and you were so lost and you didn't understood suddenly came about and you were like this is why it had to happen this is why it had to happen and you became more appreciative and you became more whatever it is right that's what we're saying that's the kind of relationship we want to build but there's a thing i say i said yesterday god wants you to have a relationship with him whatever you want but there's one very important point you know there's a show in england called the weakest link you ever saw that joe she's evil lady okay whatever in your in every single relationship you're always gonna have the weakest link what do i mean by that and you should know this your relationship is gonna be as strong as the weakest one in that relationship my husband is the most mushy person in the world i told you he calls me 15 hour times a day to tell me i love you and i'm just like do you have issues what do you have to call me right don't worry i've become much more nice with the ears took me a long time but what is the point at the beginning he used to give me gifts i used to cry i don't deserve anything now he's just like you know put the microwave whatever but would he be able to give to me if i can't take it no i was not allowing him to be that mushy and that lovable because i just couldn't take it right god in your relationship with god you're always going to be the weakest link you know what that means that even though god wants a relationship with you it cannot happen unless you want it back but what does it mean you want it back you're looking for him in your life you're opening your eyes and you're trying to see and i could guarantee you guys if you just open your eyes you'll see that he's every in everywhere and everything even when he's hiding right remember this and you think of this coincidence it's not coincidence you need to get to your job right and all of the lights go green that's good because how many times do you drive and all of the lights are red you know lots of times every time i need a parking amazing i'm not even joking one time i go to the old city the old city is the hardest place to park in the entire world i'm done right i was in such a hurry and i was carrying my things and i was too tired i couldn't walk so in the old city if you ever go when you go by bus there's like a parking lot that no one lets you park in there because you're not a citizen you don't live in the old city and then in the way down there's like three parkings that are always full i think those cars have never moved from there one time i'm driving and you know i'm like exhausted i couldn't move whatever so i said god please send me a parking i'm not even joking i'm driving driving driving suddenly one of those cars moved the one that closes to the hotel that you could ever get i'm like this must be a present i drew i parked right there i called my husband i'm like do you understand which parking i got the most vip parking in the whole entire world you know can i tell you that whatever i need parking it appears for me i don't know how it goes you know but amazingly if you ever want to go somewhere take me with you you know but why does it happen i guess because i really realize i want to see him in my life so god says you're looking for me you know we're playing hide and seek god is hiding you have to seek when you seek he's not hiding anymore great any questions we'll continue with this another day yeah sorry people i know who you know they're they seem to do everything right but then they never get you know what they want exactly but like i have an aunt who she's the most amazing person i know never found a husband never had children remember anything she's always wanted it why why does god that would take me a long time to explain but can i just say first of all god doesn't give you what you want he gives you what you need you know it's not the same thing number two again going to example of the parents you know sometimes it is that struggle that made you an amazing person you know there's a rabbi he runs all of nevaeh he's my rabbi he never had children so while i was waiting to have children i used to go to him and cry and i would be like how did you manage to do it like i wouldn't get it and he would just look at me and he would say let's just say that if i would have had children i wouldn't be here you wouldn't be here by the way he has had more than 10 000 women coming into his school his wife is the head midwife in all of you know israel by the way she's brought 30 000 babies to life right amazing would they have been so dedicated to an israel if they would have had their own family maybe yes maybe not right but it could be that through those hardships right they were able to dedicate themselves to something great now it would take me a long long time to ask but now let me just say one more thing when you see that your aunt had a difficult life and she's still that much of an amazing person doesn't that make you feel like i could do it too yes or no yes or no right no i'm saying doesn't that make you feel like what i have issues look at her and look at how happy she is so doesn't that make you feel like you could be an amazing person no matter what comes your way yes so there's another answer great okay bye bye