Rabbi Akiva Tendler speaking at Thursday night Mishmar Parshas Tazria Metzora at Scheiner's Shul

Let me know when you're ready. Yeah. You ready? Yeah. So, just tell me before I start, what's the format? I guess if it's going to be recorded, then it's not interactive, right? And then uh basically it is. It's uh what do you call it? Open mic type of This is This is more interactive. It's more interactive. Yeah. Yeah. So, people you ask questions, you answer, whatever it is. Okay. So, everyone it's not only you're speaking and if you want to eat a piece of football or to have a finish. Okay. If I'm being videoed, I'm not going to eat. You can people eat their Let me know when you're ready cuz I want to record. Are you ready? I'm ready whenever you are. Go. Okay. So, we're going to start actually with something from last week's pa a fascinating medish which is brought down in the yakam lawyers which is a collection of many medashim that he asked the following question. We know that there are two simanim that make a behemoth. There's mafres para that has split hooves that go all the way through and mallera it also chews its cud and the describes four behemoth that don't meet the criteria of having both and one of them is the kazir and the says you should not eat because it has split hooves but doesn't chew its cut asked on If you explain to me why you should not eat a kazir, what should it say? Don't eat. Why? Because it doesn't chew its. Why did it say the kazir should not be eaten? Because it has split hooves. And it also doesn't chew its cut. So the medish says a fascinating thing. The medish says, the exact opposite is true because the animal because the has split hovves. That's why you're not allowed to eat it. That's why it's a beha. What do the kazal tell us about the kazir? That it rolls over on its back and it lifts up its hooves to show look I'm a says the because the kazir rolls on his back and tries to show that he's a behem that's why you can't eat him. That's a don't eat the kazir. Why? because he has split hooves and he's showing off his split hooves despite the fact he doesn't have the sim of and therefore therefore it's going to be to you. So the med says an amazing lesson which we can all try to uh incorporate it into our thought process. Says the medish it's a it's a hint to men to humans that sometimes people also show off their hooves. They show off. They say money. Some people do it when they're dabbing in shaw. They'll have a very long share. Some people will pull the talis all the way down over their eyes. Some people will swing really hard by with their shuckling. People have this. But sometimes when they're all alone in the privacy of their homes, they might do things that don't look so holy. Says the medish. This is what we learned from the Kazir that why is the tame? Because it shows off in public. It shows other people that see money but in truth when it's in hidden it doesn't act with the same money and therefore says the med the people of Edim the country which say which is reminiscent of it's the Rome of the western world it's understood to be says the medish the western world externally they show that they are morality we are advanced. We understand what is considered good, what's considered bad, but publicly they're going to say we love the Jews, but in hidden they're going to want to uproot us from the land. The same len that uses by that is what the Kazir of the Ed which represents edime is that they'll externally show off yes we are cultured we are sophisticated Germans are the classic example of a sophisticated country but could be so cruel and so wicked and so terrible when they're left to their own um lifestyle and says Mika says says I will tell you man oh you human What does Hashem want from [Music] you? What Hashem wants from us is number one. Number two and number three. So says the medish, Hashem is telling us you want to know how you should lead your life. What should you do? You want to be a good person. How should you lead your life? Says the medish, says the mishb. That means if you have a disagreement with a neighbor, if you have a disagreement with a relative, with a spouse, you ask a sh like two good friends that get along together. We have a disagreement. We don't agree with how to raise the children. We don't agree with how to mow the lawn. We don't agree with how to clean the garbage. Let's go ask an arbitrator. Go to a r and ask him what's the right thing to do. That is mishb. And the next thing is said that we should love each other. People should get along with each other, do favors for each other. A person shouldn't say, "Why do I have to work hard for my neighbor to take care of him who's struggling? Let him struggle. Shalom, I'm doing fine. I'm paying my bills. I don't have to worry about my neighbors." No, we have to do and the says the medish that we have to be with our actions. Even the mitzvah that we have to do in public for example if we have to go to a if we have to make a wedding if we have to burn ours if we have to make a fire whatever we need to do we do it we don't show it rather people shouldn't want to you shouldn't want people to praise you and that have to done in private, we should never tell anyone that we done it. For example, we shouldn't tell people who we donate money to cuz that's between us and Hashem. We shouldn't want anyone to know the mitzvah that we do. Why? Because Hashem wants from us. Yes. There has to be your family. Absolutely. You can let your children know your your secrets. But even then, I'll share with you a beautiful story about a a woman who I know very well. Her name is Mrs. Leia Hawkberg from Baltimore that when she became sick, suddenly her children started getting phone calls from people that you know your mother's been supporting us for so many years and now she's they didn't know she was on an incubator and that she couldn't write the checks anymore. They didn't know that. But the children only found out because the mother was out of out of you know out of it and and they started getting the phone calls. So that's called we do it multiply. Why? because then we're really serving Hashem. If the neighbors don't know about it, we're serving Hashem. We're not serving the neighbors. We're not doing it for a public reason. Says for example, another example, someone's fasting. Let's say someone fast is coming up this week. Or if someone has a tinus, no one needs to know about it. Keep it to yourself. He brings on here a medish that says that died. A man died and he came to in a dream to his friend and he said that in the MS he saw a woman this must be a mush whose ear was jammed in a door in Shamayim whatever that means and he asked why is ear jammed in the door and she they answered because she said because she used to fast and she told her neighbors about it says that what's something to do with a slave and What is your something on that? So, that's a good question. Um, is it connected to the avid I? What's the idea of there being jammed in the door? Perhaps it could just be because she was interested in people hearing about her. Maybe it's symbolic that it's something should have been unheard and she made it public and for that alone she was punished. Door open for the public for example. It's meaning that she that's her drego cuz some people need recognition. If they don't get any recognition at all, they can't move forward. Correct. You have one else, right? No. Right. So, we're talking about the the the Madrego person should strive towards that. I'm doing this because Hashem, I'm an Hashem. I want to do what Hashem wants from me. And that means there's no need for anyone to know and there's no reason for anyone else to know what I'm doing cuz I'm doing it for Hashem. I'm not doing it for the neighbors or for my spouse or for my children. They don't need to know what I'm doing above and beyond the letter of the law. So the med says so let's say they ask you are you fasting today then you're allowed to answer because it's not you who's initiating the conversation it's them who are asking you and he says the best thing is even if they ask you try not to even let people know just change the topic try to avoid it because again it's between you and Hashem there's no reason for anyone to know the private things going on in your life just like people don't have to ask how much money do you make or how much do you spend on shabas for It's none of their business. It's none of their business if we're doing a mitzvah or not. It's between me and it's says the is the more we hide the good things that we do. We're more praiseworthy. The less people know about us, the more praiseworthy we are because then we're serving truly we're not doing or being inspired or by recognition that other people might need the sed says the same thing but it's the opposite. We speak about all how what happened to us but so when we're showing gratitude to others the more you thank Hashem thanking people that's already how much you're allowed to publicize that people have money and are able to help you cuz then other people may run them dry. Right. Who said it one of the western things someone said he he took on teaching someone how to um play hockey or skate for free and the next thing you know he was bombarded with a free lesson. Can you teach me very nice? Then the says if we are careful to hide from the people our protects us and therefore even if there's going to be a corona virus says the medish even if there's going to be mis and that will be m on the person will protect the person like says to a man whose ways are hidden. Hashem will make a suka over him and protect him from the corona virus from the anything that it's bad that's going on in the world. You have a special protection from if you don't allow people to know the good things that you do. What about other concept of of politicizing the miracle? So politicizing the the the mitzvah others can be inspired inspired right. So that's a very good question and to add on to the question the Mishna Bur also says that there's an inseal if he talks about that sometimes some mitas have to be done in public. So the answer we're going to see the medish should itself ask that question and answers if it's something that's appropriate to be done in public you should do it in public without ga for example you d with a minion you want to do it right come on time and then people will be inspired to come on time because you come on time they're sitting next to you they're walking in by you're there already 10 minutes before they're going to feel inspired to want to be like you that you should do but when it comes to doing things that are above and beyond the letter of the law for example giving sudaka for fasting um making on yourself those are things people don't need to know about and therefore those things you're supposed to keep to yourself makes an appeal I hear both I should give to very good so no because so we're putting people you're not getting down with dominion you have you have to show your children what's the Some people that say don't have now they're put in a position because let's say 20 people in front of them gave. Or you could have 20 people in front of them gave $1,000. This guy now is feels obligated to give. But if he gives less, then he opens the door for everyone else to give less. So I always find every time a shoe makes an appeal, I always find the I don't know. I don't know what the show is supposed to do. It's a tough It's a tough situation. And the the answer is that those appeals are are not for the people who who are giving. I have to be careful. We're being recorded. So we have to think of how to say this properly. But the psychology behind an appeal is to motivate people to give more if that form of giving will motivate them. But perhaps in an ideal world we would say matan beser is the best thing to do. But uh for people who need the motivation then then this is the reality. The motivation will help them. Yeah. But back to what you said about the suka that goes over people who don't uh advertise all the good things they do. The reason why there is a suka is because if they did advertise what they're doing, they get an iron cuz people are are looking at you and oh he's getting a lot of he must make a lot of money. Right? So let's suck up a text if you keep on fire. Very good. Excellent. So per say it says there's going to be a day of judgment of Hashem on anyone who's lofty and high and anyone who's elevated and low. So the medish asks, I understand why Hashem's going to have a day of judgment for those who are high and elevated and lofty because this ga there. They're trying to raise themselves, but why? Why if someone's low are they going to be judged? So the med says is going to punish two types of people. One who is gay, one who is aging he's ag he shows other people. He's flashy. He's a showy type of a person. But there's also another type of person Hashem will take punish and that is people who inside are bala and they show themselves like humble people like sadikim. They want to be considered. They want to be considered a Yehudi kasher and therefore they present themselves as a very very holy person. Perhaps with tremendous humility perhaps they'll dish in a very very very intense way. Perhaps they'll be involved in Exactly. They're raising up their hooves but but in this way they're they're lowering themselves like not to show off. Like the way they're trying to show off is by not showing off. Look how look how holy I am. I don't show off, right? I'm a holy person. So through this they ultimately are hoping to get respect from other people. Says these people are they're really very very hated by more than someone who is someone who's bad on the inside and bad on the outside. That's fine. Hashem could deal with Rashim. But someone who's bad on the inside but fakes being a sadic on the outside like Asov. Exactly. That is a person who is What about the the saying I've heard this from of the past that I've learned with fake it till you make it. That's a that's a rule in business. I don't think it's a rule in Yiddish kite. But there is he said it. So there's end he said he said people say oh they're the fakers and he says they'll fake eventually they'll fake themselves. All right. So it's actually the talks about it. writes a concept of that your external actions end up working backwards into you that even if you don't feel like you want to din you can't have kavana but if you close your eyes and you put your sitter like this you'll ultimately get kavana you're don't really mean it oh so that's what so what this idea is is that you you want to be able to d and you just can't you want to give but you can't so there you're harnessing the shalishma to get to the but if you're doing it only for the there says it becomes a samisa says it becomes a bad thing so when he told me and one of the places he boarded by the mother would like almost push him and like force him with the bench and he said he sit there with the bencher just to pretend he was benching he said it took a few months it Yeah, I started venting. Yeah. So, listen to this. It says the story with that he was very very rich and he wanted to make aliyah. He wanted to go to so he's traveling and in the old days you can't just wire your money to your bank in you got to carry it in a box or in a pouch and you the people would go and what happens if there's a big accident if the boat sinks if they have highway robbers. Right. So he was traveling through a town and he was dabbing shahas in the town and he sees someone sitting in the back of the shaw who was there early stayed late was mish tears coming down his cheeks mish his he was up and down and all over the place this person was mish you could see he's a so he says you know what look I'm going through I have a I could trust him I'm going to give him all of my money to watch while I'm traveling and then when things settle down in Israel I'm going to come to collect my money from the saddic. So he goes over to him. He says, "I've been watching you, Darin, and you're the one I can trust. I could see that you're an errand to the person. I'm going to trust you with my money. Would you mind? Please do me a take the money from me until I can come back." The man says, "You know, I I'll put the money the same place I put my own money. I'm going to give it the best you could possibly want. You have nothing to be worried about. Please, I'm happy to do a for another. Come back whenever you need. The money will be here. I'll have it ready for you whenever you come back. So the Yid's very happy, gives him all of his life savings, a tremendous amount of money was a gir goes to Israel, spies a house, settles down, and he tells his wife, "Okay, now it's time to go back. We're stable. I'm going to go pick up the money that I deposited over there, goes back, finds the Yiding." And he says, "Oh, I'm back." And the man says, "Who are you?" He says, "Remember I was here a couple of months ago, six months ago. I left you all my money. No, no one ever gave me money. So he started getting anxious and then started screaming and crying. The man, I don't know who you are. Never heard of you. The person runs the iron. She starts screaming toades, I trusted him because I thought he was your A man appears to him and says to him, he has your money and here's what you're going to do. Go to his wife when he's not home and tell his wife the following code. say, "Your husband told me that you should give me all the money that he deposited a couple of months ago from that other person. And here's the ria, the proof that I was sent by him." Number one is we ate breakfast together on Yam Kipper before we went to Shaw and no one would know that except for them too. And number two was um that last pes we ate together. So the man waits outside the house for this big saddic to leave his home. He walks in tells the wife your husband just sent me. This is something no one else in the town knows only we know that I'm pes we ate and that we had breakfast together on yum kipper. Woman said fine that's takaraya that you know what you're talking about and that my husband trusts you. She gave him all the money and the man went on his way back to Israel. So says the medish, we learned from the story of Mazak that when you see someone who's acting more than others sounds like so this is the lawyers which is a collection of himself right there's another part okay at the end of the story that that went off was made. It says he was he was embarrassed to stay in the town because people knew that he eats kipper and that he eats on pes even though he dins the way he davins like he had a whole persona that he built up about himself in order to make money and to whatever. So his his cover was blown so to speak. So he moved out of town and he moved into a he was nish. Those who know what nishade means know what nishamid means. But says he's no longer one of us. His children aren't learning in brisk learning you know right that's chis right just because but it says the medish you see that if a person acts in a way that's different like more than everyone else. You have to be why is because he shows his that makes him you have to be it's not a proof who we see are and they're acting differently than everyone else but you have to be you have to be careful another story he says that there was a man also this is brought down in many many a man who on his was a usher mlug he was a very very rich man and on his deathbed He called in his Ben Yak, his only son, and he said to him, "Look, I'm leaving you over millions and millions and millions of dollars of rubles, so you should be able to support yourself the whole your whole life. You'll never have to work one day." So there's only one piece of advice I'm going to give you of how you have to be careful. Be careful from the What does that mean? Be careful from the one piece of advice he gives his son on his deathbed. Be careful from the so the mains anosim that show on the outside they're from but on the inside they're not there's a miri which is kadai I heard this once and I never forgot this mi it's a miri it's a miri it's brought down in different places one place where it's brought down is on the leot on on mish on the p of mitsar flv that just like silver is purified by fire and gold is purified by fire. Hashem sees into your heart. He purifies your heart. Says the miri. Hashem is he says you want to know if a person is mis is in truly truly an hashem look at the who is picks up his hovves says you're never going to forget this again. says in the puk vatitsu k p oven you familiar with that p it's in the msabas you say this every shab several times oven says to me you know what that means pale oven wear longer strings on their titus than everyone else viatu P oven. They put on a big pair of tits. Let's fill and are going to be mish and are going to be impressive. When someone's doing more than everyone else, you have to be careful. You have to watch them. Hashem is looking into the hearts and therefore says the medish over here that this rich man told his son on his deathbed. This billionaire told his son and be careful from the people who are fakers, people who show on the outside that they're religious, that they're d or is it extra showoffs. So go back to the first case of the man who ded it was extreme. When people are doing extreme things, even if it's anem, we have to be careful. Now, I'm not here to warn you about who to trust, who not to trust. We're going to turn this around and look at ourselves. We're going to analyze ourselves. What are we doing, you know, and perhaps to show off to other people. When is it when is it okay to do more in private at home? Some people wake up early and they want to go to early learning. So, if there's a shear in sh and you're part of a shar there, you're there alone. So if it's something which will be noticed and people are going to comment, wow, he's the only one in our schul who comes early to learn. If no one knows then it's okay. Yeah. If no one knows it's okay. But if it's going to become a Zach, you know, oh he Yakov shows up every morning at 3:45. He never comes a minute after 3:45 learning. Then that's a problem. You you want to find another show where people are there so that you don't stick out. Well, that's his question. Like what do I want to do? If I want to go to learn in I can't learn at home if you got to wake up the family. What should I do? The answer is you come to Shiners. There's always people here the whole day. No one's learning. It's the whole day, the whole night. There's always someone here in the medish. It won't stick out over here. We know what you need. So it says the medish that many a few days later this elderly man passed away and the son remembered his and by the way the next few words are which is a whole conversation. What does it mean? So they say it's going back to what we say. What's the next word? So be careful from the people who are by the vitas it seems like people say the first glow but when it came to the second pa gets like right everyone gets all sudden loud so by the second vitas like people say it loud be careful from the people who say that was another thing another sweet little tidbit on that so he so he that was the one thing he kept always in his mind I'm going to be careful from the from the from those who areim and he says He brings on a story that met it's a fascinating story but he says he met a yima who was mameshua yayam and he was very impressed by her he said you know he's a man eligible male who's got never asked to work another day in his life everyone wanted to marry him he found this who she was so tinistic she wouldn't talk to any men she walked with her eyes down on the street and she wouldn't walk out in public when there were men around she wouldn't misha so he married her then into the marriage She started saying, "I want to be mortnistic. You know, I don't want to walk out in the street during the daytime. If there are people on the street, she wants to walk away. So, she shouldn't see other men and men shouldn't see her." And the man started thinking, you know what, I remember my father's heim that when people start doing things more than everyone else, you have to wonder. So, he set up this whole plan to test his wife now who's married to, and he pretended he was going out of town. And I'm not going to get into all the gory details of the story, but at the end of the day, she was not on the inside as she was on the outside. And he was saved from this story. So listen to this. End of the story, okay? End of the story was he caught his wife in the act. And the man that she was with tried to kill him. So he ran out of the house and he found a little street bench where he went to sleep. That night there was a big breakin in the king's palace. Someone stole things and the police came out scouting where's the ganov and they found this guy homeless guy sleeping on the street. They said oh he's the only human being around he must be the ganov. So they take him they put him in jail and they passen off with his head. This the husband the husband the real the gir who was told he's right the from his father. So he's in jail and they're taking him one morning to be executed and they have a priest who's walking him to the gallows who's trying to tell him to confess his sins and to believe in soand so and to to right to to be to save his soul. And he tells and then they pass by a wormy area, dirt, garbage, and there's worms all over the place. And the gala who's trying to convince him to become a guy warns the executioners, don't step on those worms. You have to be careful. You know, animal rights. You have to have mercy on the worms. He is the thief. So the man registers in his head that's not a normal thing for people to say, right? He remembered his father and he says, "Ah, the G's a faker. Okay, let me see how I'm going to utilize this to my to the best of my ability. So he goes to the executioner and he says I'm going to confess my sin. The galac and I together rob the palace. So the executioner tells the king, the king sends the police. This galac is arrested and confesses that he is the ganov. So now the man says to the king, I want you to know I didn't but my father told me when someone is doing things spiritual caring for worms for the mercy on the worms that most people don't care about that shows you there's something wrong with them. There's something empty on the inside. That's how I knew simply based on that. And then he told him the story with his wife and how the man chased him and while he's out in the street going to sleep. So the king was so impressed that he brought the wife in. He interrogated her. He found that it was true and he killed the wife. He killed the man that she was with. He killed the galac and he sent the man back home with all of his money says the from all these stories we learn how anyone who acts firmer than everyone else anyone who raises their hovves in public why writes does not want us to be showing off ourus does not want us to be showing off ourus what does he that we should be doing the mitzvah at home inside. No one should see us when we come among other people. Don't say a word to anyone else about the mitzvah that we do. And he says, but this was your only which are above and beyond the letter of the law. But if it's neg you do the if you have to do it in public you do it in public but you do it the maximum that you're able to possibly that you're able to possibly do. But this is the med is teaching us a lesson that we learn from the that our is when we go home when we're all alone when there's no one around us. Where's our mindset? Where's our head? And do we look at ourselves as are we coming to Dav Shakas in the morning and then going out to work and we'll come back and say hello to God a couple of hours later for Mina and then maybe for and then we go home and we'll watch whatever we watch or get involved or think other things that we might not want to think or just live a world of gashmas go out to restaurants and eat the finest foods which is not connected to a just tas That's when we're by ourselves and we're alone. The way we act then that is where we really are doing the inner work the work that we need to do inside of ourselves of a hashem. It's easy when we're in sh to shuckle. It's easy when we're in sh to put on our fill in. It's easy in to say slowly. It's easy to do a six minute when we're in shaw. But when we're stuck on the roadside somewhere and we're dabbing and we have to hurry up because we're rushing. Can we do a six minute moness? Then it's when we're alone, that's when we really see. So it means we have to look at ourselves and ask ourselves maybe sometimes I'm a maybe sometimes I'm a faker. Maybe when I'm in public I act differently than when I'm in private. Maybe. And if so, I know I have to work on myself because it's like the says when we go home, that is where Hashem wants to see our to show that we're a real efing supper by ourselves. Do we have kavana by the brahas or only when we're standing by the soup machine over there and there's 18 people grabbing soup along with us. So you make a braha really loud so everyone can answer our main or do you do it at home too? That's when we're really testing ourselves. So means sometimes in our lives maybe we're the faker and we have to analyze ourselves and try to make sure that we're consistently that we're always doing what we know is the right thing whether there's anyone around us whether there's no one around us and maybe Besides it being for the for teaching us this tremendous lesson is going to become one day I work for the U in Kash and one of the fascinating topics we're dealing with is kosher kazir we can now with DNA you can manufacture anything you can alter the DNA in anything you can take a tray of meat and make it kusher everything is possible nowadays it's all being done um they've already they're working on ma on Someone has a project of making a which is para and malra. You can do it. You can genetically modify it and you can make a with both which are say it's not the spirit of say it's going to be one day. One day it's going to be right now. But what does a beautiful thing he says you know one of the clus for was that that child birth is going to be a very difficult process today the women take epidural they walk in smiling to the hospital they're whistling and drinking coke through the whole thing watching movies it's a experience they don't feel a thing he says is preparing us that the world's going to come back to the of and there won't be a so the world is already turning around to the to the time of that we should be true like we shouldn't have the say that the pig is not kosher and that says is oh cuz he does one not the other or does it say the pig is not the kosher because it does one not the other that's the question that's what it says key the word is key right you can look at it right here so the key is gone then right exactly that's why the is different than the bail The bear you don't talk about right because there's many. So that's the kasha is that we have such a big thing about kazir has one sim in a bear has no money in how come the kazir is so at least he's 50% to her at least the answer is no that's the problem you're 50% to her and look at you that's what you show off beautiful just kindness now