Rabbi Yosef Viener - Family Dynamics Issues And other Responsibilities

brutha my boy and Bechet me against your terramycin Boston like to welcome everyone to tonight's sheer well the men are here in the main tool for the women who upstairs and downstairs everyone who's tuning in through color washing and the live broadcast blue from a bun to everyone right few biggest Rakesh to mr. mrs. Aaron tab over the support of tonight she Billy knishmas others are abusive are behind all of a solemn Who's 50th year Outsiders tonight Hoffa's tom was finished mostly surah Baqarah hi i'm shawn sovereign should have an alia tonight we have the cover tab with us once again reduces vine ashleeta roving kosher mine wesley Hills came to speak to us on the point topic of family dynamics monetary issues and other responsibilities like to remind the other than that a t-shirt I realized in the support of the Sieber to bring this year into the community call it seven one eight eight five one eight six five one or email tape center at yeshiva net.com and sponsor a share and I have a hail akin our voices authority Robin it's my cover the corner of Viner Street over tonight's year it's always a covet and a pleasure to be back thank you ever I've evolved and all the very hush of assistants who set up in such short amount of time and the speed and accuracy almost as a tool enough testing testing we have as usual a tremendous amount of material to cover and we're not going to do it last year we covered almost 40% if you weren't here last year it's not my arcades we're going to continue on many of the family issues family issues keep it off a makino spousal is a never ending topic and after tonight on hey shush we'll have a few more years the material on the table I don't bring the CDs anymore the too cumbersome so I get it Sadiq in the shoal managed to fit well over a thousand serum and a USB which is free because all this year more free we just charge $10 to make another USB if you could do it for me I I would say please copy as many as you want and the spread around just saves us time so you can help yourself on the table upstairs and downstairs and there some I think the last 20 or 30 of the remaining copies of this printing of the contemporary Aloha you can help yourself as well the topic this past year in my shul for a night Seder was keep it up aim 1/2 C Mon and depending how you count them in Jahanara much to my amazement it just ended it was well over 100 shehram just don't keep it of aim and tonight's topic is not only on key but of aim so the daring attempt to try to give a synopsis is I think he's infamy to daring to speak too quickly so I took off what I think is a section of them which focuses on monetary issues and I would also like to get to time permitting some monetary issues parents visa vie children like whose money is that Bar Mitzvah gift that's a question I've been asked many times interestingly enough the second part if we get to it if not for next year will be the money sharing and other pressurized issues within the spouses so let's begin the cubit of aim aspect well spoke will focus on where I begin the whole office and I hope many of these shila's are not negated to anybody here and if you call afterwards to get some details because this is going to be in broad strokes you must if you ever faced with the shila's ask a shiloh for each scenario because a slight detail will change it that's true in any area of a lot house certainly when it comes to interpersonal relationships fitting it in with the battle motive a little more complex a psychosis and as abdominal like to mention two things number one keep it off a name as in the essay as a dybbuk for a reason it's one of the more challenging mitzvahs because if your Zeta to have parents eliminate your parents as oh could I have children and trying to America them to keep the denim while being a parent that's balancing the mochila aspect versus the demands for some era and some covered which has been suddenly downplayed rightfully so in certain areas we've bent the tree too far in other areas general problem and if you try to fix something you got to make sure the trees in the middle which is hard to do and for the children in the room it's important to know that this is a DIN that comes up all the time and if your children are coming home welcome and coming on banners mana the PES came out interesting wash them like Schleicher me and cared to my hog yet the closet over the Dynamo pays off my food since okay so before you walk in the door you have to father over and learn some of the halacha such golfers and loser of it and as grown adults if your parents are still alive are Hashem you have the opportunity visit them it behooves you to do a little Hazara mental synopsis before you walk in the door because otherwise we assume I've been doing this so many years if I don't have it down pat by now it's too late it's not true always being proved on and I feel that a lot of the people just don't know the parameters most of these denim have parameters and the parameters but you have to know how to apply to your situation so look at it as an opportunity if rare occasion you're losing the battle more often than you're winning so then it's a question of how often you should be visiting if it's your a negative territory many people love that line because that all I'm putler you don't want to be part of this is every filming for you you don't want your children to be positive if it's coming for them you want them to be able to exercise their rights and their privilege to be Mahabad the parents you also have to know when it becomes the law of diminishing returns the my law keep it off aim is that besides being from the cameras of all the dhinam both in the challenge the opportunity and in the star only two places the promise of UEFA's Youngman it's also an opportunity just in the middle of arrow aspect that I didn't discuss is if it over but I'm welcome it's probably a little of both after a very hidden you can become it by parents even more after the West America is something that we apply sometimes selectively we choose which people we want to like which people who don't want to like hear the terror says you have to love them high of them brings them that ate a lick of the myths of Cupid of aim besides the kyboot and the servicing and not being safe that the RAM are not arguing with them and the haces ELISA says you have to actually love them that's a kiddush to a lot of people they say well that should come naturally most good scenarios it does and once in a while in a troubled relationship it doesn't always depending on it's Khufu but it's not real key but if you don't respect them and you don't that have that ah though I'll pick up on that later so it's a chance to Makai after that cements the chance to beat down the cops closers you have to do for well you didn't culture came for parents and all the other been almost Rivero issues which we try to focus on a struggle day in a day out let's discuss first the high of them high of them does say you should look at them as people who are hadoo loom and nap a day or its and what if they're not good they live what they are is what if they're like average so the high Adam knew that Kasia I shall Levis as the famous schmoozing is his cup always that you have to try to focus on a media or to where they excel and focus on that unless they excel in everything and they talk are from the next padega daily of them but if not everybody's good at many things her people are better at some things you should try to find those media's and look hard somebody who grew up with parents who went to the Holocaust you have to look very far if they survived the Satmar of on the east asking for a brothel I say just walk at the nhd ball in the morning it picks up his sleeve if there's a number on there and he's putting on chillin he's already a hero that's for two generations ago an easy way to be macabre then everybody's a hero you just have to find out where it is and focus on that both the Alva and the covered the whole journey of Nissen shalita says that there's another angle not a steer it to the first one and that is what would you do for somebody who saved your life what would you do for somebody who saved you for financial ruin what would you do for somebody who brought you up saved your life and work me isn't gosh Mia's answer is everything do you focus the fact that they are inherently very cautious Fidelio them not for there it's doesn't make a difference to you they're your heroes and he says that's an insight and how to try to maximize and fulfill this this high Odum which is brought down from cadmium so this is something to think about as we dive into the more challenging scenarios one more measure how small fascinating Mahatma Nepal sakina's Hanan cabeza because the Mexico Hashem Muhammad says Cassius if Hashem even though our cursor type dictates that you have for keeping a year from them Kashi supremacist exams the cost of so what does that mean what means even if you understand it and even I think you're right that's a common human condition and you stole it to mohabbat them unless what they're saying or doing is going to swing a national election or do some damage you can't really argue unless they ask your opinion it's one of the first to see if Amit helped us keep it of aim measure hokhmah says and what happens if you come up with a brilliant or not so brilliant argument that well they really didn't do too much for me which is probably not true but I've had many discussions with young adults they say wow one column told me he was sixteen he said there isn't there come on Aaron that is better we shouldn't have been created I thought that was an original line I've heard it since then a few times I said yeah the Gemara though doesn't the gate their cars the type of those who helped create you certainly doesn't negate that cars the type of those who nurtured you and fed you and put up with all your shenanigans and helped you get to where you want to go he said what happens if I'm losing the battle and I'm a negative territory I said do chuhwa was I've do with them he liked to have a meter by Shawn base he'll argue for so many years basking its yes it's a shallow never nothing to do with keep it a vein get rid of that argument the second argument what happens if they talk I did a very bad job which is again an accusation will here for some people sometimes it's true most of the time they trying their best or if the child was adopted and they don't know their parents don't know they are they suddenly they heard they were adopted on day one or hour one and the parents didn't do anything to bring them up and feed them mom still had him that's already one mile off without her he wouldn't be here now the Michelle Huffman says it's irrelevant kasha if Hashem is that go in the mid bar he says something very interesting he says in the mid bar the pears didn't have to do any laundry because the unknown name dry clean 24/7 maybe twenty four six I don't know I might limit there whatever maybe it happens on Shabbos and the man fell down Menasha maíam and there's bear show Miriam Sonny's no shopping no cooking and the kids loved it because you just think about ice cream and the month became ice cream and pizza can eat whatever you want and no laundry now reality the Mitchell Hoffman knows that's not the real input to the parent is not that they're feeding you and doing your laundry but that's a big part of a mode especially sheesha precarious they fight each family here had about ninety seven children so submission hotma says Cassius it's car Sherman the mid boy even though you can claim they don't do the regular things parent doing running a household it doesn't make a difference reason it does make a difference exact us of but even if you look into the Tom they still had you and they still giving you Direction in your own ears and even if they didn't then even if they weren't from there are more pass canes for Pantera Sean there's no keyboard the macabre says there is key booed crime suggests the amount of macabre even though I'm a Kurd in I should have some passing like throw em all but it's irrelevant it's hard to find good with Sean these days by Hashem they don't make them like they used to most of them or a teenage boy there's nobody better you you decided they were asurim they're harsh often says already where Sean doesn't mean they did are various that means they did really horrible things on a consistent basis that it was their fault so when the teenager is by a large start with that time I tell them it's probably not good to pass key and anybody's of Russia certainly your parents even if you happen to be in a tight spot McLucas with them once in a while there are horrible cases with Ataka did horrible things and you have to tell the kid your pop there and get away because psychologically you're not gonna survive and I will get to more of that later but that's hopefully relatively rare so Michele Hoffman says Kasia if Hashem is even if they didn't do what you think they should be doing it's irrelevant let's begin to shila's share with you the first two zilberstein always has interesting ones and keep it of aim he has two of them which again I hope these are not nagar to anybody the din is that if the father has to something the mother has to something at the same time you first get the quality of the father then the mother of course the right thing to do when the father finds out that the mother also asked for a coffee he stops you and tells you go get one for mommy and then she says no take care of totty first and they have a huge mouth like it's on which one should do that's the normal scenario and and then the kids learned something about me this and Seana bias and everybody's good to go if well my so the father needs his coffee ASAP because he's falling asleep in the middle of a concise very common scenario and he needs it desperately so then he can ask for it first if they're no longer married unfortunately shy little tight skin panel will you marry because one of them is no longer alive but let's leave that one for a different year there are no longer married because unfortunately they got a divorce now that then is clearly in the maharba you could pick whichever one you want which is a dangerous game also so I think it's just better to when you're visiting one you just do everything is let's do how often when you're visiting one does the other one call and say I need a cup of coffee now unless he's following you around and trying to cause trouble which is this next I look fella was a warning terrorizing his son who was about to make a costume that if he invites his mother he's not coming I've dealt with this before that what the bar mitzvahs and other senses good way to ruin is simham and he says more than that he said not only my not coming I'm not paying that raises the ante now normally the fallback position would be why give in to terrorism you know he's making the request so why so that's all in a perfect scenario that's probably the socket would be a very short jouvert problem over here is the kid in this particular story I couldn't afford it and if a father doesn't pay he's not gonna have a fastener now truth be told it doesn't really cost anything to make a customer a shava puto our way out can be done with the shower puto it's a bag of popcorn I'm not saying that's great for shauna bias but well my sir he's normal and he knows he can exhaust know without money but nobody has cost me without money so what's the din so there's a famous run by the story of Thumbelina Sina which any share on this is always reference to try to figure out what's going on there's very from guy who did keep enough aim in an incredible way shilin before my the Gemara only found one case a guy in Ashkelon God's clays for three days then we found one case not for now but a load of rahu and we all know they came to buy the oven they needed for the latian and the key was on the smallest pillow and he didn't wake him up LaRon says that we pass kin and for tonight shared is very important to get the lotion Tamar as a Shilo who pays the expenses and keeping a vein Misha live and he shall Bend and we pass key and Misha Laval and Michel been the father pays if he can afford it if he can't will mr. Shem get to that as well so LaRon s beep asking me shall I learn to shall bend so why should he have to take a loss on this he should be able to wake his father all my shy mentions the detrusor that it's obvious his father wasn't too normal because if you wake up your father you say ty you'd be so proud of me I just lost a hundred million dollar profit so he'd probably shoot that's not a normal thing but he knew his father wants a seat over here is it even though it's not a normal thing most people wouldn't want to sleep with a profit like this they'd wake me up I'll go back to sleep I'll go to Florida after this and go back to sleep but you can't speak to that if he wants to sleep and he's Bobby Akira days I don't want it I made enough money already I just want to sleep leave me alone so that is included in the kyboot even though to most people who wouldn't make much sense and his mother you know from the other come arm who was pitted him ripped his clothing so it's obviously in Vega today Geffen they both not to normal and but you have to Muhammad that of not doing damage then you have to Mohammed the ROM wants to know why his money so first answer is that we pass Ganesha live with no Michele been but not if you're being met sire of the parent then you gotta grip your money and the secretary says this wasn't a loss this is many years rev up it's giving a profit yeah losing money the stone was thrown the safe he just didn't have the key it'll be there for another day these two turrets them are very important we'll see soon and so much like this possibly the macabre there are more and he asked oh my gosh of what the din here would be Oh be sure says if the money's in the bag already he already said he's gonna pay and they says if he's an M on Shively's is e sounds like a Russia but if he's enamel you take his words with them the money's there and by inviting his mother he's giving up the $20,000 it takes to make the past in law than to give up the money coin to one Terrace he's not mostly used to do and that's the way there are more would pass him and robochav warns before you act on that and disinvite your mother you should be careful because he doesn't sound like he has too much name on us in the first place there's another scenario which a shaven lady is a shoe Vaughn where this is a little bit more common with a son there was asking the father for some money for whatever he wants to buy or the father offered him money and he's worried maybe you forgot about the old first he wants to go and remind the father he needs X amount of money for this project or whatever he wants to buy but it also knows that the mother gets very nervous when the father gives too much money to the kids and either there's the shortage of money or a psychological issue fix the shortage of money or she thinks she's not getting a big enough slice of the pie I've dealt with all the above normal people some of these are less normal that that's not an uncommon scenario it depends how much money the kids are getting and how spoiled they might be and what the father is spending on and the child now faces the Scheidler he either plans on asking for the father said to give it to him it now it just has to ask him for the money or the credit card and it gets his mother a little nervous is he allowed to ask the shaver delay V has a long tooth on this this is not so push it Shh the case the shaver lady says assuming there's enough money for everybody she's getting everything she needs so she decides she wants to be nervous about it says she's nervous about it so I have to give up money now so it depends on how nervous and how much you need the money at the end of the day you don't want to get your mother aggravated so if you're taking the money for something even if I'll peel off oh you can because the father wants to give it to you and now you're not so are you not - definitely not gonna take a vacation new new your mother won't get a go or is this something that this is the 20th time it's happened then every time I ask my father for the money or he tells me whenever you need it just come to me and causes a shaman bias issue and I'm activating my mother well shave away dimensions that might come a point that you're aggravating the father because he wants to give you the money and this is not us and even mentions in the end that he was giving you a lot of money like constant support and you're learning if the father's not cuz he wants to do it then the mother's complaining that she feels maybe she's right but she feels that's not enough to go around my saw it's the parents decisions the father's decision don't get involved on my legs between them but for a frivolous thing it's certainly I could die meaning if there's pressure in the house and there are so sukham about money which does happen in certain household you got to be careful that you're not doing something as a child to be asking for too much or taking too much that creates more of a pressurized situation and over here you know be OSHA said technically if the money was promised and it's sort of in the bag you might not have to give it up and you might have told your mother that feel horrible what do you want me to do and the mother might say look if the choice is I can't afford you can't afford the choice is no husband though I'll stay home and watch the video even though it's a terrible thing just say we shouldn't give any terrorism okay of course we shouldn't but well my so what happens if the Costner isn't three nights and it's not going on and he's serious it's a pretty drastic scenario I hope if it ever comes up it's in a much more positive scenario the second case he mentions which also I asked everybody as I do by all the Sherm don't cone anything out of context and stay for the end of this year and then on all these things I have over 110 I think I mentioned we're expanding on all of these these are just the quickmask on us so you can help yourself some of them on the hard drive the rest are on the on the website and if we run out of hard drives you can get on the website as well as service streamed org and they're all updated over there and I think these two points took me about five nights so when I could do justice to it now we're just trying to put down parameter starting with the extreme cases the next extreme case and I know there's always pushback on this as soon as somebody hears it there's a very very delicate balance between trying to figure out and this needs the input of an objective third party the Children's Rob am if they're privy to it the Rob of the family a therapist if they're involved and we have to protect the children and we also have to teach them keep it off aim and sometimes it goes one way sometimes it goes the other way this one you have to have tremendous respect for this young fourteen-year-old boy who's obviously very mature he tells a story that there was a caterer was just bar Mitzvahed and he said it was an eighth grader over here 13 14 years old his father was an almond for a long time which means he's a yes'm as well well a new and the house really wasn't doing well and the father wasn't doing well a sham finally got married Civic SHANY starts off the case is a wonderful lady very good shake than the house is now going smoothly and the father was very happy for the first time in many years that's the good news this kid was a star Talmud and the end of eighth grade he started going downhill the Rebbe pulled him aside and after a long smooth finally got to the bottom of what's botherin year-olds gonna say this right away and he told his Rebbe that again the good news is she's a very sociable lady and in terms of getting things done my father is very happy and I have a problem because whenever my fathers around she's very nice to me and whenever he's not she's pretty brutal now brutal Norman's getting hurt but in the truth over here he's getting hit a little bit not dangerously hits from the physical standpoint wouldn't be much of a discussion over there but psychologically this could be very dangerous and he's struggling because he knows that the only way this gonna stop he asked her a number of times like why are you picking on me and she mentioned something probably about Cinderella or something like that and this is like almost it's a real story it's almost like a classic example it's not gonna do it in front of the husband it's a new husband and they get along and the problem is they get along very well and the father has never been happier and the kid is in turmoil because if he brings it up to his father that's the end of their shaman bias and if he doesn't bring it up that might be the end of him he doesn't know what to do so again the therapy angle would say and we have good from therapists in the community would say let's that's horrible and it's horrible and you got to save the kid the Rebbe who knew him as Oberstein I got the Shiloh nobody else you a passing of Shiloh all knew that and the turns that help us keep it off a Miss so Hummer if the kid is already struggling with them he says I have Amina there might be another way to deal with this and it's not so quick to ruin the father's life and take the wind out of her sails and after you finally got on his feet again to start a whole system on the house on the other hand if the kid can't handle it he's only 13 14 years old I've already mature 13 14 the fact that he's even struggling with this and didn't learn it out which means again when we bend the tree you got to make sure it ends up in the middle and there are hundreds of cases that are dealt with most of them a lot more call than this some of them worse the key bit of aim has to be front and center in order to poskim the Shila you have to be well aware of what the psychological emotional angle could be over here and turns the possible damage and the person you're talking to there's no one-size-fits-all what can they handle keep it up aim is all about what you can handle and how well can you do this Mitzvah and it's about giving that fuss to the parents it's about servicing the parents which over here is not to make servicing but he knows how happy his father he's but living in the house last six years and he was wasn't happy last five years and now he's happy again he does want to ruin that which is incredibly mature and well Bo chef was not quick to say definitely mention something to the father obviously the first thing is maybe somebody else should write a nice Dynamis letter to the anonymous letter to the mother and you know you can type print these things out today without signing it and assuming she doesn't know fingerprinting just drop it off and say javi have you there Xavier those that we know something's going on and we don't tell your husband and please cut it out there are other ways to handle this push comes to shove and that's not happening so then what'd he do but Yosef said you got a monitor it and the rest amount of it and make sure the kid is being nice an effort but is emotionally stable and if that works he gets incredible scar and saving its father since a Higham if he can't because he's too young and too vulnerable which might be the case and then you gotta tell the Father but how about Deborah who we would all say is America's no no no first time here that's it that the kids yeah there's not a Steve if it's not he's he wants do the right thing party keep it over him it's not just getting coffee for your father it's helping him out in life and not disrupting his Manuka Henare fetch which will make him a better father and often that point will be missed and Robbie el-shabazz he's answering the question does not say is the parsha one way or another he said it has to be monitored we have to think of another way to do it but don't run to say something if the child is trying to Mesa nefesh and it's interesting sub regime cell brings Araya she quotes up yeah I could come an esky interestingly enough yankov says that of a person's getting hit not dangerously hit the danger here is the emotion Preston getting hit by a mitzvah doing a mitzvah he knows he's gonna get hit is he popped it for the Mitzvah so we know by now say you guys spend the 50-year assets up to a fifth let us say all your assets no getting here Tom out there she just likes chattering if she slaps around a little bit so the emotional issue could be a bigger danger not downplaying that but he said just the hitting itself most people say I don't have to I'm doing it to keep it I gotta get hit so he quotes are Bianca Bianca says that there is a three-way match like is by giving Mooser which were not very good at what he does I myself I'm it's with a racer and when you give muster you have to keep getting muster because most people don't listen to it the first time everybody gets very humble money me Ani I can't get muster until I'm perfect mom there's a puzzle here to hear if we waited til we were perfect no one would ever be able to get anybody Mooser obviously the plastic thinks not so my example I always the biggest talker and the show shouldn't be searching people don't take the worst guy but thank you guys I look at you you give muster in a friendly way I'm not good at this either let's work on this together and the guy doesn't like it so you have to try again and again the more I said Oh what are you putters the one-month owner says I'm dizzy foe Tillie just like gives you a very sour face the other monomer says odd clover and the other monomer says how to call if you get hit so I Bank of says rap sheet de ah da Carl is only obtained okay until he abyss if he's ready to hit you then obviously you're not gonna be effective anymore any other Mitzvah there is no such limitation unless is gonna be long-term emotional scarring or a hostage home it's physically dangerous and that's why this child is not so push it it's not to downplay the psychological danger it's to raise up our consideration of how harsh of Cupido vane is and how much you have to be nice a nephesh a good example of this the ball term says impulsive a shiv says yeah communicate back and he came to live by Yaakov inna the ball term wants to know when he has arise only the bottle term does he has similar words which he finds to enough to match things up in international it doesn't appear that often and he says in essence never thought of this before I saw the ball term says yeah Covino went home to his father to do keyboard of and a Sephora with all his men his army was still there and he walked into a lion's den he says Marshall left Chaka Chaka love me see some wild dogs rustle emotional of the urban am calculus of Jakob Anissa Helou fove which means on the way back up our beautiful he had a very frightening run-in with them and if you recall to get rid of them they sub offered after they finally made up when we walk together and that's dangerous well clean your son gosh me is the Jakob inna said no no no I'm very slow with the kids and with the sheep you go ahead mañana I'll meet you there sooner or later that wasn't a lie my shame behind we're gonna put a sorry so the ends of time we'll get there I'll get there next day the day after you take ba Hashem your family every every year we read very slow I'm sweating every single year a dangerous encounter and then it disappears Paul term says not for long ASA pride himself on one Mitzvah keep it up babe that's his whole horse say he went after her say her back home to his father to do keep it up now what this is Amish dangerous say yeah Covino thought about it and said look I've been away for so many here's a savez Alice I need this was awesome I'm going come what yes Jakob Ariston agree I'll viv oh mama shows Oh hazel alcohol huh cover does their describe a keyboard a lair for all crew fights me I'm gonna force myself even though I'm frightened rightfully someone is dangerous well Hobbit is avi brethren that for a ball turns be almost serious nefesh there's an R hi my Kurdish also a pelham this is something to think about took me three nights to cover this but I'll just throw out the shots you think about it in a way home well I'm a Kurdish wants to know I'm freshmen want to know why didn't you surface Isaac send a message to ya cadena that I'm alive all the years no email then send a message down there there's a shortage of show your ass Matias hates assault him it's Raymond back Co sir when he was assigned he couldn't send the message okay he's this chief of staff before he started to jail and afterwards he was Viceroy when I sent the message he knows his father is sitting Ave list of all these years his father the first opportunity why did he send the message couldn't leave he had a job okay send the message so no karma Carter says perhaps it was dangerous because if the balls of fun dad is alive and he might let out the secret they would come to seek him out to get rid of him again didn't know whether they did Shuvo and he didn't know as you see from the next three parties after that he was trying to test them out to see if they did you over would they defend banana in another Sun from Rocco that's one consideration then the Ohio cutter says that he was willing to take that risk as we know he did when he went of the room alone with them and they could have killed him and coats a major stashed tried to kill him and every lamelle had to put them all at the side of the room until they sorted things out that's when he said any aces so high MacArthur says which and hopeless kippa da famous sure it's a tremendous good dish he says he didn't want to embarrass them Barriss somebody problem you have to maybe get yourself killed maybe be the come on site that says mu Toshi Apple the kitchen age some places says why isn't it in the gimel of a summers motive sounds like you should you have to taste assumes you have to and it's on their vertical that's as long as you got the mama she kill yourself the Robin doesn't bring it down and they say that ROM mom held that motive it was me this classy this which is the problem - Ranma - Ranma holes either believed to get killed or it's not your iover you can't volunteer but motive is at least an indian if not more yeh save didn't want to send the message because since that the message jack Avena would figure out that he was sold there and it would be so embarrassing for his brothers and put them possibly in danger now convene with Kirsten so he didn't send it in consideration for his brother's new so you have acceleration for all the shifted covers consideration was father so why does father loose don't know this is an important you have all the considerations that you're trying to keep all them on the family you don't want siblings to be embarrassed my guess is but I'm not satisfied that if you know the parents would agree with your husband by making that freshman even though you're hurting the parents right now then you can make sense of Hegeman I hope you're never in that situation if your brothers try to sell you please see me but I I think that's that can have a lot of ramifications you're making decisions now based on what you parents think even though it caused them short-term SAR for the sake of the cohesiveness of the rest of the family tremendous kiddush if they father asks you to do an are vera obviously don't listen when I say father I mean mother as well the rush says that the father tells us son not to speak to a certain individual is in a fight with somebody so fascinating to flamenco Salazar where a son asked after his father had died that he said his father told him the reason he died not most lies because that guy bobbled him and mr. Salazar says do not run to the bank with this missile says in that case he points out there's a pressure that speaks about this even though the rush is brought down the macabre that you can't continue family malaika's and you can't keep up your father's fight even if they ask you to and this particular case the missile solos is the truth law he says the father looked at so far that I should make up at this guy knew it's against the rush niphas Laza says there you can what's the Raya it's a whole party of hamish half a Miss Esther anybody two words it starts with a gimel I just gave it away I didn't give it away dull a dumb it's not continuing much like this somebody killed his father once lon he's now gonna take his shotgun and run after him and chase him all over creation why don't we just say well you don't continue the heights he says somebody bothered them to the extent they put him inside Connor killed him of course you could that's keep it up any other case and I hope you never deal with such a case any other case usually perpetuating much like this doesn't do anything for anybody and you shouldn't be continued with he should be continuing it the harvest time has Anamika son mr. schmear solution and he says the people are talking ocean aren't Bala malaika's even though they're your parents and they're upset with you why aren't you supporting them it's also to get involved unless you can make Shalom and he brings Araya from bday kara who was saved because of this father wanted wanted the support and they weren't sure who was ripe is nobody was really sure that was the challenge but my Shaban was my Shabana was their Rebbe and the father was the father and they figured we're not supporting anybody I'm emotional banner came in they don't know whether to get up or not then the end they decided to stand up even though that will be a slight to the Father's love it because they said I'm not sure who's right maybe Todd's right but mojo banner I know has always been right until now and therefore they made that decision which ultimately saved them it's very difficult that does not mean by the way and I have dealt with this with a number of families it doesn't mean that you should go over to your father's enemy or to publicly especially front of your parents and be his best friend there are a lot of people in this world you don't have to necessarily dive in in the same shoe and you don't necessarily have to show him you're all chummy because the Falls gonna get more aggravated and that's not right and it's also counterproductive now Afghan it is you out of husband and it comes over in the same I haven't seen it so longer we used to be in touch so then you can't say I would like to but my father's really angry you so please get out of the way so that that you can't do because even if your father asked you to do that that's my eight legs unless he bobbled the father will fall is going to claim so much that would be lack of covered not to take his side it's a serious serious shilin both directions and let's hope it doesn't come up let's go to the monetary issue if casa charlotte parents do have enough money we pass key normally ma'sha'allah flemish job and the parents send you shopping you have to go shopping and when they at home you can / send them present them with the two hundred dollar shopping bill or whatever it is and nicely you leave the bill on the table or nicely you ask them for the credit card if they don't pay back you do it another couple of times and then figure something out but technically initial lob means they have to pay what happens if they can't so the macabre says in CFA's Escher mithila Moscow Michel ah fame in yesh loif ma l'aviation Allah been cut Venus suffers on all these charity begins at home so your cofre the trial to pay the macabre says even if the child has to go collecting so a moth says no it's a regular leave of stock go but the stock up begins here macabre doesn't mention this next property remote does and if all things are equal the next question I get this the Scheidler comes up and a good scenario of a son has box from a lot of money he's happy to help out and he's not happy his parents need it and he's gonna try to get it to them in a respectable way they don't know was coming from him all that is another push it but Rama says you should not use my son money if you can afford it he says tava mayor that somebody who's nice and money that surprising to a lot of people and the last conversation I have with somebody I told them don't give it to your father get it in a roundabout way and he said can I use my some money and I said can you not and he said no I can't afford it so then you use nice and money but if you cannot use my some money it's much recover dick and there are other reasons behind this we have not time to go into it now look how cleanly it should be other money which depending on the expense could be too much for the child in which case you go back to whatever money he has the macabre continues and SIF cuts the famous case - keep it up aim up he will not look kiss shells remove him that's a person with golden coins it's a lot of money Vishnu follow the arm and they're on a cruise somewhere a kosher cruise - I guess Tel Aviv where else would he be going and a separate cruise only with learning all day and then at night say niffle' acai berry I can't give any more disclaimers you'll figure it out so they're on deck and the father starts taking his wallet I was pocketing so was an overboard you wanted to see if money floats that's not a normal thing to do the Shila is what happens if he did it already so most people start screaming and yelling so macabre reminds those places like a marsh little boat front of a young Leia clearly it's time for families let's connect them don't get angry sounds like when you go to keep it a vein is talking to my Lawson don't get angry this is Cupid I turn the service at deverson you're not if your friend did it there's no mr. to scream at him either but it's understandable here it's also understandable but it's an inner you can't get angry at them and the cop exams are Kosovich like the most powerful lesson some tomorrow that's most powerful lesson you might not know this but all your son's in camp are learning this hooky keep it of aim that's the minikin camps which is good children away from their parents and it's a good suit to Lauren it's a huge sugah as you see from last year this year and next year whatever we don't finish and these things come up is that well ones last time somebody threw somebody's wallet overboard the answer is never happens many cases take place where it's a lot less of a knob law and people fly off the handle so we have to extrapolate from this case that even this case you have to calm down and my mother says yeah sure I'm in Des Moines so lizard mozz let's say he doesn't have the wallet yet he's just reaching into your pocket you start thinking this sounds like a Gomorrah and then you stop causing the car on your head it's all oh I know what's next so can you prevent it now that might take some wrestling there's something you can't you can't even take out a splinter out of your father or mother Xavier you might cause too much blood you certainly can't start hitting is that the rice that could be a little more let's line if you can daintily prevent it yes I'm in there Rachel is like Michelle BAM Liam the Ala Moana you could try to stop him in Ohio Iraq Michelle love and this is your wallet veins kill Victor Ramos says Dane Lahab do Lazaro so the macabre seems to be holding a Shila is there almost like you say but if there is macabre seems to hold that to be my time to Barris him to stop wrestling with him without making a Cabrera is to be mataira him let him throw it overboard you can take him to it the entire later one which is also not that respectful but at least that's an orderly way instead of fighting on deck of a ship and Ramos says no there's no kill again you don't have to let him take the wallet if he takes oh well then you can't get angry and you can take him to it the interior the issue over here is parents who's throwing while it's overboard and the like sounds a bit abuses and there's a lot written on what to do in these situations the answer is if the first time it happened you don't expect it again it was just a fit of outrage or a scientific experiment on floatation devices whatever you had in mind you don't understand it so then you can't lose it and the point of the macabre maybe can't stop McCoy so and well you can if it's ongoing and again back to our 13 year old Charles ongoing and these things are being done either out of spite that ambitious or just craziness Lele knew that the children are gonna be growing up emotionally too scarred then you have to speak to the family rove and maybe the therapist and try to work out something where you're going to have some keeping of Amite act and still have a normal situation and the rare case where the child can't be there or if it's a every child they can't visit as often okay but Starbucks can remind us in a few minutes don't jump on that too quickly because this wholesome here are as we say off the charts because um and Amazon all of my ball and there's an art with mysterious nefesh I'm learning how to deal with even difficult parents or parents are not difficult but they're just older and things are difficult for them and they're more nervous which comes with the territory you can't just say I'm getting emotionally scarred I'm out of here we're not that weak live in a dar is that we can't handle anything so we're getting more spoiled and ones but there's got to be that balance and each case is going to have to focus on what that balance is we can't not defend the children but we also have to defend the children in their work Gnaeus and teach them how to be able to cope with things to be able to kindest midst or not lose out in this tremendous car there's just there a fog of there shouldn't be no gaya but the gomorrah says good base trade dish after patear of a parent our rainy cappers miskova parent has to say that so Rashi says Irena Cabarrus much convoy is a very tall order is that any unch shim that should come on him should come on the child so I'm a sure has a number of Truvy's he denies he says that that's not what it means he's not our guy Rashi says Rashi he says it's an expression of endearment that if I could help him I would I can't he's in a llama boar somewhere else and I can't help him I'm Bella mozzie all these stories you heard about selling Olam haba and selling star line I'm not saying they're all not true but you can't sell Omaha bond you can't buy on papa and Pasha says you could do things as a child to help the parent because whatever you do and you learn and you say care all these things helps them the LMS buy already cover some scars asking for a show she says why should you have to take that on yourself it's quite a much like it so Amisha says we don't really mean it we say it as an expression of endearment and the Patels often others say that they can't stand watch cause I would say that's a difficult marriage but - Laura that you have to say those words it sounds like you're supposed to mean it just shouldn't mean again for another hundred years or so but that's important malicious because person that's to say it the question is they supposed to mean it normally the mean will be saying it shows you the fact that even if I'm awake yet some Rashi sounds like you saying that John Moshe says that can't beat Shawn Rashi it's also incredible mysterious nephesh persons asking we have no I saw all the din of Jahannam ley Elena persons asking it should come on him instead of his parents out of Avila's for his parents that's an incredible amount of mysterious nefesh the uber aspect we won't get into now it's always with about 20 minutes to go I start thinking about what the skip but the summer is here anybody playing contact sports with your father or your mother if she liked that stuff I suggest maybe volleyball if you both stand in the third row in the back even then people have lobbed things over the nets and hit people but tackle footballs out of the question there's Xavier you can't take out a splinter because he might cut too much you simply can't tackle him if something gets bruised there's bleeding underneath and there's a child lay in the moment it's about focusing on money tonight what happens series of trubiz llamas almond and Mukesh are high amateur cats in ski from others what happens that a case usually and the parents can't afford it the son happened to be out so a member and the mother needed shots every day it's Louie whatever it was and is expensive to hire a nurse so what do you do these child has come up what do you do can that can the son do it can the door to do it there's a nurse anywhere she's not a nurse she knows how to do it it's not that it can't you do it somebody call me with a shiny yesterday so the parents hands are shaking and they need the shots can they do it if you have anybody around within a few miles you should get them to do it often in a firm community that's very doable if you can afford it you should hire somebody if you can't afford it nobody's around and delaying would cause the secona on a low sugar or something like that you don't wait and then it's motor the Shiloh chakras miss key dealt with is they're saving money so some took the angle fasten a mark like is that the Sun can't do it let him pay I'll be passkey Michelle live answer is vows insha'Allah but we're protecting the Sun over here we don't want him to do a bigger astir cutting too much that's his problem another say no mouth calls all set it's also says also right there it's Michelle laughs and why should you have to pay that's quite a much like us and that does come up unfortunately and that's where it gets difficult the playing of the sports if your father is going up for a shot than you are playing basketball let him shoot you get to mile is over they're number one he'll feel good about himself that he finally got one in maybe you know let the old man you know it's could die before my son's became six foot two I was also a Kanaka so you know now and if if I'm there you know about - I'm sure they'll let me get a shot off don't foul them even if it's the mimic this is not camp okay now really a simple thing like this a heart slap is a little bruised but that's that's that's bleeding underneath the skin that's serious business besides the fact is probably more become addicted somebody goes up for a shot to actually let them shoot and play the way it was supposedly played in the first place so these actually during the summer these can be no gaya so keep that in mind the question when the children have to pay when the parents need help so how do you split it up among the siblings you'd be amazed that this is sometimes they cause for a fight I know that's shocking to everybody here siblings fighting about money and the parents are alive here so what's the bin so the den is it's not believe it or not I've had to tell people this is not for pleasure what I'm about to say and the wealthier the children couldn't believe it so what kind of democratic system is that what I told him I said it goes the coin to the income as in sliding-scale the lower income of the siblings were just fine with that name the stood that very well they'd have to explain to them at all the other half of the family is thought of pushing back it's pushing down below no you get stuck a coin to what she could afford so if there are ten siblings so now the question is finding out who has what money and everybody's pleading poverty okay if the parents get wind of this you're fighting who's gonna pay for this and they find out that everybody's saying the other one should pay you already have violated keep it off aim in a serious way it says it's a bazillion they shouldn't know you're paying for anything and it's pretty clear that you pay according to what everybody can afford you have to figure that out the second thing that comes up a lot Chavez is a case where one child took the parents in which is an incredible mitzvah and the nursing home scenario is if it can't be done any other way it's always a tremendous amount of a serious knavish to have the parents in and the costs if they have money we pass Kamisha love if they don't them well they're two scenarios either they pull the money according to the tax of each family or one person does it I've had this Shila boorish em one child stepped up and they call me they said I want this close I'm inviting them in the house and they can't afford it and neither can he that much but he's being nice a nephesh and then he wants to know could I make flesh manners now keep the Hirshman to take it off the top later it's a reasonable question because he ended up actually borrowing money to make it happen because nobody had any money so the answer is yes the clever thing to do is to tell the other siblings and have it in writing that you're doing so beforehand if you didn't and there are two vers written on that then you can claim of course the siblings are now claiming you did it for free why you making claims now you can claim that you were not doing it for free and it's a very short mall though I must says interestingly enough it's it's raw mall I told a number of people I don't eat out that much you'll understand why I say that's I had to poll people so I'm on help us my turn I reached my vocation mish but if Reuben invites his good friend I only made one take out to eat some main expense a place reserved cut can't cost more than $20 a plate absolutely made and then they eat and the guy comes over or three hours later with the bill and he turned through vain who died give the bill to and he said split it both of us and Shimon all of a sudden fainted and the den a its sorrowful I shall employ the lawyer I'm a nun Martin okay oblivion don't say he meant it as a present well why don't we say meant as a present he invited him so it's interesting I've asked many adults this question and they said that's not a thorough mob they said they think the minute is when adults invite a lot of adults here do you fight your friend if you want to go to reserve cut he said sure I haven't been there since last night so so he goes over and then you walk in you say what are you ordering and you don't make mention of anything and so I would you'll tell me what you think now or later I would think many people assumed you taking him out and you invited me some adults said usually not always depends was there an occasion was the birthday I asked this question the buckram bokram said no no no no it's never push it I invite you out it means he'd be happy if I don't ask him to pay of course were a 5 bottom are going and we're all paying our own way so I'm all says the working assumption then was you paying your own way and you're not covering something else expenses and that is used in the tiny with the keeping of ever scenario that even though he paid for everything for 25 years he can come and say no no I didn't meet the paper that I meant I didn't want to bother you then it was a bizarre you for for mommy it's a TI but I planned on getting it back and that tiny unless you have rice for carrot will resonate rush Turnbull has a number of chooses fascinate uva's on the nursing home home scenario and he reminds you over and over again that keeping a vain wish for Clayton Clayton welcome which it doesn't do by any other mitzvah except for atomic awesome and he said it's not one mitzvah taking the man it's ongoing mitzvahs night after night after night day after day after day 100 mitzvahs a day with that said it's not always possible it's not always doable versus married there's a spouse sometimes the spouse is a tremendous ally for this sometimes they can't handle it depending on the complexities of the relationship and you try to explain what a suppose it is for both of you has a lot goes into the decision but it's an incredibly important decision should be made slowly and carefully what he does mention and I thought this is fascinating to answer Akash I always had the theme of Keeping Up fame is that it's a mitzvah almost superseding any other Mitzvah Tamil Tiger and we put so much call Shiva's keep it a Fame which is why since there's a difference let me ask you a simple question why is it that any of them it's we have to pay up to 50 or assets there's a lot of money all the time but give it away and we pass Kamisha live alone Michelle they're not one penny of remove all the elements he's got by Loula Vasa Chloe you got to pay money over here you go shopping come home ty here's the bill why is that it's a good question the answer is is that if you're really supporting them the bills can be ongoing and it's like supporting another family most people can't afford it most difficult for then for sure most people can't afford it now and if they could afford it want you to have to pay the food bill the cubital name is servicing them they're not able to go shopping to go shopping for them they can't cook so you cook for them they have money well I did not the charity cases why should they not pay Thomas makes the following argument which I think as far as the only true of I ever saw this in and it's such an important point he says what is the din and it does tell dovetails with a famous myself sometime there was a guy in brisk who was in brisk of the time yes up high his father was in Warsaw and he wasn't well and he said I have to go visit my father my father wants me to visit was there medical emergency it takes a while to get there and I really don't a lot of money and the train to Warsaw has a lot of money and I don't think my father's gonna pay me back so what do I do that's a yes sometime you think you're all thinking as Americans what a klutz Kasia but and Europe didn't have a lot of money we wouldn't think twice about a train ticket or a plane ticket for that matter we flying planes go to hospitals but he says a lot of money and I don't think I got pay back and I sat on the sodium Bosque Michel Avalonia shall been some kind said you're a hundred percent right walk he said so anyway those who stood the story from the muscle respect like what kind of ridiculous Kashia father's not well he's then once he wants to see you like go every day you asked me a kasha you might not get paid back but all you can't see fashion to my son that you can't think rise summarizes this my sir everybody brings that all the Jews because the lump this here is very important and that is that anything you could be doing yourself you could walk but you want to take a train B's is easier so then you pay for that that's not to do with this so yeah what I didn't understand don't fully understand the now either I checked brisk is a hundred and thirty miles give or take from Warsaw I remember a hundred thirty miles hundred kilometers that's a long walk so what do you mean walk walk is the Tyner that why you're lazy you I'll take a train I the signals gonna take a train so walk but nobody walks I I figured out I would didn't I didn't when I heard the mice at first I try to get the details I didn't come up with anything to support things that were pushing it must be that people poor then and they walked they walked from town to town to town mm and the wealthier people too I told this over to my share and he said my share was raised in McKeesport he said in the 19 late 40s early 50s it was a guy who walks in McKeesport Pennsylvania to New York hundreds and hundreds of Isaac come on he walked he said I'm not saying he didn't lift any parlor way but he walked it took him a few weeks why'd he do that tell me keep it off aim I don't why did it he said he did it because the nobody had an extra puta there were all refugees and they can't McKeesport so they walked some time said I know it's the low enough a father needs him tomorrow and he's the hostage Hong I'm not gonna be here then you don't walk for two weeks but apparently it was done today I believe if that shot my shot is correct then today if somebody takes a plane to California but his parents live there and he says who pays the bill sometime would say you'd lazy person but walk well you want to beat you up nobody wants to California we don't you walk down the block so that's a pretty important knife kameena if I'm reading it rights hard to know business I look for sources for the story that's just one quick story hieronymus suggests though and this sort of answers my question he says I don't really understand the get over he himself says in a chuva he says anything you would do for friends anything you do with the Madol of your daily activities you still have to do for your parents if your friends get a marriage Chicago would you finally of course you fly there so all of a sudden your parents in Chicago they're in LA and I don't know do I have to pay Michel are below Michel Ben he says he doesn't this is unique I didn't see any other troopers say this he says that he's not convinced that this goes on to Michel Avila Michelle Ben he said he heard his stories there he's Arabiya to kill in South Africa he said somebody in South Africa told him that he asked a different broad about phone calls there was a time if you remember we used to make phone calls I remember from Flatbush to Muncie and I grew up they were expensive and there was a time I had a conversation with somebody recently he was in the office talk to me ask me a Shila and I heard he got to call the background he screamed out tell her mom I'm in a long-distance call he got back to me I said don't ever say that again that sounds ridiculous maybe you're on a long-distance call there's no long-distance call today remembers this from his gear said Janka sir so this fellow asked you of course to South Africa don't destroy whoever it was who has to pay so Istanbul says he was told they don't have to pay me so much I better stumble says he thinks it's wrong he says though you can mail the postcards also get asking for the stamps so what's together together he feels is whatever's normal in a relationship that you would do for friends that why should parents be worse it's the ongoing expensive you you're going shopping every week you have to buy all the food every week if they can afford it but this if it's crass they ask for it now this is a very common trailer I've asked this countless amount of times the parents live out of town and they want them to visit and they really can't afford to the plane tickets to California Texas Rob it is ash Island you can ask but to get there that he's suggesting I think is is it's very interesting it's certainly not worthy enough to figure out within the family dynamics and the financials what the what the dinner would be can we go another five minutes we started five minutes by me goes very slowly you know that so better be asked Dava chakras let me know the okay let me mention spent a while and keep it over my own nation to denim one applies the other direction to the kids and then we'll finish up with spouses what's that then with the moment for money what's it then when somebody gives a gift to your children so as you're all aware the Gemara says that if the children find them at sea it goes to the parents me Tom Ava tomorrow's my flight guess whether it means on these little children for Bar Mitzvahs Mitzvah or anybody so much I'll show huh navien we passing IV aircon on that even if they're big children over Bar Mitzvah bus Mitzvah if there's still so much alive in which today is usually when they're still living in the house then the Madea Goes to the parents okay how often did your kids come home with a diamond ring they found on the street and a place with wise how come doesn't happen very often it couldn't but most the time parents don't ask them for it anyway trial is what's the bin Mohammed says who I then aim here vehicle mr. rubb of Malacca this is this is huge Bastardo from it SIA can't see those Napa too often you found them it seems to keep it mama seems to say who are then their salary okay already we're talking money and most many I shouldn't say most many situations kids working certainly if they're a little bit older this house making a salary save it for your house no money save whatever you want I don't need the money I don't want the money at a good scenario Botha sham that's the case that's not always the case though I've been asked many times by the children and the parents they need help so the good news is I've had many young women not as many young man is usually learning yeshiva that I'm making much money at that age many women have asked me I want to help out my parents need help how do I do it so I tell them there's a way to do it don't let your parents know it's coming from you you can do that and do it it becomes a ticking away it's caval dick when they ask should they do it others ask rightfully so again do I have a piece to do it I'd rather not do it but I will do it if says I should so the first thing you bring up is this Rahman says you're asking assuming it's your money and should you donate to the pot so I'm all sounds like you just said it's not your money that's a pretty big knife kameena and the rama seems to be the separating hamas in sea supported by the Sharks and the severs has caches the cheese Descalso shaolin takes the caches and he says he doesn't think that's chart Larimar thinks that when they're working for the family business it's one thing if they have the wrong gosh eft it does not go to the parents so it seems to be a Microsoft for anyhow we passed it on this shila's who's the mostly commensal of Araya obviously I would counsel parents not to ask them for the money why start up if you don't need it the question is you have to sometimes know at least Naposki and deshyla's or asking the child's what's the a card in and there is a charm on many redraw more that as there's still so much for show collodion it's not their money if the parents tell them you keep it which is hopefully a good scenario then fine the question is what they say I'd love to have you keep it we can't afford it and we need your help the interesting caveat to that is that if you're simon social comedy it means you're supporting them caveat to that is that if you're supporting married children let's say you're someone was learning and you having Sherman's knock us and all of a sudden your daughter found something or or does make money you find out there's excess you need help no summer fall show huh navien so the price can point out not so quick if you obligate yourself let's say two five years then that's your assignments they're not signed the hustle hunter you're just filming your obligation that was interesting so then that doesn't count if it's now young your number sixteen ever promise that then they're back to giving over them and see us and maybe their salaries according to the ROM all okay we're gonna save the spousal for next year's of an end off with to just hash Kovac issues briefly and that is V since we're coda or storm but I wanted to mention this concept he quotes in tama das which is safer on Hamish you might remember recently from parshas Bullock bill um gave us a number of tremendous compliments it's a kiddush nefler that weirder is this but it's not billing cars Brock will put the Nauvoo in his mouth so that's kedusha and it's an homage we even start off diving with it might all the hikers say he says many shot him and what this compliment is Pashupati oil was facing a different direction they didn't look in there it's nice they respect the people's privacy he says that he thinks my total lack of his bill um understood that didn't look at their houses as mere tents this isn't just for the mid bar where they were talking tents this is Ladera Doris is the brought off acquire all a compliment for Claysville and he says that the key to life is bearing in mind certainly when it comes to a lot on finances that we're here for our own ears only and whatever money is around is to be used only for that purpose and if you start believing it's all in the size of your house and the value Allisyn the bricks that you own then you're in trouble he says the godless ik license Martos vilasa Yakov is that clay so looks at everything as a mere tent he calls the famous mice of the harvest time that Europe was poor with in Europe broaden was even more poorer and within rod and you walk to the toughest climbs house and there was nothing there a rickety chair a rickety table no carpeting Rebbetzin one ants once asked to get a just a a wooden floor he had a dirt floor office crime stands down even walk in with mud on their galoshes and they kind of feel uncomfortable so she pulled out her card she said hi may sir has a wooden floor they said hey what's the shape is he's an Aussie be a straw she didn't get away he meant it she pick up hi miser two people were in class all time as well couple times they figured that would be shovel to shovel how design didn't see the two still at all and they kept their dirt floor and the famous mice it was as an American businessman who came and he walked in with a little suitcase and he couldn't believe what he saw a blur I gotta get some Chet where's all your furniture but maybe they just maybe took them all out to put in a wooden floor or something where is everything and they asked them where is your furniture that weighs my furniture I'm just passing through house time says so am I that's the my table of the Yankees and we have a house for one reason I'll cross the Sorkin within a hustler circum charity begins at home is to invite your children back because they need your support and mr. Jimmy grandchildren because they need to support I had one parent complaining to me just last week is this what's this year I said what's the problem is that I have 14 of them they all want to come to the same Shabbos it's a ball for sure okay so you got to figure out what you can handle the second part of the hustle salt hem is charity begins at home your parents and foremost Suva is the decision to take them in where you could take the best for the nursing home in the world no one's gonna argue not even a nursing home operator or honor you could do a better job at home if you can handle it even though sometimes it's rough if the home is there as an oil and turns the gosh me is but only there to serve parents children or him I need him then you fulfilled this pausing and amid session close with the Rambam last Rama manholes Malcolm which is the last round mom in yada Hozuki and there's a reason for that as you've noticed in life a lot of helices are often questioned or compromised or fought about because of monetary issues - you've him in the marriage husband - wife wife to husband to children living up to a sizes that you promised and keep it of aim who's gonna take care of it you would think the old expression - parents could take care of ten children and ten children are struggling to take care of two parents the good news is and this is very apropos for the three weeks and the nine days and a mr. Shawn Tish above which will be cancelled the Ron mom says he's describing to Koufos mushiya voice so has mine while year Charleroi Lama Lama Rama pass make small that the day-to-day existence you won't get up out of bed and fly to shool you'll walk - all drive to shul but there may lost Koopa the machine father base I'm a dish not a mile off it's crucial for bonus will have the Caparo will have the kedusha we won't have shabbat mathias the UN will cease to exist because they do nothing now somebody once asked me where's all the money the ramen was about to discuss can it come from I was about to say or businees sitting of learning I said one foreign aid bill from just America to get the EU one foreign aid bill just cut out all they're doing it now almost what this everybody gets it Lauren 25 times over all twenty million of us so then he asked me I don't understand who's gonna run the stock market so I said you'll have to train somebody in it's there's got to be a way to do it it's gonna be a different we're not going to be in Manhattan and we're not gonna want to be in Manhattan and the mom Bob says the purpose of this place is mom well yes I'm Laurel Omaha Molokini verse a chorus there won't be famine there won't be any Mahama won't be any kena no fighting why not so my mom says I'm one line and why were we fighting it so now why were there wars fought every day since Nimrod money money money covered all the same thing shatter the GM is Shabazz high become autonomous wink offer everything you need is gonna be as plentiful as anybody would possibly desire you would say knew that dangerous that everybody's gonna get on the yacht and start eating and making barbecues all day mom says no we're gonna understand the purpose of all this well you a circle alone not just the hidden columella das as a shamble vod's I suppose this Rama means the will be working by day you have to have an economy and beak of a team as I am it's is a night and we'll be learning all day and all night for theorem it says thats my conjecture he says kollam why a sickle a llama dasa Shambo viola fearful he is wrongful han min-koo Dolan the arrogance worm has a tomb in vyasa Gurdas berm Kakaako them will become tremendous polymerase tremendous for Hamim Shalimar Kimo Laura Deus a Shem kamila Yamaha Sam I'm it's a sham this will also do away with all these difficult Financial Shiloh's within the relationships and will be Shalom it's a sham or it'll be this dish above already shame shame making sure terror mrs. Boston laughter give a big yes take care survive I know for the informative and important shear I by say you one another way to do cubed of the aim is if your parents are alive and well you can response this year and for this for its young member shanem Tavis and briefs are goof if they're no longer with us and you can sponsor leader mich Muslim tonight she is sponsored by mister missus aren't amber the initial mass of this abusive are no the Sholem 50th year situs tonight softest thomas they're supposed to rub its orihime's the sponsor share call earrings your attire at seven one eight eight five one eight six five one or email tape center at yeshiva Netcom mr. castle everyone for coming CDs will be available surely not even a cashier - I got as both of those are cases itself figure heaven I'm time it's loose Jenny Mollen that Hoffa Samantha yog dr. B are there [Music] [Applause] [Music]