Rabbi Minkowicz's Weekly Torah Lesson: Parshat Vayera 10/16/2013

it's time for Rabbi minkowitz weekly tour lesson a place where life's most difficult questions are answered here with his spiritual perspective and insight Rabbi minkowitz Welcome to our weekly tour lesson today we're going to discuss an important question and that is what is the Jewish opinion of how to deal with a challenging child a challenging spouse or a challenging friend so in this week's Torah portion pasius Abraham is confronted by God with his 10th and final test where God is testing Abraham to see is he this loyal dedicated servant of God that is going to follow God whatever God wants and it's interesting it's not only the 10th test but it's actually the test that's the only test that in the Torah is called a test so let's look into this test that God comes to Abraham with God comes to Abraham and this test he's going to test him is he's going to ask him to bring up his son as a sacrifice to God now obviously that's a difficult thing to do Abraham and Sarah couldn't have children they finally have a child and now God is asking him to bring him up as a sacrifice so God comes to Abraham and he says as follows take your son your only son your son that you love and the commentaries ask God should have to begin what said to God to Abraham bring your son Isaac why the introduction so our commentaries tell us it was a conversation that took place between Abraham and God comes to Abram he says I would like you to take your son so Abram responds and says I have two sons okay so God says your only son so Abraham says I have two only Sons one is only dedicated to his mother Sarah and the other one is his only son from hugger so then God says the one that you love so he says I love them both the same so God says fine take it's so the rebbe asks a fascinating question he says like this it's obvious that he has two sons it's obvious that they're both their only son to each individual mother but how could you say that he loves them both the same we know that yitzuk was very obedient all throughout the Torah Ishmael was challenging to Abraham and to Sarah up to the point where Sarah actually kicked him out of the house so what does it mean that he loved them both the same so in kambala they explained that there is two types of love there's the love that every single person has to their children which doesn't make a difference how the child performs it's the natural love that we have for our children and that's the same for everybody but then there's something which is called the revealed love in the reveal of Love based on performance for example my daughter called me up the other day and says Dad I got a hundred I said wow I'm so happy for you he says and Dad if I got a zero you wouldn't be happy with me so I said sure I'd be happy for you because I love you who you are but on the other hand I also like hundreds so there's the love that we give for performance but then there's a new Love and that is what Abraham told God you're looking at the revealed love only and performance but I'm going to tell you I see another revealed love what is the other revealed love that when someone is going through a challenging situation you can look at the person ugh they're challenged they're losers they're struggling don't ever make it or Abraham had a different Insight he says no no I see real love here because I believe this child can come out of the challenging situation and transform the negative into a total positive and that is what Abraham meant when he said to God I love them both the same not only in the essential love where they're both the same but even in the revealed love I they both have this unique love that I love them in the revealed aspect namely in Utah I love the fact that he performed and he did well but in Ishmael I love the fact that he had the potential to take a negative situation a real Challenge and to transform himself and that therapeutic love that Abraham loved you smile gave you small the power to ultimately transform himself and as we know eventually do repent what does that mean they repented that means even though they were challenging even though they did some Terrible Things against God but they were able to totally do chuva able to totally transform themselves and take negatives and turn it into positive and that is basically the answer to the question how should you deal with someone that's challenging just like Abraham did find that spark in that child where you believe that the child will eventually get out of his struggles and not only get out of his struggles but he'll use the struggles that he had and the challenges he had to grow from and be a much better better person the same thing applies to if you're having a struggle in your relationship with your spouse or with a friend don't view the struggle as a kiss of death no that is the opportunity to take that relationship to a whole new level so to sum up how do you deal with challenges in your children spouse or friend find the silver lining that these challenges can take your relationship to a whole new level thank you for joining us today please join our other classes that we have here at Chabad Thursday morning Muhammad gives a class from 11 to 12 on the Parsha Thursday evening is a class in Kabbalah teachings of the arizal at 7 30 Saturday morning we have Kabbalah class teachings of Obama chirubi at nine o'clock followed by services and condition for bringing and party and celebration have a great week and we look forward to seeing you next week it's dynomite