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Preparing for Rosh Hashanah - Rabbi David Orlofsky
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Transcript
Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
[Music]
anyway I've been writing furiously uh
the whole time and I have most of my
shopping list ready for
Rashana because uh we have to get ready
for Rashana Rashana is
coming
[Music]
yeah a famous K story The the kin sings
H and the re faints so the king is here
yeah now I can't speak for everybody but
I I think this one fellow said it best
to me when he said I would like to go to
sleep sleep AR sh and wake up after suus
you know there's something about the
experience that is less than thrilling
for a lot of people I not everybody some
people just just can't get over seeing a
fish head on their table and that alone
is enough to send people you know over
the edge but but for a lot of people
myself I grew up you know in nice
Suburban Long Island and and sh ker my
father used to drag us to the uh to to
the shore and uh we had a kazin and the
kazin would be singing up
[Music]
front and I would be moving my foot from
one side to the other I can't take any
more of this you know think I can go to
the bathroom again you know the last
time my father sent somebody to find me
you know so uh you just sit there and
you count the pages basically you know
800 Pages I'm never going to make it you
know and at one point I realized half of
them are in English it's only 400 Pages
we'll be out of here in no time you know
let me see he just spent 15 minutes on
this word I don't think we go home to
kanah you know but the idea was that if
you could stay in sh long enough and
listen to the kazen so God felt so for
you he forgave all your sins you know
you don't have to go to hell you've
already been there you know what I mean
that's that was the attitude and it was
just an endurance thing can you get
through Russia sh that was the thing
then you get older and you start
actually reading the prayers and it gets
much
worse you realize the endurance that was
the best part now it really turns bad
you know we come to the son of tokef
this is very important I know cuz my
father would always say where's the
place I never knew where the place was
because every Cana has this trick where
they F spend 15 minutes on a word then
they
go and you're flipping Pages you know
and this you say only an alternate
Tuesdays and you don't know where it is
and we had one of those page counters in
my show that we put up what the page was
but Russ usually came out around World
Series time in America uh for those of
you who are not from America um there's
a sport called baseball it's similar to
Cricket you know only it's not as uh
fast moving and um basically just to
give you an idea what it means to be an
American two American baseball teams
play each other and we call it the World
Series you know the World Cup everybody
in the world plays soccer nobody in
America cares you know what I mean but
the World Series you say you know so
they would put up the score instead 422
you know and that was it you you didn't
turn the page unless someone got a home
run you know so my father would say
follow along with this it's very
important and we' listen to the kazen
and he would sing this this was very
dramatic who will
live and who will
die now there was a subtle message there
and I don't know if you picked it up one
of the beautiful things about konus is
being able to convey ideas with music
but of course we understood what he was
saying someone might live but you're
going to die and the choir goes die die
die die
died I was a teenager I remember
thinking to myself I'm going to die wow
what a bummer you know but it's not over
yet now you get to pick the way you're
going to go who by fire and who by water
I don't know fire is kind of hot you
know could probably tread water for a
while you know who by sword and who by
storm so The Wizard of Oz that worked
out pretty well you know we'll go with
the storm maybe who by earthquake and
who by
pestilence I don't know what is
pestilence never heard of we'll take the
pestilence
Bob but the idea of rashash seems to be
that you're going to die a horrible
death because God hates you you
miserable Sinners unless you repent
repent throw yourself on the ground and
cry and beg and then you could get off
with a serious
illness and this is the happy joyous
time of
rashash you see people with the apple
and honey you know what's it for sweet
year how does it look doesn't look too
good you know yum Kipper I was dressed
up in a suit it's was like a Wednesday
I'm going to going to sh you know a
non-jewish friend says Dave where you
going all dressed up I said I have to go
to synagogue today he says it's not
Saturday I said no it's a special
holiday we fast and we go to synagogue
and we afflict ourselves why because I'm
evil oh all right well I see you
tomorrow I have no
idea any word on the pestilence oh I
should have taken earthquake what was I
thinking you know what I mean
somebody once pointed out when you
consider that most Jews only went to
synagogue on the high holidays are you
surprised that there was such a high
assimilation rate this was it it was it
was the caner in toning various ways
you're going to
die evil and pennant do penin and it's
you know it's such a rough time to be
able to to do it so when you come to r i
i i don't know people who really like
looking forward to it it's it's the days
of awe you know the days of fear the
Angels
tremble this is this doesn't never
worked for me never worked for me that
that that whole message did not work for
me so I'm going to try this evening to
present a slightly different approach to
rashash Shana and everything that I'm
saying is sourced and I will either
bring the sources or make up one on the
spot because I don't think anyone's
going to check me but anyway but uh I I
will Source it just so you know what it
is I got to be careful cuz the last time
I spoke here uh for a different event
but it was right in the shore the next
night I had a heart attack so I got to
be careful yeah this R really pushed me
over the edge so I'm trying to be a
little bit more lowkey tonight you know
because you know we got to got to make
it through the holidays anyway so um so
I want to how do we prepare and that's
the thing we have to prepare people walk
in for the a chauffeur and you hear them
blow the chauffeur and the chauffeur is
supposed to wake us up and it's supposed
to change our attitude to life and let's
face it most people just watching saying
I don't think he's going to make it you
know what I mean he's turning red boy
that guy looks pretty bad do they have a
substitute they can bring in like a
relief picture or something like you
know because he's looking pretty bad you
know and when you start hearing the
sputtering you know it's like oh my god
well never get out of here you know I
got a fish head waiting for me you know
what I mean you know so uh you know does
it have that magic of course not because
we don't prepare we're not ready you
know I sit down with my kids before R
and we go through the Mak we go through
the whole thing and I explain to them
what's going to happen what it means
what it says otherwise he working and
unprepared it's a it's a a sad situation
because you're trying to find meaning in
something you don't know how let's face
it you know I can't speak for anybody
here but I remember you know the first
time you go to the cotel
so you have this Hollywood image you're
going to approach the wall and the
clouds will part and AR Ray of sun will
shine on you and the angels will
sing and you'll touch the wall and
connect with thousands of years of
history or not because it's just too
much that you have invested in this and
when you get there between me and you it
looks an awful lot like a wall an old
wall granted but still a wall and you're
standing there trying to get the
inspiration and the guy next to you he's
crying and you're like I don't know
what's wrong with him I'm I'm moving
over here you know and I gave you money
already get out of here you know say
wonder what this guy wants you know
like I think it's in French anyway you
know you know you're waiting for the
inspiration but you know there got to be
preparation in the time of the Bas of
mcdash in the second temple there was an
area outside of Jerusalem where you had
to sit and meditate before you walked in
you couldn't just walk into usel
1969 January 1969 a year and a half
after The Six Day War which according to
my revised biography was 15 years after
I was before I was born but uh but in my
old biography I fig if Superman can have
a reboot so can I but anyway so I came
my parents brought us to Israel you know
the three youngest boys and um and it
was it was a secular tour you know and
we're going up the winding Baba W I mean
they just opened it up again after year
and a half and it's said this you know I
mean people who who don't appreciate
what the road looks like now you know
what I mean it's like it's like a
highway it was this Winding Road you
know R left he should have a full scha
you know he used to tell the story he
was driving with a taxi driver on this
road you know and he's and he's zooming
along and he says huh do you have roads
like this in America he says yeah we
call them one way you know what I mean
but uh it's just torturous right and he
stops and he says everybody off the bus
Jews don't walk into Jerusalem I don't
ride into Jerusalem they walk was all we
all secular Jews we all got off the bus
and we walked in until you come to that
little planting they used to have over
there you know with the flowers and I
walked in and I remember that's how you
walk into y it's now years later and
every time I come into I remember that
first time if you don't have some
preparation it's it's very difficult so
we're going to walk into rashash and try
to make it meaningful
title bound the he said shk once yeah um
it says
about the eyes of God are upon it
may
sh so he says from the beginning of the
year till the end of a year it should
have been sh from the beginning of the
year till the end of the year and he
said because every year year we think
this is going to be the year and it just
turns out to be a year yeah and it's
true and it's an opportunity that comes
along once a year that we could take
advantage of but we really don't know
how so I'm going to give you the first
step in the process and we have less
than a week
left it is set up that the month of el
is dedicated to the preparation of
rashash
sh who
is he it's a wonderful wonderful
collection of his talks if you ever want
to see it in
Hebrew there isn't one that I've ever
read that didn't have meaning to me and
he says the following what is our
preparation during ELO for I'm supposed
to spend a month preparing how he says
the B brings down uh I think it's
originally from the drum but I'm not
sure yeah El is the Russian
it's the acronym of a in and Song of
Songs
an Lee I am for my beloved and my
beloved is for me says that's not just a
cute little
device that is the most important part
of el you are supposed to spend an
entire month focusing on the fact that
God loves
me I cannot tell you how many times I've
said this and people say I never heard
that I heard God is uh disappointed in
me I've heard God is angry with me I
heard God is waiting for me till my
dying
day and if I change then he will welcome
me into his Embrace and if not he will
cast me into the pit of Hell In order to
help
me there's a bright and cheery thought
yeah but that he loves
me you loved us you chose us with love
there's this know we don't we don't
realize that I ask this to people all
the time how how many people think that
God loves them so people already know
that question enough they've heard
enough times like yeah yeah God loves me
so I I have to change the question I
said do you think God likes
you yeah you know I guess you know I
said let me ask you a different question
do you think God is impressed with
you yeah right that's a hard one
impressed with me do you think he looks
at me and
goes wow I'm lucky I have you in this
world yeah how many people can really
say that how many people do I speak to
when I I hear I don't think God cares if
I live or die if I died tomorrow I don't
think it would make a difference to God
I said don't make a mistake there is no
shortage of ways that God has to get rid
of you so if you're still here it's
because he wants you here and anytime he
doesn't you'll
know CU when you wake up in the morning
and you're dead it changes your whole
day you
understand you know I really felt that
way when I had had my heart attack I
didn't know it was a heart attack I
thought it was pneumonia because I was
coughing terribly and um and they it was
my my Grands son Shalom Z and I just
went into this terrible fit and I felt
the pain and they came the ofes and They
Carried me carried me away to shed and
they did an x-ray and they said you have
pneumonia you know and they did a blood
test and according to the blood test it
appears that IID had a heart attack it
was something that was open for
discussion I'm not really sure why
because this is pretty definitive but
you know we think you might have had a
heart attack you know that very nice so
uh they schedule an angiogram during my
grandson's bris I'm lying at the table
doing and when I'm done the guy looks at
me and says I don't know how you're
still alive he says two of your arteries
are completely blocked one is 70%
blocked you're getting about 10% blood
flow to the heart it's not enough to
keep you alive I don't know what you're
living
on the surgeon who's the head of
uh Jackie Mason says every Jew only gets
the head of the hospital you know the
head of the how many heads of the
hospital can there
be so he does the surgery and he told my
wife afterwards um says I couldn't even
find the artery it had collapsed into
the heart I couldn't even bypass it I
had to just by expense lucky it had me
because most people would not have known
what to do he says I just by by sense
figured out where it should have been
and was able to remove it from the heart
in order to bypass it you know he says
and after I bypassed it he says he says
the heart turned a nice shade of pink
when I told the story over people said
what color was it beforehand I said I
don't know it's a good question I didn't
think they ask that at the time you know
what I mean so so here's two doctors who
said to me you shouldn't even be alive
so came next to rash this past rashash
people said to me what do you want I
said just a better year than last year
they said to me you fetch you should
have been dead
twice God saved you and all you could do
is complain you know what I mean I
didn't look at it from that point of
view you know because we look at it and
we say uh God must be angry at me must
be disappointed with me and that no he's
obviously decided that I still have
something to do and he brought me back
from the dead
you understand if you're in this world
every single day that you wake up it
means that God says I want you in this
world there's something you can do that
nobody else can do and that's why you're
here we don't believe it you know we
have this this idea that God's going to
burn us in Hell there's no hell not in
the Christian sense I'm sorry to
disappoint you I said this over once to
a group of Yeshiva guys and says don't
tell me there's no hell that's the only
reason I get up in the morning and go to
SCH I said we'll open a special section
for yoke you understand I said what do
you think there's fire they're going to
burn you you're a soul you can't burn a
soul if you're worried save up your
money invest in cyrogenic they'll wrap
you in aluminum foil stick you in the
freezer you could check every now and
then there's no there's no fire there's
no
burning I said the fire the fire is just
a marshall it's just a a an example to
explain to us different aspects of what
we're going to have to face at the end
of our lives but but God's going to burn
us and H the fact that that people have
this image is only because we haven't
done well enough in our Jewish Education
you know and uh and so much of the
foundation is not there I
need I need a month to focus on the fact
that God loves me you understand why
it's so obvious could you imagine I walk
in to a court case and there's the
judge I know I'm guilty he knows I'm
guilty with the evidence is right there
you
know and I look at him and I don't think
he likes me so let's just cut to the
execution not waste our time wasting the
Public's money with with uh with with a
trial how can I walk into Rashana if I
don't believe that God loves
me is there Judgment of course there is
in every relationship there's
judgment people don't realize this
because so many of our words are
translated from Christian sources you
did a sin
and therefore you have you're going to
be punished unless you repent you know
that's not what these things
are we do a what a says yeah is from the
Hebrew
[Music]
word when I shoot an arrow and I missed
the target I did
a and every relationship I make mistakes
nobody is perfect my wife got the last
one that's it
and I have to remind her all the time CU
she doesn't believe me but anyway but
nobody's perfect we'll make mistakes
we'll say something hurtful we'll do
something inconsiderate everybody makes
a mistake it's a
ha so what do you do what do you do with
a good friend really hurts you I've
asked this question to people what what
do you do if a good friend really hurts
you so they
say well I want him to apologize and I
want him to mean it because we all know
that when we tell somebody I'm really
upset the GU okay fine I'm sorry you
happy no I'm not happy yeah I feel like
he's sincere I'm sorry and I won't do it
again and I'll tell you the truth it'll
take a little while for me to earn back
that trust but if I see like you know he
he he or she doesn't do it again then I
would really be able to forgive them
with a full heart those are the rambam's
steps of
chuva say what you did wrong take upon
yourself not to do it again you know if
you if you did anything wrong make it up
and don't do it future that's it that's
called chuva because Chua does not mean
repentance repentance was that scene in
that wonderful theological work Monty
Python and the Holy Grail where the
monks are walking around with these
boards
o cre o i recre boom and they're just
slamming themselves in the head with
these boards as they March along you
know it's based on a historical thing
the flatulant used to go and beat
themselves until they bled you know what
I mean
that's that's that's not chuva that's
that's might be repentance chuva means
to come
back sometimes in our relationships we
make mistakes and we drift and chuva is
a chance means let's get back together
that's all it is let's let's put the
baggage behind us let's deal with
whatever it is and let's move on and
that's the whole purpose of rashash and
yum Kipper is for us to rebuild the
relationship that we may have damaged at
times but that's it that's what we're
supposed to be doing so we only have we
have less than a week left T shash and
we have to do that work
an Le God loves
me I asked this to somebody once I said
how do you pick your God he says a big
frowning face in the sky saying I'm
going to get you I said you're not so
bad he goes I know but I feel like other
people have excuses and I
don't somebody said to me I picture God
standing on a mountain with a lightning
bolt I said that's Zeus I said you're
not even into monotheism yet you know I
mean I'm still got the Gods on Mount
Olympus you know I me go God doesn't do
that it says god holds out his hand and
he waits for you and he reaches out to
you they had these great Billboards
white with black writing it was signed
by God I don't think he actually took
them out but someone did it on his
behalf they had different kind of quotes
cute quotes I wrote a book one un to
read it God you know stuff like this
there was one that made such an
impression on me it's said but I believe
in
you some people always worried whether
they believe in God and God says but I
believe in you if you're here it's
because there's something you can do in
this world that nobody else can do and
that's why he has you here because he
believes in you I want to tell you
better than that people get real bummed
out it's a day of judgment do you
understand that there there's a day of
judgment there's always a trial before
the trial there's a pre-trial hearing to
see whether or not you're competent to
stand trial and the fact that there is a
Russ sh y it means God says I can judge
you because you are
capable you're somebody who uh is
worthwhile and can do great things and
let's
see I'll tell you where the big problem
comes in the problem comes in that
people say yeah but I know I've done so
many bad things you're right but you've
also done so many good things you just
don't give yourself any credit for those
although it's true that I haven't done
everything it doesn't mean that I
haven't done
anything and that's what rashash is for
rashash is for the fact that I am a good
person and God Believes In
Me and so I'm going to go into Rashana
and I have to be able to be prepared to
face it and the way that you face it is
by looking at myself and saying God
loves me and I'm a good worthwhile
person okay so that's the background
mindset and it's easier said than done
many often times I say things and people
say to me easier said than done and I
say everything is easier said than done
except crma which is just as easy to say
it as it is to do it but with the
exception of that you're right
everything's easier said than done but
this is a mindset it's got I got to
change we we tend to look at you know at
Judaism as I eat a matah I shake a Lula
you don't I do something the the most
important thing is up here it's a
mindset it's an
approach and God gets so much bad press
you
know somebody said to me once how come
God does so many bad things to me I said
he doesn't he does so many good things
but you take credit for that you know
you know when you're driving and you do
something stupid and you always get into
an accident and you know it's an
accident because time slows down and
you're like oh no you and then suddenly
like you know you just missed the guy
what do you say I'm such a great
driver and the one time that you get
into an accident why wasn't God there
for me because we only we only you know
blame God when things go wrong we don't
give him credit when things go right so
God does lots of good stuff for us God
believes in us and we have to understand
that and know it okay practical yeah so
what do I do it say such a such a
problem you know people love to talk
about ideas but to turn that into a
reality so what do I do so let's take a
look at practical steps I am borrowing
salant he calls them four steps but
they're really three steps the fourth
step is just a method to make the other
three steps work um similar to step kovi
and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People the last habit is to take time
and work on the other habits so you know
so the the fourth one is you know is
really part of the other three step
number one
is figure out who you want to be at the
end of your
life this is an amazing thing you know
most people never do this you know I was
talking to a group of uh guys in their
20s about marriage and I said you know
when you get married you have to make
sure that you know what your goals in
life are does anybody here yet know what
their goal goals in life and a guy
raised his hand he says I do I said
what's your goal in life he says I'm
going to be a dentist I said that's not
your goal in life he said sure it is I
said no it's not he says I'm in dental
school I said I'll prove it to you he
says go ahead I said you're 80 90 100
years old you're on your deathbed
they're writing your eulogy you listen
in he was a
dentist he filled many cavities he
removed many impacted teeth he was
especially good with mullers the guy
says stop I said no I'm getting to the
best part your Tombstone is a big tooth
and it says here lies a dentist yeah so
the guy says no you misunderstood I
didn't mean my goal in life is to be a
dentist I mean I plan on earning my
living from Dentistry I said oh that's
not your goal right what is your goal he
says I haven't the slightest idea
whenever anyone ask me that question I
said I want to be a dentist and everyone
said good for you because that's what we
do we plant our lives till about you
know 40 you know go to university get a
profession get a job make money get
married buy a house have kids 40 45 you
have everything what do you do now now
you get old and die that's it we have
nothing else for you to do some people
play twice they get another family they
get another job they go around the board
two times get another house you know you
know there's enough time to go around
twice you know I me you know most people
don't do that they just have midlife
crisises have you seen people go through
it's not pretty
luckily I have never matured so I never
had my midlife crisis but I watch people
who do they suddenly wake up and they're
like I'm 45 and I'm an accountant I live
in the suburbs did I ever want to marry
this person did I ever want to be an
accountant what am I going to I'm going
to find
myself get themselves a sports car but
they're not so flexible they can't
really get into it you know you ever see
these people on the Dance Floor you know
what I'm talking about barely alive
barely alive Ah Ah that's a great move
it's my back I can't move
and you see these people walk around you
know trying to be happening when it's
obvious that they happened a long time
ago you know and it's kind of depressing
and eventually they give it up and
they're just content to be old they
start wearing their trousers up to here
get the orthopedic sneakers take about
10 minutes to sit
down I've been using that joke for some
many the years I was with a friend of
mine and we're both going to sit down
like this I was like oh my gosh I
finally became my own joke anyway but uh
you know and that's it and what do you
do mostly fall asleep all the time
reading the paper watching TV in the
middle of a conversation you're always
falling asleep and you always deny it no
I'm not sleeping I wish I could sleep
I'm up all night whenever you see them
they sleeping and they're always denying
it and so it goes until you reach my
mother's age she should live and be well
she's going to be 88 in November you
reach the ultimate status symbol which
is comparing medications with other
elderly people do you take this I take
it to how much oh yeah I take 60 I'm
sicker than you and that's it the more
Medical Science struggles to Keep Us
Alive you know what I mean oh we plan on
our lives to like 40
45 when I was growing up somebody who
was 70 was ancient you know what I mean
you almost never saw anyone in their 80s
today you see people in their 90s
playing tennis you know what I mean
running around and stuff the people in
this room just the way science is going
I'll live to 100 without any trouble and
we plan our lives till 4045
who do you want to be at the end of your
life when I'm
aund and dream
dreams you know we live in a society
which try to steal our dreams I grew up
you know in the 60s and the 70s not not
really I was born in 1982 according to
my new biography but when when in my
last you know when I was in you know I
remember Cat Stevens before he was a
Muslim you know what I mean and he used
to sing this song Father and Son they
remade it later you know so but um but
it was like so it was my generation just
get them blood boiling you know the
father would sing it's not time to make
a change settle down take it easy you're
still young that's your fault there's so
much you have to
learn far get a job find a girl if you
want you may marry you will still be
here tomorrow but your dreams may not o
they're trying to steal our
dreams and then some we go how can I try
to explain what I do he turns that's not
so important but but the point is just I
spend so much time as a kid on my Cat
Stevens in the day anyway gosh I wish I
could do Bob Dylan but anyway but uh the
the idea of you'll be here tomorrow but
you won't have any more dreams people
want to take away your dreams
dreams be
practical don't worry about your
dreams no dream dreams get a picture of
who you want to be at the end of your
life and I don't care how how Wild you
think it's going to
be I can do exceptional things I can do
great things in this world we just keep
telling ourselves that we can't we
always speak about the eight of right
the evil Incarnation the Satan anyway
name you want to use for him yeah
people think he wants to get you to sin
he doesn't that's small stuff he wants
you to believe that what you do doesn't
make a difference because if you believe
you don't make a difference you won't
even
try and you'll say who cares when we
when we go into DAV right does anybody
believe that you have the power when you
pray to bring
mashiah when you get names of people who
are sick and you die for them do you
really believe God's going to listen to
your and heal them
I do why not you know I'm no better or
worse than anybody else in this room all
right maybe worse but uh but you know
God gave me the power of
prayer so I pray for people that they
should have children that people should
get married and that people should you
know find a job and I I pray for
whatever I can why shouldn't God answer
my prayers you know I'm not a saint so
what the people in this room don't
appreciate it but the fact that any
anybody today is still a Jew after 2,000
years of everyone trying to kill us and
drive us away do you have any idea what
that's
worth I understand how valuable that is
it's unbelievable thing you think a k
doesn't listen to your prayers and think
God doesn't care what you have to say
you're making a terrible
mistake
so I have to know that I have the
ability to do it so who do I want to be
a end in my life and and come up with a
picture you know it's an amazing thing
you know when I was sitting shiver for
my father and I'm one of six boys of
whom I'm the quietest so there was no
room for all of us so I sat in the
basement and one of my other brothers
sat in the basement and you know you
hear people telling the same stories and
at one point when I was quiet he said to
me you know Dad ran a flower shop for 50
years nobody came to talk about that
they talked about this act of kindness
and this this you know Act of Charity
and nobody came to talk about what he
spent most of his life doing and my
brother to me and he
said most of what we do in life is not
remembered after we're gone and I said
the difference between living an average
life and an exceptional life is making
most of your life those
moments and therefore everybody wants to
have lived a meaningful life they don't
actually live one but they want to have
lived one nobody wants them to tell the
truth at their funeral you know I have
you ever gone to a funeral where they
tell the truth is it's so depressing
Harry loves cigars am I right do you
ever see Harry without a cigar you know
and he'd read the newspaper from cover
to cover every morning and he'd have a
scotch and none of this fancy stuff he
was a single mole he was not he was a
regular Shivers guy and he's lying there
Harry he's saying there must be
something else you can think of you know
what I mean this is it they're going to
put a box of cigars on my gravestone you
know what I mean like that's it
everybody a mafia Hitman man wants to be
remembered well what do you think they
say over at the funeral you know Vinnie
he was a great
killer he killed lots of people and
always in creative ways I remember one
time you know they're not going to say
that they're going to say Vinnie was a
good friend Vinnie was loyal Vinnie was
good to his mother you know what I mean
like they'll come up with something good
cuz everybody wants to remember
themselves as having
lad but if we don't even have a plan if
you don't know where you're going you'll
never get there so Step One is who do I
want to be at the end of my life not
next year not 10 years at the end of my
life trust me when you reach the age
that you tell time by decades you know
when you're a kid you count weeks you
know baby weeks months it's 18 months
you know you count years now when you
reach the point when I was in my 20s
when I was in my 30s when I was in my
40s let's stop there but uh you know you
count by decades it's a different
perspective who do I want to be at the
end of my life 100 110 120 go all the
way down and dream the
dreams that's step number one step
number two is and this is probably the
hardest
step take on three small things for this
coming
year but
small you know what what I mean by small
I mean that when you write them down and
you look at them you say that's nothing
perfect that's what they be why because
every year people make New Year's
resolutions I'm going to lose weight and
I'm going to exercise and I'm going to
this I'm going to that and next comes
the next New Year's they make the same
list after while they just you know
photocopy it and every year just change
the date they never accomplish anything
why because it's
unrealistic we always set unrealistic
goals for ourselves you ever see people
uh you know uh starting to get into
exercise you know so they they tell them
take it easy take it slow you know just
do just do 10 minutes on the treadmill
they're like oh 10 minutes I could I can
do 15 they do 15 I go for another five
they do 20 they fall on the floor they
go I'm dead I can never do I told you I
can't exercise yeah because you did
something that was too much do something
little r who is Riva panovich very
famous well-known righteous man he said
one year what did he take on for the
coming year that on shabas when he
benches at the end of the meal he'll
make sure and use a bener and he won't
do it by heart on shabas that was his
Caba for the next year make small things
and people say to me well this is
nothing I could do it easily great so
you will change three things over the
course of this year but more than that
is you will convince yourself that you
can there are three categories in your
life things that you could change easily
things that you just can't change now
you know or things that you could change
with effort and things you just can't do
now and whenever anybody picks things to
choose they always take the third
category you know you can't do it so
you're just setting yourself up for
failure and every time we try to change
we turn around and say see I can't
change take something easy that you know
you will succeed at and if you do you
will have successfully changed that's
all that we have to do we just have to
make a change something small for this
coming year and like I say this is where
people go
wrong step number three is take
something a little bit harder not from
category
three category two category one that
you're going to do between rashash and
yimer just one little thing why I'm
going to fool God okay um gentlemen not
so much gentlemen get ready for a you
know a s and they change their tie maybe
they change their shoes really it's not
it's not a dramatic thing you know women
getting ready for a Simka they have to
have a team of crack professionals come
in and put them together someone does
the hair and someone does the nails and
someone does the makeup and they know
and they have to be sewn into the dress
you know so that they they can't exhale
you know what I mean you know also that
they look really great for that picture
the photographer takes with the
rose and that's it then they go home and
they you know could cut themselves out
of the dress and they throw themselves
on the floor and like you know but they
look so great that night well why is
that what what is that picture that
picture goes on the mantle piece and
then one morning in the winter you're
wearing a house coat you know and fuzzy
slippers in the shape of an animal you
know you have no makeup you got a coffee
you know like industrial strength you
know and you're slouched you shuffling
along you look at yourself in the mirror
you want to shoot yourself you know what
I mean and then you pass the picture on
The Mantel piece with the
rose and you say I can't believe I ever
looked that good and the answer is you
always look that good you just don't
take the time to put yourself together
all the
time that's what AAS Chua is for it's
the first week of the year two days ver
and Yuma leaves you a week in the middle
the first week of the year Dress for
Success look as good as you can take one
extra thing and say huh I'm not ready to
do it yet I'm not ready to make this
change that's why I think it's so great
when they when they do SAS you know so
like normally you go 7 o'clock now you
have to go at 6:30 you know and uh you
know my wife will say to me well why
don't you go every morning at 6:30 you
know you have an extra half hour in the
day I said I could but I will die that's
all I just I can't do this every morning
you know I said I am doing it through
the magic of caffeine I don't even drink
coffee I just have a drip caffeine drip
put right into my bloodstream you know
you have so much when you go to sleep at
night you just lie there like this you
know you can't even fall asleep you know
but um but you can push yourself for a
week I can't do it all the time I'm not
ready to do it all the time but I can
push myself and remind myself I'm better
than I am and he ends with the following
he says it
says the simple meaning is acquire a
friend but a can is also a read they
used to use that as a pen I know this is
hard to believe but until the 1960s they
did not have ballpoint pens yeah you had
to take a quill and put it in and uh you
know ink and write it if they didn't
have a quill so they had a pen had a
little storage with ink and you had to
write it and you had to blot it my my
mother went to school every table had a
little ink well and that's how you wrote
I didn't come out with bups so k the the
Reed the quill is your friend he says
write it down don't leave this in the
world of
ideas take some time between now and
rashash and sit down by yourself and say
write it out who do I want to be the end
of my life what do I want them to say at
my eulogy what is the life that I want
to have looked back
on Steven kovi actually says this as one
of his things he says write your own
personal mission statement what do I
want to be at the end of my life then
write down what I'm going to do for this
coming year three things and if they
look like they're too hard or they're
too challenging change them come up with
something really
easy I can't pick because every single
person has to do their own thing you
know but you know someone said give me
an example of something that's really
easy I said put a Stucker box next to
your bed and every night before you go
to sleep put in a coin can you do that I
like yeah what's the big deal good
there's one
now we understand each other yeah
something small yeah write them down
write down the one thing you're going to
do for S chuba and now you have a
plan I gave somebody a ride before y
Kipper and uh he says to me every year I
tell God I'm sorry and then I do the
same things over again why should he
forgive me I said you're right he
shouldn't nobody wants to hear that AR
Kipper you know so he says so what do I
do I said you could be on the verge of
bankruptcy and the banks will lend you
money why because you have a recovery
plan you have a plan if you have a plan
then you can do something this is the
plan and if we follow this plan then we
can now just to explain how things are
going to work over here you know um uh
I'm coming on to the end of my 45
minutes so the last 15 minutes are
supposed to be for you know question and
answers so I'm going to give a dramatic
close losing and then there'll be
tremendous Applause and then we'll have
the question answer but I'll you know
I'll look surprised yeah
okay and so if we follow this plan then
we can as the said in make this year not
a year but make this year the year the
Year where we become new people thank
you very much
[Applause]
thank you that's that's really not
necessary but um I'm not proud
anyway but as they say in the story of
korak we're going to throw open the
floor and
um and if there are any questions I
would do the best I can to answer them
or to tell an a relevant story which is
what they teach me in Rabbi school so um
any any questions on anything we've
talked about or anything else really yes
the question is is um that I noticed
that right before
rosashana I am a little bit worse than
normal um I mean that's what I feel um
so for example there was like this car
standing on the on the uh the place
where you have to cross and I was with
my son and um he's on his little bicycle
and he's trying it out so I wanted to
cross it was
green um and the man I said so I knocked
on his car and I said um could you go
backward and he says
no so I said could you please go
backward and he said no I said what is
that to stand here like you know are you
just thinking about
yourself and you know and like I had a
similar situation um with a taxi driver
I
said what's going on you told me this is
a better route like now you're taking me
this route now I have to pay more money
um it takes me longer and I'm on my way
to a project and like I'm coming late
and what's going on here you know and he
actually stayed very calm which was very
nice but but I'm thinking to myself the
taxi driver and I like thank God we we
parted in a nice way but the other man
he he refused to to go back and and he
left and I and we left and that was it
so you know and what can you do about
that right right so there's two points
to make
one point is that I had a friend of mine
who always gets depressed on
sucus because since there's a Mitzvah to
be happy he can't handle the
pressure and I know people who have no
problem pulling an all nighter they stay
up all night all the time until sh and
then they're falling asleep 10 o'clock
at night they never go to sleep at 10
o'clock in their night so sometimes when
there's an extra sense of pressure like
I know I'm supposed to be doing
something meaningful now the pressure
you know just ends up pushing Us in the
opposite direction you know um I was at
a bar mitzvah at the cotel once and I
was getting ready to say shma and
suddenly the video guy puts the video
right on me boy I said Asma for the
ages anyway when I took it away he was
gone and my first thought was wa wasted
a perfectly good
schma because when the pressure is on
when the camera is on us suddenly we you
know I don't know you ever have that
when when you're at a you know a or
Mitzvah and they come with the video
camera and you're supposed to say
something and you're like you want to
say something witty and clever and other
people with the table of no problem hi
how's it going what you and you're like
um mule T you know we just we freeze up
you know there's the pressure on us
that's one thing the other thing is that
there was a movie called Groundhog's Day
with Bill Murray years ago and this guy
has the worst day of his life and every
single day he wakes up and relives this
day I didn't see it but I did read about
it on Wikipedia and they estimate that
it had to have lasted about 40 years
this day yeah and he keeps having to
work on it until he's able to turn this
day that at the end he says this was the
best day of my life and then it becomes
the next day so um when we find
ourselves challenged like I am with
people who annoy you and get you
frustrated and get you
angry you're going to find these people
over and over again that's your
Groundhogs Day and as you get closer to
an important moment it's these moments
where you're going to there are certain
people in this world I know this you
know everybody has a purpose in this
world their purpose is to annoy me
that's why they exist you know I'm
thinking about the people who insist on
sitting very close to you or the chest
pokers don't you think that I don't you
know and the hering eaters who are
breathing in your mouth and and the
whole thing is this and you're like my
whole system is break down you know
these people are here to challenge me
that's why they exist and so I have to
take and I'm going to mess up
over and over again you know um when I
was a kid growing up in uh in New York
so we had to take regions tests on all
the different subjects you know so
before you take the regions you take a
practice test and you take the practice
test you know and you know you didn't
really study well Etc and you get like a
40s something you're like oh my gosh I'm
going to fail out I'm not going to go to
college and say it's the first practice
test and you work on it and you work on
it and you keep getting better and
better because the final test is not on
till the end of our Lives we are a work
in progress nobody supposed to be
perfect yet you know I saw a sign once
that said God grant me patience and give
it to me now you know what I mean it
takes time to to to make real changes
and we will mess up over and over again
and when we do we look back we take a
deep breath and say okay tomorrow is
going to be Groundhog's Day again when
the same person comes by whether he's
blocking the bicycle or whether he's in
the cab driver you know or whether it's
the you know Nota told the story that
when he started or he didn't have um
phones in the Yesa yet when I came to
Israel in 1975 the first time there was
a fiveyear waiting list for a phone you
know so he would use the phone booth
outside and he get in the phone booth
and this guy came in with him so he says
uh trying to make a phone call so he
says this is your phone
booth it's your father's phone booth you
inherited it it's got your name on it I
have as much right to be here as
you it's like what is the purpose of
that other than to just help me become a
better person you know understand and
that's what that's what these situations
are there because eventually you'll get
to the point where the world will be
filled with annoying people and you'll
say nothing I can do like my brother's
favorite phrase that I have tried to
adopt it is what it is you know it would
be nice if everybody was reasonable but
they're not so so we're just going to
have to struggle to you know say Okay I
I may not have done so good with that
but don't worry God will send another
one to me tomorrow and I'll have another
opportunity to
smile I had a s with it said keep
smiling it makes people wonder what
you're up
to yes
question guilt feelings around Sedaka
about Saka around Sedaka I happen to be
walking down today from the uh sh cotel
to to the cotel every step there's every
single step I never said in my life
somebody's asking you for money every
single step and you don't know what to
do you already gave your change away
they think but I'm not a nice person
maybe I should have had change give more
people change what are these people
standing here for now all of a sudden
maybe they shouldn't be allowed to be
here and you get these like bad feelings
so if you want to feel better so the
former R of the cootel said that you
shouldn't give money to the people with
the coot because you don't know who they
are so if that assuages your feelings
that's good having said that my wife
does not take that advice and she always
gives a coin to everybody you know
so I say the best thing to do is get
yourself half shekele pieces just get
yourself a roll of half shekele pieces
and take them along with you because
between me and you it's a little over a
dime you know what I mean so let's say I
give it to 50 people you know I gave out
five bucks you know if you put it in
those terms you know uh being an
American um if you're from South Africa
it's about 500 Rand but you know
whatever it is but uh you know you you
the reason is and this is what's
interesting this what uh it says
um it saysa on the spot he says if you
have a choice to give somebody $10 or
give 10 people $1 give 10 people1 doar
because the act of giving makes us
different people so you know I I don't
care if people don't want it you know
and they say h this not enough not
enough I say sorry you know you're
obviously looking for a big I'm not one
you know so if you don't want the money
give it to me I'll give it to somebody
else you know uh so far no one ever gave
it back you know um and uh and that's it
so if you're able to if you can't you
can't I I always look at it as the
following there's always tomorrow it
doesn't matter if I mess up today
because it's going to be tomorrow you
know and I just have to look for
opportunities you know and and say okay
so let me get a roll of of half shackles
I can give somebody a half shackle it's
not 10 shekels a 10 10 iot which is like
insulting and it's not a shekele which
is already 25 cents maybe that's too
much for my budget you know I can give
it a half shekele it's it's respectable
enough and you know and just the act of
giving somebody something is a good
thing
so uh but the guilt feelings don't do
anything the the purpose of guilt
feelings is from the to make you give up
and that's it I don't feel guilty I I I
messed up it's a practice test tomorrow
I'll do
better yeah yes um how do you um like
divide the time between the
self-reflection part and you know all
the things that you mentioned earlier
and the aspect of actually preparing for
the the day of shashana preparing toos
and you know fact that you're going into
this amazing day where you're
recognizing Hashem as the king it's it
feels like two different things going on
right
so the danger with self-reflection is
that we can become
self-absorbed so make yourself a time
schedule it like theil sh says have a
set time where I'm going to sit down and
I'm going to plan out my next year and
how however however you think you mean
an hour are you an hour for that that's
an hour for that go off to the park you
know now that the weather is so
beautiful nice weather for sitting
outside in the park you know and uh take
a lot of water and possibly uh number of
M you know but you know just sit down a
little bit after you get the heat stroke
you know and uh and spend time on that
but um but that should not become my
focus you know because I it it's the
underlying purpose but then I have to do
things so the more time I spend on
actually preparing for the day that's
definitely worthwhile I just need some
time to make sure that I'm doing it and
that's why this there's a maintenance
program to that if I took three things I
got to check and see if I'm doing those
three things or not you know uh for
example if I took the example of a
sucker box oh did I give myself I I I
would write in I I'm dating myself I
would write down on my Yan but for the
rest you could do it on your phone yeah
a little Sadi every single day and if
you gave you a little coin you give
yourself a check and if you didn't you
give yourself an X I love giving myself
checks that's why I like to do easy
things because I can keep giving myself
checks and I always feel good about
myself how what a wonderful person I am
and I share this with other people what
a wonderful person I am
anyway but uh don't become too
absorbed yes wait my friend Mike's
coming how do you prioritize like what's
most important to work on like like is
there any like tips are prioritizing
because like a lot of people have a lot
of things to work on
like so here's the
problem there are certain things that
people's
self-image are tied up into they may not
be that important in the grand scope of
things but for whatever reason it's
important to them
right when I first started dating so I
didn't know what I was doing I was nice
as Shiva guy so this is before there
were electric locks and those little
clicky things you know they say what you
should do is open your W open your you
know your dates door and then when she
gets in she really reaches over and
opens your door and I went on a number
of dates you know and everybody knew the
routine you know my wife didn't know I
opened the door she went in she put on
her seat belt and she didn't open my
door
I had serious
doubts whether she could be the one you
know what I mean and uh you know it's uh
almost 35 years and 11 children later
I'm inclined to think that it was the
right decision even though she didn't
lean over so so now it's electric locks
it doesn't even apply anymore but I was
told that that was important and it was
important to michigans so there are
certain things that people really feel
are very important to them as long as
they're not hard and that's the thing so
for example not that it's not important
like lanar lanara is a very important
thing you're not allowed to say anything
bad about anybody and we know people
speak lenara and we know who they
are I'm prepared to name names but
anyway but uh you know when it comes to
something like lar so you say I'll never
speak lanara again that's ridiculous of
course you're going to yeah so make it
something easy can can I do the
two every day that I can do can I take
on an hour when I won't speak Lush and
however from 2: to 3: in the morning you
know when I say this to teenagers
they're like but that's prime
time I said okay I'm sorry from 800 to
9: in the morning oh okay not a problem
said take it for a short time I know
somebody who started doing it this way
they would take like two hours you know
and when somebody would call they go oh
I got a great story to tell you call me
back at 11
that's okay because it means that I took
two hours and I was able to work on that
so the the thing is that everybody has
their own things that their own personal
selfworth are tied up into not because
it's inherently the most important but
because it's most important to
them I may have time for one last
question and there it is of course uh I
will end up going into overtime and uh
you know what happens in overtime then
then it becomes sudden death that's in
hockey and I already had that the last
time I spoke so
anyway yes um what happens if you find
yourself taking on the same small things
every
year then they're not small but really
small things if if they were small then
you would have knocked it off in a
year that means they were too big in
your mind they were small because
there's a little voice inside of your
head that says Ahah that's nothing
that's nothing that's it that's all
you're gonna do that's nothing so you're
like yeah so you take on things that are
obviously not small and you can't do it
that's why you keep writing them down
but if they were small you would have
knocked it off take my example right if
you had to put a coin in a Stucker box
every single day do you think you'd keep
writing that down every single year
because you're like oh my gosh what a
struggle no but what do you do being a
girl so you say to yourself well I have
to ding in the morning you know and I
have to D and I have to
say and I have to say you know and then
I got to finish up diving and then I
have to say tahim for all the sick
people that I have the list for you know
what I mean and that's like 45 minutes
and I don't have 45 minutes so I won't
diving and I say just
sayon quickly three minutes if you drag
it out to five okay and that's it people
say to me but that's nothing yeah yeah
so imagine you might end up up saying sh
every morning and actually accomplish
something by the end of the year so
instead you set something that's too big
for you and you don't succeed if you're
repeating the same things every year
then that means it's too big there
should be things that are ridiculously
small that you accomplish
easily and so my friends
uh I don't want to say this before
rashash but our time is up
and this year is you know I remember art
Raymond used to have the Simka on WD and
he used to end it I think I think it was
him who would end because yesterday's a
canceled check and tomorrow is a
promisory note all you have is today
spend it yeah we have a week left to
this year you realize that somebody
pointed this out once I heard it was
brilliant we go to sh sh 15 minutes left
to the year and we Di
and we come to breu God grant us a
parosa there's 15 minutes left of the
year I'm going to turn this year into 15
minutes I thought about it and I was I
said if Geico can save you money in 15
minutes then God can give it your Panos
in 15 minutes it can be done we don't
realize every minute the opportunity
that we have we have less than a week
left to this year we can still work on
making this year meaningful but
certainly we can lay the foundation that
next year will be the most important
year of our life thank you very much
[Applause]