Parshat Tazria-Metzora: The Importance of Positive Speech - Rabbi Yisroel Perelson

[Music] the Gemara the Gemara might cotton compares a mourner to a Mets IRA to a menudo a matura someone with leprosy a mourner someone is in a Bayless he lost someone right lost a loved one and the man no does someone that was excommunicated and any one of those the Gemara many times in mode cotton compares them the camera says for example Mitsuru kermit syrup put shoes well what about a mourner see a lot of put shoes what about a menudo someone who's excommunicated can he put shoes on now someone who's excommunicated if he did something wrong he's actually excommunicated from the community right discern how locals now the guy who was excommunicated he's a righteous guy he'll follow the excommunication and he'll have to be outside the community he can't wear shoes there's all kinds of rules with somebody who's excommunicated the Gomera goes on and asks what about fillin can a matura put on tefillin can a mourner put on tefillin can a yeah a person was excommunicated put on tefillin could he say hello right we know you walk into a mourners house really you're not supposed to shake hands shake hands if somebody puts out his hand to you okay you don't want to make the guy feel bad right and people don't know but welcome to a place of mourning where people know people aren't gonna shake your hand right because it's a it's a mourning it's a mourning period no P of people in the mornings now in a mourners house so what is the it's very interesting what's the common denominator that runs between the two you know you could understand and perhaps maybe someone whose menudo someone who's excommunicated so that falls in line tool with the matura Matsuura what did he do he spoke loshon Hara and now he's excommunicate he's basically it's not excommunicated he's got to go out of the he's got to go out of the maconnais he's got to go out of the jurisdiction where the Jews were and he pitches a tent outside of that base now for a menudo someone who's excommunicated I understand the correlation but what about someone who's morning someone who's morning what's the connection in fact the one who's morning really didn't do anything wrong someone died he sits in mourning meaning to say that there's nothing that he could have done different really when he's mourning it's just it's just a bad state so what is it that compared why is the Gomorrah compare the mourner also with the wit with the matura so it's very interesting when you think about a mourner everybody comes in they're mourning what what are the morning they're mourning somebody that died why they're mourning somebody that died him what's so bad about a person dying now you may think I'm crazy rabbit what's wrong with you are you for real yeah think about it the guy's going to heaven he's gone to a better place than we're here he's got no more mortgage he doesn't have to pay braces for his children and clothe them put him through school all the headaches that are involved in life he doesn't have to deal with it now he's there just getting his reward so what is it why does the person feel bad in fact there was one individual who said it best he said he was dying he was dying and he says to the rabbi he says you know I don't understand they're mourning that I'm going to die how many people are there lose they're losing one I'm the guy that's gonna die you know how many people I'm gonna be losing I'm gonna be losing all my relatives that could be twenty thirty people so what are they crying about I should be crying not them right who's the one that's really that's really suffering a tremendous loss the one who's dying is suffering a tremendous loss so in effect why why do we cry we cry even though we know the person is going through a better place right especially the person kept Chavez put on tefillin he's going to a better place right he's gone to a better place if he did if he did the three main misses that he was supposed to do right Pramila Shabbos tefillin he's going to a better place so what is it why do we why do we crime the idea of crying is because we feel a separation we feel like now we're torn apart which means to say that sense of unity causes this happening happiness as soon as that sense as soon as you tamper with that sense of unity then the happiness is now beginning to be chipped away at the person is not as happy matura what happened with the matura sure it's the same concept the person the person spoke loshon Hara and now he's out of the mana he's outside in a sense he's partially dead he's Bauer and biologically he's alive but the problem is he's not there he's not in heaven and he's not on earth because he can't be together with with his friends he's got to be all by himself and he's not in heaven he's not with them up there Serena's he's in no-man's land at that point when a person is in no-man's land he's literally like a mourner he's morning now I'm cut off this is what causes a person to feel so bad when he loses a family member because now going to be cut off you may know that your family member is going to a much better place especially if a person suffered persons suffer towards the end you know the guy's going to a better place right so now what was a why you could still crying because there's a separation that separation really bothers a human being we know that in Pesach I'm paced out what happened on Pesach I'm Pesach we were born into a nation in effect the Jews were there beforehand for my from it's like an Yaakov yes but at that point we became fractured families on Pesach by the carbon Pesach in effect what I call this Burke who did it solidified all of us with one goal many times how do you solidify a person why have partners many times partners are very close or a husband and wife could be very close you know what make brings them very close they say after the third child a husband and wife become extremely close why after the first child you also you have what happens when you don't focus on each other but you focus on a third item or a third party and you have that goal together you begin to work and become closer and closer and closer until your thoughts you can't break them apart because they're both working towards a goal and that goal binds them together and the same thing with the partners many times partners that get along they become extremely close they're there their lifelong friends I remember the partners that they used to own Shore own manner men'she and Rosen s'en it was so close it was so close I remember those two why because when you work on a third item together with somebody else you develop a case or you develop a bond that is very powerful Sarkozy's Burcu on the night of Pesach told cloudy so listen now you're going to work on something together why the carbon pace on the carbon pace a halt of class or like getting together and they're all going to have their carbon pesos and not only that you couldn't have it by yourself you have to have it in a harbor oh you have to have it in a group it couldn't be by yourself so beforehand they already got together you made your phone calls you sent the emails you got every year everybody you know how many people you had you calculate how many people could eat the carbon peso and then now you're ready to eat why cuz the whole idea is that connection that unity if you look at the Matt Sorum what happened with them it's ro what what problem does he have in fact every single human being is not just an individual he's an individual listen to the concept in his important concept every single human being is an individual but he's also part of a communal he's part of a community which means to say if you take for example imagine you would ask a liver to identify itself identify yourself liver right give me your identity and the liberal will tell you well I'm a cell right I have a cell membrane I have a nucleus I have a I have my messenger RNA and DNA right I have all of that am I is that I define myself to my essence did I really define myself no why am i lying I'm not lying either but I haven't defined myself why have I not defined myself because at the end of the day if I don't define who I belong to the bigger picture the community aspect of I liver which is my liver mean to say it's not just a cell it's my liver and that liver is part of an entire body and that body is part of the entire community I haven't really defined myself I haven't defined myself so this Smith so wrong what he did is he disconnected from an aspect of himself from the part that he's that he's part of the community that part he almost killed how by saying that listen Hara when a person says loshon Hara automatically what he causes is he causes unity to become fragmented and therefore what's the what's the result of the matauri he's got to get sent out of the community he gets sent out because at that time what is he doing he's working as he's out he's working on that sense of community meaning to say all he focused on was the individual when a person all he focuses on is just on the individual then it becomes a tremendous problem because at that point when a person focuses just on the individual then the part that makes people happy the community part the part that he's associated with others which is his family which is his friends which is community that part is missing and that part could never become you could never become happy and therefore he gets kicked out of the community to work on that aspect now we look at yes episodic we look at the night at pace on the night of Pesach cloudy sure all are commanded to have the carbon pacer the carbon Tet stuff is the unifier the compass that is the item that puts everybody together yes episodic started out with saying Deborah was saying listen her on his brothers what happens when he said lush and her and his brothers what happened is by the end they sort of excommunicate him they sell him they they take him out of the family in effect the brothers thought they can do away with a part of the family they could sever a part of the family they could just disconnect and that's it when yep is out there and he's thinking to himself in Egypt and what went wrong what does he what is he trying to do he tries at the end of the day to put the family together he understands that it can't just be the individual it it's only the individual there's there you will never reach wholesomeness he'll never reach perfection and therefore when the brothers come down you ask yourself wait a minute how is it possible that this guy is now going to be so nice to the brothers they sold them he ended up being in the dungeon for 12 years right who is going to be nice to the brothers somebody that sold them it's impossible so the only reason what happens is yosef at sadiq realizes what he has done realizes that he's focused just on the individual and in fact that's what happened when I met Sarah and with Sarah just focuses on himself and forgets about everybody else and therefore when yoseop gets the chance when yoseop receives the chance to be able to put everything together even though they sold them and they did oh and he was disconnected from his father for 22 years and it was very very difficult but he realized hey here's my chance here's my chance to put all the pieces together and yay safe becomes a Sifu I'm a she-bear yes it becomes a supporter yes it becomes a supplier of the entire world because Y a sip realizes now is my chance to put all the pieces together so we understand now with the matura the Mancera this matter what he did was he broke a part of his identity the identity where were all part of a community I'm a part of a family he broke that aspect and therefore it is the MIT's aura that stays outside and has his own individual so to say carbon pays off to put the whole family together and once he goes through the procedure of being away for a certain a period of time and then he comes back and he becomes part of the community at that point he could come back together it's very interesting also we know that the Cohen how does a person become a matura see sees a lesion on his body you see the lesion on his body he comes to the coin and now yes the coin what is this what is the client everything is up to the calling now if the coin says it's good it's good if the coin says the word Tommy now the guy's in trouble his whole life is messed up right he's got to go out if it's on the house eventually you could you could end up having to tear down the house tremendous financial loss but everything is depended on what on one word of the coin why this is to send a very strong message to the matura mitt sorry you have to understand you see what one word can do one word can break an entire could break an entire family one word one word could destroy a lot of times I go to either a funeral or a costume I say I'm ready I'm meeting the family so one one guy one person tells me one family rabbi make sure this guy doesn't get up to speak I'm like oh my goodness you say this now you're giving me this task I got a deal with your faith with your families whew I said why what's what went wrong they can't even remember 20 years ago something happened they don't even know what it is but this one doesn't talk to that one that one doesn't talk to this one why because the word was said one word was said one word could destroy there's a famous story in the Gemara the Kemara says that Reb Camille sent a slave send the servant out to buy he says go buy me the best the best thing in the market the best meat so the servant goes out and he buys him to Tonga I'm the best thing a week later Erev Shabbos comes it says summons his servant he says go barmy the worst piece of meat the worst say comes back again with the tongue says what is this he says rabbi the tongue could be the best and the tongue could be the worst try to use the tongue to build somebody up to give them strength right you've done everything they say that a child that a child as he's growing up when he is in first grade his self-esteem is at a hundred percent when he's in first grade when by the time he's in fourth grade his teachers have told them about a thousand times how many things he did wrong that his self-esteem drops to 33% could you imagine a time a kid is poor in fourth grade which means to say that a tongue can build and a tongue could destroy right a clunker destroyed and therefore our job at aura focuses so much on the tongue and the missourah you said something that now will destroy our unity you said something that will destroy our unity you focused only on yourself on that part you have to leave the maken and you have to leave wait reconsider rethink about what you've done because we want to put this all together we want quality soil to be one we see today even in Israel when cloudy Seoul is not one we could be attacked we could be attacked you have all kinds of organizations all kinds of NGOs that make tremendous amount of problems for the Jewish people you have this this organization called B'Tselem I don't know if you know what it is but what they do is they take Palestinians and they make them insight the the soldiers and they sit there with cameras and they then they ship it to Europe and Europe and then then they and they incite other people to go against the Jewish nation that's what they do their organization named B'Tselem that's what they do so when the Jewish nation when the Jewish nation is not unified all of a sudden were prone to war if we were one nobody will be able to touch us who would be able to touch us even when we're not one bar Hashem artists role is strong but if we were one therefore the matura as soon as the masseur begins to speak we send them out we send them out because you're doing something extremely bad that could cause other people to die it could cause other people to die so we have to remember we have to remember we have to start first with our family we have to start first with our family I saw a zohar that says that a person that does not complement is also as guilty as the matura that spoke loshon Hara could you imagine a person that doesn't complement why because when somebody does good you have to complement if your wife cooked a good meal and you didn't you didn't sing her praises not a good thing you have to singer praises you have to the number one thing I always say this also the first face that your wife should see in the morning is a smiling face it's a smiling face it's the first face your wife should see in the morning it's a big huge smile on your face all right I'm happy to see you honey why because automatically that gives it a physic that gives her strength to continue the entire day that's smile that smile is very very powerful and then when you come home before you come home a man that's hungry man that's hungry is dangerous he's dangerous I'm telling you so before you come home you stop at a story to take a little bite this is when you come home you're ready to smile if she throws the kid at you you're okay right you ready to give physic because that is that is one of the greatest myths is to build a neshama to build the soul so the person could stand on on his or her two feet with strength and with positivity you made their lives you made their lives and therefore remember this parsha is all about the tongue it's all about how many good words can you say to other people um how much could you sing their praises because at the end of the day at the end of the day this is what they're gonna remember and this is what's going to build them and this is what's going to give them strength so but it's not the Shen let's remember what happened to the matura let's remember what the Zora quarter says about complimenting let's find things that really are worth to compliment our spouse and our kids for every complaint for every complaint we have to remember gentlemen for every complaint we have to say at least ten praises you have to put deposit in the bank and then you can make one complaint right and then deposit in the bank and then make one complaint and this way you'll have a beautiful unified home and that's what I call this burg who wants him that was the idea of the carbon peso have to get the juice together to be one thank you and have a good evening and the sugar should have an allele [Music] [Applause]