Rabbi Shlomo Farhi: The Irresistible Secret Behind Shabbos - Project Inspire Convention 2016

so I'll never forget the first time that we failed abysmally in communicating the beauty of chabus to one of our guests we had um some students that had come over for chabus and one of the one of the one of the girls had gone outside the front of our house and she was standing outside in front of the house and the door slammed behind her so one of my young daughters eager to hear what was going on she goes running to the door and I'm not even we're not even there but we can hear our little daughter I think she was five at the time in this really loud voice say to this student who wasn't a from girl she says what are you doing on the phone it's chabas and the girl says well um you know I I I have to call my mother and my daughter says well you're not allowed to do that on chabas you're doing an AA and she she says well um you know it's very important I should call my mother my daughter says still you're not let to do it it's shabas you're not let to do it it's not very real and she says you know um my mother she never really taught me about shabas a and what's it called and uh and therefore and my daughter's having none of it anyway she leaves her alone for two seconds walks into the kitchen and my wife and I are mortified we take this little girl we say to her look you don't understand she was never taught about chabas she doesn't know about chabas the reason why they're coming for shabas is so that we can teach them about chabas etc etc etc and we gave her that Mo you know that little moment when you took to the kids and you said you know did you understand she says yes anyway we carry on washing with the guests and all of a sudden I hear the door open again and I hear in very loud very loud Clear Tone my daughter says to this girl she says my mother said that your mother mother knows nothing about shabas you know you try and you try and you try so when we were starting uh we were starting this process of being maybe kind of deciding what we wanted to do in this little space that we had before shabas we thought maybe kind of capturing what the secret of chabas was the essence of chabas was to be able to communicate it effectively to people that come to us that we can reach out to that we can have an impact on if it is a project Inspire convention so I thought perhaps we will kind of go through a little bit of what this means now there's an amazing mush that I used to explain to students that have never experienced chabas I used to explain to them what the mahos of chabas is but it starts really with a first step a mush I want you to imagine two FBI agents they're deep in enemy territory one of them is a guy who's been working with the the agency for years he's an expert and the other guy is someone who's never done this before the guy comes up to his to this newbie and he says listen it's very dangerous if they catch us they'll kill us you have to do everything undercover everything still a hate just do as I do and he wanders into this Shook and you know as he's wandering around trying to look nonchalant he goes and he picks up a hat from the side tries it on in front of the mirror buys this like cowboy hat carries on walking a little bit fur further browses the newspapers the magazines picks up one of the magazines he you know he starts reading it he walks another few feet he gets an ice cream cone one chocolate scoop one strawberry scoop with sprinkles and now he allows himself for the first time a glance back to see how this newbie is doing he looks out of the corner of his eye and he sees as he leans against the wall not 6 ft from him leaning against the same wall is this guy wearing the same exact cowboy hat holding open the same exact newspaper to the same page licking the same exact ice cream cone he goes crazy runs up to me he says are you crazy he says what do you mean you told me to do what you do and he takes his newspaper and he wraps him upside the head and he says yes I told you to do what I'm doing and you're doing the opposite I'm blending in you're standing out so many people sit and they mimic the Motions of chabas and even if someone comes along and they try and see or take in they can go through every single Pro of shabas and actually completely miss the boat and if someone doesn't spend the time trying to break down understand what is that wanted us wanted from us from a z from a sh if you don't understand it for yourself of course you can't give it over to your children you can't give it over to someone who doesn't know so I'd like to perhaps start at the beginning and again I I hope you'll excuse me I'm sure some of this is something that you know but perhaps the will be in the presentation and it's something maybe that you can give over to others as well on shab there's an the comes from the fact that tells us they were not allowed to build a fire and from there we learn out that all of the L are but the sh is what is a describe a Mala as being something that's not consistent it's not specifically legislated by the fact that the work is hard P it that we all know Mal is something specific it's work like you find in all of the L malas that is by its very nature something which creates its creative so much so that if someone takes a building so to speak uses a massive ball and smashes it down it's called CER if he knocks a building down with without any intention of using that space to rebuild another building that's the whole thing is not why because you haven't done anything that's creative what was so nervous about in ping in aering Creative Mal even the word itself gives already a hint to the concept the Swarm say that there are two words that are used to describe work in the Torah one of them is a and another one is and the gives an unbelievable insight into these two words it's very very relevant for the concept of p as well but the word AO describes work which literally denotes by virtue of its root A's root is the letters i in Bas which stands for someone who is in evid the root of the word of me is me is the fact that someone is a king over his work that concept being a king over your work achieving something which is new in your world in your Bria that idea of a something that you've created that was not there before a yesh May is not the space of shabas and let me explain what exactly that means theor Zion says that chabas is 160th of now for those of us that have learned this you'll know that the concept of speaks about an idea that relates to the concept of B if I have 160th of a drop of milk in my chicken soup then that milk is bottle I'm allowed to have the chicken soup but says the Mah even though 160th is something which is bot it has no h bearing on the status this chicken soup is something that I can't eat still there is a mamosas there for those of you who are proficient in the sugas you'll understand the various nuances with regards to 160th witha with these ideas where it still needs to Ema etc etc says the mar 160th means where you don't have the thing but you still have the mamosas it doesn't have the taste but it has the mamosas what's the mar telling us the mar is saying that if someone is experiencing shabas the way that they're supposed to this supposed to be able to feel to sense now I don't know about you I'm proud of chabas in my home but I don't know if I could say that chabas in my home is or even has a taste of it so what were telling us with this so I'd like to describe what I think it means and perhaps we'll be able to take a page uh out of this book and bring it back into the shabas that we're going to have and sh bu that we have in the future I was giving a sheer once in a city in England called Birmingham and I was speaking about Noah happen to be at the time I was speaking about this idea that Noah had missed a chance to be able to accomplish what he could have done for his daughter and I'm giving a joke that I'm sure many of you have heard before a terrible tragic joke jokes that only Jews make well you go it's true this is how we you know I always say the difference between a Jewish Optimist and a Jewish pessimist I'm sure you guys know the difference right a Jewish Optimist says things they can't get any voice and a Jewish pessimist says L of course they can do you understand some tell the joke exactly the opposite but it still means the same thing so I'm sitting there and I'm telling this joke about a new Rabbi that comes to town he goes into this synagogue and in this Sho he's presiding over this levia and he mentions all the people that you have to mention there's always an aunt Gertrude you know and a great aunt birdie and he mentions all the various names of the people that are going to sadly mourn and deeply miss this person and he finishes and everybody walks out and there's one man sitting in the back he's crying his eyes out the rabbi runs up to him he says sorry do you know are you uh I can see you're very moved was this was The Departed someone who was your friend he said no he was my brother the rabbi feels terrible this is like the gamorra says the guy's not going to die again you're not going to get your chance to make this right he had one job to mention the family that was there and he missed it he says I'm really really sorry and the guy says listen Rabbi it's not your fault they didn't even know I was coming didn't know you were coming your brother's funeral what are you talking about he says they didn't know I was coming cuz we haven't spoken for 40 years the Rabbi says excuse my but he's a young man he says to this elderly gentleman he says excuse my he says but 40 years what could it be that a brother could have done to a brother that will make sure that they don't speak to each other for 40 years and the man says as I'm sure you know that's why I'm crying Rabbi I can't even remember I finished the shear and at the corner of my eye I see a very elderly gentleman and when I say very elderly I mean he made Miss Young very old it takes him maybe 20 minutes to walk to the front of the sh he comes to the front of the sh he's locked eyes with me I don't want to come down cuz I don't want to show him he's stuck I'm stuck there he walks all the way up to me it takes him 20 minutes I finally you know I reach out yes is you know is everything okay he says Rabbi I didn't speak to my sister for 60 years I wanted to tell it's not a competition here you know it wasn't trying 40 years 60 years do I hear 80 90 100 I killed my brother shut up Ken either way you understand I don't it's not what's going on here take it easy he says I'll tell you Rabbi 60 years could you believe it now I feel like I'm the rabbi in the story I look at this guy and I say to him tell me excuse my but what could a sister have done to her brother that would make the brother not speaker for 60 years and I'm waiting for the answer of the story but that answer was not coming he says when my father died there was only one thing that I wanted from the yusha one thing that I wanted from that apartment it was armoa she brought in a cleaning crew they took everything that she didn't want and they threw it away way I told her there was one thing that I wanted just that mana and she threw everything everything other than the things that she wanted away how could I forgive her I knew what was coming and maybe you could see it too I said to him tell me was a manura made out of gold or platinum with diamonds he says No in fact the manura wasn't made out of anything precious at all it wasn't very expensive man it was made out of you know some metal copper or whatever it was again knowing what's coming but needing to finish the story needing to see it through to its end I said so then why are you so upset and R listen to this he says you know why I'm so upset that manura was brought out by my father it was handed down to him from his father from his father from his father it's the only only thing that came with us from Russia to England that Mana he says was like family and she threw it out that's why I haven't spoken to her in 60 years and I said to him excuse me pardon my I said but for something that's like family you're going to throw away actual family I'll never forget his eyes as he looked up at me and they started filling with tears a man that realizes he's made a mistake for 60 years and he says to me there's a phone call I think I need to make and if a mugan from America hadn't come to this God forsaken town in the middle of nowhere maybe he would have died without ever making up with his sister there's a at the end of sh that requires us to take three steps back and then to take three steps forward and that's a very strange minute I understand that you're moving to a place that you were not in before I understand the idea that inila you're stepping in front of so you're stepping into a space that makes sense to me but then why do you take three steps back before you take those three steps forward ultimately all you've done is stand is you're standing in exactly the same place that you were standing before so someone once said to me it's not a good question it's just a msas thing you have all these benches in the sh everyone takes three steps forward the whole does the whole thing doesn't work you have to take three steps back good maybe we're on teret I'm n Nick fine I said but there's something here much deeper the V here is that the three steps that a person takes back before allows him to be able to look at the space in which he was just standing and to see the place that he was just in from a different Vantage Point that's the concept shabas does something for us which is not sh six days a person has to do work six days a person manipulates the world around them to be something else to change into the world that he wants it to be we force change onto the world that is but comes the seventh day and on the seventh day a person says on that today is not about changing it today is about accepting it Riv hoodner says an unbelievable yide we're all familiar with the concept of shabas and shabas means that a person has a din on shabas to go out and to enjoy himself he's supposed to eat and he's supposed to drink says is a MIT it's m he says and again I'll read this to you just so you hear what I'm saying it's unbelievable the M it's planted it's into the concept of the Tora what does mean if you look through the M you see something unbelievable that the is the concept of looking at his world at the end of six days and suddenly saying about that world looks at a world that is finished that has everything that it needs that because the is a sh that the end of that process this world is sh whatever this means in the Alik Perfectly Imperfect but it is sh and when it is sh says it is the way it is supposed to be says this world it's perfect it should not be anything else this is what it should be Dem says I'm done I don't need to add anything I don't need to make any more money I don't need to change something or write something down I don't need to change my world I don't need to change myself shabas is a time that a person accepts himself it's the realm of being versus the realm of becoming now I don't know about you but the world around us today is in a constant state of motion it perpetually pushes people to go from the place that they are in to another place it's the reason why we have children who suffer from eating disorders because they are told constantly and consistently that they don't look the way that they should it's why in Yeshiva if a child is not is not performing the way that they're supposed to they get shoved down into another class made to feel like they're not good enough this concept it applies in the world of schools it applies in the world of fashion it applies in the world of friendships how many friends do you have and God forbid you're not perfect when you go into you're going to be one of those people you're going to be a statistic shabas is one of the most important Yas that the world has to offer in it a person is able to stop and say nothing needs to change who knows exactly what he's doing and if this is how he made me and if this is what he gave me and if this is the way my business is working and if this is the way my family is and if this is my temper and if this is my nan I accept and I love my C there's a mism for chabas what is the song of chabas and just we should understand this concept of song What is the of Shir in yish kite the concept of Shir of singing in Judaism represents an idea where the person reports that they have done the job Bish you find it by the Mal after the Mal is fighting with Yu the Mal turns around and says I need to go sing Shir cuz he's done his job so M as we begin chabas we turn to we sing the song of chabas what is that song and it's it's fascinating the rest of the song of chabas speaks not a word about chabas did you ever notice that it's so strange and then it goes on it's incredible tangent and starts talking about how the wicked in this world they prosper and how sikim have it rough and you should just know that has a plan why is that the song of chavas says unbelievable Eisen and I'm going to say it in his Yiddish because you cannot as much as a person has a complaint against this world shabas he does not have shabas one more time if you think there's a problem with your world if you think something needs to be different if you look around and you see a rusher and you're upset by his success if you think that you got a short you got short shrift you got short changed you're trying harder and Hashem should have given you something else that that job that Yesa that place in a school for your children if that's the way you feel shabas he doesn't have shabas why why doesn't he have shabas because shabas is not a space of change it is a space of rest and if you look you'll notice that the tah uses after the world the Stars the moon the grass the trees the reptiles the animals the insects amibas bacteria it's all done the first thing is that he's finished but then what happens then you read about another term and hasem rests and then you read another term and blesses the seventh day and then you read another termes the bris used to say can't move from to s in one shot that's why it says like when he goes from A's house to S he starts pitching his tent every few miles cuz you can't go from a to s in a d it has to have a stopover you got it's got to be broken up you can't go straight from one to the other and yet for so many of us shabas has become the second FBI agent we're following through on every one of the Motions we've learned Rabbi riad's book backwards and forwards including the footnotes we know everything that you cannot do we're mid onich even on things which are not Hab we are so mock bid on everything but it is possible to be so mock bit on something and completely Miss what it's trying to teach you I have in my mind something that hauns me something that happened only a week ago I was giving over to try and explain to someone who grew up with a connection to a traditional Jewish Family about Paras T that's a rough one there oil you got to use oil like this in this manura in the temple and then afterwards we go on a very long Georgio Armani like you know detour describing in infinite detail the the clothing and which threads and how you spin them and if it has a box pattern or another pattern and the guy's telling me you know you're telling me T anyway I sat there and I explained for an hour we had a whole she until finally you saw it and I said don't you see by the end of this year hopefully one day I want to write a book about this cuz I started trying to write it down as and just went from one thing to the next to the next by the end of it I'd shown him that the transition from Shem and moving to the bodm is a transition it's a template for a person being able to understand themselves and live their life in the best way possible and he looked at me and I can't tell you he was like a rabbit a deer in the headlights he said how come nobody ever told me I said what do you mean how come nobody ever told you probably never asked about T he said I'm not talking about T he said how come nobody ever told me that t is about me I want to tell you I felt like like my heart like melting NE we'd spend all the time teaching him all the we never told him that it was about him gives us a gift called chabas how do you know it's a gift because the greatest gift that he has its greatest expression in this world is chabas but how many of our children never mind the people we reach out to feel that shabas is the most amazing gift and if they do feel it's a gift are they really just relating to the part of chabas which is perhaps just the V they haven't scratched the surface ofes that is the chance that we have to be able to communicate to people to be able to love yourself to feel that whoever you are with Anyan I am good enough and loves me like this and this this is how and who I am supposed to be without any Shinu just that tiny space that a person has to be able to work on from there achieves amazing things so I'd like to end perhaps because I know that time is short I'd like to wrap up if I can with one unbelievable concept Rashi in describing the concept of aish y says exactly what you would have thought he shouldn't say what do you think a is you have this day which is May it's a day where I can connect to on the highest possible level the gives an unbelievable piece it's kada to see inside where he differentiates between the things that clol calls o there are three three things that in the Jewish religion are a defining sign of a Jew what are they says uh says AEM we all know this from the gar but is explaining it what are the three things which are o bris it's an O between and clelin is an O between hasem and and shabas these are the three things that are an O for a person to know that that person is connected with Judaism that's what the PK tells us they o on shabas you don't put on says why and listen to this this is so beautiful and again I need you to figure this out what it means in your world cuz I can't explain to you I can only tell you what it means for me he says the reason why you don't wearin on chabas is because it would be an embarrassment a lower level of O then you're already on with chabas what does he mean to fill villain's ice is Aus ofir you're binding yourself to something you're taking something which is a goof it lives in this world and you're tying it to the next you're connecting it to the but shabas doesn't require any Act of the Goof says because shabas the whole of the person is up in sham the whole of the person is living in a space of R of spirituality so what would be the point of being Maser the lower world this world to the higher one if you living in that world I cannot tell you what it means that shabas is that because you have to figure that out from your own experience what does it mean that this day is unlike any other what does it mean that a person's is in GH but more than that what does Rashi mean then when he says that the Nish point is in order and I quote they expand his that he should be able to eat and drink more that's why I need don't give meish for more food and drink give me stretchy pants but the key word in Rashi which almost everyone skips over is a very strange word it doesn't say sh or that we expand his appetite for it says what in the world does Dos have to do with eating and drinking and the answer is something beautiful when a person has a you have a beautiful meal and that meal is not like a meal that you have at a restaurant even if you went to the nicest restaurant it's got nothing to do it has no connection to being sitting at AA eating from that food which is a sud of a wedding the food and the drink of chabas is the celebration of it's when we look at the world and we don't have any more shus we know that there's a Bo who created the world we understand that if he created the world and he's an infinite being then he has every part of me in his mind he knows everything that I am and everything that I need and even though it looks like he might not be there he's there 100% in that space the Nish is elevated to a place the whole of the person is existing in a space of riness so his a and his is not a eating and drinking in his stomach it's a eating and drinking of the mind it's the meal that you have at a wedding which has nothing to do with the food itself it's about the celebratory nature of the thing that you're at and this idea this brings me to one of my strangest experiences to understand this idea of what it means when we say what does it mean the strangest part about that sentence is two words to me in that mismar we ask the biggest question that has ever been asked by the biggest of Jews that has ever lived what are we asking we're asking sadic Vero R vlo that's what we're asking and in the strangest turn in the strangest Twist on the most difficult question a question question that gets asked by whom none other thanu says the a a fool doesn't understand this is calling a fool when someone sees that the world's not working the way it's supposed to he's a fool when someone has a terrible tragedy and he's crying he doesn't know why it's happening he's a fool is that a fool what's saying one of the things that I do all of the time is I go on trips to Poland and I run for with an organization called jro's trips with all these different organizations and I unfortunately one time I had a backto back session where I had a group that was coming in and another group that was coming in right afterwards and I was home for a grand total of one day between these two weeks I go for a week I come home for Monday and then I go again for a week that's how it was it worked out that way what can I do so I thought I'll make the most of it at least the one day we'll have a good time we'll take the kids out we'll have a meal in a restaurant we'll take them to toys us it will be nice make the most of it qualitative time I got home Sunday night late Monday when the kids got home from school we went straight to this restaurant and we're going to go after that the toys are us we're going to get these toys it's almost Kaneka time we H and what happens I can't even tell you while we're out eating one of my daughters leans over and knocks an entire cup of apple juice onto her sister's lap okay what are you going to do she's screaming it's your fault it's your fault I said come calm down we'll go home you'll change your skirt I'll go after that straight to the what's it called straight to the toys at Ross everything will be fine don't worry about it kava we get in the car drive straight from the restaurant pull up at the house I tell my daughter run inside quickly change your skirt come back out she runs inside she puts on her skirt gets back in the car I put the car into reverse I start driving out of the driveway and as I'm driving out of the driveway my daughter says to her sister she says shash why did you take my bracelet and as sisters solo do we have any at solo [Music] members [Music] spe end of the story is she okay she's [Music] okay [Music] okay I'm continuing I'm trying so we pull up at the house my daughter runs inside the house house she puts on she comes back in the car she yells at her sister what are you doing why' you take my bracelet I can't believe it my other daughter says to her what are you talking about in the words of all teenage like they weren't teenage yet but almost teenagers what did she say nuh-uh Y no we don't even need the language right grunting at each other that's where we're at no yeah fine and then my daughter says fine fine but the least you could have done if you're going to take my bracelet is at least you could have not messed up my room and as soon as I heard those words I froze because I'd been robbed before I told my wife please lock the car doors under my breath so my children shouldn't be afraid I ran into the house and the entire house was trashed my daughter in her haste to get changed and get back outside so we could go to Toys R Us hadn't noticed that our dining room was tra everything was gone I ran inside the house ran through the house quickly looking for everything but everything was gone all of our Electronics my wife's candlesticks my uh wallets all the jewelry everything that we had in the house of value was taken in the hour that we were out they managed to clean out our entire house I come back to the car and I said to my wife in an undertone I said send the kids to mosha and KH my brother-in-law and sister who live around the corner I didn't want them to be there or to be scared so we did and my wife said to me just tell me what did they take and I said they took everything she said what do you mean I said they took everything they got the computers they got the electronics they got the the money the jewelry the silver they they got they took everything the thing that bothered me most I'll tell you out of the whole thing was the fact that my laptop had been stolen because on that laptop with the pictures of all of my children who prints pictures anymore and if you'll ask why didn't you back it up I did and they stole the backup drive too now I have them backed up online ment but now to this day one of our children we don't have pictures from the time they're a child until so bother me to no end I'm a picture guy as well bother me to no end I called the police the police asked me what what happened what I said they took everything my friends called me up I can't leave I'm supposed to go at 4:00 in the morning to another trip to Poland can't do it leave my wife and kids by themselves in the house that just been robbed if anyone here has been robbed Rob you'll know that aside from the stuff that you lost you feel incredibly vulnerable every time you hear a Creak in the floorboards you think someone's in your house for the first time in my life I actually had a robber plan I knew where every blunt object was in between my bed and the front door if I had to wake up in the middle of night what was I going to smash him over the head with my was actually in the either yeah yeah now I want to say to you it's unbelievable I talked around to turned around to my friend mosha mayfeld I said I can't go I can't leave my wife and kids like this please will you take my place and he says absolutely so that morning at 4:00 in the morning he goes he says just tell me what did they get schlomo and I said they took everything we call the police we call the insurance we call everybody until after 2 days there's nothing left to do nothing and my wife says to me she's as she says there's nothing more you could do here you may will go if you go at least the kids will be inspired you'll you know maybe you could change their lives with these trips which they always do so I said you sure she says yeah absolutely I get on a plane and I meet the group already two days into their trip but I can't tell you the whole flight I'm thinking to myself how am I going to give to other people when I don't feel myself how am I going to talk to people about when I just feel like here I was I spent a week away from home with the these kids I came home from one day from my family that's what happens on the one day that I'm home in the one hour that we leave our house I was M I was so upset say that there's two ways that we find the word anger in the to there's and and the gor says means angry and means bothered I don't know if I was angry or bothered but somewhere in between and anyway I get on this plane I fly all the way to the middle of nowhere I get into a cab and then I drive three more hours to meet the group at the entrance of the Concentration Camp mic but I'm Mish not in it I'm Nish not there and as I woke up to the gates the the the tour guide is reading from a piece of paper and he's telling us a story and I I can't open my mouth I don't know what I'm going to say and he's reading a testimony a testimony from a woman whose name is Judith Becker Judith Becka is waiting online in midan and while she's waiting online her mother turns around to her and says do you think they're going to bother with this little ring it's only a wedding band it's not expensive and she says to her mother I'm sure he'll be fine until they see the person in front of them online step up to the front and the Nazi woman in in the afarin area takes a pliers out and takes her finger off and my mother started hyperventilating she says so I stepped in front of my mother and I said in my best German bit against please can you help me and I can't take it off and the woman impressed with my German said go over there they'll give you soap and water I went with my mother she took her ring wolf I took the ring wolf that I got from my grandmother and then we went on but in the in the confusion people like Judith Becker and Helena buram she says Helena says I lost my mother she went down a different car coridor and all of the sudden as we walked down this Corridor I found myself without my mother and the only thing that I had left was inside my shirt where I had sewn in a picture of her and she ends the testimony this is the first thing that I heard when I got to the camp the first thing what I'm trying to tell you she says is that in M they took everything literally the words that I've been using again and again and again and again they took everything I felt like I've been slapped around the face by aomo you idiot they took everything they took nothing they took stuff here you are crying over pictures that are missing but you have your children this is someone who's crying over the fact that she's missing her mother and she only has pictures and in that one second I was back what did I lose what did I lose I lost nothing could have happened if my daughter had gone in while they were in the house all of the sudden that's what the PK is telling you doesn't mean that everybody in every is able to understand this but there there's moments of clarity where a person steps into a space and in that space it's so clear that the is there making sure that you hear what you need to hear that you have what you need to have and in that space if you can't see it then you're an idiot that space is called [Music] chabas but it's an Ava you have to go towards it everything that we say in the incoming of shabas is you can't stay in your space and expect shabas to come to you you have to walk towards it make sacrifices towards it eat special Foods on it so that a person is in another space should us to be able to feel the beauty of chabas to Taste and to be able to give it over to our children in a way that it will permeate not just them but their children future D and the people that we bring into our homes and exposed to the beauty of shabas as well chavas