Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss: Ask the Rabbi Q&A Forum

okay booth have my boy and Bechet making sure at Aramis it's Boston like to welcome everyone to tonight's Shearer all the men here in the main show all the women up there downstairs and everyone tuning in on the telephone or through the live broadcast look I'm a boy as you know you can shoot at Tara's annual dinners coming up Wednesday August 15th perfect time to put an ad in honor of the Maggie cheer who's here you enjoyed and helping chateau-thierry with our buses of terror throughout the year worldwide tonight co-sponsored by rober from Spri the danischmelz amore is the pestle that should be circle our Solon it was like to thank the Longy family for the support of tonight's Shiva the initialization mental bus oh sure Lera Sholem burgle the yard sights tests Zion tonight we have the cover to have with us once again or of motion mayor wisely to rather good its Royal Staten Island fascinating question-and-answer forum and the questions to be asked by the inimitable country OC ty Eve or - thank you for joining us tonight and it's my covered to : of iy so tonight's yeah first of all I'd like to begin with just the more dassera of the Boston a shul and with gratitude we have over here a by bald we all give him a tremendous Yasha cachaca for the massive world wild hobbitses tyra that he does with a arrogant she write IRA throughout the summer during the image shape of him and hashem should give you this Fanti you should be able to do it I'd be asagaya I'd like to thank rob a dyke as always and also to welcome my good friend Yossi toe and to thank him for coming rev Weiss we are aware of the devastating passing of your hush of a Rebbetzin all of us would like to wish you comfort from Hashem and may he grant you health and all Tyrel blessings thank you since you've experienced tragic loss firsthand we would like to start with several questions on this subject to benefit the masses on how to deal with these challenges from a Torah perspective so for starters how does one cope and get through the overwhelming sadness of losing a loved one especially when they leave us at such a young age okay thank you I'd like to also dedicate this year Lila knishmas my Rebbetzin many of the women that are here tonight will remember her coming to this year sometimes upstairs sometimes downstairs and I'd also like to welcome our audiences on yeshiva world on tour any time calm color lotion the TCN Network and of course Aaron's live stream as well it is a it has become a worldwide audience Yosi has asked how does one cope through cope and get through devastating loss and the answer is with great difficulty but we have to know that aina Krrish beaucoup Bob returned the embryo serve Hashem doesn't ask from anyone anything that they cannot handle that's the lesson of NASA vanish ma I could say I will do even before I listen because I know a shame you won't give me anything that I can handle so fortified with that a person has to get on with one's life so I found a few things that I felt I would share number one they say over from a pine cone EF ski who was completely devastated with his loss of Rebbetzin but Sheva esta can have ski and when he would be overcome with grief they would bring him at Isis and he would immerse himself in it and feel better so someone would sit might say that's a distraction it's not that it's a distraction what it is is is the Torah is the source of life when a battery starts to die so what you do is is you plug it in your phone you recharge it the source of life is to be connected to Hashem the Makura hein and a way to connect with our share mr. Torah because kocha brief over I sacado Hashem in the Torah is one so when you plug in to the Torah then that's the fulfillment of what we say in this week's patch of our time our debate Kim Basham allocation if you cleave trash am Bryan Coker my yang so by its interesting that's the simple meaning of the plastic toy recession to me ma the tarnish M is perfect just like Hashem is perfect mischievous no fish it rejuvenates the soul but also to keep oneself busy grief is overwhelming thought when one is busy they don't think so it's important that's why it says in the Gemara Bartolome be led Shyama if a person is idle it leads to depression so one should keep busy my hood and Rabbi IND BER came to be Menachem Havel me and he told me that when he was a young boy of 14 years old his he was by a home of a widow who was very young and had little children screaming little children was screaming she was crying through a bunch of people in the home coming from Anika my bell nobody knew what to say so Ramona walked in my painting secretary clear office was Jurgen Elena and everybody was quiet and they waited to hear what the going would say and he told her man kind-- one thing I will tell you there will come a day where you'll be able to remember your husband without pain so that's a Hummer that there will be a time where you could remember happy good things without it being painful I had the opportunity this year to be scouring residents by Rabbi hrabowski in Boca Raton Florida and in the course of giving sure and it was an old gentleman that came over to me to comfort me and he said listen I buried a son and one piece of advice I could give you is to be in pain I can't tell you're not gonna be in pain but don't manufacture pain which is also a tremendous piece of advice for people that are grieving don't sit and start thinking and manufacture pain pain comes you have to deal with it but don't sit and manufacture pain and daven to the one that we say hammer come you're knocking Davin to the one that brings in a Hummer that he should bring the Hummer what should people say and do for a mourner of such a crushing loss so first thing is what not to do what not to do it doesn't help to say platitudes it'll pass she had a good life you have to get on with yourself these things don't help sound nice but did not help so you'll say so then I'm not gonna go nothing to say yeah I've told unless Khmer culture together mekomo vodka Jemma not into prison shoes I can't understand it so I'm good that's also not good there is a red bar that says why is a widower called an almond and our money is called our mother because I'll mana she doesn't get a hundred in our silver she doesn't get the hundred to two hundred she only gets a hundred so how long as she doesn't get on do it but why isn't how one on one isn't awarded it civil why is he called an almond so the advice says it's from a Russian of a line mute because when you come to the Owlman there's nothing to say it's too far monitor there's nothing there isn't anything to say skull your ever those anchors on he called me up and he said look there's nothing I could tell you so what can you do you can tell the person I'm there for you you could tell the person I can't imagine how you're feeling you could tell the person I am should give you the kayak to get through this you could tell the person if you need to talk I'm available one of the things that is crushing when someone loses a spouse is they look they lose the person that they talk to at the end of the day in the beginning of the day and Crizal says oh Caruso mezuzah he the companionship or death so it's a crushing a crushing experience and that's why friends can step in and say please don't hesitate to call me I'll make myself available to you I've said this in the past that etymologically the word rieta friend shares the root of rock of bad evil which is strange yo tell me ray akka is the same Cazares ro a car a friend helps Shepherd you through life that I understand but raah but you could tell who your friends are in hard times in bad times be a friend in bad times that you could do is there a way to understand the loss of someone so kind and so needed like your everton well do we just say ours is not to reason why so everybody will say well that's a time old question name Matt Sadiq verily why the righteous people suffer bad things but we shouldn't just shove it under the carpet because it's the reason why ace of Wentworth harvests are up very important to realize this says on that day that I Rama V no passed away ace of did fights terrible sins he committed in a murder he committed adultery now most people think oh I know why because it says that I'm Rama V no passed away five years early so you shouldn't see ace of gold time is Roth so that's when ASA was turned sour so that's why I brought my bean who died that day so you shouldn't see it but they don't realize that the other way is also true a sub went sour because this was the straw that broke the camel's back the great I've rung VI mother yes it if he could die what's it all about what's it all about it's very dangerous the spectre my wife was known throughout Staten Island people who were in or for acts of kindness and then they see her passed away from a terrible disease at the young age of 54 it leaves a question so it's important to know it's important to know that there are people that are given a shorter time on this world it's not because of punishment and they're great people like slow mamela so my mouth had a thousand wives that needed him and he still passed away at Shmuel Hanavi was needed by the entire generation but he's around between of his mother Kirsch right he passed away at 52 and maybe Boone India shall be passed away at 26 and the original passed away in his 30s an arab mom passed away in his 40s even though it says some safer says that Kolya Sorokin be a drama Ashkenazic world relied on the Rama Rama the diner's forties some people were given only a certain amount two years that's a case well it's the Kate person goes even if they're if they're needed and even if they're brilliantly righteous Hashem gifted us these people for this amount of years commercial your Rebbetzin had pancreatic cancer news for Kenan Buddha did you tell her the diagnosis and should we tell the patient everything no matter what if there's no reason for the patient to know the diagnosis so what do you want to do you want to kill them the doctors they're afraid of getting sued you have to sit down with the doctors and say listen if there's no reason for the patient to know we always have to give the patient hope my wife took care of many people would pancreatic cancer and watch them die for a whole year I kept from her her diagnosis and she said look much you're taking care of the doctors I don't need to know exactly where it is you're taking care of it you tell me there's hope that's good enough and if the doctor said we have to tell her I said listen if you want to treat my wife we decided as the family I'm the caregiver we decided not to tell her and she doesn't want to know now sometimes a person wants to know because they want to get their affairs in order even the ones that say they want to know when they find out they wish they didn't know but for sure if you are visiting someone don't tell them oh I hear you had this that's how my wife found out somebody told her you'll never tell a patient their diagnosis and you never tell a patient oh I hear you have a very tough road are you trying to make it worse you visit somebody you're there to make them cheerful to give them hope to give them light this is by the way is a very big part of the referral process it's why we say in the Mission Bay Rock first reports on a fish and then refers ago even before the reports are go faster force on a fish is the emotional positivity of the halo of the villainess I would constantly tell my Rebbetzin what from Reuben Weinstein said and that is that we don't have to be misfiled for an ace we have to be miserable raver fools like we say in the kelberg inlets and in medicine you should know they are today constantly making new things my wife took state-of-the-art treatments that when she started treatments they didn't have these treatments yet and even when she took sophisticated immunotherapies popular inhibitors for a genetic mutation that they had which is one of the new treatments that they have initially she took the PARP inhibitors eight times eight pills in the morning and eight pills in the night sixteen pills a day big pills but by the time she would finish the PARP inhibitors she was they already had a new pill that she owe me that to take four pills in the morning and four pills in the night and they're constantly doing new things we constantly have to give hope i heard from romesha that if there's no reason to tell the khaila then you shouldn't tell the hailer i'll ask to be a beat and if the news is gonna crush them why give it to them the Rebbetzin had 32 chemo therapies with terrible side effects and had horrible pain at what point should the family start looking into palliative care and his hospice a viable option we have to be careful we're living in a society we're in the hospitals and many of the doctors and especially the nursing staffs do not have our office I tell you this is very important we know that if somebody is dying there's our locker that you're not allowed to close their eyes you're not allowed to touch your guys because you might assure their death a moment earlier and that's considered Ritsuko because one moment of life s tremendous value as the my version say in that moment the person could do chuva and change their entire eternity so even a moment of suffering life is worth a tremendous amount although ramesha has Chile's there there are certain times when the treatments only offer kyeshia they only offer temporary life and the person is in horrendous suffering and according to medical knowledge there is no delicate ever hope and the patient is suffering indescribable pain that sometimes we could leave it up to the patient the parameters of such cases are extremely rare because today we have marvelous treatments and many options and we have excellent ways to take care of pain but you have to understand that there's a lot of things that play into the equation to a non toe remind you call this life you want to watch your relatives suffer and think about how many people's lives are put on hold and look at all the money being spent and there are times where the family is wiped out and even without them realizing it they're also after at their limit so first of all hospice is murder what's called hospice to just give morphine and not even feed the patient and not even to starve the patient his murder but once you accept the hospice insurance will pay for a hundred percent they'll give everything because they figured out that that's an easy way to save money so you should know most Hospice is euthanasia it's murder now then this palliative care now palliative care is a different story there is no reason that a cancer patient should be suffering pain just have to figure out how that they shouldn't suffer with good dosages of slow-release morphine with proper use of oxycodone with fentanyl patches sometimes fentanyl sprays there are ways to keep the patient without pain I had an actual case a few weeks ago where the patient himself called me from the hospital and said that he was thinking about Hospice what do I think I said to mean what I mean what I what do I think your doctors say you have a chance to live three years you have a son that wants you to walk you down the huppah of course it's not a good option and I gave him because think they were pushing him in the hospital and I gave him physic and the children told me the next week he was home and he was already driving the car anytime somebody is in the hospital and this option is being pushed you need to have extremely competent rough guide you in this area from OSHA you were a caretaker for almost two and a half years do you have any advice for caretakers and what about helping their caretakers you know that your mother says that beaker hilum I feel amazing behind when we look the Mitsuba crown was even 100 times a year 100 times a day when we learnt this in your Shiva we thought it was an exaggeration truth of the matter is it's an understatement a hundred times it could be a hundred times an hour when people come to help Delilah or the Kiwanis they also have to help the caretaker and they have to help the caretaker the way the caretaker wants to be helped not the way not not the way that you think they should be helped if they're not asking for medical advice don't offer it I know you believe in the soy root or broccoli therapy or to fly to Belgium sinan it and have all the answers if if the caretaker wants your advice fine don't push it on if you could spell the caretaker and he or she wants that do so many caretakers get sick because it's around-the-clock with no end in sight if a person is a caretaker they have to make sure that they get enough sleep they have to make sure they eat properly they can't afford to get sick a caretaker has no Shabbos no Yom Tov I carried my phone with me on Yom Kippur a caretaker I came home five times am keeping a rubber visual a caretaker has to know also that sometimes the patient could be hostile to the caretaker high kind a phrase called caretaker hostility I've seen this it's because the patient nobody wants to be totally dependent upon a person and if you're totally dependent on a person you resist so that's normal and to be expected [Music] the caretaker has to give hope has to give love has to give physic this is a very delicate subject what is the torah' view of remarriage after losing a beloved spouse is a terrific to stay alone to be loyal to the memory of a loved one I believe that the idea of I'm going to be alone the rest of my life to be loyal to the memory of a loved one is a good concept there is no such Makar anywhere in Kazan maybe Kiva who is married incredibly to the famous Rocco who sacrificed for him and he bought of the yerushalayim shells of he married afterwards avril lavigne Oh who had the storybook marriage - sorry man who lived 127 perfect years married the woman that his wife threw out a house hugger the biker users are October arival ton of your death it was desire that it brings a nahama to the neshamah of the NIF terrace for the husband to remarry this doesn't mean that it's easy but that is the property rush gopher but what if the spouse made a dying wish not to remarry I had two such cases realest spouse left a request to the surviving spouse that they shouldn't remarry both cases I sent two people to go daily Eretz Israel to ask the child in both cases the answer was from two different great Godot lyrics as well the answer was that the spouse knows better now in sham ayan and they should remarry the second time you last why did I send him to a God will be yourself I already know the answer from the first time the answer is I knew that the person would be ridden with guilt unless they heard it directly from the mouth of the Gullah door but that's the answer to this bizarre question and that is that in the in the next world the spouse knows better and they know that it's important for their spouse to remarry I will add that my Rebbetzin tried to talk to me about this subject I remember it like it's in front of Maya she grabbed my hands and she said my lives Anthony and I refuse to talk about it because I never want to know to feel that I gave up hope on her and I didn't I didn't she had a condition she developed a fistula a hole in the colon that was totally unexpected she couldn't absorb anything but we never gave up and here's a good example I remembered that a year and a half before her passing the hospital tried very hard for me to be involved in palliative care and basically make her comfortable she would live almost a year and a half longer than that and walk down our last child to the Cooper and danced by the wedding with the help of ivy in a side room and then two weeks before her passing hold her seventeenth grandchild and give Abraha which we have on Philip but my wife did tell our children instead she couldn't talk to me I didn't let her so she told our children Katya is young he's gonna have to remarry and you better be good time not that you have to tell my children that I these shila's Yossi shouldn't be Nagaya how should one handle the feelings of their children when they take another spouse very gingerly I have a rule in this marry children should understand unmarried children cannot be expected to understand if at all possible involve the children in the remarriage process try to get their blessings and have them feel that they're part of the process that will help a lot the Torah dresses it when it says copied sov saw s Larabars Aegis of Eva so it includes a stepmother it also has a Arriba first step fob and that there is tremendous Kiev in keyboard but it's very difficult and it's a tightrope that has to be walked with great care and great understanding let's move on to other topics in certain circles today there is a fad to wear thick leggings or even pants under full length skirts is there any Tania's concerns or to the contrary the women are even more covered up you know you could smell the ate Sahara mile away it's it's amazing remember when the knockers told cava do I hear you now I even touched a big magma now I even touch then because that touching exact ah you see nothing happened it's the way sometimes of the eight sorry to come as if it I what's better I should run with my legs only with stockings I have pants I'm more covered up says that the eights are ah hi my Malaika today he says and it's only a lead what happens she starts dressing that way and then she comes home into the house I'm only a house so either she takes off the pants and is left with a shorter skirt because he had two pens or she takes off the skirt and left with the pants I'm at home but then our girls come in and the girls see our in the pants and what the girls see them in that generation well we're going to exercise in sweats it's only women and we're just running in and out of the car with our pants or what happens is is well I'm wearing pants under the skirt the skirt could get shorter it just covers you know as long as it covers my backside it's okay so there's a very short skirt it goes it goes it goes gradual just like it didn't start with pants under the skirt it started with thick leggings check leggings what's the difference between things and things come on from leggings well leggings you know why not pants the leggings on stick the pants are even more semantics that's how it goes the pants are also not a feminine garment so if you asked me this fad is going down a slippery slope and it should be eradicated if at all possible in our families and if we set standards in our developments or in our circles it should be eradicated from the development in the circles speaking about new feds my husband wants to go to an all men's weekend retreat I don't feel it's right what do you say the surah of Shabbos is to be with family you know used to be that people ate dinner every night of the week with their family that was the the family sat down together at the dinner table that got lost but the last bastion of the family table is Shabbos that should be sacred that shouldn't be a husband and wife it's it's like a goofy they don't belong apart not to recreate without one's wife to recreate without one sighs it's not only all men's retreats there are all women's retreats go to a a weekend spy for women that's not terrific but y'all see I'm not gonna stop there I remember what a few years ago in my bungalow County which is a fine Tyra bungalow Kelly they started a men's kiddush after dominant and the idea was for some healthy male bonding over single malt scotch and matches Eric I remember sitting with my wife watching the first one get into action and my wife liebe Basara Baron Allah shalom she said to me much are you gonna go make kiddush for that yeah I'm the rub they're like unofficially yeah I usually make kiddush pay I said I'm not happy with this she says neither am i they're away from their wives the whole week and now they're home only on the weekend they're gonna keep their wives waiting with the family so that they could schmooze over some whiskey so they came that I should make kiddush and I said I'm not making it they said why not they said it's under protest both my my cell phone my wife feel that you're here only on the weekend you shouldn't be keeping your family waiting so they got the message and they changed it to a couple skittish it's not only that I find something else which is disturbing to me couples get together for Shabbos meal and because it's this the men sit with the men and the women sit with the women the men are happy with their masculine talk and the women are happy to chitchat their feminine chitchat but that's not that sir rubbish a mistake I never set even when I went away there was never a time that my wife didn't sit at my side on Chaves me whether I went to Mel she can catch too part of pacer whether I went to a Wallace teen sabaton I never even in that good at convention my wife and I sat in the Rebellion's dining room they've had small tables my wife and I sat together every Rob Robin oh bomb cell with his wife probably finest that with it so I from around like that with his wife sit apart from your wife there's something wrong so my answer at your C is a resounding note I do not like these all men or all women weekend retreats nor do I like all male kid Isha's nor do I like when her husband arrives we have to know we're modeling how to behave for our children children see my mother and father were never apart that's the way hopefully they'll run their marriage as well here rabbi Weiss my son recently told me he saw one of his friends viewing something highly inappropriate on his iPhone I want to tell the parents but if I do it could destroy my son's relationship with his friend what should I do and this is a this is a happens more often than you think and it doesn't only happen with a son could happen that you see your friend on his iPhone doing something highly inappropriate what do you do if you tell it to your friend's face there's no way you could say face and it could be very unpleasant so the Astrid Miller this question many times in many different shapes and forms and Ramallah would say write an anonymous letter write a respectful anonymous letter dear so-and-so you don't know me but I sent the I I saw your son watching this and this on his iPhone I'm sure you're not aware of it I wanted to bring it to your attention we live in challenging times I know I'm also a parent respectfully name withheld make sure when you send it it doesn't have the postmark of your house on you've accomplished what you needed to without getting anybody in trouble Ramesh I don't know if you know but I've been very extremely successful in the real estate market is there anything to be concerned with living a 5 star lifestyle commensurate with my new wealth you heard you heard what he said so all the collectors can see you see after this year ah somebody says listen I have I'm worth 3040 million dollars so what's wrong with and I work hard for that what's wrong with living according to my means I like to have a cowboy steak every other night and I like to wash it down with a hundred dollar bottle of wine yeah listen what's the problem that we have a Jacuzzi in every bedroom is there anything wrong with the fact that I have a maid and a butler in the house after all shallow bias I'm making it easier for my wife there are certain dangers the first thing is a parent has to say what lifestyle am I getting all my children used to live in they're gonna get married we send them to good use she was taken and Mary Tyler people their husbands are not going to be in real estate and I'm not gonna be able to give each of the husband's 20 million dollars so the all of a sudden she won't be able to use a tablecloth without a plastic tablecloth and all China because she doesn't have two maids doing the dishes but she's not used to eating without China and she's not used to doing the dishes she never saw her mother do it so that means that we're not preparing our children for the lifestyle that they're gonna live that's a serious concern the other concern is the goggle haha Isabella that money it says about money easy come easy go de pensar Amira the worry was that he'll get used to his gluttonous ways which was the cowboy steaks and the wine and then they'll run out of money and it'll be my last name as a breeze and he'll Rob and be Mahalo Shabbos so it is always a worry that if we get ourselves used to all the time a very lavish lifestyle what happens if there's a reversal from riches to rags what's that gonna do to us so therefore these two things have to be kept in mind what lifestyle am I getting my children used to and will I be able to cope if I have a reversal and will my family be able to cope if I have a reverse speaking of fancy lifestyles is a toy redic to have such lavish over-the-top to duck a fundraisers yeah I've heard about them I really haven't seen them yet they haven't asked me to speak by that maybe they're afraid but I have no problem with fundraisers that serve delicious ribs and a smorgasbord of sushi I have no problem with that I have a problem with fundraisers that glorify improper behavior so I have a problem with a fundraiser that has cigar rolling because I don't think we should at Sudoku organization should be giving approval to cigars it's an addictive poisonous substance the same thing is true that I don't like elaborate wine tasting because I don't like to give a platform for wine drinking it on Shabbos by a wedding I'm talking about the cousin Carla by Yom Tov table ain't simple of a possibly iron but to give there is a long line of battered children of battered wives Binaca been because of alcoholics so I do not like and I think it's poor judgment for its tuckus to do fundraisers that give a platform for wine for cigar rolling or for a casino night by maven Yavin my son is turning down should do him because of looks my daughter's feel he is immature for turning down great girls one after another for this reason they tell him don't judge a book by it's cover he's getting older are they right they're wrong you can't tell a person to marry someone that they're not ready to make the most important person in their life that they're not ready to look at and feel good about now there are many men and women that can look past us but if the young man or young lady can't it's a tremendous mistake to insist upon it I have seen that marriages went sour afterwards and I asked a young man and he said look she's nice to me so it was a why did you marry her they pushed me they told me don't judge a book by it's cover now so what do we do about if there is a young man or a young lady that sees that looks are an issue for that young man that young lady it would be good if they see a picture before so you'll say but you know Robbie wieck's looks could grow on the person that's true but if you see that this is an issue that when the looks aren't there it's cold off right away so then first of all spear the other person the rejection and they think that maybe it's something wrong with them that's number one number two you have to know that if you push the young man then he stopped stating because he says look I can't take the pressure they want to know why and they don't know they don't want it you here for me that I don't like the way I have to make things up I don't like the price I'll stop dating and I've seen that tote and I think that that's why we're going to find in our society that online dating is going to become more mainstream and in general the more information that people write about themselves the better it is before the date what they're looking for what their dreams are what their ambitions are that's good because one of the problems we have is people are getting burnt out from all the unnecessary David where if they would have seen the picture or heard about certain things they would have gone out I know that this is a controversial approach but I feels very strongly about this nearby Weiss in our development there are children children galore on Shabbos riding scooters and skateboards they play basketball and put on play clothing is this the proper rule for Shabbos says him Toshiba Shabbos regular huh if you withhold on Shabbos your feet that means that on Shabbos we act differently just that initially we thought the rabbi's who ran to shear on Shabbos where makalah shops running to share at first the camera says we thought that the rubber is running too sure on Shabbos were makalah Shabbos because it says him tortured me Shabbos are glad when it's they saw that it says new too full of gases so we also ran run to Noah Shem we also read do you see that they thought that running to a Shira Scotia shops samus is a day of men who says I might think that we can leave the cow in the stable on Shabbos because it's actually says bad thing so says Rashi you can't leave them cooped up in a stable why not she says bahama eggs and New York elet sir That's not me look at that side so there has to be a balance between Manuka and being bored and being cooped up that's the challenge of being a parent today everybody says I can't stop them everybody else is doing it that's why we have to set up standards we have to set up standards so you know it's very complex we have a lot of children what are we supposed to do with their children well we have to figure it out that's why there are board games that's why there are books that's why we spend time with our children where are we gonna draw the line they're playing basketball the whole development is playing basketball what if it is put on tennis shorts and play tennis what's the difference what if they go to the paddle boat good no foul ball dollars or jobs basketball what is this I'm I'm feeling my way said over from our pom famous story big pimp ain't getting publicized recently that rap our muse to fly the American flag on July 4th so he had a granddaughter from out of town that was dating from his house so she said bubby maybe's a buddy won't fly the flag I'm going out with a very issue Vichy boy he might not understand so she said don't worry ladies too weak to put up the flag so the young man comes to the house and before he leaves your palm says after I could ask you to do me a favor I need help putting up the flag but that's not what's funny about the story the young Anika is telling her bubby what's your she wish to the russia shiva of terminus she's afraid the young man would feel that it's not your she vision what are we doing we're feeling our way around basketball fields ueshiba scooters feel you Jewish tennis shorts and tennis doesn't feel your sheepish when they asked us if we're a Shimer Shabbos what does that mean it means are we guarding the shops Shimer we are Shimon now in the in the calves they risk their lives not to go down to the mine on Chavez and hid in the barracks if they were caught they would be killed we have to figure out ways that Shabbos shouldn't look like a regular day that in front of the shoulder is a veritable parking lock of scooters and it's a regular day at the ball field is that chalice is that the young Manuka I've said this before that they asked for a blooming trance Oliver Shalom if girls could go apple picking on color might every woman Grant said if they only take apples that they were gonna use on Alameda and Yom Tov so it's a turret hammer it you're allowed a door you're allowed a beak cut sir let's say Hamas but he said one provider they have to go in there young to kill them if they're gonna put on denim because they don't want to get the yom tov clothing dirty then they can't go calamari there's such a thing called raw Shabbos there's such a thing as an of the hell if it's a weekday activity you know that there are certain points Kim that didn't allow chanson shops unless you bought a special jet set so now somebody will say well get a Shabbos ticker scooter will get a Chaba stick a basketball it's not the same I'm just pointing out that they even said it they even said it about chess my answer to this question is we should try whatever we can that Shabbos should look like a day rest I do not think the transportation of scooters and skateboards and rollerblades and playing full press full court basketball is a shaba daba sticker place cook I think it's of the her despite my tremendous research success in real estate I asked one of my children's schools for a break in tuition since we are very very tight I would be very suspicious they wanted to know where I gave my my some money I happen to give my my some money to a sibling with a special child do they have a right to ask such a question you might you might you know you might have been distracted by Yossi's radio phonic voice you might not have caught it so it's it's it this is an unbelievable question an unbelievable question but this is a true story a person went both husband and wife work but they have a lot of children between the the tuition and the day camp and medical policy and the and the mortgage and the cars they came against me so they asked for a break it's an error look a couple they give my son the Shiva wanted to know where do you give you my sir because we want now the family gave them I sir to a sibling that has a special job they want to know if the if the issue has a right to say no don't give it to the sibling give it to us you always the money tuition you understand this has nothing to do whether tuition is part of my son that they're saying give it to us as an institution of tzedakah because you you are Astra Manik this is a dangerous thing when the achievers are controlling our lives to the point that they could even strip us of the prerogative to give my sir to a sibling then there's something wrong with our society when a yeshiva could send a letter to a grandparent and tell the grandparent this is true also and tell the grandparent you live in Eretz Israel you send money to your children for tickets to come to visit you for face-off because you want to pay see your grandchildren before you do that pay for your grandchildren's tuition and do it out seeing your grandchildren it's also true we all know 18 years ago 16 years ago whatever the number is when the first Jewish observer all of our Sean's sacred Sadiq LeBron and the first Jewish observer came out with its entire magazine on children at risk if you made a graph you'll see that that's about when our economic situation forced the women out of house to start working so ready at that time tuition has its claws into the family structure and ripped apart the family structure now tuition is not the enemy we need good ribbon we want our best boys to become Rebane and in order to get our best boys to become a BAM we have to offer them competitive salaries so we know that we have to have tuition that's that's obvious but I I want to point out a few things first of all there is a tremendous there's a tremendous disparate grouping in Claudia so today we have both I and both time millionaires and we have people that have to buy the fruit on the outside of the fruit stock we have people that can't imagine what to do with all their money and we have people that can't buy a snack a black and white because they can't buy it for all their children and they won't eat something that they can't buy for their children if the first group would help our tuition system then it would be possible for the middle class to live respectable likes a lot of the middle class go to sleep worrying how they're gonna make it and I don't think that the answer is taking a miser away from a sibling with a special child I don't think the answer is taking the few dollars of a grandparent who is not making money and living on Social Security and some meager saying savings stopping that grandparents from seeing his grandchildren on paisa I don't think that's the answer now there are different types of schools there are schools that are private businesses and then there are schools that are community owned our community based many of the community schools are run by hard-working well-meaning volunteers men and women who give of their own time to volunteer but that doesn't give them the knowledge the torah' wisdom to make these decisions in many communities they do then they get a rubber stamped by some rabbi that's not the way to make these decisions the schools that are privately owned that's even more complicated whose to decide what they could do to make more money and therefore let this be a clarion call that we need to have a standardized set of rules that volunteers should not be making these decisions on the fly depends who has pull with which board member that's not the way to make these life decisions and if their business is a community school should at least be run by all the community rabona community are abundant know the constituency of that constituency of their community and if it's a this there should be just like we have a cassius institution there should be like the building department inspections so that we know that there is no greed and we know that the money is being properly asked for this needs a lot of teaching there's a lot of evil in the system today some of it willful and some of it unwitting but there's a lot of rot in our school system those children that I told not to come into a classroom until money is paid those children that can't get into a school the doors of oiler my bar of granadan will not swing easily for people that do these things so this is a very serious area that needs Tekin in Chloe's room we heard earlier your feelings about cigar smoking what is your view about e-cigarettes and vaping I mentioned this question to my son the kemiya it was a wonderful Rebbe by Rabbi bender in Far Rockaway and the chemist said to me Tati why you they asking you this question why they asked this question to adapt it and he has a point you want to know if e smoking is good as - dr. Georgiou Shiva bhakta you know we learned it's a longer but that's what doctor is going to say that an e-cig cigarette where a person ingest nicotine where there's a technology where stuff is heated which causes formaldehyde which we don't know what it causes yet but there's a Surgeon General said it's dangerous for your health why would anybody do such a thing the answer is of it's not allowed but again this is the way to go Dora hi you ain't my Malaka okay we die I can't pull off the smoking anymore they I've been found they found out about the smoking it's worked for a while I got I killed a lot of people but my time is up so now let me try to work under this vaping stuff listen if somebody is coming down from smoking and he's working his way down and he starts with these cigarettes that somebody husband to stop was it cigarettes that's insane but Mercia thank you for your time tonight yeah I know I just wanted to thank you before I ask you the final question probably won't have a chance after and finally what's your opinion of medical marijuana okay first of all that's not funny medical marijuana is a wonderful gift for mation medical marijuana is probably one of the best treatments against mosha nausea if a person never experienced nausea from chemotherapy it is a overwhelmingly terrible experience I've watched my wife in the throes of nausea it grips a person and makes life unbearable my wife has a Rebbetzin just didn't want to take the mat at Medical Marijuana I had it far but she don't want to take it she couldn't bring herself as a Rebbetzin to take it so she took there other things that I didn't Esther and there are the things I gave it to her an IV but medical marijuana when used properly is a wonderful thing it not only stops nausea but it also facilitates the appetite appetite is a very big challenge for someone who is ill they don't have an appetite first of all chemotherapy sometimes kills the taste buds for ovary year my wife ate without tasting food she used to tell me mush I smell your child I'm enjoying it challenge from the smell she didn't taste it person doesn't taste their food they don't really have a tremendous toilet to eat if they start losing weight they don't have the strength to fight the disease facilitating appetite is also a very important thing but here's a very important point you see a caretaker that has all of these things in the house the opioids the percocets and the tranquilizers to xanaxes the volumes the klonopins and a fentanyl and the sprays and the morphine and the toradol that can't fall into anybody else's hands the caretaker can't take it to make his or her life easier the children can take it to cope with seeing a parent suffering these are a highly addictive substances many lives were ruined because they got used to these addictive substances they have skull and bones on it 20,000 volts beware I like to take the opportunity to thank y'all see you know I mentioned earlier that somebody who is in grief should have good friends surrounding him Yoshi has been such a friend to me we should pray not to get sick Laurie Lamia vaca Aldama Shailaja hella we should pray that this should be only theoretical we should pray it for our spouses for our parents for our children for our Rabanne the Rambam says in Gaelic in the last arc of Sanhedrin and a parish mission is that when Messiah comes then there will not be people dying young for this alone it makes it easy to hope for Messiah in disclosed of the two flaws of women the one floor of men and the skirts of Ella those that are watching in your Shiva world on t CN on air gun on Torah any time.com on color lotion we should be Zeta the salic a new crime a mere slight a new behavior may know our main Konami event Akash Omarosa Kurdish boerckel is our closest Esau Lathika Kerbal and Tara mid-session Ahmadi no sulfates lamang sitka avatar of the idea [Music] Oh [Music]