Rav Gav "Five Levels of Pleasure" Part 1 of 2

good evening everybody Shalom thank you thank you all for coming my wife and I would like to thank you for coming participating this is the first of three lectures we invite you to come back for more we want to thank the host that's the for allowing us to use their location and um we started this company this organization called Yan which is about trying to encourage people and Empower people to do more with the situation that we've been in for 2,000 years but the situation that we've been in recently we can all use a boo of Happiness of course and we believe doing is part of the way to get there so we decided to do a workshop specifically you know with the theme of The Secret of happiness and our first Speaker tonight is ravg Gabriel fredman and without any further Ado here he is okay good evening all thank you thank you very much appreciate that okay once again for those who don't know I think some of you probably do by now um if anyone is interested it's your call no no judgments but the poll you're welcome to move at any time okay here we go so uh introduction my name is Gabriel Friedman origin from a place called Woodmere New York been living here in New for the past 15 years married got a bunch of kids like long walks in the beach and guitar any questions okay then let's get started so um we're going to do a class today which is uh in oldie but a goodie for some of you might be new we're going to start off with the following there was an episode of The Simpsons is anybody familiar with such uh past n no okay so there was an episode of The Simpsons that uh if you don't know what that is I pity you and but basically what happens like this Homer Simpson is walking and he is in heaven ommer Simpson is in heaven with God it's walking along and he says to him so God you got to tell me what's the purpose what are we doing here why do we exist so he's like now Homer you know I can't tell you that you know come on I can't tell you he's like come on please tell me he's like listen you'll find out when you die he's like come on I can't I can't wait that long he's like it's only 6 months relax what you can't wait for he's like no God please you got to tell me like what is the purpose this ISS Homer okay I'll tell you the purpose of life is now before I tell you the end I just want to share something with you imagine imagine you're you're walking in an airport and when you're walking by an airport even if you're not a big into television or these type of things but as you're walking by you know they have the TVs all over the place with the news on and all that kind of stuff yeah so I know this is strange when I ask a question I'm actually looking for an answer right does anyone know what I'm talking about okay good now so you have these TVs all over and when you walk by you hear someone going the purpose of life is would you turn around yeah yeah yeah now even the atheist I think would turn around let's see what they have to say right so what and especially if you turn around you see somr Simpson right so what happens goes in says the purpose of life is you turn around and then the show ends and it cuts to the credits purpose of life is and then it cuts to the credits why did they do that they don't know okay one suggestion is they don't know why else so you have to watch the next episode good right to make sure you can see the next episode right if they tell you then you're finished yeah why else maybe they wouldn't want to share it why not it's a very difficult question many answ to this question okay many answers okay so I think the most real an is probably they don't know another one even if they do know if they say one answer you know what's going to happen they're going to lose half at least half their viewers the next day right because everyone's not going to want to be The Simpsons if anyone knows they're all about that everyone should be part of it for example does anyone know where they're from where are The Simpsons from Springfield Springfield what no ST exactly because every single state in the United States has a Springfield I said that once in Cleveland the guy Temple base Springfield yeah so the there's a rabbi the rabbi in in in Cleveland when I said this to him he was so heartbroken because he's from Springfield New Jersey and he thought that's what it was he's like what my childhood but anyway the idea is that it's everywhere because we should all feel part of this so they're not going to tell you they don't want to bust probably they don't know but judism comes along and we claim that we know we claim a lot of things yeah but we claim that we know what is the purpose of our existence why are we here does anyone want to suggest an answer of why we exist what is the purpose of our existence now you can say there's many answers but I suggest there's really only one oh that was an intense one okay a personal ton that's correct that is true give me more God's wish yeah or could be to be happy because this class about being happy there you go very good but no that's not it either but the idea no I'm just kidding maybe maybe I'm not kidding let's see the ultimate purpos is as follow yeah like bask in God's goodness oh nice bask in the good good of the Lord I like that what's your name Alec that was good one right there what to bask in his Aura right just to to to be showered upon with his uh magnificence yeah also true and I'm going to put into another word though if you want to take a look and see the purpose of anything in life how do you figure out what something's purpose is like for example let's say you found the pencil okay and you don't know what a pencil is you have no idea what it is you find a marker right you don't know what a marker is and you want to know what it is how do you figure out what it is there's no one to ask and you don't have Google yeah how do you figure out what it is try stuff try stuff try it out so you go and you try it as you know got something stuck in your tooth so you try to take that too big not good for a toothpick yeah you try to put in a door to make sure the door doesn't closed cracks in half not good enough for like a door stomer you get frustrated you take it like ah you go like that and it makes a mark on the wall and you go oh look at that we'll call it a marker right it makes a mark now let me ask you a question if you want to know the purpose of anything how do you figure it out you try it and whatever it does best becomes its purpose now this may be the last time you're going to have me speak here Rabbi I apologize for this example I want to use an example we might have to edit this one I want to use an example and uh please do not give me the obvious answer and if you are thinking of it do not say it there's a medication that was developed the medication is called Viagra does anyone know why Viagra was developed what was the reason it was developed the heart good it was developed for heart problems the reason was for blood pressure in particular however they found an interesting side we're not not getting into it they found an interesting side effect and that became its main purpose did we get that even if you invent something for one thing even if something does something great if you find a better purpose that becomes its purpose did we get that now let's talk about human beings what do we do best you want to figure out what our purpose is let's take a look and see what do we do what do we do just figure it out just take a look and see what do we do every single person in the world is looking for this what do we do best yeah I was going to say that was one answer but I like it's good you have another one yeah mimic other people's right that's a self-esteem talk we're going to talk about that another time right what everyone thinks enjoy stuff interesting observe enjoy stuff we're getting closer if I make create create if I may take a couple decades back to sing you a song every step you take every move you make anything you've ever done in your life you have done for what you have done for yourself true but it's also you're doing it for purpose pleasure pleasure anything you've ever done in your life you are doing in order to get pleasure true or false speak up if you disagree let's do it it's pleasure the same as trying to um put on a show for somebody else that you want to put him on for because that gives you pleasure if that anything right anything we're doing is we're going to think we're going to get more out of this and out of that say again please fting a pleasure I don't think absolutely absolutely why you doing it because God ordered us right so who cares don't do it great so in other words it's either to take you out of pain or to bring you towards pleasure right and the idea is what we're hoping by taking out of this pain it's going to be so it's a pleasure there's a consequence I don't want the says well I don't want to go to school answer is yes you do because if you don't you're going to get a whooping and you'd rather not get that whooping in which case you're doing have to get more pleasure everything is our our our cost benefit analysis is all best what are we going to get the most out of what do we get the most out of okay that this is that's a pleasure that when you do the you get pleasure getting on me already very nice yeah for those who are not familiar happens not to be a but yes does say yeah what beautiful ultimately anything you my friend have ever done is because it brings you pleasure and if it didn't bring you pleasure or you didn't think it brought you pleasure anymore you'd stop do me you try to find something else now some people only say well what about those people who go for pain what about people who want pain what's the answer P that's their pleasure right you get it everything we're doing is for our pleasure now here comes the yeah we have some obligations that that we just do now I ask again so what if you're obligated don't do it it about a red light are you able not to do you have the ability not to can you break the law I'm talking about I mean looking after an elderly relative leave them let them die that is an option but that's that why don't you don't answer this if it's going to come out weird right but but is your is your the pleasure you talking about is it your pleasure or their pleasure yours no they then you're doing it you're doing because you want to help them but it's not pleasurable why do you want to help them why let them die painfully no you want to help them why do you want to help them conscious because you want them to live why do you want them to live the want gives you pleasure because they they have I don't know good I'm not think a specific example but they have a better life if they're living no you have to understand no matter what you're going to say I'm going to ask you the same question every time we're going to go deeper down the rabbit hole until hopefully we hit the bottom I'm also when I get up at 6:00 a.m. to go to Shak in the morning why' you do that it does not give me pleasure at all I would rather stay in bed ya have to give another class on that okay so I'm asking you a question so don't get up don't get up no I want to do it why but it's not giving me pleasure I don't understand if it's not giving you pleasure why haven't you stop because when you stop it's giving me other things what other things from it what's it giving you um think about it get back to me I don't know what but it is something some kind of pece some kind of what is that my friend what is that it's not pressure what is it I just told these other things so what is that it's very articulate thank you for pointing that out I just say some kind of some kind of some kind of goes like listen listen again let me put it in this way 100% that it could be a person's not maximizing the pleasure that they're getting even if someone is going for pleasure sometimes they're not getting the greatest even if someone say I am going for pleasure they might also not be getting the pleasure that they're supposed to be getting from it and that's what I'm going to get to in a minute and here what I'm pointing out to is that ultimately the reason why you're getting up is because you feel this is the right thing to do you feel like you're going to gain from this either maybe in the next World perhaps or you're not going to feel guil guilty throughout your day is this is this uh possible any of these answers in which case you want to not feel all those things therefore you feel better by doing this than by not doing it you are looking for a better day than you were without this therefore the better day for you would be going 6: a.m. and if you don't go 6:00 a.m. you go 7 but you can't because of work not so now what then you end up not going then you feel guilty you don't feel as good in which case ultimately everything we're doing is trying to get the most out of life we're trying to get the most pleasure you want to call it happiness we could do that also try to get content these are all ideas which people get caught up in semantics perhaps we're going to give Define terms in a minute but everything that we are doing in our life we are doing because we want to get something good out of it we want to get something positive out it we want to enjoy you want to call yes that also butash is also coming the purpose of to get pleasure out of this so therefore here comes the real question if we all know that our life at least as a whole we're trying to get pleasure we trying to get the most out of life then why is it that there's so many depressed people why are there so many not in this room it's never in the room that I'm teaching right it was you guys last night but question is why why is it there are so many depressed people in the world there was a book written it was a book written in the 19 many books by the way written but there's one in particular written in the late 80s it was a lovely book it's called The Final Exit 35 ways of had to commit suicide in the comfort of your own home it sold 8800 ,000 copies after that it was just inherited but the idea is you understand New York Times bestseller list who in the world would buy what's going on 800,000 people and this was in the 80s you understand this is talking about before I had all the publicity of the internet whatever it was so much whatever why are there so many people running for that why are there so many dep we all want pleasure and not only do we want pleasure everyone's going for pleasure and not only that I think 2015 and every year I could say this because it's over going crazier right 2015 we can get the most pleasure out our life so what's going on over here why is it that a person is not getting the most so I want to I want to share with you an amazing idea this class which I'm teaching you right now was developed from rabber of blessed memory started is tor and uh passed away about five years ago and he said an amazing thing he says you know why perhaps we're not getting the most pleasure out of life even though people want it is cuz we're confusing two things we're confusing pleasure and comfort anyone get what I just said pleasure and comfort when in life we're going ahead and we're saying we really want to get the most set of life so therefore we're going to buy the most the greatest thing out there we're going to get the newest phones we're going to get the the best uh whatever you have bed the best uh anything life the nicest car and all these things what do they do for us we're hoping it's going to bring us pleasure but ultimately what is it actually bringing us Comfort what does comfort do to you now this what I'm going to share with you right now could be argued I don't want to get stuck in this particular point however this is a way that no would word it what's the opposite of pain pleasure Joy No Pain No Pain the opposite of pain is no pain if you take away pain you don't all of a sudden have pleasure you just don't have pain anymore now you're at status quo so why is it the have so many times that people God forb I don't want to get into this again I was fortunately on the phone last night with someone about this for a long time but in reference to addictions when a person gets involved in let say drugs right and I don't mean okay let's say some things which maybe even they would perhaps agree that they shouldn't be involved with what's how why do people do that could be a lot of reasons one particular one which is not uncommon is people want to get out of pain that they're feeling in their life so they go and they do it it takes them out of the pain but then they just continue feeling some sort of pain why why do they feel pain I thought that they got out of it the answer is cuz all it does is take them out of their pain it doesn't bring them to pleasure now you're just status quo so the question is how do we get to the actual idea of pleasure so he said the following this is really it's it's phenomenal you could plug it into your life in every area and that's what we're going to try to do right now the class is entitled the five levels of pleasure and we're going to take a look and see how Judaism tries to do this so there's a book the book called The was a book written in the 13th century written by whom okay and everyone else is correct there is written anonymously and uh basically yeah we're not exactly sure if that's true but uh take a look but at anyway the idea is that the book of Education wonderful book goes through many ideas all the Mitzvah in the Torah and it tells you five things what is the Mitzvah what is the source of the Mitzvah why do we do the Mitzvah to whom does it apply and when right very interesting right you know I wouldn't any Mitzvah you have a problem with you you're interested in learning about take a look and it'll give you a little breakdown very interesting in one of the Comm one of the MIT brings down the following idea it's literally one line and this one line the says that there are five levels of pleasure now could be that you look it up and you might see the following that it's a toe sofam and really is only four and then I leave to your own decision of how you take a look at that I'm going to tell you all five and then you'll decide whether or not you want them or go with four and he says the followinga five levels of pleasure we're going to go them one by one and we're going to take look and see how they apply to our lives let's start with number five we're going to work it down 5 4 3 2 one five being the lowest level one being the greatest level the highest level give me a category let's start with number five give me a category of pleasure not an example a category pH good physical right straight up physical pleasure this is a category and this is a category we're all involved with everybody is trying to get physical pleasure in life right and like we said even those are getting the pain that's considered their pleasure okay so now here there are three things things though in every category you have to watch out for three things what are the three things number one number one when we're talking about the idea in any level is you need to be what we call a connoisseur you need to be an expert you need to be an expert so for example let's say uh is anyone here into photography okay good you all right the idea is what if anyone's into photography then you will you'll be familiar with what I'm about to share with you I am not familiar with what I'm going to share with you I am just saying things that I have heard my wife is into photography she's got all this fancy uh equipment it's got like thing ofama jigs that is a technical term I believe that's right for cameras and uh and basically so so now I used to be it used to be when I would look at a picture I could look at a picture and enjoy it you look at a picture it's nice but now even with the minimal information that I have when I look at a picture I'm like who set up this white balance I'm saying like you know I don't understand where's the f- stop is that 2.4 that's ridicul ulous you know what I'm saying you the aperture is totally off right I don't even know what I just said but the idea is what when you look at it like it used to be very nice now it's like no because the greater the more knowledge you have in a certain area the more picky you become now although it's true the more picky you become but the more pleasure the more enjoyment you can actually get out of something so number one is you got to be an expert in every level we're going to talk about you got to know what are we talking about here what is it what does it mean what does it mean physical pleasure are you an expert in what physical pleasure actually is number two number two is that you have to watch out for what are you focusing on has anyone here ever done CPR before on a person Little Annie unfortunately she never made it I don't think anybody told her she's missing half her body but in any event the idea is I take it that I didn't see anyone reasing they did no one's done in a person before okay for those who have trained and those who have trained for CP are so you might be familiar at least protocol here in Israel I'm an EMT and in Israel protocol is is that you have to every 2 minutes shift assuming that someone else working with you that you shift every two minutes because it's quite physically draining to do CPR how long can a person do it for so when we were trained what we do when we practice you know when the instructor is not looking it's like N1 N2 N3 when you would look it's like okay N4 N5 n6 and right it's it's qu it's red it's exerted right so how long can you do it for it five minutes straight maybe 10 minutes how long can you do it for till your whole becomes too difficult I remember the first time I did CPR first time I did CPR I got called I was actually in the car with my family and uh I didn't even have a beeper at the time just my my friend calls me up and he says to me where are you so I told him the street I was on he goes great number and he gives me the number of the of the I was on the street and he gives me the number he's like I'm like what am I doing there he goes CPR I'm like CPR he's like yeah I'm like is he alive he goes then you wouldn't be doing CPR was like okay here we go right so so I go there and I tell my wife I'll be out in 5 minutes you know like it's like cuz Little Annie only took a couple minutes you know what I'm saying so I figured that's what's going to be like how long can it take already right so I get in there and when I get in there there was another guy there there was atella guy and he was doing something and I come he's like oh great okay come take over I'm like okay I'm ready you know I'm like what do I do he's like what do you mean CPR I was like of course right so I get down the guy's like I'll be right back and he leaves he didn't come back I don't know where he went right could be he died I don't know what happened yeah point is the guy could be the guy doesn't show back so I start CPR I start doing I start right I go I feel right away ouch but he didn't say anything so I kept going that's what happens I go ahead I broke the guy's ribs right now for those who are familiar with the CPR will know if you do not break his ribs or her ribs then it means you're probably not doing a good job right in other words you needed to be a lot of pressure in order to make sure the blood is Flowing throughout the entire body all right so I go and do a CPR five minutes I'm like anybody out there 10 minutes hello is it me you're looking for yes anyone right and g go right I get anybody out there just not if you can hear me nothing I'm trying Floyd I'm trying everyone no one's coming right so what happens 20 minutes I'm going at 20 minutes and now I'm like all right I'm going to take a break I'll be right back I go outside and my wife is in the car with the kid I say you go home I don't know how long this it's going to take I go back in another 10 minutes so finally paramedics arrive I'm like can we switch right and the guy is like just we need to set up the medication right I was like take your time right and I go and I'm doing the thing and by now I'm like this is just out of control I'm like staying alive right I'm trying trying to keep this going here and and basically okay finally what happens after about 40 to 45 minutes of doing this somebody takes over now at the end I don't know what happened afterwards we got a pulse back which is actually phenomenal we got a PST back yeah now what happened to him afterwards I don't know he probably died in the hospital but the idea is I'm pessimist but I'm if you know in terms of medicine unfortunately but the idea is what we got there quett early could be who knows we got his pulse back it was my first batting one for one it was great yeah and uh and basically the question is though how' I do it for 45 minutes how was I able to do such a thing I would never be able to do that right don't tell me adrenaline how was I able to do it for so long hope know what a choice answer is I don't have a choice right I don't have a choice I have to save this guy's life you understand I have to I have to or revive him whatever I don't I got to do something here right and the idea is that very simply when in practicing I can't do it but when we go ahead and I do it in real life I'm able to do it with no problem how come question is what's your focus are you focusing on the effort that it takes in order to be able to do something or are you focusing on the result that will come from your efforts everybody get that if you focus on the effort I.E in practice so it's like oh I can't do this when you focus on results I'm not sure you said but yes yes can right when you focus on results then you're able to do unbelievable things okay that's number two number three number three number one again you got to beer an expert number two focus on results number three is you got to watch out for the counterfit but that means in every level of pleasure we're going to deal with in every level there are are there's the real deal and then there's a counterfeit the counterfeit looks like it smells like it tastes like it but it ain't it all right and I'll give an example so let's now break them down level five is what we call physical pleasure and unfortunately most of us are living I don't but again not us outside most people are living only in number five and they're not even getting it they're getting something but they're not even getting it how come so let's look at those three again you got to be an expert what is physical pleasure so first of all what's physical pleasure Give me a definition Define for me physical pleasure inant can even be long-term gratification give me physical pleasure some of your body likes good something which is physical right in other words it it's involved in one of the five senses right something we experience with one of the five senses is what we call physical pleasure okay now here's the problem like we said this is the lowest class how come people are not necessarily getting it cuz I'm only got to be an expert Let me Give an example what an expert is in physical pleasure so we talked about in terms of looking at a picture right how about in terms of eating food has anyone here ever eaten Ben and Jerry's has anyone ever not eaten Ben and Jerry's please get out okay okay gu what is that Ben and jerries people love Ben and jerries besides you everyone loves Ben and jerries they go Ben and Jerry's is anyone here ever eaten a Ben and& Jerry's gotten Ben and& Jerry's like one of these uh you know like pints right and eaten the whole thing within a couple of minutes anyway okay I want to share I want to tell something which I probably shouldn't do in video again so we're going to have to edit this one also but um my wife this is messed up what I'm going to say but uh I'm going to say anyway so I shouldn't say it she's not here and so so so my wife my wife you know when we used to this is again you have to understand the whole story no one leave in the middle of the story uh there's a certain time in in a Jewish relationship that is called Nida right Nida is is for those unfamiliar is period of time when when the husband and wife are not allowed to be together with each other not even supposed to even have physical touch at all and really there's something called Aros where you're not even supposed to eat from the same plate you're not even supposed to eat from the same food at the same time could be a serving plate where you're taking from but not to eat from the same plate my wife's favorite time was that not because of what you're were thinking but because of the fact that when we used to get a thing of Ben and Jerry's my wife likes to enjoy the food so she would eat it you know take a little bit and she it would take her like a week or two to finish the thing yeah you know I would take a little or half and she would lick once then I would take the rest and she'd be left with nothing so when it was a time when I can't eat her food she's like I can't touch this right she go she have to but now we started just getting our own pintes so we're good right and I'd finish mine and I have hers but the idea is is that when you go and you eat that you feel sick after I don't understand isn't it physical pleasure isn't Ben and Jerry's physical pleasure the answer is number one become an expert in tasting and paying attention number one is the idea of understanding how to use your senses to be able to really maximize anything you're eating number two is the focus are you focusing on the fact that it's frozen and it's hard to get out are you f focusing on oh this is going to be good and number three is the counterfeit and that's all of physical pleasure why are you doing it are you doing it in order as a means to an end to get somewhere higher than you are or are you using it as what we call self-indulgence and if you ask me I think America has pretty much I don't know if you everyone's whoever's from America will know if you're not then you probably will also know uh that we are quite large and the reason that is is because we're not eating for the sake of growth well it's growth but it's the the wrong type of growth and what ends up happening is lick tile a couple slogans how about this one anyone know this one once you pop you can't stop who's that Pringles but you just can't have one Fredo LS right now I once saw another one I don't I wish I wrote down the name it wasn't a big company it goes just keep eating right that's what it said I was like wow it's like better but the idea is what our whole society is just about self-indulging in which case what do you expect to get out of that okay that's called physical pleasure so people we could already start living this right now you want to live a life of of absolute real happiness right we're going to get something out of it is going to be able to focus on these Concepts understand what they are next time you eat a food don't just pound it but take a moment think about it think about what you're about to do right go ahead and that's in terms of food it could be any same thing in terms of an intimate relationship be aware of what's happening there are many people that are involved in Intimate Relationships but aren't getting the most out of it why because they're not an expert in what it is because they're focusing on their wrong parts and the idea is also that becomes they get stuck into the concept of of which we're going to see in just a moment okay that is fifth class pleasure everybody get that clear number four moving on down now yeah emotional good good emotional mental we're going to see is might be different although that would apply to all of them we're going to see how it's its own category emotional or is the way way we categorize it it's called love and this is again this is all coming from the the says that you have five levels there's love and then it I'm sorry there's there's physical and then there's love and I'll tell you what they are in the moment and it all boils down to the number one whatever that is now love What is love baby don't hurt me now the con when we count we say the idea of the level after or level above how do you know that level four is greater than level five you'd be willing to give up all of number five in order to have number four what does that mean you'd be willing to give up number five for number four let's give you an example let's give an example of the idea of Love does anybody have any children by any chance yeah okay um let me I ask you a question yes you have children yes what is your name Rifka Rifka okay that is a question or a statement statement okay we could call you something El you like whatever you want it's your choice okay Rifka do you have more than one child yes you have even two yeah okay boys girls all boys all boys okay and you're still here unbelievable right what doesn't kill us makes us stronger okay so now here comes the question imagine for a moment you're sitting there got your boys okay and you get a knock on the door for dramatic effect now you go and you open the door and when you open the door you find there's a wealthy man seems to be a wealthy man standing there and he says the following he says Mrs Rifka I see that you have more than one child and I wasn't blessed with children but I'll tell you what I'll do I very badly want to child I will give you I would say a million dollars but that doesn't mean anything anymore a billion dollars for one of your children however you'll never see them again everything will be taken care of but you'll never see them again are you in I've never heard a mother hesitate right I've always heard the Father the father opens up and goes all right take two you know it's like I was born my mother's like a treasure my father's like let's bury it right like okay the idea is what usually mothers are a little more loving you know your your children are going to get a copy of this you know anyway the idea is is like I'm hoping I'll speak for you you would slam the door in his face yeah please say yes oh that's what I'm supposed to do okay good yeah are you from New York where are you from yeah okay now I get it all right so the idea is nonetheless that we find is is that hopefully even for a billion dollar my child give up my child hopefully it says of course I won't give up my child give all the money in the world not giving up my child and you got like a right so what happen you close the door you turn around and you look at the kid kids playing with blocks or something you look back at the door you look back at the kid you walk over and start playing with his face they trying to figure out like what did I just give a billion dollars of so now some mothers maybe they work and they don't always get the time to spend time with each did you work at all okay so you say you know what this kid I just gave a billion dollars let me spend some time with this kid let me see what's going on here so you take off of work you go to the park with the kid 5 minutes later I think I have some work to do right what happened why is it that when we even though we love our children we sometimes can't spend five minutes with them yeah I don't want to say spouse right because perhaps they may be here with us but the idea is what understand the idea of what's going on is that even though we love sometimes we have a hard time like being able to actualize that what's going on over here so number one you got to be an expert what's love what is the definition of love so only because of time we have time I okay so does anyone to share with me what they think is a definition of love it's hard to do this it really is to pin it down but let's at least try to get close to it when does somebody love something don't give me R or giving don't give me a in don't do that for me right it's true that you will come to love when you give towards something but I'm not looking for that you see my question is why would you even give to the thing in the first place right you give to things that you already love and then it builds the love but my question is why do you love that thing in the first place yeah cuz you like want to be unified with it in some way why do you want to be unified with that thing you like it say again respect