Parshat Vayishlach: Beware of the Bully - Rabbi Meyer Yedid

[Music] forgive I tell ya akov livid oh yeah cold on his way to meet myself found his play found himself alone the avoc ish emo add a lotta shahe and a man came to wrestle with him until dawn this man was a Millar as I'll tell us it was the son of I self was the spiritual I serve after this fight via Mary Shelley honey this mullah of I serve he tells Yakov please let me go I guess Yaakov was holding him down he Allah has jihad he says it's already dawn I have to go bye oh man yeah Cove responds and he says la jolla haka I will not let you go he embarrassed Ani unless you give me a bra ha so Jakob demands a baraja from I serve before he lets him go Rashi a lava Shalom asks an obvious question to get a better car from Avraham Avinu or its haka we knew or from great tsadikim like we have today our crime can have ski rush tiny'mon all the great rabbis to get a better car from them is obviously something that is worthwhile why would the alcove be interested in the baraja of i self could you imagine going up to someone in the street right now you find some but I shot in the street and you run to ask him for it better huh and he says let me go I gotta go drink have things to do no no you can't go until you bless me why would y'all go be interested in hyssops blessing so that she says he answers that he wasn't really asking for a blessing like the way we look at blessings now she says he was telling him the following what daily a liberec hot Shapira honey Abbey he told them be modere admit that the better heart that my father gave me or mine say it say I got a better hood because I serve was mayor era she says my sob was not so pleased with the outcome of the story with the better coat that Yakko got the better hood he was always complaining about it he told me not not letting you go until you say say now say yeah go got the bit of hood the question is still very big why does Yaakov care if I serve agrees to the better hot or not is there a bigger source then heats hack his father who gave him the benefit and obviously agreed that he should get the better coat even after he found out the whole story he told them you got the better coat who cares what I stopped thinks why does it matter that he's walking around upset about the better thought that he thought he should have gotten at the end of the day Yaakov got the better thought it's hack his father agrees we would have said who cares you have complaints on me that's your problem we made a deal a deal's a deal today I'm going to tell you something and I think I try to tell you things every week that are on point but I think this class we should talk about it at least twice a year because it not only involves our daily lives and not only is important because of the Torah that we keep the Torah but it's actually one of the most useful pieces of advice that I can give you in your life for your physical well-being the PASOK says in Parishad Mishpatim and you must all pay attention to this the person says call al mana via Tom Lord a unknown the PASOK says commandment you cannot cause pain to any Widow a woman who lost her husband or any orphan someone who lost a parent don't cause them pain don't say things to hurt them Rashi tells us this commandment is not only for widows or orphans it's a commandment for all people don't cause people pain don't cause your friend pain don't cause your mother pain this is another commandment like don't be Mahalalel Shabbat like don't eat non-kosher don't eat I made some pizza it's a commandment like all the other Commandments we have plenty of them why am i highlighting this one I told you this class is not strictly for your Torah observance but you'll say what do you mean it's just a commandment I got it don't hurt people why it's what I spoke about orphans and widows says that she because generally speaking these people don't have people to support them and they become easy targets people won't bother someone who's strong who has a strong family he's scared of his father his mother scared of a husband but someone who's weak yeah let's step on them but it applies to everybody so like I said it's another commandment important commandment like all the meats vote I did not come to tell you today about this commandment you should learn it in your classroom with your rabbis but I do want to learn with you what it says at the follow-up of this PASOK unlike Hill caught Shabbat unlike Hill caught pizza unlike any halaqah in the Torah there is a follow-up to this commandment and it's the follow-up I want to share with you it's worthwhile for you to hear it the PASOK says in an LTR Naoto says the pursuit be warned if you cause pain to other people he interrogates akka lie if you cause them pain and that man or that girl or that little boy or that sister or that friend if he is in pain and he turns to God saying hi shame I'm suffering they're bothering me God says if he opens his mouth to me Samoa is matzah akut oh gods like guarantee you I will listen to him he could be the biggest Russia he could be the worst human on planet Earth there's no difference God says you bother him if he just opens his mouth to me I promise you I will listen and what's gonna happen bahara happy hashem says i will be angry for him they had acti at them behave I don't want to read the rest to you it's not very pleasant basically Hashem says if you bother someone and you cause them pain you now have made an enemy out of God and nobody here matter how smart you are how wealthy you are how good-looking you are or popular you'll never succeed in life if you make God your enemy Hashem promises I will be your enemy the Chimera says in my circuit baba metzia deaf noon Ted hot coal nefra be - Aliya when Hashem takes retribution against someone he does it through a messenger I don't know what that means I guess I shouldn't directly get involved in all punishment with one exception there's only one exception where God says no no there's no messenger here hoots my honor except one we caused pain to other people if we caused pain to someone Hashem says I get involved as that says it could be certain times where the gates of heaven are closed for any prayer matter how could you pray and how much you cry closed coal ash i-i'm in a limb it's possible there will be doors and locks on the heavens for Phillip Ruth's mushara honor except if someone is praying touch them because someone is bothering him those gates are never locked 24/7 every day of the year when someone is in pain because of us it will ha special um black any blessing that's supposed to be coming into our lives believe me we all need blessing they are millions of people in this city who go to work every day some have blessing in their work they find success and some don't there are many people who make money in their lives some of them money is actually making them happy and there's better how with that money and others money is destroying them to the core some people are walking around satisfied and happy and some people are walking around with fears with worries they don't have five minutes of peace of mind in their life some people seem to have Ciutat de smile which we call heavenly assistants they touch something it works they do things that's la ha and some people don't just don't seem to be able to get it they can't raise themselves they can't bring themselves to succeed well today we have come to a clear reason if a person is upset because of you if a person is feeling pain because of you you should know that you have tremendous but I thought that maybe were coming your way but they're blocked they will not come you will not enjoy them because you're causing people pain if you're below it bullying somebody just know that you're better has closed I will tell you from personal experience I obviously can't give you names it wouldn't be appropriate but I can tell you growing up in elementary school and even in high school and I remember vividly from my grade or maybe a great above of people who are nasty bullies you walked around the school and you walked around in fear of what they would say or do of course unless you were on their team and as a young person growing up you would say these people Wow they haven't made they walk around and everyone bounds down to them everyone is afraid to upset them because they're always on edge these people are going to have the most amazing life the people I have in my head who I remember vividly I could tell you that each one of them each one one by one has tremendous miseries in their life for different reasons today till today in their 20s in their 30s 40s to me it's very clear from my own experience that a person who makes other people suffer is going to have has the shalom a terrible ending so besides that it's wrong and besides that it's an eyesore from the Torah it is destructive for our future that's why Yaakov Aveeno has to ask I serve I'm not letting you go until you agree that I got the bit of hood fair and square and we asked what does it matter but I said things it matters because of a savage hurt from you even though it could be the biggest Russia he's heard from you what could you do to make that hurt go away because it can block the better hope that you have it's not always easy but at least the simple day-in day-out relationships we have to rethink the next time we do something to hurt someone the PASOK says la Tourneau ish at Amita which means become a that says on ADD valium don't hurt people with your words when I talk about beating people up that's obvious we're talking about saying words that can really inflict pain on somebody now you might think like what like I said terrible crazy things to cause someone paint on this level I have to do things who knows what horrible obnoxious know the Americans examples of what's called causing someone pain Nicki Minaj says that if you have a person who let's say wasn't religious it was about chuhwa and he turned the corner a little bit he started getting better and you're a friend of his and you see him all of a sudden maybe taking a few extra minutes in his Amida so of course it bothers you a little bit and you are friends all of a sudden you see him doing a little more than you so he sits down after if you light up by the way remember I used to eat crabs number that you don't forget right remember what we did list here this time reminding someone of his past can bring a lot of pain to a person who's trying to improve himself not very obnoxious but nonetheless on a dream practical jokes the gamer that gives this case believe it or not when I says if a person comes to you and he's looking to buy wheat and he tells you you know someone who sells wheat and you tell me go this way go to the right travel two blocks knock on the door and you'll have someone who sells wheat and you know it's not true just playing a joke and you follow them with your friends and you take a little camera and say oh and you knocked on the door and the guy sells jewelry and he's telling I'm gonna have wheat and everyone goes haha practical joke just a joke it's just a joke it's not real not really trying to hurt the guy was a joke you play a practical joke on someone and that person is the target of a joke if you're all joking together it's one thing but someone is your target someone feels stupid you made someone feel small I don't envy anybody in this world to hurt others even when it's jokes you know how people say oh come on don't be so sensitive I'll be so sensitive no big deal and we think when we say that all of a sudden we become good could we tell them don't be sensitive so it's done but we think or we say is irrelevant bottom line the guy's sensitive and the person is hurt today we have to take this to another level not only the words you say now you have social media I don't think chats is a great thing to do I'm not against technology personally I think Chad's a big waste of time if you want to get a message to somebody talk to him or send him a message but I'm not looking at to talk about chats but if you're in a chat you better be careful because things you say could hurt people and if someone is getting hurt and you don't say something you're also involved if someone says something on a chat and nobody answers back and nobody defends and nobody helps you're just as guilty as the guy who said it do not think that when you write something on a chat that it's forgotten maybe by you it's forgotten but there will be tremendous ramifications for your future when you hurt someone on a chat like I said when it's happening you may feel like proud you may feel like a big gun bullies while things are happening get tremendous color just know if you're a bully Hashem will cut you down so fast I sure will not let you see happiness in your life guaranteed don't think that what you do to others when you cause them pain is forgotten it will never be forgotten Hashem never says anything like this in any area in life he doesn't say if you may Hallel Shabbat I'll never forget it you'll never see a happy day doesn't say that no commandment only this one be careful before you say oh before you press of course why would we bother people why wouldn't we buzz why would anyone hurt anybody else first of all there's a big mistake they have a saying in America sticks and stones may break my bones but words can't hurt me this is not true this is the there's no statement that could be less true than this it's exactly opposite you hurt someone physically okay it's pain you hurt someone with words there's no greater pain in life than the pain of someone being hurt with somebody else's words why would we do that why would we cause such pain to people who are just like us what are we getting out of it what's the benefit unfortunately I can give you a few different benefits now we all have to struggle with benefit number one jealousy from jealous I see a guy has more than me I see guys smarter than me I see a guy has more money than me I see a guys more popular than me and every time I see him kills me kills me I'm not as smart as him I don't have money like him and all of a sudden he gives you a chance to hit him hard you find something that's also weak in him wow what a price finally I can feel a little better about myself finally I can show you know what I have more than him jealousy is a big reason for being a bully sometimes we try to lift ourselves sometimes not sometimes most of it I remember one time in school not this school I was in this giving a class I welcome to a classroom of 25 guys I was talking to the rabbi outside I never met these kids before we were talking about different subjects different issues I told them give me 10 minutes I'll tell you who has the lowest self-esteem in this class I just need 10 minutes so obvious how do you know who in the class feels the least good about himself who I'll give you a secret it's not a big secret you could use it yourself walk into the new classroom you meet 25 boys you never met them in your life within 10 minutes you could tell who feels great about himself and who feels very very low that means low meaning nobody can notice it's inside he's not gonna advertise it meaning inside he's feeling like a nothing like a zero not worth anything I'm a nobody easy how do you do it simple very very simple you go into a classroom first of all the guy tries to be a clown within the first three minutes check the guys trying to get attention check not every guy was quiet means he has self-esteem some guys are quiet cuz they don't talk so I'm not saying if it's being loud or being quiet but it's easy to know who's thirsty for value who needs to create commotion so they noticed and what better way to create attention to yourself when you can make a joke on somebody else in your class how good does that feel when you have a target of someone in a class and you make that joke and everyone goes ha ha ha and you're sitting there and saying look at that I'm somebody cuz they're all laughing at my jokes look at that I said I said something me me me I said something and everyone left no that means that means I'm important that means I'm somebody how good does that feel let me tell you something if you hurt someone and that's why you feel great you raised yourself by putting someone down in Judaism you're called a bully and in Judaism bullies God says I promise you I will be against you your whole life you will not have my help in your life you may feel good for that moment but no you're feeling good by stepping on some jealousy is one reason feeling low and trying to raise yourself as another reason controlling others there are many people who don't have any self-control zero not when it comes to food not when it comes to desires not when it comes to anything they have no control but they love to control others because they can't control themselves having controls great power I like to control people around me so how do I control people like me you know I do it I make them scared of me cuz they know everything that comes out of my mouth may be directed at them what do I do when that happens I control you I tell you what to do I make sure you listen to me so therefore if I find something in you boom I hit you right there to know I'm in control it's me just know who controls this class no controls is great it's me you're nobody remember that remember you're nobody because I'm a somebody you know what we have to use so careful of this school is definitely one but at home maybe more one day you'll get married you better be careful with your wife the better hand your home will come from your wife it's gonna come from the way you talk to your wife but you're not ready for that yet so you might say okay I'll wait till I get married no no no today your wife is your brother and sister how do you treat your brother and sister how do you talk to your little brother and your little sister or maybe an older one be careful the pursuit says la Tourneau ish at a meto vr8 time lol that be afraid of Hashem what does that mean be afraid of Hashem it means that sometimes in life in the relationships that are very comfortable that are very close to home in school you say something people might look at you but at home nobody is gonna tell about you no one's gonna say anything because everyone cares about you they're not gonna advertise you to the street your mother isn't going to the street and say no I can't believe my son said your father's in doing that so if you're so comfortable you could tell every you want feel so comfortable with the people Hashem says Violetta may I be afraid of Hashem even when nobody's looking and the flip and the vision are and all for this the flip side of what we spoke about today let's say you're a person who's a target of other people inflicting pain on you now what are you supposed to do so of course you should try to figure out how to stop it because it's not pleasant to be in pain because of other people but let me tell you something there's no greater baraja that will come upon a person when he is the target of someone bullying them as long as the person reacts properly mean if you're getting bullied by someone and you're acting the right way you're not bullying back you're not doing things the wrong way because he billed you if you take it in stride if you're right now a target of someone who's bothering you you have a wealth in your pocket because the same way bullying destroys your future and your baraja has Vishal on being the target of a bully is the biggest source of baraja as long as you act properly again don't wish for it because it's painful but if it's there enjoy it because you're gonna get so much blessing in your life in the famous story I'll end off with the story there was a rabbi his name was Rafael Heller he has a book called a moody or it's book of tissue was a great rabbi his brother is the many of you or maybe have learned his book they're hosin yoshua in his tissue was when he would write someone back a letter they would ask him a question he would write back the letter like Halle Valley I love show him will write a letter in the end he would sign or vada yourself people who wrote him a letter rabbi I have a question are by Heller what's I need answer he would write at the end of the letter and you could look at in his books and I'm moody or he would write hello the humiliated one yoshua hello the humiliated one yoshua eller that's how he would have signed his name the humiliated one could you imagine saw a name the humiliated one what is that old man he writes that when his mother was about to get married she was a young beautiful girl came from a beautiful great family was a beautiful religious girl and they had money and everything going for her her father owned the Lukas thought very well-to-do and one day he had to go out of town he asked his daughter if she could be taking care of the store and some terrible person spread a rumor about this girl at that time that she was talking to a someone who didn't like the father and this rumor unfortunately like rumors sometimes do spread and spread and spread and it became like fact and when it came to give as she do for this girl nobody's gonna take her this girl everybody's talking about her she couldn't find that she do one two three four or five years and finally her father gave up she wants she could have gotten the top guy beautiful girl and she ended up marrying the wagon driver of the city not the wagon door excuse me the winder was an upgrade the guy who walked with the wagon driver that means the guys what driving the wagon there's a guy in the floor who was helping him lowest you can find there's no choice kids get married not a Tommy Hakam nothing zero and under the hope add this girl crying she says Roberto Shah aalam you know that I've been suffering the last few years and you know I did nothing wrong and I'm gonna target of such terrible evil I know I married this person because that's all I can marry right now that's what I have to do I'm happy but please Hashem in the hood of all my suffering through people's words please let my children be tell me their Hawk I mean that's all I want I want them to be the greatest people she had four boys each one of her boys one was was a god all in a generation damu they are and Hassan Yeshua two of them - out of all four well Godot Loyola and therefore he writes in his to vote I am the humiliated one you know why I became who I became because the greatness of my mother what was the bitter heart of my mother had that she was bullied if you are bullied in life take it with sim hah take it with love because you're gonna see great Baraka but not if you bully back and I have to do the wrong thing back no no that won't work take it with sim ha because it's a great blessing when you're on the other side shabbat shalom [Music] you 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