Rabbi Yoni Fischer - Beginning The Game Of Life | Thoughts | Parenting | Motivational

stay the rest of our life what do I mean by that what I mean is is that ultimately there's not that much that we can do to help ourselves with our past except for what we do in the present moment what do I mean we spoke yesterday and we've been speaking about even talking about your past Thank You by talking about your past is might be a great way that you can heal your past you can figure out your past whatever it might be but ultimately when do you talk about your past you talk about your past in the present moment in the moment that we have in front of us the challenges that we experience in the present moment are usually that history repeats itself our relationships with people right there's something in Psychology that's called transference transference we've spoken about this before transference we'll talk about transference and thoughts right someone can look up quickly I know we've said this many times but if someone can look up as far as our thoughts our daily thoughts our repetitive thoughts just like transference which which I'll talk about in a second what that means because we spoke yesterday a little bit about affirmations do I have anyone who managama was counting on you about them 80 percent of what they're the same thoughts I want to know how many thoughts we have a day they're the same basically repetitive thoughts and most of them the percentage of negative come on man you gotta go quick work faster than that sorry negative thought s there you go sixty thousand that's a lot and sixty thousands a lot correct no but they go but they go through so go so one second and then I want to get the negative one second first let's get step number one before you get Negative don't say anything yet so guys where'd you get that so you guys have to make Lake and uh okay whatever it is whatever it is so let's get the basic good let's get the basic picture guys the basic picture is what's the percentage 80 to 90 are the same thoughts is this correct what I'm saying yeah 60 60 to 90 000 thoughts a day 80 to 90 percent of those thoughts are the same thoughts and how many percentage of them are negative eighty percent negative he has it also so we got to get that guys we gotta remember that one maybe you could could you screenshot and send it to me so we can have that on file okay so that means most of our thoughts what a Victor you don't like it you might not like that you might not like that what [Music] haven't seen causes we had our whole life because we expected to be our great words okay why does some of those negative good okay I think there's so that's what you don't like that it's like now she says you're there hold up one second you might not like it but it doesn't matter if you like it or not it's that I mean I'm saying it sounds like it sounds like it sounds like no but one second but hold up but I I'll tell you no but let's let's start over again let's start over where did where did that where was that born from it was born because what I was saying was we history repeats itself history repeats itself we repeat ourselves we repeat ourselves right you can run and go to another place but you're going to re-re-discover that's not really the word I was looking for you're going to re Pete thank you that was a tough word you're going to repeat you're going to repeat your same thing you did over there it's not where you are it's who you are now of course your surroundings affect you but let but bottom line and I think we spoke about this okay I might need another uh Google question or ishaya right at what age I don't know if this is going to be easy to find but they say when you're six years old by the time you're six years old you're three years old you're already in you're already programmed you're already programmed now that sounds so like like like depressing right so by the time you start your life you start your life you already programmed you have the same thoughts that are basically recurring every day eighty percent of them are negative eighty percent of them are the same thoughts that's that's that's not so gishmach as they say right so what do you do that's the question so what do we do so what's the first so what's the first step that somebody can do when they recognize that we're just going to right that's why I say today's the first day of the rest of your life because when a person wants to make a change it's very hard to make a change it's very difficult for a person to make a change that's why everybody throws cilantro I'll get to you in a second you Shia that's why Ruby Soul salanta says it's harder for a person to change one Meda than it is to learn all of Shahs right and that doesn't just mean dafyomi seven and a half years which is hard to do also that was took him six years to learn how to say good morning I mean what's so hard to say good morning I don't know maybe he was a grouch in the morning I don't know what the story is they say that took him 16 years to zaida 16 years to have an iron toyev could you imagine exactly and we're like oh what do you mean how come I'm having trouble judging people favorably like why can't I just snap right right exactly two two therapy sessions and one missiles to Sharm shear and how come I'm such a Negative guy and that's besides the fact that your mother's negative your father's negative and your grandparents are negative so talk about all the legacies right exactly and I don't work as hard as the fiduciary and all that stuff and I still want to right put myself in a microwave oven and press two minutes and 37 seconds and come out being a positive guy that's not the way life goes a victory with me yeah I just heard a Misa I just heard a mice I just heard a firsthand maisa from about Schneider Cutler from snare Cutler about your grand about your grandfather about your great grandfather you knew this I just heard a crazy Mica Arab Schneider told someone that that uh who's the person he speaks to thank you so much who's the person thank you Nessie who's the person that he speaks to what is this by the way yeah right oh from Boston it looks like beer if it was horse if it was a little I do a little Irish coffee over here I do a little if it was a little vodka I'd put a little a beer I'm not going to mix in here that's fine if it was here I'd have to go get it already then people will start asking kashas one second okay wait I'll make a brook in a second said who who was who would he speak to to get Eatza from was was uh was Sydney Greenwell that's what he said Robert could you imagine you knew that what I heard from the Sun I heard it from uh from Aaron Cutler pretty crazy so it comes with the whole story but it's not for now but what's the point why was I saying that the point is is that no matter how great you are how how great you are you need somebody else to help you understand the way you think you need in order to change you can't trust your thinking that's not a bad way it's not a bad thing to say you can't trust your thinking it just means you're going to repeat your thoughts you're going to repeat all the same things that's not saying transference and psychology what's transference transference means basically in a nutshell if you had a difficult relationship with your father sorry you had a question um so the question is like so what is being a positive person me because overwhelmingly if we look at it right we're negative good right that's exactly good good question let's take it slow good beautiful beautiful correct correct correct it's not about being positive it's we'll we'll talk about it in a second good but let's just get the way it works the way it works is we're programmed everybody's programmed from a very young age and we have transference transference means right now not to get so much into psychology and especially Freud and psychodynamics which is pretty pretty pretty strong it's hard to really argue about your early on relationships and I'm not going to get into this in Psychology but just to set the set the the um the the platform of how difficult it is to change right we know the gamaras calls something called gersa de yankasa here's the diankasa means which you learn when you're young stays very very tight very strong within you so your mommy and your daddy and your brother and your sister and your grandfather and your grandmother and your dynamics of your family are very very very powerful they're very very powerful and when you're a child like we said yesterday we speak about you don't know how to think analytically and to think outside of yourself so whatever your mother told you is true that's besides the fact that she carried you I remember when I had to write a paper in graduate school one of the papers that I had to write it was like a 25 page paper I wish I would have everyone here write the paper I had to write a paper on who I was from the beginning of time until where I was then and that included um I had to do it from psychologically uh cognitively socially religiously and it had to start from when my mother was carrying me as a child and I had to interview and I remember I interviewed my parents and I looked at pictures of what stage they were in what stage my mother was in how old was she what was she dealing with why because I was in my mother's womb for nine months and that affects a child very much the anxiety of a mother the the whatever they went through during that time that's besides being one two three four five six seven now we're not here learning about uh the the developmental stages of a child but the point is if you are programmed a certain way it's very very hard to change that program very very difficult to change that program and what's the Raya the Rye is you have basically you're thinking the same thoughts so if if women are a certain way to you if your father was a certain way to you if whatever it might be whatever it is that's deeply in in your system so someone's going to say okay a Victor doesn't like that you don't like it why don't you like it because I want to change I want to be free exactly so in order to be free and we'll talk about positivity in a second in order to be free you got to know how to get out of jail so you got to know what jail you're in you got to know where the windows are you got to know what how big the jail is kind of know how tall it is you got to know what it is you have to first be able to understand what it is that I'm in in order to break out because if you don't know what you're in right they say which is Hashem says I'm going to hide doubly hide from you why does it have to say that Hashem is going to hide twice from you he's going to hide double hide what is double hiding from someone mean anyone want to guess you know what I got to make a bracha because I'm craving this a little bit what does it mean to double hide what does it mean that you're double hidden know what that means oh that you're hiding I could put in there you're hiding the fact that you're hiding so that means is anyone going to look for you if you're hiding the fact that you're hiding no so what's a greater Darkness there's a great a Victor you with me what's a greater Darkness a dark when it's dark or when you think it's light outside and it's really dark correct because you don't even realize you're in darkness you're in denial d e n i a l someone want to spell that out for me don't even notice I am lying denial so when you're in denial don't even notice I am lying when you're in denial so you think that it's my roommate you think it's the weather you think it's the Yeshiva you think it's the culture you think it's your wife you think it's your in-laws you think it's your job you think it's your blah blah blah it's not it's not you're programmed a certain way and when you programmed a certain way you're going to put all of how you're programmed on everything that you see so the first step that you have to do is you have to realize what your program is you have to realize what it is how you are programmed you have to realize you have to really try and understand yourself as rabies says a person can live in this world for 70 or 80 years and not get to know himself and that's why it's important to understand where you're from that's why it's important to know what which member family you're in are you the oldest are you the youngest are you a middle child what's your mother like what's your father like how did you grow up what was third grade like for you because third grade is very very important grade and fifth grade is very important by the time you got to 17 18 years old you were way you were away I remember speaking to someone the person knows who I'm talking about I'm not going to mention who he who he is unless he wants to mention knows him I remember the first time we sat down to talk and I remember he started talking to me about Rabbi I want to tell you from from ninth grade or from I forgot which grade he started he's like I gotta tell you from what my life was from ninth grade and on or or a 10th grade or something like that on and I was like okay great I want to hear what it was like from element from from birth until ninth grade why because ninth grade and on is already more or less more or less now it's harder because you're ninth grade you're young whatever it might be but you're basically already reacting to other stuff that already happened to you what it's the results already so everyone's sitting here in the space mattress is already a result of something that happened from when you were born till a certain age and the more clear you are able to understand when how what where my thoughts my thinking what was my thinking then you could begin The Game of Life why do I say that you could do affirmations it's important to do affirmations it's important to tell yourself you love you it's important to look in the mirror and to do affirmations it's very important I've done it for years I told you I could send you my playlist I did it for years you can write sentence completions and all those things but a person has to understand where he where he went wrong so to speak when did things start getting difficult for me why did this happen to me why did I yes question comments please question comments yes yes what do you mean what result what did I say the results of our childhood yeah that that word is something okay what happened to this is an end result at the end of uh if something happens or the result it is it is awesome it is a cause and it is an effect better I mean for myself I wanted to say that I was very uncomfortable okay okay thank you thank you I appreciate you being open and honest about that when I say result I mean that that that that that if if someone cause an effect if someone uh bullied you if if you had add in school if you were kicked out of class if you your father did this to you your mother whatever it might be then that can affect a person and what happens is when we're 18 years old when we're seven years old when we're 20 years old we we want to try and fix something and we want to try and change something but it's always important to have a better picture of of where you are like like we've spoken yes you need your address of your destination your destination might be I want to be happy your destination might want to be I want to be someone who's who doesn't have anxiety whenever your destination might be that's great to know your destination but you must know your location you have to know how long and how far you are and where you begin from your location your location if you want to get to to I'm talking to a fellow baltimorean if I say you want to get to Ford's Lane right I want to tell you you're going to get to cross country you're going to get the Park Heights right many guys who are not from Baltimore don't know what I'm talking about but a Victor knows what I'm talking about right from here what's it going to tell you to do first you got to go to JFK frizzy or JFK frizzy got to go to ben-gorian if we got to go to the airport there's nothing to talk about and what happens to a lot of people is they say like we said right it's one of my favorite lines about positive thinking and I have so much to the guy in mayron who I heard it from when he told his kid be positive be positive be positive and I'm like thank you so much that's so negative be positive be positive be positive is right and you'll say and you shy I'm setting you shy up for his joke about be positive but be positive be positive see I remember your jokes be positive be positive is a very negative statement to say you should be positive I got to be more positive that is a negative statement so Yoshi is going to tell the joke and then we'll get back to It Go all right first that's going to say that the positive be positive it's also falls into the repetitive negative thoughts very good there was uh there was these two brothers that they were unable to get their father a life-saving blood transfusion of the clients because they weren't able to figure out this blood type if they had very difficult times they're going to sign words of B positive B positive thank you I like the repetitive I like the repetitive negative thinking with that also it's true be positive you should be positive I want to be better those are great those are great statements there's a great retsonos those are great desires but but but but what you need what all of us need is we need context we need to understand where we come from in order to figure out where we're where we're going to yes yoodie yes that's so hard because like so much easier to take the blame than to like sit down and like it's okay for me to put away my life it's not my fault of where I am exactly exactly very good Judy and I think that that's very very powerful it's not about anyone who knows this year and anyone knows what we talk about it's not about placing blame on anyone it's not and I mean that for real it's not about placing blame but I think what Yuri is saying is when a person realizes sometimes that it's not his fault and it and and that's the circumstance that he was put in and that's how he was programmed I was programmed then that's why Ruby thrall solanter says the the line that that it it it it takes longer to change amida and I'll tell you why I'm saying that how many of us get frustrated from the fact that we have to deal with the problems that we have and that that's the bigger problem than the problem itself sometimes our frustration is the fact I spoke about a Friday night when I spoke about yaakovino it says Kiba Shemesh that the sun set early sometimes we get frustrated that the sun set too early and it's not supposed to be dark outside and we get frustrated that I'm not supposed to be dealing with this problem I'm supposed to get over this already I'm supposed to be past this and we get frustrated and say look how old I am why am I still dealing with this or why am I dealing with this I wish I wouldn't have to deal with this but the truth is if we had context and better context maybe we'd give ourselves so much more credit and tell ourselves oh my goodness look at where I am in spite of my problems holy cow look how amazing I am and if a person would realize oh my goodness this is not even my fault it might be now my responsibility to do something about it but it's not my fault and this is the hand that I have right now but I believe and I'll end off with that and then I want to hear from you guys that's why it's so important not to speak lushanhara that's why it's so important not to think about other people and look at other people because number one you have no idea what anybody else is struggling with that's number one number one you have no idea what anybody else is struggling with and number two and number two number two is is that is that what you're struggling with and what you're dealing with is is exactly what you're supposed to be dealing with it's exactly the way it's supposed to be this is exactly what you're supposed to be dealing with and I think what happens is we reject that which we we need to accept and say this is exactly what I'm supposed to be dealing with this is exactly what I'm supposed to be struggling with because this is who I am this is where I come from and this is you know you talk we've been speaking a lot about a parenting and children I want to break the chain and I want to be a better parent I want to be a better spouse and I want to change like I've said many times our parents and as you get older you'll you'll appreciate your parents more you'll appreciate how hard it is to be a parent how difficult it is to be a parent but at the same time to realize that if I'm not going to do the work on me and I'm not going to fix or heal myself and I'm not going to become more mature I'm not going to do that then I'm just going to repeat history why because my thoughts are going to be the same thoughts what I'm going to give over to my children are going to be the same thing it's in the family system that's the way it is so there's so much hope there's so much hope but I think it's important to be in in reality and when I say reality is to realize where I come from where I come from where do I come from what did I grow up with what was my father like what was my mother like what was my family Shabbos table like what was my what was my you know my my dinner table if there was a dinner table with your family what was that like what was what was and that makes a tremendous impression on who you are then you could say okay now I want to change that I'd like to change this about it I like to keep this about it I like to do this differently but it's so important to get that understanding of who you are because otherwise what you're doing is you're putting in your ways something that could be in Africa and I could take you seven years to get there and that's okay like if we said hot school says it took him six years to learn how to smile and say good morning or to say good morning I mean big deal it's so hard to say good morning takes him 16 years to judge to see the good in somebody else so what about us what are we going to say could take a lifetime to work on something and then you're happy with the work that you're doing say I have anxiety what happens is usually we have anxiety that we have anxiety we get frustrated oh I'm not supposed to be having anxiety who told you you're not supposed to have anxiety it's basically your middle name is anxiety well why why why would you not have anxiety why would I not have anxiety it's the most right it's like guys walking in I see it a lot of times guys walking and I love when I see this I love I love when I see this because I'm like yes this is I'm I love when I see this when I see people come into a wedding I see people walk into a wedding and they come to the cousins dish and they take their cup they take their Cup right away they walk in before they get comfortable they walk in right away fill it up and they're doing it for one reason one reason in my opinion I think you guys could could give me Insight I think it's more or less one reason because they don't want to feel anxious I think you're pretty accurate pretty accurate right it's so much easier right you come in you're nervous or a lot of people I want to get loose I want to feel good so go up and everyone's right now no one who wants to brachios Let's feel good baby let's move move right there that's all I saw the other recently I saw I loved it I see I love when I see even older people doing that because then you're like wow that's really I feel bad for them right teenagers okay a teenager I saw Mom it's right before the dancing I saw like this Chevron coming together you know like just taking their two three shots these guys were like mature older men and I'm like I'm like I hope you know I hope you're not like that well can I tell you I hope you're able to to nothing not not because I'm not because I'm an anti uh alcohol guy just because I feel bad that you still have anxiety I feel bad that you haven't worked on that I just feel bad for you it's not it's not that you're worse or better it's just I feel bad that that's what what you need to do to feel comfortable and that you're not able to even be uncomfortable so be uncomfortable so be uncomfortable yes Rafi um yeah I was um a lot of pleasing to me probably 50 years old nice walks on there's four hour flight he sits down whether he sits down puts on his headphones and is playing some zombie game on his iPad the entire time exactly I'm not saying I wasn't but where I'm not judging you guys correct I was very happy that I looked at him and I associated with God because there were children right over there with their headphones I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love that guy I love that guy because why do I love that guy I love him because look what he just did for us it was awesome look what he just did that guy will never see him we'll never see him ever again we'll never see him I figure you're hurt that's why I love that guy thank you thank you for teaching me what I don't want to be like that's why I said that what yeah exactly it was a woman I think but a guy whatever yeah same right correct I like I like I say about your parents either way you have to thank your parents because if they were great you have to say thank you so much for teaching me what to do if they weren't great you have to say thank you so much for teaching me what not to do no you're not going to say it to them but my point is no and I mean that for real I really mean that for real because if you had extra discipline I guarantee you you're thinking oh I'm gonna let my kids do whatever they want and if you had no discipline you're gonna be like oh my gosh I'm going to discipline my kids so much or whatever whatever you're going to do something like that and which is also bad because it's both of negative reaction it's both an extreme reaction to because you need discipline and you need to let your kids do what they want and also discipline them you need to have a proper balance but the point is when you see someone roughing I'm very proud of you that you're aware right it's one of the things that that I'm proud of the Shivan I'm proud of us that we want to make us be more aware of dysfunction because when you're more aware of dysfunction then you can then maybe become you know part of the problem of our society is when you have we spoke about this a few weeks ago right when you have kiddishes kiddishes kidnish when people are getting drunk and you have normal society drinking a normal society smoking a normal society acting like babies then you think that it's normal but it's not it's dysfunctional so it's good to to sometimes get a wake-up call to say wow well what is actually healthy That's not healthy I don't want to be a 50 year old man that I go on my plane and and act like a little child does that mean there's something wrong with playing a video game no I'm not saying there's anything wrong we're playing a video game I actually um play with my son um 2K right reply actually beat him the other night I'm very proud of myself right I beat him but I didn't ask him to play with me you hear the difference he's not going to find me playing 2K uh you can't play now I'm playing go to sleep son that would be dysfunctional I played with him because I love him and I know he loves right it's one of the things he wrote to me and my wife on The Anniversary tati I love when you play uh 2K with me so I was like great thank you like that means I need to play more 2K with him but not because I'm interested in playing I'm not interested in playing I'd rather not play but but I'm enjoying bonding with my son and that's important to know the difference if your son's gonna have a beer and you want to sit and have a beer with your son I think that's also cute and that's nice but if but it's the same story I could say it's the same way right if you're fighting over the beer right that's not good right if you need your son to have a beer with you that's not good if you feel you know you want to I'm just using that as an example okay yeah pretty much yeah for one hand yeah your past make who you are today right I think it's foreign [Music] it's a gorgeous amazing great question I'll tell you why because I think that's the exact point is your father shy is your mother I'm not talking about you is your mother shy is it in the family what happens is right we watch stupid movies that are stupid we watch other people some people tell us what's considered cool and what's not cool so if I'm a shy person you know how many shy people I've met that they're ashamed that they're shy and I'm like do you know how beautiful it is that you're shy do you know how beautiful of amida do you know how good of a characteristic it is to be humble and not to be to feel that I have to be the man and what happens is we have we have natural methos we have natural ways of being and we think that there's something wrong with that there's nothing wrong with that now yes people have real true social anxiety where they can't leave their room that's an extreme but if you when you walk into a a a place where there are a hundred people there there are 50 people there or you come into a wedding and you get nervous I would call that very appropriate if you're shy if you grew up in a family where your mother is a little bit shy your father's a little bit shy so why would you not be shy that's fine and then what happens is we have to but that's exactly my point and that's also talking about the negativity or the positivity I got to be positive I got a problem how how the heck could you expect yourself to be positive when all you heard your whole life was from your grandmother your mother your a father your uncle your brothers and everybody's negative so if you were not negative you'd be a cuckoo and then you say oh okay oh that makes sense and then I'm naturally negative because net people are naturally negative maybe default but without that context you have no you don't even know where to begin does that help yeah okay beautiful yes um also one of the one of the things I just I thought of is like we always try to fight the normal emotions like I'm going into a wedding and like I I'm not gonna be anxious I'm not going to be whatever and like it's wrong arrest exactly I'm not going to correct I'm not going to be nervous I better not be nervous I'm not gonna I'm not going to whatever it might be whatever you're going to say to yourself yeah please I'm working on it but like when it was just so noisy in there like even smoking drinking whatever it was it wouldn't even get me drunk it would just make me normal right what do you mean by normal would make you you just feel like oh I'm able to just talk to someone right like it wouldn't even like it's not even to get drunk it's correct just to be to be able well the reason I right it's not normal it's not it's not right well fake normal right why is that normal why can't I be I'm not embarrassed why can't I be uncomfortable talking to somebody what what's wrong with that what's wrong with being uncomfortable talking to somebody who who who who wrote again if you lock yourself in your room and you won't talk to anybody for for six months then there might be something to talk about that you might have some type of real medical mental emotional issue that needs to be dealt with but who says that you have to be comfortable walking up to somebody and and being so comfortable having a conversation why can't I be intimidated what's wrong with that something wrong with that yeah probably correct what happened right and you know what you should no you should no that's that you could say you should it's a little now a little kid a three-year-old kid you can't expect a three-year-old kid to feel to feel that so the parent has to tell the kid calm down don't talk so much but but a more mature adult he's going to be nervous going into Authority going to someone you do want to yeah correct yes Nancy beautiful let's wrap up yes if you're not trying to be as nervous walking into a wedding or like I feel like just the more times you do it it just automatically just kind of just start thinking naturally correct meeting random people and starting to talk to them correct presidents like yes correct but yeah but even if you're nervous my experience with that is is that if you're okay being nervous about it then that's okay also and you'll end up doing it anyway and you won't end up being nervous it's when you're beating yourself up for being nervous it's when you're to make yourself more comfortable with it or you should just always just take it I would just take I wouldn't worry to make it comfortable that's why I don't like the line make yourself comfortable with being uncomfortable comfortable with uncomfortable don't be uncomfortable being uncomfortable be uncomfortable being uncomfortable is that why good you know what but right but I'm saying why do I have to enjoy that now if it's my job well no but that's not what brings down hold up that's not what brings the negativity what brings the negativity is I'm not supposed to be uncomfortable I should there that's where Menachem should I should feel okay there's something wrong with me I'm supposed to feel comfortable come on what's wrong with you that's where the shame comes from that's where the great give me context I need context on that why does he want to be loud who told him he can't be not loud [Music] so he's not happy he's not happy being he's not happy being who he is oh he's not happy being who he is yeah let's say I'm naturally not allowed guy great but but but that's what we were asking is it I'm working on it because I want to be that because I don't want to be me or something that I want to work on being more assertive I want to work on going over to somebody and saying hi I want to work on being open with somebody why do I have to be loud why can't I just be me why do I have to be the the the guy of the party why can't I just be me and I I know that sounds way too like you know just be me but I think that that's really what it comes down to why can't I be the guy who's at a wedding who's at the side who's not so comfortable with everybody why can't I be that why can't I just sit there and be uncomfortable why can't I be that I would ask yourself that question but why is that uncomfortable let's say the cool let's say a movie came out right and the new movie was called be the man who chills on the side who's anxious and and Leonardo whatever his name is right uh is is is uh some beautiful woman comes over to him because he was on the side and he was all anxious what would then start becoming the style in America what would everyone start saying oh everyone was sorry becoming what everyone wants to be anxious because Leonardo just just put out a great movie of a guy on the side of the room at the wedding who's all nervous and all the women love that that's the way it works probably definitely doesn't help the fact that you have that definitely does not help when you have the music in the background and the guy it does who sent it to me right definitely definitely doesn't help when you have this just sent today sponsored by shua osina send me today here it is a photo right of a picture you can't see it there's a picture of a beer alcohol perfect and on the on the thing it says this is living this is living I have to tell you guys you guys know what's out there more than I know what's out there drinking right this is living this is living Coke I remember the coke commercials right at the beach and having fun of course that's how you're going to sell Coke you're going to sell Coke by having a guy at the side of the wedding who's nervous and he's drinking Coke I don't want to drink Coke I want to drink Coke if I'm the guy who's who's in the middle say yo what's up look at all the look at all the people around me I'm drinking Coke yes so I'm not getting into that now that's a conversation for another time how much we've been brain washed oh but Rabbi you're brainwashing me also yes I am I agree I'm trying to brainwash you also I'm trying to brainwash you to become healthy functional live in reality to become mature because you've spent 20 years myself I've spent many many years being brainwashed by insanity and not only that if you grew up in a culture and the more you grow up in a culture that's continuously feeding you insanity and that insanity is with the booze and the drinks and all of that stuff that that's what a successful guy is is the fact that I want to say it straight out I'm proud to say it straight out yes the guy who has all the glenlivets and the Glenn finishes and all the blah blah blah and the kiddish and he's the cool guy I don't think you're so cool I actually think you're a loser now I'm not judging that guy but I don't respect that I don't respect a 50 year old guy a 40 year old guy or a 30 year old guy for that matter who's got great bottles of wine and he's drinking and he's getting drunk and he doesn't know how to have a normal kiddish I don't respect that now someone else could respect that gold gazunta hate but I'm just sharing my feelings and I think when we continuously grow up in a culture like that it's very very dangerous I'm not even talking about Hollywood very very dangerous okay Hashem should help us all we should be zoka as we start off today is the first day of the rest of your life how does that help us it helps us the fact that there's hope There's Hope when you're 18 years old when you're 19 years old when you're 20 25 23 I know if I covered most of the ages over here yeah I covered most ages 18 to 20 17 until you're still 17 right 17 right 17. okay for us a little bit older however it's a little bit harder because we have families we have children already we could have messed up more you guys have an opportunity you guys have an opportunity to live in however dark your childhood was however dark your past has been I can tell you one thing that's the bad news the bad news is history repeats itself the good news is you could change it you could literally change it you could change your future you can how to do that is not for now but you can have a wonderful day