Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser Practical Spirituality on Judasim Class Live

hello and welcome to practical spirituality here at aja Tara in the old city of jerusalem overlooking the Temple Mount and today's an interesting day to be giving class because right now going on in Jerusalem or I guess starting soon I don't know when to start already is a is the I'm not even sure what you call such a parade such a parade because it's got a lot of initials and but it but it it's it's a parade that's in honor of I guess I'm not sure exactly what but I guess were the rights of people to express themselves how they choose sexually no I mean if anyone told me I mean I'm already used to it every year but if anyone told me that like to begin with that keep we're gonna be marching about such things I just would never understand that you know like these seem to be private things like this should be more of a private issue there are rights issues like for example the big the hot one nowadays is Israel does not allow surrogacy for free from it only men and women are allowed surrogacy I don't think women are allowed so you see here are they yeah they are well okay so there are certain amounts of levels of rights and also Canada I don't know if all of Canada and I you know everyone knows the famous Jordan Peterson issue of Canada is they is that they wanted the right to be able to be called whatever pronouns that they choose to be called but they wanted it legally you know they wanted a legal right such that you could be prosecuted for for not using those pronouns and so I imagine there are some rights around I'm yet the right to have like a gay wedding cake you know I know that's showed up in the news once or twice so there is some level of rights for such a parade but yeah and the other I imagine though when I think about it is is that it's it's connected to something else altogether and that is the it's connected to sexual identity in general meaning it's it's a outgrowth of sexual identity so sexual identity is a even though we all consider that and especially with social media and you know academia and meat media in general television and networks and and also the more left-wing government poet politics the that we see sexual identity as an actual you know term that's that's a valid term today when in fact what you'll see within the first few minutes of this class is that there was sexual identity in general is is a strange it's a strange thing to even have us together sexual and identity and the reason why is because whenever someone has what's called a a a normative sexual behavior and what I mean by normative is natural meaning that in general the the animal population is males like females females like males and the human population generally it's males like females females males like males and interestingly in homosexual couples there's almost always a male and a female which is something interesting and we'll discuss that in a little while but the but in other words males like females females like males it's like batteries you know the battery the plus goes to the minus the minus goes to the plus like maybe these these things tend to get along masculine and feminine and in fact the whole world really is masculine and feminine and masculine is the assert er and the feminine is the is the receiver and so like I've asserted water into these cups the cup is the feminine the waters is the masculine your tables are all held together by screws my buttons are masculine and the windows of the FET are masculine the window frame is the feminine holding it there so masculine feminine is it's a built-in it's part of reality and it's and it's also in in both Judaism and all mystical traditions is is a major theme everything's like masculine feminine and Judaism in meaning meaning where everything is always a connection between what's called kuchibiru who the Holy One blessed be he was just called the masculine who she ain't a which is the feminine which is our physical world and and so that the whole point of Judaism is to cause a uniting of masculine and feminine and also God is referred to always in the almost always in the masculine absolutely always been 98% of the time referred to in the masculine because he's causing creation he's asserting this place into into existence and creation is can is is referred to in the feminine because the creation receives God's creation and then that brings us to interesting subjects like how two men deal with how does Judaism approach men because we're not in very good shape us men because God's causing and were causing we also like to you know urinate on every lamppost we walk by you know we we're trying to mark our territory as much as we can we want to assert ourselves on this place and it's painful for us men to know that no one will remember us a hundred years from now just like none of you remember anyone from a hundred years before even your own blood your own family you don't remember a hundred years ago and no one's gonna remember you either or me you know maybe if I record enough of these maybe 100 years from now so don't be like yeah there was this thing called like you know digital video and I don't know I think maybe we could archive something and fine hey there's yom tov Glaser but otherwise I doubt I'm gonna be showing up a hundred years from now I highly doubt it which for women it's like honey let's just enjoy them wine by the fireplace man relax by a man it's sincerely painful to know that nobody's gonna remember us matter how big a splash we make now the anyway some men have an issue and that's why in Judaism men have specific commandments that are there too so to speak feminized us we have to strap ourselves down yeah we got a little bondage and we're gonna bind ourselves to God like we're literally binding ourselves to God with leather straps to God and interestingly we wrapped seven on the arm which represents the feminine seven is nature of the whole feminine in the whole physical worlds that is is gonna be in sevens that's sevens the world of nature and six in Hebrew is the world of vector it's it's the arrow that's why a man looks at is looked at like that like a vector and that vector is called above and that arrow is called love or the six that letters called involved it's a connector and that's how a man a male connects to females via his love I have that via the love that's the connector and it's called actually love hockey bool love of connection of the connecting love and that's also its definition like what does the love mean before a word V what's it mean and it connects zip is that it connects this with that okay it's the connector and that's the man the man is the vector he is he is just the you could call him the implementer but you know he implements things but the but that's the nature of men and it's and it's it's an interesting nature it's a powerful nature it's a conquerer nature but it is not a very stable nature you know it's it's a nature that is requires a woman and the woman is the seven the seven is homeless everything all nature comes out in sevens so you have it even space like this room for example that we're in right now is you know that wall that wall one two three four five six and seven is the center that's the woman is this she's that she's the vessel that's the seventh is the vessel that holds all of us inside this room and sevens is the octave one two three four five six seven one it's octave it's the rainbows and sevens and the weeks are in sevens the moon is in sevens though and even females work in sevens and their reproductive organs everything is sex so women are sevens and it's a very stable number six is a very not stable number and it's and it's also a dissonant number in the in the tone if they tonic is I think the six is like sorry never mind the 7 is the dissonant yeah never mind sevens dissonant yeah in that one but there's only seven notes because the eighth note is back to the first note oh that's the that's the one one two three four five six seven that's dissonant mmm it's actually a symphony by a Leonard Bernstein called she Chester songs and the very first note of the whole symphony is easier to remember that one because it starts on a seventh there's almost no song in the world that starts with a seventh anyway that's my own craziness let's get back to can you mention a symphony of the hidden with a simple net it's the only one really anyway so the the anyway but that's the six and men are sixes we're sixes and we we need that seven and we actually wrap art to film when we bind ourselves to God we actually wrap seven wraps around our forearm which is going to that state stability not only that but we put a shin a dollar and a you would Shin Dong on the finger and a unit is on the knot there the knot that's always on the box there is the unit which is another that's order orders shed died that is enough like enough already boy you know like like stop trying to conquer the world and let's like don't your money for a while you know why do we have to keep investing when we're already rich that's the nature man is that he's just gonna go further into chaos well we put the shot die on our arm you know and it's also on our mezuzahs because when you go out of your house you know there's no more rules out there you have rules but the world doesn't and so you just touch that mezuzah and you give a kiss and go out cuz cuz you're gonna take the order of your home your home represents order that's where you limit things there's rules in your home there's etiquette in your home there's ways things are done their way things are not done once you go out there and there's no rules maybe Jerusalem has some rules maybe month our own New York has some rules but the rest of the world doesn't have any rules and so you got a hook up with that mezuzah when you leave your house always hook up with your mezuzahs you see them in the gates Jerusalem at least has them in the gates that's in it it's everywhere so so you whenever you see those mezuzahs man you're hooking up to order cuz Jews aren't random man we're not coming off some something like some like how do you call it a Pio a public opinion of what's right and wrong we're coming off ancient order ancient order and we like that one now how do we do how do we do chaos how do we do the crazy chaos we study Kabbalah you study come out of that all spin you out he's been out on some Kabbalah and then you come back to show huh Noah get back to the order which is what is show Canara it says the set table what is a set table set tables a table full of order and so we we study show hun art we keep showing up we have the order and when we want to go meditate on names of God or study Kabbalah or you know some ecstatic prayer that's where we start getting wild or the holidays where we're partying hard like Sukkot and stuff like that word things get crazy and they really do get crazy in fact we we have three days after every holiday you know or at least Pesach and so because we have three days of repentance for anything not like any knucklehead maneuver done under the influence of partying too hard during the holiday called bahasa now which which in the old days people used to fast on those days it was a three days of fasting after Bob stands for - five - Monday winds Monday Thursday Monday three days to repent is for having gotten to out there now you got to kind of pull it back in same thing like Shabbos I'm a very healthy eater could probably see I'm not like eating Twinkies you know between classes and and the and if you heard what I ate today you just be like how do you subsist on that it sounds like a simple horse woody but yeah and I still think there's some yeah I think there's still some some chia seeds between my teeth as I speak right now and yeah but one I but I'm an Ashkenazi guy I like teeth Ashkenazi foods on javis but come Sunday I come back to my side pull back in and I I cleanse throughout all of Sunday and by Sunday evening I go back to regular food but I do a lot of cleansing from that so I don't mind parting but I'm certainly gonna take really good care of myself the following day now the what we're going to what we're gonna see here is that there's something fascinating and that is that the term for someone who deviates from the sexual norms someone who deviates from sexual norms is called a visa if it's a woman and she's called a Condesa if he's a man he's called a cut desh Kadesh male hadisha female so someone who said who deviates from sexual norms again it's called a cut - or a kadesha no what's interesting about that what does that word sound like what does kouf Dollard Shin stand for yeah College in stands for what what does it mean kadosh okay it means a couple things what does it means wholly any other thing it means it is separate okay means homely and it means separate and the you forgot you have another fun so I you won the technology challenge by not answering it at movies yeah let's that didn't mean let's pick up our phone mister addict over there don't worry I'm not better than you but yeah I would definitely jump on my phone in a second perfect interruption to text somebody so yeah I wouldn't call myself an addict but I definitely I definitely gotta like I need to pause a little bit when it buzzes men's phone buzzed women's phones ring cuz we don't have purses so I mean unless a man has a lot of like unless a man likes low self-esteem where he wants people to know he's being called you know like most men by this point you know like realized it's gonna be a little obvious if your phone rings you know that you got issues so so so it doesn't work either so men just put it on buzz forever like you never have to turn it on ring ever you know and that's it but that but women at pocketbooks so they gotta find that thing in the women with big pocketbooks have to up the volume so what's that that brings up okay but you know men are a little behind on technology they don't realize yet that that's obnoxious and okay I haven't figured that out I think a lot of observant men know because they prey on minions and you're often gonna forget to turn off the radio so it's just like when you get the phone turn off the ringer never ever turn it back on you know it's just no one needs to know how popular you are and am I almost done with my cell phone rant oh but you just can't believe that even in 2018 sulfus mark phones are around how long now what you do they make the first smartphones I mean I had a Palm Pilot at one point but it didn't have a phone to that Nate maybe two then ten no nose all right 2010 I think 2010 so it's been eight years like by now shouldn't people have figured out that when you're gonna video do it sideways otherwise it doesn't post properly and new stations cannot use it for much you know or it comes out like a chimney in the middle of the screen with you know I mean I can just imagine like the people over there on like CNN or Fox you know every time I hear they're like something happening in Wisconsin and I like and there's a video it's like okay we got video and that all they want to know was it shot properly or was the idiot just going like you know so if the idiot was going like that so we'll pay $1,000 if the idiot was put if the kidiots only get properly like that you know again we'll give him twenty you know so the but it's like I don't know how to convince people you know everywhere I go there they are get what it looks perfect on my phone yeah try posting it on Facebook bro yeah try putting that thing anywhere so anyway by the way if you're watching this if you watch it late or whatever you got a smartphone if you don't mind sharing it that would make things it makes it better yeah make it better take a sad song now anyway so we're cutting the college kid is a route that means two different things one is holy and one is separate but what's amazing is you'll see that everything holy is separate things that are holy are separate for example Shabbat there's six days a week we can work and do whatever we do and Shabbat is separate it's a separate day completely separate distinct from that okay if you have when you when you bring up your 10th the cow of your cattle it is now kodesh or a heck dish it is separate you cannot keep it around you can't do the stuff you can you know you can't use it like you use the other animal it's no clay dish it's hectic separate must be separated when women tithe kala yeah they take a caller yeah now that piece of challah that they tie this qui dish is separate when you take true man my sir that they slit I the produce it's now quite ish it's separate there's the nations of the world and then they're the Jews we are a separate nation we are a sheep among seventy walls but we're also called the UM kodesh the holy nation so holy and separate really do go to now why are we calling people who deviate from sexual norms which of course no one likes the term if you put it together as sexually deviant which all it means is you've deviated from heterosexuality you know so which no one likes to say that you know in our you know in our generation calling them sexually deviant is not exactly politically correct but what we consider sexual norms ie heterosexual male and female which the way the planet generally works although I'm sure there are gay people have found like some monkey in like Africa that's like that's homosexual or something and that's their big proof I don't know what that's supposed to mean but the but they when you deviate from that norm that's called sexual deviation and the person who did it is sexually deviant okay now what happens is when you deviate something weird starts have and it could happen with a lot of things but but let's see what happens no we're gonna make a pie chart and there's a couple subjects we still have to nail and one of them is that one of the subjects we're gonna have to nail afterwards is that desiring your gender is not forbidden in Judaism so who's gonna remind me of that you want to be my secretary okay remember it okay now when you look at the pie chart so you see a lot of interest people have a lot of Avengers a lot going on like if you look at a if I think of my interest like what am i interested in so I really love for ya I'm definitely into the holidays I mean my name is Ianto but it was not like it's not because of now or maybe it is I don't know but I'm crazy about the holidays like I'm insane you know I have to raise ten thousand dollars to feed the five hundred people in my circle with a live band stand keg beer several lighting effects smoke machine and you know a black light clubhouse you know in strobe light you know so you know like I'm crazy about about holidays prayer I'm pretty into miss was to really natera Torah study meeting actually studying it but I also I do a lot of sports so I'm in yoga mountain biking surfing and of course I sound like that because they're glowworms they haven't mentioned my family hey it's a lot of people there and I can't even give them a slice because they're each one's a slice so it's like you know we'll give this likes to my parents and siblings okay cuz I'm involved with them deep and then but let's use give this this is gonna be like that's gonna be my wife she can say that's a big slice and I don't want to count so we'll just go like that for my kids here's a bunch of those kids in there yeah and yeah which is wonderful you know best thing I ever did for sure you know okay that's why the first commandment of the tour is to be fruitful and multiply you know my God made be fruitful and multiply the first commandment he figured when you'd read that one you'd keep reading as Rodney Dangerfield said the best thing about having kids is making them now the next is is dementia mountain biking did I mention surfing yeah did I say anything about beer beer is very important so beer is how we know God loves us okay so I'm just gonna put I gotta add more slices so beer I'm really into and then I'm I'm a little bit of a sucker for Mexican food and it's a whole subject for me because it comes with tequila and Coronas women twist inside them and they and then they there's other things I'm interested in too though for example music like I'm really into music and I play it live and I play concerts and I collect guitars and you know so I'm really into music so we're gonna put music here and then there's audio equipment I'm a little crazy about audio equipment so like for an exam of my car I have 11 speakers and and it's just I mean any of you get a chance to get a ride in my car it's fabulous I often just Park and don't get out of it like when I get to where I'm going I definitely finish the song you know till like people start running out of the building you know saying like what the hell is going on down for me and me okay but whatever the interest just keep going and and there's many more cuz I'm a hiker and you know and I travel and I'm not to mention I'm like a like a personal growth guru and like run all kinds of programs around the world I mean dove stuff okay I like stuff and I also go to my I put myself on the plaque on the altar to you know I go to seminar growth you know I go to personal growth seminars and they're like what are you doing here and I'm like I'm here to grow and they're like but don't you lead these things and I'm like well I don't need yours so go to work and I'm the guy crawling I mean I'm the guy like 12 hours later in fetal position with a pool of everything that's in my eyes nose and mouth and I'm in a pool of it screaming and they're just like do we call an ambulance at this point you know because part of being a personal growth guru means you got to be you you can't ask others to do that if you're not doing it you know you can't ask somebody to go there if you can't go there you get that so I go there and II and I bring other people there which reminds me of two things which sorry to plug these right now but if we have a women's seminar coming up only once or twice a year women's seminar coming up next Sunday not this Sunday the next Sunday the possibly org so I suggest it's showing up there and we have them women's Hebrew seminar coming up in a little as well the women's English is Rosh Chodesh 12th of August I think and and then the men's seminars will be in October and in New York in November but what I wanted to share with you was they was I'm starting live webinars which are gonna be really amazing you know we're we're all on screen together and we're gonna do like three hours in-depth work so that's gonna be something very and I just haven't figured out what the Hasidic women are gonna do except maybe turn off their cameras because I just can't imagine a Hasidic woman's gonna want her face up you know webinar you know all over everyone else's screen so so I guess we'll have I'm not sure what we're gonna have it I'm right now we're dealing with the tech people right now and how we're gonna deal with that but everyone can show off their cameras on this now where are we holding these are all my interests got my interest what did I not include yeah I did not did I include my relationship to intimacy did I include that tell me I'm getting to know me some of you've been around me like is that something you think about as part of my identity is it something I think about as part of my dinner no it doesn't show up that's the point is there's no such thing as sexual identity that's what I told you the beginning of the class it doesn't exist sexual identity once a sexually Danny doesn't show up is their sexuality going around while those kids came from somewhere yeah so yeah there's definitely sexuality happening but it's just not part of the equation you know it's something if it's all extremely private and it's it's not you know it's just not in the realm of knowing somebody I mean you've know me I hope you haven't been figured about that we've been hanging out for you know a while oh is this something you're thinking about in my identity have you ever once thought about it never never it's just not nor have I nor am i I mean it is definitely within the realm of a relationship of a husband and a wife you know that's part of things but you know I also don't put my identity that I wake up every morning and drink water nor do I put in my you know nor do I put going to the bathroom as part of my identity there's just certain things that are biological realities and it's a biological reality that doesn't touch my identity a biological reality is not supposed to necessarily hit your identity maybe and only maybe that you're a man or a woman maybe if you're a man or a woman like you can have an identity as a man but I'm not sure that's even good because you're gonna need a lot of feminine side if you're planning on raising children you plan on raising children well you better be developing the woman in you man because because us men you know we don't like changing diapers you know and if they're crying you know send it to its mother but send it to its mother whoever that whoever those two are you know so you know you better develop the woman in you so like even identifying with your with your actual anatomy is questionable because you know you we got a play we got to wear a lot of hats in life between the male and female hats and you got to wear them well if you want to make a difference if you want to be a good parent or a good employer or a good employee or do anything effectively you're gonna need both now what happens if someone's involved in behavior they may also have a lot of interest but if they're involved in a behavior especially a sexual behavior especially I wouldn't even know that if it wasn't for this word come day in kanesha it wasn't for that word I wouldn't know this but apparently tor is telling us something and Tori is telling us that if you're involved in some kind of behavior sexually that is not normative meaning it deviates from what the Torah says and by the way that could be anyone in this room because part of normal would of sexual behavior means with your spouse and if you're Jewish it means with your spouse who's been to mikvah after menstruation you know there's a lot of there's a lot of a lot of details they're involved in that what's up gentlemen I got a table for two right here and a single right there come sit up here come around for your single seat move the bottling cup please for that game you just came just the right time it's a drop in course by the way no one fulfilled it better than the three of you there parachutes outside yeah you guys dropped in by the way in surfing when we take a wave in skull drop drop in bro No yeah you literally drop in cuz the way you get up on a surfboard is not by pushing up like you see the beginners on the beach in Tel Aviv you don't push up you know what you do when the wave gets vertical enough you throw the board down the abyss throw it down there and you just get up on your feet you mean you throw the board into below it's not you getting up it's the board's going down and you're just swinging your feet up and under you got that so that's why it's called dropping it you drop into a wave don't do a push-up there's no push-ups you don't need biceps triceps ooh yeah and the triceps you need for paddling but not for catching a wave okay catching always to drop it and just a funny thing that gets surfing so scary is that when it when the waves get bigger they go faster and what happens is your boards not dropping in it's not driving it it's not driving it it's not it's drop it in and and so sometimes your air dropping into it you know twelve fifteen foot wave because the only time though it only let you in when it got vertical and now your air dropping into a twelve foot wave which means you're gonna have really cool and nothing keeps you cooler than all the other surfers watching you just wait if you don't wipe out so they can take the wave yeah so for various horrible reasons you make sure you don't fall and most of them are egocentric and selfish if anyone else rides that way you're just gonna be sick for about a week okay now the by the way I got rid of all that ego stuff and surfing you know like when I'm surfing and normally when I get when you're surfing you never compliment anybody ever on anything they did unless it was especially heroic but I compliment everyone on everything and the guy who will look at me like no one's complimented this guy in half a year and I just say you know that it's called an off the lip when you hit the lip of the way I say that off the lip I mean you were you were first of all you were vertical I think you got two fins out of the wave half out of the top of the wave when the guys just say well thank you welcome you're great surfer like what planet are you from you know what my pay is there was so much attitude for so many hours was over the years that it was like make it puke yeah headed to that there it was so heavy all the time I get back to this sexuality now when you're involved in something that is is sexually deviant meaning it's not heterosexual and you're involved in that what happens is it attacks your identity meaning it starts with just your you know your private parts and you know maybe a little internet connection but eventually it just starts growing and growing now there's other factors white growth so much because first of all it's usually started in secret and secrets tend to fester you know I mean like when you're holding a secret it makes it crazy so oftentimes secret but I know a lot of people that is stuff it never had to be a secret you know there was no reason for it to be a secret because they were from a family that was extremely accepting and not high standards of you know these types of things so but what happens is it slowly but surely takes over to where you live your life and where you know where you live and what places you frequent and how you dress and and you know it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger until it just now of course I'm gonna leave some interest because people do have interests we're gay but or any other of the initials but the it starts to take over your life till it you're making a parade about your genitalia which is really strange it's really strange like why would a no one to have a parade I mean you were you planning having a parade for your genitalia I don't think so you know like it like for the rest of us we're just like okay you know like I understand different things you want you know what surrogate parent to you parenting and yeah there's things you want okay you know you can petition you can like we have ways of dealing with these things in courts of law and various you know things Supreme Court you know you got issues so bring your issues that way but I you know I don't think this is appropriate to be parading around I mean should oh should we go make a heterosexual parade maybe we should have a heterosexual parade you know but that would be the most crazy thing in the world I mean though who would ever think to do such a thing because it's not part of our identity and it's not relating to identity it's not connected to identity sexuality identity are two separate things so a sexual identity is an oxymoron it's not it's not you don't make identity around your biological functions I mean if you magic should we have the should we have the urination parade no irony you know maybe we'll make a parade over that I wouldn't want to be at the flagellants parade maybe with a gas mask or something yeah yes because fight against I don't know if you meant that because you always you're incredible so it's not something you would have to fight for because it's Norman [Music] if I'm going to be generally walk around talking about my sexual preferences but if I then have a relationship with a guy and we have a child I think that's a tool then that's like something how am I gonna deal with that and there's so many different ramifications right right so basically what you gave was much more of a sociological reason why it would become such an identity marker I gave more I gave and I give you that I agree with but but I'm giving more I'm giving more of it one sec my canary but I was saying I think the same thing just from a really strong Torah perspective of like Torah nailing the word for sexually deviant people to be they're called Kadesh orchid Asia in the tar you guys know it's the term is Kadesh or condition for someone who's among sexual deviancy okay and it's also it's you could say it's a very big support group for those people and the suffering they go through they go through a lotta sover I can tell you this much that as much as I sound callous or whatever I you I counseled a lot of people with with same-sex attraction all the way from it being their own little secret to like fully you and some are married to people of the same gender and I'm the Rebbe you understand so so I'm involved in this issue you know in very much and it's not been easy at all to because it's some of the not the worst suffering I've dealt with obviously true traumas children's the worst suffering I've ever dealt with but me but we're dealing with we're dealing with one of the higher level you know things that people suffer and so I'd like to talk now about some interesting factors about about this whole thing new first of all as we said before that even homosexual couples there's a male and a female almost always involved where there's a dominant net and there's a assertive and a receiver and and that is interesting for us in as much as Judaism does not forbid your being attracted to somebody of your gender that is not forbidden at all the prohibition is only upon the act and even on the act it's only prohibited upon the male's not upon the females it's only prohibited upon the male's rabbinic leave for the females as well but but as far as males it's that's the act is absolutely forbidden but there is nothing wrong with the fact that a man has a natural desire for for female and I've met many men with this and those men in general have a very strong female assigned to them they were born with very strong feminine qualities well female likes male they like male now when that person marries it's highly suggestive that they'd be set up with women who have a strong masculine part to them that they're that the woman has a strong male field tour and the and also vice versa that the that that the females who have a strong male male element to them are going to be attracted to females as well and that's okay you're not to act out on that you're to marry and and meaning our obligation as far as you know I don't bring children in the world are like fulfilling our lives in the as Jews and community is that really ideally we're supposed to get married so our jobs to marry someone of the opposite Anatomy meaning meaning you can marry as nothing wrong with with a man here to marry a woman who's quite masculine now that won't work out so well down the line meaning meaning meaning women who are masculine go very feminine when they turn about 38 you know just like men go through like kind of an intense shift with their voices and they're the men's puberty is quite intense compared to women's in the in the there's so much shifts for us cuz in a way men are born little boys like my little keiki room today he's so snuggly he's got a high voice like all his sisters and he's just he's just the most lovey dovey little guy he just happens to be a guy he's not a little girl but you certainly you know if we dressed him up a little girl it would work you know but we have to make this shift to man and a lot of men are not so graceful at that for various reasons but we're not gonna go into those yeah it's just Western man has is terrible at transit life life transitions we're not good at that you know we think it's perfectly fine for a guy to play tennis all day fifty years old you know when really he's just never aged beyond eighteen like he hasn't gotten over the fact that life isn't about playing all day so he still wants to play anyway but but those transmission transitions are very powerful for men in their teens and women go through a powerful transition in their late 30s their summer a little earlier around 36 but usually by around 40 women go through a big transitions in the matter of how masculine they were they're gone major feminine around 38 39 40 and which is fine that's beautiful and very good for the men as long as he is a man it's not so good for a man who's not much of a man because she's now that she's like female well what's she looking for she looking for male well male may not be available because of the more feminine husband or what you get today after 75 years of feminism is you have men who would have been strong men it's just that we've been taught to apologize for being men and let our wives call all the shots which makes them frankly it makes them crazy that we do that but you know it's fun to have some power for a while and so they go with the power but but later it together totally backfires and that's why since feminine most feminism was was brought into existence much against you know Jewish values they women for the first time in history that I know of I mean that they say it's the first time in history and I've noticed when googling it that women are actually trading in their men at that age they're actually and they're they're dumping their husbands at that age which is in you there may even be a couple kids in here whose parents got divorced around that age that that but the wife dumps him and what's amazing is that all the legislation's in the favor of which one the man or the woman legislation oh yeah yeah you get a restraining order in two minutes in some states you know next you know the guy's got a restraining order based on her saying I'm afraid and of course her lawyer told her tell him you're afraid and what am I afraid of just tell him you're afraid I'll get the restraining order your job Sam I'm afraid well what am I afraid of I'm married to a girl I'm supposed to be afraid of him she's like you either follow instructions or get another lawyer you know and next you know other guys got a restraining order you know he's not allowed anywhere near his wife and kids well if you live in a small town good luck you know Nixie and know he's got he's under arrest because they want up in the drugstore at the same time there's only one drum stir you know what is he supposed to do so so anyway the legislations all in favor of the women here and the men in the end of the up are the oppressed by the female tyrants you know the legislation and and I've met so many of these disenfranchised men I can't even see their own children and it's it's just horrific and you google it yourselves go see the suicide rates go check out the male suicide rates of divorcement no it's all the facts are there I'm not making this stuff up you know we're living in crazy times but for everyone listening to this I went in the room and everyone watching this and I don't care if you're secular or Hasidic a bit fish for that matter or smartest for that matter is men have to learn how to be men for they're wise maybe not while you're 12 in your 20s but once you get them in 30s man you better you better learn a thing or two about what it is to be the man in the marriage yes because otherwise you know things are gonna go south quick and you should know when women lose respect they lose attraction when they have respect that they're attracted those things go together respect an attraction they're always together no respect no attraction respect there's attraction I've had a lot of couples coming to me and my one of my first questions when I see the little guy and this big lady is the first thing I ask is like so how often do cohabitate and they're like well we stopped about two years ago well in Judaism that's not even called married because in Judaism the law is we keep Halawa in Judaism two laws that you never allow to cohabitate with your spouse less than twice a week less than twice a week never less than twice a week and the and in the secular world this is one of the best-kept secrets in the world a lot of people don't know this you can google this as well is that the is that in the secular world Western world after six weeks of marriage people are only together once in every six weeks okay how many times that a year what's once in every six weeks the easy man was it 12 times it's 12 times a year yeah anyone looking forward to that no no once every six weeks nine times a year it's nine times a year sound like fun in the Jewish world you can never be together with your spouse less than twice a week twice a week now if you do the mass not withstand not including obviously administration but most observant women at least don't menstruate because they they're always pregnant in nursing at least in my community you know it's like so like most of my friends that can count the amount of times they had to separate from their wife on one hand in 20 years but the but the anyway the I asked them to do it once in a while while we're in sure just kidding so anyway the but anyway the numbers work out if you keep it all even it comes out 12 times more 12 times more that's enough to send you guys to them to the local sit sis store and you might as well just sign up cuz I know what you got on your brain and if you know that this and it's funny how opposite it is meaning you're all thinking that that Judaism is here to govern your sexuality slow you down in sexuality and and yeah that may be true while you're single but it's it's actually here to soup you up you know it's here to give you the you know the Lamborghini and and send you out on the Autobahn you know where there's no speed limit and you do deism is actually very very Pro when it comes to cohabitation with one's spouse and in fact there's all kinds of laws set up just to make sure nothing even gets in the way of that and people are extremely lenient the rabbi's are extremely lenient when discussing things that will get the couple together if we can get them together tonight what's the big deal and they already got 12 kids I gotta get together nine yet yes they have to be together tonight you know and says the rabbi the couples like okay you know if we can't predict meaning it's a discussion of a whole luckily dissent I'm not gonna give you what that discussion might be but it's a lovely discussion and and they're gonna go as lenient as possible for this couple in their 50s you know that they should be together now the lottery are going like what are the rabbit is doing that involved in people's bedrooms and the answer is is that Judaism's involved and everything and there's not there's no subject that is not involved and and I was I was just thinking about an important point and that is that oh yeah just another one that rabbit burger rabbit Monte burger says a lot is that is that a in the secular world a wife is her husband's jailer and she has him in jail and in Judaism the wife is the husband's Liberator she's a wife in the secular world is the husband is the husband's sexual jailer she's the warden and in Judaism the wife is the husband's sexual Liberator why because a secular man what's what keeps him from doing whatever the hell he wants on a business trip or wherever he goes on his way home from work what stops him what's who's got him in that jail is why hopefully hopefully but what keeps us a man who's Jewish like all the single men in this room what keeps you sexually chaste what keeps you sexually jailed the answer is God your relationship with God who liberates you your wife she's the Liberator so your wife is your sexual Liberator in Judaism we're in the secular world your wife is your sexual jailer you ever thought about that y'all thought about that well you got a lot to think about after today's class a lot to think about one thing's for sure is that is that the Tara which literally means instructions determines instructions so these are not man-made you know this is not a man-made system here this is a God made system well meaning in other words this is the owner's manual for the planet and we are definitely the pinnacle of the planet and there's nothing like people you know cats and dogs are interesting fish are always beautiful and especially saltwater and birds are fascinating but there's nothing like human beings but boy do we need our owner's manual you know we need the user's manual and then the Torah is exactly that it's it's an instruction manual and in fact we call it Taurus higham which a lot of people call tour of life Taurus hyeme tour of life but what does it mean literally if you translate the word Torres what it means instructions instructions for living Taurus caimans instructions for living God made us man he made us he knows what he's doing he's the one to give us tears when we cry I mean birds don't have tears when they cry their tears for lubricating their eyes otherwise it wouldn't meal to move their eyes they got just enough tears to move their eyes but we can produce a thousand times that amount of tears just to wash ourselves clean of our pain God knows what he's doing when he makes things he knows how to deal with ants and he knows how to deal with ant eaters and you knows that'll be a cheater cheetahs and he knows how to deal with elephants and he knows how to deal with human beings and he made us with those tear ducts thick can produce not only amount of tears to lubricate the eye but the manna tears to get rid of your pain so you can cry out of buckets of tears and we have an instruction manual on how to live our lives and and when to take your pants off and when to keep them on and when to pull it up a notch and make it a little tighter totals you when to take a hot bath and even when told you want to take a cold shower and to wait keep yourself pure for the person who will dedicate his or her whole life to you the least we could give the person who dedicates their whole life to is some purity that's the least we can do this person's gonna be dedicating everything they sacrifice every person on the planet for you and they will sacrifice every thing they got to do if you need it bad enough they're gonna sacrifice what they wanted for you they're gonna spend their whole life dedicated to you the least we can do for them is to dedicate ourselves and that's why the covenants called the bris it's that why it's on the it's on that part of the male body why did God put the Covenant there and the answer is that's that's where the power is a strong person is someone who's got control over himself so when you see beating someone up a big powerful gym guy beating someone up on Ben Yehuda Street that is not a strong man and there's a man with no strength he has no strength a strong man is someone who has control over himself that is the strongmen and so God puts the Covenant there because because he's saying that that part of the body they sanctified and and that's our biggest desire that part of the bodies where is the most desire it's the most desire for transgression it's the most desire for for for just bodily function and that's the spot and so he puts the Covenant there cuz if you can make it there you can make it anywhere New York New York if you can get that under control your strongest the epicenters of desire if you've got that under grips and not literally if you got that under control and you've got the relationship with God therefore so now you have a you have the strength for anything else I mean it's easy to keep kosher if you're able to do that it's easy to keep Shabbat if you're able to do that if you're able to keep yourself sexually pure all the rest of Judaism is easy comparatively and so that's where the covenant is because he's saying I'm making my covenant there so that you keep the covenant and then everything else goes smoothly in your life your Judaism goes easy once you get there but what happens to men who can't stay strong there is you find them weak on it everything I find the weak on everything is once you're weak there you're weak everywhere your muscles just start hanging down there like Popeye without spinach yeah you're just like yank got no muscles buddy until you got strength there you're never gonna be able to handle Judaism Judaism Scott too much it asks of you and hence the Covenant is on the one place where if you can nail it you can nail that spot down you got your control over there you got your strength built up well everything else is easy you don't got that down then you know it's just gonna be a burden Judaism's a burden for someone who doesn't have this sexuality together I just want to mention one more thing before we finish and that is that the that this goes for heterosexuals as well total heterosexuals because you'll notice like for example once in a while I'm speaking of fraternity groups speaking of fraternity groups I got a group of 40 frat guys you know you're a PI or whatever CBT or whatever those names are of the Jewish frat so I got 40 frat guys now tell me what's on their mind okay don't tell me what's on their mind and now how how often is it on their mind it's on their mind all the time that's basically all they think about and it's literally from when they wake up till they go to sleep from the clothes they wear from the way they do their hair from the job they have the car they drive the place they've no frequent it is a total all-encompassing mind clamp and they're exactly the same as the Kaddish and by the way it is the it's deviant of the heterosexual mandate of Torah Torah mandates heterosexuality but not just heterosexuality marriage sexuality is for marriage you have to be committed you need that insurance policy on your ring finger before you get involved with sexuality there's got to be an insurance policy that you that someone's not gonna leave you on the side of the highway sexuality is powerful and it requires a covenant between you and another person in order to for it to be what's called normative in Judaism in him for it to work for it to last you need insurance and the you know whenever I hear someone say they got a girlfriend or a boyfriend I'm just like like do you have no self esteem at all like are you that far are you that far gone I mean are you really that low that you would give yourself over to somebody who's basically saying the following well you're the best I've got right no so you know unless something goes wrong you know with your behavior or any of the way you act talk look say wait you know whatever you know I guess I'll stay with you unless of course also something better comes along at which point I'll be out of here and and like I mean how low self-esteem can you possibly have to be a boyfriend or a girlfriend of somebody like I mean why don't you just why don't you just go rob a bank and go to a shrink 4 hours a day every single day until you get your you know nothing that would help but till you get some self-esteem I mean all someone has to say oh yeah you know so my girlfriend at all yeah or you know so I have a boyfriend we've been going out for sons I'm like don't you have any self worth don't you hold all of yourself that you're willing to give yourself to somebody who have something better came along would just hit the road or if you somehow reveal the what it really takes to hold you he would run for his life and so you just kind of you just kind of unconsciously withhold what it really takes why do you think they all break up when they finally get married you know these long-term relationships then they get married they get divorced they often get divorced they're much more likely to live with someone and get divorced after then not live with someone and not even really be together with them and marry and then be together that you're much more likely to stay married to that person it's because that when you date somebody as a boyfriend or girlfriend what you're basically doing is unconsciously withholding what it truly takes to hold you it's not simple to hold a person and so you unconsciously withhold what it really takes in the name of love which is a joke that's not love love it's holding somebody's weight all their weight I hold all the weight of my children I hold all the weight of my wife all of it whatever she's gonna go from and go through that with her whatever it takes to be her spouse I'm there all of it and what happens is these couples after their long-term relation to get married and then you can't help it now you're the insurance policies on the finger so what do you do you just kind of next thing you know you're just kind of like your weight just kind of lands on that person the person like what that helmet like that wasn't who I married you know like I don't know where did it the others battle I don't know you know who I am I guess you know like well I don't like that and where was it before and the answer is you unconsciously withhold your weight when you date this is why it's so important to never touch a person before you marry them because the second you touch you've lost all objectivity and you also don't share your feelings about the person don't share your feelings tell a third party what you thought about the date but that other person tell the third party what they thought about the date but don't lose your objectivity by you know how many of us have been in relationships with someone that we really they were dead in relation in the end they died all because that person said I love you you know the person who touched the person hugged me or the person did this to me or that to me or I did this to them or whatever and they're like and they're like like it's a terrible relationship but you know after they said I love you you know no one people don't say that usually so since it was said so I'll stick around when if you had never touched and you'd never shared those feelings but only objectively figured out if this is someone you want to be spending your life with you would literally within a week or two know whether you should be wasting your time with this and how many people have I met who got over the hill which I said to say such a thing but the meaning they they lost the you know there's there's the area before in the area after of like the prime time to get married in everyone's lives and what that number is who knows but there's a time before you want to grab that time and then there's the time afterwards it's harder to get it because you start to feel desperate and desperate heavier light very heavy people don't want to bear that kind of weight and so you got a it's very important that the people on the other side never come in desperate you always date from a position like here's the passenger seat um I'm going I'm going to 80 man I'm living a great life I'm fine you want to sit in the backseat jump in you don't fine no skin on my back and so the person feels hey wow this person's like they're doing pretty good without me so why don't we just add them to the equipment what if I added myself to the equation of this great person whereas when people date on the other side of the hill so they they deep from a much more desperate place it's kind of a heavy thing to get in their car I'm not sure you want to get in that person's car and so but back to the objectivity and subjectivity is that is that it it's hard to make a good decision subjectively everyone knows that you know I mean the like if you make a bad decision investing but you're gonna go in stages of your investment but you've already put in a quarter the money you're planning to invest you're the likelihood of you putting in that next quarter is much higher because you've already put one quarter your ain't you got investment and so therefore you want to invest almost nothing when you date somebody all you want to do is find it at this person's someone you want to invest in that's all is this where you want to be putting all your energy if the answer is yes you know so keep figuring it out but don't invest and when you finally figure it out give everything dude your full investment it's a little scarier than a financial investment but but you definitely want if it's scarier then all the more objective you must be if it's heavier if it's more consequence I mean what is more consequence investing a million dollars or getting married which one which is a bigger consequence marriage is much bigger consequence yet how many people get married objectively the answer is the very observant Jews they get married objectively no one else that's it anyway bless everybody that when you do date that the sparks fly because no one can mistake those you know like when you go when the third parties like how was it you're like it was amazing and the other ones like it was amazing why are they both saying it was amazing like they've only seen each other once and it was for an hour and a half two hours the answer is because sparks flying are like they're there you can't deny the sparks flying you know when sparks fly between a couple that's you can cut it with a knife so everyone should say a main to the following that that when you do date I bless you that the sparks fly say I made and if they don't so keep going out keep going out now you don't even have to have the sparks fly because one of the great things of marriage is sparks fly over the over the times of growing together in building and building a home together not everyone's so lucky to have the sparks fly yeah while dating you don't always get that and you can't expect it but certainly very cool when you got it because then it takes away a lot of the doubt is to have the sparks fly it makes it less scary but then again yeah it's nice to go under the hook with some faith meeting with some hope with some prayer like maybe this is it you know my wife and I never prayed to marry each other we put word to prayer like we prayed a lot in those days we're doing a lot of Prayer and I never prayed to marry her and never prayed she never prayed to marry me ever in all those prayers we only pray to marry the right person even on a hook but she was praying and you know the college hair and I was praying by the men and and I was like God you got about a half hour to work this out of him cuz if I'm not supposed to marry this girl you got a half hour left but please my truth soulmate now the second I put that ring on ring on her finger and then our prayers were for each other like the two of us bonded forever but not until the ring was on there because I don't want something God doesn't want if God doesn't want it I don't want it and we all have to think about ourselves and what is it what is it inside us that one's stuff God doesn't want a weirwood what's going on with us when we want what God doesn't want and that's it and that's a serious that's a serious look in the mirror why do you want what God doesn't want for you the answer can only be the ego it's just I'm in a boxing match with God I'm gonna fighting him on this one well good luck feeling Chavez you know so what does Chaves Chaves is like get your fingers off that CrackBerry smartphone of yours and a coup and just feminized yourself and just be the female in this relationship with God a lot of people think Asia stylist for our wives it's just files about the Jewish people men and women are the Good Wife and then what are we doing Asia's high we go on to list a bunch of things that are forbidden to do on Shabbos like why are we talking about all these malala's on Shabbos like we're talking about things you can't do on Chavez throughout the thing cuz what's it saying a good wife who can find and the answer no one can find her because she's keeping Shabbos she's not doing all this stuff meaning the Jewish people aren't doing all this stuff they're they're dedicated to God they're putting God first rather than the ego first and that's why we sing is just Heil every Shabbat right before right before the dinner gods first he's before our sexuality before it's before everything really so may we all be blessed to have our minds and hearts straight ear and not just us but everyone out there including all those people at the big parade today may they be blessed to have had themselves in the in the right in the right place right frame of mind and I mentioned August 12th already is the women's seminar and webinars coming soon Shami everybody oh wait wait wait we always raise money for our family this class feeds a family and the rabbi there there's a rabbi outside that window he takes the money so anything that folds this rabbi takes money anything that folds buys fish and meat and change buys like drinks and stuff so please everybody just give something like you'll enjoy your shop is more knowing that you helped a family each please haven't kicked down a little bit of money for sure yeah mescal but anyway men you never have to worry about sexual attraction in this you know I'm glad we're not recording now it's sexual orientation of minutes they don't really care that much we're doing stuff so ya know obviously a woman would prefer her husband through that Jerry they let them go like they tell me and I've I know personally a bunch of stories where you know people got yeah he was probably the closet doing okay but that's Yumi like as in like I don't think because a man is never gonna lie you know the dogs role do you think like people are gonna be like oh yeah David yeah oh yeah one are you yeah like nobody know woman it they're out there man that I all my almost every everyday student I've ever had at age it's today happening either Holy Mary Agnes what's my stuff about it that like no one's forcing anybody no I think every bottle has its cat I personally surprised the girl was willing to marry the guy but she was and I actually was involved a little bit in like she was a remarkable woman I do not walking so we're like many many many cases and I I don't know if any of the voices among them cuz that everything was out the open you know what you're getting there when a marriages foundationally aren't based on truth like Evan was open and honest and totally transparent it's a much different thing when someone's got a little secret and by the way I know a lot of cover I know a lot of couples that are broken up not people that I was closest but a lot of times I broke up where someone had something going on in the cloud there's even a whole house of women all ladies left their husbands and you live together that's that there's that they're made to marry guys in the first place what's that I find it more horrible that they made to act in a way that it's just not who they are in the fastener whoo I think you're saying that they would ask me would ask and all that my husband's okay the wives realize me yeah so they were just young and dumb there's eight seventeen years old talking gage you're following your sister you know your sister's years older and that's what she's in this with you we're talking about superchef intensity of Stanford Hill style okay there's always gonna be exceptions and then what happens is then goes I mean I'm ty my age guys in this class so they they go celibate for they sustain age for a year or two or three it becomes celibate and and then they and then when they're ready they know a lot of Torah now and they're very dedicated because they're dedicated to God's favorite sexualities taking a total neutral thing and again the male the man sexual identity is friction as I said before so she can certainly provide that and now with most women not be interesting you're coming in an interesting time yeah we need today's class on sexual identity with I'm with most women never in their lives I would you ever marry a guy like that most would like want their husband to be crazy about them sexual and but there are some women this section some women don't obviously there's women in the world there's women are willing and then willing to do that and there so far all the couples that came to race are great they're happily married a lot of my rabbis today running branches of Asia tour and stuff there they're all good they're all good I might do my own thing and then also I have so I want this moon of those any schools for this cause for what like so baby I have this theory that like